What should a woman take advantage of in that final year before getting pregnant?

[heather1029]

Question for new mommies...

I'm planning on beginning the TTC process in August 2007. :D I know I want to take a big trip to Italy, but what else should I be doing that I won't get to do when I have kids?

What should any woman do in that final year before getting pregnant?? What should I take advantage of?

PS, I did a search for a similar thread, but didn't find one. Please redirect me if there is one.

[maplekitty]

well I dont have my baby yet...but some things to consider before you get *pregnant*

-eat all the sushi you can eat and enjoy every last morcel of sashimi!

-spend lots of QT with DH, going to movies, out for dinner, lounging in bed on Sunday morning, eating crackers cheese and wine for dinner and just being carefree!

-wear fabulous sexy high heels whenever possibly, because when you're pregnant, it just wont happen...and when you have a baby or a toddler I imagine it still wont happen!

[tunibell]

Here's my list:

* Drink. My DH and I used to split a bottle of wine most nights a week. It was heaven. Now I'm lucky if I can sneak in two small glasses a week.

* Sleep. Whenever you please, wherever you please, as much as you please.

* Do a whole bunch of nothing. I spent the entire morning before my water broke playing the Sims 2 and haven't been that lazy since!

[bunny nose]

-Savor each and every minute of alone time- whether it be just you, or with DH. Its over once the baby comes. Or at least gets very hard to have.

-Enjoy lazy mornings sleeping in. When the baby is up, you are up.

-Totally enjoy that big trip to Italy. I was looking forward to going back to our honeymoon destinantion for our 5 year anniversary. Its next year. The trip won't be happening. Maybe for our 10 or 15 year.

-Enjoy doing what you want, when you want. Its 1 PM and I'm sitting thinking of a million things I could've done already. DS woke at 8 and went down for a nap at 10:30. I got what I needed done around the house, but not any of the shopping I needed to get done. You have no set schedule once baby arrives. Its all about them.

I'm sure I can think of a million more. But the main thing is to enjoy life as you now know it- it will never be the same again.

Karen

[BooeyJ2]

SLEEP (most importantly LOL)

TRAVEL

SUSHI (like Maplekitty said!) :)

[cgmom313]

- Agree - Take that big trip as well as a "Babymoon" before the baby is born. DH and I did not do this and I so wish that I did.

- Drink and live it up with Friends that dont have kids when you will. You will say "Oh we will still seeyou" but in reality you dont have as much chance to meet them for dinner and drinks. Friends without kids dont get it. I used to be one of those but now with kids I have a whole different perspective.

- Agree with others... Savor all the alone time and such with DH.

- Dont say things wont be that different after you have a baby. I was another one that said and Whoa I was in for a total surprise.

- Start organizing and cleaning out closest, because you will never have time to do this after a baby is here. I got into a cleaning/organizing fest in our bedroom and the guest bedroom at about 6 mts PG. I got so tired it took me almost 2 weeks to finish it. One of those things I said I wished I done before the baby was born.

I think that is it...

Good Luck

[savannahgrl]

I agree with all of the other's tips. Mine would be to enjoy having your body to yourself for awhile. I have been really sick for the majority of my pregnancy and I now realize that I took my good health forgranted before I got pregnant.

Also, this sounds silly but enjoy your cute clothes. As much as maternity clothes have changed for the better, they still pale in comparison to my designer jeans, cute dresses, tops, etc.

[yby1]

Sleep - sleep as much as you can. Sleep in as long as you can, because once baby is here, you'll have a human alarm clock that loves to wake you up early... with no "snooze" function. ;)

Shopping - take your time, try on clothes. Just try them on for the sake of trying them on. :p

Dining out - Go out to nice restaurants, drink wine. Be merry.

Concerts/Clubbing - Splurge on "out all night" activities. See some of your favorite bands. Get drunk. Have fun. :)

[Jessiesmama]

Whatever hobbies you have now - do them alot!

I loved to read, go to the gym, scrapbook and to other creative projects. I haven't done much of any of that since my DD was born - and she's 14 months now.

I agree about travel and sleep - just because you can!

[hub1176]

ITA with everyone else!!

SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP!! You have no idea what sleep deprevation is until you have a baby! :)

[doubleR]

sleep is top on my list, but it's already been said. and by everyone :)

this kind of goes with enjoying your cute clothes, but really love and appreciate your body. even if you *think* you're unhappy with anything about it, love it now b/c it will just be different after going through a pregnancy and birth.

and a pre-baby vacation is key. in between drinking and eating sushi, take naps and sleep a lot on that vacation!

just enjoy your life as it is now... a baby really does change everything ;)

[{b}]

Baby isn't here yet, but really, I don't see my life as ending just because I'm PG.

I do agree, sleeping in late, drinking and having alone time with hubby are all things to savor now, though!

[Jessiesmama]

I forgot one....

Have all the manis/pedis you want...whenever you want! It's hard to find the time to get a pedicure after baby!

[michiganbride]

Travel Travel Travel

[elladee]

I dunno. My life post baby isn't really all that much different than my life pre-baby. Sleep is really the only thing I miss now.

[kimthebride]

Sleep

Spontaneous sex with DH

Easy travel

Sleep

A certain...feeling of no 'real' responsibility. Yeah, you are responsible for your mortgage and your marriage etc...but there is nothing like knowing you are responsible for every decision that affect this little person's life.

The consecutive hours of a FULL night's sleep

Running a quick errand & being on time. Much harder to accomplish with someone else in tow.

Yum. Splitting a really good bottle (or two ;) ) of red wine with DH or your girlfriends over dinner, staying out late and not watching the clock.

Did I mention....sleep?

