Late Term Loss, Stillbirth, Infant Loss and Toddler Loss support group

[jennylou]

This thread is for those moms who have lost a child - through late term loss, stillbirth or infant loss. We have members who have had their rainbow babies, pregnant members, members ttc and those that are not ttc. Each of us bring a unique perspective on loss and all are welcome. If you have lost a baby, please feel free to jump in and introduce yourself. Our group has become a bit like a family, we laugh with each other and we cry with each other - and although we hate that it happens to anyone else, we welcome you with open arms.

Our Members:

ali_ohli
Angel baby - loss at 22 weeks
Cause: ultimately due to an infection of the amniotic fluid. The doctors believe I may have cervical incompetence, which could have led me to dilate and opened me up to infection, but it's not really a clear-cut case of anything.

amygrrl
me: 36
DH: 34
Married: 2/15/03
TTC: 02/05/03
Angel Baby: Avery born still on 6/3/05 at 28 wks
Rainbow Baby: Malin our little miracle born on 4/3/06
Cause of loss: unknown. hospital misplaced the autopsy paperwork so no investigation into the cause of death was ever done.
Other issues: PCOS, IVF alumni, 3 embries on ice

Astro
Me: 39
DH: 37
Married: 9/03
Children: Alex and Ryan 9/05/05 stillborn at 16 weeks 1 day
Cause of loss: One of the placenta's separated from the uterine lining. Probably related to hematoma and bleeding in the first trimester.
Miscarriage: 5/06

clzj
Me: Lynn 32
DH: Charles 32
Married: 6/8/02
DS: Isaiah 4/24/03
Angel baby: 10/26/05
Cause: pinched cord

Ericka_Jarett - Ericka, 32
DH: Jarett, 28
Married: December 14, 2001
Angel: Rebekah Joy, born April 18, 2005 at 24 weeks, with us 71 mins.
Cause of Loss: chorioamnionitis (placenta infection), possible cervical incompetence as well
Pregnant Again: January 30, 2006
Rainbow Baby: Easton Robert born 9/5/06


goldengbridge
Jen, 25
DH:Miguel, 28
Married 9/6/03
TTC: 8/03
Children: Andrew, 22 months and the light of my life!
Angel Jacob, born sleeping on 4/3/06, (18w 4 d) Cause of death was unknown but his cord was wrapped around his body tightly 3 times. We know for sure he was healthy because I was high risk with Jacob's pg because of Andrew's heart defect. I had just had an u/s 2 weeks before Jacob passed away which showed he was healthy.
It's a Girl! EDD 3/12/07

Jeggink
me: 33
DH: 33
Married: 9.28.02
DS: 9.23.04
Angel Baby: Kayla Anne born on 11/27/06 at 19w3d.
Cause of loss: Unbalanced Translocation of Chromosomes, genetic, but not from us, just a fluke.
Other issues: 2 m/c in Jan 06 and April 06, unknown reasons

jenahdawn
DH: 27
Married: 7/26/02
Angels: Catherine (Katie) Rose and Chloe Dawn, b/d 9/27/06

jennylou
Me: 27
DH: 36
Married: 9/20/03
Angel: Andrew Wyatt 5/20/05-5/22/05
Cause of loss: SIDS
Other children: Our vbac and Rainbow baby, Nora 8/10/06

jessie
Me: 26
DH: 31
Married: 5/13/02
Children: Bailey- 11/22/99, Rainbow Baby Chelsea - 05/05/05
Angel: Joshua - Born still at 38w on 3/28/04
Cause of loss: Massive fetal/maternal hemorrhage

Kimmiebride
me: 40
DH: 41
Married: 07/01
TTC: 08/02
Angel: Robert stillborn at 17w3d
Cause of loss: membranes not fused on right side that caused complications from amnio, and premature rupture of membranes
Other issues: Factor V Leiden and MTHFR clotting disorders discovered after the birth
Pregnant!

LDS Angel 19
Me: Michelle, 23
DH: Aaron: 24
Married: September 4th, 2004
Angel: Allison Grace, June 17th, 2005 22wks, 6dys.
Cause of Loss: "Unknown". I've had one Dr say it could be my cervix, but my current Dr said my cervix looks fine.
TTC: September 2005
Miscarriage June 06
Taking a break until September 2006
Pregnant with twins!

Lisa
Me: 26
DH: 25
Married:6.28.02
Angel: Lauryn Grace 2.28.05-7.2.06
Cause of loss: RSV-but she has an underlining Possible genetic disorder/birth trama
Other children: DS:light of my life- Ethan 6.17.03 and how knows God willing another one soon!
Pregnant! Baby July 12 2007

Myangelsvw
Me: 34
DH: 34
Married: 9/1/02
Angels: Vincent and William, b/d 2/6/06
Cause of loss: Prematurity (preterm labor caused by infection)

sophiapb
Me: Sophia, 39
DH: John, 32
Married: 5/18/02
Children: Alexa 5/26/05
Angel: Alexander 5/26/05-stillborn at 36 weeks 6 days
Cause of loss-Stated as unknown although Alexander had an umbilical artery close around 27 weeks resulting in slowed down growth
Pregnant again!
EDD: 12/24/06
Gender: Surprise!
ADD: 12/4/06, the surprise is twins!
At 10:51 AM, Corinne Victoria was born weighing 6 lbs, 6 ozs and measuring 19 inches.

Spellbound
Me: Jude, 32
DH: Patrick, 33
Married: 09/25/04
DS: Keegan 03/09/06 (born 32 weeks)
Angel baby: 09/14/06 (16 weeks)
Cause: PPROM (pre-term premature of membranes)

Sully130
me: 30
DH: 32
Married: 06/02
TTC: 07/04
Children: DD born still on 4.22.05 at 23 weeks
Angel Baby: miracle baby, my DS, born 4.20.06 after 20 weeks of bedrest following my water breaking (PPROM, which was spontaneous) at 16 weeks; also had an early m/c in 7/04
Cause of loss: fatal condition caused by spontaneous genetic mutation

[jennylou]

Heaven's Child: Recovering From the Loss of an Infant (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0595281834/qid=1152372230/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-9700458-3510440?s=books&v=glance&n=283155)

Gone Too Soon: The Life and Loss of Infants and Unborn Children (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1555036554/qid=1152372230/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2/002-9700458-3510440?v=glance&s=books)

Trying Again: A Guide to pregnancy After Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0878331824/qid=1152372230/sr=2-3/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_3/002-9700458-3510440?v=glance&s=books)

Coping With Infant or Fetal Loss: The Couples Healing Process (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0876306946/qid=1152372230/sr=1-9/ref=sr_1_9/002-9700458-3510440?v=glance&s=books)

Hope is Like the Sun: Finding Hope and Healing After Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0974869961/qid=1152372512/sr=1-24/ref=sr_1_24/002-9700458-3510440?v=glance&s=books)

Empty Crade, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1555913024/ref=pd_sim_b_2/002-9700458-3510440?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155)

We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We had an Angel Instead (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0972424113/ref=pd_sim_b_2/002-9700458-3510440?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155)

Mommy, Please Don't Cry : There Are No Tears in Heaven (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159052151X/ref=pd_sim_b_3/002-9700458-3510440?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155)

I'll Hold You in Heaven (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0830732594/ref=pd_sim_b_5/002-9700458-3510440?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155)

[jennylou]

SHARE (http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/)

March of Dimes (www.marchofdimes.com)

The Compassionate Friends (http://www.compassionatefriends.org)

A Place To Remember (http://www.aplacetoremember.com/)

Parents of Multiples Forever (http://www.erichad.com/pom/index.htm)

M.E.N.D. (http://www.mend.org)

When Your Baby is Stillborn (http://www.wisc.edu/wissp/when.htm)

[jennylou]

Baby Photo Retouching (http://www.babyphotoretouch.com/)

The American Child Photographers Charity Guild (http://www.acpcg.com/mission.htm)

[jennylou]

Our first thread (http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?t=5792)

We're open for posting now. :)

If you have anything you'd like me to add - books, websites, etc, please share.

[Ericka_Jarett]

thanks Jenny for starting the new thread.

I posted an update on the last thread. Quick recap: 27 weeks and cervix opened inside a bit more than last appt and it's also starting to funnel. Ring is still holding tight though. On bedrest pretty much full time now. Another appt in 3 weeks to check progress and probably will get the steroid shots after that appt.

[Astro]

Jenny, Thanks for starting a new thread.

Ericka, Good luck on bedrest. I hope the ring continues to hold. :)

nothing new here...

[sophiapb]

Oooo, we have a new thread! As a suggestion for this thread, can we have a roster or was there a specific reason why we didn't have one for the original thread?
I had my 16 week check up on Thursday and all looks well. My doctor wants me to take a glucose test on Wednesday even though I didn't have a blood sugar problem last time or have any kind of history but oh well. I don't mind having the doctor be extra cautious this time so bring it on!
I'll be scheduling my 20 week U/S for the beginning of August. I honestly have no interest in finding out the sex (so different from the first time when that's all I wanted to know!) as long as everything is where it's supposed to be and everything is good. However, DH is chomping at the bit to find out the sex so I will be revealing the news here in four weeks. Stay tuned!

[jennylou]

Sure we can have a roster, if that's what folks want. Just post your stats and I'll add them to the first post. :)

[Ericka_Jarett]

Ericka_Jarett - Ericka, 32
DH: Jarett, 28
Married: December 14, 2001
Other children: Rebekah Joy, born April 18, 2005 at 24 weeks, with us 71 mins.
Cause of Loss: chorioamnionitis (placenta infection), possible cervical incompetence as well
Pregnant Again: January 30, 2006
EDD: October 4, 2006
Gender: It's a Boy

[sophiapb]

sophiapb
Me: Sophia, 39
DH: John, 32
Married: 5/18/02
Children: Alexa 5/26/05, Alexander 5/26/05-stillborn at 36 weeks 6 days
Cause of loss-Stated as unknown although Alexander had an umbilical artery close around 27 weeks resulting in slowed down growth
Pregnant again!
EDD: 12/24/06
Gender: Will find out August 7

[myangelsvw]

My computer has been down since Sunday, so I come back on this morning and was surprised our thread had been so quiet. :p Thanks for starting a new thread, Jenny! I promise I will give input to the first few posts, but it may have to wait until after we get settled into our house.

myangelsvw
Me: 34
DH: 34
Married: 9/1/02
Children: Vincent and William, b/d 2/6/06
Cause of loss: Prematurity (preterm labor caused by infection)

sophia - Glad to hear everything looks good. And good luck with the sugar water today. Can't wait to hear the news on the 7th!

ericka - Sorry to hear about the full time bedrest. Hope you're managing to stay entertained.

astro - Hey, you! Not much longer! DH was saying on the way to our transfer how strange the FET is. For him in particular, I think it kind of came out of nowhere.

[Astro]

Astro
Me: 39
DH: 37
Married: 9/03
Children: Alex and Ryan 9/05/05 stillborn at 16 weeks 1 day
Cause of loss: One of the placenta's separated from the uterine lining. Probably related to hematoma and bleeding in the first trimester.
Miscarriage: 5/06

Myangelsvw Wow! you guys are already doing the transfer. I'm very excited for you and your DH. We hope to be doing the same thing next month. :)

[Kimmiebride]

Kimmiebride
me: 40
DH: 41
Married: 07/01
TTC: 08/02
Child: Robert stillborn at 17w3d
Cause of loss: membranes not fused on right side that caused complications from amnio, and premature rupture of membranes
Other issues: Factor V Leiden and MTHFR clotting disorders discovered after the birth

Hola Chicas! Sorry I have been AWOL... big weekend of weddings, and just exhausted trying to keep up. I have doctor's appointments with both my docs over the next couple of weeks. I think they are planning to reduce my dosage of rat poison. I will be soooooo happy, and hope I don't end up with any more clots. I just want to feel like me again! (not to mention losing some of the 15 pounds I have gained while on the meds. I hate RAT POISON!

Had a great lunch last week with MelissafromNC, and am pretty sure it's also time to stop fooling around (no pun intended) and get back to my RE. I seemed to think it was going to be easy to get pregnant again, but it's been 3 months, and I am not getting any younger. I still have some Repronex hanging around, so I will try a cycle or two of injectibles, and see if we have some luck. AF is due next Friday.
Gotta get to bed... sorry no shouts!
Kimmie

[amygrrl]

i didn't even realize there was a new thread until today when i went to post on the old one to ask how everyone is doing... yup... i'm retarded!

amygrrl
me: 36
DH: 34
Married: 2/15/03
TTC: 02/05/03
Children: Avery born still on 6/3/05 at 28 wks; Malin our little miracle born on 4/3/06
Cause of loss: unknown. hospital misplaced the autopsy paperwork so no investigation into the cause of death was ever done.
Other issues: PCOS, IVF alumni, 3 embries on ice

[myangelsvw]

Kimmie - Good for you on heading back to the RE! I hope it brings you all the luck you could ever want. As for your choice to go sans RE for the last few months, I think it's totally normal to think/hope that it'll be easier the second time around. After all, you hear all those stories to that effect. Heck, even my OB gave me that little pep talk. And of course, it could still very well happen. But I'm glad you're getting proactive. That's good news. :D

amy - Glad to know I'm in good company as a dork. ;)


Me? Nothing exciting. Packing and waiting. Packing and waiting.

[SailorJenny]

Hello to all, a girl on another message board recommended this board to me. My name is Jenn, and I'm 26, my husband Marc is 35. Our son, Gregory Ian died last month in utero. I was a high risk pregnancy - I'd had a previous miscarriage, bleeding early in this pregnancy, and then I was diagnosed with a two vessel cord at my twenty week ultrasound. I was going for monthly ultrasounds to make sure that the baby was growing properly and that the single artery was compensating for the missing one. At 33 weeks we got in a car accident, rear ended a guy at 40 miles per hour, the air bags deployed. I was taken to the hospital because I was having contractions and couldn't feel the baby move. In the ambulance, I was begging God to not let the baby die, that I could handle it and learn to live with it, but that my husband would be burdened by the guilt of it all, and wouldn't be able to live with that. I left L&D two days later full of steroids, with a bruised belly, and a broken hand. I didn't care, I was just elated that the baby was healthy and ok. On Friday night, June 16th (36 weeks), I realized I hadn't felt the baby move since early that morning. I tried my home doppler, but had trouble finding his heartbeat, but I chalked it up to the battery being old because it was having trouble picking up my heartbeat. The next morning, we still had trouble finding his heartbeat after my husband replaced the battery. I couldn't get the baby to move no matter what I tried - juice, loud music, poking him. My OB told me to go to L&D, where they confirmed that our baby had passed away. He was delivered via c-section that afternoon, and the doctor discovered that his umbilical cord had become wrapped around his neck very tightly three times. It was also much thinner than normal because it was missing an artery. We had asked our families to come to the hospital, so that everyone could hold him and see him. When the nurse brought him to me, I have never been so proud. He was so beautiful, he looked just like my husband. We had a full Catholic Mass funeral for him the following Saturday, and buried him with my grandfather, so that he'd always be with family.

The last month has been the hardest time of my life. My due date was this past Wednesday, and Marc and I went to the cemetery for a little while. The wife of a man my husband works with delivered a healthy baby yesterday, and Marc is in so much pain, but doesn't deal with it the same way I do. We are working hard to not let this come between us, and trying to be understanding of each other's grief, and come out of the other side of this together. We both have been dealing with some feelings of guilt and asking what if. I am so grateful that Gregory's death was not a result of the car accident, but I wonder if that had anything to do with the way his cord wrapped around him, or if it was us having sex the night before that caused him to shift in such a way that he could not escape the cord, or if it was a flaw in my body that caused him to have a funky cord to begin with. Rationally, I know that there was nothing I could have done and no way I could have known that anything was wrong, so I keep trying not to beat myself up when that little nagging voice in the back of my mind taunts that as his mother and his only lifeline, I should have known and fixed it. There are so many feelings of helplessness, sadness, guilt, and anger, that most days I'm still not sure exactly what I'm feeling. I do know that I have hope for so much.

I am returning to work on Monday, and looking forward to going back to the mundane a bit, but with it comes a whole new set of worries. I'm lucky that I'll mostly be working from home, and the people I work closely with are all very supportive, but I'm still feeling anxious. Physically, I'm healing well, and I'm looking forward to my six week appointment so that I can have sex again - it feels like a slap in the face not to be able to have sex when my husband and I need each other the most.

I want to say that I read your entire other post in the last couple of weeks, and that while you didn't know it, you have helped me to heal so much already. I feel stronger knowing that other people have been standing where I am, and find the strength to accept tragedy and learn to live with it. It gives me great hope. Thank you guys so much.

[sophiapb]

Oh crap, Jenn, I'm so sorry for you and your DH that you lost your son. I'm so happy that the other thread was able to help you. It makes such a difference to know that there are people out there who can understand the pain you are going through.
I read your post and was nodding at points because your story is pretty similiar to mine with the closed umbilical artery and the couple of days of trying to get the baby to move. The last time I felt my son move when I knew for sure it was him was a Tuesday night in the 36th week. He had been pretty inactive all day and so I poked him and was relieved to feel him curl up against my hand. That was it, he never moved again although I didn't know it at the time. I can't tell you how many times I've relived that moment and punished myself for not knowing that he needed help and doing something. Out of all the memories of my pregnancy, that's the one memory that is guaranteed to bring me to tears (like now). It does get less painful with time and I've stopped blaming myself but it still hurts.
I also didn't realize that the umbilical cord is thinner with a closed artery but that makes sense. Alexander came out with his cord wrapped around his body. I never understood why that seemed to be a major concern but I guess that with a thinner cord, it would have the same effect as if it had been wrapped around his neck. Basically, the cord would be compressed to the point that nutrients and oxygen couldn't flow through. Ugh, it's awful.
Jenn, I'm glad you found us here and can get some support. I'm sure others will chime in with input that's not as self-centered as mine. :o

[myangelsvw]

Jenn - I'm so very sorry that you have to be here and that Gregory is gone. It's unfair. Truly. But I'm glad you posted and that the other thread was helpful to you. It sounds like you're doing all the "right" things. I think it's wonderful that you encouraged everyone to hold Gregory and see how perfect he was. (something I really wish I'd been able to do) And of course, talking with others who've been there can be such a comfort. As for feeling guilty, that's a tough one to deal with. I think we've all felt it at times, and sometimes I almost prefer it to feeling like there was nothing I could have done. But, you can't blame yourself. You were clearly doing everything you could to keep Gregory healthy and growing. It doesn't make it easier, but of course it wasn't your fault. And as for acceptance, well, I'm not there yet. Nowhere close. I suppose that's not very encouraging. It is "better" than it was, but I don't know if that's saying all that much. And nothing is remotely the way it *should* be, nor will it ever be. I heard a quote from a book (caveat: that I haven't read) that was something along the lines of "you can only survive such a tragedy for so long, and 80 years is a very long time.[/inaccurate quote] We will always miss our children, and for better or worse I think we're all still in the early stages of learning how to live with that. I'm glad to have such supportive people to learn with and from along the way. Feel free to share whatever you want to -- good days, bad days, whatever -- we've got some very good listeners.

