Raising a Child Without A Yard.

[Secret_Squirrel]

I think this goes in this forum. If it would be better in parenting, mods, please move.

Iknow this essentially comes down to personal preference, but I wanted to hear from others who have small children and no yard, or were raised without a yard. Are you happy not having a yard? Is it inconvienent?

This might sound silly, but I grew up on half an acre, so I can't picture what life without a backyard is like.

The story: We're getting ready to move and have been looking at new homes. DH is utterly enamoured with the floorplan in one neighborhood and we haven't found anything quite like it in the area we are looking. I love the house too: It has abundant indoor space for our family and a nice daylight basement rec room for my soon-to-be teenage boys and friends to hang out in. But I hesitate because the "back yard" ends about 10' (max) from the back door. It's basically a detached condo.

I think it would be fine for our family as-is. I can get my green-thumb on in a container garden and there's an 8x10 deck to bbq on. And when the weather is nice here, we like to head out hiking or boating - so no yard maintanence to hassle us has appeal.

But DH have been talking about having a baby and I can't see raising a child without a back yard to run around in. I am making too big a deal about it? I know kids are raised in apartments and condos all over the world, maybe I just need to relax and go with it. The price, floorplan, schools, everything else is right. It's on a nice cul-de-sac but the nearest neighborhood park is a long walk up or down a big hill.

And we can buy a house in that neighborhood with a yard. But we'd trade off a view, the bonus teen hang-out space and mainfloor master.

[SweetRed]

We are currently childless, but hope to have at least one someday. We bought a house that has a quarter acre, but most of it is an usuable wooded hill in the backyard. We have a small side yard at best. The houses in the "center" of our neighborhood (it's a big loop) all share some variation of this set-up.

Our neighbor children tend to play in front yards or in the streets. There's also an elementary school up the main road, so the older kids go there to use the playground and athletic fields. I think a lot of it has to do with the neighborhood. If you're on a cul de sac, it might be OK to play in the driveway and in the streets. I mean, even though I grew up with a backyard, we spent most of our time playing cops and robbers on our bikes.

I'm curious to hear what others have to say too. One of the reasons we got our house for "cheap" is because of the yard set up. Right now, DH and I consider it to be a dream because there's little lawn to mow. I hope we feel the same in 10 years.

[RobynScott]

I grew up in an apartment (it was called a 'garden apartment'). There was grass in front of and behind my house - but nothing I would consider 'a yard'. I currently live in a TH community with a big communal grassy area - but nothing that is our yard alone.

I was fine growing up without my own yard - maybe b/c I never really knew the difference? - but it never really mattered. Sounds like the place you have found is perfect - even if you have a baby, it will be a while before he/she really needs a yard, right? (you could always re-evaluate your house at that time)

The place you found so far sounds perfect - good luck!

[Secret_Squirrel]

Thanks for the reply!

The house we are looking at is hillside, too. There is actually more greenspace than 10' between us and our neighbors, but it is common space and not usable.

[AHammer]

We bought a house with a pool out back, and that's about it. I really do wish we had more of a "yard" for our someday kids to play in. Our pool will probably need some major repairs within a few years, and if/when it comes to that we may fill in the pool and go back to a regular yard. I basically grew up playing in my family's backyard, and I can't imagine a childhood without that.

But like you said, it's all personal preference!

[EJM]

We live in a condo/apartment type set-up. We have a tiny balcony and that's it. Our condo association happens to be two separate buildings with a garage in between, on top of the garage is a green space. It has some grass but is mostly plants/flowers. It was perfect last summer when DD was only crawling, but this summer she cannot really run around in the space as it was mostly intended to be nice to look at :rolleyes: and the neighbors who face it would complain about the noise. We have tons of parks and a lake nearby, but what I don't like is not having a place for her to ride a bike someday. If we have a few free minutes to play outside, it isn't enough time to get all the way to the playground. Our own yard would be ideal then. Could we do this with one child, definitely, but realistically with more than one who vary in age I don't really see it working for us (both the current size of our condo and lack of outdoor space). We plan to TTC #2 within the next year, so our place is going on the market within the next 2-3 months so we can buy a house with a yard.

We know plenty of people who love city living and do it with larger families, but it just isn't for us. I think the ultimate trade-off in the end isn't outdoor space, but rather what people can afford in terms of inside space.

[BTB]

We moved out of Chicago when DD was a year old; the move had other reasons but tops on the list of must-haves for the new home was a great yard. Both DH and I had that growing up, and like you couldn't imagine childhood without it. I know many do! In the end, though we were tempted by many almost-our-homes, we stuck with wanting the big, level, juicy yard.

Your house does sound great. I hope you find a happy solution!

