Late Term Loss, Stillbirth, Infant Loss and Toddler Loss support group

[jennylou]

jenah - the first year is so hard. All the milestones. But, how do you get through them? You just sort of muddle through them. Sometimes gracefully, and sometimes not. ;) That's all part of the process. You've made it through milestones already, Christmas and New Year's are big ones. Doing stuff for yourself (couples massage) will hopefully help. I hope it's gentle on you and that your group meeting will also be helpful to you.

ETA - it took me a while to post that response, but I see that Astro, Ericka and I all basically said the same thing.

[clzj]

Just thought I will post how my Level 2 ultrasound went. I had my Level 2 U/s andeverything looks good. The doctor was very compassionate about the loss. We are measuring right on target. He does want a growth ultrasound done again in about weeks. I will know more when I go for my 24w appointment in a few weeks.

I know that in 14weeks, I will probably be a basket case. I will be at the same point as the loss. We will get through it.

Just so you know girls. You all arewonderful and supportive.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Glad to hear everything went well clzj. Don't worry you will get through it and be bringing home a healthy, perfect baby. Will be thinking of you and the little one.

[ali_ohli]

Sometimes gracefully, and sometimes not.

Amen to this. I've already learned about the "not" a couple of times.

I had an HSG yesterday to check out the "architecture" of my uterus. Everything looked normal, save for a small polyp that my OB says not to worry about. So, that ends the "rule everything out" phase -- still no new information. I guess I'm just going to have to get used to not knowing why this happened. My OB is fine with us trying again as soon as we'd like, obstetrically speaking. He urged me to consider carefully whether we're emotionally ready. And he gave me the number for the MFM team, with whom I'll be scheduling a consultatation soon. At least it'll feel good to have a "plan" in place for the next pregnancy -- though of course, the best-laid plans...

clzj you're in my thoughts, lady. Hang in there. I can't imagine how stressful it must be, but you're doing great!!

jenah I'm sorry you had a rough few days. I hope the couples massage was relaxing -- sounds SO nice!

[LDS Angel 19]

ali I'm sorry you didn't get any answers. I'm finally pretty used to the not knowing part, and I wonder if I did have medical answers if that would even be good enough.

As for me, doing just fine, physically that is. Just having a rough day worry-wise. I have to say, all you ladies with rainbow babies are a huge inspiration to me. I am starting to say "Well, if they can do it, I think I can too." :)

[Lisa]

ali I'm finally pretty used to the not knowing part, and I wonder if I did have medical answers if that would even be good enough.



Thats what I'm trying to get to. I dont know if we would ever know but I dont think even if I did know I still be a basket case!

I bought a butterfly cake pan today. On Lauryns b-day next month I'm making a pink cake for her and then I thought it needs to be her favorite...butterflies! I miss her so much. I know this baby will be a little bit of her!

[jennylou]

Lisa - I think it's great that you are going to make Lauryn a butterfly cake. We did an angel food cake with fresh strawberry topping last year, which I think I'm going to do every year for Andrew's birthday.

Michelle - I so remember the worry. Some days were sooooo long. If you read my lj, I talk about my near panic attacks at the end of my pregnancy.

ali - I'm glad the HSG came back okay. Now we know that you're okay to start trying again. My OB wanted to make sure that I was okay too, but in the end, I'm glad that I didn't wait. I know for some people they need to wait, but for us, we needed that plan. We had the extra joy of having to use clomid, so we knew it could take a while to get pregnant again. In the end, it took us five cycle to get pregnant with N. I think it worked out well, it was nearly six months after Andrew died that we got our BFP. And, no, I wasn't emotionally healed, but frankly, I will never be emotionally healed from losing him.

clzj - yay for a good ultrasound!

chocolate truffle - thank you for weighing in, please come back more often!

Astro - how are you doing? Are you journalling anywhere?

goldengbridge - how are you feeling?

spellbound - hi there, how are you doing?

sully - I'm glad you're able to offer advice on PROM and stuff like that. :)

Everything here is going well. Little miss Nora is doing well - she's growing like a weed. I think that we are going to keep her on the monitor (only at night) until after our cruise. We have a WBV (that's nearly a month late) in early March, and I think we'll give it up then. I'm so scared to make that leap.

[clzj]

For all of you with Rainbow babies. When did you start washing the items that you have for the pending baby. We are 16 weeks away from the rainbow baby and I wanted to know when you started to prepare the room for the baby. When I lost the angel baby I had just washed everything. So I am kind of afraid to wash the gender nuteral stuff because of this. I guess I could have a friend wash it for me.

[jennylou]

clzj - I only washed things that just need refreshing from the first baby. Everything else kept it's tag on.

[Kimmiebride]

clzj, I never washed the stuff the first time, and this time I am having a block about doing it too... I finally bought the Dreft, and have things sorted, but I am waiting to wash too, even used stuff I got from friends. I can totally relate to what you're feeling!! We have the crib in the garage, the changing pad, some other goodies from friends, and I just can't bring it up yet. I am not setting the room up until after baby comes home, partially because I am scared, and partially because baby will sleep with us in our room for at least 6 months. My shower is tomorrow, and I know I will have tons more baby stuff to bring in, and am hoping it will be gentle on me. I have a shopping bag of Robert's stuff in my office that I look at often. There are some clothes in there, and I kept wondering if I should save them for him (they are gender neutral) or have new baby wear them and celebrate my little guy each time, since he never got to enjoy his presents. I am so on the fence, but leaning toward using the clothes to celebrate his memory. They seem so cute to keep folded up in a sad shopping bag...
Kimmie

[LDS Angel 19]

clzj, I have a shopping bag of Robert's stuff in my office that I look at often. There are some clothes in there, and I kept wondering if I should save them for him (they are gender neutral) or have new baby wear them and celebrate my little guy each time, since he never got to enjoy his presents. I am so on the fence, but leaning toward using the clothes to celebrate his memory. They seem so cute to keep folded up in a sad shopping bag...
Kimmie

We didn't have a lot of things for Alli, but we did have several outfits. I picked the one that was most special, (the very first one that we bought) and keep it in her memory box. The rest will be used for rainbow babies.

[Ericka_Jarett]

I have all Rebekah's clothes packed up in a tote along with other girl items I have from diaper cakes, keeping them for my baby girl, should the Lord bless us with another daughter. Any gender neutral things I have I pulled while pregnant and kept in a different tote for Easton.

I personally will use any of the clothes I have for another daughter, be a nice reminder of our Rebekah. While pregnant with Easton I didn't wash anything until about 32 weeks, when pregnant with Rebekah, I started to wash thing the things the weekend I lost Rebekah (she was born on Monday) When got released, my DH re-ran the washer (stuff was in the washer already), I moved the things to the dryer and my mom surprised me by having it all folded for me.

[amygrrl]

with avery, there was one dress we had her cremated in and one dress that i kept for a future little girl.. it was actually an adorable little wool dress sized 2T... the only bigger item i had purchased... and i can't believe malin might be big enough to wear it in less than a year. we had lots of other clothes, most of which we returned. a few we donated. we really felt like they were *avery's* clothes and couldn't imagine another baby in them. the nursery stuff had all been ordered and was to be delivered in the next week or 2... we called and cancelled all of those orders. i kept 1 blanket i had bought her, which i cried on every day... and still use to wipe my tear when i'm crying about avery. i told dh that i was never going to wash that blanket b/c it had almost every tear i had shed for her so i felt like it was a physical manifistation of all my grief. like i could actually hold and touch and feel my grief.

[Kimmiebride]

Amy, the blanket story is so touching!

My shower was actually really fun! I got a little misty eyed during the gift part, but managed to make it through with flying colors. People were so kind and generous, and it warmed my heart to be able to share this day with them! I need a nap in the worst way though...
zzzzz,
Kimmie

[sophiapb]

Just a quick drive by. I rarely have time for posting but I do come in and read through all the new posts. Concerning washing clothes, I finally sucked it up and did it around 32 weeks. I seemed to have an issue getting my hospital bag together as well. I was working on it for a couple of months and finally put in the last few things the day before my water broke. I guess I just didn't think it would actually happen. Stupid really. Good news or bad, I would have needed to be in the hospital!
As for passing on clothing, Alexa was wearing Alexander's clothes whenever there was a poop or spitup explosion and I didn't have clean laundry. Elise and Corinne have already worn several blue and sport themed outfits. Part of me questions whether I'm subconciously wishing they were boys but the practical part of me just wants to get some use out of the clothes.

I have to say, all you ladies with rainbow babies are a huge inspiration to me. I am starting to say "Well, if they can do it, I think I can too."
LDS, I can't tell you how many times Jenny and Ericka unknowingly get me off a ledge by going on to have rainbow babies!

Gotta go. Being called!

[ali_ohli]

LDS, I can't tell you how many times Jenny and Ericka unknowingly get me off a ledge by going on to have rainbow babies!

It's so true. I'm so happy for all of you with rainbow babies and it makes me so hopeful. No matter what reassuring things my doctor says, it's you guys who give me the courage to try again. I've said it before and will say it again: thank you all for sharing your stories!

On the topic of baby clothing, I wonder, is it strange I never really bought anything for my daughter? No matter how many times I told myself I was "safe" after the first trimester, I always had a strange sense of dread about my pregnancy -- I think I kept from buying her anything because of it. Well, that's not entirely true; we did splurge on a beautiful antique dresser for her room the weekend before my first hospital stay. Right now it's holding all my maternity clothes, pregnancy books and her memory box. It's pale pink on the inside, so if our next child (God willing) is a boy, he'll just have to deal!

[Ericka_Jarett]

ali - don't feel bad about not getting her clothes. The 1st set of clothing I bought from someone when I was still on WC. The only dress I had for her, DH bought and gave me as part of my b-day present. (I had Rebekah 6 days after my b-day)

[jeggink]

Ali I bought one little pink outfit and that was it and it was mostly to keep up the hope in my mind. Other than that, we did not buy Kayla anything. But we knew at 11.5 weeks already that something may be wrong. Glad you HSG was normal.

