Business Trip Requiring Being Gone from DS 5 Nights :(

[jengen]

My job requires a small amount of travel for mandatory internal training sessions held a few times a year. They usually last 4 days max. We have one coming up in Oct and I just found out they are extending it to 5 full days and since it's across the country I'll have to be gone FIVE full nights!! :eek: :mad: I'm freaking out about it. I'm still partially nursing and have never even left him for one night.
We've made arrangements for my MIL to come down to be with him and DH is also thinking about taking a couple of days off, but while that's some consolation, I'm having a really hard time with the thought of being away from him this long while he's not even a year old. :( I am not in a position to quit or I would. Also, I've thought about flying MIL and DS out with me, but the airfare is phenomenal at this point and it isn't going to work. I'm actually considering using BF'ing as an excuse to try to get out of at least one day of it. Anyone else have to do this and can commiserate or share suggestions on how to approach my boss who has no issue with leaving her own children for long periods of time? I guess I've been lucky to avoid it this long, but still...

[Kristen78]

I got out of a business trip for 1 night using BFing as an excuse. I dont understand how they would expect you to be gone for 5 days/nights?! I think that would pretty much mean you would stop BFing, wouldn't it?

[jengen]

Kristen I think the expectation would be that I'd just pump and dump.

[NYN]

i'm sorry that you are going through this. i understand that you are in no position to quit but can they really force you to go? i would not be able to do it -- there is no way. i feel terrible for you. :(

[Sevilla]

That is so hard! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this :(. There is no way that I would be able to leave my DS under a year old for almost a week straight - you'd think employers should have policies about this, it's just so hard on everyone. Even if you felt ok with it, your DS probably wouldn't. Since he's so young he could fly as a lap child, so you'd just need to buy a ticket for MIL to come with and take care of him. I would seriously look into doing that - i just bought plane fares across the country for under $300/ticket. Maybe you could find a deal.

[Sebski]

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[lml41981]

I would definitely not pump and dump. You might have trouble getting your expressed milk through the airport if you plan to carry it on board without DS, but I would pump it, pack it in a cooler of ice and overnight it home before you fly back home. If your boss is not willing to excuse you from the trip, I would ask that the company foot the bill for FedExing your EBM. If they won't pay for it, then I would pay for it myself, if it were me. But try them, first.

Good luck. Hopefully you can find some sort of airline deal and DS can come along!

[Sebski]

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[jengen]

I'm glad there are others who feel this strongly about not wanting to leave their DC when they're so little. People I work with seem to have no qualms about it whatsoever and it makes me feel like I'm crazy. I get these looks like "what's the big deal, your MIL and DH will be with him".
The cheapest round trip tickets I can find are $400 right now. Not too bad, but I don't think MIL will go for a lot of reasons I won't get into right now. DH won't, either. It looks like I'm stuck.

[BeachBum]

One of my friends had to travel like this for work once. Her company (which had several BF moms) arranged to have the EBM picked up everyday, packed and shipped overnight for all the moms.
I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask for this. I can't imagine that you would be the only one in this situation.

[cynder]

I went on a 3 day business trip when my little guy was 5 months and it was hard being away from him but luckily my parents were in town to help DH out. And I had my trusty pump and arranged for the hotel to bring a mini fridge in my room.

I understand your concern about leaving him for the night let alone five nights. I am not sure to what degree your company is willing to accomodate you but I think it would be wise to talk to your HR rep. They should be willing to neogiate something with your co workers or arrange for shipping of EBM in this time of crazy TSA rules.

[jeggink]

I have gone on several work trips before DS was 1-yr old, max of 3 days though. It was tough as I was still BF"ing full time.

Some suggestions if you have to go

-What I did was I had DH use as much frozen BM as possible during that time period. If he needed more, we did have formula in the house. We did have to use it on occasion.

- I pumped while gone, but unfortunately, it usually spoiled before I got it home, it just smelled funny. I did use ice packs and the hotel mini fridge. Overnight mailing might help for sure. Eventually I just pumped to keep my supply up and dumped it instead of carrying it around.

I would talk to your boss and see what you can do to shorten the trip, or listen in through a tele conference. You never know what she will say until you discuss it. Good Luck!!

[EJH]

My DP travels for work, but her upcoming trip at the end of the month will be her longest at 3 days. She's still bfing DD, so she'll probably pump and dump and will likely just bring home what she gets on the last day. It'll just depend on how much she can pack to bring home.