[goldengbridge]

Jen- I am so sorry about Gregory's passing. You have come to the right place. I lost my son in April and these girls have been so supportive and wonderful. ((Hugs)) Let us know if you need anything.

My stats

Jen, 25
DH:Miguel, 28
Married 9/6/03
TTC: 8/03
Children: Andrew, 22 months and the light of my life!
Angel Jacob, born sleeping on 4/3/06, (18w 4 d) Cause of death was unknown but his cord was wrapped around his body tightly 3 times. We know for sure he was healthy because I was high risk with Jacob's pg because of Andrew's heart defect. I had just had an u/s 2 weeks before Jacob passed away which showed he was healthy.

[jennylou]

Jenn - I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Gregory. I'm also glad that you were able to find our last thread helpful, and that someone directed you here. I hope you find us to be a good support for you. It's not easy. Even though it's been over a year, it's still tough for us sometimes. We went to a picnic today, and an acquintance that we know had her daughter there - she's a few weeks younger than what Andrew would be. And when we got home, my husband told me that he could tell it sort of bothered me, but that he's glad that it doesn't send me immediately over the edge anymore (in the early days, this would have sent me home in tears immediately). So, things get better, or perhaps our coping skills are a bit better - who knows. And now, I'm going to tell you something else....don't worry about waiting that six weeks. It may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't really think Drs expect us to wait that long. I've heard the saying that they tell us six weeks, hope for four and expect two. I had a c/section as well and I think we waited just over a week (when everyone went home, I think it was the next day). We needed the reconnection as husband and wife, and it's not something that I regret at all. So, if you two want to do it, I say, take it easy and just go with it.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Jenn - I'm sorry you had to find us. I agree with Jenny, the doctor actually was having me back for a 4 week appt, I ended up going in at 2 weeks before a trip. I asked my OB at the 2 week appt about sex, she said she would prefer 4 weeks but if I wasn't bleeding and felt up to it at that time, she was ok with it. Cry when you need to, vent at anytime you want on here and know that we are all here and understand the many emotions at your loss. Hugs to you

My daughter, Rebekah, also had a 2 vessel cord. I didn't find that out until about my 14 week u/s (I had it to date my pregnancy, since that is when I realized I was pregnant) They said that didn't cause her passing, it was a placenta infection instead caused by possible incompetent cervix & diabetes (both diagnosed in my present pregnancy). I have days that I miss my daughter terribly and can't stop thinking about her, although she is always in my mind and I see her picture every day on the tv stand. I just sat and cried the other day, missing her terribly and just feeling very alone and depressed. It's been over a year already, hard to believe time flying so fast.

[Kimmiebride]

Jenn, I am so sorry to hear about your son, Gregory. I echo everyone's sentiment, and say that while we're sad you and your husband have to endure this pain, we are glad you found us, and feel free to lean on us as much as you need to. It still hits me out of nowhere from time to time, like when I was photographing a wedding last weekend, and saw this adorable baby boy. I overheard the mommy proudly saying he was born in April, and I realized that Robert would have been his age. All choked up, and had to really gulp hard to fight back the tears. We are all works in progress...
Warm hugs,
Kimmie

[Sully130]

