TTC at 35+: Age Is Just a Number! Part 2

[pocahontas]

Hi Leigh! This thread has been pretty dusty, hasn't it? ;) I am not sure of any CD's but I did want to send you GOOD LUCK on the adoption! :)

[JennZ]

Hi Girls!

I've been spending my time over in the charting thread, trying to get this show on the road!

Leigh,
Good luck with the adoption!!

pocahontas,
What have you been up to? Are you taking a break, or just quietly trying?

I'm 7DPO, so entering the dreaded 1 WW. :rolleyes:

Anyway, hope all is well with everyone!

[Maxicat]

Leigh, the one thing that has really been helping me out with other life issues is "The Secret" on CD. Oh my gosh I live and breathe this now. you can get it at Barnes and Noble or Borders.

I wish you great success on your adoption.

[melissafromnc]

Leigh Thanks for dusting this thread off! Anji anji anji. Her meditation cds rock. www.anjionline.com I don't think she has any specific for adoption but she does have a number on general stress, reclaiming your life, etc. I highly recommend her cds.

maxicat I can't believe I'm going to disagree with you (you know how much I adore you, right?) but I can't stand The Secret. I saw it on Oprah and The View and I gotta say I'm much more in line with Rosie O'Donnell's take on it than Oprah's. I think it does a huge disservice to people dealing with any kind of serious illness and infertility. I do think positive thinking can have an impact but I wonder how many people are stopping treatment or feeling guilty for not getting better because they weren't postitive enough? I also found the dvd to be a little too materialistic for my tastes. I'm very glad you found it useful but I just worry about the general message.

Hi to everyone else!

As for me, I start lupron on Saturday. FET tentatively scheduled for May 11. Oh and I'm hoping to finish up my homestudy in the next couple of weeks as well. Busy times.

[nycgirl1998]

Hi LeighW - thanks for the welcome!

Just thought I'd check in (work has been really hectic for the past 2 weeks, so I didn't have much time to come over here) and say I hope everyone is doing well!:) :)

[LeighW]

Thanks, Melissa and Maxicat. :)

Melissa, I ordered a few Anji CDs. Kudos to you for pursing the adoption and a FET. The adoption paperwork alone almost did me in. How was your vacation? Thailand, wasn't it?

Thanks for the adoption well wishes Poco. :)

Hi Jenn and Michelle.

[pocahontas]

pocahontas,
What have you been up to? Are you taking a break, or just quietly trying?

Definitely on a break...in the form of a much needed vacation to near 90 degree temps! lol :D I'll be back in the game next cycle though.

[Jill1228]

Leigh, good luck with the adoption!
We are planning our summer vacay and I think I will put off TTC until then.

I wanna be able to part-ay in Vegas baby!

[melissafromnc]

Leigh I'm sure you had a ton more paperwork for Korea than we do for domestic. It really isn't all that bad. We have our second (and last) social worker visit this week and I'd hoped to have everything done for her. Looks like that won't happen but we'll be close.

My vacation was in Thailand and it was wonderful. We ended up taking a side trip to Cambodia and might adopt from there in the future (that program closed due to horrible ethical violations---people including the head of Angelina's agency are still in prison!) as it looks like it might reopen in the next year or so. The end of our vacation was a bit more than we'd bargained for: a bomb exploded about 50 feet away from us. We had mild ptsd for a few weeks and are still startled by loud noises.

JennZ Hope the rest of your 1ww flies by and you get some good news. It's high time for that on this thread.

aphijill and pocahantas Enjoy your breaks. Sounds like you both have some good trips coming up.

ncygirl Hope your work calms down soon.

Not sure who's still posting on this thread much so I'll just shout out to everyone and say I hope they're doing great. I got to meet kimmiebride's adorable son last week. He's sooo very cute and she's soooo very happy. Just as you'd expect, right?

I also started the evil Lupron last night and it's already kicking my butt. I've got 10 days of lupron without estrace and those will be hard. I tend to get daily headaches on lupron but was hoping it wouldn't be so bad because I'm on a wimpy dose. Today I had headaches off and on all day.

[Jill1228]

Well here is some TTC news. We are "pulling the goalie" on July 1st. That is when we head to Vegas

I am working out to peel off some weight...no more BSing!

[melissafromnc]

Woo hoo Jill! I think Las Vegas is the perfect place to get busy, so to speak. All those great restaurants, all those great drinks. And it will be hot hot HOT so you'll need to find plenty of things do to indoors. ;)

[LeighW]

Melissa, O.M.G. a bomb????? Glad it was wonderful until the bomb incident. Hope the Lupron is being kinder to you.

Jill, have fun in Vegas. I need some lose weight motivation. Still carrying around the 10+ I gained with my last m/c. Going on 2 years now. Yikes.

Jennz, yes, good luck for the rest of your 1ww. We need some good news around here!

[mobox]

Melissa - Sorry about the Lupron side effects. Hope it isn't too bad.

Jill - Woo woo! Have fun in Vegas.

Poca - My girl...come check out my Lj for more new pics. (Or Flickr)

Back to lurking. YOu know I have to keep up on this thread in case we decide to go ahead with #2.

[julesp313]

I haven't been here in ages... We have pretty much stopped TTC, at least actively. We won't be wasting money on BC, obviously, but we've started doing things with the money we had set aside for having kids, as that doesn't seem to be our path in life. I bought a horse, something I had wanted to do for a VERY long time - I owned horses all my childhood and am now getting back into it after 15 years off, and I'm thrilled. We're also planning some upgrades to the house, like a new kitchen counter and bathroom stuff. And finally, all the kid gear we have been given - and there is a TON of it, from several friends - we're giving away to a coworker of mine who's wife is pregnant. They're young and don't have a lot of spare funds so we said they could have anything they wanted - we have a crib, dresser, changing table, two car seats, bouncy seats, two trash bags of clothes, bottles, etc etc. They were thrilled and I'm really glad to see it all go to a good home.

So... that's where we are. :)

[Kimmiebride]

Hi guys!!
Thanks to Melissa for coming to visit us, and paying us such sweet compliments! It was great to see you, and we love the books and the Robeez!!! Good luck with the FET! You know I am thinking of you all the time!

Things are pretty good around here. Tried to get an IUD since they think it probably wouldn't be a good idea to have any more kids (which of course makes me a bit sad... but grateful for Josh) Couldn't get the darned thing in properly and it was sooooo painful, so we quit. I guess it's back to other methods for us if we ever get to have sex again. It's been a while...

Jill, good luck and have a blast in Vegas!

Jules, good for you on the housecleansing! So awesome that you bought a horse. I too have always wanted one. They are such beautiful creatures!!

Hi to everyone, and good luck to all the TTCers and TTadopters!!
hugs,
Kimmie

[stars]

Just poppin in to say hello and to tell you guys that I do come in here often to see what you are up to.

Life with two kids under 3 has been very interesting, but enjoying every minute of it.

Baby dust to all of you.

[melissafromnc]

Since we could use some good news around here I thought I'd share some. For Liana.

For more details and to congratulate her feel free to go to her open blog at http://lianaandmason.com/dollhouse/2007/05/02/zara-elyse-is-here/#comments

or if you're on LJ she's at http://teendoc.livejournal.com/

Anyway, she's the brand new mommy to a brand new baby girl. I'm not gonna steal her thunder but all is well with all involved and there are more details (and pics) on her blog. I talked to her yesterday and she and her dh are totally besotted. The baby is scheduled to be released from the hospital tomorrow and the birth mom has put together an amazingly beautiful entrustment ceremony.

Liana was one of the original over 35ers back on the very original thread over on WC something like 4 years ago!

[Kimmiebride]

That is so wonderful!! Many blessings to Liana, baby and adoring husband!
with love,
Kimmie

[tsmom]

YEAH Liana!!! Congrats to you and your family!

see I am still here following along and sending those baby vibes!! Lets see some more graduates soon!

[Jill1228]

Much congrats to Liana. Zara is beautiful and I bet she will be spoiled rotten! :D

[mobox]

Oh that is such great news for Liana!

[LeighW]

Liana, if you're still reading over here, a very big congratulations! Zara is beautiful. Enjoy every minute!

I thought I'd stop by and continue the good news trend. We got an adoption referral on Tuesday! It's a little boy, 3 months old. We are sooooo excited. The agency told us that travel approval is taking about 3 months, so we're hoping to go get him in August (he's in Seoul, S. Korea).

So, we're flashing his photos everywhere and there are very big smiles at our house.

This is the end of a very emotional month for me. I got a surprise BFP in April, only to miscarry at 8 weeks. We learned the pregnancy wasn't viable just before my DD's birthday weekend, so it was hard to keep everything together for her party and family celebration. But we all survived, DD had a great birthday, and then I had to have a D&C a few days later. We were feeling pretty low when the adoption agency called out of the blue 7 days later and said they had a baby for us. I guess the darkest hour really is just before dawn.

Wishing you all good luck and lots of baby dust.

[melissafromnc]

Congrats LeighW!!!!! So very very very excited for you. If you want any tips on Seoul or traveling home you should talk to my friend Susan of In A Holding Pattern/Finally Landed. Her son was about the same age when they traveled to meet him. Will you be coming through SF? I know we have non-stop flights. I'm so glad you got some great news after your rough month. Here's to many light-filled hours from here on out.

Hope everyone else is well. This thread sure has been quiet.

My FET got, err, extended when I had crappy lining. I'm on the pill just for a week ending tonight, hoping CD1 is very very soon. Then I'll start estrogen shots (instead of pills) and hope for a nice fat lining. I'm getting a little tired of all the drugs and just want to move forward.

[Jill1228]

Congrats Leigh!

Melissa, best of luck, hon

We are in a holding pattern until July

[pocahontas]

YAY for all the good news in this thread...hope we can keep it going! :)

[stars]

Such great news, totally put a smile on my face. Congrats to Liana and her DH.

[CTs_Punkin]

Well, as of today, I can now join this prestigous group!!

CTs_Punkin
Me - 35
DH - 38
Married - 11/2004
TTC - 1/2005
Issues: Premature Ovarian Failure
4/06 - Diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure
10/06 - Clomid/IUI - BFN
1/07 - moving on to IVF w/ Donor eggs
2/07 - Waiting for Donor Match

[melissafromnc]

Welcome to CTs_punkin! I hope you match really soon.

