3 kids anyone?

[dal]

I know this is a long shot, but does anyone have two older kids who are close in age (like less than 2 years apart) and then a third child who is maybe 3.5-4 years younger than the second?

If so, did you find it easier having a third when the other two were older or did you find it just as hard as having the second when the first was still so little?

Am I making any sense??? We have two girls 16 months apart. My DH doesn't really want more kids. But I am still on the fence. A part of me really just wants to be done with the whole baby stage, which we basically are. But another part of me thinks it won't be as hard as it was if we did it again b/c it really would be just caring for one baby as opposed to two (when my 2nd was born, my first was really still such a baby).

So just curious if any of you have done this and what your experiences are.

[maggieb]

I'm curious too.

[BTB]

Sharing my parents' experience here, FWIW, since it runs counter to the norm I see around here:

there's three sibs in my childhood family: My sister's the oldest, I'm 3 years younger than she is, and our brother is 9 years younger than she is.

My mom thought it was awesome, so much easier to do the "newborn" thing when the two other children were much more independent. And we all played together plenty, went to themeparks and waterparks together on family vacations, etc. IMO, whether children get along and play together has to do with personality and family culture, not spacing. You'll find stories of Irish twins superclose, and hating each other, and likewise, stories of sibs 12 years apart who never knew each other, and who were inseparable.

[sea74]

I'm not a parent but could also share my parents situation. They had three of us, all 15-19 months apart. Then they wanted to wait five years and have three more close together in age :eek:

After five years my mom got PG with #4 and then stopped. She said that before #4 came along she was FINALLY at a point where all the "baby" stuff was behind her. Us older kids were all potty trained and we were old enough to be out in public and be pretty well behaved and somewhat self-sufficient. Then all of a sudden she felt like she was stuck back at the house not able to get out because she had a newborn again and then there were diapers again and so on.

[snowzilla]

The gap between my second and third children is a little larger than what you're asking about, but I thought I'd share my experience anyways.

I was previously married, and we had a son and daughter born 23 months apart. Then, when I remarried, DD#2 (so, baby #3) was born, making her 8 years younger than her sister, and 10 years younger than her brother.

The advantages? Having only one under 5 to take care of is definitely a plus. When DS and DD#1 were small, it was hard work - toilet training one while changing diapers on another - ugh. Now, they're both in school and are super helpers with their little sister, and the challenges I face with each of them are very different. I might be pulling my hair out over getting enough sleep with DD#2, but I'm helping DS with his social studies homework. Knowing that DS will be old enough to babysit in two more years is a big plus too. ;)

I also have a whole new understanding and I don't know - a different outlook? - on having a baby that I didn't have with my first two...perhaps because of my age, or because they were my first and came so close together. The internet wasn't big yet, and I didn't have access to all of the information that I do now. I'm older now, I've experienced so much in the interim that has shaped me and how I think, and I know I have evolved quite a bit. (Not to say that there was anything wrong with me then - what I mean is that I had no idea how much could change, like my thoughts or beliefs, in the years that have passed.) Now, I'm acutely aware of every moment with DD#2 - it's like I've realized, throughout the journey, that this is most likely the last baby for me. I'm really enjoying it - even the sleepless nights (at 16 months, she still doesn't STTN consistently) and the crankiness (molars, anybody?) and the temper tantrums (what do you mean "no", momma?).

The disadvantages? I can't think of any really big ones. It IS an adjustment, because once my first two got a little older, I was more comfortable leaving them with a sitter, and got to go out a little more, and experience Life Before Sesame Street. I got used to sleeping a full 8 hours. I got used to showering in peace. I got used to eating an entire meal at the dinner table without having to leave the table early because a little person sitting in the high chair next to me was declaring "mealtime is over!". I'll admit, I panicked a bit when I was pregnant, and around a friend's 18-month old for a couple of days. I realized how much work a baby was, and I realized how unprepared I was!

But, all in all, I love our family dynamic. My older two dote on our littlest, and it's pretty cool. DD#2 lights up when she sees them, too. :)

I waited long enough between my second and third children that I had sort of forgotten about the tougher parts of being a mother to an infant. But, on the other hand, I had all of the knowledge from the first two to draw from (what I could remember, so many years later!) and it gave me a lot of confidence, as "Mom".

**I wanted to add - when DD#1 was born, I considered tubal ligation, and the doctor told me to think about it, because I might change my mind. Obviously, I'm so glad that I did - but if you would have asked me if I wanted to go through the whole pregnancy/baby thing again when my first two were still toddlers, I wouldn't have dreamed of it. I'm so glad I left my options open, because I really didn't expect my feelings on the subject to change!

[mamax2]

just following along b/c this is sort of what I'd like to do too. My DH is also pretty much done, but I'm hoping I can change his heart by the time our oldest is in school f-t. I actually really enjoy the baby phase. It's the pre-schooler crap* that's driving me nuts!

* I say this very tongue-in-cheek; of course, I love my 3 y.o. dearly, but gosh does she have her moments ;)

[BusyBee]

I will be following, too, as I'm pg with #2 and still can't help thinking about #3.
The first 2 will be 2 years apart, and it means a lot to me to have them close together. If we wait a few more years until #3, I will probably want a 4th to keep him company :).

So far, whether we have only 2 or more, I would like to have them all at the same time, even though it will be insanely difficult for a few years. My logic is this: we rent an apartment, which has enough space for babies, but I want something bigger as they get older. We can't afford a mortgage until I go back to work permanently, and I don't want to rush back to full-time because we need the $. Right now, I'm planning to take 6-12 months off for #2, which we can afford.

[pocahontas]

The gap between my second and third children is a little larger than what you're asking about, but I thought I'd share my experience anyways.

I was previously married, and we had a son and daughter born 23 months apart. Then, when I remarried, DD#2 (so, baby #3) was born, making her 8 years younger than her sister, and 10 years younger than her brother.

The advantages? Having only one under 5 to take care of is definitely a plus. When DS and DD#1 were small, it was hard work - toilet training one while changing diapers on another - ugh. Now, they're both in school and are super helpers with their little sister, and the challenges I face with each of them are very different. I might be pulling my hair out over getting enough sleep with DD#2, but I'm helping DS with his social studies homework. Knowing that DS will be old enough to babysit in two more years is a big plus too. ;)
Not a parent, but my mother could have pretty much authored this post. I was that last child (#3 that you speak of) and my siblings were teenagers when I was born (yes, a bigger gap than you're asking about but I thought I'd throw this perspective in there as well). My mother was married young (at 19) and had my sister when she was 20. My brother followed 22 months later. Clearly, they were close and grew up together.

Fast forward, several years and a divorce later. My father entered the picture...by now my mother was in her 30s with 2 kids in middle school/junior high. My father was also a divorcee with 2 older kids. But incredibly (or maybe a mid-life crisis :rolleyes: ) they got pg with my sister (but unfortunately m/c) and 18 months or so later along came me. My mother loved the fact that both my sister and brother were old enough to watch me if she had to run to the grocery store. I am not so sure of what my siblings thought when they heard I was on the way (probably a lot of eyerolling I can imagine. :D ) But they took to me after I was born and I remember looking up to my brother especially and wanting to hang out with him (nothing like a big brother to defend you on the playground either! :p ) My mother also felt like she got to do a lot of what she missed out on doing with my sister and brother...with me. She was a SAHM with me...clearly at age 20 and 22 she wasn't able financially to do that with my brother and sister. So she got to come to all my school performances, field trips, etc. and to this day my brother says I was spoiled and my sister says I get away with stuff they never did. But I just attribute it to me having from my mom what they never did...quality time. Not only that...at such a young age having 2 toddlers, I can imagine my mom was burned out and frazzled with them (and having a husband in the military at the time) and that break in between before having me allowed her time to chill out and recover. She told me she was "older and wiser" by the time I came along and felt she'd left her young and inexperienced years behind so that she was better prepared for me.

I know the drawback for her was probably age since she didn't meet to many other mothers in their 40s taking their kid to kindergarten. :( That is so much more prevailent nowadays but in the 70s it was still kinda unheard of. So I'm sure some days it felt like a disadvantage that her peer group was preparing their high schoolers for college and she was helping with A,B,Cs and tying shoes. Although you don't necessarily plan to space your kids as far as my mother did depending on your circumstances and age, a few years break in between might be a good thing. There could be a lot of advantages in it for you.

[Sophia]

My experience is very similar to Snowzilla's, with an even larger age gap between #2 and #3. In my case, I have a 14yo son and 11yo daughter (they're 2 years 8 months apart), and a 5 month old daughter. Because of that large gap, it's almost like having a first child again, except that I have personal experience now. ;) Of c, lots of the recommendations have changed, so I can't go by experience on some things.

I would venture to guess that in the situation you're descrivbing, you'd have a much easier time than you did when you had a newborn and a 16mo.

[portlandbride]

Too funny that you wrote this post, as I could have written the same thing! As you can see by my signature I have two DDs that are 16.5 months apart. Now, DD#2 is only 10 weeks, so it is a bit early to be making this decision but I think I would like another one and DH says two is enough. It doesn't help that DD#2 is much more difficult than DD#1 was.
There are many times when I say two is enough, but then I also think it is too early to make a decision. On a good day I would have 10 more. :)
Honestly though, if we were to have another we would start trying when DD#2 is about 18 months old and with my history, we'd be pregnant a few months later. That is pretty close spacing but I want to be done before I get much older (I'm 33) and more tired! I also want to be able to enjoy things like travelling, my husband is a pilot, without kids.
Anyway, as you can see we are onthe fence but I am leaning towards yes and DH is leaning towards no.
Let us know what you decide!

[BusyBee]

On a good day I would have 10 more.
:)
My mom (who stopped at 2) is asking for 6 grandchildren - some days I think I could be talked into it. Ask again after #2 arrives.

[Cali_Katy]

My sister's kids are 7, almost 6 (they are 20 months apart) and 2.

I know that she has said it's been hard at times to have been out of the baby/toddler phase and then be suddenly back there. They were starting to find things like traveling easier with the older two, and then they were suddenly back to the difficulties of Life With Baby when the youngest came along.

That's not to say that they aren't happy; their girls all get along wonderfully, and the older two are great with their younger sister. However, I do think it's been a little frustrating.

[Pookie]

I have a friend who has 3. First 2 are 2 years apart. 5 years later, she had #3. Although she really enjoys having her baby, she's said it's very hard going back to the baby stage, sleepless nights, not being able to go out as much, having time for herself, etc.
As you can see from my sig, I only have 1 child so I'm not talking from personal experience. At this point we are planning on having 3, but I have a feeling after #2 gets here we might decide we're done. (I'll most likely have another high risk pg.) We've talked about being done for sure when DS is 5 regardless of how many kids we have at that point.