Jenn - I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son, Gregory. I, too, remember all too well those feelings of "how does the earth keep turning?" after losing my daughter. It does seem wrong how things keep going even though your world has stopped. It takes time, but the days will get easier. I can't promise you that you will ever be "over it" -- I don't think any of us ever will -- but you will find peace with it and you will get through it. Grief is a process, and grief is a journey. And the only way to get through it is to travel the road. I'm just so sorry you have to do it. I hope you can find helpful support here.


~~~~~~~

I've neglected to join the new thread yet. Frankly, I try to be a bit more private on this site since it's not (I'm much more forthcoming in LJ), I was hesitant about how much info I wanted to share. I just worry that years from now, this site will still be here. That's why I don't post pictures. Anyway...time to join.

Sully130
me: 30
DH: 32
Married: 06/02
TTC: 07/04
Children: DD born still on 4.22.05 at 23 weeks; miracle baby, my DS, born 4.20.06 after 20 weeks of bedrest following my water breaking (PPROM, which was spontaneous) at 16 weeks; also had an early m/c in 7/04
Cause of loss: fatal condition caused by spontaneous genetic mutation

[Kimmiebride]

:) hmmm.... who dropped this baton on my doorstep....... and it has two funny lines on it!!!!!!!!!

I had to tell you guys - please pray for us! We want to bring one home that's happy and healthy and grows up with us!

This is my gift from Robert. This is the same timing as last year, just a couple of weeks off... EDD 4/1/2007
Oh, please oh, please...
hugs,
Kimmie

[sophiapb]

OMG, OMG, OMG! Kimmie, I'm dancing here! Congrats, that is sooooooooooooo exciting! Oh lordy, let me try to get my blood pressure down a bit! What fabulous news!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D

[Ericka_Jarett]

CONGRATULATIONS KIMMIE!!!!!!

The minute I read your news I said a prayer for you. I wish you a healthy pregnancy with a healthy perfect baby. Will be keeping you in prayer

[Sully130]

Congratulations Kimmie!!!! I'm so happy for you.

You know, I found out I was pregnant days before my due date for my angel daughter, and ended up giving birth two days before a year after she was born. In that way, like you feel this is a gift from Robert, I feel like that was her way of telling me it was okay and that it was a "gift" from her too. I know before you mentioned worrying about having another April due date, but I think it's great. I'm just so happy for you. :D I will say a prayer for you and that precious baby growing inside of you.

[Astro]

CONGRATULATIONS KIMMIE!!!!!!!!!!
I'm am so happy for you. :) Good job on the baton, please pass it on. I wish you a very healthy 9 months.

[Kimmiebride]

Thanks so much guys... I waver drastically between ecstatic and terrified! Went for a beta this morning, and have an appointment today at 4PM. Too early for an u/s, but I guess they have something in mind! I am off the rat poison, and on the injections starting tomorrow morning. I was so glad to have insurance when I picked up my first 2 weeks supply... the little thing on the receipt said your drug benefit saved you $1867. This little one shall be gold plated in Kaiser world! Don't care about that... just don't!

Baton's all yours Astro!! Did I tell you how much I love you guys??
Hugs,
Kimmie

[Astro]

Kimmie, I think your baby will end up coated in platinum. :) It's not my turn yet for the baton, but I think MyAnglesVW is next in line. You and your family will continue to be in our prayers, we'll just change them a bit for a nice rowdy healthy baby. :)

[goldengbridge]

CONGRATS KIMMIE!!! So exciting! Lots of prayers

[amygrrl]

yeah kimmie!!!!!!! - if this one's platinum plated, he/she can join malin in the club. i've been dealing with the hospital and insurance regarding all the bills from the multiple hospital stays, c section, and nicu... so far, they've billed the insurance something like $300,000! that doesn't include the 3 times a week i was at the dr before the bedrest, the nst's, or the weekly u/s. and malin's worth every penny.

[jennylou]

Woohoo! Yay Kimmie! I'm so excited for you. :D :D :D :D :D

I'm sending prayers up on your behalf. :)

[Kimmiebride]

Thanks guys!! You're the best!
My beta today was 83, and I am back in on Sunday for a repeat. It's CD 28, not really sure of O date, since I didn't chart this month. I had a positive OPK on Day 12. I am all set up with lovenox and progesterone, and will hopefully see the peri in about two weeks. They are all on it, and I feel really well cared for!!
Off to bed!
Kimmie

PS... OMG Jennylou, you are sooo close! Wow!

[jennylou]

PS... OMG Jennylou, you are sooo close! Wow!

What, 15 days? Nah, long time to go. :p :p :D j/k of course, these last weeks are flying by!

[amygrrl]

kimmie - that sounds like a WONDERFUL beta. did you guys do injectibles this time? if not, did you do anything different?

[Kimmiebride]

Amy, funny you should ask... I tested on Tuesday - 2 BFN's, and called the RE to set up an appointment to get the injectibles ball rolling. I told them my period was going to start any minute (crampy much?) and then it didn't. I expected it by Thursday for sure, and then when nothing was there I tested with those wonderful Answer Early tests you recommended. We were going to have to sit the next month out anyway, since my RE was out for 10 days, and they really wanted me to meet with her before I cycled again. Ironic, eh?
Anyway, the heat yesterday really knocked me out, and I am feeling really sleepy and crampy and a little bit queasy, which is different from last time. Could just be the progesterone supps... They have me on more than I was on last time. I'll take it any day!!
hugs to all,
Kimmie

[SailorJenny]

Congrats Kimmie! I am so happy for you! I'm saying lots of prayers.

Thanks for your kind words guys. I'm sad that anyone has to go through this, but I think this is such a wonderful, supportive group of ladies.

[Kimmiebride]

Jenn, how are you doing? I have been sending up prayers for you too! Be gentle with yourself, and keep us posted. We are totally here when you need us!

************************************************** *******
Update: Beta yesterday was 305, so it tripled in two days! U/S is scheduled for 8/9 when I will be 6w4d, and hopefully we will see a heartbeat. Probably getting one more beta on Wednesday, since they faxed over a lab slip for today, but the doc on Friday gave me one for yesterday, so I went then instead of trapsing over there again today.
Will keep you all posted, and thanks as always for all the prayers and positive thoughts!!
Kimmie

[LDS Angel 19]

HERE'S where you're all hiding! I thought everyone was on vacation or something! I don't have a whole lot of time but heres my stats:

LDS Angel 19
Me: Michelle, 23
DH: Aaron: 24
Married: September 4th, 2004
Angel: Allison Grace, June 17th, 2005 22wks, 6dys.
Cause of Loss: "Unknown". I've had one Dr say it could be my cervix, but my current Dr said my cervix looks fine.
TTC: September 2005
Miscarriage June 06
Taking a break until September 2006

I wanted to extend hugs and a sad welcome to SailorJenny. It's been a year since our loss and I don't know how I made it through the early months. Be gentle with yourself and do whatever feels right.

Kimmie, my jaw dropped! How amazing! I am so excited for you. I will keep you in my prayers.

Hi everyone else, I hope you're all well. I'm hanging in there I guess. AF checked in last week, which was a bit of a shock. Technically we're on hold until I go back and see my Dr in early September, but I don't think we'll be preventing or anything.

[clzj]

I just found you guys. We are still TTA. I asked my dh when we can start to try and he said the he is very fearful. I don't know how to take wih home about his fears. Hopefully we can resolve this issue. I still want to lose the weight first.

clzj
Me: Lynn 32
DH: Charles 32
Married: 6/8/02
DS: Isaiah 4/24/03
Angel baby: 10/26/05
Cause: pinched cord

[sophiapb]

Hi Lynn. I was wondering where you were. You haven't been on the threads for a while. I'm glad you found us here.

[Kimmiebride]

Hi Lynn,
Trying again is really scary. I remember the first month we did, and we were both pretty freaked out. We are now moving on to being freaked out about being pregnant again. This pregnancy is different than my last one though. But I am feeling every twinge and cramp, and trying to keep calm and de-stress.

Today I met with my hematologist, who is in charge of keeping me alive. She's a bit less concerned about the pregnancy, so I am glad I have a team where each doc is concerned about one of us in a different way. She ordered 6 blood tests, including my third beta, which I should have the results to sometime tomorrow. I am having some trouble with my shoulder (pinched nerve for a few months now) so I am bascially sleeping my way through these first days. I am saving my strength for my next big wedding weekend, which is back to back on 8/5 & 8/6!
later!
Kimmie

ETA: Beta yesterday was 1170, so things seem to be going well!

[Ericka_Jarett]

Hi ladies,

Seems like I haven't been on-line in forever and it's only been a few days.

I was put in the hospital on Tuesday and released today. I had an appt 8:30 am on Tuesday at the Peri's office. He wasn't in but they did my u/s anyway and said the doctor would call me after he reviewed my pictures. Well he didn't have to contact me. The heartbeat and growth of the baby are great, he is right on target at 30 weeks and they proceeded to do the cervical u/s. Well this is where bad news came in. My cervix was not seen at all, we found out at the hospital that I was completely thinned out and also 1 cm dilated. The pessary is holding still but I am still dilated per the doctor doing a manual exam at the hospital. I was found to have the start of a bacterial infection so on antibiotics for that now. I am on complete bedrest and as of this morning cervical check my cervix has less pressure on it now and a fingertip-1 cm dilated. I could stay 1 cm for the remainder or change each week 1 more cm. Doctor is going to have me in for cervical checks every week now until I deliver. He said I won't need u/s to check my cervix anymore since there is none there to check anymore. It will all be manual checks.

Peri feels really confident that I can reach at least 35 weeks and we are in the clear at that point if I do. So now looks like we could have an early Sept baby instead of early October baby, but that's ok as long as he is healthy and growing. I thanked hubby for staying with me for the last few nights at the hospital, he thanked me for all I went through. Told him I will do what I have to in order to bring home a healthy baby in a few weeks. I was given my 2 steroid shots (yikes did they hurt, one in the left butt and the other right thigh, since my sciatic on the right has been bothering me a lot lately.) Had an IV for fluids until yesterday and than it was taken out today (was capped for my shower yesterday morning) NICU doctor came in and talked to me about what would have been done if he comes before 34 weeks. If I delivered before 32 weeks it would be at the hospital I was at, if it's after 32 weeks I can deliver at my planned hospital. (The hospital I was at has the best NICU dept in the region)

Well more info is in my journal if interested , it's a recall of last few days. I feel comfortable now that I had the steroids and also knowing that he is at least 3 lbs, although NICU said it's best if he bakes inside until 35 weeks and about 4 1/2 lbs.

[Bubbas]

:) hmmm.... who dropped this baton on my doorstep....... and it has two funny lines on it!!!!!!!!!

I had to tell you guys - please pray for us! We want to bring one home that's happy and healthy and grows up with us!

This is my gift from Robert. This is the same timing as last year, just a couple of weeks off... EDD 4/1/2007
Oh, please oh, please...
hugs,
Kimmie

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

I just wanted to tell you that I also got pg, the second time, a year after I got pg the first time (which ended in a loss), with a 2 week difference. I did have some scary moments with my second pregnancy but I now have a beautiful and healthy 21 month old son.

[Kimmiebride]

Jamie!! Great to see you! I can 't believe that your son is already 21 months old. Glad you're still checking in around here!!

Ericka, wow, sorry you were hospitalized! I am praying that that little guy stays put to 35 weeks and your infection is kicked by the antibiotics!! Glad you are feeling ok, and that you got the steroids. Take it easy honey!!

I have had the major queasies for the past couple of days. The nurse from my RE's office called and asked how I was yesterday, and when I told her that she said, "Good! That's really good news!" Also having pains in my ribs on my back, and my sternum. I am thinking perhaps it is related to the car accident I had last year, and now the joints are relaxing and that's what's causing the pain. I will probably see a chiropracter or physical therapist. I'd like that to go away so I don't have to concentrate on every little twinge and worry about that!
Kimmie

[Jessie]

No wonder I wasn't getting any notices!

I hope you don't mind me joining you.

Me: 26
DH: 31
Married: 5/13/02
Children: Bailey- 11/22/99 Joshua - Born still at 38w on 3/28/04 Chelsea - 05/05/05
Cause of loss: Massive fetal/maternal hemorrhage

CONGRATULATIONS Kimmie!!

Ericka- Sorry to hear you were hospitalized but glad to hear that baby is growing right on target! I had my DD at 35w3d (34w5d by my chart) and she was 6lbs6oz. They were surprised she was so big, the u/s showed she was smaller. They knew I would be having her early because of issues with my NSTs. I couldn't get the steroids and she was able to breath on her own right after birth. It's excellent that you got the steroid shots. I hope he stays put till 35 weeks!

[Ericka_Jarett]

How is everyone? It's been so quite in here lately.

I am 31 weeks today!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!

Kimmie - hope pregnancy is moving along nicely.

[Kimmiebride]

It has been quiet in here...

Jesse, good to see you in here!

Betas are still rising, yesterday was 6690, and I think that's for 26dpo. I am feeling nice and nauseous, crampy, and sleepy! (sounds like some disney characters...)

Ericka, way to go week 31!! only 4 more to go!!
Hugs,
Kimmie

[jennylou]

Still here and still pregnant - hoping to meet this baby girl any day - I'm 39w3d today.

[jennylou]

I should have everyone who has posted stats at this point updated. :)

[Ericka_Jarett]

so happy to hear it Kimmie.

Anyday now Jenny, i keep looking at the August thread for news.

At least 4 more weeks for us is what we are looking at. Would like 6 weeks better. We have our travel system now and I have my hospital bag packed and the carseat out of the box and ready to go with the extra headrest installed.

[goldengbridge]

Jenny- I'm so excited for you! Any day now! I wish you a quick and painless labor:)

Ericka-Praying the litte one hangs in there as long as possible!

I wanted to come in and share my news with you girls! I'm PG!!!! I saw the heartbeat yesterday! Everything looks good but its still early. I'm 8w 3d today. The OB told me I'll be followed by the Peri very very closely so that makes me feel better. I'm super excited and super scared!!! I dont know quiet how to handle the fear but I'm still in therapy and I'm sure the therapist will help with that. So any prayers and good thoughts would be very much appreciated! Thanks girls:)

[jennylou]

goldengbride - ACK! You've been holding out on us! :D Congratulations to you! Wonderful news! So, who wants that baton next? :) Thanks for the labor wishes!

[Sully130]

Goldengbridge - CONGRATS!!! I know it's a scary and happy time all at once but I hope you can calm the nerves and enjoy the pregnancy as much as possible. It should give you some peace of mind to know you'll be followed so closely. I wish you a very happy, healthy and COMPLETELY non-eventful 9 months!

Jenny - I know I don't need to tell you this, but I just keep thinking I'm going to log on and read the news of your little girl's birth! She must be awfully comfy where she is. :) I hope you have an easy labor!

Ericka - Congrats on making it so far. And I know from experience how tempting it is to want to get up and do things when you've been on bedrest for a while, but I hope you are still following the doctors orders and laying down all the time! Everything else will work out; my doctor kept reminding me how we really didn't need anything before the baby was born. We could always buy it right before he came home. I remember I really started to breathe a sigh of relief when I got to 32 weeks as that is time when the baby has the best chance for not having any issues. Some doctors say now it's more like 34 weeks. So keep on with the bedrest, it really works! I don't want to hear about you being in that hospital again until it's time for the baby to come. You hear? :) Hopefully you'll make it to term at 37 weeks!

Kimmie - I'm so glad to see that things are going so well for you.

Oops, baby crying, must run!

[Kimmiebride]

Goldengbridge!!! Congratulations! You're amazing to be able to keep a secret like that!

Jenny, smooth easy labor vibes!

Going back to bed now... this insomnia is kicking my butt a little bit!
Kimmie

[myangelsvw]

Well, I guess three's a charm. I'm a little afraid to post this, but looks like I'm also pregnant again. I think I'm something like 6w1d. Had my first beta a couple of weeks ago - just before we moved and I lost my internet connection. First u/s was Tuesday. I've been spotting a little since the u/s, so I'm pretty scared. Especially since that was my first sign that something was wrong with the boys. But the spotting isn't getting any worse and is totally brown, so that's good. Next u/s is a week from Tuesday where we will hopefully see the heartbeats. Oh yeah, did I mention that it looks like twins again? Fraternal this time, so MFM will be happy. Or happier, at the very least.

Congrats to kimmie and goldeng! Let's take next spring by storm!

Jenny - Hope she makes her entrance soon. There's a lot of folks looking forward to meeting her!

[jennylou]

ACK! Congrats myangelsvw! What an exciting day in this thread. Even though I'm still waiting for this little lady to make her appearance, reading news like I did this morning from both of you totally makes my day! :D :D :D

[Kimmiebride]

Myangelsvw!!!!! I just knew it!! I was going to put that in my post earlier, but decided that would be too bold! Sending baby dust to all our girls who are still trying, and "try to stay calm & positive" vibes to us newly pregnant mommies! It sure does feel great to have people who know what this feels like. I seriouslly don't know what I would do without you guys...
Kimmie

[goldengbridge]

MYangelsvw- OMG!!! TWINS!! CONGRATS!!!!

Thanks for the congrats ladies! It does look like we're going to take spring 06 by storm:D

[Ericka_Jarett]

WOW!!!! We go from no activity for a while to all this great news.

Congrats to goldengbridge and myangelsvw!!!!

This is so exciting. I can't stop smiling. A healthy happy pregnancy to all of you.

[SailorJenny]

Congratulations to goldengbridge and myangelsvw. That's such wonderful news!

[sophiapb]

Ya know, I take a little time to answer some personal e-mails and get some projects done at work (oh, THAT'S why they give me a paycheck) and this thread goes crazy! Two new pregnancy announcements. INSANITY! I think this is a sign that I should stay away from CC more often. ;)
Huge congratulations to goldengbridge and myangelsvw. Such fabulous news and I wish you both a wonderful, healthy and happy nine months!

Jenny, I keep waiting to see your birth announcement too. Huh, yeah, no pressure there! :D

Let's keep the good news coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sully130]

Oh, happy day!!! Congratulations myangelsvw! And twins again!!! I wish you nothing but a happy and healthy pregnancy!

[LDS Angel 19]

Wow, I'm with Sophia, I should stay away more too! Congrats to golden and myangelsvw! I'm praying for nothing but happy endings for both of you.

[chocolate_truffle]

As usual, I'm late to the party. :)

SailorJenny -- I'm so sorry for the loss of your son, Gregory. I'm glad you found this thread, and I hope you will find it as supportive as I have. This is a phenomenal group of ladies -- everyone here is so full of compassion, kindness, hope and understanding.

Big, Big, Big CONGRATULATIONS to goldengbridge and myangelsvw. It warms my heart to see such wonderful news.

Jennylou -- You're so close to meeting your little girl! I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

Ericka -- I've been following along in your journal. You're amazing. You are so strong and so grounded in your faith. It's truly inspiring.

Sully -- How are you and how is your beautiful little boy doing?

Kimmiebride -- EEEEE!!! I'm so happy for you, morning sickness, insomnia, and all! And, I speak from experience when I say April Fool's Day is a fabulous day to have a birthday!

Sophiapb -- Good to see you around! I'm glad to hear the pregnancy has been treating you well. I'm hoping your little one cooperates at your upcoming ultrasound. Chant with me -- Money shot! Money shot!

Hello to everyone else!

I've been reading along, but I haven't had time to post. It's been crazy over here in chocolate_truffle land. We've been busy entertaining family and friends, which has been exhausting. In all the excitement, I tripped going down the stairs and broke my big toe! I'm such a klutz!

In happier news, Brynna turned one yesterday! Over the weekend, we had a double birthday party for Brynna and my niece, Erika, at my ILs' house. We'll be having another birthday party at my parents' house next weekend. Did I mention my parents live 400 miles away? So, we'll be taking another road trip with the munchkin. Wish us luck!

Before I forget, here are my stats for the first page:

chocolate_truffle
Me: 31
DH: 31
Married: 06/21/97
DD: Sabrina, born still at 40w3d on 05/17/03
Cause of Loss: umbilical cord accident during labor
DD: Brynna Madeline, born on 08/02/05

I hope you ladies are doing well and I'll see y'all around...

[Ericka_Jarett]

Thanks so much for that compliment chocolate_truffle. Having my faith has really been my own way to get through the loss of Rebekah and the issues I have been faced with in this pregnancy. I thank the Lord for every issue and that I am seeing the end of the issues and will have a healthy baby in a few weeks. I have people asking me all the time how I can stay so calm with all that's going on, I tell them because of the Lord is going to see me through it.

Glad to hear you are doing well.

LDS - the baton gets passed to you in Sept girl :)

[amygrrl]

wow! i can't believe how much good news there is around here! honestly, it's the best ever when i see that someone here is pregnant!

[Kimmiebride]

http://www.drinkstreet.com/pics/drinks/ds-mojito.jpg

Just want to drop in and invite all of my girlies here to raise a glass... virtual virgin drinks for our pregnant mommas, and the rest of you can liven things up a bit! I am 41 today!! but my favorite part is that I am 41, and pregnant!! Cheers Everyone!
love,
Kimmie

[myangelsvw]

Happy Birthday, Kimmie! 41 and pregnant is great! :D Oh, and Jenny might appreciate it if you could explain to her little girl that today is a *great* day to born. I think she needs a little convincing to come out and say hello.

chocolate - And a happy belated birthday to Brynna, too! Was the driving trip last weekend or still to come? Hope it was or is smooth sailing.

amy - Wow. Hard to believe that it's only six months until you'll be trying again. Are you going to try naturally for a while or go straight to FETs?

As for me, yesterday was a little rough. It marked six months since William and Vincent were born. All I could think about was how I wish I'd held them longer. It's very interesting, though, because my grief has taken on a different tone. I feel like now, I'm grieving for William and Vincent whereas before I was grieving for them *plus* the loss of the opportunity to ever raise a child, which, given our fertility issues, was a real fear. Although there's certainly still a lot of fear surrounding bringing a baby home this time, I'm less afraid that the boys were my only shot. Yeah, it takes IVF, but IVF seems to work -- not every time, but last time wasn't a fluke.

[Ericka_Jarett]

http://img283.imageshack.us/img283/7488/glitteryourway28ff8fc965d7e96a24b89c92c1745e9eue7. gif

[SailorJenny]

Happy Birthday Kimmie!

I have two questions for you ladies. First - bikini hair removal: I had a c-section, and normally I'd shave, but I'm a bit afraid. My doctor was out last week and I still haven't seen him for my six week appointment, so I can't ask him until this week or next. I'm afraid that it could reopen the incision, or something worse. Any experience with this?

My second question is how long after you gave birth did you get your first PP period? I'm 7 weeks postpartum, and I'm sure it will show up at the last convenient time possible. I'm a little worried because we've had sex (finally!) and I don't want to get pregnant again right away, and we haven't started charting. I just want it to get here so I can start charting to avoid. My doctor told me he'd like me to wait six months, but not to freak out if I find out I'm pregnant at any point before then, because while the risks go up, they go up negligibly. Any higher risk after everything that has happened though, does not put my mind at ease, so I'd like to avoid it for a few more months.

