Center vs. In-home care for an infant

[DallasLady]

Before I had DD, I was certain that I wanted in home care instead of a big daycare center. Now I am not so sure. My in-home sitter is licensed by the state and came highly reccommended, but several things just don't sit right with me. Like, every day when I pick DD up, I ask specific questions about what she did that day such as when did she eat and when and how long did she nap. She answers reluctantly, but I totally feels like she wishes I would just pick her up and stop asking so many questions.

Also, she doesn't seem eager to let me into the house. It seems a little weird to me, when I come to pick her up she never invites me in. I stand on the porch and she goes to get DD and brings her to me. I want to see what DD is doing all day. Every day when I pick her up I feel like there is a black hole between 8am and 4pm and I have no idea what her day was like. If she is fussy or doesn't sleep well, I have no idea why that may be the case.

So, now I am thinking maybe a center would be better for me. My DD hardly ever cries and can be easy to just stick in a swing and ignore all day (which is what I am worried is happening). I want something that is structured and I want to know what she is doing each day.

So, I said all this to ask, are there any of you out there who have your infant in a daycare center and are pleased with it? What is it that you do or do not like about it?

[NYN]

Hi Dallas, there was a thread recently about in-home vs. center daycare but it isn't obvious from the title. Link to it here (http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26725&highlight=day+care+center).
I agree with you that your particular care provider sounds a little off. I think I would suggest she write down every bowel movement/wet diaper. My MIL tells me how many times DD pooped throughout the day at 17 months -- I can't imagine not knowing how many wet/poopy diapers my infant had! Also agree that it's odd that you aren't invited in at the end of the day. What exactly does she do w/ the other children while she is handing DD over to you? What is she trying to hide? What happens if you arrive there unannounced in the middle of the day? Above all, if you have an uneasy feeling about this lady, definitely rethink leaving your DD with her.

I don't think that your particular issues are a result of having her in-home vs. in a center, I think your particular provider is just a little bit odd. I feel like the center where I had my DD as a toddler was excellent but I'm not sure that I would have left her there as an infant. I think it varies greatly place to place.

Sorry you are going through this. I know how horrible it feels to not know what is going on with your baby during the day. :( I hope it works out for you.

[Soulmate]

DallasLady DS is at an in-home daycare center and it is so not like the one you described! I actually prefer in-home because it just feels more intimate and "homey" ;) But it has to be the right one. His first one (in-home) also he was put in a bouncer in front of the tv all day (and I mean all day) :mad: And she wasn't secretive about it either. I'd pick him up and she'd say "Oh, [DS] just loved watching tv for hours today!" :rolleyes: The one he is at now gives me a sheet at the end of the day with his mealtimes, nap times and duration, along with what activities he did and his mood (happy, fussy, etc). It was great in the beginning because I could see his schedule come together and could duplicate it on the weekends. I found my sitter on Craigslist.

But definitely switch sitters if your instincts are telling you something is wrong. Most of the time something is. But your situation definitely seems fishy to me. A good sitter would want you to know what was going on during the day whether it is in-home or at a center.

The one downfall with a center that I see is that staff may change frequently. I like that DS sees the same people (his place has 2 sitters) everyday no matter what. Plus the ones where I live are much more expensive. I may switch him to a center when he is older (and rates decrease) so he'll get more educational stimulus.

[mommydearest]

My SIL works in an infant room at a Bright Horizons center.

The Pros for the infant room (corporate policy)-
No swings
No excersaucers
No tv
Planned curriculum/events that the parents are given daily in the morning
Never closed
Staff ages up with the kids, so the same staff will stay with them from birth to age 5
Kids held/rocked for every bottle

The Cons--
Expensive
Lots of rules/policies to work between, esp if you are BF (the staff are accommodating, but the corporate offices are not so much)
Will not use cloth diapers
Very structured
More kids (as well as providers) in one room. There are about 10 infants and 4 providers. That is a lot to pass germs around.

I think it really depends on the center's staff as well as the home-based providers as to which is better. Any provider should welcome you to come in at ANY time. It is your child! My friend's husband was weirded out that his daughter's home provider doesn't lock the front door and anyone could come in, but her policy is that parents are welcome to just walk in at any time. When the baby gets older, you are going to need to know about discipline issues during the day, potty training, and lots of other things. If you aren't happy with the communication (and it sounds like you aren't), I would definitely keep looking.

[blondegirl]

Both DS and DD2 are in a daycare center. DD1 went to a center as well when she was younger. I personally feel more comfortable with a center -v- in-home daycare. Something doesn't seem right about your provider, but like a pp said, that may not have anything to do with the fact that's it's an in-home place. Check out all your options, and see what you feel comfortable with.

