3 kids anyone?

[dal]

I know this is a long shot, but does anyone have two older kids who are close in age (like less than 2 years apart) and then a third child who is maybe 3.5-4 years younger than the second?

If so, did you find it easier having a third when the other two were older or did you find it just as hard as having the second when the first was still so little?

Am I making any sense??? We have two girls 16 months apart. My DH doesn't really want more kids. But I am still on the fence. A part of me really just wants to be done with the whole baby stage, which we basically are. But another part of me thinks it won't be as hard as it was if we did it again b/c it really would be just caring for one baby as opposed to two (when my 2nd was born, my first was really still such a baby).

So just curious if any of you have done this and what your experiences are.

[maggieb]

I'm curious too.

[BTB]

Sharing my parents' experience here, FWIW, since it runs counter to the norm I see around here:

there's three sibs in my childhood family: My sister's the oldest, I'm 3 years younger than she is, and our brother is 9 years younger than she is.

My mom thought it was awesome, so much easier to do the "newborn" thing when the two other children were much more independent. And we all played together plenty, went to themeparks and waterparks together on family vacations, etc. IMO, whether children get along and play together has to do with personality and family culture, not spacing. You'll find stories of Irish twins superclose, and hating each other, and likewise, stories of sibs 12 years apart who never knew each other, and who were inseparable.

[sea74]

I'm not a parent but could also share my parents situation. They had three of us, all 15-19 months apart. Then they wanted to wait five years and have three more close together in age :eek:

After five years my mom got PG with #4 and then stopped. She said that before #4 came along she was FINALLY at a point where all the "baby" stuff was behind her. Us older kids were all potty trained and we were old enough to be out in public and be pretty well behaved and somewhat self-sufficient. Then all of a sudden she felt like she was stuck back at the house not able to get out because she had a newborn again and then there were diapers again and so on.

[snowzilla]

The gap between my second and third children is a little larger than what you're asking about, but I thought I'd share my experience anyways.

I was previously married, and we had a son and daughter born 23 months apart. Then, when I remarried, DD#2 (so, baby #3) was born, making her 8 years younger than her sister, and 10 years younger than her brother.

The advantages? Having only one under 5 to take care of is definitely a plus. When DS and DD#1 were small, it was hard work - toilet training one while changing diapers on another - ugh. Now, they're both in school and are super helpers with their little sister, and the challenges I face with each of them are very different. I might be pulling my hair out over getting enough sleep with DD#2, but I'm helping DS with his social studies homework. Knowing that DS will be old enough to babysit in two more years is a big plus too. ;)

I also have a whole new understanding and I don't know - a different outlook? - on having a baby that I didn't have with my first two...perhaps because of my age, or because they were my first and came so close together. The internet wasn't big yet, and I didn't have access to all of the information that I do now. I'm older now, I've experienced so much in the interim that has shaped me and how I think, and I know I have evolved quite a bit. (Not to say that there was anything wrong with me then - what I mean is that I had no idea how much could change, like my thoughts or beliefs, in the years that have passed.) Now, I'm acutely aware of every moment with DD#2 - it's like I've realized, throughout the journey, that this is most likely the last baby for me. I'm really enjoying it - even the sleepless nights (at 16 months, she still doesn't STTN consistently) and the crankiness (molars, anybody?) and the temper tantrums (what do you mean "no", momma?).

The disadvantages? I can't think of any really big ones. It IS an adjustment, because once my first two got a little older, I was more comfortable leaving them with a sitter, and got to go out a little more, and experience Life Before Sesame Street. I got used to sleeping a full 8 hours. I got used to showering in peace. I got used to eating an entire meal at the dinner table without having to leave the table early because a little person sitting in the high chair next to me was declaring "mealtime is over!". I'll admit, I panicked a bit when I was pregnant, and around a friend's 18-month old for a couple of days. I realized how much work a baby was, and I realized how unprepared I was!

But, all in all, I love our family dynamic. My older two dote on our littlest, and it's pretty cool. DD#2 lights up when she sees them, too. :)

I waited long enough between my second and third children that I had sort of forgotten about the tougher parts of being a mother to an infant. But, on the other hand, I had all of the knowledge from the first two to draw from (what I could remember, so many years later!) and it gave me a lot of confidence, as "Mom".

**I wanted to add - when DD#1 was born, I considered tubal ligation, and the doctor told me to think about it, because I might change my mind. Obviously, I'm so glad that I did - but if you would have asked me if I wanted to go through the whole pregnancy/baby thing again when my first two were still toddlers, I wouldn't have dreamed of it. I'm so glad I left my options open, because I really didn't expect my feelings on the subject to change!

[mamax2]

just following along b/c this is sort of what I'd like to do too. My DH is also pretty much done, but I'm hoping I can change his heart by the time our oldest is in school f-t. I actually really enjoy the baby phase. It's the pre-schooler crap* that's driving me nuts!

* I say this very tongue-in-cheek; of course, I love my 3 y.o. dearly, but gosh does she have her moments ;)

[BusyBee]

I will be following, too, as I'm pg with #2 and still can't help thinking about #3.
The first 2 will be 2 years apart, and it means a lot to me to have them close together. If we wait a few more years until #3, I will probably want a 4th to keep him company :).

So far, whether we have only 2 or more, I would like to have them all at the same time, even though it will be insanely difficult for a few years. My logic is this: we rent an apartment, which has enough space for babies, but I want something bigger as they get older. We can't afford a mortgage until I go back to work permanently, and I don't want to rush back to full-time because we need the $. Right now, I'm planning to take 6-12 months off for #2, which we can afford.

[pocahontas]

The gap between my second and third children is a little larger than what you're asking about, but I thought I'd share my experience anyways.

I was previously married, and we had a son and daughter born 23 months apart. Then, when I remarried, DD#2 (so, baby #3) was born, making her 8 years younger than her sister, and 10 years younger than her brother.

The advantages? Having only one under 5 to take care of is definitely a plus. When DS and DD#1 were small, it was hard work - toilet training one while changing diapers on another - ugh. Now, they're both in school and are super helpers with their little sister, and the challenges I face with each of them are very different. I might be pulling my hair out over getting enough sleep with DD#2, but I'm helping DS with his social studies homework. Knowing that DS will be old enough to babysit in two more years is a big plus too. ;)
Not a parent, but my mother could have pretty much authored this post. I was that last child (#3 that you speak of) and my siblings were teenagers when I was born (yes, a bigger gap than you're asking about but I thought I'd throw this perspective in there as well). My mother was married young (at 19) and had my sister when she was 20. My brother followed 22 months later. Clearly, they were close and grew up together.

Fast forward, several years and a divorce later. My father entered the picture...by now my mother was in her 30s with 2 kids in middle school/junior high. My father was also a divorcee with 2 older kids. But incredibly (or maybe a mid-life crisis :rolleyes: ) they got pg with my sister (but unfortunately m/c) and 18 months or so later along came me. My mother loved the fact that both my sister and brother were old enough to watch me if she had to run to the grocery store. I am not so sure of what my siblings thought when they heard I was on the way (probably a lot of eyerolling I can imagine. :D ) But they took to me after I was born and I remember looking up to my brother especially and wanting to hang out with him (nothing like a big brother to defend you on the playground either! :p ) My mother also felt like she got to do a lot of what she missed out on doing with my sister and brother...with me. She was a SAHM with me...clearly at age 20 and 22 she wasn't able financially to do that with my brother and sister. So she got to come to all my school performances, field trips, etc. and to this day my brother says I was spoiled and my sister says I get away with stuff they never did. But I just attribute it to me having from my mom what they never did...quality time. Not only that...at such a young age having 2 toddlers, I can imagine my mom was burned out and frazzled with them (and having a husband in the military at the time) and that break in between before having me allowed her time to chill out and recover. She told me she was "older and wiser" by the time I came along and felt she'd left her young and inexperienced years behind so that she was better prepared for me.

I know the drawback for her was probably age since she didn't meet to many other mothers in their 40s taking their kid to kindergarten. :( That is so much more prevailent nowadays but in the 70s it was still kinda unheard of. So I'm sure some days it felt like a disadvantage that her peer group was preparing their high schoolers for college and she was helping with A,B,Cs and tying shoes. Although you don't necessarily plan to space your kids as far as my mother did depending on your circumstances and age, a few years break in between might be a good thing. There could be a lot of advantages in it for you.

[Sophia]

My experience is very similar to Snowzilla's, with an even larger age gap between #2 and #3. In my case, I have a 14yo son and 11yo daughter (they're 2 years 8 months apart), and a 5 month old daughter. Because of that large gap, it's almost like having a first child again, except that I have personal experience now. ;) Of c, lots of the recommendations have changed, so I can't go by experience on some things.

I would venture to guess that in the situation you're descrivbing, you'd have a much easier time than you did when you had a newborn and a 16mo.

[portlandbride]

Too funny that you wrote this post, as I could have written the same thing! As you can see by my signature I have two DDs that are 16.5 months apart. Now, DD#2 is only 10 weeks, so it is a bit early to be making this decision but I think I would like another one and DH says two is enough. It doesn't help that DD#2 is much more difficult than DD#1 was.
There are many times when I say two is enough, but then I also think it is too early to make a decision. On a good day I would have 10 more. :)
Honestly though, if we were to have another we would start trying when DD#2 is about 18 months old and with my history, we'd be pregnant a few months later. That is pretty close spacing but I want to be done before I get much older (I'm 33) and more tired! I also want to be able to enjoy things like travelling, my husband is a pilot, without kids.
Anyway, as you can see we are onthe fence but I am leaning towards yes and DH is leaning towards no.
Let us know what you decide!

[BusyBee]

On a good day I would have 10 more.
:)
My mom (who stopped at 2) is asking for 6 grandchildren - some days I think I could be talked into it. Ask again after #2 arrives.

[Cali_Katy]

My sister's kids are 7, almost 6 (they are 20 months apart) and 2.

I know that she has said it's been hard at times to have been out of the baby/toddler phase and then be suddenly back there. They were starting to find things like traveling easier with the older two, and then they were suddenly back to the difficulties of Life With Baby when the youngest came along.

That's not to say that they aren't happy; their girls all get along wonderfully, and the older two are great with their younger sister. However, I do think it's been a little frustrating.

[Pookie]

I have a friend who has 3. First 2 are 2 years apart. 5 years later, she had #3. Although she really enjoys having her baby, she's said it's very hard going back to the baby stage, sleepless nights, not being able to go out as much, having time for herself, etc.
As you can see from my sig, I only have 1 child so I'm not talking from personal experience. At this point we are planning on having 3, but I have a feeling after #2 gets here we might decide we're done. (I'll most likely have another high risk pg.) We've talked about being done for sure when DS is 5 regardless of how many kids we have at that point.

[dal]

Wow, thank you all so much for the feedback. I never expected this thread to get much activity so I am thrilled. :)

These quotes are what make me nervous about the thought of #3:

Then all of a sudden she felt like she was stuck back at the house not able to get out because she had a newborn again

I got used to sleeping a full 8 hours. I got used to showering in peace. I got used to eating an entire meal at the dinner table without having to leave the table early because a little person sitting in the high chair next to me was declaring "mealtime is over!".

They were starting to find things like traveling easier with the older two, and then they were suddenly back to the difficulties of Life With Baby when the youngest came along.


Although she really enjoys having her baby, she's said it's very hard going back to the baby stage, sleepless nights, not being able to go out as much, having time for herself, etc.


But then I think that it is so temporary and even if it feels like time is going so slowly when you're going through sleepless nights and not being able to go to the bathroom without a little shadow, it really is such a short time in the grand scheme of things. I mean never in my life did I imagine that my 3yo DD would get so big SO fast. I remember the moment she was born like it was yesterday. So while I am scared to death of the baby phase, I try to convince myself that it goes by fast. My husband's not sold on this yet... :p


I used to say this:

So far, whether we have only 2 or more, I would like to have them all at the same time, even though it will be insanely difficult for a few years.

But my #2 is so high maintenance that there is no way I could have done it again so close.

Too funny that you wrote this post, as I could have written the same thing! As you can see by my signature I have two DDs that are 16.5 months apart. Now, DD#2 is only 10 weeks, so it is a bit early to be making this decision but I think I would like another one and DH says two is enough. It doesn't help that DD#2 is much more difficult than DD#1 was.

OMG sounds just like us - DD2 is much more difficult than DD1 and I say all the time that if DD2 was first, there is no way I could have had a second so quickly.

[LyLMyssChaos]

As a mom that has 3 fairly close in age (Madeline and Timothy are 22 months apart, then Timothy and Theodore are 17 months apart) I would definitely space out the 3rd one if I had my choice. We actually were wanting to wait until Timothy was at least 2 before we even tried to get pregnant so that there would be 3-4 years between him and the next one. We didn't get so lucky. And it is VERY hard (as you can tell from my journal, I'm sure) adjusting to 3 of them so close in age. Although, the bright side I guess is that we'll go through this crazy, hectic period, and then hopefully things will get easier? At least that's what I keep telling myself anyway! :p

[Natasha]

My mom (who stopped at 2) is asking for 6 grandchildren - some days I think I could be talked into it.
This is so me! Bert is a whole 'nother story. #3 is a hard sell for him.

My sister and I are 18 months apart. My oldest brother is 8 years younger than me, my youngest brother is 12 years younger than me. I am close to all three of my siblings, and my parents never really seemed to struggle with the babies (one brother is my moms from a different marriage, the other is my dad's with his second marriage). I was a big helper when my brother's were born, and my sister sort of ignored them. Both my bother's were pretty easy kids. Even now, my parents don't seem to mind still having youngin's in the house. My mom is 49 with a 16 y/o still at home, and my dad is 52 with an 11 year old still at home. Not the way I want to do it, but they all seem pretty pleased with the way it worked out. Both my brothers are way more spoiled than by sister and I were, too. :p

As for me, my 2 (ds and dd) are 33 months apart, and I want to TTC #3 next fall. Kelly will be 2 then, so it will be close to the same age difference as the first 2. Ethan was almost 3 when she was born, and to be honest, it wasn't that tough. He was almost done with diapers, so it was only 2 in diapers for a few months. He is a high maintenance kid, but Kelly is really mellow. So, with my mellow one in the middle, even if the next one is tough, it won't be two wild ones in a row.

Sorry this turned into a novel. I should mention I am also pretty young (24), so I will most likely be done having kids by 30.

[LeighW]

My brother and SIL had 2 kids, 2.5 years apart. And then #3 came along 4 years after #2. They said it was really, really hard to go back to the baby stage after #2 was already potty trained, no longer napping, and sleeping well at night.

Then they had an oops #4 2 years later, so all bets were off. ;)

The biggest headache I saw (from my then-perspective as a nonparent) was that #3's naps were always interrupted because my SIL was constantly throwing him in the car to pick an older child up from school, carpool to sports practices, etc.

That being said, I'm about to do a similar thing (big gap between #1 and #2), not by choice (secondary infertility). So hopefully it won't be that bad!

[question]

Why is #3 such a hard decision? My kids are gettig so easy and independent now -- but not a day goes by that I don't think about having a third. Part of me thinks it will be easier if we wait a few years but do I really want to start all over again? But all the baby stuff is so temporary that I think it might be worth it. I just don't know.

I am having all of the exact same thoughts you write about -- traveling, sleep...it all comes pretty easy now. :)

[Abby'sMom]

We've already decided that there will be a #3 (and perhaps #4...), God willing, but there will be more space between #2 and #3 than there is between #1 and #2 (they're a few days shy of 21 months apart). The spacing, honestly, is awesome - DD is young enough to not be dealing with major jealousy issues, and old enough to do some things for herself. She's currently 25 months old and DS is 4.5 months, and they're working on becoming great friends already, which I just love to see. :)

The are a few reasons I'm not on board with starting to TTC again when DS turns one (like we did with DD) -- I have hard pregnancies (this last time I was sick the entire 39 weeks and ended up on bedrest for PTL threats), and on top of that, DS is a really, really challenging baby. He was colicky, has severe acid reflux and a TON of food sensitivities, so since I'm BFing him, there are many, many foods I'm not allowed to eat right now. I intend on BFing him for a year, so I'd like to have my body to myself for a little while before I'm pg again. :) My body hasn't been entirely my own since February 2004.

The whole two in diapers thing doesn't bug me so much, and I'm to the point where I consider not sleeping much to be a normal part of life.

[April1234]

We are TTC #3 right now (I lost a baby at 7.5 weeks 2 months ago) DD just turned 2 and DS is 7 months old. They are 18 months apart and I have to admit it was much easier than I thought it would be. I have been blessed with good sleepers though.;)

DH is a middle child. He is 3 years younger than his older borther and 13 years OLDER than his little sister. We talked about 2 things right after he had proposed to me. 1.) where we would live 2.) We would have an even number amount of kids and they would be close together. LOL

He HATED being so much older than his sister. My sister and I are 21 months apart and while we didnt get along swimmingly as kids we were still close and continue to be very close as adults. I dont go 2 hours without talking to her on the phone or her coming over. I cant wait for my children to have that kind of bond with their siblings.

I am a SAHM so luckily daycare costs dont change anything but I can tell you that if we had to go the daycare route we would have stopped at 2 children just from the sheer cost of things. We plan on having at least 4 children god willing.

[MizLarner]

I have 2 SS and two of my own. DH and I have intended from the beginning to have at least 4 together. There is an 17 month difference between my two SS, 5 between SS2 and DS1, and 15 months between DS1 and DS2.