[Astro]

Happy Birthday Kimmie and Congratulations MyAngelsVW

Jenny, It was quite a while before I got my first cycle pp. I think it was around 12 weeks after we lost the boys, and it was 12 weeks with the last miscarriage. My body's still trying to return to normal, cycles are anywhere from 35-45 days long now. I can't help you on the hair removal. I have no experience with c-sections.

[myangelsvw]

SailorJ - I got my first AF at 8 weeks pp. I was still bleeding at my 6 week check-up, so they did a brief u/s, where they measured a mature size follicle. So I'm fairly sure I ovulated right around that 6 week mark. Oh, and FWIW, I did chart starting at about 3 weeks pp, and it was a mess. I couldn't tell anything from it. But things looked normal again after my first AF.

So I'm officially a mess. The spotting stopped completely last Thursday and hasn't returned, but now my lower back is feeling a little stiff, so I'm freaking out about that. I had plenty of back aches with the boys, but they were all mid-back except for the last three days. I think the lower back pain was the first immediate sign that something was wrong although I didn't recognize it until later. I have another full week until our next u/s, and I'm so nervous. I suppose I could call the nurse for reassurance. Except, oh, right, she's not reassuring. Last week with the spotting, she told me I needed to pull myself together and ended the conversation while I was still sobbing. Not so helpful, really. :rolleyes:

[jennylou]

sailorJ - I had a c/s, but the only thing I shave down below is my bikini line (if I'm going swimming). And sometimes I'll use magic powder. But, since I couldn't swim until after my PP appt, I don't really have any answers. As for your other question....you have the greatest increase in fertility the six months following delivery. What sort of additional risks did your OB mention? Mine mentioned only pre-term delivery. I got pregnant just shy of the sixth month mark, and here I sit today - OVERDUE. I didn't think that would be possible (especially considering I went into labor with my son two days before my EDD, so it's not like I have a history of going overdue).

myangelsvw - I would suggest calling the Dr's office again. Ask to speak with the office manager and/or the Dr. You are certainly a special case and NO one should be hanging up on you while you're crying. If your Dr doesn't take you seriously, change Drs. My Dr has my chart all sorts of red flagged. If I'm ever freaked out, she's told me to call...they'll get me in for anything I want (which early on was betas, then u/s's). Now, if I call, she'd throw me on the NST in a heartbeat. The point is, she makes sure that I feel okay b/c if I'm nervous/stressed that's not good for the baby.

Happy Birthday kimmie!

chocolate - sorry about the toe!

Well, here I sit, past due. Blech. I'm ready to meet this baby girl!

[Kimmiebride]

Myangelsvw, oh, sweetie... they should never hang up on you when you're sobbing... You deserve more tlc than that, and I know it's hard when you're hormonal and worried to death to demand to be taken care of gently. I hope you can get some reassurance, and I agree with Jenny, if they can't, then switch docs if you need to. Sending you big hugs, and hoping you can find some peace. It's so hard... how can we not worry??

Jennylou, I was so wishing the little girl would debut on my birthday! August 7th is a cool birthday, but she's still being stubborn! I hope you're holding her soon!

SailorJenny, I lost Robert on 11/24 and had my first PP AF on 12/31. My cycles regulated pretty quickly to what they were before I was pregnant with him. We weren't allowed to TTC until April because they wanted me on the coumadin for 6 months, so we prevented until then.

Ericka, thanks for the pretty birthday banner, and everyone thanks for your birthday wishes! It was a great day, and my virgin mojitos hit the spot! Tomorrow is my u/s, and I am praying for a heartbeat! I had two big weddings over the weekend, and the queasies subsided for the most part because of the adrenalin of having to work. bbs are still sore, I am still a little crampy from time to time, and bloated like a whale, so I think all is going as it's supposed to. Also, my phone rang at 7AM yesterday, and it was my friend who is 41 and single has been doing injects and IUI's for the past 3 months, and she got her BFP!! We are due two weeks apart. I pray that everything continues along very well for both of us and our babies so we can enjoy making this journey together! I know it won't be easy for her without a partner. The guy she has been seeing for about 5 months isn't really interested in having children, and they have discussed what her plans were, but now I fear they will probably break up. It's a bummer, because he's a really nice guy. They have a big kayaking trip planned next month, and she's still planning on going. I hope the m/s leaves her alone enough to go - she won't have much opportunity to do stuff like that when she has her baby. Now I just wish she'd move back to SF so we can be closer together, and look at options for sharing child care people and stuff.

Last shout to Jennylou's daughter... Come out and play sweet pea!! We want to see pictures of your gorgeous face, and mommy & daddy can't wait to hold you!!
Kimmie

[Astro]

myangelsvw I agree with the others here. Call your Dr if you are worried. If the witch answers, ask to speak to someone else. Also, tell your Dr how the witch hung up on you. I'm sure the Dr would not approve of her treating people like that. Take care. We're sending positive thoughts your way.

[myangelsvw]

Jenny - That little one is really keeping us all on pins and needles now. I can barely leave my computer. :p As for the nurse, I should have specified that it's the RE nurse, so *hopefully* I won't have to deal with her much longer. They are notoriously rather awful. But I haven't officially been "released" to my MFM practice yet, so that's why I haven't called those nurses instead. I do expect them to be *much* better since they're much more used to dealing with folks in our position. I suppose I could call them now, but I'm scared to because then I'll have to say it's twins and then what if I lose one of them before the next appointment, etc.

Kimmie - Good luck tomorrow!

ETA - astro - See, now, this is my RE we're talking about. The one who, at my u/s last week, said two gestational sacs meant an "insurance policy" in case of miscarriage. (Unbelievable, no? I'm always so envious of folks with nice, supportive REs.) He'd totally side with his nurse. :P

[Ericka_Jarett]

Jenny - hope little miss decides to come out before the end of the week. We all want to see her.

Your welcome Kimmie, glad you liked it. Hope you saw that beautiful heartbeat today.

Me - Went to my peri appt, baby looks great he said, hb was 143, he weighs about 4 lbs, good news is if he came now he would be born at our local hospital instead of University of Penn, bet news is that my cervix is unchanged and still 1 cm so the Peri said, you don't need to see me anymore. He said 2 more weeks of bedrest and than I am free to do what I want. The pessary comes out between 34-36 weeks and he said he won't have to see me again unless I am 37 weeks just to do a size u/s since I have the GD. I am thrilled as you can imagine, 1 less doc to see (but I really like him) and knowing we are so close now that anytime between now and 8 weeks can be holding our son (most likely between now and about 4-5 weeks really) He said Congratulations and all I want is a baby picture, we said we will certainly send him one. Had he not been checking my cervix as early as he was, never would have known about my incompetent cervix (and what was another contributing factor to us losing Rebekah) I am just so happy, told hubby he can't know even how happy I am.

[LDS Angel 19]

SailorJenny Lets see... Alli was born 6/17 and my first PP AF was the first week of August... so... like 7 weeks. Everyone's diffrent, and you're probably right when you say she'll show up at the least convieant time. ;)

Happy belated b-day Kimmie, I hope you had a great day.

Ericka that is wonderful news!

I'm short on time as always, hi everyone else and I hope you're well.

And another shoutout for Jenny's little girl. All your virtual aunties can't wait to meet you, and you're driving your mama insane! Time to come out now! :D

Later girls!

[goldengbridge]

I'm trying to post using my user name and it keeps posting under a different name. WTH?? I have no idea whats going on. trying again....


Ericka- Thats great news! Hang in there a few more weeks little guy! Andrew's surgery in 4 weeks is at Children's Hospital of Philly! You're pretty close! BTW- thanks for the coupon:)

Jenny- Come on little girl! Can't wait to see you.

I got AF pretty quickly after I lost Jacob. 4 weeks I think.

I'm feeling pretty good. Just looking forward to my Peri appointment next Fri! Hope everyone is well!

[Kimmiebride]

Hi gang,
Just popping in with great news!! Measuring right on target, and saw and heard the heart beat!! Peri was great, and they are seeing me again in two weeks. I feel so well cared for, and the nurse said to call her anytime I had any questions or concerns even if it's the most stupid thing... there are no stupid questions or concerns! I'd post my u/s pic, but all you can see is the measuring thingies... next time!
All is good today!!!
Kimmie

[goldengbridge]

Congrats Kimmie! That is such great news!!!!

[SailorJenny]

That's great news Kimmie!:)

[Ericka_Jarett]

That is great news Kimmie

[Ericka_Jarett]

Just saw this on the August board, hope JennyLou you don't mind:

Eleanor (Nora) Grace was born today by vbac at 1:26 PM. Baby & mom are both doing well!


Congratulations JennyLou!

Welcome baby Nora!

[Kimmiebride]

Yay!! Congrats Jennylou, and welcome to the world Nora!!!
:)Kimmie

[clzj]

Sailour- I got my first pp AF at just under 6 weeks. I bleed really heavy. My fertility was back after the first AF. I was told that we could not try for 6 monthes also. This was my 2 c-section. I do shave my incission line all the time. I have never cut it open. I don't think I shaved it until after 6 weeks though. We have not started to try. I think I want to try in October. I need to lose some weight too.

JennyLou-congrats.

All the new pg moms-congrats

[myangelsvw]

Just popping in to say congrats to Kimmie for seeing the heartbeat, Jenny for the birth of Nora and Ericka for making it so far and being so close now!

As for us, I started bleeding again over the weekend and had a big scare Sunday morning, so they brought us in early. Lo and behold, we saw two heartbeats. I'm feeling the slightest bit more confident now, but I still just have lots of fears. I was kind of hoping I'd feel better until we got closer to 20 weeks, but not yet.

[Kimmiebride]

I don't speak from much experience, but I can't imagine not having fears... I guess it will just go with the territory for us after what we have all been through. Myangelsvw, sorry for the scare, and hooray for two heartbeats!! Hang in there, and remember your own personal cheering section is here with pom poms at ready!
Kimmie

[goldengbridge]

Congrats Jenny and welcome baby Nora!! Can't wait to see pictures!

I'll be back after my appointment with the Peri on Friday. 2 weeks to go till Jacob's due date:(

[jennylou]

Thank you for all the congrats. :)

Right now we are adjusting to life at home with little Nora. She seems to have her days and nights confused right now, but hopefully, that will get better soon.

Here's a picture of the happy family on her birth day:

http://images1.snapfish.com/3478939%3B7%7Ffp349%3Enu%3D3278%3E9%3B9%3E4%3B7%3E WSNRCG%3D3233%3A6%3C83%3B36%3Bnu0mrj

[goldengbridge]

Jenny- Beautiful! You're glowing! Looks like Nora has daddys hair:) Hope you are able to get the days and night thing figured out quickly!

[Kimmiebride]

Jenny!!! She's beautiful! Congratulations!!!!
hugs,
Kimmie

[sophiapb]

Gorgeous picture, Jenny. I'm so happy for you and your entire family. YAY! :D

[SailorJenny]

Jenny - Congratulations! She is absolutely beautiful!

[chocolate_truffle]

Jennylou -- Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. :-)

[myangelsvw]

Congrats, Jenny! Look how pink and adorable she is! So how does it feel to have her home?

[Sully130]

Jenny, I said it in your LJ and I'll say it again here, she is beautiful and you all look so rightfully happy. I'm so thrilled for you guys.

[Astro]

Jennylou Congratulations!
SailorJenny Hey there. I hope you're doing ok. The first few months were not easy, but I found comfort posting here and getting support from the women on this board. Hopefully work is going ok for you.

As for us, nothing new. We're quickly approaching the anniversary of our boys passing, and we find ourselves to be more emotional than usual. I think both of us figured we'd be pregnant by now. Other than that, nothing's really going on over here.

[myangelsvw]

astro - I've been thinking about you. Still no AF, huh? Unbelievable. I'm so incredibly impatient for you. We need to get you FETing!! Of course, I can also imagine that cycling around Ryan and Steven's birthday would be hard in its own way. Whatever happens, we're thinking about you and pulling for you.

[jennylou]

astro - thinking of you.

Thanks for all the congrats. :)

Nora is finally getting her nights straight, so I've actually been sleeping too. What a wonderful feeling that is! It's so great to finally have her home with us. Sometimes, I get a little sad though, I'll admit. I miss her brother so much and I don't think she'd be here (at least not yet), if I had Drew to chase around. The monitor keeps me sane, so yay for the monitor. :)

Hope everyone else is doing well.

[clzj]

This week my dh decided that we could go without protection while fertile. Last week I told him that we didn't need to use protection anymore. This a change from about 2 months ago. I guess we are offically seeing what happens.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Jenny - I totally understand what you mean that this little one wouldn't be almost here if we had Rebekah with us still. I told hubby last night. You know, what would have been Rebekah's b-day came and went and I was perfectly fine. But after getting in from Target last night to put on registry items, I got an e-mail that was titled, "Your baby is One" Was like thanks for the reminder of what should have been.

[myangelsvw]

Poem for astro entitled "Letter to astro's AF"

You torment us
with your tardiness
You've had your chance
Now with impatience we dance
Time's up, Aunt Flo
You need to visit astro
So she can enjoy some better company - that of her embryos!

(Yeah, ok, so the meter is a little wacky. But the sentiment stands.)

clzj - Congratulations! That's great that your DH feels a little more ready. Hope you get good news very quickly.

Jenny - Glad to hear the monitor is helping your peace of mind.

Ericka - What an upsetting email! And I can't believe they're *still* sending stuff like that. There should be an easier way to get off of those lists. It took me forever and a day to get amazon to stop sending baby related emails last spring.

As for me? Two weeks to my MFM appointment, and I'm still freaking out regularly. Exhausting.

[Ericka_Jarett]

I know it. The week after Rebekah passed I canceled all subscriptions, everything so I thought. Still got a few things and would just delete them after getting off the list. If I wasn't removed by 2nd time, I wrote them personally and said please take me off the list as they are cruel reminder of what I have lost. They would apologize, say how sorry they are and wish me well.

I didn't sign up again for anything until I was about 25 weeks along. Formula I still was getting I just gave to a good friend of mine, since her son used that brand and every little can of extra she appreciated so didn't worry much about canceling that. I actually just got 2 cans because I re-signed up with them, but told hubby we are keeping those just in case, they don't expire until next October.

[Kimmiebride]

Target registry was the worst! I tried to cancel it, wrote to them, and no one could seem to figure it out. It was heart wrenching. We will always be reminded of what might have been.

I love that poem to Astro's AF... very cute!

clzj, good luck, and hoping comfort will build as you and dh work through yet anothr stage in this big story.

Off to the peri today! I'll report back later!
Kimmie

[sophiapb]

Loving the poem myangelsvw but I'm really feeling it as rap especially with your last three lines, which are FABULOUS. Something like:

Yo, yo, Aunt Flo
Go visit Astro
So she can hang with her embryos
This ain't no stroll
You stupid troll
We're in a rush
'Cause she wants babies to love and raise and call her own and that's not too much to ask, is it? NO and we're all tired of waiting so get your butt moving and mush mush mush

Hmmm, okay, I still need to tweak that last part but you get the gist. ;)

[myangelsvw]

The rap! I love it! Hee!

[Kimmiebride]

mwah hahaha!!! Love the stupid troll part!!!

Great peri appt - heart beating so fast, much faster than I remember it from last time. Nuchal test in two weeks and peri visit two weeks after that, so I get to see the bean every two weeks, which is just about at my freak out tolerance threshold...

Not really a clear shot, but still cool... it's my wublet!!
http://www.millcottagebridal.com/sono825.jpg
Have a great weekend ladies!!
hugs,
Kimmie

[sophiapb]

What a beautiful wublet, Kimmie.

Also wanted to say not to stress about the amnio pushers and other tests that the medical profession loves to shove on people that are in their mid-30s and *ahem* above (I was lurking on some thread and saw your post). I feel like I am constantly battling with doctors since I don't want any tests. My attitude is if we can see something obvious on the u/s, fine but I'm going to take whatever God gives us so all the amnios and bloodtests are nothing more than bill padding in my opinion and just more to add to my stress. No, thank you!

[myangelsvw]

Congrats on the good appointment, Kimmie!

Ok. I admit it. I'm a little bit jealous of everyone who gets to see the doc so much. I called the nurses this week because I'm still spotting, but because it's brown, they won't move up my appointment. I just feel like something is wrong and no one will help me. It's like unless it's too late for them to do anything, they don't want to see me. And this is the peri. Of course, I recognize that we saw heartbeats, and so it could all just be anxiety. After all, I am completely terrified. But still. Would it be so hard to let me come in next week instead of the two weeks from now?

[goldengbridge]

myangelsvw- IMO thats crap. They should be seeing you. The Peri i'm seeing spent a good 20 mins going over everything with me and reassuring me that they were going to keep an very close eye on me. You need reassurance right now, not worry. I have the same appt schedule set up like Kimmie. Nuchal coming up next wed and then another u/s 2 weeks after that.

[Kimmiebride]

Another vote for "just crap" myangelsvw!!!!! Is it an option to switch?? I don't know why they would want you to stress... Perinatologists should know how tough this is after what we have been through. I feel lucky to have the two docs I have, and feel completely confident that if anything is stressing me, I just have to call. I want that for you too!!!! I hope it gets better!

They did a pap today, and of course now I have spotting too. I am glad she thought to warn me, or I would be totally freaking out! I had too much spotting and bleeding last time, and I don't want any part of it!!
Off to the coast for the weekend with my DH. We are finally celebrating our anniversary since I have a lull in weddings for the next couple of weeks!
Take care ladies!!
Kimmie

[Ericka_Jarett]

myangelsvw - they really should be seeing you more often. I was on a 2 week schedule with my peri from 16 weeks through to 32 weeks. I didn't start to see him until I was 12 weeks since that was the earliest appt I could get. But got an u/s every 2 weeks and he was great, won't see me again unless I reach 37 weeks just to do a growth u/s.

I really hope they change their mind and want to see you sooner.

[Astro]

myangelsvw -- thanks for the poem. She must have been listening. :) I'm sending smacking thoughts to your RE's office. The nurses were very rude to not get you in earlier. Are you seeing a perinatologist? (perhaps if you spell it correctly, it'd help?) I'm hoping we'll be going back to the perinatologist in a couple months. :) They always had room for me to come in to be seen if I was freaking with the boys. They've already said next time, they'll see us more often. You need better/kinder doctors.

sophiapb -- thanks for making it into a rap... catchy tune. ;)

kimmiebride -- That's one amazing wublet. I was thinking about you this past week. Glad to hear everything is going well.

[myangelsvw]

astro - Oh, hooray! FET, here you come!!!! :D :D But I think sophia's rap was more forceful than my goofy poem, so I'm sure at least some of the credit goes to her. As for this nurse, it was actually at the peri's office this time. And unlike the other one she was very nice about everything and happy to hear I'm coming back and all. But she said that if the spotting is brown, they don't worry. Which is all fine and dandy for them, but I sure as heck worry. I think that's actually the disadvantage of a peri - they see so much that a little brown spotting seems like nothing, while I feel like the sky is falling down around me.

ericka - So how did you stay sane until you got to 12 weeks? That's my problem. I'm sure they will see me more frequently later on -- particularly between 18 and 24 weeks, in case we need to do a cerclage. But it's the wait for the first appointment that's killing me.

Kimmie - Hope you have a great weekend with your DH! As for switching docs, I've thought about it, but I'm not sure I have many options. They're the practice at the closest hospital with a Level 3 NICU. Plus, they were with me last time and know my history, so it's kind of frightening to think about changing. So I don't know. Maybe I should look for a "regular" doc to add to the peri, but I'm not sure anyone would want me. (I was on a hunt for a regular OB when I got pregnant last time, so I don't have one already.)

goldeng - Actually, the ironic thing is that my peri appointment (and first u/s with them) and my nuchal are four days apart. I mentioned that to the nurse, hoping that maybe they'd let me move up my appointment to space out the u/s a little more. She suggested I could cancel the one the day of my peri appointment. Um, no. :rolleyes: Anyway, they do u/s every four weeks, with check-up appointments in between at some points. And I guess that in general, I'm ok with that. Unless, of course, there's some issue, like, oh, say, spotting. So, right now, yeah, I agree that it's kind of crap. My plan is that if I get anymore bleeding next week, I'm going to try to get back into the RE, even though I've been released. Of course, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that there's just no more bleeding.

[Ericka_Jarett]

I think it has to do with the fact that they didn't mention seeing the peri until after I took the 3hour GTT at 8 weeks and got the results at about 9 weeks. Then they mentioned the peri and I called right away and they put me in 3 weeks later. I was seeing my OB every 2 weeks since the day I got my BFP too. The wait is hard, but the peri didn't really do much at the 12 week appt, he did the first u/s at 16 weeks and every 2 weeks after to check the cervix.

You will be able to make it, try not to think about it as hard as that is to do. Wish you luck.

[goldengbridge]

The dreaded week is here. Two more days till Jacob's due date. The therapist said it was going to get worse before it got better and man was she right. Its still monday and I'm already hysterical. My peri appt for the nuchal is wed morning, the same day Jacob was due. That kinda freaks me out.

I'm 12 weeks today and I feel like theres some type count down leading up to 18 weeks and 4 days...the exact week and day I lost Jacob for some odd reason. Like maybe if I can get past that day things might just be ok this time. Does that make sense? This just really sucks.

[Kimmiebride]

goldengbridge, I don't know if this will help you through it, but it has helped me knowing that Robert had something to do with this new baby. His due date was hard, and filled with many tears because I wasn't pregnant yet, but having this little miracle inside me has made the tough times get better and better. I know I will never be "over" losing Robert, but knowing he's here with me during this pregnancy and feeling his spirit around me has helped me tremendously when I slip into the teary phase. I am trying not to count up to the time I lost him with this baby, even though that is completely natural to want to just get past that time. I keep telling myself that this is a different baby - it's not Robert, and I want to try to keep as positive as I can. I am so sorry it's so hard for you right now, and am glad you're seeing your therapist. Good luck, and I'll be sending you hugs every day!!
Kimmie

