Co-sleeping [Archive] - ConstantChatter Forum

er nurse

07-17-2005, 02:02 PM

YEA!!! I AM NOT ALONE :)

Thank you all for posting. It has made me feel so much better knowing that I am not the only one doing this. I have received a little bit of ridicule by co-workers each of them saying I am creating a monster. My response to them is always...."they are only babies once"

Marisa, I too had a c-section and found iot much easier to have baby in bed with me instead of across the room. Thanks for the idea of breaking down the crib. Her crib has become a holding area for all the clothes I have to put away that she has outgrown ;) I think I will find it easier to transition her into a toddler bed instead of the crib. She hates being locked in to anything.

Hi Steph!! Chianna still wakes up at least 1-2 times a night for feeding as well. I thought I was the only one with a little piggy on my hands :) As for cuddling; that left as soon as she could roll over and now that she sits up and such forget it. Like your baby she likes to have at least something touching me whether it be a toe or a finger. Do you belong to any moms group in San Jose?

NYNovia, to answer your question when Chianna naps I usually lay her on her blanket on the floor. Her naps are very short (15-30 mins) so instead of getting her tucked in to bed she just sleeps in her blanket on the floor. I have tried to put her on the couch but she prefers the floor. As I am writing this it sounds cruel but I swear she is comfortable.

HG.....CONGRATS on the move. I hope it was to better your self :)

Well ladies...THANKS so much for getting this thread moving. I really appreciate it. Was wondering how long your baby's naps were?

As I said, Chianna naps for maybe 15-30 minutes. I am luck if she does this twice a day. For the most part she goes to bed around 700 and wakes up at 900 to eat and then around 330-400 in the morning. She then wakes up between 600-700. Sometimes I worry she is not sleeping enough but she is developing well so who knows??? :confused:

Have a good day

Lisa

Jaycee

07-17-2005, 02:15 PM

sorry to bud in..I am due in Nov and haven't made any decisions one way or another and probably won't ahead of time, but I would like to be as informed as possible. I have a question and hopefully can get an honest answer from someone here without offending anybody.

Do you feel like having your baby/toddler sleeping in the bed with you, affects your alone time with your DH? I'm not even necessarily talking about sex, but since I'm sure you are both so focused on the baby during your awake time, doesn't co-sleeping take up all of the remainder of your opportunity to spend alone time as a couple?

Marisa

07-17-2005, 03:06 PM

NYN -- now that Joey's older he naps by himself in the big bed. I keep pillows on either side of him, and I have the monitor on so I can go to him as soon as I hear a peep. Usually I'm in the office which is just the next room, so he doesn't have to wait long! :) For the last few months I've been pretty confident about leaving him alone in that setup. I know that he can't roll himself all the way over one of the pillows in his sleep, and I know that he knows better than to get off the bed by himself right now.

Jaycee -- honestly, I've found that having the baby in bed actually *improves* the time that we get to spend together. I don't even notice night-wakings anymore (though I know he still wakes at some point b/c I'll wake up and he'll be on my boob :D). I feel so much better rested, which makes me less irritable, which means that DH and I get along pretty well most of the time! :)

Another plus is that once we got the whole routine down, I felt much better about staying up a bit later to spend time with my DH. I knew that I would get a solid 6-8 hours at night with Joey in bed, so I didn't need to rush to bed at 8:30 in order to feel rested in the morning. We'll stay up and talk or watch movies or... whatever ;) -- and if we get to bed by 11:30 or so I still have 7 hours before Joey will wake for real. Since Joey goes down at around 7:30 and doesn't usually wake for 3-4 hours, that gives us a good chunk of time to hang out. :)

And it is so, so adorable to see your DH loving on the baby as they're sleeping. Joey will cuddle up to his dad at night now just as much as he cuddles with me (before it was all me, since I'm the food source of course). It will make you love him in ways you didn't even know possible. :)

er nurse

07-17-2005, 03:15 PM

Hi Jaycee,
CONGRATS on your November baby...my daughter was born Novemebr 4th :)

As for co-sleeping getting in the way of alone time. The majority of the couples find time to be alone whether it be going for a walk or hanging out after the baby is asleep. As for intimacy....there are other places then the main bed. You could use a guest room, the shower, etc...

Personally between work, taking care fo the baby, breastfeeding and house work intimacy and alone time are the LAST things on my mind. As soon as my head hits the pillow I am out cold.

I am not sure if I am crazy or not but as of now all of our awake and even sleep time is focussed on the baby. Before being a mom I never knew how much one little person could change your life. I swear even when I am sleeping I am thinking of her and sensing her every move.

I do know one thing though. Co-sleeping made us all sleep much better.

I hope this kind of helps...I know I am rambling but I am tired today.

Lisa

Jaycee

07-17-2005, 03:28 PM

Thanks Marisa and er nurse! Geez, before I got pregnant I had no earthly idea there would be so many different ways of doing things and so many things to think about ;)

Dotsie

07-17-2005, 03:39 PM

We never intended to co sleep. It started about 6 months ago when Aidan was sick and was having a hard time sleeping at night. Now, he's right there in the middle of us. We're going to start trying to have a baby soon so his days are numbered in our bed. We're going to try and make his transition better by getting him a "big boy" bed.

MrsT

07-17-2005, 05:05 PM

Thanks for starting this thread - I was thinking we needed one!

Count us in as another set of co-sleepers who just kind of fell into it. I was (okay, am) an extremely worriesome mom and feel SO much better when my almost 5 month old is in bed with me. Not to mention the fact that I also get huge amounts of sleep and unlike a lot of moms get to "sleep in" since my babe is in bed with me.

Naps - We are currently having issues getting him to sleep anywhere for longer than a few minutes, but alternate between crib, PNP, swing, floor and arms (his favorite and most frequent sleep place). Usually I try to put him down and he'll wake up - sometimes instantly sometimes after 45 minutes. In arms is a guaranteed 2-3 hour nap so I usually give in a do that once a day to ensure a not so crabby babe in the evening.

Intimacy - Like someone else said, I think the co-sleeping has actually helped. Because DS won't sleep by himself and takes a while to "put down", DH will now come in and hang out with us. (actually stays with us is more like it b/c DH does the bath/book ritual every night while I get a few minutes of alone time). Even after DS is asleep (I have to nurse him to sleep so I usually hold him for a while after he falls asleep before laying him down in bed) DH and I will whisper to each other - something we didn't do a lot in the evenings before DS came along. Evenings used to be spent in front of the tube and now we talk. As far as DTD, I wouldn't know (had a scary 1st time PP and have yet to try again). I'm sure when things get back to normal we'll just find other places than the bed! So far DH has been happy to have DS in bed and hasn't said a word about when he'll be moving out. He usually leaves the parenting decisions like that to me as I'm with him all day long and have done way more research.

gelfnrach

07-17-2005, 05:13 PM

Ex co sleeper (we transitioned at 3.5 mos) here lurking because I secretly miss having my baby next to me. Problem is that I never got any sleep and hes very happy now in the crib--but I enjoyed every moment sleeping with him. On the rare occasion that we fall asleep together while nursing--its wonderful.
NY NOVIA I remember you from the NY WC boards when we were about to get married! Time flies!

er nurse

07-17-2005, 05:24 PM

Dotsie, Good Luck with the transitioning. Please keep us updated because one day we will all be in your shoes :)

Mrs.T: Nice to know I am not the only one who worries constantly. I have a bad napper too; she tends to fall asleep when nursing and then when I go to put her down she wakes up.

Gelfnrach: Welcome and you can visit anytime :)

Lisa

happy1nuv

07-17-2005, 05:49 PM

So far, weve been cosleeping... nic is 2 mos old and sleeps petty much exclusively on my chest...or in a sling/bjorn. He (and i) just sleep better that way... but, right now, he stays put. I feel safe with doing it because I trust that he'll stay on my chest ... we have a soft (not pillow-top, but soft) mattress ... What do you do when they start to roll? The bed is open on both sides ... and i really dont want to spend more money on the cosleeper ... if I knew he'd sleep there, i would ... but after 15-20 min out of arms - awake or asleep - he freaks... Oh, and dh is a really heavy sleeper ... he used to roll over and put his arm aruond me without realizing it, so i dont think i want to put nic in the middle... Any ideas for how to safely cosleep wen he can roll? Or would u invest in the cosleeper?

er nurse

07-17-2005, 07:07 PM

Hi Happy,
As for what to do with the DH's. I used to put a pillow between DH and the baby. I would then put the baby between us and lie on my side and protect the baby with my arm. So I would make a "C" with my arm around the baby. It worked great for us.

Now that Chianna is 8.5 months old I do not worry too much about DH squishing her. As a matter of fact....it is DH I worry about. Chianna has quite a kick and a punch. Yes....things to look forward to. A baby hitting, kicking rolling and crawling in their sleep. It gets rough sometimes but there is nothing better then to wake up before them and watch them sleep. Then when they wake up seeing their little smiles :)

Lisa

Cohl

07-17-2005, 09:10 PM

My DH and I co-sleep with our 1 year old and have since day 1. We never intended to, it was just so much easier! In the beginning I was so worried about her getting squished but, as the time has gone by, I have gotten past it. If anything, she kicks us around in bed..LOL I have to second er nurse there is nothing better than waking up to that little smile!!

beansmom

07-17-2005, 11:02 PM

We never intened to co-sleep either. Our DD Skylar is now 13 weeks old and has been sleeping with us since day 2. We had such a hard time getting the hang of breastfeeding in the beginning that the last thing we had energy to do was to get up and fetch Skylar, feed her, change her and put her back to bed. She's now happily situated in her routine. She wakes up every 3-4 hours to eat, but since we've mastered the art of bfing while laying down, it's a breeze.

DH now wishes we invested in a king sized bed since our DD pushes him around the bed in her attempt to be warm. We've likened her to a heat seeking missile! I feel so warm and gooey inside when I see them sleeping together. I wouldn't wish it any other way.

bluhimmy

07-18-2005, 01:07 AM

Another ex co-sleeper here. We originally didn't plan on co-sleeping either; but from Day 5, DS refused to sleep anywhere but in my arms. For the first 3.5 - 4 months, DS slept exclusively in my arms or on my chest, and eventually on our bed between DH and I. But at around 6 months, we had a scare when he somehow wiggled himself behind our bed! :eek: So for his safety and my sanity, out went our bed, and DS was transitioned to the crib. But DS still comes to our bed once he wakes-up in the morning.

I have to admit that since DS has moved to the crib, he's been sleeping much better. He seldoms wake-up in the middle of the night; and will get at least 9 hours of sleep. I really do think he's a better sleeper now. This is probably true because he no longer hears DH's loud snoring. :o But I do miss having him sleep next to me. Sometimes I try getting him to nap with me. Unfortunately, at 11 months, DS is no longer interested in cuddling next to mommy. :(

happy1nuv

07-18-2005, 05:19 AM

bluhimmy
how was the transition? dh is convinced were making a monster who will be sleeping with us til age 10. I'd like to keep cosleeping, but would eventually like him to start the night off in his crib...not that i mind going to sleep between 8-9 now, but... nic is an arms sleeper too...

Renrel

07-18-2005, 08:12 AM

I did some co-sleeping during the first months. We transitioned into the crib at about 4-5 mths and we are happy with our decision. It worked well for us. I missed DS a little but DH has a lot of trouble sharing a bed with anyone when he needs to actually sleep. At this point even if I want to try co-sleeping due to a night waking or illness DS has no interest. But I have no issue with moms that do and sometimes envy them that extra cuddle time.

I do have a question though, for those of you who co-sleep into toddlerhood. Does you child sleep still enough that you don't wake up bruised? My son rolls and kicks and flips about so much in his crib I can't see how we could sleep together now, even if he would ever actually sleep with us. All my friends and relatives who bring crib/bed sleeping kids into their beds on occassion due to night wakes tell me they get no sleep because of how actively their kids sleep. Do full time co-sleepers sleep more calmly?

quest

07-18-2005, 11:19 AM

I didn't see this mentioned yet, so sorry if it's already been addressed.

We're also partial co-sleepers....DD comes into bed with us after/if she wakes at night. My question is for those who co-sleep with toddlers, do you always stay in bed when baby is sleeping?

For example, sometimes I'd like to get up before DD wakes (I used to be a morning person ;)), but if she's in our bed it's not safe. So I either have to move her back into her crib (a guarantee that she'll wake up) or stay in the bedroom. We bought one set of the safety bars but they were a fiasco to install and wouldn't work properly with our bed so we returned them.

Maybe it's just because our bed is up high but she's still too little to climb down herself. I've wedged pillows around her and used the monitor so that if I hear even the tiniest rustling I fly into the bedroom, but there has to be a better way...or maybe not ;)

I'm curious to see how others do it. Thanks!

NicoleWisconsin

07-18-2005, 12:53 PM

We have co-slept full time from the time we came home from the hospital. I didn't intend to, but he didn't care for the bassinet/crib and honestly, I love him in our bed and I feel safer with him there. I'm highly fearful of SIDS and I love that I can feel him and hear him breathe if I wake up at night. When we were trying the bassinet and crib, I'd STARE at him and not sleep. We bought an Angelcare monitor that we have used during naps... That is awesome, too, but he doesn't sleep well on his own. I also like the re-assurance that if there were a fire or something, he'd be right there. Wouldn't have to go through the house to get him.

Blake is a night owl and a late sleeper, so in the mornings when I work, I trust that he'll stay sleeping, as it is 2 - 2 1/2 hours before his normal waking time. Otherwise, I stay in bed until he gets up. We do have bed rails on our bed and I have pillows propped all along them. Rarely, I have left him in bed after I've gotten up and I have done the go flying in when I hear the slightest peep thing.

Toonces

07-18-2005, 02:58 PM

We co-sleep too and never planned on doing that. Now I can't imagine not co-sleeping. I thought it was dangerous until I educated myself. :) For the first 6-8 weeks DD pretty much slept on us in the recliner or glider. We have an Arms Reach Co-sleeper that she might have slept in 5 times. When she was about 8 weeks old we brought her into bed and she's been sleeping with us ever since (she's 9 months old now). We have a Humanity Infant & Herbal (http://www.humanityinfantandherbal.com/) bed topper and love it. We plan on keeping her in bed with us until she's ready for a "big girl bed" - when that is... TBD. :)

bluhimmy

07-18-2005, 03:51 PM

happy1nuv - Transitioning DS to the crib wasn't easy. The first few days were really tough, but after a week, it got easier and easier. Having a routine is very important. Now, DS will tell me when he wants to sleep.

To be honest, if I had the choice, DS would still be co-sleeping with us. Unfortunately, he's a very active sleeper; he sits up, rolls and crawls around in his sleep! No pillows or barriers will contain him. In the end, it was all about safety for us. I'm totally jealous of those of you who are still able to co-sleep with your babies...

Jaycee

07-18-2005, 03:56 PM

I have a question for those of you with dogs, who slept in bed with them before the baby came. Do the dogs still sleep in the bed with you and now the baby? or did the dogs get demoted to the floor?

Marisa

07-18-2005, 04:06 PM

Jaycee -- it can be pretty dangerous to have pets in the same bed as a newborn. Needless to say there are all sorts of ways the baby could be injured, and no dog is going to be as wary of the baby as you are.

If you have pets that sleep with you, I'd buy one of those lovely dog beds and put it near your bed right now. This is what my mom did when she wanted to teach my dog not to climb into bed with her (I let him sleep with me, but she didn't want to have him sleep with her).

If you think that the dog might try to jump into bed in the middle of the night, I'd put the new dog mattress right outside your door and close it. It may be a difficult transition but much better than exposing your baby to potential dangers.

There's no way I'd let a dog or cat near our bed if the baby was sleeping there.

dana b

07-18-2005, 05:17 PM

we knew before our dd was born that we wanted to co-sleep. we bought a co-sleeper just in case it didn't work out and we've never used it, it was obvious from the first night in the hospital that we'd all be better rested if she wasn't sleeping alone. we've definitely had those nights, when the next morning i swore to dh that she was going to the crib (he won't have it), but looking back now, those terrible nights were always due to teething and they would've been a lot worse had she been in her crib. we have absolutely no idea when she'll transition to her own bed. i didn't think i would want to co-sleep with 2 kids and would just transition her before #2 comes along, but now i don't really see any need to, we'll probably just add another twin to our bed.

someone asked about where naps are taken -- our dd takes her naps in the swing. she won't sleep in the crib and i would never leave her on a bed because she takes off immediately after waking, so she takes all her naps in the swing, thankfully she's still small.

jaycee our cat sleeps with us. in the beginning we kept him out of room, but he was going nuts and eventually was so sick with anxiety that we let him back in, he always sleeps at the foot of our bed, so it isn't an issue. i couldn't have handled him sleeping there when she was a newborn though, he's probably been back in our bed since our dd was about 4 mos old. actually, him flipping out like that made me realize even more so that living creatures prefer to not sleep alone.

er nurse

07-19-2005, 08:51 AM

WOW....this thread exploded yesterday while I was at work. It is nice to see so many parents that are co-sleeping.

So here is my question.

I am having problems with Chianna. She and I keep waking each other up and I am thinking of transtioning her to her crib for her needs. I do not mind waking up but I know how important it is for her to get her sleep. So ladies...I am in need of help.

How do I start this?

My plan is to put her in the crib right when we go to bed and then when she wakes bring her to bed with me. I am hoping we will get at least a few hours of good rest.

By the way....I am not going to CIO; personally I know it won't work for me.

Any suggestions would be great.

OR

DO any of you who still co-sleep with your older babies that kick, roll and crawl in their sleep have any ideas?

Lisa

SiValleySteph

07-19-2005, 10:21 AM

Lisa,

We don't do any CIO. Lucas starts every night in the crib. I nurse him to sleep and then lay him in the crib. Sometimes it is easy, sometimes not. ;) I usually will have to rub his back just a little when I set him down, but when he is really tired, he will just flop over and go to sleep. If he wakes up after we are already in bed, he will come into bed with us. Once in a while, I think about putting him back into the crib after his first feeding. When I have tried it, it hasn't made any difference in his waking schedule, so I don't think it is us waking him up. Since it doesn't make any difference, it's just easier to have him in with us once we go to bed.

His annoying moments really come in the morning when he is waking up. Then he flops all over the place!

gizzyntaz

07-19-2005, 10:54 AM

When I got pregnant (back at the very beginning when DH & I were the only ones who knew - well I guess online buddies did too!) we went out and purchased a King Sized Bed. We never bought a crib, we have a Pack N Play with bassinette that we figured we could use at the beginning if things didn't work out, and you can always go buy a crib. I have to say, nurseries look so much cuter with a crib though. :) Luckily, co-sleeping has been fantastic. DS sleeps very soundly and quietly (he's 7 months old now). DH sleeps through the night. DS sleeps through the night (even when he nurses, he is still in light sleep). I don't sleep through the night, but I get enough sleep. I wouldn't have it any other way. I just regret the first two days of DS's life when he was in the NICU, far away from his mama's warmth & love.

DS naps in our bed (pillows all around him to cage him in), or in our guest bed downstairs (depending on where I am spending his nap time).

