Sex after baby really that bad....

[hub1176]

I had my 6 week PP check-up yesterday and was told to wait 2-3 more weeks to DTD. I had an episotmey and a 4th degree tear and although the Dr. said they were healed she said the area would still be too senstive. So for those of you who may have had similar circumstances and then DTD - was it really that bad? I almost wish she had given the green light so I could get it over with - now there is a buildup and I'm dreading it. :(

[Jen1098]

I had a 3rd degree tear and I will say the first time really hurt. Sorry. I'm sure the anticpation made it a little worse.
I'd say have a glass of wine-or two-heck have three and make dh get up in the middle of the night. :D

[Traciann]

I haven't had sex yet...but I too, had a 4th degree tear, and things are pretty sensitive down there. My dr gave me a prescription for gel with lidocain in it to numb the area, maybe you could talk to your dr about that? My Dr said it still might hurt, but that the gel should help.

Traci

[hub1176]

Jen1098 Would you sya it was like the first time you ever DTD or worse? (I can't seem to remember back that far :o ) When did it get better? Does it ever feel like it did before?

Traciann I really haven't had any pain (even at the beginning) and now have no problems sitting - but the dr had to peel me off the ceiling after the internal :o so she thought it may be too sensitive for sex :eek: Good luck!

[scout]

The anticipation was worse, but the actual act hurt a bit too. Once you get it over with, it gets better each time. Lots of lube, some wine, and pray that your DH finishes quickly!

[Jen1098]

Hub It does get better I swear. Hmm as for comparing it to the first time I'd say sex post partum hurt a little more in my case.
In my case I did use lube like Scout suggested but this is TMI it hurt like hell to pee afterwards. I'm pretty sure it was realated to that b/c it never happened again.

[Georgiana]

Initialy, It felt like I lost my virginity -ALL OVER AGAIN. However after I relaxed it was fine. But the I did swell "down there" some.

[twainny]

oh it hurt like all heck. Still does, since I am still BF (DS is 4 months old).

[Franni]

All I can say is OUCH!!!!

[hub1176]

Oy! I'm not sure if I feel any better! :) Oh well I have at least 2 weeks to wait!

[Chylynn]

The build up was terrible, but it was not bad at all. All my friends had me scared to death, though!

We DTD at 6 weeks PP and I had an episiotimy, but not a tear.

[Bernie & Matt]

I didn't have much pain at all. I couldn't wait 6w PP so I forced DH to DTD at about 5w PP. I would say it was different, uncomfortable, but not too painful. I definitely lubed up, of course was relaxed since I was the one wanting to do it ;) and DH was so worried about hurting me that he was willing to take things slow. I had an episiotomy, but I can't remember if there was a tear.

[Traciann]

Hub-I totally understand what you are talking about...I had to go back 3 additonal times to make sure that everything was healing correctly. The first time was the worst...and it was still pretty sensitive the last time she checked me..but more bearable. i think thats partially why I haven't been in a hurry to have sex!

Traci

[Lydia]

It's been great during...but painful afterward.

[SaphirimalMei]

I found it more uncomfortable than painful.
We were "bad" and only waited 4 weeks ;)

There was the expected soreness afterward, but it was manageable.
The soreness after intercourse stayed for a few weeks, but lessened each time.

Three things helped:
#1 Lots of foreplay
#2 LUBE!!!
#3 I was on top so I could control the rate of entry and the pace.

When your doc says it's ok to resume activity, and you feel ready...go for it
(gently!) and have fun reconnecting with your husband :)

[dziner]

I had a bad tear but it healed pretty nicely. The bigger issue for me has been hormones. Like Twainny said, if you're BF, it's going to make a difference. I BF for a year and got pg very shortly after weaning so my hormones have never had a chance to recover. Even now, we definitely need lube every time. My OB assures me it's due to my wacky estrogen levels from being in total babymaking/feeding mode for the last 2.5 years, but it has definitely made me not want to DTD. I hope you have better luck than I did.