SSs fight more with each other than they do about the babies. I am convinced that it is because they both grew up as firstborns (different mothers) and got whatever they wanted. SS2 came to live with us when DS1 was a week old and he was GREAT from the very start. He's always been a wonderful big brother. SS1 is great too, he's just not around as often ;)

[portlandbride]

Just bumping this up to see if anyone who was on the fence has made the leap. We are coming up on DD#2's birthday so I feel like I'd like to make a decision one way or the other.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Coming back to give new perspective now that the kids are older. My youngest will be 1 next month and my oldest is 4. Life has gotten much easier now that we have a sort of "routine" figured out. One thing that I am really enjoying is that now that I know I'm done, I can get rid of the baby clutter as we finish using it.

[mamax2]

Still on the fence...

Part of my issue is that I don't really know anyone (as in my friends) who have 3 on purpose. So, I have a hard time getting perspective as to how they decided to go for 3, the timing, etc.

Actually, that's not entirely true, my SIL has 3 and wants 1-2 more. I think she's a unique case though because she has a lot more help than I do. Her husband works afternoon/evenings, so he's home much of the day to help her w/the kids, take them while she runs errands, etc. She also has a housekeeper, grocery delivery service and generally more disposable income which obviously makes some of my concerns a mute point for her.

So, no, I still haven't decided. DH is ready to stop, but has asked me several times, so he must know I'm waivering. That's definitely part of the issue as well.

[dal]

Hey Ladies! Glad to see this thread bumped up.

Yep, we've decided to make the leap. I'm in the 2ww right now. :eek: If not this month, hopefully I'll get pregnant in the next few months.

My oldest just turned 4 and my youngest will be 3 in November.

[Sophia]

DH is a middle child. He is 3 years younger than his older borther and 13 years OLDER than his little sister.

He HATED being so much older than his sister.

That's almost the exact spacing of my 3 kids, and is one reason we've been talking about a fourth.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Hey Ladies! Glad to see this thread bumped up.

Yep, we've decided to make the leap. I'm in the 2ww right now. :eek: If not this month, hopefully I'll get pregnant in the next few months.

My oldest just turned 4 and my youngest will be 3 in November.

YAY!!!! I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you guys!!

[dana b]

i think we'll go for a third when our youngest is 3. at this point i would say no way to a third, but i know not to go based on how i feel now. i remember getting the itch for #2 so bad once dd was more independent and i felt like i could handle more.

[jenny0505]

DS is 2, and DD is 6 months old, and DH and I talk about this subject all the time. I feel like my opinion changes literally every day. In my heart, I know I want 3, but it sounds pretty appealing to keep things as they are on a challenging day (of which we have many). DS is very spirited, and DD is a terrible sleeper, so my husband tells me now is not the time to even think about this topic - he would have 5 if I was on board. :eek: Sometimes I let the practical side of things sway me into thinking I want to stop at 2, i.e. having to get a different car, ease of vacations, etc.

Before DD, I was completely set on having three, so I never really approached that pregnancy as being my last one. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but it was slightly different b/c I had a toddler to chase after and distract me from really focusing on the pregnancy. I think if I space #s 2 and 3 out a bit, I'll have the opportunity to really focus on the last pregnancy like I did with the first. That's probably wishful thinking. From a parental standpoint, I'd love to witness a brother-brother or sister-sister relationship, too.

If we do take the plunge, it won't be until DD is closer to 2 y.o. This is a very interesting conversation. I'll definitely be reading along.

[catmom]

This is a bigger spacing than you guys are talking about, but my cousins visited the other day, and they have 3 boys- aged 21, 18, and 7. I think they are actually very happy with the spacing- the older 2 have always been very close, and they were so excited when their little brother came along. Apparently they played with him nonstop when he was a baby, and then still do. I think it was pretty hard on him when his older brothers went off to college, but they are a very close-knit family.

My cousin also told me that her 3rd son is MUCH more high-energy than the other 2, so she was really happy that she had the older kids to help her out when he was little (especially since she was an older mother at that point).

[Sophia]

This is a bigger spacing than you guys are talking about, but my cousins visited the other day, and they have 3 boys- aged 21, 18, and 7. I think they are actually very happy with the spacing- the older 2 have always been very close, and they were so excited when their little brother came along. Apparently they played with him nonstop when he was a baby, and then still do. I think it was pretty hard on him when his older brothers went off to college, but they are a very close-knit family.

My cousin also told me that her 3rd son is MUCH more high-energy than the other 2, so she was really happy that she had the older kids to help her out when he was little (especially since she was an older mother at that point).

Heh, that's the spacing I have. :) They're currently 1, 12, and almost 15. And my older kids love playing with their little sister and even help take care of her a bit.

[Ericka_Jarett]

My parents faced this gap.

My oldest brothers were born 1 1/2 yrs apart and the 3rd was about 3 yrs later. My parents thought they were done, but my mom had a miscarriage before she got pregnant with me and just knew she wanted at least one more, my dad had said before her miss that he didn't really want to be 40 and having another baby in their lives. Well, dad had a change of heart after the miss and mom got pregnant with me (she had a few health issues, thought she had cancer, not pregnant) My oldest brother was turning 12 that year, my next was turning 10 in 5 days and the youngest was 7 yrs old.

She tells me it was honestly like raising a second family since there was such a gap in our ages. I was sort of raised alone, since my brothers had their friends and didn't want to bother much with their little sister. Now at 33 yrs old, all my brothers are in their 40s and we are a little closer, but not much has changed, we still have our own lives and we don't talk much. I am the only one married and with kids, the rest are all single so we don't have that in common at all.

At the same time my mom tells me that had they had a girl first, my dad was going to say that was it, he just wanted a daughter, so they ended up having a miscarriage first, then my 3 brothers and then another miscarriage and then me finally. My parents don't regret having any of us.

[Koala_Gurl]

Ahh, I am having the bug again already! DD is 2 1/2, DS is 11 months, and I want another little baby. ;)

But, we are at least waiting until after we go on a Disney cruise next summer (don't want a young baby on the cruise, and I want to DRINK and be an adult for a while!) ;) (OK, drink came out rather strong, but since it has been 3 year since I have really been able to throw caution to the wind...) So if that works out (still all theory at this point), then #3 would be 4 years younger than #1, and 2.5 years younger than #2. Actually sounds pretty good...not such a huge gap, but not 18 months apart like the first 2.

[portlandbride]

Thanks for responding everyone!

dal let us know what the result is!

This decision is so hard for me. I think it doesn't help that my DH is still pretty firmly in the "only two" camp. On bad days I think that two are just fine. On other days I want another one before my second turns two and on some days I say maybe I should wait a few years and have two more. AAAHHHH!:eek:

I think part of wanting more is that I love pregnancy and childbirth. I had a homebirth with DD#2 and would love to do it again. Certainly not a reason to have another one though!:)

[mamax2]

Sometimes I let the practical side of things sway me into thinking I want to stop at 2, i.e. having to get a different car, ease of vacations, etc.
This is totally where I am too! My DH calls it 'man on man defense' - meaning one parent for each kid so we can tag team. When I think about lessons, camps, sports, etc. It would be nice to just divide and conquer if necessary, kwim? I also think about $$$ - putting them through college, cars, etc.

Plus, from the selfish standpoint, now that our oldest is 4 and the youngest is 1.5, it's getting a little easier. We can get a sitter and go out for a date night once a month; we can easily get together with friends, go on trips, etc. I can take my girls to the water park for the day, all the little things.

But, there's still that nagging in the back of my head (or is it my heart :confused: ) that makes me want to have just one more, especially because it would be a chance to have a boy which is totally a foreign concept to me, but something I feel would be cool to experience.

My DH is definitely cool w/two, but has left the door open, mainly for my benefit. I think I'd like to wait until DD goes to kindergarten next year, so I still have a good year to decide what to do. Actually, more like a year to agonize!

[firefly]

if everything goes according to schedule my first 2 are 2.5 years apart (almost to the day)

the newest one will be born 2 months after my now youngest turns 3.

i don't think it'll be *that* challenging. I watch my neices and nephews so I'm not out of the baby stage.. I watch a 6 mo 18 mo 2 yo and 5 yo so I'm also used to the insanity of a 'large' family (i have the kids from 6 am to 5-6 pm ) I feed them 3 meals and bath them and get them in their jammies... all without my dh most times as he works a long ways away from our home. i want to get the birthing years over.

[mommycal]

Hey Ladies! Glad to see this thread bumped up.

Yep, we've decided to make the leap. I'm in the 2ww right now. :eek: If not this month, hopefully I'll get pregnant in the next few months.

My oldest just turned 4 and my youngest will be 3 in November.

WOW, kind of shocked to hear this. CONGRATS. Can't wait to hear more. :) :D Has it been 2 weeks yet?!?!?!

[dal]

Has it been 2 weeks yet?! yep and AF is here. I'll update this thread when there's news...

[daphne]

dal I'm sorry to hear about AF, but I'm soooo excited to hear you're trying for a 3rd!!! :)

[bluebunny]

I'm on the fence about a third, too. Of course, my youngest is only eight months and I'm already thinking about this. :rolleyes: I have a lot of the same thoughts as some of you. I like having two close in age, having a boy and a girl, having a family of four, etc. On the other hand, I would love to have a sister for my daughter or a brother for my son (same-sex sibling), a true "baby" of the family, a child several years younger than my oldest two. I worry about finances--education, college, cars, car insurance, clothing, etc.

Some days I have a true longing for a third. I wouldn't mind doing the whole pregnancy/childbirth thing again. ;) Other days, my hands are completely full with two!

I think my ideal would be to have a third child when my youngest is 3.5 or close to 4 years old.

[dal]

I think my ideal would be to have a third child when my youngest is 3.5 or close to 4 years old. Yeah this is exactly what we are going for. Having a third is a hard decision to make, especially when the youngest starts getting bigger b/c it really does get easy. My oldest is just 4 and my youngest will be 3 in november and it really is such an amazing lifestyle. they play together all day long. They are both girls so that may help them entertain eachother for hours on end but still... My oldest can get in the car herself, take herself out herself (i just taught her how to undo the carseat straps yesterday!!! :D ), gets dressed herself, gets undressed... My youngest is quickly catching up to her b/c she must do whatever her big sister does. They are so easy to take out, we can do such fun things with both of them. We can alter nap schedules a bit now to do fun stuff on the weekends with them.

So to add a baby will definitely be an adjustment. But then i think that it is 2 years of the harder baby stuff and then it will get easier again.

Anyway, we are taking this month off of ttc for various reasons but probably in the next month or two, we'll be back at it and hopefully we'll have a baby when my youngest is between 3.5 and 4.

[tray622]

That #3 itch is hitting here a bit now too, especially my DH. My youngest is 18 months so if we go for it, it will be when she is 2 or 2.5.

This
They are so easy to take out, we can do such fun things with both of them. We can alter nap schedules a bit now to do fun stuff on the weekends with them.

is just starting for us and I cant imagine how much easier it will be when Jocey is closer to 3. It is a hard decision.

Good luck to you dal!!

[dal]

So of course now that we're taking this month off of TTC, i am having all sorts of doubts about trying for #3. :rolleyes:

But seriously, last month, we actively tried. And what was going through my head, oh my. I was trying to figure out how on earth to arrange my oldest DD's room so my youngest DD could move in eventually, I was trying to figure out what my schedule would be like with one kid in school in the mornings, one in the afternoons and an infant, I was trying to figure out if we'd be able to go on a vacation and actually be able to have somewhat of a relaxing time, I was trying to figure out when I might possibly get my body back again... But even so, I was all into having #3.

But then today came and the girls and I had such a fabulous day. it was just so fun. nothing was hard about it. and i was looking around my youngest DD's room and all I could think was that it was her room, not a new baby's room...

I have no idea what's come over me... :o

[bluebunny]

I was trying to figure out how on earth to arrange my oldest DD's room so my youngest DD could move in eventually, I was trying to figure out what my schedule would be like with one kid in school in the mornings, one in the afternoons and an infant, I was trying to figure out if we'd be able to go on a vacation and actually be able to have somewhat of a relaxing time, I was trying to figure out when I might possibly get my body back again...

dal, that is so me! I've already been thinking the same sorts of things. :) As for your doubts on having #3, I think that's totally normal. Right after DD was born, I was talking to a woman in her late 40s who has 2 school-age kids. She was asking how many children I planned on having (why do people ask a woman that right after giving birth? :rolleyes: ). When I told her we weren't sure, that I liked the idea of having three but we might be done with two, she said that she wanted three but after the second got more independent she was too worried about going back into baby-mode that they stopped. She said she regrets not having a third. (I told her it might not be too late but she laughed at that. ;) )

Anyway, all that to say that if you think you want a third, go for it!! If you think about it too hard or too long, you can talk yourself out of it but when that baby gets here you won't have any regrets! :)

[DisneyGirl]

With #3 coming in the next few weeks I can tell you that I had and still have all the same thoughts feelings you are having. How will I bring my other two to preschool with a newborn thats only days old (baby is due in early september) how will I be able to go any place alone with 3 small children, vacation will be a PITA since someone has to sit alone( on rides ect..) how will i be able to divide my time between baseball, dance ect..when its only DH and I. Someone will be left out. I still have nights where i don;t sleep well thinking what in the hell did I just do? I hope in the next few weeks when baby 3 arrives i will have an answer to all my questions and I will look back and ask myself why did you worry so much..everything worked out.

[bluebunny]

vacation will be a PITA since someone has to sit alone( on rides ect..

My sister's solution to that was to have a fourth. ;)

[DisneyGirl]

My sister's solution to that was to have a fourth. ;)

HAHAHAH, thats what I was thinking!

[mamax2]

dal ~ gosh, I could have written your post myself! Those are all the same things I think about. Plus, for me, it comes down to this: I would really like to have another baby, but I'm not so sure about having another child :o I don't mean that to come off as callous because it's more about the economics - paying for 3 kids to go to camp, music, sports, cars, college, etc. Plus, what if we end up wanting to send the kids to private school? (the middle/high schools in my area aren't as great as the elementary).

It's so weird, up until this summer, if anyone asked me if we'd have a third, I'd always say it was up to my DH because I would in a heartbeat. Now, it has gotten much easier (though not easy!) and it's hard to think about trying to balance the needs of 3. I know we would do it and I know that they'd be company for each other, etc. but I still fret about the long-term aspects.

[dal]

My sister's solution to that was to have a fourth. LOL LOL! See if we have a 3rd, I can totally see us doing that. Of course right now I don't even see #3 coming.

It's so weird, up until this summer, if anyone asked me if we'd have a third, I'd always say it was up to my DH because I would in a heartbeat. Totally me!!! And as soon as DH was 100% on board, I panicked. :p

[firefly]

we decided to skip 3 and we're going straight from 2 to 4:eek:

[jay&erinn]

I'm on the fence about having a 3rd. For awhile I definately wanted another. Now, I'm not sure. I'm not sure I'm done having a baby in the house.
I would really like to have another baby, but I'm not so sure about having another child
This is exactly what I tell people. I also have had wonderful birth experiences and am not sure if I just want to experience that miracle again.\

Older DD is starting preshool this week and that's making me realize how quickly the time goes. Of course, older DD is starting preshool and both DDs will go to private school, so I worry about having to afford 3 children's schooling. I also want to let the girls participate in the activities they want, not having to restrict them because I can only afford (money and time wise) so much. Younger DD has only slept through the night once, and I'm exhausted (it's been 14 months). Not sure I can handle more sleepless nights. Pregnacy is horrible, and it was hard enough chasing one child let alone 2 around when worrying about blacking out multiple times a day.

However, part of me thinks that if I'm on the fence we should have a 3rd. I can't ever imagine regretting having a child, but I can imagine being disappointed that we didn't.

[mamax2]

firefly ~ Are you pg w/TWINS now??? If so, congrats!

jay&erinn ~ You sound a lot like me too. I am a self-proclaimed 'birth junkie'. I've had two healthy pregnancies and amazing natural childbirths that I found to be incredibly rewarding and empowering. I sometimes wonder if I'm looking for another 'baby buzz' :p

My oldest is also heading off to pre-k this week so it's a little bit of that too. I am *really* looking forward to some one-on-one time w/my youngest though.

Realistically, I'm young and healthy and so don't have to make a decision about this now, but I'm kind of freaking myself out just by my own indecisiveness, kwim? I liked the confidence of knowing what I wanted (3 kids), but now I'm just like "Who is this wishy-washy person in the mirror?!"

[firefly]

yup "twin"kies are on the horizon for us.

[jenny0505]

However, part of me thinks that if I'm on the fence we should have a 3rd. I can't ever imagine regretting having a child, but I can imagine being disappointed that we didn't.


I think I need to post this up on my wall and look at it when doubt creeps in and makes me think I don't want another. I mentioned it earlier, but I have the tendency to let practical matters interfere with what my heart really wants.

I'm having a lot of moments lately where I think, "Where did the time go?" I really think as DC1 approaches school age, I'll be getting the baby bug again in a big, big way.

For anyone that gets Cookie magazine, the latest issue has an article related to the level of happiness women/couples experience relative to the number of children they have. It was a somewhat interesting read that, of course, got me thinking about the whole two versus three thing again.

firefly, congratulations on your twins!!

[dal]

Well I just offered up all our baby gear for free to members of my moms group so I guess for now, we are stopping at 2. :) Of course who knows what the future holds but we decided to just stop and enjoy the two we've got for now. Good luck to all of you trying for a 3rd or who have the 3rd on the way.