It makes nursing on demand SOOOO much easier. I can't imagine getting out of bed to go nurse a baby!!!

We never do CIO. It's not something I will ever be comfortable with.

Sex? Well, let's face it...things change after a baby, cosleeping or not. DH & I find the time (just not as frequently as before).

Couple time? After DS falls asleep at night we stay up talking... we're closer now than before. Yeah, we mostly talk about DS, but he's the center of our universe right now. :) Warm fuzzies!

Pets? We have two kitties. They have always been welcome in our bed (family bed- they are part of the family). They take naps on the bed with DS sometimes (makes for cute pictures). I never really worried about them because DS is a big boy and the cats are hesitant around him...

- Alison

er nurse

07-19-2005, 02:30 PM

Steph, I am going to give it a try tonight. Chianna is such the wiggle worm in bed that neither of us are getting a good nights rest. I tried putting her down in her crib for a nap today and she woke right up and smiled at me.

Welcome to all the new members of the thread.

Lisa

er nurse

07-20-2005, 11:47 AM

Well I failed. I went to put Chianna in her crib when she had gone to sleep while nursing. As I go to drop the rail of the crib it gets stuck. So I forced it and broke it. Chris was going t fix it last night but i told him not to worry about it and that he could fix it when he had time.

Yup...not ready to stop co-sleeping even if I am exhausted. On a brighter note, Chianna slept a lot better last night. I am thinking she has been restless because I have been having a cup of coffee. I did not have coffee yesterday and she slept well.

Anyhow...hope everyone is doing well

Lisa

Marisa

07-20-2005, 12:15 PM

Lisa, the crib sabotaged you! :D Our crib was always the same way, I tried to put him in without dropping the side whenever possible, but as he got bigger and we lowered the mattress that was next to impossible. It's probably why I stopped bothering with the crib, to tell you the truth.

You know, I quit coffee too, for about 8 months.... I really tried to limit caffeine and didn't even have tea or soda with caffeine in it. Once Joey was a little closer to a year it didn't seem to effect him any more and I started having a cup every day again.

er nurse

07-20-2005, 12:22 PM

Hi Marisa, Yup the it was the cribs fault :) Deep down inside I do not want to stop. I just love watching her sleep. I am going to continue with the no caffeine and see how it goes. I just miss that good cup of coffee in the morning ;)

Lisa

mollyeilis

07-20-2005, 11:37 PM

We always planned to have a family bed, in fact it was one of the questions I asked Robert on our second date, if he believed in a family bed. The wrong answer would have gotten him booted. Luckily his Korean family sleeps that way, so he wasn't unfamiliar with the concept!

I had a rough time of it, and so at the beginning was far more nervous about having baby in bed than I would have been. So we got a really low tech sleep positioner, something like this (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00007B76A) (if that link doesn't work, just look up B00007B76A on Amazon.com).

We never used the pillow thing, but having the baby between those wedges made me feel SO much better, since I was having to take strong pain medication.

Later, when I was OK, we put the two wedges on the side next to my husband, as he was sleeping deeper and I wanted a nice barrier between DS and DH.

And then once DS figured out how to move away from a stray arm, we got rid of the positioner all together.

We'll be getting a king sized bed as soon as we can, so that we're not too squished once we start TTC number 2!

And even though I won't anticipate the same troubles with future babies, since we'll likely have Eamon still in the bed with us, I will likely buy this (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0007R4J4Y) (B0007R4J4Y on Amazon.com) for superduper protection for new baby. :D

Since DS is 14 months in a few days, he can be very active. He has been known to sit up while sleeping, then come crashing down. On my face. Oh what fun. :rolleyes: But what gets me through those moments when I think "would a big official co-sleeper thing be *that* bad", I imagine him sitting up while asleep in a wooden thing, then crashing down onto the rails. The wooden rails, rather than the softer me. :( My pain subsides, he doesn't even really wake up and can easily nurse if he does wake, and it's all just a moment in time. No actual broken noses or cheekbones yet! :)

Crawling...as soon as he started to crawl, we started teaching him to get down feet first. It really only took a couple times showing him before he started doing it! Yeah, there were some near nose-plants, but we did have pillows down on the floor AND our bed is completely off a frame. Box spring and mattress on the floor (my aforementioned troubles caused the frame to be dismantled so I could get in and out of bed). He quickly caught on, and can now get off the bed quicker than we can. :)

For future-baby, we plan to get a video monitor for the bedroom at naptime. Put the camera in a permanent position, carry the monitor around, so I can see where baby is and what baby is doing. I think a video monitor will be a life-saver. It will definitely lower the number of times I would feel the need to look in on a baby!

As for alone time, we hang out after E is in bed. I nurse E, DH puts him to bed, and if DH doesn't fall asleep, he'll come out and we'll talk about the day or plans or whatever. For various reasons, none of which involve where DS sleeps, intimacy hasn't been an issue that's, ha, come up much, but when it has, the living room is perfectly fine.

As a long-time family bed family I know once said to me..."who has sex in a bed anymore?" :cool:

er nurse

07-21-2005, 07:47 AM

MiCo

07-21-2005, 09:41 AM

We have been cosleeping since day 1. We love it but it is getting more and more difficult since he is 6 months old. He now sleeps sideways in bed...and he is always more on my side than DH's :rolleyes: Anyway, DS is a horrible sleeper/napper. For the longest time he would only sleep in our arms for naps. He will now sleep in our bed for naps but no way in hell is going to sleep in that crib :( I do want to start to transition him into the crib for my own sanity but don't want to CIO. He is also a binky baby and can't self soothe at all. He wakes quite a bit at night (though not completely) and I have to put the binky back in and gently hold his hands down (he paws/digs at his face when he's tired) to get him to go back to sleep. I am at my wits end b/c I am so darn tired :(

Does anyone have any suggestions about how to transition to the crib that won't break my heart? I don't want to stop but I am wondering if he would just flat out sleep better w/o being in bed with us or if it will just make it all worse :confused: Any assistance/advice is appreciated.

~Anne

mollyeilis

07-21-2005, 10:52 AM

Hi Molly, Do you mind me asking how you taught the baby to go off feet first? Was it forward facing or backward facing? Also how old was the baby. I think that is a great idea. Chianna has been crawling for awhile and my biggest fear is her falling off the bed.

Welcome and THANK YOU for sharing!!

Lisa

Backwards, belly towards/on the bed. I can't remember how old he was, but it was pretty much as soon as we saw he was getting really mobile on the bed and was going towards the edge. Every morning, rather than just picking him up, we'd sort of pull him off, in the way we wanted him to do it. Some days we'd do it over and over. He picked it up very quickly, as I hear babies will do (they don't want to fall, either!), and now even if he is still very tired when waking at naptime, he'll get off properly and come find me, rubbing his eyes and just wanting to nurse back to sleep. It's second nature for him now.

So just show her the behaviour you want and praise a whole lot. :)

December27JJB

07-22-2005, 06:58 AM

I lurked in here yesterday because DH and I have been having some rough nights. DD just wont sleep. She has been waking up at every hour pretty much. The only way to get her to sleep is to hold her. I was desperate to find ways of getting her to sleep because I know she's overtired. When I lurked on here yesterday to get some ideas. I put her in bed with us. She slept from 9:30 till 12 and 12:15 till 4:45 and 5 till 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didnt think co sleeping was a good thing because I've heard bad things about (although I let her sleep on my chest for a few days after she was born) it but after last night...my perspective changed! We were sooo excited!!! It was the best night we all had in awhile. MIL and FIL come into town today and its a good thing we all are rested!!

I am so interested in reading Dr Sears books, what do you all recommend?

Thank you!

BTB

07-22-2005, 07:15 AM

We're part-time cosleepers over here - nursing DD to sleep in bed with us is my magic bullet, it has yet to meet a crankiness it can't soothe. :) Has anybody else co-slept part-time, and if so, were there any transition problems (if you've gotten that far yet?) As much as I love having DD with us, we don't want this to be a permanent arrangement. How much can we co-sleep before DD begins to expect it?

bamboo

07-22-2005, 07:28 AM

We've been cosleeping since day one too. DD is almost 12 weeks and she's been sleeping for 5-6 hour stretches every night since she was 5 weeks old. She comes to bed with us at 11 or 12, snuffles and gnaws on her hand in her sleep at 5-6, so I pop the boob in, nurse her, and we sleep for another two hours. She doesn't wake fully up in the bed with us at all.

I always intended to cosleep. We did buy the cosleeper attachment, partly because we have a queen bed and DH and I are both 6 feet tall and we have four cats, two of whom were used to sleeping with us. So we thought it would be crowded and better to have the cosleeper as an option just in case. The cosleeper is now a cat bed- DD hasn't spent one night in there yet. Sometimes she'll sleep there for a nap, but often she'll just nap in the bed too. I don't regret having the cosleeper, since I do think it's handy as a guardrail and cat bed ;) She sleeps right in the crook of my arm, never more than one of her arm's lengths away from the boobs and she's happy as a clam. I love it, we don't own a crib and have no plans to ever buy one. I would like to invest in a King bed since more room would be great, and we do want to have more kids, and that would get too crowded in a Queen!

BTB

07-22-2005, 07:57 AM

I'm a bit envious of you ladies who rest so well co-sleeping! DH is a big-time snorer, and I'm a light sleeper. That wasn't a great combo as it was, but add DD to the mix, who busts out of her swaddle and flails all over the place everytime she hits a REM cycle, and between the two of them I might as well be sleeping at a racetrack. A couple nights I've hightailed it out to the couch figuring the two of them deserve each other. :p It bums me out a little, because it's such a cozy feeling when we're all snuggled up together, but next thing I know DH and DD couldn't be woken by an atomic bomb and I'm staring at the ceiling wondering how they don't manage to wake themselves up, at least, if not each other. :D

devil_kitty_1

07-24-2005, 10:22 AM

We had NO intention of co-sleeping. In fact, we were very opposed to it, for safety reasons. That flew out the window when our son was just a few days old and would.not.sleep without me or my DH. I took him to bed with me, nursed him to sleep, we slept for 8 hours consistently and have been hard-core, die hard co-sleepers ever since. Our son will be 3 in Oct and is still in our bed. I'm expecting another baby in Sept. and have a bassinet, which I didn't have last time, and hope to use it some but also plan to co-sleep with this one, and with our 3 y/o still in the bed.

We found that we ALL got more sleep if we just had a family bed :D .

Cohl

07-24-2005, 11:04 PM

We're part-time cosleepers over here - nursing DD to sleep in bed with us is my magic bullet, it has yet to meet a crankiness it can't soothe. :)

hehe. I just had to chime in because my DH always asks me to use my "magic boob" if DD is too cranky and won't sleep for him. Works every time! :D

MrsT

07-26-2005, 09:37 AM

I am so interested in reading Dr Sears books, what do you all recommend?

I know you are asking for Sears books (for which the baby book is pretty comprehensive - if you ask me most of his books are pretty similar in content) but I really enjoyed Jay Gordon's Good nights book (it has family bed in the title) and is about infant sleep in general. It has some interesting info on co-sleeping, debunks the myth that co-sleeping is unsafe and has some interesting historical perspectives on co-sleeping.

Add me to the list of people who sleep better with babe in the bed. I woke up this morning (an hour and a half before DS) and realized that I was totally rested, got 8 hours of sleep (with a couple of interruptions to latch DS) and would SO not be this happy if DS was in his room on the other side of the house!!!

December27JJB

07-26-2005, 12:00 PM

MrsT Thank you for the recommendation! I will have to check that out!!

We've been co-sleeping ever since but we do put her in her bassinet for part of the night. Sleep has been MUCH better. She does wake up 2-3 times at night but not for long. As soon as she starts crying I take her to her room to change her, put on her music, Chopin: http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000427J.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg (she loves the sound of the piano) and rock her while I feed her. She usually falls asleep in within 10-15 minutes. I am so glad I checked out this thread and took tips from you all. I'll keep checking for more tips though ;)

cc8

07-29-2005, 10:53 AM

DH and I want to keep DD close to us while sleeping in the first few weeks/months after she’s born. We've received the following as gifts:

Pack N Play
SnugNest
Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper

We do have a full sized crib on order as well.

I'm sure a lot of these are redundant. I see us using the crib a lot more down the road.

Given that we want to co-sleep in the early months, which product is the best out of the 3 listed above? Please give recommendations, pros/cons of each. (If it makes any difference, in the long run, DD will be in her crib in a separate room; I do not want to co-sleep with her long term).

I'm especially interested in hearing whether folks think the Arms' Reach Co-Sleeper is good - looks like that can last a lot longer than the SnugNest so it may be a better investment. But the Arms’ Reach is pricey so if we don’t truly need it, we may as well exchange it for something else.

Thank you!

dana b

07-29-2005, 11:08 AM

i think some people get use out of their co-sleeper, but we didn't. my dd needed to be close to us to sleep better, she wouldn't sleep in the co-sleeper for more than 20 min. at a time, to her it was probably like sleeping in the crib. we also had the snuggle nest and it was the same problem, she was near us, but she didn't realize it because of the side rails. neither of these were that great for bf'ing either, i liked that she would just barely toss and i would nurse her right away without her really waking up, with both of these i had to sit up and pick her up and she would be awake by then.
there are still other uses for these two items, my sil took her snuggle nest everywhere with her newborn for him to sleep at other people's houses. our co-sleeper is still attached to our bed, we like it because dd could just fall in there if she were to fall off the bed, also she has toys in there and i have a safe place to put her in our bedroom, she sometimes plays in there in the morning when we're trying to wake up.
if you really want something in your room for the baby to sleep in, in case co-sleeping doesn't work out, you may want to try a bassinet or moses basket. when my dd was a newborn, she slept in a bassinet during the day with no problem. it was a small bassinet and i think she slept well because of the confined space, you could always use a moses basket in the co-sleeper.

MrsT

11-09-2005, 04:39 PM

How does your DH feel about the co-sleeping?

We didn't plan on it, just fell into it b/c we don't believe in CIO (or at least I don't, DH doesn't like the idea) and DS just flat out refuses to sleep in any kind of box (crib/PNP). For naps, I've had much success with a floor pallet, but that won't work at night b/c I want him in my room and I just don't feel safe with him wandering around in there should he wake up and not wake me up.

Last night, DH asked if we were going to try the PNP again (we've got both crib and PNP in our room, but I hate the crib b/c DS always bangs himself on it). I said "probably not", to which DH responded "He can't sleep with us forever!" and "I miss cuddling with my wife."

I don't know what to do. It's a PITA to get DS to go to sleep at night - and that is exacerbated whenever I try to put him down in a crib-like thing. I told DH that if HE wants to try to put DS to sleep in the crib/PNP then he can do it, but it's just not worth the crying/energy/time to me. Am I being a horrible wife? I feel bad, b/c I understand his point about alone time, but I don't crave that time enough to go through the stress of transitioning to another sleeping place. Not to mention the fact that DS still nurses anywhere from 2-5 times a night and I'm not too keen on having to wake up, get him, nurse him, and put him back (if we get him to sleep alone in the first place!!!)

Ugh. This situation sucks. Any sage advice? Anyone else's husband have co-sleeping issues??

Allegra

11-09-2005, 09:18 PM

Oh I hear you! My husband has been really really patient (my DD is 11 months now) but I think he's getting tired of just having "mom" in bed and not "wife". In talking to other folks who co-sleep, one of the things that I've heard is that your bed is not the only place for the two of you. :D ;) I think what I'm headed towards is having our bed on the ground (instead of up in the air as it is now) and once I put her to sleep in it, we can go to other areas of the house for "fun" (we have several bedrooms). Then we would come back to the bed to sleep...

sigh. don't know if that will help/work but I need to do something...

Allegra

gizzyntaz

11-10-2005, 05:54 AM

MrsT We are full-time cosleepers and decided that before DS arrived, so I'm not much help. Last month's Mothering magazine (I think it was their pregnancy edition) had an article about cosleeping, written from a Dad's perspective. It was a really good article - maybe you could have your DH read it.

Another thing that I would do is to remind him that your DS is only this little for a short time. Treasure the moments when they need you, because they will be very independent too soon. You have the rest of your lives to snuggle together as husband and wife, you just have a short window with your children...

Honestly, if my DH "forced" DS out of our bed, I wouldn't be very inclined to snuggle with him anyway. Especially because I'd be getting significantly less sleep!

Good Luck!

- Alison :)

NYN

11-10-2005, 08:19 AM

my DH was trying to push me to transition her to the arm's reach co-sleeper for a time. i promised him that i would do it at 12 weeks and actually started trying it at around 10 weeks. it worked fine - she sleeps well in there (though she wakes more frequently for night feedings). anyway, she is 16 weeks tomorrow and the only way i can get any sleep is if she is in bed w/ me (i never thought i'd be this neurotic) so she is right back in bed w/ us. DH hasn't made a peep about it. i guess he figures i am more fun when i am well-rested. plus, as someone else said, there is nothing like waking up to that smile. :D

i really like the arm's reach co-sleeper. not b/c she actually uses it as a bed (though the two times that my parents babysat for us she slept fine in there) but b/c i see it as added protection (instead of a guardrail). she sleeps in b/tw me and the co-sleeper b/c i'm not comfortable having her sleep in b/tw me and DH.

shellbell516

11-10-2005, 09:50 AM

We also co-sleep. DD (12 weeks old) will start off in the pnp/bassinette. After she wakes up the first time, I nurse her in bed and fall asleep myself. I just can't bring myself to get up and put her back in the pnp sometimes. I really like our cuddle time at night too. I sleep better with her next to me, otherwise I'm straining to hear her making noises or getting up to look at her.

She will sleep fine whether she's in the pnp or our bed.

Sometimes I use the sleep positioner thing to keep her in her spot in our bed. It's not too bulky that I can't still cuddle up to her.

I do wish we had a king size bed, but we're doing ok in our queen size.

2Jacks&Me

03-29-2006, 04:53 AM

Sorry if I am repetitive. I got up early to check out this board, and didn't have time to read all the way back!

DS is almost 18 mos, he started in a co-sleeper until he outgrew it at 6 mos. When we tried to put him in his crib- NO GO! We tried cry-it-out, but he would vomit. Not for us.
So he began co-sleeping fulltime. He occasionally naps in his crib, but mostly in my arms and I am able to eventually put him someplace ( our bed, PNP, blanket + pillow on the floor.)
DH loves co-sleeping and bought a king size bed. I love it too, or did. The snuggles the smiley face and chit-chat he does is priceless. However, I am pg again and beginning to get uncomfortable with a 25 lber strapped to my neck. Plus it occurred to me that once #2 gets here, i will be up alot and my big worry is DS falling out of that big high bed! DH is out of town alot and works very late nights so I am often on my own.

I tried no cry cleep solution for toddlers, but "sneaking" him into crib only lasts an hour or so. So I gave up.
Anyone have successful transitions, with a difficult sleeper. BTW, he rarely falls asleep on his own, usually he gets rocked or I lay down with him.