[dal]

Wow, thank you all so much for the feedback. I never expected this thread to get much activity so I am thrilled. :)

These quotes are what make me nervous about the thought of #3:

Then all of a sudden she felt like she was stuck back at the house not able to get out because she had a newborn again

I got used to sleeping a full 8 hours. I got used to showering in peace. I got used to eating an entire meal at the dinner table without having to leave the table early because a little person sitting in the high chair next to me was declaring "mealtime is over!".

They were starting to find things like traveling easier with the older two, and then they were suddenly back to the difficulties of Life With Baby when the youngest came along.


Although she really enjoys having her baby, she's said it's very hard going back to the baby stage, sleepless nights, not being able to go out as much, having time for herself, etc.


But then I think that it is so temporary and even if it feels like time is going so slowly when you're going through sleepless nights and not being able to go to the bathroom without a little shadow, it really is such a short time in the grand scheme of things. I mean never in my life did I imagine that my 3yo DD would get so big SO fast. I remember the moment she was born like it was yesterday. So while I am scared to death of the baby phase, I try to convince myself that it goes by fast. My husband's not sold on this yet... :p


I used to say this:

So far, whether we have only 2 or more, I would like to have them all at the same time, even though it will be insanely difficult for a few years.

But my #2 is so high maintenance that there is no way I could have done it again so close.

Too funny that you wrote this post, as I could have written the same thing! As you can see by my signature I have two DDs that are 16.5 months apart. Now, DD#2 is only 10 weeks, so it is a bit early to be making this decision but I think I would like another one and DH says two is enough. It doesn't help that DD#2 is much more difficult than DD#1 was.

OMG sounds just like us - DD2 is much more difficult than DD1 and I say all the time that if DD2 was first, there is no way I could have had a second so quickly.

[LyLMyssChaos]

As a mom that has 3 fairly close in age (Madeline and Timothy are 22 months apart, then Timothy and Theodore are 17 months apart) I would definitely space out the 3rd one if I had my choice. We actually were wanting to wait until Timothy was at least 2 before we even tried to get pregnant so that there would be 3-4 years between him and the next one. We didn't get so lucky. And it is VERY hard (as you can tell from my journal, I'm sure) adjusting to 3 of them so close in age. Although, the bright side I guess is that we'll go through this crazy, hectic period, and then hopefully things will get easier? At least that's what I keep telling myself anyway! :p

[Natasha]

My mom (who stopped at 2) is asking for 6 grandchildren - some days I think I could be talked into it.
This is so me! Bert is a whole 'nother story. #3 is a hard sell for him.

My sister and I are 18 months apart. My oldest brother is 8 years younger than me, my youngest brother is 12 years younger than me. I am close to all three of my siblings, and my parents never really seemed to struggle with the babies (one brother is my moms from a different marriage, the other is my dad's with his second marriage). I was a big helper when my brother's were born, and my sister sort of ignored them. Both my bother's were pretty easy kids. Even now, my parents don't seem to mind still having youngin's in the house. My mom is 49 with a 16 y/o still at home, and my dad is 52 with an 11 year old still at home. Not the way I want to do it, but they all seem pretty pleased with the way it worked out. Both my brothers are way more spoiled than by sister and I were, too. :p

As for me, my 2 (ds and dd) are 33 months apart, and I want to TTC #3 next fall. Kelly will be 2 then, so it will be close to the same age difference as the first 2. Ethan was almost 3 when she was born, and to be honest, it wasn't that tough. He was almost done with diapers, so it was only 2 in diapers for a few months. He is a high maintenance kid, but Kelly is really mellow. So, with my mellow one in the middle, even if the next one is tough, it won't be two wild ones in a row.

Sorry this turned into a novel. I should mention I am also pretty young (24), so I will most likely be done having kids by 30.

[LeighW]

My brother and SIL had 2 kids, 2.5 years apart. And then #3 came along 4 years after #2. They said it was really, really hard to go back to the baby stage after #2 was already potty trained, no longer napping, and sleeping well at night.

Then they had an oops #4 2 years later, so all bets were off. ;)

The biggest headache I saw (from my then-perspective as a nonparent) was that #3's naps were always interrupted because my SIL was constantly throwing him in the car to pick an older child up from school, carpool to sports practices, etc.

That being said, I'm about to do a similar thing (big gap between #1 and #2), not by choice (secondary infertility). So hopefully it won't be that bad!

[question]

Why is #3 such a hard decision? My kids are gettig so easy and independent now -- but not a day goes by that I don't think about having a third. Part of me thinks it will be easier if we wait a few years but do I really want to start all over again? But all the baby stuff is so temporary that I think it might be worth it. I just don't know.

I am having all of the exact same thoughts you write about -- traveling, sleep...it all comes pretty easy now. :)

[Abby'sMom]

We've already decided that there will be a #3 (and perhaps #4...), God willing, but there will be more space between #2 and #3 than there is between #1 and #2 (they're a few days shy of 21 months apart). The spacing, honestly, is awesome - DD is young enough to not be dealing with major jealousy issues, and old enough to do some things for herself. She's currently 25 months old and DS is 4.5 months, and they're working on becoming great friends already, which I just love to see. :)

The are a few reasons I'm not on board with starting to TTC again when DS turns one (like we did with DD) -- I have hard pregnancies (this last time I was sick the entire 39 weeks and ended up on bedrest for PTL threats), and on top of that, DS is a really, really challenging baby. He was colicky, has severe acid reflux and a TON of food sensitivities, so since I'm BFing him, there are many, many foods I'm not allowed to eat right now. I intend on BFing him for a year, so I'd like to have my body to myself for a little while before I'm pg again. :) My body hasn't been entirely my own since February 2004.

The whole two in diapers thing doesn't bug me so much, and I'm to the point where I consider not sleeping much to be a normal part of life.

[April1234]

We are TTC #3 right now (I lost a baby at 7.5 weeks 2 months ago) DD just turned 2 and DS is 7 months old. They are 18 months apart and I have to admit it was much easier than I thought it would be. I have been blessed with good sleepers though.;)

DH is a middle child. He is 3 years younger than his older borther and 13 years OLDER than his little sister. We talked about 2 things right after he had proposed to me. 1.) where we would live 2.) We would have an even number amount of kids and they would be close together. LOL

He HATED being so much older than his sister. My sister and I are 21 months apart and while we didnt get along swimmingly as kids we were still close and continue to be very close as adults. I dont go 2 hours without talking to her on the phone or her coming over. I cant wait for my children to have that kind of bond with their siblings.

I am a SAHM so luckily daycare costs dont change anything but I can tell you that if we had to go the daycare route we would have stopped at 2 children just from the sheer cost of things. We plan on having at least 4 children god willing.

[MizLarner]

I have 2 SS and two of my own. DH and I have intended from the beginning to have at least 4 together. There is an 17 month difference between my two SS, 5 between SS2 and DS1, and 15 months between DS1 and DS2.

SSs fight more with each other than they do about the babies. I am convinced that it is because they both grew up as firstborns (different mothers) and got whatever they wanted. SS2 came to live with us when DS1 was a week old and he was GREAT from the very start. He's always been a wonderful big brother. SS1 is great too, he's just not around as often ;)

[portlandbride]

Just bumping this up to see if anyone who was on the fence has made the leap. We are coming up on DD#2's birthday so I feel like I'd like to make a decision one way or the other.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Coming back to give new perspective now that the kids are older. My youngest will be 1 next month and my oldest is 4. Life has gotten much easier now that we have a sort of "routine" figured out. One thing that I am really enjoying is that now that I know I'm done, I can get rid of the baby clutter as we finish using it.

[mamax2]

Still on the fence...

Part of my issue is that I don't really know anyone (as in my friends) who have 3 on purpose. So, I have a hard time getting perspective as to how they decided to go for 3, the timing, etc.

Actually, that's not entirely true, my SIL has 3 and wants 1-2 more. I think she's a unique case though because she has a lot more help than I do. Her husband works afternoon/evenings, so he's home much of the day to help her w/the kids, take them while she runs errands, etc. She also has a housekeeper, grocery delivery service and generally more disposable income which obviously makes some of my concerns a mute point for her.

So, no, I still haven't decided. DH is ready to stop, but has asked me several times, so he must know I'm waivering. That's definitely part of the issue as well.

[dal]

Hey Ladies! Glad to see this thread bumped up.

Yep, we've decided to make the leap. I'm in the 2ww right now. :eek: If not this month, hopefully I'll get pregnant in the next few months.

My oldest just turned 4 and my youngest will be 3 in November.

[Sophia]

DH is a middle child. He is 3 years younger than his older borther and 13 years OLDER than his little sister.

He HATED being so much older than his sister.

That's almost the exact spacing of my 3 kids, and is one reason we've been talking about a fourth.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Hey Ladies! Glad to see this thread bumped up.

Yep, we've decided to make the leap. I'm in the 2ww right now. :eek: If not this month, hopefully I'll get pregnant in the next few months.

My oldest just turned 4 and my youngest will be 3 in November.

YAY!!!! I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you guys!!

[dana b]

i think we'll go for a third when our youngest is 3. at this point i would say no way to a third, but i know not to go based on how i feel now. i remember getting the itch for #2 so bad once dd was more independent and i felt like i could handle more.

[jenny0505]

DS is 2, and DD is 6 months old, and DH and I talk about this subject all the time. I feel like my opinion changes literally every day. In my heart, I know I want 3, but it sounds pretty appealing to keep things as they are on a challenging day (of which we have many). DS is very spirited, and DD is a terrible sleeper, so my husband tells me now is not the time to even think about this topic - he would have 5 if I was on board. :eek: Sometimes I let the practical side of things sway me into thinking I want to stop at 2, i.e. having to get a different car, ease of vacations, etc.

Before DD, I was completely set on having three, so I never really approached that pregnancy as being my last one. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but it was slightly different b/c I had a toddler to chase after and distract me from really focusing on the pregnancy. I think if I space #s 2 and 3 out a bit, I'll have the opportunity to really focus on the last pregnancy like I did with the first. That's probably wishful thinking. From a parental standpoint, I'd love to witness a brother-brother or sister-sister relationship, too.

If we do take the plunge, it won't be until DD is closer to 2 y.o. This is a very interesting conversation. I'll definitely be reading along.

