Child Spacing

[BTB]

In an ideal world (fertility issues aside) what would be your preferred spacing between children? Would it be the same interval between all the kids (if you hope for more than 2)?

[tray622]

In my mind, I always pictured a 2 1/2-3 year difference between my kiddos... but we only want 2 anyway. Well, that is thrown out the door since I am expecting #2 now and they will be about 16 months apart :)

[kmmommy]

We were really hoping to have ours about 18 months apart. Hopefully no more than 2 1/2 years apart since we only plan on 2 kiddos.

[LeslieR]

2 1/2 years apart. Which seems awfully soon since I am still pregnant now. :p

[Cohl]

I always planned on 2.5-3 years. It will be tough though because my DD is only 11 months old now and I am dying to have another one.

[ktdelsur]

I'm planning on going back on the Pill after this one comes along in December since it was a surprise - but we talked about 4 years difference. Namely so we don't get hit with college expenses at the same time. ;)

[lml41981]

Like ktdelsur, we talked about a 4 year difference between our kids so that we're only paying for one college education at a time. Additionally, we hope to give our kids their first car...so we'll only have to pay for one car at a time.

[BethIrish]

We're with Lyndsey and ktdelsur...thinking 3.5 to 4 years apart...my parents paid for college and my first car and did the same for my brother and I'd like to do that for our kids.

However, I'm 28 and not planning on getting PG until next year. So....it could be closer - I *think* I want to be done with having kids by 32....my parents were able to do it with my bro and I - we're only 18 months apart :o

[Sha259]

My mother spaced all of her pregnancies for births 3 years apart, and I think that was perfect. All of my siblings and I can relate very well with each other without ever taking the spotlight from each other, if you know what I mean. DH and I only plan on 2 kids, but if we have 3 they will be about 2.5 to 3 years apart. Don't want to be having kids forever. :D

[elladee]

We're hoping for around 2 years between them.

[LilMarty]

We are planning on having 2 children and would like them to be 2-3 years apart.

[t3h_wookiee]

We're hoping for 18-24 months between them.

A major reason is that Jon and his sister were 3 1/3 years apart, and my older brother and I were 7 years apart, and we both wish that we were closer in age to our siblings. Me especially, as my brother felt like more of an uncle most of the time.

[pickle]

Hopefully 3-4 years apart. (Although DH and I currently disagree about that--he and his brother are 18 months apart, and he thinks this is the ideal situation. My brother and I are 21 months apart and I think that is waaaaaay too close. So we'll see! ;) )

[tracer]

My boys will be 21-22 months apart, depending on when #2 arrives. We had always wanted them to be right around 2 years and no more than 2.5 years apart. We also want one more but since the boys will be so close in age we may wait a little longer to try for the third one. Who knows, we weren't trying for #2 and got pregnant. I think maybe when our youngest is 1.5 or so we may start talking about it.

[Baby Lust]

We are planning on getting pg right as our first is 2. That way they will be almost 3 years apart.

[lee60657]

What a great thread....wonder if anyone with any experience (i.e, 2 kids) could shed some light on this. Our DD is 4 mths and we were thinking of trying to plan #2 to be born around the time DD is 2. Anyone have any thoughts on how to space it? I have heard so many things...don't have #2 until #1 is potty trained, if you don't have #2 before #1 is 18 mths you should wait until #1 is 3 years....the list goes on and one. Any thoughts?

[Happy1]

My brother and I are 1 1/2 years apart. Friends of ours have kids 10 months apart (she was very fertile:p). I would love to have kids no more than 2 years apart and closer if at all possible.

Nikki :D

[Natasha]

There will be nearly 3 years between my son and the baby we are expecting. But, FH has a son as well, and he will be just over 1.5 when the baby is born.

[abbylynn]

Well, seeing as DS will be 2 next month and although I'm starting to get the baby bug back ;) I'm not quite ready to take the plunge yet. I'm thinking we'll start trying towards the end of next year after DSs 3rd birthday.

[deliciousjones]

we'd like 4-5 children ( :D ) and ideally, they'd be spaced 18-24 months apart.

[LexyLou]

We want 2-3 and I would like them to be about 3 years apart. I think we'll start trying for #2 right after Ella turns 2 years old.

[Toonces]

Ideally I'd like them to be 3 years apart, but we want 3 or 4 and I'll be 36 in October, so they'll probably be 18-24 months apart.

[looty]

We would ideally like them to be about three years apart. Both my Dh and my families have all the kids spaced two years apart. It worked well but we figure that getting one out of diapers first will be less work (and expensive). ;)

Ali

[December27JJB]

If we do have another baby, we are hoping for a 4 year difference between them.

[Sarah]

Our two will be almost exactly 3 years apart, and we hope to have at least 2 more. We would probably try to have our next ones at a similar spacing, meaning we'd be trying for each new one when the one before it was a little over 2.

