View Full Version : Standard wedding $ gift
literati
11-21-2006, 09:16 AM
This is a bit of a spinoff from the 2nd/3rd wedding thread. How much do you usually give at weddings? What influences your amount?
We typically give $100. That's for most friends and family. It depends on our economics and their relationship to us. If someone very close to either one of us married, I think we would give a lot more. Also, we're on the East Coast.
Chimichanga
11-21-2006, 09:23 AM
It really depends on a lot of things for us.
Many of the weddings in Wisconsin are less expensive than the weddings in Illinois that we attend. Reason being, the IL weddings have open bars and more often than not plated meals (WI is cash bar and buffet).
We also consider how close we are to the couple and what they gave us for our wedding. Now, we don't necessarily give exactly what they gave us, but if some of our well-to-do friends gave us say $10 for a wedding gift; we won't be giving them $100. But, if some friends gave us $10 and we know that was really all they could afford, we would try to be as generous as possible.
I guess our "minimums" for weddings where it's just DH and I are:
IL Family: $150
IL Friends: $100
WI Family: $100
WI Friends: $20
tlew12778
11-21-2006, 09:31 AM
Well I am from the NYC suburbs and we live in Milan which is super expensive. Most of our friends, even the broke ones, gave us like 200 euro in cash or gifts. Some spent closer to 300 euro. My family gave us $500 and his family gave us 500 euro. The euro-dollar is about 1.25 right now just to give you an idea. But on average I would say btwn $200-300 per couple.
If we have to travel extensively (fly and hotel) we give less.
HeatherFL
11-21-2006, 09:34 AM
Depends on how well I know the couple. If it's just an acquaintance I usually give $150. If it's friends maybe $250 and if we are super close $500. I am undecided on what I'm giving my sister for her upcoming nuptials-this being her second wedding and all (but the groom's first.) :p ;)
~H.
Happy1
11-21-2006, 09:35 AM
For us it depends on our relationship to the couple, if we're participating in the wedding in any other way and if we're invited to the whole day or just the dance (which is common practice in our social circle). Basically, if we're invited to the entire day it goes:
Sibling: $100
Cousin/Friend: $50
If we're only invited to the dance (usually in the case of a friend or cousin) we'll give about $30.
Nikki :D
Missy2U
11-21-2006, 09:38 AM
$100 - close family
$50 - not so close family/friend
daisysue62
11-21-2006, 09:41 AM
I'm from Oregon and Dh is from Idaho. We spend about $25 for friends we're not especially close to and $50 for friends we are close to and family. For really good friends we'd probably spend closer to $100. I'm sure when both our little brothers get married we'll spend more then $100 on each of them but that's a ways away.
Katie1
11-21-2006, 10:24 AM
Our standard gift is $100. I go by the rule of $50 per guest, so if FH or I were to attend a wedding alone we would probably only give $50 (that is, if we were invited without guest- if we were both invited but only one could attend, we would probably still give $100.)
For people very close to us I would give more if possible. When my brother got married we gave him $150, but I would have liked to have given more like $250 if I could have afforded it.
Family/close friends: $200-$300
Colleagues/school friends: $100-$150
Someone who invited us but they live far away and we don't really know them, nor will we attend the wedding: $50-$75 in cash or gift card to Bed, Bath, and Beyond
kimbyj
11-21-2006, 10:48 AM
Depends...
My brother and his wife...we bought their entire China set for them ($$$$$)!
My cousin - I was in her wedding and spent a boatload on the dress, shower, bachelorette party etc. I wasn't married then and gave her $150.
DH's cousin - We travelled from NY to Toronto and stayed where the wedding was so on top of the $1000 (food, flight, hotel and rental car) we gave them $350.
At a minimum we give $150 (regardless of who they are).
The avergae amount we received from our family members for our wedding was $1000. The average amount we received from non-family related guests was $300.
Sandie78
11-21-2006, 11:08 AM
When we were going to a lot of weddings in college and shortly after college we would generally spend $25-$30. Now we would probably spend $30-$50 depending on the closeness of the relationship. We live in the southeast and this was about the average for gifts we received at our wedding. A few older couples including our grandparents gave substantially more.
jmvan74
11-21-2006, 11:23 AM
It depends on the relationship.