[mamax2]

dal ~ How are you feeling about everything? Care to share your thought process? I'm always looking for the logical, rational side since I tend to be a little impulsive on the baby front. My best friend had a baby yesterday, one of my sorority sisters had a baby on Friday and two friends in my town had babies last week as well (one had her 3rd). As all of you can imagine, it's been a challenging week of "should we???" and I'm getting all antsy again. *sigh*

[dal]

mamax2 I am actually feeling really good about our decision. We had a month or two that we ttc for a 3rd and I was so stressed out and panicked. As soon as we decided to give it a break for a month, I realized that I didn't want to ttc at all right now. I am just so content with our girls and our life. One of the big things is the dynamic between our two girls - it is just so perfect. I worry how adding a 3rd would change that. I know if it were to happen we would never regret our 3rd child or anything but right now doesn't seem to be the right time to change things on purpose, kwim? I did a lot of thinking about why I wanted a 3rd and basically it came down to 1) I didn't want to think that I will never be pregnant or give birth again (the chance to have that wonderful moment of seeing your child for the first time) and 2) We wanted a big family. But I realized that 1) wasn't a big enough a reason - I mean really - just so i can give birth again??? and 2) is a good reason eventually b/c it's nice to have a big family but I realized that for now what is important is our two girls and we need to sit back and enjoy them. They are at the ages where we have so much fun together as a family. There is none of the baby stuff holding us back like being on the way out the door but the baby wakes up ready to nurse or the baby poops or the baby is cranky and needs a nap... Also, it is hard enough trying to juggle the schedule of my two girls and making sure I can be at all their events that I can't imagine how I'd do it with a 3rd. Like right now I am just hoping that their halloween parades (through their schools) are at different times so I can arrange to be at both...

Yesterday we were sitting outside in our backyard eating dinner with the girls and it was just so peaceful and it kind of confirmed to us that we are doing the right thing.

Of course who knows what the future holds but for now we're not looking to change our family dynamic.

It's definitely a hard decision so I wish everyone luck with the decision!

ETA - I forgot to mention that I can definitely relate to the feeling of should we when we are around newborns - I have two friends due the beginning of October and I'm sure that will be tough. But on the other hand, it will be nice to hold them and feed them and play with them and then give them back when it's time for bed or baby gets cranky. ;)

[mamax2]

dal ~ Thanks for sharing. We seem a lot alike - right down to our 'reasons' and the relationship b/t our girls, etc. My biggest worry right now is: how to coordinate the time & money aspects of three. Like you, I wonder how to schedule their events, attend games, etc. I don't like to think about having to limit them to, say, just one sport (unless it's what they want). BUT, I love birth and babies and I spent 30 years of my life thinking "I want 3 kids", so it's hard to shift gears. My DH has said that *if* we have 3, he'd prefer to do it sooner rather than later so we can get all 3 of them to that 'easy' and fun stage rather than have 2 who are there and one baby. That also makes sense to me at some level, so it's just such a tough thing.

[dal]

My DH has said that *if* we have 3, he'd prefer to do it sooner rather than later so we can get all 3 of them to that 'easy' and fun stage rather than have 2 who are there and one baby. My husband said the same basically. He also said he wants to be young when he has all his kids (he'll be 33 this month). Of course now that we've decided not to try now, he feels bad and said of course who knows, maybe a few years from now we'll decide to try again. LOL.

[mamax2]

Of course now that we've decided not to try now, he feels bad and said of course who knows, maybe a few years from now we'll decide to try again. LOL.

You know, my grandmother had two sets of two (two kids 20 months apart then a 6 year gap and two more 20 months apart). She SWEARS this is the way to go. She tells me to wait until both my girls are in school and then have 2 more. Of course, she's also convinced no man can be happy unless he has a son, so what does she know, right? :p

[bluebunny]

dal, it must feel good to have made a decision. I feel so up in the air about a third that I don't think I'm really appreciating the stages my children are now.

I realized that for now what is important is our two girls and we need to sit back and enjoy them. They are at the ages where we have so much fun together as a family. There is none of the baby stuff holding us back like being on the way out the door but the baby wakes up ready to nurse or the baby poops or the baby is cranky and needs a nap

That's why I'm having a hard time with having a third; when my two get more independent, I'll be back into baby stuff with the third.

He also said he wants to be young when he has all his kids (he'll be 33 this month).

EEk! I'll be 33 this weekend!!

[mia's mama]

Bump! We are still struggling with the idea of adding to our family. Some days I really want another baby (and when I think of our family 5, 10 years in the future, I see 3 kids for some reason), but many days I think "Ack! I'm losing my mind just taking care of the 2 I already have! My kids are 3 and 18 months. Plus, I'll be 34 in a few days, I have one of each gender, both are healthy and happy, yada, yada, yada. My kids seem to tag-team eachother with sleep issues too (between teething, seperation anxiety, nightmares), which doesn't make me jump up and down with the thought of another newborn. BUT, I feel l ike I might regret not having another baby if we decide that 2 is enough. My husband could be convinced to go in either direction- though he wanted 3 or 4 before we had any kids....

If we decide that another child is what we want, I struggle with WHEN? SOmetimes I think we should wait until M & J are 5 and 3.5- they'll both be in preschool, more independent, etc...but will I want to go back to the baby days at that point?

Anyone else?

[mamax2]

If we decide that another child is what we want, I struggle with WHEN? SOmetimes I think we should wait until M & J are 5 and 3.5- they'll both be in preschool, more independent, etc...but will I want to go back to the baby days at that point?

Anyone else?

Yup, still having that same internal argument. At this point, our girls would be 5.5 and 3-3.5ish if we have a third. I have decided if we go for it, it has to be this year (probably this summer) because while I love the baby stage, I know that it's limiting. As the girls get older and more involved with friends and activities, it'll be harder to coordinate things and I don't want them to resent the baby for not being able to do X or go to Z because the baby is sleeping, kwim?

Plus, we have the added challenge of DH potentially working out of state every other week. I don't think I have it in me to be alone w/3 kids. My 2 y.o. doesn't consistently STTN yet, if that tells you anything :rolleyes:

I really need to have a heart to heart w/my DH, but work is nuts for him right now and I don't want to pressure him so I'm just driving myself nuts.

[dana b]

ditto all that for me, too! i'm actually going through a bad phase with my 2 right now and can't even consider a third lately. i think about this a lot because my brain just feels like i have to have this all figured out and planned :rolleyes: so for me, right now, i say no way to a 3rd, but i'm pretty sure i'll feel differently in a year or 2. we've always wanted a large family and i can't imagine not having another. if we do, i want dd to be 6 and ds to be 4 and i want to able to afford a lot more help ;)

[mia's mama]

i think about this a lot because my brain just feels like i have to have this all figured out and planned

Me too...I don't know why I'm having a hard time just sitting back, having fun with the 2 we have and putting #3 out of my head for the time being. I think it's b/c 3 of my close friends had babies in the last month and 2 others just found out they are pregnant. I guess that gave me a temporary baby bug b/c I love the birth process and THOUGHT of a new baby so much.

But then I spoke with a woman at my DD's preschool this AM who has 3 kids (5, 4 and 2) who reaffirmed just how difficult it is going from 2 to 3 kids. I think I needed to hear another "our house/life is crazy with 3" story to balance things out....b/c really, right now my life is crazy enough with 2.

Also, this past month we had one "incident" that could have made the decision for us (ahem), and I spent the 2 weeks before my period was due in a state of major anxiety- thinking I was feeling every pregnancy symptom in the book. When my period came, I actually burst into tears and it took me a few minutes to figure out if that they were tears of dissapointment or relief...(definitely refief). Feelings of ambiguity are not what I want to experience upon finding out I am pregnant, so I guess that helped me decide we really need to give it some time before we even consider a 3rd. ;) I think we'll take another look this summer sometime and maybe even put it on hold again at that point.

[mkvh]

I'm finding this discussion interesting! I have a 19m old and a 5 week old and already am "strategizing" for the third. We have planned on 3 since we were dating, with an option for a 4th. Because of the close spacing of the first 2, I almost feel obligated to have the 3rd quickly--but then again, I'm kinda liking the 2 sets of 2 plan.

I fully plan to have a 3rd. The question is when. From reading, it seems that waiting gives you a bit of time to think about it--and may make the decision to go for it a bit more difficult! I KNOW that I want some "me" time to have my body to myself before being pg and BF again, so right now we're thinking TTC when DD2 is 15 months or so. OR waiting until she is nearly 2. We shall see...

Thanks to everyone for sharing!

[Dettes]

I too find this discussion interesting. I have a 2 and 3 year old who are 14 months apart, and I am expecting #3 in May. I feel like the big "space" for me is between numbers 2 and 3. I realize that 2.5 years is not a whole lot of time between babies, but considering the first two were only 14 months apart, it feels like it is. I've always wanted 4, so if we do it, I would like to get pg again within #3s first year. I love that #s 1 and 2 are so close in age. After that initial infancy stage, they even out pretty quickly and are essetially twins (and best friends). I want #3 to experience that with a sibling too.

[dal]

I'm still reading along even though we're still at the 2 and done stage. Seriously the going from 2 to 3 decision is very hard. I still go back and forth occasionally but when I really sit down and think about it, I still come out in favor of being done at 2.

My friend recently had a third (her other two are my kids' ages - 3 and 4) and it had been real hard for her even though her baby is a very easy baby. She is tired a lot. It's a lot harder for her to get out and she has to since the other two are in preschool. She has a tough time with the nights. But then you look at her baby grin so big and obviously for her, it's all worth it. I just don't know that I'd have it in me to add a third on purpose. If it happened, we'd feel blessed. But to try for another is not in the cards for us right now.

My friend's sister always used to tell her that when the youngest is 5, it gets so much easier. My youngest is now 3 and I seriously feel like this mom gig is a piece of cake after the first 2 years of my youngest daughter's life. My youngest was a very difficult baby and my oldest who is the easiest child during the day somehow didn't catch on that she was supposed to sleep at night until she turned 3.5. So between the difficult child during the day and the child who never slept at night, it was a looney bin around here. But now the youngest has figured out that life is fun and the oldest has figured out that sleep is great so I am in heaven. I don't feel like adding craziness to the mix now...

I still love the idea of a big family though so who really knows what'll happen.

[mamax2]

But then I spoke with a woman at my DD's preschool this AM who has 3 kids (5, 4 and 2) who reaffirmed just how difficult it is going from 2 to 3 kids. I think I needed to hear another "our house/life is crazy with 3" story to balance things out....b/c really, right now my life is crazy enough with 2.

See it's funny because I have a SIL and good friend with 3. They both seem to think adding the third was NOT that hard. They've both said going from 1 to 2 is much harder than 2 to 3 because "what's one more?" or something to that effect. My SIL plans to go for one more (her youngest just turned one, so we're waiting for an announcement any day now) and my friend is done.

The fact that I'm even debating this at all is freaking me out. I always just felt like I *knew* and that it was just a matter of convincing DH, but it's looking like we both may need some convincing, *sigh*.

[jenny0505]

I'm happy to see this thread bumped up. This is an ongoing discussion in our house lately, too. My children are almost 3 and 1, and I wouldn't consider getting pregnant again until the youngest was 2 or older. My husband is pushing to have #3 sooner rather than later. He is the youngest child by almost 6 years, and his older siblings are all close in age. He always felt left out of the mix when they were in school, etc., and felt the age gap tighten only after he was older, maybe in high school?

While I'm debating 2 vs. 3, I can say with great certainty that I don't want 4. I guess that factors into our decision of when, as I don't want the youngest to feel left out, but I also don't want to put myself into an incredibly challenging situation of managing 3 children who aren't terribly self-sufficient. I would agree with previous posters when I say my life is pretty busy and challenging enough at the moment. I really can't imagine trying to navigate through that newborn, sleep-deprived haze on top of my existing day.

[marchfamily]

They both seem to think adding the third was NOT that hard.

I also don't want to put myself into an incredibly challenging situation of managing 3 children who aren't terribly self-sufficient.

This is so me. My kiddos are a total of 32.5 months apart (3 girls). The hardest part is eating out with two in boosters, one in a carrier, coats, hats, mittens, etc. I can't wait for the day when they can put on their own shoes....

[mia's mama]

*forgot to subscribe*

[mia's mama]

See it's funny because I have a SIL and good friend with 3. They both seem to think adding the third was NOT that hard. They've both said going from 1 to 2 is much harder than 2 to 3 because "what's one more?" or something to that effect.

Maybe it just depends on the age spacing and the personalities of the children. This woman's kids are each 18 months apart and the she says the "baby" is a handful (although I see all of her children as kind of wild, so it's a matter pf perspective ;))

My brother and his wife had a suprise baby when their girls were almost 4 and 2.5 and they say it rocked their world (in a turbulent sort of way) for the first year, but now everyone's adjusted and doing great. They did not want a 3rd though, so I'm sure that's part of the reason it was so hard.

I just don't know that I'd have it in me to add a third on purpose. If it happened, we'd feel blessed. But to try for another is not in the cards for us right now.

I feel the same way most days and then all of a sudden BAM the baby bug hits again *sigh....*

[mamax2]

Maybe it just depends on the age spacing and the personalities of the children. This woman's kids are each 18 months apart and the she says the "baby" is a handful (although I see all of her children as kind of wild, so it's a matter pf perspective )

I think it's mostly disposition of the parents. My SIL & BIL have always wanted 4-5 kids. Their kids are 4, 2 and 1 (first two are 17 months apart, then 22 months later, #3). My girlfriend's kids are a little further apart (4.5, 2 and 5 months). Both sets of parents *wanted* 3 kids (although both had surprises in there as far as timing).

I just hate the 'not knowing', kwim? My indecisiveness has surprised me and I can't tell if it's just jitters - the whole 'no time is the right time' thing (DD 2 was a big surprise so we don't have a lot of experience w/planning :p )

Of course I'm also struggling with whether I really want a third child or if I just want a boy. Please, no flames, I love my girls to pieces, but there's just a little part of me that wonders what having a son would be like. I can't help it, it's just there. :confused:

[mia's mama]

Of course I'm also struggling with whether I really want a third child or if I just want a boy. Please, no flames, I love my girls to pieces, but there's just a little part of me that wonders what having a son would be like. I can't help it, it's just there.

oh, no flames at all! If I had two of the same gender (either gender) we'd most definitely have a third b/c we really wanted to raise a child of each gender. That said, I will say that if I could guaranty that my 3rd child would be a girl, I would do it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my son, but I always wanted a sister and would love Mia to have one (I am an only, but have one half brother and two-step siblings from my mom's marriage when I was 17). Also, my daughter has been a MUCH easier child than my son-though I'm sure that's more disposition, not a gender thing.

[bluebunny]

I'm glad this was bumped up again, too. In the past few weeks I've felt that we're done with the two we have. Like mia's mama, I'm 33 and have a boy and a girl, both healthy, yada, yada, yada. I've always (well, since we contemplated having kids) thought we'd have three but life is crazy over here. My DS was never a good sleeper and at almost 3.5, he's better but still wakes up 1-3x/night. DD is up several times a night, too. Between the two of them, there are days that I feel so sleep-deprived. I can't believe I've literally gone almost 3.5 years without eight solid hours of sleep. :eek:

I have two friends who are due this month with their third. Both want 4-5 kids so they are pretty laid-back about having number three. When they announced their pregnancies, I was a little jealous--"oh, a baby! Being pregnant is so wonderful!" But now I look at their almost nine-month bellies and think, "Oh I don't miss being that big and uncomfortable and using the bathroom all the time. And newborns are so unpredictable!"

I'm all over the map with this. I had just about decided yesterday that I was not going to think about the issue again until at least DD is two but then I saw this thread. :o

[jay&erinn]

Oh, I'm still here too, trying to decide. DDs are 4 years and 19 months. It's getting so much easier and 19 month old DD is at such a fun age (doing anything to make us laugh, so cuddly) that I can't imagine not doing this again. DH, however, has a lower tolerance for the constant bugging (Daddy do this, Daddy get me that). So, he's not so sure he wants anymore. If I pushed though, he'd give in.
I don't know. I think the first time around was so new it was hard to enjoy. I started classes for my doctorate 3 weeks before DD #2 was born and have been juggling classes, work (part time), and the family/home thing since then. There certainly wasn't much time to enjoy DD being a baby with all of that (I propped her up to nurse while I typed on the computer more nights than I care to remember). I will finally finish my degree the end of April and feel like I'm going to be bored. I also feel like I should get one more shot to actually ENJOY having a baby around. It all goes so fast, I feel like I want one more chance to do it again.
My girls are also developing a nice friendship. Part of me wonders what it'd be like to have a boy, but also would be thrilled with another girl. I never had a sister and think it's great that the girls have each other.
How the heck do you make this decision? If we do try it'll be this summer, so I guess time will tell.

[pullbuoy]

I thought for sure there'd be more 3 kid fams around here by now! I remember when this thread first started, I sort of thought about posting, and then said, "nah. We're so done at two."

My older two will be newly 4 and 2.75 when the youngest is born this August. I've had a few friends have 3 now, and how hard that transition is seems to depend more on how hard the other two transitions were for you and why. 0-1 was easy for me, 1-2 was hard. It was easy for me to become a parent, but hard for me to learn how to juggle so many needs. 2-3 is just more juggling, which by now I get, and this time the older two will be so much more self sufficient than my oldest was at 17 months when my soon to be middle child was born. I'm actually expecting things to be easier this time than last time, though definitely harder than the first time. I also don't have any romantic notions about the baby stage- I really don't enjoy it- but am excited for toddlers and more playmates in the house.

