Tell me everything you know about a Bris

[NYLACHI]

I am a non-practicing Catholic and DH is Jewish-- we plan to raise our children Jewish. We met with a pediatrician last night and my DH loved him. I liked him-- he was very knowledgable about allergies, asthma, ecsema (yes, I'm a mess and I can only imagine how my poor child will suffer...) and I liked his philosophies about well-child visits (more often) and his availability (he seems very accessible.)

He is also a Mohel and obviously has a very biased outlook on circumcision, something I have been thinking about very carefully since we found out we were having a boy.

He convinced my DH that we should do it for religious reasons, and since i was on the fence about it I guess we're doing it. Either way I won't feel 100% great so if this will make DH feel good then ok, we'll do it.

So my pediatrician/Mohel will come to our house on the 8th day and circumcise our son.

I'm not as freaked about the producedure now, I'm freaked about this "party" I'm expected to host after giving birth 8 days prior. What is expected of me? What is usually provided at these types of shindigs? I've been to them before but they have always been a million people at a hall and not at a private home. I'm sure my in laws will come over and a few of our friends. Maybe 12 people in all?

Help!

[Renrel]

They are supposed to be very simple affairs. Everyone knows you are recovering from birth and dealing with a newborn. People are not even really supposed to be invited, just informed, so that there is no sense of obligation to attend, since they are always rather last minute, you usually don't know till 8 days before the Bris when the Bris will be, for obvious reasons.

A tray of bagel, some lox and cream cheese, some pastries, a tray of cold cuts and rolls. This kind of thing.

I think for my son's we had cold cuts, but it was in the evening which was unusual, but given that if fell during the fall holidays, my family being out of town and my nieces 1st b-day/baby namining being held a day before in a different state we had some issues in getting all the immediate family there. My understanding is weekdays they are usually they are done in the morning.

When there is an adoption or delay or something allowing more time the parties are sometimes more eleberate, and some people go all out any way, but it is not expected.

I highly suggest having your DH be in charge of the party. I was being asked for input and such and eventually just told everyone I could not do it. I was recovering from a C section and dealing wth my Newborn. My parent, inlaws and husband took care of just about everything from there on in.

I was a wreak the day of our bris and it was not an easy day, but we did have the ceremony recorded and it retrospect is was very beautiful. I brought our son in laying on a large white pillow. I handed him to my mother, who handed him to my MIL, who handed him to my sister, who handed him to my other sister, who handed him to my BIL, who handed him to my other BIL, who handed him to my FIL who handed him to my father who held the pillow and my son in his lap for ceremony. A cousin who is a musian brought her accordian and played appropriate music. When the hard part was over we said the appopriate prays and then everyone danced in a circle around us while I held my son on the pillow and danced inside the circle showing him off to our "guests." Then I retreated to my room and held and nursed my son for the rest of the evening, refusing to put him down or hand him off to anyone. My mother and mother in hand fed me, as I breast fed my son. It was a beautify bonding moment as a woman and mother with the prior generation of the woman in my family. My husband openned his best bottles of wine out of his celler and celebrated with anyone who chose to remain.

We did have a slight complication, DS foreskin was sticking, and DS cryied as the moyel had to work it loose to perform the circumsion, That took a minture or twom by they were long minutes. Once the actual cut was done he cryed just until the got the taste of wine. Then immediate stopped. He cryed more for a wet diaper then he did for the bris. And DH does not do well seeing blood so he almost passed out, but it was so cut seeing him sitting on the floor, holding a cold towel to his head, saying the prayers required of him, with a sweet, embarrassed and oh so proud smile on his face. Very Normal Rockwellesc, if Rockwell every did a Jewish scene.

I have read the that the knife is so sharp that the cut is not even felt. This was reported by a moyel how performed the ceremony on an adult male who apparent asked when they were going to do it, and it had already been done. I have also read that at 8 days the nerves are not fully formed or something which also decreased or eliminates any pain. DS did not seem bothered by the procedure.

[blondegirl]

Like you, I am a non-practising catholic and DH is jewish. We have 2 girls, so when we found out we were having a boy, it was important to DH to have a bris. We celebrate both catholic and jewish holidays, but not to the extreme, and plan to teach our children about both religions. We want them to be able to decide which religion they want to persue, when they are old enough. But DH wanted to have the bris, so if we should decide to have DS bar mitzvah'ed, go to hebrew, etc, he would be ready to go this route, as a bris is a requirement.

