Not finding out gender vs finding out

[Smittenk]

From before I got pregnant DH said that he really wanted the gender to be left a surprise with our first and I was fine with that (although I knew it would kill me not to know). I figured that I will know soon enough anyways and we had always planned a gender neutral nursery so that didn't matter. I have been gathering gender neutral clothing and gear etc as well as a bit of clothing for boy and girl.

Now the time has come for our "big" ultrasound and while I just hope for a healthy baby, I am now wondering if I should find out the gender. DH said he would be happy enough for me to know and him not to know just as long as I can kep it a secret from him (and everyone else). I am sure I can keep it a secret...in fact I would tell everyone that I don't know so I don't have any pressure to tell. KWIM?

My questions (after all this rambling) are...were you happy you found out? Do you wish it was left a surprise?

[boilermaker]

I haven't given birth yet, but at 38 weeks, I'm still happy that I am waiting until delivery. When I first decided not to find out, it was more so because DH wanted to wait and I didn't care either way. Now, I'm glad we did it this way.

From a practical standpoint, everything we have bought up to this point is gender neutral, which means it will be good for kid #2 as well. And if I knew the sex, I'd already have a closet full fo clothes and shoes that may never get worn :) So I do think it has saved us money in the long run.

Also, it is pretty fun getting people to guess the sex and I can't wait for the Dr to say "It's a ....."

That being said, if you want to know and you think you can keep it a secret, go ahead and find out. I know I'd never be able to go that long without telling someone..who would tell someone else, etc.

[Katie1]

We were in the exact same situation. I was dying to know the gender, but deep down I didn't want to have a secret like that between FH and I. I knew I would be bursting to talk about it and to not be able to talk about it with him would kill me. I felt like we should both find out at the same time.

Now I am so, so glad we waited. I will never find out the gender for any future babies- it was such a thrill to hear the words "It's a girl!" when she was born.

Think about this: what if you find out the gender, and he doesn't. For the rest of your pregnancy will you just play duumb when discussing things about the baby? Like, when you're discussing names will you let him talk about boys' names, even if you already know you're having a girl?

The other advantage to not knowing is that I think it saved me some money. If I knew I was having a girl, I would have been out shopping for girly clothes and things the second I found out. Not knowing kept me from going on a shopping frenzy.

[BethIrish]

We waited for delivery. I'm glad that we did. I'll admit...the last few weeks I was going crazy because I just.could.not.wait. to find out ;) But we did...that moment when the doctor said "It's a boy!" was so wonderful. I was laughing and crying all at the same time.

That said, I don't know if already knowing would have changed it for me? Instead of being exhausted after labor, I was completely jazzed about this new little man in my life. The tiredness honestly did not hit me for quite a few days!

[Ericka_Jarett]

For us we wanted to find out the gender. At 18 weeks at the level 2 I asked my perinatalogist if he could check, he said he thought a boy, but really couldn't see that clearly so wasn't giving a percent. At 22 weeks asked the tech and she said the baby is on their tummy, she tried to find out and said, I think it's a boy, not totally sure though. So with that we still talked about boy & girl names and took a gender neutral outfit to the hospital. I had bought 1 boy outfit on clearance and we had girl clothes I bought from someone while was on WC. Hubby asked me to get gender neutral if anything, but preferred I wait to buy any clothes, until we knew for sure, plus after the shower (although baby came early andshower ended up after he was born) So although we had an idea that Easton was a boy, but with no percentage, the OB said it's a boy and DH and I said the dr was right after all.

My ex boss didn't find out with her 4 boys. He husband wanted to know with #4 so the doctor wrote it on a paper, put in a sealed envelope so DH could find out while DW styed in the dark. It was fun, she brought the envelope to us in the daycare center and let us see what she was having, she never found out until D day.

[ShannonGH]

We found out with #1 but are not with #2, just so we can experience both! I'm so glad we found out with #1 b/c it gave us the opportunity to truly prepare. But with #2 (not pg yet though), I really want to experience the surprise.

[PinkMartini]

I personally don't see waiting until delivery as any more of a 'surprise' than not waiting. It's a surprise either way - you don't get to choose what sex you're having at conception, kwim? I felt just as surprised hearing "It's a boy" at our U/S.

I'm glad we found out - there's no way I could've gone a whole 9 months not knowing what we were having. It killed me to have to wait the 17 weeks.

