Support for Ladies Who Have Miscarried (#2)

[Tiniest Angels]

This thread has been set up for ladies who have experienced a miscarried. It's a place to discuss our emotions, struggles, and successes. If you have experienced, or are currently experiencing a miscarriage, we hope you will join us. This is a place to talk openly while also offering comfort and encouragement.

Your threadmistress: ThreeYell

If you would like to be added to this thread then please post your stats in red.

Also, if you have any links that have helped you, feel free to post those and we will add them.


*posting your stats is not mandatory

[Tiniest Angels]

abbylynn
Name: Abby, 28
DH: Darren, 42
Married: 8/4/01
DS: 7/22/03
M/C: 12/16/06
TTC: ?

ag05
Me: 33
DH: 31
Married: 2001
M/C: 11/04 - 13 weeks w/ D&C
M/C: 2/05 - 5.5 weeks
M/C: 11/05 - 4.5 weeks
M/C: 5/06 - 9.5 weeks w/ D&C
TTC: no plans

ahavnes
Me: Alicia (31)
DH: Scott (32)
DD: Abbey (5/29/05)
M/C: Found out at 11w1d, D&C a day later (7/19/07)

AirForceLove
Name:Jen, 32
DH:Lenny, 28
Married: February 15th, 2003
M/C 6 weeks, January 2002
M/C 4 weeks, 3 days July 2004
M/C 4 weeks, 4 days Dec 2006
TTC: As soon as I we can


ajjlanden
Name:Ashley, 28
DH: Doug, 33
Married: June 28, 2005
M/C naturally at 7 weeks
TTC: NOW!
DD: Danielle Judith 12-15-04
*update*
BFP 12/9/05
EDD 08/23/06

jenahdawn
Name: Jenah, 29
DH: Matthew, 28
Married: 07/26/02
Lost Katie & Chloe at 18 weeks, 6 day on 9/27/06
TTC: end of March, early April '07

alliannie
Name:Annie,22
DH:Adam,23
Married: August 15, 2004
M/C (D&C) @ 10 weeks, June 2005
TTC: January 2006


ameigh
Name: Amy, 27
DH: Neale, 32
Married: Sept. 2001
DD: Feb. 2005
M/C #1: Jan. 28th, 2006
M/C #2: Sept. 9th, 2006


amygrrl
me: amy (36)
dh: dan (34)
TTC since: March 2003
Treatments: 6 failed rounds of Clomid. 1 successful IVF producing Avery Elizabeth born still on June 3, 2005 at 27 weeks from possible cord accident (we love you, baby girl!) along with 3 frozen blasts.
Update
DD Name: malin elizabeth
Birthdate: 4/3/06

Annette
Name: Annette, 29
DH: Mike, 30
Married: 11/01
M/C: 3/5/07, @ 8 weeks
TTC: unsure yet


bellabonga
Me: 33
DH: 35
Married: October 2nd, 2002
M/C: Missed Abortion at 10w4d but he or she had been dead for about a week by then. Three days later d&c on May 26th, 2006.
TTC: September 2006
DD: Maya Allison February 14th, 2003


[B]brenda
Name: Brenda, 22
DH: Sweetie, 36
Married: September, 2005
M/C naturally at 8 weeks (11/10/05)
TTC: February? (will depend)

[B]bumble
name: rebecca
dh: a boy
married: august 31, 2003
m/s at 8 weeks, june 2005
ttc: now

bunnybeth
Name: Bethany, 27DH: Elon, 28
Married: June 23, 2002
M/C naturally at 12w1d (12/7/05)
TTC: January 2006
*UPDATE*
BFP 2/14/06
EDD: 10/25/06

Calla Lilly
Name:Erin, 31
DH: Gary 36
Married: August 2006
M/C medicated 9w3d on 11/16/05
TTC: January 2006?

CapeCod04
Me: Kate, 44
DH: Aron 35
mc: medicated 8w2d
TTC: not

Chagtown
Me: Alissa
DH: Brian
Married: 07/05/03
M/C: 07/29/05: 6w,4d
M/C: 09/14/05: 6w, 6d
TTC: Now

dlj78
Me: Dana, 27
DH: Nick, 31
Married: 9-18-04
Miscarred: Still waiting
TTC: whenever we get the ok from the doc

dpangel33
Me: Danea (22)
FH: Patrick (24)
Wedding: 10-16-05
M/C: at 7 wks

Ericka&Jarett
Me: Ericka, 32
DH: Jarett, 27
Married: 12/14/01
Infant Loss : Rebekah Joy - 4/18/05 @ 24 weeks, lived 1 hour and 11 mins.
TTC: June 2005
*UPDATE*
BFP: January 30, 2006
EDD: October 4, 2006
Gender: Boy

excitedbride
Name:Christina 24
DH:27
Married: 03/02/03
M/C (natural @ 10 1/2wks
TTC: Waiting for this one to end and waiting the next.
*update*
BFP: 10/05/05
EDD: 06/18/06

Ferris
Name:Kim, 30
DH:Brian, 31
Married: 7/13/02
M/C: 4w3d, 5/21/07
TTC: Now
DS: Douglas, 5/21/05


foofie357
Name: Steff, 26
DH: Brian, 26
Married: November 24, 2001
M/C: 9 weeks. D&E Feb 23. I am considering this her date, but she had died about a week before that.
TTC: April 06
DS: Christopher 8-12-04

Happy27
Name:happy 27
DH: 29
Married: April 27, 2002
M/C in process - the baby measured 6 weeks but should be about 9 weeks we are waiting for the baby to pass and contemplating a D&C
TTC: As soon as possible
DS: Benjamin 8-14-04

Hew?B
Name: Hew?B, 29
Will be Married: Oct 2006
M/C: @ 6w2d, June 2006
TTC: Oct 2006

jay&erinn
Name:Erinn, 30
DH: Jay, 30
Married: December 29, 2001
DD: 9/22/03
M/C: 11/10/04: 6w, 6d
M/C: 7/20/05: 11w, 6d
TTC: ASAP once cleared from OB
*UPDATE*
EDD: 6/21/06


ieducate
Name:Karen, 33
DH: Andrew, 34
Married: August 1, 2004
M/C naturally at 6w2d (April 20, 2006)
TTC: As soon as OB gives the ok.
Waiting for my hcg level to drop to 0.



[B]JennH
Name:Jenn, 30
DH:Rob, 30
Married: September 20, 2002
M/C at 9 weeks, the surgery date is what sticks in my head at 6/13/05
TTC: September 2005, once we are in our house

Jennylou
Me: Jenny
DH: Sean
Married: 9/20/03
Forever in our hearts: Andrew Wyatt, 5/20-5/22/05
TTC: Later this year
*UPDATE*
BFP: 11/26/05
EDD: 8/6/06

Jenzen01
Me: Jen, 28
DH: Al, 37
DS: Gabe, born 12.21.04
Married: 10.4.03
Miscarred: 8 weeks, naturally, Oct. 2005
TTC: probably end of the 2005
*UPDATE*
BFP: 2/2/06
EDD: 10/18/06

jjsanner
Name:Jen, 31
DH: Eric, 33
Married: April 26, 2003
DS: Elijah 02-06-04
M/C: 02-10-06 at approx. 5 weeks


jrose
Me:Jess--27
DH:J--27
Married: 8.31.02
DS: O 1.05.04
No m/c yet, but found at at 12 weeks that baby was only 8wks and there was no heartbeat.

jodylovesscotty
Name: Jody, 32
DH:Scott,32
Married: August 30, 2003
M/C: @ 5 weeks, June 2006
TTC: January 2005

Karlatta
Name: Karla, 25
DH: Scott, 26
Married: 06/08/02
M/C at 8 weeks, D&C 1/29/05
TTC: Now

katmg
Name: Kat, 26
DH: 31
Married: November 08, 2003
M/C: 2/04/06 @ 6 1/2 weeks
TTC: Dr. wants us to wait 2 cycles

kdotp
Me: Kari - 26
DH: Nate - 29
Married: 9-6-03
m/c #1 12-24 @ 6w2d
m/c #2 4-22 @ 8w
TTC: January 2006
*Update*
BFP: July 11, 2005
EDD: March 14, 2006

kerrykate
Name, Kerry, 30
Dh, Fred 30
Married 27 Oct 01
DD: 4 Oct 03
M/C: 6-01, 3-06, 12-06
TTC: ?

ktnkids
Me:Karen (25)
DH:Patrick (31)
Married: 7/13/02
DD:Helen 6-12-99
angel Jamie 7-31-03
DS:Nathan 9-28-04
Angel baby 11-1-06

lilhimley
Name:Jennifer, 33
DH: Erik, 45
Married: June 7, 2003
M/C blighted ovum by D&C at 10 weeks 12/07/2005
Had D&E at 14 weeks 08/18/06 due to chromosome problem and heart defect
TTC: Will start again a few months.

Lilla
Name: Kim, 30
DH: Tony, 33
Married: 10/12/02
M/C: naturally @ 10 weeks, 11/26/05
TTC: January 2006


lissy
Name: Lissette, 32
DH: Benny, 30
Married: 05/04/03
M/C at 11 weeks, D&C 8/2/05
TTC: later this year

LDS Angel 19
Me: Michelle, 22
DH: Aaron, 23
Married: September 4th, 2004
Our angel Allison Grace June 17th 2005 @ 22 wks, With us on earth 40 mins
TTC: August 2005

Lil_Mrs_0702
Name:April,21
DH: Shannon,25
Married: July 02, 2005
M/C partial molar at 11 weeks had D&C
*Update*
I think I'm pregnant!! 5 1/2 weeks!!!!

lorbo
Name:lori, 35 for a few more weeks
DH:jimbo, 36
Married: dec 1, 2001
kids: DD 1/03
DS 1/05
M/C 13 weeks
TTC: don't know

MrsCantDecide (MCD)
Name:Stefani, 29
DH:Shane, 32
Married: 5/4/02
M/C #1: 5 weeks, 11/06
M/C #2: 6w4d, 3/18/07
M/C #3: 4w3d 5/18/07
TTC: Now
DS: Lucas Wayne, 3/5/06

Nigellas
Me: Kerry, 28
DH: Chris, 30
Married: August 7th, 2001
MCs: at 11wks, 19 wks, 6 wks and 12 wks
Currently TTC with help of an RE, Femara and Prometrium
*UPDATE*
BFP: 2/11/06
EDD: 10/24/06

polkadot
Name: Lauren , 26
DH: Brian, 27
Married: November 20, 2004
M/C: 1/12/06 @ 5 1/2 weeks
TTC: Now!!!

puglover
Name:Julia, 27
DH: Josh, 28
Married: April 20, 2002
M/C - baby died 8w3d, I would have been 12w4d when we found out, D&C on October 18, '06, miscarried naturally Oct. 22, 27 and Nov 1, Cytotec Nov 4-5, '06, D&C#2 Nov. 9, '06
TTC: don't want to again

purplesunshine7
married 4/5/03
me:28
dh:28
m/c june 2,2005
ttc: july 2005
*UPDATE*
EDD 12/5/06


robynsnest
Me: 32
DH: 34
Married Since: 04/02
Miscarried: 02/06

rene'
Name: Rene', 35
DH: Todd, 36
Married: December 23, 1990
2 DD's: 12/18/94, 03/30/98
M/C: 9/02: 6w
M/C: 12/02: 5w
M/C: 11/7/05: 10w (naturally, no d&c)
TTC: not sure

Sabriel
Name: C, 24
DH: J, 23
Married: May 22, 2005
M/C: @ 6 weeks 4 days, October 15, 2005
TTC: Not sure yet
*update*
BFP: 12/11/05
EDD: 8/22/06

[Tiniest Angels]

Sebski
Name: Sebski, 30
Married: Oct 2002
M/C: @ 5w1d, June 2006
TTC: May 2005

shouldaeloped
me: Heather (32)
DH: Neal (34)
TTC: September 2004
first m/c: january 2005, 12w2d, natural
second m/c: may 2005, 9w2d, d&c
ttc: now
*update*
BFP: October 12, 2005
EDD: June 21, 2006

Steve's Sweety
Name: Tish, 31
DH: Steve, 30
Married: June 9, 2001
M/C: In progress/waiting to see if I have to have a d&c. (Found out on 10/26/06 that our baby had died at 8W 4D when I should have been 11W 1D pregnant.)
TTC: As of right now we are planning to as soon as possible
DS: Holden, June 13, 2004

Sully130
Me: 29
DH: 31
Married: June 2002
M/C at ~6 weeks, 7/1/04
Our angel, Hannah Jane, born still on 4/22/05 at 23 weeks (1 lb, 2 oz, 10 1/8" long).
TTC again: August or September 2005?
*UPDATE*
BFP: 8/16/05
EDD: 4/29/06

Sydney24
Name:Jennifer, 30
DH: Ben, 30
Married: December 2003
TTC: since Feb 06
BFP: 31 Oct
M/C: found no heartbeat at 9 week u/s, waiting for D&C
TTC again: as soon as possible

teacher jessica
Name: Jessica, 29 (30 in February)
DH: Brad, 33
Married: July 23, 2005
M/C: 12/06/06 at 6w4d
TTC: Now!

Taraw
Name: Tara
DH: Scott
Married: July 20, 2002
DD: Adelina - Aug. 2003
M/C: 8 weeks (Natural, no D&C) - April 2005
TTC: right away

ThreeYell
Me: Amy, 31
Married: 9.21.02
DS: 2.04.05
M/C: fetal demise @ 13 weeks, discovered at 15 weeks. Induced/D&E 6.8.07
TTC: after 2 cycles

wasabigreenpeas
Me:33
DH:34
Married since: 2002
M/C: 03/24/06

Kelly51703
Name: Kelly
DH: Chris
Married: 5.17.03
DD: 11.23.05
M/C: @ 5w6d, 11.28.06
M/C: ruptured ectopic 1.14.07 (didn't even know I was PG)
TTC: ???

GlamaGal
Name: Lori, 31
DH: Kevin, 43
Married: 10.11.03
DD: 11/27/05
M/C: June 5, 2007
TTC: absolutely

[Tiniest Angels]

Inspiration!!!!

Happily PG

ajlanden: EDD 8/23/06

jennylou:EDD 8/6/06

jenzen01: EDD 10/18/06

excitedbride: EDD 6/18/06

kdotp: EDD 3/14/06

Lil_Mrs_0702:

Nigellas: EDD 10/24/06

shouldaeloped: EDD 6/21/06

Sabriel: EDD 8/22/06

sully130: EDD 4/29/06

LDS angel 19: EDD 2-10-07

erickandjarrett: EDD 10/4/06

Purplesunshine7: EDD 12/5/06

Mommies!

Suly130 - had a son, Thomas on April 20, 2006

[Tiniest Angels]

What is a Miscarriage? [/

Miscarriage or spontaneous abortion is the natural or accidental termination of a pregnancy at a stage where the embryo or the fetus is incapable of surviving, generally defined at a gestation of prior to 20 weeks. Miscarriages are the most common complication of pregnancy. The term "abortion" refers to any terminated pregnancy, deliberately induced or spontaneous, although in common parlance it refers specifically to active termination of pregnancy.


Types of Miscarriages

A threatened abortion is the development of symptoms (bleeding with or without cramps or low back pain) that often suggest impending miscarriage. With such a presentation of bleeding, 50% proceed to miscarriage of the pregnancy.

Inevitable abortion
The miscarriage of a pregnancy is inevitable when any of the following symptoms are present:

There is an obvious rupture of membranes
An open cervix
There is tissue in the cervix
There is an absence of fetal heart at a βHCG level consistent with fetal heart activity
When any of these symptoms are detected, management involves conservative observation, monitoring for heavy bleeding and sepsis, and a dilatation and curettage (D&C).

Incomplete abortion
An incomplete abortion is the miscarriage of a fetus in a pregnancy when tissue has been passed, but some remains in utero. It can result in severe bleeding, infection or intrauterine scarring. Management consists of a dilatation and curettage (D&C).

Septic abortion
The infection of the womb carries risk of spreading infection (septicaemia) and is a grave risk to the life of the woman. It may follow an incomplete miscarriage and previously was a problem for pregnancies that occurred if a Dalkon Shield IUD had failed in its contraception. This has been particularly associated with abortions performed in non-sterile circumstances, common where abortions are carried out illegally and/or by poorly skilled and equipped operators.[


A missed abortion is the miscarriage of a fetus in a pregnancy when the fetus has died, but remains in the uterus. Many cases of missed abortion will lead to a spontaneous abortion within days. Occasionally, a dilatation and currettage is necessary to remove the pregnancy tissue. That's because there is a risk of maternal coagulation abnormality if the tissue remains in the uterus for several weeks.

Habitual abortion (recurrent pregnancy loss or recurrent miscarriage) is the occurrence of 3 consecutive miscarriages. The majority (85%) of women who have had two miscarriages will conceive and carry normally afterwards, so statistically the occurrence of three abortions at 0.34%[3]) is regarded as "habitual".
There are various medical conditions associated with this problem, some of which may be corrected with medication.



Common causes of Miscarriages


Uterine Abnormalities
Ectopic Pregnancy
Blighted Ovum
Luteal Phase Defects
Autoimmune Disorders
Molar Pregnancy

[Tiniest Angels]

Links

http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/miscarriage/resources.html
http://www.realsavvymoms.com/pregnan...iscarriage.php
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miscarriage



Books

A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss -- Guidance and Support for You and Your Family
by Perry-Lynn Moffitt, Isabelle A. Wilkins, Ingrid Kohn
Support for this often unrecognized loss. Includes information on how men and women grieve differently, stress management in subsequent pregnancies, etc.

A Woman Doctor's Guide to Miscarriage: Essential Facts and Up-To-The
Minute Information on Coping With Pregnancy Loss and Trying Again
by Irene Daria, Laurie Abkemeier (Editor), Lynn Friedman

Coping With Miscarriage: A Simple, Reassuring Guide to Emotional and Physical Healing
by Mimi Luebbermann
Pregnancy councelor writes about emotional and physical stages of miscarriage.

Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss
by Sherokee Ilse
Support.

Empty Arms: Emotional Support for Those Who Have Suffered Miscarriage or Stillbirth
by Pam W. Vredevelt
Christian-based emotional support.

How to Prevent Miscarriage and Other Crisis of Pregnancy
by Carol Colman, Stefan Semchyshyn
Information of preventing future losses.