[karlatta]

I grew up with a large backyard, but I rarely played in it. I spent all of my outdoor time with the other kids in the neighborhood playing outside in driveways or in our side yards, even though we could have just as easily played in the backyard. I think we liked being out front, where we could see everyone and more easily get together.

Likewise, we have a large yard now, but DD never plays in it. She either plays in the front yard with other kids in the neighborhood or we walk to the park a few houses away. In the past 9 months, the only time she's even been in the back yard was one day when we were doing a family cleanup back there.

[question]

We sold our house a couple months ago and are currently living in an apartment with our 2 and 4 year old while waiting for our new home to be built.

And it is NOT fun! We are all about to go crazy without a yard. :)

[Delta]

I dunno. For us a great backyard is about number one on the list of 'must-haves', especially since we have 2 little boys. I personally could not imagine not having a backyard for them. My biggest memories as a child are all about playing in the backyard with my sisters.

[BSBC]

In my development, a vast majority of the kids who play outside play in their front yards. I think this is for a number of reasons. First and foremost - most of the parents in the development will not let their younger children be outside on their own. So most of the parents like being in the front yard b/c they can socialize with other neighbors who are walking or riding bikes.

Things are so much different today than they were in my childhood (I grew up in the 70s/early 80s and I remember riding my bike to my friends' houses down the street by myself at ages 5 and 6).

I think some outdoor space is important, but I have noticed that so many kids don't even play outside.

[nettie]

I grew up with a backyard in Queens that was maybe 15' by 15'. It was half patio and half grass/shrubs. Plenty of room for imaginative play, digging in the dirt, etc. If I wanted to run around, ride my bike, play stickball, we played in front of the house on the sidewalk or the middle of the street. My best friends lived a block away, and the park was another couple of blocks. By the time we were 7?, we had a lot of independence to go around on our own. But, this was the early 80s, and I don't imagine that kids growing up in that same neighborhood have that much freedom.

Now I live in a totally different neighborhood, in a rowhouse with a backyard that's about 15' by 25'. My DS isn't yet walking, so I'm not too much help here. There are lots of parks nearby where the kids run around and the parents socialize. I'm not planning on ever moving to the suburbs, mostly because I love the neighborhood and my super-short commute, and a yard never sounded that appealing to me, mostly because of the maintenance. I imagine that there's a period of time when children are too young to be out and about on their own, but old enough to be out in the yard in viewing distance where a yard would be really nice. Then again, I really don't know what I'm missing! :)

[mamax2]

It, obviously, can be done, but in my case, having a nice yard is very important. I played in my yard (front, back & sides) ALL the time as a kid. Our current neighborhood has quite a few homes that are waterfront (man-made lake or the bay) or wetlands. For those families, I always see the kids playing in the front so it's no big deal. I think it's nice to have playspace, but I don't think it HAS to be a backyard.

[SiValleySteph]

We don't have a yard. We have a 2-1/2 year old. We live in a townhouse with a common driveway.

We do have a large front patio which we use for the sandbox, wading pool, sidewalk chalk, etc. We use the driveway for tricycle, bike, playing ball, etc.

I think it's fine. My son is in daycare during the week, though, so it's not like we're spending that much time at home playing anyways. On the weekend, we are more likely out & about. We like to go to the park, go to the zoo, etc. I would much rather have no yard and no commute than have a yard and a commute, which is one tradeoff. Another tradeoff we made was to have a new, larger home for less money rather than a 1960s non updated smaller home with a yard in the same general area. That's the reality of where we live.

I do sometimes miss having a yard, such as when we go to someone else's house with a nice fenced backyard where the kids can roam willy-nilly. But, when DH & I think about it, I don't think it would improve our quality of life, especially when cost is factored in. (It would be *at least* another $100k to have a yard, plus the house would be smaller and need some repairs and our property taxes would increase about $300/mo as well.) We decided we're staying put for at least the next few years, refinanced to fixed rate mortgage and then we can think about it again later.

ETA - We all have our ancedotal stories about our childhoods, here's mine. DH grew up in a 1 room (yes 1 room, not 1 bedroom) apartment in a highrise with his whole family - he was perfectly happy and has happy memories of childhood. I grew up always having a yard and am also perfectly happy with happy memories. :)

[BeachBum]

I think with "soon to be teenage" boys, you'll be fine with no/minimal yard.

We have a toddler with a small yard, and it is not working for us at all! We are undertaking renovation project to create some space.

[LRL]

I didn't grow up with a yard, and I never missed it. That said, I really want a backyard for DS to play in. We currently have a common area which is not really for children to play in, and more for looks. We are staying put for 18 months, and then we will be looking for a home with a nice yard. It is the top priority for our house hunt. I think that DS would love to have a yard to play in. He is a completely different baby when he is outside, he just loves it!