[jennylou]

We've done both. For my first pregnancy, we didn't find out. It was exciting, leading up to the big day. But then, probably because almost everyone finds out before hand and at that point after laboring for 17 hours and being wheeled in for a c/s, we forgot to remind my Dr that we didn't know. As a result, I had to ask, which was less than what we were expecting in terms of the big announcement, kwim? I'm glad we waited though, as it's a great memory for DH to have calling everyone to tell them about our son.

For #2, we decided to find out b/c of all the emotions surrounding the pregnancy for us. It was better for me (my husband said it didn't matter either way to him) to know the sex and prepare for it. If it had been a boy, I felt I needed the extra time to prepare for it - hoping that the birth wouldn't be so bittersweet, if it was a boy. It was a girl though, but I'm still glad we found out.

[AndreaMMS]

My situation was a bit different...I am SO glad I found out. I had a really rough pregnancy- severe Hyperemesis- and finding out the gender went a long way towards helping me bond with the baby in spite of being so very ill. The more specific information I had about the baby, the easier it became for me to feel pregnant, not just SICK.

[pride&prejudice]

I haven't given birth yet, but at 38 weeks, I'm still happy that I am waiting until delivery. When I first decided not to find out, it was more so because DH wanted to wait and I didn't care either way. Now, I'm glad we did it this way.

From a practical standpoint, everything we have bought up to this point is gender neutral, which means it will be good for kid #2 as well. And if I knew the sex, I'd already have a closet full fo clothes and shoes that may never get worn :) So I do think it has saved us money in the long run.

Also, it is pretty fun getting people to guess the sex and I can't wait for the Dr to say "It's a ....."

That being said, if you want to know and you think you can keep it a secret, go ahead and find out. I know I'd never be able to go that long without telling someone..who would tell someone else, etc.

This is pretty much how I feel. I'm still pregnant as well. Except I was the one that did not want to find out the sex and DH did. Plus neither one of our parents or g-parents wanted to know, and I know that for me it would have been a long few months keeping it a secret. We decided not to find out. Plus in my group of girlfriends, I'm the first one that is not finding out the sex, so they are really excited since that is something different.

[vancouvergirl]

We waited until the birth to find out for our first child and it was beyond wonderful! I'm so thankful for having done it that way. With the second pregnancy, we found out because we wanted to better prepare our daughter who turned 4 during the pregnancy. Also, because it was twins I wanted to better prepare myself emotionally! I like having had both experiences.

[jennylou]

The gender neutral clothes is a very good point. We were able to use everything from number 1 with number 2. If we had found out, my DD would have worn a lot of blue, me thinks

[Smittenk]

Thanks so much for all the posts ladies...you have given me alot of great thoughts to ponder over. I am absolutely dying to know but I think I might be leaning towards not knowing since we have already decided that we would find out with #2 (when the time comes)...that way I could experience both. But I still have a few weeks to make my decision since our ultrasound isn't until the 22nd.

[Sophia]

With DS I didn't find out till the birth because it wasn't possible to tell from the u/s. Hearing "it's a boy" was nice, but honestly, the thing I remember most about his birth (and about each of my babies' births) is the first time I saw him, not hearing he was a boy.

With DD1 and DD2 I found out during the u/s, and it was just as fun and as much of a surprise to hear during the u/s that they were girls as it was hearing DS was a boy during his birth.

One thing I really liked about knowing the sex beforehand is I could plan the nursery and buy gender specific clothing. I hated dressing DS in gender neutral stuff the first couple months, and I never liked his gender neutral bedding, so I bought a new set of bedding and used the old layette sparingly.

[Kelly's Girl]

SmittenK, I left it up to DH to decide. At first, he was telling people we'd find out, but then when it got closer to the U/S date, I overheard him telling a friend we *weren't* finding out! :confused: Anyway, we decided to be surprised, and I am not sorry we did, as we also did gender-neutral stuff.

Of course, we both thought we were having a little girl, and went into labor early (in another town) and, like Jennylou said, forgot to tell the Dr. that we didn't know. We ended up having to ask, but it was still cool to be told, "It's a boy!" I don't think we'll find out next time, either, because we both loved having something to look forward to- more than just the birth, KWIM?

Now, I can see the other side as PinkMartini and AndreaMMS have posted. One of our friends always finds out b/c he thinks that it is no less a surprise to meet the baby on birth day even if they know the gender.

it was just as fun and as much of a surprise to hear during the u/s that they were girls as it was hearing DS was a boy during his birth.

