I need friends!

[bluberry]

I can't believe I'm typing this but here it goes....5 years ago, when we were still in college and DH and I had just started dating, I had tons of friends locally and he had very few locally.

Fast forward to the present, where I find myself having one local friend whereas DH has like...10! Seriously, how did that equilibrium get so out of whack? Let me clarify and say I did have several girl friends that I was close with when we first moved here. They have since either moved away or we have grown apart. So in our to develop more friendships, I've been hanging out with DH's friends' wives/significant others. But here is the thing...they are so boring. Not only do we all have completely different interests and lifestyles, but each one of them is entirely dependant on her man. In other words, whenever I suggest we go grab coffee or ice cream or go shopping, they say they'd rather just sit around the house and watch the husbands play poker or do their thing. It's like they can't leave their men a second longer than they have to.

I can't, nor do I want to change who they are. I've just decided that they don't want to be friends, but would rather do the couple dates thing. I don't know how I ended up being the odd ball out who loves to spend time with her husband but also values "girls' night out" every once in a while.

I'm really not a troll. I know I am friendly and easy to get along with. But the thing is, where do I meet new girl friends? I'm 25 now and I'm at that stage where the majority of women around me have young children or are TTC. So that's what they want to talk about, etc. We don't have any kids and I'm pretty sure we won't ever have any (by choice), so is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? I can't meet women at work because I work with men primarily. I have considered taking a college course, but I will be starting my graduate program next month, so I don't want to jump into a class right now. There will be about 10 girls in the program with me (and 70 guys) and for the next 3 years we will all be taking the same classes.

What do you guys suggest I do? At the moment, I have my husband pimping me out to his friends' wives asking them if they want to hang out with me. Needless to say, I can't keep begging them to spend time with me. :(

Any ideas?

[Heidi9771]

bluberry, I am in your exact shoes!

I moved last year and left my network of friends...sure we still keep in touch...but now I feel like I don't have any local friends at all.

My sister has tried to introduce me to her friends, but they tend to be younger or at a different place in their lives, and frankly I am just not interested in some of them on a personal level. I miss being able to go shopping or grabbing lunch or having get togethers with real women who have real ideas and exist for something other than finding or being with a man. KWIM?

[shopaholic]

Put me in that boat as well. Although I am not married my situation is 100% the same. I don't have "friends" that I can hang out with, go shopping, etc. I have drifted away from all of my "friends" from H.S. The way I look at it is if they were friends..they would still be in my life.

My SO on the other hand does have friends (from his acting class or work) that he might get together with. I go to dance classes 2x per week so I am friendly with those girls/ladies...but not to the point of hanging out outside of class.

[Natasha]

Here here. Hard for me to offer advice, cause i'm in the same place. I am engaged and have a son, but they are not my entire life. As a matter of fact, I would love to have my own life complete with my OWN friends! I want to just be able to call up a girl friend and gad, or go dhop, or exercise or whatever. How DOES one make female friends? LOL

[DiscoDiva]

Add me to the list. I have many 'friends' from my business and other such things, but none that I'd call to say, "Let's go shopping! Let's go out to eat!" Those friends are so hard to find.

[imagirliegirl]

I know how you feel, too! Most of the people I know have over 100 numbers in their cell phone where I have about 20 (including work and family - lol). And only about 5 of them are people I talk to regularly. I only have about 3 people that I see regularly.

I'm 24, so I'm close to your age. It's SO hard to make friends at the age we are at. I think I'm a really nice person too but it's difficult.

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to offer my support. It sucks sometimes. But you aren't alone. And there's nothing wrong with you!!

[shopaholic]

I am glad others seem to have this prob. other than me. At times I begin to think its a problem with ME and that people don't want to be my friend.

[bluberry]

Thanks for the support, ladies! It really shouldn't be this hard...but I guess friends don't just happen. You have to scout them out and test the waters before jumping in. Who knew?! I certainly didn't.

You can never underestimate the importance of having a girl friend to laugh with, overanalyze things with, talk celebrity gossip with, etc.

[bluberry]

Oh I forgot to add something. anyone else have friends that live in other cities? While it is nice to keep in touch, I have a really hard time doing so. I'm not sure why. I should take notes from DH who talks to each of his highschool friends at least once a week. I don't know how he does it, I certainly don't have the energy for that! But I get the feeling it would make me feel less "lonely".

[DiscoDiva]

Maybe this issue is why we all love these boards. They give us a chance to talk, gossip, ask for advice, etc., when we don't have friends IRL to do it with.

Everyone: Thanks for being my friend!

[tenofcups]

Another one in the same boat. I moved from NYC to Harrisburg about a year ago to live with FH. He has tons of friends and we frequently spend a lot of time with them in a group, but it's not unusual for me to the only woman or one of two when we're together. There are several women in the larger group of friends--always very nice to me when we get together--but I have no desire to get together with any of them individually and I guess they don't have any desire to get together with me individually either.

I have one "girlfriend" here--our neighbor--who I do go shopping with occasionally and just hang out with, either with or without the guys. And one guy friend, who I've been friends with for 20 years and will go out with on my own sometimes (he's also good friends with FH). But that's it.

My friends are scattered throughout the northeast and we keep in touch by phone and email, but it's not the same as having someone to just hang out with.

I keep saying I need to take a yoga class and find other things that I like to do on my own to meet people...but I haven't yet...

[keska]

Me too. In fact, when the new pet sitter came over for an interview tonight and asked me for a local emergency contact number in case she couldn't reach us when we're gone, I couldn't think of one person.

I don't know why it got so much harder to keep friends as I got older.

[southhavenjen]

I had the same problem in my mid- to late twenties. All my friends from college had moved away and I literally had no one to hang out with. I would do things by myself, like go to the movies or even out to eat, but that was really depressing.

What helped me was joining a community service club. There is a young person's service club (it's worldwide) called the Jaycees. It is for people 21 to 39 years of age. In addition to doing great things for the community, it is really so much more than that. They have lots of social events, and projects just for fun. This last year we had some craft nights and the women in the club just flocked to these! We did knitting and glass bead making. There is also a book club. If you have a chapter in your area it would be a great way to meet friends.

Check out www.usjaycees.org. (http://www.usjaycees.org/) This is the website of the national umbrella organization for all the local Jaycee chapters. If you scroll down the page, on the left hand side, click "Chapter Locator". This will show you if there is a chapter near you!

[dragonfly28602]

Chalk me up as one as well. I lived in nc and had a ton of friends. Left to fla for a few years. met DB up here on vacation and he moved me back. I have like two friends left, and they seem too busy for me.
But I am one, bluberry that has friends in another state, Fla. I talk to about 5 of them 3 times a week. It sucks cause I'm close with them, but we can't go shopping, movies, etc.
Sometiemes this makes me feel like a big looser.
K

[DiscoDiva]

Why doesn't everyone post their location in bold on their post so maybe some of us can meet up?

[shopaholic]

Maybe this issue is why we all love these boards. They give us a chance to talk, gossip, ask for advice, etc., when we don't have friends IRL to do it with.

Everyone: Thanks for being my friend!
Orrr...maybe the internet has caused us to drift away from our friends in the first place :D

[Marie]

Count me in too. We do a lot of stuff with other couples but there's no one I hang out with or talk to on my own. Very sad. Seems once you get out of school it is just so hard to meet people.

Anyone in Chicago want to go have lunch? :D

[dragonfly28602]

I'm in Western NC near Charlotte.

[isign]

I'm going to jump in the same boat. I've never been one to have tons of close friends, but now my best bud (my moh) is expecting baby #3 and of course she's really really busy. On top of it, I am job searching, so I'm really looking for someone my age who's going through the same things. 1 guy that DH works with has a great gf, but they aren't married, they live with his parents and are 5 years younger which at this point is a big deal. I am looking at maybe taking some classes at Michaels or something like that to meet people.

I just looked there's not even a Jaycees group here.

[DiscoDiva]

Anyone in Chicago want to go have lunch? :D
Celiacutie is in Chicago!

[greenbunny]

ALL my good friends are out-of-town. I have one friend within 30 minutes of the area and she and I have really grown apart, mostly because we met at a job we are both no longer at. My closest friends are all people I met at my or DH's college, so naturally after graduation they all scattered for jobs, their hometowns, and what have you.

DH and I do have a lot of what I call "event" friends--the people you invite to big parties or your wedding. But it would seem weird if I just called these couples up and asked them to go out to dinner, our friendships just don't work that way.

I have no options for friends through DH's friends. One is married to this insanely controlling woman and we never see him, one just broke up with his almost-fiance, and the rest are single either by choice or due to demanding career training (a lot are in med school).

