Dealing w/your Labor Support thread [Archive]

jules1025

09-29-2006, 03:47 PM

Glad you started this thread. I've never written down my real thoughts about my labor and delivery since they're not the 'it was a wonderful, amazing experience' thoughts you usually see. Long story short, I was given an epidural at 4cms that slowed my contractions and I ended up being in active labor for 15 hours - during this time the epidural machine died and had to be replaced, and after that the epidural basically wore off. By the time I had to push I could feel everything, but the two anesthiesiologists were both in c-sections and I was feeling way too much pressure to wait. I pushed for 2.5 hours and felt completely out of control. By the end I was begging the doctor to get the baby out of me. We ended up with a forceps assisted delivery. It's so hard to describe how it felt to have my DD pulled out of me. It was horrible. The worst pain I ever felt in my life. My husband said my screams scared the crap out of him. On her way out, I felt a crack, something breaking - at the time I thought it was my pelvis, but it ended up being DD's collarbone. :( Everything about my labor was great - until delivery. The delivery really traumatized me. I was not expecting to go through NCB, but that's what happened. DD weighed 9lbs 10oz, so that accounts for why it was so difficult to get her out. After she was born, they put her on my chest and I had zero feelings of amazement or love - only pain. Her broken collarbone prevented her from wanting to nurse, so I didn't get that bonding experience. The entire hospital stay I barely took care of her, I was in so much pain. I didn't even want to leave the hospital. I could have easily stayed another day or two.

For a long time, whenever I read stories of births easier than mine I got really jealous and angry. Not at those women, but more in a 'why did this have to happen to me?' kind of way. I feel like I got jipped. I couldn't even watch video we took from the hospital without crying. Thinking about my delivery made me anxious and sad. I thought about going to see a therapist b/c anytime I thought about how my daughter was born I started to cry. Just recently, like in the past few weeks, have I come to the realization that I did an amazing thing. I gave birth to a human! I should be proud of myself. I'm starting to come around but it was a long road, and I'm still not happy that I didn't get to have the wonderful birth moment so many people talk about.

dal

09-29-2006, 05:48 PM

jules1025 I'm so sorry you didn't have a good birth experience. People who do just don't understand the feelings that come along with having a bad experience. But I do think you are 100% right - you should definitely be proud of yourself. You gave birth. What a miracle. How is your daughter's collarbone?

**********

I have two daughters. My oldest is 3 and youngest will be 2 in November. They are 16 months apart. My first birth experience was wonderful. Everything I could have ever imagined. And the bonding that came immediately after she was born is something I will forever remember. Unfortunately, my second labor and birth was nothing like the first.

With my first labor, I wanted to try it without an epidural. Well along came the back labor and that was that. Once I got the epidural all was well and I had my baby girl.

With my second labor, I had decided well ahead of time that I would get an epidural. I woke up in early labor at 2am. Got to the hospital at around 5:30am and was 4cm. I was feeling okay so I said I'd wait a little on the epi. At 9:30am my OB decided I should have pitocin (sp?) b/c I was still only 5-6cm. When I questioned him, he told me that I hadn't progressed much and that it was his recommendation. Stupidly, I listened. I should have realized that it was Thanksgiving weekend and who wants to be at a hospital all day waiting on a delivery... ugh. I specifically asked how long it would take to really kick in b/c I wanted to make sure I got the epi in time. He told me it would intensify gradually. Um yeah right. By 10:15 I was begging for the epidural. By 10:30, still no sign of the anesthiesiologist and my OB checked and I was 6cm. Then all of a sudden, I thought I had to poop. I kept begging the nurses to help me to the bathroom b/c I was attached to the IVs. The nurse starts telling me "oh hon, from here on out, you're going to be feeling a lot of pressure." um okay lady, I JUST did this 16 months ago, this is not normal pressure - this is I either have to poop or push a baby out and since I was just at 6cm, I'm thinking it's poop. So no one would listen to me so I yelled that I was just going to have to push and go to the bathroom in my bed. I started pushing, the nurse took a peek and that's when the chaos began. My baby girl was coming out. They rushed out to get my OB who they caught on his way to get coffee, he ran back, they were asking me to slide up the bed (b/c that's so easy 9 months pregnant and a baby coming out)... I was begging for an epi and telling them I was too scared to push without one. Finally the OB said I had to push. I started, he told me to stop and out came Kailey Emma. 1/2 a push. So from 10:30 to 10:44, I went from 6cm to 10cm and pushed her out. What a nightmare.

There was no immediate bonding like there was with my oldest. I was just so numb and shocked from the whole experience. In fact, I didn't really bond with her until the 2nd day I woke up next to her in my hospital bed. That's when it hit me that I had my second beautiful baby girl.

One thing that really used to bother me was when people would say what a great labor - only 14 minutes of hard labor. Well honestly that 14 minutes sucked and completely ruined my birth experience. Which in turn affected the bonding with my child in the beginning. So no, it wasn't a great labor.

I also had a lot of guilt b/c my first labor and birth was so amazing and I bonded so quickly with Alyssa. I think the guilt is mostly gone now. I love both of my girls to pieces.

So that's my story.

jules1025

09-29-2006, 07:34 PM

dal - Thanks. :) Her collar bone healed perfectly and she's doing really well. It was so hard those first few weeks b/c I couldn't handle her like a normal newborn (another thing I got jipped on!) and I had major guilt, but I'm so glad it didn't cause any permanent damage. I totally understand what you are saying about feeling numb. That is exactly how I felt, too. And add to that the extreme guilt for feeling that way! :(

bluebunny

09-29-2006, 07:46 PM

dal, I totally understand what you mean about having a fast labor and having trouble bonding. Here's my story:
Part of me feels silly posting because I'm one of those women who had a fast labor. My water broke at about midnight and my son was born just past 3:00 a.m. I wanted a NCB so we stayed at home as long as possible, thinking that I would have a long labor as a first time mom. When my DH thought I was pushing (I was), he made me get to the hospital. We arrived less than 30 minutes before my son was born. The bad part, to me, was that I had specified that I did not want an episiotomy or routine Pitocin (to stop bleeding after deliver), both of which I got. The episiotomy was the worst thing I've ever gone through. I had huge problems healing--could not sit down comfortably for two weeks, incision site overhealed and had to be repaired three months later (skin cut off), sex was uncomfortable the first 14 months PP. It was a nightmare to me. I had trouble bonding with my son in the beginning. In hindsight, I think I had some baby blues the first six weeks. I had thoughts of my baby being harmed (not by my own hands), anxiety, etc.
I attribute a lot of my bad experience to the episiotomy. My labor was fast but extremely intense but being cut and stitched without meds (the local the doctor gave me did not take) was hell.

Anyway, I had always looked forward to feeling elated and overcome with love for my baby at the moment of birth and I didn't have that at all. I was in too much pain from the stitching to even notice my newborn son. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I'm still working through it.

Jules, your experience sounds like a nightmare--machine dying, forceps delivery, baby's broken collar bone, etc. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you.

HGMorgann

09-29-2006, 07:51 PM

Mel, I remember reading your birth story and it was very similiar to mine. This thread is a great idea. I'm so glad to have my DD, but wish she came out a different way, literally. Part of it was that I was niave and trusted my doctor instead of taking charge of my labor experience, so I am mad at myself. My daughter is 19 mo. now and my feelings are a lot less intense than say when she was 6 mo.

I'll write more later:-)

red_canuck

09-29-2006, 09:12 PM

Very interesting thread topic Mel! I do though hesitate to add my story, as to be perfectly honest, I don't think I'm quite over my "failed" NCB. I cried for weeks over getting an epidural. LOl, actually I still might if I'm not careful writing this reply! It took alot of time and effort on my part to embrace my birth experience as my own. I am determined to have a home birth next go around where NCB is the only option! lol.

