How do you handle major life changes?

[nordey]

This is a little bit all over the board so bear with me… I have worked for a company for over 12 years. 2 years ago I made a decision to go back to school to get my degree and a teaching credential. I’m very fortunate that my employer was very supportive of my decision and allowed me to go part time with a flexible schedule.

Fast forward to now and it’s time for me to leave my job because this fall I’ll be taking 19 units plus classroom observations to prepare for student teaching in the spring semester. My last day at work will be the week of August 15 and I’m kind of freaking out. I started working here just weeks after I turned 20 and feel like I’ve spent my entire adult life here. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t identify who I am with what I do for a living. I have a full life outside of work with kids, friends, family, a home, dogs, school (obviously), etc. In fact I don’t even like working here anymore and can’t wait to leave. So why am I having these feelings?

It all came to a head yesterday afternoon when plans for my “going away celebration” were being tossed around and I just sort of lost it. Thanks to my dear best friend rescuing me with a late afternoon cosmo date, I was able to bring myself back from the ledge so to speak.

So today I’ve asked my boss that we cancel the celebration and just try to keep things as normal as possible for my last month here. Which I think will help relieve some of the pressure. I just don’t want to feel like I’m on the brink of a breakdown every day for the next 4 weeks (4 weeks, 1 day and 6 hours to be exact :p ).

Thanks if you’ve stuck with me this far… I guess my question is how do you handle these stressful major life changing times? Right now I’m trying to just stay practical and leave emotion out of it– I’ve gotten some boxes to slowly start packing up my desk (it’s amazing how much personal junk your desk can accumulate after 12+ years!). I’ve made my appointment to meet with HR to discuss my exit, deleting personal files from my computer, etc.

Any advice is truly appreciated.

THANKS!

[lawyerlee]

Well, I've found out that I don't deal with them very well, and I've been seing a therapist to try to sort that out. Ever since I finished law school and set out into the "real world", I've been a freaking mess! It's ridiculous. You'd think that life would be peachy when you're achieving your goals and finally have money and free time, but it just hasn't been.

I think it's really cool that you're even able to recognize that this is going to be a hard time for you, because it really caught me off guard. I would recommend you let your friends know you're going to need to keep them close for a while and don't hesitate to lean on them when you need to. And if you need to talk to someone, take advantage of the student services you'll have at your disposal to find someone to help you sort through your feelings. :)

[greenbunny]

No matter how much you may hate something, it's familiar. Change is the unknown, and the unknown is scary.

I can't say I've ever done something for 12 years, so I can't imagine what it's like for you. My jobs only tend to last a year or two until I get laid off. And I've been with DH ten years, but that's obviously not a similar emotional attachment as a job.

Basically I take change one step at a time. I try to never think about a big chunk at once. I say to myself "I can handle just cleaning out these drawers. I can handle sending out a few resumes. I can handle this second interview." Eventually all those little things you'd handled have turned into one big thing that you've handled.

[Golightly]

Wow... Good for you for recognizing that this is going to be a tough transition... leaving something safe (albeit not fun anymore) can be so hard! Sorta like trying to leave a lousy boyfriend.

I am considering leaving my job in January to go to school full-time too. My boss and I are the only ones in this office so we've grown pretty used to each other in the past three years.

I feel like I need to write him a "Dear Boss" letter to tell him I'm leaving him...

You hang in there dearie... and keep us posted. You can do this. Sounds like you're leaving without any hard feelings so you should be really welcomed if you pop in for lunch with your work friends sometimes.

Cheers,

[kari]

curl up in the fetal position and cry!
no seriously, I left a job (that was pretty bad) after 8 years to start a sales job! Yes, I was scared, yes it worked out. I am the biggest resister to change there is, but if I could do it, you can. Watch, you won't look back and soon it will be a non-issue!

[mrselle]

I like stability and I like to feel safe, but I don’t ever want to become complacent. With that said, I think I handle change very well as long as I can quickly establish a routine. The older I become the more I realize that life is all about change. I think it would be hard to grow and mature as a person without change. Lately, I’ve been coming out of my shell more and slowly stepping out of my comfort zone. I want to experience all the wonderful things. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that life has passed me by because I’ve spent all my time resisting change.

A wonderful change is taking place in your life. Your feelings are valid and while you don’t identify yourself by what you do for a living, something that has been a big part of your life for the past 12 years is about to change. Try not to think too far into the future. Whenever I think too far into the future I start to feel overwhelmed. I think if you take this period of transition step by step, a few months from now you’ll look back on this time and be amazed and proud of yourself for how much you’ve done.

[emmjay]

Change is definitely unnerving! I used to get so stressed out and worried about changes, but over the years I have found one thing that keeps me sane:

Everything always works out in the end.

I used to just tell myself that, but now I really believe it and I truly don't get as stressed out. I mean, I still worry, but I don't FREAK OUT like I used to.

So, everything will be fine! It is natural to feel stressed when everything is changing (esp. after leaving a job you've had for so long), but it will all work out great in the end. Really! Just take it day by day and before you know it, everything will be resolved and over with and you'll be settled in your new routine.

[houseblend]

I have a difficult time with large changes, too. Even ones for the better get me very emotional. The best thing to get me through it is to remind myself that the more I stretch outside of my safety box, the better a person I can become. Change means new experiences which means personal growth.

It also sounds like you like your job and are close with your co-workers. There's nothing to stop you from keeping in contact. And, when you're thinking about how much your going to miss X or Y about your current job, refocus your thoughts onto how much you're going to love the new A or B about your new situation.