Never Held You: an ebook about miscarriage
by Ellen M. DuBois
Who are we? We are professionals in the workforce or professional mothers. We are painters and singers. We are caretakers and we are movie stars. Some of us may have children; while some of us don't. The one thing that connects us all is that we are women who experienced a miscarriage that seemed, in many cases, to go unacknowledged by many. We have all felt the dismissal of our very real grief and we have all felt alone and isolated because of it. We cry our tears together. You are not alone in your struggle to get through this . . .
http://dlsijpress.com/dubois/index.shtml

Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream
by Sherokee Ilse & Linda Hammer Burns
This is what I would consider a short form book of information and support. It's a fast read, but some people will want more depth.

Miscarriage: The Facts
(Oxford Medical Publications) 2nd Edition
by Gillian C. L. Lachelin

Miscarriage: What Every Woman Needs to Know
by Professor Lesley Regan
Information on causes, process, treatment, chances of successful pregnancy,
miscarriage and infertility.

Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart
by Marie Allen, Ph.D. & Shell Marks, M.S.
Stories of support from many women. A very emotional read, but worth it.

Motherhood after Miscarriage
by Dr. Kathleen Diamond (Ph.D. biochemistry)
Medical info and support.

Stories of Miscarriage - Healing with Words
edited by Rachel Faldet and Karen Fitton
Moving writings from both mothers and fathers.

Preventing Miscarriage: The Good News
by Jonathan Scher, M.D.
A good look into the medical causes of loss and information on testing and prevention.

Surviving Pregnancy Loss: A Complete Sourcebook for Women and Their Families
(revised & updated)
by Rochelle Friedman, MD & Bonnie Gradstein, MPH
An in-depth look at the physical and emotional, with a section on husbands & other family. Some stories, a good resource list, and great bibliography.

A Time To Decide, A Time To Heal
Molly Minnock, MSW, Kathleen Delp, ACSW and Mary Ciotti, MD
This is a book for parents who are making difficult decisions about babies they love. It's written by mothers & fathers who have faced the news of a fetal anomaly with grief & courage. Topics include: Making decisions (continuing & interrupting the pregnancy), taking control, medical procedures, couples healing, selective fetal reduction and subsequent pregnancies.

Unspeakable Losses: Understanding the Experience of Pregnancy Loss, Miscarriage, and Abortion
Kim Kluger-Bell
A therapist's look at the loss of a baby -- includes a number of personal stories. Looks at subjects including knowing of an in-utero death before the physical loss takes place, selective reduction, abortion for genetic reasons, loss after infertility, etc.


Moving on

If and when you are ready to move on to a thread for TTC there are these threads available:

TTC after a Loss
TTC w/ Charting
Plus Size and TTC
Seeing What Happens
Still At It
TTC at 35+

Or if you have decided to wait these threads are available:

Ladies in Waiting
Charting to Aviod

[Robyn's Nest]

Hey Ladies! I'm delurking! I have been on here a lot the last few weeks to see if the feelings I'm having are "normal" or if the weird stuff my body is doing is cause for concern. So you have all been helping me without even knowing it!

Here's my story: I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and have to have a d&c on February 15. It was first diagnosed as a molar pregnancy which I had never even heard of, but I had to see a specialist and have a CT scan since there is a small chance of cancer evolving from this rare pregnancy ailment. It was bad enough having been told the pregnancy wasn't going to happen but then the doctor started saying "chance of cancer and possible chemo" and I lost it.

Well very, very long story short, it was not a molar pregnancy but was a miscarriage with some abnormalities. My HcG count was at over 207,000 at 8 weeks and there was something "not quite right" on my ultrasound so with those conditions I'm still having weekly blood tests to get my numbers back down. I get results on the latest one today.

All that said, I started having what appeared to be a period the other day and continues now. Is that possible with the numbers not at "zero" or should I be concerned? What was everyone's first period after the d&c like?

Thanks for letting me lurk the last few weeks, I just had to wait till I was able to share.

[numberlady]

Robyn's Nest - I'm so sorry you had to go through not only the m/c but the cancer scare as well. I didn't have a d & c, but my first period was much heavier than normal. I would think if your levels aren't down to zero, though, it might not be your period, but someone else might have better knowledge of this kind of thing than me. We are all here for you.

Kerrykate - I'm so sorry for your loss. At least your body did everything naturally. For me that was the one thing I felt like went right, my body couldn't keep the pregnancy, but at least it knew what to do.

[wasabi_green_peas]

Hi All,

I am new here. A friend told me about this site/thread.

Me:33
DH:34
Married since: 2002
M/C: 03/24/06

On March 1, 2006, I went in for a sonogram. Don't ask me why, but I thought it was just a quick appointment and my DH wasn't even with me at that time. At that point, the doctor thought the baby was measuring small. There was a heartbeat, but she was 'concerned' and made an appointment for 2 weeks later. Well, on March 16 we found out that there no longer was a heartbeat. I should have been almost 11 weeks.

Initially I waited, hoping my body would take care of things naturally. After almost a week the waiting was too much to bear, so I scheduled a D&C for 3/24/06. Honestly, it was an awful experience. The only thing positive about it was not waiting anymore. I don't need to elaborate on that.

I am so sad and angry and feeling very lost and alone. It seems as if my friends fall into categories a) Don't know what to say, so they avoid me; b) Don't know what to say, so just talk about anything BUT the miscarriage; or c) Keep reassuring me that everything will be fine. Honestly, I don't know what I want/need/would like to hear anyway. This is where I feel very alone. I don't know anyone personally who has gone through this.

I was so excited about this baby. Who knows if I'll be able to ever have a child. I feel so old and the truth is that statistics are not on my side. I don't know where to go from here...?

Thanks for listening. Sorry I sound like such a sad sack.

[ajlanden]

green_peas-First off major ~hugs!~ Your feelings are completely justified, completely normal and completely horrible. Give yourself permission to feel that way and time to grieve. You have a right to do both. Nothing anyone can say will make the pain go away.

That being said, even though this is an online community, I found great comfort here going through the grieving and healing process. There are also MANY inspirational stories about people who have gone through many m/cs. I encourage you to find those when you are feeling up to it. It certainly gave me hope.

TAke care of yourself! This is such a crappy thing to go through!

[Jenzen01]

wasabi - gosh, what you're feeling sounds so normal, and i went through the same stuff. just give yourself lots of time to mourn. you aren't going to feel better tomorrow or the next day or maybe even next month. it's going to hurt for a good long time. i know that doesn't sound nice, but you need to know that you're allowed months to heal and feel sad and cry about that baby. you're friends and family will probably want you to feel better right away, and you're just going to have to tell them that you're not fine, that it still hurts, that you need support, etc.

whatever you do, just know that this was a loss, and you're completely normal for needing time to hurt, feel anger, feel sorrow. you're going to have to figure out over time how to deal with everything, but the important thing to know is that you have time and it's OK to have all these feelings.

Stop by here whenever you need support. We've all been there and know how intense the pain is.

Take care,
Jen

[CapeCod04]

wasabi I'm so sorry you've had to join us here. Your feelings are all normal. Allow yourself the time to heal. I kept fighting that - I wanted to be over it quickly, but that just doesn't happen. I don't think the pain ever goes away, but it eases.

[happy]

Robyn's Nest - I am so sorry about your loss as well as the cancer scare. I am glad that everything is fine now. Give your body time to heal and your emotions as well.

wasabi - I am so sorry for your loss as well. Just know that even though people don't know what to say they are still hurting for you. I think that people are scared to bring up the m/c because they don't know if you want to talk about it or not. I found that if I needed to talk I had to bring it up and my friends were so supportive when I did. Your emotions are completely normal you lost a child and no matter how you put it that is one of the hardest things you will go through in life. Come here for support these ladies are great :)

[Franni]

wasabi Sorry for your loss. I have found it hard to talk about the m/c with anyone, so I really never told anyone. I hope you'll find the strength and support that you need here.

[bunnybeth]

Robyn's Nest So sorry you're having to go through this. I can see why the possibility of a molar pregnancy freaked you out, my dr originally brought up that possibility and really hoped against that as well. Glad you were able to get some answers and support from all the other stories in here, I found that helped me out a lot as well.

wasabi I'm really sorry you're going through all this, it's just a terrible thing. The waiting is just awful, so I can really understand why you just wanted to get it over with. I've found that it's pretty rare for someone who has never had a m/c to know what to say in this situation. But, even with a couple of great support people IRL, I found this thread so helpful and supportive. I was able to share the guilty feelings and everything. Make sure you give yourself time to heal. Grieving time is different for everyone, so don't feel yours is too short or too long. It may seem like forever now, but it will only take as long as it needs to.

[Robyn's Nest]

Wasabi- Wow, I didn't put my stats on here, but we are a lot alike

Here are my stats:
Me: 32
DH: 34
Married Since: 04/02
Miscarried: 02/06

I just finished getting blood tests last week which was a reminder everytime I went in the doors of the lab, but every week seeing the numbers go down was a little step closer to being me again. I guess what I'm saying is it does get better and if you give yourself little goals, you start to feel like you're getting back on the right road.

One thing my husband I did was to plan a trip so we had something fun to talk about and look forward to. It's hard to not to dwell on the unfairness of everything ( both sister in laws are pregnant now!) but you have to know that lots of support is out there for you. I was telling someone about how hard it will be for me when both sister in laws have their babies in the next 3 months and I was told "well you'll have to get over that" I realized "no I don't" Don't put a time limit for grief on yourself.

Thanks to everyone here for the kind words!!

[CapeCod04]

robyn's nest That was smart to give yourself something positive to which you could look forward.

[wasabi_green_peas]

Hi All,

I am so sorry for the circumstances that brought each of us here. I am sorry for your losses. ((( )))

ajlanden, jenzen01, capecod04, bunnybeth: thank you for the kind words. I have been reading and perusing. I have to admit I get lost in the thread sometimes, though, and end up in a completely different thread altogether.

happy,
Just know that even though people don't know what to say they are still hurting for you. I have found that true with very many people. There are people here and there who have literally dropped off the face of the earth, but I'm trying to get to a point where I don't care so much and am trying to disentangle from the lopsided friendships altogether. I also hope I'm not unintentionally focusing my anger on them (but I don't think so). Yikes.

franni, I don't know if talking has helped or not. Sometimes when I open up to people and feel their responses lacking, I feel more alone. So, my candor might be my biggest downfall presently. I'm still trying to sort that one out.

Robyn's Nest, I'm sorry for your cancer scare, too, and I'm glad it resolved itself (hope I read that correctly). As for vacation plans, I just don't know. We just bought a house in January and are in the process of renovating the kitchen (which if you knew me you would know for me is *torture*) , so I don't know if that's in the cards. It just makes me sad. We looked for a house for 18 months and finally just bought this one because we were anxious to start a family. Now I feel like I hate my house and the reason for fast-tracking its purchase is gone. I'm sure part of it is my outlook (what isn't adding to my sense of unfairness these days?). And my SIL (who is years younger and has been married for less than a year) is due the beginning of June. This has caused me a bit of consternation and heartache. Am I supposed to go to the shower at the end of the month? I find little likelihood of that happening.

Well, I'm really just venting/ranting here because I don't know where to go with all these feelings. I hope that's okay. I truly hope I have something to give back, even if I feel a tad tapped at the moment.

[katmg]

Well, I'm really just venting/ranting here because I don't know where to go with all these feelings. I hope that's okay. I truly hope I have something to give back, even if I feel a tad tapped at the moment.

It's totally fine to vent and rant in here - that what this is for. I've certainly done my fair share of venting and whining and moaning in here. I'm sorry that you had to find your way here.

[xhristina]

Has anyone had an in-office D&C with just a sedative and local anesthesia? I just found out that my pregnancy is not a healthy one (baby stopped developing at like 5w and I'm now at 9w). I want to go ahead and have the D&C.

In talking to my Dr., we both decided I would be a good candidate for an in-office procedure as opposed to going to the surgical center and having general anesthesia. In the past, I seem to have a higher pain threshold. I've had a different procedure done in that area years ago, and it was done under local. I didn't feel much pain (all the nurses thought I was nuts for undergoing it under local and told me so - they freaked me out before the procedure, but afterwards, I couldn't understand what the big deal was).

In addition, my Dr. asked if I have heavy cramping during my menstrual periods - and I don't normally. Most of the times, I don't have any cramping at all. So he said based on that, and my past experience, he thought I'd be find in the office. He said that I wouldn't feel any pain, but I would feel about 2 minutes of cramping...and that's it.

Now that I've agreed to it and scheduled the procedure, I'm kinda getting nervous about it and second guessing my decision not to go under for it. What can I expect? Please be honest. If your procedure was awful, please tell me why - if I need to reschedule mine under general, I'd rather KNOW, so that I can take that option.

Thank you!

[happy]

Just a vent
I just had a shower at my house for a girl in my Sunday school class. I hate it that people are afraid to talk to me about my m/c. I don't have a problem talking about it but people don't even like to talk about their kids around me. I have one and know how fun they are and how consuming they can be. I just wish that people would act normally around me. It was also a hard night because out of the 8 people here 5 of them were pregnant. I was loaning out all of my maternity clothes that I had hoped to wear again this summer but that won't be the case. After everyone left I just started crying. My DH is still no home from work (it is 11:00pm) but even if he were he would probably think that I was crazy. Does anyone else's DH's think that they are crazy for still having so many emotional days about your m/c. I don't think that my DH can truly understand how hard this is for me. I loved that baby with all my heart and I am so sad to know that I will not get to meet him/her until I get to heaven. I am sad that I won't have a baby so close to three of my very close friends. I am sad that I went through so much nausea and pucking for nothing. It has been three weeks since the D&C and it is harder now than it was before. My DH and I also DTD without protection last night (kind of a mistake) and now I am freaking out that I will loose another baby. I think that really I just need to go to bed but I had to have somewhere to go to share my feelings.
Goodnight. I hope everyone else is doing ok you are all in my thoughts.

[jeggink]

Well, I don't know if I should be here or the other thread anymore, but I had a m/c Jan 4, got pg again in March and now it is looking like I may have m/c #2. We find out next Wed, but things don't look good. I should be 7w4d yesterday, my fetal sac was measuring 7w6d but the baby was measuring 6w1d with a HB of 79, very low. Plus I have a subchorionic hematoma (blood spot next to fetal sac, not a huge deal, but not great either). My OB doesn't have high hopes for this.

I am so very upset about this, I just never expected this. It is happening the exact same was as the other m/c, right around 8.5 weeks and my body doesn't know what is going on. Now with some miracle, things may end up being OK, but I think it's along shot at this point. Geessh, this sucks.

If I do miscarry they will do some minimal blood testing but don't do anything more until a 3rd m/c. But since Ihave alreadyhad a child they know I can at least carry one so that rules out certain things. I guess I just feel so numb at this point.

[Jenzen01]

jeggink - Just wanted to send you some hugs. I am so sorry you're going through this.

Jen

[katmg]

xhristina - I didn't have a d&c so I can't help you much. Hopefully someone else will be able to help you out!

happy - I am so sorry that you had a rough night. I still have them 2 months later...I broke down in our driveway two nights ago and just cried in DH's arms. Sometimes we just need to cry, and that's okay...

jeggink - :( I'll be praying that this baby makes it. Please let us know if there's anything we can do...

[shouldaeloped]

xhristina- I am so sorry for your loss. I had a d&c but it was under anesthesia. the only par that I would be concerned about without going totally under, would be the emotional side. I would think that being aware of what is going on physically would make it that much harder to deal with. the recovery from my d&c after going under was mild, I slept all day and the rest of it was just the normal bleeding and recovery. good luck to you with making your decision, but please be aware that the emotional side is often much more difficult than the physical side of miscarrying.

jeggink- so so sorry that it looks like you are going through this twice in a row. I lost my first two pregnancies and while the first one is absolutely devasating, the second just makes you feel totally hopeless. I hope you end up with good news and please take care of yourself.

makes me sad to see so many new members of this thread. . . .

[Robyn's Nest]

xhristina- I had a d&c but it was under general like Shouldaeloped I agree with her in that the emotions may be a lot to take under local even with a sedative. As hard as it was being wheeled in the OR, there was a sense of , I hate to say relief, but waking up and having a peace knowing physically it over.

Happy- Just when I think I'm getting better something drags me back in also. I just finished getting blood tests last week to get my HcG back to negative and the d&c was February 15. I thought when that weekly reminder was over all would better. Well yesterday I get a shower invitation in the mail for my sister in law. Never mind that this is her second child so I didn't even think a shower was called for, but she hasn't been very nice to me during this event, so I broke down crying. I cannot go, it would be way too much right now, but it made me upset too b/c I so want to be back to somewhat normal. I guess we just have to cry sometimes.

[wasabi_green_peas]

xhistina, ((( ))) I'm sorry for your loss. I don't have much advice because I had a sedative/anesthesia that completely knocked me out. I had never gotten general anesthesia (even getting all 4 wisdom teeth extracted was under local) and was scared about my reaction to that, but whatever I had turned out okay. I was only under for 20 minutes or so? I'm not sure.

happy, I don't know how long it's been since your m/c, but I can't even imagine hosting a shower right now. You are such a caring and kind friend. ((( ))) I don't know what normal talk I am looking for these days. If people can't talk to me about the m/c and act as if nothing's wrong, I get irritable. If people tell me not to worry that I'll be able to have a child, I feel patronized. I end up feeling sorry for those around me because I am not sure what *would* help. I have (admittedly) been withdrawing into a tiny circle. The last few nights I have been trying to reach out a bit more, but it's hard. I'm used to being the motivator, the assurer, etc.

jeggink, my heart aches for you right now. :( I am so so sorry you are going through this, but I will keep you in my positive thoughts and prayers. I fervently hope your baby is healthy. I wish I had something to console you. ((( )))

[CapeCod04]

xhistina I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a medicated miscarriage, so I have no advice on the D&C

jeggink I'm sorry things are not looking positive. I can't imagine what you must be going through.

[jeggink]

Thanks CapeCod04, wasabi_green_peas, shouldaeloped, katmg & Jenzen01 for all your thoughts.

I had spotting this weekend so I am going to the dr today at 11:50. I am very nervous and trying to keep some hope.

[happy]

xhistina - I am so sorry for your loss. How are you feeling now?

jeggink - You will be in our thoughts this afternoon. I hope that you have very good news when you get to the Dr. today. Miracles can happen.

How is everyone else doing?