I am encouraged as well to see so many of you with rainbow babies. At this point I can't even comprehend being pg again. Right now I am entering my fertile stage and DTD is just about impossible as my brain just keeps saying, I don't want to get pg again right now. I am terrified and that is somewhat of an understatement of how I feel. But it hasn't been that long, coming up close to 2 months now and those Mondays are still quite difficult. Maybe eventually we can think about it again. I was hoping 6 months and maybe trying again in the summer, but I am not sure I will be ready by then. I guess time will tell. I do have Joseph and part of me is wondering if he is enough and maybe we shouldn't try anymore, or maybe just once more and if it's a m/c again, then that is it. So many thoughts.....

[goldengbridge]

I'm 33 weeks today and I just started washing clothes about a week and half ago. Thats partly because I've been scared (which I still am) and partly because we were in the hospital with Andrew for two months so I had other things on my mind.

The NSTs are going ok. My fluid was back up on Friday to the highest its been so I'm happy about that. DH painted her room this weekend so things are definately getting real. She'll be here in about 5 weeks. I'm just ready for it to be over so I can hold her and know she's ok.

[Kimmiebride]

I only bought one thing... a bear costume at Old Navy on sale when I was visiting my friend in Minnesota. I couldn't resist how cute it was. The other couple of outfits were gifts. I never started cleaning up my office, which will be the nursery, and I had just registered for some gear, but really only purchased some hand me down stuff from my friend, who graciously sold it to someone else after we lost Robert, and I couldn't bear to have anything here. She still had the crib and much of the stuff in her garage, and came and got the stuff I had picked up already that was in my garage. I didn't noticie it until I noticed how different this pregnancy was. I have looked and shopped and bought a few things, and now that the shower is over, I am going to get the car seat, stroller, and some other big stuff soon. I am still scared of course, but I think I finally feel like I might be on the home stretch.

GGbridge! Glad to hear fluid levels are back to normal, and 5 weeks is all you have left!!

Jeggink, sorry to hear that it's still so very hard on you. Just wait it out, and take it easy.

Ali ohli, all of the women here have been my rock too! I truly don't think I could have survived this as well as I have without each of you!
big hugs for my girls and the rainbows, and the rainbows to come!!
Kimmie

[Sully130]

Ali - I had not bought much for my daughter either. I think I had one little dress and it's still in my hope chest, with the tags still on. Actually when I bought that I bought a little boy outfit (b/c I didn't know her sex before she was born) and I did get that out months ago and gave it to my son. It actually gave me a strange comfort passing it on to him. But yeah, like you, I had a strange sense of dread, or that something was wrong, from the start of the pregnancy. I think in a way it was God's way of preparing me for the heartache that was to come because I never had that feeling when I became pregnant with my son.

Amy - Your story about the blanket is so very touching. It brought tears to my eyes. What a sweet, sweet (in a bittersweet kind of way) way to remember your precious little Avery.

Goldeng - Glad to hear your fluid level is back up! And oh, man, NSTs! I've had my fair share of those too and your talk of them brought back the memories. :)