[catmom]

This is a bigger spacing than you guys are talking about, but my cousins visited the other day, and they have 3 boys- aged 21, 18, and 7. I think they are actually very happy with the spacing- the older 2 have always been very close, and they were so excited when their little brother came along. Apparently they played with him nonstop when he was a baby, and then still do. I think it was pretty hard on him when his older brothers went off to college, but they are a very close-knit family.

My cousin also told me that her 3rd son is MUCH more high-energy than the other 2, so she was really happy that she had the older kids to help her out when he was little (especially since she was an older mother at that point).

[Sophia]

This is a bigger spacing than you guys are talking about, but my cousins visited the other day, and they have 3 boys- aged 21, 18, and 7. I think they are actually very happy with the spacing- the older 2 have always been very close, and they were so excited when their little brother came along. Apparently they played with him nonstop when he was a baby, and then still do. I think it was pretty hard on him when his older brothers went off to college, but they are a very close-knit family.

My cousin also told me that her 3rd son is MUCH more high-energy than the other 2, so she was really happy that she had the older kids to help her out when he was little (especially since she was an older mother at that point).

Heh, that's the spacing I have. :) They're currently 1, 12, and almost 15. And my older kids love playing with their little sister and even help take care of her a bit.

[Ericka_Jarett]

My parents faced this gap.

My oldest brothers were born 1 1/2 yrs apart and the 3rd was about 3 yrs later. My parents thought they were done, but my mom had a miscarriage before she got pregnant with me and just knew she wanted at least one more, my dad had said before her miss that he didn't really want to be 40 and having another baby in their lives. Well, dad had a change of heart after the miss and mom got pregnant with me (she had a few health issues, thought she had cancer, not pregnant) My oldest brother was turning 12 that year, my next was turning 10 in 5 days and the youngest was 7 yrs old.

She tells me it was honestly like raising a second family since there was such a gap in our ages. I was sort of raised alone, since my brothers had their friends and didn't want to bother much with their little sister. Now at 33 yrs old, all my brothers are in their 40s and we are a little closer, but not much has changed, we still have our own lives and we don't talk much. I am the only one married and with kids, the rest are all single so we don't have that in common at all.

At the same time my mom tells me that had they had a girl first, my dad was going to say that was it, he just wanted a daughter, so they ended up having a miscarriage first, then my 3 brothers and then another miscarriage and then me finally. My parents don't regret having any of us.

[Koala_Gurl]

Ahh, I am having the bug again already! DD is 2 1/2, DS is 11 months, and I want another little baby. ;)

But, we are at least waiting until after we go on a Disney cruise next summer (don't want a young baby on the cruise, and I want to DRINK and be an adult for a while!) ;) (OK, drink came out rather strong, but since it has been 3 year since I have really been able to throw caution to the wind...) So if that works out (still all theory at this point), then #3 would be 4 years younger than #1, and 2.5 years younger than #2. Actually sounds pretty good...not such a huge gap, but not 18 months apart like the first 2.

[portlandbride]

Thanks for responding everyone!

dal let us know what the result is!

This decision is so hard for me. I think it doesn't help that my DH is still pretty firmly in the "only two" camp. On bad days I think that two are just fine. On other days I want another one before my second turns two and on some days I say maybe I should wait a few years and have two more. AAAHHHH!:eek:

I think part of wanting more is that I love pregnancy and childbirth. I had a homebirth with DD#2 and would love to do it again. Certainly not a reason to have another one though!:)

[mamax2]

Sometimes I let the practical side of things sway me into thinking I want to stop at 2, i.e. having to get a different car, ease of vacations, etc.
This is totally where I am too! My DH calls it 'man on man defense' - meaning one parent for each kid so we can tag team. When I think about lessons, camps, sports, etc. It would be nice to just divide and conquer if necessary, kwim? I also think about $$$ - putting them through college, cars, etc.

Plus, from the selfish standpoint, now that our oldest is 4 and the youngest is 1.5, it's getting a little easier. We can get a sitter and go out for a date night once a month; we can easily get together with friends, go on trips, etc. I can take my girls to the water park for the day, all the little things.

But, there's still that nagging in the back of my head (or is it my heart :confused: ) that makes me want to have just one more, especially because it would be a chance to have a boy which is totally a foreign concept to me, but something I feel would be cool to experience.

My DH is definitely cool w/two, but has left the door open, mainly for my benefit. I think I'd like to wait until DD goes to kindergarten next year, so I still have a good year to decide what to do. Actually, more like a year to agonize!

[firefly]

if everything goes according to schedule my first 2 are 2.5 years apart (almost to the day)

the newest one will be born 2 months after my now youngest turns 3.

i don't think it'll be *that* challenging. I watch my neices and nephews so I'm not out of the baby stage.. I watch a 6 mo 18 mo 2 yo and 5 yo so I'm also used to the insanity of a 'large' family (i have the kids from 6 am to 5-6 pm ) I feed them 3 meals and bath them and get them in their jammies... all without my dh most times as he works a long ways away from our home. i want to get the birthing years over.

[mommycal]

Hey Ladies! Glad to see this thread bumped up.

Yep, we've decided to make the leap. I'm in the 2ww right now. :eek: If not this month, hopefully I'll get pregnant in the next few months.

My oldest just turned 4 and my youngest will be 3 in November.

WOW, kind of shocked to hear this. CONGRATS. Can't wait to hear more. :) :D Has it been 2 weeks yet?!?!?!

[dal]

Has it been 2 weeks yet?! yep and AF is here. I'll update this thread when there's news...

[daphne]

dal I'm sorry to hear about AF, but I'm soooo excited to hear you're trying for a 3rd!!! :)

[bluebunny]

I'm on the fence about a third, too. Of course, my youngest is only eight months and I'm already thinking about this. :rolleyes: I have a lot of the same thoughts as some of you. I like having two close in age, having a boy and a girl, having a family of four, etc. On the other hand, I would love to have a sister for my daughter or a brother for my son (same-sex sibling), a true "baby" of the family, a child several years younger than my oldest two. I worry about finances--education, college, cars, car insurance, clothing, etc.

Some days I have a true longing for a third. I wouldn't mind doing the whole pregnancy/childbirth thing again. ;) Other days, my hands are completely full with two!

I think my ideal would be to have a third child when my youngest is 3.5 or close to 4 years old.

[dal]

I think my ideal would be to have a third child when my youngest is 3.5 or close to 4 years old. Yeah this is exactly what we are going for. Having a third is a hard decision to make, especially when the youngest starts getting bigger b/c it really does get easy. My oldest is just 4 and my youngest will be 3 in november and it really is such an amazing lifestyle. they play together all day long. They are both girls so that may help them entertain eachother for hours on end but still... My oldest can get in the car herself, take herself out herself (i just taught her how to undo the carseat straps yesterday!!! :D ), gets dressed herself, gets undressed... My youngest is quickly catching up to her b/c she must do whatever her big sister does. They are so easy to take out, we can do such fun things with both of them. We can alter nap schedules a bit now to do fun stuff on the weekends with them.

So to add a baby will definitely be an adjustment. But then i think that it is 2 years of the harder baby stuff and then it will get easier again.

Anyway, we are taking this month off of ttc for various reasons but probably in the next month or two, we'll be back at it and hopefully we'll have a baby when my youngest is between 3.5 and 4.

[tray622]

That #3 itch is hitting here a bit now too, especially my DH. My youngest is 18 months so if we go for it, it will be when she is 2 or 2.5.

This
They are so easy to take out, we can do such fun things with both of them. We can alter nap schedules a bit now to do fun stuff on the weekends with them.

is just starting for us and I cant imagine how much easier it will be when Jocey is closer to 3. It is a hard decision.

Good luck to you dal!!

[dal]

So of course now that we're taking this month off of TTC, i am having all sorts of doubts about trying for #3. :rolleyes:

But seriously, last month, we actively tried. And what was going through my head, oh my. I was trying to figure out how on earth to arrange my oldest DD's room so my youngest DD could move in eventually, I was trying to figure out what my schedule would be like with one kid in school in the mornings, one in the afternoons and an infant, I was trying to figure out if we'd be able to go on a vacation and actually be able to have somewhat of a relaxing time, I was trying to figure out when I might possibly get my body back again... But even so, I was all into having #3.

But then today came and the girls and I had such a fabulous day. it was just so fun. nothing was hard about it. and i was looking around my youngest DD's room and all I could think was that it was her room, not a new baby's room...

I have no idea what's come over me... :o

[bluebunny]

I was trying to figure out how on earth to arrange my oldest DD's room so my youngest DD could move in eventually, I was trying to figure out what my schedule would be like with one kid in school in the mornings, one in the afternoons and an infant, I was trying to figure out if we'd be able to go on a vacation and actually be able to have somewhat of a relaxing time, I was trying to figure out when I might possibly get my body back again...

dal, that is so me! I've already been thinking the same sorts of things. :) As for your doubts on having #3, I think that's totally normal. Right after DD was born, I was talking to a woman in her late 40s who has 2 school-age kids. She was asking how many children I planned on having (why do people ask a woman that right after giving birth? :rolleyes: ). When I told her we weren't sure, that I liked the idea of having three but we might be done with two, she said that she wanted three but after the second got more independent she was too worried about going back into baby-mode that they stopped. She said she regrets not having a third. (I told her it might not be too late but she laughed at that. ;) )

Anyway, all that to say that if you think you want a third, go for it!! If you think about it too hard or too long, you can talk yourself out of it but when that baby gets here you won't have any regrets! :)

[DisneyGirl]

With #3 coming in the next few weeks I can tell you that I had and still have all the same thoughts feelings you are having. How will I bring my other two to preschool with a newborn thats only days old (baby is due in early september) how will I be able to go any place alone with 3 small children, vacation will be a PITA since someone has to sit alone( on rides ect..) how will i be able to divide my time between baseball, dance ect..when its only DH and I. Someone will be left out. I still have nights where i don;t sleep well thinking what in the hell did I just do? I hope in the next few weeks when baby 3 arrives i will have an answer to all my questions and I will look back and ask myself why did you worry so much..everything worked out.

[bluebunny]

vacation will be a PITA since someone has to sit alone( on rides ect..

My sister's solution to that was to have a fourth. ;)

[DisneyGirl]

My sister's solution to that was to have a fourth. ;)

HAHAHAH, thats what I was thinking!

[mamax2]

dal ~ gosh, I could have written your post myself! Those are all the same things I think about. Plus, for me, it comes down to this: I would really like to have another baby, but I'm not so sure about having another child :o I don't mean that to come off as callous because it's more about the economics - paying for 3 kids to go to camp, music, sports, cars, college, etc. Plus, what if we end up wanting to send the kids to private school? (the middle/high schools in my area aren't as great as the elementary).