Well, i guess i might as well go ahead, maybe this will be the final step that will let me let go of the last of my self-disapointment.

Just in point form (the long version can be found in my journal, post 670 (http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2321&page=23))
-was in early labour for aprox. 24 hours, a backache and mild contractions befor emy waterr boke.
-water broke at 4am. Took a few hours for contractions to speed up/intensify
-Spent all day walking/bouncing on birthing ball at home, contractions were painful, but I could still talk through them with effort.
-was checked at 4pm (12 hours after my water broke), and was so disapointed to discover I was only 2 cm dialated!
-discussed with m/w chances of continuing on my own, and decided that since I was on the clock due to my water breaking that in the best interest of avoiding a c/s, pitocin was our next step
-spent 8 hours on pitocin, with contractions a minute and a half long, 2 minutes apart (as in I was just coming off a contraction when the next one hit). I had been dealing with gallstone attacks, and the pain I was in with labour overshadowed everything I had felt with the gallstones!
-Dialated only to 4 cm after 8 hours of pitocin. I wanted to be knocked unconscious at this point! DS needed constant monitoring, so i was trapped in bed with no means of managing the pain. Finally decided to get an epidural.
-Had to wait hours to get pain relief after making that decision. Worst hours of my entire life! i was constantly going back and forth over getting the meds or not.
-dialated to 10 cm after only 3 ish hours of the epidural. blah.
- turned off the epidural during pushing, so happy with that decision!
- Pushed for 1.5 hours. Total time from water breaking till Logan was born was 25 hours. 3 of those were with an epidural.

The end result was a beautiful bouncing baby boy, which made the whole experience worth while. I even told my m/w an hour after giving birth I was ready to do it again without drugs. I'm crazy :p

I do think that if I wasn't feeling the pressure to dialate quickly because of being on the time limit, I could have gone natural. I truly believe I can do it, and am bound and determined to do it next time!

mel7dog

09-29-2006, 09:31 PM

I'm glad you all are posting in this thread and that I'm not the onl one feeling this way!

Jules - Oh your birth story makes me sad. I'm sure it was very tramatic to have everything go unplanned at the end. I can totally relate to your feelings of being jealous of people with easy labors.

Dal - It must be frustrating when people make those comments. I think many woman get set in the way they want to be in labor, and if it doens't work they don't know what to do. That's what happened to me.

Red - Wow I have never read your story before, but I don't think you should be mad at all for getting the epi (and you know I am BIG on NCB) Seriously you were in labor forever and even toughed it out with pitocin and no meds for a long time, that's crazy.

Here's my story: (trying to keep it brief!) Whole thing is here (http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?p=711141&highlight=joke) starting at post #986
Planned and prepared my entire labor for NCB. Worked out, took good care of myself, hired a doula, and had no doubt I could do it. I was in labor for 40 hours total with with no drugs till the very end. It hurt like hell, especially with the back labor (baby was posterior), but I felt ok and was sticking through it one contraction at a time. After 27 hours of labor I was only at 5-6 cm and remained stuck there for the rest of my labor. At the 34 hours mark my contractions began to decline and space themselves out, so I got the epidural/pitocin in hopes of avoiding a c-section. There I was confined to a bed, hooked up to everything. Even though I felt no pain these were the worst few hours of my life. The baby's HR dropped many times and I felt like I had no control over anything that was happening. They stopped the pitocin and my contractions stopped as well. Dr determined the baby's head was transverse (twisted/crooked) in the pelvis and even the doula confirmed the chance of vaginal delivery was slim to none at this point. So the girl who wouldn't even get an IV before was signing the consent form for a c-section. I felt like it was all a bad dream because this couldn't be happening. Turns out DS's head was really stuck in there and he also had the cord around his neck, so we did the right thing. He came out healthy and perfect, yet still I was devastated.

I built so much up on NCB that is became almost a test of my self worth (to me). And when it didn't go as planned I lost all confidence in myself and felt like I didn't even know who I was. I knew it wasn't my fault, that my body was actually helping by stopping labor to protect DS, and that my c-section was necassary, but I still couldn't get over it. Just now 5 months after am I finally starting to feel better about it all. I hate how I feel jealous of other woman who have great births or achieve NCB without much effort when I should be happy for them. I feel like I did everything right and got screwed. I hate how whenever someone mentions labor I feel like I have to justify myself. "Well I was in labor for 40 hours med free..blah blah blah" I am pissed. I was in labor twice as long as most woman, but nope I didn't have a NCB, just a huge scar :( And then I feel terrible for even thinking this way when people say "Well a healthy baby is all that matters." Slowly I am feeling better about it all. Mostly from talking about it a lot and learning to find myself again (if that makes sense). I am starting to think eventually I will have enough confidence to go for VBAC with the next one!

jennylou

09-29-2006, 09:34 PM

My first delivery, I had wanted to be a natural childbirth. What I ended up with were some bitchy nurses, every intervention possible, which led right into a c/s. Now, I think some people (IRL) doubted the bitchy nurses since they had great experiences in the same hospital. Well, one of those bitchy nurses I ended up with as a PP nurse for my second nurse and lo and behold those same doubting Thomas' saw the light. ;)

I tried to use everything about my first birth experience to prepare for my second birth. I wanted to look back and say that I learned something and was in more control b/c of it. And, I wanted a vbac.

So, I set out for and had, an awesome vbac. It was medicated, but I was fine with that, as my main goal for my second delivery was vaginal.

My two deliveries are like night and day.

Ericka_Jarett

09-29-2006, 09:45 PM

With my daughter I wanted an epi, but since labor happened so fast (had her 10 mins after getting to the hospital) no drugs. After that I swore I definately wanted an epi wth #2. Daughter was only 1lb 3oz @24 weeks, couldn't imagine having a NCB with my son who at 35w 6d was 5lbs 6oz. I tore pretty bad with my son, had pressure on 1 side low, so not sure uf epi worked there or not, but that was my signal of when I needed to push him out. Finally after contractions that were right after each. For me #2 was much better labor until water was broken 3.5 hours before son came, but hard delivery. Daughter labor was awful (didn't even know I was contracting, just had a constant pain) very intense in such a short time. Of course outcome with son was much better

red_canuck

09-29-2006, 09:51 PM

thanks mel, that actually means alot to me. I also find myself validating my use of meds during conversations, just like you do. It's frustrating as I feel i shouldn't have to, yet I find myself opening my mouth and out it spews. *le sigh*. I hope we both find the closure and comfort we need about our experiences. FWIW, it was after I read your birth story that i knew I really had to get to know such a strong woman. I had always *seen* you around, and had always meant to say hi and get to know you, but like I said, after reading your BS, i went right and found you :)

jenny, I like how you said you wanted to learn from your experience. I know I did from you! You once told me to stay home as long as I could, and that became my mantra :D

mel7dog

09-29-2006, 09:54 PM

Red - Thank you so much, I have tears in my eyes right now!

red_canuck

09-29-2006, 10:06 PM

lol, dammit mel, now I do too :p what a great support group! hehe. But seriously. I remember all the prep you did for labour (i was a horrible lurker, my bad :p), it actually made me quite ashamed of my own slacking! It was only a few weeks ago (my sense of time is completely off, so take that time frame with a grain of salt) that I stumbled upon your BS and was like - "Holy shit, 40 hours?! That's super crazy nutso, what an amazing woman!" I have no doubt whatsoever you'll be a NCB VBAC goddess next go around. I know I'll be cheering you on :D

tray622

09-29-2006, 10:08 PM

This is a great thread. I will have to come back when things are mellow around here but my second experience was much like dal's. I went from 4-delivery in an hour and my husband missed the birth by minutes :(

BBL and {{{hugs}}} to everyone!

mel7dog

09-29-2006, 10:34 PM

Have you read Sevilla's BS? She was in labor for 52 hours :eek: That's where I got my strength from!

jennylou

09-30-2006, 02:02 AM

I built so much up on NCB that is became almost a test of my self worth (to me). And when it didn't go as planned I lost all confidence in myself and felt like I didn't even know who I was. I knew it wasn't my fault, that my body was actually helping by stopping labor to protect DS, and that my c-section was necassary, but I still couldn't get over it. Just now 5 months after am I finally starting to feel better about it all. I hate how I feel jealous of other woman who have great births or achieve NCB without much effort when I should be happy for them. I feel like I did everything right and got screwed. I hate how whenever someone mentions labor I feel like I have to justify myself. "Well I was in labor for 40 hours med free..blah blah blah" I am pissed. I was in labor twice as long as most woman, but nope I didn't have a NCB, just a huge scar :( And then I feel terrible for even thinking this way when people say "Well a healthy baby is all that matters." Slowly I am feeling better about it all. Mostly from talking about it a lot and learning to find myself again (if that makes sense). I am starting to think eventually I will have enough confidence to go for VBAC with the next one!