One thing I really liked about knowing the sex beforehand is I could plan the nursery and buy gender specific clothing. I hated dressing DS in gender neutral stuff the first couple months, and I never liked his gender neutral bedding, so I bought a new set of bedding and used the old layette sparingly.
Good points, Sophia. I forgot to say that one drawback to not finding out was not being able to monogram stuff!

[basketcase]

There really is no "wrong" decision, IMO. It will be a wonderful moment between you and DH, no matter when you find out.

I think if you and DH have been leaning towards keeping it a surprise throughout your whole pregnancy so far, I'd wait and not find out. You might feel a slight disappointment with yourself for "caving" and finding out, although that feeling will probably pass very quickly when you start planning specifics (name, buying clothes, etc) and getting so excited. Be forewarned that -- if you decide not to find out -- it takes a *tremendous* amount of willpower once you lay down on that ultrasound chair! :D

In our case, we're doing both. We found out with #1, and that was wonderful! I was so anxious about pregnancy and childbirth in general, I *needed* to know the gender. It sort of helped me feel more prepared, if that makes sense. I was so nervous about childbirth, and everything was so new and unknown to me, that I didn't need one more "surprise" on the birth day, if you know what I mean.

With #2, we have opted to keep it a surprise until the birth. I'm not as anxious about this pregnancy, so it was easier to come to the decision that we didn't want to know until the birth. It's been so much fun to guess! Even complete strangers will look at my pregnant belly and try to guess. The anticipation is very cool and a lot of fun. :)

Good luck with your decision! You can't go wrong!

[Sare79]

We had gender specific genetic diseases to contend with, but I was glad that I knew ahead of timefor other reasons. We were able to plan out our nursery, which is fairly gender neutral anyway, but we were able to accessorize with little girl things and I was able to shop for little girl clothes.
For me, I felt like she was in our life before she arrived, because we had been calling her by name for months. I thought about what she would grow up as, and felt the girl connection. I'm sure eveyone feels that with their babies, but knowing she was a girl made it more specific for me.

[Scooter]

I can see what people are saying about having the pregnancy more specific, but on the other hand how much does the sex really tell you about your baby?

We didn't find out the sex and it was great. We plan to do the same next time around. I felt very connected to DD while I was pregnant. I was able to focus on her personality (yes, she showed it the whole time!) and I did have a very strong feeling she would turn out to be a girl. I had thought it would be much harder not knowing the sex, and harder to bond, but it wasn't an issue to me. I felt closer to the generations of women before me who never found out the sex until the birth and how they must have felt during pregnancy.

[daisysue62]

Dh and I both really wanted to know the gender so we were ecstatic when we got the news she was a girl at our 20 week ultrasound! I don't think it was any less thrilling then finding out at the birth. Heck, I was in such a state of shock that I had a BABY that the gender was kind of a moot point!

As for saving money, I actually think finding out the gender helped in the long run. If we had waited until the baby was born and bought all gender neutral things I would have rebought everything pink just because I wanted to and thus would have spent the money on two wardrobes!

We're most definitely finding out the sex of this baby, Dh is rooting for a boy and I'll take whatever comes ;)

[sdauer21]

I'd need to vote twice, so I didn't vote - we didn't find out with DD #1, and we did find out with DD #2. Both times, it was exactly the right choice! If we had a 3rd, however, I'd wait to find out. I don't have a minute of regret finding out before hand with DD #2, (hers was a pretty complicated pregnancy, and I m/c right before her, so I really felt I needed to know), I loved the surprise of waiting until birth.

Interestingly, my sister also waited to find out on DC #1 (a boy) and found out with DC #2 (a girl). She had been "hoping" for a boy (I use that term loosely - she didn't care too much either way), and said she was a little disappointed to find out about my neice. Not that she was disappointed WITH a girl, just that there was a big letdown for her, finding out in the middle of pregnancy. She said if she ever had a 3rd, she'd wait again.

[Alegna]

I wanted to know. DH did not. At the 18 w US we couldn't tell anyway. They baby was being stubborn. At the 29 w US DH changed his mind as we were walking into the hospital. He decided he wanted to know. So we found out. It was very unexciting. The US tech just asked if we knew, we said no, she asked if we wanted to, and then said it was a girl. No big deal.