NicoleWisconsin

03-29-2006, 10:21 AM

What we are doing right now with our 20 month old is we put our mattress and box spring on the floor (no frame) and we bought him a toddler bed... So he's in his own bed, but very close. In the future, I'll probably move him a little further away each week or whatever and eventually to his own room, but I like him there. And he still gets up at night.. (at which point I bring him into our bed, but I get a couple hours of good sleep without him rolling around, kicking, etc.)

MrsT

03-29-2006, 10:33 AM

No real advice here for the transition but I can sympathize! I did put a crib mattress on the floor next to our bed for that very reason but he's only slept there twice for a few hours at a time (we've been sick and teething for a long time now and he wakes constantly at night again). He too at 13 months still needs to be nursed/rocked to sleep (which I don't mind, but I'd like him to sleep more than a few hours at a time!).

I know you aren't interested in CIO (I'm not either :)) but if you look on Dr. Jay Gordon's website (I think it's drjaygordon.com) or in his Good Nights book, there are instructions on how to transition the babe out of the bed with minimal crying (sounds horrible, but he's a co-sleeping guy, so I figure he's a better source than some of the other sleep "experts").

Good luck and let us know if something works!

2Jacks&Me

03-30-2006, 10:15 AM

thank you for the advice, I will try the Dr. Gordon website!

FYI after I was done here yesterday morn- I heard babling coming from our room and whenI walked in and DS was thrilled to see me and hug me- I did have a cry session! I think emotionally I am not ready , but I feel that my window of opportunity is closing should I want this done before next baby comes!

BTB

03-30-2006, 11:22 AM

SiValleySteph

03-30-2006, 11:30 AM

Did anybody hear about the dad in Columbus, Ohio, who's "on strike" on his roof? He's sitting up there two hours a day until his 3-month-old and 2-year-old are moved out of the master bedroom. It was on the news last night.

I heard about that. So stupid! He's like, I don't want diapers in my bedroom. What's the big deal? Why do you have two kids if you're scared of having diapers in your bedroom?

allyray231

03-30-2006, 11:33 AM

BTB I hear that. He said to her "you have me before them" Give me a break!

cr8zyforaf

03-30-2006, 11:43 AM

this a** even has a website:

http://www.husbandonstrike.com/

Kanga

03-30-2006, 11:48 AM

He also is refusing to do any yard work as well. If it were my husband, I'd just let him be....more room in the bed her and the kids. :p Apparently he doesn't see what an a** he is making of himself in the meantime. And to the yard work? I wouldn't be doing any more of his laundry or cooking for him either.

The news man was having a good time with the story, saying his kids got on his nerves sometimes and he didn't like doing yard work either, but he wasn't on a roof.

Jen33172

05-04-2006, 03:44 PM

Hi everyone!
I have a question for co sleeping parents who have more than one kiddo..
I have a 20 month old son who started co sleeping when he was about 16 months(right around the time I found out I was PG with #2!) My question is..I plan to continue to cosleep with him, but also want the baby in the same room when she comes home. Not in the same bed, but probably a co-sleeper. If you co sleep with an older child or toddler, how did it affect their sleep when the baby woke up for feedings? I'd love to hear your experiences...
TIA
-Jen

mamahammer

05-04-2006, 04:59 PM

I cosleep with my 3 yr old and his sister (9mo) was in the same room until about a month ago. Actually, Thomas and Lilli still start out in the same room - they share a bedroom between them. Thomas comes to bed with us around 10pm. He actually sleeps right through her nightwakings, which is amazing because he is anything but a sound sleeper. The only thing that sometimes wakes him up is my getting out of bed to get Lilli. If/when he notices I'm gone, he's up and scared.

2Jacks&Me

05-05-2006, 11:06 AM

Hey jen! What a good question- we just were talking about that last night and Dh thought the same thing asmamahammer confirmed. That puts me more at ease because I thought we would be in for some very rocky nights! I feel like it is so har dto cosleep- but just as hard to end it since I have a total love/hate feeling about it!
The things I hate are: Having to go to bed when DS does- him waking hysterical should I get up- the risk of him falling out of bed should I not be there- not being able to put him down and accomplish anything for myself.
I love everything else- the cuddles the closeness....

Toonces

08-12-2006, 11:15 AM

Does anyone else get the Ikea catalog? There's a picture of a mom, dad, little boy, and toddler in bed together. :) Click here (http://ikea.shoplocal.com/ikea/default.aspx?action=browsepageflash&pretailerid=-98652&siteid=713&promotioncode=IKEA-060723&pagenumber=1&storeid=2499966) to get to the catalog, then select thumbnail view in the little gray bar just above the catalog (that will make flipping pages quicker), then flip to p. 205.

brooke

08-14-2006, 06:42 PM

5.5mo DS currently starts the night in his crib and comes into bed with us at his first waking (usually bet 3-5am...lately as early as 10:30pm as he's waking often due to teething)....

We have an overnight trip in mid-Oct for a wedding and I'm stressed.

I've been back and forth about taking him with us...but its a plane ride away and would need to use a local sitter I don't know...while it will be tough (on me), may be better from him to remain home with family.

Have any of you spent the night away from DB and how did they react? (Let me preface by saying DS will not go back to sleep most nights unless we bring him into bed...'tried' ST'ing halfheartedly...but not for us...of course the little bugger is out like a light as soon as he is in our bed... :rolleyes: ).

2Jacks&Me

08-16-2006, 07:02 PM

I have spent nights away- and DS does horribly with Dh alone. He goes to bed way late and the 2 times he spent the night at m y mom's she can't calm him at all and they have a night full of crying fits. Another draw back for us at least- but oh well. For us- DD is due in three weeks and we can't boot im from our bed NOW! Plus I still do love it!

meggers

11-22-2006, 01:54 PM

We have turned into part time co-sleepers with our 10 month old DS so that I can get more sleep at night. DS starts in his crib when he goes to bed. If it is hard to get him back asleep in his crib after nursing during the night wakings or if he is waking often, then he comes and sleeps in our bed.

I was wondering how you handle getting ready in the morning with a sleeping baby? Right now, either me or DH is staying in the room with DS until he wakes up. This is causing us to be in a big hurry to get ready and get to work on time.

Last night DH said to me that he thinks we have sleeping issue since it is hard sometimes to get DS to sleep in his crib (I think this is mostly because its cold now and DS's room seems to be the coldest in the house). I think DH brought up the sleeping issue last night since there was one day this where he got to work late because he stayed in our room with DS.

Scooter

11-22-2006, 02:28 PM

On days when I have to get up before DD wakes up, I do a dream feed with her first. I just nurse her while she's still asleep, and by the time I get up she's just totally passed out. :) HTH!

NYN

11-22-2006, 05:16 PM

i get up before my DD every morning. i am able to transfer her to her crib (which is right next to my bed) while she is asleep. if you have the type of baby who can be transfered maybe you can get a playpen or put a matress on the floor (or even a folded up comforter or something soft) to transfer him.

Sevilla

11-22-2006, 07:23 PM

DS wakes up when we do usually. On days that I work he wakes up earlier which works fine since we all get ready together. On days that I don't work when he wakes up and I still want to stay in bed I have DH come get him.

ShelbyMay

11-22-2006, 08:43 PM

We cosleep part of the morning (usually after DD's second waking -- I can not stay awake in the glider to nurse her, so I just bring her to bed with us). Up until recently, she slept tightly swaddled and I didn't worry about her going anywhere. Now she is no longer swaddled and is very adept at rolling over. I am afraid she will either roll too close to DH or right off the bed. We have a queen size bed, so no room for extra pillows. (And I'd buy a king size bed, but our bedroom is too small.)

Any suggestions to make things safer?

BTW, DD is 4.5 months old.

Sevilla

11-22-2006, 08:52 PM

Get a bed rail :). Then there's no worry about her rolling off. Cosleeping is safest when mom sleeps between the dad and baby.

ShelbyMay

11-22-2006, 10:55 PM

Is there not a worry about baby somehow getting stuck between the mattress and the bedrail?

Scooter

11-22-2006, 11:24 PM

We've got one that the baby can't get stuck or hurt with. It's the brand Safety 1st, and you lock it down over the mattress & sheet. See pic here (http://www.babyuniverse.com/pro/baby/67356/SecureLockBedRail.html). It's so strong that I can even lean against it in my sleep and it doesn't budge.

ShelbyMay

11-23-2006, 10:31 AM

Thanks for the recommendation -- I just ordered that one from Target.com. I looked around for a few minutes, and I think they had the best deal in stock. If anyone else is looking to buy this, you can get 10% off with code TCRCPTAA and then another 4% back if you go through Ebates.

Sevilla

11-23-2006, 03:23 PM

We have the same one that Scooter posted and it is great! Very secure and I never worry about DS getting stuck. In fact he loves to pull up on it to look out the window now, so it's become a multi-use baby gear item :).

maplekitty

11-23-2006, 03:29 PM

For people with the bedrails...how do you get out of bed? Do you have to scoot to the bottom of the bed to get out? or does it "open" somehow?

meggers

11-23-2006, 06:28 PM

We have that Safety 1st bedrail too. It folds down, but I always leave it up and just scoot to the bottom of the bed to get out.

maplekitty

11-23-2006, 07:14 PM

Okay, DH is really fighting me on this co-sleeping thing. *shakes head*
He keeps saying "so we're only doing this for another week right?" and I keep saying..."well, we won't be bringing a toddler into bed with us, but we'll just have to see how long I want to do it for". I assume that once she starts getting bigger and flailing around in bed more I'll want to move her to the crib. He just doesnt understand the bonding thing and the comforting thing for me ( as well as her). He thinks because he didnt sleep in bed with his parents, and he came out fine then our DD will be fine too. And I'm sure she will...and selfishly it is a little bit for *my* comfort, but I just can't get him to agree with me. He reluctantly lets me do it, but keeps threatneing to go sleep on the couch - of which I say "go for it" :p But I dont want him to feel put out, I just want him to be understanding and realzie this isnt a forever thing.
I suggested the bedrail, so she can sleep on my side and he can still snuggle up next to me...and he just flat out refuses because then that means co-sleeping wins. :rolleyes:
I've sent him numerous links to websites praising co-sleeping and he still fights with me on it. :(

Marisa

11-23-2006, 08:05 PM

Scooter

11-23-2006, 10:07 PM

maplekitty -- can you suggest that you'll try the crib thing if he promises to be the one to get up, walk over to it, and carry her back to you in bed? I think he'll see pretty quickly how everyone will get more sleep with cosleeping. :)
Excellent idea. And don't forget that he can also be the one to carry the baby back to the crib and get her to sleep in there. ;) I think he'll see the whole family wins.

re:bedrail
Yeah, I scoot down to get out of bed. It's not really a big deal. It does fold down so you can change the sheets, but it involves several steps. If it were too easy to take down it wouldn't be as safe to sleep with, but it's more complicated to take it down than you would want to do daily for getting out of bed.

Toonces

11-24-2006, 05:22 AM

maplekitty ~ My DH wasn't thrilled with the idea of co-sleeping either, but that was the only way we could get sleep with DD so he eventually caved. Would it help if you set a time limit (that you may or may not keep but DH doesn't have to know that ;) )? For the first 8 weeks of her life DD slept on us, DH eventually caved and we brought her into bed & I told him that we'd "re-evaluate" at 3 months. By that point in time we were all sleeping so well that DH let it go. She's now 25 months old and sleeping with me and her newborn brother. :)

maplekitty

11-24-2006, 11:08 AM

Well right now, I take DD and nurse her in her bedroom where my comfy glider is. *I* wake up with her, *I* change her diaper, *I* go into a different room to feed her, and *I* soothe her back to sleep (some nights for an hour!).
So, he's got it pretty good, he gets to roll over and fall back asleep if our getting out of bed distrupts him...I dont know what his problem is? I can't seem to convince him that the crackle of the monitor all night, getting up multiple times instead of once, and me *still* getting out of bed to a baby crying (not just the souns of her moving and waking up) will disrupt him just as much, if not more than what we are doing now??
I think he just thinks that she has a bed, so why doesnt she use it. That's what his mother keeps saying. We dont tell her we co-sleep right now, because she put up a fuss when we moved the craddle into our room when we first brought Robyn home. She essentially forced my SILs to keep their babies in their cribs in their own rooms from teh beginning. I'm sure my DH also thinks that the longer she stays in bed with us, the harder it will be to get her to sleep in her crib. Or, maybe he's worried that this will never end and we'll have a 5 yr old sleeping with us, and eventually all our kids in bed with us. But I keep reassuring him that that wont happen.

I keep thinking this is like the formula revolution, how we are told these days to breastfeed...and in 20 years they will be telling us "co-sleeping is best". My MIL is so sad that she was "forced" to stop breastfeeding her kids and to use forumla by her parent's generation. I see this as being the same thing as how I'm feeling with co-sleeping. :rolleyes:

Sevilla

11-24-2006, 11:16 AM

Maplekitty - what about the research showing that it reduces SIDS risk for a baby to sleep in the parents' room for the first year of life? You could always compromise by bringing her crib into your room and putting it next to the bed or just a few feet away.

2Jacks&Me

11-24-2006, 12:01 PM

bedrail We too have the fold down rail- and DS is 25 months and still between us. He is actually easier to sleep with now. He has learned to get off our tall king bed feet first and he cuddles so nicely. 12 week old DD is in her own crib in her own room and when I get up to nurse her , DS does cry out if he notices I am gone. That is the biggest down fall. Also he has fallen out of bed twice , onto our hardwood floor and we were scared to death!

P.S. DS has Cp so he isn't as agile as an normal 2 year old, So getting down for him is still not very graceful and he doesn't walk yet. But he gets around!

Now that he is older, we put him in his highchair for breakfast while we shower. Works well. When I was worried about him choking on food, I actually pulled the highchair into the bathroom.

Toonces

11-24-2006, 12:10 PM

maplekitty ~ Would your DH change middle of the night diapers if you asked him to? I mentioned that I sleep with DD (25 months) & DS (2 weeks) in the master bedroom. DH sleeps in the guest room and has off and on since before we got married (he's a horrific snore-er and it drives me insane). Anyway, I nurse DS when he wakes and then I call DH over the baby monitor to come get him and change his dipe. That way we kind of share in the amount of sleep disturbances we get. Maybe if your DH was taking on some of the nighttime parenting, he'd be more willing to at least compromise with you. I'm sorry you're running into a disagreement over this. You might also want to check out the MDC forum on Nighttime Parenting/Bed Sharing/Co-Sleeping. I know there are some moms over there who have butted heads with their DH's on this topic. There might be some threads with good suggestions. Sevilla also has a good point about the reduction of SIDS. As you can tell, I'm a die hard believer in co-sleeping. :o :)

2Jacks&Me ~ That's great that your DS can get out of your bed safely now, even with CP. My 25 month old still can't get down by herself, but she now knows to wait for Mommy or Daddy before she tries.

Scooter

11-24-2006, 12:12 PM

Maplekitty, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but from what you wrote it sounds like your DH is making the decision about cosleeping based on his mom, instead of allowing the two of you to make your own decision about how you want to parent. If this is a pattern for her, this is a really goo dtime to nip that in the bud as it regards your parenting. Would your DH be open to you discussing that part of the problem, and to you presenting some co-sleeping information to him? Maybe if he has the information to make the decision without his mom in his ear, the two of you can connect on this?

maplekitty

11-24-2006, 01:31 PM

Maplekitty, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but from what you wrote it sounds like your DH is making the decision about cosleeping based on his mom, instead of allowing the two of you to make your own decision about how you want to parent.

Yes, I agree...and it's funny too, because he's not usually like that with his mom. There are a lot of things she's suggested that we just laugh at or, we agree to disagree with her. So I'm not sure why this particular issue is getting to him, over other things.

And trust me, I've sent him articles and links to websites praising co-sleeping, and the research on sids and everything.
So far, this is the only thing he's really "faught" me on as far as how we parent. With everything else he's been very open. This is why it's so frustrating, because I feel like I've done everything I can to back up my side of this!!

As for bringing her craddle next to the bed...well, she doesnt sleep well in the craddle. And that is partly our fault, because she's gotten used to sleeping in her swing, or next to me. Also, selfishly, I *like* her snuggled up next to me. We brought the swing in our room, and she sleeps in there fine...but she does wake up more. When she's in bed with us, she only wakes once in the night, as opposed to every 2-3 hours! I guess that's the point I really need to beat to DH...in bed with us, we all sleep more!

As for helping out in the middle of the night...well he was great when he was off for the first month. He got up with every feed, changed her diaper and brought her to me, and I nursed in bed. Then we decided that when he went back to work, he would sleep, and I'd do it in the nursery. Right now, it's not a huge deal because she (thankfully) has her last feed at midnight, we all go to bed (we are night owls and both stay up that late), and then she only wakes up once between 5am and 7am, and then DH gets up at 7am to go to work. So he's only disrupted once in the early morning with us getting up.

Thank you all for your suggestions and support. I'll still continue co-sleeping, he's not going to force me not to, I just wish he'd accept it more and be happy with the decision.

2Jacks&Me

11-24-2006, 08:55 PM

catgirl usually calls for me, but he has gotten himself out. Tonight was a tuogh one. I was nursing DD and DH tried putting DS down. Hysteria for 20 mins until I could lay down with him.

I have to say, I never thought we would co-sleep, but I LOVE it most of the time. For me though it really gives me an overdose of skin to skin from DS and I think it has made my relationship ( sexually) with DH plummet. I could care less, and DH loves co-sleeping too.
We have choosen not to co-sleep with DD because , 1. DS is already there and we worry for her safety, 2. I slept terribly until DS was about a year old. ( he was in a co-sleepr until 6mos, so I never had a tiny baby in bed with me. 3. I hope that with DD she adopts better self-soothing habits becuase co-sleeping sure makes sleep overs at grandmas really tough!

Sevilla

11-25-2006, 06:21 AM

Maplekitty: I've been thinking some more about the cosleeping issue with your DH. It sounds like there is some underlying fear/idea that is making him dig in his heels about cs'ing. And I think it would help your marriage and coparenting if you could get to the bottom of it. How would he respond if you sat him down and said something like this: "I know that you are uncomfortable with cosleeping. I want to understand where you are coming from b/c your opinion matters to me. I'm going to listen and write down your concerns/fears/objections to cs'ing and think about them - i promise not to interject or try to argue with you while we're talking today, I just want to listen and give you a place to talk honestly."

Then be true to your word - let him talk, write down or type on the computer what his concerns are without debating or answering them. Maybe that would help him get out in the open what the *real* issue is - fear that your sex life will dry up, worry that your baby will become too dependent, worry about what others will say, concern about bucking Western social norms of parenting, fear that you or he will roll over and hurt the baby - and not wanting to face guilt if something happened, etc...

It could be any number of reasons. B/c the tactic of showing him the facts of why cosleeping is safe and beneficial isn't working, so you've got to try something different. After you hear all his reasons and thoughts I would just say "Thank you for sharing what you think with me. I'm going to think about this for awhile and then get back to you about it." Give it a day or two and see if you can find a way to address/alleviate what is at the root of his fear of cs'ing and have another discussion with him about it.