I hear your comments on self worth. I felt like a failed woman. I couldn't get pregnant on my own, couldn't have a baby naturally and then I felt like the biggest failure b/c my son died. It was very healing for me to have a vbac this time. If you can have one, I wholeheartedly would encourage you to go for it. The difference is remarkeable. I was in labor for about 17 hours with my son and then got cut. With my DD, strong contractions started at 2 am, water broke at 6 am, was at the hospital at 6:45 am (I showed up at 4-5 cm dialated, which was more than were I stalled out with DS). I had an epi about 10 am, and by noon, I was complete. The baby continued to descend on her own, so I didn't start pushing until about 1pm, we just let nature do it's thing. And with less than a 1/2 hour of pushing, DD was born. I felt great (even without very much sleep to go on). It was so much easier than a c/s. And the feeling of holding DD immediately was something I'll always cherish (having had to wait to hold DS). And, I hadn't eaten anything since dinner time the night before - I had a turkey sandwich within a 1/2 hour of delivering DD! With DS, I had the c/s at 8:23 pm on a Friday and finally was "allowed" to eat about noon on Saturday - thank goodness I'd thought to eat a bowl of cereal before I went to the hospital. And finally, in another, I loved my vbac moment, after the epidural wore off, I was able to get up and move about - without needing assistance and without feeling like my insides were about to fall out.:)

jules1025

09-30-2006, 09:34 AM

red canuck & mel7dog - I think you two are awesome for going through natural labor for as long as you did (especially with pitocin contractions!). I understand your disappointment though, and I hope your next round at NCB is successful.

jennylou - I'm so glad that your experience with your daughter allowed you to heal. Although my situation is nowhere near your first, I really hope my second birth experience is better. I don't think I could go through that again.

Next time it's going to be different. It just has to be! I'm going to read up on NCB and possibly hire a doula to help me. I can't promise I won't get an epidural, but I want to hold out longer than I did this time. If childbirth taught me anything, it's that I have a much lower tolerance for pain than I thought. :o

ThreeYell

09-30-2006, 11:58 AM

mel7dog, thank you so much for starting this thread. My heart breaks for everyone who had such difficult labors, births, and post-partum experiences. It really is hard to find someone who understands the disappointment of not having the birth you wanted and prepared for. So few people plan a natural birth anyway and there seems to be little tolerance for anyone who expresses anything but an "it was great!" if they got a healthy baby out of the experience. And I just want to say to jennylou that I've been around (mostly lurking) the WC and here forever and my heart broke when you lost your son. I was so, so happy when I saw your sig that your daughter was here, and a successful VBAC. Congratulations!

DS is 19 months old so I've had a lot of time to work through his birth. I didn't have it nearly as bad as many of you. My MW was great. The backup OB who ended up delivering was great. The whole time I felt completely respected and encouraged and all decisions were left 100% up to me and DH. We were lucky because DS tolerated all of labor extremely well and that gave us the option to wait and see and try different things.

I don't regret (anymore) getting an epidural when I did, after dilating to 10 pushing for an hour. If anyone ever tells you it's too late to get an epidural, tell them about me. I don't regret deciding to have a forceps delivery because I don't think I could have pushed DS out on my own. He was too badly positioned, with his crooked head and fist up next to his forehead. I do regret that the birth didn't go as planned in ways I had no control over. I do regret that the forceps delivery meant that the pediatricians got him for the first half hour of his life before I did. I really, really regret that he spent 3 days in the special care nursery. Talk about something I never, ever contemplated. I had been so focused on the birth that I never thought about after.

The 3 days after DS's birth were supposed to be so happy but instead they were so hard. I didn't have the birth I wanted. I was in so, so much pain from the 3 places I tore (but still happy the OB respected my request not to cut). And I could not believe that my son had an IV in his head. He was fine. He is fine. But the emotional toll of those few days were something I never saw coming.

For me, the hardest thing is when people make comments like "if I could have a natural birth, anyone can!" I know they mean well and women planning NCB need all the encouragement they can get. But it hurts to hear that. I, and it sounds like all of you, did NOT have normal births. We had the decks stacked against us. No birth can be compared to any other. All I hope is that if we have other births, they'll be the ones we planned for this time.

mel7dog

09-30-2006, 01:14 PM

For me, the hardest thing is when people make comments like "if I could have a natural birth, anyone can!" I know they mean well and women planning NCB need all the encouragement they can get. But it hurts to hear that. I, and it sounds like all of you, did NOT have normal births. We had the decks stacked against us. No birth can be compared to any other. All I hope is that if we have other births, they'll be the ones we planned for this time.

Yes this bothers me as well! Some of the boards I visit are also very big on home births (which is great), but it drives me crazy when people say there is no need for Dr.s or a hospital. There's a reason why woman used to die during childbirth.

I also got frustrated with my mindset for NCB. IMO you need to be 110% set on it and not one of those people who says they are going to try NCB. But if you are so set on it like I was and it doesn't work on, you are left feeling bummed out.

jennylou - I'm so glad you were able to have a positive experience!

kimthebride

09-30-2006, 01:33 PM

I hate to sound cranky about a quick, "easy" delivery with my son....but it was so different than what I imagined I almost feel like I didn't give birth. I feel like I watched a 1/2 hour HBO special about a badly-cursing woman begging for drugs while her kid practically falls out of her.

I have PCOS, so I planned for months on preparing my body for TTC and working with my fertility specialist, charting, exercising, taking prenatals and so on. I read every book, article and website about pregnancy and childbirth. I was so ready to experience early labor at home with DH, my bag packed, then head into the city to my hospital to get checked and plan on the right timing for my epi. I had my focal point stuffed animal to look at while I labored. I had the camera ready to take some funny shots of me & DH walked the NYC neighborhood around my hospital, thinking I'm sure I'd head in too soon. Imagining cracking jokes in the delivery room about leaving DH for the epi-guy. That sort of thing.

And what happened? From 1st contraction to birth in 2 hours 45 minutes. Dealing without drugs, my eyes were closed almost the entire time as I breathed and focused. It was a rushed, panicky, painful, eyes-closed, didn't get to see my son come out of me mania. I did not smile the entire time, not until DS was put on my chest...which also came so fast he was on me the same moment I finally opened my eyes.

I don't get down on it, but so many people tell me I am so lucky to have it done with so quickly and DS so healthy....but I don't feel like I experienced childbirth...I feel like I fought through a painful sprint with my eyes closed.

And I am scared what will happen this time. I am pg again, and we all know stats are your 2nd L&D is usually faster than your 1st. How the HELL am I going to get to the hospital in time? Will I have to go drug-free again, miss out on the experience again?

Thanks for letting me get that out.

