Wedding Thank You Notes

[Kimberland30]

I just had a basic question about Thank You notes and how long after a wedding they can (or should) be sent to guests. We got married May 14th. Most of our Thank You's are out the door, except for a few for presents that came in after our wedding and some that DH still needs to write for his co-workers. We have about 15 left to do, and we'll be doing them tonight.

There really is no excuse as to why it's taken us this long. I can say we've been busy, which we have been, but if we did a few a night we'd have them done. I can only say that we are procrastinators. I've held fast to the 3-month rule (August 14th) but set ours at the end of this month.

We were at a party on Saturday. One of my DH's coworkers came up to me and asked about the Thank You note. Actually it was her husband that brought it up, that his wife was hurt that she hadn't gotten one yet. I told him that he'd have it by the end of the week, but because we'd already planned to get the remaining ones done. A girl I was sitting with (also DH's coworker) already got hers 2 weeks ago, and when said husband walked away, she ripped into him about how rude he was.

So yeah, he was rude, but is 3 months too long to send out thank yous? Are we in the wrong because our wedding was 8 weeks ago and we're just finishing them up? Should we put "We apologize for this being late" in the ones we are sending out now??

TIA!

[lawyerlee]

Well, first and foremost, the rule is that it is never appropriate to point out someone's mistake or make her feel bad about it. So whether you have taken too long or not, it was wrong of that guy to say something to you.

As for whether you've taken to long, well, to be honest, I think the thank you notes are something you should do ASAP. And if you haven't, then I think you've been slightly improper. But I wouldn't stress about it now. What's done is done. Just focus on knocking the rest of them out by the end of the week so that you don't have to worry about them anymore. :)

[Kimberland30]

Thanks for moving this...I wasn't sure if it belonged in the Wedding section, but realize now that this is where I should have put it. :)

Anyway, yeah, I do feel bad about them being late. But figuring the 3-month rule, I thought we had time. We were on top of it for the two showers we had, but after the wedding we just clunked out. We ARE going to do them tonight, come hell or high water.

[ALeonard]

I got a Thank You note from a friend in college almost 6 months after the wedding. I didn't really mind. I was just worried that they hadn't gotten our gift. But I was pleasantly surprised when it did come!

[Natasha]

Technically, according to etiquitte rules I have seen, you have a year......Thats just what I have read though.

[PG-rated]

I think 6 weeks to 2 months is a good timeline - that's what we aimed for, anyway, and we really couldn't have finished them any faster than that. So if you get them all done within the next couple of days, I think you're in decent shape.
And Diana's right - it's ALWAYS rude to criticize someone's etiquette (unless of course it's your non-adult child, in which case it's called teaching manners), whether they're wrong or not.

[Hello Kitty]

you have a year......
It's actually that guests have a year to give you a gift for your wedding - you don't have a year to thank them - it's more around the lines of 3 months, like the OP had.

Yep, it's rude for the coworker to point out the lateness, but don't worry about that - just get them done and out of the way. :)

[Katy]

ooops, guess we screwed up then. I just couldn't bring myself to do them and the hubby couldn't bring himself to finish up the CDs (we had an OOT wedding and sent our favors with our TYs instead of bringing them with). So everyone got ours at the 6th month, along with their Christmas cards (eh, it was a small affair and we were in touch with almost everyone anyway).

[Natasha]

Seb's--Oh, maybe thats what I read.... I knew there was something about a year in there somewhere....

[Kristy]

I think you're fine in getting them out. Mine took about a month and a half, partly because we were waiting for the thank you cards to be delivered (we did the infamous 'thank you' card picture and couldn't order until the photographer got the pic to us). No one ever said anything about them coming later, and I certainly never would ask anyone about why they weren't out earlier.

[LeslieandPaul]

it's fine if you're taking awhile to get the thank you cards out-you're busy and got gifts from lots of ppl I'm sure. That guy was totally out of line to ask you were the thank you card is. You wouldn't ask him why you didn't get a gift from them if they hadn't given one.

[Kimberland30]

Well I definately feel better about it now, especially seeing that my timeline wasn't out of whack with everyone else's. DH is on the golf course now, but the notes and envelopes are sitting here waiting for him to come home. :)

[PaisleySloan]

Eek. We got married on June 12th and I'm waiting for my pictures to come in. I want to include a picture of the two of us, as well as any that may have been taken of each guest. Now I'm re-thinking this.

Should I just send them out and call it a day?

[PG-rated]

PaisleySloan, it depends on how fast your photographer is. If you think you'll have your pictures within a couple of weeks, I would understand waiting. Just write all the notes and address the envelopes now, so that you can just pop the pics in and mail them out right away. I think most people will forgive a little lateness when they see there's a picture included - it sort of provides a ready-made excuse. I'd advise against including pics of the guests - it'll take forever to sort through the proofs and have prints made, unless you're super-organized.

[Kimberland30]

Well we got them done last night and they are in the mail. Poor DH had to do most of them...I only had 2 to do. But I addressed all the envelopes because he writes like a serial killer. :)

I guess I can understand why people get ansy when it comes to receiving a thank you note. Of the last 10 events we've been to or sent a gift for, we've received maybe 2 thank you notes. It's pretty crappy, but it happens. But I don't think that a couple months is out of the question.

PaisleySloan: Sending a picture of you and your DH is a nice idea, but like PG-rated said, it might be very time consuming to also include pictures of your guests. But it's all up to you...I mean you just got married last month :) . I still think you have time - heck, ours weren't fancy or anything and it still took us 2 months! :)