[yby1]

Spontaneous sex with DH


That's a good one. Do it all over the house. Run around nekkid in your home without a care in the world. Just make sure your drapes are closed. :)

[scout]

Baby isn't here yet, but really, I don't see my life as ending just because I'm PG.

Your life certainly won't end, but it will most likely change. For instance pre-baby, dh and I loved to go to the theater and dinner in the city. Now, post-bbay, I can still go, but we have to find a babysitter that we trust enough to watch ds for six hours, PAY $80 for the sitter on top of theater tickets and dinner, worry about getting home at a decent hour because ds is up at 6:00 a.m. When ds was nursing, it was even more of a hassle, because I'd have to pump enough milk, worry about being engorged while I was away, etc. etc.

My advice is to just take advantage of ability to be spontaneous. THAT will certainly change once you have a baby.

[craftgenius]

I'd say spend plenty QT with hubby and do some traveling.

[Toonces]

Enjoy alone and quiet time with your DH. ITA about the spontaneous sex suggestion.

Read books and magazines that have nothing to do with babies.

Complete home redecorating.

Eat out at adult restaurants.

If you enjoy it, go out to bars/clubs (a lot). :)

Sleep in and take naps.

Shop and enjoy doing it alone.

This one is hard to describe, but try to enjoy the feeling of only being responsible for yourself. After you have a baby you'll always have his/her well-being and protection in the forefront of your mind. It's a drastic change.

[allyray231]

Sleep

Drink

Sex

:)

[coquelicot]

I'm making a note of these tips, too. I might be TTC around the same time as Heather.

I love my sleep, I know that's one thing I'm going to miss. Maybe our neighbor's dog is actually doing us a favor by keeping us up some nights with her barking. Is she trying to give us a feel for what it's going to be like with a baby? ;)

[chefker]

Most everything I can think of, has been mentioned already.

What I missed most was sushi, wine, and roller coaster rides. I LOVE riding the coasters at Six Flags, and I really missed doing that when I was PG.

Spontaneous stuff - whether it's taking off for a long weekend with your DH/SO, or taking time to yourself.

I miss just wandering around the mall aimlessly shopping for myself. Now I have to bring DS with me, and it's just harder to relax and enjoy shopping when you're worried about where to feed/change your DC wherever you might be. :)

[heather1029]

Great answers! I need all this advice.

I keep putting off my paintings and freelance articles. I guess I should get on the ball, huh?

I like the idea of wearing high heels all the time. And definitely the sleeping in and being lazy part. Oh, and my home needs some MAJOR decorating. Whew! Lots to do before baby!

[rosa727]

My baby is not here yet, but I definitely miss the drinking wine and eating sushi now that I am PG. I also miss shopping for regular clothes, even though I do have lots of cute maternity things.

I don't know about life after a baby, and I expect much will be WAY different, but I do think people are different. I have some friends who still travel tons (often with baby) and have a life fairly similar to their pre-baby life, even though they have a 1 year old. I hope to be like that. We love our travel!

[mel7dog]

I often think about how I wish I had appreciated my body before I was pregnant because it was actully somewhat cute.

So I'd say love your body and wear cute clothes :p

[smilewithme]

I keep putting off my paintings and freelance articles. I guess I should get on the ball, huh?



Absolutely! Get your writing in. I was so disillusioned and thought I would write while on maternity leave. HA. Big HaHa. Now I simply don't have time with a full-time job and baby in tow. After putting DD down for the evening, bottles need cleaning and to be made for the next day and I try to get myself organized for the next day's happenings. I'm not very good at that. Then, I'm exhausted and don't even want to think about more "work".

Yes, we travel with our little one but there's some planning that goes into it and it takes longer to load/unload and try to predict the unpredictable.

Life didn't end when DD came along, but it has morphed into a new, better, yet a tad more stressed, life.

Oh yea...and someone posted about appreciating your body, even if you think it's not perfect. I certainly didn't have a perfect body beforehand, but gosh, it was better than what I'm looking at today. Just different. Some women bounce back perfectly, but me, not so lucky.

[Toonces]

I often think about how I wish I had appreciated my body before I was pregnant because it was actully somewhat cute.

Great point! Yeah, enjoy non-sagging boobs while you can. :) Some ppl think that BFing makes boobs sag, but I've heard that pregnancy in general makes them sag regardless of whether you BF. Okay, now that I type this I really hope my aren't just sagging from age. :o

[jeninef]

I would say ditto to everything said here. Appreciate your body, enjoy sleeping in, enjoy alcohol (if you do) and enjoy un-interrupted SEX.;)

One thing I wanted to do and didn't get to do was the last big trip before baby had arrived...we were going to go on a mini-vacation during my second trimester, but I had some unexpected "problems" during my pregnancy and the Dr. said no go! Everything turned out to be fine and I could have gone during my third trimester, but by then, I felt so BIG I didn't want to go anywhere!! So,for me, I wish I would have gotten to go on that last trip with just me and DH before baby came along!

[Bloomwood]

go to the movies!

And, yes, appreciate your body.

[BooeyJ2]

Great point! Yeah, enjoy non-sagging boobs while you can. :)

DITTO!

Not everyone ends up sagging....but I sure did. Sheesh and I didn't used to think my boobs were nice =P Looking back I had pretty nice boobs (full C, not saggy)...now.....umm yeah, National Geographic makes ME look bad :eek: :( :p

[CarolinaGirl]

Foster relationships with your girlfriends so that once you're over that immediate postpartum/new mom shock (when you're too exhausted to talk to a soul), they'll still be there waiting for you. If they have children themselves - even better. Your DC will have a playmate while you have adult interaction. You may want to warn your single friends that new moms sometimes go into hiding.