(Edited because I wrote "water breaking" when I mean "1st contraction")

usafwife

09-30-2006, 01:39 PM

Thanks so much for starting this thread, Mel. I don't have time to post my story right now but will definitely be back later. I can say that it took me a while to get over what happened during my labor and delivery of my DD. It wasn't easy and now I'm about 4 months from having it happen all over again. Am I a gluten for punishment or what? ;)

mel7dog

09-30-2006, 02:24 PM

kim - I can imagine how that would be tough. Especially because everything happened so fast you barely knew what was going on. Hopefully you'll be able to take what you learned for the first one and have a better second labor.

kimthebride

09-30-2006, 04:09 PM

See...I think that is the brunt of my problem, the thing that is bringing my disappointment back to me and causing worry: the only lesson I could learn is that my L&D's are crazy-fast. So how can I possibly actively make my next one better?

Literally after the 1st contraction DH rushed home and we drove straight to the hospital. This time, we will likely live even further away....the only thing I can imagine doing to prepare is have someone at my house with me 24x7 the couple weeks before I am due so at 1st contraction I can be driven straight to the hospital to meet DH there. Reasonable? Do-able? I don't know.

ThreeYell

09-30-2006, 04:17 PM

Kim, I know that a fast first labor means that subsequent labors will likely be fast, but it's not always true. Maybe you'll be lucky. I had a friend whose first labor was crazy fast but she had a pretty normal second labor. For some reason I was discussing this friend with my MW and she said that, depending on the case, they will sometimes offer a 2nd, 3rd, etc. time mom who has had an incredibly fast birth in the past the option of a mini-induction. If she's at term and looks ready, they can nudge things along just to make sure that she's where she needs to be to give birth. Might be worth asking your doctor.

BTW, your sig is cracking me up! says the mother of a 19-month-old non-gifted sleeper

red_canuck

09-30-2006, 04:30 PM

Kim, (hi! BTW) I just had to chime in and say that I can imagine having a super fast labour would be almost more surreal than a long drawn out labour. The extra worry about actually making it to the hospital on time would be really scary to me. I find it so frustrating when outsiders make off hand comments about "your" (general you) labour without really thinking about what they say. I wish I had some advice about how to make your next labour something you feel happier with.
Off topic, but Congratulations on bub numero deux!

losthoosier

09-30-2006, 04:44 PM

I loved reading everyone stories and am glad that I am not the only one who hated their birth experience.

Here is my story
We got to the hospital and the L & D was packed. They checked me and said I was only 3-4 cms dilated but was having regular contractions so they would admit me once they had a room available. Once the room became available we decided to go for a walk to try to speed up labor. At this time contractions were coming strong, but I didn’t want drugs if I could avoid them. So we walked, and then I took a shower. The shower was the best thing I ever did. It felt wonderful helped me work through contractions. The only reason I got out of shower was my skin started itching because it was becoming so dry.

The nurse checked me again and I had only dilated to 4. It had been 2 hours and I had some pretty strong contractions so I made the choice to have the epidural which soon I would regret. About 3 minutes after receiving the epidural my blood pressure bottom out. And I felt really tired. My BP ended up being 92 over 32. The nurse started to give me medicine to bring it back up but it would not work. The started pumping me with IV’s to increase the fluid as this is supposed to help. I ended up getting 5 bags of saline, and still had not increased. The saline did however stop my labor. I did not have contractions for some time, so they decided to give me pitocin to start labor once again. The Dr came in around 8 Friday morning and said I was still only 4 cm dialted. He was worried that given my lack of progress and projected size of baby I would not deliver vaginally and recommended having a c-section. But it was my choice. I choose for him to go ahead and break my water and see if that helped the progression. So they broke the water and upped the pitocin. At this time I was in tears crying my eyes out as I did not want the c-section. My Husband and Mom were wonderful but it was a decision I had to make. We decided we would weight 2 hours to see if I would progress. The first hour came and the baby had dropped some more and there was little progression to about 4-5. This is were the hell began. I told the nurse I could feel contractions, they were ones I could deal with but I knew something was wrong. The contractions started getting stronger and stronger and no-one would listen to me. The epidural completely did not work and with the amount of pitocin they had given me I was in horrible pain. I was crying and nothing was working I tried everything. The breaking point came when I had a 15 minute contraction. 15 MINUTES I could deal with the pain for 1 minute but not 15 minutes…….. So I told my mom to get the Dr. so they got the dr and I told him I was ok with the c-section. The dr was relieved as he was afraid the baby would have got stuck on her shoulders.

So they prepped me for the c-section and at this point I was bawling…. Shaking I could see the fear in my husband and mothers eyes. The c-section went so fast. I don’t remember them even starting it. I got really sick and just felt like sleeping through the entire procedure. I didn’t even know they had started when I looked and saw my husband looking over the sheet and hearing a big cry and someone yelling it’s a girl born at 12:18. At this point DH went and cut the cord and stayed with her the entire time. They took the baby to the NICU as her glucose levels were low. In the end I have a happy healthy little girl but I can't wait till the next time as I will not be getting an epidural, and it will be VBAC

My nurse was an idiot. She had me laying on my left side to help my blood pressure. We all know you lay on your left side to raise it. I believe all the stress from my delivery is one reason I never got milk. I was unable to drink or eat for 24 hours and was dehydrated. I had plenty of colustrum before and then overnight I was dry....

Thanks for letting me vent.....

ginad724

09-30-2006, 05:02 PM

kimthebride: My labor was so similar to yours that it's scary. Though I think I didn't realize I was in labor most of the time that I was. We got to the hospital, and 1:15 later, DD was born. After she was born, my L&D nurse said that she was telling the other nurses that her patient was in shock. And I was. Shocked at how fast my labor went; shocked that I didn't have the kid in the car; shocked at how painful it was and how I wasn't ready for it; and shocked that I didn't have that allelujiah moment when she was put on my chest. It just happened.too.fast.

The thought of giving birth again does scare me, especially when you hear the tales of the quicker subsequent labors (which I know is not always true). If my labors are any quicker, I'm having this kid at home ;) I do think the whole process helped me become more aware of my body and I'll hopefully recognize the signs sooner.

I've gotten all the comments that I was lucky to labor so quickly but I think it's comparing apples to oranges. True, it wasn't painful for 36 hours, but it was intensely painful for 1:15 minutes with no chance of getting any drugs or help or easing or breathing through labor.

I don't hate my labor experience, it just wasn't what I expected (and I like your analogy to the HBO special...that was so me). I'm just hoping that I'm more aware the next time.

gina

Abby'sMom

09-30-2006, 05:32 PM

No horror story from me, but just a note to Kim that I hope will help a little....

With my first DC, L&D was about 3.5 hours total.

With my second DC, L&D was more like 5.5 hours total.

So you're not necessarily going to have a shorter labor the second time around.

Sevilla

09-30-2006, 07:17 PM

Kim and others with fast labors - That is REALLY rough, and people are speaking in ignorance when they say that you're 'lucky' to have short ones. My biggest concerns about my labor while i was pregnant was going super-fast and being overwhelmed by it (ha! that's one thing i didn't need to worry about ;)).

In terms of prearing for #2, i would look into homebirth as a possibility, and *for sure* would research 'unassisted birth' so that if worst case scenario you find yourself giving birth at home or in the car you know what to do and what to expect, and i would buy some basic birthing supplies to have at home/in the car as well (you can find lists online). I know women in your shoes who did that and it helped them feel more prepared in case things went super fast, that at least they had some knowledge of what to do until they reached the hospital.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In terms of my own birth, just in the past month i feel like i've fully processed the experience and how things turned out. I am ok with how it went, though ideally it would have gone otherwise.

The worst part of my labor was hours 40-44 -- i was told i was dilated to 8cm but the baby hadn't really descended yet. All we were waiting on was the baby to put enough pressure on my cervix to dilate fully, and my bag of waters had been bulging for 12 hours so we agreed to have my water broken to move things along. I was scared of transition, but remembered that though it would be hard, it would not last long so i psyched myself up. We went walking the halls to get things moving and even ran into a hospital tour group who were amazed at how great i was feeling for being so far along in labor.