Our bris was a small, intimate affair with just immediate family and very close friends. My in-laws arranged everything - took care of the food (sandwiches, fruit, chicken, salads), informing people when it would be, arranged most details with the mohel. I also had a c-section, and an 11 month old at the time, so no one really expected me to do too much! We had it at our house as well. This made it much easier to care for DS, comfort and feed him after the circumcision, etc. I was able to stay in casual clothes.

Our mohel was great. She was a nurse at a local hospital, so I felt very comfortable with her performing the circumcision. Not being jewish, I didn't know much of what I was supposed to do, the prayers we were supposed to say. She explained everything, gave me papers to read up on, and was very helpful, before and after the bris. She provided me with a detailed outline of how the ceremony would go - who would carry DS is, what everyones roles would be, what prayers we would say and when, what we would need, etc. I was a nervous wreck the whole day, but it really wasn't all that bad, and it was over before I knew it.

My nephew's bris was a huge affair, and I had several people who attended both bris' tell me it was nice to have such a small gathering -v- a large overdone party.

[pgbg]

Our bris was a blur but luckily we too have it on video. I didn't have a c-section but was suffering from a dural headache from the epidural which was excrutiating. We probably had close to 30 people (maybe more?) and a bunch of family from NYC which was nice (we're in Pittsburgh). I did nothing for the planning which I recommend. MIL is very overbearing and nightmarish, and she barked orders at everyone and made it very stressful for me, but overall it went great. She demanded I get someone in to clean the house the day before, and luckily I was able to get my usual cleaning people to come make a special trip. We had cookies and fruit/crudite (sp? veggies and dip, basically), and coffee and soda/water. Pretty low-key.

My mom was the person who brought DS downstairs (all the participants have different names for their role which I'm blanking on now) -- she handed him to DH's grandfather (DS's great-grandfather), who was the one who would be holding him during the procedure (again, there's a name for him but I'm blanking). Oh--as an aside, if you google "Bris" you'll get lots of info...that's what I did. Anyway, the rabbi made a speech, and the procedure itself was pretty quick (we didn't watch even though DH and I are both surgeons!! We did watch video later which I'm so glad we had). We then had to speak about DS's hebrew name, and I made DH do it b/c I knew I'd start crying, but he started crying in the middle so of course everyone did (DS is named after my late dad and DH's late grandfather). Then I think we said a prayer together and the rabbi spoke a bit. Then I took DS upstairs and nursed him. I had a nanny-type of person who I hired for that day, who helped put DS down after I had fed him so I could go back to the party. People brought gifts, and I think DH opened some at the end of the party but I had actually gone up to nap. We went out to a big dinner that night with the out of town family which was nice, and DS slept in his carseat the whole time (I nursed him right before the dinner). Also, everyone cleaned up while I was napping.

Sorry this is so long...I would have loved something like this before ours. Some points:
-- we had ours at our house, which made it easier to escape w/ DS after the ceremony to wind down, feed him, etc. I guess at a temple or hall you could find somewhere to do this but it was nice being at the house. Also, I could go nap at the end while DS was still napping (again, I had that headache which made standing upright so painful!!)
-- make sure you have help, and don't be ashamed of doing nothing. NO ONE should expect you to play "hostess" (of course MIL did, and yelled at DH that I was not a gracious enough host and stormed off back to NYC early the next morning which was fine with me).
-- you'll probably want to arrange for food and stuff before hand -- luckily everyone chipped in to help and brought things that I didn't have, like a big coffee urn or serving things. They (family) also went out before the party and picked up all the food and put it out. I think we had ordered the fruit/veggie trays and cookies before hand from Whole Foods or somewhere like that, so they just had to be picked up.

Sorry this is a novel!! If you have any specific questions I'd be more than happy to answer anything (PM me or post here). It's amazing how clearly I remember 15 months ago!!! I'll try to remember the roles of everyone or find a good link for you to read and I'll be back.
Best of luck!!

One last thing...our mohel (who wasn't an MD) came to the house the next night to check on the wound and answer any questions -- that was very reassuring. Also, since he had about 10 kids he showed us ways to calm DS down that we didn't know!! :)

[Sevilla]

i have no advice about a bris.

