Sleeping with relatives

[daydreamer]

I will be as concise as possible because this could get long. I am a great aunt to a 7 yr old boy (I am childless & I consider him to be my substitute grandkid.) I have been significant in his life all of his life - I was present at the birth, have babysat him since he was approx 4 months, taken him on vacations, attend school functions - ok you get the picture. Next to his mom, I am his second significant person in his life. He has always slept with me. To this day, he wraps my hair around his finger when he sleeps. Now I'm being told that this is inappropriate and I need to move him out of my bed. I emotionally HATE this. (Im sexist on this topic as I would understand an uncle/niece situation). In my day, I always slept with my grandmother and I was in my teens but I realize we were the same gender. I recognize that 1. one day, coming to my house will end as he grows up and 2. I assume when he feels the need to sleep apart, he will initiate this. I'm fearful to even mention that he has seen me in the bathroom. I also know that I will probably only receive 2 extreme responses, either it's horrible or what's the big deal. I think I'm asking how to do this with the least trauma to him (and me).

[MLA]

Are his parents asking you to stop sharing a bed with him? If so, then I think you don't have much of a choice. It's sad, but you can approach it as a chance for him to act like a "big boy" at Great Aunt's house.

[villanelle75]

I don't know much about young kids so this may be out of the questions, but perhaps you could start sleeping in sleeping bags So that you are sleeping together, but in separate spaces? Or maybe you could move him to another bedroom but “camp out’ with him so that he’s in the bed and you are on the floor in a sleeping bag? This might be helpful by not only easing the transition for him (so that, for example, he doesn’t wonder why you are mad at him and punishing him by not letting him sleep with you) but also to help you gradually separate.

[Pookie]

Interesting topic. My DS sleeps with my mom when he's at their house. He's just 18 months, so I'm not sure when this will end. In our case, they just bought a bed for his room there. I figure she'll probably just start laying with him for until he falls asleep and then going gradualy cutting down the time from there. Maybe give him something like a stuffed animal that can be his "friend" for the night that's special and he keeps at your house?

[daydreamer]

thanks for the support and great suggestions!

[Kanga]

Who is it that says you shouldn't be doing it? Unless it's his mom, then it's really none of their business. If it's his mom, well then you don't have much choice. IMHO, I do think he's too old to be seeing you shower, use the restroom, change clothes, etc but I don't see a problem with sharing a bed with him unless either one of you are uncomfortable with it. Also, depending on his personality, he may not initiate sleeping in seperate beds right away. He might think it'll upset you, that you'll think he doesn't like you anymore, etc. I would just explain to him that when people get older it's not appropriate for them to see people of the opposite sex w/out their clothes so from now on he'll have to knock before coming into a room, and you'll do the same for him. As for the bed thing, I love villanelles suggestion of camping out. Either with both of you in sleeping bags, maybe an air mattress on the floor of your room or vice versa.

[oshannon]

Assuming the request is coming from mom (or whomever you feel has the right to change the behavior), is it possible for you to make a big deal about making a room "just for him"? Let him pick out paint colors, bedding, etc., so that the space is uniquely his? That might ease the transition.