Then the really really hard contractions started - they felt like a black hole collapsing my lower abdomen, i could feel them working to squeeze the baby down and out with the most pressure i have ever experienced, it was intense. I breathed and moaned my way through transition for several hours in the shower and i was exhausted and weary - it had been almost two days of being in labor - but i was determined to make it through and be ready to push shortly. I came out of the shower to be checked after a couple hours and i was still at 7cm and the baby had not descended any further than before.

There is nothing worse than doing the hardest work of your life only to find out it has accomplished NOTHING. My body had worked its hardest but the baby's head position meant i was no longer dilating and was beyond exhausted - i'd given the last of my strength to those few hours in the shower, and i still had several cm left to go plus pushing.

I had an epidural so i could sleep a few hours (and i don't regret the epidural, though i don't plan to get one again - if i had not been able to sleep a few hours i don't know that i would have had the energy to push hard for 2 hours later to get him into the world (b/c once again, he had not descended so i had to do a lot of work to get him down the birth canal and out). I also had an hour or two of pitocin to get me fully dilated. If the pitocin had not worked i would have had a csection.

The whole time i was pushing i was afraid that the baby would get stuck in my pelvis due to his malpositioned head and i would have to have a c-section. I was able to birth vaginally in the end, after 52 hours of labor including 2 hours of pushing (and the pushing contractions were influenced by the pitocin, so they were very strong and i found them painful, my epidural had worn off by that point - i was so thankful when my Bradley teacher pointed this out to me, b/c i was not prepared for how difficult pushing would be but now i'm not afraid to do that part again).

After he was born i thought there was nothing that i could have done to turn him so that i could have finished progressing without pitocin (i had kept mobile, done variety of positions, not had my bag of waters broken prematurely, etc... - all the things you're supposed to do for optimal positioning). In the months since i've come across a few articles that have given me some ideas i could have tried had i known or had the equipment (submerging myself in abirthing tub or doing a rotation exercise during contractions). Surprisingly i'm ok with knowing that something might have made a difference but that the knowledge wasn't available to me at the time.

When i think ahead to my next birth i would like my ideal labor to be about 18-24 hours long. What I liked most about my labor was that my contractions were 5 minutes apart the whole time - i would like that again, just for the transition contractions to actually do their work and get me ready to push. The thing I fear about giving birth again is transition - i wonder if the 'black hole' contractions i felt were really as hard as it gets, or if i just got to the doorway of a whole new level of intensity but didn't fully experience it (since i never progressed beyond 7cm on my own, the final 3 cm i had an epidural that (thankfully) worked perfectly b/c i was in no way prepared to go through transition contrax again by that point).

The thing propelling me towards NCB the next time is that i know there is no guarantee that an epidural will work - i am thankful mine worked so well yet i kept my mobility (no catheter, pushed in a variety of positions), but i know my experience was rare, and i'd rather keep it as a last resort like it was this time. I feel confident that I can do another birth though, and I hope to have a better experience than the first time around.

Mystikal

09-30-2006, 07:54 PM

Thank you for starting this thread, Mel. Nobody really knows how disappointed I was with my birth experience. When I typed up my "birth story" for my journals I didn't really post everything. I did a quick version so as to keep myself from thinking about it and getting upset. I continually tell myself "a healthy baby is all that matters"...

First, I was diagnosed with getational diabetes, and even though my weight gain throughout the entire pregnancy was good - 26 pounds up until the last couple weeks when I jumped to 30 (which was all water weight), my OB still pushed for an induction. I did NOT want to be induced unless it was absolutely necessary. I held her off as long as I could and I went to the hospital to be induced on June 29, at 40w2d.

I was admitted and they checked me, telling me I was still only a fingertip dilated, so they administered the first dose of cytotec. After the first dose I was only dilated 2cm. They administered a second dose and after that I was up to 3cm so they started a low dose of pitocin, which I also didn't want, but it was already 4pm. The contractions were still very manageable, though, and I had no doubt that I would be able to have the NCB that I wanted. At 5:00 the OB came in to check me, and, without telling me what she was doing, broke my water. That hurt like a b1tch. After breaking my water they upped my pitocin and the contractions were one on top of the other with no break whatsoever. I didn't have time to breathe so after about 45 minutes I got an epidural.

I don't know if I had some kind of reaction to the epi, or what, but after getting it around 6:00 I passed out. I remember next to nothing from 6:00 until 9:45. I vaguely remember waking up with an oxygen mask on and the nurses telling me that I had to take deep breaths. At the time I thought it was normal, but now I know it was because DD had the cord wrapped around her neck and her heartrate kept dropping with every contraction. I remember my OB coming in and telling me that I was 6cm dilated and that DD was doing okay, but there was no telling how she would handle the stress once it came time to push so they wanted to do a c-section, but it was up to me. I was so out of it from the epi that I doubt I would have been able to push anyway, so I said okay.

Once they got me in the OR everything went very quickly and DD was born at 10:54. As they started stitching me up I started shaking very badly from the medication. So badly that I didn't even get to hold my baby. I remember DH sitting next to me while DD was on the other side of the room crying. I was shaking and throwing up and he didn't know what to do. I remember crying to DH and telling him that I should be holding her, but I couldn't. I was shaking so bad I would have dropped her. I fell asleep soon after that...well, passed out is more the word I'm looking for. The first time I held her was 2:30 in the morning, and I don't even remember it. It kills me that I don't remember the first time I held my baby girl. I hate that I never got that bonding time with her right after she was born.

I try not to think about it because it really bothers me. DH doesn't even know how upset I am. I figure, there's nothing I can do about it now, so why even talk about it? Next time I want to do everything I can do have a VBAC, with no epidural. I want to remember the first time I hold my child...

Sevilla

09-30-2006, 08:18 PM

Mystikal - that sounds like such a traumatic birth, i am so sorry you had to experience it that way :(. It really bothers me when people say "a healthy baby is all that matters' b/c i don't think that's true - a healthy baby matters *most*, but one's labor experience and how it impacts you as a woman and mother is really important! It is not something to be dismissed or told 'your feelings about this don't matter, why are you upset?' - it matters, it's important, and in an ideal world every woman would have the birth experience she wants but that's unfortunately not the world we live in. I think it is important to talk through and process your birth experience and the negative parts of it. The book Birthing From Within is all about doing that and especially if you're artistic at all it would probably be very helpful. Anyway, (((((hugs))))) and i'm glad you were able to post your experiences here and be validated that the way things went were less-than-ideal and it's ok to be upset about that. Heck, I feel upset for you!

emmjay

09-30-2006, 08:51 PM

Mine was another overwhelmingly fast one, at least up until transition - I had taken Bradley classes and my mom and sister both had mostly NCB (my sister had an epidural very late in her labor, but my mom had NCB for all three of us). I assumed I would have NCB with no problems at all. In fact, I truly never even entertained the idea that I would not be able to handle the pain. I have such a freakishly high pain tolerance that DH and my friends actually make fun of me for it - I passed kidney stones in Peru with nothing but OTC medication (after hours of not having anything at all) and didn't cry or scream or do anything much beyond grimacing and telling the doctor that it hurt.

Anyway, my water broke and the contractions started 45 minutes later at 10 mins apart. In less than an hour they were 2 mins apart and lasting for more than a minute at a time. I managed to deal with that for 90 minutes and then begged for the epidural - I still remember being SHOCKED at the pain and totally freaking out. And I asked DH if it was OK to get the epidural (he had taken the Bradley class too and even though it was killing me I think I didn't want to disappoint him?). He was like, "YES! Get it!" because, as he said later, he couldn't imagine how much it must have been hurting for me to be acting the way I was.