If I had to do it again I wouldn't have found out. I just feel the way we found out wasn't the way it should have been.

But on a side note, we didn't tell anybody we knew. So as far as the rest of the world knew it was unknown. I think that really helped out at my shower. Nobody likes to buy gender neutral clothes. So I didn't get very many. My friends and family spent their money on gear and other things I would actually need.

And now that she's here she's being spoiled with girly outfits. :)

[BTB]

We didn't want to know, and good thing, too - it was never obvious on ultrasound, and I had 23 of them (for complications). Personally, I don't like how society gender-ifies babies. Little girls don't need everything to be pink, and little boys don't need everything to be blue. And since we hope for several children, it definitely saves money for us to have a gender-neutral nursery and layette. We would have done nothing differently to "plan" or "prepare" had we known anyway. I'm really satisfied with our choice not to find out early.

[Chylynn]

We chose to wait until our DD was born. It made our delivery that much more special and all of our family members were waiting in the waiting room to find out what we had. Like BTB said, we are not going to need to redo our room when we have the next one since it is gender neutral and the first 3 months of clothes are gender neutral.

[Rico'sAlice]

Well, it is a little different for us, because we've chosen not to have any routine ultrasounds done. So, unless something goes wrong we won't even have an opportunity to find out before the birth.
But even if we do have to have one then I think we'll still prefer for to not find out the gender. We're not having a nursery and any clothing that I would be willing to dress a daughter in I'd also put on a son & vice versa. And even if we knew gender we wouldn't be choosing a name before birth- so no monogramming for us. ;)

Also- I am not saying that you can't do it, if you say you can I totally believe you- but there is no way I could know gender and keep it a secret.

[mimieliza]

We were DYING to find out. I loved finding out in the u/s - the room was calm, peaceful, we could see our baby and found out she was a little girl. I still remember that feeling, when it hit me that I was going to have a DAUGHTER. It was wonderful. :D

[kmmommy]

We didn't find out with #1 and did with #2 (DH really wanted to know; I didn't).

If we decide to go for #3 we will keep it a surprise. It was a lot of fun going into delivery not knowing.

[bluebunny]

We did not find out with #1 and I enjoyed not knowing. It was fun to have family, friends, and strangers guessing until the end. With #2 we found out and I kindof wish we had not. I think it helped me at the end of the pregnancy to have the gender be a surprise. On the other hand, I felt that I bonded a lot sooner with #2 than #1. I don't know whether it is because I knew the gender (I was convinced what #1 was from the get-go and was right) or because I felt more confident in my role as mom and was not quite as overwhelmed after her birth. We would probably not find out if we had a third. :)

[jesseybell]

We did find out, but that doesn't mean that everything was pink (really nothing was, except for all the clothes we received as gifts after she was born). I had the nursery planned before we found out. We will find out with #2, mainly so we know whether we should keep all the clothes we have or get new stuff.

There is definitely part of me that wishes I could have had the restraint of not finding out. But if someone on this earth knew what I was having, I wanted to know too.

We will stop at #2 whether we have another girl or a boy.

[Ericka_Jarett]

We were DYING to find out. I loved finding out in the u/s - the room was calm, peaceful, we could see our baby and found out she was a little girl. I still remember that feeling, when it hit me that I was going to have a DAUGHTER. It was wonderful. :D

I was this way when I found out I was having a girl the first time. It was so nice to be able to say my daughter. With my son as I said before the u/s were never super clear so when they were saying boy, we said ok. Near the end of the pregnancy we were calling the baby him and our son.

His nursery is gender neutral even though we waited to buy anything for his crib, we thought of another baby and said lets go with the sage color so we are covered. I still have several things that were gender neutral so the next baby will use them and possibly some of the sleepers that are blue if it's a girl. I like blue on girls anyway.

[Tonysweetie]

We found out and I do not regret it at all. Me and DH knew ahead of time we wanted to know. When the lady pulled up his picture on the screen she let us see it instead of telling us. It was a very special moment. Seeing DH face was just priceless!

[SlvSpring]

I am so glad we found out. It really helped us bond with our son. We got to call him "he" rather than "it" or "the baby" and started to narrow down names and imagine calling him them. I would suggest doing it if you are on the fence because it just helped me feel that much closer to him.
Good luck whatever you choose though!

[DianeCourt]

I agree with what other posters said about the practicality of not knowing gender when it comes to outfitting a nursery, etc. I like knowing all of our infant stuff will "work" for future babies.