[mamacita]

Our kids are 3 years, 8 months apart and so far it's been wonderful-- our older daughter adores her baby sister and really truly has not seemed to have any jealousy issues (yet, knock on wood). Our friends who have kids closer together seem to have somewhat crazier lives, though it really does depend on the kids and the parents. If we were to have more (I think we're done), we'd keep roughly the same spacing: 3.5 - 4 years apart.

[IrishEyes]

This is tough to answer for me since (a) my newborn was very clingy today and makes me temporarily have doubts about having another and (b) I'm an only child so I don't have my own example to compare it to.

I think we'll wait until DS is at least 2 to consider it. I'd rather them not be more than 5 yrs apart. That is, if we have another, since we're also considering just having one.

[snowzilla]

My thoughts:

My children are now 7 and 9 (with number 3 on the way), and they are just shy of 2 years apart - technically, 23 months apart.

When they were "little", as in still babies or tots, they were so close, and so much fun. Big brother doted on his little sister and was very protective of her. I didn't find it to be difficult to take care of them both, toilet training wasn't a huge difficulty, helping them find their own personalities wasn't difficult, etc.

But.... ;) .....now that they're 7 and 9, I have to be honest. The sibling rivalry is KILLING ME. They've reached this age where they can't agree on anything, they get on each other's nerves constantly, and yet, because they're so close in age and have always been such close siblings, separating them is rather difficult. We have to make a lot of effort to find them things to do separately so that they're not driving each other (and us) up the wall.

In the long run, I'm glad we had them so close together. I think they're going to be very close when they're older, and the sibling rivalry has wound down (and I think it will much sooner than if they were of the same sex) to a dull roar. But I'm just saying...right now must be the sibling equivalent of the terrible two's, and it has been very trying.

On the other hand, my brother and I were six years apart, and we simply aren't close. I wish we would have been closer in age - I envy those with close sibling relationships.

[suzubeane]

What a great thread....wonder if anyone with any experience (i.e, 2 kids) could shed some light on this. OK, I'll bite. (I don't usually post in family planning, but I stumbled in by using the "new posts" feature.)

My kids are (unintentionally) 6.5 years apart - now ages 9 and 16. There are definitely pros and cons.

First, I loved that my son had the wherewithal of a 6.5 year old when his baby sister arrived. He was more flexible than a toddler, and more independent. His requirements were so different from an infant's, it didn't seem hard to juggle the two children's needs.

He was old enough to be able to be reasoned with. He had the ability to delay gratification if needed. I got to enjoy quiet time with him while nursing, for example. I took a tip from my Mom, and had him choose a book that was just for reading when his sister was nursing; Sure enough, every time he noticed she was at the breast, he would come over with James and the Giant Peach. Sometimes he would read to me, other times I would read to him. One time he heard the baby get up in the middle of the night, and showed up with the book then!

He was able to help me with her as she started to become more mobile, and when he started to get involved in activities after school and on weekends, she was very portable.

Now that they're a bit older, they're not as close. He antagonizes her, and she is just starting to fight back. (the other night, I heard her yell at him "Shut up you moron!" No idea where she got that!) He insists that she has things easier than he did - which might be somewhat true, but some of his recollections aren't really on the mark.

I believe that they will get close again because they have things in common; my brother is 6 years older than I am (we have a sister in the middle) and we are the two closest members of my family. At the same time, I am sorry that my daughter will only be a few months short of 12 when her brother leaves home for college. That was the age I was when my brother left, and he never got to know me as a young adult.

Hope this helps ...

By the way, I notice that everyone is posting very clear reasons for the spacing that they have decided upon, and obviously it's a personal decision. Just thought I'd mention that even though American parents typically think that 2 years is a good spacing, psychologists think that 3 - 4 years is better, based on the developmental needs of the older child. I don't think there's any *wrong* spacing, but I just thought it was worth mentioning. Most people are surprised by this.

[edited for clarity]

[suzubeane]

On the other hand, my brother and I were six years apart, and we simply aren't close. I wish we would have been closer in age - I envy those with close sibling relationships.Heh - we cross-posted our two very different experiences with our own siblings!

It just goes to show that age spacing isn't everything, huh? I have a friend who has nothing in common with her brother who is two years older - they never talk. When she was thinking about the spacing of her own two kids, she used to get really freaked out thinking about how her parents purposely spaced thier kids with closeness in mind, and they - the resulting children - have no relationship.

[MamaBear]

I had originally wanted my children to be 2 years apart, like my brother and myself. DS is 16 mos. now and we don't plan on trying for #2 until at least the end of the year. So I guess that the answer to the question would be about 3 years (of course depending on when we get pregnant).

[Marisa]

Not even planning on TTC again until Joey is three, or very close to it. After that, we may try for one more, with the same kind of spacing.