[kerrykate]

jeggink~ I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Hopefully you'll get good news at the doctors.

Happy~ That was so sweet of you to have a shower for your friend, but I can't imagine how hard it was. It's totally normal to have emotional days, a miscarriage is such a devastating thing to go through. I'll think I'm fine then something will happen to bring back the emotions, like remembering I should be so many weeks along or seeing the Oct 06 thread is always hard.

My levels finally took a big drop. Two weeks ago they were 19,200 then last week they dropped to 1000, and I just found out today that they are 415 which really stinks I was hoping they would be below 5 so I wouldn't have to go back but now I have to go back this Friday and have blood taken again for the 7th time. I just want it to be over with I bled heavy for 3 days and am still lightly spotting 2 weeks later...Ugh.

Take care everyone.

[CapeCod04]

kerrykate Waiting for your levels to drop can be maddening. Hang in there because it may take several weeks.

[jeggink]

Happy & Kerrykate Thanks.

No news good or bad. Had a very quick u/s and the baby is still there but his u/s machine is so antique we aren't sure. So I have a hospital u/s Wed at 2pm to make the thumbs up or down decision.

kerrykate So sorry your numbers aren't going down fast. I know it was an additional 10 days added onto my cycle after my D&C and my numbers were up really high as well (>30,000). It just takes time, which sucks in itself.

[pacificbliss]

xhristina I am so sorry for your loss. I had a local for my d & c. They gave me a strong sedative so I was asleep during the procedure itself. I woke up and DH was with me. Other than being a horrible thing to have happen the procedure itself was fine this way.

jeggink I hope everything turns out fine and am so sorry you are going through this.

kerrykate sorry this is taking so long.

Hugs to everyone.

[polkadot]

xhristina~ I am so sorry for your loss. I didnt have to have a D&C b/c i was very early into the pregnancy. The day the doc told me i would m/c i started to spot and the next day AF had arrived. I think oncei had come to terms with what was going to happen my body just did it. and i agree with shouldaeloped that:

the emotional side is often much more difficult than the physical side of miscarrying.

jeggink~ So sorry you are having to go through this...you and the bean are in my prayers I hope all is well.

kerrykate~ Sorry everything is taking so long. I hope your body gets itself straitened out very quickly.

[Robyn's Nest]

Jeggink- I hope all is well for you and the baby tomorrow. I know the hours until then must be dragging by.

kerrykate- My numbers were at 207,000 before the d&c and it took 7 weeks to get to negative. I know how frustrating it is and how having a weekly reminder doesn't help. The only thing I can say is to hang in there.

Does anyone else have those family members that just don't get it? I have one that makes these insane comparisions trying to relate to what my husband and I have been going through and he has no idea. They have a healthy happy 3 year old and his wife is 7 months pregnant now. She got pregnant both times really quickly and w/o complications. I was told by this person 2 days after my d&c that me having a miscarriage "made him nervous for their pregnancy" then in a phone call last night he told me that getting past this "must be like getting over a stomach virus" Comparing losing a baby to having a stomach virus?! I was at a loss for words. I have to see this person Easter b/c it's immediate family, but right now I could slug him in the face.

Guess I'm still kinda hormonal huh:o

[polkadot]

oh robyns nest~ yes, you should slug him in the face. I have a family member who is just like that...she's my sister and she found out she was PG two days after I did. All she does is complain about her pregnancy and she still smokes. When i yell at her for smoking and other things she is not doing...she says well you should see how hard it is to quit when you are so stressed out ...uhmm hello? You chose to get PG no one forced this on you. And then my mother, yes my own mother...will say very hurtful things when i talk about my sister...and she'll say...well, you dont understand you are not a mother. Well, thank you for pointing that out...time and time again...:rolleyes:

I dont know if they know how much that hurts me but they seem to not care...and the worse part is that they both continually ask ::are ya pregnant yet?: Uhmm no, but thanks for reminding me of that too!!

Some people....:mad:

I hope you get to feeling better soon...(((((hugs))))

[xhristina]

Thank you all for your input. The procedure itself, under local was 110% easier than I had worked myself up about. It's crazy what your mind conjures up when you don't know what to expect.

The morning of, I was very nervous and anxious and emotional. During the procedure, they gave me a great sedative (I think it was valium and demarol maybe?). I was so relaxed, and out of it... almost asleep. I didn't feel a thing. When it was over, all I fell into a nice, deep, sleep that felt like it was HOURS but was really only 20 minutes.

DH was a God send before and after the procedure. We talked and talked for hours and for the first time in a long time, he nursed me back to health. Typically, I'm not the type of person that likes to be babied too much when I'm sick, but after the D&C, I soaked it in....I NEEDED it. I think you guys were right, it wasn't a physical need, as much as an emotional one.

I didn't feel much physical pain afterwards, I just felt exhausted. I didn't bleed a lot either. I stayed in bed the remainder of Friday and by the evening I even felt well enough to go out to dinner with my DH and my mom.

Jeggink - my heart sank, reading that this is your second time...I can not imagine how agonizing the waiting game is. I wish they could give us quicker answers...half of the agony is just not knowing what's going to happen one way or another. I am hoping that your appointment yesterday might've brought you some good news! =)

Robyn's Nest - honestly, I think some people just are very clumsy about their reactions - they don't know HOW to react, so they say very awkward things sometimes. I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt you purposely and maybe it will help to just remember that at least he's trying to show concern and care.

Now Polkadot - the thing with your mom is just MEAN! Have you pointed out to her that the comments she makes are hurtful to you? That's the kind of thing I would feel comfortable discussing with my mom...a distant relative, I let slide, but MOM?! No way!

[Franni]

jeggink You and your baby are in my prayers. Please take care of yourself. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[jeggink]

Thanks ladies for thinking about me, I am really really nervous and scared for tomorrow. Part of me is keeping my hopes up, the other is thinking bad thoughts. I can barely concentrate on work right now, I feel like my mind is going a mile a minute. My appt is at 2pm tomorrow and since the techs doing the u/s can't give me any information, I have to wait till they call my dr right after and talk to him.

If the pg is not good I have the option of a D&C on Thurs per my dr. He prefers to do it that way instead of waiting cause it can take a long time. So we shall see which way it goes.

xhristina Glad your procedure went well. I was completely under in the OR for mine. Glad DH took good care of you.

Polkadot So sorry about your family, how rude!

[pacificbliss]

Crossing my fingers for you jeggink.

xhristina I am glsd the procedure is over, I hope you are doing ok.

Polkadot you must be so patient. I would let my family have it for that. I can't believe the things they have said. It's like sometimes it just doesn't occur to people that words hurt. So sorry.

[polkadot]

oh thanks girls....

My mom realized what she said afterwards b/c she saw the look on my face but my comeback from that was: Thanks for reminding me and then storming off: She got the hint. and as far as my sister...she is 21 dumb, and immature and going nowhere fast...I've lived with her this long...a few more years isn't gonna kill me;) thank god she lives in another town...close enough for me to see anna but far enough where i dont see her everyday!

[Robyn's Nest]

Polkadot- Glad to know I'm not alone in my insensitive family. I cannot imagine my mom saying that to me. Thank goodness she got the message when she said it to you. As far as your sister, sounds like you have a good attitude about it. Family....you're stuck with them, so make the best I guess.

xchristina- Sounds like things went as well as could given the circumstances. So sorry you had to go through that though. Having a caring DH makes a world of difference. Hope you continue to heal.

[pacificbliss]

Thinking of you jeggink. I hope everything is alright.

[Franni]

jeggink thinking of you also. Still keeping my fingers crossed.

[shouldaeloped]

xhristina- glad everything went okay. and kudos to your DH for taking such good care of you.

jeggink- I keep checking in here for updates on you. keeping everything crossed that everything is okay.

insensitive comments- I get tons of them. the worst was 2 days after my first miscarriage, my mom asked me when I was finally going to give her grandchildren close to her (my sisters and their kids live far away) so she could spoil them. uh . nice sentiment, but could you give me a little healing time please??? and then when I was very early pregnant for the third time (after losing 2) she asked me how I was feeling and I told her that I was nervous and nauseaus and her response was "you know, there are things in life other than pregnancy." thank you for pointing that out. I told her that right, there was nothing else in my life. the saddest part is that she has no recollection of these comments when I call her out. she's young, I guess she's got some early senility. still hurts to hear it but ever since then, she has been a rock for me. so I suppose I can forgive.

[happy]

xhristina - I am glad everything went well with your D&C. I was very glad after I had mine to know that the waiting to m/c was over and that I was then ready to move on. It is still very emotional almost 4 weeks later but everyday I feel a little stronger. Now if only AF would show up soon :)

jeggink - I hope everything goes well. I keep checking in to see if there is any news. Hopefully everything went well.

insensitive comments - I didn't get a lot of them. One of my friends said she was sad I MC but really wanted me to hurry up and get pregnant again so that our kids could be close in age. I think that her general thought was nice it just didn't come across that nicely. I actually think that the most insensitive people are those that have been completely avoiding me or avoiding having any in-depth conversation about the mc with me.

Well I hope everyone is doing well. It is a gloomy day here and it is really starting to make me sad.
Well, hope everyone has a great Wednesday

[jeggink]

Well, unfortunately, things didn't go well. The official term, fetal demise as we saw the HB a week ago.

I have my D&C tomorrow at 1pm.

I am soo upset :(.

[happy]

oh, I am so sorry that the ultrasound didn't go well today. You will be in my thoughts tomorrow. I hope everything goes well. At least you get to get it over with fast and will not have to think about it for two long. I am so sorry :(

[katmg]

jeggink - I am so sorry. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow.

[numberlady]

I guess it has been a while since I have been here and am sad to see a couple new members, christina and jeggink. I am so sorry you have to join us.

[kerrykate]

jeggink~ Oh no, I'm so sorry. Take care sweetie.

[Franni]

jeggink I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself.

[polkadot]

jeggink- you are in my thoughts....((((hugs))))

[jeggink]

Thanks for all your well wishes ladies, it means ever so much to me!! I am taking this a lot harder than I thought I would, I am very sad. I had such a hard time sleeping last night, so many nightmares. Plus my hand kept straying to my rounding belly and that sucked as well.

You would think that after one m/c that you would get a healthy baby, the statistics don't lie. Well I guess that didn't work for me. It makes me very scared to even think about getting pg again.

At least they will do some preliminary blood work on me to see what is going on. They won't do any chromosonal testing till after the 3rd m/c. I mean both times we saw the HB and the baby passed away, there has got to be a reason for that.

Anyway, I am leaving work very shortly to head to the hospital. I am sooo hungry and thirsty right now so I can't wait to eat again.

I hope everyone has a great day.

[bunnybeth]

jeggink, so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope everything goes smoothly today and you can just heal and grieve as you need. {{hugs}} Take care of yourself.

[xhristina]

Awwww Jeggink....I was SO hoping for a different outcome. I'm so sorry. Take care! =/

[brenda]

jeggink - You're in my thoughts. Be gentle with yourself, and try to rest. This will be a difficult time, don't expect it to get better right away.

[CapeCod04]

jeggink - I am so sorry.

[pacificbliss]

Sorry jeggink, my heart goes out to you.

[silentbunny]

Oh, how terrible. Jeggink, I am so sorry.

[Jenzen01]

Jeggink - I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Hope all goes well today. I am so sorry.

[jeggink]

Thanks ladies, I got back at 4:30pm yesterday. I think they gave me more drugs this time so I was out a bit longer. My experience was slightly different than last time, but not much. I am still sad and it's hard to believe I am not pg today, but like last time it will fade over time.

I go to the dr in 2 weeks for a follow-up and to get the blood work started to see if they can find anything. I am not sure when we will be cleared to TTC again but I am hoping we just need to wait this month.

Thanks for all your well wishes, it means a lot to me!

[polkadot]

jeggink- you are in my thoughts and prayers and i hope you can find a way to enjoy Easter...we are all here for you....(((hugs)))

[LynzeyAHL]

I don't feel up to going back and reading all 113 pages. I'm in the process of m/cing now. I've been spotting/bleeding since March 18th I'm about at my psychological threshold for dealing with it. Would a D&C speed things up so I can just have a break?:confused:

[happy]

LynzeyAHL - I am so sorry that you are going through this. A D&C would speed things up a bit. After my D&C I sill bled for about a week. It would at least get the acutal m/c over faster. Have you have blood drawn to make sure that your levels are decreasing. I guess I have not been much help but I am so sorry that you are going through this.

[kerrykate]

LynzeyAHL~ I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also miscarried naturally and it's a long process. Since your bleeding I don't know if your doctor would do a d&c. Are you getting blood drawn to see if your hcg levels are going down? I started bleeding on 23 March and bled heavy for about 3-4 days, then moderatly for about another week then spotted for about 1-2 more weeks and finally completely stopped about a week ago. I'm still getting my levels tested and just found out that they went from 450 last week to 158 but they're still not at 0:rolleyes: I've been getting my blood tested for the last 5-6 weeks and it's taking forever to get to 0... Since it's going so slow the nurse suggested I wait 2 weeks before I get my blood taken again. Anyhoo, take care of yourself and hang in there.

Easter was just *ok*. My SIL announced that she's pg and is already 14 weeks along. I'm really thrilled for them but feeling sorry for myself. They have 2 DD's already that are 5 and 6 years old and have mentioned several times that they were done having kids, but apparently got that itch one last time. It really sucks because her due date is 15 Oct and mine should be 26 Oct. They told my mom that they were so excited when they found out I was pg b/c the kids would have been so close in age *sigh*.... I'm glad they waited awhile to tell everyone because if I would have known we were pg at the same time I think it would have made my loss that much more difficult.

[LynzeyAHL]

LynzeyAHL~ I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also miscarried naturally and it's a long process. Since your bleeding I don't know if your doctor would do a d&c. Are you getting blood drawn to see if your hcg levels are going down?

yes they were only like 83 - 165 - 315 at their highest (1 week after I thought I m/c before the dr tested) US with no fetal heart tones at 8w6d and then dropping last Tuesday. I never asked about my progesterone. I called for my numbers today but it seems the last dr to have my chart on Thursday isn't there today and they couldn't locate it. TYPICAL!

[happy]

LynzeyAHL - I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It looks like your numbers are getting closer to 0. Hopefully soon :)

kerrykate - I can totally relate to you about your sister. one of my very good friends is pregnant and due three weeks after when I should have been. I am super exicited for her but at the same time it is really hard for me to talk about her pregnancy with her since I wish that I was there too. How are you doing other than that? hopefully your numbers will be to 0 next time you go in to get them checked.

Jenzen01 - How are you doing? I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Have you gotten any results from your bloodwork that was done?

Anyone else I missed, how is everyone doing?

------

AF showed up this weekend. I was glad to finally see her but it was also hard. I had nothing in the house except for the big pads that I used after the D&C and it was very hard for me to go and buy tampons. That may be crazy but I was really hoping that I would not need any for at least 9 months. I am glad that my body is back on track though since it was only about 30 days since my D&C.

[LynzeyAHL]

my number had dropped to 261 on monday the 3rd no fetal heart tones on 11th so I took a hpt at home Sunday and it was so faintly positive that I had to squint to see the line so I have to be back down looooooooow right now. They're mailing me a lab slip to go in one more time next week to confirm for sure.

looks like we can try again in may

[polkadot]

(((((hugs)))))

[jeggink]

LynzeyAHL Glad your numbers keep dropping!

happy Ugg, the 1st AF is the hardest. Hope it went OK. I know mine was HELL!

kerrykate So sorry for the news, that is so hard. Hoping you are doing OK.

Well, my bleeding is finally slowing down and just about gone. Still having some cramping. My dr appt is next week and I find out what tests we will do at that point and when we can TTC again, and mentally when we want to TTC again. I am so scared of getting pg right now, it is not even funny, I am absolutely terrrified. I do not want to have to go through a D&C ever again. Sigh, so difficult.

I am still bummed about this all, but trying to work through it. At least only 2 people knew about it this time (besides you all of course).

Anyway, hoping everyone is doing well and is healthy!

[wasabi_green_peas]

LynzeyAHL, I am sorry you have joined our little group. I hope your numbers reach 0 quickly.

Jeggink,

I am still bummed about this all, but trying to work through it. At least only 2 people knew about it this time (besides you all of course).
I just went through my 2nd, too --- my first was in August '04 and I was 6 weeks pregnant. I still wonder if I will tell people if/when I get pg again. In some ways, it makes it harder to suffer in silence (I think). But then, I feel like this story is old; I feel defective and I would want others to be happy for me and not be 'cautious' in their congratulations. Does that make sense?

Kerrykate, I know how you feel. Although not the same, my SIL's shower is next weekend and I just *can't* go. I just feel like it's still too soon.

Happy, I am just getting my period now. How is that even possible? I was 10.5 weeks pregnant and had the d&c just four weeks ago (as of tomorrow). I don't know. It seems very soon...? I, too, started crying when it started yesterday. Even though I was 'happy' that it returned, I was sad that it wasn't the 9+ months it should have been.

Otherwise, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I still cry a lot. Especially at night. It kills me that I'll never know if my baby was a girl or a boy. Things like that. *Sigh*

Love to you all, Jenn

[ieducate]

Someone from my DecemberMommies page recommended this thread for dealing with my grief. I had a miscarriage today and I am at such of loss for words to express my devastation. I was only 6 weeks pregnant (Due December 12th), but it feels like I lost a lifetime. I had so much planned already (mostly in my head) and my dh was so excited. He and I cried so much today that I don't think I have any tears left. I am in shock and don't know what to do. we saw the the OB today and she is wonderfully optimistic. She is watching me carefully and monitoring my hcg levels until they get back to zero. Then I have to go through one full month of regular cycle before I go back on the fertility drugs and try again. I think one of the worst things is the thought of waking up every darn morning to take my stupid temperature. I think I may skip it the first month we try to get preg. again. I am not sure I can stomach doing that. I will still do the OPK's though. Either way I am feeling an unbelievable loss today and I can't stomach it. I was at work when I found out and it was horrible. I called the doctor to get an update on my hcg levels (blood test was taken yesterday) and she (the doctor herself) got on the phone and gave me the news. I had dropped from 888 to 200 in 48 hours. I broke into tears right there in the copy room...where I was standing talking on my cell phone. To make matters worse, I am a teacher, so I was supposed to go back to my classroom and take my students to lunch. I grabbed another teacher in the hallway and told her to go to my classroom and tell the teacher who was in there covering for me to take my kids to lunch. She didn't ask any questions as it was quite obvious by my sobbing that something was wrong. I walked downstairs to my principal's office and broke into more tears. One of the secetaries (bless her heart) drove me home and another one followed in my car. I am a wreck. My family has been nothing but supportive, but I can't stand that I am no longer pregnant. This was all I thought about day and night. I did everything I was supposed to do and nothing I wasn't. The doctor told me it was not my fault at all, but I can't help to feel the quilt anyway. Thanks for listening...I will be back later...need to collect myself again and regroup.