Not knowing the gender of our baby was a HUGE motivator for me to keep pushing while I was in labor. After 3 hours of pushing with little progress, I was ready to give up and just go for the c-section. But I kept thinking about finally finding out whether it was a boy or a girl and it kept me going.

Looking up at DH after all of that hard work and hearing him say "it's a girl!" with tears in his eyes was the most precious moment of my life.

Of course I wasn't there to witness, but it was also a proud moment for him to walk into the hospital waiting room and make the big announcement to friends & family.

We won't ever have it any other way. :)

[bamboo]

We chose to find out. I didn't want to know, DH really did, and I was getting what I wanted for just about everything related to the pregnancy/birth (no quad screen, homebirth, etc), so I compromised and said we could do an ultrasound and find out the gender (if we weren't finding out gender we wouldn't have had an ultrasound at all). Once we knew, I was happy to know. It wasn't a huge deal- I think I would have bonded with DD just as well if I hadn't known the gender, but it was fun to call her by her name and DH was really happy to know. He definitely felt more bonded after he knew.

We dress her in both "boy" and "girl" clothes anyway, so it didn't affect our shopping at all. We don't have a nursery, she sleeps in our bedroom and our playroom is green because I like green! I have strong feelings about how I want to raise both boys (should we have any) and girls to combat as much of the gender norms that society places on them, so it was nice to get a head start thinking about that for a girl specifically. If we have a boy next he'll wear all her baby clothes, the pink, purple, red, and blue ones alike. It's a choice to follow the cultural color stuff for babies, not a mandate ;)

[DansGirl]

We found out and I don't think I would have done it differently. Course I'm still pregnant, overdue, and a little perturbed with this little gal at the moment. :)

One thing I have found intersting throughout this pregnancy is the number of people who feel strongly against finding out. Saying things like, you've ruined the surprise, etc. Its one of those odd things I don't understand. Like why do these random people care? Or just because not finding out was right for you - therefore its wrong for me to find out? I'm not talking about people in this thread - just random comments I get from people IRL.

[Tracie]

We found out and I was glad we did. It really helped him feel like a little person before his birth. I liked being able to call him by name and "him" instead of "it."

It's funny because I always said that I'd never find out, but then as the time to TTC neared, I did a complete 180!

[acceptablerisk]

we didn't find out, because we both felt that so little is a mystery anymore.

i had a pretty strong feeling i was having a boy from the get-go, though, and it was fun having friends and family giving me their opinions on what we were having.

on the day he was born, the doctor didn't say anything, they just held him up so we could see. :D

we'll keep it a surprise next time, too.

[emmjay]

We found out ahead of time. Actually that is one of the most enduring memories I have of being pregnant - we were both convinced we were having a girl and it was a boy, so we were shocked. As far as shopping goes, our nursery was gender neutral and we didn't tell anyone until the end, so we had variety of clothing.

We were so sure we were having a girl that we didn't even have any boy names - if we hadn't found out, he probably would have been nameless for days and days at the very least (it took us 4 months to figure out a boy name).

[Ilovemygeek]

We found out ahead of time and I am so glad that we did. I was indifferent about knowing, but DH was dying to know what we were having. When we found out we were having a girl, it was such an awesome feeling and a little surprising because I just knew I was having a boy. So much for a mother's instinct! :p

The biggest advantage for us was that knowing we were having a girl allowed DH to start to bond with DD before she was born. It made it seem more real to him because we called her by her name and would talk about her future in a more specific way. We will definitely try to find out the gender with any future pregnancies.

[wildcat]

We didn't find out with our DD and I wouldn't change that for the world, I'll never forget that moment of "It's a girl!!" in my entire life!

4 days before we found out we were pg (we were TTC), we decided NOT to find out (we'd always been on the fence). It made the pg so exciting and something to look forward to (other than the obvious baby at the end!). Since not many people have done it both ways, I don't think you can say you felt more or less attached/connected to the baby...most people don't feel them moving until around 20 weeks which is when most u/s's are...and I know that's when I really felt the relationship develop with DD...when I felt her all the time and learned her schedule. Would I have connected with her more just bc I could say "she" instead of "the baby"....I really doubt it.