It was pretty important for me to get the younger one past 2.5 when the last one will be born, though. I found there to be such a difference in independence between 2 (where we are now) and 2.5 last time. I loved having my first two so close together, but doing that with an older kid in the mix too would have broken me.

[Lisa]

well we have 3 and I really like a 4th. But with that said I have 3 boys. Like others said I love my boys but I really want a girl...Dh says we are done and can adopt which I'm open to. I dont know somedays its so overwhelming and other days so easy...:p I dont think I want to do another pregnancy but eho knows:rolleyes:

[firefly]

We have 4 kids. 2 girls and a set of twins... the twins haven't come home yet (8 weeks early ) but I highly recommend having more children if you feel like you're family isn't complete.

[dal]

LOL I last posted here on 2/11 that we are at the two and done stage and it is now roughly three weeks later and I am still at the two and done stage. I think that is the longest I have ever gone without the baby bug. A good long three weeks. :p

We went away with our friends who have the 3rd baby and I have to say she has the easiest baby ever. If that didn't do it to convince me to have another, nothing will. Even though her 3rd is so easy, it is constant. I was tired watching my friend take care of her three kids. Plus there was a lot of dividing stuff up - her DH would go out with the older two and she would have to stay behind with the baby etc.

I finally feel like our family is complete. I really do. We'll see how long this feeling lasts. :rolleyes:

[jmvan74]

Just thought I'd jump in the conversation since I'm having the same internal struggles as many of you when it comes to the reality of #3. My boys are 19 months apart. The oldest will be 3 in June and the youngest is 13 months old. I feel like we are finally getting in to a routine and everyone is "sleeping," mostly.

If we have a 3rd, I'd like to TTC this summer/fall. That would put an age difference of close to 4 yrs with my oldest and approx. 2.5 years with my youngest.

Like many of you, I worry about vacations, a new car, pre-school, college, etc.

I also think a big reason I want a 3rd is b/c I want a daughter. I Love my boys and wouldn't trade them for the world, but I feel like I'm missing out on that mother/daughter relationship. That being said, I imagine if we go for it, I will have a 3rd son!:D When I picture myself with 3 kids, I picture 3 boys. I guess that's all I know.

I am also a SAHM and would like to go back to work eventually. Having a 3rd pushes that back, too. There are so many things to consider that it's overwhelming.

[jenjen0713]

So glad I found this thread. :)

Like many of you, I'm struggling with whether to have a third. DS #1 and DS #2 are 16 months apart and are now 2 and 1 years old. Life is finally getting back to "normal" after the chaos of the baby stage that it is hard to think about disturbing all that.

We are talking about TTC this summer/fall, so that would put #2 and #3 over 2 years apart or more. I struggle with, will #3 fell leftout or will his/her brothers openly welcome a new sibling. I especially worry if it is a girl that she will feel left out.

IRL, so many people (friends, family, co-workers) are telling me to stop at 2 as 3 is just crazy. My doctor has 4 kids and shortly after DS #2 was born, he was asking if we planned to add more. I told him I would like 4 and asked him how he saw life with 4 kids. He said the transition from 3 to 4 kids was a piece of cake. He said the hardest transition for he and his wife was going from 2 to 3, because you go from "man to man" defense to "zone" defense.

I've always imagined my life with 3-4 kids, so it is hard to think that my reality might be 2 kids. It saddens me to think I might never be pregnant again and experience that thrill of seeing a BFP and the joy of seeing your child for the first time. I guess if we don't decide to have 3, I think I will go through a "mourning" stage of the dream I have had my whole life.

[MizLarner]

We have 3 boys in our house right now. It actually hasn't been too bad. Our biggest struggle right now is getting the oldest boy to not try to parent his brothers! And I'm pg with my #3 right now. Threatened miscarriage, so I'm crossing my fingers for that glimmer of hope.

[LoveBeingAMommy]

We have three kids - a 3 year old and 9 month old twins...all girls. When we just had one child, we couldn't decide whether we wanted two or three kids. Well, God made that decision for us, and we can imagine not having all our girls. Now, we're questioning whether we'd like to have a fourth child in a couple of years. For us, we have a few things to consider. Since we have fraternal twins (no fertility drugs/treatments), we have an increased chance of having twins again. Also, DH would love the opportunity to raise a boy (he really wants the chance to make him a good man....the world needs more of them). However, with three girls already, we joke that we only make one kind. We'll see.....

[mia's mama]

I still think about this all the time...and although I sometimes want to get pg right now, I think we have decided to wait until next winter to TTC. Ideally we'll get pg sometime between December and June which will make DD 5 (or just short of) and DS 3-3.5 years old. By that time they'll both be in Preschool 3 mornings/week, giving me some alone time with baby #3, and both kids will be potty-trained.

We are also planning a trip to Ireland next June (family reunion) and although I have found it to be pretty easy to travel with an infant under the age of 6 months, I think I'd rather be pregnant and enjoy one more big family trip with M and J before we add another member.

That's not to say that this whole plan won't change tomorrow, but that's where I stand today. ;)

[daphne]

Are any of you mamas, who are comtemplating 3 kids, pushing 35? I'll be 35 soon & I'd love to have one more child, but I'd also like to wait a couple of years. I am not sure if I'm comfortable trying for a 3rd child at 37 or 38.....

[mia's mama]

yep, daphne- I just turned 34, so I'll likely be 35-36 when babe #3 comes along.

[dana b]

i used to think i'd want to be done having kids at 35. i'm about to be 34 and i think i'd feel comfortable having them even close to 40. right now the plan is to wait until dd's 5-6 and ds is 3-4, so i'd be around 36.

[mamax2]

We've decided to go for it :eek: I actually feel a tremendous sense of relief now that we've come to the same conclusion. It feels really right - no bickering, no begging, we just kind of realized we wanted to give it one last go and do everything (that's not medically invasive) to see if we can have a boy. If it's another girl, we're totally fine, but this will be it either way. My DH is very decisive, so he, of course, wants to have me knocked up by the end of the week :p I'm doing my homework and hoping to have a result by the end of the summer. This will put our girls at roughly 5.5 and 3 when (God willing) baby arrives.

eta: on the age question, I'm 31. I would be comfortable having a baby at 35-36ish, but for me it's more an issue of age spacing of our kids. If we had started later, I wouldn't have minded finishing later, provided that I had healthy pregnancies.

[mkvh]

By that time they'll both be in Preschool 3 mornings/week, giving me some alone time with baby #3, and both kids will be potty-trained.
I'm just hoping to wait till the first one meets these criteria, but YES!! I completely agree.

Age--I've always said I want to be done by 35. That's doable if we only have 3 (I'm 31 now), but if we wait 2 years or more to have #3, I'll be over 35 for #4. I'm good with that!

[jmvan74]

Are any of you mamas, who are comtemplating 3 kids, pushing 35? I'll be 35 soon & I'd love to have one more child, but I'd also like to wait a couple of years. I am not sure if I'm comfortable trying for a 3rd child at 37 or 38.....

I'll be 34 in May. If we have a #3 I wll likely be 35 when he/she is born. If I had started having children later and didn't mind a large gap in the ages of my kiddos, I wouldn't have a problem having children later than 35.

I feel like I'm standing on a balance ball. It's such a stressful decision. One day I don't want to go back to the newborn stage and the next I can't imagine not having one more. *sigh* The internal struggle continues.

[newmommy]

I'm just about 4 months pp and I can't help but feel our family isn't complete yet. I've always wanted three...but that would mean a bigger vehicle, possibly bigger home.....but then I think back to my childhood---and all that "stuff" wasn't needed. I don't know if I'm being to idealistic, but in my mind I feel like everything we "need" will work itself out. Although we're waiting until all of our children are school aged before I go back full time....which means also pushing off any additions/new kitchen/bigger home...etc.

I think about it daily. DH is on board...I guess just stuff I keep thinking about. I also wonder what spacing would be ideal for #3....right now the boys are 2 years apart....I like that...and I'd like the same between #2 and #3.....which would mean getting preggers again next summer :D That excites me! I love being preggo :o

[mkvh]

.....which would mean getting preggers again next summer :D That excites me! I love being preggo :o
Ah, see, I'm SOOOOO not there. I by no means love being preggo. And the thought of the the last few weeks of pregnancy and L&D makes me want to VOMIT. But I'll get there again, I'm sure.

[mamax2]

I read Three Kids? You Showoffs. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/04/AR2008040403217.html) in last Sunday's Washington Post and thought some of you might be interested.

[newmommy]

mamax2: that was an interesting article, thanks!

[rancherswife]

Ohhhhh jmvan, comon you know you want to, don't be scared...or, wait...do it and we'll be scared together! ;)

I'm 13 weeks pg. w/ #3, I have a 2.5 (will be 3 in June) and a 13 mo. old, #3 is due in Oct.! I'm feeling pretty calm (so far) about it all, but the other day, I thought...how the hell do I get them ALL in the car at once, w/out leaving one running wild in a parking lot somewhere??? Answers anyone?

[portlandbride]

Well ladies, it looks like the decision was made for us. We weren't trying but we weren't exactly NOT trying and now we are due with #3 in December.
I have to tell you all I am scared sh!tless. I will have 3 under 3.5. My older DD is pretty good but my younger one has been quite needy since birth. Now that she is 1.5 she is getting much better.
As for the age question, I will have just turned 35 when the baby is born. I always said I wanted to be done by 35 so I'm pretty close. I just find the older I get the more tired I get.:)
Anyway, just wanted to come in and share the news. Now who's next?;)
Edited to add:
rancherswife Can Landon get himself into the car? Brynn can get in and strap herself in. All I have to do is open the door for her and she is working on that. I also have to tighten the straps but I find her independence to be very helpful!

[rancherswife]

portland: Congrats! :) Yeah, our decision was kinda made for us too. ;) We knew we wanted 3 for sure, but weren't sure when! :)

As for Landon, yeah, he's a wild man, I wish he could just get in and strap himself in. HA! If he escapes while someone is strapping him in, he heads straight for the drivers seat and locks all doors. It's a mess! So, I'm really hoping he comes around before baby #3 gets here. As it is right now, I stand Reece up in front of Landon's seat, strap Landon in, then put Reece in.

Congrats again! :)

[jmvan74]

I read Three Kids? You Showoffs. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/04/AR2008040403217.html) in last Sunday's Washington Post and thought some of you might be interested.

Interesting article. I can't think of a better way to spend my money. *shrug*

Now, Rancher, stop trying to push me over the fence! LOL!

[phart]

We don't quite have that third child yet (38 weeks pg) but this is certainly the most tired I've been during a pregnancy. But it was also the shortest time period of m/s, thank goodness!

We we undecided on having a third and the universe made our decision for us. I chart and ALWAYS ovulate on cd14-16 and that month I O'd on day frickin' 21 when I *knew* we were safe and out of condoms:o Then when no period came I still didn't believe it. Then I m/c'd (early) but that helped seal our decision and here I am close to bringing a third baby into our home.

Aiden is 4 and some change and Maura is just over 2. They play together very well (mostly) so I'm hoping that will help things along. And I figure this third child will just have to fit into the way we do things around here already:)

I was just thinking the other day about hos people say Spring is so great to have a baby. Aiden was born in November and that was just fine for us because there were no other kids that *needed* to be out and about in the cold months. Then Maura in March (she took longer to conceive though) was fine but now this one in April/May is great because the older two kids either have places they need to be or want to be outside so it'll be nice to have their brother born in slightly warmer weather. I'm hoping that made some sense!

Anyway...I know of a person or two that cannot have a third or fourth for body-related reasons and they absolutely needed to/are grieving the "decision". So it might take you some time to get over it if that's where you are.

I read most of that article too. Eh. But it was interesting how many people we're "ANOTHER ONE??" to us. Like 3 is SO many children...

[mamax2]

I read most of that article too. Eh. But it was interesting how many people we're "ANOTHER ONE??" to us. Like 3 is SO many children...

Can you believe one of my friend's MIL said this her when she announced her third pregnancy?!?! :eek: Aren't grandmothers supposed to want a bunch of grandkids? :p

I thought the article was kind of interesting because it's a perspective I hadn't really considered. Of course, I am not a metropolitan socialite so having a third child won't be a status symbol for me ;)

In fact, I feel more like the author in that it will mean sacrifices, but our home with two kids just feels like we're missing one more thing. Like after a really good meal, but you just want that dessert, kwim?

I think the author touches on a whole different concept with the consumer culture of parenting these days. I absolutely enjoy spending money on my children as jmvan suggested, but I can think of many more important things to buy than designer diaper bags. Anyway, that mindset can prevail whether you have 1 kid or 5.

I still get a knot in my stomach every time I think about the add'l expense of adding a third child (not in the short term, but the long term) so I really hope we're doing the right thing.

[phart]

Can you believe one of my friend's MIL said this her when she announced her third pregnancy?!?! Aren't grandmothers supposed to want a bunch of grandkids?

Um. Yeah. I don't think my MIL realized I was in the room when FIL showed her Maura's shirt "announcing" that she was the middle child and groaned "oh no...not another one...". She later apologized for it saying she had fallen recently and wasn't sure why and it was a health/would she be able to help with 3 kids thing. Whatever lady. They've still not been overly excited.

[rancherswife]

people's reaction: Yeah, some people have absolutely no brains, and, I totally agree, they make it sound like three kids is practically 12 kids. wtf? My MIL was a little wierd when DH told her I was pg again. I wanted to say f-you, you've got FIVE kids, but to hear her, she should've stopped after DH was born. Could you imagine saying something like that? Wierd!

[jmvan74]

Reactions: My grandmother and my MIL told me I was crazy to even think about a 3rd. Whatever.

RE: the article: I actually meant the cost of raising children is a worth spending the money on. Does that make sense? I have reused just about everything from 1 to 2 and would do the same if #3 came along. We already sacrifice so I can be home with them, so I don't see much of a change for us there.

[mamax2]

Shannon ~ That's HORRIBLE! :eek: I know for a fact that my MIL and Mom would be overjoyed. My MIL would love as many grandkids as my SIL and I could possibly produce (and we've produced 5 in the past 4.5 years and both on our way to one more so the final tally should be something like 7 kids in 5.5 years!!) My Mom got teary-eyed when I gave away some baby clothes already ;)

I think in the 70s - 90s, the 2-kid family became such a norm that anything else seemed like a bunch, kwim? A lot of people are still in that mode of '2 kids, boy & a girl, done!' I read in another thread that '3 is the new 2', I think that's somewhat true as my friends seem split pretty evenly in those camps. I know very few IRL (besides SIL and 2 neighbors) who go for more.

[phart]

Shannon ~ That's HORRIBLE!

Right? She's lucky I even let her see Aiden and Maura about once a week after that comment. And she wonders why she's not the favorite;)

[portlandbride]

That was an interesting article. I live in Salt Lake, land of large families :) so no one here will bat an eye. With three kids we will be on the average to small family size.
I am interested in what my mom's and MIL's reactions will be. I am an only child and my mom always made comments about how 2 were enough. Now that my second is getting big though she has been making comments about being sad that there are no more babies. My MIL had three kids buut the 3rd (my husband) was definitely an oops. Not that their reactions really matter as we live 1000+ miles from each of them.
I think that's what I am most scared of - being on my own for long amounts of time (my husband is a pilot) with three small children. Now that I'm wrapping my head around it a bit more I am getting excited. I did recently start a business that will have to be put on hold for the winter but at least it is only temporary. I found that with my second I really lost myself and am determined not to let that happen again.
The funny thing is right before we found out we bought a new Expedition for my business so I know we at least have the car to fit three kids!
ranchers congrats on #3! Our kids are similarly spaced so when I think I am crazy I will think you must be too! :D

[mamax2]

Right? She's lucky I even let her see Aiden and Maura about once a week after that comment. And she wonders why she's not the favorite;)

My Mom has 'suggested' I wait and have the third once the girls are in school. In her defense, she babysits twice/week while I work so she has a legitimate concern :p My Mom also only ever had me so she's still adjusting to handling two little kids at the same time - it's just not something she's ever done. However, she knows we we've decided to have a third sooner rather than later and I'm sure she's thrilled (and a little nervous!)

Incidentally, my grandmother has also suggested waiting a long amount of time and then having another set of two (like she did). I just can't see myself wanting to go back to the baby/toddler years if I wait too much longer. I LOVE this time, but I feel like once my girls are older it'll be harder to, in a sense, start over. I have to keep up the momentum with this sleep deprivation/nursing/tantruming thing I guess :p

[portlandbride]

mamax2I LOVE this time, but I feel like once my girls are older it'll be harder to, in a sense, start over. I have to keep up the momentum with this sleep deprivation/nursing/tantruming thing I guess :p
I hear you on this! :)

[bluebunny]

portlandbride, congrats on your third! :)

mamax2, yea! for making a decision. I bet it feels good to have a plan. ;)

I read the article and it was interesting to me. I lived in NYC for awhile and when DH and I got married, we thought about moving back in but decided not to. I just could not imagine raising kids in the city (and being far away from my family). Like you, mamax2, my mother keeps my youngest two days a week while I work. I know she couldn't handle a newborn and toddler. (She did it with us kids, obviously, but she says she doesn't have the stamina now.) I'm thinking that if we had a third, waiting until DS is in school and DD is in preschool would be the best timing. That would mean that #2 and #3 would be at least three years, nine months apart (because #2has a December birthday and wouldn't start preschool until the following Aug/Sept.

The more removed I get from having a newborn, though, the less I want to go back to the sleepless nights and helpless baby stage. :o I love having two kids who can tell me what they want (most of the time, anyway). I still think the odds are that we will have a third but probably not for awhile.