I don't know if that would help, but that's a different tactic that might help him get on board with the idea. Or at the very least, him feeling 'heard' and getting to talk about it might help you guys reach some sort of compromise (like "we'll cosleep for 6 months and then a crib in our room" or something like that - remembering that when 6 months actually gets there you guys can renegotiate depending on what works).

I would also make it a priority that him getting a say in the sleeping arrangement means that he has to participate in the nighttime parenting - b/c otherwise you'll feel resentful and will have all the work.

ebsbenhart7

11-25-2006, 03:22 PM

Hello
It is great finding other mothers that co-sleep. We co-sleep with our 8 month old dd. She was in an arms reach co-sleeper until 6 months and is now in btwn dh and myself.

Do you find that co-sleeping is looked down upon by friends, family and doctors?

Our doc doesn't agree with co-sleeping. And I feel that we get some strange feelings when talking about it with parents that don't. It is nice every now and then I do run into families that do.

Did you plan to co-sleep?

We did plan dd sleeping in the arms reach but not with us. It happened naturally and dh and I both like it.

Does your dh like co-sleeping?

My dh does like the extra time he has with dd.

What size bed do you have?

A queen that is way to small for 3 now. We are looking to upgrade to something bigger.

How long do you think you will co -sleep?

We don't really know.

Do you co-sleep with more than one child?

I am wondering if we can do this with our next one or not.

Has it affected your sex life?

Yes.

How many times does your dc wake up in the night?

3 or so.

What led you to co-sleeping?

We started because dd is ebf and it was easier to have her in the same room. Dh and I both didn't want her in a different room. We also saw the studies on SIDS.

How do you co-sleep?

At night dd starts out in her crib. When she wakes up she comes to bed with us. THis is so we can have some alone time together. During the day I just take naps with her.

Asha

12-01-2006, 06:57 AM

ok, i don't know where to post this question, but i suppose this would be the right thread. let me preface this by saying we don't have a baby yet, so we are still in the planning stages.

my dh and i disagree with our future baby or babies' sleeping arrangements. i haven't fully made up my mind if cosleeping would work for us. i am more leaning against it, but dh is totally for it as it is a huge part of how he grew up. in fact, children sleep sometimes even sleep with their parents in adulthood in his family. this is the part of his particular family's cosleeping arrangment that bothers me. children can cosleep with other members of the family besides the parent which can include granparents and aunts and uncles. dh thinks it is perfectly acceptable to have our baby sleep with the grandparents, and i told him i was not comfortable with that at all. he agreed that our children will either sleep by themselves or with us but not with other family members, but i think he reluctantly agreed to it.
anyways, do those of you who cosleep allow your baby's/toddlers to sleep with other family members? how do you feel about that?

btw, just because i am not totally for cosleeping doesn't mean i am against it in general. i just don't personally feel comfortable with it.

Toonces

12-01-2006, 07:40 AM

Asha ~ I was totally against co-sleeping before I had my 1st baby. I was against it b/c I thought it was dangerous. After DD was born and she would only sleep on us for the first 8 weeks of her life, I finally caved and brought her into our bed. She's been there ever since and is 25 months old. Now that I know more about it, know how to safely co-sleep and know the benefits, I'm a big advocate. We brought DS, now 3 weeks old, into our bed from day 1. Regarding sleeping with family members... the only family member who I'd let my kids sleep with is my mom. That worked out well too when I was in labor with DS and DH was at the hospital with me. My mom slept with DD in our bed and that worked very well - didn't upset DD's routine. When I was growing up I spent nights at my grandmother's house and slept with her. I love those memories. I also slept with my mom when I was in my 20s and going through a divorce. I spent a few nights at her house and slept with her instead of in the guest room... just made me feel comforted. I wouldn't let either of my kids ever sleep with my ILs though for many, many reasons. I respect your opinion - it sounds like you're very open minded, moreso than I was before I had children. I'd recommend waiting until you have your baby to make a definite decision though... how your baby sleeps could change your mind.

Sevilla

12-01-2006, 08:07 AM

Asha: My parents did *not* cosleep with us but when we visited my grandparents we would cosleep with them, we thought it was fun and part of being special at grandma's house. We do cosleep with DS and would have no problem with him cosleeping with any of his aunts or with either set of grandparents. But we have close relationships with all those family members and trust them all so that's why it would be ok with us.

Now, I would *not* let another adult cosleep with my infant just b/c they are smaller and the risk of rolling over when you're not the mom increases. But once the child is 18 months or so I would be ok with them cosleeping with other trusted people if they wanted to and the people were comfortable with it.

Do you think part of your discomfort with cosleeping is that you attach sexual overtones to sleeping arrangements? That is a common Western hurdle to have to cosleeping - we think that the only people who should sleep in the same bed together are those who are involved romantically, and thus when kids and such cosleep with relatives it makes people worry about sexual abuse and such when I think those fears are unfounded.

If a relative is going to sexually abuse a child, they will do it whenever they have an opportunity and not suddenly decide to do so just b/c they are cosleeping - i know many women who were abused by relatives and none of them coslept with them, it happened at other times, at family parties and such.

So my point in saying that is if you are concerned cosleeping with a relative would compromise your child sexually, you should NOT under any circumstances leave your child unattended in their presence at any other time either - you either can trust them fully or not at all when it comes to this.

Anyway, i'm not sure if that is the root of your concern with cosleeping, if it's not I apologize. That is just the most common underlying discomfort issue i've found people have with cosleeping so I thought i'd address it.

Asha

12-01-2006, 08:18 AM

thanks catgirl and sevilla for answering. i never realized that other people slept with their grandparents or adult parents. my family is very private and likes their space.

sevilla - well, its not that i fear that the grandparents will sexually abuse the children, but i do fear that if children are just allowed to sleep with anyone than there are no clear boundaries. it might confuse the child, so the child is not as aware of personal space, so if they were presented with a horrible situation with abuse they might think it is normal. i don't know if that makes sense, but that's a fear i have.

also, i do have a unique situation in that the il's will be living with us. i really dont' think its fair to my parents that their grandchildren will have more of a bond with the paternal grandparents if they the coslept with the grandparents. also, i don't want them to develop more of a bond with the grandparents than with me or my dh.

Toonces

12-01-2006, 08:32 AM

well, its not that i fear that the grandparents will sexually abuse the children, but i do fear that if children are just allowed to sleep with anyone than there are no clear boundaries. it might confuse the child, so the child is not as aware of personal space, so if they were presented with a horrible situation with abuse they might think it is normal. i don't know if that makes sense, but that's a fear i have.

I think that's a normal fear to have. I never thought of it, but that's b/c I've never been in an abusive situation. I used to climb into bed with my parents on the weekend mornings when I was a child, or when my dad was getting his Master's degree and was gone most nights I'd lay in bed with my mom (she let me watch "Three's Company" ;) ). I don't have any issues with personal space. I'd say if anything, I'm very aware and respectful of personal space. I'm not sure where that comes from - my personality, upbringing or what, but sleeping with my grandmother or sharing the bed at times with my parents didn't take away from that. Even though I was never in an abusive situation, I think if I was I'd know it was wrong based on how I was raised. My mom warned us about people who touched in places that are usually covered by a bathing suit (that's just the analogy that she used). So I was aware that touching under bathing suit areas was wrong, but bed sharing with parents or my grandmother was loving.

ETA: ITA with Sevilla about sleeping with an infant. Our rule of thumb is no one other than me will sleep next to the baby until he's at least 18 months old. DH is a very heavy sleeper and I wouldn't trust him not to roll over on DS, and there's no way I'd put the baby next to DD (I sleep in between DD & DS). That's something you can share with your DH - that safe co-sleeping guidelines include no one other than mom sleeping next to baby until he/she is at least 18 months old. That would help with your IL situation.

Sevilla

12-01-2006, 08:44 AM

i do fear that if children are just allowed to sleep with anyone than there are no clear boundaries. it might confuse the child, so the child is not as aware of personal space, so if they were presented with a horrible situation with abuse they might think it is normal. i don't know if that makes sense, but that's a fear i have.
I can understand your fear but I think seeing cosleeping as relating to it is unfounded, any more than if you didn't want your children to hug anyone but you and your DH b/c it would make them not aware of personal space. Hugging isn't inherently sexual/invasive of personal boundaries - it CAN be, but it can also be a healthy way to demonstrate affection and get comfort. Same with sleeping arrangements. Children learn healthy boundaries to keep themselves safe by being taught that THEY get to set the boundaries around themselves, not having a specific situation that isn't either right/wrong forbidden.

i really dont' think its fair to my parents that their grandchildren will have more of a bond with the paternal grandparents if they the coslept with the grandparents.
Cosleeping or not cosleeping will not be what determines a close relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. Each set of grandparents will work out their own type of relationship with the gkids and it is IMPOSSIBLE to make all things 'equal' between both sets-especially given your living arrangements. And it will drive you crazy to try to do so, you need to just let things play out and not worry about it. (speaking from experience here ;)).

Each grandchild relationship will be unique and that's ok - your parents will have other 'special' things they do with the grandkids that your DH's parents don't. B/c your parents won't live with you, going to their house will be seen as a special treat for your kids in a way that living with your grandparents won't. It's fine for one set of gparents to cosleep and the other not to - i only coslept with my dad's parents and never my mom's, and the cosleeping wasn't what made me feel bonded, it was the fact of them spending time with me playing, cooking, doing things during the day such that i found sleeping in their bed at night comforting and special. The cosleeping was just a way that bond showed, not vice versa (if that makes sense).

also, i don't want them to develop more of a bond with the grandparents than with me or my dh.
Cosleeping with grandparents at times will not have them develop more of a bond with the gparents than you or DH. It is natural to feel jealous with a child's affection, but it's really really important to remember that the more supportive loving adults in a child's life, the better. You will not be replaced by your children having a deep love for their grandparents - they are two different roles, and kids know the difference. They don't have a finite amount of love in their hearts to give.

Asha

12-01-2006, 08:53 AM

It is natural to feel jealous with a child's affection, but it's really really important to remember that the more supportive loving adults in a child's life, the better. You will not be replaced by your children having a deep love for their grandparents - they are two different roles, and kids know the difference. They don't have a finite amount of love in their hearts to give.

i completely agree with this. this is one of the reasons i agreed to having my il's live with us.

Scooter

12-01-2006, 09:11 AM

Asha, I think this is one of those things that you're going to have to wait until you have a baby to make up your mind about. I was leaning against it for quite a few reasons, including safety, personal space, and intimacy with DH. After the baby was born it was the the only thing that made sense to me.

After going through so much to have her, I just couldn't fathom her sleeping farther than arm's length from me. And we both sleep so much better that way. And then with nursing, it is sooo much easier for her to be in bed. When she woke up, she nurses with little to no effort, and afterwards we both easily drift off to sleep again. None of that middle of the night crying, getting up, pacing the floorboards & rocking her to sleep, etc, that I had dreaded. I hadn't really realized that those have only become part of parenting because our cultural expectations have become to put the baby in the crib in the other room.

I looked into the safety part of it, and after reading up on it and understanding the guidelines, I felt better with her in my bed than in her own. Having the baby nearby reduces their risk of SIDS, your body heat helps adjust their temperature, and you actually "teach" them to sleep. They regulate their breathing & sleep cycles with your own. And you end up with your sleep cycles in sync, which means you both hit a phase of lighter sleep at the same time, making you more aware of when they're waking up to nurse. I felt like if nature has made us that way, it's more natural to co-sleep. Why fight nature. We also had looked into adoption a bit, and it's actually recommended for attachment & bonding reasons to cosleep with adopted infants & toddlers.

As far as the boundary issues, I think that's reading too much into cosleeping. Learning boundaries has more to do with the parents' ability to say "no" and be consistent. I still keep my boundaries at night, which is why we have routine things we do and the guildelines we follow.

As part of the safety guidelines, I would not allow anyone else to sleep with my DD when she's an infant. I wouldn't be against her sleeping with her grandparents or aunt & uncle when she visits them later on, but at this point I'm planning to transistion her to her own bed before we have #2. Our bed just isn't big enough! :p

I'd really recommend you read more about it (there are books out there you can get) so you can have an open enough mind to make the best decision for your whole family when you do have a baby.

maplekitty

12-01-2006, 08:58 PM

sevilla - an update on us...I had a real heart-to-heart with DH and really explained to him my wants and needs for co-sleeping. He understands, and reluctantly has given in to it. I know that he doesnt exactly *like* it, but he'll tolerate it. I kept promising that we'd re-evalutate the cosleeping once she gets a little bigger. And he does like cuddling her next to him before we all go to bed...so I think he's getting more used to it. Thank you for the support! :)

maybebaby

12-01-2006, 09:59 PM

Sevilla

12-01-2006, 10:24 PM

"Having the baby nearby reduces their risk of SIDS"

Can someone explain this to me? My doctor recommends against sleeping with the baby on any soft bedding since that increases the risk of SIDS. I've coslept occasionally for naps, when it's the only way I'm going to get a tiny break, but I usually feel pretty worried about it when I do it.
Even medical groups against cosleeping acknowledge that SIDS risk is lower when the baby sleeps near the parents vs. alone - http://www.usnews.com/usnews/health/briefs/pregnancy_infertility/hb051013a.htm

(As an aside to that article - i think it is interesting that they say pacifier usage decreases SIDS risk, b/c in cosleeping pairs that breastfeed, the baby tends to suck frequently at night which would have the same effect - my DS doesn't take a pacifier, but he does comfort nurse to resettle himself back to sleep throughout the night (this is different than when he nurses to actually eat). I don't understand why frequent night nursing isn't acknowledged as equally beneficial - b/c it's the frequent sucking that helps stimulate breathing, and cosleeping is the best venue to accomplish this with the 'real thing' (since a pacifier was meant to be a replacement for suckling at the breast).

The following two links go into more detail about the benefits of cosleeping and how to do it safely:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t102200.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp

In terms of 'sleeping on a soft surface' you can cosleep safely if you don't have a waterbed/pillowtop mattress - then your mattress should be pretty firm like a crib would be. Don't use blankets/sheets (or if you do, just pull them up to your and the baby's waist and no higher - just like crib guidelines). And if you use a pillow keep your arm between your baby and the pillow - this is how i cosleep with DS and he is on a flat, firm surface on his back with no suffocation hazards near his face or upper torso.

I have read that a lot of the cosleeping deaths don't occur in bed but on a couch/lazy-boy - which are VERY dangerous and you should never cosleep on with an infant due to how soft they are. B/c parents have been scared off from having the baby in their bed 'due to safety reasons', they instead fall asleep with the baby on a couch or cushy easy chair - and then the baby can roll off and suffocate in the thick cushions (and you can't really make a couch into a 'firm surface'), but with a bed you can make modifications to make it baby-friendly and safe. I find it ironic that the warnings against cosleeping have led to people using LESS safe surfaces than a bed (though if you have a water bed/pillow top mattress/big cushy comforter those all make a bed as unsafe as a couch).

When following appropriate guidelines, I consider cosleeping to be just as safe, if not safer, than having a baby sleep in a crib alone in another room - since they get the benefits of frequent sucking if bf'ing plus the regulation of the mother's breathing and having lighter sleep states. The recommendations against cosleeping seem to be b/c of risks that can be addressed by the parents as described above.

I know for me I am aware of DS throughout the night, even when asleep. I remember once as a newborn he was next to me. I was asleep and started rolling over and suddenly I was awake and thought "I can't roll there - DS is sleeping there." My body was so intune with DS that I sensed where he was while not awake. It was like i had an internal protection system that was working even when my mind was resting and gave me more confidence that our cosleeping arrangement was safe.

HTH!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ETA: Maplekitty - i'm glad you and your DH were able to come to a compromise and talk it out! My dh loves cuddling with DS as well, i really feel it has helped them bond.

malala

12-02-2006, 09:14 AM

I saw Sevilla's statement yesterday and was wondering about it also. Thank you to maybebaby for asking the question and to Sevilla for posting the link.

I just read the article, and correct me if I'm wrong but it's not really promoting co-sleeping, but "co-rooming" instead.
I'm not either pro nor against co-sleeping, I'm a big "to each its own" kinda of person, but I think that statment was a little bit biased.

lady1297

12-02-2006, 09:31 AM

Hey all! We're a part time co-sleeping family. DS is 2 and spends most nights in his own bed and has for awhile. But on occasion (like after the third wake up in a night or if sick) he's in bed with us. DH and I are okay with this for the most part.

What we don't like and can't find a solution too is DS's sleeping habit of flipping around so that his feet are in our face and his head at our knees. This usually leads to DH spending the night protecting his face from random kicks. Any ideas on how to keep DS facing the right way when he cuddles up with us in bed??

Also, #2 is due in late Feb/early March and I'd like to cosleep with him/her. How do you do that with a 2 year old too? Is it possible/safe? We'll try the bassinet again with 2, but DS didn't take to it for an all night solution, so I don't expect 2 too either. I'm going to guess that the tired breastfeeding Mom in me will kick in and just sleep with baby in bed with us. So what to do between now and then to make us all fit is my second question.

Thanks all! :)

Toonces

12-02-2006, 10:13 AM

nak...

lady1297 ~ congrats on your soon to be new addition! dd, also 2yo, flips around, too. we haven't found a solution for that. dh sleeps in another room, not b/c of co-sleeping issues, but b/c he snores and drives me absolutely crazy. dd's flipping doesn't bother me b/c we have a king sized bed. i also sleep with our newborn ds, 3 weeks old. i sleep in between him and dd, so there are no safety issues w/ the 2 of them being in the same bed. we tried the arm's reach co-sleeper w/ both and neither of them liked it.

Sevilla

12-02-2006, 10:13 AM

I just read the article, and correct me if I'm wrong but it's not really promoting co-sleeping, but "co-rooming" instead.
Correct :). I was responding to this quote:

Having the baby nearby reduces their risk of SIDS

I was explaining why it was safer to have the baby in the same room as the parents vs. a separate nursery. Then i expanded to explain why I don't think cosleeping is as risky as the studies suggest - b/c they did not seem to account for those following safe cosleeping guidelines vs. those doing it unsafely.

The article/studies came out against cosleeping due to the risk of suffocation/overlying - and my point in my previous post was that those risks are reduced and mitigated by following the safe cosleeping guidelines.

If there is concern about suffocation from cushy surfaces and soft bedding/pillows, and the parents eliminate those things from the family bed, then the suffocation risk would be the same as if the baby slept in a safe crib, ykwim?

Same with overlying - mothers have a built-in instinct to be aware of their baby as they slep, this is nature's protection against overlying. There are certain lifestyles and health risk factors that can interfere with this protective mechanism (smoking/drugs/alchohol/Nyquil/obesity/sleep apnea) and would make cosleeping dangerous for the baby - and in those cases the safest place for the baby to sleep is in the parents' room but a separate bed. But if those risk factors are not present then the risk is very small.

I'm not either pro nor against co-sleeping, I'm a big "to each its own" kinda of person, but I think that statment was a little bit biased.
I don't think cosleeping is right for every family either, its really an individual thing. But I'm not sure which statement you're referring to - the one Scooter made about it being safer to have the baby nearby?