I love my center. The teachers in both classes are terrific, and so are the assistants. I looked at MANY places before I decided on my current center. Our center has a small ratio of teachers to kids, they are accommodating to our needs. They give me a full detail of what both kids did during the day: what they ate, when they went to the bathroom, what they played with, etc.

The two main teachers in the infant room and toddler room has been with the center for many years. The assistants has been there for a long time as well.

[DallasLady]

I think I would suggest she write down every bowel movement/wet diaper. My MIL tells me how many times DD pooped throughout the day at 17 months

I would love it if she did that! I think I am going to have to ask her about doing that. It would make me feel so much better.

Also agree that it's odd that you aren't invited in at the end of the day. What exactly does she do w/ the other children while she is handing DD over to you?

It is her and her mother who take care of the kids, so when she brings one to the door, the other kids are not left unnattended. I should say that she doesn't refuse to let me in, she just doesn't offer either. And maybe that is just her routine, I don't know. This morning another mom dropped off right before me and she did the same "hand off on the porch" thing, so, maybe I am just reading too much into it. When I pick her up this afternoon, I plan to ask if I can come in to see where she sleeps and plays during the day.

[Renrel]

I have been in two daycare centers, starting at age 11 mnths and was happy with both. One was a Bright Horizons and the other a private non-profit that we are still in. I would get a form at the end of everyday which stated if DS ate nothing, some, most or all of each meal offered to him. how long he napped, And a short note most days telling me what he did in the morning (since they filled the forms out during the midday nap) I would have to ask for an afternoon report. When we transfered to the second center at age 2 (much less expensive for a better program, but a 2+yr waitlist) I got as similiar report, but only 3x a week. No written reports once we moved up to preschool. In the new school there are also meeting with the teachers at each transition to discuss how your child is doing and what the class is about. A curricullum for the week is posted each week and there is a definate schedule to the day each day, so I know generally what he is doing. I also take time at drop off each day and can see what the kids are doing, the toys they play with and chat with the teachers. I visit at lunch and/or nap time and again can see what is going on. I spend time at pick up and talk to the afternoon teachers about what DS did that day.

eta - we also get a monthly newletter and calendar which state the theme they are doing for the month (Space, underwater, winter, nutrition, ect), special days like b-days, pajama days, family pie day, show and share day, ect.

Both daycare/preschools are very very open to parents visiting at any time and I am always completely welcome in the classroom. If I have any questions or issues I can make an appointment to speak the teacher (If it would take more than a couple of minutes to talk about it) and the directors are very available as well.

I did have an issue with our current teacher being a bit standoffish. I spoke to the director about this, framing my comments more as a way to help her improve as a teacher than as a complaint. Since then she has been much more proactive in telling me about what my son is up to.


eta
I love that our program:

is open year round and only closes for Federal Holidays and two floating holidays chosen by the staff at the start of each year. No closing for illness, teacher vacation, ect.

I can hire the teacher to babysit during non-school hours, which is a nice bonus.

Has two directors I can talk to if I have any issues with the teachers

Has a huge playground and is in a office building so they can still take a long walk inside if the weather is bad.

Has the room to keep lots of toys to rotate around.

Has teachers who have college educations

Has been around for 20 years.

Has parents in and out all day, so it would be hard for teachers to get away with anything.

Has a guard at the door for security.

Has fire drills so they know they can get all the kids out of the building safely.

[NYN]

I would love it if she did that! I think I am going to have to ask her about doing that. It would make me feel so much better.
our daycare center used to have a sheet with each child's name on it attached to a clip board. there were boxes on it:

one box listed activities that they planned on doing that day (pre-copied -- since it was a center they had a specific "plan" to follow although i'm sure that with a bunch of toddlers they weren't too strict about it. still, it was nice to know what songs, books, activities, etc. DD did during the day).

-another box listed times of day and had lines next to it. for each diaper change, the teacher would write W (wet), BM (bowel movement) or D (dry) and initial it next to the time.

-a third box listed items that we had to leave at daycare (diapers, change of clothes, wipes, etc.) and the teacher would check it off if she was running low on dipes, needed more clothes, etc.

-a fourth box had just enough space for the teacher to write what times DD napped (very important!)

-a fifth box was just a blank space. most of the time it was never filled in but other times the teacher would use this space to tell me "Catie had a runny BM this morning," or "Catie was very clingy today...we think she might be teething," etc.

I really loved this thing and think it's VERY important that you know all this information!!!