[DisneyGirl]

I 'm a mom with 3 kids and whenever someone tells me they are PG with their 3rd or more I think...damn, they are crazy!LOL LOL

[mamax2]

I 'm a mom with 3 kids and whenever someone tells me they are PG with their 3rd or more I think...damn, they are crazy!LOL LOL

So, if you had it to do over, would you do anything differently? Space them out more? Was the third a surprise or did you always want 3? You're making me nervous ;)

[pullbuoy]

No kidding! Mine's coming in August no matter what, but I hope it's not so bad! Both my older kids will be in preschool starting around then (newly 4 and 2.75 at that point), plus I'm going back to work full time, to let somebody else do the hard physical baby care 9 hours a day. :p

There's definitely a "trendoid" around here of having 3, but I think it's a little more complicated than the article suggests. I know a lot of people who have two and want a third, but don't feel they can afford it, and the people who are having 3 are not adding on just because they can financially, though they are happy that they are able to. It's not really just "more is better," but money is definitely more of a factor than I think it was in our generation. I don't think people used to view kids as something you financially planned for as much as we do now, plus before when you made "sacrifices" it was more like not getting so many new clothes, but now things like health insurance and mortgages take up so much more of most people's income.

[mamax2]

It's not really just "more is better," but money is definitely more of a factor than I think it was in our generation. I don't think people used to view kids as something you financially planned for as much as we do now, plus before when you made "sacrifices" it was more like not getting so many new clothes, but now things like health insurance and mortgages take up so much more of most people's income.

ITA! My neighbor across the street has 2, but plans to have 1 more. For the past year she's been asking me when *I'm* going to have another. Whenever I bring up the financial aspect, she scoffs at me, but her husband is a pharmacist and she's a nurse - totally recession-proof jobs and my DH and I are in real estate and development so the $$$ factor is a real concern. Truthfully, I still haven't justified the monetary aspect of having a third child. We're just going on gut instinct and hoping the money works itself out in the end.

[lady1297]

Wow, interesting article. But seriously, $6500 for the first year??? I seriously doubt we spent that much on both kid's first years. Then again, we use cloth diapers and I breastfeed, and clothes were all bought for us and reused with #2 (although I did buy a few new things here and there for him just because I could). So, our first years were relatively cheap. Add to that my son potty trained at 20 months, we have relatively low expenses for the other years too.

I don't see finances as an issue with whether we have 2 or 10 kids. I'm definitely different than my best friend in that though. She thinks it's because I have two boys and really want a daughter. She and her husband decided on two, got a girl and a boy and she is getting a tubal done because of it. She thinks I'm wrong to want more. I just shrug it off and know that when I do have the third, I just can't complain about bad days in front of her without hearing "You should have just had 2!" She feels that if you can't afford to send them to college scot-free, you shouldn't have more kids.

Like I said, we're thinking of a third someday soon. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 year old. I just want to wait a bit until I'm sure my baby is able to deal with being shuttled to 'middle child status'. I waited until our oldest was ready to be a 'big brother' before we went for a second, so I think it's only fair to let the baby have his time too. I'm thinking of TTC next January or so at the earliest. That would put the kids at 4 1/2 and 2. I kind of like 2 years between kids. Old enough to get their own juice cups out of the fridge and potty trained! Yeah! hehe!

[catmom]

Wow, interesting article. But seriously, $6500 for the first year???

Didn't that article also say that the average child receives 70 new toys a year? I'm a little skeptical of some of their numbers. Of course, the article also mentions that families with 3 kids frequently have 2 nannies to take care of them, so perhaps the writer is only looking at a very specific subset of the population. I sure don't know any people with multiple nannies and so forth, and I live in a fairly high-income area.

[tinkerbelljenny]

Are any of you mamas, who are comtemplating 3 kids, pushing 35?
I will be turning 35 soon and really want to try for #3 soon.

[njnewyearsbride]

i have two right now - dh & i are undecided on #3, but i'm always surprised at how many people ask if we're going to have a third - from random strangers in the store to the gas attendant.... the only people not pushing #3 on us is our family!

[newmommy]

DH and I have decided that we will go for #3!

I can't tell you how many friends/family members of mine are surprised...and keep telling me the world was built for a family of four :mad:

This morning someone at the gym asked me if it's because we want to go for the girl.....that's annoying too :mad:

[BusyBee]

Good luck Newmommy! We are still trying to decide if we're going for #3 - if we do, we'll try in the next few months, because I hope they'd be 2 years apart. We have 2 girls and I image everyone would ask if we're going to try for a boy - it was irritating when DD2 was born, still is, and I haven't heard a good reply yet.

[jenjen0713]

This morning someone at the gym asked me if it's because we want to go for the girl.....that's annoying too :mad:


Congrats on your decision to try for #3! We get the same comment too and it is annoying. I know people don't mean anything by it, but it comes across as sounding as if we were unhappy/disappointed that our second was a boy as well, which couldn't be further from the truth.

[mamax2]

DH and I have decided that we will go for #3!

I can't tell you how many friends/family members of mine are surprised...and keep telling me the world was built for a family of four :mad:

This morning someone at the gym asked me if it's because we want to go for the girl.....that's annoying too :mad:

I would stop telling people that you're going to try for #3. Will they ask the same questions/make the same comments once you're actually pg? Possibly, but why not spare yourself their chatter for now? :p:D

[mkvh]

After we found out #2 was a 2nd girl, practically everyone (even strangers as a pp mentioned) asked if we were going to go for a boy. :rolleyes: We've always been set on at least 3, so it was nice to be able to say, 'Oh, we were going to have 3 even if this one had been a boy.' And smile really big. People somehow seem dumbfounded by that.

I too mention 'the next one' frequently, to a variety of different reactions. Mine are only 18m apart, though, so people act like I'm going to get pg tomorrow. That's more the shocker for them, I think. If I weren't immune to others' reactions, I think I'd keep it to myself.

[AmyE]

If I weren't immune to others' reactions, I think I'd keep it to myself.

This made me LOL! Totally true. I personally never felt comfortable telling people we were TTC - either for the first or the second time around. I felt like it was telling people (like my FATHER) "yeah, we are having sex on a specific schedule now." I was always excited when friends told me they were TTC, but couldn't manage to divorce the, um, specifics, in my head to be willing to do it myself. :D

[mamax2]

How's everyone doing?

I'm nearing the end of my 'practice month' of charting, but I've hit a MAJOR road block... I have to go back to work :( With the sluggish economy and our plethora of unsold properties, push has come to shove and I'm looking for a job. My DH is really pushing me to go back to a professional M-F type thing and put my girls in daycare. This would basically mean the end of the 3 kid idea.

I'm trying to work out a way to do something part-time, possibly second-shift or something that wouldn't be as much money, but would allow me to be home now and maybe (?) still work after having #3.

I feel like it's now or never since our youngest is 2.5 and while I love the baby stage, I want my kids somewhat close in age. My DH just wants to put the whole thing off for a while, but I'm having a really hard time with that. I feel like if we wait another year, it'll just be too late; not in terms of my age or health but just that we'll be too comfortable with 2, kwim? On the flip side, I know I'll always regret it if I don't have the third.

It's weird, I can't believe I even doubted going for 3, I want it in the worst way now. I wish I would have had this philosophical debate in my head last year and then the baby would already be here!

[jenny0505]

Oh mamax2, I'm so sorry to hear about your dilemna. I hope you figure out something on the job front that works for you, your family, and your plans to have a third.

It kind of reminds me of that episode of Friends where Rachel finds out she's pregnant. I think Phoebe tells her the test is negative to gauge her reaction, and Rachel is so disappointed. I've been so squarely on the fence for the last year or so, I think if someone told me 3 wasn't an option, it would solidify how badly I really do want another.

I think we're going to go for #3. I just don't know when. I would also like my kids to be close in age, but I'm scared of spacing them too close for my own sanity.

[dal]

mamax2 I'm sorry you have to go back to work which makes your decision to have a third harder. But you never know, even though you will have two older kids doesn't mean you won't want a third later. kwim? I always thought I wanted all my kids close in age. My first two are 16 months apart and... my big news to update this thread is that #3 is on the way. My third will be 4 years younger than my second and I never thought we'd space them that far apart. So you never know where your head will be at later. So don't give up on the idea of a third eventually. Hang in there. The decision and waiting to have the third was very difficult for me.

*****

So yeah, I started this thread not knowing whether to have a third. I updated this thread over the last couple of years. Sometimes wanting another, sometimes not. Well #3 is on the way! The decision to go for the third was very very difficult but now that I am expecting, I know we made the right decision for us.

[daphne]

dal Congratulations!!!! I'm so glad you posted - since you left lj we've fallen out of touch! I'm so happy for you!!

[bea_mama]

DAL!!! Just wanted to wish you a huge congrats and best wishes for a happy and healthy pregnancy!

We miss you over at LJ but I'm very happy things are working out so well for your family! :)

(just a lurker in this thread b/c I'm sooooo on the fence about #3. I'm thinking no but then I see a baby and get all wistful!)

[mamax2]

O.k., I have to admit :o I saw Dal posted something in a pg forum so I *thought* you may be pg w/#3. Too funny since last we heard from you was "2 and done!" But, you know, you're right that it kind of hits you all at once when you decide to go for it. CONGRATULATIONS, DAL!!!


(just a lurker in this thread b/c I'm sooooo on the fence about #3. I'm thinking no but then I see a baby and get all wistful!)

bea_mama ~ Don't be a lurker! Most of us are on the fence. That's the beauty of this place :p

Thanks for the encouragement. I know things could always change later, but I feel like I just want to commit either way and be done with the *IF* stage, kwim? Like, if we are NOT having a 3rd, I would just as soon get rid of all the baby stuff (so I don't have to keep looking at it as a reminder); plus there's the whole on the pill/off the pill thing.

Someone at DD's music class this morning came in with her 2.5 week old baby boy. All I could think was "That should be me!" Why didn't I just do this last year before I over-thought the whole thing?!?!

[jmvan74]

I know things could always change later, but I feel like I just want to commit either way and be done with the *IF* stage, kwim? Like, if we are NOT having a 3rd, I would just as soon get rid of all the baby stuff (so I don't have to keep looking at it as a reminder)

That's how I was feeling, too. DH and I have decided we'll start TTC#3 in July, but of course, that could change again. :p

Congrats Dal!

[dal]

daphne and bea_mama aw thanks you guys! I miss you all on LJ too. Maybe I'll get back into it one of these days.

mamax2 LOL than you saw I posted in the pg forum. I was trying to wait a little longer to come out with it but I had a horrible zofran issue (I'm assuming you read about my lovely issues...) and I needed some information from people who have taken it.

jmvan74 thanks! Good luck ttc in July! It's a nice time to start trying to b/c you don't have to worry about morning sickness or anything in the summer!

Too funny since last we heard from you was "2 and done!" Yeah well imagine my shock when our "let's just see what happens" attitude turned into a BFP our first month of seeing what happens. LOL. The crazy thing is that we did actually try for a couple of months last summer using OPKs and everything and I didn't get pg. But this time, it was seriously just so relaxed and not trying but not preventing and here ya go. I am finally over the shock now. I still can't believe I'm going to have a little baby again though!!!

I know things could always change later, but I feel like I just want to commit either way and be done with the *IF* stage, kwim? Like, if we are NOT having a 3rd, I would just as soon get rid of all the baby stuff I think the wanting to commit either way is what had me saying 2 and done a lot. It just felt better to have made a decision. I didn't get rid of baby clothes but I did get rid of all my maternity clothes. woops. :o oh and our cribs and highchair... LOL.

[newmommy]

Dal: Congrats!!!!

[mamax2]

Dal ~ Sorry, didn't mean to 'out' you too soon. I actually didn't read the thread, just saw your name as the most recent post and thought "Hmm..." :D When are you due?

I have given away some baby clothes and the highchair too (no biggie, we still have the booster seat). DD2 is still in the crib. I'd love to have a Spring baby too so I'd *really* like to go for it now, but I would feel terrible about starting a job and then being pg and either quitting or going on mat. leave. Plus, I don't know if I could put a baby in daycare. I know plenty of people do it, but the thought tears me up. :(

[bea_mama]

bea_mama ~ Don't be a lurker! Most of us are on the fence. That's the beauty of this place :p



Thanks, mamax2! I really think we're going to stick with 2, but I can't help but get sad when I think about not having a 3rd! I told my DH we weren't going to talk about it for a few months- totally arbitrary, but at least it means I'm not obsessing!

I'm not getting any younger, though, and I already have one DD with special needs so I'm a bit freaked out by the thought of another kid a lot of the time.

As for work/possible #3/daycare - all I can tell you is that both of my DDs have been in daycare from 6 months on and they are doing great! I know it is not the choice you want to make, but if that's where you end up I know you will be fine! :)

And I'm really thrilled for you, Dal!

[dal]

newmommy thanks!

mamax2 No, don't be silly. You didn't out me. I outed myself when I posted in that Zofran thread. :o I am due December 19th but right now we're set for a planned vaginal delivery on December 12th. Kailey was born before 39 weeks though so we may move up my planned delivery a bit depending on how everything's looking.

I always said if we had a third, I'd never have another Winter baby... But I'm sure him or her will be worth it. lol.

bea_mama thanks again!!

[dana b]

congrats dal!

My third will be 4 years younger than my second and I never thought we'd space them that far apart. So you never know where your head will be at later. So don't give up on the idea of a third eventually.
this is exactly how i think. i say we're completely done now, but i just KNOW i'll think differently once my ds gets to his easy stage. i'm hoping for that 4 yr age difference.
it's so scary how crazy i am when thinking about #3. one week i'm making plans to start putting my baby stuff on craigslist and the next week we're planning #3 again.

[mkvh]

Congrats dal!!!

While #3 is a given, it keeps moving further and further out in my plan! I was at the OB today for my annual (DD2 is 4 months), and she said, "Well, we'll see you in a year unless you need us before then *wink*" Uh, yeah, I don't think so! :D My first 2 are 18m apart, and I'm thinking closer to 3 years this time.

[mamax2]

My third will be 4 years younger than my second and I never thought we'd space them that far apart. So you never know where your head will be at later. So don't give up on the idea of a third eventually.

I always *thought* about 3 years would be perfect. #2 was a surprise and they're 2 years 4 months apart which turned out pretty great. At this point, if I got pg next month, #2 and #3 would be 3 years 3 months apart, so I'm already closing in on that 4 year spacing. Waiting another year to decide to TTC would put it at about 5 years and I just don't think that's my thing. I know I wasn't ready to TTC this time last year, but damn, if only we had this whole "problem" would have solved itself (well at least the main part - lol!)

I'm getting baby fever like I had before I got pg w/DD #1. Ugh - this stinks!

[tray622]

Just when I get that "done" feeling, someone has to go and get pg with third and I get all wistful. Sigh.

Congrats DAL! You will need to update the thread on how it is once you have all 3 :)

[1_mommy]

daloh my gosh! congratulations!! how exciting! ditto the other girls! We miss you on lj!


i would love a third in 2 years, my dh, not so much, he says we are done. It is really hard to hear, but if he says we are done, well, i guess we are done

[pullbuoy]

Congrats, dal! It's nice to see this thread filling up a little.

mamax2- ugh, nothing like having an option taken away to clarify what you really wanted. Can I ask why you wouldn't want to be pregnant while working? The economy isn't going to suck forever, and if it is, you'd want to readjust your expectations rather than wait 20 years for it to turn around and miss out on the third kid, right? What about finding a job, starting trying at 3 months in to be assured of benefits, and giving birth a year or so later? You have no idea what the economy will look like then, and even if you were forced financially into a childcare situation you weren't comfortable with it'd probably be for a very short time. I know it feels strange to plan babies this way- I want to go back to work, but can't while pregnant, so we decided to try for 2 months now while I was applying for work, and if it didn't take, which I really didn't expect it to, have me work for a year and try again.

I am sure I am projecting, but for us a lot of what tipped us over the edge to trying for 3 was the feeling that this is a very short time of intense juggling, after which we enjoy our family of five for the rest of our lives.

mkvh- My first two are 17 months apart. I wanted these a little further, too, and my third will be 2yrs 8months younger than my second. Frankly, watching people IRL go through it now, it feels like it will be cake compared to having two such little littles around! More juggling, less total and complete physical exhaustion.

[dal]

thanks again for all the congrats everyone!

yeah the spacing of my kids makes me think that the third baby's "baby stage" won't be as hard as when I had my second. My oldest was still a baby (16 mos). At the time, I told myself it wasn't that hard but thinking back on it now, wow, that was rough! Now I'll have two older kids (5.5 and 4) when the baby is born. I mean even being pregnant is so much easier this time around. I am sick as a dog and just want to sleep and yesterday I was in bed for 2 hours in the morning while my girls played. I could never have done that last time.

[mamax2]

mamax2- ugh, nothing like having an option taken away to clarify what you really wanted. Can I ask why you wouldn't want to be pregnant while working?

I don't mind being pg and working, but I don't want to work after having a baby and I don't want to leave my employer in the lurch. I got pg w/DD2 4 weeks after going back to work (surprise!) and then ended up quitting when I had her. I was only there for 10 months and I felt bad for my boss and also for the way that looks on my resume, kwim?

What about finding a job, starting trying at 3 months in to be assured of benefits, and giving birth a year or so later? You have no idea what the economy will look like then, and even if you were forced financially into a childcare situation you weren't comfortable with it'd probably be for a very short time. I know it feels strange to plan babies this way- I want to go back to work, but can't while pregnant, so we decided to try for 2 months now while I was applying for work, and if it didn't take, which I really didn't expect it to, have me work for a year and try again.