[myangelsvw]

goldeng - I know this week will be hard on you, and I'm so sorry. The two weeks leading up to what should have been our induction date were incredibly tough. FWIW, once the date was gone, things actually seemed a little easier. I hope that's your experience, too. In the meantime, though, I'll be thinking about you the next few days.

ericka - Thanks for the pep talk. I'll do my best at not obsessing -- we'll see how good that is. :p :)

[sophiapb]

For the first time, I decided to lurk in Ericka's journal today. Saw this post from Aug 29:

Appt update - had my OB appt today. Typical stuff, weight was up like 2 lbs but I'm not freaking, since I am under what I was when I first got pregnant still, I am still like -2 lbs for weight gain. B/P was fine, baby sounded great. No cervical check today. She said she will do my GBS next week as well as a cervical check and pessary removal. DH and I were like yikes that is really cutting it close for the shower. We were saying well if I went into labor on Tuesday would be out like Thursday, Friday at the latest so could do the shower still, or I could go into labor after the shower (or during, double yikes) and end up delivering than or even go into labor this week, or of course the best would be if he would hold out until after the shower and than come. Either way it really hit today, it's happening really soon. Told hubby when we move will just come back to this doctor for my 6 week follow-up and shouldn't have to see an OB/GYN for 1 yr after, so can do the new doctor search during the year.


and then saw that Ericka's DH Jarett posted this update TODAY:

jarett posting from hospital cafeteria...)
Ok, after pessary removal she was 4cm and the membrane was bulging. Dr sent us right to the hospital. Ericka will be starting peticin shortly, and once contractions pick up, her water will be broken.

we don't want to wait due to high chance of infections.

pray for peace and comfort for ericka, and strength for both of us.

today or tommorrow should be the day.


Baby Easton is on his way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LDS Angel 19]

Holy cow! I come back from vaca and we may have a baby arriving! I'll be praying for Ericka and her family.

As for us, not a lot going on. Like I said, we just got back in town. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my OB to discuss our next steps, I'm quite nervous.

[Kimmiebride]

Stopping in to wish Ericka, Jarrett and baby Easton peace and health!!
Kimmie

[jennylou]

Good luck to Ericka and family!

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted - I can't seem to find enough hours in the day anymore. Nora likes to be held - pretty much non stop, so it's hard to even get online. I'd love to be online, instead of watching TV (because it seems like we do that a lot these days), but I haven't mastered that skill. ;) :p

Sending all of you my best wishes.

michelle - good luck with the Dr appt!

[sophiapb]

Jarett posted info and photos in Ericka's journal http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11742&page=12

(Jarett posting... )
Easton Robert, born 9/5/6 @ 7:27pm. 5 pounds, 6 ounces. 19 inches long. Mommy and baby are doing great.


Congratulations Ericka and Jarett!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[myangelsvw]

Congratulations, Ericka! Easton is adorable.

Michelle - Good luck with your doc today. I hope you get some useful next steps out of it.

astro - Lining check soon? If you notice a PIO needle shaped baton, that's from me. :p

[LDS Angel 19]

Holy crap, congrats Ericka! YAY!!!!

Nice to see you Jenny, I hope Nora is doing wonderfully and letting you sleep at least a little. :)

As for my dr. appt update, Well, hang on tight, cause here we go.

Since today is like day 50-somthing of my cycle, she gave me a script for the drug I can't remember the name of to bring on AF, and then we're doing Clomid days 3-7 with a follicle check day 13 or so.

I didn't realize things would be happening so fast... I'm so anxiously excited. I mean, I know theres no gaurentee or anything, but it feels so good to just be trying SOMTHING.

She also said if it takes more than a few cycles we'll get DH in for an SA and I'll go see the Peri for a consult.

So, we're back on the TTC train, at full speed too. It's about dang time.

[jennylou]

Yay Michelle! I remember the feeling of finally being able to move forward with the clomid - it gave me new hope. :)

[Kimmiebride]

Yes!! That's great news Michelle!! Hoping we have a bumper crop of new preggos shortly!!!
Kimmie

[Ericka_Jarett]

Hi ladies,

Sophie - thanks for posting the update. Hubby posts from his cell phone and doesn't know all the threads I am subscribed to.

Thanks ladies for the well wishes and Congrats. Easton is such a sweetheart. I can't wait for him to come home. The nurse this morning was going over the discharge paperwork, mentioned how I had Rebekah last year (she was mentioning if I was fertile mertil and wants birth control, and I mentioned that it took me 7 months to get pregnant after her) and what they offer for other siblings and such. I said well we don't need to worry about that, since Rebekah had passed, she said she didn't realize it and said, this must be hard for you leaving him here than. I said it is, but it's different this time around, at least this time we know he will be home in a few days.

I have the birth story in my journal if anyone is interested.

Thanks again. Leaving soon to go and enjoy my baby boy some more. When Jarett goes back to work if Easton is still in, will possibly have him drop me in the AM or pick me up in the PM from the hospital, if I can get someone to take me in the AM instead. I want to be there as much as possible for his feedings, we need him to drink more from his bottle and once that happens, he will be able to come home. He needs to get 60cc's in him at a feeding, right now he is at 30cc's. But he gets lazy and ends up tube fed at times. So please keep him in prayer that he gains weight fast and can get feeding by mouth down. I will be pumping and pray milk starts soon, right now I get a few drops of colostrum.

Michelle - so happy to hear they are doing something now to help you. Hope you get great news shortly, you deserve it.

To everyone else that is pregnant - yeah for another day

To those waiting - your time is coming up again, be praying for all

To those that had babies - here's to our Miracles

[myangelsvw]

Michelle - Great news on starting the clomid. And so soon! Hope it works like a charm for you.

Ericka - Going over discharge paperwork has got to feel good even though he's not coming home right away. Here's hoping that Easton starts staying awake a little longer for his feedings.


In our news, MFM appointment was today. Not sure what all to say about it. The babies look good and are growing nicely, which I'm thrilled about. We've still got some subchorionic blood, which I'm distinctly not thrilled about. Overall, I just wonder how I'm ever going to make it long enough to bring these kids home. I'm just so scared about losing these two, too.

[Sully130]

Only have a moment, but just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS to Ericka. Welcome to the world Easton. I hope he's home with you soon, eating as he should. I'm so happy that your little boy has arrived safely.

To everyone else, I think of you often and hope you are all doing well.

[clzj]

I don't know you gave my the baton but it is time to pass it on. I guess it was our time. first month not using protection and bang it happens.





I got a BFP.

[sophiapb]

Congratulations Lynn! What fantastic news! A healthy and happy nine months to you.

[Kimmiebride]

Lynn!!! That's great news! Congrats, and take it easy! I bet your DH is thrilled too! Hoping for so many wonderful rainbow babies for my friends here!

Ericka, hope Easton is doing well, and gets to come home to you and Jarrett soon!!

I have my Nuchal Translucency scan on Thursday. I am feeling pretty good, a little nauseous still, but happy to be almost out of the first trimester. Went to see Dave Matthews on Saturday, and little baby and I danced our hearts out! It was fun. Managed to avoid the pot smoke - not an easy task!
Kimmie

[Ericka_Jarett]

Easton took 2 bottles in a row today for us. He is up to eating 45cc's they were tube feeding him all weekend, was going to question the doctor about that today, but found out from the nurses they talked to her first and she agreed to put him on a bottle every other feeding instead of tube, since his problem was not sucking his bottles, being tube fed was making him lazy. So when I fed him his bottle he ate 35cc's by bottle, the last 10 she put in his tube, but he probably would have finished the bottle once the air was out of his tummy. Then Jarett fed him his next bottle 3 hours later and he finished all but 4cc's which 2 were extra anyway, so the nurse just tossed that last little bit. We are so happy that he got through 2 bottle feedings. Things are looking up, so we are thrilled and pray he continues on this good trend and gets to come home by Saturday, since we are moving to our new place.

I have been pumping so getting some milk and taking it to him, he got my milk last night and this afternoon and will get it again tomorrow, when I take another bottle or 2 with me.

[myangelsvw]

clzj - Wow! That was fast. Congratulations! :)

Ericka - Sounds like Easton is doing great with the bottles! Hope it keeps up and they send him home with you soon.

Kimmie - Good luck on Thursday!

So yesterday was my second u/s in four days. :rolleyes: Last week was the growth scan and this week was the NTT. Tech yesterday barely even noticed the subchorionic blood until I asked her to look for it, so that makes me feel a little better. On the less good side, I've started thinking about how little time I had left with the boys at this point. It's hard not to, but it's not great for my peace of mind. Next appointment is in two weeks, and then in three weeks, I have a consult with a different group at a different hospital to see if they'd do anything different for us.

[Astro]

Kimmie - Good luck on Thursday. Glad to hear you and the baby danced your hearts out at Dave Matthews.

Ericka - Congratulations to Easton for taking so much from the bottle, and congratulations to you on pumping. I hope he gets to come home by Saturday. :)

Myangelsvw - Glad to hear your u/s went well. Hopefully the appointments continue to go well and you get to meet them some time this spring. :)

As for us, nothing going on over here. We were a little more emotional the beginning of September, since that was the one year mark; but we're doing fine.

[Kimmiebride]

Great news at the NT scan today! I am at the risk level of a 34 year old for down's, and a 20 year old for trisomy 13 & 18. So yay!! no amnio for me! The baby was so cute - moving all around, punching and kicking, and opening it's mouth. It's already swallowing, which is good, and measuring ahead a couple of days! Face looks a bit like Skeletor, but beautiful for mom & dad's eyes to behold!! Thank God!!!

Maybe I'll be able to relax, just a little bit???
hugs,
Kimmie

[myangelsvw]

Kimmie - Great news on the NTT! I know you must be thrilled to not be facing the worry of an amnio this time.

astro - Hey, you! Glad to hear you're doing ok. Have been thinking about you this month.

So I think I'm finally ready to talk about our Dr. appointment last week. I've been having a particularly hard time with one piece of information that we were told. Basically, this doc wasn't sure that an infection caused the PTL. He thinks maybe it was something I contracted during my hospital stay. Now I'm back to running through all the "what ifs." What if I hadn't called the doctor and had waited until Monday when the office opened to go in. Everything was pretty stable for most of Sunday, so maybe the contractions would have stopped. Maybe I wouldn't have started to progress again. Maybe the boys would be alive now.

On another topic, is anyone planning to attend an infant loss memorial service next month? I was just looking ahead in my calendar and found a note to myself to call our hospital for details on when the memorial service is being held this year.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Great news Kimmie - Congrats on no amnio needed this time. Must be a huge relief.

Memorial Service - don't think my hospital even has one.

We will not be in the area anymore anyway. We move this weekend to PA. Hoping Easton gets released tomorrow or Sunday at the latest. He is up to 8 bottles as of today, his tube is suppose to be removed, he got circumsized yesterday, got his Hep B shot the day before and they told us they want to test him in his car seat. (since he is a preemie they need to make sure he can breath ok in it) We watched the CPR video that is required last night, will watch the car seat one today, so they can be marked off our list now.

[Astro]

Kimmie - Congratulations! What fantastic news. Here's hoping the baby and you keep dancing away for the next 28 weeks or so. :)

Myangelsvw - The longer it's been since our boys passing, the more I realize the doctors really don't know what happens in-utero. They just pretend they know. If there was an infection found, I think the majority of medical science would say there is a high probability the two are related. They will rarely say they are 100% positive two things are related. Anyway, from what I've heard from our Dr's, if there's an infection then the likely hood is quiet high that caused an early loss. I know there's nothing you could have done differently. You did nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong. Everything you did at the time was the best choice with the knowledge you had. You, your DH, and all 4 of your kids continue to be in our prayers. My DH keeps saying one of these days, we should fly out to visit. :)

[sophiapb]

WooHoo Kimmie! Yay for no amnio and yay for Skeletor (creepy and beautiful all at once! ;) )

Hey Ericka, I've been keeping up with your updates in your journal and am thrilled that Easton is doing well. Congrats on your upcoming move as well. Wow, a lot of changes for you in such a short time period!

all 4 of your kids continue to be in our prayers.

Okay, I got a little misty eyed when I read that. Stupid hormones. :o


doctors really don't know what happens in-utero. They just pretend they know

TOTALLY agree with that. With Alexander, all the medical personnel kept saying that his cord was wrapped around his body. Yeah, but why would that have killed him? I mean, an artery in his umbilical cord closed at 27 weeks and he was 3 pounds less than his sister. Wouldn't it make sense that he wasn't getting enough nourishment and oxygen and that he very well might have starved to death? But I think as soon as a doctor said "Yep, that's the problem" the follow up question would have been "Then why the hell didn't you get him out sooner like at 36 weeks like I was begging you to?" and which doctor would want to be responsible for answering that question? I've given up getting an answer but you better believe this current pregnancy is being watched like no one's business!


Update on me. I had an u/s and doctor visit on Friday and all is going well. The u/s was for growth and doppler, which is checking the blood flow in the umbilical cord. Everything checked out well which is good news although last time the cord problem didn't develop until about 27 weeks so I don't feel out of the woods yet. But there was LOADS of movement and all the measurements were where they should be at 25+ weeks so it was good. I went to the doctor a few hours later for my check up and although she couldn't find any heartbeat, a well aimed kick sent her monitor flying so I wasn't too concerned and neither was the doctor. She wasn't my regular doctor so she doesn't know the fetal positioning and my funky body as well as my regular doctor so I'm just shrugging it off. As long I'm still getting bladder kicks, I know that all is well. :D

[Ericka_Jarett]

hi ladies (fforgivemisspellings, Easton is asleep in my arms)

we are officially moved into our place,once totes are totally unpacked, will do pics. Eastonnn came home Saturday, he survived a few outtings already. Longest being to IKEA which took 4 hours, but at least we have storage and organization going on now.

Jarett wants to do a photo shoot of Easton tonight or tomorrow, that should be fun. He wants me to nap for sure today, ths morning he looked at me and said I need to nap when Easton does cause I look tired. got the kitchen organized, part of our room done and still hav to get clothes pulled for Easton, organize the bathroom, our room some more, the livingroom and we have to assemble the linen cabinet for the hall.

Our boxspring didn't fot upstairs, have to figure out what we are going to do about putting our bed together now.

Well nap is calling me and than to get Easton a peds today

[LDS Angel 19]

it's a little quiet in here, how is everyone?

I finished my Clomid yesterday, and go in for my follicle scan on Wednesday. I was talking about it at our HUGS meeting last night and was a little shocked as I realized I could be pregnant by the next meeting. Scary.
I'm trying to not even think about that though, since I know that we have no idea if this is even going to actually work... oy.

Anyway, I havn't had any side effects at all, so that's a good thing. If it dosen't work the first time it won't be a huge deal to just try again.

Hope you all are well, and have a nice weekend!

(Oh, and in non-ttc related news, I've been working a temp job for less than two weeks and they want to hire me on perm. What a huge blessing! Now I can pay for all of my dr. appointments. :) It might suck a little though if we do get pregnant right away and I hae to go on bedrest or somthing, but that's one of those things we'll deal with when we get there....)

[myangelsvw]

Hi, guys. I've been laying low because DH has been out of town for work, and I'm just trying to make it through each day until he gets home. I feel so vulnerable by myself, and weekends are the worst.

astro - I know you're right. There isn't any use in the what ifs. As another friend pointed out, if I hadn't gone in, I'd be wondering what if I had. Totally a no-win situation. But I suppose it's a normal part of grief. As is having it rear it's head again. Oh, and I like that DH of yours. You should totally fly out to visit! (Although considering the amount of time I spend on my sofa now, I'm not sure I'm much fun. Consider yourself warned. ;) )

sophia - Glad to hear that last week's u/s was good. How soon after 27 weeks will they give you another? I know we're all going to be excited to hear good news at that point. And for the record, astro made me cry, too. ;)

ericka - Hooray for Easton's first week at home! And for surviving your move. Hope everyone and everything is settling in nicely.

michelle - Great news about the job. Sounds like it's working out well, which you totally deserve. And good luck with the follie scan. FWIW, I didn't have any side effects from Clomid either, and it did its job just fine.

[sophiapb]

Ooooo, LDS, exciting news both job-wise and TTC-wise! Crossing my fingers for a terrific follie report! By the way, I was a nutjob on Clomid so I'm envious that you and myangelsvw had no side effects.

Ericka, I've been reading Easton's glowing reports in your journal. Glad that he's thriving and gaining weight. Congrats on your move as well but don't freak too much about unpacking. We moved into oour house in 2001 and we still have a couple of boxes that we haven't touched. Hey, less things to pack when we move in a few years! :D Just get plenty of rest, enjoy Easton and your new home and everything will eventually settle into place.

myangelsvw, my next u/s is mid-October when I'll be 30 weeks. I'm hoping for a good doppler report at that visit, which will be a huge relief and will get me past one of my milestones. I have to say, the first part of this pregnancy totally dragged. I had massive m/s and such incredible fears but now that I feel much more movement and I'm not vomitting and dry heaving daily, I'm feeling more secure (please note, the fear isn't GONE but I do get more and more thoughts like "Wow, this might actually work out!"). I also feel like I'm bonding more with my belly, whereas before I had sort of distanced myself from the whole pregnancy. I'm trying not to get too comfortable for fear of having my feet kicked out from under me but I'm not quite hanging from a ledge like I was a few months ago. So far, so good! :p

[Kimmiebride]

I have been missing you guys as well. I am officially out of the first trimester tomorrow. I found myself telling people yesterday, which was funny since I had kind of decided that enough people know. I have a peri appt on Monday. I am still a bit sleepy, but I think my energy is starting to come back a bit. Ended up with asthma, and a really bad post nasal drip. I am supposed to do the saline nasal wash, and the idea of it has been a little tough on the nausea scale. I know it would make it better...
Good luck to Michelle!!
Myangelsvw, sorry your on your own so much lately! I hate to be alone too!
Sophiapb, glad things are going well... wow, I can't wait for more solid kicks and slightly less fear! I am feeling flutters at 13 weeks, which always make me giggle.
Jenny and Ericka, hoping you are having a great time with your little ones, and hi to anyone I might have forgotten accidentally!
hugs to all
Kimmie

[myangelsvw]

sophia - Yay for bonding. And for even just a few more thoughts of happy endings. I remember your ledge (and am rather familiar with it myself), so your post makes me very happy. :D

Kimmie - Oh, man. Post nasal drip. I hear you on that. And it's been the one thing guaranteed to make me gag both last time and this time. Let me know if the nasal wash works.

[Sully130]

Kimmie - So glad to hear your results from the NT scan were so positive. I know that's quite a relief. Now if you can just get some relief from the post nasal drip. Yuck! Hope the nasal wash works. I was surprised by how much just being pregnant made me congested. I had to use that Ocean nose spray every night or I'd wake up unable to breathe. Then the night I had T, I no longer needed it. So odd! Oh and congrats on making it to the second trimester!!! Hooray!!

Ericka - So glad to hear Easton is doing well and is home. I was so surprised to read you've already had him out and about. I was terrifed to take T out until he was 6 weeks old (even though the doctor advised four) and he wasn't a preemie! Glad your move went well though and I hope you're all settled soon.

LDS - Congrats on the job and I hope that you are pregnant by your next meeting!!!

myangelsvw - Sorry your DH has been out of town so much. Hopefully he'll be home soon. I know it's rough getting by when you're all alone. Take care of yourself.

Sophia - I can't believe you are already so far along! I know it's hard to relax in our pregnancies, but I'm glad you are able to enjoy it a little more than before. Just take it one day at a time!


As for us, we're doing great. My little miracle turned five months old the other day and I'm still in awe when I think of his journey here. Anyway, I'm just busy being a mom but I think of all of you often.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Thanks ladies.

Sully - he is doing great when we are out and I usually keep his canopy of his car seat down. When it gets closer to being colder out, we won't be out so much. Right now it's mostly because of getting things we need for the apartment.

Here are recent pics of our peanut:
http://order.ducklingphoto.com/photos/96761735-S.jpg http://order.ducklingphoto.com/photos/96762330-S.jpg

[Kimmiebride]

Sully! Great to hear from you!! Glad your miracle continues to do well!! hard to believe it's been 5 months already!

Ericka, Easton is beautiful!!! That first one looks like he's sayin' "you talkin' to me??" Tuff guy!

The nasal wash wasn't as bad as I anticipated, and it did provide some relief. It's not a sensation that we are used to - kinda like water up your nose at the pool, but more controlled so you don't freak as much. I am about to go do it again. Anything for relief!!
Kimmie

[Ericka_Jarett]

Thanks Kimmie.

This link shows all his other pics from birth to now.
Easton (http://order.ducklingphoto.com/gallery/1858267)

Here are the pics hubby took last night and the night before.
Pro Shots (http://order.ducklingphoto.com/gallery/1921722/1/97221018)
http://order.ducklingphoto.com/photos/97220930-S-1.jpg

[chocolate_truffle]

Ericka -- Congratulations on Easton's homecoming!!! He is so, so precious. I'm so very happy for you all. And, the photos are fabulous! Jarrett is such a talented photographer. What a great skill to have.

It's so nice to stop by and see happy news in this thread. :-)

A quick hello to everyone else. I've been reading along, but haven't had a lot of time to post. But, you ladies are in my thoughts and I'm always rooting for happy endings for all of us.

[LDS Angel 19]

Ericka that last picture is stunning! Hope you and Easton are doing wonderfully.

Not much going on here...

[sophiapb]

Ericka, he's gorgeous! I just want to cuddle him! :D

LDS, I'm crossing my fingers for a good report on Wednesday. :p

[Kimmiebride]

Hi gang!
Another good appointment today - heard heartbeat, and no u/s. It was weird to go in and not have an u/s, but it makes me feel normal, whatever that is, and I liked that. I am cleared to go to Florida in October, and am pretty psyched about that.

