Gift Required?

[isign]

My youngest brother is getting married on the 30th of December. Dh and I are both in the wedding. We will be putting out a minimum of $500 to be in the wedding. We also are completely having to change our plans that we made a year in advanced. On top of that, I'm hosting one of her showers, and am attending another one. So with that said, would it be wrong for us not to buy them a gift? Of course we'll do some type of card or something, and also Christmas gifts, something small. What would you do?

[MrsD108]

I do not think a gift is required but I would at least put something in a card for them. I am going to be in a wedding out of state in a couple of weeks and even though I spent a small fortune to be in her wedding I am giving the couple a card with money and then a personal gift to the bride.

[Chimichanga]

I think you should do something small - a card for sure. There is a candle basket with a poem that is *really* cute. I don't have the poem at work, but I can post it tonight.

It's something cute and small (you can do it for under $10) and different.

[nicole]

Julie ~ I would get the couple something sentimental but not necessisarily expensive. A framed picture of the couple or their wedding invitation framed. Or something you've made if you think it's something they would like. :)

[tlew12778]

I think you should do a card for sure. The only sibling that got me a gift was my one sister who could not make it to the wedding. She called before though... my other sister (and 5 kids) and brother did not get me a gift or even a card. I understand the no gift bc they spent thousands coming here, but a card would have been nice.

[Asha]

in my circle, feelings would be hurt if a gift was not given. it doesn't need to be a big gift, though. i spent nearly $1k to be in a friend's wedding, and i didn't even realize not giving a gift was an option.

[Delaney21]

None of my bridesmaids gave me a gift, and I didn't expect one because they already spent so much to be in the wedding. But I do think you should at least give a card.

[berry]

My sis just got married recently and I too spent a fortune to be in her wedding. Between clothing, plane tickets for my husband and I and throwing her a shower & bachelorette party, we spent a lot.

Like several others have mentioned, I never even considered not giving a present. I can't imagine how hurt I would have been if people in my wedding hadn't remembered such a big event in our life. I don't think it is about an expensive gift, I think it is about remembering how important this day will be to them.

I would recommend giving something within your budget. You might consider something like an engraved Christmas ornament or an ornament with the year on it. For my sister's shower, I made them christmas stockings and a tree skirt and then got them a personalized ornament, which had their names and the year on it.

[springprincess]

What about a dinner? You could give them a really nice card and maybe put a fancy invitation inside (with an open-ended date so that you can all coordinate your schedules) inviting them to a romantic dinner for two at your or their house. You could put candles everywhere, have romantic music playing, cook a really nice dinner for them, and they wouldn't have to do anything! It's always nice to have a great meal, not have to pay for it, and not have to clean up after. And cooking is worth way more than you end up paying for the food. Is that too silly?

[jennylou]

Yes, you should give a gift.

[KrissyCat7]

I would give a gift. I would get just a little something for them.

My brother got us a really cool gift for our wedding and we LOVED it. He got us these glass picture coasters. He filled some of them with pictures of his kids and left a few for us to fill in. They were one of our favorite gifts.

http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/photoframesplus_1905_2951207
http://store.photoframesplus.com/d499a.html

[maplekitty]

Yes, a gift should be given. But I agree that it doesn't have to be big - sentimental and maybe even homemade is perfectly acceptable!

[Chimichanga]

Here is that candle poem I was talking about. It's something small and different - and can be very inexpensive. DH and I give it to the couple the week of their wedding and has ALWAYS gone over well :)

A basket of candles that come in a pair
In all different colors, for you two to share
The white ones burn first
They are wrapped in white lace
To celebrate your first married night
In your new chosen place.
The green pair is taller, and also much thinner
Burn with the first company you have over for dinner.
The dark blue candles are for after your first fight
Use them to burn while making up all night.
Pink candles set the mood and pave the way
For your first married Valentine’s Day.
Now, when your first year of marriage is through
The cream anniversary pair, will light for you two.
Red candles aflame, both your futures are bright
Celebrate promotions you’ve worked toward with all of your might.
By this time we hope, maybe, just maybe
You can light the purple ones, on the birth of your baby.
And just when you thought you’d put these away
Take the light blue ones out for your fifth anniversary day.
Now just one more pair left - for the big 2 - 5
The anniversary pair that will keep your love alive
Congratulations XX and XX
On the start of your forever
May the two of you always be happy together
And burn these candles
Just the way we said
But please don’t forget - blow them out before bed!