That's kind of what I started thinking about last night. I'm going to keep applying and hopefully get a job this summer and then start trying a few months into it. That way, if I HAVE to go back to work after the baby, I would be covered with getting my benefits. Of course, the whole point is moot since no one's calling me back yet :p:rolleyes: Off to visit a daycare center and get DDs on a wait-list today though.

Ugh, we watched "Juno" last night and I can tell that I'm developing serious pg envy. None of my friends better turn up pg this year or I'll be a mess!

[Kanga]

Just when I get that "done" feeling, someone has to go and get pg with third and I get all wistful. Sigh.

Congrats DAL! You will need to update the thread on how it is once you have all 3 :)

Ditto..I'm definitely interested. Especially since mine are also 16 months apart and will be about your dc ages when I think we'll be ready for #3.

[TenOClockBird]

Well, I'm new around here, so I missed most of this thread. I've spent a good part of the afternoon reading and taking in most of it. It's fascinating to watch you all talk out your decisions. I've been on the fence about the third kid for a while. I think my heart really wants one. I do have the slightest "my family just isn't complete" feeling. On the other hand, mine are only 14 months apart and my youngest turned 3 in March. We're in the middle of prepping to sell our house and move to an area that we can only afford a tiny house, so a third seems almost out of the question. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what comes. No matter what, the gap between #2 and #3 will be at pushing 5 years or more.

[dal]

I will definitely update this thread once my third is here and let you all know how it is.

[mkvh]

mkvh- My first two are 17 months apart. I wanted these a little further, too, and my third will be 2yrs 8months younger than my second. Frankly, watching people IRL go through it now, it feels like it will be cake compared to having two such little littles around! More juggling, less total and complete physical exhaustion.
You'll have to let us know! Because right now, with a 22mo and a 4mo, i'm in the exhaustion/frustration phase. ;)

[bluebunny]

Congrats dal! What wonderful news! I have a December baby and while I never would have intentionally planned it that way, it was fun to have a little one for Christmas! :)

[TenOClockBird]

Because right now, with a 22mo and a 4mo, i'm in the exhaustion/frustration phase.
Well, mine are 14 months apart, and let me tell you: the exhaustion gets better, the frustration gets worse. My youngest turned 3 in March and today they are just frustrating the dickens out of me!

[mamax2]

So, my SIL (DH's sister) announced her pregnancy today. Baby #4 coming in January. We've been waiting for this announcement for the past few months, so I'm not surprised and definitely quite happy for her, but it's going to be tough to have a new baby in the family. *sigh*

[DisneyGirl]

#1 and 2 are 18 months apart and #2 and #3 are 2 yrs 3 months apart and my life is soooooooooo crazy I can't even describe it. There is no down time, no one naps at the same time and someone always needs me for something. I actually have people come up to me ans say" wow, you have your hands really really full" LOL, i just laugh and the kicker is my kids are SOOO well behaved its not even funny and my life is still crazy. If my kids were wild(like some of my friends kids) I swear I would be in a looney bin. trying to get my son to school by 8:30 Am is a JOKE! HEHEHEHEHEHEHHE
The good thing is all my friends either have one or two kids and not one of them has talked about having 3 since a day in the life at my house will make you think really hard about having 3 kids close together. But, then again there are 1000000 things that make me so happy that I have 3. If i had to pay for childcare there would be noway I would have had 3. I had a car that would hold 3 kids, my house has enough bedrooms for 3 so, money wise it was no big deal.

[mamax2]

Sounds like I should spend a few days with DisneyGirl to curb my baby appetite. :p None of my friends make it seem that hard though. They all say going from 1 to 2 is tough, but 2 to 3 easy. Maybe if it's really that stressful I'd change my mind and be o.k. with it.

[DisneyGirl]

Sounds like I should spend a few days with DisneyGirl to curb my baby appetite. :p None of my friends make it seem that hard though. They all say going from 1 to 2 is tough, but 2 to 3 easy. Maybe if it's really that stressful I'd change my mind and be o.k. with it.

I do agree that going from 1 to 2 was harder, but I am not even sure If i would use the word hard to describe life with 3 small children. I would use the words: Stressful, non stop go-go-go(lol), overwhelming(especially if you have NO help from friends, family), hectic.

I have no friends/family who have 3 kids so, i have no one to compair my life to, but maybe its not that hard for your friends..I dunno, but this is just my experience and opinion. If their kids are further part in age then mine that may have a huge factor.


Some days are just so over the top stressful With trying to tend to all the kids,their activities, tend to myself, my husband, my house...thank god I don't have a damn dog to walk and feed! LOL

[newmommy]

So although DH and I have decided that we'll go for number three, I often think that our house is too small, never enough time/money, etc.

I guess for me, the thought of possibly regretting not having a third child for me outweighs all of the "reasonable" points to just having two....does anyone else think like that?

Just today we went for a day trip, and two kids was super manageable...then I look to families with three children, I question whether or not I'll always feel that our family isn't complete...even when #3 is here...KWIM?? Maybe a bit off topic ;) sorry!

[Kanga]

So although DH and I have decided that we'll go for number three, I often think that our house is too small, never enough time/money, etc.

I guess for me, the thought of possibly regretting not having a third child for me outweighs all of the "reasonable" points to just having two....does anyone else think like that?

Just today we went for a day trip, and two kids was super manageable...then I look to families with three children, I question whether or not I'll always feel that our family isn't complete...even when #3 is here...KWIM?? Maybe a bit off topic ;) sorry!

newmommy - I have the same fears but opposite. For some reason, 4 kids really seems like the perfect number for our family to me. And I think emotionally I'd be able to handle 4. But then comes the fact that we currently live in a 2 br so we obviously need to move before adding any more, and that my oldest is only 2.5. I don't really know what it's like to raise a 7 year old, or a 15 year old, etc. I worry that I *think* I can handle 4, but then as the kids get older, into more activities and interests, I won't be able to keep up and end up feeling spent at the end of the day. Of course I know if I just stick with the two we have, I'll always wonder what if and if/when I do have my 4 kids if my family will feel complete then.

[newmommy]

Kanga:
So glad you "get" what I'm saying!!! Most of my friends/family of my generation are sticking with two. So sometimes I wonder if I'm being unrealistic!!

[phart]

I absolutely fear that every time I see a little baby that I'll want more and more!!:-)

[mamax2]

Some days are just so over the top stressful With trying to tend to all the kids,their activities, tend to myself, my husband, my house...thank god I don't have a damn dog to walk and feed! LOL

Oh crap - I *DO* have the dog to deal w/too! :p

I have no friends/family who have 3 kids so, i have no one to compair my life to, but maybe its not that hard for your friends..I dunno, but this is just my experience and opinion. If their kids are further part in age then mine that may have a huge factor.

My SIL's kids are 17 months apart (#1 & #2) and 22 months apart (#2 & #3). #3 & #4 will be 23 months apart, so come January, she'll have 4 kids ages five and under! :eek: Her life *does* seem crazy to me, but her kids are also super-wild. I would NOT be able to have as many kids as she does if they were those kids. I know that sounds terrible and I do love them all dearly, but.... I also remind myself that her DH is home in the mornings and she has a cleaning service, so there is help.


I guess for me, the thought of possibly regretting not having a third child for me outweighs all of the "reasonable" points to just having two....does anyone else think like that?

YES!! This is *exactly* how I feel and that's why I've been wrestling with this for the past year. There's the little girl/dream in me who just always wanted 3 kids and never imagined my life with anything other than 3 kids. Then there's the adult in me who looks at all the practical and logical reasons why 2 should be 'enough'. It doesn't help that both my Mom & MIL both regret NOT having 3 kids. That's what they wanted and for various reasons, didn't have 3 and they both look back on those choices/situations with regret and sadness. I don't want that to be me too, kwim?

Provided that I don't have to go back to work full-time, I know I could handle 3 at this stage comfortably. As someone else pointed out, we have an extra bedroom, mini-van, baby gear, etc. I do know that it's going to get harder not easier though when they're in different schools w/different schedules, sports, activities, etc. If only I could sync up my head and my heart...

[dal]

You'll have to let us know! Because right now, with a 22mo and a 4mo, i'm in the exhaustion/frustration phase. Yeah those ages together are tiring. But I will say that now that my kids are almost 5yo and 3.5yo, it really is very easy. So while having two close in age is difficult in the beginning, it does make things a lot easier later when they play together and have eachother.

Congrats dal! What wonderful news! I have a December baby and while I never would have intentionally planned it that way, it was fun to have a little one for Christmas! Thank you! Yeah I have a late November baby and while it was fun over the holidays, I felt like Jan/Feb/March dragged on forever. But of course that could be b/c I also had a toddler so we didn't get out too much and I was going nutso. Hopefully this time, since we'll be forced to get out everyday (school, activities...) I won't feel so confined to home in the Winter.

If their kids are further part in age then mine that may have a huge factor. I'm sure this has a lot to do with it. My youngest will be 4 when new baby arrives and I can't imagine it getting that insane all of a sudden. Yet when I had my second, life was a tad crazy between the newborn and the 16 month old.

I guess for me, the thought of possibly regretting not having a third child for me outweighs all of the "reasonable" points to just having two....does anyone else think like that? Oh I think like that all the time (and now I better b/c #3 is coming like it or not :p ). But whenever I would think that things are so easy and manageable with our two kids, then I would think but it's such a short time that life is crazy and we could do it and then we'd have the third kid forever. LOL.

They all say going from 1 to 2 is tough, but 2 to 3 easy. I can't speak for #3, but for me, going from 0-1 was the hardest. 1-2 wasn't that hard of an adjustment. It was more the balancing between the two kids that was hard. But I had a very hard time adjusting to having A kid. I wonder how it will be with 3. It will probably help that I have two kids in school, I have family nearby, my oldest two play together all the time when they're home, we have a routine... we'll see!

[firefly]

for me 1-2 was harder than 2-4 .

your already used to splitting the attention, jobs, workloads. it's just another bath or book to read, another hot dog, or bottle to fix. :rolleyes:

[mamax2]

firefly ~ Are your twins here?? How's it going? I feel like it was just yesterday you said you were skipping #3 and going straight to 4 :D

[ShannonGH]

They all say going from 1 to 2 is tough, but 2 to 3 easy.

This surprises me. I don't have any friends with 3 so I don't have anyone to ask. For me, the transition from 1 to 2 was (thankfully) as smooth as I'd imagined/hoped it would be. I just worry with 3 I'll be spread so thin that it will make things much more difficult.

BTW, I've never posted here but we've known we've wanted 3 from the get-go. And now I'm even possibly considering 4 :o but dh doesn't know that yet! We'll get through 3 and maybe I'll change my mind.

[jenjen0713]

I've heard that going from 2 to 3 is harder than 1 to 2. My doctor, who is a father of 4, told me that when you have 2 kids you have "man on man" defense working and when you go to 3 or more kids, then you have to go to "zone" defense. :)

[mkvh]

Disney and mamax2--I have TWO dogs!! ;) They drive me nuts. Thank heavens for the Invisible Fence...

dal--Thanks for the hope! I keep thinking this is the worst it will be till they're teenagers and at each others' throats.

Shannon!!!!!--We're 3 with the option for 4! DH is partially on board for the 4th...we shall see.

Transition--0-1 was VERY easy. 1-2 was easy at first, but now, it's starting to get more challenging. Ahhh...the terrible 2s!

[mamax2]

Transitions ~ It's so interesting to hear all the different perspectives! I didn't find going from 0 to 1 to be all that challenging, but I think it's because I was just really honest with myself about the changes and so it wasn't a shock. I knew I wouldn't get a lot of sleep or see my friends as much, etc.

Going from 1 to 2 was *really* hard those first two months. I struggled with just not having 'enough' of myself to give. I felt like I was letting everyone down all the time and like each child was constantly cheated somehow. Of course, I came to grips with all of that and now that I see the relationship my girls have with each other, it more than makes up for any moments that I'm not able to give of myself, if that makes sense.

I guess that's kind of how I view having 3 too - I've already learned how to divide myself up, kwim? I'm alone w/my girls a lot because DH owns his business and works all the time. I'm used to zone defense. I'm already out-numbered! :p

[mkvh]

Going from 1 to 2 was *really* hard those first two months. I struggled with just not having 'enough' of myself to give. I felt like I was letting everyone down all the time and like each child was constantly cheated somehow.
This is how I'm feeling now! And it sucks. But I do see what you mean about it helping in the long run, sorting out those feelings now. It WILL be great when they can really play together.

[Ferris]

I thought I would post in here since I want 3 kiddos as well!! Currently I have a 3 year old and a 10 week old and already want other one! My DH has agreed to 3, but we have to wait till DD is 2 before we try again. The the kiddos would be about 6 and 3, when the new one arrives.

transitions It was hardest for me (so far) from 0-1. I don't think I realized how much sleep I was going to lose! From 1-2 has been really easy (knock on wood) for me.

dal Congrats on #3

[portlandbride]

Transitions ~
Going from 1 to 2 was *really* hard those first two months. I struggled with just not having 'enough' of myself to give. I felt like I was letting everyone down all the time and like each child was constantly cheated somehow.

I guess that's kind of how I view having 3 too - I've already learned how to divide myself up, kwim? I'm alone w/my girls a lot because DH owns his business and works all the time. I'm used to zone defense. I'm already out-numbered! :p
This is how I feel. Going from 0 -1 was actually much easier than I expected. I think that's because I had such horrible expectations and it just never was that bad! Going from 1 - 2 was REALLY difficult for me. I think that is mostly b/c #2 was such a needy baby. And my first was really still a baby so it was hard. Now that #2 is 20 months and #1 is 3 things are much easier, although the terrible 3's are hitting me pretty hard!
As for man-to-man defense, I also am on my own a lot so I already practice zone! My husband can be out of town for 5+ days and I have no family near by.
I guess we'll see how it goes when #3 gets here.

dal congrats on #3!

[rancherswife]

hmmm...for some reason my first one rocked my world. it was a huge adjustment. #2 was a breeze to adjust to and i think i only had one meltdown that first week home over feeling like #1 was taking the backseat temporarily, now i'm just curious to see what #3 brings to the mix. i've heard from most that #3 is a lot more of an adjustment than #2, but then from others, after #2, it doesn't make a difference! lol we'll see...

[ShannonGH]

Yeah, I guess it just really depends on the situation (all children's temperment, new baby's sleeping habits, etc) as to how the transition from 2 to 3 goes. It's interesting hearing everyone's input though.

[kristin]

DC's #1 and 2 are 18 months apart. The plan was to have three and have the last one spaced out a little more, maybe 2 years.

Unfortunately the plan did not work out as the time we would have conceived #3 was just crazy - job loss, followed by tough long commutes each day, then moving. Now the closest in age #2 and #3 would be is 3 and 1/2 years, but most likely closer to 4 years apart.

My first two are so close, we feel somewhat guilty making this third child the odd man out. I'd like our third child to have the benefits of a close sibling relationship. We are seriously contemplating having two more even closer together (15 months?) and then calling it a day. Anyone feel the same?

[mkvh]

kristin--The '2 sets of 2' theory has had lots of discussion in our house! My first 2 are both girls and 18m apart. I too would feel a bit guilty about a 3 or more year space and an "only", especially if he were a boy.

[dal]

Now the closest in age #2 and #3 would be is 3 and 1/2 years, but most likely closer to 4 years apart.

My first two are so close, we feel somewhat guilty making this third child the odd man out. I'd like our third child to have the benefits of a close sibling relationship. We are seriously contemplating having two more even closer together (15 months?) and then calling it a day. Anyone feel the same?

Our situation is exactly what yours would be - my first two are 16 months apart and my 2nd and 3rd will be 4 years apart. But nooooooo, i can't even fathom having two more close in age. LOL. I used to think about it before I got pg with #3 but now that #3 is on the way, I am so done after this one. I love the relationship that my girls have - they are absolutely best friends and if they are both home at the same time, they are pretty much inseparable. However, I think they will both take care of #3 and give #3 a different kind of sibling relationship. Plus, I think I will have more time for one-on-one time with #3 that I didn't have with my first two since they were both babies at the same time.

I totally know where you're coming from b/c I did used to think that way. I just don't have it in me to have two more.

[mamax2]

The '2 sets of 2' theory has had lots of discussion in our house! My first 2 are both girls and 18m apart. I too would feel a bit guilty about a 3 or more year space and an "only", especially if he were a boy.

This is the 'program' my grandmother keeps trying to sell me on :p She had two kids 1 y 9m apart, then a 6 year gap and 2 more 1y 9m apart.

I've started to think this way lately too. I think I'm just trying to compensate for the idea that we may end up with a much larger gap between #2 & #3 than either of us would like. My DH would NEVER go for 4 kids though!! Unless I were to have twins, it's just not an option. Frankly, I don't think I would ultimately go for it either, but I play around with it in my head.

If/when we do have #3, I really do hope it's a boy because I think it would be easier for the 3rd child if there's an opposite gender. In our case, I can picture a little sister who would want to be w/the big girls but would invariably be left out and it would be a tougher bond. There's just all this drama w/the girls that I think we'd avoid with a little boy (just based upon seeing the interactions of the little boys I know). I don't know if that makes any sense?? Both of my girls are really nurturing though so I think they'd make great big sisters at any age.