[twinnyme]

I grew up with a backyard in Queens that was maybe 15' by 15'. It was half patio and half grass/shrubs. Plenty of room for imaginative play, digging in the dirt, etc. If I wanted to run around, ride my bike, play stickball, we played in front of the house on the sidewalk or the middle of the street.... the park was another couple of blocks. By the time we were 7?, we had a lot of independence to go around on our own.... I really don't know what I'm missing! :)

Me, too. And we only moved to that house in Queens when I was about 5. Before that we lived in an apartment. I don't know if that building (it was just 2 or 3 apartments, in a house) had a yard. We also played on the streets and had a park a few blocks away. This was in the mid-70s.

I now live in a suburb north of Boston in a townhouse complex. I have a 2 year old. Our complex has a lot of greenery and also a fenced-in tennis court that when no one else is in there, I go in with my DD to play. We often walk around the grounds of the complex or play on the common grassy areas. We also have an amazing playground a few blocks away (though we have to drive to it) that we are at all the time in the good-weather months (sometimes multiple times a day).

Yes, I would love to have a fenced-in yard someday. Will I ever have it before my children are school-aged? I don't know. I hope so, but until then, I don't know what I'm missing and I make do.

My sisters both live with their children in apartments in Manhattan. The lack of a yard is not something either misses. They prefer to live in Manhattan where they have other opportunities and tradeoffs. There's also tons of park space and playgrounds in Manhattan.

[Secret_Squirrel]

These responses are really helpful.

When my 2 boys were little, a kitchen overlooking a nice yard was a high priority. The house we bought had a large deck and the boys rode their bikes all over it. It had a built in jungle gym, but they didn't use it often.

Being in the Northwest, we really only have 8-10 summer weekends a year. And I hate being tied to the yard on a beautiful weekend because it's been too rainy to mow for the last 2 weeks and now the (well-watered) grass is shin-high and dandilions are invading the flower bed. I want to play outside, too.

Plus, climate-wise, indoor play space if valuable, too. Bike riding could happen in the wide, flat cul-de-sac. There's room for a swing and a slide and play house if we're creative with space (and that's what I like about the inside of this house. The rooms are layed out to have purpose and not just lots of empty big-ness). This is feeling do-able.

Last night DH and I were talking and I brought up not having a child if we bought this house and DH looked crushed. *giggles* Then we started talking about where we could stick a swing and a slide and he looked so excited. He used to think he didn't want kids and we agreed from our engagement that we're both okay with not having a child together, but now I think he really wants a baby. It's so cute to see him excited about that. :)

[pocket]

I didn't have a backyard for most of my childhood. We had a yard when we lived in Bangladesh - a massive yard with a swingset and a playhouse and big trees and a sandbox. But we also each had our own nanny back than and I had a chicken for a pet that the neighbors accidentally caught and ate. Just saying it was a different world. In DC and NY we never had a backyard and were happy little urban kids walking to the park and public school and taking the bus.

[Secret_Squirrel]

But we also each had our own nanny back than and I had a chicken for a pet that the neighbors accidentally caught and ate.

LOL

[RobynScott]

I grew up with a backyard in Queens that was maybe 15' by 15'.

Me, too. And we only moved to that house in Queens when I was about 5. Before that we lived in an apartment. I don't know if that building (it was just 2 or 3 apartments, in a house) had a yard.


/hijack - I also grew up in an apartment in Queens :) (posted about it above)

I was in Kew Gardens Hills - Twinny, nettie - where were you? (just curious - answer if you're comfortable)

/end hijack.

SS - sounds like you guys have figured out a great choice for your family!

[Niobe]

Okay, I have to ask. How do you ride a bike in a backyard? Doesn't that destroy the grass? I always rode my bike in the driveway or street, but I keep seeing people talk about riding a bike in the yard.

It really sounds like between the small backyard and the cul-de-sac, you have plenty of outside play area. Is there a front yard or a driveway? I used to spend a lot of time playing in the driveway growing up.

I have a lot of friends raising children in apartments with no yard at all. They take the kids to parks a lot, take them on walks around the neighborhood, play in the parking lot or grassy picnic areas in the complex. It works out just fine. No, they can't just let the kids go run in the backyard while they make dinner or anything, but the trade off is that it actually causes them to spend a lot more time directly interacting with their kids when they are outside.

[Cali_Katy]

We lived in a townhouse community for the first 15 months of my son's life, and the lack of a yard was a big reason we moved. We did have a small back fenced patio that we could have completely redone to make more usable, but we also had no driveways and no sidewalks and no greenbelt area. For my son to go outside and ride on a scooter, he had to play directly in the street. It was not a high-traffic community, and the older kids were able to ride their bikes or play in the streets with no problem, but it was not a safe situation for very young children.