Family and close friends: $100-150
Aquaintances: $50-100
greenbunny
11-21-2006, 11:41 AM
Here's a weird situation: when we got married, many of our friends were in medical school, and therefore broke. One of them sent us a second check a few years later, saying he'd wanted to give more and could now afford to do so. We were very, very uncomfortable with that!
Medako
11-21-2006, 11:41 AM
I would like to have some of your families, I think. :) $1000 gifts from family?! wow!
I'd say for friends it's generally $25-40
family - we'll probably give closer to the $100 range, when the time comes.
The average for the gifts we received at our wedding was probably in the $20-40 range, and the most expensive gift being a Kitchenaid mixer from my MIL.
mindy75
11-21-2006, 11:42 AM
Depends...
Immediate Family: $100-150
Close friends/non immediate family members: $50
Casual aquaintances/co-workers: $25
I'm in the Southeast if that matters.
heather1029
11-21-2006, 11:47 AM
I think $100/per person (100 from DH + 100 from me) is standard around here, regardless of the formality of the wedding itself.
If they're just acquaintances, then $50/person is sufficient, but no less.
The bride and groom (and their families) had to pay for us attendees to eat and drink, and they're the ones that should be receiving not giving!
diam124
11-21-2006, 11:50 AM
I think standard gift amounts vary greatly in different areas of the country. For example, I'm from Western PA and I would say an average gift is about $75 - $100. DH is from the NY area though, and the average gift is probably double that. We generally give $150, but we don't get invited to a ton of weddings - usually family or close friends. We did give DH's friend $300 because that's what he gave us.
ceaserbride
11-21-2006, 12:06 PM
DH and I ussually give around $50 each if we're invited to the ceremony, dinner and dance. If we are just invited to the dance (which is common here) we give less. Maybe $25 each/
At our wedding there was a wide variety of gifts. Some of our closer friends gave around $50 each and our self proclamed"wedding crashers" (old friends of my parents & were close to me when I was a babe) gave $500!
mindy75
11-21-2006, 12:07 PM
From Beau-Coup.com...The Etiquette of GiftGiving
Wedding Gifts can be sent out as soon as guests receive invitations. Most couples register with two to three stores. It is considered presumptuous to list wedding registries in your invitations. Guests who wish to find out where the couple might be registered should ask someone in the wedding party, a family member, or other people who are helping out with the planning. Completing a registry can be helpful, but guests should not feel they must purchase something from your registry. Some people may still prefer the element of surprise when giving a gift, or might have something personal in mind to give to the couple. Contrary to popular belief, there is no calculable amount of money each person attending a wedding should spend on a wedding gift. It is not the amount of money spent on the reception divided by the number of guests. A gift should be a token of affection, and is not intended to pay for the wedding. However, to not send a gift altogether is in poor taste. A wedding invitation carries with it an obligation to send a gift, even if you cannot attend the actual wedding. Depending on your relationship with the couple, the gift can be small, or something more substantial. (Bolding mine)
Just thought an "official" opinion might be helpful. Emily Post says pretty much the same thing. I looked all this up because I could have sworn that I heard that if you went to the wedding you didn't have to bring a gift. But if you were invited and you couldn't go, then you had to get a gift. Not that I would actually do that! Anyway, that used to be true per Emily Post, but now the invitation demands a gift, period.
eli1126
11-21-2006, 12:30 PM
I had always heard that invitation=gift, but not to long ago I was browsing through an etiquette book ( I thought it was Emily Post :confused: ) where she wrote that an invitation should never be viewed as a call for an obligatory gift. Not sure what anyone else has heard about this......
We usually start at $100.00, but if we're closer to the couple, we give more.
Happy1
11-21-2006, 12:38 PM
The bride and groom (and their families) had to pay for us attendees to eat and drink, and they're the ones that should be receiving not giving!
I just had to say that it's also not a guest's fault that the bride and groom invited the number of people they did or spent as much on the food and drink as they did. Although I agree that as a guest attending the wedding, you should give something, if you can only afford $10, that should be sufficient enough. One of my friends gave us a card and a CD of copies of love songs she made up for us. Although it was far from the more expensive gifts we received, it was one of the gifts we treasure most to this day.