Get in shape. You'll have bad cravings while you're pregnant that will put on extra weight. You just can't help it no matter how hard you try. That baby weight doesn't just melt away, even with breastfeeding. It took me a year to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. You're much better off if you start off in shape.

Travel. Go to adults-only resorts and hotels. You'd be surprised how many places don't allow young children. Also, you don't have to pack so much stuff (toys, cooler with breastmilk/formula, bottles, babyfood, baby spoon, stroller, diapers, etc...) when it's just you two.

Read good books. You'll be reading baby books like Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weisbluth once you're a mom.

Sleeeeep!

[moderngal]

*enjoy your body, things eventually get back in place, but it's still not the same. and fwiw, I still wear heels a lot- but in a bigger size now.

*go out, stay out late, get drunk, and have fun. often.

*travel. and do things that kids don't like, like look at old shit and take your time doing things, and just relax. you can travel with kids, but it's all go go go and hard to really unwind like pre-baby.

*sleep. a lot.

[BTB]

Sex in the living room. And the kitchen. And the laundry room. Anytime.

Most things do come back eventually. Sure, there are things I miss about my old life. But there are also so many wonderful things about my new life that I was missing out on then, and didn't even know it. :)

[Wrighty26]

There are definitely a few things I am now struggling with post-partum and would definitely advise you all take advantage of prior to having your baby:

- Breastfeeding-- If you decide to breastfeed be prepared to give up your body physically and mentally. When a baby is a newborn he/she eats 10-12 times a day. That's A LOT of time and energry dedicated to your child. Don't get me wrong-- I am very happy with my decision to breastfeed and the rewards outweigh the struggles, but it's definitely more overwhelming than I thought it would be.

- Scheduling everything - I like making plans--but I also like to just "wing stuff". There is really no winging anything with a baby! They themselves are spontaneous, requiring YOU to set the routine and give them a sense of order. Every time I leave the house I think "How much time do I have to do this activity until B needs to eat again?"

-Sleep - The lack of sleep is different than what I thought it would be. I think I am most frustrated that while I am tired during the day-- I'm not tired enough to nap. The whole "sleep while the baby is sleeping" thing doesn't work for me. Once you do have a baby-- I highly recommend letting the dad give your baby a bottle at some point during the night. Getting up every 2-3 hours is not fun!

-Me time - I'm sure I will adjust, but I miss my "me time." Sure, I do have bursts of time during the day when B is sleeping to do stuff, but it's not the same.

Overall, the pros outweight any cons--but there are things I miss that I never really considered. Two things that have helped me with this adjustment-- 1) I allowed myself to mourne the loss of my childfree life. Not even pregnancy can prepare you for you-- and 2) My DH. I will say that having a very involved and supportive DH has kept me sane and close to my husband. We are a team!

[schmeevee]

hey, we're going to start TTCing around the same time as you! ;)

we're sort of practicing right now since we have a furbaby... so we're doing lots of things similar to having a human baby. except, we can still go out while leaving him home in his crate for a few hours. LOL.

we're going to be traveling as much as we can - doing the mecca to europe, too! Spain and Italy is where we wanna go.

[Soulmate]

Did anyone mention sleep yet? ;) Seriously, you cannot fully prepare yourself for the change in sleep no matter how much you think you know. DH told me about an article he read on the internet where a reader asked, "I have a newborn, when can I expect to sleep like I used to before the baby?" The response? Never. They said that once you have a baby you will never ever return to pre-baby sleep. At each stage in life you will lose sleep. When they are older toddlers you will always keep one ear open to see if they are getting into things at night. When they are teenagers you will keep one eye open to catch them sneaking out. When they are adults you will lose sleep worrying if they are ok and why they are not calling you. So sleep often, sleep deeply, and appreciate every second of it.

That being said...I LOVED, L.O.V.E.D my sleep. Sleep was my second husband I loved it so much. The death of my beloved sleep has been so 100000% worth it. There is nothing in this world greater than the feelings you will have for your child.

[Renrel]

Take the big trip (We went to Africa)
Enjoy being sponanious. There is no just deciding to see a movie once baby get here.
Eat raw cheese, sushi, lox, deli meat and other no nos.
Drink wine and coffee.
Sleep
Be immature.
Spend money and time on yourself.
Enjoy being able to focus your attention on your DH.
Wear cute cloths that show off your figure.
Organize your home and throw out all your clutter, before the baby clutter arrives.
Learn to cook in a crockpot and other fast easy ways.
Teach DH to cook, clean and do laundry.
Talk about some serious issues with your partner whether you would terminate a pregnancy under any circumstances. Both parties should know where the other stands on these issues before the commit to TTC. You can change your mind later but at least you both have some idea the risks you are taking before you get started.
Talk about your philsophies on raising children. Main stream? Attachment parenting? breast v bottle? spanking?
Talk about the fact that most couple do not have much sex or much time for each other for at least 6 months after a baby is born. It is hard, and you won't know what it really means for you until after the baby is born but it is easier to go through if you knew that was part of the program going in.

And yes, as other said it is totally worth it. DH and I both agree our son is the most wonderful thing that every happened to us. It is so amazing to watch him grow and learn. It connects you so much with the rest of humanity to watch your own child go through what you and every other human adult went through. Parenthood is hard and there are days when I wish I could have my old life back, I really miss my me time, but I want my old life to run paralle to my present life, because nothing would make me give the experience of being mom to my child.

[jki]

Read Shape of a Mother, (http://shapeofamother.blogspot.com/) a fabulous blog which will help you manage your expectations on what your post partum body *might* look like.

[cynder]

Take a newspaper, magazine, or book and your favorite drink and go to a park on a Sunday afternoon and read. And then take a nap in the grass.

And then go home and have sex in any room but the bedroom. With your loved one.