My FET has been extended a bit. I had some lining issues (as in, my crappy lining was pretty crappy) so I stayed on the lupron, had a week of bcps, had a period, and am now doing intramuscular shots of estrogen. I go back to the doctor on Tuesday and if all is well then I'll transfer next Saturday. I could use any plush, triple striped lining thoughts that anyone feels like sending my way.

Hope everyone else is well.

[Jill1228]

Punkin, I hope you match soon, hon.

One more month until we start TTC

[pocahontas]

Welcome PUNKIN! (Prestigous, eh? I like that! ;) ) I added you to the front! :)

[jlo2be]

I haven't bee here in a really long time but I'm glad to see such good news! Congratulations to Liana and her DH as well as to LeighW and her DH.

Nothing going on with us. I was supposed to see a new RE tomorrow but I haven't gotten my records from the old RE yet so I'm going to have to yell at them tomorrow and reschedule. Other than that, not much else to report. Just know I'm still cheering on the sidelines even if I'm not participating very much.

[melissafromnc]

I had another lining check with my RE today and it was FINALLY good. It feels good to have a bit of forward motion instead of just limbo. So I stop the lupron after tomorrow night, start the progesterone Thursday night and we're looking at a Monday transfer. I can't believe it's taken a year to get back to this point. We've only got 3 embryos so I can use all the 'good thawing' vibes that y'all can muster up.

[CTs_Punkin]

Melissa - Yeah for a good linining and sending you lots of great ~~~~Thawing vibes~~~~

[Astro]

melissa - sending you all the good vibes I can generate. :)

[pocahontas]

{{{Thaw embies, THAW!!}}}:D

[JennZ]

Hurray, melissa!!!
C'mon little embies, cooperate!!!

We're on cycle two of Clomid. I don't really think it's doing anything for me except drying up my CM, but it's the least expensive road right now.
So we'll see.....

[miel]

Sending you a ton of GOOD THAWING VIBES Melissa!!!!!

[Fireside Girl]

Sending you lots of good thawing vibes, Melissa!

CT's Punkin,
Welcome! I did donor eggs and now have a 9 month son:D

[tsmom]

YEAH Melissa!! Many many good vibes coming your way. Think you lining has improved from delish food you have talking about lately.

[Kimmiebride]

Melissa, sending you all the good thawin', happy stickin', thick lining vibes I can round up!! Good luck woman!!
Kimmie

[CTs_Punkin]

Melissa Any word on the great thaw? Or does that happen a little closer to Monday? Anyhow, have a great relaxing weekend & hopefully you'll have a few great embies to transfer on Monday!!

[melissafromnc]

Hey everybody. Thanks so much for the good wishes. Transfer was today and went really well. One embryo thawed perfectly, the others made it but lost a few cells. So we transferred a 6 cell, 4 cell and a 2 cell. I had my own doc do the transfer (quite the luxury at my clinic) and everyone took such good care of me. I'm home watching tv and getting caught up on celeb gossip. Beta in 2 weeks.

[Hangin'in]

That's so good to hear! I've been thinking about you all day!

[JennZ]

Great news, melissa!!

Fingers crossed for you!!

[Maxicat]

Melissa I am so happy for you that you have made it to this major point. I hope you have some fun things planned for the next 2 weeks.

I will be checking back to see how you are doing.

[Kimmiebride]

Everything crossed! stick embies stick!! Twins would be great, eh?
love,
Kimmie & Josh

[jlo2be]

Good luck, Melissa!

Well I saw the new RE today. To her credit, she didn't harp on my age. I'm still 44 and so are my eggs so she didn't necessarily paint a rosy picture either, but she did offer more options that my other RE didn't.

She suggested medicated IUI or IVF. I'm not ready to go the donor egg route so the IVF would be with my own eggs. Either Clomid with IUI or IVF with injections. She said my best chance was the IVF route. They'd retrieve all the mature eggs in a cycle, even the ones from the side with the bad tube. This way I don't have to wait a month if I ovulate on the bad side. I come back on day 3 of the next cycle. I'm nearing the end of this one so me and the hubby have a lot to read and talk about.

All in all a productive meeting. I'll let you know how it goes.

[LeighW]

I was thinking of you Melissa. I'm so happy to hear it went well! Sending you lots of grow-embies-stay-sticky vibes.

jlo2be~sounds like a good meeting with the new RE. Kudos to her for figuring out some options for you. :)

[tsmom]

M - I have been stalking you here and on lj :D!! So so happy to hear that the transfer went well. Thinking nice super sticky vibes - relax, read and I am sure you will have the killer dinner list soon!

[margiepgh]

Melissa - Great news about the embryo transfer. :D I'm sending good thoughts you way. When do you test?

Also, thanks for letting us know the good news about Liana. I checked out her web site, and the baby is beautiful.

LeighW - Fantastic news about the upcoming adoption. Keep us posted.

jlo2be - I'm glad you found a RE that didn't focus on your age. Are you starting a cycle now.

A few things are going on with me that I'll update later.

[jlo2be]

I'm not starting this cycle. As luck would have it, I got AF the day after my initial consultation with the RE so I would have had to start everything with CD3 sono and bloodwork. I was not in the frame of mind to do that. It was too quick. I've got to wrap my brain around the whole IVF process first and be comfortable with it before I start.

It may sound strange that I'm not jumping on this opportunity (after Dr. Doom&Gloom and his less than enthusiastic support) but I'm scared. I'm scared of the injections. Scared of how they'll effect me. I'm second-guessing whether or not I want to use my eggs or use donor eggs. I'm worried that if I do get pg that because I'm 44 things won't go well this time around. Wondering whether or not I'm crazy for even trying for #2 at my age. I've had a knot in my stomach for the last week about all this. What does all this mean? I have no idea. I'm rambling now so I'll stop. :o I have an appointment with the nurse next week to go over everything so I'll know more after that.

[Kimmiebride]

hugs to Jlo... I know I would be feeling exactly what you are feeling... I would love to have another if it was in the cards, but am so terrified that we got this perfect kid, and should just enjoy him and not tempt fate. I couldn't imagine having to go on bedrest with a young toddler at home, and my pregnancies have been anything but uneventful. IVF and DE just add a whole new slant to it too with the shots and the u/s and blood work every couple of days and deciding if it matters to you to have a genetic connection to your baby. I of course don't have any advice, but wanted to offer you support and wish you and your DH clarity in your decision making.

Mel, I am thinking of you!!
Kimmie

[melissafromnc]

jlo I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work out. It does sound like you've got a lot to think about. I'm not sure if this will help but I do have one friend who suffered from secondary infertility and had success with ivf at age 44. It did take her six full cycles (including a couple of tough losses) but her second daughter just turned a year old. I know it's a lot to grapple with but if you decide to move forward with ivf with your own eggs then you're much better off the sooner you do it. If you decide you want to do donor, then you have allllll the time in the world. Just ask any of those over 44 celebs who've had twins. ;)

Choosing to use donor gametes is a big step and a very personal decision. There are many of us who have been down that path. I have and I don't know if you remember but I was also a donor many years ago (so I know both sides). If you ever want to chat about it or are interested in other resources just to research, let us know. For most of us that move on, whether to donor gametes or adoption, one of the deciding factors was how much we wanted to parent. If that is what's most important then you can decide how to build your family. Even if you think you might want to do donor but need to do an ivf cycle (or two) for closure then think about that. That's very common as well. I'm not sure how familiar you are with the SART stats but you could include that as part of your process. There are several websites where you can see all sorts of stats for your clinic (or other clinics).

Oh and the injections? Don't be scare of them. The very WORST drug you can take, side effect wise, is Clomid. It's evil. Pure evil. Injectible gonatropins are a breeze after that. Giving yourself the first shot is a bit hard but I swear to you it gets easier. Most REs do NOT recommend clomid for women over 40 btw.

Thanks to everyone who left such sweet comments for me. I'm trying to pass the time, not thinking about too much. I found out my tsh spiked to 4.88 (likely due to the the estrogen) and my hips are getting a bit sore from all the shots. Tonight is a two shot night so I should get off to bed. One week down, one to go.

[LeighW]

Jlo, I've been in your shoes and just want to say I know how much it sucks (I'm 43). We ultimately decided on adoption, so I can't help with the ART procedures. But I do know what it's like to face all the options for #2 and try to grapple with what's best for you and your family, including the thought of managing a high-risk pregnancy with a toddler running around and no extended family to help out.

Sending you lots of clarity of thoughts vibes.

Mel, still sending you sticky vibes. :)

Margie, no fair to leave us hanging like that!

My news of the week is that the Korean legal documents are in, so that's one more item crossed off on the list. We're still on track to receive travel approval around August. :)

[margiepgh]

LeighW - I would have posted earlier, but I don't like to do consecutive posts. Great news about things proceeding as planned. August is just around the corner. :)

Melissa - Sorry to hear about the high TSH level. I wonder how my level is since I haven't had it checked since January.

jlo2be - I've had my own doubts about trying for #2, especially after the m/c. I'm a member of another board http://www.fertilityover40.com that I've found somewhat useful because alot of people are going through the same thing.

------
I've just finished an ovulation induction/timed intercourse cycle and am now in the 2WW. My response to the stims was pretty decent, similar to the cycle I did in February. This time, however, the follicles were slightly bigger. Two were mature for sure, and another two were close at my last ultrasound, so that may have been large enough at trigger.

After a dissappointing result from the February cycle, I thought I had given up on REs, and took a few months off. But, all of that very expensive Follistim sitting in my refrigerator made me think again.

[miel]

Can I really join this thread? I have been trying for a while. I'm way over 35!

Me 41
DH 36
TTC since September 06
FSH is 12 & Graves Disease

Continuing TTC and will start clomid soon unless we find another doc who has a different protocol. Some issues have prevented us from starting clomid--Melissa's comment above gives me some pause as do all the horror stories I hear about clomid!

Melissa, I am sending you a ton of good thoughts and baby dust! I'm so glad to hear it went so well!!!!!

[I'm not currently able to do the internet so much lately but I will be here when I can.]

[stars]

Just because I am done TTC doesn't mean you can get rid of me that easy ;) I still like to catch up on how you ladies are doing.

Poppin in to wish Melissa BABY BABY DUST, I have everything over here crossed for you.

[pocahontas]

MIEL...happy you could join us. Just added you to the front page.