I got the epidural and soon after they wanted me to start pushing. DS wasn't progressing down the birth canal and his heart rate would plummet during each contraction and not come back up in a normal amount of time. After a couple of hours of intermittant pushing (they had me take breaks to see if he would move down on his own), the doctor got really serious and basically told me I was having a c-section and that I needed to sign some forms right away. The doctor was a very mellow, laid back person, so I figured it was serious. I was rushed down to the OR and DS was removed 8 minutes later. I remember hearing him cry and looking at DH and saying, "That's our baby!" - I just got to look at him for a minute before they took him to the nursery.

It turned out there was a true knot, not just a kink, in the umbilical cord, and that was the reason for DS's dropping heartrate. The doctors and nurses were all exclaiming about it and my doctor told me that it is very rare (only about 1% of births) and that it usually causes serious complications in vaginal deliveries - if the knot had been pulled completely tight halfway down the birth canal, DS would have been deprived of oxygen and could have been brain damaged or even stillborn.

So, my birth didn't go how I planned in any aspect. I still can't believe I had a c-section. Obviously I am glad that I did due to the knot situation, and I do feel like we were very involved in and knowledgeable about what was going on but I am still regretful and kind of sad about the overall experience. I really thought it was going to be one of those textbook NCBs and I can hardly believe the story I just typed is MY birth story.

The only thing I can tell myself is that we prepared *so* much for the birth so even though we didn't have our ideal birth story, at least we weren't railroaded into anything - we knew what was going on and I feel like we made our own decisions. At least up until I was told I was going to have a c-section. We were also lucky that DS didn't have any problems with his latch, which was the main reason I wanted NCB (I have had a breast reduction and didn't want the drugs to impede BFing in any way).

Also we're going to try for #2 early next year and my OB already told me she is on board with a VBAC if I want and she is fine with NCB as well, so that does give me hope for next time. Like some of you, I am a bit scared about labor due to my experience but the best we can do is give it another shot. I sometimes think I might want to schedule a c-section for #2 because it is so tempting to think about not having to go through that horrific pain again, but I really do want to try.

mel7dog

09-30-2006, 10:47 PM

I sometimes think I might want to schedule a c-section for #2 because it is so tempting to think about not having to go through that horrific pain again, but I really do want to try.
emmjay - How long ago was your baby born? I felt like this for about 3 months after my son was born thinking there was no way I could go through all that again. I told DH I was 100% sure I wanted a c-section with #2. In the last 2 months though a VBAC has looked better and better to me. I do worry that if NCB didn't work the second time I don't know what I would do, but at the same time I've never been the one to take the easy way out, so I know I have to do it.

Scooter

09-30-2006, 10:58 PM

Several of you are already familiar with my story.
Labor: I went into prodromal labor at 39w2d and just stayed stuck there for 12days before being admitted to the hospital for induction on 41w0d. I tried just about every method of natural induction out there. I basically had only had a few hours of sleep per night (and had been having constant contractions) for 12 days straight when I was admitted. On 41w1d they started me on pitocin at 7am. It took until 9 or 10am for the contractions to get really bad. I had the support of my MW & doula, and DH was great. It was NOT easy, and by 1pm the intense contractions got even worse. We thought I may be in transistion, because they were so bad I was shaking and going from sweating to shivering, I couldn't talk, I could barely relax, and it was taking all my energy & focus to make it to the peak of each contraction. After 2 hours straight of this, getting progressively worse, I had started shaking uncontrollably. So by 3pm, I couldn't relax, and I was starting to get scared my uterus was going to rupture from the intense strength of the contractions. At 5:30pm they checked me & I was only at a 5+. :(

Birth: I felt like such a failure, but I knew I couldn't keep doing it. I had barely had any energy in the first place, after the 2weeks of labor before coming in. Both my doula & my MW were telling me I needed to consider an epidural. I just was lying there shaking uncontrollably still and crying, but I agreed on the epidural. It took an hour and a half after that before it was administered. That hour and a half was miserable. After I got it I mostly slept, but there were a lot of really frightening moments that night as the baby's heartrate dropped repeatedly, nurses were running around, I was on oxegen for hours. I didn't even make it to 10cm until about 5am, and was so completely wiped out that they made me sleep another hour before attempting to push. There was fear I wouldn't be able to get her out fast enough with the heart decels, so an OB had to come in and they were planning on a vacuum birth with an episiotomy, although were prepared for an emergency c/s. I was so motivated by all that that I pushed her out in 45mins, no vacuum or episiotomy needed, but ended up with a 3rd degree tear in the process. She was born 12hrs after the epidural.

Afterwards: I felt bad for weeks about the epidural, I felt like I'd really given up. And beacuse I was so extremely exhausted from the labor & also had a bad tear, my recovery was not good. My MW told me at my 6wk visit that she doesn't remember many births, since she does a lot, but remembered mine clearly because I fought so hard. (And at that appt I was not 100% cleared to "resume normal activity" because my recovery was so hard I hadn't totally healed yet!) Recovery was so hard that my milk didn't come in very soon and DD lost too much weight, had to go to daily weigh ins, and ended up being cup and finger-fed formula (I planned to exclusively BF).

I felt terrible at first that I got an epidural, but in hindsight I know it was a good decision and really the only thing I could have done. But I feel like it's my fault I was in that situation. And that situation led to my DD having a really difficult first week. I feel like it's my fault labor & recovery were so hard because maybe the prodromal labor itself was my fault. Maybe I wasn't vigilant enough about the positioning exercises to get DD in the right position. Maybe if I'd just done more exercise period it wouldn't have all been so hard on me. And I would have done more exercises if I hadn't had hyperemesis throughout almost the whole pregnancy. And if morning sickness is a cultural thing, does that mean the hyperemesis was all in my head? If I'd been tougher & in a better emotional place from the beginning, would I have avoided the morning sickness altogether? I don't know, and it's hard not to second guess it all. I'm ok with the outcome, and have actually come to a place where I'm proud of what I did, but I am so scared this same stuff will happen again next time. I can't help feel that I helped cause the outcome, which was my DD struggling her first couple weeks. :( Ugh, it makes me teary eyed just thinking of it.

emmjay

09-30-2006, 11:24 PM

emmjay - How long ago was your baby born? I felt like this for about 3 months after my son was born thinking there was no way I could go through all that again. I told DH I was 100% sure I wanted a c-section with #2. In the last 2 months though a VBAC has looked better and better to me. I do worry that if NCB didn't work the second time I don't know what I would do, but at the same time I've never been the one to take the easy way out, so I know I have to do it.
He's only 2 months old so you're probably right that I will change my mind down the road. I am the same as you that I don't like to take the easy road - I'm very stubborn! - so I will probably end up attempting a VBAC even though I'm pretty apprehensive about it now. I'm glad my OB is so supportive of a VBAC and even suggested it at my 6 week pp visit before I brought it up.

ETA - I forgot to mention in my story that I went into labor 8 days after my due date (which was very accurate since I was charting). I also forgot to mention that DS was posterior and his BIG HEAD was stuck in the birth canal. I refused induction several times and sometimes I wonder if I had agreed to it 10 days before, even if I had had Pitocin and an epidural, maybe I would have been able to have him vaginally - the knot might not have been there earlier, and I might have had a whole different experience. Probably not, but I still wonder.

HGMorgann

10-01-2006, 12:37 PM

Emmjay - I hear you on the "I wonder/What if" aspect. It can tear you up inside (0r at least me). When my mind starts wondering, I have to just take hold of those thoughts and think about good things.

I started thinking about VBAC in the hospital after she was born. I will do things differently for sure next time - starting with a midwife (not that it eliminates the risk of repeat c/s) and trusting myself and standing up for myself.

Bloomwood

10-01-2006, 04:51 PM

It really bothers me when people say "a healthy baby is all that matters' b/c i don't think that's true - a healthy baby matters *most*, but one's labor experience and how it impacts you as a woman and mother is really important!