I did LOVE being able to call friends/family minutes after she was born to tell everyone what we had...that was so much fun and everyone was just waiting by the phones to hear with things like "I knew it!" or "Seriously, it's a girl??" FWIW, I was CONVINCED DD was a boy, but my mom and DH were convinced she was a girl...my mama's instincts weren't too great on that one!

I don't think not knowing prevented me from being prepared at all (and I'm a completely anal type-A planner). I agree with the pp's that have said people don't like to buy gender neutral clothing, so we got all the gear for our showers (pack n play, bouncy's, stroller, etc) and very limited clothing (which was perfect). As soon as she was born, the gifts of cute little pink things started coming in and she had an entire wardrobe before we even left the hospital! Definitely saved us some money not knowing!:p

We always thought we wouldn't find out with #1 and would with #2 (not TTC yet) so that we could try it both ways, but now having not found out...there's no way we would do it any different...so we won't find out with #2 either.

Everyone is so different....2 of my friends could never dream of finding out and 2 other ones could never imagine waiting!

[miaclear]

We still have five weeks to go before we find out. DH had said he wanted to find out, even before we were trying. Myself, well I knew since forever that I didn't want to find out. I convinced him easily enough. Him knowing and me not was NOT an option. The best part of the surprise is sharing it with him at that moment. If he knew and I didn't I'd feel jipped....if that was the case and I couldn't convince him I'd rather we both knew.

I love a good surprise, and I can't imagine a better one than this. Yes you can say it was a surprise when you found out at your US but for me the buildup of suspense is what makes the surprise and you won't convince me otherwise. I joke how now I'm going to wait for the first diaper change to find out the sex.

As for the nursery and clothes and such I was completely fine going gender neutral. And as others had posted I think it's saved us now (as in not buying tons of gender specific items) and in the long run (being able to use the big stuff for a boy or a girl).

Obviously it's different for each person. But I have to disagree with a previous poster. If you're on the fence I would NOT find out, because once you do there's no going back.

[micd]

Hey Smitten! So happy we found out! Like other people have said, now I am able to call the baby "she" and "her". I feel like I can really bond with her now (not that I couldn't before, and I do think it's pretty cool that some people keep the baby's genger a surprise). Someone said something about their DH being able to bond with the baby and making it more real to him and I feel the same way, especially with DH gone during all of this.

[magrat]

I'm not finding out because I'm not having a routine ultrasound, I thought it would be practical in making me buy gender-neutral things, and because I like gender-neutral on babies. Still, part of me wishes we were finding out because I would feel much more bonded with the baby. I'm not really feeling bonded at all yet because I haven't even felt much movement and am not showing all that much for 21 weeks. I don't even feel pregnant, let alone a special bond with my child. I don't envy anyone going into an ultrasound and having to tell the tech you don't want to know!

[Heather719]

We didn't find out what we were having and I'm so glad we didn't! We have had family and friends find out what they were having and, IMHO, it kinda of takes away some of the excitement when you know the sex, have the named picked out, etc. By not finding out, our "Miracle" was a constant source of guesswork and predictions. And I can't even tell you the thrill we had when the doctor announced "It's a Boy." I wouldn't change a thing- nor will I find out the sex in any future pregnancies.

Best of luck with what ever you choose! :)

[Asha]

we will find out, but are undecided whether or not to tell family and friends. i don't want everything given to our child to be gendered. we won't be setting up a nursery right away, anyways, bc we are moving shortly after the birth of our child. also, i want some element of surprise when we announce to others the birth of our child. we may just decide to keep the name a secret, but tell the gender. yes, it seems a romantic notion to have the announcement "its a boy/girl," but i know not all births are easy and/or uncomplicated, so i'd rather not the moment be ruined if i am feeling so horribly that i can't really take in the moment for what it should be worth. i would rather have my full wits about me when i find out if its a boy or girl.

[KeliAnn]

We found out and I'm so glad we did.

We were so convinced it was a boy that we were shocked to find out that it was a girl. And honestly? It took us both a while to get used to the idea. At least now, we've had time to deal with it and are very excited about meeting her.

[Smittenk]

Thanks soo much for all the fantastic replies!!! You ladies are just awesome to share you personal stories.

After ALOT of thought I have decided to wait until the birth. I am trying to get used to the idea that it may very well be a boy in there and not a girl ;) I definitely would love to know now but in the end the most important thing to me is that DH and I find out together and since he wants to wait until the birth, I will wait the extra 4 months and find out then too. I know I could probably sway him to find out at the ultrasound but he has always wanted to wait and have that moment at the birth and I want to respect that. I have said that we will definitely find out with #2 though...although we wouldn't tell family or friends. Since we would love one of both it really doesn't matter to which comes first...I just wish for a healthy baby.