[Ohana]

Can you maybe work up a little daily report and ask your provider to fill it out? Our daycare uses one and it has separate areas for diapers, naps, food, and a spot to write what happened that day. Although our daycare provider is great at telling me how DD's day went, I still rely on the report to know more about what happened.

That said, our kids are both at a Bright Horizons center. It's expensive, but worth it, IMO. The infant room teachers are experienced, caring and loving. Although this particular Bright Horizons allows exersaucers, they are very careful not to just leave a child in there for more than 10-15 minutes.

[jh124]

I gave my opinion in this thread. http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26725&highlight=day+care+center

I still stand by my decision to use a center. I would go apeshit if I weren't allowed in the house to get my child.

[wildcat]

Gosh, I could have written your post a year ago myself (minus the handoff on the porch). My DD was born in 9/05 and started in-home daycare in Jan06. I used an older lady who was a friend of a friends grandma. One of my best friends used her with her son for 2 years (full-time for 6 months and then part-time for 18months) and loved her. I loved her as well, she's the sweetest old lady and took the best care of Lauren. She did log (more for her own purposes than mine, but I was welcome to read it each day), when she took her bottles (and later baby food), and how many wet and BM diapers she had each day. I would ask about naps and she was good at telling me. It wasn't the detailed sheet that's been described here and that my friends whose babies were in daycare centers were getting each day, but it was enough.

However, it drove me NUTS that I went from being with her every second of the day to missing that chunk of time from 7-4 each day. Unfortunately, regardless of whether your child is in a center or in-home, you'll still have that feeling, I think it's natural when you transition from maternity leave to going back to work. But I agree with the others here, that your provider could be doing more to help with that transition by logging things for you (nap, diapers, feedings). I also think it's a great idea to drop in unannounced during the day now and then and see how it's going...if she knows you're coming, it's not an "actual" routine going on. I always went in at the end of the day and spent 5-10 mins talking to our provider both about Lauren, but just in general, to get to know her better.

I absolutely LOVED having Lauren in a "homey" setting when she was so little and want to do the same with our next baby. However, we planned to move her to a center for more structure, interaction with kids her own age, and more education opportunities when she was 1. We ended up doing it a little early, however, due to some issues with our provider (nothing bad with our daughter, just some personal problems she had going on and she moved in with her daughter in an apartment further from our house, so it was time to move Lauren). So, Lauren went to a private "school" daycare setting at 9 months. It was definitely different than where she'd been as there were SO MANY more babies (9 babies and 3 providers in her room, then there's all the different rooms) and I can tell you, she's been sick since (now at 15 months). That is such a huge disadvantage I wish I'd thought more about at the time. However, I could watch her from work napping in her crib on a live video feed and that was so reassuring somehow. I also liked that she had more to do at that older age (she didn't need it at 3 months). I really liked her lead teacher, but then a few months later she got a new lead teacher who I really liked, but then she got a new lead teacher that I didn't like. That was all in 3 months. As you can tell, HUGE disadvantage is the turnover. As everyone else mentioned, you get the detailed sheet which I really like, but quite honestly, wouldn't make me choose in-home over a center as you can get the same info from your provider.

Lauren moved up to her toddler room at 12 months and I'm in LOVE with this program. It's a structured day with 10 kids and 2 teachers (who both Lauren and I ADORE, in fact, at 15 months she's saying her lead teachers name, Tracy). She's FLOURISHED since starting here...40 words, 15 signs, dropped the bottle/paci, etc. I adopt a lot of what they do at home (like a certain song before eating) that she just laughs and loves when we do them at home too. I think it just depends on the age of your DC and what you're really lookoing for. I can't imagine having her in-home at this age unless it was a small setting with kids her own age. But, I can't imagine having her in a center at 3months old. It's such a personal decision. And, there's the cost. As a newborn, the center cost us $400 more per month than in-home:eek:.

I wanted to share my experience with you since we've pretty much seen it all in a year. Good luck talking to your provider. Overall, go with your mama's instinct/gut. If it just doesn't feel right, move on.

[jbemommy]

We have our sitter come to our house to watch our DC, so there isn't the porch hand-off to deal with, but she keeps a very detailed account of what DS does all day (since he's the infant). When I get home there's a page with times of his wet and dirty diapers, how much he drank, and when and how long he napped. It's quite nice, although I don't feel I need to know he had a wet diaper at 9 am, but still. I don't get much of a report on DD (who is almost 3).

[Cali_Katy]

Also, she doesn't seem eager to let me into the house. It seems a little weird to me, when I come to pick her up she never invites me in. I stand on the porch and she goes to get DD and brings her to me. I want to see what DD is doing all day.