I don't stress about it too much, because while I may not have friends I can hang out with all the time, I know that the long-distance ones would be there for me if I ever really needed it, and that's what's most important. I'd rather have three far-away friends I trust with my life than a dozen local people to shop and bar-hop with.

[emmjay]

I'm right there with the rest of you - all of my friends live in NY and Boston, and I am living in Denver. I've been here for a year, and I have virtually NO friends - the only girl I know is a friend of a friend, and she is exceptionally boring so I don't really like hanging out with her.

I did meet the wife of someone on my husband's softball team and I really liked her - we are all going to get together soon, so I am crossing my fingers that I might have a new friend! I'm also starting a Spanish class next week so I might meet someone there. And there is a "Women's Group" facilitated by a local organization where you pay $20/year to join and then you get emails to go to various events. That starts in September.

My problem is that I'm not very outgoing with strangers, and I think everyone is boring :p - I need to get over that! Also, even if I met someone I am not the type of person to just call them on the phone if I don't know them very well.

It has really taken me a year to realize how much I need a social life of my own, which is why I'm starting all of these classes and things. I think it took that long because I still talk to my long-distance friends all of the time so I still have the relationships, just not in person.

[twainny]

Count me in with the rest of you. I moved to the DC area to be with DH after 9-11. I was living where I grew up and am still in contact with my two best friends from there. One is in the same place as me (as in she has a baby a little older than mine) but my other friend is still dating and going from one guy to another.

I really want to meet someone out here who has stuff in common with me. I have a 4 month old, and DH and I LOVE to play games (yeah we are dorks!) We so want to meet another couple who like playing cards or something. DH will come home from work and be like, "a new co-worker says that he and his wife love playing board games, should I invite them over...." yeah, we never do! Part of the problem is that the area we live in SUCKS traffic wise and the people I do like (from work) live so freakin' far away, that we can't get together during the week and on the weekends I like spending time with DS and DH. Ohhh....

Anyway... DiscoDiva, where are you from?? (I think I know from that OTHER site)

[shopaholic]

Celiacutie is in Chicago!
Yup..I am from Chicago...about 15 minutes nw of the city :D

[DiscoDiva]

Anyway... DiscoDiva, where are you from?? (I think I know from that OTHER site)
From some imaginary land, far far away....... Actually, I'm *thinking* about outing myself and my location on this board. *waits to hear the shocked gasps of surprise* But, I'm going to delete all of my posts on the other boards first.

In the meantime, if I see someone who needs a friend, and is even remotely near me, I may email them.

[shopaholic]

Count me in too. We do a lot of stuff with other couples but there's no one I hang out with or talk to on my own. Very sad. Seems once you get out of school it is just so hard to meet people.

Anyone in Chicago want to go have lunch? :D
Marie, Just a FYI...there is a nice group started for Chicago area on the group forum. Not sure if you have stopped by there yet.

[SQ2]

Count me in too. :( What is it about being an adult that makes it harder to make friends? For three years after college DH and I established a core group of great friends. We moved to the midwest for grad school back in 2003 and I can honestly say that the hardest part about living here has been the lack of friends. (We both grew up on opposite coasts so no family here).Our close friends and families are literally scattered across the entire country. We do get to visit a number of times a year but plane tickets are expensive and there is really so much you can do over email and phone. DH is in grad school and we've hung out with some of his classmates and their wives/girlfriends but I haven't really clicked with any of them, except one person and she doesn't seem to want to make an effort to be better friends with me. Then of course there are the awesome local WC ladies who I always have fun with, but I rarely see them and most of them are pg or have kids so it's harder to relate about some things. And we're all really busy with our own lives.

I think in general what it amounts to is that the people I"ve met here are great but their either married, married with a family, in grad school, working a ton, or single and like to party a lot - no one seems to "fit" into the mold that DH and I have created for ourselves....everyone just seems to be really busy with their own lives and it really takes an effort to get together with people. I would love it if DH and I could find a couple that we get along with really well and love to hang out with. Our two best friends (a couple) live in TX and I'd love it if they lived in the same place, but that's not going to happen.

I feel like I took some of my younger years for granted in terms of how easy it was to make and keep friends. In college people were just down the hall, now we have to drive to see people. In grade school/high school friends were just down the street, some of them. Also, I felt a lot freer when I was younger. Didn't have as much responsibility so it was easier to be more flexible in terms of hanging out with friends.

What's been the hardest is that people (mostly my family and friends that live far away) always ask us "So, have you been making friends there?" I'm so sick of hearing this question and I just basically tell them...no and leave it at that. But it's really irritating. No one that's a really close friend that I call up if I'm super excited about something or really upset about something. Those friends are my close ones that live far away or honestly my online friends. I feel like my online friends know more about my life than anyone I know here locally besides DH of course.

Another hard part is that we're only here temporarily until we're done with school so I'm feeling pretty down about making friends that we'll just have to say goodbye to in a few years. But I know I can't have the attitude and I should just enjoy my time here. BUt, it's hard to get too invested, ya know? I think I'm also picky too. I have a few really really close friends and I absolutely HATE small talk. There are some people that I feel like have been interested in getting to know me better but I really didn't feel the chemistry at all - either that or they annoyed me (a couple of gals in my class at school). Maybe I'm just too picky or I set my standards too high - I really shouldn't try to compare people here to my lifelong really close friends because I'll probably be setting myself up for disappointment.

Anyways, sorry to ramble but I just wanted to commiserate! ;)

[IrishMeg]

I'm in the same spot as you so I totally understand.

At the moment, I have my husband pimping me out to his friends' wives asking them if they want to hang out with me

Does it help to know that I want to be your best friend just for making that statement!? LMAO :D

ETA-I'm in West Central Florida if anyone wants to be friends! :)

[jimmysgirl424]

Okay, after reading this thread, I am scared to death! DH and I live in Baltimore, but DH has put in for a transfer to Las Vegas. We have a really awesome group of friends here, the best I ever made in my life! I keep telling DH how scared I am that we won't find / make friends out there, but he keeps insisting that we are friendly people and won't have any trouble. I fear he may be wrong. :(

[IrishMeg]

Maybe this issue is why we all love these boards. They give us a chance to talk, gossip, ask for advice, etc., when we don't have friends IRL to do it with.

I think thats a good point, DiscoDiva! I think that is definitely true for me. I wish you lived in my area as you are one of my WW inspirations! :)

In the past two years, I have lost both of my very best friends. One stopped talking to me after she continued to date a man who threatened us both with physical violence. The other moved to NC with her boyfriend. I haven't talked to her in 6 months. She doesn't e-mail me back and I have no phone number to call her. :( I haven't felt so lonely in a really long time.

ETA-By the number of views this thread has, I'd guess this is a pretty common thing around here!

[emmjay]

jimmysgirl424 - I think it is definitely harder to make friends when you are older (as SQ2 said), but if it makes you feel any better my husband has made several friends since we moved here. He is very outgoing and friendly and will not only talk to absolutely anyone, he doesn't feel awkward about calling someone he just met and asking if they want to hang out.

I am not like that, and that is part of the problem. I'm also pickier and more critical of people than he is, so I know the reason I haven't made friends is my own fault. I haven't really made any effort up until now. I also normally make friends at work but my office is made up of me and 3 guys, none of whom I have anything in common with.

I think it is hard to find people in a new city, but it's certainly not impossible! I didn't even WANT to make friends until now, so I never even tried. I really believe that if you are looking for friends, you'll find them (even if it takes a while).

[BethElena]

I have friends from College, but only two true "girlfriends" (one is my best friend who up and moved to California for grad school (brat! :( ) Mostly I hang out with FH and his friends, but that gets way old after awhile. I end up playing 'good little house wife' and cater to their food needs when they're over. With school and work, there's so little time for friends -- sounds weird, huh? But it would be nice to start getting a life back when i graduate in May 06. :) I'm from PA.

[SQ2]

jimmysgirl424 He is very outgoing and friendly and will not only talk to absolutely anyone, he doesn't feel awkward about calling someone he just met and asking if they want to hang out.

I'm also pickier and more critical of people than he is, so I know the reason I haven't made friends is my own fault.

I wish I could be like your DH. I am not like that, and that is part of the problem, like you said. I feel like part of my friend making problem has been my own fault too. I get stubborn and honestly really lazy - most evenings I'd rather just go home and hang out with DH and not have to engage in small talk with someone I dont' know very well. Making friends takes work and I think I haven't put forth as much effort as I could have. I'm not outgoing when I first meet people and I think it comes off as that I'm really shy (which I'm not with people I know well) or really snobby (which I'm not).