This is all possible after the baby but it has a different feeling.

[cr8zyforaf]

Sleep...and then sleep some more...oh, and when you think you've slept enough, sleep some more.

I miss my sleep

[Sarah]

"I have a newborn, when can I expect to sleep like I used to before the baby?" The response? Never. They said that once you have a baby you will never ever return to pre-baby sleep. At each stage in life you will lose sleep. When they are older toddlers you will always keep one ear open to see if they are getting into things at night. When they are teenagers you will keep one eye open to catch them sneaking out. When they are adults you will lose sleep worrying if they are ok and why they are not calling you. So sleep often, sleep deeply, and appreciate every second of it.

I know, I just know, this is going to get me flamed. But I don't think that's necessarily true. I just want to give some hope to moms of younger toddlers and babies- I sleep fine (at least my kids do, and I try to got to bed early but tend to hang ut reading or watching TV too late). Both sleep 12 hours so sleep isn't an issue for them. I just dont want any TTC moms or new moms to think it's endless. yes, some kids don't STTN until they are 3, or 5, or 8, and some STTN from 4 months. It's all sort of a crapshoot.

And ITA with Linda- once your kids are a little older, like 3-4, you regain a ton of freedom. It's not a life sentence. You'll always be the Mom, and that's huge responsibility, but it won't be as all encompassing.

[Traciann]

I feel well rested and I have a 15 month old. So sleep is not an issue for me. I guess I don't get to sleep in as along as I want, but then I can always take a nap if I need to.

I think for me, its a matter of doing what I want when I want, without having to think about a child. But I don't think you truely realize what this is like until you have a child. I had a whole afternoon to myself and almost didn't know what to do...it felt strange.

[MLA]

Dear god. Reading threads like this scares the crap out of me. DH and I are planning to TTC in about a year. I don't know if I'm ready to give up so much of what makes my life great for the unknown and unproven (in my case) happiness of motherhood.

The closer we get to TTC, the more scared I get. And it's mostly about selfish things. I think I'll be a good mom, but I really like my life as it is now. I don't know if I'm ready to give it up just yet. :(

[Bibay626]

Dear god. Reading threads like this scare the crap out of me. DH and I are planning to TTC in about a year. I don't know if I'm ready to give up so much of what makes my life great for the unknown and unproven (in my case) happiness of motherhood.

The closer we get to TTC, the more scared I get. And it's mostly about selfish things. I think I'll be a good mom, but I really like my life as it is now. I don't know if I'm ready to give it up just yet. :(

We plan to TTC next year too. We got a crash course with watching our godson this summer. You do give up a lot and your time is never really your own. I was surprised at how much everything you do revolves around the baby. Duh! It's a reality check when you're actually watching one for a long period of time. Like, doing something that used to be spontaneous with DH and I (going to the beach, outdoor syphmony, walking around the park, quick stop at the store) needs to be more planned out and more packing for "just in case" moments with the baby.

But it's so worth it. I'm not a mom, but when my godson reaches out for me or when I hear his giggles when he first catches sight of me from across the way.... it's heaven :)

[MLA]

But it's so worth it. I'm not a mom, but when my godson reaches out for me or when I hear his giggles when he first catches sight of me from across the way.... it's heaven :)

I felt that way about my nephew when he was little (he's all grown up now!), but I didn't have him with me 24/7. I don't know. The enormity (is that even a word?) of being a parent is just overwhelming.

[maybebaby]

Mom of a newborn thanks Sarah for keeping hope alive!

I just dont want any TTC moms or new moms to think it's endless.

[chandy]

I know, I just know, this is going to get me flamed. But I don't think that's necessarily true. I just want to give some hope to moms of younger toddlers and babies- I sleep fine (at least my kids do, and I try to got to bed early but tend to hang ut reading or watching TV too late). Both sleep 12 hours so sleep isn't an issue for them. I just dont want any TTC moms or new moms to think it's endless. yes, some kids don't STTN until they are 3, or 5, or 8, and some STTN from 4 months. It's all sort of a crapshoot.

ITA with Sarah, and my youngest is only 3 months! The sleep thing really can get back to normal pretty quickly. I also carve out free time for myself to be in a book club, go to scrapbooking groups, and go on dates with my husband. It isn't the same as before, but it is far from impossible!

But I'll agree with everyone about taking a big vacation. If you or DH have to use vacation time for when the baby is born, it may be a long time before you have time to go away again. And vacationing with little ones is a different experience than vacationing as a couple!

[rosa727]

Dear god. Reading threads like this scares the crap out of me. DH and I are planning to TTC in about a year. I don't know if I'm ready to give up so much of what makes my life great for the unknown and unproven (in my case) happiness of motherhood.

The closer we get to TTC, the more scared I get. And it's mostly about selfish things. I think I'll be a good mom, but I really like my life as it is now. I don't know if I'm ready to give it up just yet. :(


Now mind you, I am not a mom YET, but I felt the same way as you before I got PG. I thought - "I know I want kids, but how will I ever take the plunge and give up this life I love so much?" For me, it wasn't until I thought I was accidentally PG (and wasn't) that I realized how much I wanted to be. I was so sad when I saw a BFN, even though we were not trying. Luckily, I got PG the next month :D I just don't think you can ever be 100% ready, IMO.

[allyray231]

I always say it is the hardest job with the most reward.

It is hard. Sometimes are easier then others. However, I can't imagine life without my DS. Though there are days I just want to go away and be alone and acutally spend time with my DH -when I walk in the door and he smiles-I forget :)

[nyrican]

Wear a sexy bikini.

Travel!

[cynder]

The closer we get to TTC, the more scared I get. And it's mostly about selfish things. I think I'll be a good mom, but I really like my life as it is now. I don't know if I'm ready to give it up just yet.

