Imaginary Friends

[Paula R]

Does anyone have a child with an imaginary friend? My almost 4 year old all of a sudden has two imaginary friends and I'm not quite sure how to handle "Beejo" and "Barney". He does not talk to them all the time but he usually carries on conversations with them while in the car. The other day I heard him say "why of course Beejo you are welcome to come into the house." Today I stopped at McDonalds to get him a happy meal and he had a fit that I did not buy 3 happy meals because Beejo and Barney were hungry too. I had to explain that Beejo and Barney did not have any money to purchase their happy meals so they would have to share with him.

Has anyone else had to deal with this issue? How do you treat imaginary friends?

[gizzyntaz]

I had imaginary friends at your son's age. My family encouraged the friendships without going overboard. At the time, my mom read that they were "normal" and actually told me later that imaginary friends are a "sign of intelligence". She may have been trying to humor me on the latter ;)

I would treat them the way you are now. Respect them as your son's friends, but obviously within limits. I think you handled the McD's situation well!

[southerner]

I think you did awesome with the situation at McDonald's. Loved how you took advantage of that opportunity to throw a social skills lesson in there :)

Is your son is around other children a lot? Does he interact okay with peers his age?

When you said he "had a fit," does that mean a full blown tantrum or he just got a little fussy?

eta: Not trying to be an alarmist at all. Should add that this is a typical thing at this stage of development. Guess I just wanted to throw those questions out there in case there was more to consider, for you or anyone else reading.

[HGMorgann]

My daughter is only 18 mo, but I am pretty sure she has an imaginary friend. I think it might be elmo, but not sure. We just play with "him" mostly. For example, when we play "name that body part" we point to the body parts on the imaginary friend as well and I will name them. Its a bit wierd for me sometimes to point to imaginary parts and all, but she seems to enjoy it. Guess I'm glad she has an active imagination.

I clearly remember my imaginary friends when I was a preschooler: Fred the frog, Amy and Michael. I turned out pretty good I think;-)

[Kay]

My younger DS who will be 4 in Oct. has an imaginary friend named "Mark". His older brother's best friend is a 'Mark' so thats were he got the name from. He pops up once in awhile, esp. if his older brother is off playing with his 'Mark'. He sometimes asks for food or a drink for his friend and I tell him he has to share his food and once I gave him an extra cup (empty) for his friend. I think its cute and just play along. He plays with his toys and sometimes you can hear him talking to his friend.

[tlew12778]

I had one at that age. Her name was Cathy :). My ped told my mom to get me involved in more social activities (although I was already in pre-school FT by then). I think that's when I started gymnastic and ice skating though. Cathy ditched me after that. Guess she didn't like either sport too much ;).

[solongtogo]

Have you guys heard of the psychic Sylvia Browne? She says they're not imaginary at all, but that your child is talking to his/her individual spirit guide.

[Neen]

My daughter had one about this age. His name was clipper. she had a extra bed in her room that clipper lived on. She got pretty upset when her cousin stayed with us and slept in that bed. We had to assure that that Keeli wouldn't squich clipper. If you ask her about it today (she's 16) she remembers clipper very well.

I don't think either of my boys had imaginary friends.

[Mommy2ml]

DD has them occassionally. I don't discourage or encourage her to play with them, but accept it's totally normal :)

[Renrel]

DS does not have one, yet. His imaginary play has really started to take off recently so it would not suprise me if he finds one over the next year. I have read that they are totally normal and that kids who have them are often very bright. They can also be a way for kids to deal with things they wished they had not done. Imaginary Friends spilled the milk not me, and she says she is sorry.

One other thing I read is that you as an adult should not pay too much attention to them. That if you focus on them as if they were real the child will often get rid of them. Sounds like it can be a difficult balancing act for the parents. Dealing with the child's insistance that the friend is there and needs a snack, drink, chair ect while not getting too involved by asking about things like hair color or where the friends family live or whatever. I am guessing that we are only suppose to refer to them and ask question if the matter is introduced by the child at the moment and ignore the matter otherwise.

[Winter Biscuit]

My DD is only 2.5 and doesn't seem to have an actual imaginary friend (yet), but has made references to an imaginary animal more than once. I find it interesting because when I was young, I had an imaginary pet cat. In fact, sometimes I would turn into my imaginary cat :)

I've heard that children around 3-4 years old can be overwhelmed and even scared by all they are learning about the real world, and having an imaginary friend can help them deal with all the new things they are experiencing. I've read that one of the best things the parent can do is to stay grounded in the real world and not add any ideas to the creative story the child's imagination is weaving. Children need to learn what is real and what is imaginary on their own terms, and if parents start adding to the idea of imaginary friends or begin adding details/ideas to the story, they can take away from the child's need to create their own creative story line. I've also heard/read that parents should let the child take the lead and determine what (if any) relationship they want their parents to have with their imaginary friend. Then, respect the child's lead without getting too involved.