Ericka!! Jarrett is quite the photog! Our kids will be the most photographed on the planet, eh? I keep saying to my friend who is due two weeks after me that we will have play dates at the studio!!
Take care all!
Michelle, I am rooting for ya!
Kimmie

[jennylou]

Just a quick drive by post. Ladies, if you are planning on watching 7th Heaven this season, I just want to warn you that the character Lucy has some sort of late term loss (over the summer, so this is the after effects) of twin boys.

[myangelsvw]

Jenny - Thanks for the warning. I'm watching tons of tv right now, but I think I'll stay away from that one.

Michelle - Good luck tomorrow!

ericka - What great pictures! Of course, it must help to have such a good looking subject. :)

Sully - Thanks for checking in on us. Hard to believe it's been five months already. Glad to hear everything is going well.

Kimmie - Oooh, Florida! Fun or work? Either way, I'm glad you're excited. :)

chocolate truffle - Good to see you!

So I'm headed back into anniversaries as of tomorrow. Tomorrow marks one year since the date of conception - for both the boys and these babies, too. Then Saturday is the anniversary of the transfer date. I just hope I can tap into and get some strength from memories of just how happy I was to have my boys with me this time last year.

[LDS Angel 19]

Hi ladies.... had my appointment this afternoon... this is copied from my LJ, sorry if you had to read it twice...

To cut to the chase, the Clomid didn't work. The Dr. said that my follies should be 20 to 24 millimeters, and my biggest one was around 8. One ovary had like six little ones all around it, and she said "It looks like you have polycysitc ovaries, which don't ovulate very well." Isen't that just great? blarr.
She said we could come back for another check in a few days, but she didn't think it was neccesary because she didn't think anything was goind to chage between now and then.

So, I'm going back on CD 24 for bloodwork, and we'll most likely up it to 100mg Clomid for the next cycle.

I knew there was a chance it wouldn't work, but it still just sucks. I'm just really frustrated right now.

[goldengbridge]

Hi Girls,

I'm so far behind. Andrew had his 3rd open heart surgery 3 weeks ago. Surgery went well but he developed plueral effusions (fluid around his lungs) and we just got home from the hospital last night. I'm SO happy to be home. Andrew is coming around a bit. This all has been very hard on him.

I had a peri appt which i came home for a few weeks ago and they were pretty sure this little one has a 4 chamber heart! I go to Philly on Oct 9 for a fetal echo and they should be abe to see everything by that point.

I attended a memorial service at our hospital for all the babies who passed away over the last year. It was very beautiful and touching. Two more weeks till I reach the point where I lost Jacob. I just want so badly to get past that point. I dont know if thats bad to think but thats how I feel.

I hope everyone else is well. I'm sorry I'm so far behind. I'm going to have to go back and read that last few pages.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Thanks ladies, he is a cutie and such an easy subject to get photos of.

Michelle - that sucks, really hoping that it works next cycle.

Easton is up to 6lbs 8 1/2oz as of yesterday's doctor appt.

[goldengbridge]

One of the Feb Mommies lost her twin girls. I think she was around 20 weeks. My heart is aching for her!

[Ericka_Jarett]

Just read about Jenahdawn losing her girls, that is really so sad. They couldn't do anything to stop her labor.

[LDS Angel 19]

Oh no.... that just breaks my heart. I was in the Feb 07 thread for a few weeks when it first started... Every time I hear of a new loss everything just comes rushing back... so sad.

[Kimmiebride]

I invited her to join us when she's ready.

Every time I hear of a new loss everything just comes rushing back... so sad.

Isn't that the truth? I get so scared, and think to myself, "why do I think I WILL make it through this?" I know no one understands that as well as you guys do. My BF who is 2 weeks behind me went to the ER Tuesday for bleeding. She was convinced it was over. It isn't, but getting that call from her, terrified and crying, was so hard for so many reasons. First, it took me right back, and then it made me worry, and then it made me think what happens if we both don't get to have our healthy happy babies. What if only one of us does, or worse, what if neither of us makes it? I pray and pray all the time!

ggbridge, I am glad to see you back around here, and very glad that
Andrew's surgery went well. Hoping the fluid issue is resolved quickly, and you can rest a little easier about your little man. Yeah for 4 chambers in the new baby's heart!

Michelle, I have heard that women with PCOS have good luck with metformin to kind of keep it under control with the stims. Perhaps you can research that a little and ask your doc for the next cycle. Sorry this one might be a bust.
I'd better get to work... I have clients who want their baby pictures!
hugs to all of you,
Kimmie

[jennylou]

I too sent her a PM inviting her to join us when she's ready. And yes, even though it's been a while now (over a year!) it brings it all back.

I am going through RCIA classes right now (to convert to Catholic). This week we did a tour of the church and we were allowed to bring our families. So, I took Nora with me. :) Anyways, one of the sponsors recognized the apnea monitor right away. (BTW - people are very nosey about the monitor, always asking if she's a preemie - um, she's almost eleven pounds folks, does she look preemie to you?). Anyways, she said her son was on one. So, I asked her if he was a preemie. She replied no, that she didn't want to scare me, but she'd lost a daughter at three months to crib death (another term for SIDS). That was the first time I had met IRL someone who lost a child to SIDS randomly (I don't count the one time I went to that laughable support group). She lost her daughter 16 years ago and you could still tell it effected her to talk about it. I'm glad she did though and glad she's a sponsor in this group as she understands a bit more where I'm coming from. :)

[jenahdawn]

I don't know how long it'll take me to get back here, but, sadly, all of you understand.

Copied:

I'd give anything NOT to join.

The hardest part is that it's still considered a miscarriage or "spontaneous abortion" at 19 weeks. (Well, ONE of the hardest parts.)

We got home a few hours ago. He's sleeping behind me and I'm bawling.

Tues night I started having contractions. I was dialated to 2 cm. After 2 hours, I was at 3 cm and was moved "upstairs" to L&D.

6:15 am Wed, Sept 27, my water broke. By 6:30~ish, my beautiful baby girls were here. Katie was 7.8 oz and 22cm long (8 3/4 inches) and Chloe was 6 oz and 20 cm (8 inches) long. And they were absolutely perfect.

This afternoon, we gave our little angels away so their ashes can be spread over a flower garden so everyone can appreciate their beauty.

But I just want them in our arms again.

Recovering mentally, emotionally AND physically....this is the worst pain anyone can ever feel and the one thing I hope no one else ever has to.

We were told to wait 6 months before trying again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other hard things right now: Knowing my husband will never get to walk them down the aisle. Seeing the agony in his eyes. My oldest brother not calling or acknowledging it. Having to hand my babies over to a stranger and let her take them to the funeral home. Thinking people won't consider us parents. Knowing that so much potential was lost. Holding them and them being so cold. Insensitive comments from certain relatives. (You do not tell someone, 26 hours after they give birth to and lose two~~~Or ANY number of~~~babies that it's "Time to move on.")

And feeling alone....and knowing I'm not. And that more people will have this happen to them.

The terror of trying again. (Will we be ready? Will we have a different outcome? How will we get past 19 weeks without completely breaking down? How will we not compare the two pregnancies? Will we be able to get pregnant?)

And the hard part of how do we move forward? Right now, I have an appt with the doctor (who has been AMAZING) Tuesday. But what about Weds? My husband will be going back to work Weds and I will be COMPLETELY alone. I can't think past Tuesday. I have something to do on Tuesday. I have an appt Tuesday. But I don't have anything to do Weds. And, in a few weeks, my husband will be gone for 3 out of 4 weeks for business. How can I be alone?

So, ladies, how do you begin to move forward? How do you deal with the guilt? How do you help get that agony out of your husband's eyes? How do you tell yourself it's okay to feel selfish sometimes and grieve your own loss instead of worrying about everyone else? How do you spend time with friends who are expecting (and due around when you were)? How do you deal with seeing children and infants? How do you let some people know that you support them and car that they are having a baby (again, right around the time you were expecting to have your's) but you just can't go see them in the hospital or maybe for a little while? (She'd probably be on the same floor I was on.)

As you can tell, CURRENTLY, I have moved on from the "Whys" and onto the "Hows"

[jenahdawn]

Oh, and threadmistress:

jenahdawn
Me: 29
DH: 27
Married: 7/26/02
Children: Catherine (Katie) Rose and Chloe Dawn, b/d 9/27/06
Cause of loss: Not sure, possibly beginnings of TTTS


Um, yeah...it's jenahdawn, not whom I copied and pasted.

[jennylou]

jenah - you just do things one day at a time - sometimes an hour or even a minute at a time. It sounds cliche, but the first few weeks were agony. Slowly, ever so slowly, the open wound starts to heal. You'll always have the scar - and it will always hurt at times. I'm glad your Dr has been good to you, I think that's so important. As for how you'll be alone - it won't be easy, I'm sure - as I couldn't imagine being apart from my DH during the early days (just his going to work was enough). We'll be here, if you need a shoulder to cry on. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad this thread is here, but I wish that we didn't have to ever welcome any new members.

[LDS Angel 19]

jenah My heart is aching for you right now. I love the names you chose for your girls. I'm so sorry you only had them for such a short time, and I'm sorry that the medical world is so harsh with some of their terms.
I remember the reactions of some of my family being harsh, and then the overwhelmingly warm and helpful reactions of others that I was not even very close to. You may be surprised at who 'comes out of the woodwork' and is supportive.
I agree, one of the hardest things of losing a child is the loss of what was going to be. The loss of an entire future. It still aches my heart to see my husband hold other peoples children and know he can't do that with his own daughter. That ache will probably always be there, but it has lessend over time.
And you're right, a lot of times you do have to be selfish, and just take care of yourself and not worry about what others say or think. It's hard, but it's one of the best things you can do for yourself.
I agree with jennylou, in this early time, you just have to take everything in small steps. A day or an hour at a time. That's normal. If you can't handle seeing your pregnant friends, then tell them. If they don't understand, it's not your fault. And you might feel like you can see them, but then get there and change your mind. That's fine too. DON'T force yourself.

Know that we're here for you, and if there is ever ANYTHING any of us could do, we would do it. At the very least we're here to listen and offer our love.

Take care of yourself.

Michelle

[Astro]

Jenah I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your baby girls. I know the medical society refers to the loss of any child under 20 weeks as a miscarriage, but my husband and I know differently. We believe any baby (or babies) that are born to loving caring parents are a still-birth. Luckily my Drs support us when we say we suffered a still-birth. Just because the medical society or government thinks it is a miscarriage, does not make it so. You went through labor, you delivered two beautiful baby girls, you loved them, you named them, you are parents. (the you means you and your husband)

Right now you're on a rollercoaster in regards to emotions. Please give yourself permission to cry when you feel like it. Some good friends of ours had a miscarriage a few years before us. They told us to cry if you want, to pamper yourself, and to not listen to the stupid people. The permission to cry and not listen to stupid people was very helpful. I was surprised by some wonderful responses from friends and family and some horrible responses from friends and family. I wasn't sure how to respond to the insensitive comments, so I distanced myself from "friends" who made hurtful comments. Some of my friends and I are no longer as close, but a few of us are much closer. It's harder with family. The only way I've found to deal with family's insensitive comments is not to talk to them about it. That's hard. One of the insensitive ones is my older brother. He's not saying things to be mean or hurtful, he's just an idiot in this regards.

As to how do you move forward? Don't worry about it for now. Currently just focus on getting through the next hour or day. Gradually you'll build up to a couple days or weeks. Keep reminding yourself you did nothing wrong. You did everything you could to help your girls. Take time to comfort yourself. It's ok not to support other people in their pregnancies at this time, or just tell them you love them and you'll talk with them later when you can deal with it. I actually dealt with other babies/kids by not dealing with them. I stayed away from babies and little kids for a few months, except my niece and nephew. The agony in your husband eyes and your eyes will eventually dim, but it takes a lot of time.

I think the thing that helps most is pampering yourself, your relationship with your husband, talking things out to make sure you both understand that there's nothing you could have done differently, and giving yourself lots of time. It's been a little over a year, and we still get sad, cry sometimes, etc. You will always be the parents of Katie and Chloe.

If you live near Seattle, pm me and we can get together. I'd like to make sure you realize you are NOT alone. There's bunches of us here. I'm sure the other ladies would agree if you need a real shoulder or hug, let us know where you are. If we're nearby, we'll come.

[jennylou]

I just thought of something else, Jenah. We planned a trip to Hawaii last Christmas, and it was the best thing we could have done for ourselves. We celebrated Christmas Eve with DHs immediate family. We cried a bit for our loss (as a family). Then Christmas Day we left. I was so happy to not have to celebrate with the extended family that day (they can be insensitive). Anyways, no matter when we would have went, it was so nice. We met up with my sister and her husband (who are supportive) and we enjoyed ourselves. It was nice to get away and not have to worry about the world for a while. So, if you and your DH can get away, do. It was probably the first time that I started to feel alive again.

[Brink]

I'm sorry to intrude, but I wanted to pass along this beautiful song that I came accross on another site dealing with loss. You may need to turn your speaker up a little to hear the words, but they are beautiful and while they bring tears, I hope they also bring a little comfort.

Jenah - I posted over on the other thread, but just wanted you to know we are thinking of you. You have already shown that you are a strong woman. Please hold onto that strenth in the coming days. Take care.

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/precious_child.htm

They also had this sweet figurine that I thought I would share.
http://www.preciousmoments.com/shopping/product_details/?product_number=690007

[Kimmiebride]

I second the eventual trip get away if you can manage it. We lost our boy in November, and in January we went to Hawaii for a week. It did wonders for our spirits. Don't tackle anything big, just go moment by moment until it feels better to think in longer terms.

I often felt guilty like there was something I could have done better for our son, despite being assured that I did all I could to keep him safe. I felt very much like you posted in another thread, like someone "upstairs" was looking out and intervened. Our son had bi-lateral club feet, and the genetics people were all in our face about it. They "strongly encouraged" us to have an amnio the day after the birth defect was discovered, along with the fact that my membranes weren't fused on the right side. If we had waited til we got our bearings, and then had the amnio, would my body have been stronger and held onto the pregnancy. Though our results were normal, did our child have some sort of genetic disorder that couldn't be detected by the tests, and would he have suffered more if he survived. We'll never know the what if's and that's one of the toughest parts about not knowing why. It's really good that you moved on to how's... We are all thinking of you every day, and sending peace and love to you and your family. You will make it through this, even through the times when it seems so dark and you just want to curl up for a while. We're here, pulling you through as best we can.
hugs,
Kimmie

[jenahdawn]

Copying and pasting, but adding to at the end....

Just wanted to post a quick hey...and that today...well, so far...and this afternoon, is a "good" day. (Last night blew....took a trip to the ER for shoulder and abdominal pains and pain breathing....er doc thought I needed a D&C. OB/GYN consult said, "No, I don't think so."~~~I look like a friggin heroin addict with track marks up and down my arms....IV this past week, MULTIPLE blood draws, IV last night along with another blood draw. And not just one, but TWO pelvic exams....)

We have also decided on November 4th we are doing a memorial get together here at our house. The ONLY decision that has been made is the date. No idea what we are going to do yet, but the emotions won't be so raw.

Oh, and the new goal is to be a member of the Feb (or Jan) 2008 mommies thread....~~~today, at least...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, we've been talking, and, even though we've never had a desire to go there, we may do a trip to Vegas next March/April (6 months). We're hoping what happens in Vegas DOESN'T stay in Vegas.... ;)

So, has anyone ever done a memorial? We don't want to do anything fancy, we just want to see family and friends and spend time with everyone who was looking forward to meeting Katie and Chloe and let people who have no idea what to say or do just come and show us they care.

And it's strange...since we never decorated their room (we were one week away from finding out if we would be painting green and pink or green and blue), I'm not "attatched" to their room. There are things IN the room~no furniture, blankets, outfits, toys, etc~that I'm not ready to deal with that are all in the closet, but the room itself I'm feeling okay to paint it white and wait until August/September/October or next year, in an ideal world.

It's also strange, even with all of the stress and worries and potential problems with a multiples pregnancy, I would love to have two at once again. I think that's mostly because it's what I know. I also desperately want more daughters.

Does any of this sound crazy?

[Kimmiebride]

Nothing sounds crazy...

Our family that's here was kind of numb and therefore not very supportive. My mom did come out for Christmas, which was wonderful. We didn't have a memorial service, but we did a private tribute to Robert during the holidays. DH had a lovely idea that each year at Christmas we would buy a gift for the age Robert would have been, and donate it to a charity so a living child would get to play with it. Last year because it was so fresh (only a month after we lost him) it was really hard. This year, assuming all goes well with this baby (which we all know is impossible to assume once you've been through what we have...), the gift will come from the three of us.

I never did much to the room... it's my office, so that was already causing me great concern about how a baby would fit in here with all my other stuff. I am going through that angst again right now... I saved all of Robert's things, which wasn't really very much, just some gifts people had given of clothes and books, and they all sit in a shopping bag in the corner of my office. I visit them every once in a while. His pictures are in there too, but I haven't looked at them since I found out I was pregnant again. I remember what he looks like in my mind and in my heart, so there's no need for that right now.

Wanting more children - I hear ya!! Trying again was very bittersweet for us. It took us 3.5 years to get pregnant with Robert. We were concerned that we were running out of time (I am 41). Luckily and blessedly, it only took 3 months this time.

Some people have suggested a balloon release, or planting a special tree in memory of lost babies. I think what you have done with their ashes is very special, and gives you a place to "anchor" their resting place, ie that you can "visit" them there when you're ready if you want to. I don't have that, and I wonder whether it's harder or easier that way. It just is what it is... I know I can feel his little light spirit visit me, and I love that. I also wear a little angel pendant with a blue stone in it in his memory. There are so many ways you will remember Katie and Chloe, and some will come when you least expect it.
Take care Jenah!
Kimmie

[jenahdawn]

I need to share a bit of a giggle today.

So, you all know how wonderful the mesh panties are, right? Yeah, so they sent me home with an extra pair or two, just in case...

I was describing them to my cousin and showed them to her. Her (new) boyfriend was staring at me like I was nuts. So, when they left, I stashed them in what I thought was her backpack....um, it was his. And he finds it hysterical.

[Kimmiebride]

That's hysterical!!! I brought home a pair too, and said I'd use them for some hot love sessions being that they are so sexy and wonderful...
Ah... it's good laugh, isn't it?
Kimmie

[SailorJenny]

Ericka - Congratulations on your little man! He's absolutely gorgeous, and I'm so happy to hear that he's home with you!

Jenah - I am so, so sorry to hear of the loss of your little girls. I read your posts and I'm sitting here crying, my heart is broken for you. I lost my son almost four months ago, and I am so grateful for the support I've found with the women here. It's truly made a difference in my life - I know that no matter how utterly angry, sad, or lost I feel, there are people here who have been there and done that, and I feel a lot less alone in my grief.

I haven't been around for a while, work has practically killed me. September and October are the busiest months and today was my first day off in 3 weeks - I've had 2 almost days off since the end of August. Hundred hour weeks are NOT fun. I've just been burned out, but the situation at work seems to have leveled itself out where I won't be carrying the biggest burden anymore. The deal breaker for me last night was when I realized that I was giving myself no time to continue the grief process. I was having trouble sleeping, even when I was beyond the point of exhaustion. I'm frustrated because I'm smoking again - a lot, which is not at all conducive to even considering TTC again. My cycles went all wonky - They last 19 or 20 days, but 9-12 of those I'm bleeding. I think I've just reached a breaking point and I'm reassessing all of my priorities. I loved my job, and I don't anymore, and I realized I wasn't being a very good wife, sister, daughter or friend. It's been a really valuable lesson to me - all the books and pamphlets talk about how the MEN throw themselves into work as a way to shut themselves off. It took three months to realize that I was doing that, and had kind of just excused it because it wasn't something that WOMEN tend to do. I'm just glad it didn't take three years to learn it. Thanks for letting me rant ;)

[jenahdawn]

But, at least "they" aren't rock hard, throbbing, hot and heavy....at the moment.

I wish the entire body got the same memo at the same time.

[Kimmiebride]

Oh Jenah, that's such a bummer... It's like a cruel joke... Keep things tight too - I hear that helps... they told me to wear the tightest sports bra I could stand. Hang in there honey!

SailorJenny, good to hear from you... sorry work has been so all consuming. That's really great that you did realize it. I hope when it's time to move on, something that you love equally will surface, and the transition won't make you too crazy... I know you don't need anyone to nag you about the smoking, so I won't... I'll just wish you strength and resolve! Honor yourself in so many ways, and take care!!
Kimmie

[jennylou]

Jenah - Oh, the rock hard, leaking boobs were just a cruel, cruel reminder. I leaked for seven weeks! Finally, I started clomid - who knew it had a side effect of drying up milk - it even lists that as a side effect.