Washing clothes - I waited a long, long time. And when I did, I think I only washed newborn sizes first...then when the time came for the next size, I'd wash them all as needed. Still I don't wash things until he's ready to wear them. It's irrational, but in the back of my head, I always have this strange fear.

~~~

My little boy just turned nine months. It's hard to believe. In a few months it will be two years since my precious little girl came and left me. This time last year I was pregnant with him (and halfway through my crazy 20 weeks of bedrest), and the year before at this time I was pregnant with her, blissfully unaware of the sorrow that was to come. Sometimes I just look at him and cry because I am just so thankful for him. I must say that is one thing that came of my daughter's death...I cherish my son so much more than I think I would have had I not known the pain of losing a child. Anyway, hugs and love to all of you.

[ali_ohli]

I had a strange sense of dread, or that something was wrong, from the start of the pregnancy. I think in a way it was God's way of preparing me for the heartache that was to come because I never had that feeling when I became pregnant with my son.

Wow? Isn't that interesting? I really did have a bad feeling about my pregnancy all along, but I don't have anything to compare it to. I can honestly say I never totally believed I would be bringing her home one day. I hate to admit that, but it's the truth.

[jennylou]

Wow? Isn't that interesting? I really did have a bad feeling about my pregnancy all along, but I don't have anything to compare it to. I can honestly say I never totally believed I would be bringing her home one day. I hate to admit that, but it's the truth.

It was the same for me. I had a sense of impending doom at each and every appt I went to. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

[ali_ohli]

Jenny, did you feel any differently with Nora?

[jennylou]

Yeah, I had my moments of freak outs, but in general I had this sense of calm and peace over me - it was really different.

[sophiapb]

I had no "out of the ordinary" concerns with my first pregnancy until the week before we lost Alexander. With this pregnancy, I kept waiting for something to happen, thus the lying about it being twins. I am still amazed that everything went well although I still hover over them at night for fear of SIDS. :(

[jennylou]

sophia - people probably think I'm nuts. I am constantly checking on her breathing, driving down the road, especially. People that know about our loss probably don't think I'm crazy.

[jenahdawn]

Strange....I always said, "If we get to bring them home..." Not that I didn't want both of them at home, but I just had a feeling...

I'm glad I'm not the only one.

[jeggink]

Not me, I was oblivious. I was just so happy to make it past 8.5 weeks because of the 2 m/c.

[chocolate_truffle]

Hi Ladies,

I'm trying to get back into posting -- such is the life of a reformed lurker ;) -- so I thought I'd stop by and say hello. Hello! And while I'm here, I might as well add my two cents to the conversation.

Jennylou -- Thanks for welcoming me back!

About washing baby clothes -- I didn't wash anything beforehand during either of my pregnancies. I'm just too superstitious. So, Brynna came home in an unwashed romper and Sabrina will be wearing an unwashed sleeper for all of eternity. :)

As to the topic of feelings -- I'm a big believer in instinct and intuition. I think it's God's way of speaking to us.

My first pregnancy was fraught with one health problem after another -- I found out I was pregnant in the emergency room and it was downhill from there -- so I always had a nagging suspicion in the back of my mind that things weren't going to go well. Of course, I had no idea just how bad things were going to get. Because I didn't want to jinx anything, I announced the pregnancy to my parents and a few close friends at the end of the first trimester and I waited to tell work and the rest of the family after the 20-week ultrasound. Yeah, like that made any difference. Towards the end of the pregnancy, I even had nightmares that we wouldn't be bringing Sabrina home, but I wrote it off as anxiety, hormones, and general pregnancy paranoia.

When I became pregnant with Brynna, I decided to trust my gut and take no chances. The pregnancy was perfectly normal and I felt really good about it all along, until one night when I didn't feel her bouncing around as much as usual. It frightened me, so I went to the doctor the next morning for an impromptu NST. They confirmed she wasn't her usual boisterous self, so we decided to do the c-secion that day, instead of waiting another week for when it was scheduled. My doctors were very good about trusting my judgment and honoring my wishes, and we had a great outcome -- she's as healthy as a horse and she'll be 18 months old next week.

Jen, Kimmie, Lynn, and Lisa --Besides the NSTs every other day, the one thing that kept me sane during my subsequent pregnancy was having other projects to distract me. For example, I decided it was a great time to repaint the front door, the shutters, and three rooms in my house -- can you say nervous energy? My parents were even worse -- Dad came over and repainted my fence and Mom remodeled their entire kitchen. My family firmly believes you can impose order on chaos through home improvement projects. You should see the things my uncle does to his house to deal with stress -- he has a beautiful cedar-lined closet and a wine cellar under the stairs. :p

Sophia -- Congrats on your twin girls! I'm sure Alexa enjoys being a big sister.

And, I wanted to say hello to ali_ohli, jeggink, jenahdawn, and spellbound. I remember how hard the first year is, but I promise it does get easier. The pain never goes away entirely, but it will diminish with time.

It's been good chatting with you ladies. I'll try to be better about checking in with you gals.

[jenahdawn]

I was having an okay day....went and got a massage...found out the girl is her parents' Rainbow Baby, so we talked about it.

Got home, feeling....dare I say?...good. Got the mail....big box from Similac....

Emailed our Support Group leader and asked how to stop this, or, if it's happening to others, can we just bring them all and give them to the hospital we meet at?

I did write "Return to Sender" on the box, but I am hoping I can find someone who can use it.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Jenahdawn - you can e-mail Similac and ask to be taken off the list. I did this and they apologized, said they were sorry and immediately took my name off the list.

There are plenty of people that can use the formula. I put 2 cans of Similac that Easton doesn't eat on freecycle and a mother of triplets contacted me and was so grateful for the formula.

[jennylou]

jenah - you can take it to a woman's shelter or YWCA or Salvation Army (the church, not the store) and they will gladly give the formula to someone in need. I gave the coupons away. I remember being so sad getting them....they can totally change the way a day is going.

[jenahdawn]

they can totally change the way a day is going.


EXACTLY.

I brought them to a little local GTG tonight and the girls took care of it for me. (I adore them, any time I've gotten something and didn't know what to do, one of them have taken the item(s) and the "disappeared".)

I mean, I would like to help and all, but it's just so hard to get them in the first place...

What's the email? (I'm going to look in a moment, but if someone would have it handy....) Or, is there something on the first page of these threads? (If so, can I copy it for the m/c thread as well?)

~Yes, I'm posting before looking.

[jennylou]

Jenah - http://rpdmail.com/isresident.aspx?site=WAC_CU

[ali_ohli]

Add me to the 'crap day' list. For whatever reason, we've really regressed in our healing process over the past few days. We're also dealing with DH's unemployment right now (he got fired two days before we lost the baby) and the stress of the two events combined is starting to take a major toll. I can't even believe how knotted my shoulders and neck are. Sometimes I just have to shake my head that this is our life. Things change so quickly.

A girl at my work announced her pregnancy today via e-mail. When I e-mailed back a brief "congratulations," she wrote back about how "everything happens for a reason." I know she meant well, but to me, that's the hardest thing to hear. I have no doubt my husband and I will be better people someday because of this event -- stronger, more compassionate, better friends -- but I don't subscribe to the belief that this was "meant to be." Statements like that just add to my burden right now -- like, how come know one else I know IRL has had to experience a "reason" like this? Why me?

The weather, too, is not helping. I keep thinking my coping skills would be a little stronger if it weren't so dang dreary outside.

[Sully130]

Ali - I'm sorry you are having a bad day (and everyone else on here who has mentioned that lately). I found that to be the case...some days I'd feel like I was really making progress, then I'd backslide feel like I was almost back where I started. Grief comes in waves and sometimes it really sneaks up on you. And your DH's job situation I'm sure only compounds things. I hope things get easier for y'all soon.

That "everything happens for a reason" mentality really gets me. I used to say that very same thing and then when I lost my DD I stopped believing that. I will never say that again. I cannot believe that there is one reason on this earth that I had to lose my daughter...especially in such a heartbreaking way (though I guess any way to lose a child is heartbreaking). I read a book on losing a child after I lost mine and there was a section in it about that. How women said something like, "If I had to lose my child to be a better person, I'd much rather be a terrible person and have my baby back."

Some things just happen, period. That's what I believe. It's an imperfect world and bad things happen. There is no reason why my daughter should not have lived any more than there is a reason why crack-addicted losers can have children at the drop of a hat. Some things just are...and frankly, it sucks.

It bothers me too when people say "She's in a better place." Well, I'm sorry if it makes me selfish, I'd much rather she be here with me. I'm not in a better place. You know?

Dreary weather is the worst. It really makes it so much harder to see things on the bright side.

[ali_ohli]

Well said, Sully. (I can hear the Rabbi Kushner in your words -- I love his writings too.) I just read your post aloud to my husband and we both nodded in agreement. I'm trying not to fault those who say the wrong things, though. Frankly, I'm still pretty angry that I'm now one of the ones who knows better -- I envy that ignorance.

[amygrrl]

arrgg... and i hate when people say 'well, god had plans for her'... you know what? *I* had plans for her!!!! even now having malin and knowing that had she lived we wouldn't have malin I *still* get upset thinking about the plans we had for avery and how i feel we got short changed. god may have his plans, perhaps there is a reason she died, maybe she is in a better place, yadda yadda yadda... but quite frankly, when your kid dies, you don't give a rats ass. you want your kid alive and in your arms. period. and nothing else matters.

[jennylou]

arrgg... and i hate when people say 'well, god had plans for her'... you know what? *I* had plans for her!!!! even now having malin and knowing that had she lived we wouldn't have malin I *still* get upset thinking about the plans we had for avery and how i feel we got short changed. god may have his plans, perhaps there is a reason she died, maybe she is in a better place, yadda yadda yadda... but quite frankly, when your kid dies, you don't give a rats ass. you want your kid alive and in your arms. period. and nothing else matters.

So true.

[Kimmiebride]

Strongly ditto what amy said... and they say it with such syrupy sweet sentiment (which comes off as so condescending to me) that I do really just want to slap them. Is that wrong? Those of us who have lived it will never do that to anyone, or tell them how they are "supposed" to feel. So sorry that there have been some tough days with several of you ladies and your dh's recently.

My blood pressure is starting to rise a bit. They keep a really close eye on me, and it does go down when I rest, but I am afraid we might be seeing this little one sooner than we thought. No protien or other pre-e symptoms as of yet, so I hope the BP is just an isolated thing. It's really hard to relax now when I take it, so it has become a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Wish me luck!!! Almost 32 weeks now... I really want 3-4 more of this kid in my belly!
Hugs,
Kimmie

[Ericka_Jarett]

Kimmie - will be praying for you. Yeah for 32 weeks, here's to at least 4 more :)

[Astro]

kimmie Congratulations on making it to almost 32 weeks. :) Here's hoping you can make it another 4 weeks.

[jenahdawn]

Ditto and then so to Amy!

People have it so ingrained in their head that they have to say something...that's when the insensitive comes out. (Whether the realize it or not.....but I am getting sick of letting things just slide because I know what their intentions are....What do you do or say or what so you don't blow up at the next person to say something stupid?

Kimmie, do I need to...yep, I do....belly to the monitor: HEY, YOU! YOU STAY PUT FOR ANOTHER FEW WEEKS!!!!

[udsweetpea]

I figure this is a good place to ask this. Our friends just lost their baby last night. She was due in 2 weeks. We're unsure what happened. Some of our friends already went to visit them, but I think its too soon. When is the appropriate time to visit (if any)? We'll absolutely be sending a card, but we're not sure what else to do in support. You all know better than I do. Any advice would be great.

[jennylou]

Andrea - Send a card for sure. Food is always appreciate (or gift cards for later). Their whole world just got flipped upside down and things like cooking, cleaning, etc just become HUGE chores to do. It's certainly not too soon to go and see them. Give them a hug and tell them you're sorry. See the recent conversation in here about not saying anything about "God's will", "meant to be", etc.

[jenahdawn]

Oh, and another thing to add....in a few weeks, when everyone "moves on", they will still be there, feeling left behind. Take them to dinner, go spend time with them, send them a card ("Thinking of you") call them, etc etc.

It's so painful when everyone's gone and started moving forward....you feel like you are in a huge pit staring up at everyone and no one is noticing you there.

And, go to a local bookstore, in the self-help section, try and find them a few books. Some that have helped me:

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart

Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul

Free to Grieve

Mommy, Please Don't Cry (There Are No Tears in Heaven)

My newest, it's a journaling book, "Angel Baby" by Carey Knifong

[amygrrl]

and remember to send them notes or call on mother's day and father's day.

something else that really annoyed me was a few people who sent me get well soon cards. i wasn't sick. would they send a get well soon card to someone who's baby had just been born healthy? and they didn't mention anything about the loss and didn't address it to dh. like i'd had an appendix removed. so freakin obnoxious.

anyway, i remember i promised to post pictures of avery's tree and plaque so here they are. ignore the big black spot on her plaque as i blacked out our last name. also, the tree is about 10 -12 feet tall, even though you can't really tell from the picture. the wood stakes on the side of the tree are each about 5-6 feet tall. these are the pictures we took after we discovered someone had put the bows on the tree at christmas. we still don't know who did it, but we took a bow off and put it in avery's box and we'll probably start making it a tradition to decorate the tree.

http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e257/amygrrl/averysplaque.jpg

http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e257/amygrrl/averystree.jpg

http://i41.photobucket.com/albums/e257/amygrrl/closeupoftree.jpg

[jeggink]

amygrrl The tree and plaque are so beautiful, it just brings tears to my eyes.

[Kimmiebride]