Nikki :D
heather1029
11-21-2006, 01:48 PM
I just had to say that it's also not a guest's fault that the bride and groom invited the number of people they did or spent as much on the food and drink as they did. Although I agree that as a guest attending the wedding, you should give something, if you can only afford $10, that should be sufficient enough. One of my friends gave us a card and a CD of copies of love songs she made up for us. Although it was far from the more expensive gifts we received, it was one of the gifts we treasure most to this day.
Nikki :D
I agree. Of course it is not their fault how much the bride and groom decided to spend, but it IS their responsibility to shower the bride and groom with gifts worthy of the momentous occasion. And of course, the attendee determines what is worthy of the occasion, whether the gift be monetary or meaningful (or both!).
ETA: and I only say this because I was a little upset when one of our well off guests(who is very close to us) invited his girlfriend's four kids without warning us ahead of time and then didn't bring a gift at all.
mindy75
11-21-2006, 01:58 PM
I had always heard that invitation=gift, but not to long ago I was browsing through an etiquette book ( I thought it was Emily Post :confused: ) where she wrote that an invitation should never be viewed as a call for an obligatory gift. Not sure what anyone else has heard about this......
She's changed her mind. ;) I pretty much remember reading the same thing. But this is off her website...
Emily Post Insitute...What to do when you are invited to a wedding.
3. Send a gift.
If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not.
nicole
11-21-2006, 02:33 PM
It totally depends on the relationship to the person and how much we could afford at any given time. For our wedding, we received gifts that ran the gamut... from a few guests who gave us nothing at all, to GMIL who gave us $1000. I would say I would spend anything from $20 (if I were a token invitee) to several hundred if my brother got married... though he's one of the ones who didn't get me anything for my wedding.
kris97
11-21-2006, 02:47 PM
We're in NJ, where giving money for weddings is the norm. I hear alot of family members talking about giving enough to "cover your plate" but I really shy away from that analogy, since it makes me uncomfortable.
That said, I will usually give $200-$250, maybe $300 or $350 for family or particularly close friends. These amounts have grown since we've become more established.
DisneyGirl
11-21-2006, 03:22 PM
I usually give 150 to friends and at least 250-300 to best friends and family.
tlew12778
11-21-2006, 03:42 PM
I would like to have some of your families, I think. :) $1000 gifts from family?! wow! Yes well it sort of sucks when you have to return the favor... I was telling DH that we need to start a wedding gift bank account just to save for our friends' gifts! Thank God non family members are getting hitched anytime soon.
QueenofCA
11-21-2006, 04:16 PM
We give a standard $200 for cousins and friends. Close friends and immediate family get $500.
rubyslippers
11-21-2006, 04:20 PM
We really don't know who didn't give a gift. We opened the gifts and took careful notes and wrote cards from that list rather than the original guest list. I also never went back and entered the gifts into the spread sheet. I don't need to know who didn't give a gift. I just need to thank those who did.
bookworm
11-21-2006, 05:25 PM
In general, $100 if it's just me, $200 if it's me + man of the moment. I don't think of it as "covering a plate," just that if there are 2 of us, we combine the gift (even though I buy the gift for my friends, he does for his friends).
The amount was a bit less when I was younger--more in the $50/$75 range (for just me).
looch
11-21-2006, 05:39 PM
DH and I give $200 as a couple, whether it's friends or family. I don't have any intention to cover the cost of the plate, it's one of those things that is not up to me to worry about. If they want to go into debt over their wedding so be it.
salysaturn
11-22-2006, 03:16 PM
Depends on our funds at the time.
A work friends I gave $50.
Closer friends $125
In the wedding - $200.
it really depends. it has definitely changed as we have become more financially stable as a couple. when we were broke, we gave anywhere from $50-$100. now, we give anywhere from $100-$500 depending on our relationship with the couple. when i was a college student, my friends and i usually pitched in and bought a gift together since we were all poor.
when i got married, i didn't expect a certain amount of money from people, but there was one particular guest who upset us both. this guest has a well paying job and is not struggling at all financially. dh had given that person a $600 camcorder when that person got married. at the time, dh was a student and really couldn't afford it, but felt close to him and wanted to be generous. when we got married, that same person gave us a $20 gift certificate. that was really upsetting. its not that we expected the same amount of money back, but the gift was thoughless and ungenerous.