FWIW, my brother and I are 6+ years apart (I'm older) and we adore each other. (not in an Angelina-Jolie-and-brother way, of course)

[Twylla]

For now, our plan is to have #1 and go from there. but we'd like 2-4 kids, and I'd like to be "done" before I'm 35 (I have arthritis, and that doesn't get better with age...). I'm 24 now, and we're TTC the first this December, hopefully he/she would be born when I'm 25, so 2-3 years apart or so?

But I guess it's really hard to say before baby #1 comes along, right?

[LeslieR]

*bump*

[polarama]

I want them to be 4-6 years apart, DH thinks that's way too much. It may largely come down to my own age when we finally do have #1.

We both come from families where there is a 6.5 year gap between us and our siblings (DH's sister is older, my sister is younger). I advocate for this spacing mainly for some of the reasons that suzubeane lists upthread--that a school-aged child is "reasonable," etc. and because it's my own experience. My sis and I both had time to be "only children" in our house, and practically speaking, my parents didn't get hit with two college bills at once. :)

BTW, suzubeane--what you describe going on in your house now what happened with us--we were awful to each other when I was around 14 or so....but any sibling discord pretty much went away when I went off to college. It did take me a while to adjust to thinking of my sister as being an equal, because in my head she is forever the "baby." But that's probably true of any older sibling-younger sibling relationship. :)

[HGMorgann]

18-24 mo apart...but we are not the fertilist kid s on the block, so we have let God be in control sice dd'd birth.

[amew]

Ideally, we want two kids no more 2-3 years apart. My brother is 5.5 years younger than me, and I have always wished that we were closer in age. On the other hand, DH's sister is less than 2.5 years younger than him, and he loved growing up with a close-in-age sibling. We also likely won't start trying for number one until I'm 30ish, so a long interval between kids could push me into advanced maternal age, which we would just as soon avoid if possible.

[Freckles]

18-24 mo apart...but we are not the fertilist kid s on the block...

Ditto.

[firefly]

Our 2 girls are 2.5 years apart. 'It's trying at times but now that they youngest is almost one she's getting to be more 'fun' for the older one to play with.

we plan on 1-2 more and I'm torn between starting to try agin next may- july (07) or waiting and having another 'set' (there fore starting in 2010) :confused:

[Alanna]

in a perfect world 4 years apart... so the first would be in preschool and into a life of her own before the second came along...

but im worried about my age... i want to be done having kids not too much after 35 so i think it will be more like 2-3 years.

[DisneyGirl]

I wanted my kids to be about 16-18 months apart and I wasn't to far off what I had in mind. my kids are 19 months apart.

[jenjen0713]

I would like them to be about 18 months apart. We want maybe 1-2 more (maybe even 3 more) kids. Time isn't on our side (I'm 33 and DH is 37). His clock is ticking a lot more than mine as he wants to be finished with having kids by the time he is 40 or so. If time wasn't an issue, I think I would prefer them to be 2-3 years apart. Also, I worry about as we getting older, that it might be more difficult to get pregnant, so we are going to start TTC sooner rather than later.

[Ohana]

Our kids will be about 2 yrs, 10 mo apart. A bit more than I had hoped for, but oh well.

We were shooting for 2.5 years apart, mostly because I am closest to my sister who is 2.5 years younger than me. There is a sister between us (18 mo younger than me), and although we get along fine, there was a lot of competition growing up. I also have a sister 5.5 years younger than me, and we are so far apart in age that we have never really had anything in common and are therefore not close at all.

[Pookie]

If time/ career issues/ fertility issues were aside, I'd want 3 kids 3-4 years apart and to be done by the time we were 32. However, we did have issues getting pg with #1. DS was born when we were 27,so we could still have 3 spaced 3 years apart and be done at 33. But then you have to factor in grad school and a future career in and that can complicate things. We're also not sure there will be a #3 and only about 95% sure there will be a #2.

[AusAshMommy]

My two are 22.5 mos apart (unplanned) and it's busy at times but it works for us. I am 17 mos older than my brother and 4yrs older than my sister. I am closer to my brother than my sister so I was hoping for the same spacing with mine, but DH wouldn't have any part of it, We're talking about having a 3rd possibly around Austin's 5th Birthday (getting pregnant at least) so 2008 that way Ashley will be just 4 when the baby comes and I think that works best for us.

[usafwife]

We are thinking between 18 months and 2 years. I'm an only child so I can't compare any experiences to it. DH and his brothers are each about 2 years apart. They were close growing up and are still close now. Although DH is closer to his middle brother rather than the youngest but that is because we see the middle one more (the youngest lives a couple of hours away and is always too busy to come see his family).

[ShelbyMay]

As much as it scares me (because I think I'll feel like I'm *always* pregnant), we will probably start trying for #2 when this little bean is somewhere around 1-1.5 years old. I am hoping to space them out by 2 or 3 years, and it took us a while to conceive #1. The tentative plan is to have 3 children, and I am 26 now, so... I think it would be nice to be done by my early 30s.