[ieducate]

Sorry...forgot to put my information in red.


ieducate
Name:Karen, 33
DH: Andrew, 34
Married: August 1, 2004
M/C naturally at 6w2d (April 20, 2006)
TTC: As soon as OB gives the ok.
Waiting for my hcg level to drop to 0.

[happy]

ieducate - I am so sorry that you have to go through this. There are really no words that I can say to make the pain go away but it will get less and less as the days go on. There was a purpose in the loss of this baby and there is a greater plan for your lives at this point. It is encouraging that you were able to get pregnant and really there was nothing that you did or didn't do to cause this. You are in my thoughs. This is a great group for support but I am so sad that you have to join us.

[ieducate]

Honestly I was nervous that talking on this thread would make it somewhat harder for me to deal with and move on, but in reading through many (not all) of the postings I am put to ease a bit. It is amazing to me how even though we are all so different, we share this very same feeling of loss, sadness, confusion, and frustration after the loss of our baby(ies). No one who has never been through this can begin to understand the feelings involved in this whole process. The miscarriage is not a single event, but rather a series of events over a sometimes long period of time. I was lucky (some would say) that I got my period tonight. I guess it is a good thing that my doctor told me today about my numbers and that I saw her today because if I had gotten my period without knowing that information I would have surely freaked out and run to the ER. The good news about geting my period today is that its all the sooner I can try again. The really tough part is that I am apprehensive about getting pregnant again soon because I am afraid of losing it again. I don't think I can go through this again. Not anytime soon. I have to wait until next cycle anyway, as in not this "losing your pregnancy period", but instead the real cycle of May. Anyway, thank goodness this thread exist, but sorry that it has to exist. Make sense? I am praying for each and every one of us on this thread right now for babies, babies, babies soon, soon, soon. By the way, I was supposed to go to a friend's baby shower this Saturday and my husband told me "NO WAY". He is not allowing me to go because he knows that it will be a disaster for me. We had not told this couple that we were pregnant, but he is going to call the husband tomorrow and explain the situation. I just can't deal with the idea of celebrating somoene else's happiness in the baby department when I just lost one. I know that sounds so selfish (and I am happy for her), but it's just too soon. I really am happy for her. Talk to you all later.

[numberlady]

ieducate - I am so sorry that you have to join us here. It has been over 2 months since my m/c and reading your posts brought back some of the raw feelings for me. I can tell you that it does get better, but I still think about it a lot. I had a similar situation as you where I had the m/c and immediately started my "period". The only thing that made me feel a teeny bit better was that my body did the right thing and realized that for whatever reason the pregnancy was not OK. That was the one thing I held on to, but other than that I felt exactly like you do now for several days.

[katmg]

ieducate - Oh, I am so sorry to come on here this morning and find this news. :( I lost my pregnancy at 6w4d and I too remember how much planning and thinking and hoping I had already done in the short time I had known about the pregnancy. You and your DH hang on to one another and cry as much as you need to. Feel free to rant, cry, etc. as much as you want on this thread - I know that the rest of us all have at one time or another.

[kerrykate]

Wow, I also found out I was going to miscarry at 6 w 4d.

ieducate~ I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally agree with this:

The really tough part is that I am apprehensive about getting pregnant again soon because I am afraid of losing it again. I don't think I can go through this again. Not anytime soon.
I want a baby but I'm scared to death about getting pg again, it just feels inevitable that I'll miscarry again and that terrifies me. Right now I'm definitly a ~glass is half empty~ type of person. It's amazing how much your life can change in the matter of a few weeks. You go from the highest high to the lowest low. Cry, rant, feel sorry for yourself, just let it all out. Take care and you're in my thoughts.

[Franni]

ieducate Bravo for your DH for not allowing you to go to the shower. He is really looking out for you and that is so wonderful. Right now, you need each other. I have a dear friend who will have a baby in July. That would have been my due date if I had not miscarried. To this day, 4 months later, I still feel that sting.

If you are not feeling up to it, maybe it would make sense to "postpone" charting, etc.

[dpangel33]

ieducate, I'm so sorry for your loss. My due date just recently passed and it brought back all the raw emotion that I felt 7 months ago so I feel your pain. It was so hard for me as well to celebrate my SIL's pg so close to my loss. But the jealousy and envy has finally passed so now I can enjoy my precious little neice.

I wish you and everyone else all the best in the months ahead.

[ieducate]

Today is easier than yesterday, but it still feels like a bad dream. I keep thinking I am going to wake up and be pregnant as normal. I want to be pregnant more than anything,but I don't want to go through this emotional pain ever again. I told my dh that if and when I get pregnant again I am not leaving my bed for the first three months until I know the baby is ok. :) We are both hoping that I get pregnant in June (first available month allowed to try) so that I am off for the summer during the first trimester. I am a teacher so the timing would work. Plus, I wouldn't have to worry about other teachers finding out I was pregnant until the three months were up and I was back at work. Unfortunately we all know that life does not work that way and it is likely I will not get pregnant right away. :( This whole situation just SUCKS. :( I am angry, frustrated, and sad beyond belief. To make matters worse, I still have sore boobs and am still nauseous. How fair is that??? My mother used to always say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". AGH to that. I don't feel stronger from this at all...I feel more scared about being pregnant and more anxious to have it happen (in a good anxious way and a bad anxious way). Make sense? How screwed up I feel right now. Talk to you ladies later. Thanks for your support through all of this.

Franni, I decided not to chart for a while and in fact even the first month we try again I am not going to take my temperature. I am just going to do the OPK's. I can't stand the thought of waking up every morning and putting that thermometer in my mouth. I could handle it during the work week when I had to be up at 5:00am anyway, but waking up every Saturday and Sunday was horrible. My OB will be putting me back on clomid again at the end of May so I will most likely know when I am ovulating without the darn temperatures. I am looking forward to taking a break from FertilityFriend for a while anyway. :)

[wasabi_green_peas]

ieducate,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Feel free to vent about the unfairness, anger, grief, sadness, devastation... I think the only thing that helps is time.


To make matters worse, I still have sore boobs and am still nauseous. How fair is that???

I felt that to be terrible. I had a missed miscarriage and was horrified to know my body had no idea that my baby had died. I generally trusted my body to be in sync with my health.

As far as conceiving, follow your heart and what is best for you. ((( )))

Again, I am so sorry for the pain. At times, I wished my heart would stop because the pain was so real and deep. I wish I had something other than an internet hug to offer you.

Jenn

[Ericka]

Sully130 had her son, Thomas yesterday. Born at 5:32 p.m., Thomas is 8 pounds, 4 ounces, 21 and 1/4 inches long.

[CapeCod04]

ieducate I am so sorry for your loss. I think you'll find this board a helpful, healing place. Kudos to your husband for saying no to the shower. You need to heal a little before attempting to handle something like that.

[polkadot]

i educate~ so sorry for your lost...it does suck that sometimes our bodies dont catch on to what is going on inother parts of our bodies. I lost my pregnancy at 6 wk 5 days and my bb's hurt for about a week after i m/c I never had any nausea though. I hope your body get back on track soon. We all know that emoty feeling you are talking about but it does get better...Some days are good some days are better and then some days are worse. You just have to take it one day at a time and it will get better. There are so many girls here that have gone on to have healthy and happy pregnancies and babies. They are my insipiration and they give me a little speck of hope that it will happen...((((hugs))) to you...i hope you get to feeling a little more like yourself soon...

Congrats!! to Sully130!!

[ieducate]

Well, yesterday in addition to the bleeding getting worse, I had terrible pains on the left side of my stomach...real far down. I thought I could just ignore it and go about my weekend, but the pains got worse. The doctor on call said to go to the ER. I dreaded it, but knew it was the only way to know for sure what was going on. My dh, bless his heart, gave up a Saturday night to spend it in the hospital watching me become more and more frustrated with every second that past in that darn ER. They drew blood and did an u/s. I thought I would be happier the first time I had an u/s. I was anything but happy last night. They noted quickly that my numbers had dropped to 27...so they went from 888 to 200 to 27. It's official...I am not an ounce pregnant. Even though I already knew when i went in there yesterday that I was no longer pregnant, there was something horrible about hearing the numbers that brought it all back...the pain and frustration. Anyway, after the u/s they discovered a bit of fluid in one of my ovaries that indicates a possible cyst...which would explain the pain. They gave me some pain medicine to take home with me and sent me on my way. I have to have a repeat u/s and blood test on Wednesday. The doctor's are all really sensitive, but they all say the same things...they all say something about their own miscarriage or someone they know, and they all say that this is the body's way of getting rid of a bad pregnancy. Do they really think that is going to make me feel better? I am happy to know that a: I can get pregnant, b: that I can try again in 6 weeks, and c: that I am not alone in this, but all in all I just wish it hadn't happened at all...the pain has not gone away in my heart and won't for a long, long time. I hate more than anything that I am depressed. I want to go back to my normal bubbly self and I can't. My dh and I have watched as many comedy shows as possible this weekend and even though I have definitely laughed a few times, once the laughter stops I go back to feeling the heartache. None of this is fair...that's what gets me the most. I am trying to hold on to the notion that I can get pregnant again and that it is not too far off for me to try. I just wish I could get pregnant now so that I could erase this event a tiny bit.

[happy]

ieducate - I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. It is so hard to go through but at least your body is doing the right thing and it seem very quickly. My body didn't even realize that the baby had passed and then I had to have a D&C. I am sure that the worst is almost behind you physically since your numbers are back down so low. It is going to continue to be hard emotionally but everyday will get a little better. It has only been about a month since my D&C and I still have some really bad days. I guess Ijust really long for that baby and I have realized that getting pregnant again is not going to entirely take those emotions away. Losing a baby at 6 weeks or 12 weeks is really hard and it will continue to be a hard thing I am sure for all of us. Continue to vent here. It is so helpful to vent to people who know what you are going through.

[bunnybeth]

ieducate I am so sorry for your loss. I never like to see more women going through this experience. I hope you find the comfort and support you need. What you said about hating feeling depressed is what I went though. It felt so foreign and terrible to me to never really feel happy. And, all the tv I watched didn't help- it seemed like the tiny problems that happily resolved themselves in a neat block were so untrue. So, you are definately not alone. The only thing that really helps is time, and the amount is different for everyone. Take as long as you need to grieve, and try not to feel guilty if you need more or less time than you thought.

[CapeCod04]

I found out yesterday that the wife of one of my co-workers is pregnant and due around the same time I would have been due. That's going to be hard to deal with.

[polkadot]

CapeCod~ Yes, it is hard to deal with...my sister is due two days after i would have been. It sucks...it was really hard last week when she found out what the sex of the baby was b/c i knew that we would be at that stage too...she is now picking out bedding etc....it makes me sad...but everybody loves babies and i know i will love this one...try to think about the baby and not the pregnancy so much...i know its hard...if you need to talk or need to vent feel free to PM me...((((hugs)))

[katmg]

I found out yesterday that the wife of one of my co-workers is pregnant and due around the same time I would have been due. That's going to be hard to deal with.

I've got the same thing here. They just moved the girl who is due 1 week before when I would have been due across the (workstation) hall from me. It's been super-fun hearing about how she's having a boy, etc. :rolleyes: I'm trying to be a good sport about the whole thing but it's just really hard some days. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this too. :(

[happy]

CapeCod04 - It is so hard to deal with. One of my very good firends is due three weeks after I should have been. It is hard to look at her and think "that could be me" i am sure it will be easier when the baby comes. polkadot, katmg I feel your pain as well

ieducate How are you doing?

[wasabi_green_peas]

I can relate to you all, CapeCod, polkadot, katmg and happy. ((( ))) How are you all doing?

SIL is pregnant. We have a tenuous-at-best relationship so that is quite difficult. And the women at work? Lost count. And that is funny because I work with mostly men. There aren't that many women here. :(

Hearing that Britney Spears is confirmed pregnant again was quite depressing. I don't know. I know someone else being pregnant doesn't alter my state one way or the other, it's just hard to deal with that feeling, "Wish it were me. I really loved my baby."

I try and ignore it, but at times it's lonely and difficult.

Love to all, Jenn

[ieducate]

Well, I am hanging in there. I have my okay moments and my definitely not okay moments. I am still in an angry phase where I feel that this is simply not fair at all. I had to go yesterday for a blood test to see if my numbers are down to zero yet and I just hate this whole thing. Jenn, I can definitely understand your feelings...anytime I see a pregnant woman anywhere, even strangers, I am resentful. I hate that I feel that way, but I do. It should be me. I should be going for my first u/s this Monday and I'm not. That makes me so depressed. All I want to do all the time is sleep. I want to sleep for the next month or two and then wake up and be pregnant again. I just want to the depressed, anxiety, and anger to go away. I can't seem to make that happen. The days go by so slowly and the nights (when I can sleep) go by too quickly. Speaking of days, gotta go to work. :( Speak to you all soon. Hope you are all finding something to smile about each day. :)

[Franni]

wasabi I thought the same thing when I heard about Britney's pregnancy.

[jeggink]

ieducate Glad your hanging in there. Take it easy, OK! Glad to hear your numbers are going down.

wasabi Yeah my thoughts are Britney were the same, especially since her "supposed" due date is right between the due dates of my 2 miscarriages. :(. I to am undecided if I will tell ANYONE about another pg, I just hate telling people I am m/c again. The 2nd time only the CC folks knew and it was a bit easier.

So sorry so many of you are surrounded by pg women, that must be sooo hard! {{HUGS}} to everyone!!!

Yeah for Sully!!!

Well, I had my follow-up for the D&C. I will get blood work done on CD3 of my next cycle and then again around CD24, depending when I O. So that means I will need to chart. I was also told to wait to get pg, so I have to wait until at least my next cycle is over, so that is around 2 more months :(. So the earliest I could have a baby now if late March 2007. I did shed a few tears when I got home, but otherwise not to bad.

I am somewhat bummed, but also somewhat relieved we need to wait because mentally I wouldn't be able to handle another m/c right now. I feel like I need to regain my physical and mental health. I have gained 10lbs from both the pg's and would like to loose that, I want to start exercising again and find the happiness in life I lost with that 2nd m/c. We are moving into a house next month that requires a lot of work and I can actually start gardening again, which is very relaxing, plus the sun is coming out again.

Maybe in a few months I will feel different, but I think we will wait a while and I am going to stop charting cause I just don't feel like it anymore. I can tell when I O cause I am in a ton of pain so that should be enough of an indicator for me. I am also going back on the Claritin for seasonal allergies, plus before DS it actually stopped me from getting pg as it dried me up. So we will kinda use that as a pseudo BC method.

I just want to enjoy life right now and not worry about having another bad pg for a while, I am sure you ALL understand where this is coming from.

I hope you are all having a decent day and that the sun is shining where you are!

[msnicolea]

I am so sorry to read of everyone's losses. I suffered my second m/c yesterday and it feels pretty awful. I'm trying to distract myself today on CC and LJ--otherwise I just sit around crying. I am 35 years old and I am terrified and heartbroken that I may never have a viable pregnancy.

[happy]

msnicolea - I am so sorry that you have to be here. I hate it when I see new members. I can't imagine what you are going through. I have no real good words of wisdom other than just to say let time heal you. I do have one word of encouragement though. One of my very good friends (who is 38) had two m/c. She then got pregnant the third time and carried the baby full term. She has a beautiful baby girl. It can happen.

[katmg]

msnicolea - Oh, I am so, so sorry that you are rejoining us here - I had seen your happy news in the TTC after a loss thread. I think your fears about never carrying a baby to term are so common here. People saying, at least you know you can get pregnant is SO unhelpful. :( I hope you are able to find some comfort here...

[ieducate]

Well, Jeggink, you couldn't be more on the money with your comments. I feel like the waiting process is so hard, but yet the thought of being pregnant again actually scares me. I want to be pregnant more than anything, but I don't want to go through another m/c. That scares me more than anything. Yesterday on my way home from work I had a total breakdown. I don't know what happened, but I felt like I had been holding my breath for a week. I went back to work this past Monday and everytime someone talked to me and asked how I was I gave the normal response, "I'm hanging in there and taking one day at a time." I believed that I think. I just felt like saying to everyone, "How the heck do you think I'm doing? I'm terrible, miserable, and depressed." But, you can't say that really. No one wants to hear how I am REALLY doing, they want to hear that everything is fine. My mother and my dh are the only ones who have known all week that I am miserable and depressed. My dh called my mother last night during my breakdown and got her on the phone with me. Then he ran downstairs to the kitchen and made me dinner...my comfort food...PB and J. I know most people use icecream as their comfort food, but for some reason PB&J is mine. I LOVE peanut butter. :) Anyway, when my MIL called last night it was back to holding my breath and giving the general response that I am okay and taking one day at a time. I am sick of feeling the pain, masking the pain, hiding the pain, and not feeling like it will ever end. I know it will lessen over time, but time seems to move so slowly when you want to get pregnant. The month that I have to wait (Same as Jeggink) is the longest month of my life. My numbers are still not at zero yet either, which means it will actually be longer before I have my next period. AGH. It seems that it adds insult to injury. I already lost the baby, just get me to zero already. :( I am hoping for an easier, breathing, day today. I hope everyone is finding each day easier and more hopeful. Love to you all.

[LynzeyAHL]

My betas are down to 9 (on tuesday 25) they want me to go back in to make sure its under 2 I mean seriously... under 2?!? I thought under 10 was good enough no?!? :rolleyes:

[katmg]

Lynzey - Yup, I had to get mine down to zero. Before they'd stop blood-testing me. :rolleyes: Luckily mine went from 13 to zero in a week and only meant one more blood draw. The only bright side I could come up with was I was happy the doctor was at least taking this seriously. It's rough though going in for all those blood draws...