It's so weird, up until this summer, if anyone asked me if we'd have a third, I'd always say it was up to my DH because I would in a heartbeat. Now, it has gotten much easier (though not easy!) and it's hard to think about trying to balance the needs of 3. I know we would do it and I know that they'd be company for each other, etc. but I still fret about the long-term aspects.

[dal]

My sister's solution to that was to have a fourth. LOL LOL! See if we have a 3rd, I can totally see us doing that. Of course right now I don't even see #3 coming.

It's so weird, up until this summer, if anyone asked me if we'd have a third, I'd always say it was up to my DH because I would in a heartbeat. Totally me!!! And as soon as DH was 100% on board, I panicked. :p

[firefly]

we decided to skip 3 and we're going straight from 2 to 4:eek:

[jay&erinn]

I'm on the fence about having a 3rd. For awhile I definately wanted another. Now, I'm not sure. I'm not sure I'm done having a baby in the house.
I would really like to have another baby, but I'm not so sure about having another child
This is exactly what I tell people. I also have had wonderful birth experiences and am not sure if I just want to experience that miracle again.\

Older DD is starting preshool this week and that's making me realize how quickly the time goes. Of course, older DD is starting preshool and both DDs will go to private school, so I worry about having to afford 3 children's schooling. I also want to let the girls participate in the activities they want, not having to restrict them because I can only afford (money and time wise) so much. Younger DD has only slept through the night once, and I'm exhausted (it's been 14 months). Not sure I can handle more sleepless nights. Pregnacy is horrible, and it was hard enough chasing one child let alone 2 around when worrying about blacking out multiple times a day.

However, part of me thinks that if I'm on the fence we should have a 3rd. I can't ever imagine regretting having a child, but I can imagine being disappointed that we didn't.

[mamax2]

firefly ~ Are you pg w/TWINS now??? If so, congrats!

jay&erinn ~ You sound a lot like me too. I am a self-proclaimed 'birth junkie'. I've had two healthy pregnancies and amazing natural childbirths that I found to be incredibly rewarding and empowering. I sometimes wonder if I'm looking for another 'baby buzz' :p

My oldest is also heading off to pre-k this week so it's a little bit of that too. I am *really* looking forward to some one-on-one time w/my youngest though.

Realistically, I'm young and healthy and so don't have to make a decision about this now, but I'm kind of freaking myself out just by my own indecisiveness, kwim? I liked the confidence of knowing what I wanted (3 kids), but now I'm just like "Who is this wishy-washy person in the mirror?!"

[firefly]

yup "twin"kies are on the horizon for us.

[jenny0505]

However, part of me thinks that if I'm on the fence we should have a 3rd. I can't ever imagine regretting having a child, but I can imagine being disappointed that we didn't.


I think I need to post this up on my wall and look at it when doubt creeps in and makes me think I don't want another. I mentioned it earlier, but I have the tendency to let practical matters interfere with what my heart really wants.

I'm having a lot of moments lately where I think, "Where did the time go?" I really think as DC1 approaches school age, I'll be getting the baby bug again in a big, big way.

For anyone that gets Cookie magazine, the latest issue has an article related to the level of happiness women/couples experience relative to the number of children they have. It was a somewhat interesting read that, of course, got me thinking about the whole two versus three thing again.

firefly, congratulations on your twins!!

[dal]

Well I just offered up all our baby gear for free to members of my moms group so I guess for now, we are stopping at 2. :) Of course who knows what the future holds but we decided to just stop and enjoy the two we've got for now. Good luck to all of you trying for a 3rd or who have the 3rd on the way.

[mamax2]

dal ~ How are you feeling about everything? Care to share your thought process? I'm always looking for the logical, rational side since I tend to be a little impulsive on the baby front. My best friend had a baby yesterday, one of my sorority sisters had a baby on Friday and two friends in my town had babies last week as well (one had her 3rd). As all of you can imagine, it's been a challenging week of "should we???" and I'm getting all antsy again. *sigh*

[dal]

mamax2 I am actually feeling really good about our decision. We had a month or two that we ttc for a 3rd and I was so stressed out and panicked. As soon as we decided to give it a break for a month, I realized that I didn't want to ttc at all right now. I am just so content with our girls and our life. One of the big things is the dynamic between our two girls - it is just so perfect. I worry how adding a 3rd would change that. I know if it were to happen we would never regret our 3rd child or anything but right now doesn't seem to be the right time to change things on purpose, kwim? I did a lot of thinking about why I wanted a 3rd and basically it came down to 1) I didn't want to think that I will never be pregnant or give birth again (the chance to have that wonderful moment of seeing your child for the first time) and 2) We wanted a big family. But I realized that 1) wasn't a big enough a reason - I mean really - just so i can give birth again??? and 2) is a good reason eventually b/c it's nice to have a big family but I realized that for now what is important is our two girls and we need to sit back and enjoy them. They are at the ages where we have so much fun together as a family. There is none of the baby stuff holding us back like being on the way out the door but the baby wakes up ready to nurse or the baby poops or the baby is cranky and needs a nap... Also, it is hard enough trying to juggle the schedule of my two girls and making sure I can be at all their events that I can't imagine how I'd do it with a 3rd. Like right now I am just hoping that their halloween parades (through their schools) are at different times so I can arrange to be at both...

Yesterday we were sitting outside in our backyard eating dinner with the girls and it was just so peaceful and it kind of confirmed to us that we are doing the right thing.

Of course who knows what the future holds but for now we're not looking to change our family dynamic.

It's definitely a hard decision so I wish everyone luck with the decision!

ETA - I forgot to mention that I can definitely relate to the feeling of should we when we are around newborns - I have two friends due the beginning of October and I'm sure that will be tough. But on the other hand, it will be nice to hold them and feed them and play with them and then give them back when it's time for bed or baby gets cranky. ;)

[mamax2]

dal ~ Thanks for sharing. We seem a lot alike - right down to our 'reasons' and the relationship b/t our girls, etc. My biggest worry right now is: how to coordinate the time & money aspects of three. Like you, I wonder how to schedule their events, attend games, etc. I don't like to think about having to limit them to, say, just one sport (unless it's what they want). BUT, I love birth and babies and I spent 30 years of my life thinking "I want 3 kids", so it's hard to shift gears. My DH has said that *if* we have 3, he'd prefer to do it sooner rather than later so we can get all 3 of them to that 'easy' and fun stage rather than have 2 who are there and one baby. That also makes sense to me at some level, so it's just such a tough thing.

[dal]

My DH has said that *if* we have 3, he'd prefer to do it sooner rather than later so we can get all 3 of them to that 'easy' and fun stage rather than have 2 who are there and one baby. My husband said the same basically. He also said he wants to be young when he has all his kids (he'll be 33 this month). Of course now that we've decided not to try now, he feels bad and said of course who knows, maybe a few years from now we'll decide to try again. LOL.

[mamax2]

Of course now that we've decided not to try now, he feels bad and said of course who knows, maybe a few years from now we'll decide to try again. LOL.

You know, my grandmother had two sets of two (two kids 20 months apart then a 6 year gap and two more 20 months apart). She SWEARS this is the way to go. She tells me to wait until both my girls are in school and then have 2 more. Of course, she's also convinced no man can be happy unless he has a son, so what does she know, right? :p

[bluebunny]

dal, it must feel good to have made a decision. I feel so up in the air about a third that I don't think I'm really appreciating the stages my children are now.

I realized that for now what is important is our two girls and we need to sit back and enjoy them. They are at the ages where we have so much fun together as a family. There is none of the baby stuff holding us back like being on the way out the door but the baby wakes up ready to nurse or the baby poops or the baby is cranky and needs a nap

That's why I'm having a hard time with having a third; when my two get more independent, I'll be back into baby stuff with the third.

He also said he wants to be young when he has all his kids (he'll be 33 this month).

EEk! I'll be 33 this weekend!!

[mia's mama]

Bump! We are still struggling with the idea of adding to our family. Some days I really want another baby (and when I think of our family 5, 10 years in the future, I see 3 kids for some reason), but many days I think "Ack! I'm losing my mind just taking care of the 2 I already have! My kids are 3 and 18 months. Plus, I'll be 34 in a few days, I have one of each gender, both are healthy and happy, yada, yada, yada. My kids seem to tag-team eachother with sleep issues too (between teething, seperation anxiety, nightmares), which doesn't make me jump up and down with the thought of another newborn. BUT, I feel l ike I might regret not having another baby if we decide that 2 is enough. My husband could be convinced to go in either direction- though he wanted 3 or 4 before we had any kids....

If we decide that another child is what we want, I struggle with WHEN? SOmetimes I think we should wait until M & J are 5 and 3.5- they'll both be in preschool, more independent, etc...but will I want to go back to the baby days at that point?

Anyone else?

[mamax2]

If we decide that another child is what we want, I struggle with WHEN? SOmetimes I think we should wait until M & J are 5 and 3.5- they'll both be in preschool, more independent, etc...but will I want to go back to the baby days at that point?

Anyone else?

Yup, still having that same internal argument. At this point, our girls would be 5.5 and 3-3.5ish if we have a third. I have decided if we go for it, it has to be this year (probably this summer) because while I love the baby stage, I know that it's limiting. As the girls get older and more involved with friends and activities, it'll be harder to coordinate things and I don't want them to resent the baby for not being able to do X or go to Z because the baby is sleeping, kwim?

Plus, we have the added challenge of DH potentially working out of state every other week. I don't think I have it in me to be alone w/3 kids. My 2 y.o. doesn't consistently STTN yet, if that tells you anything :rolleyes:

I really need to have a heart to heart w/my DH, but work is nuts for him right now and I don't want to pressure him so I'm just driving myself nuts.

[dana b]

ditto all that for me, too! i'm actually going through a bad phase with my 2 right now and can't even consider a third lately. i think about this a lot because my brain just feels like i have to have this all figured out and planned :rolleyes: so for me, right now, i say no way to a 3rd, but i'm pretty sure i'll feel differently in a year or 2. we've always wanted a large family and i can't imagine not having another. if we do, i want dd to be 6 and ds to be 4 and i want to able to afford a lot more help ;)

[mia's mama]

i think about this a lot because my brain just feels like i have to have this all figured out and planned

Me too...I don't know why I'm having a hard time just sitting back, having fun with the 2 we have and putting #3 out of my head for the time being. I think it's b/c 3 of my close friends had babies in the last month and 2 others just found out they are pregnant. I guess that gave me a temporary baby bug b/c I love the birth process and THOUGHT of a new baby so much.