sniff sniff... me too!! I just got my latest issue of the SHARE newsletter, and thought that your tree story would have been so awesome in there. What a precious gift to see how someone decorated Avery's tree like that. I will always be moved to tears when I think of the kindess of strangers...
Kimmie

[LDS Angel 19]

Awww, Avery's tree is beautiful.

Nothing new here... just counting the days. And I don't know if I've mentioned it in here, but a good friend of ours, they lost thier son last year and are pregnant again. She's 24 weeks and is on strict bedrest in the hospital because she's dilating. I'm so scared for her.

[goldengbridge]

Avery's plaque and tree are beautiful! I'd love to do something like that!

Kimmie- Tell that little one to stay put. I'll be thinking about you.

I went to the Peri on Monday and had a NST and a growth scan. My fluid is still low. The peri said to schedule another growth scan for 3 weeks and they'll check her IF they let me go that long:eek: But he did say that their main goal is to get my to 38 weeks (3 1/2 weeks away) and that once I get there they will induce me. So I'm just really praying that she can hold tight for 3 more weeks till 38 and finish baking in there. I've been so scared to get things ready for her and now i'm in a mad dash to make sure everything is ready.

I don't know if any of you who have had rainbow babies experieced this but sometimes I wake up at night and think to myself "I haven't felt her move in awhile" and then I start to panic and think shes not alive anymore. The whole stress of everything is really starting to get to me. I'm really ready for her to get here and know shes ok. Does that make sense?

[Ericka_Jarett]

goldengbridge - sure remember that feeling. I would lay as still as possible with Easton to make sure he was moving, when I didn't feel anything for a sec, I would pray that he would move and then talk to him and ask him to move for me, he always did.

I know your in PA, where abouts are you again, I know you told me one time, can't recall now. (If close enough, hubby may be able to do photos for you if you like)

[goldengbridge]

Ericka- Thanks, I'm glad to know its a normal feeling. I'm in Bethlehem. You're in NJ arent you?

[Ericka_Jarett]

For me, I wasn't calm until I was able to hold Easton in my arms. :)

Actually we moved the day Easton came home from the hospital, we live in Collegeville, PA now. Northampton or Clearfield County?

[goldengbridge]

Thats what I'm feeling too. I won't feel calm until I can hold her and see shes ok.

I'm in Northampton County. Where is collegeville near?

[Ericka_Jarett]

It's Montgomery County. You are 1 hour from us, the one in Clearfield is 4 hours from us. Philly is 38 Mins from me.

[goldengbridge]

It's Montgomery County. You are 1 hour from us, the one in Clearfield is 4 hours from us. Philly is 38 Mins from me.


Thats not too bad. I'm in philly with andrew all the time at Children's Hospital!

[udsweetpea]

I want to thank you girls for letting me know what to do. I appreciate it so much. We're going up Monday for the funeral. Should we do anything else besides send flowers?

[jenahdawn]

GC for local restaurants are better than flowers. When the flowers die, it's just a reminder, and another thing they have to clean up.

[ali_ohli]

I don't know what my problem is -- maybe the awful winter weather -- but I just can't seem to shake the sadness today. I've been dwelling on the fact that our best friends are about to have their baby...she and I got pregnant around the same time and we had such hopes for these kids growing up together. I feel like that's just another thing that's been taken away from me: the ability to celebrate a monumental event in our friends' lives. All I feel right now is jealousy, and that bothers me. :(

[Astro]

ali_ohli if it helps at all, you're normal. All of us have been jealous when a friend had a baby close to when our babies were due. I see a friend's baby and often think about how our boys would be at the same stage. Give yourself time and a little space if needed. Explain it to her if she's a good friend. She'll probably understand.

[jenahdawn]

ali, I have that going on right now, too. One of my friends (also on CC) just over 2 weeks ago had her son. Event-free pregnancy. He's healthy, all's well. And she knows I am having a hard time. (We would have had the girls about the same time)

I've just made sure to tell her that it is MY issue and really has nothing to do with her....it's just timing. It could have been anyone. This is something I need to deal with and I cannot be forced to do anything I am not ready for. And she has been wonderful about it. It hurts that I'm not ready to go and see them and hold him and such, but I know it would hurt me more to do so right now. I need to practice self-preservation.

[Kimmiebride]

Hi everyone,
I just have to fly by to give you guys an update on me... Officially incarcerated! I was admitted Friday, and have a diagnosis of mild pre-eclampsia, and with all my other risk factors, I am in for the duration! Baby is doing great, and we got our steroids, so now hope to make it to 34 weeks (now 32w3d), then 36. I am thinking that it will be end of next week or week after if I go by my intuition! The staff here are AMAZING. Seriously can't believe the kind of care I am getting! I am feeling an amazing sense of peace and well-being, which is so welcome. I am just 4 doors down from the room where Robert was born, and his presence is strong here. Better go lay down again before they yell at me!

Take care... man, I wish I had highspeed.... dial-up sucks bigtime, which is why I am only posting today... too frustrating to check in often, but know that I am thinking of you all!!
Hugs,
Kimmie

[clzj]

ali-when I lost my little I had a friend that had her baby 5 days later. The babies were supposed to be 2 weeks apart. It took me 4 months to hold the baby. I did not look at theirs for a few weeks. Went over and stayed upstairs. I did go over on my accord because I had DS and he needed a playmate. But it took a while for me.

Kimmie-hang in there.

[LDS Angel 19]

ali I hope you're feeling better, but I agree with Astro, everything you're feeling is normal.

Kimmie I'm so glad you're being well taken care of. I'm sending you hugs and some more stay-put-baby vibes.

Nothing new here. Everything was fine at our last appt on Friday. 2 1/2 more weeks until I quit work... I'm a little worried about that, all that time alone with my thoughts. I need to line up some good distractions.

[jeggink]

Kimmie Sending lots of positive thought your way!!! Hoping you make it to 36 weeks!

ali HUGS!

[jennylou]

ali[/] - I still don't have any desires to see babies (ack, toddlers!) who would be Andrew's age. My half sister had a baby less than a month after I did. I still haven't met her and have only seen a few pictures (having 3000 miles between us certainly helps). It's so hard for me. I am constantly working on not being totally jealous and quite frankly, pissed that she has a toddler and I don't. I was married, we are stable (well, more than her!), I have a high school diploma, I wasn't a teenager, I wasn't pregnant by accident by an illegal alien, I worked hard for my pregnancy, etc, etc, etc. Sometimes, I feel okay with it, but sometimes those feelings boil back up again. My ILs live on a street where all but one house has had the same people living there for years and years. All the kids grew up together. One of the daughters had a baby in May. Everyone went down there last fourth of July. I stayed at the ILs. It was about 100 degrees, I was huge and pregnant, and I walked and walked - and cried and cried. So, it still comes in waves and there is nothing wrong with it. Our whole lives were shaken to the core.

[b]kimmmie - thinking about you!

[goldengbridge]

Kimmie- Sending lot of prayers for you and the baby! Hang in there!

Ali- I think its completely normal as everyone else has said. My good friends sister had a baby about 3 weeks before Jacob was due and I cant bear to hear about the milestones and such. Too much of a reminder.

I had my fluid check on Monday and although it wasn't great it wasnt bad either. NSTs are going well too. I see the OB tomorrow. The peri already told me to expect an induction at 38 weeks - less than 3 weeks away:eek: I'm so ready!

[jennylou]

On A Baby Story today, Larry Joe Campbell, who plays Jim on According to Jim is featured with his wife. They went in for an u/s (I think he said to determine the sex) and found out they were pregnant with twins, and that neither heart was beating. Anyways, this story is about their subsequent pregnancy (they'd had two kids before). They get pregnant again, with twins. Anyways, it shows the birth of the two new babies (vaginal, to boot, one breech). They obviously didn't give tons of time to talk about the loss, but did a good job of briefly covering it.

[Astro]

hey guys. I'm having a rough day. We were hoping to be pregnant again by what would have been our boys 1 year birthday. We went through yet another round of IVF last month, I had a really really bad allergic reaction to one of the meds in the IV during retrieval, but made it through. Just found out today that it's a big fat negative. It just really really sucks trying to get pregnant again and thinking our boys might have been our only chance. (sorry, pitty-party table for one).

[jenahdawn]

Astro, pull up another chair. I'm having a bad day, too. Not anything like that, but I don't want you to "party" alone...

[jenahdawn]

jen, I avoided that episode. I watched a stupid Lifetime movie instead. I am having a problem because it seems like everything I try and watch lately (discovery health, etc etc) is on multiples, and it's hard right now.

The other night, there was something on TTTS and one of the couples lost one of their girls. I was angry that they just brushed over it.

I guess I'm still in that, "Everyone should be educated" phase....I thought I wasn't anymore.

Oh, great....commercial for the funeral home we used....right now...seriously.

If I were a drinker....*sigh*

[ali_ohli]

Jenah and Astro I'm so sorry you're both feeling more down lately. I'm convinced I'll start to feel a lot more hopeful when the weather gets a little better. (Are you guys also in the Midwest, by chance? It's AWFUL here.)

And thank you to the others for chiming in about my friend's forthcoming baby. I just know it's going to be a rough day for me when it happens. I would give anything for that not to be the case, but I'm glad to hear it's normal and I'm not a bad friend.

kimmie and ggbride keep baking those little ones! I'm just so thrilled for both of you. The rainbow babies give me so much hope...

[jennylou]

astro - I'm sorry about the negative. :(

[myangelsvw]

Oh, astro, I'm just devastated by your news. And infuriated by the unfairness of it all. You guys have gone through so much and with a grace that I've always been in awe of. (DH and I were talking about you on our boys' birthday and the ways in which I wish I had handled the last year differently and more like you -- you're my role model, you know. :) ) And can we fire your RE? While I'm so glad that you're safe, the ER reaction is scary. Not to mention that I wish so much more for you than just a safe ER. Clearly our boys all need to get together and have a pow-wow on how to send you a baby to take home. And while they're working on their master plan, DH just got a new blender that supposedly makes yummy frozen cocktails, so I'll have him make sure your table is well supplied for as long as you wish.

I should also apologize to all of our new members who've joined since I've been in hiding. I'm so sorry that anyone new needs to join us, and I feel especially bad that I haven't been much support. There have been so many conversations that I've thought about chiming in on, but instead I've just been reading along, nodding, and saving up my thoughts.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Hi ladies,

Sorry haven't been around much.

I just have to vent for a min. I am so frustrated & upset right now. How would you feel about this?

I got a letter from the cemetery where Rebekah and also my dad (one day mom will be there too) are buried. They (cemetery) purchased 33 acres back in 1967 and only 16 acres were used at that time, so the other 17 acres is sitting in reserve. Well the cemetery is looking to expand now, they went to the township to get formal approval to enlarge. Well the Mayor surprised them and said that he planned to acquire the reserved land to be turned in soccer/rec fields and a parking lot. Residents of the township are mad and don't want the fields to be put on the grounds near the cemetery. So the debate now is that the township wants to use the grounds temporarily for 5 yrs. The cemetery sent the notice to get the feelings of lot owners.

Jarett read it at the same time as me and was like WHAT!

Background on this particular area. Across the street from the cemetery are numerous soccer/rec fields as well as a walking trail which people take their dogs on. Our cemetery is close to the turnpike and when they started burying people they started closer to the turnpike side and left a huge parcel on the corner (thus the property in question) Rebekah is buried not far from this huge parcel. My dad is pretty much in the left middle of the cemetery.

I don't think we are over reacting that we don't want these soccer/rec field put on the property for even 5 yrs. We think 5 yrs will turn into 10 and before you know it, they will be permanent. It makes me sick to think that people will be walking around the grounds with dogs and thus poop and disrespecting the grounds. As a child, I was taught, you still show respect to the families by not walking on the stones or playing around the graves. I know how much my parents bought their plots for some 40+ yrs ago, I know what we were charged for opening the ground for Rebekah and to think that people with possibly no regard are going to be that close to the cemetery, just makes me so mad at the township for even considering this. Our cemetery is mostly in the ground stones, but there are many Korean graves with regular gravestones.

so the cemetery sent the letter and a reply paper to send back to them with a postage paid envelope with our vote and any comments. I voted no of course to letting the rec field being built and even wrote a whole page of my comments as to why. The cemetery doesn't want the fields, the township people don't want the fields and I am sure every owner in the cemetery doesn't want the fields. I am thinking of writing the mayor of that township as well and give him a piece of my mind.

Myself and the 6 other families that lost babies that are in our cemetery I am sure don't want that painful reminder so close to where our babies are buried. Our babies never got a chance to experience life, let alone playing soccer or any other sport that they will play there.

[sophiapb]

Ugh, I was hoping to come in here and see some good news from some of our members. I don't get to post much but I do come in here and keep myself updated on everyone.

Ericka-Sorry about the crap with the mayor. WTH? You are absolutely correct when you say that 5 years will turn into ten and then forever. That is total BS and the idiot shuld be impeached (can you impeach a mayor?).

Oh crap, Astro. I am so sorry. If life were fair you'd have your beautiful sons right now and be considering another pregnancy instead of mourning on what would have been their first birthday and cursing a BFN. I really don't understand why life is so unfair sometimes.

myangelsvw, waiting to hear terrific news from you! St. Patricks Day is coming soon!

Kimmie-I'm sorry that you are in the hospital but excited that junior will be arriving soon. Sending prayers for a safe and healthy delivery.

LDS-Yay for no more work!

Jenah-Yup, I remember after I lost Alexander, I kept seeing twins everywhere including tv which kept showing "Baby, Baby" and every other multiples show ever produced. I pretty much hated everyone who had twins. :( It does get better but don't feel bad about feeling anger at the unfairness of life.

Ali-Sorry that you're having a rough time. It does get better but it's still pretty miserable when you are going through it. :(

goldengbridge-Glad to hear that the fluid isn't too low. 38 weeks will be here in no time and we're all waiting to hear your good news!

clzj-How's the pregnancy progressing? Hope you are doing well.