When I think back to how I made my really close friends (that live far away) it's really hard to pinpoint and I really believe it's because we really clicked well and had good chemistry and the circumstances were right.

I'm really scared of getting older and DH and I not making friends whereever we end up settling. I really want to make it priority to find some families to hang out with, go on vacations with, and also to make sure I have some close female friends too. It's going to be hard but I need to make more of an effort. I guess I'm just in a slump now but when we're done with school and move maybe I can start fresh.

[paiger]

Maybe this issue is why we all love these boards. They give us a chance to talk, gossip, ask for advice, etc., when we don't have friends IRL to do it with.

this is why i started to post on WC. i had forgotten i'd registered before the wedding, and when we moved here, i was desperate for female conversation. i luckily met Michelle on here who actually works at my company, and from there, we've enlarged our 'get together group'.

the NC ladies have gotten together, and my specific area in NC is going on its second dinner next week.

however, it's still hard to organize. we still haven't gotten to the point where we can say 'hey, let's do this', and it just happen. other groups i've made a point to join are the same way. it is always an event to get together not just like popping by someone's dorm room or at a bar after class.

i have 1 other good girlfriend here who is the wife of a guy my DH works with, but again, we have a hard time getting together. DH goes out and has a drink w/ his buddies from school (one the 1 is attached) or plays golf. his schedule is so much more flexible than mine by being in grad school.

Women seem to be so busy! It also takes a while for you to beable to come clean w/ problems when you are first meeting someone. Here it's different. We 'know' each other, but don't have to 'face' each other. I miss the days of having such close friends that you could just say anything, complain about anything and just be 'girls'.

[greenbunny]

DD, the shock may just kill me. Then I won't need any friends. ;)

Forget to say that I an in PA near Allentown.

[paiger]

I guess I'm just in a slump now but when we're done with school and move maybe I can start fresh.

however, i feel like it is harder out of a school setting to make friends. having been in undergrad than grad school, you have that immediate common ground of complaining about school, and you are similar in ages/places in life. in the workplace, it can be so different. i know there are some jobs where everyone is in a similar place and close in age, but not w/ me.

not to mention that you have to be a little more careful about what you say w/ people you work with!!

[BethElena]

greenbunny - i live like 1/2 hour to 45 minutes from Atown.

[SQ2]

however, i feel like it is harder out of a school setting to make friends. having been in undergrad than grad school, you have that immediate common ground of complaining about school, and you are similar in ages/places in life. in the workplace, it can be so different. i know there are some jobs where everyone is in a similar place and close in age, but not w/ me.

not to mention that you have to be a little more careful about what you say w/ people you work with!!

Usually that would probably be the case with school but unfortunately in my program there are SO many different people of different ages and, just like people at work or other people we've met, my classmates are either a lot older with families, a lot younger than me so we can't relate, or around my age but just really really busy with their own lives, significant others, etc. or I just don't feel the chemistry (I'm too picky!) We dont' have offices nor hang out around school very much because of the nature of the grad program so finding friends in grad school has been difficult. I've had more luck with the wives of DH's classmates, although still haven't found any close friends there.

[paiger]

Usually that would probably be the case with school but unfortunately in my program there are SO many different people of different ages and, just like people at work or other people we've met, my classmates are either a lot older with families, a lot younger than me so we can't relate, or around my age but just really really busy with their own lives, significant others, etc. or I just don't feel the chemistry (I'm too picky!) We dont' have offices nor hang out around school very much because of the nature of the grad program so finding friends in grad school has been difficult. I've had more luck with the wives of DH's classmates, although still haven't found any close friends there.

ahhh...i understand. that dynamic is how i feel with the workplace (in my area). when i was in grad school (engr), i was 'friends' w/ the guys, but luckily, then they also got girlfriends. it was wonderful!! DH's program is a couple of years younger w/ very content playing the field bachelors. :rolleyes:

[starlet35]

I am also in the same situation and feel so much better that someone started this thread and now I know I'm not the only one out there...My DH has several friends from work, softball, etc. and I can't seem to meet anyone I would want to hang out with. I am fairly shy around people I don't know well so I'll blame myself for that. I talk to people at work but like someone said earlier you can't really share much with people from work and there isn't anyone I really click with in my age group here. I did take classes a few years ago at the local adult education center and hardly anybody talked before or after class. It wasn't very social at all. I live just outside of Boston, recently turned 30, and have been married for 2 years if anyone ever wants to meet up who is in the area.

[greenbunny]

greenbunny - i live like 1/2 hour to 45 minutes from Atown.


Oooh! Yay! Locals!

Anyone else? We could "do lunch". (I always wanted to say that!)

[bluberry]

It took a lot for me to start the thread to begin with, because I really felt like I am in a unique situation. But I guess that is not true after all. I did a lot of lurking on the WC, mostly because people have already said what I was going to say and there was no sense in repeating it, or because I was really busy with my own life at the time. I want play a more active part in this community because I feel that the catiness factor is significantly lower here.

I guess my problem is that I've never had to make the first move before. And I guess you are kind of putting your ego on the line when you pull a "wanna be friends?" with a (potential) woman friend who you can see yourself hanging out with.

I am astounded at the ease with which DH makes friends. He is just interested in anything and everything. Although I do have to say he has two distinct categories of friends...the "action buddies" and the "talking buddies". He does things with his action buddies: movies, playing billiards, tennis, ping pong, foosball, video games, etc. And with his talking buddies they talk about everything and nothing all at once: hot celebrities they would add to their "list", business, greek mythology, world history, music, etc.

It just amazes me how easygoing guys are. I wish I could let go of my hangups and just relax my standards, ya know? Maybe I'm the weird one for thinking a lot of ladies I've met are boring. Just some food for thought, I guess....

By the way, I'm in Austin, TX.

P.S. Sure, IrishMeg, I'll be your friend! :D

[greenbunny]

Another reason this has been on my mind lately: DH and I are planning our annual summer party, and "his" guest list is about three times as long as mine. He has about 12 people coming from work. I'm only friendly with about five people at work, and they all declined to come. It makes me feel like a real loser when he's got all these friends coming, and the only people coming that I invited are family members.

[jellybeany]

I am in the same boat. Ever since I left high school and college I can't seem to meet people. I tried volunteer work and we joined a bowling league but I have a such a hard time getting close to people. DH is so outgoing he doesn't have any problems everyone loves him!

[pride&prejudice]

I can totally sympathize with this. I have a ton of friends, especially work friends, but none of them (save 2 girls, one who was a BM) are the type for me to call up and be like "hey wnat to grab a coffee or go shopping?" Heck 99% of the people I work with are guys, so the shopping thing wouldn't work. :rolleyes:

DH and I have friends from college that we try to keep in contact with but it is hard. We have friendly neighbors and we try to socialize. One of the families we are pretty close with and do things, and another one we are getting there. But its different now that we are married. Before we were just the "engaged couple with no kids" and everyone else was married and had kids. So I think a lot of it does have to do with where you are in life.

[macgirl]

It is so reassuring to hear that other women are struggling with this. I am always so self-conscious and feel like 'why would so and so even want to be friends with me', that I don't pursue friendships. Heck, I'm even shy on these boards. But, then I'm bummed when I don't have a girlfriend to call and chat with or hang out with. DH is still very close with a few of his high school friends so those are the people we socialize with. Our college friends have moved out of the area so we only see them occasionally. We've lived in our town for 3 years and haven't really made any new friends - hopefully it won't always be that way though.

[BethElena]

pride&prejudice - i know. I work with only 2 people all day long, and they are both middle aged men with families. I'm just an outcast! :)

greenbunny - Yeah, I'm up for lunch too with a group of us! I take classes at DSU.

[cakes]

Yea I'm not alone in feeling like this!

After my ex and I broke up last year I lost pretty much most of my friends because they were "his" friends and stayed loyal to him. So now I have my roommate, who doesnt do much other than play video games, and a handful of other friends, but none who are close to me. My best friend is just too busy for me most of the time now, so I'm begining to lose faith in that friendship. At work I'm about the only one under the age of 35 (I'm 23) and most are men so that rules out work friendships.

[Hangin'in]

I don't have any friends to speak of here in Little Rock, AR. My MOH moved to Texas a couple of months before the wedding, and all of my college friends are out of state.... some of them moved, but I moved too. I work with 2 guys. They are great, and I enjoy their company, but they aren't "girl friends"! I guess it's a good thing I really like my DH's company!

[DiscoDiva]

I think thats a good point, DiscoDiva! I think that is definitely true for me. I wish you lived in my area as you are one of my WW inspirations!
Awww.... you're so sweet! We could secretly meet, go to a buffet, eat TONS of food, then go to a bakery and eat TONS of pastries, cookies and cake, and never tell anybody. Now that's what true friendship is about! hee hee
DD, the shock may just kill me. Then I won't need any friends.
I'll email you advance notice, so you have a chance to be prepared. :D

[Georgiana]

I am in those shoes too!