I think the fact that you are scared is a good sign. Sometimes people don't realize how much changes or they do but just not to the right degree. Because alot does change with parenthood but it doesn't mean the end of era or a "final year". I view it more as readjustment. It's on how you frame your actions. For instance alot of people say travel before TTC. That's good advice because you probably can't do the spontaneous weekend trip. But you can still travel, just in a different way either with or without DC. You can still sleep in, if you can work out an arrangment with DH. Date night, having a babysitter, and non DS time once a month is really important to me so I find a way to make it happen. I am still working on the spontaneous sex thing.

The totality of taking care of someone 24/7 is a challenge and it's not for everybody. My DH fully admits that as much as he loves DS, children was a not a must for his life. I respect that though it was hard for me to swallow when we were dating and even hearing it now though he has no regrets. Having children was big for me and he loved me enough to do with me. We were both scared out of our mind but the one thing we learned is that there is never a perfect time and you can never be ready. You do need to be on the same page. It is a really big unknown but life is kind of like that. Nothing is for sure.

[MLA]

Thanks, cynder. I appreciate your insight.

[elladee]

Because alot does change with parenthood but it doesn't mean the end of era or a "final year". I view it more as readjustment. It's on how you frame your actions. For instance alot of people say travel before TTC. That's good advice because you probably can't do the spontaneous weekend trip. But you can still travel, just in a different way either with or without DC. You can still sleep in, if you can work out an arrangment with DH. Date night, having a babysitter, and non DS time once a month is really important to me so I find a way to make it happen. I am still working on the spontaneous sex thing.

I totally agree with this. I have changed. Hell, I'm responsible for another human being who is not capable of surviving on her own. That's huge and something you can never really put out of your mind. But, really, my lifestyle hasn't changed all that much. We still do all the things we used to do pre baby. I think how much you have to change once you have a baby depends both on what sort of lifestyle you led prebaby and how much you're willing to let it change. DH and I have tried hard to integrate a baby into our lives rather than integrate our lives into a baby's, if that makes sense.

[LIZNKEITH]

I’d have to say that our lives have pretty much stayed the same. We don't party as much as we used to, but we do all the things we had prior to having DD: traveling, eating out at restaurants (okay, maybe not as many really nice ones as we used to as we would need to find a babysitter), camping, getting together with friends.

Sleep kind of took a toll. While DD sleeps through most nights, she still wakes up a couple of nights a week. You really do get used to it though. Our sick/vacation time doesn’t seem as plentiful as it once was as we now have to take in to consideration someone else’s sick time. And my house doesn’t stay as clean as it once did. Financially, we are still pretty much in the same position as we were before, but at least now we get a killer tax refund. ;)

[Wrighty26]

I think the fact that you are scared is a good sign. Sometimes people don't realize how much changes or they do but just not to the right degree. Because alot does change with parenthood but it doesn't mean the end of era or a "final year". I view it more as readjustment. It's on how you frame your actions.


Well said...

I think a lot of people, including myself, underestimate how much of your life changes once you have a child. Everyone told me, "You're life is going to change forever." and while I agreed with the statement, I didn't really understand it until I had given birth.

I fully expect to "regain" a lot of my freedoms as my DS grows independent from me/DH, but like someone else said imy life will never be the same. It's definitely changed forever. This is definitely a positive thing, and I am SO happy about being a mom, but took a major readjustment and was initially a complete shock to my system.

Instead of focusing on being scared or nervous about motherhood just enjoy every day! Like Rosa said, you are never 100% ready or prepared for a child. But how else would you learn and grow as a person?

[southerner]

bump

[rosa727]

Now that I have had my baby, I figured I would repost :)

I would say travel a lot. I am sooo glad DH and I did so much before I got PG (and some while I was PG) because it will be tougher now. Although we do have two trips already planned (one with DS and one without), so it is still possible, just harder.

I would also just enjoy lazy weekend days where you can get up whenever you want and do whatever you want. I don't love to sleep in, but I do miss being able to do it occasionally.

Spend lots of time with friends because it will be harder once the baby comes, especially when they are very new.

[cr8zyforaf]

But you can still travel, just in a different way either with or without DC. You can still sleep in, if you can work out an arrangment with DH. Date night, having a babysitter, and non DS time once a month is really important to me so I find a way to make it happen. I am still working on the spontaneous sex thing.

I think this depends a lot on the child you have - my DD was colicky/gassy and screamed for about 6 months - she had digestive issues, reflux followed by a good three months of one ear infection after another. And she also never slept more than 2-3 hours at a time and if we got off schedule some how (and that schedule included me putting her to bed) it would take a week to get back on. The few times we left her, it was horrible - not only did the people watching her not get any rest or break from the high-needs, DD didn't rest either. As far as traveling - tried this also and I finally gave up after a trip to the beach was so horrible sleep wise, I actually had to drive for hours to get her to sleep because she refused to sleep in a strange place, even with me holding her. It got to the point that we did NOTHING because every time we did, we paid for it for weeks.

DD is 18 months and just getting to the point where she can be somewhat flexible. We are going to attempt a trip in June and I am already dreading how it will go.

I agree with the others that stated no matter how much stuff you try to cram in pre-baby, it was a huge adjustment to me and something that I was extremely depressed about for a very long time. That said, I wouldn't trade her for anything and I can't imagine my life without her.

[BethIrish]

Enjoy the fact that your heart is your own. I never, ever thought I could love someone as much as I love this little guy. Every time you hear about a child being sick, hungry, harmed or killed your heart will break. You'll look at your child and think "thank you God and please continue keeping us safe." You will never know fear like that of a thought that something is wrong or has harmed your child.

