Planning when wedding is *ages* away

[Quartercentury]

And I do mean ages. We haven't set a date, but it will be a minimum of two years, more likely to be three (once FH has finished his PhD and we have a better idea of where we are going to be leading our "grown up" life).

Given that I don't know where or when the wedding will be, not to mention how it's going to be paid for, what kind of very early planning ideas/suggestions do you ladies have? I'm already in "idea gathering" mode, but is there anything else that I should be thinking about?

[PG-rated]

You have a great luxury here, which is that you have enough time to actually conceptualize your wedding before you have to do any planning. My advice would be for you and FH to take some time to think about and talk about the "big picture" of your wedding - not details or anything, but the overall feeling you want for your wedding day. Think about things like size, season, level of formality, incorporating religion, etc. Also, try to nail down your overall budget - this will help a lot of things fall into place once you start planning.

I really recommend The Conscious Bride Wedding Planner. It's got a lot of the same ideas as the regular book about the emotional transition of getting married, plus quizes you and FH can take that will help identify subjects you two should discuss further (every couple has at least one or two). But it also has a lot about how the wedding should be a reflection of your values, and how you portray the emotional foundation of your marriage through your choices for the ceremony and reception. It really helped ground me during the planning process and remember what was important.

Best wishes for your engagement, and I hope this helps!

[Mentul77]

My engagment was 2.5 years so I know the frustration when it is a long way off. We didn't have a date set until last April and the wedding was this past May. What I did was to gather ideas like you are doing but I also would pick up small things here and there that I knew I wanted when I had some extra pocket money. That way it didn't have to come out of my wedding budget and could be gathered over time so that I could use my budget more for my reception and flowers and such. The main things I gathered were candles and wooden letters and ribbon and tulle circles and that sort of thing. Having all that early meant stuff I didn't have to worry with later.

[MandyMaloo]

I just got engaged in Feb- and my wedding is in July of 2006, and that seems ages away! It's crazy!! I know how it feels to have so much time between the time you get engaged and the actual wedding. It seems like even the mention of the wedding makes people look at you strange for talking about something so far away :(

Anyway, I suggest starting to find a personal style first. Is there a season you and your FI are particularly fond of? Have you pictured your wedding being indoors or out? How about your gown? Do you like the big poofy ballgown or a slim dress?

Thinking about general things like that will help in the future. It also gives you plenty of time to figure out of you want to be a DIY bride. Since I still have plenty of time, I plan on making my own invites, and doing alot of the decorations myself.

I really hope this helps! Please feel free to ask if you have any questions! Good luck--and plan away girl! ;)

[Larissa]

No real suggests here. I had about 1.5 years and have all the big stuff done already...with 8 months left to go! I guess mostly just gather ideas, start thinking about a budget and what is most important to you both (ya know, photos, band, honeymoon, etc).

Honestly, once I got engaged everything happened so fast. Everyone wanted to know a date, what the plans were, what country we were getting married in ;) And I wanted to make sure that we got what we wanted so I start planning even though I didn't to yet. Don't let other people put the pressure on you to start making decisions before you are ready.

[Kristy]

I had a looong engagement and lots of planning time. We were engaged in March of 2001 and married July 2004. I spent most of the time doing a lot of researching, and really getting a feel for the kind of wedding I wanted. With all of the time, I was able to make a pretty detailed budget early on so we could figure out exactly what things were going to cost us.

If you're dead set on something, there's no trouble in purchasing things to get ahead of the game. I bought my dress 2 years in advance. I stalked Ebay to find super cheap deals. Buy yourself a copy of Bridal Bargains and educate yourself on the bridal business.

[kris97]

We were engaged for 2 years and a month, and I don't regret it one bit. (The "oh my God, you're engaged for so long" comments got a little old, but I dealt. :) )

For the first 4 months or so, I researched, researched, researched. The luxury of so much time really made me want to make sure I saw everything that was out there and incorporate all the elements we would want into the wedding. I didn't want to say, I had two years to plan... why didn't I think of this before? Thankfully, I didn't.

At about 20 months out, we booked the reception and church (which was actually a good thing -- NJ is so wedding crazy, we only got our third choice date!).

ABout 18 months out I ordered my dress (did not plan on doing it that early, I just found it on the first try)

About 16 months out I booked our photographer - after the reception hall, our most important vendor.

By a year out, we had also booked the florist and the DJ. The rest of the vendors were booked between 8-12 months out, except for limousine.

So I agree, at this stage, read magazines, collect pictures, talk to other brides/newlyweds/friends/family/DH, surf the internet. Then as you get a better idea of when you want the wedding to be, book a place. The rest will follow in time, and lucky you, you won't ever have to feel rushed.

Good luck!

[nuhmah]

I would say that this early do not commit yourself to ideas now. I know that I planned for a while, and even in that planning my ideas and preferences changed.

The things you can never go wrong with buying are things like candles, maybe some cool picture frames to do a picture display at the reception - things like that. We scoured antique sales for things like our toasting flutes and cake knife set. If you buy classic pieces, they will never go out of style.

[Quartercentury]

Thanks for the advice, ladies. I am trying to remember that all this time to plan means that nothing needs to be rushed or "settled for."

We're starting to think about general things like size and location and formality. I even caught FH reading my one and only wedding magazine last night. He said, "Weddings are hard." :rolleyes:

[*Jen*]

Hi there...my fi and I were engaged on April 16, 2005 and will be married May 12, 2007 so I know what you mean about long engagements. We've actually decided to not do any major planning until next year. We've both heard from so many people that they wish their engagement was longer or they wish they would have taken time to enjoy it more, rather than rushing into the planning process. I couldn't agree more!

Although we do have our reception hall booked, our ceremony will more than likely be in my parents' backyard or someplace outdoors like that (no serious committment needed), and we've picked out our colors, that is the extent of our serious planning. We agreed that if we could get the reception and ceremony down we'd be set for a while.

I am taking full advantage of this site and the other one for gathering ideas and just getting a feel for what's out there that can be done. I'd say just enjoy it while you can b/c (most of the time) you're only engaged once!!

Hope this helps!

*~Jen~*

[tlew12778]

I would start saving now. No harm in that. If you need it, at least you have it, ya'know? It would be nice not having to limit yourself at all while saving for the wedding IMO.

[QueenofCA]

I would start saving now. No harm in that. If you need it, at least you have it, ya'know? It would be nice not having to limit yourself at all while saving for the wedding IMO.

I would agree 100% with this! Even if you just start saving $100/month right now, it will really come in handy down the road. It is nice to be able to put down deposits when you know that you already have the cash available.