Of course, this all depends on how things go with numero uno!

[mia's mama]

We had hoped for our kids to be about 2 years apart. It took 13 months to get pregnant with #1, so we stopped avoiding (but were certainly not trying) for #2 when DD was 11 months, thinking it would take at least 4 or 5 months...nope. This time we got pregnant right off the bat, but we couldn't be happier. Our kiddos will be 20 months apart. We'll likely try for one more in another 3 or 4 years.

[nuhmah]

We are looking to have 3 (4 if we feel differently in a few years), and would like to space them about 2 years apart. Well, this is the game plan at least. ;)

My sister and I are 4 years apart - just far enough apart to make us not close. We were never in the same school (except for elementary, and that was only 2-3 years), never in the same functions/activities at the same time. I wish we were closer, but we are working on that. I guess we are just both "free spirits".

[miaclear]

I was 22 months younger than my brother and I think we had a really good relationship growing up given all the actual fighting we did. We were close. I would like my kids to be no more than that in difference in age.

[Sophia]

DS and DD are 2 years 8 months apart (the same gap as me & my younger brother). I planned it that way and really liked it because they were close enough in age to play and be close, but far enough apart that DS could sort of understand why DD needed one-on-one attention sometimes, and he was old enough to want to help and to actually be helpful. And when she was a newborn and would sleep a lot, he and I were able to have lots of one-on-one time of our own becuase he didn't really nap much by then. He was also a very sweet toddler and liked being helpful and was very sweet to his little sister. I didn't have any real jealousy type issues with him.

Now they are 13 years (as of Sep) and 10 1/2 years (she'll be 11 in April) and are still pretty close, although because they're both hitting puberty at around the same time there are times when they get on each others' nerves.

The gap between DD and this one will be a little over 11 years. :eek:

[AirForceLove]

DS #1 and DS #2 are 13 1/2 months apart. When DS #1 was 4 months we decided to try and get pregnant with DC #2. First month we tried we got pregnant. I really want another right now but DH says no not right now. :(

[jmvan74]

Ideally, we want 2 or 3 children. The first 2 ideally would be 2 to 2.5 years apart and if we decide on #3...at least 3 years from #2.

[mamax2]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, trying to decide if we could even handle a third child. Our girls are 28 months apart, so almost 2.5 years and it's been great. My older DD is very mature for her age and can understand and verbalize a lot and she's very gentle w/the baby (most of the time ;) ) Baby #2 wasn't planned, but I'm actually quite happy w/the spacing. However, if we were to have a third, I would want DD1 to be in school because I'm not sure I could handle being home w/3 kids. It's hard to go places/do things right now so I can't imagine adding another child to the mix.

[AttyGrl74]

I wanted a big more difference and frankly wasn't sure I wanted more than one - I'm a happy Only Child.

But - our two daughters will be 20 months apart. Or roundabout there depending on when #2 makes her appearance!

[Astara]

We will be trying again probably right around when DD is 1 so there will be at least a 2 yr. difference. Ideally, I'd love to have them be 2 yrs. apart. We are hoping to have 3 children and I want to be done by the time I'm 30~

[luvvy330]

My biggest issue was having two children in diapers. DS and baby #2 will be 5 years apart. I do think that is a bit much but we only started trying after DS started to express interest in being a big brother.
If we are blessed with a baby #3 we will space him 2-3 years after #2.

[Traciann]

Originally we wanted to try when DD was one. Recently we discussed this and we are both not ready, and DD will be one in several months. DH works alot, and I do not think I can handle 2 under 2 with his schedule. Also I am in school, so idealy it would be better if I had one more year under my belt before adding anther child to the mix. Long story short, we are going to wait until DD is 2 before trying for baby #2, Its not what I planned, but I feel really good about the spacing for our family's dynamics.

Traci

[Tracie]

We're planning about three years apart. I want some time off from being pregnant/breast feeding, and I'd prefer to have only one in diapers at a time.

[flygirl]

My brothers are younger than I by 2.5 & 7 years. My younger brother and I were much closer with each other growing up than with my other brother. Everyone has posted different answers about closeness and age-gap, so I gather that closeness has more to do with the children's personalities than with a certain age gap.

[yoganut]

My DS#1 and DS#2 are almost exactly 2 years apart, and so far so good. I agree that the kids' personalities have a lot to do with it. Fortunately, DS#1 hasn't expressed any jealousy thus far, and I haven't felt too overwhelmed with 2 little ones in diapers. We would like to have one more, but will wait until DS#1 will be school-age (at least 5) mainly because we can't afford to pay for 3 in daycare! So, that will be about 3 years between DS#2 and DC#3...if we are so blessed.

[neenbean]

Ideally, we would love to have our kids about 2 years or less apart. We started SWH back in September, knowing things would take a while... Still waiting for that BFP. ;)

[BlackMagicRose]

I want two children and I would like them to be three to four years apart. In an ideal world I would have my first at the age of 29 or 30 and my second at 32 or 33.