All is well on my end. Babies are growing big. They turned 2 months on Feb 4 and weighed in at 11 lbs 14 oz (Corinne) and 11 lbs even (Elise) at their 2 month WBV. That's 75th and 50th percentile. I'm excited that they are holding thier own against full term babies despite being born three weeks early. Alexa is doing great and turned 20 months on Jan 26. She loves her sisters although she smacked Corinne on the head the other day when she wouldn't stop crying. :eek: I've got photos of them in the June 05 Mommies thread for anyone who's interested.

[Ericka_Jarett]

sophia - the girls are getting so big. Love Alexa's haircut pic. We are talking about taking Easton to Disney for his first. They give mouse ears with First Haircut stitched on the back and a certificate as well.

[Kimmiebride]

Hi everyone!
I can't quite believe it, but they let me come home last night. Every day they had been saying no way, but my doc came in yesterday morning, and said that I was doing so well that she could see no medical reason to keep me. She was so kind to let me know that I could stay if I wanted because of all I had been through (lost our first baby at 18.5 weeks), and she would support me either way. They are monitoring me really closely from home... 2 NSTs/week, a clinic appointment and several labs so it will kind of be like I am still there, but sleeping (gloriously) in my own bed. My protien went back below 300, my labs are still negative, and no further symptoms developed. My BP has been pretty stable, but if anything changes, back in I go! I think the plan is still to induce at 36 weeks. Baby is doing really well, and I am starting to have a few contractions a couple of times a day. I do miss the spot checks every 4 hours of baby's heart beat... it was so calming to hear it galloping away, but with 2 NST's each week, I think I can hang.

Sorry to not send shouts, but I am limited to 15 mins of computer time, and have a tiny bit to get done before I am back in bed. I am not going to screw this up and do too much, and have to go back... Even though the hospital was a wonderful and safe place, there's nothing like sleeping in my own bed!!!
hugs,
Kimmie

[Ericka_Jarett]

Kimmie - yeah on being home in your own bed. Take care of yourself, you are almost there, just a few more weeks.

I talked to my mom about the memorial park to see if she got a paper, she didn't so she called them to tell her displeasure in the possibility of the rec fields.

[Lisa]

Kimmie glad your home!
Ericka sorry about your problems. I'll be praying they end soon!

me, well we found out are having a boy!! that makes 3 boys! we are really excited. Everything looked good and he looked amazing! I started to cry! we really wanted a girl but I think the Lord knew I couldnt handle july with losing and gaining a daughter. This little one is due about 1.5 weeks after lo died. Feb has been an okay month. I miss her so much. her 2nd birthday is in 2 weeks and I'm happy because I'm making a butterfly cake but I miss her so much. My friends wrote me this song for her after she died and recorded it. I listen to it all the time. Ethan loves it and so do I. I think I'm so scared I'm going to forget her. I have 2 and almost 3 boys but I miss me little girl. Okay I think I'm gonna go. Thanks for letting me have a weak moment and probably day! It gets better right?

[LDS Angel 19]

Astro I'm so sorry about your BFN :(

Ericka Wow, that really sucks! I would feel the same way.

sophia Good to hear from you. :)

Kimmie Hooray for being back home! I can't believe you're getting so close. :)

Lisa That is so sweet your friends wrote a song about her. I know what you mean, I worry a lot at times about forgetting Allison, esp. with being pregnant taking up most of my thoughts these days ya know?


Me: We had a little scare Monday. At my u/s at my OB's office, they thought that my cervix had shortened, enough for them to send us over to the peri at the hospital to get a second opinion. So the peri checked me, and my cervix was fine. Way to scare the crap out of me for no reason! I was totally freaked. From now on I'll be seen mainly by the peri, so that's somewhat comforting. And they're pulling me out of work this week instead of next. Can't say I'm complaining about that.

[jennylou]

Myangelsvw's DH posted in her lj - her water is broken! It's baby time! :)

[Astro]

myangelsvw Good luck. You all are in our thoughts and prayers. :)

[Spellbound]

Hi Guys, I'm sorry for my absence but my heart was hurting more and more once the new year hit as I knew my EDD date would be approaching...which is next Saturday. Our first attempt to get pregnant in January didn't go so well - I was nervous and pretty much missed ovulation. It was so bad DH actually had to say, "Honey I think we need to try?" And I would shake my head and say, "I can't." I admit it he stressed me out the whole time looking at the calendar and counting the days. I think in some way I felt like I had let him down for losing the baby, for having a faulty cervix and amniotic sac, whatever I suffered from a lot of self-guilt. His pleas to BD to get pregnant did nothing but scare me more. For some reason when I got my period though I felt strengthened and said okay, NOW I can move on and try. I don't know what it was that changed, I was so full of dread with February approaching. It was a complete change though, and I sat down and talked to DH about what had happened in the last cycle...how his pressure and desire to get pregnant were stifling and more than I could handle.

He understood and we agreed that in the next cycle he would stay away from the calendar and not pressure me. And it was an awesome thing, I was no longer frightened and the huge weight of making him happy (e.g. ability to get pregnant) fled. We BD'd like a normal couple, that is, with no pressure and I began to have feelings over the last week or so that I might be pregnant. I did whatever it took to put it out of my mind because I knew that stressing over the subject would do nothing for me - and although a few friends were keeping track of my cycle on the sly (jeez! how weird is that?) and calling me and saying, "Well???" , I managed to keep myself very busy and non-occupied with the subject.

Move to the last few days when my period was due...nothing. So I took a test this morning and I have a BFP :D. I'm beyond thrilled...and shocked...and incredibly happy.

I'm going to continue with each day as best I can and treat it like I have the last few weeks. That is, to continue without obsessing and shooing negativity away. Please wish me luck as I begin my new path. I am going to phone my doctors later today.

There is so much going on with everyone in this thread. I continue to hold you in my hearts with all your situations. chocolate_truffle, thank you for the endearing words as my EDD was approaching. I really appreciated them. jenahdawn, this would have been our month. I hold the memory of your beautiful girls along with my own with an enormous hold - I wish you love and healing.

ali_oli Here's a wish to your DH for finding work soon. May your heart continue to mend and know that the dark days do have a reverse. I know some of the things people say can be absolutely ignorant and I am sorry. I hope more than anything for your burden to be lifted.

Kimmiebride, here's to a good blood pressure and a beautiful, thriving baby in a few weeks! goldengbridge here's to a wonderful baby to you in the next month as well! LDSAngel19, the beginning of your 3rd trimester is right around the corner!

amygrrl, I have learned so much through you. Thank you for sharing Avery's beautiful photos of her site and tree.

Astro I am so sorry for the negative and the horrible reaction to the IVF. I am going to keep hoping and thinking of you.

To mommies, sophiapb and jennylou huge hugs! And congratulations to Lisa for the news of your next little boy.

myangelsvw, can't wait to hear the news!

[Kimmiebride]

Myangelsvw, may the spirits of your sons be with you and bring you peace in the birth of your rainbow!!! Thinking of you and sending you so much love!!!

Astro, I am so sorry I didn't get to respond a big phoooey on the BFN. That just plain sucks. I am still and always thinking of you. Ericka, hope that gets resolved... someone should call a TV watchdog program, and have a candle light vigil to get the concerns out to the community. I would hate it to have a recreation area so close to the solemn resting place of so many loved ones. People just won't be respectful... LDS, glad you get the peri for the rest of the time. I have to say that it's been my sanity to be completely under their care for my whole time. I have an NST today, and more blood work. Things are still holding steady so far!
Kimmie

[Kimmiebride]

ugh... ate my post to Spellbound!! Congrats on your BFP, and remember, we are always here when you need us! Hoping for a calm uneventful pregnancy!
Kimmie

[Lisa]

Spellbound, Congratulations!! What wonderful news!! A happy and healthy 9 months to you!

[Ericka_Jarett]

Congrats Spellbound!!!!

Yeah MyAngels, can't wait for the news.

Hi everyone, just got in from a long day out and don't really have energy right now for SO's, but I want to say hi.

[ali_ohli]

Hey, all. I'm posting quickly from work and don't have a chance to do proper shout-outs (except to say YAHOOOOOOOO for myangels!!!!!). But wanted to ask you all a quick question: We are meeting with a peri next week for a "pre-conception consultatation" as recommended by my OB. For some reason, my DH and I got it into our heads that this was going to be a meeting with a team of doctors who knew our case and would have it all figured out for us. Of course, that's not really how the medical system works... I was dismayed to find out just now that I'm supposed to bring my records with me -- meaning no one will be looking at them in advance. I felt really disappointed by this; now I'm bracing myself for a typical rushed doctor's appointment rather than the productive dialogue we were hoping to have.

So...is this how it works at all peri offices? Did anyone else have a pre-conception visit and can you tell me how it went? Thanks!

[jenahdawn]

Spellbound, I'm happy for you! I hope I'm next!!! (Okay, well, others here can be before me, but I want to be soon!!!!) Less than 2 weeks until LA, and we're not bringing anything to prevent with us!

[ali_ohli]

ack - how rude of me, I had to scroll back up to see what jenah was talking about...CONGRATS, Spellbound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ericka_Jarett]

ali- we didn't have a pre-conception meeting with peri, I was referred after I already got my BFP. A small copy of my records were given to him before hand (my OB/GYN file is about 5-7" thick, peri's was about 5 pages thick at the beginning)) I told him a recap of what happened even though he had my records, wanted to get my account of what happened, so he could fill in some details of what he thought happened into my account.

[goldengbridge]

Congrats Spellbound! Wishing you a healthy and happy 9 months!

Myangels-Wishing you the best too. Can't wait to hear!

Theres going to be a lot of rainbow babies popping up over the next few weeks!!!!

Kimmie- How are you holding up. I think our little ones might be born pretty close to each other!

Hello to everyone else. I'm pooped so this post is going to be short. I'm 2 cm dialated and 50% effaced. We all know how long that can last. I'll find out next week when they'll induce me the following week. Please keep all of our rainbow babies in your thoughts for safe and healthy deliveries!

[amygrrl]

hi girls... i'm glad to see kimmie is home and to see all the bfp's. it's so good to have good news around here!!!

as for me, i've been hanging out and enjoying malin who in 6 weeks will be a year old!!!!! where the heck did the time go? i also got a bfp this week, but my beta was low and it looks like it's a chemical pregnancy/ early miscarriage. i'm testing again tomorrow am and if the line is still as dark i'll ask for a repeat beta just in case. but i'm content with the idea that this might not work. after all, we've still got 3 frozens when we planned to transfer in the next couple of months.

here's to us not getting any new members here for quite some time!

[jeggink]

Spellbound Congratulations and a H&H 9 mths!!!

ali I am in the process of making our pre-conception appt with the Peri. Since I saw them with kayla pg I have an idea of what to expect. For the most part it will just be blood work and maybe an HSG or something along that line. the 1st appt they will mostly talk with you, get the blood work set up and anything else they want and then I imagine they will either see you or call you with the results and the next step. Good Luck!

Myangelsvw Hope all is going well and you are holding you baby!

Kimmie Glad you are home in your own bed, what a difference that makes I am sure!

Astro Sorry about the BFN, HUGS!

Erika I hope they don't put the rec field near the cemtary, what a horrible idea!

amygrrl Congrats on the BFP and I really hope its not chemical!

All is going well with me, holding up. I still think of Kayla daily, but sometimes without the tears. We are coming up on 3 months now since we lost her and 2 more months till her due date and the day we spread her ashes.

We had a pg scare last month as we BD'd right before O, but no pg which is a relief. Don't think I could handle that stress quite yet. Going to be making an appt with the Peri for some additional blood work and go from there.

[ali_ohli]

Has anyone heard any more about myangelsVW? I've been praying for her all weekend.

[LDS Angel 19]

I've been stalking my friend's list like crazy, no update from myangels yet.

[Astro]

there are a ton of prayers going to her and her family. :) Hopefully there'll be good news soon.

[clzj]

Update on the impending rainbow baby-had my 28 week appointment today. The doctor has given us the option of an earlier out. Which would require us having an amnio to see the lung development. If the lungs were developed fully we could have the baby as early as the end of april. We have some thinking to do and finding out the risks of the amnio.

Hope all is well with everyone.

[Ericka_Jarett]

clzj - are they talking about steroid shots at all? I got them at 30 weeks, helps with the lungs, not to develop them, but to make them not stick together upon birth. end of April will put you how far along?

[clzj]

Ericka-End of April would put me at 37 weeks instead of waiting for 39 weeks. They have not talked about steroid shots for the lungs. The doctor wants the baby to be full term. The one I lost was 36w 3d. So I would just have to hang out a little longer. So much to think about.

Has anyone here had an amnio?

[Kimmiebride]

clzj, that's good news! We find out on Friday if they will stick to my 36 week induction... I hope so as I am ready to have this kiddo on the outside. Enough worrying on the inside, and I got the steroids at 32 weeks... I would recommend it.

Ericka, was Easton really active and strong after you got the steroids... I could swear this little one has been kicking harder and harder. Maybe just a coincidence...
I have my NST in the morning, and they are doing more pre-eclampsia labs tomorrow to check that I am still not getting worse. My BP has been pretty stable, though still a bit high. I am having wicked acid reflux lately. DH proudly installed the car seat yesterday and today he's picking up the co-sleeper from our friends who are loaning it to us. Changing station is all set up, and diapers are bought. Got the newborn size until we determine the size of the baby, and then will get cloth dipes from MIL for 6 months! My mom was here last weekend, and cleaned up my office, and did all our laundry. I am so very grateful for her. It was a tough trip as she got robbed at the train station, she flew into Oakland, and we had an appointment so I guided her through taking the train to SF, so I feel really guilty. She was ok, which of course is the most important thing, but they stole her suitcase, which had a bunch of stuff she really needed and some handmade things for the baby. Rotten thief! I keep praying they'll find her bag, but it's probably not likely. Of course there was nothing of value to anyone but her and us in there...
hugs,
Kimmie

[Sully130]

Kimmie - I'm so glad you and baby are still hanging in there! It's so wonderful. ANd sounds like you really have everything almost ready. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. That's just horrible. THere are some truly dreadful people out in this world.

I had steroid shots (at 26 weeks and a booster at 32 weeks). I don't recall that the kicks got any stronger, but I guess it's possible! Good luck with the labs tomorrow!