Maggie8202
11-22-2006, 04:06 PM
I live in NY and you pretty much only give and receive money for weddings.
Friends/CoWorkers- $250
Closer friends/ Family- $300
Wedding Party/Friends- $350
Close Family- $550
I also look and see what they got us for our wedding and DH likes to add $25 to it. So if they gave us $250 we will give them $275.
We have my SIL's wedding in April, A Close friend in June, and 3 Close Friends the following year. This is going to be one expensive year and a half!
udsweetpea
11-22-2006, 09:17 PM
$50 for the shower gift
$50 for the wedding gift
More if its close family.
Vishenka69
11-26-2006, 04:08 PM
In our social circle (NYC and suburbs) $200 is minimum regardless of relationship. But most usually bring $300-350 for friends and $400-500 for family. Those amounts are per couple. Since $200-300 is the equvalent of a nice dinner out and that's what you get at the wedding, the amount makes sense.
Since $200-300 is the equvalent of a nice dinner out and that's what you get at the wedding, the amount makes sense.
man, i better clue dh in that i've been missing out on something. :D we've only once spent over $100 for dinner and that wasn't in nyc. i know that you can spend more. i just don't want people thinking that it is normal for nyc residents to spend $200-$300 on a nice dinner. :)
Katie1
11-27-2006, 09:16 AM
A few people have mentioned that they give more if they're in the wedding. To me, that doesn't really make sense. I know that if you're in the wedding that probably means that you are pretty close to the bride & groom, but at the same time you are spending a lot of money on other stuff besides gifts.
I like to be as generous as possible with my close friends & family, but since money is pretty tight with us I also have to consider the fact that I've already spent hundreds of dollars on a shower, a dress, bachelorette party, etc. I usually give my standard $100 when I'm in the wedding, considering that I've already spent above and beyond on all the other stuff.
A few people have mentioned that they give more if they're in the wedding. To me, that doesn't really make sense. I know that if you're in the wedding that probably means that you are pretty close to the bride & groom, but at the same time you are spending a lot of money on other stuff besides gifts.
i have given less to when i'm in the wedding, but i've only been in one wedding. i had spent nearly $1,000 to be in that wedding, and i could not afford to give an extravagent gift on top of that.
kimbyj
01-04-2007, 09:51 PM
Yes well it sort of sucks when you have to return the favor... I was telling DH that we need to start a wedding gift bank account just to save for our friends' gifts! Thank God non family members are getting hitched anytime soon.
See, but I don't feel the need to return the favor unless I want to. Do you (in general) feel that you have to give the same or more? Someone mentioned going up $25 more than they gave you - just wondering why that is?
Also, I have childhood friend who is extremely wealthy now - and I mean $$$. Besides being in the wedding, shower, bachelorette party and numerous gifts she also gave us $750 for our wedding. She was married ten years prior to us when I think all I could scrape together was $100.00. I have known her since I was 7 and REALLY wanted to give her a "nice" present.
tlew12778
01-05-2007, 02:02 PM
I dunno... but I also hate getting and receiving gifts in general that are not more or less the same amount. It just makes for an awkward situation IMO (unless you are comparing handmade stuff which isn't the same).
Generally all our friends gave the same amount (give or take $50) and we are all earning more or less the same amount (and have the same expenses), so it would be expected that we can return the favor.
We never give cash, because it's not common to do so in our circles (there were over 400 people invited to our wedding, mostly my family and friends from the Midwest/Southwest and DH's family and friends from DC and the surrounding suburbs, with some Northeasterners and West Coasters thrown in for good measure, and literally 6 people gave cash gifts). But we generally spend around $75 on showers gifts and anywhere from $100-200 on wedding gifts, depending on how close we are to the couple. For our closest friends, we usually spend several hundred dollars helping to host a shower as well.
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