[daisysue62]

Dh and I are agreed that we want a 2-3 year spacing between our dd and baby #2. If I'm able to talk Dh into having a third we would probably keep with the 2-3 year spacing.

FWIW my brother and I are almost exactly 2 years apart (our birthdays are 3 days apart) and we get along just fine, of course me moving out of the house when I was 18 did WONDERS for our relationship! lol Dh has a brother 2.5 years younger then he is and they get along really well and are very close.

[Smittenk]

DH and I haven't really decided...think we will just wait and see after we have the first one. Ideally I think I would like there to be 3 years. I would like the first one to be potty trained.

[Parrothead]

Has anyone seen any studies out there about how far about kids "should" be? Also, are there any studies about how much time a woman's body should have to recover from pregnancy/delivery before having another child?

[Happy1]

As for how far apart kids "should" be, I haven't seen any studies but I have witnessed in my family situations where the kids were 18 months apart (in the case of my brother and I) and as much as 10 years apart (my cousins).

What seems to matter the most is the situation of the parents. In our case, my brother and I were really close and still are. My parents, in talking with them now that we're older, say they're happy they did it that way because when they were done with one stage, they started with the 2nd child and when that was over it was over. Whereas if you have them further apart you go through one stage, have a break and have to try to get back into it again. Not impossible and for some people it's great but my parents were happy.

My aunt and uncle were actually happy having their kids 10 years apart. Both their kids are very close (due much to the parenting) and they're happy they did it the way they did.

As for the amount of time a woman needs for the body to heal, it'll depend on if you have a C-section or not. I had to have an emergency one and the doc told me to wait a year to make sure the incision was completely healed. I believe for a natural delivery it's about 3-6 months from the time of the birth if everything is going all right.

Nikki :D

[littlemia]

Has anyone seen any studies out there about how far about kids "should" be? Also, are there any studies about how much time a woman's body should have to recover from pregnancy/delivery before having another child?

I've read a few articles that say pregnancies should be at least 18 months apart. If you do a Google search for interpregnancy interval, you should come up with some good hits. If you want to see actual studies (or at least the abstracts) try that search in PubMed (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?db=PubMed).

Here's one abstract I found:

Int J Gynaecol Obstet. 2005 Apr;89 Suppl 1:S25-33.

Effect of interpregnancy interval on birth outcomes: findings from three recent US studies.

Zhu BP.

Office of Epidemiology, Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services, 920 Wildwood Drive, P.O. Box 570, Jefferson City, MO 65102, USA. ZhuB@dhss.mo.gov

The relationship between interpregnancy interval and adverse birth outcomes (i.e., low birth weight, preterm birth, and small size for gestational age) was examined in three recent studies conducted in Utah and Michigan of the United States. These studies were conducted among different populations, used different study designs (i.e., cross-sectional and retrospective cohort designs), and addressed several other methodological limitations in the previously published literature. In addition, the data were stratified by, and controlled for, several maternal reproductive risk factors. A J-shaped relationship between interpregnancy interval and adverse birth outcomes was observed in all three studies. The risk for adverse birth outcomes is lowest when the interpregnancy interval was 18-23 months and increased when the interval departed from 18-23 months. This J-shaped relationship existed at levels of maternal reproductive risk factors and after these risk factors were controlled for using logistic regression. Based on the consistency of the findings from all three studies, it appears that the J-shaped relationship between interpregnancy interval and adverse birth outcomes is causal. This information can be used by health care providers and public health programs to counsel and educate women who recently gave births on reducing the risk for adverse birth outcomes by means of appropriate pregnancy spacing.

Publication Types:
Meta-Analysis

PMID: 15820365 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

[Parrothead]

Thanks!!!

[Janey]

I would like our kids to be 2 years apart. We are thinking "Two-and-maybe-three" at this point, and given that I am 33 now and not pregnant, two years is about all we'll be able to space them and still be able to get the 'maybe 3' part in.

[Julss05]

We are planning on two about 3-4 years apart. If we have two I want them to be somewhat close in age but far away enough where I can give my body/mind a break before doing it all over again. That and paying for expenses later in life is a good point.

My brother and I are 16 months apart and fought all the time until we were in our teens. I feel sorry for my mom who had to put up with it. My younger brother and sister are also about 16 months apart just entering their teens and fight like we use to. I'm not downing it completely, I think although my brother and I fought all the time we played with each other which gave mom time to do her own thing and we are very close now even though we don't have a lot in common. As adults we have very different views and personality wise are not the same but the bond of us so close in age (all the childhood memories) is something neither of us have with our younger siblings naturally because they weren't born yet.

[bellabonga]

Every age gap has its advantages and disadvantages. For the children to play together, I think two years or less are ideal. On the other hand it´s great for child #1 if it doesn´t have to share its parents so soon. And it´s great for child #2 if child #1 is already older and doesn´t need its mommy so badly anymore.

