Gifts for second weddings

[Kopper]

DH's best friend is engaged again and will be getting married before the end of the year. This will be the second marriage for both the bride and groom. DH thinks that we should get them a gift that is comparable to the gift we gave the groom for his first wedding. I don't really agree with that since we gave him such a lavish gift the first time around and they were separated within 3 months and divorced within 6 months. Nothing was ever returned and the bride kept the gift we gave them. All of the groom's friends tried to talk him out of getting married b/c we knew it wouldn't last. They constantly fought and treated each other like crap. When the groom is making statements like, "I was doing some research and found out that I have up to xx number of days to get an annulment", you know that is a bad sign.

Anyways.... I think this marriage might have more potential but I just don't feel like shelling out a ton of cash for a gift. The first wedding was in June 2003 so it wasn't that long ago. Even after telling all this to DH, he still thinks we should get them something comparable to what we got him for his 1st wedding.

What do you ladies think?

[Twylla]

Hmmm... this is a tough one.

I wouldn't hold it "against" the couple so to speak, that the groom was married before and your gift was kept by the ex. But I can totally see why you'd prefer not to be so lavish.

What is it that your DH wants to give his friend? Maybe you could find another couple to go together on the gift? Or maybe you and DH can discuss how much you can spend and just allow him to choose whatever he wants for that amount.

Do they have a registry?

I know that every marriage should be celebrated, even if it's a second marriage, but this one coming so soon after the first... I'd be asking the same question as you. I'm curious to hear what others have to say. Good luck!

[Kopper]

Thanks Twylla. I don't mind getting them a gift I just don't think we need to go overboard and spend a ton of money since this is a 2nd wedding for both of them. Now if they picked a charity or something like that I would definitely be all for spending as much as we spent for his 1st wedding. They don't have a registry yet as far as I know. They don't have a date nailed down yet though. I think they are planning on having the wedding in his parent’s backyard which is a good idea since I'm pretty sure he just finished or is still paying on loans from the 1st wedding.

It's probably wrong, but I feel like they each had a lavish first wedding not too long ago so this one should be a little more low key including the gifts. They probably feel this way too I guess. It's more that my DH is insisting we get them something big so it doesn't seem like he is slighting them.

[CMTorie]

I would get them a gift from the heart regardless of the situation. I think if you really try to choose a gift based on them individually, then the 'second' marraige thing doesn't matter. Take for instance...I've had people for say Christmas that I had a $50 budget for...My aunt as a matter of fact...but I found something that just screamed her name but it was $150.00 I had to get it for her! I've also had things go the other way, where I find something much less expensive...but it's totally them.

I hope that makes sense. The other thing...you mentioned a charity. Feel them out...see what charities they have links to, or may have a heartstring for. Like...has one of them had a family member effected by cancer...or heart disorder. Or is there a major family member that can't be at the wedding because they passed away due to some desiese (sp?). You could make a donation to that charity and give a nice card that says something like "I know at times like these it's important to have the ones we love most with us. I know your father passed away due to cancer and so we have made a donation to the Cancer Society in his honor. Remember that he is with you at this time in spirit."

Just some ideas.

[Katy]

I'm putting a copy of this over in the new Gift Ideas (http://www.constantchatter.com/forumdisplay.php?f=95) thread. You might want to pop over from time to time to update it with the sort of things you might want to receive as gifts :cool:

Katy

[lawyerlee]

I would get them a gift from the heart regardless of the situation. I think if you really try to choose a gift based on them individually, then the 'second' marriage thing doesn't matter.
I agree. For a moment, try to pretend that you've never been invited to a wedding for this man before. How much would you feel comfortable spending based on your budget and your affection for him? If I was you, I'd use that as a gauge for what to select. It may or may not be the same as the amount you gave last time, but I really don't think that is relevant. Hopefully they will be registered at a few stores so you can choose something in that range. :)