Also, thought I might pop in to add some more sunshine to this thread. I have finally reached the pie in the sky. :D I got my BFP a few weeks ago. Just wanted to make sure my betas were good before really talking about it since I have never experienced this before and wasn't sure what to expect...so of course, I was skeptical. But Beta#1 was 180, then 72 hours later it was 651 and 48 hours after that 1423. RE said she was VERY pleased with those numbers...so who am I to argue? ;) So I can use all the 35+ ladies vibes I can get for a successful u/s in T-minus 9 days. :)

[JennZ]

HOORAY, Poca!!! :D :D

Congratulations!!!

That is wonderful, wonderful news!!!

You give all us 35+ ladies some hope!!!!!! :D

Good luck with your u/s!!!! Nice betas!

[jesseybell]

de-lurking to say a huge congratulations to pocahontas!!!!!

[margiepgh]

pocahontas - Fantastic news!!!!!:D:D I'm sending good thoughts your way for a great u/s!

[stars]

Poppin back in to say congrats to Pocahontas that is FANTASTIC news!

[LeighW]

Poco~Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you.

Mel~still have my fingers crossed for you.

[tsmom]

Whewww -Weeee!!!

Good things are happening over here!!!

Congrats Pocahontas!!! This is wonderful news, precious little u/s thoughts coming your way.


Still thinking of you Mel!!

Kimmie - How is that baby boy doing?

[Kimmiebride]

Hey there! That's wonderful news! I am hanging out in Florida with my mom and Josh. We are having a great time! I hope to get some work done since no one will let me hold my baby.. ;)

Take care ladies, and wishing you all the best! waiting on news from Mel...
Kimmie

[miel]

So glad to hear your great news Pocohantas!!! That is fantastic.

[pixielou]

huge conratulations pocohantas! happy and healthy 9 months to you!

***************
at this point i am officially becoming a thread cheerleader. i had an appointment with my ob/gyn this morning. i have decided to have my tubes tied. so i'm just waiting for the call back to find out what day they were able to book the or. we actually had another mc last month (#9 for anyone who's counting) so we've decided enough is enough. we feel extremely blessed that we were able to have our daughter. she is definitely the love and joy of our lives. it's been a long time coming to this decision, but it's a decision i'm comfortable with and i know that i will not regret.

~pixie

[CTs_Punkin]

Congrats Pocohantas!! It's been a long time coming, so many congrats & H&H 9 months!!

[pocahontas]

Thanks gals! I just hope that I can kick off a streak in this thread...we deserve it! :)

[melissafromnc]

pocahantas Big ol' congrats to you! I hope you have a fab us.

miel So good to see you here! If I were you, I'd stay away from clomid. Ask your doc about femara/letrozole instead. It doesn't have the negative side effects and incredibly long half life (clomid builds up over time and you have worse lining and such). Best of luck to you!

pixie I'm so very sorry for your loss. So very sorry. I am glad you're at peace with your decision and I totally understand. It really is a relief of sorts to know there's no chance for another loss and that you're in control. Does that sound weird? Do you have a date scheduled yet? I'll be thinking of you.

As for me, no good news. This cycle was a year in the making (and several straight months of drugs) so it seems a bit surreal that it's over. I still need to let the donor couple know that outcome and that's probably the hardest part of the process. We might do another few donor embryo cycles if we can find another match (or two or three) but I want to have at least a couple of months with no hormones. We're working on our expectant birth parent letter this weekend and officially signing up for the outreach with our agency next week.

[Maxicat]

Melissa I don't really know what to say except that I am sorry. It is such a long journey and you have such tremendous strength.


One of your many supporters & cheerleaders,

Kim

[Astro]

melissa I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work for you. I know there are no words that really help, but I'm sending hugs and thoughts your way. Good luck on the letter. I look forward to hearing good news from you in the future. :)

[CTs_Punkin]

Melissa - I think I responded to your LJ account, but No words can express how sorry I am that this one didn't work. I wish you guys the best of luck on your future plans, however they take shape.

[miel]

Hi Melissa. I'm so so sorry to hear this cycle did not work out. I wish this time it had gone the way you hoped. It sounds like you have a good plan in place and I know it will all lead to something great for you.

[mobox]

Still lurking over here. But de-lurking to say that Poca's news was the best thing I read ALL WEEK.

Melissa, sorry that the cycle did not work out. ITA w/ Kim above, you have been such an inspiration.

[Kimmiebride]

Melissa, so sorry. Thanks for letting us know, and good luck with the letter. Thinking of you and E,
Kimmie

[jlo2be]

I haven't been here for a while but I love that there was some good news waiting.

Poca- What wonderful news! A big ole congrats to ya! Sending good u/s thoughts your way. :D
Pixie - I am terribly sorry for your loss. I'm glad your decision has brought you peace of mind. I'll be thinking of you and your DH.
Melissa - I am really so sorry this cycle didn't work out. Like Astro said, there are no words. You've been through so much. I wish you all the best in whatever is next for you.

Thank you to all of you who had such words of encouragement and support for me. It really is just about the only place I can go where people 'get it'. Thank you Margie for the link. I'll have to pop over there and check it out.

Well as things turned out, my bloodwork showed positive for some virus called Cytomegalavirus (CMV for short). I had the antigens but no antibodies so I had been recently infected when they drew my bloods. It's not a horrible as it sounds. I have no symptoms and it's a fairly common virus. Since I have a 3 year-old in daycare it could vary well have come from him (he is just getting over a cold and ear infection). However, I can't continue with anything until I get re-checked, which will be sometime after July 11th. Hopefully they'll detect some antibodies and I'll get the all clear. In the meantime, I met with the NP this past week and got a more detailed idea of what is involved. I'm actually glad this virus thing put the breaks on for a while. Gives me more time to adjust. I'll let you all know how things progress.

[LeighW]

Oh Melissa, I'm so so sorry. That bites. :( :( :(

Hope the birth parent letter went well. I cried buckets doing ours.

Pixie, I'm sorry to hear about yet another loss for you. :( I'm glad to hear you are at peace with your decision and understand.

Jlo2be, sorry about the virus.

No news for me. Waiting, waiting, waiting for travel approval. Keeping busy getting the room ready--not so easy since it is our last spare bedroom and has become the repository of All Things Junk.

[JennZ]

Melissa,
I am so sorry!!

Leigh,
Hope you get travel approval soon!

jlo2be,
Sorry to hear about the virus.

Pixie,
I'm so sorry for your loss!


Girls,
We are friends with a couple that just had their second failed IVF cycle.
They are struggling with trying IVF again or moving on to donor eggs.
I was just wondering if there were any sites or books you would recommend that might give them some information and perhaps answer some of their questions? (They are both over 40)

I am in the 2WW- again....
I've decided not to try Clomid again. This last cycle the side effects were just brutal. So we'll take the next cycle off and reevaluate our options in August. I'm feeling really hopeful this cycle, though!!

[jajacobsen]

poca - CONGRATS! So happy for you!

Hey guys! I am new here in this thread. Mostly I just lurk. DH and I have been trying for 6 years. Two failed IUIs. But starting last year we moved to a better fertility practice an dthat has given us hope. DH had a varicocele ligation in March an dI just had a joint laparoscopy/hysteroscopy. My left tube is constricted but not blocked. I am 41.

Because to date, verything has been 100% out of pocket for us, we need to take a break financially. But our RE thinks that this may be agood time, especially with teh benefits from DH's and my surgery. So for teh next 6-8 months we wil do timed intercourse. Then consider IVF, possibly with donor eggs.

[OCNative]

I've been lurking a bit. But I wanted to join in. I'm definitely over 35!
We just did our first IUI last month and it failed. But our RE said my response to the meds was fantastic, and my egg quality & number of eggs very good.
Our RE said she is okay with me trying IUI again, because of my response to the injectibles, but she did review all the details of IVF, if we decide to go that route. I think we're leaning toward IUI again for this next cycle. It's such a tough decision. The cost of the IVF is astronomical, so we need a bit of time to get creative with financing.

Miel - wanted to say you and your DH are the same ages as me and mine. :)

jajacobsen - good luck over these next month. The cost of all this stuff is mind boggling.


Me 41
DH 36
Married 8/2003
TTC since - well, not not trying, but really trying since mid 2006
2007 - hysteroscopy
6/20007 - 1st IUI - with injectibles (Follistim/Ovidrel) - Failed

[tsmom]

Welcome to all the new ladies!!! I am just dropping in to cheer you all on. Things are nuts around here like always. Hope to have some new grads soon!

[miel]

Hey OCNative I guess we are attractive to younger men! ;) I am also new to this board. Good luck with your IUI! I'm also going to try a few things before trying IVF.

I think some people on this board have found less expensive clinics to try though so maybe they can give you some ideas.

[OCNative]

miel ;) LOL, yes, I guess we are. Good luck to you too.
It's such a frustrating process, that it's nice to have somewhere to go to chat about it.

[pocahontas]

WOW...lots of activity in here which is great! I love seeing new faces (JAJACOBSEN! So good to see you here! :) Don't forget to post your stats so I can add you to the front page!)

Melissa and Pixie, I am sorry to hear not so good news for both of you. :( Sending lots of peaceful vibes your way to get through all this.

OCNATIVE and MIEL: I ended up with a younger man too...what is the deal with that? LOL :D (although our age difference is only 3 years but I still got the "rob the cradle" jokes.)

ME: Well, Sparky (what his dad has nicknamed him :rolleyes:) has a heartbeat (to the tune of 113 bpm that RE said was on target) but it seems at 6w 3d we had a "vanishing twin" which I guess isn't surprising since we did IVF and put back 2 embies. I would have loved twins, but feel blessed that my little one is still trudging along in there. After the next u/s at 8w 3d I get kicked out of my RE and back to my OB I go. So I am just praying one day at a time that little Sparky keeps on being a fighter. :o Thanks for all of you who sent such wonderful well wishes!

[OCNative]

poca congratulations. Just trying to catch up since I'm new here.
Yippee for the younger men! :)

[Jill1228]

Welcome to all the new ladies on the board.
Poca sorry about the vanishing twin :( Glad that things are going well with the little bean

[ginadc]

Guess I should join too...

Me - 40
DH - 37 (another one with a younger man!)
Married - 5/2003
1 DD through adoption
Issues: Breast cancer survivor, temp. premature ovarian failure during chemo (periods stopped from 7/04, resumed 1/05)

We've decided to give a biological child the old college try, even though the odds are seriously long against us given my age and the abuse my brave little ovaries took from cyclophosphamide. But I'm somewhat encouraged by the results of Fertell (the newly-available home fertility kit) that tells us that both of us are, at least by its lights, fertile. (For the woman, it tests day 3 FSH.)