Scooter

12-02-2006, 01:45 PM

I saw Sevilla's statement yesterday and was wondering about it also. [edit]... I think that statment was a little bit biased.

I think you're talking about my statement? I don't believe that it is biased. I think the stats for SIDS & cosleeping are biased. Here's why:

* they mix safe cosleepers in with people who do not follow safety guidelines. That includes people who fall asleep on the couch or recliner with the baby, use comforters, unsafely use blankets or pillows, cosleep when sleep deprived, and cosleep after using substances (such as alcohol). one source of many (http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBSepOct01p175.html)

* Many of the studies that the AAP uses to argue that cosleeping is dangerous are not only flawed for the above reasons, but are also funded by crib & crib accessory companies. Sounds a little conspiracy theorist, I know, but it is what it is. The CPSC studies (http://www.cpsc.gov/CPSCPUB/PREREL/PRHTML99/99175.html) that the AAP uses, cosponsored by the Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (http://www.jpma.org/). More about the tie-in here (http://www.magicalchildhood.com/articles/cosleep.htm).

Here are a few reasons that it is safer than a baby on their own:

* Some SIDS deaths are related to overheating. If the baby is close to the mother, her body temperature regulates to help the baby's temperature also regulate. Also, with her body heat, the baby doesn't need to be in as many layers. And since she can wake in the night to the baby's movements, she can easily change the setup if the baby's too hot.

* Some SIDS deaths are related to sleeping too deeply and not getting enough oxygen. With cosleeping, the baby sleeps a bit lighter and has a better chance to arouse themselves (or have the mother arouse them) when they aren't getting enough oxygen.

As far as being concerned about the mattress, I have a waterproof pad between the matress pad and the sheets. It creates a harder and very flat surface for my DD to sleep on, which makes me feel a ton safer than if she were just on the sheets on the soft matress.

lady1297

12-02-2006, 06:04 PM

catgirl Thanks. So, your oldest is on the outside of the bed? Do you have a side rail there, then? I just worry about DS falling out, so I put him in between us for now. Hmmm...Maybe when we get a new bed it'll be a king! I love sleeping with my kids! And glad there are other kid-flippers out there. Makes me feel better for sure.

Toonces

12-03-2006, 05:41 AM

lady1297 ~ I think flipping must be a requirement for toddlers. :) My DD loves it. Yep, she's on the outside of the bed. We use the Humanity Infant and Herbal bed topper (http://www.humanityinfantandherbal.com/). We have two - one on either side of the bed. They're pricey, but we obviously get a lot of use out of them so we figured it was worth the expense. On DD's side we also have a rail on the outside of the bed topper, just for extra safety. She's 25 months old now and just recently got to the point that she doesn't try to fling herself off the bed - another fun phase. :rolleyes:

gizzyntaz

12-03-2006, 06:01 AM

Catgirl - what bedrail do you use for a king sized bed? I've always wanted one, but have never been able to find one that is designed for kings. I've been thinking of getting an Arms Reach if/when we have #2, but I'm not sure that's going to be a good solution. I'd love to find a bedrail.

Toonces

12-03-2006, 06:09 AM

gizzyntaz ~ I'm not sure what brand it is - I'll check a little later. I'm downstairs with the baby asleep on my lap. :) I don't think it's designed for king sized beds though. We just have it on the outside of the HI&H bed topper to provide more support. DH bought it at BRU and I just searched their web site, but couldn't find it. I'll post back in a little while.

2Jacks&Me

12-03-2006, 06:04 PM

She's 25 months old now and just recently got to the point that she doesn't try to fling herself off the bed - another fun phase.

Ha. ds is 26 mos and still flinging! Even though he has hit his head on the footboard several times!

meggers

12-04-2006, 07:50 AM

gizzyntaz--We have a bed rail on our king size bed. We have the Safety 1st Secure Lock Bed Rail (http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B0000E0JDV). It fits on any size of bed.

Toonces

12-04-2006, 08:59 AM

nak...

gizzyntaz ~ i couldn't finf the brand name on the rail we have. strange... i'll ask dh if we still have the box when he gets home from work.

gizzyntaz

12-04-2006, 02:35 PM

Meggers - are you happy with that rail? It looks like a perfect solution for us, but the reviews are very mixed.

Scooter

12-04-2006, 04:13 PM

Not Meggers, but we have that same rail. It's great, I just recommended it here in another thread. It is sturdy enough that I can lean against it while sleeping and it doesn't budge, but easy enough to unlatch and fold down when I need to change the sheets. I like that it doesn't have to go all the way across the bed (which is why it fits any size, as long as the matress is not over 10" thick) and has no gaps for the baby to roll into.

What are points in the negative reviews that you are concerned about?

Kopper

12-04-2006, 07:34 PM

I have a question... At what age did your DC not have to sleep right up against you? DS is 8 months and I still can't sleep on my back b/c he likes to sleep belly to belly. It's easier for him to latch himself on that way I guess. Sometimes he will flip over where his back is against me but most of the time he wants to be right up against me.

Also, when did your DC start moving around a lot in the bed? DS can is crawling but he hasn't really tried to move in the bed enough where I would worry about needing a rail. When did you start using a rail? From the begining? Also, when are blankets ok? I only have a sheet on our bed and plan to keep it that way but when is it ok for him to be covered with the sheet? Right now I keep it under him and only use it up to my waist.

TIA!

meggers

12-05-2006, 07:45 PM

gizzyntaz--I am very happy with the bed rail. I like that there is no space between the bed and the bed rail for DS to get stuck. It takes up a few inches of bed space, but in a king sized bed that really doesn't matter at all. It is very easy to get set up. When I first set it up, I had issues with rail not staying in place. I discovered though that our mattress was sort of tilted instead of being straight up and down. So DH and I moved the mattress around and I set up the bed rail again. I haven't had any issues with it since then.

Scooter

12-05-2006, 10:23 PM

Kopper, I got the rail when we packed up the cosleeper (from lack of use) at 5mos, but I didn't feel comfortable with nothing between DD & the edge of the bed (and hardwood floor!). Honestly, she'd probably be fine without it because she's a little heat seeking missle & kind of suctions onto my side no matter what.

We do have blankets on the bed, but I am not using our usual winter comforter this year. I put the sheet and blanket usually underneath her, or over her lower half and tuck it in around her. We don't move much at all in our sleep, so I don't worry too much. Actually, early this morning she grabbed the blanket in her sleep and pulled it up to her face. I woke up and caught it just as she had it up to her chest. (Sounds scarier that it was--she wasn't pulling it over her head or anything.) Gives me confidence that when she moves I definitely wake up to check what's going on, so I'm comfortable with the blanket situation. I would suggest sticking with your own comfort level, too. :)

smurf

12-18-2006, 09:00 AM

So, out of desperation for a good night's sleep, DH and I have been trying cosleeping with our 5.5 month old DD. Honestly, I think we were sleeping better when she was in her crib waking up every 2 hours.

For you cosleeping mamas, does you DC not wake up everytime you move? I literally had to sleep in the same position all night long or DD would wake up. I ended up just getting up for good at 5:30 this morning because my back ached from staying in the same position all night. Do I just have a lighter-than-average sleeper on my hands?

Sevilla

12-18-2006, 09:23 AM

For you cosleeping mamas, does you DC not wake up everytime you move? I literally had to sleep in the same position all night long or DD would wake up. I ended up just getting up for good at 5:30 this morning because my back ached from staying in the same position all night. Do I just have a lighter-than-average sleeper on my hands?
You must be so tired today! To answer your question, no my DS doesn't wake up every time I move. He only really stirs if I get out of bed for awhile (and he's not in a deep sleep yet) or if I delatch him when he's in the middle of dream-feeding. Otherwise he sleeps really soundly and I only notice him stirring when he's hungry once or twice at night.

Cosleeping doesn't work for everyone, and it could be that you guys just aren't used to sleeping all together, or it could be your DD is too light of a sleeper and awakens easily with others moving near her.

Toonces

12-18-2006, 11:21 AM

For you cosleeping mamas, does you DC not wake up everytime you move? Do I just have a lighter-than-average sleeper on my hands?

When DD was younger she'd wake whenever I'd move. Then when I was PG and had to get up to go to the bathroom regularly, I think she got used to it. Now she pretty much sleeps through anything. I think it depends on age, sleep phase, and what they're used to. I'm sorry you had such a rough night. Co-sleeping definitely isn't the end all be all problem solver. We've had our fair share of rough nights, but for the most part it's been good for us (and our DCs). I hope you all get some sleep tonight.

smurf

12-18-2006, 12:22 PM

Thanks for the input Catgirl and Sevilla

Co-sleeping definitely isn't the end all be all problem solver.

I guess I was secretly hoping that it was. My mom kept telling me just to put her in the bed with us and we would all get some sleep. Now I just feel like I've tried everything (other than CIO) to get her to sleep better, and I'm out of ideas. :(

Toonces

12-18-2006, 12:26 PM

Hang in there a little while longer. This is new for all of you and it might get better. I had the world's worst sleeper for 2 years. Now she's 26 months old and falls asleep on her own. Granted, it sometimes takes her 45 minutes to fall asleep, but it's way better than it used to be. I swear I thought I'd end up rocking, dancing or nursing her to sleep until she was in college. Sleep problems are tough. I'm sorry you're all going through this.

Sevilla

12-18-2006, 01:12 PM

I agree that cosleeping won't necessarily solve nighttime sleep issues, particularly when it comes to an older infant. It is worth a shot, but to see if it works you need to stick with it for at least a week. I remember when I first got married that it was hard for DH and I to get a good night's sleep in the same bed together - it was harder to fall asleep, we just weren't used to someone else sharing our bed. But within a few weeks it was like second nature and was what felt 'normal'. The same is true with your DD - give it a little while to see if it works and eventually you should be able to sleep through each other's movements and such (and if not, it was worth a shot).

Toonces

01-05-2007, 11:33 AM

I recd this in my email and thought I'd share. Read the story under the pic... very touching.

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y20/cat777/cosleeping.jpg?t=1168025389

giry76

02-09-2007, 06:41 PM

Sevilla

02-09-2007, 06:48 PM

I am expecting in early May. Dh and I have been planning on co-sleeping for some time now. We headed to BRU tonight to look at the Arm's reach co-sleeper. We were not impressed. We talked about how disappointed we were that it doen't look like what we want and it looks like we will just keep the baby in the bed with us. I would hate to spend the money on the co-sleeper and then not use it. I would much rather get a bed rail and maybe a sleep positioner. Does this sound reasonable?
We coslept from the beginning and have the mini Arms Reach. Although DS has rarely slept in it, we *love* it and much prefer it to a bed rail. When you have a baby you accumulate a lot of 'stuff' in the bed area, and the Arm's Reach serves as an awesome nightstand/changing area/toy holder/book holder/diaper holder/clothes hamper/burp-rag toss pile/etc... It really has been indispensible for us. I would personally *not* use a sleep positioner as those are not considered safe. We have a bed rail on DH's side of the bed that we like. If you want a mattress level with your mattress instead of dipped down a few inches like the Arm's Reach then I would recommend sidecarring a crib with the side taken off.

bluebunny

02-09-2007, 07:15 PM

We coslept from the beginning and have the mini Arms Reach. Although DS has rarely slept in it, we *love* it and much prefer it to a bed rail. When you have a baby you accumulate a lot of 'stuff' in the bed area, and the Arm's Reach serves as an awesome nightstand/changing area/toy holder/book holder/diaper holder/clothes hamper/burp-rag toss pile/etc... It really has been indispensible for us.

Ditto.

We have a bedrail on the DH's side of the bed.

Scooter

02-09-2007, 08:08 PM

It could be reasonable, but I think especially early on it's important to have a safe place for the baby to sleep when you're really sleep deprived. There were nights when it just would not have been safe for me to have her in bed with me. And also in those first few days I was on vicodin & stuff recovering from the birth. I would never feel safe sleeping with a baby on medication. There were quite a few nights for the first few months when I needed to swaddle her and put her in the cosleeper, just to have a few hours sleep to get to the point where I was able to handle her being in bed with me. You really can't underestimate the dangers sleep deprivation pose.

Allegra

02-09-2007, 08:26 PM

when I needed to swaddle her and put her in the cosleeper, just to have a few hours sleep to get to the point where I was able to handle her being in bed with me.

And FWIW, you might get the kind of baby that I had. Who would not sleep anywhere other than with me. I had a bassinet, crib the works. I had no plans to co sleep. Doesn't the universe love it when you make plans eh? The only way any of us in the house got to sleep is if she slept with me. And frankly, since I was BF, I got lots more sleep having her right there in the bed with me rather than somewhere I had to actually get up and walk to. Of course if you are on any kind of medication you need to be safe and let your baby sleep on their own or be handled by someone else while you are sleeping.

Allegra

bamboo

02-09-2007, 08:33 PM

We got the Arms Reach Cosleeper and I'm meh on it. DD is 21 months now (and still cosleeping though we're transitioning slowly to her Big Girl Bed), so we're long past the time of using it. She never slept in it at night, and only napped in it a couple of times (we napped together a lot at the beginning). It was more of a clothes hamper/cat bed than anything else.

It was kind of convenient to have so I felt reassured about her not rolling out of bed (though in retrospect she never rolled even an inch away from the breast and she actually only rolled over a couple of times in her whole life- she just wasn't a roller! though I couldn't have known that). And in the very beginning it was nice to keep a few cotton clothes and a spare diaper or two there for overnight diaper changes/spit ups. But honestly I don't think I put anything there that I couldn't have put on a nightstand.

I never looked into bed rails since we had the cosleeper, so I don't know what they're like. Is there anyone you could borrow a cosleeper from? I lend ours out frequently now, so my friends can try it out and see if they use it/like it before they buy one- it's a lot of money for a cat bed ;) I don't regret that we bought it, since it did serve a purpose and I like being able to lend it out. But I wouldn't strongly recommend it either, especially not if you have the option to borrow one first to see what you think.

Toonces

02-10-2007, 07:09 AM

We have the Arm's Reach mini co-sleeper. Our cats have slept in it more than our kids have. :p As you can see from everyone's responses, it really depends on the baby. Neither one of my kids slept in the co-sleeper, even though we tried. They both slept better right next to me (I wasn't on pain meds though). We have the Humanity Infant & Herbal bed toppers (http://www.humanityinfantandherbal.com/), but they are pricey. I have one on each side of the bed b/c I co-sleep in between DD & DS. For us, the price was worth it b/c we knew we'd be co-sleeping for a long time.

Kanga

02-10-2007, 07:38 AM

If you want a mattress level with your mattress instead of dipped down a few inches like the Arm's Reach then I would recommend sidecarring a crib with the side taken off.

This is what we plan on doing. I like my space at night and dh can't sleep next to the baby so her sleeping in the bed isn't really an option for us but I didn't want to have to get up in the middle of the night either.

mommydearest

02-11-2007, 11:48 AM

You can also get leg extensions for the Arm's Reach if you want to make it higher...

Rico'sAlice

06-05-2007, 09:26 AM

Just checking in. DH was originally a bit hesitant about the whole family bed thing, but now that we're actually doing it he is really happy. Also since he has to go to work all day this gives him more time with the baby,
I can't imagine having to get up at night to go get the baby. It's so nice to just have him right there. And now that I have healed enough to lay on my side we are starting to get the hang of nursing lying down. I've got a pile of clean dipes and a wet bag on the nightstand for wets. We only get out of bed for poops!

We don't have any sort of rail up yet, but DS mostly stays in the middle and isn't rolling yet of course. Within the next few weeks we'll put up our Humanity & Herbal bed thing on my outside edge, I'm just not up to climbing over it quite yet.

Toonces

06-05-2007, 10:56 AM

Congratulations Alice!!! Your DS is gorgeous! I think you'll really like the HI&H bed topper. We have 2 of them and love them.

mgrace

06-28-2007, 08:03 AM

Toonces, what a great picture of the solider and girl! Sad, but sweet at the same time.

Any recommendations besides a rail or the bed topper to keep Curious George ;) from rolling off the bed? Is the rail the way to go?

Sevilla

06-28-2007, 08:21 AM

We have the crib side-carred on one end of the bed, and a bedrail on the other. I like having the crib there for extra room (DS plays there in the mornings after he wakes up but we don't want to get out of bed yet) and also b/c i don't worry about rolling off with it.

Nigellas

06-30-2007, 04:14 AM

Is the rail the way to go?

We have a rail, and I wouldn't recommend it. It comes in handy (sort of) when DS is awake and playing on the bed. I'll sit there while he rolls and scoots around and I don't have to worry he''l fling himself off the bed before my reflexes kick in. It's only sort of handy because it's hard to get it tight enough against the bed and he can roll into it and wedge himself between the bed and rail (which is why I always supervise when he is on the bed, and he sleeps in between DH and I instead of me and the rail.) - he thinks it's hilarious to get "stuck" but if it were a nighttime issue, it could be dangerous.

Sevilla

06-30-2007, 07:26 AM

We have a rail, and I wouldn't recommend it. It comes in handy (sort of) when DS is awake and playing on the bed. I'll sit there while he rolls and scoots around and I don't have to worry he''l fling himself off the bed before my reflexes kick in. It's only sort of handy because it's hard to get it tight enough against the bed and he can roll into it and wedge himself between the bed and rail (which is why I always supervise when he is on the bed, and he sleeps in between DH and I instead of me and the rail.) - he thinks it's hilarious to get "stuck" but if it were a nighttime issue, it could be dangerous.
The kind of rail we have sits on top of the mattress so the getting stuck isn't possible. We love ours!

Scooter

06-30-2007, 07:49 AM

The kind of rail we have sits on top of the mattress so the getting stuck isn't possible. We love ours!

Same here. Here's the one we have:

Safety First bed rail (http://www.safety1st.com/product.asp?productID=586)

I posted about it earlier in this thread, but I have always felt very secure about using it, even when she rolls up against it and put her weight on it at night. It's really nice to have the option to lay either way--I can't stand lying on the same side every night!

msnicolea

07-02-2007, 08:21 AM

Boy, it hasn't been easy to be a co-sleeper this month! First of all, I got chastised by our Ped for co-sleeping, and then I had to attend an infant mortality conference where multiple speakers talked about the dangers of co-sleeping. Of course, these speakers didn't mentio that many co-sleeping fatalities involve unsafe conditions such as a couch, excessive bedding or a parent who has been drinking, but I was shaken up, nonetheless.

I mean, I sleep alone with DS on a QS bed, no pillows, no blankets, and now for the last 2 nights I have been so scared that I could barely sleep. How did you guys work through this? I am starting to feel guilty and unsure of myself, even though in my head I know he is safe. ugh.

Allegra

07-02-2007, 10:50 AM

I ignore things I dont agree with.