~~~

I dropped in to see if there was news from myangelsvw. I hope all is well and she's just enjoying her new baby. Look forward to hearing about it soon!

Amygrrl - I hope it sticks. You are admirably calm about it all. Take care!

Congratulations Spellbound! I wish you nothing but happiness and healthiness with this pregnancy!


clzj - I have not had an amnio but I've known friends who have with no complications. At least with having an amnio so late in the pregnancy, the risk of breaking your water is not as significant since you could deliver and probably be okay. I would definitely recommend the steroid shots if you think an early delivery is a possibility. My doctors ordered them strictly as a precaution and even though I didn't deliver until nearly 39 weeks, I was glad that I had them.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Kimmie - I don't recall Easton kicking stronger after the shots, had a lot going on at the time that I got them, since I was hospitalized at that time with my scare.

Yeah for all the preggo mommies. Babies that are freshly made, you all stay put. Babies soon to deliver, come out healthy and crying for your mommy and daddy.

[amygrrl]

hey party people!

the good news... betas are doubling appropriately.
the bad news... i just realized the 2 kids will be 19 months apart. :eek:

-------------------
kimmie - give me a call, chica. if you are up for it, we'd still love to come see you and i can't find your phone number.

sully - don't let the air of zen fool you. 3 pregnancies in 3 years!!!!! let's skip over the fact that my body is wrecked and i'm just getting a handle on being a mother of 1. now i've got to go get a second crib, high chair, a couple more car seats, etc.

clzj - 37 weeks will be here very quickly! rest up!

jeggink - take your time with the pregnancy thing. you'll know when you guys are physically and emotionally ready.

[ali_ohli]

congrats, amygrrrl!

[ali_ohli]

Finally! We have some reason to feel hopeful. The high-risk doctor surprised us this morning by saying he believes it was cervical incompetence and not preterm labor that caused my problems. Cervical incompetence is an anatomical issue that's CORRECTABLE, whereas true preterm labor is much murkier. Up until today, everyone I've seen has been very wishy-washy about the origin of my issues, so it was great to finally meet a doctor with a strong opinion. He felt the timing of everything -- how early it all went down -- is more suggestive of CI than anything else. In other words, it would be very rare for true labor to start at 18 weeks (the point at which I started to feel weird), but that's exactly when CI becomes evident.

I have no risk factors for CI whatsoever, but he basically said "join the club" -- most don't, and it usually takes a pregnancy loss to diagnose.

He recommends I have a cerclage (cervical stitch) placed at 13 weeks during the next pregnancy. Though I had one as a stop-gap measure last time (and obviously, it didn't do me much good), it's much more effective if you do it before anything happens -- only 1-2% of "elective" cerclages fail, vs. 30-50% of "emergency" cerclages. He said they remove a cerclage every week from a woman who's reached full-term and goes on to deliver a healthy baby.

Also, he recommended against the progesterone therapy, surprisingly -- even though he was one of the authors of the major study showing its effectiveness -- because it's not FDA-approved yet and he doesn't think it'll necessarily help me. (I kind of like that answer, because it freaks me out to think about doing something with unknown long-term risks. Lifetime of worry there.)

Best of all, he waxed nostalgic about all the women they've treated the way...the many successful cerclage patients who've gone on to have as many kids as they want. This was good stuff for us to hear. And, he said absolutely no reason to wait -- he'll see me again when I'm pregnant.

Yeah!

[Ericka_Jarett]

ali - glad you finally have your answer. I have been thinking it was IC this whole time, just because so many things that happened to you happened to me as well. I know you had a cerclage at the end of your pregnancy, but the infection can grow for a while, so seems like by the time you had it put in, infection was already inside. With my pregnancy with Easton the doctor kept a check on my cervix to make sure that it wasn't opening, the first sign that we had some opening on the inside, he put the pessary cerclage in where it stayed for almost 14 weeks.

Good luck with the next pregnancy, so glad you got answers.

[ali_ohli]

Thanks, Ericka. It's nice to have a plan of attack, that's for sure.

p.s. I go to the same MFM team as myangelsvw, and at one point heard one of the nurses mention to another nurse, "...she had her babies and they're doing great." I was hoping she was talking about myangels!

[Spellbound]

Thank yous to Kimmiebride, Lisa, Ericka_Jarett, ali_ohli (I'll write more to you in the next post), jenahdawn, goldengbridge, jeggink,

clzj, I am keeping you and your little one in my thoughts to stay healthy.

Kimmiebride, grrrr I'm so sorry that happened to your mom. You're doing great though, hang in there just a bit longer!

Yay, amygrrl, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. I'd love to have this happen for you also. I'm in the same boat with 19months, that is if I stay sealed and can go full-term til October! We always planned to have children close in age, I hope it works out (and doesn't cause me to go gray LOL).

[LDS Angel 19]

Sorry no time for so's.....xpost from my LJ.

I went in to have my ultrasound, and they didn't like how my cervix was acting when they put stress on it, so they sent me down to L&D for an NST to see if I was having contractions. So I didn't even make it to my actual OB appt.

I was terrified.

Luckily, no contractions. I got my progesterone shot and was sent home with instructions to see my OB next week, and I'm now officially on strict bedrest.

So, yeah. fun.

And it's offical, we're having two GIRLS. They looked perfectly fine.

I need to go, technically I shouldn't be sitting up to type this. But hopfully we will get the laptop hooked up so I can stay in touch.

[Kimmiebride]

Hi gang! Well, BP too high, and protien again positive, so ended up back inside the joint until I deliver (induction date is 3/3, unless my pre-e gets worse, then it will be sooner!) Amy, I'll call you tomorrow!!! Soooooo happy to hear your news! I am praying for all of you!! back to dial up yuckiness!!!
Michelle, hang in there - bed rest sure has it's moments, but we know it's worth it in the end!
hugs,
Kimmie

[Sully130]

Kimmie So sorry you ended up back in the hospital, but I guess it's for the best. 3/3 will be here before you know it and you'll be meeting your precious little one!

Michelle - Sorry about the scare at the appointment and the bedrest. But, from someone who spent 20 weeks on strict bedrest, I can promise you that it's well worth it. Though, of course you already know that. :) A laptop is a Godsend, as are lots of pillows. I always kept a pillow on either side so I could put one under one side and lay almost flat, but propped just enough so it was okay. Pillows help vary your position and it's great to have lots. I still can't sleep now without a pillow between my legs (something I started with bedrest).

Yeah! Two girls! How exciting!

Amy - I'm so happy to hear about your doubling betas! Wonderful, wonderful news!