We don't plan to do any RE; first, I think my doctor would have a coronary if I tried to do much of that given my history. (Too much messing w/hormones.) Second, I would rather invest the $$ in a second adoption if we can't conceive without assistance. Adoption is just as much a roller coaster as IVF, but it's one I know.

Anyway, so here I am on cycle day 25, first cycle with a Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor (rather than just OPKs, which we tried once or twice). It gave me a "high" reading from day 9 through 24, and then it's low today, so either I had an anovulatory cycle or it just doesn't know my body well enough to pinpoint the peak yet. (I'm hoping the latter.) Yesterday, CD 24, I also had a teeny spot of light pink in the morning and an equally teeny dark spot in the evening, which I am desperately trying to convince myself was implantation bleeding. (Timingwise, it works, but it could be anything.)

Anyway, so I'm holding out until this weekend to POAS if AF does not put in an appearance. In the meantime, crossing fingers and toes. Hope to learn a lot here! Is anyone else TTCing at over 35 without reproductive assistance?

[jajacobsen]

Me - 41
DH - 42
Married - 5/2005
No children
Known issues: Me - pituitary tumor, endometriosis (laparoscopy/hysteroscopy 6/2007)
DH - varicocele (dual ligation 3/2007).
2 failed IUIs using follestim/ovidrel in 2/2007 and 3/2007

Ginadc - DH and I are TTC ow without ART. At my age, the suceess rate is only slightly diminished doing it teh old fashioned way (but using OPKs) from IVF (live birth sucess rate that is, not pregnancy, as the miscarriage factor greatly incraeses afer 40).

[OCNative]

Hi ginadc YAY on younger men!
Good luck! Crossing my fingers crossed for you.

jajacobsen
We have a couple things in common. Our age, and I had a hysteroscopy this year. I'm going to do a second IUI with Follistim and Ovidrel.

[jajacobsen]

OCnativee - good luck! I found he IUI process relatively easy, but I am pretty stoic. I hope your second IUI brings you good luck!

[margiepgh]

Hi jajacobsen, OCNative, ginadc and miel - It's great to see so many new members here! (and the 40+ crowd is well represented :D)

pocahontas - Great news about Sparky's on target heartrate. I'm so far behind, I didn't even realize you went through a IVF cycle. I'm sending good thoughts your way for more positive news.

melissa - I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out for you this cycle.

------
My recent injection cycle was a bust. AF arrived a few days early, so I didn't even go in for the Beta. I am thinking this will be my last try with injectibles. Although I had decent response will all three cycles I tried, I think they put my system so out of whack that there was no chance for success. I think I am going to just try to get my self in better health and continue to try unassisted.

[miel]

Hiya Jajacobson

At my age, the suceess rate is only slightly diminished doing it teh old fashioned way (but using OPKs) from IVF (live birth sucess rate that is, not pregnancy, as the miscarriage factor greatly incraeses afer 40).

I didn't know this. I thought that if my chance of pregnancy is increased then my chance of live birth will also increase (although I do know about the miscarriage rate). But I'm definitely in favor of the old fashioned way if that works for you and that's what I'm currently trying now!

What OPK are you using if you don't mind my asking. I'm just using sticks.

Poco Yay for a good Sparky heartbeat.

Gina I haven't gone onto anything yet. Just the natural method so far. The doctor said he was interested in seeing us go for a month or two more before putting me on clomid. I don't want to do clomid for a variety of reasons and I am seeing other doctors. I'll see what I find out.

[ginadc]

Um...does this say what I think it says? (Sorry it's blurry...)

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1079/776455318_da1590fcf8.jpg?v=0

Yeah, I didn't hold out until this weekend to POAS after all. DH and I both see a faint but very definite line. Could it be?

[jodylovesscotty]

Gina~ I saw your name, popped in lurking, and what do I see. Those are definitely two lines and the ones you want:)

[ginadc]

Hey Jody!!! WHEEEEEEEEE--I can't believe it! Of course, I'm trying not to get too excited yet. It's a long journey from those two fabulous lines to where we want to be. But it's a damn good start!

(I'm still not feeling anything yet though...other than shocked!)

[LeighW]

I see two lines!!! Congrats Gina!

Margie, so sorry your cycle was a bust. Nice to hear from you again though. :)

Welcome to all the new folks.

I TTC #2 for 3 years without ART. I did do some acu and some eastern herbs. Conceived twice but m/c both times. :( Actually, there was a third pregnancy that I really don't count since AF arrived almost immediately--a few days late. (No ART for my successful pregnancy at 38/39. My DD is 4.)

I'm also 3 years older than my DH (43 and 40). Must be something to that! :)

[jajacobsen]

Miel (and others) - It sort of depends upon who you talk to, also also your age. When you are over 40, your miscarriage rate is high, as is teh rate of chromosomal abnormalites due to aging embryos. Sometimes tehse chromosomal abnormalities cause miscarriages, but sometimes tehy don'rt. But you have to factor that in if you would terminate the pregnancy if they were detected (we would).

So using teh below facts (which are not excat statistics but teh best I can remember)

IVF sucess rate for 2 treatments - 40%
Miscarriage rate for a woman over 40 - 40% (so a 60% success rate)
Chromosomal or other egg abnormailty for which we would terminate pregnancy - 8% (so a 92% success rate)
Labor and delivery/other failure rate - 2% (so 98% success)

So, 100% * .40 x.60x.92x.98 = 21.64% live birth rate

But if we just did timed intercourse over 6 months the sucess rate would be about 30% for our age group (assuming all limiting factors have been resolved, which we hope they have from our two surgeries)

So, 100% x.30x.92x.98 = 16.23% live birth sucess rate.


Of course, the RE would argue that we could get better than a 40% success rate from IVF, but i am not convinced. And truthfully, we have spent 10k so far on the fertility treatments and IUIs, and would be looking at $30-32k for two IVFs.

We can't do it. I respect those who can, but with only an approximate 21.64% success rate, I cannot justify going into debt the $30k. So that is why we are back t timed intercourse.

Some people would argue 21.64% sucess rate is much better than 16% but honestly, the impact on our life from IVF would be huge. I am self employed and 50% of our household income, and I know IVF would impede my ability to work (hence earn), and so the cost would actually be much higher. There is no sick pay when you are self employed. Plus thr strain of trying to work as much as I could and all teh doctors apointments would be really, really difficult.

When I did IUIs, I found all teh procedures really easy. What I found really hard was all teh doctors visits (about 10-12 per month) for bloodwork and ultrasound. Trying to woork that in while still working at clients offices (I'm an accountant) made things hard due to teh commuting driving between various locations. Everything always seemed an hour away from wherever I needed to be. I knwo that IVF would reuire even more dedication of time and downtime.

ETA:

So my OB/gyn surgeon and i talked lot about it (he is the one who showed me how to do the math, above) after my hysteroscopy/laporoscopy last month and he endorses the DIY method fully. However, if after 6-8 months with no pregnancy, then he said if we stil wanted a baby, at almost 42, he would recommend IVF with donor eggs, because donor eggs will be from a young donor and be of very high egg quality and would reduce the miscarriage and or/termination doe to chromosomal abnormalities factors significantly.

Sorry that was so long.

For those of you who are 35 or there abouts, your miscarriage rate is much, much lower, as if your rate of chromosomal abnormalities. So while teh formula above is pretty accurate, your success rate factors would have to be adjusted.

[jajacobsen]

Ginadc - comgrats and very happy/hopeful for you!

[tsmom]

Gina - the could be the record for our fastest grad here!!! Congrats! Crossing everything for you!

[Jill1228]

Um...does this say what I think it says? (Sorry it's blurry...)

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1079/776455318_da1590fcf8.jpg?v=0

Yeah, I didn't hold out until this weekend to POAS after all. DH and I both see a faint but very definite line. Could it be?

Uhhhh that is a big ol fat positive! Yo ass is pregnant! Congrats

[miel]

Jajacobsen Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am amazed by your command of statistics.

IVF is extremely daunting for many reasons. I am aware my chances are not good. I don't know what insurance will cover. I'm praying it will cover donor eggs when I hit 42 or thereabouts. But yes, if I have to pay all of it out of pocket it is very unlikely it is something I can go forward with.

I am also extremely worried about the time involved. I do not have a lot of extra time either and do have to work and absolutely cannot take any days away from work unless I am deathly ill. My job does not allow that. However, my schedule has some flexibility so if it fits in, maybe it will turn out OK.

It is so great that you put out this information. Thank you! And I also think it is great that you have taken such a clear eyed look at the situation and shared that with us. I just did not know how to get or assess these facts even if I know them in a sort of fuzzy way.

Yay GINA!!! That's great news.

[OCNative]

jajacobsenthanks. The waiting during this process is so tough.

margiepghHello. :)

ginadc congrats. :)

[nycgirl1998]

Wow, there's been a lot of activity over here since I last posted a few months back! :D First of all, I hadn't been getting the notifications AT ALL that this thread was being updated until earlier this week...boo!

I'm glad to see there is lots of good news over here though! Congrats to all the ladies that had good news to share. Welcome to all the new members too! For all of you who are still trying...baby dust, baby dust!!

Looks like we are finally going to start officially trying in the next month - I've been off BC for a few months now and I think we are really ready to take this next big step in our lives!

I promise to check in more often here from now on!;)

[CTs_Punkin]

Okay, I know I have been a part of this thread for a mere 2 months now, and haven't really posted anything, as I didn't have anything interesting to share.

Well, we have some great news. We are starting our lupron Injections on Monday!! We are scheduled for a tenative ER/ET for the last week in August.

We are so thrilled & excited about finally having something to shoot towards. It feels like forever since I had any actual news to share with these boards.
So thanks to you guys for being patient with me. I'm sure I'll have lots and lots of questions in the coming weeks.

[nycgirl1998]

Wow, that's great news CTs_Punkin!!! Good luck - I'm so happy for you!:)

[miel]

That's very exciting CTs Punkin!

[Jill1228]

Good luck CT Punkin

[pocahontas]

Awww...good luck with ER/ET, Punkin! I remember those Lupron shots! LOL You will do great, I'm sure! :)

[JennZ]

Good luck, CT's!! That is great news!!