I moved only 20 miles away to another town and I have no friends nearby. From time to time we get together but when you are busy, driving this far is too much of a hassle.
I did make friends but It was a big mistake. They were the wrong crowd and I had to get away from them. A tragic incident happened and as a result I am shy to make friends around here.


If I were able to make friends in this area I may not feel so trapped in my relationship as I do.

[tippy]

I just wanted to say that I am in the exact same position as well!

DH and I moved from FL (our home state) to AL a yr and a half ago b/c I got a job here, and I have made 3 friends since I have been here. I had family and alot of friends in FL, and I have come to realize that I am one of those people that needs friends. I know that sounds needy, but I need people that I can vent and relate to, and though DH has really tried to step up to the plate, he can't completely fill the place of 'girlfriends' - kwim? I have had a hard time making friends here b/c this is such a family oriented city, and DH and I are not at that stage in our lives yet. I don't have any close friends at work either since I am probably the youngest person that works in my bldg.
I actually met 2 of my 3 friends from the other site.

Don't worry, you are not alone! Good luck!! :)

[Boopy]

I can so relate to what everyone is saying. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one. I've always been a pretty shy person, but throughout high school and college I always had a good, yet small group of friends. Two years ago, after college, I moved with my then FH to his hometown. Since then my college friends have pretty much drifted apart. Everybody is in different places in their lives and scattered all over the world. One by one they all dropped off. I'm even embarrassed to admit that I had no good friends at my wedding. I invited them, they all just gave reasons they couldn't come or didn't respond at all. I was so hurt by that. :(

DH, on the other hand, still meets up with high school and college friends regularly! I've tried the whole, making friends with the wives thing, but it just hasn't clicked with any of them. I think it's much easier for men to make/keep friends. Men can keep the friendships much more superficial. Women want a best friend they can confide in, call up whenever they have a problem, basically a committed relationship. ;) :p

It probably doesn't help that I work with pretty much all men. Also, during certain times of the year I work 55-60 hours a week. So it makes it hard to even find time to make a friend!

Quite frankly, I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do about this problem, but it does feel good that I'm not the only one. Good luck to us all!

[dragonfly28602]

bluberry My closest friend (lol from fla) is moving to Austin Aug 3. So now I know two people when I come to visit. :D

[kadee_29]

I am another one. I have 2 friends. Literally. One I have known since the day she was born and we talk at least 3 times a day if not more. And the other one I met from that other site and we talk a few times a week. Thats it. DH's friends arent the type to have girlfriends/wives. And the few that do I cant seem to get along with. They never last long anyways.

I am in Michigan if anyone around here wants to be friends. :D

[Jen1098]

I can so relate. Dh and I were just talking about this the other night.

We used to live in Fort Lauderdale where we had a great network of friends, we each had our own set of friends and also "our" friends. Then we moved here to Pittsburgh . ICH.
I'm a sahm which makes it a little harder. I joke that I'm ds's friend. Poor guy. We've done the gymboree thing but the other moms were kinda cliquey and it wasn't that close to our house.
We're signed up for swim class closer to our house so maybe I'll meet someone there.
It's hard b/c I talk to my two closest girlfriends who's babies are three months older than mine and it's so hard sometimes hearing the things they get to do together.
What's really funny is in our neighborhood there are tons of people our age and some with young children. IT's odd b/c they barely look up when you walk past their homes, who knows maybe we're not making enough of an effort.
Oh well at least dh and I like hanging out with each other otherwise we'd be in trouble. ;)

[Natasha]

Its so reassuring to see other women in the same situation. FH has a group of 10 or so friends who have all been close since high school! I have a few friends, but when I moved to San Jose, CA to be close to him, I moved at least an hour away from my friends (all 2 or 3 of them)! I work in a fabric store, with women who are either MUCH older or into a party/drug life style I'm not down with. Being a young mom makes it tough, too. Women think I am JUST a mom, but I have intrests outside of my DS and FH, and would love to have a life outside of them, too! Or, make friends with women who have kids are expecting. Heck, I just need some women friends! LOL If there is anyone in the south bay area who wants to hang out, let me know!

[irish74]

Me too and I sometimes feel extra pathetic because I live in the same city that I grew up in. A lot of my friends from high school and shortly after have moved away be it for college or love or because it is just so expensive to live here. The ones that are still here, over time we have just fallen out of touch or grown apart. I still have two wonderful best girlfriends, but we all get busy sometimes and don't see each other as much as we'd like. They also both live about 1/2 hour away, opposite directions. Nice to know that I'm not the only one who isn't surrounded by girlfriends the way it used to be. Oh, I'm in San Francisco.

[Cricket4]

I moved to Houston right after our September wedding, and have been working from home until JUST YESTERDAY when I started my new job.

I'm so grateful to be out of the house and with people, because I'm a very friendly person, who doesn't have any trouble meeting people usually, but its still difficult in a new place, as an adult, without built-in social outlets, as everyone has pointed out. I've actually met some TERRIFIC girlfriends at the dog park, and I have one girlfriend that I see just about every other day, and enough girlfriends that I can definitely call anyone for a favor in a pinch, or if I'm just down and need company when DH is on call. But I work hard to make friends, and I also consider myself lucky to have fallen in with some good groups here because, particularly working from home, it could have been unbearable for a loudmouth extrovert like me.

SOOO...I'm always always on the lookout for new girlfriends. Bluberry, next time I'm in Austin or you are here, we should meet up!

[Sherb]

Tippy - Where in Alabama? I'm in Tuscaloosa. And ITA with this whole thread. I work in an office with no one near my age and they all have kids or grandkids.

[Delaney21]

I'm so glad I found this thread! I am in the same boat and I just thought I it was me and I was doing something wrong.

Kadee: I'm in Mich too, you're on the west side, right? We should try to arrange a Michigan get together. I don't think there has been one before, and there are a few people here that may be interested.

[Reenie]

Oh, yes, I'm in this boat! I moved here (to Chicago) to go to school (years ago now! :eek: ), and I have one good friend who I don't know through my DH's friends. I have many good girlfriends who I met because they are significant others of my DH's friends, and that is great, and I love them... but sometimes, I just would like my own friends, too, you know? It's nice to be friends with those girls, and I would go to their homes without DH, etc., but I'm too shy to just call them up and say, "Wanna go do ________ with me?"

And maybe I'm weird, but I don't want to spend a lot of time with most of my teacher friends at school; most of the teachers my age are immature or I like them professionally, but not to hang out with on personal time, and the others are much older or have a lot going on at home (very little babies, etc.). Is that mean?

[kadee_29]

Kadee: I'm in Mich too, you're on the west side, right? We should try to arrange a Michigan get together. I don't think there has been one before, and there are a few people here that may be interested. I am on the west side. In Battle Creek. A get together sounds great. I will go post about it in the Michigan thread and see if anyone else is up for it.

[DiscoDiva]

I am on the west side. In Battle Creek. A get together sounds great. I will go post about it in the Michigan thread and see if anyone else is up for it.
Can I come?...... even though I don't live close to you ladies..... please..... I'm so pitiful, aren't I...... :)

[DiscoDiva]

Me too and I sometimes feel extra pathetic because I live in the same city that I grew up in. A lot of my friends from high school and shortly after have moved away be it for college or love or because it is just so expensive to live here. The ones that are still here, over time we have just fallen out of touch or grown apart. I still have two wonderful best girlfriends, but we all get busy sometimes and don't see each other as much as we'd like. They also both live about 1/2 hour away, opposite directions. Nice to know that I'm not the only one who isn't surrounded by girlfriends the way it used to be. Oh, I'm in San Francisco.
I feel like a butthead that I didn't make time out of me and DH's schedule to visit with you. We would have had so much fun with our WC/CC gossip! Asianbear could have come too! Dang it - I had my chance and missed it :mad:

[RobynScott]

good girlfriends who I met because they are significant others of my DH's friends, and that is great, and I love them... but sometimes, I just would like my own friends, too, you know? It's nice to be friends with those girls, and I would go to their homes without DH, etc., but I'm too shy to just call them up and say, "Wanna go do ________ with me?"


I totally understand what you mean! I have felt the same way for a long time. I moved here 4 years ago for work, and until recently *almost* everybody I knew was through my DH - and they're great - but I wanted friends of my own, ya know?

I have felt the same way as a lot of people on this thread. I've even done things to go out and meet people - for example, joining a running group - but everybody was older than me, not looking for friends, etc.