SailorJenny - I'm sorry you've been so busy with work - I hope things slow down soon.

[curlygurl]

I not sure if you guys know, but this was recently PASSED in Congress -

October 15th is officially Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (http://www.october15th.com)

Although, for most of us - we remember everyday.

[LDS Angel 19]

I'm on the email list for october15th.com. All of the work that those ladies have done is great. Allison's due date was October 15th actually.

Things with us are kinda at a standstill. Just waiting to get on to the next cycle. sigh.

[jenahdawn]

Although, for most of us - we remember everyday.


And, according to my uncle, 40 years later, it's STILL every day.

[LDS Angel 19]

It's been a few days, just bumping us up....

jenah, I saw your other thread about candles, did you find anything? I've been looking for something for Alli for a long time and havn't found exactly what I want. I just might end up getting something custom like from this site: http://www.franscandles.com/childangels.htm

[jenahdawn]

Oh, I should update that...we just ordered on Saturday. I went with these (I bought 6)

http://www.buyacandle.com/webstore/web_store.cgi?keywords=tn_pic29407lg&detail=yes

Although, a friend of mine is in desperate search of one as well....

[sophiapb]

Jenah, I'm so sorry about the loss of your girls. It's an awful, awful thing to go through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. This thread is a wonderful support as well as the miscarriage thread which I believe you are visiting as well. I also found comfort in this website (http://www.climb-support.org/) which deals with the loss of multiples. It was a real help to me when I was dealing with my grief and even recently I visited it because they have a section on subsequent pregnancies and I needed a little bit of support in that department.
Also, if you read through our first thread (http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5792) you will find all sorts of stories and advice. I would reread things sometimes when I was having a rough time and it helped me through whatever issues I was dealing with at the time. Even now I sometimes revisit the thread.
Above all, be good to yourself and take the time to grieve. Don't let people make you feel rushed. This is not something you will "Get over" or "Move on" from and interestingly enough, the people who will give that advise have never lost a child. It's like having your mechanic instruct you on brain surgery. Yeah, thanks buddy, now please go away and let me deal with this. :rolleyes: You will never forget your girls but in time it will be a nice thing to remember. Every time that I am asked "How many children do you have?" I think of Alexander. Even though my brain and mouth answer "One daughter" since I don't want to have to go into the story with everyone, my heart is always answering "Two! A son and a daughter!" and I get a little sparkle of maternal pride. :)

[Ericka_Jarett]

Easton had a well visit yesterday (his 1 month which was actually at 5 weeks since he had his hep shot a week late)

He got his 2nd hep shot and all the other normal things. His stats since birth are now:

Birth: 5lbs, 6oz & 19"
2 weeks: 6lbs, 0.5oz & 19"
3 weeks: 6lbs, 8.5oz & 19"
5 weeks: 8lbs, 4.5oz & 21"

Can't believe he gained almost 2 lbs and grew 2" in 2 weeks.

Jarett and I were at the mall about a week or so ago and someone in the elevator commented how cute Easton is and asked if it was our first. I was going to say no, just as Jarett said yes, than looked at me. I wanted to say no he is actually our 2nd, we also had a daughter. Jarett said when we got off, you don't have to say no and go into the story or be asked what happened. He said it's ok to say he is our first living child or he is our first. I told him I feel bad like I am not acknowledging her being alive for the short time she was with us, he said it's ok, we know she was here and you don't need to upset yourself with saying anything. It makes sense. Wouldn't you know I was asked again at one of the cell phone booths if he was our first. This woman was pregnant and due anyday with her first child and commented about how she is scared and stuff. We talked for a few mins and she felt a bit better about delivery after that.

[sophiapb]

it's ok, we know she was here and you don't need to upset yourself with saying anything.

Yeah, that's the way that I feel. I still have a tendency to get upset if people push me to talk too much about Alexander so I won't mention him to total strangers. I also feel very protective of him as well. I don't want to have to explain any medical issues or anything to someone I'll never see again. I like remembering him as the goofy little guy that would do somersaults in my belly and would bump against DH's hand, making us both laugh. I'm still his proud mama! :)

Congrats on Easton's terrific stats. He's growing like a weed. I'm guessing he's taken quite well to eating!

[Ericka_Jarett]

Thanks. Glad I am not the only one. At times I want to scream it from the rooftop that I had a beautiful baby girl and now I have been blessed with a handsome baby boy. I know to explain it to complete strangers is stupid, but I guess I sometimes think, maybe this will educate them about infant loss. That everyday, women can suffer a loss, no matter what stage of pregnancy they are in, don't take it for granted and please don't complain about any step of your pregnancy. That is something that irks me when I hear someone complain about how this hurts or that is uncomfortable. I want to tell them, stop complaining and be grateful you made it this far in your pregnancy.

Easton likes his formula that's for sure. Told the dr I put him on a different type that was non-preemie, she said that's ok, whatever works.

[jennylou]

I'm in the camp that I always say that DD is our second. Inevitably, that brings questions, but I was getting questions with the monitor anyways, so I'm getting used to saying she's our second and leaving it at that. If they ask further, I just say we had an infant loss - that typically quiets most people right away.

I don't know if I mentioned it, but I met a lady at my RCIA classes (she's a sponsor), we were touring the church and we were allowed to bring family, so I took Nora with me. She was on her monitor and the woman saw it and said, oh that's an apnea monitor. I just said yes. She then said that her son was on one. I asked her if he was a preemie, but it turns out she had lost a daughter to SIDS as well. Not that I ever wish it on anyone, but it's comforting to know others, you know? Anyways, she also converted, so we've got a bit in common. :)

Sending good thoughts to everyone.

[sophiapb]

women can suffer a loss, no matter what stage of pregnancy they are in, don't take it for granted and please don't complain about any step of your pregnancy. That is something that irks me when I hear someone complain about how this hurts or that is uncomfortable. I want to tell them, stop complaining and be grateful you made it this far in your pregnancy.

This used to always be a sore spot with me. It took us 2 1/2 years to get pregnant the first time and I wanted to slap anyone who would dare complain about aches and pains since I would give my right arm to have those same aches and pains as long as a baby was involved. Well, two rough pregnancies later and I'm singing a different tune. I've felt so overwhelmed with the difficulties of this current pregnancy that I have cried more than once but then felt so guilty and afraid that I've tempted fate and I'll lose the pregnancy. I'm not wishing that I wasn't pregnant but I do envy those women who have easy, breezy pregnancies and pop out big healthy babies as if they were sneezing. Oh well, I'm thankful for what I have so bring on the nausea and carpal tunnel as long as I have a good end result on December 15 (FYI, we just scheduled our c/s for that date). Let's cross all crossable that everything goes well (oh please God, please!).

[Ericka_Jarett]

Sophia - guess I should have said those with easy pregnancies and got pregnant easy. I think you ladies know that my pregnancy with Easton was anything but easy. I complained at times about having the GD, about bedrest a lot. It took me 3 yrs to get pregnant w/ Rebekah, another 7 months to get pregnant w/ Easton. Feel it sucks that we have to suffer a loss before anything will be looked at differently in following pregnancies.

[jenahdawn]

Some people may not consider my pregnancy easy (severe back pains, swelling, bleeding/clots, headaches, and the not so ideal result) but I don't think it was bad. My thoughts, at least we know we could get pregnant. Some people have a difficult time with that. I also think I appreciated it and even the times that weren't so fun (severe heartburn, the bleeding/clots) I kept my mouth shut because it happened to us in the first place.

I do get irritated with people who have easier pregnancies and no problems getting pregnant and have children they can take home when they complain. (Legitimately difficult pregnancies, which I still don't consider mine, I can give some slack.)

[Kimmiebride]

I have to agree... it took us 3.5 years to get pregnant with Robert, and the pregnancy was easy up until the time we lost him, then it got really hard with all the blood clots and hospitalizations and worrying if I would survive. I really cringe when I hear someone complain about a pregnancy symptom. I have welcomed all of them, and am still terrified that something will go wrong, even though I try to keep the faith that this time we will bring home a healthy baby, and pray about it daily.

Another thing that pissed me off royally - my friend, who decided it was time to have a baby went through only 3 rounds of IUI and got pregnant at 41 (due two weeks after me) has made a couple of comments that made me so upset. She said at one of her ultrasounds that the baby was being so still, and joked about it being a dead baby. It took a couple of days of shock on my part, but I told her how incredibly hurtful and disrespectful it was for her to make light of something like that to which she replied, "that's just how I deal with things..." To which I replied, "well, then let me tell you how deeply it hurts that you continue to disrespect me... I know what it's like to have a dead baby, and you don't, and believe me, it's no laughing matter, and it is the worst pain that you can ever imagine!!" I think she might have had a lightbulb moment finally, and has stopped making comments like that around me. Unbelieveable... she's single, with no support, and I was going with her to her appointments (even her CVS, which about killed me after my amnio experience) when I could and really trying to be helpful, and that was how she treated me. I was not happy to say the least, and it has affected how I feel about our friendship. I used to call her every day, and now it's just sporadic. We continue to swap notes on pregnancy, but I have to say it has wounded me and I don't know if I will get over it.
Kimmie

[LDS Angel 19]

Kimme, I can't believe anyone would joke about something like that. That's really sad.

Quick update on us: I'll start my 100mg Clomid on Sunday. We had our support group last night and I was happy to find out that our local Walk To Remember is actually this Saturday, I thought we missed it last week. So we'll be going to that tomorrow.
What else... work is going good, I made it through Alli's due date ok... we're just kind of hanging in there I guess.

[jenahdawn]

Last night was our first support group meeting.

The looks on the peoples' faces when they walked in (we were the first ones there) was saddness. And then two more "new" people came in.

It was helpful. Lots of tears, lots of kleenex, lots of heartbreaking stories.

Then, today, (just now) I got a phone call from a couple who were undergrads when my husband was getting his masters. They just moved back to town and she found my name in the mothers of multiples directory and called me. I told her that we didn't have the desired results and she told me about her first two miscarriages and now they have 7 month old boys. And, surprisingly, it's not that hard to hear about now. She wants us to get together when we are ready and I told her it would be sooner than some others because 1, she's been through it and 2, she has boys, and 3, it's not babies that are getting me...yet...it's pregnant women. I am having a harder time with pregnant women (especially those still living in blissful ignorance...God, I wish I were still there) because that's what I knew.

[LDS Angel 19]

Jenah, I'm really glad the support group was helpful for you.

The walk on Saturday was pretty good. It was raining, but it fit the mood I guess. There was a balloon release and a rose ceremony and we brought home one of the most perfectly blooming white rosees I've ever seen. There were lots of people there, more than I expected.
I read a good book on loss over the weekend too, "Life Touches Life" by Lorriane Ash. Her daughter was stillborn at full term. It talked a lot about the strong bond she developed with her daughter during the pregnancy, and how she found ways to still develop it after the loss.

[Kimmiebride]

Oh, I love that book Michelle!! Someone sent it to me when I lost Robert, and it was the best one I received.

Jenah, glad the support is helping. You really sound good, even though I know there's still ups and downs. It was hardest on me to see pregnant women after my loss too... then babies became tough, especially ones that would remind me that my baby was "supposed" to be that age now.

Today I am 17w2d, and am in hot and muggy Florida. I am sooooo glad my mom's condo has a pool, and I have been there every morning! The baby loves it when I am in the pool. I think it's good that I am here and a bit distracted getting past the point in the pregnancy where I lost Robert. Our level II is the day after I get back. I know that will be wonderful and difficult all at the same time. That's where we got our first clue that Robert and the pregnancy were not going as we had expected. Then it all fell like a house of cards. I feel really good, though still tired/worn out from travelling and shooting the wedding when I first arrived. I am totally taking it easy for the rest of the trip, and have several books I want to read in the coming days.
Take care everyone!
Kimmie

[sophiapb]

Hey Jenah, I'm glad you found the support group helpful. We attended a group for about three months and found it to be a huge help. When you go through the loss of a child it's such an isolating thing. At our first group, we felt like we finally found a place where it was like "Oh, they totally know what we are going through!". All of the stories were heartbreaking but a couple of the people there went on to have more children and it was great to see that despite some extreme sadness, life does go on. It gave us hope that we wouldn't be sad and crying for the rest of our lives.

Hi LDS. I hope your hanging in there. Glad that the walk went well. We discussed going to one that was sponsored by our hospital support group but DH and I both would have felt weird showing up with a toddler and pregnant belly. I'm sure we were more concerned about it than the crowd would have been but I didn't want to hurt anyone. I ended up spending October 15 enjoying some beautiful weather on our back deck next to Alexander's lilac tree. It was a nice afternoon.

Hey Kimmie. Good luck on your level II. I know what you mean about the "house of cards". I had my 28 week u/s a couple of weeks ago and that was the one where we discovered the closed artery in Alexander's umbilical cord. I was sort of on pins and needles and kept telling myself that every pregnancy is different but it was still a major relief when the tech said everything looked with the doppler. Now my next milestone is the 36th week when Alexander stopped moving. I KNOW I'm going to be a mess that whole week and probably freaking out if I go more than five minutes without a kick. Ugh, I'm tired of these killer milestones. :rolleyes:

[Kimmiebride]

Hey Sophia,
the house of cards for us was that Robert had bilateral club feet, which could be isolated, or an indication of something worse wrong, and my membranes were totally unfused on the right side... the amnio, which he did carefully from the bottom left so he didn't have to go through those already precarious membranes ended up rupturing me anyway, and then I went into labor and delivered the next day. :( The milestones are harder than I ever thought... but we'll make it through this time!! I have faith that it will be ok for both of us!!
hugs,
Kimmie

[clzj]

Tomorrow is one year since the loss. We are going out to dinner and then going to have a nice warm fire in the wood burning stove. My mom has had Isaiah since Sunday and I go and get him on Saturday.

I think the hardest part of this pg will be getting past 36w3d. But i know that I will be in the office every week from 32 weeks on so that will help.

I have noticed that my hair is not as curly so I am getting straight hair. I hate it.

[sophiapb]

Hey Lynn. Thinking about you today. I hope you and hubby are doing as well as can be expected and doing some nice things to pamper and indulge yourselves.
How far along are you now with this current pregnancy? Everything going well, I hope?

[jenahdawn]

Thinking of you today, Lynn.

Hoping tomorrow won't be as hard of a day as I am sure today is.

(It's sad that we measure days in terms of hardness...)

[myangelsvw]

Hey, folks. Sorry I've been MIA for awhile. I was having a really tough time and feeling extremely anxious. So much so that I finally gave in and started the zoloft. It seems to be helping somewhat, but we're a little more than two weeks out from our milestone, so I'm still just taking it day by day. I'll probably continue to be a little quiet for awhile, but I think about you all.

jenah - First and foremost, I want to tell you that I hate that you had to join us. I was so very sorry to hear about Katie and Chloe. (Your daughters have beautiful names, by the way.) I think losing twins, and especially identicals, carries with it an extra layer of pain because of just how unusual they are. Or at least it did for me. To be blessed with something so special and then have it taken away, knowing that the chances of having another set was slim, was so very hard for us. I don't feel like I'm all that far along my own path of grief, so I'm not sure I have any particularly good advice other than to listen to yourself, give yourself as many breaks as possible, and take all the support you can get. I really recommend Empty Cradle, Broken Heart if you're ready to read something. And always know that we're here and thinking about you and your girls.

Lynn - I was thinking about you yesterday. Did you do anything special to remember your little one?

Michelle - Good luck with this round of clomid. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

sophia - Hope you're doing well.

And a big congrats to kimmie and goldeng on making it past their milestones. Hope you're both doing well, too.

[Lisa]

can you add me please! Thanks for the invite Jenny!


Me: 26
DH: 25
Married:6.28.02
Angel: Lauryn Grace 2.28.05-7.2.06
Cause of loss: RSV-but she has an underlining Possible genetic disorder/birth trama
Other children: DS:light of my life- Ethan 6.17.03 and how knows God willing another one soon!

[goldengbridge]

Hi Girls! We're finally home from the hospital- 2 months later! It feels so good to be home and Andrew is doing well.

I had my level II u/s last week and the baby looks healthy- thank GOD! I also had a fetal echo done and the heart looks perfect too! And the other news is that we're having a girl! We're very excited. This is going to sound weird but I was hoping for a girl because I feel like another boy would have been replacing Jacob. Someone said to me after they found out I was pg again that maybe we'd have another boy to make up for the one we lost. WTF? I couldn't beleive it. But maybe some people feel that way.

My OB told me that I should feel better now that I've passed 19 weeks. I was a total bitch to him. Yes in a sense I do feel better but as we all know nothing is garunteed. I won't feel better until this little girl is in my arms and I know she is healthy and alive.

I hope everyone is well.

Kimmie- is your level II coming up? Are you finding out the sex?

Jenah- Hugs to you. Sorry to hear about the loss of your precious girls.

[jennylou]

lynn - I hope yesterday was gentle on you.

Michelle - I'm crossing all my crossables for you this round.

sophia - you're getting so close, less than two months to go. :eek:

kimmie - lucky you enjoying a nice pool, it's cold here!

I do get irritated with people who have easier pregnancies and no problems getting pregnant and have children they can take home when they complain. (Legitimately difficult pregnancies, which I still don't consider mine, I can give some slack.)

I agree with this. Though, some last month complaining is allowed, as it is a bit tough.

ETA: You two snuck in on me!

mommy to E&L - welcome, as I told you in PM, I know it's not a thread that anyone wants to join, but it's a great group of ladies. I'll add ya later - N needs fed now!

golden - I'm glad that you had a good u/s. And w/b from the hospital!

[jenahdawn]

Myangelsvw, that is exactly how I feel. It's not that I'm mourning the loss of all of the three ring circus people create about twins, especially identicals. It's the chance that it's rare and won't happen again, and that it happened to US. (And thank you for the name compliments, I absolutely fell in love with Chloe when my husband mentioned it, and Katie is named after our grandmothers, so we've had her name for years)

Today's not such a hard day, but I am missing them terribly today. Just not bawling....but the day's not over.

[LDS Angel 19]

Thanks everyone, for all of the finger-crossing and cheering on. I'm going in for my follie check Wednesday. It's hard, but I'm a tad more hopeful due to the hot flashes I was having yesterday, so I do feel like that something is going on, but who knows... we'll see I guess.

Kimmie Are you back yet? Hope you had/are having a great time.

Lynn I hope the day was gentle on you.

myangelsvw Don't feel bad about being a little MIA, we understand how it is. I hope the Zoloft is helpful.

Mommy to E&L, I'm sorry you had to join us, but also glad that you did. I hope we can offer you support. Our girls share the same middle name. :)

golden Congrats on your girl! I think your feelings about having the opposite gender are totally normal, I'm sort of hoping for a boy for us next time.

[jenahdawn]

Oh, I'm hoping for more girls. Not to replace the ones I have (and I think I will smack anyone who says that) but because I never realized how much I wanted little girls until I lost mine.

[myangelsvw]

Mommy to E&L - Just wanted to pop back in and say hi to you. I'm so sorry to hear about Lauryn. I can only imagine how hard it must be to lose your daughter after you've had so long to get to know her. The time we get with our kids is never enough, is it?

[Lisa]

Mommy to E&L - Just wanted to pop back in and say hi to you. I'm so sorry to hear about Lauryn. I can only imagine how hard it must be to lose your daughter after you've had so long to get to know her. The time we get with our kids is never enough, is it?

Its me Mommy to E&L I switched my name..
Anyways no you never get enough time with them but we were so blessed to have the time we had with her. She was amazing and she showed me so much. Thats in it self makes me feel blessed to have her.
FYI My daughter had seizures from almost 3 months on and was sick so knowing she is with the Lord is so much comfort. No more seizures or anything else she had to go through and it was a lot for a baby/toddler.
Thank you for the welcome. I feel at home!

[jenahdawn]

Copied and pasted from my LJ:

All of my tests have come back normal. And now they are thinking the pain I had in the emergency room the Saturday after (coupled with the fact that my liver enzymes are normal) was that I passed a gall stone. K.....

And, apparantly genetic testing was done. They only had results back on one of the girls (no, I don't know who), and all it said was that she was a girl and nothing was wrong with her.

He expects the results on the other twin will come back the same.

This bothers me. It's two sided.....this means there was no reason it happened. Good, because it may not happen again. Bad, because there's nothing stopping it from happening again. I need some positives and reassurance here.

I have an appt with him Dec 1 again. He's concerned that my eating habits aren't even close to normal and about my sleeping patterns. He wants to make sure, in a month, it's a little better, not worse. He also would like to see us after the holidays to see how we both are doing, and at least once more (MY request) before we can start again, he thinks it's a good idea.

Have an appt in 2 weeks with the family doc, she wants to make sure the same thing. (eating, sleeping)

Saw the psychologist today. It was much better. I think it will be better if Matt and I meet with her separately sometimes but still see her together sometimes. She's not worried or concerned about me at all. Of course, we haven't talked food or much about sleep, either.....

Oh, and I'm down another two pounds. (No, I'm not happy about it, I shouldn't be losing weight this way.)