Congrats again, Gina!

I am just starting yet another 2WW.
Hoping for good news this time!!

[OCNative]

nycgirl1998good luck with officially trying soon.

Very exciting CTs_PunkinGood luck to you.

JennZ sending you good luck during your
2ww.

Me Looks like I'll be joining the 2ww crew after tomorrow. Tomorrow is IUI#2.
Almost 2 months ago, we did IUI#1. That was on injectibles, Follistim and then Ovidrel. This time they lowered my dose of Follistim since I responded very well and fast. Went for follicular u/s yesterday a.m. and they called and told me to trigger last night. Looks like I have a good number of eggs again. As the sonographers noted my numbers, I heard 17, 18, 19 were my biggest. And some 16's, 15's and others in the mix.
I feel more blase this time than the first. Not negative and not positive. I want to let only positive thoughts in and keep relaxed. Wish me luck. :)

[miel]

Sending you some positive thoughts OCNative during your 2ww.

[Jill1228]

I am in my first 2WW since my m/c last Christmas. I am 3dpo

Good luck to everyone in the 2WW

[miel]

Good luck Jill!

I have a question for everyone: Have you guys all given up caffeine? I don't know if I can do this. I don't drink coffee but I do drink tea. It would be really hard for me to give up all caffeine but TCOYF says to do it and I am considering it. I will drastically limit caffeine.

[Jill1228]

re: caffeine. Nope haven't given it up. I read to limit to one cup of coffee per day

I stopped smoking 10 years ago...I gotta have at least one vice :D

[OCNative]

thanks miel

good luck aphijill

My RE told me to limit caffeine to 1 cup of coffee a day.

[miel]

Wow. That's 2-3 cups of black tea a day or 3-4 cups of green tea. Good to know. I think I do go over that amount but not by that much and not every day.

[miel]

Update: Well, my fertility situation is not too good. There is still a sliver of hope, though. Also, it looks like insurance will not cover any of my treatment unless some miracle occurs with my clomid challenge test.

I went to to a new doctor. As I feared, I had not been aggressive enough. I've gotten a lot of bad information all the way down the line and I should have pursued more angles.

Sorry I'm not being very articulate. I'm just trying to process this. It's sort of like I've reached a new stage in this process and I'm not sure where to go from here.

That said, all my information is coming off the internet. Is there some kind of great book about infertility that really explains the ins and outs of the testing and the odds and the insurance? Is this the wrong board to ask?

[jajacobsen]

Miel - it's not teh wrong board, but without specifics, don't think we can offer help. Infertility is such a big, huge subject that there are many, many books on the subject. It would help to know the specific issues.

As far as insurance goes, each employers plan wil be a little bit different and each state has different laws. So tehre will be no books to help you that I knwo of. You can ask teh HR department for specifics of your plan coverage.

[miel]

jajacobsen

The thing I've always had difficulty following is the treatments available. I was being told by my RE to do clomid but my situation is probably not a good one for clomid. Based on the internet, I had an inkling of this, but the only thing I had to go on was what other people said about their treatment--this fragmentary knowledge. I was sort of looking for something laying out medical options for infertility so I could at least know what was going on. It would be helpful to have more data and something that would consider various parameters. I'm pretty sure there isn't so much that can be done but I would like to know for sure and not just base my decision on fragmentary knowledge I glean off the internet.

I think the best thing--in this or other situations which require a lot of background information--is to try to accumulate many different sources of information. But, when it comes to medical information and studies and the like, I don't find any books that are good for that. I just wondered whether there is one that is that I can't find.

TCOYF is not good for infertility, I have found.

I know what my plan covers. What is peculiar is that the insurance documents are somewhat ambiguous and seem to have more leeway than the doctor's office says they do. So I don't just need medical training, I seem to need legal training as well.

I'm confused in other words!!!!

[CTs_Punkin]

Miel, I'm sorry about the difficultites you are having right now. As far as insurance goes, I think there is a company called Fertility Lifelines. I know you can call them and get them to confirm any infertility insurance that you may have through your company. They will ask your insurance company all the "right" questions about your coverage and get back with you about what is and isn't covered. It was pretty good. I used it a while back to decern what was covered for us (which is just testing, IUI's and NO IVF)

Here's the link if you would like it: Fertility Lifeline (http://www.fertilitylifelines.com/index.jsp)

As for me, I just started my Lupron injections this week - our cycle is scheduled for ER/ET sometime the last week in August if all goes well!!! After almost 3 years of trying, its so nice to see a light at the end of the tunnel!!

[miel]

Thanks CT's pumpkin! I'm also going to look at joining my local Resolve chapter. I will check out fertility lifeline.

Hope the injections are not too bad and it's exciting to hear that you are getting near the end of the tunnel!

[jajacobsen]

Miel- have you specifically discussed your concerns regarding clomid with your RE? My worry is that you may be not completely understandign other person's who post on teh internet full medical situation and so not getting a full picture.

Clomid is not a wonder drug, and for me, because of my pituitary tumor/thyroid condition, not an appropriate choice. But I coudl probably list at least 5 friends who took sclomid, with no ill effects, and now have children. So for them it was teh right choice.

The onyl person who has the complete medical background to make such recommendations is an RE. If you feel you are getting inappropriate treatment or your questions are not being answered, maybe talk to another RE? I have found mine to be very helpful and able to explain things well.

[miel]

Jajacobsen I think maybe I wasn't clear. I was seeing one RE connected to my regular doctor. He gave me very little information. I did not have a good feeling about him. I admit that the fact he was so reassuring kept me going to him for a while. I think I didn't want to know the worst. Also, it takes forever to get an appointment at these places--and one place told me I had to be trying for longer to get an appointment which turned out to be false! :(

Then, I went to one of the very best high tech REs in my city--maybe in the country. He basically gave me a lot of information that was not very hopeful but he seems to know much more about this. The biggest blow for me was related to the fact that given my fertility level and age it is unlikely I qualify for any treatments. But this is a big, very respected clinic so I'm pretty sure he knows what he is talking about. I'm going to take the clomid challenge test and see if I pass it--this is what my insurance depends on. But it doesn't look that hopeful.

I'm still going to go to one more RE and double check the information. Also, if the only thing my insurance will pay for is clomid, I will take clomid. It is just that RE #2 does not believe it is likely to be effective for someone in my situation. But if that is all I can do, that is what I will do.

One thing that is a bit hard is that I got bad information and I regret not being more aggressive about my treatment--but I am just not very good about that. I guess it is a good thing to learn.

I'm just preparing myself for the worst but hoping for the best.

[pocahontas]

One thing that is a bit hard is that I got bad information and I regret not being more aggressive about my treatment--but I am just not very good about that.

Sorry...chiming in late here. But is it now too LATE to get aggressive? Or is it just a financial issue that would prevent you from getting aggressive at this stage of the game?

[miel]

But is it now too LATE to get aggressive? Or is it just a financial issue that would prevent you from getting aggressive at this stage of the game?

I'm not sure if it is too late. I might get lucky. When I said that, I meant: I personally should have asserted myself at many points. I got bad information. I had a bad feeling about the information but I had no idea how to get better information. So I should have been assertive.

As for whether it will help to get aggressive treatment, I don't have all the answers yet. My FSH appears too high for my insurance because of my age. I'm taking a bunch of tests to see. So first there will be the financial issue. Second will be the issue that things are too far gone for anything to be likely enough to work to justify the huge expense out of pocket. Insurance seems to be a big problem that I hadn't been aware of. I think the reason the news threw me for a loop was that I misread the insurance documents because there is nothing that says that when you turn 40, they will not cover you. I have been trying for a long time to find out what the whole story is--first I went to doctor and talked to her, then I went to an ob/gyn and talked to him, then I went to an RE and talked to him and in all that time I never was told (a) I could have received treatment earlier (b) age would be such an issue with my insurance (c) there were more tests I could do to see what stage I was at. I should have pursued it more intensively and been more assertive and I should have started earlier. Also, I was told to try for a year and then told to try for some more on my own even after that year. But I actually had coverage after 6 months. And there were some things I could have found out--like my FSH--even before that.

The RE my ob/gyn sent me to is really not good at all. I could sort of tell this but it was more a gut feeling. But it really was sort of late in the game when I saw him so maybe it was too late already. It was all very weird. I asked him about my high FSH and could never get a straight answer but everything he said was basically what I hoped was true (but actually knew probably wasn't true)--that there was no need to be aggressive at this stage, etc.

Maybe I should have written about this after I get all my tests. I don't know what will happen with these tests. Also, I am going to try to advocate for myself to get coverage. There again, things might work out for me. I could beat the odds or whatever.

I know that few people are in my situation because few people are lucky enough to have insurance covering infertility. Please know I am not complaining, just trying to figure things out. I would recommend to anyone if they are not getting pregnant and have insurance to not wait but to even pay for the FSH test yourself and whatever tests you need as soon as possible. I think that the whole system has all these delays built into it. The actual insurance documents were so ambiguous I misread them. And no one mentioned to me that my insurance did not cover me after I was 40. It's not in the documents, exactly. It is ambiguous but it allows them to deny coverage. If I had been told anything at my first visit to the ob/gyn a long, long time ago, I would have made many different choices. And I asked about it! But maybe not in the correct way? I wasn't clear enough myself on what to do so I probably wasn't clear enough with them either.

Sorry to go on and on. To summarize: I plan to pay out of pocket for whatever I can pay for. I plan to use whatever methods I can get the insurance to pay for. I plan to bug the doctor to try and convince them to cover me and bug the insurance company. I'm just more infertile than I thought. I wrote about it prematurely perhaps because I was so startled by how completely wrong I was about everything.

Again, I apologize for taking up so much time and going on and on. It's sort of like I want to warn people to be more pushy because I wish I'd been more pushy. It's weird but I think maybe I was slightly embarrassed? I'm not an assertive person and maybe infertility and age--for me, in an unconscious way--was something I felt bad about? There's so much cruelty in the media about it--basically women are blamed for being in this situation. It's so hard for me not to blame myself. It's confusing--on the one hand, it is something in my body I cannot control. On the other, I was supposed to know about it and control it and maybe I could have? I know it sounds really strange but this did play some role in how I proceeded, maybe a small one but I really think it made me less likely to ask for things.