Thanks again so much for helping me make this decision :)

[Heather719]

am trying to get used to the idea that it may very well be a boy in there and not a girl

We didn't find out, as I posted above, and DH and I were convinced we were having a girl. There was zero doubt in my mind- we talked the whole way to the hospital about welcoming "Lauren" into the world.

Imagine my surprise when I heard "It's a boy!" after I delievered I will admit- I was disappointed for 2 seconds (no pigtails. no pink dresses. no mother/daughter relationship.). But then I took one look at my son and was head over heels in love. 8.5 months later, I can't imagine being a mom to anyone else. I still really hope one day I get my little girl- but my initial disappointment was gone in an inastant.

[magrat]

I have said that we will definitely find out with #2 though...although we wouldn't tell family or friends. Since we would love one of both it really doesn't matter to which comes first...I just wish for a healthy baby.

This is what I think we might do too. I'm not risking being disappointed the first time because I don't care which comes first, but we might need time to get used to the idea of having two boys or two girls when I'm pregnant with #2.

[Smittenk]

We didn't find out, as I posted above, and DH and I were convinced we were having a girl. There was zero doubt in my mind- we talked the whole way to the hospital about welcoming "Lauren" into the world.

Imagine my surprise when I heard "It's a boy!" after I delievered I will admit- I was disappointed for 2 seconds (no pigtails. no pink dresses. no mother/daughter relationship.). But then I took one look at my son and was head over heels in love. 8.5 months later, I can't imagine being a mom to anyone else. I still really hope one day I get my little girl- but my initial disappointment was gone in an inastant.


Thanks so much for your post Heather!! This is my exact problem...I am expecting a girl to pop out in June and if a boy comes out I am going to be shocked! I'm glad to hear that you had a similar experience and your disappoinment didn't stick.

[cr8zyforaf]

We waited to find out (although I almost caved at the big ultrasound) because I wanted it to be a surprise, I didn't want to get a bunch of pink or blue clothes at my showers, and I loved the excitement of people guessing..and an added bonus was that it annoyed the cr*p out of my MIL.

Everyone..EVERYONE thought it was a boy (which is what I wanted)..and I got a girl but once they put her in my arms, I forgot that my dream was to have a boy.

I am so glad we waited..also, hubby got his moment to shine when he went out into the waiting room and told both of our families that A was finally here (they all knew our boy and girl name).

[Pookie]

I'm so glad we found out. I really wanted a girl. Both DH and I were convinced we were having one, even had clothes bought and were calling Baby by our girl name. I was totally shocked when we found out we were having a boy. It took me the next 4 months to get excited about having a son. If we had waited, my first thoughts after birth would have been about not having a girl instead of being excited to have just given birth. That being said we may not find out next time or if we do, we may keep it a surprise.

[cosmic]

I'm sure you'll be happy either way, Smitten. :)

We were SOOOOO thrilled to find out our baby's gender. It was so much fun to talk about him and to him. He was a he, not an "it". For us, finding out the gender made the experience more exciting.

[sue-bert]

With DS (now almost 3 years old), I found out at my 15-week U/S, but my husband wanted to be surprised, so I kept it to myself.

We're Jewish, so we don't buy baby stuff before the baby arrives, so it wasn't too difficult to keep the secret.

[almostthere]

On my second suprise pregnancy - it was so much fun to wait and people were so excited when we finally called with all the info. Also my DD who is 3.5 is having so much fun when people ask her what we are having, she says we don't know what are baby is going to be and then she gives her guess (which changes by the minute!). I actually think fer her it is good, because she would want the other gender to matter what and I would hear for the next 4 months but I want a sister if it was a bor or vice versa.

As for disapointment I think it is much easier to just forget that as soon as you see the baby so that was my motivater. If I was aware ahead of time that I would not have a son or etc I would think to much about it rather then - here you go.

[Ade]

My cousin just had a situation that made me feel really glad that we didn't find out. In the early ultrasounds they were told it was a boy. They started preparing for a boy, picking out names, buying items and getting excited. Last week at 5 and a half months they did another ultrasound and were told that it was a girl. My cousin now is pretty disappointed as he was really excited about having a son and he has to adjust to a daughter. I know he's going to love the child either way, but I just couldn't imagine preparing for one then learning it was another. We kept it a surprise and are so glad we did; it was such an exciting moment when he was born.