[moderngal]

definitely recommend some wine and KY. ;)

[dzmattie]

I had a 4th degree tear - I waited 12 weeks (long time - I know) - and it still hurt but got better with time. I was very scared but it wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. To be honest - my doc told me to take one of the pain meds from after my delivery - you could do that if you want but I was nursing so I didn't. It would have been better if I did!! ;) Listen to all the tips from people here....

[monique]

I too had a 4th degree epi. and when we DTD for the first few times it was sore. Kinda like the first time all over again. the main thing to remember is use lots of lube and talk to your hubby about what is going on and how things are working for you. lube and communication are key.

[ktdelsur]

Just wanted to bump this thread since I know a lot of my CC buddies and I will probably be curious about this soon.

Doc just gave me Micronor (progesterone only BC pill that doesn't interfere with milk supply) and I'm almost 4 weeks postpartum. I'm not sure when to start taking them since he said not to try having sex until I was 6-7 weeks. (I had a 2nd degree tear...at my 3 week PP appt he said I only had one stitch left and everything was healing fine)...

Did any of you notice, besides pain/uncomfortableness, a difference in uhm...how do I say this? Friction? DH always liked to "lovingly" joke about "falling in" after the baby was born. :rolleyes: :p

[Camdynlyn]

I've always heard... intoxicate, lubricate, fornicate! :)

[Sarah]

Yep, I noticed a difference. Things are tighter. :)

Do your kegels!

[Txfish]

Um, yeah, wasn't terribly comfortable the first time. I had a 2nd degree tear, and only waited 3 wks (yeah, cause I'm a psycho)... You really can't do much more than wine and lube yourself up and tell dh under no circumstances is he to do *anything* you don't say to do LOL And he'd better be good at listening when you say ow or stop or whatever. If I remember correctly, that first attempt wasn't so much completed as it was an exploratory mission!! And hey, that's ok :)

kt I didn't have the "falling in" problem until many months later... I guess I stayed swollen or something (maybe from bf'ing?), but now I really notice a difference (all these years later.)

[1_mommy]

with first child. it HURT! took a while for it to feel normal again. i had 3rd degree tearing with her.

with my ds, we dtd 41/2 weeks after. it was a little sensetive. but not bad

[adoredh]

DS is 12 weeks old today, we've only DTD twice. It hurts, I'm Bfing and have no desire at all to DTD, and DH actually PO'd me so bad the 2nd time that I don't want to do it again for a long time! He didn't do anything wrong, just his idea of "go very very very slow" wasn't slow enough for me. Also, he said I just laid there like a dead horse, so I really don't think I'll be DTD with him in the next century or so! LOL! (I dare any woman to pretend it feels good and writh around the bed like they did pre-baby!!!)

Oh, and my story isn't nearly as bad - no tears - just lots of stretching and ended up with a c-section. Couldn't believe that with a c-section, it hurts so much!!!

[majorgal]

We wined and lubed and went slow, but the first time hurt like HELL. While DTD I actually considered stopping and trying again the next day. The saving grace was a VERY patient husband. It was far from romantic, because all I did was bark orders at him..."OK, Go. No, slower. STOP. OK, go ahead." We laughed throughout because it felt like we were on a mission of some sort. But, we got through it.

For the next several times we still had to take it really, really slowly. Even now, 8 months PP, when he first enters there is a little discomfort.

But, the positives....8 months PP and DH and I both agree I feel 'tighter'. And, the real perk? My orgasms are SO much more intense. Who knew?

FTR, I had no episiotomy and only a very minor tear.

[cocoa_femme]

BUMP!

I'm not due until August, but DH and I were talking about this last night.

[jrdhbunny]

My experience is much like majorgal's- and I had a c-section! It hurts at the beginning, but with plenty of lube and patience, it definitely gets much better as the act continues. Much better! :D I just wish we had more opportunity to ahem, practice, but with DS' sleep schedule we just don't get the time. I think that's more of an impediment than the pain for us .

[BusyBee]

I labored of a few hours before my c-section (breech). It hurt a lot and didn't get better until after 8 months pp - probably due to BFing, and the fact that most lubes were more irritating to me that no lube at all.