But then I spoke with a woman at my DD's preschool this AM who has 3 kids (5, 4 and 2) who reaffirmed just how difficult it is going from 2 to 3 kids. I think I needed to hear another "our house/life is crazy with 3" story to balance things out....b/c really, right now my life is crazy enough with 2.

Also, this past month we had one "incident" that could have made the decision for us (ahem), and I spent the 2 weeks before my period was due in a state of major anxiety- thinking I was feeling every pregnancy symptom in the book. When my period came, I actually burst into tears and it took me a few minutes to figure out if that they were tears of dissapointment or relief...(definitely refief). Feelings of ambiguity are not what I want to experience upon finding out I am pregnant, so I guess that helped me decide we really need to give it some time before we even consider a 3rd. ;) I think we'll take another look this summer sometime and maybe even put it on hold again at that point.

[mkvh]

I'm finding this discussion interesting! I have a 19m old and a 5 week old and already am "strategizing" for the third. We have planned on 3 since we were dating, with an option for a 4th. Because of the close spacing of the first 2, I almost feel obligated to have the 3rd quickly--but then again, I'm kinda liking the 2 sets of 2 plan.

I fully plan to have a 3rd. The question is when. From reading, it seems that waiting gives you a bit of time to think about it--and may make the decision to go for it a bit more difficult! I KNOW that I want some "me" time to have my body to myself before being pg and BF again, so right now we're thinking TTC when DD2 is 15 months or so. OR waiting until she is nearly 2. We shall see...

Thanks to everyone for sharing!

[Dettes]

I too find this discussion interesting. I have a 2 and 3 year old who are 14 months apart, and I am expecting #3 in May. I feel like the big "space" for me is between numbers 2 and 3. I realize that 2.5 years is not a whole lot of time between babies, but considering the first two were only 14 months apart, it feels like it is. I've always wanted 4, so if we do it, I would like to get pg again within #3s first year. I love that #s 1 and 2 are so close in age. After that initial infancy stage, they even out pretty quickly and are essetially twins (and best friends). I want #3 to experience that with a sibling too.

[dal]

I'm still reading along even though we're still at the 2 and done stage. Seriously the going from 2 to 3 decision is very hard. I still go back and forth occasionally but when I really sit down and think about it, I still come out in favor of being done at 2.

My friend recently had a third (her other two are my kids' ages - 3 and 4) and it had been real hard for her even though her baby is a very easy baby. She is tired a lot. It's a lot harder for her to get out and she has to since the other two are in preschool. She has a tough time with the nights. But then you look at her baby grin so big and obviously for her, it's all worth it. I just don't know that I'd have it in me to add a third on purpose. If it happened, we'd feel blessed. But to try for another is not in the cards for us right now.

My friend's sister always used to tell her that when the youngest is 5, it gets so much easier. My youngest is now 3 and I seriously feel like this mom gig is a piece of cake after the first 2 years of my youngest daughter's life. My youngest was a very difficult baby and my oldest who is the easiest child during the day somehow didn't catch on that she was supposed to sleep at night until she turned 3.5. So between the difficult child during the day and the child who never slept at night, it was a looney bin around here. But now the youngest has figured out that life is fun and the oldest has figured out that sleep is great so I am in heaven. I don't feel like adding craziness to the mix now...

I still love the idea of a big family though so who really knows what'll happen.

[mamax2]

But then I spoke with a woman at my DD's preschool this AM who has 3 kids (5, 4 and 2) who reaffirmed just how difficult it is going from 2 to 3 kids. I think I needed to hear another "our house/life is crazy with 3" story to balance things out....b/c really, right now my life is crazy enough with 2.

See it's funny because I have a SIL and good friend with 3. They both seem to think adding the third was NOT that hard. They've both said going from 1 to 2 is much harder than 2 to 3 because "what's one more?" or something to that effect. My SIL plans to go for one more (her youngest just turned one, so we're waiting for an announcement any day now) and my friend is done.

The fact that I'm even debating this at all is freaking me out. I always just felt like I *knew* and that it was just a matter of convincing DH, but it's looking like we both may need some convincing, *sigh*.

[jenny0505]

I'm happy to see this thread bumped up. This is an ongoing discussion in our house lately, too. My children are almost 3 and 1, and I wouldn't consider getting pregnant again until the youngest was 2 or older. My husband is pushing to have #3 sooner rather than later. He is the youngest child by 6 years, and his older siblings are all close in age. He always felt left out of the mix when they were in school, etc., and felt the age gap tighten only after he was older, maybe in high school?

While I'm debating 2 vs. 3, I can say with great certainty that I don't want 4. I guess that factors into our decision of when, as I don't want the youngest to feel left out, but I also don't want to put myself into an incredibly challenging situation of managing 3 children who aren't terribly self-sufficient. I would agree with previous posters when I say my life is pretty busy and challenging enough at the moment. I really can't imagine trying to navigate through that newborn, sleep-deprived haze on top of my existing day.

[marchfamily]

They both seem to think adding the third was NOT that hard.

I also don't want to put myself into an incredibly challenging situation of managing 3 children who aren't terribly self-sufficient.

This is so me. My kiddos are a total of 32.5 months apart (3 girls). The hardest part is eating out with two in boosters, one in a carrier, coats, hats, mittens, etc. I can't wait for the day when they can put on their own shoes....

[mia's mama]

*forgot to subscribe*

[mia's mama]

See it's funny because I have a SIL and good friend with 3. They both seem to think adding the third was NOT that hard. They've both said going from 1 to 2 is much harder than 2 to 3 because "what's one more?" or something to that effect.

Maybe it just depends on the age spacing and the personalities of the children. This woman's kids are each 18 months apart and the she says the "baby" is a handful (although I see all of her children as kind of wild, so it's a matter pf perspective ;))

My brother and his wife had a suprise baby when their girls were almost 4 and 2.5 and they say it rocked their world (in a turbulent sort of way) for the first year, but now everyone's adjusted and doing great. They did not want a 3rd though, so I'm sure that's part of the reason it was so hard.

I just don't know that I'd have it in me to add a third on purpose. If it happened, we'd feel blessed. But to try for another is not in the cards for us right now.

I feel the same way most days and then all of a sudden BAM the baby bug hits again *sigh....*

[mamax2]

Maybe it just depends on the age spacing and the personalities of the children. This woman's kids are each 18 months apart and the she says the "baby" is a handful (although I see all of her children as kind of wild, so it's a matter pf perspective )

I think it's mostly disposition of the parents. My SIL & BIL have always wanted 4-5 kids. Their kids are 4, 2 and 1 (first two are 17 months apart, then 22 months later, #3). My girlfriend's kids are a little further apart (4.5, 2 and 5 months). Both sets of parents *wanted* 3 kids (although both had surprises in there as far as timing).

I just hate the 'not knowing', kwim? My indecisiveness has surprised me and I can't tell if it's just jitters - the whole 'no time is the right time' thing (DD 2 was a big surprise so we don't have a lot of experience w/planning :p )

Of course I'm also struggling with whether I really want a third child or if I just want a boy. Please, no flames, I love my girls to pieces, but there's just a little part of me that wonders what having a son would be like. I can't help it, it's just there. :confused:

[mia's mama]

Of course I'm also struggling with whether I really want a third child or if I just want a boy. Please, no flames, I love my girls to pieces, but there's just a little part of me that wonders what having a son would be like. I can't help it, it's just there.

oh, no flames at all! If I had two of the same gender (either gender) we'd most definitely have a third b/c we really wanted to raise a child of each gender. That said, I will say that if I could guaranty that my 3rd child would be a girl, I would do it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my son, but I always wanted a sister and would love Mia to have one (I am an only, but have one half brother and two-step siblings from my mom's marriage when I was 17). Also, my daughter has been a MUCH easier child than my son-though I'm sure that's more disposition, not a gender thing.

[bluebunny]

I'm glad this was bumped up again, too. In the past few weeks I've felt that we're done with the two we have. Like mia's mama, I'm 33 and have a boy and a girl, both healthy, yada, yada, yada. I've always (well, since we contemplated having kids) thought we'd have three but life is crazy over here. My DS was never a good sleeper and at almost 3.5, he's better but still wakes up 1-3x/night. DD is up several times a night, too. Between the two of them, there are days that I feel so sleep-deprived. I can't believe I've literally gone almost 3.5 years without eight solid hours of sleep. :eek:

I have two friends who are due this month with their third. Both want 4-5 kids so they are pretty laid-back about having number three. When they announced their pregnancies, I was a little jealous--"oh, a baby! Being pregnant is so wonderful!" But now I look at their almost nine-month bellies and think, "Oh I don't miss being that big and uncomfortable and using the bathroom all the time. And newborns are so unpredictable!"

I'm all over the map with this. I had just about decided yesterday that I was not going to think about the issue again until at least DD is two but then I saw this thread. :o

[jay&erinn]

Oh, I'm still here too, trying to decide. DDs are 4 years and 19 months. It's getting so much easier and 19 month old DD is at such a fun age (doing anything to make us laugh, so cuddly) that I can't imagine not doing this again. DH, however, has a lower tolerance for the constant bugging (Daddy do this, Daddy get me that). So, he's not so sure he wants anymore. If I pushed though, he'd give in.
I don't know. I think the first time around was so new it was hard to enjoy. I started classes for my doctorate 3 weeks before DD #2 was born and have been juggling classes, work (part time), and the family/home thing since then. There certainly wasn't much time to enjoy DD being a baby with all of that (I propped her up to nurse while I typed on the computer more nights than I care to remember). I will finally finish my degree the end of April and feel like I'm going to be bored. I also feel like I should get one more shot to actually ENJOY having a baby around. It all goes so fast, I feel like I want one more chance to do it again.
My girls are also developing a nice friendship. Part of me wonders what it'd be like to have a boy, but also would be thrilled with another girl. I never had a sister and think it's great that the girls have each other.
How the heck do you make this decision? If we do try it'll be this summer, so I guess time will tell.

[pullbuoy]

I thought for sure there'd be more 3 kid fams around here by now! I remember when this thread first started, I sort of thought about posting, and then said, "nah. We're so done at two."

My older two will be newly 4 and 2.75 when the youngest is born this August. I've had a few friends have 3 now, and how hard that transition is seems to depend more on how hard the other two transitions were for you and why. 0-1 was easy for me, 1-2 was hard. It was easy for me to become a parent, but hard for me to learn how to juggle so many needs. 2-3 is just more juggling, which by now I get, and this time the older two will be so much more self sufficient than my oldest was at 17 months when my soon to be middle child was born. I'm actually expecting things to be easier this time than last time, though definitely harder than the first time. I also don't have any romantic notions about the baby stage- I really don't enjoy it- but am excited for toddlers and more playmates in the house.