It was definitely hard - especially in Philly where everybody seems to have grown up here, gone to school here - or both.

The best thing that has happened for me is that we moved to our TH in the suburbs - lots of young couples / family - very friendly - and we are meeting new people together which is great. Finally starting to feel like I have friends of my own here - not all through DH - but it has taken 4 years to get to this point.

It's tough - but it gets better.

[kadee_29]

Can I come?...... even though I don't live close to you ladies..... please..... I'm so pitiful, aren't I...... :) Of course you can. :D The more the merrier.

[Natasha]

DD--I Sooooooooooo would have been there! I love going to the city! I am glad you had a good time, though.

[irish74]

I feel like a butthead that I didn't make time out of me and DH's schedule to visit with you. We would have had so much fun with our WC/CC gossip! Asianbear could have come too! Dang it - I had my chance and missed it

DD - No worries, but next time we must meet up for gossip & lunch. :D and Asianbear can come too. :) I'm glad you had a great visit while you were here.

[lovebugs2003]

It's funny, i kind of have the opposite problem. Well kind of.

My DH and I have a lot of couple friends who are great and we have a great time hanging out with. But they all have kids and are very busy. So we tend to do a lot of stuff by ourselves. Thank God we love spending time together.
We just feel we are at a stage in life where we don't fit in. We don't have kids, we are trying, but hasn't happened. We enjoy going out for dinners and having drinks. All of our friends just can't do that with kids.

We would like to join a team of some sort, baseball, volleyball etc, but we just don't have the time. How do you meet couples? I know when you have kids you meet tons of people.

Hope i didn't hijack this!!!!!

[Annette]

Bluberry - We can get together. I'm still in the Austin area. I remember getting together with you and the other WCers a few times, but it seemed like we all drifted.

I miss my friends from back in NJ, but down here I don't have any girlfriends. I find it easy to meet people, but getting to that next step of close friendship is much more difficult with everyone being so busy all the time. We're finally at a stage with some friends down here where we can just call and say "Hey wanna get together for a movie tonight?" and other last minute plans.

We've met people through our local No Kidding Organization. Its a group for people who don't have kids and thus no one asks you when you are going to have a baby and the conversation doesn't get overrun with kid things, or having to leave early to put the kids to sleep. There's couples and singles. The one down here has lots of monthly activities and its fun to go hang out, play games, etc.

[tinkerbelljenny]

Count me in too! I moved from CA to Montana 2 years ago and in CA I still have a lot of friends and I miss them so much. I haven't made any close friends here in MT and it is so hard because I live in a small town and there isn't much to do in terms of meeting people. I still talk to my friends from elementary school, high school, and college but just about all of them live in CA and I visit with them when I go there but that isn't too often. It sucks, it really does because I don't even see anyone from MT on this site at all.I have a 2 year old and I work part-time but mostly I am a SAHM. I never had any problems meeting new people in CA or meeting new friends but here it is so tough. I have even given my number out to women in Walmart to set up play dates but they never called (not sure if I would either). It never really bothered me but lately I have started to miss my friends so much back home. I feel like I am missing out on everything with them. On another site this one women emailed me and kept calling me to set up a playdate for our sons, well, she cancelled on me 3 times, ugh. It just sucks, it really does. But I am so thankful that I do have my close friends in CA because they mean so much to me.

[Trillian]

I can't claim to have a ton of close friends, and I still spend most of my free time with DH, but I do have a couple of suggestions that have improved my situation over the past couple of years:

1. Try Meetup (http://www.meetup.com). You can find local groups according to a particular hobby, interest, or even political affiliation. I joined a group for people interested in photography and have been active in the group for a few months now. Each group dictates its own activities, but ours gets together once a month to hang out at a restaurant, talk about photography, share photos we've taken, compare equipment, offer advice and technical expertise, etc. We also get together for photo shoots (either at public events or at a member's house). It was awkward at first, walking into a room full of people I'd only "talked" to online, but it gets a lot easier with each meeting, and I've met a couple of people I really like. I am considering joining a couple more groups, too.

2. If it's not against your personal beliefs, try attending church services. Socializing is not the primary reason why I go, but it is one of the reasons. We attend a relatively small church where pretty much everyone knows everyone else (at least by name). We have small group meetings at each others' homes, cookouts and Superbowl parties at the church, Bible studies, scrapbooking "crop" nights, etc. Oh, and there's also a church softball team, an interpretive dance group, a drama group, and a band/choir. There's always something to get involved in.

3. Take the lead and organize a "Girls' Night". My SIL and I started doing this nearly a year ago. At the first one, we invited pretty much every "eligible" female we knew. We also encouraged them to invite their other female friends, sisters, etc. Some people only came once or twice, but others come every month and bring friends, too. I've met a few new people this way, and have gotten to know others better than I otherwise would have. The way ours works is that we get together at someone's home one Saturday night of every month. The hostess is reponsible for deciding on the theme (if there is one) and the main dish. Then all of the other people sign up to bring a side dish, dessert, drinks, whatever. Sometimes we play board games or cards, sometimes we watch a movie, and sometimes we get so caught up in talking that we never get around to doing anything else at all. We started out using paper invitations, but the whole thing has been made easier now that we use Evite (http://www.evite.com). It's nice and nonconfrontational for the shy ladies among us. :o Also, you can let people choose specific items to bring from the list that you make, you can take a poll if you want to find out what people want to do, and you can even set it up so that the people you invite can add their friends to the invitation.

4. If you still live in the area where you grew up, try one of the many "reunion" type websites that are out there (www.classmates.com, www.reunion.com, www.classreport.com, etc.). A friend of mine checked out one of those sites, started posting on the message boards, and now hangs out with a bunch of people she used to "know of" but never really got to know well in high school. She says it's nice because they could start off by reminiscing about the old days, but that everyone has grown up and is easier to get along with than back in high school. :p

5. Try Friendster (http://www.friendster.com) or a similar site (can't think of the other names right now). You start out by linking your profile to the profiles of people you already know. Then you can see the profiles of their friends and they can see the profiles of your friends and on and on. I've never actually met anyone new on there, but it does help some people to network.

6. Throw a block party and get to know your neighbors. This could be as simple as passing out fliers, putting some balloons on the mailbox, and firing up the grill. No pressure, no expectations, just hanging out and learning each others' names. If you need more structure, you could organize a neighborhood yard sale, or start a neighborhood watch. I just read in our local paper that the police department will send an officer out to talk to any group of neighbors who are interested in organizing a neighborhood watch.

7. Take a "just for fun" class. See what your local college is offering in the Continuing Education department (crafts? cooking? dance? aerobics?) Around here, you can also take crafty-type classes at Michael's, Hobby Lobby, Garden Ridge, etc. There are bead stores that offer jewelry-making classes, and yarn stores that offer classes on knitting or crocheting.

8. Join a recreational sports team. Softball, basketball, ultimate frisbee -- whatever interests (or at least doesn't frighten) you.

9. I know it's been said a thousand times, but volunteer work is another good option. Just try googling "volunteer" and your city name and see what comes up. There are a couple of larger organizations around here that train volunteers and match them up with projects.

The most important thing, I've found, is to actually talk to people. I've always been shy and I know it can be hard to strike up a conversation with a stranger. All of the above suggestions are just opportunities to get your foot in the door, and if you don't talk, it won't work. It can be something as simple as, "So, have you done much knitting in the past?" or "What kind of projects are you most interested in?" or even "I hope I don't totally suck at this." Just something to break the ice and get people talking (preferably about themselves). Try that on a couple of occasions, then move on to something like, "Man, I'm hungry -- Wanna get a bite to eat after this game/class/project is over?" Or maybe they'll bring up something about their spouse, and you can say, "My husband is really into (insert her DH's hobby), too. I bet they'd get along well -- We should all get together some time." Except, don't lie. You'll get caught eventually. :D

[KaliLily]

I'm unfortunately in the boat, too. DH and I moved to Virginia in December for his new job, leaving my family and friends in Washington State. Granted, I had one close friend left nearby (the others are scatered around) but I also had work friends that I would do things with (lunch, afterwork drinks or dinner). I love our life here, but I would LOVE to have some local friends. I know I need to be braver and invite the lady next door out to lunch or something. I just get shy, or I get all caught up in house or yard stuff that I don't think about it.

[KaliLily]

Count me in with the rest of you. I moved to the DC area to be with DH after 9-11. I was living where I grew up and am still in contact with my two best friends from there. One is in the same place as me (as in she has a baby a little older than mine) but my other friend is still dating and going from one guy to another.