But I have lots of support and advice when it comes to allergies/asthma/eczema as a mom and passing it on to your baby! That is the story of my life right now. So any questions you might have i'd be happy to help answer :).

In general i've read (and followed) that you should avoid tree nuts altogether while both pregnant and the first year of nursing (and definitely nurse if at all possible or you'll most likely find yourself using the uber expensive formulas, plus there are properties in breastmilk that help reduce the rate of allergies), delay solids until 7 months or later, and consider avoiding all dairy from the last month of pregnancy until the baby is 6 months old or so. For us, DS ended up with dairy and soy intolerances that we hope he will grow out of. It stinks to have to avoid those things in my diet as i'm nursing, but it does help keep DS healthy. Thankfully he hasn't had eczema yet, but mine is really bugging me right now and i can't use anything except lotion on it (stinks that the ointments are contraindicted for pregnancy and nursing except in extreme circumstances).

Anyway - there is a whole thread for those whose babies have allergies/sensitivities, you should check it out!

[Sal03]

At the time we were living in a one bedroom apartment, so we had it at my mom's. Don't kid yourself, I thought the same before my son arrived that it would not be too nervewracking. But that day was awful. I think I was shaking from the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep! The pictures of DH and I are awful - we look so pale! Luckily my parents and grandmother took care of everything. We just hired the mohel. We just had a small gathering of close family with like the others described...platters of bagels, lox etc.
DS actually handled the stress of the day the best! He cried more after being undressed than during the actual procedure. Our immediate family did readings. No one expected me to be a hostess at all. Mostly people were just coming up to me to peak at the baby and rub my shoulder for reassurance.
If your MIL wants to take over then let her so you don't have to worry about the food or anything else that day!
Good luck with the planning and the rest of your pregnancy :)

[spps]

DS's bris was held in our synagouge immediately following morning services. Since it was a weekday services were at 6:30 AM with the bris immediately following. As far as food goes we had it catered as there were about 100 ppl there. Nobody expected me to play hostess and DS and I actually spent the ENTIRE time nursing in a small room off the social hall meant for moms and babies post-bris. It was well equipped with a glider / changing table etc....

[matryoshka]

We are not Jewish and are not raising our son Jewish....yet we had a "bris." The reason was that our doula is Jewish and convinced us that we should have a mohel perform the circumcision that we had decided we wanted. Our mohel was not an MD but had 25 years of experience and was very wonderful. He visited us two days before the procedure for sort of a "pre-op" experience, and also gave us paperwork about the religious significance and the procedure, as well as talking us through the whole thing and the aftercare, and came back a few days later to check on healing and remove the bandage. Because of his schedule, the bris actually worked out happening on the 8th day, and because we have quite a few close Jewish relatives and friends, we invited them all for a small party (about 10 people). I was tired and anemic, but my one sister was a godsend and took a trip to Whole Foods for some good fruit, cheese, bread, and wine. That was all we needed and I did not find it too exhausting at all-- it was actually nice to see and talk with our friends (DS was born over Thanksgiving weekend so folks were busy and we had not had any visitors yet). Hope that helps.

[magdesilver]

We will be having a bris as well. Unfortunately the area where we live has a very small Jewish community, and there are no mohels or Jewish drs. who perform the procedure outside of a hospital in our area. So, we are flying in a mohel for the circumcision. We expect to have about 20 adults and a bunch of kids attending, depending on the time of day the bris ends up happening. I don't plan on doing much- my MIL will be here as fast as she can fly in once I go into labor and will be staying through the bris so she will be taking care of the food and whatnot. We will probably be doing a bagel platter, cheese and fruit platter, etc. from places like Panera and the supermarket since there are no Jewish delis here either!
When we first found out we were having a boy, I contacted the 2 local rabbis (one reform and one conservative) to try and get some mohel contacts and the Reform rabbi suggested that if I didn't want to fly in a mohel I could have my ped. do it at the hospital or their office, and then he would come to my home whenever and do a ceremony to make it "official". Didn't really sit well with me so we are going with a traditional bris but this might be an option for you. Also because you are not Jewish, if you want your baby to be considered "technically" Jewish, you will need to contact a local rabbi to find out the conversion process for a baby- I think it is pretty simple, like they have to go in the mikvah and then a prayer is said. Just another thing to think about!