It was pretty important for me to get the younger one past 2.5 when the last one will be born, though. I found there to be such a difference in independence between 2 (where we are now) and 2.5 last time. I loved having my first two so close together, but doing that with an older kid in the mix too would have broken me.

[Lisa]

well we have 3 and I really like a 4th. But with that said I have 3 boys. Like others said I love my boys but I really want a girl...Dh says we are done and can adopt which I'm open to. I dont know somedays its so overwhelming and other days so easy...:p I dont think I want to do another pregnancy but eho knows:rolleyes:

[firefly]

We have 4 kids. 2 girls and a set of twins... the twins haven't come home yet (8 weeks early ) but I highly recommend having more children if you feel like you're family isn't complete.

[dal]

LOL I last posted here on 2/11 that we are at the two and done stage and it is now roughly three weeks later and I am still at the two and done stage. I think that is the longest I have ever gone without the baby bug. A good long three weeks. :p

We went away with our friends who have the 3rd baby and I have to say she has the easiest baby ever. If that didn't do it to convince me to have another, nothing will. Even though her 3rd is so easy, it is constant. I was tired watching my friend take care of her three kids. Plus there was a lot of dividing stuff up - her DH would go out with the older two and she would have to stay behind with the baby etc.

I finally feel like our family is complete. I really do. We'll see how long this feeling lasts. :rolleyes:

[jmvan74]

Just thought I'd jump in the conversation since I'm having the same internal struggles as many of you when it comes to the reality of #3. My boys are 19 months apart. The oldest will be 3 in June and the youngest is 13 months old. I feel like we are finally getting in to a routine and everyone is "sleeping," mostly.

If we have a 3rd, I'd like to TTC this summer/fall. That would put an age difference of close to 4 yrs with my oldest and approx. 2.5 years with my youngest.

Like many of you, I worry about vacations, a new car, pre-school, college, etc.

I also think a big reason I want a 3rd is b/c I want a daughter. I Love my boys and wouldn't trade them for the world, but I feel like I'm missing out on that mother/daughter relationship. That being said, I imagine if we go for it, I will have a 3rd son!:D When I picture myself with 3 kids, I picture 3 boys. I guess that's all I know.

I am also a SAHM and would like to go back to work eventually. Having a 3rd pushes that back, too. There are so many things to consider that it's overwhelming.

[jenjen0713]

So glad I found this thread. :)

Like many of you, I'm struggling with whether to have a third. DS #1 and DS #2 are 16 months apart and are now 2 and 1 years old. Life is finally getting back to "normal" after the chaos of the baby stage that it is hard to think about disturbing all that.

We are talking about TTC this summer/fall, so that would put #2 and #3 over 2 years apart or more. I struggle with, will #3 fell leftout or will his/her brothers openly welcome a new sibling. I especially worry if it is a girl that she will feel left out.

IRL, so many people (friends, family, co-workers) are telling me to stop at 2 as 3 is just crazy. My doctor has 4 kids and shortly after DS #2 was born, he was asking if we planned to add more. I told him I would like 4 and asked him how he saw life with 4 kids. He said the transition from 3 to 4 kids was a piece of cake. He said the hardest transition for he and his wife was going from 2 to 3, because you go from "man to man" defense to "zone" defense.

I've always imagined my life with 3-4 kids, so it is hard to think that my reality might be 2 kids. It saddens me to think I might never be pregnant again and experience that thrill of seeing a BFP and the joy of seeing your child for the first time. I guess if we don't decide to have 3, I think I will go through a "mourning" stage of the dream I have had my whole life.

[MizLarner]

We have 3 boys in our house right now. It actually hasn't been too bad. Our biggest struggle right now is getting the oldest boy to not try to parent his brothers! And I'm pg with my #3 right now. Threatened miscarriage, so I'm crossing my fingers for that glimmer of hope.

[LoveBeingAMommy]

We have three kids - a 3 year old and 9 month old twins...all girls. When we just had one child, we couldn't decide whether we wanted two or three kids. Well, God made that decision for us, and we can imagine not having all our girls. Now, we're questioning whether we'd like to have a fourth child in a couple of years. For us, we have a few things to consider. Since we have fraternal twins (no fertility drugs/treatments), we have an increased chance of having twins again. Also, DH would love the opportunity to raise a boy (he really wants the chance to make him a good man....the world needs more of them). However, with three girls already, we joke that we only make one kind. We'll see.....

[mia's mama]

I still think about this all the time...and although I sometimes want to get pg right now, I think we have decided to wait until next winter to TTC. Ideally we'll get pg sometime between December and June which will make DD 5 (or just short of) and DS 3-3.5 years old. By that time they'll both be in Preschool 3 mornings/week, giving me some alone time with baby #3, and both kids will be potty-trained.

We are also planning a trip to Ireland next June (family reunion) and although I have found it to be pretty easy to travel with an infant under the age of 6 months, I think I'd rather be pregnant and enjoy one more big family trip with M and J before we add another member.

That's not to say that this whole plan won't change tomorrow, but that's where I stand today. ;)

[daphne]

Are any of you mamas, who are comtemplating 3 kids, pushing 35? I'll be 35 soon & I'd love to have one more child, but I'd also like to wait a couple of years. I am not sure if I'm comfortable trying for a 3rd child at 37 or 38.....

[mia's mama]

yep, daphne- I just turned 34, so I'll likely be 35-36 when babe #3 comes along.

[dana b]

i used to think i'd want to be done having kids at 35. i'm about to be 34 and i think i'd feel comfortable having them even close to 40. right now the plan is to wait until dd's 5-6 and ds is 3-4, so i'd be around 36.

[mamax2]

We've decided to go for it :eek: I actually feel a tremendous sense of relief now that we've come to the same conclusion. It feels really right - no bickering, no begging, we just kind of realized we wanted to give it one last go and do everything (that's not medically invasive) to see if we can have a boy. If it's another girl, we're totally fine, but this will be it either way. My DH is very decisive, so he, of course, wants to have me knocked up by the end of the week :p I'm doing my homework and hoping to have a result by the end of the summer. This will put our girls at roughly 5.5 and 3 when (God willing) baby arrives.

eta: on the age question, I'm 31. I would be comfortable having a baby at 35-36ish, but for me it's more an issue of age spacing of our kids. If we had started later, I wouldn't have minded finishing later, provided that I had healthy pregnancies.

[mkvh]

By that time they'll both be in Preschool 3 mornings/week, giving me some alone time with baby #3, and both kids will be potty-trained.
I'm just hoping to wait till the first one meets these criteria, but YES!! I completely agree.

Age--I've always said I want to be done by 35. That's doable if we only have 3 (I'm 31 now), but if we wait 2 years or more to have #3, I'll be over 35 for #4. I'm good with that!

[jmvan74]

Are any of you mamas, who are comtemplating 3 kids, pushing 35? I'll be 35 soon & I'd love to have one more child, but I'd also like to wait a couple of years. I am not sure if I'm comfortable trying for a 3rd child at 37 or 38.....

I'll be 34 in May. If we have a #3 I wll likely be 35 when he/she is born. If I had started having children later and didn't mind a large gap in the ages of my kiddos, I wouldn't have a problem having children later than 35.

I feel like I'm standing on a balance ball. It's such a stressful decision. One day I don't want to go back to the newborn stage and the next I can't imagine not having one more. *sigh* The internal struggle continues.

[newmommy]

I'm just about 4 months pp and I can't help but feel our family isn't complete yet. I've always wanted three...but that would mean a bigger vehicle, possibly bigger home.....but then I think back to my childhood---and all that "stuff" wasn't needed. I don't know if I'm being to idealistic, but in my mind I feel like everything we "need" will work itself out. Although we're waiting until all of our children are school aged before I go back full time....which means also pushing off any additions/new kitchen/bigger home...etc.

I think about it daily. DH is on board...I guess just stuff I keep thinking about. I also wonder what spacing would be ideal for #3....right now the boys are 2 years apart....I like that...and I'd like the same between #2 and #3.....which would mean getting preggers again next summer :D That excites me! I love being preggo :o

[mkvh]

.....which would mean getting preggers again next summer :D That excites me! I love being preggo :o
Ah, see, I'm SOOOOO not there. I by no means love being preggo. And the thought of the the last few weeks of pregnancy and L&D makes me want to VOMIT. But I'll get there again, I'm sure.

[mamax2]

I read Three Kids? You Showoffs. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/04/AR2008040403217.html) in last Sunday's Washington Post and thought some of you might be interested.

[newmommy]

mamax2: that was an interesting article, thanks!

[rancherswife]

Ohhhhh jmvan, comon you know you want to, don't be scared...or, wait...do it and we'll be scared together! ;)

I'm 13 weeks pg. w/ #3, I have a 2.5 (will be 3 in June) and a 13 mo. old, #3 is due in Oct.! I'm feeling pretty calm (so far) about it all, but the other day, I thought...how the hell do I get them ALL in the car at once, w/out leaving one running wild in a parking lot somewhere??? Answers anyone?

[portlandbride]

Well ladies, it looks like the decision was made for us. We weren't trying but we weren't exactly NOT trying and now we are due with #3 in December.
I have to tell you all I am scared sh!tless. I will have 3 under 3.5. My older DD is pretty good but my younger one has been quite needy since birth. Now that she is 1.5 she is getting much better.
As for the age question, I will have just turned 35 when the baby is born. I always said I wanted to be done by 35 so I'm pretty close. I just find the older I get the more tired I get.:)
Anyway, just wanted to come in and share the news. Now who's next?;)
Edited to add:
rancherswife Can Landon get himself into the car? Brynn can get in and strap herself in. All I have to do is open the door for her and she is working on that. I also have to tighten the straps but I find her independence to be very helpful!

[rancherswife]

portland: Congrats! :) Yeah, our decision was kinda made for us too. ;) We knew we wanted 3 for sure, but weren't sure when! :)

As for Landon, yeah, he's a wild man, I wish he could just get in and strap himself in. HA! If he escapes while someone is strapping him in, he heads straight for the drivers seat and locks all doors. It's a mess! So, I'm really hoping he comes around before baby #3 gets here. As it is right now, I stand Reece up in front of Landon's seat, strap Landon in, then put Reece in.

Congrats again! :)

[jmvan74]

I read Three Kids? You Showoffs. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/04/AR2008040403217.html) in last Sunday's Washington Post and thought some of you might be interested.

Interesting article. I can't think of a better way to spend my money. *shrug*

Now, Rancher, stop trying to push me over the fence! LOL!