Spellbound - Looks like you might have missed my congratulatory wishes, so I thought I'd offer them again. Congrats! I'm so happy for you! Hopefully that baby will stay put for a happy nine months.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Michelle - congrats on the twin girls. That is so awesome. Sorry about the bedrest, it's no picnic that's for sure, but just keep thinking of those beutiful girls that are baking and time will go quickly. Netflix or Blockbuster online is great for bedrest :)

Kimmie - sorry to hear you are back in, just think only another week and you are going to be holding your little one. YEAH!!!!!!! Just reread a post above, sorry to hear about your mom getting robbed, what a way to say welcome grandma to CA, rotten people. That's ashame she lost things that she made for the baby. Is she still at your place or did she go home?

Amy - yeah for doubling betas, little baby - you stick and grow healthy and strong and come meet us in October (I think it is) or November

Spellbound - how you feeling?

So many new babies arriving soon, and many new babies going to be created soon, and many babies working on growing now. Hugs to all of you ladies, I pray for you and your families often.

[jenahdawn]

Today's their due date. :(

[ali_ohli]

ouch, honey, I'm so sorry. :(

[Ericka_Jarett]

Jenah - I'm sorry. Hope you can still find some peace today, hold DH tight. Cry as you need to.

[goldengbridge]

Jenah- You are in my thoughts and prayers today!

[boilermaker]

Just dropping by to give hugs to Jenah. I know today has to be a very difficult one for you, but know that you are in a lot of people's prayers and thoughts.

[sophiapb]

Jenah-I'm sorry. :( Sending you strength to get through today. The first time is the worse. Do what you have to do to get through the day.

Michelle-Allison sent down her two sisters! Congrats!

Kimmie-I'm waiting to hear the wonderful news of when your bambino is delivered safe and sound. Yeah, it sucks to be back in the joint but whatever it takes. :p You can do it!

Congrats, amygrrl and spellbound. Happy & Healthy nine months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love seeing good news like this. That's what got me through the first few months without Alexander. Hope is a beautiful thing!

Speaking of good news, I hope I'm not stealing her thunder but myangelsvw is a proud mommy of healthy living twins! I'll leave the details for her to tell but I had to put everyone out of suspense since I had been checking back daily since hearing about her water breaking so I figured others were as well. Congrats myangelsvw and welcome two more rainbow babies!

[rancherswife]

Jenah: Just wanted to let you know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today!!! ((hugs)) Will be thinking of you.

[ali_ohli]

Speaking of good news, I hope I'm not stealing her thunder but myangelsvw is a proud mommy of healthy living twins!

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! :) :) :)

[usafwife]

Jenah ~ I wanted to drop by and tell you that your in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that all of Feb 07 mommies still think of you often. You're still a member of our group. {{{HUGS}}} I've thougth of you often as we got closer to February.

LDS ~ Congratulations on two little girls!!

[Astro]

Jenah thinking of you and your family.

myangelsvw Congratulations! I am so happy to hear everyone is ok. :)

[Lisa]

Jenah, Thinking and praying for you!

[jeggink]

Just wanted to let everyone know that Jen (Goldengbridge) is getting induced today due to low fluid. She is still 4 cm. So exciting!!! I will post when Ashlyn arrives! Please send positive thoughts her way :).
__________________________________________________ __________

myangelsvw Congratulations!!!

Jenah Still thinking of you!

LDS 2 girls, amazing, congrats!

Kimmie Uggg, sucks being in the hospital on bed rest, but I can't wait to hear you deliver your healthy baby :).

Amy Glad to hear your Betas are rising!

Ali Glad you found out why you lost your daughter and that they can fix it the next time!

All is well here, just have pink eye, but not to bad yet. I will update about Jen once I know more!

[Kimmiebride]

jenah, I am thinking of you today, and sending you some gentle hugs. milestones like this just suck....
hugs,
Kimmie

[jeggink]

I just spoke with Jen's (goldengbridge) husband. Ashlyn was born at 9:47 PM, only 5 hrs after they broke her water and started inducing her, not to shabby :)

She weighed 6lb 8oz and is 19" long!

Ashlyn is doing very well and she was busy "eating" when her husband called.

Welcome to the world Ashlyn!!!

[Ericka_Jarett]

Congratulations Jen, Welcome to the world Ashlyn!!!!!!


Thanks for passing on the word Jeggink

[Sully130]

Only have a minute, but wanted to jump in and congratulate the moms on their new babies!

Congratulations goldengbridge and welcome Ashlyn! I'm so happy for you.

And myangelsvw, congrats to you! I can't wait to hear more about your precious little ones.

Hugs to Jenah. I hope this week is better for you.

Hello to everyone else!

[goldengbridge]

Hello everyone and thank you for the well wishes! Just dropping off a few pics before we settle in for the night. I'll be back in the next few days to post more!



http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i125/prugh12/Ashlyn005.jpg

http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i125/prugh12/Ashlyn019.jpg

[Ericka_Jarett]

She's beautiful, Congratulations and Enjoy her.

[jennylou]

I go away for a week and this thread takes off!

michelle - I've not gotten to your lj post yet about your GIRLS, so congrats here! :)

kimmie - you are so close now!

jenah - how are you feeling?

myangelsvw - yay! I'm so thrilled for you and can't wait to hear all about them. :)

spellbound- congrats to you!

goldengbridge - congrats on your baby girl. :D

ali - I'm glad you got some answers.

amy - yeah for rising betas! I think you're our first one to have a second rainbow baby - oh, wait, sophia did the two for one thing first. ;)

I hope I didn't miss anything, if I did, please let me know. :)

[jenahdawn]

I'm doing all right. The day AFTER their due date was actually harder than their due date...I had nothing planned, and it hit me that there was no more, "I would be XX weeks today"

We leave for our vacation tomorrow morning.

[sophiapb]

Enjoy your vacation Jenah. I hope you are able to steal some moments of peace.

Massive congrats to goldengbridge! Ashlyn is gorgeous and you are lookin' pretty good yourself, even in a hospital gown. :p

Jenny-I'll proudly claim the title of "First to have two rainbow babies 'cause they were grown simultaneously" but will happily give Amygrrl the title of "First to have a second rainbow pregnancy". ;)

[Kimmiebride]

I guess I am next, right? Friday is our big day... trying a version to flip my naughty breech baby, and if it doesn't work, then we'll go right into a c-section. At this point, I just want him/her out!!! So excited!

Ashlyn is gorgeous!!! i'll try to post pics as soon as I can! sending my computer home tomorrow as it's just too annoying to deal with dial up in here!
hugs,
Kimmie

[Lisa]

Congrats Jen! Welcome Ashlyn!

Today is Lauryn's 2 birthday. I had been a little sad up til today. Just missing her and wanting to hold her but today I feel good. I miss her but I know she is hapy and that makes me smile. My DS even told me we were making her a cake. So we did. Maybe he started a tradition for her. I know he misses her and if that helps him at all, I'll do it every year! Here a pic of the cake ;)
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j277/LisaMatt/IMG_0978.jpg

[HGMorgann]

Hi Lisa, I'm thinking and praying for you today as you celebrate Lauryn's sweet life. Her cake is beautiful. I know you miss her so much. I pray God blesses you and sends you His peace.

~Abbey from the Feb 05

[LyLMyssChaos]

First, I want to say congrats to goldengbridge!!! She is beyond beautiful!! I am so happy for you right now!!


I don't know if anyone has seen LJ yet, but please, keep Michelle (LDS Angel) in your prayers. Around 10:00 tonight, she posted from the hospital. Her cervix is to 20mm, so they most likely will be doing a cerclage in the morning. I will most likely be visiting her tomorrow(if she can have visitors,) so I'll keep you all posted!

[Ericka_Jarett]

thanks so much for that Ly, please do keep us posted.

[Lisa]

any new news about Michelle? I'm praying!

[ali_ohli]

Oh, Michelle, praying for you so hard...

[jeggink]

Thinking of you and your little ones Michelle!!!!

[LyLMyssChaos]

Just got word from my husband(via Michelle's husband) that they are doing a cerclage at 3:00 today. She will be in the hospital until at least Saturday and they are discussing possible hospital bedrest. We are going to try to visit tonight, but we got hit with a nasty ice storm, so if not, we'll visit tomorrow or Saturday (depends on the sitter situation.) Please keep them in your prayers!

[Lisa]

thanks for the update!

[LyLMyssChaos]

I just transcribed this phone post on LJ for Michelle, so I thought I'd post it here as well:

Hey guys,
Um, just wanted to do a quick update. We will be doing the cercalge at 3:00, it was supposed to be at 12:45, but they already bumped us back. The only part about that that sucks is that I haven't had anything to eat since 9 last night and I'm not allowed to eat until afterwards. But, ya know, what are you gonna do? Um, so, yes, as for the details, Um, I'm obviously here because I had my cervix checked yesterday, it was down to 20 and it was 40 something last week, so that's obviously a big enough change to freak everybody out. And we kinda went around and around with what we were going to do. I hate it when doctors won’t give you a straight answers. But we ended up just going for the cerclage because it's kind of our only option at this point, either do the cerclage or not do anything. Um, but we’re hanging in there. Aaron’s been here, he was here all night. I really appreciate having him here. And my parents have both been here, and it’s really nice to have the support. Pretty scared, obviously, I’ve never really had surgery in my life that I can remember, um, ya know, and I get to get a spinal, whoo hoo! So, I just , I really, keep your prayers up for me guys, hope everything goes all right and these girls get to hang out for several, several more weeks. Um, so they’re going to do the cerclage, uh, I’m going to be here at least a few days, if not the entire time. They’re discussing keeping me here on hospital bed rest the whole time, which has it’s pros and cons, I guess. But, like I said, you gotta do, what ya gotta do. Um, ya know, everyone here has been great, I guess this is the place to be it seems, if ya gotta go through something like this crappy crap. Yeah, we’re in the birthing center, and we can hear people’s kids crying down the hall, but the nurses are great. And a lot of them know what’s going on cause the nurse is in our support group, so it‘s really nice to have someone that ya know already knows these little. I really hope this posts, I am really long winded, this is my 5th or 6th try and it’s really hard to get signal in here, but it’s even harder to try to type on the touch screen since they put my I.V. in a really crappy spot on my right hand. Anyway I’ll try to do an update tonight or early tomorrow after the cerclage, let ya know how it went. And uh, thanks for the prayers, and keep ‘em coming. All right, bye.

[Ericka_Jarett]

thanks for the update.

Michelle - have you in my prayers and also on the church prayer list.