I'm a SAHM, so I have zero experience in this area, but this would make me incredibly uncomfortable. That just seems really bizarre to me.

[moderngal]

My DS is in a center and has been since he was tiny.
I love our center. I get a daily written report with what he ate, when he napped, what times his diaper was changed and whether or not he had a BM or was just wet, and they have other spaces to say if he was happy or if he needs diapers or wipes. I can stop in whenever I want and although we don't have the ability to watch via internet, each classroom has cameras and I can review the tapes as requested. They have exersaucers, but I specifically said DS is not to be in them and he never was.
I have heard that many centers have high turnover. DS has been there for 18 months, and only 1 person left and she left to go to nursing school. Maybe we're just lucky.

Anyway- I'd be uncomfortable with a situation like yours, DallasLady. I was not comfortable with the idea of in-home care for us anyway.

Oh and what I don't like about our center- they have 2 pet birds. I *hate* birds. :p

[petdoc08]

Oh and what I don't like about our center- they have 2 pet birds. I *hate* birds. :p

/Hijack You may want to check w/ your state laws regarding pets in daycares. Some states have laws against keeping birds and reptiles in daycare centers because of Salmonella risks(and other diseases). I don't mean to scare you, but there are risks that the center may not be aware of. /End Hijack

[Peever]

I've been through the mill on daycares. My son has been in 2 home daycares and 2 centers so I've tried some of each so I'm not giving you a biased opinion. There are pros and cons to each, but ultimately I prefer an in home daycare. That being said, your's doesn't sound good so I'd find something else. You definitely need to know what goes on with your DD every day and you should definitely have the right to enter the house and see what's going on.

I was fortunate enough to find a mother-daughter in-home team so I rarely have to worry about them taking time off as there's almost always one there. They are both registered with the city and the state and they are both registered foster parents so they've been thoroughly checked out and have social workers and therapists visiting their house on a regular basis. They are great about filling out a daily report for my son so I know exactly how his day went. They always give me feedback, both good and bad, so I know what's going on during the day.

I know some people have found great centers. I never did. There were too many babies per adults, they were not strict enough on their sick policies. My son was sick ALL the time. He rarely goes to the dr now. My son was hit and bit all the time. The kids were all overly aggressive and there was a definite lack of supervision. There were mostly very young girls working there without a lot of experience or patience. The biggest problem I had with centers, besides the constant illnesses, was that there was a constant rotation of people in my son's room. He's super sensitive and gets stressed out very easily and it's very important for him to have someone to connect to. He's done a million times better now that he just has the 2 people taking care of him and they're there for him all day, every day and he loves them like his grandma. He does much better with the homey atmosphere.

I also like that he's exposed to kids of all ages and not just kept with kids his same age. I think that's the reason most of them were so aggressive at his last centers. He had no idea how to treat babies when he started at his in-home center and I'm so glad he knows how to be nice to them so that when we have another, I don't have to worry so much about that.

[SiValleySteph]

My son has also been in both a center daycare and a home daycare. He started at the center daycare at 7 months and we pulled him out shortly after he turned two. For various reasons, we do not plan to put another infant in center daycare. Our current plan is to hire a nanny when (hypothetical) DC #2 is 7 months and have the nanny until DC is 18mo and can attend the home daycare my son is in.

I think mommydearest summed up the pros/cons of center daycare very well. In our case, it was just too much change. Even though the turnover was low, it was still so much more chaotic than where he is now. Of course, home daycares vary wildly, so you have to find the right match for your family.

[ummserious]

Renrel, I hope you don't mind me asking but I see you are in Boston and I am located right outside of Boston. Which are the 2 centers that you have been happy with? We are starting to do some tours of locations right now but I don't have a very long list and would feel much better also checking out a place someone else is happy with.

[lowcountrywed]

My son is at an in-home daycare and we are very happy with it. We do not get a detailed report sheet, but when I pick him up, his sitter goes through when he ate, when he slept and if he pooped (we don't go into wet diapers, but I'm sure she would if I asked her). She'll also tell me little things like "he was fussy in the morning and had a hard time napping" or "he is really rolling around now." To me, it is more important for him to be in a loving, homey environment at this point than a structured center. There are things I dislike but overall I am happy with her. She is just as expensive as a daycare center AND we pay her on weeks when she is off. Obviously we really like her because I don't think that's the norm.