Oh, does anyone else notice that when you're grappling with a decision like this, there are suddenly pg women everywhere??!?! 2 of DD's classmates' mothers announced pregnancies this week. One having her 2nd baby the other having her 3rd (incidentally, they have 2 girls about 1 year apart and #3 will be almost 5 years younger - and a boy!) This morning, I picked up a local women's magazine where the 'Moms' page was about.... what else - the decision to go from 2 to 3 kids!

[dal]

If/when we do have #3, I really do hope it's a boy because I think it would be easier for the 3rd child if there's an opposite gender. In our case, I can picture a little sister who would want to be w/the big girls but would invariably be left out and it would be a tougher bond. There's just all this drama w/the girls that I think we'd avoid with a little boy (just based upon seeing the interactions of the little boys I know). I don't know if that makes any sense?? Both of my girls are really nurturing though so I think they'd make great big sisters at any age. Yes, it makes sense. We think the same thing - that it would be easier if #3 is a boy just in terms of the dynamic between all 3 kids. I have spoken to a couple of moms around here who are #3 with two much older sisters and they have said that while it was a little rough growing up b/c they spent a lot of time following big sisters around, they are all so close now. One of them is 5 years younger than her older twin sisters and the other is 7 and 8 years younger than her older sisters.

[jmvan74]

Going from 0-1 was definitely the harder transition for me. However, my life situation then was also different and I suffered from PPD with #1. Plus, he was colicky.
#2 was /is more mild mannered and the transition wasn't that tough. Now that they are 3 and 1 1/2 it's actually more challenging. They *fight* over everything. Lots of pushing, crying and yelling. Of course, they play together as well and I can tell that they adore each other, but my hands are certainly full.

We're hoping #3 will be born in spring/summer 09. This would put a 26-30 month gap between 2 and 3.

[phart]

Now that they are 3 and 1 1/2 it's actually more challenging.

Agreed. I've had people look at me and say I have my hands full and I reply "Yeah...with those two!" pointing at the 2 and 4.5 year olds! The 6 week old isn't the problem;)

[newmommy]

My neighbor has 4 kids, and when she asked if we'd go for a third, she threw in: 'you might as well go for four then'!!! LOL Good thing DH didn't hear her!!!

I often think if #3 is a girl, that would be a great dynamic, because the first two boys are just 23 months apart. The third child will be closer to three years apart from the second....maybe ; )

Last night I tried to think about just staying with just our two boys, and I was sad at the thought of "just" two...


ETA: I hate when people assume we're going for a girl...as if an order would be placed!

[rancherswife]

I often think if #3 is a girl, that would be a great dynamic, because the first two boys are just 23 months apart. The third child will be closer to three years apart from the second....maybe ; )




This is what we've got goin' on. My first two are almost 21 mos. apart, BUT my second and third will be almost 20 mos. apart, closer, BUT #3 is a girl and I'm thinking it'll be a good dynamic, like you said. I too, know how annoying it is to hear "are you hoping for a girl?" wtf? no, i'm hoping for a healthy baby, people kill me with their comments. Even when we found out ds#2 was a boy, we got the "oh, i'm sorry!" HUH???

[newmommy]

rancherswife: I often feel that everyone's reaction to DS#2 was as if I had a ltitle monster not a little boy! LOL "awww too bad", "oh you'll have your hands full!" "I bet you wish he was a girl" WTF is right!!! Would a girl be a lovely addition? Sure of course......but a healthy baby is what we wish for!!!

Uggghhhh

Anywho just about 2am I had to feed our DS and I asked myself if I can do this all over again...and my answer: "hell ya!" :D

[DisneyGirl]

When I was Pg with #3 I already had a boy and a girl so, i didn;t get the comment" are you hoping for a ...? What I got was.." why are you having 3..you already have the "perfect family".. My response: "according to who"? Then I would follow that question with: What the hell is a perfect family, anyways?

[Kanga]

So funny the two sets of two was brought up. We originally had planned on 3-4 kids all spaced 3ish years apart. Nature had it's own plans though and I now have 2 16 months apart and LOVE it. Even though they definitely fight over every.little.thing they are starting to get the very basics of sharing, turn taking, not hitting, using words instead, etc so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The hardest part about the age gap is that it seems as soon as one is finished, the other starts. Dd1 started STTN on a regular basis exactly 1 week before #2 was born. Dd1 is potty trained, but now I'm just getting started with #2, etc, etc. So, I think having a 4-6 year gap will give me enough of a break before doing it again. Then of course I wonder if after having #3 we won't have the resources (financially, emotionally, energy, etc) to have a #4 and #3 will be the odd ball out and I'll regret not just having 3 close together and get it over with.

[TenOClockBird]

Oh, I still go back and forth with all this. The "perfect family" thing is SO OBNOXIOUS! My MIL gives us that all the time. Like the gender of #2 would be the determining factor about whether or not we had it in us to raise another human being. WTF? Then she throws in, "Oh, but then Sam (#2) will be a middle child! You don't want to do that to him!" Ya think she might have a few of her own unresolved middle child issues!? Besides that, I think Sam would be the PERFECT middle child. Certainly nobody is going to run over him and leave him unnoticed! That's for SURE!

Yeah, people's comments are amazing. And the funny thing is that they usually cause me to think exactly the opposite of whatever they're trying to convince me of.

[mkvh]

I just got asked today if we were "going for a boy soon". UGH! We were going for 3 regardless. People and their preconceived notions...

[portlandbride]

People always assume we are trying for a boy. They actually ask if this one is a girl will we try again!:eek: Umm, no.
While I might have wished for a boy before it would actually be easier to have another girl since we already have all girl stuff/clothes. Not that any boy wouldn't love playing with the pink lawnmower my DD just got for her birthday.:)

[TenOClockBird]

I know it was mentioned somewhere back in the thread, but for me, the same-sex sibling relationship is a big thing, too. I'm so incredibly fascinated by it. My husband and I both come from families with one boy and one girl (specifically, first girl, second boy). We have a girl then a boy. What would it be like to give one of them a same-sex sibling? Even with a wide age spread? I mean, either way, one of them will get one, right?

People and their presumptions! That reminds me. When my best friend had twins (in 2001) people would stop her all the time and say the silliest things. One day when i was visiting, we were in BRU and a lady stopped to ask if they were identical. When Mel answered that they didn't know for sure, but they thought so at this point, the woman answered, "Oh, thank goodness!"

WTF? Do we love the ones that look alike and send one back if they don't?

[dal]

I know it was mentioned somewhere back in the thread, but for me, the same-sex sibling relationship is a big thing, too. I think I've mentioned this before in this thread. I, like you, have a brother. I always wondered what it would be like to have a sister. I knew I wanted my kids to have the experience of having a same-sex sibling. When we had two girls, we were thrilled. Had #2 been a boy, we would have already had a third. There would have been no question about it. The decision to have a third was actually harder for me b/c I already had two of the same.

When girl #2 was born, we got a lot of "well now you'll have to try for the boy." :rolleyes: When we started telling people about this pg with #3, I actually get people telling me they're keeping their fingers crossed for a boy for us. :confused: I have NEVER expressed a preference so I think it's so funny that random people (and this isn't even family!!!) just impose on me their own opinions. But whatever, what can I do? I could care less what we have. I just want a healthy baby.

[TenOClockBird]

well, for one, am hoping for a boy for you because every mother should experience the, um, joys and sadnesses of being mother to a son. I'm mostly sarcastic, of course, but yeah, people do crack me up. I mean, if one same-sex sibling relationship is fun to watch, how cool would it be to watch each girl have TWO sisters!

I can totally understand why it would have been easier for you to decide to have #3 if #2 had been a girl. We have one of each and the same-sex thing is a huge part of why I want a 3rd. Still, the "perfect family" conception is annoying, but it hits a bit of a chord with me, too. Grrr.

[Kanga]

I think I've mentioned this before in this thread. I, like you, have a brother. I always wondered what it would be like to have a sister. I knew I wanted my kids to have the experience of having a same-sex sibling. When we had two girls, we were thrilled. Had #2 been a boy, we would have already had a third. There would have been no question about it. The decision to have a third was actually harder for me b/c I already had two of the same.



Same here, only I have one sister and always wondered what it was like to have a brother. I think that's why if I had a choice, I'd choose two boys next. That way everybody could have at least one brother and sister.

Surprisingly, I haven't had anybody ask if we're going to try for a boy yet. Could be because I made it very clear while preg with #2 that we were done regardless of the gender so I wouldn't have people yammering on about when were we going to be ready for #3.

[mamax2]

I think many people (most even??) think a 'balanced' family is ideal (meaning have some of each gender kids). I know I find this to be *my* ideal. I've never heard anyone say "I want to have 4 boys" or "I only want girls", kwim?

I don't really find it at all annoying for people to wonder whether we want a boy and I would NEVER presume these people believe that a healthy baby doesn't come first and foremost. I think that part just goes without saying and they jump to the next logical question, which is family balancing. I would love any baby to pieces, but I do admit that I think it would be cool to have a son. It would just be a new and different challenge and a different kind of relationship for my DDs and I think that would be neat.

Of course, I *do* find it annoying in general when random people or acquaintances ask about us having more kids or if we're trying. Nothing like trying to pry open that bedroom door and looking under the sheets! How nosy can you be?!?!

When my SIL announced her 4th pregnancy last weekend, my FIL asked us when we were going to "start keeping up" :rolleyes: I guess 6 grandkids in 5 years time still isn't enough. :D

[daphne]

This thread is so interesting to me. I asked awhile ago about people approaching 35 having qualms....I'm turning 35 next month, so it's weighing on my mind. I don't think it'd stop me from having another, though.

The issue of a "balanced" family resonates with me, however. We have one of each and, while I *love* the idea of a 3rd baby, the thought of having 2 of one gender and one of the other seems "unbalanced" to me. My neighbor asked me which gender I prefer, now that I have both. Terrible question, but it got me thinking...I think if I were to have 3, I might as well have 4 (to try to "balance" the family). That's NOT going to happen and it really doesn't make sense; it's just more my train of thought....

[mamax2]

The issue of a "balanced" family resonates with me, however. We have one of each and, while I *love* the idea of a 3rd baby, the thought of having 2 of one gender and one of the other seems "unbalanced" to me.

Well, you're right in that the numbers truly don't 'balance' because it's an odd number. It's more about having boy(s) and girl(s) in your family. It doesn't really have anything to do with how many of each gender there are, simply that you don't have all boys or all girls. I've started researching gender swaying (like the Shettles method + ;) ) and family 'balancing' is just the terminology that's used by women who have all of one gender and wish to add one or more of the opposite sex. There's probably a more appropriate term than 'balance', but I haven't seen it yet! :p

[jh124]

I think many people (most even??) think a 'balanced' family is ideal (meaning have some of each gender kids). I know I find this to be *my* ideal. I've never heard anyone say "I want to have 4 boys" or "I only want girls", kwim?

I'll be honest. I was really disappointed to find out #2 was another boy. To placate me, DH keeps saying that we can have a third. I really have no desire to have three children, but I also really want a daughter*. It's too early to come to a decision, but I'm reading along seeing how you all juggle three.


I've started researching gender swaying (like the Shettles method + ;) ) and family 'balancing' is just the terminology that's used by women who have all of one gender and wish to add one or more of the opposite sex. There's probably a more appropriate term than 'balance', but I haven't seen it yet! :p

You know, there is a clinic in Fairfax, VA, that can help your odds better than Shettles. 'Cause let me tell you, it did crap for me.





*Sure, there are no guarantees, but I wouldn't leave it up to Mother Nature.

[portlandbride]

I'll be honest. I was really disappointed to find out #2 was another boy.

I was really disappointed when I found out #2 was a girl. Now, I couldn't be happier. Maybe it's because mine are so close in age but it is great having two fo the same. They seem to like the same things, we can buy all pink and purple :).
We are not going for a third to try and have a boy but I do think it would be fun for the girls to have a little brother. When I ask my oldest if she'd like a brother or a sister she always says "brudder", so we'll see.

[LeighW]

Going back to the juggling topic, does anyone have one older child and then 2 younger ones close together?

My DD is 5 and I have a 15-month old DS (adopted). We're adopting #3, another boy who is almost exactly one year younger than DS. We expect he'll be home by the end of the year. So, roughly, I'll have a 5.5 year old, 22-month old, and 10 month old.

I don't have a clue how it's going to work out. Gear suggestions? I'm thinking of a crib, double stroller, carseat, and lots of wine? :p

[jay&erinn]

I've never heard anyone say "I want to have 4 boys" or "I only want girls", kwim
My MIL did. She had 3 boys and states that she never EVER wanted a girl. That she would have kept having kids if there was some guarentee that she'd get more boys. They (ILs) even expressed a preference for a boy when I was pregnant both times. Needless to say, we've failed miserably by having 2 girls:p

Even though we're still on the fense about a 3rd, I've gotten to the point where I think another girl would be easier than throwing a boy into the mix. There's already so much girl stuff in the house, it would be cheaper and easier to add a third of the same gender. Of course, when I see a little boy at work or at one of the girls' activities, there is a little pull to want to see what it's like to raise a boy.

the same-sex sibling relationship is a big thing, too
Being the middle child, sandwiched between 2 boys, I really love having 2 girls. I really hope they have the strong relationship that some of my friends have with their sisters. I love my brothers, but there's just certain things you don't share with a boy (other than your DH).

[mamax2]

You know, there is a clinic in Fairfax, VA, that can help your odds better than Shettles. 'Cause let me tell you, it did crap for me.

Are you talking about GIVF?? I wouldn't go the high-tech route for a couple reasons, the biggest 2 being: Financial and Moral/Ethical/Religious. PGD (which is truly the only way to guarantee a certain gender) requires you to face the decision of having more babies than you'd like or donating/destroying embryos. I am opposed to donation/destruction of my embryos so it's not something I could ever try. It's just not for me, although I'm perfectly happy to chart, change my diet, etc. I also know Shettles for a boy is 'easier' than Shettles for a girl. What I've since learned about pH and body chemistry as it relates to conception is really eye-opening. We'll see if/when it works! :p


Oh, and I cried when we learned #2 was a girl. It was NOT because I didn't want 2 DDs (my ideal family has always been 2 girls, 1 boy), but because I thought that DH would call it quits and decide he wouldn't go for 3 (he makes comments about paying for 3 weddings, etc. :p ) I think if we have #3 and it's another girl, I'll just bust out laughing. The drama and estrogen involved in a house of 4 women (5 if you count the female dog!) plus my poor DH would just be crazy! It'll just be funny at that point and we joke about it all the time since we seem 'pre-disposed' to having girls.

[jh124]

Are you talking about GIVF?? I wouldn't go the high-tech route for a couple reasons, the biggest 2 being: Financial and Moral/Ethical/Religious. PGD (which is truly the only way to guarantee a certain gender) requires you to face the decision of having more babies than you'd like or donating/destroying embryos.

No, I'm talking about Microsort. They spin the sperm and do IUI. No destroying anything, just selecting certain sperm over the others. Girls have a 90% probability, boys are 85% (give or take.)

[mamax2]

No, I'm talking about Microsort. They spin the sperm and do IUI. No destroying anything, just selecting certain sperm over the others. Girls have a 90% probability, boys are 85% (give or take.)

Microsort is a process, GIVF (Genetics & IVF Institute) holds the license on Microsort and one of their locations is Fairfax, so I thought that might have been the place you were thinking of. The odds that I've read are substantially less for boys - like low to mid 70%. IMO, that's not even as good as Shettles and at a much greater cost. I guess you could say I'm willing to sway, but not pay! :p;)

[kristin]

I'll admit, when my daughter was born I was disappointed that she was a girl - thrilled that she was healthy, but I really wanted my son to have a brother. I had this vision of them being best of friends, dropping them off together at soccer practice, boy scouts, etc. I think had we found out the sex of the baby during my pregnancy, I would have had a really hard time with it. But since we waited until she was born, the disappointment was dulled by the fact that we had a beautiful, healthy girl.

I still get a little wistful when I see two brothers playing together. It doesn't help than almost all my friends have two boys - and they think I'm crazy. My son has an imaginary brother named "Baby Jimmy". I never had any desire to have a girl (probably because I'm one of four girls - can you say drama?). I would love for our 3rd and maybe 4th to be a boy - if nothing else, morning sickness with my daughter was about 20x worse than with my son. Like mamax2, I would not resort to microsort for the reasons she listed, but I do have a preference.

[TenOClockBird]

Just to add another voice to the Microsort debate, I'd do it. I have a boy and a girl, so if we have a third, I'd be equally happy either way, but if Sam had been a girl, I'd definitely want a boy. That's not to say that I wouldn't have loved raising two or three girls, but I don't have an issue with the Microsort. I wouldn't go so far as to produce embryos that I would have to make decisions about, but I'd let science pick the sperm with a spinout! Of course, money would be an issue.

[rancherswife]

I still get a little wistful when I see two brothers playing together. It doesn't help than almost all my friends have two boys - and they think I'm crazy.

Having two little boys so close together is a lot of fun. I actuallty think it'll be even more fun when they're older. BUT....don't be fooled, the obnoxiousness that goes on in my house by two male toddlers is off the charts some days! ;) They are fun and I can't wait for them to be involved in activities together, HOWEVER, normally most brothers that I know are complete opposites and will have no interest in the same things! lol

[jmvan74]

Having two little boys so close together is a lot of fun. I actuallty think it'll be even more fun when they're older. BUT....don't be fooled, the obnoxiousness that goes on in my house by two male toddlers is off the charts some days! ;) They are fun and I can't wait for them to be involved in activities together, l

I second this! My boys are nuts. LOVE them to pieces, but man they are definitely giving me a run for my money. :p
Of course, I'll want #3 to be healthy, first and foremost, but I really would like to experience raising a daughter. If I end up with 3 boys I'll still be thrilled.