That said, looking back I wish I had chosen the 2-year-spacing. Now that I´ve had a m/c three weeks ago I will not even have my second baby when DD turns 4. :( So now the best thing I can hope for is a spacing of 4.5 years. But I´m working on it. We all want this baby badly!

[lauren f s]

My DD is 2.5 and we're trying for another now. With luck, Ava will be no more than 3.5 when her brother/sister is born and I think that's a great age to be a big sister.

[chloechloe]

Before DD was born I thought I wanted two about 18-2 years apart. But during my first pregnancy I experienced hyperemesis which was awful! Not to mention I had a drug free labor with alot of stitches that took three months to heal. DD is now 20 months old and I am only know starting to feel like I could do it again. As for the hyperemesis I would have to hire help around the house and childcare and I feel bad missing out on 6-9 months of her life....:(

[BusyBee]

We are hoping to have ours about 2 years apart. That is the same spacing between my sister and I and DH and his brother, and we both had good experiences growing up with a close sibling.

I'm sure the first couple of years will be tough, but once we get through that, I feel it will be a great for them.

Has anyone seen any studies out there about how far about kids "should" be? Also, are there any studies about how much time a woman's body should have to recover from pregnancy/delivery before having another child?
My OB told me that, physically, there was no more time needed to recover before another pregnancy, that the body heals very quickly, even after my C-section (maybe that's just my case).
(edited to add: My c-section was not planned but not exactly emergency - I went to the hospital in labor, and they found DD was breech, so we waited an hour+ for an OR.)

I read John Rosemond Making the terrible twos terrific and IIRC he recommends 3 years between children, so the older one doesn't need so much constant attention. He also says that spacing further can cause just as many problems as spacing closer.
However, there are a lot of good reasons to wait more or less.

[Lizard]

We'd like 2, maybe 3 kids at the most. If it was completely up to DH, we'd have them as close together as humanly possible. Not too long ago I tried to discuss post-partum BC with him, and he said "What's the point?" :eek: I refuse to make any type of commitments until this one is actually HERE and we see how things go. :) I'm 31 and he's 34.

[BTB]

Also, are there any studies about how much time a woman's body should have to recover from pregnancy/delivery before having another child?

Multiple high-quality studies show that interpregnancy intervals of 18 to 60 months improve outcomes for both mother and baby, and that further deviation outside those boundaries leads to additive risk. Of course this does not mean every mother or baby with a shorter or longer interval than that between siblings will have problems - just that on a group basis, more of those women and babies will than in a group of others.

An "interpregnancy interval" is the time from the birth of one baby to the conception of the next.

[suzubeane]

FWIW, I've read that psychologists believe that 2 year spacing many U.S. families strive for is not optimum, and that 3 - 4 years is psychologically and developmentally better for the older sibling.

[jmvan74]

Just thought i'd add my updated goals...well #1 and #2 will be 19 months apart. If we decide to have a 3rd, we will wait to start TTC until #2 is at least 2.

[newmommy]

This is interesting because before DS I always wanted them to be 3 years apart, but now we're thinking we want three instead of two..and possibly 2 years apart.......

[pocahontas]

2 years at most between the first 2 and if there's a third probably 18 months since DH and I are both in our 30s and I don't think these statistics and so-called experts take the age of the parents into account when they give "optimal" intervals.

[newmommy]

Just recently dh and I have been talking about TTC again when DS is 16 months old(whoa that less than one year away!!! :o ).....so at the very earliest DS would be a big brother 26 months old.........is that too early?


ETA: I think this is off the topic, but if we didn't tell anyone and did get pregnant, it would be around the time my brother is getting married(and we wouldn't tell anyone--so we won't "steal their thunder") Is this being selfish? Should we wait one more year because of their wedding?

[kiki61872]

ETA: I think this is off the topic, but if we didn't tell anyone and did get pregnant, it would be around the time my brother is getting married(and we wouldn't tell anyone--so we won't "steal their thunder") Is this being selfish? Should we wait one more year because of their wedding?

i think you should start ttc-ing whenever you want - it might not happen right when you start to try anways....

[BTB]

I don't think these statistics and so-called experts take the age of the parents into account when they give "optimal" intervals.

Sure, sometimes there are important considerations; fertility rates decline with age and some parents just prefer their children closer together, or whathaveyou. But complication rates simply do increase with particularly short or long intervals, actually especially so for women at either end of their reproductive years who may already have increased risk by virtue of that fact. What any woman chooses to do with that knowledge is up to her, it's perfectly reasonable to say, "hey, that's fine, but these are my plans regardless" - more so than it is to say "nah, that data must either not apply to me or be bunk".

[DisneyGirl]

Just recently dh and I have been talking about TTC again when DS is 16 months old(whoa that less than one year away!!! :o ).....so at the very earliest DS would be a big brother 26 months old.........is that too early?