I want to apologize. I said that in my ncb post. I didn't mean to offend anyone. I'm sorry if I did.

Hope you don't mind me lurking in your thread...Like I said, I was inspired by Mel and Sevilla's stories and wanted to read more.

jmvan74

10-01-2006, 06:28 PM

This is a great thread! *hugs* to all of you who have had to work through the way L&D turned out.
I was surprised how traumatized I was by my labor and delivery. When I was 36 weeks I started to experience some severe anxiety in relation to L&D. It got so bad that my DR made me stop working, so I could rest and relax. She wanted to put me on meds, but I refused. When I went in for my 39 week appt, she offered induction. (I wish she hadn't) I, of course, jumped at the chance to have some control over the situation. I was 2cm and 70%effaced, so I was at least progressing. This was a Thursday and my induction was scheduled for Sunday. I was shocked it was so soon.
When we arrived at the hospital Sunday night, I was still 2cm and 70% effaced and I was contracting on my own, but not strongly enough. They began a low dose of pitocin at 10pm. I was anxious, but the contractions were managable. I wasn't planning NCB, but I wanted to hold out as long as I could on the epi. The nurse wanted me to rest, so she gave me some benadryl. I fell asleep around 11pm and woke up around 12:30 am when my water broke. They checked me at that point and I was only 3cm. Then the contractions got so strong, I jumped off the bed and was bent over in pain. DH got me back in the bed and I screamed that I wanted the epi as I was writhing on the bed. DH called in the nurse and with in 30 minutes the epi was administered. I fell back to sleep and the nurse came back an hour later and said she wanted me to be checked. I had gone from 3-8cm in an hour. DS was still pretty high, though.
By 6am I was fully dilated and fully effaced, but DS was still not low enough, so they suggested I labor down and let my body push him down before pushing. At 7:30am I felt the urge to push, so the nurses got the DR and the pushing began. I pushed for almost 3 hours and DS could not get past my pelvic bones. The epi was wearing off and they suggested a c-section. I was so upset and started to cry, but was so exhausted that I wanted it over. We had the c-section and DS was born at 11:37am. He was only 6lbs.

I felt like my body failed me and it took me months to accept that I did what was best for me and my baby. I talked to my DR about VBAC, but she said in my situation there was only a 25% chance of being successful. That's not a high enough chance to make me go for it, so DS #2 will be born via scheduled c-section in January. I'm glad I have had time to make peace with the decision before the day arrives this time around.

KRL626

10-01-2006, 08:00 PM

This is a good thread!

Here is my story: I had no plans for a med free birth but did NOT want to be induced. That all change towards the end when I just wanted to baby out. My Dr. determined toward the end of my PG that she felt DS was on the small side and she was concerned about IUGR. She was also going on vacation a few days after my due date. :mad: I agreed to an induction even though my DH wasn't for it (he felt DS would end up a good size and come when he was ready) But of course I didn't listen to my DH. My induction went very smoothly and I labored quickly but pitocin contractions were unbearable and I quickly got the epi. No problems from then until after DS was born (at 7 lbs. 2oz! not too small!) The issues for me began directly after his birth. My epi had been done by a resident and he ended up nicking my spinal column and causing spinal fluid to leak. This led to an excruciating headache that would only go away if I laid flat on my back. It was so horrible I ended up back in the hospital a day after we got home. I couldn't nurse DS that whole day because I could barely see and I ended up having to get a blood patch which is basically like getting the epi all over again. It cleared up the headache right away, but that night my milk came in and because I wasn't nursing at all that day I got so horribly engorged and literally couldn't get any relief. I cried all night long and even though I tried getting my son to nurse and also pump I couldn't get any letdown and therefore the horrible pain continued. Eventually DS and I were able to salvage our nursing relationship which I am so thankful for. I have major regrets over the interventions I selected and how those choices nearly destroyed my chance at nursing (which literally crushed me those first few weeks) What I do know is that I am now armed with more insight and knowledge and I am hoping for a med free birth the next go around. I'm also ditching my Dr. and going with a midwife. Ahh it feels really good to write this all down! :)

kimthebride

10-02-2006, 12:16 PM

Thanks everyone for your kind words. It makes me feel better that other moms understand...because if I hear from ONE more relative how i am a baby-making & birthing machine I may injure someone.

ThreeYell
You know, I have always not wanted an induction but I can see how it would be an option to talk about with my OB. He missed my L&D completely even though his office is *two* blocks away from the hospital, so he gets how fast I can go.
Thanks on the sig laughs - my sheer exhaustion makes me more humorous. ;)

red canuck
Hey you! How's it going?
Thanks for your support...it is the offhand, thoughtless comments that drive me nuts. I have been jokingly called a "cow" or "bitch" by other moms after telling them how fast it went because they were jealous. Ummm....that's not very nice, in my book! And there's no explaining to them how jealous I can get at how they got to actually experience their L&Ds, even if they were really long.

ginad724
I like your word "aware" in your post. I want to be more aware in my next L&D than just surviving or making it through. I was so focused on following the commands (change into this! pee in this cup! push now! scoot down! don't push! PUSH!), focusing on breathing through the pain, eyes closed visualizing the pain leaving me...it was the awareness I miss the most.

Abbey'sMom
I apprecaite the ray of hope. :)

Sevilla
You know, its not a bad idea to prep for Just In Case home birth. I am waaaaayyy too dependant on the comfort of having medical staff around me to actually plan/want a home birth but being prepared is a great idea. Thanks for the idea!

And to all of you who have been writing your stories, I feel your pain. Though it does feel good to know that no matter how much we appreciate the end result (beautiful baby!), it is okay to vent about our disappointment in the L&D process. We are not alone, and that makes me feel more validated about my feelings.

usafwife

10-03-2006, 07:19 PM

My L&D experience was not exactly what I had thought it would be like. I was scheduled to be incduced the next day for a few reasons (I was past my EDD, DH was getting ready to be gone for a little while and it could not be postponed or changed - i.e. the military, and they were worried that DD was going to be large). I was worried about the induction the entire evening after we scheduled it. I felt like it was the wrong decision but DH reassured me that it was what we needed to do. I knew he was right but it still wasn't what I wanted (I'd wanted to go into labor on my own).

I finally went to sleep and about an hour later I woke up to find that my water was breaking. I got DH up (which was NOT an easy task to say the least), gathered up the last few things that we could not pack ahead of time, and headed to the hospital. I was 3 cm when we got there. Within the hour of arriving I was extremely sick. That continued for 3 or 4 hours. It was not fun having to deal with contractions, back labor, and throwing up all at the same time. The nurses were wonderful and tried numerous meds to get it to stop. Finally they found the drug that worked. By that time I was exhausted from dealing with everything that I agreed to the epidural. I had wanted to go as long as possible without having anything. So I got my epi and was pain free for about an hour. Then they turned it down because I was getting close to being fully dilated and my OB wanted me to be able to feel my legs so I could push better.

By the time I was at transition, I had no pain relief (and hadn't had any for a little while). I was relying on everyone in the room (my DH, my mom, and my SIL) for support. After three hours of pushing it was determined that the baby's head had gotten stuck and the only solution was to do an emergency c-section. I was devastated to have come as far as I did and to have to have surgery.

I was begging to have some pain relief once it was determined they were doing the c-section. For whatever reason they wouldn't give it to. My mom and DH told me later that they heard me scream down the hall in the room they were moving my things to where I'd be for the rest of the hospital stay. I said I can imagine because I was begging for something because it was extremely painful. I'll never forget that pain as long as I live.