As Renrel pointed out with the example of the imaginary friend spilling milk, how the child interacts with his/her imaginary friend can give you some clues on what the child is dealing with in their own life. For example, a well-behaved child might have an imaginary friend who is constantly misbehaving. The "good" child could be making his imaginary friend be "bad" because he secretly wants to do some naughty things, but might be afraid to act out, disappoint parents, etc. Or they can help a child deal with strong feelings (e.g. having an imaginary friend who is afraid of the dark might be a child's way of dealing with his/her own fear of the dark).

I think you handled the McDonald's situation perfectly! I also think it is normal that children with imaginary friends might ask the parent(s) to accommodate their imaginary friend buying them a happy meal or whatever. I think I would have done the same thing you did, and wouldn't mind giving in to requests -- within reason. For example, I am obviously not going to buy three happy meals :), but I think giving the child an extra/empty cup for their friend is fine (if they ask for it) to help encourage their imagination and creativity, without getting too involved.

[Paula R]

I think you did awesome with the situation at McDonald's. Loved how you took advantage of that opportunity to throw a social skills lesson in there :)

Is your son is around other children a lot? Does he interact okay with peers his age?

When you said he "had a fit," does that mean a full blown tantrum or he just got a little fussy?

eta: Not trying to be an alarmist at all. Should add that this is a typical thing at this stage of development. Guess I just wanted to throw those questions out there in case there was more to consider, for you or anyone else reading.

My son is not in daycare. My mom takes care of him during the day. He goes to Kumon two days a week and interacts with kids there. He has a little brother and an older cousin(9 years old) that he gets to play with each day. He interacts with his peers very well and seems to be a born leader. Usually when ever we go somewhere, he seems to be the leader in the group of kids the he is playing with.

He didn't have a full blow tantrum but was very upset that I did not buy them a happy meal. When I explained that he had to share, he explained to Barney that I didn't have enough money so that he would share with him. (Didn't explain to Beejo)

I guess I shouldn't be concerned but he told me that he didn't want DS#2 to be his brother any more because Beejo said he is his new brother. We had a long conversation about how he had only one brother and Beejo was just his imaginary friend. Eventually he explained to Beejo that he could not be his brother but they could still be friends.

He never mentions Beejo or Barney at home. Although I guess he could be playing with them at home and I just had not noticed. Each time I've heard him talking to them is when we are in the car going home

[firefly]

I've read in more than one place that imaginary friends are a sign of intelligence or genius iq. That being said my oldest (4 y.o) has had imaginary friends for a long time. She's also quite social at school and her extra curricular activites (gymnastics, swimming etc)

She goes through phases depending on what show she's 'into' or toys she's playing with. we went though and just explained to her what imaginary friends are. She's bright enough to get it. so she knows that imaginary friends are not really there but fun to play with, you can pretend a doll or stuffed animal is real and that's pretend play and well real is what it really is or is meant to be used as.

There is nothing wrong with imaginary friends unless your child is so lost in his/her imagination (most of the time) that they can't cope with reality. Maybe next time you go to mc donalds if your inside you can order one real happy meal for you son and have your son order to imaginary happy meals for his friends. most or the workers would catch on (at least in our area) with a quick wink from you and stress on the imaginary.

[MauiWife]

My DD (who will be turning 3 next month) has an imaginary horse she has named Strawberry. She will lead it around on a ribbon, and "tie" it up to whatever "post" she can find. I have to admit it is quite cute!

[Dally]

Does your DC have an imaginary friend? If so, do you talk about him/her? Bring him up or only respond if your DC brings him up? Just wondering how everyone else deals with imaginary friends.

My DD, who just recently turned 2, has an imaginary friend named Peter (she's had him for a couple months now). As far as I can tell, Peter is DD's age, but she does say he is taller than Daddy (which is a little frightening! What a large child!). He lives at home with his mommy, but he visits us all the time (and hangs out at daycare or anywhere else DD goes). DD's interactions with him mostly consist of her saying, "No, Peter! This <insert name of anything from a toy to food> is Annie's!" or "No, Peter! It's Annie's turn on the slide!" She also sometimes tells me that he pushed her or bit her. On the other hand, she asks me to make him pancakes or include him in a game (like hide & seek). And she seems to like him very much. She always makes a point to say "Bye, Peter!" if we leave the house.