She's been trying to make sure she can be home on the third night, rather than have to stay over but it depends on the schedule of events at the conference. I'm actually tossing around the idea of having DD and I tag along, we'd drive rather than fly, but we're not sure we can do 10 hours in the car with our precious little one year old :o .

I'd see if there is a way to shorten the trip, 5 days is just quite the long time. I hope you can shorten it, and that your boss is understanding.

Erin

[Kristen78]

Jengen - Yeah, i figured you would try pumping & dumping but I didnt think you could do that for 5 days and expect your supply not to drop. Also, would your baby decide to stop BFing if you had to be away that long?

[jengen]

thank you everyone for your responses. You don't know how much it helps just to see someone type "that stinks" or I" feel sorry for you" because right now I'm having a pity party. :o
My boss has surprised me in the past with her flexibility on certain things, so maybe she will surprise me on this too. I'll let you all know how it turns out.
As for BF'ing, DS is currently 50/50 with BF/Formula, and I do have some freezer stash DH can use while I'm gone, so I don't know if I want to go through the trouble of all of the storing and shipping since he's already half formula as it is. My bigger concern is that he won't want to nurse at all once I get home, like you brought up, Kristen.

[sophiapb]

Yes, having to pump and dump is lousy but just being away from my infant for that length of time would be rough! I would approach my supervisor and ask that, given my breastfeeding relationship, I would like to be excused from this training session. If that is not possible, then tell I'd her I would like the company to pay to have my child and MIL fly out with me. What may seem like an astronomical amount in plane fare for you would probably be nothing to a company. If she gave me a hard time, I'd tell her that she's seperating my child from his/her foodsource and what solution would she recommend? If she said "Formula" I'd say, that's not my child's food and watch her squirm.
I'm not trying to be a tough nut here since I'm a manager myself but I honestly wouldn't ask an employee with a young infant to leave home for five nights without offering some sort of solution.

[Ade]

I'm sorry if this seems rude, but some of these suggestions are just not realistic. It is not your employer's responsibility to accomodate you because you don't feel comfortable leaving your child (using the general you here and not trying to attack the OP). If travel was required when you took the job, that should not change now that you have a child. It is not feasible to ask your employer to pay for your child care or pay for a plane ticket so you can bring a child care provider along. What is feasible is to speak with your manager, figure out which days and times are the most critical for you to attend, and see if there is anyway to miss a day or leave early. I know my company always adds in a social event either the first or last night (sometimes both), that many people skip out on to be able to arrive late or leave early. And, most hotels do have the FedEx dry ice shipping option for sending BM home. So, you can pump the whole trip, store it in your room 'fridge, then just have it all sent home on your last day.

Women need to make accommodations for balancing work and family all of the time. While it may suck, it just goes with the territory of being a WOH mom.

[Teresita]

Jengen I'm sorry you feel stuck. It's hard enough to balance work and a family, and travel just adds to the stress! I have to travel a bit for my work. My first trip was when DD was just 7 weeks old! In any case, I know it can get expensive, but for me what worked was to always have DD come with me and then have DH come with or have my mom fly out and meet us. (My DD nursed until she was 19 months, and it was important to me to try to keep our nursing relationship going for as long as possible.)

It sounds like your DH is able to get time off since you mentioned he would be helping with your DS while you are away. Why not have him come along?

As far as your work being willing to make accommodations, I certainly think you could approach them with your concerns and see how flexible they are. You might also talk to your pediatrician prior to talking to your supervisor to see what your ped has to say about such a long separation from your DS. That way, when you talk to your supervisor, you could cite what your pediatrician had to say on the matter--that way your supervisor may see things as being based more on fact than emotion. FWIW, when I discussed a possible business trip without my DD with her pediatrician, the doctor said that she thought it would not be healthy at all for my DD to be apart from me (she was 18 months, but still nursing) for 4 nights.

Good luck with this!

[jengen]

It is not feasible to ask your employer to pay for your child care or pay for a plane ticket so you can bring a child care provider along. What is feasible is to speak with your manager, figure out which days and times are the most critical for you to attend, and see if there is anyway to miss a day or leave early.

ade ITA

Thank you everyone for your replies!! I did speak to my boss and she is letting me out of the last day of it, so I will now only be gone 4 nights. I can live with that. The fifth was setting me over the edge. I guess I'm very lucky that she is able to accomodate this request at all! :) This is mandatory and no one else is able to escape it.