I really want to meet someone out here who has stuff in common with me. I have a 4 month old, and DH and I LOVE to play games (yeah we are dorks!) We so want to meet another couple who like playing cards or something. DH will come home from work and be like, "a new co-worker says that he and his wife love playing board games, should I invite them over...." yeah, we never do! Part of the problem is that the area we live in SUCKS traffic wise and the people I do like (from work) live so freakin' far away, that we can't get together during the week and on the weekends I like spending time with DS and DH. Ohhh....

Anyway... DiscoDiva, where are you from?? (I think I know from that OTHER site)


Hey, I'm in the DC area, too. Well, OK Berryville is a bit of a stretch (we're 10 miles east of Winchester) but the way No. Virginia is growing WEST Virginia is becoming a suburb of DC. ;) DH and I don't have any kids (yet), but we used to play cards with some of our friends in Washington State. DH is better at cards than I am, as he played cards a lot with his friends growing up in Indiana. DH and I used to have a "game night" once a week years ago and I keep telling him we need to reinstate that.

Anyway, back to my point, whereabouts in the DC area are you?

[Sazoo]

I can relate to this topic too. I've never really felt like I was good at making new friends. Most of my close friends I met in college 10 years ago, & some of them really don't fit the definition of "close" friend anymore to be honest, because we've each gone our separate ways with our lives in various ways. I have made very few "new" friends since college - a couple at a job I worked at after college, but that's about it.

Two of my college friends, one who is a VERY close friend (ahem...that would be KaliLily, who posted above), moved across the country in the past 7 months. Although Kim & I still talk a lot through various means, it's just not the same as it was when we lived in the same area & could call each other up & say "wanna get together?" at a moment's notice.

On the flip side, there's my DH, who has quite a few friends. Two separate groups of friends, actually - his old HS buddies, & his car buddies (a bunch of local guys who he started chatting with on a car-related message board a couple of years ago & he now hangs out with at the race track & at car shows, etc.) His HS friends are great & most of them are married & I get along really well with their wives. But...even after 3 years now, I still don't really consider any of their wives to be my "friends" per se. Us girls hang out at get-togethers with our spouses & have fun chatting, but I don't ever talk to them on the phone or through email or get together with them separate from the guys. The wives of the car guys are nice too, but I just can only take so much of hanging out with that group & listening to car talk hour after hour after hour. :p

Anyway, every now & then it bugs me that I just don't have very many friends, & the few that I do have I really don't hear from or get together with very often. It seems like everybody is just so busy these days. Sometimes I find myself hanging around the house on a weekend evening wishing I had someone I could call up & say "let's get together & hang out!" I love spending time with my DH, but I also wish I had some more girl friends around to hang out with, go shopping with, etc. more often.

I just don't know how to go about making new friends. I can chat your ear off if I know you well, but I tend to be more reserved/quiet/shy in situations where I don't really know anyone. I wish I was more outgoing. :(

[KaliLily]

I can relate to this topic too.

Two of my college friends, one who is a VERY close friend (ahem...that would be KaliLily, who posted above), moved across the country in the past 7 months.

Long distance ******HUGS**** SamSam!!! I miss being 5 minutes from you!!

[Sazoo]

Long distance ******HUGS**** SamSam!!! I miss being 5 minutes from you!!
HUGS back at ya, Kimmie! :D :D :D

I'm excited to come visit you next month...I'll be there in just a few weeks - woohoo!

[DiscoDiva]

For those who worry about not being outgoing, it doesn't necessarily help. I am very outgoing and tend to strike up conversations with everyone. But, that doesn't mean I want to become good friends with them, or them with me. Plus, I usually work from home and it's really hard to meet people that way!

[KaliLily]

I am very outgoing and tend to strike up conversations with everyone.

The striking up conversations is easy for me, too. I just can't seem to get to the "Hey, want to go grab lunch tomorrow?" point, or go knock on the neighbor's door and invite her over or out to lunch/shopping/whatever. Besides being a little shy, I'm afraid I'll wake up their babies.

So far my "closest friends" here (i.e., people I talk to often) are the receptionist at the Chiropractor's office and the guy who owns the store in town that I send packages from. :)

[Georgiana]

3. Take the lead and organize a "Girls' Night". My SIL and I started doing this nearly a year ago. At the first one, we invited pretty much every "eligible" female we knew. We also encouraged them to invite their other female friends, sisters, etc. Some people only came once or twice, but others come every month and bring friends, too. I've met a few new people this way, and have gotten to know others better than I otherwise would have. The way ours works is that we get together at someone's home one Saturday night of every month. The hostess is reponsible for deciding on the theme (if there is one) and the main dish. Then all of the other people sign up to bring a side dish, dessert, drinks, whatever. Sometimes we play board games or cards, sometimes we watch a movie, and sometimes we get so caught up in talking that we never get around to doing anything else at all. We started out using paper invitations, but the whole thing has been made easier now that we use Evite (http://www.evite.com). It's nice and nonconfrontational for the shy ladies among us. :o Also, you can let people choose specific items to bring from the list that you make, you can take a poll if you want to find out what people want to do, and you can even set it up so that the people you invite can add their friends to the invitation.



That is what I going to next weekend! It's a bunch of my friends and we are each bringing a friend for all to meet. We are going to do a Mary Kay Party, a lingerie party and candle party and end it with a cocktail party the first night, sleep over, Then have a cook out, Shopping and going to the casino the second night, And end it off with brunch on Sunday. I can't wait!

[tippy]

Tippy - Where in Alabama? I'm in Tuscaloosa. And ITA with this whole thread. I work in an office with no one near my age and they all have kids or grandkids.

Hey Sherb! I am in Huntsville. :)

[GeekGirl]

Hi, Sherb and Tippy!! I live in Michigan, but my FH is originally from Florence, AL, and we plan to be married in/around the area. :cool:

[Reenie]

That is what I going to next weekend! It's a bunch of my friends and we are each bringing a friend for all to meet. We are going to do a Mary Kay Party, a lingerie party and candle party and end it with a cocktail party the first night, sleep over, Then have a cook out, Shopping and going to the casino the second night, And end it off with brunch on Sunday. I can't wait!

OOH, that sounds like a blast! :)

[Linz]

I feel the same way. I have recently noticed that I don't keep friends for very long. I have maybe 2 or 3 friends that I have known for a good part of my life but other then that I don't really have any good girl friends. I know this sounds aweful but I think I get bored. The last group of friends I lost I wasn't feeling like they were putting anything into the relationship. All I was doing was feeding their egos, reassuring them that they were beautiful and smart and sucessfull...

I think the one that hurt the most was my best friend of 2 years. she is 4 years older then me and unmarried, there is of course nothing wrong with that but when I got engaged everything went to hell she started becoming really jealous and not trying to hide it. She even said I liked my FI more than I liked her..."uh duh! he's going to be my husband!" but i think the straw that broke the camels back was when she started to constantly make fun of my FH and put him down every chance she got. It hurt of course and when I told her she was to stop all the you know what hit the fan... life lessons I guess. You really learn who your real friends are when a life changing event happens and they can't even pretend to be happy for you.

sorry for the sappy story. :p

[houseblend]

Another one here chiming in late. I, too have a hard time meeting new friends. It doesn't help that my sister just moved to a new small town a few months ago and keeps telling me, "I only have 3 friends so far, but I'm working on it." She really makes me feel like I'm some loser for not having 15 or 20 friends to hang out with.

I've tried to get out there and meet people. DH and I took a German class and really hit it off with this one couple. Then the guy got laid off from his job and they had to move. I also met a nice woman from a cooking class that asked me to hang out, but the next month she got pregnant and being that we barely new each other, I think the pregnancy made it awkward for her to become new friends. I attend church here and there, but Sunday school doesn't interest me so much. I know I should go because it seems to be the only way to meet people there, but mornings are not my thing, so I'm especially not great at socializing in the morning!

I'm definitely more introverted, so I'm not as good at making the effort to call people. Plus, I like hanging out in person but I do not enjoy talking on the phone, which I think makes a lot of women less interested in me. My town is very spread out, too, which makes it hard. The friends I do have here all live 35+ minutes away. Most times I don't feel like driving that far and fighting traffic.

[bluberry]

Just thought I'd come back here and update. I appreciate all the feedback and I think it's awesome that some of you live near each other. I also wanted to point out that although a lot of people have categorized this problem to be an introvert problem, that is not entirely true. I have no problem going up to people and starting a conversation. I'm not shy or quiet. But that doesn't change the fact that the people I interact with on a daily basis don't fit the "Friend profile" I'm seeking. Let me clarify...I'm not super picky when it comes to friends, but I feel like we have to have at least a few things in common and this person has to be able to put up with a healthy dose of sarcasm (mine).