[phart]

We don't quite have that third child yet (38 weeks pg) but this is certainly the most tired I've been during a pregnancy. But it was also the shortest time period of m/s, thank goodness!

We we undecided on having a third and the universe made our decision for us. I chart and ALWAYS ovulate on cd14-16 and that month I O'd on day frickin' 21 when I *knew* we were safe and out of condoms:o Then when no period came I still didn't believe it. Then I m/c'd (early) but that helped seal our decision and here I am close to bringing a third baby into our home.

Aiden is 4 and some change and Maura is just over 2. They play together very well (mostly) so I'm hoping that will help things along. And I figure this third child will just have to fit into the way we do things around here already:)

I was just thinking the other day about hos people say Spring is so great to have a baby. Aiden was born in November and that was just fine for us because there were no other kids that *needed* to be out and about in the cold months. Then Maura in March (she took longer to conceive though) was fine but now this one in April/May is great because the older two kids either have places they need to be or want to be outside so it'll be nice to have their brother born in slightly warmer weather. I'm hoping that made some sense!

Anyway...I know of a person or two that cannot have a third or fourth for body-related reasons and they absolutely needed to/are grieving the "decision". So it might take you some time to get over it if that's where you are.

I read most of that article too. Eh. But it was interesting how many people we're "ANOTHER ONE??" to us. Like 3 is SO many children...

[mamax2]

I read most of that article too. Eh. But it was interesting how many people we're "ANOTHER ONE??" to us. Like 3 is SO many children...

Can you believe one of my friend's MIL said this her when she announced her third pregnancy?!?! :eek: Aren't grandmothers supposed to want a bunch of grandkids? :p

I thought the article was kind of interesting because it's a perspective I hadn't really considered. Of course, I am not a metropolitan socialite so having a third child won't be a status symbol for me ;)

In fact, I feel more like the author in that it will mean sacrifices, but our home with two kids just feels like we're missing one more thing. Like after a really good meal, but you just want that dessert, kwim?

I think the author touches on a whole different concept with the consumer culture of parenting these days. I absolutely enjoy spending money on my children as jmvan suggested, but I can think of many more important things to buy than designer diaper bags. Anyway, that mindset can prevail whether you have 1 kid or 5.

I still get a knot in my stomach every time I think about the add'l expense of adding a third child (not in the short term, but the long term) so I really hope we're doing the right thing.

[phart]

Can you believe one of my friend's MIL said this her when she announced her third pregnancy?!?! Aren't grandmothers supposed to want a bunch of grandkids?

Um. Yeah. I don't think my MIL realized I was in the room when FIL showed her Maura's shirt "announcing" that she was the middle child and groaned "oh no...not another one...". She later apologized for it saying she had fallen recently and wasn't sure why and it was a health/would she be able to help with 3 kids thing. Whatever lady. They've still not been overly excited.

[rancherswife]

people's reaction: Yeah, some people have absolutely no brains, and, I totally agree, they make it sound like three kids is practically 12 kids. wtf? My MIL was a little wierd when DH told her I was pg again. I wanted to say f-you, you've got FIVE kids, but to hear her, she should've stopped after DH was born. Could you imagine saying something like that? Wierd!

[jmvan74]

Reactions: My grandmother and my MIL told me I was crazy to even think about a 3rd. Whatever.

RE: the article: I actually meant the cost of raising children is a worth spending the money on. Does that make sense? I have reused just about everything from 1 to 2 and would do the same if #3 came along. We already sacrifice so I can be home with them, so I don't see much of a change for us there.

[mamax2]

Shannon ~ That's HORRIBLE! :eek: I know for a fact that my MIL and Mom would be overjoyed. My MIL would love as many grandkids as my SIL and I could possibly produce (and we've produced 5 in the past 4.5 years and both on our way to one more so the final tally should be something like 7 kids in 5.5 years!!) My Mom got teary-eyed when I gave away some baby clothes already ;)

I think in the 70s - 90s, the 2-kid family became such a norm that anything else seemed like a bunch, kwim? A lot of people are still in that mode of '2 kids, boy & a girl, done!' I read in another thread that '3 is the new 2', I think that's somewhat true as my friends seem split pretty evenly in those camps. I know very few IRL (besides SIL and 2 neighbors) who go for more.

[phart]

Shannon ~ That's HORRIBLE!

Right? She's lucky I even let her see Aiden and Maura about once a week after that comment. And she wonders why she's not the favorite;)

[portlandbride]

That was an interesting article. I live in Salt Lake, land of large families :) so no one here will bat an eye. With three kids we will be on the average to small family size.
I am interested in what my mom's and MIL's reactions will be. I am an only child and my mom always made comments about how 2 were enough. Now that my second is getting big though she has been making comments about being sad that there are no more babies. My MIL had three kids buut the 3rd (my husband) was definitely an oops. Not that their reactions really matter as we live 1000+ miles from each of them.
I think that's what I am most scared of - being on my own for long amounts of time (my husband is a pilot) with three small children. Now that I'm wrapping my head around it a bit more I am getting excited. I did recently start a business that will have to be put on hold for the winter but at least it is only temporary. I found that with my second I really lost myself and am determined not to let that happen again.
The funny thing is right before we found out we bought a new Expedition for my business so I know we at least have the car to fit three kids!
ranchers congrats on #3! Our kids are similarly spaced so when I think I am crazy I will think you must be too! :D

[mamax2]

Right? She's lucky I even let her see Aiden and Maura about once a week after that comment. And she wonders why she's not the favorite;)

My Mom has 'suggested' I wait and have the third once the girls are in school. In her defense, she babysits twice/week while I work so she has a legitimate concern :p My Mom also only ever had me so she's still adjusting to handling two little kids at the same time - it's just not something she's ever done. However, she knows we we've decided to have a third sooner rather than later and I'm sure she's thrilled (and a little nervous!)

Incidentally, my grandmother has also suggested waiting a long amount of time and then having another set of two (like she did). I just can't see myself wanting to go back to the baby/toddler years if I wait too much longer. I LOVE this time, but I feel like once my girls are older it'll be harder to, in a sense, start over. I have to keep up the momentum with this sleep deprivation/nursing/tantruming thing I guess :p

[portlandbride]

mamax2I LOVE this time, but I feel like once my girls are older it'll be harder to, in a sense, start over. I have to keep up the momentum with this sleep deprivation/nursing/tantruming thing I guess :p
I hear you on this! :)

[bluebunny]

portlandbride, congrats on your third! :)

mamax2, yea! for making a decision. I bet it feels good to have a plan. ;)

I read the article and it was interesting to me. I lived in NYC for awhile and when DH and I got married, we thought about moving back in but decided not to. I just could not imagine raising kids in the city (and being far away from my family). Like you, mamax2, my mother keeps my youngest two days a week while I work. I know she couldn't handle a newborn and toddler. (She did it with us kids, obviously, but she says she doesn't have the stamina now.) I'm thinking that if we had a third, waiting until DS is in school and DD is in preschool would be the best timing. That would mean that #2 and #3 would be at least three years, nine months apart (because #2has a December birthday and wouldn't start preschool until the following Aug/Sept.

The more removed I get from having a newborn, though, the less I want to go back to the sleepless nights and helpless baby stage. :o I love having two kids who can tell me what they want (most of the time, anyway). I still think the odds are that we will have a third but probably not for awhile.

[DisneyGirl]

I 'm a mom with 3 kids and whenever someone tells me they are PG with their 3rd or more I think...damn, they are crazy!LOL LOL

[mamax2]

I 'm a mom with 3 kids and whenever someone tells me they are PG with their 3rd or more I think...damn, they are crazy!LOL LOL

So, if you had it to do over, would you do anything differently? Space them out more? Was the third a surprise or did you always want 3? You're making me nervous ;)

[pullbuoy]

No kidding! Mine's coming in August no matter what, but I hope it's not so bad! Both my older kids will be in preschool starting around then (newly 4 and 2.75 at that point), plus I'm going back to work full time, to let somebody else do the hard physical baby care 9 hours a day. :p

There's definitely a "trendoid" around here of having 3, but I think it's a little more complicated than the article suggests. I know a lot of people who have two and want a third, but don't feel they can afford it, and the people who are having 3 are not adding on just because they can financially, though they are happy that they are able to. It's not really just "more is better," but money is definitely more of a factor than I think it was in our generation. I don't think people used to view kids as something you financially planned for as much as we do now, plus before when you made "sacrifices" it was more like not getting so many new clothes, but now things like health insurance and mortgages take up so much more of most people's income.

[mamax2]

It's not really just "more is better," but money is definitely more of a factor than I think it was in our generation. I don't think people used to view kids as something you financially planned for as much as we do now, plus before when you made "sacrifices" it was more like not getting so many new clothes, but now things like health insurance and mortgages take up so much more of most people's income.

ITA! My neighbor across the street has 2, but plans to have 1 more. For the past year she's been asking me when *I'm* going to have another. Whenever I bring up the financial aspect, she scoffs at me, but her husband is a pharmacist and she's a nurse - totally recession-proof jobs and my DH and I are in real estate and development so the $$$ factor is a real concern. Truthfully, I still haven't justified the monetary aspect of having a third child. We're just going on gut instinct and hoping the money works itself out in the end.

[lady1297]

Wow, interesting article. But seriously, $6500 for the first year??? I seriously doubt we spent that much on both kid's first years. Then again, we use cloth diapers and I breastfeed, and clothes were all bought for us and reused with #2 (although I did buy a few new things here and there for him just because I could). So, our first years were relatively cheap. Add to that my son potty trained at 20 months, we have relatively low expenses for the other years too.

I don't see finances as an issue with whether we have 2 or 10 kids. I'm definitely different than my best friend in that though. She thinks it's because I have two boys and really want a daughter. She and her husband decided on two, got a girl and a boy and she is getting a tubal done because of it. She thinks I'm wrong to want more. I just shrug it off and know that when I do have the third, I just can't complain about bad days in front of her without hearing "You should have just had 2!" She feels that if you can't afford to send them to college scot-free, you shouldn't have more kids.

Like I said, we're thinking of a third someday soon. I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 year old. I just want to wait a bit until I'm sure my baby is able to deal with being shuttled to 'middle child status'. I waited until our oldest was ready to be a 'big brother' before we went for a second, so I think it's only fair to let the baby have his time too. I'm thinking of TTC next January or so at the earliest. That would put the kids at 4 1/2 and 2. I kind of like 2 years between kids. Old enough to get their own juice cups out of the fridge and potty trained! Yeah! hehe!

[catmom]

Wow, interesting article. But seriously, $6500 for the first year???