[catmom]

I was SO lucky... sex for us is so much better now than it was pre-baby. Before DD was born, I had suffered with vulvular vestibulitis for years, and sex was very painful. I think about 50% of women with this condition go into remission after giving birth (one of the reasons I was really determined to have a vaginal delivery), and I was one of the lucky ones. I will say that sex for the first 6 months after the birth was pretty bad, but once I got AF back things were much, much better. Honestly, if we'd known having a baby would improve things so much, we might have had one sooner ;)!

[IrisHope]

When I had sex after the baby it burned so horribly. When I went to my OBGYN he said it's normal and gave me this cream to insert inside. After I did that it felt all better. Not sure what the diagnosis was or the cream though!

[majorgal]

Now that this is bumped I figured that I would add...

AF finally made her appearance 10 months PP. Now that this has happened, things are even better. I am still BFing, but the 'moisture' issues are much better. And, since I decided not to go back to BCPs and opted for an IUD instead, I am hoping my need for Astroglide will continue to fade!

[katmg]

BUMP for more people's experiences...

I'm at almost 3 months PP and things are not anywhere close to being back to normal. Things are so painful I tear up and we have to stop. I'm wondering if it will get any better as time goes on or if I should suck it up and go see my OB...(not exactly sure what to tell the receptionist the appointment is for - I really don't think I can say painful sex!)

[Ilovemygeek]

I had a 4th degree tear and waited until 8 weeks PP to DTD and it HURT. My body was just not ready even though I had been given the go ahead by my OB/GYN. We waited a few more weeks before trying again. Now, at 4 1/2 months PP, I would say sex is mildly uncomfortable at times, but definitely bearable and sometimes even enjoyable.

Just listen to your body. If it hurts too bad, stop and try again later. It does get better eventually, but you might have to be generous with the lube for a while. ;)

[amychris03]

I had a partial 3rd degree tear, and sex was really painful. I'd tell your OB. Mine tried several things (creams, etc), and finally decided that I had an impinged nerve where they sutured me because it hurt in one specific spot. So I had to have an episiotomy revision. After that, it did not hurt, with the proper lube, and now that AF has returned, it is much better. But that surgery, as sucky as it was, is what helped me. What convinced me was when I had to go in for my annual and it hurt so bad I had tears streaming down my face.

[Ericka_Jarett]

I had a bad tear and we got the ok at my 6w pp appt. We tried it and it was painful enough that I had to stop, the next time we tried it just used a lot of lube and took things slow it was better, not 100% but much better. It does get better the more you attempt it PP. Lube is a definite must though at least for a few weeks until your body adjusts again.

[Lizard]

BUMP for more people's experiences...

I'm at almost 3 months PP and things are not anywhere close to being back to normal. Things are so painful I tear up and we have to stop. I'm wondering if it will get any better as time goes on or if I should suck it up and go see my OB...(not exactly sure what to tell the receptionist the appointment is for - I really don't think I can say painful sex!)

I just wanted to say that I had the same issues... I had a 2nd degree tear, and the area around it hurt terribly. There were many times that I just couldn't DTD, and even during times when it didn't hurt so bad, I was in constant panic that it WOULD, so it was hard to get in the mood. :( Now at almost 9 months PP, I am about 90% back to normal. It's only been within the last couple months that I've noticed a major improvement.

I saw the OB recently and brought it up, and he said that they give mothers up to 18 months to get back to normal - it can take that long! I had no idea.

[PinkMartini]

I'm 5 months PP and it's still sore when DTD. I received 6 stitches and while not dry, it's just uncomfortable. I've never had dryness problems though, if anything, I have an overabundance of moisture...

[mamapicklejuice]

Now at almost 9 months PP, I am about 90% back to normal. It's only been within the last couple months that I've noticed a major improvement.


Just piping up to give hope as well - I was 9 mos pp before I started to really look forward to dtd again - I had a 2nd degree tear and two smaller ones - and it just felt rough and uncomfortable for quite a while - and then it just kind of turned a corner (similar to nursing, actually)...

So hang in there!

[beevo12]

Um, if you like having sex with barbed wire then its not that bad. That's what it felt like for me. It took 6 months for me to be ok again.

[jimmysgirl424]

Um, if you like having sex with barbed wire then its not that bad. That's what it felt like for me. It took 6 months for me to be ok again.