Allegra

mel7dog

07-02-2007, 11:05 AM

I read the many benefits of co-sleeping to remind me why it is better for us. Like you said, most of those terrible accidents could likely have been prevented with more common sense imo. Since you DS is over 6 months old, I'm sure you have all of his cues and habits down pat by now :)

Marisa

07-02-2007, 12:57 PM

LOL, high five to Allegra! :D

I actually agree with mel, you follow the safe cosleeping rules and your baby is >6 months old now -- while there are safety concerns with cosleeping, if all the rules are followed then the main thing causing people concern is societal -- that babies "should" be independent, sleeping alone, sleeping through the night, etc.

Sevilla

07-02-2007, 01:32 PM

Go and read the whole section in the Dr. Sears "The Baby Book" about cosleeping :). Also remind yourself that cosleeping is something that virtually all mammals practice, and something that was practiced by most of humanity over the past few millenia - i believe that there are benefits to the behavior and that it is hard-wired into us instinctually for a reason.

Kanga

07-02-2007, 02:11 PM

gizzyntaz

07-02-2007, 03:24 PM

Our ped thinks that DS sleeps in a big boy bed. (technically a king sized bed is a bbb, right?) I don't share things with my ped that I am not willing to accept a lecture on (so, basically anything non-mainstream), and I have been known to lie directly to him if necessary. I use our ped. for Western medicine only - not parenting advice.

It is my understanding that if you cosleep according to the "rules" your child has a reduced risk for SIDS. Frankly, I am 100% sure that my son is MUCH safer sleeping in our bed than sleeping alone, even to this day - and that's just my mommy-intuition.

Additionally, I totally agree with Allegra. The "experts" can say what they want, I parent based on my gut.

msnicolea

07-02-2007, 04:48 PM

I know you guys are right--and I have to stop worrying so much. I really love our Ped--I'm just going to have to disagree with her in this case. And ITA re: the SIDS issue--it feels safer to me and I am going to try to trust my instincts! Besides, I am really not ready to have him in a different room yet :-)

MrsT

07-02-2007, 07:03 PM

I haven't ever told my ped that we co-sleep. I also don't talk about his sleep habits in general at all. After she told me that at 4 months he didn't need to eat at night anymore I pretty much tuned out any nighttime advice from her. Most doctors aren't specifically trained in this kind of thing - so I wouldn't find their opinions to be expert. So like ginnytaz I don't tell my ped things that I don't want a lecture on. I'll listen to their opinions on anything medical (diseases, vaxes, etc) but not sleep or even nutrition (like the need for cereal or vitamin d drops).

Allegra

07-02-2007, 07:49 PM

actually, just sign my name to gizzyntaz's post.
Allegra

QT Pie

07-02-2007, 08:18 PM

DD naps on our bed since we co-sleep at night. I usually sit or nap next to her during the naps, but sometimes I feel trapped. Does anyone else co-sleep with your DC during their naps?

Sevilla

07-02-2007, 10:29 PM

DD naps on our bed since we co-sleep at night. I usually sit or nap next to her during the naps, but sometimes I feel trapped. Does anyone else co-sleep with your DC during their naps?
DS has always napped in our bed (or on me in the glider or in a baby carrier). I would often nap with him - i still do this in fact. I nurse him to sleep for naps and sometimes think that the nursing hormones make me tired b/c i often find myself drifting off.

I use a laptop in bed, read, or if i am nursing him in the glider and he falls asleep i surf the internet.

Our house is small so even if i get up and go to another room i can still hear if he wakes up and go get him.

He takes just one nap so i consider it my siesta/rest/quiet time too. I look forward to it each day - it's a time when i don't feel any pressure to get things done and it's all about relaxing.

Kopper

07-03-2007, 07:52 AM

DD naps on our bed since we co-sleep at night. I usually sit or nap next to her during the naps, but sometimes I feel trapped. Does anyone else co-sleep with your DC during their naps?

We don't co-sleep at night anymore but DS takes his nap in our bed. Until he was 14 months he took his naps in my lap in the glider. Once we went to one nap we switched to our bed. At times I have felt trapped but I do bring my laptop in the bedroom and can slip away from DS after he goes to sleep. I don't leave the room except for maybe a few brief minutes b/c he usually stirs 1-3 times durning his nap and usually I have to pat him or nurse him for a minute or two. We pretty much do the same thing Sevilla does. I don't sleep very often anymore but I did for a long time. Nursing puts me to sleep too! :D

RobynScott

08-21-2007, 04:48 PM

I haven't read through the thread yet but I have a co-sleeping question - DH and I did not plan on co-sleeping, but right now it seems the only way to get some sleep is by letting DS sleep on us (at least at the beginning of the night and in the morning).

We still have pillows on our bed and a comforter - did all of you co-sleepers get rid of your pillows? What kind of 'blanket' do you sleep with?

Also, I picked this up at Target today to see if it would help us out - has anyone used this / anything like this and do you have any comments?

http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/41R0GGP8VZL._SS260_.jpg

It seems that DS needs to be held by us to sleep - and right now I think DH and I will do whatever is necessary to get some sleep. Also, I try to nurse him lying down in the mornings at least so I can eek out a little more sleep.

Thanks for any advice!

MizLarner

08-21-2007, 05:00 PM

I've been cosleeping for over 3 years and love it :)

We didn't get rid of any of our pillows. When the kids were smaller, they would just sleep further down on the bed from where the pillows. Basically, my shoulder is either directly underneath the pillow, or just beneath the pillow, and the baby would be at my armpit level. My almost 2yo still sleeps at this level. My 3 yo sleeps lying partially on the pillow.

As for blankets, I've been known to insist DH puts 3-4 blankets on the bed for me during the winter. I like being cozy :) It's 1-2 electric blankets (not on), a light quilt, and a comforter.

The PA that used to be at my dr office actually rolled her eyes at me about cosleeping. Grr. I don't think anything makes me madder than a professional rolling their eyes at someone who should be taken seriously.

gizzyntaz

08-21-2007, 05:05 PM

I don't cosleep by the "rules". We never removed our pillows or comforter from the bed. I just made sure my pillow was at an angle away from DS's face (he slept more at boob level) and the comforter was usually around my waist.

We had one of those cosleeper things and I found it to be a complete waste of money. DS had a restless night the first night home and the second night I cuddled him up next to me and he slept great. The cosleeper got tossed out of the bed never to return.

RobynScott

08-21-2007, 05:11 PM

Thanks for the fast responses - the pillows in particular have been worrying me but I do keep DS pretty far down - I keep my arm around him though so still worried about smothering / pulling the sheet up too high. Guess we'll see how tonight goes and if we need to bring him in bed. thanks.

MrsDP

08-21-2007, 05:37 PM

I used this product and liked it a lot.

Scooter

08-21-2007, 05:55 PM

We never removed the pillows or comforter. DD just sleeps down far enough that the pillows were never a factor. I kept the comforter down over her legs, never higher than her waist. And since the time she hit about 10 months or so, she's absolutely refused any covers anyway, so the blanket issue is a moot point!

mel7dog

08-21-2007, 06:55 PM

Robyn - We had the exact co-sleeper you posted and used it for about two weeks. Problem was DS wanted to nurse so much during the night I would often fall back asleep with him in the hook of my arm. It did help me during the first few weeks to gain some co-sleeping confidence till I learned how we all worked together. We sold the sleeper at our yardsale.

We never took the pillows or comforter out either. We pulled the comforter down a good 2 feet to be sure it wasn't on DS. I think once you get used to the babies cues and are aware of how you all sleep together, you'll start to feel a bit better.

2Jacks&Me

08-21-2007, 08:17 PM

We never removed anything either, But DS slept on the pillow ( a thinner firmer one) on his back at that age. Let's see if I can try to create a picture...

We were on each side, three pillows across. Me on right, Dh on left, baby in middle. Baby on his back on pillow, me on my side with my arm around baby, my head and face close to his tummy and on his pillow too. That way I felt more able to control his movements and I was comfy too. The arm thing made me feel trapped.
Then as he got older he snuggled to us. ( and still does!)
He always had a blanket sleeper on and with the three of us we were toasty!

Good luck- we love our unplanned co -sleeping , however now that DS is three and our ah-hmm, sex life is in the pits, we are wondering about a change. It will be tough but I think it is time.

TracyDP

08-21-2007, 09:31 PM

Robyn -
We never took the pillows or comforter out either. We pulled the comforter down a good 2 feet to be sure it wasn't on DS. I think once you get used to the babies cues and are aware of how you all sleep together, you'll start to feel a bit better.

I sleep with the comforter or blanket up under my chin, all snuggled up so we are going to try the co-sleeper next to the bed that I can roll her in and out of during the night. I'm sure we'll find something that works for us.

Rico'sAlice

08-21-2007, 10:14 PM

IWe still have pillows on our bed and a comforter - did all of you co-sleepers get rid of your pillows? What kind of 'blanket' do you sleep with?

Kept the pillows. J sleeps with his head at the same height as my boob, so not such an issue. We have sheet and thin blankets (one wool, one cotton) and I use one and DH the other,and J (more warmly dressed than we are) is sleeping in the middle on top of the blankets. That way we can each pull our respective blanket up to our shoulders w/o it being pulled across his head.

bamboo

08-22-2007, 08:13 AM

We kept our pillows, and our comforter. DD was a springtime baby, so we didn't need heavy blankets pulled up to our chins. DD slept with her head rightnextto my breast, so well below the pillow, and then I just kept the comforter around my waist. She was dressed normally in PJs and her heat plus my heat kept her plenty warm.

We coslept for almost two years before it became clear that she was ready for her own space. The transition to her own bed was really smooth (free from all of the getting out of bed/wandering issues that many crib-sleeping babies have- she was already used to being able to get off her bed whenever she wanted so it wasn't an issue), and I miss cosleeping but I'm glad the change was easy for all of us.

pacificbliss

08-22-2007, 08:32 AM

We didn't plan to co-sleep either but we ended up co-sleeping for the the first 6 months (DS is now almost 8 months). It was really the only way anyone was going to get any sleep and then we found we loved it. I kept my pillow and blankets but pushed the pillow off to the side a bit and kept the blankets low. DS always snuggled near the boob. We pushed the bed against the wall and then DS was either between me and the wall or me and DH.
Now he's in the crib but on the weekend or vacations we sometimes go back to co-sleeping. At 6 months we found DS no longer needed to nurse at night but we were waking each other up so we moved him. Now we all STTN (most nights). :)

msnicolea

08-22-2007, 08:44 AM

We co-sleep, but even at 8 months I still won't use blankets! I may wrap a sheet around myself, and I do use a pillow, though it's far away from his head. I am freak show, though, so don't use me as an example! ;->

anon08

08-22-2007, 12:09 PM

pacificbliss

08-22-2007, 01:33 PM

anon08 Honestly, I hated to do it, but we did a modified CIO. I have not been a parent for very long but it was the toughest thing I've done so far. I would prefer to give birth again. When he was drowsy we put him in the crib and he started to cry. We went in to put a hand on him and try to console him every 5 minutes for 15 minutes and then every 10 minutes. He fell asleep after one long hour. That night he woke up once and re-settled after 20 minutes (we went in after 10 minutes). The next night it was similar but took half the time. The third night he settled after 10 minutes. Now there's rarely much fuss and when there is it's about 15 minutes. It was hard. He is totally fine and has the same personality he had before we did this. For us it worked well but I second guessed it every step of the way. Still do sometimes. I suppose parents always do...

anon08

09-30-2007, 01:10 PM

I'm just seeing this again. Thanks for sharing your experience, PacificBliss!

littlemia

10-25-2007, 08:16 PM

pacificbliss

10-25-2007, 09:25 PM

Teething and ear infections derailed our plans to move DS to the crib. He's back in the bed with us. He slept in the crib on his own for a couple of weeks. I don't think I will try the modified CIO again. I don't think I can take it.

Sevilla

10-26-2007, 06:46 AM

Do any of your babies move around a lot? Do you use pillows or blankets? Bedrails? Last night, I woke up and DD wasn't next to me. She had moved down to the bottom of the bed and was in DH's blanket. Kind of scary. She sleep crawls, too. She cries whenever I put her in the PnP, but I'm wondering how safe cosleeping is for us.
DS has never moved much in his sleep. I would have been very scared too if that happened to us! We have a crib sidecarred on my side, and a bedrail on DH's side. Maybe you could sidecar a crib and have your daughter sleep in there since that will provide some physical boundaries and you won't have to worry about blankets?

Delaney21

10-26-2007, 07:06 AM

Do any of your babies move around a lot? Do you use pillows or blankets? Bedrails? Last night, I woke up and DD wasn't next to me. She had moved down to the bottom of the bed and was in DH's blanket. Kind of scary. She sleep crawls, too. She cries whenever I put her in the PnP, but I'm wondering how safe cosleeping is for us.

My DS doesn't move at all, unless he's sleeping by himself before we come to bed. We took our mattress off the frame and box spring and just put the mattress on the floor. We have a queen sized mattress and we have a twin mattress pushed up against it because we were trying to get DS to sleep on that instead. That didn't work. But if he happens to fall off, he'll fall off onto either the twin mattress or the floor, which is only a few inches down so he can't get hurt. He's only fallen off once and that was before DH and I went to bed, and he just fell onto the twin mattress.

littlemia

10-27-2007, 06:43 PM

Thanks. I thought about putting the crib in the room but it won't fit. I couldn't side-car it anyway because she would crawl out. That's why we're not using the Arms Reach Cosleeper anymore. Mattress on the floor would probably be the best thing but I don't think I can talk DH into taking down our bed and I really don't want to do it either. If I can't get her to sleep in the PnP, maybe we can at least get some bedrails. Do they make any for pillowtop mattresses? I'm more worried about her falling off the bed than suffocating but maybe I should worry about her suffocating. At this age (7 mo) how much of a risk of suffocation is there?

Sevilla

10-27-2007, 06:52 PM

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable cosleeping with an infant on a pillowtop mattress (a toddler, i would probably be fine with). We love the bedrail we have - it is by The 1st years and rests on top of the mattress instead of against it so there are no entrapment issues.

Mandos*Bella

11-18-2007, 10:28 AM

We have a pillow-top mattress and I just bought the 1st Years side rail online last night. We'll see if it works! If not, I can always flip the mattress over :p

Just suscribing to this thread as we have decided to co-sleep with DS. After spending a good amount of $ on the Arm's Reach wooden sleigh co-sleeper, looks like we'll have to sell it as DS refuses to sleep in there. He'd rather sleep in his pram or papasan chair, which he has done quite often.

I'm such a worrywart and can't sleep when he isn't right near me, so I think co-sleeping will be wonderful for the family. He already takes naps in our bed next to me, and goes right to sleep.

I also wanted to thank the kind ladies for posting the great articles from doctors who are pro-cosleeping as well. Various reports had me so scared straight to even contemplate co-sleeping, I am glad that I found this thread to encourage our decision.
:o

Sevilla

11-18-2007, 12:24 PM

Glad you got a side rail to help! I know for me personally, I would flip the pillowtop over until DS is older, but i'm hyper cautious that way. Good luck and I hope you get the sleep you need!

lovelifeandlivelove

11-18-2007, 08:11 PM

Hi everyone I have been skimming along for sometime. We have been co sleeping for a few weeks. DD is 4 and half months old and we started her in the bassinet. She started to become more and more difficult to put down so one night I just layed her next to me. The biggest *problem* is that she *has* to be touching me always - makes getting up in the middle of the night very hard. The second I move she screams...

Katie&Micah

01-28-2008, 06:04 PM

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to end the all night buffet when co-sleeping? It's getting worse the older she gets. She used to wake up twice a night to eat and now it's a minimum of four times. It's not uncommon for her to eat up to 7 or 8 times during the night. It's getting REALLY old. I am thankful that I can go back to sleep while she nurses, but waking up so much is killing my quality of sleep.

Toonces

01-28-2008, 06:10 PM

Katie, I found that the all night buffet went in phases and would usually occur before one of my kids was going to hit a milestone (rolling over, crawling, walking), teething or before they got a cold. DS is 14 mos old and was nursing non-stop last week. I noticed today that he cut a new tooth.

Katie&Micah

01-28-2008, 06:11 PM

That gives me some hope, but what if it's been several weeks?? Maybe a month? I hope you're right. 6 months is a very busy age, lots of new things to learn.

ETA: Another thing is that she doesn't nurse excessively during the day. She'll often go 4 or 5 hours between feedings. I thought maybe she was confused on when she should eat, so I've tried feeding her even when she isn't acting hungry, but she isn't interested. I've also tried giving her a bottle of breastmilk before bed hoping to fill her up and that doesn't make a difference either.

Toonces

01-28-2008, 06:17 PM

Oh yeah, that's another reason why she's probably nursing a lot at night. My DD went through that when she was too busy during the day to nurse, so she'd fill up all night long. Just keep offering it during the day and eventually she'll remember that nursing is more fun than checking out her surroundings. :) Yes, the 6-9 mos age frame is a time full of a lot of change. Hopefully things get back to "normal" for you soon.

Katie&Micah

01-28-2008, 06:39 PM

Thank you! I'm glad to know what I'm dealing with isn't uncommon.

Kanga

01-28-2008, 07:04 PM

Katie - my dd did the same thing. Started only waking once around 3 months and then right back to sleep, but at 5 months somebody flipped a switch and she ate all.night.long. For us I think it was a growth spurt since she didn't slow down during the day but then became a habit. Finally at 10 months I figured she wasn't going to end it on her own anytime soon and I felt comfortable she was getting enough calories in during the day so we night weaned. She's now back to waking once around 5am to eat and then sometimes goes back down again. I haven't noticed any increase in her nursing during the day, but she's a boobaholic and would be attached 24/7 if she had it her way so she's already nursing tons during the day. Maybe try to no nursing until midnight, then when she's got that down, no nursing until 2, etc so she slowly picks up on nursing during the day instead? I would think that, along with a dark quiet room, and possibly a nursing necklace or something would help her enough to change her habits. FWIW - she's still busy as a bee, pulling up, gaining balance, taking a few steps here and there so it's possible to do while even if their mind is always going.

Katie&Micah

01-28-2008, 07:20 PM

I'm not really sure how to keep her from nursing. Occasionally I can pick her up and rock her back to sleep, but sometimes she obviously wants to nurse and will not calm down until she does. It's hard. I would love for her to go longer between eating, but I can't stand to let her cry when it's something I can easily fix by nursing her. At the same time I don't want to teach her that she can only be comforted by nursing. I'm already worried about the fact that she can't put herself to sleep like many other babies do. I'm worried that by always having her sleep in bed with me she'll have a very hard time eventually transitioning to her own bed.

I'm not sure any of that made sense. I'm just worried about sleep in general I guess.

Toonces

01-28-2008, 07:52 PM

Your concerns are very normal. I thought every one of those things with DC1 (she was a horrible sleeper!). She's now 3 yo and falls asleep very easily on her own. The first couple of years were rough though.

Scooter

01-28-2008, 08:35 PM

I worried about a lot of those things, too. And put myself through a lot of stressful times because of it. Things eased up a lot around 11 months, though, because that's when I finally decided that I was going to stop comparing DD and her sleep habits to all those crib-sleeping and/or CIO babies out there. The change was amazing after I realized that.