Didn't that article also say that the average child receives 70 new toys a year? I'm a little skeptical of some of their numbers. Of course, the article also mentions that families with 3 kids frequently have 2 nannies to take care of them, so perhaps the writer is only looking at a very specific subset of the population. I sure don't know any people with multiple nannies and so forth, and I live in a fairly high-income area.

[tinkerbelljenny]

Are any of you mamas, who are comtemplating 3 kids, pushing 35?
I will be turning 35 soon and really want to try for #3 soon.

[njnewyearsbride]

i have two right now - dh & i are undecided on #3, but i'm always surprised at how many people ask if we're going to have a third - from random strangers in the store to the gas attendant.... the only people not pushing #3 on us is our family!

[newmommy]

DH and I have decided that we will go for #3!

I can't tell you how many friends/family members of mine are surprised...and keep telling me the world was built for a family of four :mad:

This morning someone at the gym asked me if it's because we want to go for the girl.....that's annoying too :mad:

[BusyBee]

Good luck Newmommy! We are still trying to decide if we're going for #3 - if we do, we'll try in the next few months, because I hope they'd be 2 years apart. We have 2 girls and I image everyone would ask if we're going to try for a boy - it was irritating when DD2 was born, still is, and I haven't heard a good reply yet.

[jenjen0713]

This morning someone at the gym asked me if it's because we want to go for the girl.....that's annoying too :mad:


Congrats on your decision to try for #3! We get the same comment too and it is annoying. I know people don't mean anything by it, but it comes across as sounding as if we were unhappy/disappointed that our second was a boy as well, which couldn't be further from the truth.

[mamax2]

DH and I have decided that we will go for #3!

I can't tell you how many friends/family members of mine are surprised...and keep telling me the world was built for a family of four :mad:

This morning someone at the gym asked me if it's because we want to go for the girl.....that's annoying too :mad:

I would stop telling people that you're going to try for #3. Will they ask the same questions/make the same comments once you're actually pg? Possibly, but why not spare yourself their chatter for now? :p:D

[mkvh]

After we found out #2 was a 2nd girl, practically everyone (even strangers as a pp mentioned) asked if we were going to go for a boy. :rolleyes: We've always been set on at least 3, so it was nice to be able to say, 'Oh, we were going to have 3 even if this one had been a boy.' And smile really big. People somehow seem dumbfounded by that.

I too mention 'the next one' frequently, to a variety of different reactions. Mine are only 18m apart, though, so people act like I'm going to get pg tomorrow. That's more the shocker for them, I think. If I weren't immune to others' reactions, I think I'd keep it to myself.

[AmyE]

If I weren't immune to others' reactions, I think I'd keep it to myself.

This made me LOL! Totally true. I personally never felt comfortable telling people we were TTC - either for the first or the second time around. I felt like it was telling people (like my FATHER) "yeah, we are having sex on a specific schedule now." I was always excited when friends told me they were TTC, but couldn't manage to divorce the, um, specifics, in my head to be willing to do it myself. :D

[mamax2]

How's everyone doing?

I'm nearing the end of my 'practice month' of charting, but I've hit a MAJOR road block... I have to go back to work :( With the sluggish economy and our plethora of unsold properties, push has come to shove and I'm looking for a job. My DH is really pushing me to go back to a professional M-F type thing and put my girls in daycare. This would basically mean the end of the 3 kid idea.

I'm trying to work out a way to do something part-time, possibly second-shift or something that wouldn't be as much money, but would allow me to be home now and maybe (?) still work after having #3.

I feel like it's now or never since our youngest is 2.5 and while I love the baby stage, I want my kids somewhat close in age. My DH just wants to put the whole thing off for a while, but I'm having a really hard time with that. I feel like if we wait another year, it'll just be too late; not in terms of my age or health but just that we'll be too comfortable with 2, kwim? On the flip side, I know I'll always regret it if I don't have the third.

It's weird, I can't believe I even doubted going for 3, I want it in the worst way now. I wish I would have had this philosophical debate in my head last year and then the baby would already be here!

[jenny0505]

Oh mamax2, I'm so sorry to hear about your dilemna. I hope you figure out something on the job front that works for you, your family, and your plans to have a third.

It kind of reminds me of that episode of Friends where Rachel finds out she's pregnant. I think Phoebe tells her the test is negative to gauge her reaction, and Rachel is so disappointed. I've been so squarely on the fence for the last year or so, I think if someone told me 3 wasn't an option, it would solidify how badly I really do want another.

I think we're going to go for #3. I just don't know when. I would also like my kids to be close in age, but I'm scared of spacing them too close for my own sanity.

[dal]

mamax2 I'm sorry you have to go back to work which makes your decision to have a third harder. But you never know, even though you will have two older kids doesn't mean you won't want a third later. kwim? I always thought I wanted all my kids close in age. My first two are 16 months apart and... my big news to update this thread is that #3 is on the way. My third will be 4 years younger than my second and I never thought we'd space them that far apart. So you never know where your head will be at later. So don't give up on the idea of a third eventually. Hang in there. The decision and waiting to have the third was very difficult for me.

*****

So yeah, I started this thread not knowing whether to have a third. I updated this thread over the last couple of years. Sometimes wanting another, sometimes not. Well #3 is on the way! The decision to go for the third was very very difficult but now that I am expecting, I know we made the right decision for us.

[daphne]

dal Congratulations!!!! I'm so glad you posted - since you left lj we've fallen out of touch! I'm so happy for you!!

[bea_mama]

DAL!!! Just wanted to wish you a huge congrats and best wishes for a happy and healthy pregnancy!

We miss you over at LJ but I'm very happy things are working out so well for your family! :)

(just a lurker in this thread b/c I'm sooooo on the fence about #3. I'm thinking no but then I see a baby and get all wistful!)

[mamax2]

O.k., I have to admit :o I saw Dal posted something in a pg forum so I *thought* you may be pg w/#3. Too funny since last we heard from you was "2 and done!" But, you know, you're right that it kind of hits you all at once when you decide to go for it. CONGRATULATIONS, DAL!!!


(just a lurker in this thread b/c I'm sooooo on the fence about #3. I'm thinking no but then I see a baby and get all wistful!)

bea_mama ~ Don't be a lurker! Most of us are on the fence. That's the beauty of this place :p

Thanks for the encouragement. I know things could always change later, but I feel like I just want to commit either way and be done with the *IF* stage, kwim? Like, if we are NOT having a 3rd, I would just as soon get rid of all the baby stuff (so I don't have to keep looking at it as a reminder); plus there's the whole on the pill/off the pill thing.

Someone at DD's music class this morning came in with her 2.5 week old baby boy. All I could think was "That should be me!" Why didn't I just do this last year before I over-thought the whole thing?!?!

[jmvan74]

I know things could always change later, but I feel like I just want to commit either way and be done with the *IF* stage, kwim? Like, if we are NOT having a 3rd, I would just as soon get rid of all the baby stuff (so I don't have to keep looking at it as a reminder)

That's how I was feeling, too. DH and I have decided we'll start TTC#3 in July, but of course, that could change again. :p

Congrats Dal!

[dal]

daphne and bea_mama aw thanks you guys! I miss you all on LJ too. Maybe I'll get back into it one of these days.

mamax2 LOL than you saw I posted in the pg forum. I was trying to wait a little longer to come out with it but I had a horrible zofran issue (I'm assuming you read about my lovely issues...) and I needed some information from people who have taken it.

jmvan74 thanks! Good luck ttc in July! It's a nice time to start trying to b/c you don't have to worry about morning sickness or anything in the summer!

Too funny since last we heard from you was "2 and done!" Yeah well imagine my shock when our "let's just see what happens" attitude turned into a BFP our first month of seeing what happens. LOL. The crazy thing is that we did actually try for a couple of months last summer using OPKs and everything and I didn't get pg. But this time, it was seriously just so relaxed and not trying but not preventing and here ya go. I am finally over the shock now. I still can't believe I'm going to have a little baby again though!!!

I know things could always change later, but I feel like I just want to commit either way and be done with the *IF* stage, kwim? Like, if we are NOT having a 3rd, I would just as soon get rid of all the baby stuff I think the wanting to commit either way is what had me saying 2 and done a lot. It just felt better to have made a decision. I didn't get rid of baby clothes but I did get rid of all my maternity clothes. woops. :o oh and our cribs and highchair... LOL.

[newmommy]

Dal: Congrats!!!!

[mamax2]

Dal ~ Sorry, didn't mean to 'out' you too soon. I actually didn't read the thread, just saw your name as the most recent post and thought "Hmm..." :D When are you due?

I have given away some baby clothes and the highchair too (no biggie, we still have the booster seat). DD2 is still in the crib. I'd love to have a Spring baby too so I'd *really* like to go for it now, but I would feel terrible about starting a job and then being pg and either quitting or going on mat. leave. Plus, I don't know if I could put a baby in daycare. I know plenty of people do it, but the thought tears me up. :(

[bea_mama]

bea_mama ~ Don't be a lurker! Most of us are on the fence. That's the beauty of this place :p



Thanks, mamax2! I really think we're going to stick with 2, but I can't help but get sad when I think about not having a 3rd! I told my DH we weren't going to talk about it for a few months- totally arbitrary, but at least it means I'm not obsessing!

I'm not getting any younger, though, and I already have one DD with special needs so I'm a bit freaked out by the thought of another kid a lot of the time.

As for work/possible #3/daycare - all I can tell you is that both of my DDs have been in daycare from 6 months on and they are doing great! I know it is not the choice you want to make, but if that's where you end up I know you will be fine! :)

And I'm really thrilled for you, Dal!

[dal]

newmommy thanks!

mamax2 No, don't be silly. You didn't out me. I outed myself when I posted in that Zofran thread. :o I am due December 19th but right now we're set for a planned vaginal delivery on December 12th. Kailey was born before 39 weeks though so we may move up my planned delivery a bit depending on how everything's looking.

I always said if we had a third, I'd never have another Winter baby... But I'm sure him or her will be worth it. lol.

bea_mama thanks again!!

[dana b]

congrats dal!

My third will be 4 years younger than my second and I never thought we'd space them that far apart. So you never know where your head will be at later. So don't give up on the idea of a third eventually.
this is exactly how i think. i say we're completely done now, but i just KNOW i'll think differently once my ds gets to his easy stage. i'm hoping for that 4 yr age difference.
it's so scary how crazy i am when thinking about #3. one week i'm making plans to start putting my baby stuff on craigslist and the next week we're planning #3 again.

[mkvh]

Congrats dal!!!

While #3 is a given, it keeps moving further and further out in my plan! I was at the OB today for my annual (DD2 is 4 months), and she said, "Well, we'll see you in