[maplekitty]

chimichanga - I LOVE that!! That's also a great shower present idea!!

[j*east]

We got married in CA and most of our guests were on the east coast. Several friends and family members (3 siblings, a friend of DH's, a friend of mine) did not give us gifts. Honestly, I knew they spent hundreds of dollars on flights and hotels for our wedding, and I knew that some of these people were strapped for money, so I understood. Most of them did give us a card, which was nice. I was a little put out at the time, but I'm over it. I know how it feels to be really pushed financially for a wedding *and* be expected to give a gift, and I'd never want anyone else to feel that way on my account. It meant a lot to me that almost all of our invited guests attended our wedding, despite the expense. I'd much rather have their presence than a present (ha ha!) and I saw their attendance as their gift.

If I were in your position, I'd try to find a small gift or at the least write a very sappy card, or send a late gift. (I know that's a debatable point of etiquette also though.)

[nawsgirl]

I would give a gift- something small. Those photo coasters above are really neat, and also Target has some quite elegant wedding photo frames. Or you could get them a photo album for their honeymoon.

I was just in a wedding where I really could not afford to get the couple something big (and most of their registry was super expensive china) so I gave them a personalized candle with their names and wedding date on it.

[katmg]

I would go with something sentimental not expensive - frame their wedding invitation, buy them a beautiful Christmas ornament to start their tree together (though probably not one that says, "1st Christmas" I have about 8 of those from various well-meaning people), a bottle of wine to be opened on their 5th, 10th, etc. anniversary.

My MOH put all the pictures she took at the wedding reception into a small engraved photo album. The album probably cost $15-20 and the reprints on the pictures couldn't have been much. She also included pictures from the after-party that DH and I didn't go to. It's one of my favorite wedding gifts - it really shows what a blast people had at our reception. :)

[Larissa]

I would get a card, but I don't think that a gift is necessary if you don't have the money. Hosting a shower and giving money for the wedding are gifts enough.

[coquelicot]

I didn't expect gifts from my BMs when I got married, but they got me some, anyway. I guess that's typically the protocol. Given how much money you're putting out to be a part of the wedding, I wouldn't get anything excessive. There have been some good gift suggestions on this thread already.

[isign]

chimichanga - that is such a cool idea!!
springprincess - my brother is Navy and stationed in VA. We won't see him till the wedding, and won't see him much after, as we'll be out of town.

I will with out a doubt do a neat card. One of the things done in my circle of friends is a book passed around at showers and rehersal dinners. It's kind of like a guest book, but more meaningful in that people write paragraphs. I am going to do one of those.

For us, we had people come from all over. Not getting a gift from them wasn't a big deal, but not getting a card from some hurt my feelings. My BMs came from out of state, and to me, that was a gift in itself.

I don't want this to come across like I don't want to get them anything, but the amount of money we're having to put out, combined with us having to totally change our plans (costing us more money) to celebrate our own anniversary makes the budget a bit tight to do much else. Dh and I were talking last night - I will probably do a cross stitching with their names & wedding date.

[coquelicot]

Dh and I were talking last night - I will probably do a cross stitching with their names & wedding date.
That sounds like a wonderful gift! Something that will become a keepsake. :)

[Chimichanga]

a cross stitch would be very neat - and personal! :)

I'll also second the idea of getting them a little photo album. We also do this for our friends - take photos throughout the day and then get them printed at 1 hour photo. It costs maybe $10-15 for the reprints and we get the album ahead of time (usually on a really good sale). We actually give it to the couple the night of their wedding so they can remember the wedding on their honeymoon.

We've had SUCH good reactions from this. The last bride cried for about 5 minutes because she was so touched. I didn't want to make her cry, but I was happy she liked the gift.

[IrisHope]

I would cherish a cross stitch over anything else. Great idea!

[nawsgirl]

A cross stitching sounds great!! My mom did one for me and Dh and I love it! It is framed in our bedroom....

[maplekitty]

I got a cross stitch from one of my gfs and I absolutely love it! It's hanging in our bedroom!!

[isign]

That works - they'll get nothing for Christmas :D I'm doing baskets with goodies, and I think I'll do something like that for when they leave. They'll have a short honeymoon at the beach and then they'll be driving to VA beach, so some snack food will be good too.

[allyray231]

My MOH got me a big basket of candles and chamagne glasses for us to use on our wedding night. It was great.