26 months isn't to early..my DS becaome a big brother at 19 months old.


ETA: I think this is off the topic, but if we didn't tell anyone and did get pregnant, it would be around the time my brother is getting married(and we wouldn't tell anyone--so we won't "steal their thunder") Is this being selfish? Should we wait one more year because of their wedding?

I don't think you getting PG around the time your brother gets married is a bad thing. As long as you don't tell everyone on their big day its makes no difference if you are pg at the wedding.

[newmommy]

Great, thanks! Dh and I talked about it a lot this weekend, and we think it'll be great!

We spent the weekend wil my cousins and they're 2 years apart and they're so close(5&7yo)

Thanks again!

[usafwife]

We wanted our first and second children to be around 2 years apart (ideally we wanted DD to be 22/23 months old when baby #2 was born). As it turns out DD will be 19/20 months old when baby #2 arrives.

ETA: I think this is off the topic, but if we didn't tell anyone and did get pregnant, it would be around the time my brother is getting married(and we wouldn't tell anyone--so we won't "steal their thunder") Is this being selfish? Should we wait one more year because of their wedding?
I don't see why you should have to wait another year just because your brother is gettting married around the time you'd like to get pregnant. You may or may not get pregnant when you want (it may take longer or take a shorter time). If you are pregnant, simply not telling anyone on the big day (your brother's wedding day) it would make absolutely no difference if you were pregnant or not.

[Dotsie]

I wanted 3 years and that's what we got. My DS turned 3 the end of June and I am due with DS#2 the beginning of September. It's perfect. My DS is potty trained, can talk to me in full conversations and is pretty independent. I was adament that I did not want 2 in diapers. I know a lot of people who had children 2 years or less apart and they really regret the spacing.

[Sarah]

Mine are 3 yo, 1 month, and it's nice. DD1 was pted, fully verbal (spoke in full sentences, could explain things), able to do things like dress herself, brush her own teeth, go downstairs and get a drink out of the fridge, etc. She's actually been very helpful. I think it's been the perfect spacing.

But that said, I'd like my next one to be a bit closer. I love seeing my DDs interact and begin to really bond and play now that the younger one approaches 1 and my oldest is 4. It makes me want my next kid to be closer. Not too close, just maybe more like 2.5 or 2 years, minimum.

[coquelicot]

we talked about 4 years difference. Namely so we don't get hit with college expenses at the same time. ;)
This was sort of what I was thinking, too. But then I started thinking--what if child #1 takes more than 4 years to get through college? Or decides that he/she wants to do grad school, too? (Of course, in grad school you can get teaching assistantships or fellowships to pay your tuition, but still...) If I didn't have to worry about getting back to work once the children were off to school, I'd say more like a 5-year gap. That way, the older one can help out *some* with the baby, and maybe there wouldn't be as big of "sibling rivalry" issues.

At the very least, I don't think I want more than one child in diapers at once...unless we have twins, that is.

[newmommy]

Just when DH and I decided taht we'd TTC next spring, I'm having doubts/worries.

I'm worrying that at the age of two DS won't be able to understand a new baby, and I worry that he'll regress. Hopefully if all goes how we'll "plan" DS will be between 25-28 months old........

Anymore thoughts on this age difference??? I did bring this up on this thread before, but I'm looking for a bit more assurance :o

[DallasLady]

I am hoping for 2 years apart, but that is primarily due to my DH's age (he is 40 now). We will probably only have 1 more child.

[meggers]

This was sort of what I was thinking, too. But then I started thinking--what if child #1 takes more than 4 years to get through college? Or decides that he/she wants to do grad school, too? (Of course, in grad school you can get teaching assistantships or fellowships to pay your tuition, but still...) If I didn't have to worry about getting back to work once the children were off to school, I'd say more like a 5-year gap. That way, the older one can help out *some* with the baby, and maybe there wouldn't be as big of "sibling rivalry" issues.

At the very least, I don't think I want more than one child in diapers at once...unless we have twins, that is.

There are 6 years between me and my older sister and 10 years between my and my younger sister. My parents always said that they spaced us like this so that only one of us would be in college at the same time. I guess they timed it just right with me and my older sister since I graduated high school the same year she graduated from college.

[Spellbound]

DH and I were hoping to have them about a year apart. And so far we're succeeding in that goal :p as I'm due in late February. We're obviously quite thrilled and looking forward to the challenge.

[newmommy]

Does anyone have any links to articles/research on optimal child spacing??


I thought I read something like anywhere from 18months-3 years apart....

TIA

[sophonisba9]

Well, I always thought 2 to 3 years would be perfect. I liked the idea of not having more than one in diapers, but now that DS is 7 months old, I don't think diapers are much of a big deal. Also, I've seen so many people who's first kid regresses with potty training when the new baby comes or isn't PT'd until they are 3-4, so the potty training seems like a non-issue now. that being said we are planning on startting ttc this winter for a 20 to 24 month spacing. I'm hoping for 20 months as I'd like to have a fall baby, not another new year baby. If we go for a thrid there will probably have to be more space in between as we just won't have room for another for 4-5 years.