[ieducate]

LynzeyAHL: Anything 5 or above on the beta means that you are official pregnant. If you did a pregnancy test at a 9, you will still get a positive. That is why your doctor wants you at a 2. My doctor, like Katmg, wants me at a zero and continues to test me. I was at an 8 as of last Wednesday. :( I just want this part to be over and have it time for me to move on. I can't move on from this while I am still focused on it with blood tests and sonograms. :( AGH. My dh and I went out yesterday with friends of ours that are expecting their first child in 5 weeks. It was extremely difficult to go out with them and even more difficult to go to their place and see the baby's room all made up. I knew it would be hard, but I never imagined it would have been that difficult. It was painful. I am just praying that by the time my December 12th due date rolls around, that I am very pregnant. My dh has already stated that he will do everything in his power to get me pregnant as soon as it is possible...which my doctor says will be sometime in June. June is not that far away, but it seems like a lifetime away for me. I want to be pregnant again so that I can put this behind me as an experience and event that happened and hurt a lot, but didn't destroy me. Getting pregnant again (and hopefully keeping it this time) I feel is the only way to really get me recovered from this. Man, this just sucks. I hope everyone is feeling better each day and has found something positive from this. I am still looking for the positives and hoping they will somehow comfort me. Have a great day.

[numberlady]

I am just praying that by the time my December 12th due date rolls around, that I am very pregnant. ieducate, this is my wish too. I already had certain milestones worked out in my , and by now I think I would be almost 18 weeks and it is very hard to fathom why other people are pregnant and stay pregnant, and I'm not.
msnicolea - I'm so sorry you have to be here ((HUGS))

[LynzeyAHL]

Yea I saw some pregnant teenager at target with her mom and dad buying a travel system and I almost started crying on the spot. I was however happy as a clam to hold my friend's 3 week old baby. I think seeing the baby wasn't as hard as the I'm not pregnant thing right now. Thanksgiving this year will suck if I'm not prego for sure.

DH is the same with me Ieducate - I was supposed to be knocked up and not help have to move at all when we buy our house this summer and DH said he'll do whatever he can to make sure I don't have to lift a finger. He was already like why do we gotta use protection?!? lol he's like who cares if the dr knows the second you got pregnant babies come when they want to anyway right?!?

such a rebel!

So my qt. is do your betas have to be back to 0 before AF can come back? I mean is 0 considered CD 1? I'm just trying to figure out what the hell is up with my cycle coming back. I don't think I'll ever be so happy to see af in all my life... <sigh>

[msnicolea]

I'm sorry that I forgot to post here. I did not M/C--even though I had an abnormal amount of blood, my betas are good and I had an ultrasound on Friday--everything is ok.

I know you ladies will have your turn.

[katmg]

Awesome! So happy to hear that you are not rejoining us here!

[polkadot]

that is great that you are not rejoining us...NOW STAY OUT!!!;) You are welcome here anytime but just as a cheerleader...;)

That is great to hear good news....:D

[littlemia]

Ugh, it sucks so much to be posting in here. I hate that any of us are part of this thread. Last Wednesday, on our anniversary and on the day that we finally got our certificate of occupancy for the house we built, DH and I were told that the baby had quit developing in the 9th week. I was supposed to be 11w4d. What was supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives turned out to be one of the worst (if not the worst). We (especially DH) had worked so hard on that house and we were so happy and relieved that after 2 years (1 year planning and 1 year building) we could actually move in. I'm so angry we couldn't enjoy that.

My midwife recommended that I miscarry naturally. I've been spotting for a week now and I'm doubting it's going to happen on its own. I think I'm going to have to make the decision to either use medications to induce (Cytotec, I assume) or schedule a D&C. I have crappy, high deductible, no maternity coverage insurance so I'm not even sure it will cover a D&C. I guess I can still wait, but it's really hard. I'm being very vague at work and telling people I have a medical issue and might need some time off. I just wish I knew when this time off would come. For those of you who waiting to miscarry naturally, how long did you wait? Did you eventually use medication or have a D&C?

If this does happen soon (by Monday at the latest), do you think I would be physically up for traveling by the 18th? DH and I had a trip to Europe planned. Unfortunately, I don't think we can postpone, so if we can't go we will probably just have to cancel. I love to travel, so if we can't go it will just be another blow. But it won't worth it to be spend lots of money miserable over vacation either.

[happy]

littlemia - I am so sad that you have to join us here. I was in the same situation as you a few months ago. Originally I was just going to wait to MC naturally (I had no spotting though). I couldn't handle that after a few days. I was afraid to go anywhere becuase I was afraid I would start bleeding everywhere. I did end up going with the D&C and it mad the process a lot faster and easier. If you do go ahead with the D&C you will be fine physically to travel on the 18th. I don't know how it would be if you waited. I also liked thd D&C option because it got my body back on track quickly. It was only 30 days between the D&C and my first period. I am so sorry that you have to join us here. The mental pain is the worst part of the whole thing. Time will help heal you

[ieducate]

Littlemia, I am so sorry you are joining us. I understand what Happy was saying about the D&C making it quicker. I have been gradually going down in numbers since last week. April 20th was my official miscarriage date and I was at 200 on that day. As of Saturday the 22nd, I was down to 27. Then the following Wednesday I was at 8. Now I am waiting until Monday to get tested again, but I don't think I am at zero yet. I still have some spotting (slight) and my boobs still hurt. Something in my body is not right. This whole process is driving me crazy. The longer it takes to get me to zero, the longer I have to wait for my next cycle and the longer I have to wait until I can try and get pregnant again. How stinking unfair is that??? I feel quite angry at this whole situation. I feel angry that I lost my baby and then on top of it, my body won't let me move on. AGH. Does anyone know if spotting is normal even this late after the miscarriage? I had a full blown period on the 20th until like the 23rd and then nothing until last night I had some blood. Nothing traumatic by any means, but it seems unusual. I am probably going to call my doctor tomorrow and ask about it, but I figured I would ask here since some of you (unfortunately) have been through this more than once. I just wish my numbers were at zero so that I could move on and count the days until I can try again. I just know that the only thing that will make this pain feel less painful is to be pregnant again. That is really the only way...I know it is. :(

[brenda]

I miscarried naturally and bled for 2 weeks, the first week was awful - heavy bleeding and lots of intermittent pain.

If you have travel plans, I would suggest that you take the D&C. Waiting for the natural MC means you won't know when it will happen or how long it will last. Just a thought.

[kerrykate]

littlemia~ I'm so sorry you had to join us. I miscarried naturally, from the time I found out it wasn't going to be a viable pregnancy until I started to miscarry was almost 2 weeks. I started spotting then bled for almost 2 weeks, heavy for a few days then it tapered off.

We moved a week a go this past Sunday and AF showed up the first day at the new house. It was my first AF since the miscarriage and lasted almost 9 days:rolleyes: So I have to go back and get my blood taken and levels checked, I thought I would be at 0 since AF showed but I got my results on Monday and my beta was at 21... I have to go again in 2 weeks to get them checked. They better be at 0. I think we are going to wait one more month to TTC.

XOXO

[LynzeyAHL]

believing that every thing happens for a reason, we found the perfect house and will be moving soon so now I'm even more ok with why this pregnancy didn't work it just wasn't the right time. So now I get to do all the fun new house stuff. I'm excited AND looking forward to trying again soon

[jeggink]

littlemia So sorry to see you here, get lots of rest!

LynzeyAHL Congrats on the new house, we are in the process of remodeling and then moving into our new house, it definately helps!

msnicolea So happy you didn't have a m/c!

ieducate {{HUGS}}

Well, we may have had an oops that I am sooo not prepared for, we will have to see. We BD'd 3 days before O when I was having fertile cm. I didn't realize it till later that day since I wasn't charting. So there is a chance, although hopefully small. I am supposed to have testing as soon as AF comes and the last thing I want to have to do is go in and say I am pg again, right after my D&C :(. So lets really hope that AF comes in 2 weeks!! All other 3 times I have been pg, it was a BD within 24 hrs of O. Sigh, the drama continues!

[ieducate]

AGH...so tired of waiting. I hate this waiting game more than anything. I am going for another beta test this Monday, but until then I have no idea if I am at 0 yet. The worst thing is, even if I did get to 0 days before, I wouldn't know and can't chart at all since I have no idea. As of the 26th of April I was at 8 and I just want to be almost done with this first month after the m/c. I want to be at the stage where I am TTC again. I hate not knowing where my cycle is. Without taking my temperature everyday I didn't know when O would be. I had to take my temp and do OPK's. Time consuimg, but helped me pinpoint when it was happening. The month I got pregnant I was on Clomid and I knew to the second when I started O...I could feel it. Without the Clomid I can't tell at all. The worst thing is...I don't want to wait. I wish I could tell when I O and then just do it, even though the doctor told me to wait until next month. I don't want to wait anymore. I want to replace some of this pain with a new pregnancy and begin the constant worry about whether or not I will lose this one too. :( I just want to be pg so badly it hurts. We were TTC for so long and finally had a taste of it. The other bad thing is, I tried to get in touch with my doctor this week to find out when we were at least allowed to have sex and I kept playing phone tag...so no answer on that. :( I want to be with my dh and not feel like damaged goods. How long do you have to wait until you start being active in that area again? Anyone know? I m/c'd naturally...no d&c, so I don't know what the protocol is. This whole situation sucks and it seems all my friends and coworkers are either pregnant right now or just had a baby in the last two/three months. It's not the whole world, but at times it seems there isn't a single woman out there who isn't pregnant. :( Why can't it be me? Sorry for expressing the frustrations...I am sure you are all feeling the same thing.

P.S. LynzeyAHL: Congratulations on the new house. That is an exciting event to help keep you occupied. :)

[littlemia]

Thanks for all of your replies and well wishes. I haven't been able to reply until today because I still don't have cable at my house.

After talking with one of the midwives about my options, I decided to take misoprostol (Cytotec) to induce the miscarriage. I called the place where they refer people to have D&Cs and they told me they could get me in on May 19th :rolleyes:. I definitely wasn't waiting that long, so I took the misoprostol. It wasn't a pleasant experience but once my water broke and the Darvocet kicked in, it wasn't that painful. I'm going back to the midwife's office today to see if she thinks I passed everything. God, I hope so.

Kerrykate and Ieducate, I'm so sorry that you're still waiting for your beta's to reach zero. I know I'm definitely worried that it will be a long time before mine go down.

[polkadot]

littlemia~I am so sorry you have to go through all of this...but I am sure you are gald to have the process done with...(((hugs)))

kerrykate & ieducate~ so sorry you are both having to wait till your numbers reach zero...it feels like it will take forever...(((hugs)) to both of you...

I on the other hand have done something that i feel like i am regretting....I am 6DPO and two days ago i discovered that i had a YI...i was going to try and wait it out until today and call the doctors office but it was so painful I decided to call my aunt who is an OB nurse and she what she said. She said it was perfectly OK for me to use one of the OTC creams as long as it wasnt the 1-3 day kind...those are very strong....so i got the 7 day cream well late night after i used it about 15 minutes later I got a horrible burning itching sensation and when I went to check I was spotting...it was pink and it has stopped but i have scared the daylights out of myself....I have a dr apt at 3:30 so we will see what happens then...i really hope i have not done anything stupid like screwed up the chances of implant or anything else...and i know its too early for a blood test to confirm or deny the PG so i just have to wait...:mad: :confused: i am so mad with myself right now...

thanks for listening

[littlemia]

Yesterday afternoon was just awful. I went to the midwife's office to be checked and as soon as she got the speculum in and looked she could tell it wasn't all out. So she proceded to pull the "products of conception" out of me. Not very fun. Painful both physically and emotionally. I wasn't at all prepared for it. She gave me more misoprostol and a prescription to have an u/s done that afternoon. Of course, all of that made me bleed heavily. I was prepared for it Thursday, but not yesterday. Luckily I had a heavy-duty pad with me but emotionally, I just wasn't ready to deal with all of that blood again.

The u/s didn't go any better. The tech was not very gentle at all (I had an internal) and didn't seem to care. After she was done, she just left. Didn't tell me what to do to check out and just left me there with gel and blood coming out of me with nothing to clean up with. Thankfully there's a bathroom in the room, so I waddled over there and cleaned myself up. During the u/s, I could just tell by the comments by the tech and from what little I could see on the screen that it's not all out. They did a wet read, so my midwife got the results last night, but she still hasn't contacted me. I'll try calling again after lunch.

I think my only option now is to have a D&C. I have no idea when they'll be able to get me in. It has to be soon, I can't deal with all of this any longer. I still really want to be able to take this trip next Thursday. For those of you who had a D&C, how soon after would you have been able to travel? Did you have general anesthesia?

[happy]

littlemia - I am so sorry that you are still having to deal with all of this. It is such an awful feeling not being in control of what your body is doing. I hated that aspect of the whole thing. I had a D&C and I could have traveled the next day (I would assume that a Doc. Would let you. I didn’t really have any restrictions well except for the obvious afterwards). I had general anes. and so I was super tired the day I had the procedure. I had not pain just bleeding like a period after that point. It was not bad at all.

[wasabi_green_peas]

littlemia, I am so sorry that this process has become even longer and more painful (both physically and emotionally) for you. Everyone is different, but my D&C was not physically painful. I was generally sore for the next few days. However, perhaps 5 or 6 days afterwards, I had horrible cramps and a lot of bleeding. You might not have the same experience. Good luck in your decision and I hope your ordeal comes to an end asap.

ieducate, I think we can all understand your frustration and sadness. I totally understand the desire to be pregnant again. It's tough. I hope you and kerrykate's numbers reach 0 quickly.

LynzeyAHL and kerry kate, Congratulations on your new houses! We just moved in January. (Actually, the first weekend in my new house is when I got my BFP.)

polkadot, I'm sorry about you YI. I don't think you did anything to possibly impair your pregnancy chances. I try and remember that in the 'real world' pregnancies are quite resilient. And although hard to avoid, I feel like worrying solves nothing in the end.

I hope everyone else is happy and healthy (or on their way there).

As for me, I've been somewhat contented lately (7 weeks post last miscarriage). We've gutted our kitchen. It was hard because I made a lot of decisions when I was pregnant, trying to fast track the process. After I miscarried, I still had quite a few decisions to make and I couldn't have cared less. I was in the mindset of, "I don't care what color the freaking backsplash is! This frivolity doesn't matter! My baby is gone!" Luckily, those thoughts have subsided and I've been happy with the distraction - unhappy with the dust, missing sink, rerouted sewer pipe, blown budget, etc.... Oh well, no pain, no gain.

Wishing everyone health, hope and happiness! Jenn

[pacificbliss]

littlemia I am so sorry this just keeps going on for you. I had a D&C and did not have a general. I just had some AF like cramps and bleeding so I could have travelled.

[polkadot]

littlemia~ I am so sorry that these professionals have no bedside manner...it is horrible that you have to go through this at all much less when people are so unsympathetic...:rolleyes: (((hugs))) to you and i hope this all end very soon for you.

Me~ Well, i called about my cycle days 3 &21 bloodwork....the cycle day 3 bloodwork was normal..which i expected...the 21 day bloodwork was sent for the wrong test. :rolleyes: The nurse apologized said it was her fault and that she was sending it to be retested with the correct orders and that she would call me tomorrow with the results. I am kinda prepared for her to come back and say that my proges. was low and that i may not have Oed. I only say this b/c I know that i didnt O until day 18 which meant that at day 21 i was only 3DPO instead of 7 like it should be. I am ok with this b/c i told him that i usually Oed later and he said that if my Progest. was low and I was Oing later then I had two things workign against us...so i will probably be spending my summer on Clomid and progest. suppositories...but i guess it culd be worse....i'll let yall know when she calls me tomorrow...

[xhristina]

Littlemia - I'm so sorry for all you've been through. If it helps, I had a D&C under local anesthesia about a month ago now. They gave me a few sedatives (one of them was valium I believe) and they really relaxed me and made me sleepy. I didn't feel much throughout the procedure (it was very short). I felt crampy for a very short period of time towards the end of it, but it wasn't more than a few seconds and then it was all over and I was left to nap in the room for awhile (best sleep I've had in a long time).

I went home and expected to be in bed all weekend, but I actually felt well enough to go out to dinner that SAME night with my husband and mom. I was very surprised. I had some light spotting on the that day and the next. On the 3rd day after the D&C, I had a little heavier bleeding, but not bad, nothing that would deter me from traveling. Ask your doctor, but I'm sure you'll be fine to travel (and it will probably do you some good to go out and spend time with your husband and enjoy the sights). Best of luck!

[ieducate]

Well, I am finally at zero as of Monday. However, I could have reached zero anytime in the last two weeks...since the 26th of April which was my last beta test. I am so relieved to be at zero so that I am able to finally grieve this and move on. I felt like I was in limbo this whole time. I just wish the next 4-6 weeks until I ovulate again would come quickly. I wish I didn't have to go through one full cycle before trying, but I understand why my doctor wants me to wait. I have to go back on clomid again (which isn't a big deal) and she is putting me back on progesterone, but this time much, much earlier...like 48 hours after I O. ANyway, wanted to share the news that I was finally at zero. Seems like it took forever. I hope you are all well today.

Littlemia...what you have been through is awful. It is bad enough that any of us here have had to go through the loss of a baby, but to have all the physical stuff along with it only makes it worse. I hope that today is a better day for you and that you start to heal physically and emotionally.

[littlemia]

Thank you ladies so much for your support. I had a really hard time these last two days and it was so helpful to have this outlet.

I don't have time to post much right now, but I wanted to let everyone know that I got some good news today. I finally got the results of my u/s on Monday and they believe the miscarriage is complete. I guess what the tech was measuring were just blood clots and such. The dr. at the radiology place was supposed to give me my results, but there was some sort of miscommunication because I didn't hear from my midwife until today. I'm crossing my fingers that everything was interpreted correctly and I can begin to heal physically. I really needed this news today, too, because my ex-coworker came by work today with her baby and that was really, really difficult. I think I might have had to turn around and go home if I hadn't had that news.

[brenda]

Littlemia - I am glad to hear that you're physical ordeal is nearing its end. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

[wasabi_green_peas]

Hope this message finds everyone ok. ((( ))) to everyone.

I personally am a mess sitting here sobbing. It is a terribly lonely and isolating feeling. My husband would love to be able to comfort me, but I don't know what (save being pregnant again) could help.

I would have been 18 weeks pregnant now. The knowledge of that is too real. I wish I could deprogram my brain from knowing these things.