[ali_ohli]

LMC, if you get a chance to talk to her before the procedure, please let her know the spinal is the worst part and that it all goes very quickly. She may have some back pain tomorrow from the weird position she'll be in, but other than that, she shouldn't have any pain at all. That was my experience, at least.

[goldengbridge]

Michelle- Lots of prayers!

Kimmie- Good luck tomorrow! Cant wait to hear!

LMC- thanks!

Hello to everyone else!

[Kimmiebride]

Michelle! Thinking of you and praying like crazy!!!! hospital bedrest isnt that bad...

Tomorrow is the big day - I think I will skip the version and just go for the c-section. I am getting too antsy to wait any longer!
hugs,
kimmie

[Sully130]

Kimmie - I'm so excited for you. I wish you a happy and easy labor experience. Hopefully you'll get the c-section tomorrow if that's what you want and get to meet your precious little one. Can't wait to hear about it!

Michelle - I'll hold you and your little ones in my prayers.

goldengbridge - She's beautiful!

[Ericka_Jarett]

Can't wait to hear about that beautiful baby Kimmie. Be praying for you and your little one.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Here is her most recent voice post:
Hey You Guys,
It’s time for an update. Finally got the cerlage in last night, they took me at around 7, way later than we thought it was gonna be, obviously. The doctor said it all went fine, no evidence of ruptured membranes, or anything, she had plenty of cervix left to work with. It was all right, the spinal was about as bad as I was expecting. But, the pain only lasted for about a minute until I started going numb. Really, the worst part about the whole thing, was that the whole time in the ER, I was freezing. I had a really great OR nurse though, she really helped me keep distracted, and she was really chatty and it was really good. Recovery’s been okay, last night I had a whole bunch of cramping and my back hurt from the spinal , it wasn’t the most fun night. I finally got some dinner at around 9, after not eating for 16 hours, it was great. Today has been better, they did the NST around 8, and I had no contractions, which is awesome, no bleeding, no evidence of leaking or anything of that nature, which is also awesome. I saw the doctor at around 10:30, looks like it’s going to be at least Monday before we can talk about maybe going home. But that’s fine with me ya know, at this point, it’s really not so bad here, they’re taking really great care of me. I do miss my own bed though. So I guess, ya know, at this point, we can consider it a success. Still have a long way to go, and a lot of things that could change, but right now everything is good and we’re trying to be cautiously optimistic and I think that’s about it. Um, yeah, I think that’s about it. I wish I could keep in touch better, I do read, and I’m glad for all of your guys’ comments, it really helps and helps keep my spirits up. I just can’t type because my stupid touch screen internet thing is being even worse today than it has been, but like I said, I do read and I keep up with you guys. And if anything happens or changes, I’ll let do my best to let ya know. Thanks for all your support Talk to ya later, bye.

[amygrrl]

michelle - glad to hear you're hanging tight with the twins... keep up the good work!

kimmie - eeekkk.. has anyone heard from kim? i'm on the edge of my seat here.

as for me... i'm about 6 wks along now. yakked twice yesterday. my first u/s isn't until the 12th. i'm pretty nervous about it since i'm used to being followed so carefully and having really super early u/s. oh well, if i can't hang on, i'll call and beg for them to do it earlier. no signs of anything going wrong... but we all know being pregnant doesn't guarantee a baby :( . i can't believe i'm doing this all over again.

[tsmom]

Popping in hoping to hear some news on Kimmie!

[amygrrl]

hey everyone! kimmie just called and she had her little boy, Joshua weighing in at 4 lbs. 12 oz.. other than being small, he's healthy and kimmie sounded over the moon.

she'll come here and give the detailed version, but the short story is that joshua turned on his own so they didn't need to do the version. she had about a day of labor and then the baby started getting decels in his heartrate so they did the c/s.

joshua is still in the nicu (the hospital doesn't have a step-down nursery) but they think he should be home in a week.

yeah, kimmie!!!!!!

[Astro]

kimmie CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so happy for you guys. :)

[Ericka_Jarett]

Congrats Kimmie and Welcome Joshua !!!!!!!!

Enjoy that little guy, he will be home shortly.

Today Easton turned 6 months

[jeggink]

Congrats Kimmie!! Welcome Joshua!. I love the name!

[Lisa]

Congrats Kimmie! Welcome to the world JOSHUA!!!

[tsmom]

Congrats Kimmie - over the moon for you and your family!

[LDS Angel 19]

YAAAAAY Kimmie! Congrats. :)

I came home last night, things are going ok. More soon when we get the laptop working.

[SailorJenny]

Congrats to Kimmie and all of the other recent mommies. I'm keeping all of the expectant mommies and the hoping to be expectant mommies in my prayers.

I can't stay long, work never really got more balanced like i was promised, but I've been following along and just haven't had enough time to post. I'm hoping that now that we're finishing up the busy season I'll be able to post more and lurk less!

Congrats again!

[goldengbridge]

CONGRATS KIMMIE AND WELCOME JOSHUA! Cant wait to see pics:)

[Kimmiebride]

HI gang,
have to nap... here's a pic! he's awesome!
Kimmiehttp://www.digitalweddingforum.com/DWFupload//1615727-joshua.jpg

[Ericka_Jarett]

Congrats Kimmie, he is so cute. Take care of yourself

[goldengbridge]

Kimmie,

He's beautiful, congrats again:)

[sophiapb]

Omigosh, Kimmie, he's gorgeous! Congrats to you and your hubby!

WELCOME JOSHUA!

[ali_ohli]

Thrilled for you, Kimmie. You rainbow mamas give me so much hope!

[Sully130]

Kimmie - I am so, so, so very thrilled for you and your family. Joshua is beautiful. Many blessings to you, him and your whole family. :)

[LDS Angel 19]

Kimmie he is just a doll! :D

[Kimmiebride]

LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

Here's the full story! Gotta run now! love,
kimmie and josh

Hi ladies,
I am so sorry that I havent posted, but it's been hectic, and we only came home a couple of hours in the past couple of days. X-posting cuz I must pump!!

Yes!! I did have my gorgeous baby boy!!! Joshua Michael was born at 9:12AM on 3/3/2007 via c-section at 36 weeks. He weighed in at 4 pounds, 12 oz, and measured 19.6 inches. Birth story was hilarious, painful, scary, and wonderful, starting with a breech presentation for which we scheduled a version on 3/2 to be followed by a c-section if not successful. When they were prepping the OR for the version/possible delivery, they scanned me and he had gone head down, so no version, time for induction. Labored with cytotec at first, then pitocin (man, that hurts), and the all natural girl just caved when it came to pain meds, and epidural was given after about 10 hours. I was only dialated 1.5CM. Baby did not like the ctx, so at about 6AM after some really wicked de-cels, we said we'd wait for the new shift of docs, and do a c-section. It was not too bad, and it was so glad to have him out, and finally know that he is a boy, and he's healthy. We did have a bit of unexpected IUGR due to the pre-eclampsia, and he was much smaller than any of us expected. He went to the ICN, but never needed help to breathe or regulate his temp. He just needs to grow and be able to eat. So far, my milk has only come in in drops, so last night after agonizing about our decision, we gave him formula, and decided we just want him home, which should be within the next few days if we continue to supplement and pray that my milk comes in soon. I just felt so bad, not being able to give him any more than a few drops, and we know he's hungry, despite being on an IV for sugar and hydration. Last night we came home to sleep and pump, and will go back this morning. DH and I are so completely in love with him, and are thanking God that he is safely delivered. Hormonal shifts have been a little tough from time to time, but the hardest thing is not having him with us all the time, and he should be coming home in the next couple of days now that we are feeding him formula. Recovery from the surgery has been uncomfortable, but not unbearable, and sleeping in our own bed after being the hospital for almost a month is glorious. Here he is right as they are showing him to me at delivery!!! Hugs,
Kimmie

http://www.millcottagebridal.com/1615727-joshua.jpg

[Ericka_Jarett]

Kimmie - great story, so happy he is healthy and all YOURS and RAY's!!!!!! Enjoy him, which I am sure you will.

I know what you mean about only getting drops. They gave Easton formula from the start, because 1 hour after he was born he was ready to eat. They wanted him to grow so were tube feeding him for a few days and then the new doctor on shift said a bottle every other feeding (he didn't know how to suck) within that week he got better with the bottle and was only taking 10cc's by tube and was getting most feedings by bottle and came home the end of that week at 10 days old. I was fine with the formula and him getting the little bit of BM he was getting, I just wanted him home with me. For us, unfortunately, my milk never came in fully so we just stopped and stuck with formula.

[Lisa]

Kimmie,
Joshua is beautiful! Great story!

I had my ob appt. everything looks good. they want a level 2 u/s which I'm a little nervous about. Has anyone had one? What do I expect? My last u/s dated me 9 days ahead but my Dr. wont switch my EDD. I was a little annoyed but since I have large babies he said we will do a late u/s for a weight estimation. Other than that, all is well and we leave for Disney tomorrow and I think I'm getting the flu:( Have a great day

[clzj]

Congrats Kimmie

Lisa-the level 2 u/s is just a more indepth ultrasound. I have had one with all of my pg's. The level 2 doctors specialize in "high risk" pg. There is nothing to be worried about

[Lisa]

Congrats Kimmie

Lisa-the level 2 u/s is just a more indepth ultrasound. I have had one with all of my pg's. The level 2 doctors specialize in "high risk" pg. There is nothing to be worried about
THANK YOU!!!

[jenahdawn]

Back from vacation. Was pretty anxious as we were in the 2ww....wasn't going to tell anyone. Got a negative, and AF came during out trip. *sigh*

Appt with OB/GYN (aka, my superficial crush) on Monday. Hope he says "Go forth and multiply" If not, we'd have to wait another month. It's been almost 5 1/2 months. Mentally, I believe I am finally ready. But I still miss them SOOOOOOO much.

[Kimmiebride]

Hi there,
Jenah, can't believe it's already been 5 1/2 months. Hoping you get the green flag on Monday. We even talked today about wanting another one... I did NOT think we would feel like we wanted another one so quickly. We'll see how my health holds out, and if we are blessed again...

just a quick note... We brought Josh home today!!! It's so bittersweet. Walking through our door as a family vs. when we came home after losing Robert and the house felt so empty and cold and quiet. We laughed and had a great day together! He's sleeping now, and I just want a little bit of rest... more later,
hugs,
Kimmie