I never expected to have the feelings or gut wrenching reactions that I do these days.

[CMW02]

EVERYTHING!?!

My BFF and I were talking about this same thing just today. How hard it is to be a mom, how it changes your life and sometimes you long for those "easy" days.
I wouldnt change a thing, I love being a mom, but sometims I miss it all being about ME!

Eat, drink and be merry and TRAVEL! :)

[catmom]

I haven't read all the responses, but the big one for me would have been doing work on the house. I had NO IDEA what a PITA it would be having repairs/remodeling done with a baby who needs to be able to nap amid all the noise.

The other thing would be to sock away some extra cash, epecially if you are planning to SAH. Little things go wrong, and I'm really glad we had put away a little emergency fund before I stopped working.

[JennW]

Sleep. You will miss your sleep so much. BUT, cuddling with your DC in the early morning is pretty great, too.:)

Travel.

Grocery shopping alone.

Being generally lazy.

Wearing regular bras and sleeping with no bra. The hardest part of nursing for me was sleeping with a bra on all the time.:rolleyes:

There is no doubt that having a baby changes your life. But, it is the single most wonderful and important thing I have ever done and I would not change one minute of any of it for all the money, sleep or travel in the world!:D

[j*east]

I'm not pregnant, but I've been trying for a year, and no one has mentioned this so far...

Get ready for trying. Read the books, like Taking Charge of Your Fertility and Before Your Pregnancy. Take your vitamins. Think about exercise, lifestyle, your overall health. Take stock of your relationship. Talk to your gyn about any possible issues, especially if you have irregular cycles, endometriosis, ovarian cysts, STD's, or other stuff.

Most of all, though, be aware of the fact that TTC may be a lot longer or shorter process than you might think. Think about that and make sure you're as ready as you can be, but recognize that you can never be 100% ready.

Hindsight is 20/20...but I might have started TTC sooner if I had realized that it might take me much longer than I expected. I would definitely have gone off the pill and started charting sooner.

[sea74]

I was coming in here to say kind of the same thing j*east said.

Enjoy peace of mind, because if TTC takes longer than you thought or issues arise, it will be all you think about.

[MidwesternGal]

Well, I haven't read the whole thread but:

No matter what you think of your body pre-baby, realize it will never ever be the same!!! I'm almost 6 months post partum. I'm actually about 7 pounds BELOW pre-preggo weight--but my body sucketh. I have always been "big" but I have never had flabby thighs--always had althetic legs. Now, my thighs are "thunderous" to say the least. My DD boobs which I always hated now SAAAGGG and are several more letters down the alphabet. :rolleyes: So my advice is--LOVE the body you have, because unless you're a psycho workout chic or you get lucky, it will be gone, gone!!! Even if you lose the weight!

My other advice is "boring":

SAVE all the money you can. Esp. if you plan to SAH, you'll get bored and want to go shopping, out to dinner with other SAHMs, etc. Even if you WOH, you still should save!!! (Well, you won't get "bored" but more stir-crazy, being cooped up inside all day and want to go out and about. Boredom and babies usually don't go together, but stir-crazy and babies do!)

And of course, travel if you can afford it.

That's all!!

[Crystal_Orchid]

Before you TTC... take advantage of:

Sandwiches
Coffee
Chocolate, lots of it.
Caeser salad
Seafood
Sushi
Wine

[jessesgirl]

Crystal Orchid I saw you post that list in another thread. May I ask why you couldn't eat that stuff while you are TTCing?

[Amuse Bouche]

I don't have a kid yet, but go out to a bar with some friends and/or DH, drink yourself silly with margaritas (or whatever your weapon of choice is), stay out late late late and stumble home and sleep in. When you're PG, you can't drink and you'll be too tired, and when you have the baby you'll be too tired and too responsible.

[heather1029]

Yay! I'm glad this thread got bumped back up!

Since reading everyone's responses a while back, I've really tried to take your advice:

1. Margaritas sound really good right now. On the to-do list for tonight.
2. I have never liked my body since I was, oh, 16. This year, I've finally come to terms with it and learned to enjoy exercise and proper nutrition. Therefore, I am Really trying to enjoy pre-baby body! This is such a great excuse to buy 10 cute swimsuits for this summer!!!
3. I'm wearing four-inch heels right now and will wear them as long as I can!
4. I'm sleeping in every single Saturday!! I doubt I can really appreciate my sleep, though, until I've been deprived of it.
5. I do art every night after work and DH and I read together before bed. I doubt we'll have time to do these things with a newborn.

Keep the responses coming!!!

[Crystal_Orchid]

jessesgirl: I guess it's because I'm paranoid that if I got a BFP and didn't know it..I probably should avoid it.

[jessesgirl]

Crystal Orchid You should talk to your OB then. Most OBs find it ok to eat that stuff while pregnant. I know mine has no problem with caffeine in moderation; fish is fine too and so are deli meats.

[anemone]

I agree with the other pp's in saying travel....but travel to places you wouldn't want to go with children or baby specifically. So, for us, we went through Asia, which would be hard with a baby or small children even staying in 5 star hotels (lots of shots before the trip, hot weather, all the walking we did around markets etc). We are planning to go to Europe later this year, but will take DS with us, as there are no problems with food, climate etc.

Wear a bikini. I am below my pre pg weight (and was slim before), and did MONTHS of pilates after giving birth, but I have sadly accepted that my stomach will never look the same again. It's not fat, it's just a little...saggy? It doesn't look good when I'm sitting (kind of wrinkly). I know there are more important things to focus on in life, so I'm over it, but just enjoy the bikini while you can!

