A coworker's nasty comment really bothers me!

[DiscoDiva]

I don't know how to take this, yet I do. I'm kinda mad at the guy, yet I'm not.

[hub1176]

Although I can't claim Christian principles - I was in the same situation at my job - I had a coworker who was doing things that were clearly inappropriate and would frequently get in to trouble. Because I wouldn't play her games and act the way she did she felt I thought I was somehow better than she was and would accuse me of telling on her. It really bothered me that she thought I would tell on her (and then it p!ssed me off when I realized she told other coworkers to watch out for me). I can only surmise that as women we are programmed to be nice and have people like us - and it bothers us if they don't.
Anyway there is really nothing you can do except keep doing what you're doing. Stealing from the company you work for is just plain stupid - you might as well take money out of your paycheck.

[charliezangel]

i'll post from the standpoint of a christian. Why do you think you are mad?? Because he sees you as being a snitch? Because you don't want people to think you are a prude? If I told my mom this happened to me she would say tha it is the devil...it is the devil making us doubt our responsibilities to God and what we live for. You have done nothing wrong, and you know that. None has to tell you that. But them, our little buddy satan, crawls up behind us and whispers in our ear "you know, it's so uncool to think this way, and your coworkers know it" or "don't you want them to like you?". So when this guy comes at you with his snide little remark, you start to doubt if it's really all that great to uphold your moral standings. Of course you know you should, but the devil doesn't want you to think that. *Removes Bible from hand and steps out of pulpit*. OK, i just wanted you to know that you are a very strong person to stand up to him and i admire that.

[BethElena]

I just read this post -- long weekend.

From the standpoint of a christian -- you will always be persecuted for your faith and beliefs -- it goes along with living in a world that is contrary to christian beliefs.

Integrity & faith are two of only a few things that people cannot take from you...stay true to your beliefs. I've gotten mad before because of your same situation. My FH likes the old saying "kill them with kindness," although i do not support violence :) ...

[isobel]

Well since I am an atheist and therefore have no honor I do not know if I should even answer this question but we with no morals so not really care about what you god lovers think but here goes:

You are not being persecuted for your Christian beliefs. This guy, who (gasp!) might be religious as well, is doing something wrong and feels guilty about it. He is being defensive and insulting you so that he does not have to admit that you are right.

If is something small you say "why do you care if I participate or not" and if it is big, why have you not reported it? Recently at my work I was faced with allowing my boss to be unethical as others in my position were or report him. And I did. To me, if you allow the behavior, you are condoning it.

[BethElena]

isobel - please re read the post. i think maybe you misread it. i feel strong hurt feelings are coming from you, and i don't think that is what my post intended.

i never said that those who are "not" christians are immoral. i was saying what morals i as a christian have - that does not discount anybody else's morals or views. i know it is hard to keep my beliefs and morals in a world that is against all of my beliefs and morals, and that is all i was trying to portray to DiscoDiva.

[isobel]

I just read this post -- long weekend.

From the standpoint of a christian -- you will always be persecuted for your faith and beliefs -- it goes along with living in a world that is contrary to christian beliefs.


So exactly what are you trying to say here?
It reads pretty clearly as only christians have faith and beliefs and the rest of the world is evil.

[kam]

BethElena - I think "persecuted" is a rather strong word for something that was, for all intents and purposes, just a snide comment. When I think "persecuted", I think of something a bit more serious. I, personally, would be insulted if someone compared this situation to that of other persecutions as a Christian or non-Christian alike, especially if my relatives or I have suffered from persecution.

[BethElena]

kam - Let me apologize for poor word choice -- when i said persecuted, I should have used a different word.

I'm sorry you read it that way isobel - i did not mean that. i'm sorry you feel that way.

Sorry to everybody for posting. I should have used a thesaurus or something first.

[Jaycee]

I'm not really sure how to take this but one of the first sentences was For Christians, you will especially find this interesting. What is your take on this?
and that sort of says to me that if you're not Christian you won't understand, therefore only Christians get the whole "do the right thing" set of values. So I'm not surprised if you feel a sense of hurt feelings from some of the respondents.

[camberne]

Something people might find interesting related to this...

When I applied many years ago to work for the VBPD in the 911 Call Center, all the final applicants had to take a polygraph test. I think there were 10 of us. In the pre-test interview, one of the questions was "Have you ever stolen something from work?" I stated "no". And he asked me if I had a pen? I pulled out one of those black ballpoint click pens that says US Government. You know, the ones that they have in the office by the gross? Living around here, almost everyone had one of those pens. Apparently, that was one of his favorite questions, because he always ended up finding either one of those pens or another pen that came from their office. Bottom line, nearly everyone ends up saying "yes" to that question in the end. Even taking a 25 cent ballpoint pen is stealing!

[lawyerlee]

I've seen you post things like this before on the other board that shall remain unnamed. And to be honest, I think you worry too much about what other people do and say. Life is much too short to worry about what other people think of you.