~~~~~~~~~

Monday was an EXTREMELY bad day. One of the worst yet.

[Lisa]

This bothers me. It's two sided.....this means there was no reason it happened. Good, because it may not happen again. Bad, because there's nothing stopping it from happening again. I need some positives and reassurance here.



I know the feeling. They have thought my DD had a genetic disorder everything and I mean everything from spinal taps to muscle tests were negative. Its so hard because we have no idea if it was a genetic disorder or birth trauma which means there is NoTHING we can do. So we decided to just trust God , He's really the only one who really knows and Its so exhausting trying to figure it all out. We have decided to TTC and its a little scary but I feel this is something we NEED to do. Jen You will know and have a peace,

On a side note today is 4 months since my little angel left. Somedays its so hard to believe its been that long and then again it feels like so much longer than 4 months. We miss her terribly but I know she finally at peace.
I really enjoy this group thanks for having me!

[Astro]

Copied and pasted from my LJ:

And, apparantly genetic testing was done. They only had results back on one of the girls (no, I don't know who), and all it said was that she was a girl and nothing was wrong with her.

He expects the results on the other twin will come back the same.

This bothers me. It's two sided.....this means there was no reason it happened. Good, because it may not happen again. Bad, because there's nothing stopping it from happening again. I need some positives and reassurance here.



Jenah - I wish there was something I could say to reassure you. All I can say is my DH and I are in the same boat. We lost our boys at 16 weeks 1 day, and all tests came back as normal. The Dr's think we might have lost them due to a clot, but that test came back normal. They still think that might have been it. Or it could be because I bled a lot in the first trimester. Basically the Dr's don't know and we don't know. What we do know is we did everything while we were pregnant. And in future pregnancies, we'll do everything we can to protect those as well. I hope future pregnancies for you go smoothly.

[clzj]

Does any one know if it is safe to take anti-depressents while pg? I am thinking about going to talk to my doctor about maybe going on them so that I can relax and not let things bother me so that I can keep my husband. I do let the small stuff just go away. I keep it and harp on it. If I don't change it I will not have a husband for this babky that comes in 28w.

[jennylou]

clzj - do talk to your OB. My understanding (from reading these boards) is that certain anti-depressents are okay.

[jenahdawn]

That's one of the biggest reasons I don't want to go on them.

Tomorrow's our memorial for our girls.

[Lisa]

JenI'm praying for you and your family. God Bless your little girls

[jennylou]

Jenah - I hope today is a gentle day on you.

[LDS Angel 19]

I've been thinking about some drugs for myself for a long time, but I sort of feel like at this point I "shouldn't" need them.

Jenah, I'm thinking of you today. I hope everything goes smoothly.

[Kimmiebride]

Jenah sending warm sweet thoughts of your girls today and hoping you get through it ok.

clzj - Re: drugs... they gave me prozac, but I never took them. I think it's a really good idea to talk to your doc though because you don't want to push away your DH at the time you need him most. It's so hard because we all grieve so differently, and we all experience anxiety, especially when pregnant again after a loss. Michelle, you have been through Allison's death and subsequent miscarriage... you can take any relief you think is necessary, not that you need my permission... Everyone deserves to feel better, and if you want to lean on meds for a while, there's no shame in it.

I had a freak out moment this morning when I just kept feeling tightening down low... we went to the ER, and all is fine - cervix is still long and closed, and baby is doing fine and is still quite active. Whew! Better safe than sorry I always say... It did NOT feel good to be in that room in the ER again, and my anxiety level was pretty awful. I feel much better now knowing things are probably just fine.
Take care ladies,
Kimmie

[Lisa]

Jenhope it was an easy day.

KimmieGlad to hear everything is okay!!I hate Er's too!

I thought I tell you all that I just found out I'm pregnant. I'm due July 12, 10 days after Lo's 1 year anniversary. I'm exciting but at the same time I'm so scared, after lossing Lauryn. But then again I think its a new beginning for all of us. I'm praying for a healthy, healthy baby! We are probably no going to tell family for a while. maybe Christmas

[LDS Angel 19]

Just realized I never reported back after my follie check... I had one follie that she said "might" ovulate. So, one is better than none, but I'm not extremely hopeful. I go back for bloodwork on the 14th.

Kimmie, thanks, I think I needed that. Sorry about your ER trip, I can hardly think of how scary that must have been.

Lisa Congrats! I'll be praying for you. What a great Chirstmas present. :)

[Kimmiebride]

Michelle, all it takes is one, right? I hope this is it for you!

Lisa, That's great news! I think Miss Lauren had something to do with that... she wants you to have something joyous in July in addition to remembering the day she went back home. I hope this pregnancy will be an easy and healthy one for you and for your newest little one!
Kimmie

[Lisa]

Lisa, That's great news! I think Miss Lauren had something to do with that... she wants you to have something joyous in July in addition to remembering the day she went back home. I hope this pregnancy will be an easy and healthy one for you and for your newest little one!
Kimmie

Thanks I think its totally God blessing us because the last four months I have hated July! I guess this changes my mind. I just want a healthy baby bit I feel like maybe its a girl :)

[jenahdawn]

Oh, LISA! I agree....Lauryn decided, "I don't want mommy and daddy hating July anymore...."

I posted this on the SHARE/Families who have lost children board about the memorial:

We had 36 people here to say goodbye and celebrate our angels. Even our OB came. (According to my mother, he told her he wanted to stay in the area because he wanted to meet the rest of our children, too!)

My brother spoke, then three friends/family read poetry. Then we had someone hand us each a pink balloon, one blue one to a friend who lost her son, and one white to a friend who miscarried back in May. The four of us released the balloons and it felt....good. It was a physical release.

Then all of my friends around here presented us with a stepping stone and a certificate for a brick that will be placed in the local botanical gardens next May that will say "In Memory of Katie & Chloe"

One of my husband's old college roommates (who we never got ahold of while pregnant) came and I completely lost it.

Now everyone is gone today, including my husband, for business. He'll be back Wednesday. A friend is staying until Weds because he's here for work. (But he's gone at the moment)

I feel so alone, but I have confidence that I WILL be okay...it's just going to take a lot more time. I will never get OVER them or "through" this, but I WILL be able to move on. And it emphasized even more how much I want to bring at least two more healthy children into this world. At LEAST....

We've even picked out a name for another daughter...someday.

Yesterday was hard and not hard all at once. And today is a little easier.

If any of you were wondering, "Should we do some kind of memorial?" YES! And, remember, it's not just for you, there are others who need it as closure.....we need it to see that others care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, I just wanted to say that yesterday was amazing. Everyone who came, everything done for us and our girls and....I can't even describe how wonderful everyone was.

[Kimmiebride]

Oh Jenah, I am so glad you had such a beautiful day!! The balloons are a wonderful ritual, and so kind of you to include others who have experienced a loss in addition to ones for your girls. This says volumes about the kind of people you are, and what great parents you are already, and will be to your future children as well!!

I can't help but be in awe of the amazing women (and their darling men) that we have in this thread. The courage, compassion, love and faith is so amazing to me, and I am so glad to "know" you all!
big hugs,
Kimmie

[myangelsvw]

Lynn - My OB was actually the one to recommend meds for my anxiety. He referred me to a doc who specializes in mental health for women who are pregnant, and she prescribed zoloft. She cited several studies that indicate it's more dangerous to *not* treat with meds than to do so. There can be some impact on newborns, but longitudinal studies seem to show no long term impact. That said, I may try to wean myself off the zoloft once I get further along because it can slow lung development in the third trimester, which is a bigger concern with twins due to their chances of coming early. Good luck deciding what to do. This is a hard, hard time.

Lisa - Many, many congratulations. I know July will always hold sadness for you, but how wonderful that you'll now have a little joy to help balance it out. Here's to a smooth pregnancy and a healthy babe next summer!

Jenah - I read your post about Katie and Chole's memorial service, and it sounds like it was a really meaningful experience. I'm glad you had so many people there to remember your daughters. I think it helps make the girls more real for anyone who wasn't able to see/hold them, which is so important going forward. (As I'm finding out in retrospect. Having a memorial is one of the two or three things I'd do differently if I could.) Anyway, I think you're doing a great job building memories to hold onto in the future. They aren't the memories you should have, of course, but it's good to have some positive ones in addition to the hard ones.

Kimmie - Sorry to hear about your scare, but I'm so very glad everything is ok. I've been getting the tightening, too, and it scares me every time.

Michelle - Oh, sweetie, don't worry about how you should or shouldn't be. You're not only dealing with your loss, but you're also dealing with IF now. Either one of those is hard enough to deal with on its own. Put them together and it's lethal. Several of us in this thread can totally understand. And the way I look at meds is as a resource that you can decide to use or not, depending on the situation. In the past, I've always managed any depression with exercise/travel/etc. But those things aren't really available to me now, so I'm taking advantage of a different resource to help me through. I know you're a little short on support in your life right now, and it's hard to generate more when you're in such a tough spot. So maybe you just look at the meds as a way to smooth things out a bit so that you can work at putting in place other resources that'll replace the meds in time.

astro - Hi! Still hoping for that snow storm next month. ;)

goldeng - Glad to that Andrew is home at last AND that your level II looked good. Congratulations on your little girl.

As for me, one week until the point where I gave birth last time. I'm hanging in there, but it's tough. It's reminding me of the boys, and how much I miss them, so very much.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Hi ladies,

I have been reading along even if I don't post much anymore.

Getting things together for the upcoming holidays and figuring out the trips we are taking next month. I really have to get to the cemetary, I haven't been since before I had Easton, I feel so bad. Had to believe it's a year and a half already since I had Rebekah, time sure is flying. For me so far the holidays have been ok. Since I made it through a whole year of them and now having Easton, the pain isn't as bad. I thank God for Easton every day, he is such a blessing and joy, can't imagine life without him. Seeing him let's me know what Rebekah would look like at his age, so it feels like she is still here in a way. Been getting that same ?, is this your first. I won't say it's easy to say but instead of going into the story I end up saying yes. I think of her often though. I picture her with her grandpa (my dad) sitting up in Heaven smiling down at Easton as my dad bounces Rebekah on his knee like he always wanted to be able to do with his grandkids. It makes me tear up just thinking about that. Often think of what my dad would think of Easton, if only I had the chance to get to ask him, I know one day I will. I just miss him and Rebekah so much.

Well now to dry tears.

God Bless all of you. Thank you so much for your support these last 18 months, it means so much. I am praying for all of you that are pregnant or want to be again that you get a huge blessing. Those of us that got bessed again, keeping these little ones in prayer.

I will try to come in more often now that things are settling more here.

[sophiapb]

Been getting that same ?, is this your first.

I just say "This is my second pregnancy". I've learned that if someone asks about other children and I answer with a pregnancy reference, they sort of get the hint to leave it at that.

I'm still hanging in here, battling gestational diabetes and returned morning sickness. Thankfully, it does appear to be MORNING sickness since it's usually gone by early afternoon. Wednesday is my last day at work so I'm counting down to when I can sleep in and not deal with a commute. Back to clearing off my desk. :)

[LDS Angel 19]

jenah, I'm so so so glad your memorial went so well. Hope you're doing alright.

myangelsvw thank you for your words, I really appreciate it. I'll be thinking of your as your milestone approches.

Ericka, Nice to see you. Thank you for your prayers. I think often of Rebekah and Allison playing together in heaven. I believe they are great friends. :)

Sophia, Good to hear from you, too. You're getting so close!


Not much going on with me. I've sort of been in the 2ww I guess, even though I'm not 100% sure I O'd. I'll find out on Monday.

[goldengbridge]

Did anyone see Greys Anatomy last night? It was about a woman who came in because she was pg and she fell and broke her wrist in the shower. Addison did a u/s and the baby was dead. The woman was pretty far along. They showed her delivering the baby. Needless to say I balled and then had nightmares all night long. Its on again tonight.

[LDS Angel 19]

:eek::( I ment to watch Greys but DH and I ended up having to run out to the store... now maybe I'm glad I missed it...

[Lisa]

Did anyone see Greys Anatomy last night? It was about a woman who came in because she was pg and she fell and broke her wrist in the shower. Addison did a u/s and the baby was dead. The woman was pretty far along. They showed her delivering the baby. Needless to say I balled and then had nightmares all night long. Its on again tonight.

I was bummed my DH watch deal or no deal last night but after reading this I'm so glad I missed Grey's I be a mess!!

[sophiapb]

Did anyone see Greys Anatomy last night? It was about a woman who came in because she was pg and she fell and broke her wrist in the shower. Addison did a u/s and the baby was dead. The woman was pretty far along.

Oh. My. God. :eek: My stomach did a flip when I read that. A woman in my December group slipped on the way to her car and landed on her stomach. She went to the hospital, was monitored for 24 hours and everything is fine but my blood ran cold when I saw her post. I am the most careful person when it comes to walking, not to mention stairs. It takes me twice as long to go up and down a flight of stairs (breathlessness aside) but I'm not taking any chances.

[jennylou]

Ugh, Grey's was horrible. :( I didn't even see the whole episode (am in Arizona where everything is on an hour earlier!) but saw the part where she had the baby. Very sad. :(

[amygrrl]

yup... saw grey's. you'd think they could put a warning at the beginning or something.

[jenahdawn]

yup... saw grey's. you'd think they could put a warning at the beginning or something.

I agree (for tv purposes) but I don't. (Because none of us had warnings.)

I'm glad I never got into that show. I'm having a hard enough time debating watching CSI next week where (adult) identical twin girls are victims.

[clzj]

I forgot to tell you all that I had my 12 week checkup at 13 weeks and the dr said that a repeat cord accident is very unlikely. Yeah for me.

[sophiapb]

Hey Lynn. That's exactly what I tell myself everyday. I figure I've bit the bullet once so it's very unlikely that the same thing will happen again. Of course, that doesn't keep me from freaking out if I go more than a few hours without movement but it's kept me off the ledge more than a few times. ;)

Wednesday was my last day at work and my blood sugar numbers have dropped significantly. I figured it was from sleeping in later so my body is better able to process the sugar but my doctor said it's more likely because a source of stress has been eliminated from my life. Interesting!

Pregnancy is progressing well so far. I am taking it day by day and keep thinking I can't get any bigger but I do! The aches and pains are a constant but they vary in intensity daily and I know it won't be much longer. We are getting closer to the 36th week when we lost Alexander and I do have mild little moments of panic. However, all u/s and exams have been great and everything is moving along so there is no reason to worry other than fear of history repeating itself (which WON'T happen). Okay, gotta go talk myself off the ledge. :o

Oh, by the way, I am now TOTALLY paranoid about slipping in the shower. Stupid Grey's Anatomy!

[LDS Angel 19]

Sophia Yay for being done with work! Hope you can use the time to get some rest.



Well ladies, I have news.

The 100mg Clomid worked, I actually O'd.
I tested last thursday and got a BFP.
I had a blood draw this morning and my beta is 418.
(which is twice as high as it ever got with my m/c this summer.)
I'm very cautiously optimistic.
My EDD will be at the end of July.

prayers would be appreciated.

[Lisa]

LDS angel I'll be praying and when you are ready, Please join us in the July mommies thread. We love to have you! God bless!

[Kimmiebride]

Michelle, prayers are ongoing!!! So happy for you and your DH!!!!!
Yippeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Lynn, glad to hear things are going well, and you might get to worry less, and yay for sophia being done with work!! We can't wait to see baby pics!!
Kimmie

[goldengbridge]

Michelle- Congrats! I will definately keep you and the little one in my prayers!

Kimmie- Did you find out the sex of your little one?

I can't beleive i'm 24 weeks ago. This pg is flying by. I'm reading a book called "Trying again after a loss" and I'm liking it so far. I would definately recommend it. I had a rough week last week when I realized I needed to buy Jacob a grave blanket soon. It just sent me over the edge. I'm doing better now. It was really bad in the beginning of the pg when she wasn't moving yet but everytime I feel her move now I just thank God that shes alive.

I'm worried about the holidays. Does anyone have any advice on how to survive the first holiday or any holiday at that?