Lazing in bed reading the weekend newspapers

Drinking a cup of coffee in the morning before you do anything else (you'll have to feed and change the screaming baby first)

Having clean clothes that stay that way the whole day. At first I had baby vomit on me, or dribble, or leaking breast milk. After DS finished the baby vomiting and started on solids, I had bits of puree. Now its muddy little hand or foot prints. I am a fairly neat person, but unfortunately it is entirely unavoidable.

[LeighW]

Remodeling/decorating projects.

Landscaping or major yard work projects.

[rosa727]

Everyone is different, I guess. I like my body more after having a baby. Some of it is probably being impressed with what it was able to do, but I really do think it has better shape now.

DH and I also still have cocktails and stuff now. After DS is in bed at night (especially on the weekends), we will watch a movie and drink wine or beer. It's not the same as going to bars with friends, but we still find ways to have "adult" fun.

I have to agree with remodeling projects. We have been planning some for a few months and still haven't gotten to them. Normally, we love home decorating and remodeling, but it is tough right now.

[CarrieCP]

Buy life insurance now, if you don't have it already. If you have any health problems caused by pregnancy or get post-partum depression, it can be tough to get insured at reasonable rates (if at all). This was in the news a lot last month. This story (http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070317/BIZ01/703170341/1076/BIZ) from the Cincinnati Enquirer sums it up pretty well. Wish I had thought of this before I got pregnant!

[junkinmytrunk]

Enjoy the fact that your heart is your own. I never, ever thought I could love someone as much as I love this little guy. Every time you hear about a child being sick, hungry, harmed or killed your heart will break. You'll look at your child and think "thank you God and please continue keeping us safe." You will never know fear like that of a thought that something is wrong or has harmed your child.

I never expected to have the feelings or gut wrenching reactions that I do these days.

Gosh this is so true. I shudder just thinking about this and am tearing up right now....

(ohh...and get your sleep, wink wink :) )

[Wrighty26]

Everyone is different, I guess. I like my body more after having a baby. Some of it is probably being impressed with what it was able to do, but I really do think it has better shape now.

DH and I also still have cocktails and stuff now. After DS is in bed at night (especially on the weekends), we will watch a movie and drink wine or beer. It's not the same as going to bars with friends, but we still find ways to have "adult" fun.

I have to agree with remodeling projects. We have been planning some for a few months and still haven't gotten to them. Normally, we love home decorating and remodeling, but it is tough right now.

I was trying to find a way to post a similiar response. So ditto to what you wrote Rosa! I know I wrote earlier about how much changes -- but honestly, after the first 3 months things just starting clicking and I really don't feel like my life is all that different than before. My son is a good sleeper -- so this may contribute to it, but if anything my life is now richer now that I have a child. I sleep about the same, I appreciate the alone time I have with my husband more, as well as the time I have with my friends, and my DS is a constant source of entertainment.

Long story short -- enjoy the things you can't have while being pregnant, but you're life will not end when you have a baby. You might have to make more of an effort to him time for yourself, but it's SOO worth it!

[ellidew]

Clean out your house!!! Seriously, clean out your closets, you cupboards, your pantry, your storage area, your garage, EVERYWHERE! I wish I had!! :) Get rid of everything you don't need because the amount of new stuff that comes in with a baby is enormous!

[lindzgirl]

Sleep was only an issue for me for the first six weeks and by then my daughter was sleeping through the night.

My advice would be to be organized. I was sick the entire 9 months of pregnancy and so never felt up to cleaning and organizing (we had just moved in when I got preggo too). I wish now that I had slapped some paint on the walls and had thrown out a bunch of stuff.

Spend lots of time with hubby because you will lean on him alot when you are pregnany and a new mommy. I wish I had spoiled mine more.

And last but not least...............enjoy the "little" clothes. Maternity clothes are fun but by the end all you want to do is put on your skinny jeans again.

Good luck~

[ambula704]

Bumping...as we are going to probably TTC in about a year.

We need to finish our home improvements and also want to take a vacation or two (I wanted to go somewhere super nice but we will probably save money, so might go somewhere cheap instead.

I also was watching the Today Show yesterday and they said to start taking Folic Acid a year before TTC...so I will start taking prenatals soon. I am also working out and trying to lose weight, and I have some goals for myself before we even start TTC. I think what so many of you have said about appreciating your body is true...I didnt appreciate my body when I was young and an athlete, and now I wish I would have! So I am definitely trying to love myself so that I can love my baby and my husband that much more!

[L&D Nurse]

My suggestion? Sleep, rest, nap, doze, snooze... :cool:

[newmommy]

[QUOTE][My suggestion? Sleep, rest, nap, doze, snooze...
/QUOTE]

This made me LOL so TRUE!!!!

[Julss05]

-anything you've started but haven't finished
-sleep (you might have various pregnancy symptoms in pregnancy that may prevent you from sleeping as you would normally)
-exercise (can do throughout pregnancy but much easier to do when you're not!)
-travel (can't travel after so many months)
-sex (it's weird to describe but does change so take advantage of regular non-pregnancy sex)
-creating special moments with just the two of you (things that would be hard to do with a baby)

I agree about doing any major remodeling projects, you probably won't feel like doing anything like that once you are pregnant, even early on.

[NotDesperate]

We are currently TTC and I am on a mad mission to finish all projects I started and never finished. Like make the scrapbooks I bought supplies for and have pictures for and then never touched, put all other pics into albums, and other little projects like that.

The spare bathroom had ugly border in it and I finally took that down and now need to paint.

Oh and this may seem like a not so great idea to some, but I actually already painted the "nursery." My DH works super long hours and I didn't want him to have to do it so I knew I had to do it before I got PG. It had ugly Pooh border in it so that took about a week to get down, then I painted it, hated that and painted it again! And also we had a couple pieces of 2nd hand shop furniture that needed cleaning up and painting so I did that too. Also, I have had about a 3 month break from work and I figured I should do all this work now while I have the spare time and energy.