Also, I had a really rough pregnancy, but it's not like DS is going to get less demanding of my time for quite a while. I'd rather be sick as a dog when he takes two naps than no naps and wonders why mommy can't drive him to activities like she used to.

[Steve's Sweety]

I always thought I wanted them about exactly 2 yrs apart until I had DS and decided I needed more time in between. Then DS potty learned before he was even 2 and I was left thinking, "where's my baby?" and wishing we had already been TTC #2.
As it is now, if I am PG this cycle they will be 35 months apart, otherwise it will be more than 3 yrs apart.

[bensgirl1222]

We would like at least 3 kids. I grew up in a large family (5 younger sisters) and Ben and I really want a big family. Anyway...

We'd like to have them between 1 and 2 years apart...more like 18 months but no more than 2.

[Pookie]

Newmommy Not sure where the links are, but in the news and some reading I did stated that several high quality studies concluded 18 months to 4 years between pregnancies (end of first pg to beginning of second pg, not age between kids) was optimal for health issues. Of course everyone has to do what is best for their particular family/ situation. That is just what I have read.

[Kiley]

For those who want kids close together (less than 2 years)....do you WOH or SAH?

[newmommy]

Kiley- GREAT QUESTION!!!!

I will be going back to work 1/2 time.

[Rico'sAlice]

I wouldn't want to start TTCing #2 until #1 is at least two years old for BFing reasons. I know it is possible to BF throughout and pregnancy and then tandem-nurse, but sometimes woman do loose their milk completely during pregnancy and I wouldn't want to risk that happening before #1 is at least two years old. While I hope/expect to BF for quite a while longer than that, 2 years is my minimum goal. Also, I want to BF a total of at least 7 years for all my kids combined for breast-cancer reasons and this might not happen if they are born too close together since we will only be having two.
So DC#1 would be a minimum of 34mo, by the time #2 was born.
It also will be nice to have DC#1 enough older that they he/she play by themselves a little bit, walk steadily, etc. But I hope they are close enough together that the clothes, bedding, CDs etc. won't be too out-of-style to re-use. :)

ETA: I will be a WAHM. I do anthroposophical lifesharing w/ special needs adults, so "homemaking" will be my actual job anyway.

[Abby'sMom]

DD and DS are a few days shy of 21 months apart, and I'm a SAHM (though I have days that I want to escape).

Another side note WRT BFing - I BF'd DD for almost 14 months. When I got pg, my milk turned super-salty, so just be aware that that is something that can happen if you're pg again and still nursing #1. (She self-weaned as a result of the change in taste.)

[mel7dog]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, even though DS is just shy of 8 months :o It's also tough because we are military and DH will be deployed for a good 8 months at a time. The BFing issue is true for us as well. I want to BF for at least 2 years, but I also want to have 3-4 kids while I am young, so I am weighing all the options. Anyone else? I would loe to hear from mom with 2+ kids.

[maggieb]

My girls are 19 mos apart and I like it now. Helena was 10 mos old when I got pg and I managed to nurse her for 3 more mos, but I wish I could have longer. My milk also turned very salty and I started to dry up.

Right after Marisa was born it was hard since Helena was still pretty much a baby too at 19 mos. But now I love it.

If we have a third child I will wait until Marisa is 3 years old. I need a break from being pg and nursing.

[jenjen0713]

I got pregnant with DS #2 when DS #1 was 7 months old. Right at the end of my first trimester (when DS #1 was 10 1/2 months) my milk supply took a nose dive. I was able to nurse him for one more month after that and then the milk factory shut down production.

[Toonces]

I got PG with DS when DD was 16 mos old and still 90% BF. She self weaned at 22 mos b/c my supply tanked. DD & DS are 25 mos apart. I was worried about my advanced maternal age :rolleyes: otherwise we would have waited to TTC when DD was 2 yo. We're on the fence about TTC #3 (I'm 37 now). Oh, and I'm a SAHM.

[tracer]

I got pg with DS#2 when DS#1 was 13 months. We were ready for #2 to come along...the boys are 21 months apart. Now that DS#2 is 16 months, I am just starting to breath and enjoy "my" time. DH and I both want a girl and the thought of that has been coming up in conversation more and more. I need a longer break from being pregnant and nursing. And DH and I have been doing things we haven't been able to do in years because the boys are getting older. We don't want the third to be too far apart in age from the boys but neither of us are ready yet. I am running around now as it is with one being in pre-school 2 days a week and the other taking 2 naps and being in mygym. I think it would be cool to wait until they both are in school but the spacing would be way too much for us...who know what our future holds...hopefully a girl though!!