[jmvan74]

We found out w/ both pregnancies and I wouldn't change a thing. I loved being able to refer to my babies by name before they were born. :) I got plenty of gender neutral clothes and did a neutral nursery for future children. It's just a personal preference. Either way it's still a surprise.

[jdevaz]

We found out and were thrilled we did. I think it really helped my DH bond with the baby before he got here.
For me, it was entirely personal. I had two brothers that died shortly after birth and found out I was pregnant on the birthday of the older one. I was absolutely convinced I was having a boy and I needed to know early, because I was bonding with my "son" and was worried how I would react if I had a little girl. We are expecting #2 and will be finding out early as well this time.

[SQ2]

We will definitely be finding out. Neither DH or I would have it any other way and think that for us, it will be MORE exciting to find out. I'm a planner too and believe me, there will be enough mystery and surprise at the birth of our baby that knowing that gender will not take anything away from that experience. If anything, it will add to it.

Like many have said, it's an individual decision for each couple and I don't think there's a right or a wrong way to do it in general. However, it really irritates me when people try to impart their opinion on others' decisions. For example, my dad continues to voice his disappointment that we're finding out saying it takes away from the magic, the surprise, the mystery. :rolleyes: Not for us it won't, and we're having this baby, not him. We like to know things and if it's easy to find out the gender, why NOT know? Having a baby will be just as much a surprise, mystery, and magical whether you know the gender or not. At least for us that's the case. It's just too bad that my dad keeps hinting at his disappointment. It's funny too because I told him - hey, if you don't want to find out, we won't tell you! :D Hehe. Everyone else will know except him. He didn't seem to like that very much. It's funny to watch him squirm. Really annoying though that when he talks to us about it, it's almost in a condescending way like...oh what a shame you're finding out....too bad. :eek: Comments like this just really piss me off. But, I'm learning not to care anymore because from what I've been told, this will be only the beginning of family members (and friends) telling us what to do with regards to pregnancy and the baby.

I personally feel finding out the gender will be even more exciting than not finding out because there won't be so many other distractions of birth around. Plus I love the idea of being able to refer to the baby as a he or she. We won't tell anyone the name we picked out until birth though.

[Robyn's Nest]

We didn't find out what we were having and I'm so glad we didn't. I had a feeling the whole time it was a boy and it was, but that moment of the doctor saying "It's a boy!!" was so great.

Also from a selfish standpoint, it was nice to not get all pink or blue clothes at my showers. While I did get some white, yellow and green clothing, we got almost everything from our registry. People seemed more inclined to buy the "unfun" stuff like diaper genies and crib sheets.

The interesting thing to me was how many people got mad at us not finding out. Whatever someone decides to do it's their decision and people shouldn't act like it's some kind of offense to them. I didn't understand why people would act like I was crazy for not finding out.

[SQ2]

Whatever someone decides to do it's their decision and people shouldn't act like it's some kind of offense to them. I didn't understand why people would act like I was crazy for not finding out. Exactly! That's how I feel like my dad is behaving. (Except for the opposite reason since we're finding out.) It's like he looks down on us for wanting to find out the gender. I remember when my cousin had a baby a few years ago and he learned they weren't going to find out and said "Good for them!". I've always known I want to find out the sex of our baby so his comment really made me cringe. How about "good for us" for doing what's more important, special, magical, mysterious, whatever to US.

[Robyn's Nest]

SQ2- I'll say "good for you" then!! I know it's not the same as your Dad saying it, but whatever you want to do is good for you! BTW, your little one is due on my bday, so good for you there too! :)

[mel7dog]

We found out and I was gald because I am a planner and like to have everything ready ahead of time. I think waiting would be fun for some, but for me I'd be stressed out wanting to know!

[karlatta]

We found out, and I'm glad. I'm so excited to be getting ready for a little girl.

That being said, we definitely wanted a surprise of some sort at delivery, so we decided to keep the name we've chosen a secret from everyone. Now I only hope I can hold off for 20 more weeks!

[wendalah]

Brand-new at this game, but we will definitely be finding out, and as soon as possible. I adore "gender-specific" nurseries, un-p.c. as they may be :)