:eek: :eek: Okay...you ladies are scaring me! Will sex ever be the same again after I pop this kid out? :confused:

[sue-bert]

Once you feel okay in the general area, like evrything has healed properly, you and DH can try and see how it goes. If it's uncomfortable or just not enjoyable, stop and wait a couple of weeks.

I don't see any point in having sex if it's going to be physically painful.

[Marisa]

:eek: :eek: Okay...you ladies are scaring me! Will sex ever be the same again after I pop this kid out? :confused:

Yes, yes it will. And I'll leave it at that. ;)

It took me a while, too. I was BFing and didn't get my cycles back until 14 mos. PP, but I'd say that between 6-9 mos. PP things started returning to 'normal'. There's all the other parts of having a new baby that make intimacy difficult -- sleepless nights, having someone physically 'on' you much of the day can make you feel 'touched out' and not interested in sex. But that improves with time.

My thought was always -- there's a short time, maybe a year, where the sex is not the greatest (or not happening at all!) -- but you have a lifetime to be intimate with your husband, this is just a small bump in the road, right? :)

[LILRTL]

:eek: :eek: Okay...you ladies are scaring me! Will sex ever be the same again after I pop this kid out? :confused:

I just looked at the last page of this thread, but wanted to answer that. It didn't take DH and I long AT ALL to get back into the swing of things. The only time I was in PAIN was the first time. The next was slightly uncomfortable... and so on. It probably only took 2-3 times where it felt decent, and only a few more to where it was "normal". I think a lot of it is what you put into it - if that makes sense. We knew that was an important part of "us" connecting in an otherwise extremely hectic time.

Anyway - all that to say it won't necessarily take MONTHS. It can only take weeks. ;) Oh - and I should say we dtd the day after my 6-week check-up (which was at 4 weeks), and I had a 2nd degree tear.

[mel7dog]

Ok guess I am the odd ball out because I am 11m PP and it still hurts like hell. I am still BFing, so that could be why. BUT it as gotten a little better over time. DH and I use a ton of lube as well as some "anal ease" (ROTFLMA). The AE makes it a bit numb so it doesn't hurt as much.

[Delaney21]

I'm 4 months PP and it still hurts a lot! Hopefully it will get better in the next few months!

[Lizard]

The AE makes it a bit numb so it doesn't hurt as much.

Ohh.. that reminds me, DH and I have been using Trojan Extended Pleasure condoms, and they help a LOT. There is just enough numbing stuff on the outside of the latex to help keep my sore spot in check.

[mamapicklejuice]

I think a lot of it is what you put into it - if that makes sense. We knew that was an important part of "us" connecting in an otherwise extremely hectic time.

Intimacy is important to us as well...didn't change the physical situation of discomfort pp. You were lucky, and I'm happy to hear that some women heal up quickly, but others shouldn't feel badly for needing more time pp to recover, nor should they be afraid - everyone's different, but it's good to be prepared. All that being said...there's more than one way to skin a cat, so to speak, if you (general you) want to connect with your spouse in an intimate way.

[LILRTL]

I would never ever suggest that someone should feel bad! Ever! Every single person is different. I was just offering up that not everyone will hurt for months on end!

[CMW02]

Any more input from those of you who had c-secs?

I had one w/my 1st and will again w/baby #2.

After DD's birth, our sex life dwindled to practically nonexistent. I cant even remember how long it was before we DTD again. A LONG time, is all I know, so I really dont have an accurate "painful" time to draw from.

This time, in an effort to be more pro-active, I'd like to go for it as soon as possible. I'm being ambitious, I already know. :D

I just remember w/my c-sec, I was pretty sore in the incision area for a good 2 months.

Edited to add:
And I agree w/ both LIL and Mama....
We barely put ANY effort into it and as a result we (my H and I) really had a hard time w/our marriage after baby was born. Again, this was MY situation and each is different.

So, from personal experience, for ME, I know how important it is/will be not to ignore the sexual aspect of my relationship post pardom.