Basically, if a baby has to CIO or learns to sleep in a crib, they're kind of forced to develop self-soothing skills earlier. If you're cosleeping, your baby WILL develop those skills, it will just be a little later. Which is absolutely fine! There's a trade-off, because you're giving your baby other things by cosleeping that the babies who sleep in their cribs aren't getting.

And if it makes you feel any better, when DD was just over 12 mos she nightweaned on her own, started STTN on her own, and a few months later started sleeping in her crib (side-carred to our bed) for naps. I didn't have to do anything, she was just ready on her own. Around 16 mos, she started asking to be put in bed while I was rocking her to sleep! Now we just rock for 5 minutes or so and then I go lie down in bed with her. She tosses & turns a bit, settles herself, and goes to sleep--all without my help, just my presence nearby. I think they just have to get to the point where they're ready, but I was thinking it was going to take a lot longer to get there and if I knew it could be so early I wouldn't have stressed so much early on! It's my only real parenting regret from that 1st year.

Katie&Micah

01-29-2008, 06:16 AM

Scooter
Thank you, that's exactly what I needed to hear. She's not ready to sleep in the crib on her own. She still needs me. Someday she will be ready and I need to keep reminding myself that.

Toonces
Thank you for the success story! It's good to know she probably won't still be sleeping with us when she starts school..lol

anon08

01-29-2008, 07:11 AM

Just wanted to give another thanks to Scooter and Toonces!
It's good to know that not all success stories involve CIO. I can definitely wait a little while longer and help my DC in the right direction if that's what it takes.

Thea

01-29-2008, 08:02 AM

This is exactly what I needed to read today!! DS is much younger (10 weeks) but all of a sudden he is eating every hour at night and I just wondered if it is because he is sleeping with us and I am teaching bad habits. Thanks ladies...you were very reassuring today. I am thinking he maybe having a growth spurt right now because his feedings hjave increased during the day too.

Toonces

01-29-2008, 11:58 AM

Thea, that does sound like a growth spurt to me. My DD had growth spurts that didn't always align with the guidelines in various books; DS OTOH is textbook with everything.

I always suggest to new moms that they follow their intuition. You know what your baby needs more than some random author. That was a difficult thing for me to grasp but once I did, it made life much easier & more peaceful.

Heidi9771

02-01-2008, 12:41 PM

When DD is born, I think I would like to cosleep for three-four months during the "4th trimester", but then transition her to her crib to get used to sleeping in her own space.

Toonces

02-01-2008, 01:42 PM

When DD is born, I think I would like to cosleep for three-four months during the "4th trimester", but then transition her to her crib to get used to sleeping in her own space.

I know a few ppl who have done that successfully, Heidi.

steviem

02-01-2008, 05:11 PM

I could use some advice ladies :)

As with many of the PPs, we never intended to co-sleep. DS has always been a poor sleeper. In fact, at 19 months, he still does not "officially" STTN (he wakes up at least twice, once to have his paci put back in and the 2nd time to come in bed with us.)

DS actually slept in a bassinet (in our room) until 3.5 months, then he transitioned to his crib (in his room) until 9.5 months. About that same time, I stopped breastfeeding, and found that I could not, for the life of me, get him back to sleep unless I brought him in bed with us. So from then until now, he has been sleeping in bed with us. He starts out in his PNP (in our room), since he now REFUSES to be put down in his crib at night. (However, he naps in is crib during the day with no problem... go figure.) Usually around midnight, he wakes up and "demands" to come in bed with us, so we let him, just to make life easier for all of us and so that we can get some sleep.

Anyway, I'd really like to start to transition DS to his own room, in a big-boy bed (twin sized bed) in the next few months since DC#2 will be arriving in July. Our room is the size of a shoe box and I can't imagine having me, DH, DS and the new baby all in there, especially since I know the new baby will be awake every few hours to be fed, and I don't want DS to be woken up.

So.... any ideas on how to make the transition to his own room/own bed? The only thing I am thinking of right now is that DH or I will have to sleep in the twin bed with him, but ideally, that is not how I'd like to handle this.

Sorry for the long post..... it's just been something that I have been worried about for some time now. Thank you:)

Katie&Micah

03-26-2008, 07:43 AM

Sevilla

03-26-2008, 08:03 AM

I loved our Safety First Bedrail that sits on top of the bed. We're no longer cosleeping (transitioned DS to his own bed and room between 18-24 months - it was a gradual and fairly easy process :)) but that rail was awesome while we were.

Asha

03-26-2008, 09:45 AM

DD fell off the bed last night while we were cosleeping. She's 8 1/2 months and normally doesn't move around in her sleep. I'm not sure what happened last night. Anyways.. It's an incredibly tiny room, so we can't sidecar the crib. I guess I need to get a bedrail. Does anyone have any recommendations or other suggestions?
we started worrying that dd would do this, so we put the mattress directly on the floor. put the boxpring and frame in the storage room. our floor is also carpeted, so if she does fall off, i don't think she would get hurt. in a recent parent's magazine, they said rails are not safe for babies under two years.

red_canuck

03-26-2008, 10:17 AM

I'd forgotten about this thread, perfect timing to have it bumped!

I have a question for the moms of 2...

We're expecting DC #2 (DD!) any day now, and will be co-sleeping. We co-slept with DS for the majority of his first year and it was great.
My question is what to do with the new baby in the mornings when DS get up if DD is not awake yet? I am not comfortable leaving her in our bed by herself while I go downstairs with DS, but if she's anything like her older brother, moving her will wake her up and then we'll all be miserable. So what to do?
I guess it's all hypothetical since maybe she will be a deep sleeper and can be moved, or maybe she'll even be an early riser (lord help me!), but I don't want to be caught undecided my first morning solo with the two of them!

bunnybeth

03-26-2008, 01:39 PM

DD fell off the bed last night while we were cosleeping. She's 8 1/2 months and normally doesn't move around in her sleep. I'm not sure what happened last night. Anyways.. It's an incredibly tiny room, so we can't sidecar the crib. I guess I need to get a bedrail. Does anyone have any recommendations or other suggestions?

I think DS was around that age when he fell out of the bed... I felt so bad! I read about a cosleeping pillow (http://www.humanityinfantandherbal.com/) that is supposed to be great, but it's also pricey, so we opted to move our bed flush against the wall of our room. It means I have to wake DH up or crawl over him if he goes to bed first, but it's worth it to us.

TracyDP

03-26-2008, 04:21 PM

DD only co-slept in our bed for the first 3 weeks she was home. I was unable to BF after the first 2 weeks for my own medical reasons so I didn't see much point in keeping her in the bed with us. We had used a bed-top co-sleeper between DH and I on our king size bed, so initially I just moved the co-sleeper into the Arms Reach co-sleeper basinett next to my side of the bed. It felt exactly the same to DD and she didn't even notice. I would put her back in the basinett after nighttime bottles until 5am when I'd bring her into bed with me to finish off the morning. If she got fussy or wouldn't go back to sleep after a bottle I would also let her in bed with me. This was pretty much the same as we had been doing with her in the bed with us. She slept beside the bed until 4 months when she started to STTN and we decided we wanted our own bedroom back. I transitioned her into her crib by putting the folded up quilt from the bottom of the basinett into the crib so it felt/smelled familiar, then put her down in there for naps for 2 weeks. The first night we put her down in there overnight she STTN and didn't even seem to notice.

I was lucky because after DD hit about 3m old (leaving the "4th trimester") she started to get fussy and wiggly if I tried to bring her into bed with me. She just didn't want to sleep there anymore.

YMMV but with DD is seems to be all about making the new bed feel/smell as much like the old bed as possible. I took her quilt and blankey to Grandmas house when we flew to visit her and used it in the pack-n-play. DD woke a few times the first night just due to it being a new place, but I was able to soothe her back to sleep. The rest of the trip she STTN just fine. I think without that familiar quilt under her it would have been a lot harder.

I am not comfortable leaving her in our bed by herself while I go downstairs with DS, but if she's anything like her older brother, moving her will wake her up and then we'll all be miserable. So what to do?
I guess it's all hypothetical since maybe she will be a deep sleeper and can be moved, or maybe she'll even be an early riser (lord help me!), but I don't want to be caught undecided my first morning solo with the two of them!

Have you thought about a bed top co-sleeper like this one (http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2266115)? I used one for the first 3 weeks and it worked great. We swaddled DD so if I had her in the co-sleeper then she wasn't going anywhere.

If you didn't swaddle #1 you might try it with #2. I found with DD swaddled it was much easier to move her without waking her because she didn't notice the movement as much. Just a thought.

Katie&Micah

03-26-2008, 06:25 PM

Thanks for the suggestions everyone! I ended up getting a bed rail today and when Dh installed it on our double pillow top mattress it only stuck up about an inch over the top of the mattress. Soo.. that's obviously not going to work. I shoved the bed against the wall and we're going to try that for now. After we move (which should be in the next month or 2) our bedroom will be larger and we can hopefully sidecar the crib to the bed.

Sevilla

03-26-2008, 07:12 PM

Katie&Micah - I personally don't feel safe cosleeping in a pillowtop mattress, much less a double one. Is there any way you could remove the top or flip the mattress? Also, if you get a bedrail like I posted, it rests on top of the mattress so it is safer than one that comes up the side, if that makes sense :).

Katie&Micah

03-26-2008, 07:52 PM

TracyDP

03-26-2008, 08:21 PM

Sevilla..

It's a double pillow top.. so there's a pillow top on both sides of the mattress. No way to flip or remove it. Maybe this is stupid for me to think this way, but since we've been cosleeping for 8 1/2 months with no issues I'm not too concerned at this point. I figure since she can roll herself over and push up and she sleeps on her back, so there isn't much chance of suffocation. Am I wrong in thinking that?

We have a pillow top and honestly, I never felt unsafe sleeping with DD. She was swaddled, and I don't move much if at all in my sleep. By the time we unswaddled her she was able to turn over on her own. I believe that there are good guidelines out there to be safe, but in the end the parents need to do what they feel is right/safe for their kids. My DD has never slept on her back and would cry and cry anytime we put her down to sleep that way. We would prop her slightly on her side in the swaddle, then when she stopped the swaddle we would put her to sleep on her side. She's 6m old and fine, now sleeping in her own crib. She occasionally sleeps on her back now, but usually turns over on her side still. She apparently hadn't heard of the "Back to Sleep" rule. Granted there are some parents out there that do really appalling things, but they probably aren't going to be to influenced by guidelines anyway.

Scooter

03-26-2008, 10:30 PM

re: bedrail
We've got the same Saftery 1st one that Sevilla has, I think. It anchors on under the mattress and then clamps onto the side of the mattress, so it sits firmly on top of the mattress. There's no gap in the side. I would definitely recommend it.

We also put the mattress (and boxspring) on the floor, so there isn't quite to far to go, just in case!

in a recent parent's magazine, they said rails are not safe for babies under two years.
IMO, that would depend on the rail! Like I said above, our rail clamps onto the mattress so there's no gap for a baby to fall into. It's sturdy enough that I could even sleep pressed against it and it supported my weight. It's also mesh, so there's no issue with breathing difficulty if the baby presses up against it. I'd take Parent's magazine with a grain of salt.

re: pillowtop mattresses
We've got one, which I wasn't happy about. However, we couldn't afford to replace it just for cosleeping, and cosleeping was all that worked for DD. So I ended up putting a waterproof mattress pad underneath my 1/2 of the bottom sheet. I think it ended up ok, because it flattened it out and made it hard to get a breath when your face is towards the mattress. If I'm explaining that right. It also made it a more sturdy surface so I wasn't worried about DD rolling around if I changed position.

As far as the danger goes, one of the major problems is that a baby could end up face down on the mattress and if it's soft enough, the baby could breathe ok at first, but slowly get less and less air, eventually suffocating. At least, that's the reason that sticks in my head the most, but I can't remember the others right now. Sorry, gotta claim pregnancy brain.

Mandos*Bella

03-27-2008, 10:18 AM

We're trying to get DS into his crib (which we've side-car'd with our bed), but he won't have it. He only wants to sleep with us, and my concern is our pillowtop mattress and the fact that he rolls over when I move. He was mostly face-down this morning, sleeping away. :rolleyes:

Sevilla

03-27-2008, 12:35 PM

We found DS had no interest in staying in his crib when it was sidecarred, so what we did was put the rail on and sidecar it that way and he did a much better job staying in it :).

TracyDP

03-27-2008, 12:42 PM

Our bed is a level that was too hard to "sidecar" the Arms Reach co-sleeper so I just put it against the wall next to my side of the bed so there was a 1 1/2 foot space between the bed and her sleeper. It made it easier for me to just swing my feet over the edge and check on her or pick her up, and for me to get out of bed without having to scoot down or risk bumping her crib and waking her up. Like I said before, I couldn't BF so having immediate access to her in the middle of the night wasn't as big a deal. I had to get out of bed to feed her anyway so it wasn't any more effort to pick her up out of the sleeper. If I'd been BF I might have tried more options to keep the sleeper right next to the bed so I could just scoop her to me and BF in the middle of the night.

lovelifeandlivelove

03-30-2008, 07:36 AM

Katie - sorry about M falling off the bed. We have a double pillow top too and at first I worried A LOT but now that DD is moving around I figured she is okay. She is a side sleeper and occassionally climbs onto my pillow too (or climbs to put her little cheek on top of my cheek) Horrible - pillows and mattress tops!! :eek: If someone would have told me that these things might happen when she was 1 month I would never believe them. I didn't even like DH falling asleep on the Lazy boy chair with her. With your bed against the wall be careful for the gap though.
red_canuck Maybe keep some toys for #1 to play with until #2 wakes up (or dry cheerios to hold him over) I will not leave DD in the bed without me or DH, I will move her to the floor or take her with me - she usually wakes up if I get out of bed or move her either way.
Transitions to the crib - How did you do it?? I feel that DD will never show signs of being ready anytime soon so DH and I keep on setting dates for when we will move her (i.e. she can crawl so far) but we keep pushing the date back for reasons such as she's teething, she's sick.

Sevilla

03-30-2008, 07:43 AM

Transitioning to crib: For us, we were fine with extended cosleeping, so our criterion for moving to a crib was 'when cosleeping isn't working for us anymore'. About the time DS was 20 months, he became a lot more restless at night and none of us were sleeping well (whereas before, we all slept great). So we started the process of transitioning - first with the crib sidecarred to the bed, then with the rail up, then with cosleeping part of the night, then with moving him to his own room when he turned 2. It was a process of about 3-4 months total as we did one thing at a time (including changing the bedtime routine so he fell asleep on his own quickly, and nightweaning). We just saw the signs that he was ready for a change and went with it - if it hadn't worked we could have gone back to cosleeping, but it was worth trying for us and it worked out pretty well.

Asha

03-30-2008, 09:13 AM

so our criterion for moving to a crib was 'when cosleeping isn't working for us anymore'.
i have to admit cosleeping has never worked for all of us. poor dh has either been sleeping in another room or one of us ends up on the floor. dd is a big wriggler and ends up lying horizontally. when she's teething (which can be months at a time) she wakes up hysterically crying, unable to be consoled for a long time. dh needs his sleep bc of his long work days, so he ends up in another room. our sex life is basically non existent. :( i've just put off transitioning her to a crib bc she really seems to need to be sleeping with us. i mean its big that she's actually taking naps on her own (still in our bed) and not sleeping on top of me at night, but she has only been doing that for about 2 months.

by about a year, we are going to need her sleeping on her own, in her own room. i may be starting up a business, so in laws will be caring for her more. i really don't want il's in and out of our bedroom, and i need dd to be more independent so i'll be able to get work done. dd is a sensitive sleeper, so we can't even take a shower or use our master bathroom when she's sleeping.

well, i just rambled here. i guess, its just to say i am very worried that dd will not be able to transition to her own room in a crib. she is so sensitive and such a mama's girl that i worry that it will be traumatic for her. when do babies come out of their separation anxiety. maybe, i will try to transition her then.

Sevilla

03-30-2008, 11:19 AM

That sounds so very difficult Asha - frustrating for all of you.

lovelifeandlivelove

03-30-2008, 12:43 PM

Asha - I think DD definitely is not ready - she wakes up whenever I get up to use the restroom and needs DH to hold her close or she ends up hysterical. DD will sleep for naps in her crib though - it usually takes numerous attempts and the naps are very short. DD takes naps at MIL's on MIL's bed or the PNP, without anyone near her, but she is such a sleepy head when I pick her up ALWAYS! Eventually our DD's will sleep on their own (fingers crossed)

Scooter

03-30-2008, 04:49 PM

transistioning to crib
We tried this when DD was around 9, 10 mos old, and it was a miserable failure. I took it to mean she wasn't ready and held off. A few months later we side-carred the crib, and she still screamed if I put her in it. I tried it with a bumper, and voila, suddenly the crib was a more inviting place to her. We also spend a LOT of time talking up the crib as HER bed, her own, very special, all for her etc etc so she really buys in to the idea.

I started out with naps, by rocking her and putting her down in the crib asleep, and then we worked up to me lying at the edge of the crib/bed and reading to her while she drank her sippy cup of milk, and then she'd go to sleep. (That was a miracle, the first time.) She was 15 or 16 mos by then. Once that routine was established, we started doing it at night, too. Of course, at night she'd always end up crawling into bed with me at first. But somewhere around two months ago, when she hit 21 months, she realized that she's got a lot more room in her crib than in bed, and now if she rolls herself into bed with me she ends up annoyed and will crawl back to the crib. She's now 23 mos and is sleeping almost exclusively in the crib. I'm going to give it another month or so before putting the bed rail back up, I think, and then I'm hoping to have her in her own detatched bed before the babies are due.

Hope that is useful info to any of you!

Asha, I'm sorry to hear about it, wish there were some good answers. Unfortunately, we were in a similar situation but never figured out how to get her in her own bed--it's just her temperament.

Asha

03-30-2008, 07:15 PM

scooter - i didn't know you were expecting. a big CONGRATS, CONGRATS to you and your family!!! yes, i think a lot of it is just dd's temperament and there isn't a lot we can do. i am noticing that dd really likes something she can grab onto when falling asleep. maybe, that is why the bumper helped your dd.

Marisa

03-30-2008, 09:19 PM

We actually never transitioned to the crib, and wound up taking it down around 12m or so (it became apparent that it was just a big space-waster in his room). We're actually not planning on setting it up again, for #2.

What I did do was get a toddler bed for him around 18m. I set it up near our 'big bed' in our room. He was good at getting in and out by himself and would spend naptimes there at first. Then we worked on having him start out the night there (which coincided with him no longer nursing to sleep). That worked out ok too, but it was slow -- I would often lay there with him with the tv on (out of his sightline) until he settled down.

Finally sometime after his second birthday we moved the toddler bed into his own room. He was probably about 2y, 3m before he really started staying in there for long stretches at night. We have a gate at the top of the stairs and nightlights in his room and the hallway for his nightly trip from his bed to ours, which was the routine for quite some time (but it was fine, because he really would spend most of the night in his own bed). Again, we didn't force anything, and by the time he was three he was staying in his own room most of the night, coming in to cuddle for the last hour or two of sleep around 5 AM.