I also wanted to add that since starting this thread, I've re-evaluated the situation and determined that I do know a few ladies my age that live in my town, but for some reason or another we haven't kept in touch. I have reached out to one of them so far and I'm happy to report we'll be going shopping this weekend. :D

[DallasLady]

Just found this thread... I am another person who is in dire need of some friends!

I moved to Dallas 4 years ago when I got married. DH's family lives here, but I have no family or friends here. DH and I are kind of introverted, we are both pretty content to spend all our time together, especially early in our marriage. But, he has started working more lately and I am finding myself spending a lot of time alone.

I met a few people in the job I had when I first moved here. The closest of those friends just moved about an hour away, plus she just had a baby so she never has time anymore. I am a teacher now, and believe it or not, being a teacher is very isolating. I spend all day in my room with my students and don't get to talk to the other teachers much.

DH is working late tonight and I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself :(

[DiscoDiva]

DallasLady, don't be sad! We're all here for you!

Bluberry: woo hoo!!!

[tallie]

This thread has really hit home for me - I moved away from home (where my small network of close friends is) about 300 miles away. I have the same problem! I'm not married, or engaged, but have a great BF and I don't want him to become the center of my social life.

I'm in BOSTON - is there any interest in a meetup?

[Sazoo]

I'm in BOSTON - is there any interest in a meetup?
Check out the Boston Girls (http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?t=857) thread - maybe you'll find some local gals to hook up with in there! :D

[Lizard]

I'm in Omaha, but I rarely see anyone posting on ANY board from this area. Sometimes there's a few in Des Moines or Kansas City, but Omaha people seem to be few and far between.

I'm the same way, with very few friends. I moved to Omaha in 1999, and since then I have found 2 good friends. One has a newborn now, and is totally focused on him. The other is a self-admitted homebody, and it's like pulling teeth to get her to go out or even hang out. She would much rather stay home with her husband.

I can definitely take the initiative... I've planned get-togethers and coffee dates and dinners and BBQ's and whatnot, but it just seems like people don't follow through. We've been talking about finding a church as of late, so I'm hoping I can find some acquaintances there. It definitely gets depressing at times though. :(

[QT Pie]

I'm in the same boat. I think that why I like these boards so much. :)

[pocket]

I miss having girlfriends too. Since Yaya moved I have been so lonely. I work a lot more, and I spend more time with the fam, but it's not girlfriends. I am slowly making friends at work. It takes a long time to make a friend. I've known most of my friends for 10-20 years, so that's part of it. But how int he world am I expected to do all of this without girlfriends? I don't have a single person in my life right now who i can be totally straight with except for Pita and Pearl (sister).

[IrishMeg]

I don't have a single person in my life right now who i can be totally straight with

I can totally relate to that statement. I'm not married and my FH and I just broke up. I miss it so much. I only have about 2-3 people that really "get me" and know who I am and where I'm coming from. (Some of them are family)

It's very lonely!

[scout]

It's hard to meet friends, isn't it? Since moving here three years ago, the only new friends I've met are on the WC!

IrishMeg

I'm not married and my FH and I just broke up I didn't know that! :( How are you doing? I went through a broken engagement before I met my DH. It's hard.

[magrat]

I definitely felt like that a year and a half ago, but since then I've turned WC friendships into RW friendships! In fact, DH and I are going out tonight with amorey and her DH. My DH is the one who was really anxious to go out with friends again, so he is the one who emailed her and made all the plans which I think shows how comfortable we're getting with each other, and my DH really gets along with her DH. We have a lot local WC get togethers, so if there's anyone in the Twin Cities looking to make some friends, post that in the local board and we'll make sure we have another one soon.

[tinkerbelljenny]

Hi POCKET! I remember you from when I lived in the Bay Area and would post in the local-San Francisco thread, good to see you around again.

LIZARD, I see you made it over to the Great Plains thread, you might have seen that there is a couple of other Omaha ladies there!

[whirlingwords]

DH and I moved to Chicago about a year ago and I have made ZERO friends... We have a couple of couples that we hang out with every two weeks or so, but they are from DH's office and I don't feel comfortable calling the wives up and offering to do something that doesn't involve the husbands. I even met up with a WC gal once or twice, but couldn't even manage to keep in touch with her! Seriously, the older I get the more I act like a shy 5 year old on the first day of kindergarten.

[alical04]

I am in the same boat also. My DH and I met in college and I had more friends at the time and then we moved and the tables have turned. He made so many friends at work and I have made none!! I dont know where to meet people and I guess that I am getting used to being on my own. Another stressful thing is that DH works a lot of weekends so I usually go out by myself for shopping and errands and such. My DH wants me to have friends and hang out with them but my comment to this is "What am I supposed to do? Go up to a lady in the grocery store and say, hey want to be my friend?" :D But it is hard to meet people outside or school or work and that is probably why I love these boards.

[DiscoDiva]

It's also more difficult to make friends as you get older. Past a certain age, everyone seems to have kids, and people with kids tend to hang out with other people with kids! It seems that all the women my age want to find other women friends with kids so the children can all play together or they can take turns babysitting, etc. (which makes sense!!) It's tough to find a friend for me to hang out with. I mean, I can up and go, without a moment's notice, and stay out as long as I wish. It usually isn't that easy for people with children.

[anjuli]

ITA DiscoDiva. My DH and I were just discussing this subject tonight. It is harder to meet friends when you get older. We're in our 30's so most of our friends are married and more than half have children. Because we're still childfree, it's hard to just "hang out" with these friends because they need to get the kids to bed at a certain hour. I guess one day we'll be in the same situation, but in the meantime, who do we hang out with?

[DiscoDiva]

ITA DiscoDiva. My DH and I were just discussing this subject tonight. It is harder to meet friends when you get older. We're in our 30's so most of our friends are married and more than half have children. Because we're still childfree, it's hard to just "hang out" with these friends because they need to get the kids to bed at a certain hour. I guess one day we'll be in the same situation, but in the meantime, who do we hang out with?
There is even a website called Childfree by choice (or something like that) and they have social groups in many cities. You can make friends with other child-free couples and go out to eat, go on group trips, etc. Too bad there isn't a good group near me.

[anjuli]

DiscoDiva : Can my DH and I participate in the get-togethers if we won't remain childfree for the rest of our lives? We want to have children in the future, but we're just not parents yet. I feel as though we're in limbo - stuck between partying 20-somethings and 30-somethings with kids.

[DiscoDiva]

DiscoDiva : Can my DH and I participate in the get-togethers if we won't remain childfree for the rest of our lives? We want to have children in the future, but we're just not parents yet. I feel as though we're in limbo - stuck between partying 20-somethings and 30-somethings with kids.
Yes, you can. But, once you have kids, you'll probably stop hanging out with the group anyway, as your lifestyles will change.

[Annette]

Anjuli - I think I posted this earlier. You can see if there's a local No Kidding Chapter in your area at www.nokidding.net. We belong to our local chapter and have met lots of people there. Some are remaining child free and others are single or married who might want to have kids later.

We are in the exact same boat as you, in our late 20s and we don't want to have kids for another couple of years.

[anjuli]

Thanks DiscoDiva & Annette. I'll check out www.nokidding.net and see if they have a chapter nearby.

[Kristibell]

Is there room in the boat for one more? I don't have many girlfriends either. My closest friend is local, but she's got a young son with another on the way and being that we don't have kids yet, we are in two different worlds. We still get together occassionally, but our priorities and schedules are so different. I've looked into some social groups around my area, but the few I've found the members all want to go bar hopping and pick-up men. I'm past that.

I guess it's just a tough place in life to be in no longer single and wanting to go out and party every weekend, but not having kids to worry about either puts me in a unique demographic.

The few people I have formed friendships with have all moved away. Living in the Bay Area they've left so they can afford homes. It takes a long time for me to make friends and feel comfortable with them. I would get near that point and they'd leave. I understand it's the best decision for them, but it's frusterating. I hope it gets easier, because I'm saddened by my lack of quality female friends.