On top of this, I don't know why, but I've been having such strong flashbacks in my dreams to the last prenatal visits I had when I found out I had a problem. They were traumatic and disconcerting. I don't generally remember my dreams. The last time I had strong dreams I was pregnant. So like a hopeful sack, I thought perhaps I was. Although I haven't gotten confirmation of it, AF seems just around the corner. Stupid me. And cruel on Mother's Day, too. I wish I had a fast-forward button because this is just too too hard, especially when I had been doing *so* well. I know this process is two steps forward, one step back, but today seems like four steps back.

Thanks for listening. I'm embarrassed to post this.

I hope and pray you all are faring well. I think of you all often and keep you in my good intentions.

[polkadot]

i am soooo depressed...i had a huge temp drop...and still having cramping. Yes, today has been very hard....i would also be around 20 weeks...my sister is a constant reminder....she is still pregnant...I am expecting AF anytime now...today has been very hard....:(

[ieducate]

I so understand how everyone feels today. I completely agree that they say it is two steps forward, one step back, but most of the time I feel like it is one step forward, with 4 or 5 steps back. I have my moments where I think I am okay with all that happened and other days, like yesterday (Mother's Day) where I seriously wonder if I will be a mother this time next year. I have tried so hard to stop myself from thinking about what would have been, but it is really hard. My husband doesn't seem to feel the loss the same way I do...not anymore anyway. He is still sad, but I am still really depressed about it. I cry still, though not in front of him. It has been 3 1/2 weeks since I lost the baby and all I want is to hear that I am pregnant again. I know it will be a long time before that happens again, since I didn't get to zero until recently, but I too wish I could fast forward. I just wish time wouldn't go so slow when I want to be pregnant so darn bad. My mother says to cherrish each day and not feel the need to rush through it, but it is so difficult to do that. I want to be happy with my everyday life, and be thankful for what I DO have, but it is most difficult to forget what I lost. wasabi_green_peas: If you figure out how to deprogram the brain, please let me know. I wish I could just stop thinking about being wanting to be pregnant and the fact that I was, but am no longer. :( Thanks. I hope that tomorrow is a better day for all of us.

[flygirl]

I think yesterday was a hard day for all of us. I would be exactly 34 weeks today, and it's just so hard to comprehend. To top it off, my bff had her regular 27-week appt on Friday and was feeling perfectly fine (other than tired & a little cranky). Turns out she's 3cmm dialated & has been put on bed-rest for the rest of the pg.

But to be honest, I really haven't been paying attention to how far along I would have been. It's always there, but only pops up when something related happens. It was very difficult in the beginning; I guess we all feel like the only thing that can make it better is to be pg again. Only we couldn't start trying again. But it *does* get better, I promise. I know those are only words, but no matter what else happens, time helps.

Right now, I guess all I can say is (((HUGS)))).

[jeggink]

I hope everyone had a decent Sunday, even though it was tough :(.

Polkadot So sorry about the temp drop :( and that your blood work was screwed up!

littlemia Glad to hear your m/c was complete!

ieducate Glad your HCG is at O, that must be a relief!

So no oops, got AF today. I called the dr like I was supposed to. I thought I was getting CD3 bloodwork, but nope, it is 6-7 days after I O. So I have an appt June 7th to get that bloodwork and a pelvic exam, yuk, but if I O a little later, I will call them and move my appt. So no pg this month either :(. I wish I was getting answers sooner, but at least we will have already moved into out new place and that stress will be gone.

I also found out that a coworkers wife is pg at the beginning of Jan, hitme like a brick, but managed to congratulate him. No one in the office knows of the 2 mc's.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good week.

[littlemia]

Sorry Sunday was so hard for everyone. I, too, had a terrible day. I know exactly what you ladies mean about 4 steps back. I had a pretty decent Saturday (actually got out of the house for something besides work) but Sunday I woke up bleeding kinda heavily and it all went downhill from there. It felt like it had all happened yesterday. Luckily the bleeding has gotten a lot lighter since then. I saw the midwife today and she said everything seemed okay to her which is good news because I'm leaving tomorrow to go to Germany. They're testing my betas but I won't know the results until I get back. I'm sure they're not low enough but hopefully they've dropped quite a bit and will continue to drop.

polkadot, sorry about your temp drop. :(

jeggink, sorry about AF. I know work must be very difficult for you. No one knows about my m/c and while I want to keep this private it's hard because sometimes I want to explain why I haven't been myself for the last few months.

wasabi_green_peas, please don't feel embarrassed to post here. There's no reason to feel embarrassed about your feelings, they're perfectly normal and I think most of us in this thread can relate.

ieducate, congrats on getting back to 0!

[ieducate]

Does anyone know exactly how normal is your first cycle after you have a m/c? Do you O around the same time as you would normally? What I mean is, once you are at zero, do you still have to wait until CD14 through whatever is normal for you before you O? Or does it happen at a different rate because you had a m/c? THe reason I ask this is because I didn't reach zero until sometime between April 27th and May 8th (May 8th being when I went for the blood test and it confirmed that I had indeed reached zero)...Anyway, I didn't reach zero until sometime between those dates, but I think I ovulated on May 6th. Is that possible? The other reason I ask is because my dh and I were "romantic" on the 6th of May and now I am having some of my old pregnancy symptoms...sore bbs, more hormonal than usual, high temperature (although that could be from being slightly under the weather a while ago). Is it even possible or am I looking for it to be there and it simply isn't? I did an HPT but it was negative. I am thinking that even if I were pg., it would be too early to show up on a HPT anyway. What does everyone think about the cycle thing? I have never been pg. before this last time and of course never had a m/c. Therefore, I don't know what is normal versus abnormal for the first "cycle" after the m/c. Thanks for your help. :)

[pacificbliss]

ieducate I don't know, cycles can be really odd after a m/c. My cycle started on exactly the same day it would have had I not been pg for 2 months. It's like my body was still tracking my cycle even if AF never came and I always wondered if that meant my O time stayed the same. Maybe it does. Sorry, I know this isn't very helpful. Good luck to you.

[jeggink]

ideucate I had 2 D&Cs but my 1st cycle was 10 days longer after the 1st and about 5 days longer the second time. My LP stayed the same as normal, so I just O'd a bit later. It is definately possible to get pg on the 1s cycle after a m/c. You don't have to reach exactly 0 to ovulate, just close.

[flygirl]

I could tell through CM & other symptoms that my first cycle post-m/c was picture-perfect (wasn't actually charting). I've actually heard that it's incredibly easy to get pg the first cycle post-m/c, and given my CM, I wouldn't be surprised. But honestly, I can't think off the top of my head how your betas would affect that.

In other news, I'm at my parents' until tomorrow. One of their good friends came to visit today. Her daughters were huge rivals of mine growing up. I found out that her eldest daughter is due with her 3rd on July 11, 10 days after I would have been. Her middle daughter, a month older than I & my true rival, is 6 months pg with her first. This has been the most difficult pg news to deal with since one of my bff was pg 5 weeks after my m/c.

[purplesunshine7]

update please m/c may 22,06
Had doc appt today was suppose to be 12 weeks and suppose to hear heart beat but didn't. baby died at 8 weeks d& c is scheduled for wed. this is number 2 m/c. ifeel hopeless and confused and feel like i let dh down and I don't know what to say or do to make t better except iam sorry.

[wasabi_green_peas]

purplesunshine7,

((( ))) What can I say? I can't think of anything that might alleviate your pain. I am so very sorry about your loss. It hurts so deeply. And Life is a cruel mistress that this has happened to you again.

Please feel free to vent, cry and rail at the unfairness of it all here.

Take care of yourself and do whatever feels right in the next few days and weeks. If that means staying at home, stay at home. If that means crying on your H's or a dear friend's shoulder, cry. You need to listen to whatever's in your heart.

I will say one thing.
and feel like i let dh down You have to actively prevent your mind from assessing blame on yourself. You did *nothing* wrong! If you did nothing wrong, you can not have let someone down. And you can NOT let your mind venture down that path. It's not accurate and only serves to intensify your pain. You need to be GOOD to yourself!

I understand all too well myself. I also have had 2 m/c's. :(

Again, I'm sorry. ((( )))

[polkadot]

purple....i am so sorry you are having to go through this again. (((hugs))) to you and dh. Nothing we can say can make you feel better...but we are here for you to vent and cry and whatever else you need to do...

(((((more hugs)))))

[Franni]

purple Just wanted to echo what wasabi said. It is not your fault and taking the blame for something that is not in your control just intensifies the pain and puts you in a worst place. You need to be good to yourself.

We are here for you.

[ag05]

I would like to join I think. Will post my stats in a bit. I have been lurking for a while now.

purplesunshine - I am so sorry. My heart just breaks for you.

[pacificbliss]

purplesunshine I just wanted to echo everyone's thoughts, to say that I am sorry and to please try not to blame yourself. There is nothing you could have done.

ag05 sorry to see you here but I find this group very comforting and hope you do too.

[ag05]

ag05
Me: 33
DH: 31
Married: 2001
M/C: 11/04 - 13 weeks w/ D&C
M/C: 2/05 - 5.5 weeks
M/C: 11/05 - 4.5 weeks
M/C: 5/06 - 9.5 weeks w/ D&C
TTC: no plans


I wanted to come out of lurkdom and join. It has been about 3 weeks since my latest D&C. This time tissue from the baby was sent off for genetic testing. Still waiting on those results.

[ieducate]

Ag05, sorry you have to join us here and sorry for your terrible loss...again. purplesunshine7, you have to keep reminding yourself that you did nothing wrong and I am sure your dh knows that too. Don't blame yourself...a m/c is hard enough without blame coming into it. Keep your chin up. I wish there was something more I could say. The pain is all to real and each day does get a little easier. My thoughts are with you and your dh today.

[jeggink]

Ag05 So sorry to see you joining. I hope you get the answers you need!

Purplesunshine7 Sorry you are back :(. The 2nd one defiantely sucks as mine was just about a month ago now. It is NOT your fault. Will the dr do any blood work? I know mine won't do genetic testing until the 3rd, but is testing for other items like Lupus, blood issues, thyroid, progesterine, etc.

[purplesunshine7]

hi ladies thanks for your kind words. the rest of this is just one big rant. Today dh and I are cleaning the whole house I don't know why I just feel complelled to. I sent him to get the steam cleaner, I am sorry all of us have to be here, I just don't know how to keep going past this one. the first one hurt but I understood that sometimes it happens the first time. I just don't understand this one. Dh is being great, but I can still see the pain in his eyes and that hurts me too. I figure if you own a gun and someone takes it and hurts someone then it's your responsibility because it was your gun, so if it is my body then wasn't I responsible for it. why isn't my fault, it was in my care. I know I didn't do anything directly to it but I can't help but thing it' is my fault. I don't thing this one is going to be easier to get over. I don't thing I ever want ttc again. My doctor said she would send it the lab it see if there were any chromosone problems. There probably isn't it's just my stupid bodies fault. why does god need this one too. he already has my other one. What if there my baby suffered in pain. I feel so bad. I am also scared of the d%c as my first one was natural. I don't know what to expect. I wanted to punch my doctor in her mouth, when I asked her why it keeps happening she said I don't know it ONLY your second one, What Only it souldn't have happened at all I can't stand that insensitive you know what. I hate having this baby in me that isn't alive. I am sorry to seen selfish I know some of you have lost more than me and I don't know how you keep going on through it, I want it babdly but not enough to keep going through this this emotional bs. My dh husband won't share his feelings with me and I understood the first time he wouldn't but I need to see him cry I need him to be mad at me I want him to yell. I told him to find a new wife because it looks like I will never be able to give him children. he didn't say anything he justed huged me. they say when a door close another one opens , I don't see it yet all the doors are closed. well I have a whole day to clean so I'll end my rant for now, besides I'am all out of tears for now, thanks for listening and I don't mean to be selfish, I am sorry any of us have to be here.

[shouldaeloped]

purplesunshine- I am so so sorry that this has happened to you twice in a row. I miscarried my first two pregnancies as well and I can't even begin to describe the pain. just like you, I felt as though I had let DH down. you know that song 100 years by Five for Fighting? everytime he heard that lyric "a family on my mind" he would start to cry. it killed me everytime. I just felt so responsible. we went through all the testing and they found nothing wrong. just one of those things I was told. better to have nothing wrong than something wrong I was told. whatever. give me something I can fix so I know I can be successful next time. I would get so angry and upset over those comments. I ended up going to see a counselor to help me deal with the pain and the grief and the sense of loss. she also helped to learn to trust my body again. I know there aren't any words that can make you feel better right now. . all I can do is share my experience in hopes that it gives you a little hope for yourself. I can encourage you to cry like there is no tomorrow and to grieve the babies you have lost. eventually, you will start to see the light at the end of this very long tunnel and you will be ready to try to trust your body again. as you are going through all of this, just know that every woman here has been there and is thinking about you and hoping you find a way to make it through.

take care of yourself.

[ajlanden]

ag05 & purplesunshine7-Just popping in to let you know that I am thinking about you. I am so sorry.

[ag05]

purplesunshine - Gosh I am so sorry. Wish I could think of something to say to make you feel better. We are here for you though.


Thanks everyone. I found out today that my baby had irregular chromosomes. Thats all the OB nurse would tell me. To find out more, they are making me schedule an appointment with my RE. I guess I am okay with this news.

[happy]

ag05 - Sorry about the irregular chromosones. At least you know that there was a reason for this loss. I am so sorry that you have to join us again. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Hopefully you will be able to get some answers soon.

purplesunshine - I am so sorry about the 2 m/c. I cannot even begin to feel what you are feeling right now. Just know that you are in my thougts and prayers. Cry and cry and cry and eventually everything will feel better. I hope that you get some answers after your testing. I am with you I almost want something to be wrong with me because then at least I would know that there was a solution. D&C's are really no big deal. It is not anything that anyone wants to go through but it is a very easy procedure so don't worry about that.

[ag05]

happy - Thanks. I do feel a little better knowing what happened.


I went to my regular doctor today due to having headaches, fatigue, and more stuff ever since my D&C. He put me on antidepressants. Sure I'm sad at times but I don't know that it warrants antidepressants. Oh well. Hope everyone is doing okay.

[bellabonga]

I will have my d&c tomorrow, so please add me.


Me: 33
DH: 35
Married: October 2nd, 2002
M/C: Missed Abortion at 10w4d but he or she had been dead for about a week by then. Three days later d&c on May 26th, 2006.
TTC: September 2006
DD: Maya Allison February 14th, 2003

[purplesunshine7]

Hi , ladies had d& c yestrday. Don't know if I feel better or worst, I know I feel like crap.Dh has been very sweet waiting on me hand and foot. I wish he wouldn't because I know he hurts too. Well I am still sleppy just wanted to stop by and update.

Bella I am so sorrry you have to join us. take care.

[numberlady]

Wow, I have missed this thread for a while and came back in to see so many new ladies join. I am so sorry that you are all here with us. I only know the hurt of one m/c and can't imagine the additional pain and burden having multiples would cause both me and dh. I hope you all take care of yourselves and your dh's too.

[ieducate]

Purple, I completely understand all of your emotions. I don't think I could have said it any better myself. The anger, upset, depression, etc. that you feel is all normal...at least it was all like that for me too. It still is. I am certain that until I have a healthy baby I will still feel the pain of my loss. It is not being selfish to express the way you feel...it is natural. I understand what you mean about the dh too. It is most difficult to feel like you are going through this alone, but know that you aren't. Your dh is probably not discussing how he feels to protect you. My dh and I got into it the other night and I finally told him I was upset because he didn't seem bothered by the m/c anymore and I am still so upset about it (even a month later). He said he wasn't talking about the way he feels about it because he didn't want to upset me further. I can appreciate his sensitivity, but his lack of conversation about it made me think he didn't care anymore...that he was no longer bothered by it. He is just not that talkative about his feelings anyway, but this in particular he was purposely avoiding conversations about to protect my feelings. Perhaps your dh is doing the same thing. Again, there are no words to make your pain go away and I can only imagine that the 2nd time is even more difficult than the first, but please try not to blame yourself. You really aren't to blame and things will get easier each day. I know it is so cliche to say that time heals all wounds, but it really does. Please keep hope and smile, for if nothing else, at least your house is really clean. :)
On another note: I got AF on Tuesday and went to the doctor on Wednesday for my first checkup post m/c. She gave me a clean bill of health and told me we could try again when I O in a few weeks. I am also back on the clomid on day 5. I am so anxious to get pg. again, but so darn nervous too. I so don't want to go through another m/c and that thought scares me to no end. Anyway, I have to get to work before I lose my job....Hope everyone has a great day today.

[Tenny]

Hello ladies!

I’m not sure what is compelling me to write this. I was a member of this thread over on WC. My first m/c (missed) was at 12w 5d followed by a D&C in Dec 03 and then my second was at 6 weeks in March 04. I now have a healthy and happy 13-month-old DS. But I often think about those babies I lost and then I think that thousands of women are dealing with a lost now. I just wanted to stop in and tell you that my heart goes out to each and every one of you. The effects of those m/c’s and the pain it brought still affects me today and I am a changed woman now because of them. But the changes are not all bad. Because of those m/c’s I appreciate life more and when I finally did get pg and have the healthy baby I appreciated every little thing.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to let you know that while you will never forget your babies there is life after a m/c. And I also wanted to say how sorry I am that you all have to go through this.

Take care!

[Tenny]

I also wanted to post something that I wrote after my m/c and posted in the old WC thread. I hope this helps some of you!


May 7, 2004

So, I started to just write my thoughts down and then decided to email them to all of you. I don't know what I hope to gain from this, and I'm not looking for sympathy, nor do I want it. Maybe I just want everyone to have a better understand of that I and many other women are going through.

Did anyone watch ER last night? I ask because it was really emotional, and even today, I'm thinking about it. It was hard to watch Carter's girlfriend loss the baby, but at the same time I'm glad (well, I don't know if glad is the right word) that the show had it turn out that way. It really makes people open their eyes. While the events in last night's ER are upsetting, it was so realistic, as opposed to so many sitcoms. It seems that, in every movie or sitcom, a woman takes a pregnancy test, and nine months later they pop out a healthy baby. No complications, no blood tests, no shots, no supplements, no bed rest, no high blood pressure. The pregnancy, the mother, and the baby are always 100% okay. I know all too well that a positive pregnancy test does not equal a baby, but everywhere you turn that is what you are led to believe. I don't ever remember even hearing the word miscarriage in health class (but then again, when you are talking to a bunch of teenagers about sex, you want to scare the crap out of them, so maybe that isn't the best place to bring up the subject of miscarriage).