Finally they gave me more medicine in the epi and I felt better. DH came into the room and the surgery began. I could feel the cutting (a feeling I can't describe) and said something about it but they said it was normal. I can't imagine it being normal but whatever. It didn't feel normal for me. I heard DD cry, looked over as they showed her to me, looked at DH, and then was out. I later found out that they gave me something to sedate me while they finished the surgery. DH was taken out with DD. I remember waking up as they were finishing and moving me out of the room and down the hall to my room.

I wasn't allowed to hold my little one or see any of my family for over an hour later. I felt cheated out of those early moments of her life. I still feel that way 15 months later. I think I always will feel that way. Once they did allow DH and my mom in the room I desperately wanted to hold my DD but was so shaking that I feared I'd drop her. DH finally sat behind me with his arms around me so I could hold DD for the first time.

My entire labor was just shy of 10 hours. Not bad for a first time mom to go from basically a finger tip dilated to 10 cm, and push for 3 hours.

Recovery ~ My recovery was not easy either. I blamed myself for not being able to deliver her vaginally. I blamed DD for causing me to have surgery. I wanted someone to turn her head so she could have been born vaginally. I still feel that way now. I have no doubt had someone turned her head before it got stuck that she could have been born vaginally thus avoiding the need for the surgery. I got sick and tired of hearing the "a healthy baby is the only thing that matters" speech. Yes, a healthy baby is important but who wants to go through major surgery and take care of a newborn at the same time. I don't understand those that want to schedule a c-section for no other reason than they don't want to go through labor. Well, there is pain involved in a c-section so if that's what they think they are getting out of they have a new thing coming.

I had a few problems during the recovery period. Finally three months later it was determined that it wasn't in my head and that there was a medical reason for the ways I'd been feeling. I was diagnosed with a thyroid problem and started on meds.

I had decided early on that I'd like to try for a VBAC the next time. However the local hospital doesn't allow them (they used to do them until the OB here decided he simply didn't want to do them anymore...he's a real PITA and needs to get gone but that's another thread). The next closest hospital doesn't allow them either (where my current OB delivers at). So basically I have no other choice than to have a repeat c-section with this baby. It isn't exactly what I or my DH want but we don't have much of a choice. There is a hospital an hour away that does allow them but the office help is less than willing to help. And then factor in the fact that I could be at risk for aneurysm (my mom had one rupture just over a month ago and nearly died from it, my grandma had one that never ruptured, and DH's mom passed away from one as well), we've decided that going for a VBAC isn't in our best interest.

ThreeYell

10-04-2006, 06:58 AM

usawife - I'm sorry you had such a painful and difficult experience. :( This particularly struck me:

I wanted someone to turn her head so she could have been born vaginally. I still feel that way now. I have no doubt had someone turned her head before it got stuck that she could have been born vaginally thus avoiding the need for the surgery.

Your experience and others' in this thread make me think that I would have ended up with a c-section, too, except that the backup OB for my midwives was very experienced with forceps. When he first got involved with my labor he told me that I was NOT going to have a c-section and that we could get the baby out vaginally. He did use forceps to turn DS and get him around my pubic bone. It took less than 30 seconds then I was able to push DS out.

The thing is, forceps are no longer taught in most OB residency programs. Some doctors will still use a vacuum which is a much less precise instrument. The thing about forceps is that, while there are risks, they do allow for the small adjustments that will allow the baby to get out. But in the American birth culture doctors just do a c-section because, as has been mentioned before, the only c-section a doctor is sued over is the one he doesn't perform. I feel like the mother's reaction to her labor and birth experience and the ever-increasing risk that one c-section means that a woman will never get to give birth vaginally aren't takent into consideration at all.

Sevilla

10-04-2006, 07:04 AM

USAwife: I am so sorry to hear how your labor turned out :(. And that you have to do another repeat c-section this time. Hopefully you'll be able to stay awake the whole time and have an arm free to hold your baby as soon as he/she is born.

mel7dog

10-04-2006, 08:38 AM

usafwife - I'm surprised that they are telling you you must have a c-section. Were you talking about a military hospital? From most of the military woman I've talked to, the hospitals are pro VBAC. Is your hospital big with many OB/MW? I know mine here has at least 20 different ones. It's my understanding that military hospitals don't push c-sections the way normal hospitals do. Normal hospitals worry about being sued, but it's not like military membes can sue their hospital (unless something went grossy wrong) because they would be suing the gov't. I'm curious to hear about your experiences in the military hospital.

usafwife

10-04-2006, 01:11 PM

ThreeYell ~ Thanks. I didn't understand at the time why they could use the vacuum or forceps to help since she was so low. I'll never forget how it felt when they pulled her out. It was as if they were pulling me off the table and hurt. DH could tell by my face that it was hurting and he said to squeeze his hand as hard as I needed to during that time. I know that a forceps delivery isn't always want someone wants (my aunt was born via forceps delivery and nearly lost one of her eyes due to it but this was 60+ years ago...she should have been born via c-section but that's a whole other story in itself) either and there can be problems that arise from it.

Sevilla ~ Thanks. We plan to discuss things with my current OB (different one than I had with our first) so hopefully things will be better and I'll stay awake and be able to hold this little one as soon after birth as I can. I do understand the reasons why I was sedated (given the circumstances surrounding DD's birth) but I still get sad when I think about how I missed out on those first moments with her and our new family.

mel ~ I didn't deliver in a military hospital and won't this time either. DH is guard so we don't even have military health insurance and can't be seen by military doctors.

Sevilla

10-04-2006, 03:50 PM

jmvan74

10-05-2006, 07:56 AM

I have heard that in some cases you can even bf right away if your DH or a nurse will assist you since you won't be able to hold the baby with both hands. If you h ave a supportive OB/MW and the baby is breathing fine there is no reason (IMO) why they can't immediatly put baby on your chest like in a vaginal delivery.

I had a c/s and was successfully bfing my son w/in an hour. They didn't put him on my chest, but DH held him next to my face, so I could kiss him and talk to him.

mel7dog

10-05-2006, 11:27 AM

usafwife - Sorry I didn't realize you all weren't active duty. Hopfully since you know what to expect with this c/s you can decide how it will be handled and will be better prepared.

usafwife

10-05-2006, 02:18 PM

Sevilla ~ I'm hoping that since I have a female OB this time it will turn out differently.

mel ~ That's alright. DH used to be active but that's been more than a few years ago. With everything we have to deal with it's as if we are active duty most of the time. There are times I think hitting my head against a wall would accomplish more things.

Wrighty26

10-06-2006, 07:10 AM

Wow - this is a great thread.

My DS's birth was not nearly as traumatic as most of yours, and when people ask how labor/delivery were I generally say that it was a great experience (because ultimately, it was) but I have A LOT of regret because I opted for an induction. I'm finally coming to terms with this decision and "forgiving" myself for being impatient. I didn't need to be induced-- I just was very uncomfortable and physically ready to have the baby. Mentally though, I was not and I really should have gone with my initial instinct-- which was to say no to induction!

I have so many feelings of "did I rush my baby?" and "would have I gone into labor on my own?" that I keep revisiting. I am also still very sad that I'm not pregnant anymore--even after 3 months! -- and I think these feelings of regret have a lot to do with it.

I'm certainly lucky to have had a "good" labor/delivery, despite the evil pitocin. I think that the only real problem I had was that my epidural did not fully take effect in the upper portion of my body (but my left leg certainly was numb). I basically felt all of my contrax in full force, but from pelvic bone down was completely numb-- like COMPLETELY.

Most importantly, my beautiful boy was born healthy (though the cord was around his neck) and is very happy and easygoing. I plan on not making a point of "rushing" him into anything. He can take his sweet time on whatever he wants!

If I had to do it all over again (and hopefully I will get the chance to!), I will NOT opt for an induction. Actually, I will tell my Drs up front to NOT offer it to me.

I'm still trying to deal with these feelings. I'm hoping that they will fade out over time-- although writing them out and hearing other people's stories DEFINTELY helps.