[jenji]

DiscoDiva - good for you for standing up for yourself. hopefully it'll make a difference, but you never know, it may just make him madder. just be glad that you had the courage to speak your mind.
When people feel guilty they often try to bring others down with them and it's my opinion that that is what your co-worker was trying to do.
I hope you're soon able to get over feeling bad about it, because you really didn't do anything wrong. good job for going the "high road"

[dionysia]

DD, if this guy was asking you about having an affair with him while he was at work, that could be sexual harassment.

Di

[PG-rated]

So, that's why I said "For Christians, you will especially find this interesting." I guess I should have said, "Why does it take my bringing up my spiritual beliefs for this guy to finally realize that I'm serious?"

I think that's a better question, and one that I think about a lot, as well. I practice my religion regularly, but I don't follow my personal moral code because I believe it was dictated by God; I follow it because I believe it's right even in the absence of a religious context, and therefore I believe it's appropriate for me to hold other people to the same standards. The principles that I consider to be primarily based on my religious beliefs are not things that I expect others to follow.

I think that people give more respect to spiritual beliefs than non-religious moral codes because of the (wrong-headed, IMHO) notion that people who don't follow religious teachings are more fallible than those who do. So in this guy's mind, if you're refusing to cheat on your husband just because of the promise you made, there's a possibility he can change your mind. But if your refusal is based on the fact that God said, "Thou shalt not commit adultery," then he's out of luck. But really, that's a poor argument - just think of all the religious people who've had affairs. And I think it plays into what was upsetting isobel, which is the idea that a moral code based in a religious background is somehow worth more than a non-religious moral code.

Edited - I cross-posted with Di, and I agree with her 100%. If it were me, I'd report him for that behavior.

[lawyerlee]

My bigger goal in life is trying to understand what goes on in other people's heads. I like to understand different points of view from mine. I think it makes me a better person. I think it makes everyone a better person if they can see something from another point of view. (you know, the old 'walk a mile in someone else's shoes' saying) I think everything in life can be a learning experience if you choose to make it one.
I do think this is a good thing. I just wonder if you sometimes attribute the inappropriate or hurtful behavior of others to something you did, when that just isn't the case, KWIM? Just don't forget that sometimes people are creepy or rude for no real reason at all, and certainly not because of anything you did to bring it on. ;)

[IrisHope]

Lawyerlee, what an insighful thing to say. I agree.

[gayle]

Isobel said
"You are not being persecuted for your Christian beliefs. This guy, who (gasp!) might be religious as well, is doing something wrong and feels guilty about it. He is being defensive and insulting you so that he does not have to admit that you are right."


Absolutely!

In verbalizing your "righteousness", he, in a way is owning his own guilt.

Maybe you are just mad that others don't have your ethics. And in a way, he was taking something you live by, to be a negative frivolity.

I'd be a bit irritated too :)

[miel]

True. But I'm still the type that wants to know why they act like that. For example, I may be watching the news and see a someone beat up someone else. I sit there wondering, "Why would they do that? What part of them makes them think it's okay to do that? Why would they think that behavior is acceptable?"

I do that all the time! I think this is one reason why I can't ever completely hate anyone or totally write them off. I try to get in their heads and this tends to make me see their humanity. Unless they are in the Bush administration! :p Just kidding.

Disco Diva, I think this guy is just feeling guilty and defensive and taking it out on you. When you think about anyone, there are lots of layers--like-- is he curious about your beliefs? Or does it make him angry because of some bad experience with his family? Does his self esteem suffer that you have higher standards?

I don't think with most people you can get through all the layers and find out 'the truth' about why they do things--on the deepest level, people are mysterious.

As for the Christians/morals thing I actually do think some Christian morals go beyond the ordinary morals we all are supposed to have. Christians are supposed to do things like give up all their money Or if someone asks for your coat, give him your cloak also. If someone strikes you, you are supposed to offer them the other cheek to strike. That's an ideal that I don't think an ordinary moral person has to live by. I think you can be a very good person and not do such extreme things.

I almost never see Christians actually doing these things, but I can certainly imagine that if they did, they would be different than the rest of the world.

[lawyerlee]

Disco Diva, I think this guy is just feeling guilty and defensive and taking it out on you. When you think about anyone, there are lots of layers--like-- is he curious about your beliefs? Or does it make him angry because of some bad experience with his family? Does his self esteem suffer that you have higher standards?
Whatever he might be thinking, I definitely agree that it is about him. He sounds like he's being extremely defensive.

[paiger]

I guess... but why? I come back after a week's vacation, and the first thing he hits me with is "why do have to follow the rules, blah blah blah?" Literally, it was the first thing he said after "Hi." Whazzup with that!?
i think if he has done something 'un-ethical' before, to me, for him to say this right after you got back, means that he obviously was up to something while you were gone. it sounds like he did something, said something, etc even possible to/about you. i would look around your area, etc if i were you, b/c i think he has been up to something!

edited b/c i can't type today