I would be uncomfortable with the whole meeting me at the door thing. My DH drops off and I know that she does that with him most of the time, but I think she's trying to help get him off to work faster. I pick up and I come in every afternoon. Maybe she is just trying to make pick up faster for you and doesn't realize that you'd like to come in. I would definitely ask for a more detailed list of activities and tell her that you would like to come in and see where your child is spending the day. Is there anyway you could drop in unexpectedly? I would do that every now and then as well.

I am a firm believer in instincts. If you feel something is off, then it may be. I never got a great feeling from any of the centers we visited, but instantly liked this in-home provider. Obviously, lots of other had opposite experiences.

[allyray231]

For the first 18 months of my sons life we had a nanny. It was wonderful. We lived in NYC with no family around to help us. We commuted to the city each day and lived in Queens. I didn't want to have to deal with taking my son to a center each day and picking him up. Also our choices of centers were bad. So we had an amazing nanny who was like a grandmother to him. She left me a sheet of what he ate and at what time. I called her each day at 1 to see how they were and she told me how he napped.

Now we have moved to upstate and my son is currently home with my DH till he gets a job. Once he does, he will go into a center. We feel he is at an age where the social interaction will be good and it will be more of a "school" atmosphere.

The inhome we had in the beginning was perfect for us but I know many people who had their kids in centers from day 1 and did amazing. It has to be all about what it best for you guys.

Good luck!

[kayak]

Not being welcomed into my son's daily environment would freak me right out. That sounds incredibly sketchy, and combined with her lack of communication with you, and reluctance to chat about his day, I would look for another option immediately.

My son was also with a nanny (in a share) until he was 18 months. Our nanny was rather shy with adults, and didn't chat much, but we gave her a journal and asked her to write down his feeding and nap info every day, which she did religiously. And the other parents and I were always welcomed into each other's houses, any time of the day that we showed up to get our kid. In fact, we were invited (and vice versa) to walk through their house as our son grew, and to let them know if any safety changes needed to be made as he learned to crawl and walk. Not that in a home day care everything wouldn't already be babyproofed, but there needs to be that level of openness and welcome.

My son switched into preschool at 18 months, because we felt the expanded activities and social interactions were something he really needed. There was an age when the really focused and individual attention and lots of cuddling and love was what he needed, and now he needs a little more independence and challenge and stimulation than the nanny provided. But we're in a daycare where the student: teacher ratio is 4:1, so he still gets plenty of attention and love. Our center provides organic food and cloth diapers, welcomes parental participation and caters to individual children's needs in a host of ways.

I honestly don't think that there's a good vs bad answer to your question. There's great in home providers, and great centers, and unfortunately there's also a lot of wretched examples of both.

[Gabe's Mom]

LISTEN TO YOUR GUT! Some of the things described in your orginial post seem very odd. You definately should/need to look at the area where your baby is being cared for. You also need to be told what your baby is doing all day. Definately ask more questions, try and go in etc... Also, have you considered showing up unannouced?

I, too, have my son at a Bright Horizon Center. I had him at another center for 2 months and he lived in their swing and exersaucer and I was frustarated at the lack of cleanliness. I LOVE Bright Horizons and in my opinion, worth the money. The infant room was great. I went in several times per week to breastfeed of even give a bottle. Very detailed reports were given daily. Teachers were GREAT. Gabe had one or two rough days and they called me and I went to visit and it did the trick - back to work I went.

The toddler room has been great too. Definate curriculum. Good reports. Both rooms even take pictures of various activities and we often get them eventually. Kind of a snap shot of what Gabe is doing. Also get called if a fall is bad enough for an incident report. Have dropped in many times and no probs. Even his grandma's drop in whenever they want - no phone call needed.

Yes, he does tend to get colds and now has his first GI bug, but ya know, he'll get it now or later (kindergarden) so we and my ped are ok with it.

I would definately try and get a better idea of your daycare situation. After all, YOU are paying for it and your baby deserves great care and you deserve the peace of mind.

[Scooter]

My family used to run a small in-home day care, and it was very different from what you're describing. The kids were basically like part of our family, and were loved, cuddled, read to and played with all day. When they were older, very limited & supervised TV. Lots of outdoor activites & trips to the park. The parents were always welcome to come over, at ANY time. Communication was actually a nice transition time in the evening. They would come in and we'd sit with them & the kids, while we got the child ready to go, telling them all about the day. We were basically an open book to them. As a child, I was in a similar situation (in home daycare) so my mom had been on both sides of that fence.

It's definitely possible to find a situation like that, although it may take some looking. I don't think you should stand for some of the things your DCP is doing, especially the lack of communication & not letting you come in. I agree with PPs, trust your instincts.