My SIL thinks DD uses Peter to help her deal with situations that are difficult--like another child taking "her" toy at daycare. I think that makes a lot of sense. When DD brings Peter up (which is many times a day), I ask her about Peter. I also "discipline" Peter if he "bites" DD or does something else wrong. It feels right to treat him as she does--someone who is, to some degree, real. But I'd love to hear what other people do.

[jenjen0713]

Funny you mention this as my SIL and I were talking about this about a week ago. Let me just start off by stating my SIL believes in ghosts, spirits, past lives, etc. She believes young children are much more open to seeing/communicating with ghosts/spirits. She thinks imaginary friends are spiritual guides for the child and may be a friend from a past life the child had. She said as children get older their parents/adults pressure them to stop communicating with their imaginary friends so they loss touch with them. I on the other hand think the same as your SIL, that children have imaginary friends to help them with difficult situations.

[southerner]

here's a very similar thread. (http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24327)

[nettreefrog]

I thought I would post here -- to bring this thread to the front again. My daughter (she'd be mortified I am mentioning this given that she is 13 now) had imaginary friends named "the Aries". (Ary, Barry, Carrie, Darry, Eary, etc. + 3 others with very different names.) They were fabulous -- and came from "Puerto Rico in the sky". They were short, red, hairless monsters who had jobs, very busy lives, and interacted with one another. One had a job at McDonalds, another was constantly travelling, and the others did very impressive things. They came around when our next door neighbor and his family moved to PR -- and they stayed with us for years. I got such a kick out of having them around that my daughter placated me by continuing to talk about them. I'd ask questions about each and she would provide a story.

[Dally]

Thanks, Southerner. I did a search but that thread did not come up. Ah, well. I'm fine with you merging the threads, if you want.

jenjen0713 --That's an interesting thought that your SIL has, although I don't think it's the case, it's kind of fun to think about.

[dana b]

my dd's big into the imaginary animals. there's also someone named madge that lives in her room -- she's usually afraid of that one which freaks me out since we live in a 80 yr old house.

[Teresita]

My DD (almost 3 yrs) is friends with an imaginary bus, that she calls "townie bus." We have no idea where/how she came up with the name (have no clue where she even heard the word "townie") or the notion of being friends with a bus. But she loves talking about townie bus, townie bus calls her every day on her toy phone, she talks about townie bus's mommy and daddy, and just today revealed that townie bus's mommy and daddy have the same names as our dogs (Luna and Bacchus). Whenever she wants to talk about townie bus, I just go with it and we can have long conversations on the topic.

dana b That Madge bit would freak me out, too. (We live in a house that is 70+ years old.) Do you know where she would have heard the name Madge? It sounds so old fashioned to me.

[Koala_Gurl]

my dd's big into the imaginary animals. there's also someone named madge that lives in her room -- she's usually afraid of that one which freaks me out since we live in a 80 yr old house.

Ooh, that would give me chills! :)

[bluhimmy]

my dd's big into the imaginary animals. there's also someone named madge that lives in her room -- she's usually afraid of that one which freaks me out since we live in a 80 yr old house.

That would freak me out a little too... but I'm sure it's harmeless.


So I have a question regarding "imaginary friends"... When your DC has conversations with their imaginary friends(s), is it just one sided, or do they do both sides of the converstation?

One of my best friend's 3 year-old DD has an imaginary friend. My friend doesn't have much details on this imaginary friend since her DD doesn't talk about it with either parent. The only reason my friend knows is because she over hears her daughter conversing alone, either from another room, or while walking pass her DD's room. But what struck me odd about it is that my friend hears both sides of the conversation. By that I mean her DD vocalizes what the imaginery friend is saying, but in a different voice.

I thought this sounded more like pretend play her DD was doing. But from what my girlfriend has been hearing and telling me, it doesn't sound like that anymore.

[Tray85]

My DD is 2 and talks about an imaginary lion all the time. Sometimes she tells me its scary and sometimes she says she's going to go pet it. I wasn't quite sure if I should tell her that there isn't any lion there. Most of the time I just tell her that its a nice lion and not scary.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Well, it seems my 4 year old is well into the "imaginary friend" phase. She has a Dora plush doll that is about 24 inches tall. She must have everything that my daughter has to eat, she has to wear real clothes, get buckled into a car seat, etc.

Have any of you gone through this? Do you have any tips on coping with it?

[PookiePrincess]

Here's a thread on Imaginary Friends (http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24327&highlight=imaginary+friends).

[carolc]

DD is 3.5 and has three imaginary cats who are a constant feature of our lives. They get into trouble a LOT. DD frequently asks us to get them down from the counters, etc.

She has had three different imaginary siblings at various times--my favorite one was 20 years old and lived on Saturn. They haven't been around much lately.

She is also "pregnant" with her own baby (I am pregnant).

I think it's cute. :)