[pocahontas]

MIEL, I completely understand and I am sorry about all the crap you've been mislead through, but I am totally with you on being pushy! I am 37 and there wasn't a moment to waste in my mind because whether I liked it or not fertility isn't guaranteed to anyone and it darn sure isn't a "given" for those 35 and over. When I started seeing an RE I was 35 and it took me 9 months to figure out exactly what you said about your RE...she was really no good at all. She wasn't being aggressive and I simply don't understand the logic that you can "lolly-gag" with someone of "Advanced Maternal Age" because I have seen and read enough to know that things decline a lot quicker with us....unfortunate but true. She was willing to put me on Clomid with zero monitoring and after 9 months I "fired" her pretty much and went with the clinic I had originally wanted to try that is well respected in my area. Six months was all it took for them to get me pregnant. So I honestly hope that you can find an RE who will take your situation more seriously and treat you the way you deserve. I think someone who has experience with women 40 and over is definitely a person you should seek out so they can cater to you with techniques that have been effective with other patients of the same or similar age.

[mobox]

Poca---hey girl....email me mobox1@gmail.com. We need to talk about your NEWS! I don't think I knew...

[Jill1228]

Miel, it is frustrating. We are just starting to TTC (July was our first month) and I hope I do not have to go thru that crap

I think i am out this cycle. I saw some spotting and I will find out tomorrow if it is AF :(
I just signed onto FF and I am SO gonna start tomorrow

[miel]

When I started seeing an RE I was 35 and it took me 9 months to figure out exactly what you said about your RE...she was really no good at all.

One thing I wondered about is whether anyone can just say they are an RE? What are the requirements? Is there board certification?

Not that I expect you to have all the answers. Thank you for telling me about your story Poca. I'm so glad you are getting better care now!

Bleh, sorry about the spotting Aphiljill But you never know what spotting is at that time since you can spot when pg. so I hope you will have a bit of luck.

[pocahontas]

Poca---hey girl....email me mobox1@gmail.com. We need to talk about your NEWS! I don't think I knew...Okay, MO...your pregnancy brain is over! :D What gives!? You did know about my news because you congratulated me a few pages back in this thread and PM'ed me also! LOL :p

One thing I wondered about is whether anyone can just say they are an RE? What are the requirements? Is there board certification?

Not that I expect you to have all the answers.
True I don't have all the answers but I have wondered that same question about requirements. The first RE I went to seemed to only "dabble" in Reproductive Endocrinology since she was an adolesent GYN also. Go figure. I think I am happier with my current RE who is in a practice where that is all she and her partner do...fertility issues!

[Jill1228]

Nope the old bat showed and now I am at CD1 :(

[miel]

Sorry AphilJill-but I like calling it the old bat!

[JennZ]

Sorry, APhiJill!

I think she's about to find me tomorrow!
I'm so annoyed!

[melissafromnc]

miel To be an RE you must complete a fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology. You can call yourself a "fertility specialist" if you don't have the fellowship but not an RE. To be a better RE you should become board certified and be a member of ASRM. It sounds like you have a non-high FSH friendly RE. That's fairly common but it totally sucks. Insurance will often try to use that to disqualify folks as well. What exactly is your FSH? There are many of us on this thread with high fsh. I don't remember where you are but there are a couple of clinics that are great at treating high fshers. There are others that will refuse treatment simply because they think we'll hurt their stats.

If you have high fsh there is NO REASON to do the CCCT. The clomid challenge test is ONLY relevant if you have NORMAL FSH. Not all doctors understand that and some will tell you that you have to take it just because they are trying to not have to deal with you. Unfortunately insurance companies are often behind the times and may require it.

A far better measure of ovarian reserve is antral follicle count. Have you had one of these? It's typically done early in your cycle and it's where you get an ultrasound count that measures how many resting follicles you have.

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time with this. I do think we all have to advocate for ourselves and I also think it's in our best interest on this thread to learn as much as we can, advocate for ourselves, and get aggressive. As much as we might not want to hear it, time really is not on our side.

As for self-payers, there are ways to keep costs down. There are a couple of websites where you can get meds at heavy, heavy discounts. Often REs will offer discounted rates to folks with no insurance coverage.

[miel]

Melissa Wow, thank you so much for this! This is what I'm talking about: There's so much I don't know. Unfortunately, the CCT is being used to determine whether I qualify for insurance.

I'm going to talk to a different clinic but I suspect they are all like this. My FSH is 12. I took it that basically what he was saying is that there is almost no way I can pass this test. He also told me that if I cannot pass it there is no chance I could do IVF. It simply would not work. He said if I cannot pass the CCT I only have a 1% chance of having a baby that way. Or less than 1%? Also, I assumed it is unlikely that the other treatments will work either, at least according to him.

I will talk to this other clinic and try and get this other test. I would go and get meds but what meds do I get? I could just go back to my old doctor and get clomid--and I think insurance would pay for it. Would gonadatropins be the thing I should try?

Never mind if you don't know the answers to this! But how do people find out this stuff? I read boards but it is hard to cobble together a sense of what to do just from people's conversations. On google, I found nothing about the antral follicle count when I googled 'high FSH.'

I don't understand why they would want to keep their stats high because all they have to do is have a special category for over 40 with high FSH and then put in THOSE stats. If clinics were more specific in the stats they report they would not have this problem.

Thank you so much Melissa!

Editing to add: My FSH WAS 12. God knows it could be higher now.

[CTs_Punkin]

Miel - good luck with everything. I know how confusing this all is. I think as far as IVF odds... your FSH number is just one thing to look at. Like Melissa said, the antral follicle count is also very important in this equation. I also had my AMH (?) checked - this is a new test that also shows your ovarian function.

APhilJill - sorry about AF! The evil witch :mad:

Poca - hope your PG is going nice & smooth & that you're still feeling good.

As for me.. AF made her appearance today, so spoke with our nurse to get the rest of our cycle calendar info. We're right on track, which is good. Start taking my estrogen patches & baby aspirin on Friday and reduce my lupron dose tonight. Have an estradiol workup a week from Friday and then our lining check u/s & consult with our RE on the 27th to find out how our donor is doing - # of follies, etc - to get us ready for ER / ET at the end of the month!!!

It's hard to believe that this is happening after so so long. I keep thinking to myself that this might be my last AF for quite some time :D I'm all about the positive thinking these days!!

[miel]

CTs Pumpkin I hope this is your last AF for a long, loooong time!

[pocahontas]

Miel - good luck with everything. I know how confusing this all is. I think as far as IVF odds... your FSH number is just one thing to look at. Like Melissa said, the antral follicle count is also very important in this equation. I also had my AMH (?) checked - this is a new test that also shows your ovarian function.
Throwing in one more test that my RE does besides FSH...Estradial (sp?). Basically, from what I understand one test without the other (FSH without Estradial) is almost pointless because they both are a measure of ovarian function/reserve and one could be good and send you into thinking you're fine when that may not be the case. The reason I know is that this is what happened to me. In January at age 36 my FSH was 6 which all of my friends who are my age told was was great since for many of them theirs was 11 or so. However, it was NOT great since my Estradial was 77 or something and they like it 60 or below. I also thought antral follicle count was a great measure but mine was really fluky! :confused: In January when they ran those tests my RE was concerned because my AFC was only 4! She said that in a typical woman of child bearing age they'd see anywhere from 10-20 follies on CD3. But then the cycle I did IVF my AFC was 13 (this was before I'd taken a single IVF med mind you.) So who knows! :rolleyes: I hate that it's such a friggin crap shoot...

[miel]

I hate that it's such a friggin crap shoot...

It does suck but it also makes me think that you just can't give up. The doctors give you information but you can't take that as the gospel truth because everyone knows the body is an intricate mechanism and not perfectly understood. Thanks for your story Pocohantas! It's so good to know.

[melissafromnc]

Ok you seriously have to get a new RE if they are telling you that your chances are 1% with an FSH of 12. That is crap. I know many women who would KILL for an FSH of 12. I'm one of them. There are many of us on this board with higher fsh who have had success.

Have you been to the high fsh boards? On network 54? Go there now. Seriously. There's one for over 40s and one regular and so many, many successes.

You, my friend, have a non-high fsh friendly RE who is more concerned about his stats than helping you. My first RE was like that.

There really is no reason to take the CCCT because you're most likely not going to pass. And clomid is an evil, evil drug. That does NOT MEAN you can't have success.

You could try letrozole or gonadatropins. Believe me, I feel the pain of paying out of pocket. I've been paying out of pocket for many many years and figure I've spent nearly 100k all told. Where are you? Email me or pm me and I'll tell you the clinics to try. Cooper Center in NJ (www.ccivf.com) is famous for treating high FSHers and so are the SIRM clinics (with very different approaches). Maxicat had luck with an RE in Atlanta who I believe has had success with multiple patients with FSH over 40.

That being said, I really think you don't want to screw around and waste a bunch of time. You need to get to a clinic who will work with you, see how you respond and tailor protocols for you.

High FSH means that you won't respond as well to clomid or gonadatropins but it doesn't mean you won't respond at all. It's kind of like you're already pushing the gas pedal down some so you don't get a burst of acceleration when you floor it. Make sense?

Also many many high FSHers also are hypothyroid. There's an incredibly wise woman named Alex over on the high fsh boards who knows more about high fsh and hypothyroidism than anyone I know.

Update from me: Looks like I'll be cycling in October! In New Jersey. At my (and stars and teendoc's) old clinic. I'm incredibly lucky to have amazing friends and one just offered me her embryos from her last cycle. There are four of them. She did a split cycle at CC and both she and the recipient had successful pregnancies. We're finishing up the contracts and I'm looking forward to heading east in a few months and trying this again.

[LeighW]

Melissa, very exciting news about your new cycle. :)

No news from me. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Our I-600 form was issued 3 weeks ago, so we should be 1-2 weeks from travel approval. We've been working hard to get things ready at home as we're almost there.

[miel]

Melissa--

Very exciting news about your cycle!!! Yay! October is soon.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your advice. Hearts and flowers. Thanks to everyone who is advising me here. Poca and CT's Punkin. I am going to find out about the AFT during my next visit--in a couple of weeks. I will try not to be too much of a pest. I've known about my problems conceiving for a while but I'm just a novice right now when it comes to fertility treatment.

Do you really think I shouldn't take the CCCT? I'm putting it off for a month I think. I wrote a long message but it didn't post and got lost. I hate to be a pain but it's sort of difficult to know what to do when you get so much conflicting advice.