There were also no parks within walking distance. There was nowhere we could go outside to play; we had to get into our car and drive to a park. We moved to a single family house with a yard -- decent-sized by California standards, a postage-stamp by any other -- and it's been wonderful. We also have a nice park within walking distance.

[twinnyme]

I was in Kew Gardens Hills - Twinny, nettie - where were you? (just curious - answer if you're comfortable)

Grew up in Astoria, lived there for a few years after college, then moved to the Boston area. My sister lived in Forest Hills for a while. My parents just moved from our house a couple of years ago.

[BeakersTrio]

I grew up in a house with basically no back yard. We had two decks on the side and back of the house so I spent a lot of time out there. For me, not having a backyard wasn't a huge issue, especially since I didn't know any better.

Now we have about a 1/4 acre which isn't anything substantial, but much more than what I grew up with. Having a larger yard is more important to me now, but growing up it wasn't an issue at all.

[nettie]

/hijack -
I was in Kew Gardens Hills - Twinny, nettie - where were you? (just curious - answer if you're comfortable)

/end hijack.

I grew up in Middle Village. My uncle was in Astoria.

[stevesbabygirl]

One of my favorite things about my house is my yard. It's a good sized yard for California standards, though the house itself is tiny. The garage is in the backyard as well, so we have a nice cement area for kids to ride bikes. If we add on, we plan on going up so that we don't lose any of the backyard.

We also have a park within walking distance, but there's no way to access it from our neighborhood, so we'd have to cross a fairly busy street to get to it.

[boilermaker]

While I was raised with a decent backyard, I don't think it is mandatory to having a happy childhood. I think you learn to appreciate what you have. You say that currently, your weekends often involve leaving to do other activities. Do you see this changing much with a toddler? And, if you don't end up liking it, what is the real estate market where you live? You could always try it and if it doesn't work out, look at moving again in 3-5 years.

[ysolde]

I did not have a yard until I was 13. Never used it, never liked it. When I was a kid, we would go to the park. I loved meeting other kids there! I found the whole backyard suburban lifestyle lonely.

These days, DH and I figure if we have children, we will raise them in a big building, where they can interact with lots of people, play in the local parks, ride their trikes in the front courtyard, and spend weekends with us at our friends' weekend homes.

[Rose]

Will it be your forever house? I could do it for a few years with a baby/todler if I knew we would be able to buy something with a larger home in the future. I grew up on an acre and I would like my kids to have some type of yard.

[Secret_Squirrel]

We see this as a 10 yr + house. The house isn't small and we do not anticipate outgrowing it. The next step is a downtown condo (see, we are really not big-yard people).

We took the two boys (9 and 12) to look at it and they absolutely loved it. They love their basement and the view on top of the hill. Then we took them to the riverfront park, the hilltop park, the two schools - there is so much nearby, I think of all that as the back yard. But we don't have to weed or edge or mow it.

We're probably going to put a contingent offer in this next weekend. I feel like I've gotten through my tiny-yard issues and now I see this as freedom from weekends chained to excess weeding (just the front yard and our pots). Instead, we can hit the trail or the beach. The cul-de-sac we want to buy on is spacious and there is only one house on it - I see street hockey, basketball, in-line skating and rc cars.

And if we do have a baby in the future, we'll finally have a place to drive one of those cute little electric kiddie cars.

[Renrel]

I grew up on a quarter acre. We had plenty of space to run around, even with the above ground pool. DH had more space. I really want a yard of some sort for my child, but it is hard to find much in the town we hope to live in. One thing I have been thinking though is that DH and I both work FT and DS is in preschool full time and once we start elementary school will be in after school programs, unless I can cut my hours down a bit, but even then, most of the day will be in school and later camp. So use of the yard is really evenings in the summer (and it is still light out) and weekends. Plus we live in the Northeast so there are alot of days when it will be too cold to be out for very long. So I really wonder if the yard is as important as I think it is, given our life style. If I were a SAHM or homeschooling, I would be hard pressed to give up the yard though.

[justHB]

I think different people have different ideas of what constitutes a yard. I grew up in an acre lot and I hated all that space because when it came time to pull weeds or clean it up, the kids had to do it. I would have loved a smaller, nicer lot. I think as long as there is enough grass for a small kid to run around in and throw a ball (not a football), then it's fine. While we don't have kids, we really wanted a house with a big back yard (I was on crack or something, I swear) and now I'm looking at it completely perplexed b/c I have no idea who is going to maintain it.