A month after you've left, I bet you'll be so excited about your classes and new friends that you'll hardly even have time to think about this job.

[nordey]

Lawyerlee - I'm clearly not very good at handling life changes either :rolleyes: ! I was seeing a therapist about 6-7 years ago for some issues I was having with anxiety and depression. I was hoping to avoid returning but maybe this is a sign that I should be talking to someone. I do have some great friends to talk to, I just need to keep that in mind.

Greenbunny -
"Basically I take change one step at a time. I try to never think about a big chunk at once. I say to myself "I can handle just cleaning out these drawers. I can handle sending out a few resumes. I can handle this second interview." Eventually all those little things you'd handled have turned into one big thing that you've handled."

This is EXCELLENT advice. I think I'm going to give myself one task a day to accomplish toward leaving and then it won't feel like so much at once. I know I'm going to be in tears probably the last day and won't want to be packing, etc. then. And you hit the nail on the head - I don't particularly LIKE working here anymore (although I really did once), it's just familiar. I don't know anything else.

Golightly - (I love your user name!). Thanks for the advice. I hope you can make your decision re: school. It was the best decision I've ever made. Truly, I know exactly what I need to be doing with my life now in a way I never did before.

Kari - good advice! I need to just get to the otherside and then this will all be such a non-issue! (4 weeks, 1 day and 1 hour to go...)

mrselle -
"A wonderful change is taking place in your life. Your feelings are valid and while you don’t identify yourself by what you do for a living, something that has been a big part of your life for the past 12 years is about to change. Try not to think too far into the future. Whenever I think too far into the future I start to feel overwhelmed. I think if you take this period of transition step by step, a few months from now you’ll look back on this time and be amazed and proud of yourself for how much you’ve done."

This is all SO TRUE!!! I just have to keep telling myself that I'm not crazy for feeling this way! And I know now that taking this transition step by step is the ONLY way I'm going to get through it. Thanks so much for the advice.

emmjay - You are so right! Everything is going to be so much better when this is all over with. I truly KNOW that what I'm doing is right. It's just this sucky transition phase that I need to wade through.

houseblend -
"It also sounds like you like your job and are close with your co-workers. There's nothing to stop you from keeping in contact."

Well this isn't entirely true. In fact as my friend pointed out to me yesterday, at one time I really liked my job and at one time I really liked the people I worked with. However, in recent years everyone I've been close to has slowly left also (serious management and turn-over issues). That was part of the problem I was having with my "going away celebration" - I realized I mean nothing to these people and they mean nothing to me. I do have friends that I've worked with and have move on that I'm still in contact with. We've decided to celebrate on our own! ;)

I just wanted to say a huge, heartfelt THANK YOU to all of you who responded. Today was a great day compared to yesterday. My boss said she understood that I don't what a going away celebration and she'll respect my wishes. I spent much of the day locked away in a conference room alone to try to finish a difficult project. Then, one of my good friends who left on maternity leave in April (and isn't coming back) stopped by to visit today WITH THE BABY! Nothing like holding a baby to make you feel good! And my old supervisor who moved is in town and stopped by to say Hi too. I guess I just needed to be reminded that there ARE people out there who I've had work relationships with who are still important to me.

I'll keep you all posted over the next few weeks. I'm sure I'll have a few more rough days ahead.

[nylons73]

Nordey - First of all, let me just say that I hope your new avatar isn't what happened to your old one! heh heh

Ok, seriously, I just wanted to say GOOD FOR YOU! For speaking up for yourself and telling your boss that you don't want all of the fanfare. 'Going away' parties and celebrations have always been too tough for me. Everytime I have left an internship, job, whatever, I have asked that I not have one. A couple of times the people ignored me and had one anyway :rolleyes: The times I was able to leave without one were much less painful than if I was forced to go to some kind of organized 'good bye.'

[strwbrygirl]

I'm dealing with a similar situation, but yours sounds more "difficult"- I feel your pain! ;)

I've been with a company for three years- working 70, 80 hour weeks and moving up rapidly within a small, close-knit group. I've applied to head back to graduate school in the fall (should know in the next week or two- keeping my fingers crossed!!) and if so, will be leaving this job. The stress of thinking about leaving is giving me a breakdown. I haven't told anyone at work because I don't know yet, and I'm so anxious... because I've put my heart into my job and built several departments and large projects from the ground up... but I'm ready to go, too. I'm just exhausted with everything going on, and just didn't think I'd be so... emotional about it all.

Good luck to you- it sounds like you've really thought things out, and you're on the right track.

[nordey]

nylons73 - "First of all, let me just say that I hope your new avatar isn't what happened to your old one! heh heh"

LOL!!! Yep, that's what happens to naughty weiner dogs, they become dinner! At least that's what I keep telling mine!

And thanks for this "GOOD FOR YOU! For speaking up for yourself and telling your boss that you don't want all of the fanfare" too! I'm so glad my boss didn't come back at me with the whole "we all want to say a proper goodbye", etc. (blech!). Now I don't have to worry about all that drama.

strwbrygirl - it's nice to know someone out there can relate but I'm sorry you're going through it too! My only advice to you is that if you feel like now is the time to move on then by all means do it NOW! I really should have left two years ago but the pay is so good and there is no way I could have found another job as flexible with my school and parenting schedule.

Have a great weekend everybody!

edited because my quotes are out of control!

[nylons73]

LOL!!! Yep, that's what happens to naughty weiner dogs, they become dinner! At least that's what I keep telling mine!

Ayeee! heh heh. You just made me laugh out loud! :D