These projects really help me keep my mind of off TTC, especially in my 2ww!

Other than work, I have really been making sure to enjoy all this quiet and responsibility free time with DH all to myself. :)

[coquelicot]

I will echo the "sleep" advice. If I wake up less than 3 times a night now, I consider that a good night's sleep. And not all of that is because I have to use the bathroom. Guess it's my body's way of preparing for the demands of a newborn.

Also, yes, get your house organized! We didn't clean out the Giant Monster Catch-All Closet until about a month ago. I still felt ok to do it, but I couldn't lift anything heavy, nor did I feel like bending over much.

[QueenofCA]

My suggestion? Sleep, rest, nap, doze, snooze... :cool:

Ha ha! That pretty much sums it up!

[gardenmommy]

Ok I'm gonna be less practial here...

Enjoy your boobs!

Seriously, regardless of what you think of them now, they'll change forever after kids come you'll soon realize that the 2 little friends who you've carried along for so many years and gave you some fun times are gone forever.

So break out a great bra, a "sexier than you are comfortable wearing" top, throw on that lip gloss and hit the town. Show them off, shake em a little, lean over the bar while you grab that drink, dance in the middle of the dance floor and make sure everyone, I mean everyone enjoys those boobies as much as possible.;)

[starxed]

Great replies everyone!

GardenMommy had me rolling with the boobie advice! :D:p

[MelissaLovesPugs]

I wish we had done 2 things before we had our daughter: travel more and get things more organized. We couldn't really though, due to the timing. Neither of us had great jobs when I got pregnant, and we didn't have our house yet either.

In the early weeks I missed my sleep, but sleep was not a problem forever. Abigail slept through the night (one time) at 8 weeks old, and after that she would only wake up 1 or 2 times which to me was infinitely better then those early weeks when she only slept an hour or 2 here and there. That was hell imo! :p By 5 or 6 months she was sleeping through the night usually with a few nights a week where she woul get up one time. My SIL's son only recently started sleeping better though, still not great though, and he is older then our DD (2yrs). So you just never know.

[NotDesperate]

LOL GardenMommy!

Yesterday I took your advice and wore a shirt I have that I usually don't because it is too low! DH was happy about that :)

[Daisy]

Gardenmommy - too funny! I'm preggo, but don't have kids yet but I've been enjoying my new gigantic girls in the meantime. ;)

Things I wanted to accomplish before kids:
Career (finish law school/get est at job for several years)
Finances (includes all kinds of insurance, plus investments, savings, etc.)
Travel internationally (which I'm happy to say that I've done a ton of)
Remodeling (not to mention minor things for the kiddos room)

[KiKi'sMommy]

Take a whole weekend and lay in bed, order Chinese food and eat it in bed, watch weird things on TV, read a book and just enjoy the quiet. Seriously, even when my kids aren't with me, I can't relax and lay around like I used to. I am always busy catching up or thinking about them. This sounds strange, but I occasionally think about what it was like to just worry about me. Once you have kids, no matter where they are or what they are doing, you can't not think about them. Your life is never your own again.

[petdoc08]

Gardenmommy- GREAT ADVICE!! My girlies could get me free drinks at any bar in town prebaby. Now they are kept above my naval by some awful granny bra because that is the only kind of bra that can fight that much gravity. :(

[Graciesmama]

Go shopping, ALONE. Eat (whatever you want), ALONE. Watch whatever you want on TV, ALONE. My point is, that no matter what you are doing...even if you have a night off...you will feel guilty about just sitting there doing nothing. I have a 7 year old and a 9 month old. I find myself offering my food (even if I am still hungry) to my kids. Grocery shopping is ten times harder than it used to be. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mommy, however, once you have those kiddos, your life will forever be dedicated to them, even when they are not with you.

[gardenmommy]

LOL GardenMommy!

Yesterday I took your advice and wore a shirt I have that I usually don't because it is too low! DH was happy about that :)

Oh I am SO GLAD! If I can help even 1 set of boobies flaunt themselves before they hit the skids I'll consider it a job well done!;)

Gardenmommy - too funny! I'm preggo, but don't have kids yet but I've been enjoying my new gigantic girls in the meantime. ;)

Enjoy away!

Gardenmommy- GREAT ADVICE!! My girlies could get me free drinks at any bar in town prebaby. Now they are kept above my naval by some awful granny bra because that is the only kind of bra that can fight that much gravity. :(

Oh I went bra shopping a few weekends ago and it was NOT Pretty!

Go shopping, ALONE. Eat (whatever you want), ALONE. Watch whatever you want on TV, ALONE. My point is, that no matter what you are doing...even if you have a night off...you will feel guilty about just sitting there doing nothing. I have a 7 year old and a 9 month old. I find myself offering my food (even if I am still hungry) to my kids. Grocery shopping is ten times harder than it used to be. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mommy, however, once you have those kiddos, your life will forever be dedicated to them, even when they are not with you.

ITA, the only alone time I have now is when I shower and even then, sometimes my baby sits in the bathroom in his bouncy seat outside the shower!

[mommydearest]

We went on a cruise. It was fabulous. Now that DD is here, we can't afford to go again since Royal Caribbean and Carnival charge THE SAME for a baby as an adult.

It was great for our marriage, and we had sooooo much fun. TTC can be really stressful, especially if it takes a long time (took us a year). If you don't have a strong marriage to begin with, it can definitely take its toll.

[NotDesperate]

Oh I am SO GLAD! If I can help even 1 set of boobies flaunt themselves before they hit the skids I'll consider it a job well done!;)



LOL Hit the skids, hahahaha :D