The first time I heard the word miscarriage I was 17 and my older sister had one, and, to be honest, I knew what the word meant, but I really didn't understand all that is wrapped up in that word. A miscarriage is just not a lost of a baby, it is a lost of hope, a lost of a dream, a lost of security, a lost of one's self. People may not think of us as "Mothers", and shouldn’t have these feeling, but we are, we are mothers who have never held their babies. You get comments like "Oh it wasn't a real baby", "You can try again", "At least it happened now", "You're young and you can have other children", or "It was God's plan". When hearing comments like these, you know that the person saying them doesn't understand, even if that person is a mother herself, but you really can't blame them because they really can't have any idea of what you are going through. In that split second when reality hits you and you learn that your baby has died, the whole world seems to stop, and when it starts spinning again EVERYTHING is different. That is the biggest thing that I don't think people realize. In the weeks, months, and years following a miscarriage, you may act normal to the outside world, but you are still crying on the inside. People assume you are okay, and people forget. They no longer walk on eggshells around you. They no longer think before they speak. They no longer remember that you were supposed to be pregnant or have a baby by now. They forget. But to us mothers who have experienced a miscarriage, you never forget, and with every turn there is a reminder: A baby commercial on TV, a song, a smell, a taste, the sight of a pregnant woman walking by, and then there's all those sitcoms where everyone is so happy. It can be something not even pregnancy related that can bring us to tears. But it isn't just that fact that we are sad. Now, because of the miscarriage we truly are different people. Our view of the world changes, and our outlook on life changes. Everything about us is different.

Then there is a day when we become pregnant again, which, you would think, is a joyous occasion, right? Wrong. The naïve excitement of being pregnant is now gone. Gone are the happy, carefree days of buying baby clothes and maternity clothes, planning for a nursery, or spreading the news quickly and freely. All these things, it seems, jinx the pregnancy. So you wait, and wait, and wait some more, and just hope and pray that things will work out the next time. For some it will, but for others, like me, it happens again, only this time no one knows, so they don't know that they should be sensitive. They are not walking on eggshells or watching what they say. They are the same as they were yesterday, not thinking twice before speaking, and not remembering.

Now, luckily, pro-active doctors like mine are able to test to see if something is really wrong. Then, there comes the trip down a very lonely road, a road that no one talks about going down. You feel like you are the only person on that road, but the truth is there are many woman on the road, but everyone is silent. So, again, you begin to travel through a life where everyone thinks you are ok, when, at times, you are barely surviving, barely able to hold back those tears. You are forcing a smile at every turn and just holding on to that little bit of hope that one day you will get that positive pregnancy test again. Someday, the happy ending may come like all the sitcoms, but one thing that the sitcoms can never show is that the path that you took to get there is forever changed.

[polkadot]

OMG....i am crying...that is me...i am copying this for safe keeping to explain to others....what the hell is going on with me....

thanks so much for posting it....

[ag05]

bellabonga - I am so sorry for your loss.

purple - Hope you are doing okay today.

numberlady and ajlanden - Thanks.

tenny - Thanks for posting that excerpt. It helped.


Well yesterday was a bit rough for me. Alcohol is a no no for me I've decided. I'm going to try and have a little fun this weekend though. Going to NYC.

[pacificbliss]

ag05 For quite a while my emotions were to colose to surface and alcohol was definitely out so I understand how that feels. Try to have some fun in NYC.

[ieducate]

Tenny, that was moving and meaningful beyond belief. It was as if you were writing all my exact thoughts. Thank you for those words. :)

[purplesunshine7]

D and C went fine I guess, I woke up out of recovery screeming give me back my baby, They had a hard time calming me down. I slept most of the day aftr that. My mom went off on the doctor afterwards because she never takes the time to explain anything to me. I started smoking again, I know I shouldn't have but I don't have any other to de stress. I don't want to go back to my work, dh said it was up to me, that means we would have to touch our savings until I find a new job but at least I wouldn't feel pressured to hurry back to work, I am not sure what to do I really hate that job. dh got into car accident with my car yesterday, nothing serious but enough to stress me out more. The crying seems to have subsided unless I go to sleep inthe bedroom or take a shower, last night I slept on the sofa. I don't know why those places affect me that way they just do. we didn't get the whole house cleaned but oh well it still looks good. I don't think we'll be trying agin for a long time. I though this was our miracle baby it was the last cycle before starting clomid and we had did it. I guess it wasn't meant to be. It just makes me think that I or we were suppose to do something else before having a baby. Or maybe dh and I weren't meant to be with each other. I am just so frusterated. I know he is probably tiered of taking care of me running to the store and such other things. I have sporractic cramps and I can't drive yet because of them. I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Bella I am thinking of you today, please take care.

[papergirl]

purplesunshine - i am sorry that you are having to travel this rough road again. i hope in some way you are able to find peace with all that you have gone through. i know it will take a long time but i really do hope it comes to you.

[purplesunshine7]

Bumble thank you for those kind words. I know in time the pain will lessen as it did before. I have just never been much of a pacience person. somehow this one seems worse than the last maybe because this one was planned, I don't know however the anaversery date of the first one is on friday which doesn't make it any better. Today was a good day though and I guess that is all that counts for now. Everyone have a safe hoilday.

[bellabonga]

My d&c went fine and I´m really glad that this is over. Although it was strange knowing that my baby was dead in my belly for at least a week, it was very good for me that I got to know it on Tuesday and had the d&c not until Friday. I had some days to say goodbye to both my baby and my pregnancy. I had already had so much plans for both the pregnancy and life with my baby, so many visions that do not come true and I needed to say goodbye to them too. It would have been even harder on me if they had ripped my baby out of my uterus directly after telling me the truth. So when I got into the hospital on Friday, I already did not feel pregnant anymore. Fortunately the d&c didn´t hurt at all except that I had pretty strong afterpains during Saturday night. But they only lasted for 4-5 hours and otherwise I´m physically fine.

The psychic side is another one. I am still so sad and I sometimes wish I could stay in bed and cry all day long. Sometimes I manage to distract myself or even be happy but the thought of my baby always comes back after some minutes. There are so many things that remind me - a maternity shirt I forgot to put away, a park I drive by where I envisioned how I would sit there on a blanket next summer with my crawling baby, the mentioning of x-mas and it gets really bad when I see someone pregnant. I hope I can hold it together when I meet my pregnant friend again for the first time after this happened. She is three weeks further along than I would have been and although I am really happy for her (she had to have IVF and it took her two years to get pregnant), it will hurt really badly to see her belly grow and to know that her baby will be three weeks older than mine would have been. I really hope that I will be pregnant again when my baby should have been born. It would make things much easier for me.

What helped me is that I bought a beautiful frame and framed the only nice ultrasound picture I have of my baby. It´s strange that it is the picture I got when the doctor told me that it had died but still it looks so perfect and cute and I wanted to keep it since it´s part of our family. We decided to name the baby Nathaniel and that also helped me. I wanted it to have a name. Otherwise it would have been as if it had never existed. And I feel that I am mother to two children now, even though it died so early.

I am lucky that my doctor has ordered to do some genetic testing on the placenta and Nathaniel, so maybe we´ll be able to find out what went wrong. If Nathaniel was a boy, we might also be able to find that out but we won´t if it was a girl. What kept me going for the last days was that I did a lot of research on the internet to see what else might have been wrong apart from genetic disorders. I will have my thyroid tested again to see if that had something to do with it and I will have my progesterone levels checked again. I have taken monk´s pepper tree pills before the pregnancy to get pregnant in the first place because my progesterone levels were too low. So maybe the level dropped too much when I quit these pills. I so hope that it was something that doesn´t increase the risk of another MC.

On the downside, purplesunshine, I have started smoking again too this week. :( I know it doesn´t make any sense since I want to TTC again after my first AF but I´m just so depressed. So I´ve decided to allow myself a week of smoking and will quit again then although quitting really sucks each time.

Thank you for reading if anyone got to this point...

[purplesunshine7]

hi bella,
I am so glad your procedure went ok and yet so sorry you had to have it done in the first place. The one thing that keeps me smiling is that one day I believe I will see both my babies in heaven. I was looking on the internet as well about abnormal chromosones to see what could have caused it. I won't have any results for another two weeks. I hope it is just something that can't be explained. I really thing I will give up all hope if there is a chromsone problem that they can't fix. I heard last night that 60% of all pregnacies in women who smoke during the first 12 weeks end up with some kind of defect. I am hopeing that is would could have happened as well I usually quit smoking when I find out I am pregnant, so I'll try quiting again as soon as doctor gives ok ttc again.
I know it hurts to think of the plans we had for our babies, I was really looking forward to christmas and my birthday as they are both in the same month now I know they are both going to be difficult, as last christmas was difficult for me too.
I have decided I am not going to chart my temps or plan bding this time around I just think if it's meant to be it will happen again.

Take care of yourself, I hope you find peace in your heart soon.((hugs))

[bellabonga]

Purplesunshine, I´m usually not a religious person but I so hope too that someday Nathaniel and I will meet again. My daughter has caught a lot of the drama and kept asking me painful questions like "Did it flew out of the window or out of the door when they took it out of your belly to fly into the sky?" I´ve told her that our baby is now a little star at the sky and that we might be able to see it on a cloudless night. Now she wants to have stars glued to her ceiling to be able to see the baby in cloudy nights too. :rolleyes:

I don´t think that smoking until you find out has something to do with mc. There are so many women who drink heavily until they find out and their babies usually turn out okay too since the baby isn´t fully connected to the mother´s system. So I refuse to blame me smoking for it. I quit at 5w so that shouldn´t have been the problem. As far as I understood I will get the results in about a month.

I will have to get showered now since I have my first obgyn appointment after my d&c in an hour. I so do not want to go and have them stick anything inside of me. :( And I hope I manage to stay calm and collected during the talk to my doctor. I´d hate to start bawling my eyes out hysterically once I see him and am in this room again but I fear that this might happen. And I hate it that I know that there´ll be lots of pregnant women sitting in the waiting room.

But I´m curious when I´m allowed to TTC again. The doctors at the hospital said I should wait 3 months but I´ve read everywhere that this advise is outdated. So I really hope that my doctor doesn´t share this 3mths-opinion. I´m not sure though if I should take monk´s pepper again because maybe I forced something that wasn´t supposed to happen. But without it I will probably need at least two years to get pregnant which would make me 35. I haven´t charted so far but I understand why you don´t want to do it for a while. It puts so much pressure on the whole thing. But I will probably feel the pressure until I´m able to hold a new baby in my arms. I so hope this day will come again.

Thank you for being there! It´s so good to talk to someone who knows what I´m going through. :)

[flygirl]

bellabonga, I'm glad the procedure went well & you're feeling OK physically. Emotionally, that's the hard part. Your post is beautiful and I hope you can soon turn those thoughts into positives again. Just a thought on prog levels, it's possible they dipped too low, but that would more likely lead to a spontaneous m/c rather than a missed a. Hopefully your doc will monitor your levels next time & give you supps as necessary.

As for TTC again, docs vary, but the first step is to get your betas below 2, and that may take awhile. I read that the cycles immediately proceeding a m/c are very fertile, and based on my own fertility signs, this is easy to believe. But without knowing what caused your m/c and being so far along, you're much better off being on the safe side. I'm sure the doc went through all of this with you today :). I don't know anything about monk´s pepper, but prog. supps will probably be very helpful to you.

I didn't chart the first cycle afterward, and only casually the second; it *is* too painful. But the pressure you feel to get pg again won't really subside, and it may help to direct your energy in that direction.

I, too, picked up that damn habit after my m/c. My friend took me to the hospital, and as soon as we stepped outside she said she needed one. I said I did too. :(. Since she was also my next-door neighbor, she became a horrible influence on me. I don't blame you guys at all for starting up again, and it may be what you need for a little while (I've also been drinking more than I should :( ). However, my cycles have been wacky since then & I've had two chem pgs when we weren't trying. It's easy to think about how many women don't have a problem with smoking when they get pg, especially when you're looking to reassure yourself against that nagging guilt. I will NOT preach against smoking, but I did want to let you know that I think it affected me. If we already have problems sustaining pgs, it's very likely that smoking will affect us more than the average person.

[bellabonga]

My obgyn appointment went fine apart from the fact that I had to wait for an hour and was surrounded by at least 15 pregnant women in the waiting room. It seemed as if I was the only non-pregnant woman in that room. :( But at least I kept it together during the talk to my doctor. He said that everything looks okay and advised me to go on the pill for one month. I was like :eek: because I want to get pregnant again as soon as possible and so the pill was not really what I had in mind. But he said that it would prevent an inflammation of the uterus and it would be the fastest way to get my hormones balanced out. And I could start today with the pill. At least I will have AF back in 4 weeks and he said that I could try to get pregnant again in 6 weeks. So at least that´s good news!

He said that I shall come back after AF to discuss whether I need some stronger progesterone pills or not. I asked him whether too low progesterone levels might have led to the MC and after one look into the computer he frowned and said that his colleague hadn´t checked my progesterone level during my first visit. Hmmm. So I´m not much wiser than before. The genetical test results will probably come in in two weeks.

I´ve made a deal with myself that I´ll allow myself to smoke a whole week and then I will stop again. I already don´t know whether I really enjoy it since I feel so guilty for starting again. But at least my daughter hasn´t caught me on the balcony so far. ;)

[pacificbliss]

bellabonga I think that's interesting your Dr. is putting you on the pill for a month. That might be a good thing. Waiting for AF after a m/c can be agonizing. I hope you get some more answers soon.

purplesunshine7 I hope you get some answers soon too.

and I don't blame either of you smoking. I almost started after my m/c

ago5 How was your trip?

Take care everyone.

[purplesunshine7]

bella: I am so sorry you had to be surrounded by all the pregnant women I know how it must have felt, my follow up appt is on monday, and I am not really looking forward to it. An idea for maybe you and your daughter when you feel ready of course, Perhaps the two of you could create a paper star to hang on her bedroom wall, maybe that would subside some of the questions she has. Something that helped me today find a peace of heart and mind ,it was so profound. I listened to sad songs and wrote a leter to my baby, I cried and wrote all my feelings down. It felt so good that at the end I was crying with a smile on my face. I am going to share this letter with my dh so that he knows how I feel and that I am not an eggshell and that I still hold some hope for the future. I truly hope you and your family find some peace soon until then I am here for you along with all the other ladies.

Flygirl: I didn't know about the spotanious m/c if progerstrone levels were low. my first m/c was spotanious and perhaps that may be why ,I am going to bring that up to my doctor. My progestone level was good this time around as it was something I was worried about. I ask the doctor if they could fall during the pregnancy she said yes but if they did it meant that something else was wrong in order for them to fall.

Questions: some women get pregnant again before they get their first af following a m/c. Is this harmfull to the body. To be honest I don't think I can wait. Last time I did wait so we used protection before we were given the go ahead, however I would cry either during or afterwards because I knew we were intentionally preventing. My dh and I need to connect on this level as I honestly believe that is how he heals his heart and shows his emotions. sorry if TMI.
On another Note: I feel so guilty every time I pick up a cig. not to mention I am smoking more than I did. Plus I have gained 5 lbs. in the past week. I have an appoinment with my social therapist tomorrow. I have been seeing her since the last m/c. It feels like all that was accomplished with her in the past year has been erased. But I know it will get better with time, so it will be ok. Have a good night ladies sorry for taking up so much room.

[ag05]

pacificbliss - My trip was absolutely wonderful. Thanks for asking. We walked across the brooklyn bridge, shopped in chinatown and soho, went to times square and rockefeller center. Ate some great food. Saw some good live music. All in all a good time. Seeing my friend was nice too. We laughed a lot which I needed. That was my first trip to the big apple.

[pacificbliss]

ag05 I am glad you had fun. I have never been there either. A friend of mine lives there and has been begging me to visit. Maybe I should...

purplesunshine7 different Drs seem to have different opinions on when it is "safe" to get pg again after a m/c. I heard once, and believe it myself, that you won't get pg again until your body is ready. My own Dr admitted that the main reason he wants patients to wait 3 cycles is to allow some time for emotional healing and to allow your cycle to get back on track so they can accurately date the new pregnancy. FWIW I say do what you need to do to take care of you and DH.

[ieducate]

Well, I had my check up appointment with my OB on Tuesday of last week. She gave me the go ahead to TTC. It is somewhat difficult emotionally though. I will be disappointed if I don't get pg., but will be terrified if I do get pg. Can't win either way. :( Anyway, I started charting again last week on Day2. What a drag, not to mention depressing that I have to be doing this again so soon. I thought I wouldn't have to do this for about two more years. I am doing the bare minimum of charting though...just my temperatures and then I will do OPK's starting on day 10. AGH...I really hate all of this...I just wish I were pg. again and that I was having a healthy baby. How hard is that????? I do know what you all mean about going to the doctor's office though. I am certain that other than one 80+ year old woman in the office, I was the only woman not pg. :( It was way painful. My only comfort is knowing that I am not alone in this process and that many, many woman who have had m/c's go on to have beautiful, healthy babies. I hope I am one of those statistics. Gotta go to work now...taking my students on a fieldtrip in 90 degree weather...that's always fun. :( I hope all of you are well and have a pleasant, peaceful day.

[dlj78]

Hi ladies. It has been quite some time since I posted in here. The last time I posted I was still waiting to miscarry on my own. Well, mentally I couldn't wait any longer so I had my D&C on March 30. It's been a rough road since then. I finally got my first AF post-D&C a few weeks ago. It was the WORST ever! I figured it was going to be heavy but I seriously thought I was going to bleed to death!:eek: I am waiting for another AF and then we can start trying again. That's a whole other mix of emotions...scared, excited, etc. And we will be trying clomid which I am nervous about. We shall see.

I am so sorry for all those have joined this thread since I posted last. Hugs to you all. I wish none of us were going through this.

Have a good day ladies!