[LILRTL]

And I also wanted to add that what I meant by "what you put into it" was frequency. I think most could say that the more you dtd (whether it's 5 times in a month or 5 times in 6 months), it gets easier. I didn't mean that those whom it didn't come easier for weren't trying hard enough. Not at all.

[mamapicklejuice]

Ah - clearly misunderstood! My bad. :o Frequency didn't help my situation, but variety kept things interesting! :cool:

[Tandis]

I'm so happy to hear that eventually it will start to not hurt so much. No one ever told me that it was going to be painful the first time, so neither of us was really prepared for it (granted we only waited three weeks, so that might have been part of the problem as well ;) ).

Also good to know that the more we do it the better it will get :D Now I just have to talk DH into giving it another chance (which I doubt will be that hard to do)

[Rancid13]

Any more input from those of you who had c-secs?


4 months PP and though we haven't tried in a few weeks (I got an IUD a couple weeks ago and was pretty sore for a little bit afterwards). The first couple times it was extremely painful to the point where I made him stop after a minute. The next couple of times were just 'uncomfortable' but not too bad. Even though my c/s incision healed up within a matter of 2 weeks PP, I still hurt in the vaginal area for a good couple months or more. Maybe we'll test the waters so to speak , very soon and see how things are coming along.

[CMW02]

Thanks Rancid:
I find it interesting that you still hurt in the vaginal area even w/c-sec.
Was your C-sec planned?
I pushed for 2 hours and then ended up w/C-sec... I remember the (sorry about TMI) blood flow afterwards, but I dont know if I was sore or not.
And given the fact Dh and I didnt TRY to DTD, I have no idea how I may have felt.

Interesting though! Thanks again!

[katmg]

I remember reading that you can still hurt vaginally with a c-section because of the hormonal changes.

I made DH read this thread; I think we both underestimated how much healing time I would need.

[Rancid13]

CMW02~ No, my c/s was not planned. I was induced the day after my due date because of borderline high blood pressure/PIH. After my water was broken ~18 hours after the beginning of the induction, I only dilated 5-5.5cm then just stopped there after 10 hours. They got my ob on the phone and we discussed the possibility of a c/s but I opted to give it 2 more hours and after I failed to progress any further, we went ahead with the c/s prep. I never got to the pushing stage. There were a lot of internal exams, and the catheter b/c of my epidural and of course all the wonder PP bleeding. :o :rolleyes: Even though we DTD often during my last 2 weeks pregnant (I didn't want to have to be medically induced:o ), I gave in to DH about 4 weeks PP and boy did it hurt to high heaven! I yelled "Stop stop stop stop! Owowow! No more!!":o . He felt bad but it hurt like a mother!!

[maplekitty]

Any more input from those of you who had c-secs?



I'm 5.5 mons. PP and we still havnt DTD :o
I feel bad for hubby, but I'm just not at all intersted, and I'd rather not do it just to please him and have me lay there completely uninterested!
We've just started to become more intimate and touchy and maybe because DD isn't nursing anymore I'm not feeling so touched-out. I'm hoping my sex-drive comes back soon...I really do like to do it, and this feeling is horrible!! :(

[maplekitty]

Ok guess I am the odd ball out because I am 11m PP and it still hurts like hell. I am still BFing, so that could be why. BUT it as gotten a little better over time. DH and I use a ton of lube as well as some "anal ease" (ROTFLMA). The AE makes it a bit numb so it doesn't hurt as much.

My doctor gave me a prescription for an estrogen cream to use internally. He said because the cervix is thinned out when you are BF'ing and then its much more sensitive when you DTD. You should ask your doctor about it.

[mommydearest]

We DTD for the first time this week after 9 weeks. I had epi complications, but that wasn't why it hurt. But boy did it HURT!!!! And, even though DH was really gentle, I still had light spotting/bleeding for 2 days afterward. I hadn't gotten around to getting my birth control shot and we used condoms. Even with lube, it still rubbed. All in all, it was not the wonderful experience I had hoped for. To make it worse, DH feels really bad like it was his fault or something. So, I'm not doing anything else til I get to the doc and get my shot.