I've got RE #1: Very sweet, courtly older middle-eastern man. He is not into aggressive treatment. He wants to take everything very slow. He's very set on clomid to start. However, he is so considerate and seems to want to help so--even though he insists I start on clomid in spite of my history with partum and post-partum depression (partum was kind of severe)--he says he will not make me take clomid a long time if it gives me problems.

Oh, and he told me a lot of things about insurance. Like which insurance company might be best for some things.

RE #2: Super high power guy of the top clinic in our area. Melissa, you seem to think he is very anti-high FSH. Your interpretation makes sense to me. In a weird way, I liked him because he talked medical ethics with me but basically I could have read everything he said as: Your insurance will never pay. You are too old. Abandon all hope. But I think I was too stunned by what he said first to totally process it all. He said I could be on the ethics review board once I finish treatment given my work on this area. Maybe he knew I was about to cry and was trying to cheer me up...

RE #1's recommendation is to test my tubes. He says because I got a c-section I may now have problems and that he has had several c-section patients with tubal problems. Then, he thinks I might as well take the clomid challenge test the following month. He also told me an insurance that will give me injectibles even if I don't pass the clomid challenge test. But I can't switch to them until the Spring! Also, for a lot of them, as long as I am under FSH 15 I can get IVF--at least for the next six months. YIKES!!! ONLY SIX MONTHS. So I just pray that I am under 15 because I remembered something awful--I got a day 2 FSH rather than a day 3 because that was the day I happened to be at the doctor. So it might be even higher than 12. Crud.

Neither one inspires me with great confidence. I have confidence in RE #1 to try and help me and be on my side but not so much with the up to date information. I think RE #2 is more high tech and knows everything (he is young also) but on the other hand, he is not exactly dying to help me.

These fertility clinics are scary. They send you to talk to insurance counselors right away. But not at RE #1's clinic. It is sort of dumpy and laid back.

Would it be horrible for me to get my tubes checked this coming cycle and then go ahead and do CCCT the next cycle and then ??? try and convince someone to move to injectibles the next cycle? Is that a terrible plan? Does anyone know how long one should go on injectibles or when you give up and try for IVF? Sorry for so many questions.

Any advice? I'm seeing a third guy at the end of the month but I'm not terribly optimistic he's going to be right. There is one more clinic I could go to maybe? Maybe I will...what the heck. It does give you information. Insurance will cover it. They said they will allow me to consult with various doctors.

P.S.: I did go to the high FSH boards on the 54 website. Thanks!

[miel]

Also, I found this chart if anyone's interested on the high FSH boards:

CDC chart of fertility clinics (http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/ART2004/clinics04.asp)

It's sort of more useful for me to find the fertility clinics out there.

[Maxicat]

Miel I have to back up what Melissa said. You need to run from those RE's. Your FSH is very low compared to mine (44 on cycle I got pg). There are many great RE's that can help you. I love mine, her name is Dr. Dominguez and she is at Emory Crawford Long. She was the first person who thought I might have Endo. She did my first lap in AUG 05 I had a natural pg 5 months later. I just had my second Lap last week because the endo has come back with a vengence.

You might want to consider doing the following:
Find a good acupuncturist
Take up yoga
Cut out wheat/gluten
Cut out sugar
Breathe deep and enjoy your life

I think that when you are stressed out for long periods of time it could make your FSH levels go higher.

Again I want to make the point that your FSH levels are not that high.

Good luck.

[Kimmiebride]

Hi Miel... Personally, I wouldn't do the clomid either. There are so many other options, and it can take some time to undo the damage done by the clomid in my experience. I know there are tons of people out there who take it and have no side effects and are successful, but I know from my experience with it, it was really bad, and probably set us back at least 6 months. It really affected my CM, and it took a long time to get that back. When I did get pregnant, I had lots of CM - not sure the correlation, but it's something to be aware of...

Melissa, that's great news!!! I called you back after you had lunch with Amy! I'd love to see you if we can get some time in the next few weeks before your cycle! LeapFrog project was a huge undertaking, and am finished shooting, but now have to help them narrow down their choices for images. Hopefully they'll just love so many that we'll have to re-negotiate our deal! The toys are just so cool... I can't wait to buy some for Josh!

Leigh good luck with the waiting...
Kimmie

[LeighW]

We got the travel call yesterday! We are off to Seoul to pick up baby Mark next Thursday!!!

So very excited!

[Kimmiebride]

Great News Leigh!!! Wishing you safe travel for your whole family!! Big hugs for baby Mark!
Kimmie

[JennZ]

Leigh,
Congratulations and safe travels!!

[miel]

Leigh-- That is exciting! Have a safe trip and congratulations!!!

[tsmom]

Congrats and safe travels Leigh!

[Renrel]

Hi there girls. I just need a place to vent or whatever today and I hope you don't mind if I do it here. I am not sure where I belong at the moment.

As many of you know as I believe I was around this thread for baby #1, I am an older mom. I will be 43 next week. DH will be 50 a few week later. DS is almost 4. It took us 6 mths to concieve him and we did not do anything beyond the normal TCC obession (charting, OPKs, grapefruit juice, robsussent, prenatal yoga, postive thinking, ect). It was all in all a normal pg. We had some unknowns midway through that put us through hell, but in the end DS was completely healthy and is all in all an easy, bright and pleasant child.

A year ago we started not TTA. It is hard to call it TTC since I did nothing to promote getting pg beyond getting rid of birth control (not hormonal). We are/were both terrified of having another and of not having another. I think I could be happy with our family as it is but I really would like DS to have the gift of a sibling and for DH to have a chance at the daughter he would like and to maybe be the favored parent next time around. But the time, the effort, the fear of a high needs child at my age, with a preschooler, after being blessed with a really easy kid. Well, I am scared.

So that brings me to today. I have my first RE visit. I took my initial tests which are apparently all in the normal range, though my throid test is just barely barely normal, 4.98 or something with 5 being the highest normal range according to the report I got in the mail. And I am on day 30 of my cycle but had a BFN yesterday morning. My cycle have ranged from 26-32 days in the last year with a few very weird ones. I have been very lightheaded the last couple of days and yesterday had a headache for a good part of the day. I laid down before dinner and DH let me sleep through. (I can't tell you how much love I felt for him when I realized how hard he worked to let me sleep.) Now I have been burning the candle at both ends this week trying to get all my work done before a vacation, so that could account for how I feel as well.

Anyway, I have no idea what my body is doing at the moment or even what I want it to be doing. I went through a night earlier this week when I was very sleep deprived where the idea that I might really be pg seemed like the worst thing that could happen. That my life would fall apart. After some sleep it seemed that it was not the end of the world and could be quite wonderful. Now I am someone who does not transition well but does adapt well. I hate change but am fine once it happens.

It does not help that since DS weaned this year he finally was able to spend a whole week with my parents and DH had been going on and on about how we have to do that again. How wonderful the freedom was (and it was). He has been the one so sure that he would regret it if we did not have or at least try for a second and now I think he may not have thought it through. There may be no "freedom" for another 3-4 yrs if I am pg and his poor sleep is certainly not going to get better. He is not going to find that time he keeps hunting for to research business to make the career change he so despretely needs/wants.

Well, anyway, that is what is on my mind. What ever is going on we will find a way to make the best of it for it will be what was meant to be. Though I am not sure how I will deal with it if I am pg with twins or if I miscarry this late in the game after having doubt about what I want in the first place. Both of those possiblities really really scare me to the core.

Anyway, I thought some of you other older mom might be able to relate to some of what I am feeling - Hope, fear, confusion, uncertainy, tired, ect. And I hope my uncertainy about what I want and how I feel about maybe being pg does not hurt or offend anyone. I know that when you want something more than anything it can be difficult to hear someone moan that they may not want what you would do anything to have. Yet those of us who are uncertain also need to vent and talk to come to grips with what we are feeling. Thank you for reading along. And good luck and love to everyone dealing with this journey in their own special way.

[Renrel]

AF just showed. Sigh. :(:confused:

[Renrel]

Just back from the RE. Long story short. I am looking good, DH is not. We are looking at IVF if we want to go forward. I am supposed to do Day 3 blood work tomorrow for the Clomid challenge. I am in a daze and DH is as well. I am still living in a dream world, hoping my AF is really pg spotting. Would not be suprized if I took another pg test tonight or tomorrow. I have used several this year after AF showed and only one before. How that for crazy.

[miel]

Thank you Maxicat, Kimmiebride and Melissa

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ADVICE. I'm going to follow this advice.

For a variety of different reasons (some for fertility and some--like yoga--because I need it!) I do everything you mentioned Maxicat except for giving up wheat. But I will try that next. I've been enjoying life a lot but things are getting a bit crazier now. But the last six months of my life have been so wonderful and happy. I am not complaining. I do need to do a home practice. Giving up wheat might be complicated but I've given up so many foods lately because of my thyroid I'm getting sort of good at that.

Renrel It's such a strange process. I feel like I've been in a daze myself. I'm sort of curious to know which RE you are seeing--if you do want to PM me, that would be great but if not I understand!

I hope everyone will understand how complicated it is to make the choice and do all this and how normal it is to be confused and ambivalent. I sure do! What decision is bigger than this? Even little decisions are hard to make let alone huge decisions. I want another child with all my heart but I'm extremely afraid at the same time that it will have a negative affect on my life. And since in my profession women are expected to only have one child, having two is a big scary thing. But since I think that is sexist and unfair, I'm going to have two anyway.

Even when infertility treatments are involved people should be allowed to be ambivalent. It isn't easy. Still, I'm so happy for you that your FSH isn't too high. You are really lucky--but that sure doesn't mean you can't have complicated feelings.

I try and deal with my fears by remembering that absolutely every single fear (every one!) about my first child was ill-founded. Gabe is such an amazing person! What if you got another one like him!!!??? My daughter is such a wonderful person I can't imagine being blessed more than I am. I have a lot of half-baked opinions about the U.S. as a not child-friendly place and that this is why everyone gets so terrified about babies but I won't bore everyone with them here!

[jlo2be]

Renrel- Nice to 'see' you again. :) I haven't posted in a while, but your post was just the kick in the pants I needed to come out of lurkdom.

