Wish you had more kids?

[Tray85]

DH and I have a 19 month old and have decided (99%) that we will not have any more kids. The reason is partly because I don't want to go through another rough pregnancy/c-section and mainly because we don't feel we can endure infant/toddlerhood again. We've had almost a full year of sleep deprivation and its only now getting better.

My question and why I posted it on this board (older kids)-----> everyone says that its MUCH easier when kids are over 3 (but younger than teenager ;p). I am wondering if any moms out there wish they had had more now that there kid(s) are older and easier. So a teeny part of me worries about making a decision in the midst of a very hard stretch of raising a child. Thoughts? Thanks!!

[NicoleWisconsin]

We're waiting... I think we'd like to have another baby, but we're not just ready from a lot of standpoints... Time will tell. If we do, it'll be like 5 years between them.

Sorry, didn't really answer your question. My reasons have nothing to do with pregnancy/delivery.

[jay&erinn]

No advice, just wondering the same thing.
I've had two really rough pregnancies and two horrible sleepers (just posted a thread 2 minutes ago asking for help in that situation). My first didn't consistently sleep through the night until after 2 years and the baby is getting up every 1-2 hours and she's 8 months old. Our only reasons to not want another baby is me not wanting to go through pregnancy again and DH not wanting the sleep deprivation the first few years. Other than that, I'd love another baby.
I'm worried that if we decide not to have a third that we'll regret it in the future.

[firefly]

We usually decide to have another baby when the youngest is potty trained and sleeping through the nights. Okay we only have 2 but we're going to have more eventually (i have a rough time maintaining pregnancy) Our first 2 are 30 months apart and we plain on having another 'set' when this little one is 4ish.

[dal]

Hi there,

The sleep deprivation is definitely a form of birth control! I originally wanted 4 kids. Had my 1st and for the first 6 months, while completely sleep deprived, said I'd never have another. She started sttn at 6 months and after a month of that, we decided to ttc and we had another. My 2nd was very high needs until VERY recently (she is now 2). And I had been saying never again until now. Now I do think I see another in our future but probably not for another 1-3 years...

My oldest is 3 and she is so easy. My 2 yo is the more challenging one.

So a teeny part of me worries about making a decision in the midst of a very hard stretch of raising a child. You don't have to decide now. You could see how you feel once your child gets to be a little easier. For me personally, I found 18 mos-2 years to be the most difficult with both kids. It gets a whole lot easier when the child reaches 2 in my opinion. Hope this helps a bit. :)

[twinnyme]

This is a very timely thread, tray85, because we are in the same decision-making process - except that we have 99% decided that we will start TTC #2 this summer. But just yesterday and today I've been rethinking (probably overanalyzing) it again.

I also had a C-section and I kind of make an analogy to that. I stayed in the hospital for the full recovery time after my C-section because by the 3rd day I was maybe 95% ready to go home. By the 4th day I was 105% ready to go home. I feel the same way about TTC #2. I want to be 105% ready (or more, of course) and I'm not there yet. But at least I can now fathom it whereas 6 months ago, I definitely could not have said that - at that point, I was just beginning to recover from 13 months of sleep deprivation. And yet in the back of my mind I wonder. I got some nice downtime this weekend and yesterday and I just started thinking - will I *ever* get downtime again when we have a second child? And OTOH, I think that for me, the first two years are the worst - if I can just get through those first two years, though there'll be more challenges along the way, maybe we can do it. I don't know, though; I'm still a bit on the fence, though I'd really like a sibling for my child. My DH thinks the stress may be too much for us - for me, really - since I'm the one with DD most but I too wonder if this stretch is the most stressful and I will regret it in the future if we don't have another child.

Maybe, like you, I shouldn't make such a big decision during tax season! (My DH is a CPA so saying I'm pretty much a single parent from January through April pretty much sums it up.)

Oh, and like Dal, my DC is very very very challenging. She only began STTN at 13 months and has always had a very strong personality. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have a second child like her added to the mix. I *love* her personality, don't get me wrong, but it is definitely a challenging one.

I know I'm probably not much help as I'm in the same boat as you, but I wanted to post to also bump this up - in the hopes that others will share their stories!

[emschwar]

Our kids are going to be well spaced. Noah'll be a month shy of 3.5 when #2 comes along. I never wanted our kids close together. And we couldn't handle it with the toddler Noah was. He didn't STTN until he was 20 months old, and while he's been an easy kid, he's been very needy of attention from mama. Until recently, I just wasn't ready to contemplate another kid hanging on me, waking me up at all hours, and taking me away from him. Obviously, we all moved past that stage ;)

Right now though, I'm thinking this will be our last. Only because I am s-i-c-k sick with this pregnancy. Horrible m/s all day long; I've been basically miserable for the past 6 weeks. I'm not planning on doing anything permanent after #2 is born to prevent pregnancy, just in case, but I strongly suspect this is our last, unless I totally lose my mind and think throwing up all day for weeks on end is a good idea.

[Bucktown]

My 32 month old still doesn't STTN & when he only wakes 2 times in one evening we feel 'blessed'! :p That said, I'm 36 (tomorrow) and don't feel like I have much time on my hands. Not that having a child later than 36 is unfeasible but my pregnancies are high-risk and I know that mentally & physically it was now or never. I never saw DS #1 as an only child.

[Peever]

I know some people who are very sure that one is enough for them and that's fine. That's what they've always wanted. If you always thought you'd have more, just hang in there and don't rule anything out yet. I had a really rough 2 years with my son (reflux, digestive issues, allergies, skin problems, not STTN, very sick, etc) and I will definitely say that not having any more kids crossed my mind more than once, but it does get so much better. My son will be 3 next week and I'm 7 weeks pg with our 2nd. I think it will be great spacing. He's outgrown almost all of his infancy troubles, he's outgrowing the terrible twos stuff, he can communicate his needs, hopefully he'll be PTed by the time the baby arrives, and he sleeps!

[MizLarner]

Dh and I have wanted at least 6 kids from the beginning. We started our relationship with him already having two boys, and now we've had two of our own together. I'mn feeling a really strong pull towards having more than those 6 we originally thought about, especially since his oldest doesn't live with us. I'm absolutely in awe of large families!

His oldest two are about 18 months apart, there are 5 years between the younger and my oldest, and 15 months between my two. I really appreciated DSS2 being so much older than DS1 because he could help me out when I needed him to - ESPECIALLY after DS2 came. That said, my brother (only sibling) is about 5 years older than me, and while we are close, I always wished we were closer in age.

DS1 didn't get to where he would fall asleep without nursing until 18 months, and STTN the night pretty well now. DS2 will go to sleep nursing or not nursing (I prefer nursing) and will sleep until about midnight, then wants to nurse again. We cosleep, so it really doesn't interrupt our sleep, so I consider him to STTN.

I mentioned TTC this August to DH the other day and he seemed receptive to the idea. It's a full year earlier than I had originally intended, but I like my kids close in age, and I don't know that I can stand to wait a full year longer ;)