[mkvh]

We DTD right at 6w pp. And I tore all over the place; I never looked, and DH told me I didn't want to know, but it was only 2nd degree (in multiple places). I even had a couple stitches that didn't dissolve and had to be pulled out by the OB at my 6w check up. They were REALLY sore. With a little patience and restraint by DH, I would say that the worst was over by the 8w mark (we tried to make a point to DTD weekly). And DTD became enjoyable when I felt like it by 3 months pp.

My cycles returned (EBF/pumping 3 days/wk) at 6 months pp, and WOW did that make a difference. I have a real sex drive now, and things are as good if not better than before! FTR, I am not on any hormonal BC.

[Mrs.Chappy]

yes, it was that bad..i felt like i was losing my virginity all over. I was basically like, hurry up, ouch , it hurts.

[CMW02]

Thanks all!
I guess I'm just really concerned..well, b/c of our experience after our DD..we really lost touch w/one another.

I'm trying to avoid that w/him this time. Unfortunately, he's one of those guys who feels REALLY uncomfy DTD when I'm pregnant. It freaks him out so, we havent DTD already for about 2 months. I'm FRUSTRATED but I understand...and then to think about how *I* will feel PP... it just seems like a looooooooooong time to wait. But I'm freaked about DTD and it hurting pp!
LOL!!

Never really thought about the fact that it would hurt down there. I always just thought about the c-sec incision! Doh.
I appreciate the feedback. :)

[jimmysgirl424]

*bump*

[Rancid13]

Update:
Almost 5 mos PP and we tried again last night. I'm now past the ob 'suggested' 4 weeks since I had my IUD inserted to DTD without a backup method. Ouch ouch ouch! :( It burned like an UTI or like we'd been going at it nonstop for hours, like a very raw feeling. And we used a VERY generous amount of lube as well. I had a c/s so it's very odd to me that I'd be so sore down there nonetheless.:confused:

[sparkle&shine]

Rancid13 ~ I had a c/s and I was VERY VERY sore. I didn't even push. It just felt to 'tight' like being a virgin all over again but worse. It is definitely the horomones I think. I don't really remember when things got back to normal but it was definitely a LOT longer than I thought it would be especially with having a c/s.

I think that a lot of people think that because you didn't push the baby out your vagina won't change at all. It's just not true though. I actually cried a few tears the first 2 or 3 times we DTD. We just kept trying and eventually I could go for more than a few minutes without pain. Frequency definitely helps.

[Rancid13]

sparkle&shine~ At least it's not just me. ;) This was maybe the 7th or 8th time we tried and I thought it would get easier each time, but this time hurt just as much as the first time PP. :( I'm glad DH is being so patient and understanding. I didn't push either, but was in labor for ~30 hours before having to undergo the c/s.

[sparkle&shine]

Rancid ~ I was in labor for about 18 and I fully dilated so that may have something to do with it too. It was at least 12 times before it felt 'good' to me.

[Rancid13]

Rancid ~ I was in labor for about 18 and I fully dilated so that may have something to do with it too. It was at least 12 times before it felt 'good' to me.

I only got to ~5.5cm before failing to progress any further...Maybe just a few more tries for me before it stops hurting so bad, eh? ;)

[jesseybell]

rancid- I did push for 2 hours but she didn't go anywhere so I had a c/s. But I was surprised how raw I felt as well. Even trying a tampon for the first time at 7 months pp felt painful (not a virgin tight feel, but raw skin). Thankfully it does get better!

[Janey]

Any more input from those of you who had c-secs?
I had a C-Section in late February. Our first time was 6w PP, and while it didn't hurt, it was uncomfortable. Probably could've been better with extra lubrication. We haven't tried again since... not because of the pain, but because of general exhaustion. I am not disinterested, exactly ... I think, "Ooh that sure would be nice!" But the idea of actually making the effort to do it once we get dinner eaten, kitchen cleaned, baby bathed, nursed, and into bed, the laundry folded (or whatever), and then us into bed... well, it just seems like way too much effort. It's an effort that needs to be made, sure... but right now, it's too much.

[Tracie]

I had a vaginal delivery with a 3rd degree tear. We first DTD 3 months PP and it hurt like heck. But it got a little better every time, to wear it only hurt initially and not at all.

I recommend lube. That helped a LOT.