How do I help my 17 month old share?

[jerickson100]

I know kids this young cannot really share, but I think my 17 month old daughter is worse than most (I mean that in a nice way :p ) Whenever we go to playdates, the other babies (all almost exactly her age) seem fine with giving up toys, taking toys, etc. Not my daughter... If someone comes anywhere near a toy that she has claimed as her own, she loses it and has a full melt-down. The other day, a mom at a playdate brought out a bowl of cut up grapes and all the kids ate out of the bowl. My daughter took the entire bowl and ran with it into the other room. This morning, I asked her if I could play with her. She hoarded up all of her toys around her, looked right at me, and said, "no." For the most part, it's funny (although I would never show her that I think so), and I know she will grow out of it, but I am wondering if there is anything I can do now to make her slightly less territorial. TIA!

Jessica

[malala]

My DD is 6 mos old, so I can't help:o .
But I thought you might get more replies if you move this to the 18 months to 4 years section, you'd be able to get answers from those mommies who have been there, than that.
Good luck!

[Mickey&B]

Your right in that children this age just can't share, they have no idea of the concept! Right now she is still in a very ego-centric stage of development, the world revolves around her so why should she allow someone else to take what she wants ;) I know this is really hard on parents, and if you want to try to help her seperate with things,
1. First let her own it. In other words you can't share anything unless you have ownership over it, so let her play with it (especially if it is something new)
2. Then give her warnings that you are going to let someone else play with it e i. "In five minutes we are going to let Joey have a turn" and then do the count down " In 3 minutes ect.. ." "in 1 minute . . ." then "it's time for Joey's turn" (be sure no to short change them on the time, so watch your clock)

3. This is the tough one. . . Taking away the toy! After the time is up you can tell your daughter it's Joey's turn do you want to give Joey the toy or should I? This gives her a choice, which is very impowering for children, but ultimatly she has to part with the toy. Yes, she is still to young but eventually she will get it (warning. . .don't ask "can you give the Joey the toy? because more often than not she will say no! and well you asked ;) ) She will probably start to throw a fit the first few times and this is when you take the toy away give it to Joey and then have to console your daughter. Validate her feelings "I know it's hard to share" things of that manner. It's going to be tough but eventually with using this approach and being consistant it will get better.

I used this approach with Toddlers when I taught and it's not easy. I wish I could find my "Toddler Creed" it's basically the rules on being a toddler and it's pretty funny. But anyway I never expected them to share until they were about 2.5 or 3.