[Astara]

Wow! I thought I was the *only* one with this problem. It's nice to see that I'm not alone. I moved here to Concord, New Hampshire from Tennessee to be with my husband two years ago. a while before I came here, I had a lot of friends.. but a lot of them werent true friends so I decided to stop interaction with them and only focus on the people who I knew really cared and that I cared about. That left me with about 2. My best friend who lived with my family and another very close friend from HS that I had known since Elementary. When I moved here I kept contact mostly with my best friend, talking to her all the time. She started college and got into the wrong crowd, and basically turned into a really different person.. she was jealous of my life and how good I had it and when she heard I was pregnant that was it.. she couldnt stand it any longer so she stopped all communication. My other close friend I am still friends with but its not the same for us over the phone. We are just not phone ppl I guess, so we dont talk to eachother very often. (I am very good about keep long distance relationships.. its other ppl who arent and I just dont have the energy to keep up with ppl on my own anymore, so I basically give as much as I get now) but when we are together its like old times. I also hang out with my DH's best friends wife who lives next door but the time and effort hasnt been put in to make her my *friend* KWIM? she's similar to me but there is a lot that is different and also I have a problem with asking ppl if they want to go hang out bc I dont want to sound stupid or bother them lol I know that probably sounds stupid in itsself. I do have 2 other friends here one is my BIL's ex-GF but its been months since I hung out with her.. our relationship has kinda gone away since they broke up and she has found a new BF... we are just in really different places, and that goes for another friend who I met at my last job.. lately we havent hung out bc she started college and has a job and is really busy all the time too. so I also just hang out with my DH's friends when they hang out.. but everyone is on their own schedule so we havent done that in a while either!! My Dh and I really wish we could just find a couple in our similar situation (young im 23 dh is 27, expecting, want to have fun!) that we can do things with. His Best friend and wife basically are the couple we hang out with *but* they are so different as a couple then we are and we dont get to often. I told DH "now I know why mom's dont really have friends..its happening to us!!" lol maybe this is what happens when you get older? ok now I just wrote a lot.. I dont know if anything made sense! lol oh well hope it did.. :)

[Natasha]

Bump

I have really been feeling friend-less lately. I have a whole 3 close friends, one lives two hours away and one lives 2 time zones away. The other one just got with a guy and he is taking up a bunch of her time, plus she goes to school full time. I just do not know how to make friends! My son is in kindergarten, but most parents work, so I only see grandparents at drop off and pick up time. I work in a very parent-friendly store (Gymboree) but haven't gotten friendly with anyone there either. I also do a direct sale jewelry business part time... The girls in my husbands group of friends are nice to me, and I consider them friends, but after 4 years, I don't see any of us getting closer than we already are... What's a girl to do?

[tgr68]

I'm feeling that way, too. It's been several months (even years) since I've had a solid, close friendship. :( My two closest friends, I can only seem to get with every few months. One I feel like I have to be really guarded around, though. (The last time we really talked was when I was having some church issues, and her DH ratted me out to the pastor for gossiping. She apologized repeatedly for his actions, and I forgave her. It's just hard to get into a really deep conversation with her anymore for fear it will happen again. :() The other recently adopted 3 children, so almost all of her free time is now sucked up caring for them (which I completely understand being a SAHM of 2). Plus she teaches, so her only free time seems to come at school breaks and is reserved for extended family (which again I completely understand).

I have lots of aquaintances, too, in the form of DH's work-related contacts wives. They are always nice and we have a great time talking, but we're just into such different things that it feels more like a business arrangement, KWIM?

We do have a new neighbor who just had a baby, and occasionally one of us will walk over when the other is outside. We've even invited them over to dinner once family leaves from the newness of the baby, so that is out there. I am also dragging a former student (now 19 yrs old) to the mall with me this week for my birthday. It just seems like a weird relationship since I was her dance teacher and she is so much younger than me. She loves kids though and wants to be a mom of a larger family in the future, so at least I can talk mom stuff with her if there's ever a lull in the conversation. *shrug*

I think at this point I just need one close friend that I'm able to see on a regular basis (more than a couple of times a year) and can spill my guts to when needed. Am I setting my standards too high or what?

[Natasha]

I feel pretty much the exact way! I am actually having lunch with my brothers ex girlfriend today, who I am 9 years older than! It would be nice to just have one friend to go out with occasionally, maybe shopping with, and that I can just vent to/with occasionally. I even gave my business card to a lady with a daughter who was having a blast playing with my kids at McDonalds once, but she never called or emailed... It shouldn't be this hard!

[ABirney]

Count me in. I live in a tiny town with nothing to do here (350 people) and work 20 miles away, so by the time I get home it's 7pm. I have 1 friend from HS I keep in touch with every couple months, but she lives almost across the country. Other than that, I hang out with my SIL, who lives 15 mins away, but she's usually busy with her 5 kids! Plus now I have a baby on the way too. It doesn't help that I'm very shy and have a hard time making more than small talk with people I don't know well.

[Shermy]

Another one here longing for female friends.

I am done with college, not working (currently trying to find a job), and I have out grown all my old friends for the most part, so I am pretty lonely. It is is just me and DH, but he has his brother who is his best friend living next door, and doesn't really desire to have more friends than that.

I would go take a yoga class or something, but money is short and I tend to be really shy, which isn't always an advantage when trying to branch out.

[KiKi'sMommy]

I feel the same way, but my problem is more of finding couple friends. My sister and brother-in-law come over and hang out with us, but we need more than one couple to hang out with.

For the single people or married people looking for friends. What about a meet-up group?

[shg]

Well, as sad as it sounds I'm glad I'm not the only one... It seems it's been ages since I've had a solid friendship... It started 12 years ago when I moved to US from Poland and had to start over. I did not know anybody here but as time progressed I've made friends in CA where we lived for 9 years...just as I started to feel comfortable my husband got job offer and we moved to Nevada. If I ever though it was difficult to make friends in Cali, Las Vegas is 100 times worse. On top of that I have a 3 year old and am not interested in going out to casinos and clubs every night of the week.What's a girl to do?

[PGirl26]

Add me to the list. I feel like I'm all alone most days. I've lived in the same town all my life. All my friends are still here. We've just all gone our separate ways. I'm married with a 7 month old daughter and two step daughters. Most of my friends don't have kids. And they're either single, or completely up their SO's rear end and refuse to spend any time away from them. And they all just kind of do their own thing. I mean, none of my friends even came to see me at the hospital when I had DD. I love my DD & DH dearly. But I CRAVE some girlfriend time. To go shopping, gossip,someone to cry to, go out for coffee...something...ANYTHING. I feel that I'm pretty easy to get along with. I'm outgoing. It's just so hard to find GOOD girlfriends at the age of 27. :confused:

[daener]

Me, too. Four years ago my DH and I moved and I have yet to meet any female friends with whom I really connect. I've lived in many cities in my adult life and have found it increasingly challenging to meet women who are welcoming to new friends (although it was easier when I was single). Mostly, I have met great women who have grown up in the places I moved to and who already have strong and demanding relationships with other women.

Since moving with DH, most people I meet assume that we already have friendships (together or separately) with others here and it's challenging to get them to invite me/us into their lives. More often than not, it's not been successful and I am struggling to find women with whom to relate outside of my marriage. To do so, I find myself flying regularly to see my closest friends but it would be so great to have even one local person with whom I connect...I miss making new friends, as well.

[phoenics]

Wow - this is me too. Sort of.

I had built a great network of friends where I live and in one fell swoop, 3 moved away. One of them had been my friend since we were 12 (we're still friends, but it's harder now that she's moved away with her husband and baby). Another left to go to business school. The other moved to NY... Oh and to top it off, my closest male friend got married, so of course we don't talk as much as we used to - he's busy, lol. I'm so happy for him though... he was always long-distance though...

I still have friends here, but having that huge of a chunk taken out of my local friend network has been jarring.

I find myself staring at my phone sometimes wondering where all of my friends went.

It's starting to affect me... I feel off-balance and everything... and kinda disconnected. I really need to do something about that.

[MrsSki]

daener - Where in Chicago are you? I, too am in Chicago and have few female friends. I commute with two girlfriends (which is how we met) who are newly married with no children and have a few friends who are mothers and we share the same sitter. We hang out as couples and we are super fun (I so sound like a personal ad).

If you are anywhere in the loop during the week, send me a PM and we can get together for lunch or something.

[Annette]

I find that meeting people and having friends are completely different things. Now that I have a baby, I've been able to meet other moms and stuff, but I still don't have a close friend here. If I want to vent about something, confide in someone or just chat, I talk to my BFF from high school who lives in NY. We were both pg at the same time and our sons are a month apart and that experience brought us closer. It is hard to move friendships to the next level especially when the other person already has best friends or they live on the other side of town.

[eponymous]

I wanted to commiserate. I moved away from my college friends when I got married, and I've found it difficult (impossible?) to find women who are smart, funny, intellectual... It's one of the things that I loved about CC for so long; it made me feel like I was part of a community.

[hokiegirl]

I find that meeting people and having friends are completely different things.

I totally agree with this statement. I have so many people that are my "friends", but they are not the friends that I can call up to cry to or feel comfortable with calling to complain for just a minute or feel like I can totally rely on. How did it get so hard to make good friends? It used to be so easy, until I grew up and joined the real world that is.