Now he's four and he goes to sleep easily by himself, and wakes up consistently around 6:30-7 -- he's better than an alarm clock. He doesn't come into our bed anymore unless he wants to play and wake us up. :rolleyes:

ctjo

05-13-2008, 01:39 PM

Hi - my daughter is 10 months old and we co-sleep. It works very well for us and we are a very well-rested family :)

I'm wondering though - do you all go to bed at the same time as your baby? I can't seem to get her to sleep on her own, and I'm starting to get a little tired of going to bed at 8pm. I'd love for her to be able to sleep on her own for a few hours. Just wondering if anyone has any tips. I know she *can* sleep on her own because she naps at daycare. I just can't seem to re-create that in my own home.

Katie&Micah

05-13-2008, 02:01 PM

ctjo
Can you give a little more info about how she goes to sleep? Does she fall asleep in bed? Does she fall asleep while you're holding her and you put her into bed? Does she wake up if you try to sneak out of bed?

I forgot to update that we sidecarred the crib and my sleep has been fantastic ever since. I SO wish I would have done this months ago!!

ctjo

05-13-2008, 03:07 PM

Hi Katie&Micah!

She usually falls asleep next to me, nursing in bed. She'll fall asleep nursing while I rock her, but I can't seem to put her down afterwards - she almost always wakes up.

I never considered sneaking out of bed, and I'm not sure why, because that's what I do in the mornings and it works great. I guess since my husband is still there (in the AM) I feel better about it. I am concerned that she would wake up and crawl off the bed. I thought about getting rails, but what about the bottom of the bed? Sorry if these are dumb questions!

Also, other people can put her to sleep - my mom for example. My mom will rub DD's back and she'll fall asleep (my DH does this sometimes too). I haven't had much luck - probably because she prefers to nurse. ;)

Katie&Micah

05-13-2008, 04:22 PM

I've always just surrounded Madeline will pillows after I sneak out of bed. I sort of box her in with pillows. Now that she's more mobile she'll wake up, sit up and fuss until I come in there. Of course if I didn't know that she'll fuss upon waking up, I wouldn't leave her there alone.

Asha

05-13-2008, 05:06 PM

ctjo - i had the same problem for awhile. most nights i am able to leave to go do my own thing while she sleeps. i just leave her in the room, and do like k&m does by surrounding her by pillows. she has and does sometimes fall/crawl off the bed, but she hasn't got hurt. we have the mattress directly on the floor with no boxspring or frame. we also have carpet in the bedroom. i actually think rails would be more dangerous for my dd bc she could get stuck in between them and maybe on top of them when trying to crawl off the bed. we also have a monitor, but a few times lately she has been waking up and just sitting or crawling around and i haven't realized it bc she's quiet sometimes. thankfully, she has stopped freaking out, for the most part, when she wakes up and i'm not there. we have our bedroom babyproofed also.

***
we are thinking of moving dd to her own room soon, if (crosses fingers and toes) she continues to sleep 6-7 hour stretches at night. i just think that she will not sleep in a crib bc i won't be able to cuddle her so she can fall asleep. she has trouble putting herself to sleep lately bc she just wants to be sitting and crawling around and its hard to settle her down without cuddling her. could i just move a mattress into her room and skip the crib altogether? she is 9 months, and i know it would be better to have a crib to contain her, but she has been doing fine with the sleeping on our mattress. i would really like to be able to sleep with dh again and be able to use my room. any suggestions?

Katie&Micah

05-14-2008, 11:03 AM

Asha..

A friend of mine has done exactly what you plan to do. They never bought a crib (bought a cosleeper instead) and once he outgrew it they put a full size mattress in his room. She lays down with him and nurses him to sleep, then gets up and goes to bed with her husband.

littlemia

05-14-2008, 05:41 PM

ctjo- we also surround DD with pillows, although I leave a space at the bottom so she can get off the bed if she needs to. We use a video monitor to keep an eye on her.

asha- When we transition DD out of our bed it will be into a full-sized bed in her room. I'm not comfortable using a crib because she's a climber and besides I think it will be much easier to get her to sleep if I can lay down with her. My DD's older than your DD but I probably would have made the same decision at 9 months.

bunnybeth

05-15-2008, 10:50 AM

I used to be able to put DS down in his crib to start the night, but lately most nights he won't allow that anymore. What I've been doing is laying him on a blanket on the floor of the living room, which has been working, so it's good enough for me. We have to keep quieter in the evenings, but we usually were anyways. I just know a few pillows isn't going to keep my roll-y 18 month old on our bed.

mrschica

05-15-2008, 11:22 AM

I always go to bed when DD does, I'm tired by that time anyway because I also wake when she does. It's good though, she sleeps between 9-10 and wakes between 7-8, so I have no complaints. She'll be 6 months soon and I'm hoping to put her in a toddler bed after a year. I don't have to be there for her to fall asleep, I can put her down and she won't wake up, but like I said, I'm tired by the time she is.

Scooter

08-02-2008, 11:28 AM

I came across this thread & thought I'd bump it up with a positive story for anyone who's been told that if you sleep with your baby you'll never be able to get them out of your bed. :rolleyes:

We wanted to start transitioning DD from our bed/her sidecarred crib to her own bed in her own room, before her brother and sister are born this fall. We got her a twin bed and put it in her room, and made a big deal about how exciting it was. She was very torn--half thrilled with the novelty and half upset with the change. We didn't put any pressure on her at all, and just said that it's there so she can sleep in her "very own bed in her very own room" if she wants. That night, after bedtime stories, DH casually asked if she wanted to sleep in her crib or her big girl bed--and she chose the big girl bed! It was a day when she was exhausted, and I'm not lying when I say she went right to sleep and slept like a rock until the morning. (I'm the one who didn't sleep well!)

She continued to choose her new bed over the crib for naps and nights. Over the next few nights she woke up once or twice, upset I wasn't there, but she fell asleep literally within seconds of me coming over to her and reassuring her I'm still here. She hasn't slept in the crib once since then, and when she's upset she'll often go cuddle up on her bed as a way to soothe herself. I never thought the transition could possibly go this well, but I think that's what happens when you let the child wait until they're ready to make the step. It's great to know that she equates bed with comfort and sleep.

:)

Kanga

08-02-2008, 11:50 AM

Thanks for the update, Scooter! After 16 months of cosleeping we're just starting to get a few of those comments. I usually just say that even if we do have problems getting her out of our bed, it was well worth the added rest in the infant days - now I can say I 'know' someone who didn't have any problems.

MrsSpencer

08-02-2008, 01:20 PM

we partially co-sleep as well...I plan at 6-7 months to put him in his crib at least for naps and try at night..as our 75lb. doberman co-sleeps too!

TracyDP

08-02-2008, 11:00 PM

we partially co-sleep as well...I plan at 6-7 months to put him in his crib at least for naps and try at night..as our 75lb. doberman co-sleeps too!

This is what we did. We co-slept in bed at first while I was BF, but that didn't last long (my own health issues) so we moved her to a mini so-sleeper next to the bed. That resulted in a combination of going to sleep w/ us then being put in the co-sleeper once asleep with some middle of the night or morning snuggling. At 4m old DD was STTN from about 10pm - 6am so we decided we wanted our bedroom back. I put her down for naps in her crib in the nursery and she didn't really seem to notice the difference as long as I rocked her to sleep w/ a bottle beforehand. After 2 weeks of naps I put her down overnight for the first time and she STTN 10pm-7:30am! Turns out DH getting ready for work in the morning was waking her up, so being in her own room she slept later. Mama liked that! ;) We haven't looked back. Now at 11m she wants to sleep in her crib and will grab for it from the couch in her room after her bottle is done. I miss the snuggles, but it's nice to have her in her own room. DD sort of transitioned herself in that she never was really attached to sleeping with us. She is not a super snuggly girl and likes to have her own space.

MrsSpencer

08-03-2008, 05:41 AM

I think we may have a problem transitioning him..hope not..but he is a BIG snuggler..but he's only three months old..and still sttn he wakes at 6 takes a bottle and sleeps till 8-8:30! so I'm fine with that! Even if he has to wake in the middle of the night and snuggle with me..I'm enjoying it.

suzfuzsunflower

10-09-2008, 04:38 AM

Bumping this up for help...

My almost 17 month old partially cosleeps with us. He goes to bed in his crib around 7 p.m., wakes to come in our room around 2 a.m., and then sleeps with us until 6:30 a.m. I love being able to cuddle with him!

Everything has gone very well until recently. He has always gone back to sleep almost immediately upon coming into our room. For the past few weeks he stares at the fan, rolls around, sometimes will "talk" a little. Last night he turned sideways and was "kicking" my husband. I don't think he's really trying to play, I think really think he's having a more difficult time going back to sleep. It takes him an hour, sometimes more, sometimes less to go back to sleep.

During the day he only naps for 45 minutes around 11:30 a.m., so I don't think that day time sleep is the issue.

I love having that time with him to cuddle, but DH thinks we need to move him to his crib full-time. I really want to keep him with us through the winter.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what to do or what is going on? Does he need a later bedtime?

Sevilla

10-09-2008, 10:49 AM

It could just be a phase - DS went through a period like that earlier this year when he was almost 2 and we had to stop the part-time cosleeping. Then a few months later he grew out of it and now if he wakes up at night (or else when he wakes up in the early morning) he comes into our bed and snuggles down for another hour or two of sleep. :)

I would try putting him back in his crib when he wakes up at night and see how that goes and hopefully in a few months (when winter is here in force) you'll be able to sleep together again.

TracyDP

10-09-2008, 12:37 PM

It's funny, DD was sick with a cold last week and I actually (almost) ENJOYED it :eek:! She was extra snuggly and since she had just recently discovered books we spent a lot of time in the recliner looking at Busy Baby books and pointing out kitties, busy bees and doggies. She is usually a baby-on-the-go and doesn't snuggle much or sit on my lap much. It was kind of nice to have that extra bit of closeness. The snotty nose, not so much...lol. :rolleyes:

Along those lines, I'm kind of hoping that once she moves to a toddler bed she will sometimes do some snuggling with us in the mornings. She occasionally wakes at around 5am (once or twice a week) and I go in, change her diaper and giver her some milk and she crashes out for another 3 hours. I have toyed with taking her in bed with us but she sleeps so well on her own that I don't want to mess with a good thing.

first-time mom

05-20-2009, 07:44 AM

bump

Just wanted to hear from other Cosleeping mamas. I never planned on co-sleeping but after getting up every 45 mins with DS I couldnt take it anymore and put him in our bed. He now sleeps great with me dream feeding maybe once or twice a night. I just feel so torn. Like I want him in his room STTN, this is what my DD did but I know each child is different. I also dont know what to do about naps. He only sleeps 45 mins and I think that is because he doesnt want to sleep alone. I have a 3 year old so I cant nap with him. I do not want to do CIO because it isnt for us. But how do I get him in his crib? He starts off there and sleeps 3-4 hours before coming to bed with us.

I am just afraid he will be in our bed forever?

bethnjim

01-19-2010, 04:38 AM

Bumping this up for advice!!

My baby is 18 days old and he will ONLY sleep if he is held. Every time we put him into his co-sleeper, he wakes up screaming. If we hold him, he will sleep for 3-4 hour straight with no problems. Issue is that my husband is adamant about him NOT sleeping with us due to the possibility of suffocation. How do you co-sleep with the baby in bed?? Do you have a snuggle nest?? Do you not use blankets or pillows? Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

Marisa

01-19-2010, 05:40 AM

Beth, we used a sleep positioning wedge with DS2. It was small, but had two foam 'bolsters' that velcro on each side to keep baby in place. I would swaddle DS and put him in sort of on his side facing me so he would be ready to nurse. :)

It would require some serious effort for us to roll over him in this thing, because it was up a little higher and it had those bolsters. We did use blankets, but kept them to waist level on my side -- we actually considered getting separate blankets for each of us, but didn't bother since it was getting warmer out anyway when DS2 was a newborn. Since I couldn't have the blankets pulled up, I slept in a t-shirt covered with a light robe, so if I pulled up my shirt to nurse my back was still covered and warm.

The nice thing about the positioner was that once DS was used to it, we could move it into the cosleeper and he would sleep for short stretches in there as well, since he recognized his environment. Without the positioner he hated the cosleeper.

taffers

01-19-2010, 01:52 PM

bethandjim: I highly recommend the Snuggle Nest if you want DS in your bed with you. I has "hard" sides (but they are vented) so there is no way you can roll over him or into him, and you don't need to use any blankets or anything. It also has the little velcro bolsters so the baby stays in place.

We have a sleep positioner as well, but we never used that in bed...only in her pram and in her crib.

We used the Snuggle Nest until she was 3 months old, and it was a life saver!

My DH, like yours, refused to have her in our bed, but he ended up really liking the Snuggle Nest.

TracyDP

01-19-2010, 02:39 PM

Another vote for snuggle nest. My DH is a big guy and he also worried about this, however we have a king bed so there was ample room for a snuggle nest between us which still left a twin size bed worth of space for DH. I would swaddle DD, nurse her (or give her a bottle) then place her in the snuggle nest and fall asleep on my side with my arm over the side, touching her. Every so often I would fall asleep with her at my side but I never worried about rolling on her since I don't move hardly at all in my sleep without waking up first, and with the snuggle nest in the middle of the bed there was no way DH would roll over as far as our side of the bed.

This also helped, as Marisa said, in getting DD to sleep outside the bed. We had a mini-Arms reach co sleeper by my side of the bed and after about 1 month I would put the snuggle nest in the co-sleeper and put her in there for naps. After a week or so of that I was able to put her down without the snuggle nest in the co-sleeper for naps. DD seemed to sleep better if she was propped up slightly on her side so I would roll up a receiving blanket and put it behind her back so she was at a slight angle (about 3 inches up) but not far enough that she would roll over. It helped a LOT. Now at 2 yrs she is definitely a side sleeper so I guess she always was one.

Scooter

01-20-2010, 12:05 AM

If your DH is worried, something like a sleep wedge or the snuggle nest would be your best bet. I found that when I fall asleep next to a baby I do not move at all. I'm still so aware of them next to me, even asleep, that I just stay still. So I put up a guard rail on my side of the bed and put my baby on that side of me. As newborns I swaddled my
kids, so I wasn't worried about them accidentally rolling, themselves. As for pillows, I put mine so I was only sleeping on the end of it, so it wasn't near my baby's head. I also folded the blankets and sheets way down or else set the swaddled baby on top of the sheet, if I wanted to pull it up higher. Somewhere around 10 or 11 months I think I started folding the sheets or a blanket down to just my babies' waists, but I'm still careful not to put them higher or have pillows near their heads.

With my first, her temperament was the type where she needed to be touching me at all times in her sleep for the first year or so. Most kids aren't like that, and you may find that when your baby is out of the 4th trimester (or even earlier) a cosleeper will work better for you.

Hello Kitty

04-29-2010, 08:27 AM

Rico'sAlice

04-29-2010, 10:52 AM

Just bumping this for a little advice.

DS is 4 mos and I'm quite happy cosleeping with him. We even went out and bought a bed for us in lieu of putting up his crib. :o DH researched it on his own and is happy. Things were going really well. But lately, he's getting up a lot in the middle of the night - nursing many times and also doing a lot of fussing and wiggling... I don't know if this is just a temporary bump due to teething, 4-mo sleep regression/growth spurt or what. I'm fine nursing him once or twice overnight, but lately, I haven't been getting much sleep and am starting to wear down.

DS naps like a champ on his own in the mini cosleeper. Some nights I've tried starting him in the cosleeper with hopes that I can get a longer/sounder first stretch in, but that doesn't work so well.

I guess my question is, can a sound night's sleep and cosleeping go hand-in-hand?

Have you tried night weaning at all? I was so sure that it wouldn't work for us and would be so hard and not worth it, but honestly it wasn't that bad and has helped a lot. DS still nurses to sleep most nights (sometimes we manage to nurse and then lullaby to sleep) but then the "bubbies" go night night until the sun comes up. And then he nurses for like an hour or two until we get up for the day (I can keep sleeping) The first night he woke up at 4am or so and I'd have to get him water, walk around with him, sing songs, etc. Then he slept through the next night. And then 4am the night after. That lasted about a week. And then he was basically sleeping through the night. (Not a 12hour sort of thing. He doesn't go to bed until after 9, and sunup is 6ish? If he went to bed earlier I would probably let him have a dream feed when I went to bed.)

Marisa

04-29-2010, 11:10 AM

Hello Kitty

04-29-2010, 01:49 PM

Alice, it's encouraging that we'll be able to get to that at some point. Your post gives me hope, because I'm sure you night weaned in a really gentle fashion. I'll probably take some time off work to manage that.

Marisa - good grief, no. LOL. I do just unsnap and roll over, but it seems I'm doing it a lot (literally was every 2 hours the other night, interspersed with some whining and wriggling). I posted in the BF thread, but DS doesn't nurse much during the day, despite me WFH to be available to him. If I encourage him to eat more in the daytime do you think he'd munch less at night? How?

Graffy

04-29-2010, 02:29 PM

Both of my co-sleeping babes hit a sleep regression at 4 months. With ds2 it was a hard pill to swallow since he had been sleeping 10-12 hours straight since 6 weeks! Now at 9 months his sleep has settled, but right now we're working on molars and back to a lot of waking. Typically though, even if he eats a few times he doesn't really wake up, so even though my sleep is interrupted a lot I still end up with quite a bit.

Rico'sAlice

04-29-2010, 05:58 PM

4 months might be a little young for nightweaning. So much rapid growth goes on in the first six months or so that I'm reluctant to limit nursing "on demand" during that age. You just never know when it's going to be another growth spurt -- physically or developmentally.

That said, HK are you actually waking up/sitting up for each feeding? That kind of defeats the purpose of cosleeping IMO. ;) If you can just sort of roll toward him and latch him on, and then doze off again it's not the *greatest* sleep in the world, but it works.

Oh no. :eek: I read the post as the child being 4 YEARS!

OP- Please, please disregard my previous advice!

ITA with everything that Marissa said. We didn't start nightweaning until DS was 2 1/2 and fed on demand until 18mos. The nightweaning was gentle b/c DS was old enough to discuss it first and also old enough to accept alternatives (water, crackers, etc.) Definitely would not have been an option when he was still an infant.

Learning to nurse sidelying was key!

The other thing that helped when DS was tiny was making sure we got outside in the evening. The fresh air really helped him to sleep a longer chunk when he first went down. Also, if we spent the evening lazing around he would just nurse a few minutes here and then a little bit more 15 min later all night. So when we went to nurse to sleep he would just take a little bit again and keep waking up for more and more. But if we were busy walking outside then when we came in for bed he would have a bit more appetite and get more full. Not like he started sleeping through the night or anything. But his inital chunk went from 1-2 hours to about 4-5 hours. Also, having that be a bit longer made him really nurse heavy when he did wake up so then he'd sleep another couple of hours instead of waking every 30 min for a little sip. [Although sometimes when he was teething or having a growth spurt he would basically just nurse the entire night straight through. But I could tell myself that it would only last a little while.]