Anyway, I thought some of you other older mom might be able to relate to some of what I am feeling - Hope, fear, confusion, uncertainy, tired, ect. And I hope my uncertainy about what I want and how I feel about maybe being pg does not hurt or offend anyone. I know that when you want something more than anything it can be difficult to hear someone moan that they may not want what you would do anything to have.
I hear you loud and clear, Sister. I could have written this myself. It's one of the reasons why I haven't posted too much lately.

We are/were both terrified of having another and of not having another. I think I could be happy with our family as it is but I really would like DS to have the gift of a sibling and for DH to have a chance at the daughter he would like and to maybe be the favored parent next time around. But the time, the effort, the fear of a high needs child at my age, with a preschooler, after being blessed with a really easy kid. Well, I am scared.

I'm right with you on that one too - except I would love another little boy. :) I just wonder if I have the energy to deal with a baby, a preschooler, a husband, a house, and a job, all on very little sleep - and at 44 (well it would be 45). My DS is and was for the most part a very easy child. While it won't be a totally new process in that I will have gone down that road before, each child is different. What worked for #1 may not work for #2. What if #2 is really high maintenance? Will I have the patience and energy? I'm scared too. However, I am an only child and I never, ever wanted to have just one child. It just wasn't something I considered so it's really hard now coming to terms with the fact that I actually might only have one.

We are also considering the IVF route. It is a daunting process (well in relation to IUI, which is how we got DS) and will take a lot of logistical planning to make sure someone is there to watch DS (he's in daycare, but we don't have much of a support system and if we have to make early morning appointments on short notice, it will get tricky trying to do that and get him to daycare). We'll most likely start our IVF cycle in September so it's not so daunting as to stop me. :) I look at my DS and marvel at how absolutely amazing and funny and smart he is and wonder how I could possibly love another child as much as I love him. At those times I think to myself that this should be enough. I should be happy with my family the way it is 'cause it's pretty damned awesome. But I will forever wonder what would have been if I don't give this a shot. I don't want DS to be an only child like I was. I want him to have a sibling to grow up with and I would feel like I gave up on him and on the chance to give that to him if I don't try. I don't think I could live with that.

What ever is going on we will find a way to make the best of it for it will be what was meant to be. Though I am not sure how I will deal with it if I am pg with twins or if I miscarry this late in the game after having doubt about what I want in the first place. Both of those possiblities really really scare me to the core.

I've had one ectopic and 2 m/c's so that concern is always there. The twins thing kinda scares me too. If I'm nervous about how I'll deal with 2 kids - 3 kids???? They might have to commit me. ;)

Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling so I'll stop now. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone by any means. I wish you well on your journey. :)

[Renrel]

jlo2be - I am sorry you are going through this but it is comforting to hear another mom express some of the conflicting feelings I am going through. I just analys everything to death, it is the way I am. I never just see one side of anything.

I don't know enough about the IVF process to know what our childcare issues will be. I assume my Mom would be able to come up and help if we need her to and if we had to we could hire one of the teachers at school to babysit and take DS to school in our car. All I know about IVF came from the 15 minutes or so of talking to the RE about the process yesterday. He intentionally tried to keep it basic and simple assuming we needed time to take in the disturbing news we had recieved regarding how bad DH's numbers were and what that meant.

Today I did the day 3 blood work for the Clomid, even though it is really day 2, since we will be out of town tomorrow. Now I am worried that being early could screw it up even though the doctor told us to do it this way. I am feeling more positive about wanting a baby today and more scared about our prospects. I hope I find a way to talk to my family about this when I see them on Sunday, particular my BIL who is a RE. Both to get his advice and so he does not get insulted/hurt that we did not ask his advice. I have mixed feelings about approaching him. I want to take advantage of the resource but this is also very private and he is not at a arms length and I also don't want to be seen as taking advantage of him in any way.

And AF teased me all day yesterday, being very light, letting me think maybe I was pg with a slow rise in horomones and just spotting. My sister was not testing positive at the point that BIL was able to observe my niece through an US just as she started spotting. She had come into his office of an US just to see why her period was so late when she was not testing positive. The perk of being married to an RE. So I though, maybe me too. But by night she was here with a vengence, but at least I feel less PMS/PGish today so I can think straight.

[jlo2be]

Renrel - definately take some time and let the whole IVF thing settle in a bit. My old RE gave me zero encouragement on the IVF front due to my age so that when the new RE didn't say she wouldn't do it, it threw me. I was reeling for a few weeks before I could wrap my brain around the process. Also the fact that I unexpectedly got AF the day after my initial visit with the new RE put added pressure on me as I felt that I had to start with my CD3 blood work right away. Once I decided to just slow down and take a breath, I was better. Talking to the nurse at the IVF clinic really did help as well because she broke everything down for me. That made me feel more at ease and more in control.

Score for you having an RE in the family! I understand your reluctance about approaching him but IMO as long as you're not asking him to do the procedure you wouldn't be taking advantage. Just making use of the resource like you said.

I would use this cycle to get comfortable with the idea and get more information on the process. I hope it all works out for you. Keep us posted, ok?

[ellybelle]

Hello all!

Sorry I've been MIA for so long.

The truth is, we kind of took a break from TTC because of relationship issues. Things are looking up now, as we've been in therapy for several months and our relationship seems to be improving. I'm really starting to feel bad when Sofi talks about other kids' brothers and sisters, and how she wants "her baby." At the same time, I know that I'm incredibly lucky to have her.

But the fact is that I'm now 42 years old, and somehow I just can't approach ttc with the same confident naivete that I did over 4 years ago...

I have to admit that I've also been avoiding sex around the middle of the month these past few months because I'm, well, scared of more miscarriages, "blighted ovums", scary genetic test results......I'm also worried that another baby will tip the balance in the direction that my marriage relationship is moving -- now that we're moving in a positive direction, will the stress of pregnancy problems, baby stress, etc. send things back the other way? I sooo wish I had more time....but I know that I don't.

Anyway, we've talked about really making an effort again this fall -- kind of a "last shot" deal. What worries me is that I've noticed how quickly those IVF success charts plummet after 40, and so I wonder if I wouldn't do better if we just went straight to trying that way. But the stress and expense.....

I just wonder if I have the energy to deal with a baby, a preschooler, a husband, a house, and a job, all on very little sleep - and at 44 (well it would be 45). My DS is and was for the most part a very easy child. While it won't be a totally new process in that I will have gone down that road before, each child is different. What worked for #1 may not work for #2. What if #2 is really high maintenance? Will I have the patience and energy? I'm scared too. However, I am an only child and I never, ever wanted to have just one child. It just wasn't something I considered so it's really hard now coming to terms with the fact that I actually might only have one.


It's funny -- Sofia was a high maintenance baby -- and I think that that did make it harder for me to try again, at least for the first couple of years (it didn't help that she's nursed for the longest time, and I only got AF back regularly when she was nearly 2!). I had what I call "delayed post-partum depression" as well after she turned 1, and I worried a lot about all that. I worried that if I had 2 high needs kids I'd mess up, that I wouldn't be able keep my sanity, that it would ruin our marriage completely. But then again, I didn't want to have any regrets about not doing my best to have another -- to enjoy that unique love and give my kid a sibling to torment, tease, lean on and love..... And nowadays, I think of Sofi more as a delightful challenge than high needs kid.

Nowadays, I get (almost) enough sleep, so I know that changes my attitude! I've also cut way back on my antidepressants (I really struggled with what's called discontinuation syndrome -- the drug industry's word used for drugs they want to keep off the "schedule list"). I feel like I could handle a baby again. I know that Andy mostly feels the same. But I (we)just don't know where to go from here.....

[melissafromnc]

leigh Congrats on your travel dates!!!!! I'm so excited for you.

miel I just saw your pm and got back to you. Sorry for the delay. Listen to maxicat, she knows tons of stuff. Don't worry if you can't do all of it, just do what you can. Giving up the wheat is especially important if you think you might have some endo, but it might not be as important if you don't. Acupuncture and yoga (not bikram, ashtanga or vinyassa but hatha or iyengar) are great.

renrel So nice to "see" you again. I remember you from the earliest days. I'd encourage you to move more quickly than slowly if you're thinking about ivf because unfortunately when you're over 40 age is probably a bigger factor than fsh. A cycle or two isn't going to matter much but more than that isn't a great idea. The stats are not at all encouraging for women over 43 or so but it does happen so don't let it get you too down. I have a friend who got pregnant with her second daughter at 44. It took her four or five ivf cycles but it worked. Don't be too surprised to get "the speech" (donor eggs) from any RE that you talk to. It can be really hard if you're not expecting it but most REs will at least mention it because the stats are so much higher (approximately 60-70% chance of success versus much lower).

Also don't worry too much about your dh's bad numbers. There's something called icsi that can be done in conjuction with ivf that is quite successful. It's where you take a single sperm and inject it into an egg.

elly Glad to hear things are better for you. If you're still down on the peninsula there are a couple of REs known for working with over 40s like us. I know Zouves used to do free phone consults so you might consider that just to see what your options are.

jlo I hope you have a very successful September cycle.

kimmie I owe you a phone call! I'm in the city MWF if you want to do lunch or something.

As for me, I'm trying to get all my ducks in a row for an October cycle. I have to get cervical cultures done again. We have the signed contracts from the donors that we need to get signed and a copy to the clinic. And I have a phone consult with one of the REs at 6 am on September 11. I had to beg and plead for a consult before the end of September so I'm trying not to complain about the early time.

[melissafromnc]

ren I remembered one more thing I wanted to mention to you. The levels for tsh were lowered about 4-5 years ago and it sounds like your lab is using the old levels (5 was considered normal then). Now, anything above 3 is considered high (or hypothyroid) and to conceive you really want your levels between 1 and 2. It's very very common for women to be slightly hypothyroid, especially as we age. I'd recommend you try to see an Endocrinologist (not a Reproductive Endocrinologist) who has a lot of experience working with women trying to conceive. There's a ton of great information about all this at thryoid.about.com. It can take a while to get your tsh to an optimal level so even if you're not ready to move forward with ART it might be worth pursuing just the tsh thing.

[ellybelle]

melissa I'm keeping everything crossed for you that it will work out just right this time! Thanks for the information. I'll check in after our vacation next week -- two whole weeks off!

[miel]

Melissa October is soon! I hope your consult goes well. This is very exciting. Thank you so much for your pm. I love vinyasa yoga so much. I really could never give that up!

Elly What was great for me about four years ago wasn't the confidence (I wasn't sure how things would turn out) but the ignorance!...it was nice not to know very much