[Pookie]

Does anyone in this thread have the oldest DC be about 6-7 years older than the youngest? I've always wanted 3 kiddos. We're hoping for another 3 - 3 1/2 year spacing again, but that would make DS about 7 when #3 shows up. At a certain point, I want to be done having young kids and I'm kind of wondering if I'll feel tied down forever with that scenario? As for the gender discussion, the only time I've ever debated if I wanted a third was yesterday after finding out that #2 is a girl because now we'll have one of each. Kind of funny, huh?

[mamax2]

Pookie ~ So far, I think all our kids are still pretty young - like 5 and under, so no one in the thread has the spacing you mention yet.

*If* we end up having a third ever, we'll probably be in the same boat as you though since my oldest is almost 5 now. Like you, I wonder if I'll even want to go back to the baby stage at that point, but not because I dislike the baby phase (I secretly love it!), but because I wonder how it'll impact my older kids. Like, how would I handle homework and lacrosse practice or dance or whatever, kwim? I'm not real into scheduling my kids or anything, but my oldest just craves a very active social life so it does make me wonder how I'll handle it when she's older & wants to do even more.

[almostthere]

So my oldest will be 5 this summer and our baby just turned 1. I totally thought we were done and to be honest had a ton of issue getting pregnant with 2 so we might be but I just do not feel complete. I love my two little girls, and to be honest I am overwhelmed with just them sometime but when I look at the total picture I think about the fun of a larger family.

If we did anything my oldest would be at least 6 or 7 when the 3 was born, ideally I would like to start trying when my youngest is 2.5 and oldest is 6. Like many of you I wonder what the impact would be on the oldest life as she is very social, goes on playdates, takes dance etc. then other times I think she is a bit selfish *(she was an only until 4 so got very into not sharing her parents time) and think this is a good life lesson for her and that I will carpool more to place and she will gain new independence.

I also struggle because with my first I did not work at all the 1st year and part time after that (very part time which grew as she grew). I work very part time with my second but have just taken a GREAT part time job but am out of the house about 20 hrs a week. I would not want to give this job up as I get discounts for both preschool and private school and as a family that adds alot for us. So I feel like the baby would get alot less one on one from me as my time divided between 3 would be limited, yet on the other hand the youngest would benefit from the older two.

Decision are tough!

[mamax2]

Bumping up for Kristin ~ Congrats!!!

Living in Baby-Envy-Agony :( My DH is trying to get our youngest to move into a BG bed and it's killing me. This will be the first time in 5 years I haven't had a crib in my house. I will officially be baby-less. I NEED another!!!

[kristin]

Thanks mamax2! I was searching through the group threads - I forgot it was under the Big kids thread. I too had a hard time when we put our crib away - it was really the last "baby" thing I had to hold onto, with the exception of diapers (sigh). And DD seems so grown up in her big bed :(.

Just found out I am pregnant with DC #3. It is ridiculously early - I'm maybe 3-4 weeks preg? But I just felt pregnant and tested yesterday. So I'm trying to contain the excitement, coupled with the worry that I have multiple risk factors for having twins. I'd really prefer only a third right now, thank you ;).

[Natasha]

I guess I can join up here. I just had my 3rd (and final) baby 2 weeks ago! So far, not as hard as I had expected it to be. My 5 year old son is really helpful, and my 2.5 year old daughter is absolutely IN LOVE with him. Not so much helpful, but dotes on him constantly.

And so far, the baby is as sweet as can be. I am already sad that I have had my last baby. I told my husband it's a good thing I had a tubal ligation, otherwise I'd be begging for #4! :eek:

[dal]

This will be the first time in 5 years I haven't had a crib in my house. I will officially be baby-less. I NEED another!!! Yeah this was a hard one for me too - I went from having two cribs in my house at once to eventually none. Hang in there mamax2, I, too, had a lot of baby envy before I got pregnant again. It's tough.

[bluebunny]

Well, we are having a third. :eek: Had a little slip-up and here we go. I'm nervous about having three right now because I wanted to space them out a bit more, but I'm getting more used to the idea. Actually, I'm pretty much freaking out and probably will until the first u/s when it becomes real.

[newmommy]

congrats bluebunny! How old are your children??

Yesterday we spent the day at the beach with my friends and their children. I found myself with my two, plus their kids too(I'm a teacher so I guess it comes naturally) and all I kept thinking about was how excited I was to have three someday.

On the other hand my friends each had two and are done...they said they can't fathom 3...which makes me feel like maybe I'm insane :o:rolleyes::confused:

[duke's flygirl]

I'd love to join here if that is alright with you ladies.

kristin: CONGRATS to you. Much like you we weren't planning on having any more, not that I didn't secretly WANT more, I just felt PG and tested, and sure enough, 2 lines! My kids are all going to be close in age, my oldest, DD will be 4 a month after #3 arrives, and my DS will be 26 months when #3 arrives.

bluebunny: CONGRATS to you. Do I remember you from when you were TTC #2 a couple of years ago? As I said to kristin, we had a "surprise" too. It took a few days to grow accustomed to the idea, but now I am really excited about the prospect.

[bluebunny]

Thanks, newmommy. Like you, I'm encountering people who have two and are done. I went to the beach with two friends and their families and we all had two children. The other two women said they were done with their two. My kids are 3.5 and 18 months.

duke's flygirl, thanks! And congrats on your third. :) My children are close in age to yours. My DS will be four in October and DD will be two in December.

[dal]

wow! we have quite of few of you joining in with thirds on the way! fun!!!

As for the two and done - I have a couple of friends who are two and done but most of my friends actually have or are trying to have three. In my daughter's class (pre-k going into kindergarten), i think there are more with three or more than two. crazy no?!

[ShannonGH]

i think there are more with three or more than two. crazy no?!


Oh haven't you heard, three is the new two! :p

[newmommy]

LOL Shannon! My best friend just said that to me!! Are you on board for three too????

[ShannonGH]

Yup, we've wanted three from the beginning. :)

[pullbuoy]

So how many other preggos are there on here? Dal and just me, now that natasha just had her third?

Anybody else getting really freaking sick of people telling them how much harder 3 is going to be than 2? Specifically the transition to 3? My transition from 1-2 was really difficult- they were 17 months apart, we moved and remodelled TWO houses DIY within 5 weeks of my youngests' birth, and immediately upon going back to work my DH got slammed with several time consuming new cases. I SAH'd with basically no support and no breaks until number 1 started preschool 9 months later. Plus number 2 was a crap sleeper and fussier than number 1, to boot. This time both older kids will be in preschool from the getgo, I'll be working fairly quickly, have much more support in place, NO MOVING, and just, damn, it's going to suck a lot less. I'm not saying it's going to be a cakewalk, but people fight me on this so hard if I try saying anything like "Well, our transition to 2 broke us in- remember we moved right after we had him! Hopefully we learned a few lessons." Oh, no, "It's going to be such chaos in your house! Haha, they'll have you outnumbered!" They just really seem to want this to be hard on me, for some reason. Kind of like how everybody likes to tell a 9 months pregnant lady how painful labor is, maybe?

I've got about another month, and I'm really excited. I hate being pregnant, and am excited to meet the new baby!

[Natasha]

pullbuoy--Oh yeah, we got a lot of that. It's not easy, but it isn't as hard as I was afraid it would be, or as bad as others made it out to be! For some reason, people think you being pregnant is free license to tell you any stupid thing that crosses their mind. :rolleyes:

[Abby'sMom]

transition from 2 to 3 - I just had my third on Father's Day, and I can say with 100% certainty that for me, it was much easier to go from 2 to 3 than it was to go from 1 to 2. pullbuoy, I think it's so strange that people have been telling you the opposite! Everyone I know told me that 2 to 3 was much easier. Once you can juggle two kids, juggling 3+ isn't so much an issue.

Oh, and my spacing: A few days less than 21 months between #1 and #2, and 22.5 months between #2 and #3 (so that's roughly 3.5 years between #1 and #3).

[DisneyGirl]

I also thought the going from 2 to 3 was much much easier then going from 1 to 2.

[mamax2]

pullbuoy ~ There have been a few pregnancies announced in the past week or so, so you're in good company here. :) As for the comments people make, are these people w/3 kids or not? Depending upon who they are and how many kids they have I might say something like:

"Well, everyone I know who actually has 3 kids tells me it's great!" (for someone who only has 1 or 2)

"I know it's going to be crazy, so I can count on you to come over to help, right?!"

or simply...

"We wouldn't have it any other way"

ITA that pregnancy is like the world's free license to tell you whatever they want. Some people just have no internal filter. I would imagine a lot of people can't imagine THEMSELVES w/3 kids and so they just blurt out how they feel and assume that's how the rest of the world feels too.

[Daniel's Kitty]

I hear comments about it too. Good and bad. I hear more comments about summer pregnancies being hard and that this must be new for me, until I say my first was born in August.

[jenjen0713]

pullbuoy - I'm another one due with #3. And yes, I do get tired of hearing the comments on how crazy we are and how hard it will be to have 3 kids.

[rancherswife]

Also due w/ #3 in three months! I hear crap like that all the time too. It's annoying, but the funny thing is, it's normally from people who have either 1 or 2, I have yet to hear it from someone who actually HAS 3 or more! lol wtf? One friend that has 3 tells me, once you go past two, it's easy, you already know how to handle more than one, and what's one more? lol I'm sure we'll have hectic, make me wanna pull my hair out times, but hell, I have those times now, isn't that pretty natural? ;) I'm nervous, but the excitement far outweighs the nervousness. I dunno, I'll let ya know in October! ;)

spacing: #1 and #2 are almost 21 mos. apart and #2 will be almost 20 mos. when #3 is born.

[portlandbride]

I'm due with number 3 in December. I will say I'm scared but I'm sure it will all work out, what other choice do I have??:)
Spacing #1 and #2 are 16.5 months apart and #2 will be 26.5 months when #3 arrives. My #2 was a pretty high needs kiddo, hence the longer spacing.:)

[Mrs.Chappy]

I love reading along in this thread.
we had DS2 in late April. When we found out it was a boy at the u/s i admit, i teared up b/c DH was like 'i Just know its a girl'. DS was born healthy but we have issues w/ colic and reflux..its been a hard 11 weeks. DH said,
'if i wasn't sure we were done before, i am 100% sure of it now'. its been hard on us all. i can't help thinking that after all this i want to 'try' for that girl. Afterall, i'm one of three. So many people are asking if we are 'done' given what we are going through. i tell everyone yes and that i packed up my maternity clothes for donation (they are sitting on my floor). I say this in front of DH b/c i feel its what he wants to hear. Anyway, the thought of not trying again is so final. its sad. Who knows what will be and after we get through this rough patch and i actually have a decent conversation with my husband maybe we can talk it out. He's one of two and i'm one of three so he's pretty set on two kids.

i'm just getting this off my chest. Its how i feel but i haven't shared w/ anyone, certainly not DH. We just got DS2 out of our bed so i'm at least hoping for our sex life to resume at some point!

[pullbuoy]

Oh, hey, there are a ton! Yay! Tell us more about how it is! Do you find it took you longer or shorter than last time to get back to a routine? Do your older two like to play together? Mine do now, and I'm thinking that might be a bonus over last time- they can entertain each other some while I nurse the baby.

Mostly I'm getting the it will suck comments from people who either were one of three 35 years ago or had some extenuating circumstances, along the lines of what I had with my second, only they had it with their third. Or, yes, people with two now who can't imagine themselves with a third. I've got just enough spine to be unwilling to let them tell me about how my life is going to be with no push back at all(I agree, doesn't go well with that whole "oooh a pregnant woman, let me tell her how the rabbit ate the cabbage!" instinct people seem to get), but I do appreciate the lines to help keep me civil. For now I'm just hoping I can milk the whole give the 9 months pregnant lady a wide berth thing. "Oh, did I just bite your head off? Pardon me, I am nine months pregnant you see." :p

spacing- my first two will be newly 4 and 2.5 when the new baby is born. Which they are now; my due date is in 4 weeks. If past history is a guide I'll go about a week late. Did you guys go about the same time as the first two?

[jmvan74]

i'm just getting this off my chest. Its how i feel but i haven't shared w/ anyone, certainly not DH. We just got DS2 out of our bed so i'm at least hoping for our sex life to resume at some point!

It's such an emotional decision and you have plenty of time to make it. ;) I know we've put the idea of a third on hold, again. It's like a rollercoaster.

[mamax2]

Mrs.Chappy ~ Vent all you want here - goodness knows I've done my fair share of that too! Being 11 weeks PP is way too early to decide anything. I have done the same sort of thing w/my DH regarding the comments about getting rid of baby stuff or maternity clothes. I've never acted like I didn't want a third just to appease him, but I do throw little things out there just to see what he'll say/do. Hang in there - don't get rid of your stuff (at least not all of it, I got rid of a lot of stuff already!) Out of sight, sort-of-out-of-mind - pack it up, focus on your two little ones and see how you feel in a few months or even a few years!

Well, ladies, I'm back on the emotional roller coaster. And ya'll do know I mean roller coaster given the ups and downs of my posts the past few months! I'm not sure what's different - DH's business has picked up a little and maybe he realized no one's calling off my resume anyway, so DRUM ROLL PLEASE... we're going for it! :eek::D

[dal]

Mrs.Chappy It is a hard decision. We went back and forth on it for 3 so long after having our first two 16 months apart. We had months where we were done. Hang in there!!!

mamax2 Good luck!!! How exciting. :D

[phart]

!!! Congrats mamax2!!!!:)

[newmommy]

mamax2: YAY!! I am going to PM you!

[pullbuoy]

Hurray! Congrats and good luck!

[kristin]

Mamax2 - Congrats! That is wonderful!

MrsChappy - I could not even conceive of having a second or a third when my DCs were 11 weeks old! It's just such a difficult time - and I had fairly easy babies. Around 8 months post-partum was when we started to think about trying for another.

It turned out to be a chemical pregnancy this time around, so I will be lurking on this thread often and hoping for another soon :).

[mkvh]

YAAAAAAY mamax2!!!!!!

[Abby'sMom]

Meh, I need a new username....

pullbuoy, my third came at 39w (or 38w 5d, depending on which date I use). DS2 was my only baby to come on his own accord; DD and DS1 were both inductions - one at 39w 4d, one at 38w 5d.

[phart]

If past history is a guide I'll go about a week late. Did you guys go about the same time as the first two?

My first was a c/s, second was born at 37w6d, third at 39.

[portlandbride]

mamax2 Yay for you going for it!

kristin Sorry to hear that.

Mrs.Chappy I agree, 11 weeks is too early to decide anything. My second was so hard that DH was adamant about not having another. But now she is 22 months and here we are halfway done with #3. That's what not getting fixed when you say you are (him) does for you!:)

My first two both came on their due dates, weird, I know. I'm hoping #3 is a day early so I can have him/her on my grandfather's birthday. He passed away 9 years ago and we were very close.

[ajlanden]

Just popping in this thread. I found out we are expecting a "surprise" buddle this weekend. It was a complete shocker. I am still trying to wrap my brain around being a mommy of three....

BUT
DAL-I am so thrilled for you!!!! Your girls are getting another sibling! How totally cool! I hope you are doing well! I've missed you!

Ashley

[dal]

Ashley!!!!!! Congratulations!!!! Yeah me too, still trying to wrap my head around being a mommy of 3. I'm PMing you...

[portlandbride]

Congrats ajlanden!

[ajlanden]

So what do you mommies of 3 do with car seats. We have Honda Pilot and a Honda Accord. It is funny that I am worried about this of all things!

[Abby'sMom]

Ashley - you should be find with the Pilot, if not the Accord as well. Like I said on LJ, I drive a Highlander and two carseats - Evenflos, I think, plus the infant bucket - fit fine in the back. Of course, I'm not sure what'll happen once we move I out of the infant seat and into something else, but I'm not worrying yet.

[jesseybell]

ajlanden - Not planning on having 3 kids :) But I did buy a Pilot last year and a bunch of people who had 3 kids told me it was perfect for it. 2 people at work had 2 car seats across the 2nd seat. There are LATCHES for the 2 outer seats and the middle will use the seatbelt. Once their oldest moved to a booster seat though they put the booster seat in the 3rd row.

[newmommy]

Cars:
We test drove the Volvo XC90...and it was great!!! I think we'll put the two carseats on the end...and it has a built in booster seat in the middle! It also has a third row-if needed : )

We are going to wait on buying one until we're preggo with our third kiddo(God willing : )

[portlandbride]

Cars: Here is what I posted in the Mommy Cars thread:

Well, I needed something big enough for my business hauling baby eqiupment and something with 4 wheel drive (since I had to be towed out last year while delivering). I also wanted a third row, so I went with the Ford Expedition. They are not as popluar out here as the Tahoes or the Yukons, but I wanted something that the third row folded flat and the Expedition has this.
I'm also having a third child in December and liked that the second row (bench) has 3 LATCH spots. It has a 40/20/40 split. The middle part also pulls forward so it makes it easier to reach.
It's probably a bigger car than most people need but I get to write it off to my business! It also gets better gas mileage than I anticpated, we run about 15 - 16 miles per gallon, with a lot of city driving.
This is pretty much what mine looks like http://webiol.homenetinc.com/dealers...8422/12914.jpg, except mine is a carbon color.