~Dana

[ieducate]

Dana, sorry you have been going through so much. It is really tough to wait and the feelings you are expressing are normal...at least I know that is how I felt too. As for clomid, no worries. I just finished my second month of being on it and I had no reaction (bad) to it at all. I took mine at night, as it sometimes made me tired when I took it first thing in the morning. I actually got pg. the last time I was on it, but then lost the baby. :( I am hoping this month (my first month TTC since the m/c) will be as successful on the clomid as it was the first time. And in case your doctor didn't tell you, when you are on the clomid you may O earlier than you normally did. I didn't normally O until day 19 or 20 normally, but on the Clomid I O'd on Day15. My doctor had warned me ahead of time that it may come earlier. Just be prepared so you don't miss your opportunity. I hope that this month goes quickly for you so that you are ready to start anew. That was the hardest month for me and I just finished it last week. It felt like it was a year long, instead of just about 28 days. :( Anyway, good luck and keep us posted on how your feeling...it's a tough month, but we are all going through it or just went through it.

[littlemia]

ag05, purplesunshine7, and bellabonga, I'm really sorry to see you here. I was hoping to be the last one for awhile. :(

DH and I are back from our trip. It was really good to get away and overall we had a good time, but I was still sad for a lot of the trip. The gloomy weather didn't help, either.

I went back to the midwives' office today. They just took some blood to test my betas. My level was 21 two weeks ago, so I'm hoping that it's under 5 now. How long after it drops to 0 should I expect AF to arrive? Is it just one of those "it depends" things?

[ieducate]

littlemia, my AF came about 28 days after last cycle, and I was not at zero when my last cycle hit. What I mean is, I got AF when I had the m/c, but was not at zero at that point. I still got my AF this time about 28 days later. And be prepared, my AF this time after m/c was super intense. :( Just be prepared for it at any time. The doctor told me it could come at a normal time or it could be late...I was just always waiting for it basically.

On a different note, my dh and I had a huge blow out last night. I started charting again about 11 days ago. I just lost it last night. I got all upset that my life has gone back to this charting stuff and trying to manipulate my life around when I MIGHT be ovulating. It is just so darn frustrating. I found myself getting angry that I have to be doing this and that I SHOULD be pg. right now, not taking my darn temperature and doing OPK's. :( Anyway, I was feeling like my dh was just doing whatever and that none of this effects him. He planned for us to go visit his family the weekend I am predicted to O. When I told him that we weren't going if I hadn't gotten a positive OPK before that weekend, he got all upset and told me we would get busy in his car if need be. :( I was less than amuzed by his statement to say the least. He told me I was looking for the worst case scenario. He seems to forget how badly we both want a baby. He really seems to forget how hard it is to actually get to that point. I am so tired of charting and analyzing the chart. It truly makes me insane. Unfortunately, I usually have no idea when I O unless I chart. :( I can't wait for this process to be over. I just wish I were pg. right now so that I was no dealing with this. It is wearing me out to no end. If I don't get pg. this month, I am not sure what I will do. I don't know if I can go through another month of charting so soon, but I really want to be pg. AGH...I am really in a dilemma. :(

I hope everyone's day is bright and sunny. :)

[bellabonga]

I´m having a pretty bad day today although it´s only 10.40am. Maybe it is because exactly now a week ago my d&c took place. Or maybe it is because today I would have reached the magical 12 weeks I was waiting for. :(

I don´t know if I need someone to take my anger out on, but I´m pretty pissed with my friend who is still pregnant. Yesterday I talked to her on the phone for the first time after I found out about the MA (apart from the day itself when I called her). She basically told me to finally get over it which I think is pretty rude considered that it´s been just a week. And I haven´t stayed in bed all week crying but have continued with life as if nothing had happened. I´ve been on two kindergarden trips with DD, I´ve met several friends, run errands - I´ve even made four huge bowls of self-filled canneloni and two cakes for my mother´s birthday party today. So I don´t think you could really say that I`m letting myself drown in self-pity and need to be told to get over it! :mad:
She thinks she could say that since she´s had two M/C herself before she get pregnant. But to be honest I don´t think her M/C were as bad as mine. Sure, there´s always the disappointment once you thought you were having a baby but I think the later it happens the worse it feels. She´s had one ectopic pregnancy that was discovered really early and one regular where not even an embryo had formed. And I´ve really pitied her for those and let her grieve several weeks. So why the hell does she think she can tell me I should get over it and not try to find out what was wrong when I was already at 10w4d and the baby had been perfectly developed and had had a heartbeat before?! I hope I don´t step on anyone´s toes with this but it´s just my opinion that I think the loss is worse the further along you are. Just as I think a late term loss must be much worse than the loss I experienced. I don´t know, maybe I´m just being overly sensitive but I´m really mad at her.

Speaking of mad, I am really mad at my mother too. I still can´t get over her comment "At least your baby had one good thing - you´re not smoking anymore!" It that insensitive or what?! I was so hurt by her comment that I started smoking again just out of defiance. I will quit again though before I´m off the pill and TTC. Apart from that we had a bad fight over nothing that she started and I´m really disappointed by her inconsiderate behaviour.

Sorry that I´m rambling but I´m such a mixture out of sadness and anger today, I just needed to vent!

[bellabonga]

This day doesn´t get any better. At noon I went shopping with DD on discovered that a huge boutique with "trendy maternity wear" has opened here on main street where I go shopping nearly daily. They had at least 8 window displays with huge bellies and really nice clothes. It was like a punch in the stomach. :( I have to admit that I react almost allergic to any pregnant woman right now.

Then DH, DD and I had some coffee with my mom, stepdad and grandma because it´s my mother´s birthday. Btw my mother still nearly doesn´t talk to me because she´s still pissed about that unnecessary fight we had. Stepdad asked my DD whether she remembered where they were last Friday - they were at a wedding, I was at the hospital and had my d&c. And my grandma talked and talked about a woman who gave birth to a dead baby on the day my mother was born. There´s nothing else like a sensible family! :rolleyes:

Hope you all have a better day!

[purplesunshine7]

wow bella you sure are having a bad day I hope your night gets better. I can't imagine how your friend could say that to you after she has experienced a m/c. I think all lose are painful though. I think the thing that hurts the worst is not if a baby was formed or not but the plans expecting parents make for their future. I believe that the pain is equal however people just handle it diffently than others. I am not upset by you comment, this is just how I rationalize other people's views on m/c. I do no how you feel about insensitive people my mother kept telling me I just have to get over it and move on to the future. She knows all I have been through and it did upset set me that she kept saying this . so I try not to talk to her about any of it any more.

Today is the one year annerversary of my first m/c and I did cry earlier today. I had to go tothe doctor due to a major headache I have had all week. needless to say they gave me penicilian and a muscle relaxer. however they are not helping and I am so teired of dealing with the pain.

My session with my therapist was really good. I was able to express my feelings without someone citizing me. I go back to work on tuesday and not looking forward to it. no one there knew I was pregnant except my boss I am sure they have lots of questions like what happen to me.
Well I hope everyone has a good night .

[ieducate]

It happened...one of my closest friends just called last night to tell me she was 7 weeks pregnant. I nearly cried on the phone with her. I had to quickly get off the phone and hand it to my dh (her husband is my dh's best friend). While he finished talking to them about how happy they were, I cried my eyes out...for three hours. I know that her getting pg. had absolutely no effect whatsoever on me getting pg., but I was so jealous and angry. I still am. I am so frustrated. I keep getting negative OPK's when I know I should be ovulating now and I have been at this for over a year. She and her dh tried for one month...and now she is going for her first u/s tomorrow. That makes friend number 5 having a baby this year. One of my friends is going to have a baby any minute now...she could be in labor right now for all I know. I just thought it would have been perfect to have them call last night and announce that she had the baby. My friend who called last night asked if my other friend had her baby yet. She said she was looking forward to it because the two of them live so close (I am further away) and they can have play dates. Those should have been my play dates...no one else's, and now I am without entirely, seeing as I don't have a baby. Like I said, I realize that my friend(s) being pregnant does not effect my chances, but it just really sucks that it seems everyone gets to be happy, except me. My faith in "the man upstairs" has weakened and I am truly losing hope to ever be pregnant again. Each month feels like it is a year long. Each day is painful when I don't get a postive OPK or have any signs of ovulating. Every day I am further from my "fertile" window and the possibilty of getting pg. again. I seriously am not sure how much more of this pain I can endure. I didn't sleep a wink last night, tossing and turning, having the phone call repeat itself in my brain over and over again each time I woke up. I have 12 more days of teaching to go for the school year, but every day feels like torture to get out of bed. Can't sleep, but don't want to be awake. I can't win. I am sorry that I just dumped all of this today...I was actually starting to feel okay with the m/c and feeling hopeful until last night when I just lost it. It seems like everyone in the world is pg. around me right now...and I am not. It feels so unfair. I have to go, as I am starting to cry again and I can barely see as it is, as my eyes are still swollen from crying last night. I hope everyone here has a better day than I am having. I wish for us all to get off this thread very soon and be on a better page with lots of pregnant women...including us.

[purplesunshine7]

ieducate: Sorry you are having a difficult time. I do know the aggrevating pain you are going through. It took me and dh 7 months to get pg last time. I guess luckly I don't have many friends that are pg and if they are I don't really talk to them that much any more. Do your friends know about the pain you are going through? i hope you don't lose faith. I did for a while because I was so upset thast I couldn't control when I would get pg and I was so mad at the guy upstairs because I was sure he knew what I was going through. I have come to peace with him now and I hope you do to one day. I am looking at my losess as a test to see how strong I can be and that for some reason he wants a change in me before he grants me my gift. I figure he wants me to give the control to him so that is what I am doing. I know it is hard and frustrasting when you want something so bad and you do everything physically right to get it, and it just doesn't happen. don't be so hard on your body. the stress will only add more pressure. as for your friend just think when you do have your baby he or she will be the baby of the bunch and everyone will only have a few minutes inthe spotlight while yours being the youngest will grab attention the longest. I know it's doesn't matter to you about that and you just want it now. I do understand that. I am just trying to help you maybe find positive thoughts in an idea that you may think has know silver lining. I am the only one in my family without a child and that is the way I look at it that when my baby is born he or she will grab all the attention. God has a plan for you wheither you agree with it or not, you can fight it or you can give him that control and accept things you can not change. I know that may sound kind of harsh and it isn't meant to. I fought for the longest time and now I give up. I am not going to ttc vigiruously( charting and stuff) but I am not going to prevent it either. If it is part of his plan then it will happen. I am going to relax and let his will be done. Of course I will get frustrated if it doesn't happen the first month of ttc but I will just try to stay focus and strong. And that is what I guess I am trying to tell you. Don't give up on faith and hope. It will happen when god or the higher being you believe in wills it to be.Maybe you think this is all a bunch of b/s and that is ok too. Being angry is ok but you have to let go of that anger and enjoy life for what it is at some point. Please take care of your self and your dh, your cycle may not be back on track yet or maybe opk is wrong I would trust your instinct only you truly know your body, so if that is the case I would bd anyway. At least you would have it covered no matter if opk is wrong or right. Try to push through the pain the reward will be worth it in the long run and you know this is true. For every negative thought you have I want you to find a positive one. If it helps to writte it down then do that. Please don't let this pain consume you. There is light at the end of the tunnel it just takes a long time to get to the end to see it. I hope you take care of yourself. and if your not a religious person then I apoligize for bringing it up. Be easy on your self and relax let your body rest from the pain. I hope the rest of your day goes well. may peace be in your heart.

[bellabonga]

ieducate, I´m sorry you are having such a hard time and I can totally relate to what you´re going through! It is already tough to see pg women everywhere but it is even harder when it is someone you know. I have this pg friend whose EDD is three weeks earlier than mine was. And I am still so sad when I think of all the pregnancy and baby classes we wanted to take together. It would have been perfect to have babies so close in age! And now she will go to all these classes. Just without me. It seems so unfair. So I guess I know how you feel about your pg friends. On Saturday I even met an aquaintance who is a friend of my pg friend. And this aquaintance told me that she is trying to get pg with her third right now. She will probably be pg in a second and I will again have to wait forever! It took us 3.5 years with DD and 1.5 years this time. Hopefully our turn will come sooner now. Another friend of mine is TTC too and somehow I feel as if it´s a race although I know that this is bs.


Remember my posts about my bad day last friday? Well, it didn´t get any better. At 5pm my obgyn called and talked to my answering machine and the news weren´t good ones. My hcg-level was higher than it should have been last tuesday and I have to come in to get it checked again. I didn´t know what that meant but did some research and also asked an online obgyn: It means that it could be that they accidentally left some of the placenta inside my uterus during the d&c! Which means that I would need to have another d&c if that is what causes the hcg to be too high! :eek: So I´m going in to have my blood drawn first thing tomorrow morning. Please cross your fingers for me that my hcg only drops slower than usual without a reason. I try to look forward instead of backwards and I couldn´t stand another d&c right now. This would throw me back so much! :(

[purplesunshine7]

oh bella i am so sorry that is horrible news I hope your bloodwork tomorrow shows that it is dropping.I would hate for you to have to go through that again.
I had my follow up attp today. i was lucky no one else was in the waiting room when I got there or when I left. My doc said all was well. she said I assume you are going to try again. I said not as hard as before( charting and stuff) she said that is fine just don't prevent and keep up dentist appt and keep taking prenate vitamins. I wish I didn't even have to do that but I know it is for the best if I do get pg again. Well I go back to work tomorrow have to be there 4:30 am so have a good night ladies, I'll be thinking about you tomorrow bella fingers crossed.

[bellabonga]

Thank you purplesunshine! I was at the doctor´s office just before 9am and only saw two pg women in the waiting room today. :rolleyes: I won´t get the results before 4pm, so now I´ll have to wait another 6 hours and I´m soooo nervous! At least I was able to find out what my hcg-level was the last time (4 days after the d&c): it was at 3916. Unfortunately I have no clue what the normal hcg-level would have been and the women in the lab pretended they couldn´t tell me. But I´m pretty certain that they did not want to tell me. So I guess it must have been much too high. :( I wish I could´ve talked to a doctor but there was no time for it. So I have no clue either how much it must have dropped by now. But I´ve read that it can even rise if they´ve forgotten some placenta! :eek: I so hope everything is okay. I don´t feel nauseated anymore, my bbs aren´t hurting, I have no signs of pregnancy left. Please, please, please let everything be okay! I will update you later...

[purplesunshine7]

Bella: I hate when the office people act dumb. when I went back to my doctor after u/s the receptionist just gave me an I am sorry look before I even got to see the doctor. Maybe they didn't know your numbers from the day before so in telling you what they were today they might have been afraid to upset you especially if you couldn't talk to a doctor. I know not knowing and waiting sucks. I am waiting for the results from testing to come back but I decided not to worry about it because I can't control the outcome either way. I know that doesn't help you but I use to worry so very much before m/c that I have decide that if I can't control it then I am not going to worry about it until I need to. It does take a lot of stress off of me. My doctor didn't even test my hcg level so I hope they are going down but I won't worry about it unless af doesn't come.
I truly hope your numbers are coming down. I know that you probably can't even begin to heal until you know for sure that they didn't screw up. I would ask them for an u/s. I am sure they would be able to see if there was something there. unless there is just some linnig left that hasn't been shredded. That is what happened to me after d&c. I didn't bleed but sheded some linning . So just try to stay positive and my fingers are crossed for you and although you are not a religious person I will pray for you and your family. Hope to hear good news from you soon.

Today was my first day back to work one co- worker asked why I ws out so long I told them I had to have surgery.(I didn't lie) they said what for, I said I 'd rather not say and it was left at that. So it's been ok so far. It was a pretty easy day. I just hope the rest of the week is the same.

Littlemia: How are you doing? did you reach 0 yet.

[bellabonga]

My hcg-level dropped from 3916 to 508 in one week. You should think that´s good news but it isn´t that good. It should have dropped to 15-30 by now, so 508 is still too high. They want me to come in early next week and then to test every few days until it is below 5 or until I have to have another d&c. I am so frustrated! :( I want to try and come in friday to get it tested again because I can´t stand to wait another week until I know more. Not another weekend where I don´t know whether it´s over or not. The hcg should be under 100 by friday and if it is, I will be much more at ease.

Purplesunshine, it´s good to hear that your first day at work went so well! I hope everyone continues to respect your privacy and doesn´t bother you with questions.

[pacificbliss]

bellabonga I hope they can get you in soon so you don't have to wait all weekend. So sorry your Dr office isn't giving you all the information you want. Can you leave a message for your ob? Maybe you could call and say you want some explanation of the numbers.

purplesunshine I am glad things went ok at the office.

ieducate I know just how you feel. I was supposed to be pg with one of my good friends too. It was a while before I could even talk to her.

[littlemia]

Littlemia: How are you doing? did you reach 0 yet.

Thanks for asking. I kept meaning to write over the weekend, but I kept getting interrupted. My betas are down and yesterday AF arrived. While I'm so tired of bleeding (I bleed for about 3.5 weeks with the m/c), I'm glad that AF is here because it hopefully means that I am physically back to normal. It arrived exactly 4 weeks after the miscarriage was complete.

Sorry you had to go back to work, but glad that your day went okay. Hope the rest of the week goes well. I didn't tell anyone at work what was going on- I just said I had a medical issue I was dealing with. A few people asked how I was doing but no one asked for specifics. Hopefully your co-workers will be as sensitive as mine.

Bella, I hope your levels go down and you don't have to have another D&C. I know you're having a hard time right now and don't need this uncertainty too. I know how hard it is to wonder if everything is out. I was given an ultrasound and got the results in a couple of days (was supposed to be that day but there was a communication breakdown); is that an option for you?

ieducate, I'm sorry you're having to deal with so many pregnant friends. I know it's hard for me to see pregnant women right now, I can't imagine if I was surrounded by them on a regular basis. Hopefully TTC will go well and you will join them. Did you talk some sense into your DH about not going away while you're o'ing?

Ugh, I hear y'all on the suckiness of going to appointments and seeing pregnant people. I go to a birth center so everyone is either pregnant or just had their baby. The day I found out that I was miscarrying a woman was in labor in one of the birthing suites.

[bellabonga]

Littlemia, I´ve already had an ultrasound on 5/30 and that was okay. I´ve phoned my obgyn´s office again today and asked whether I could come in friday morning to get another hcg test done and that was okay. She even said that they could mark it as urgent so that the lab gets the results on friday afternoon. But the obgyn I´ve talked to today said that probably everything is okay and it just takes longer for some people´s hcg to go down. Did you take your trip to Germany after all? I found it funny that you live in Florida and go on vacation to Germany while I live in Germany and have been to Florida on vacation every year since 2000. Maybe we´ll go again in September.



While I phoned the obgyn´s office to ask for the hcg test, I got to know by chance that the pathology results are in. They wouldn´t have called me since my obgyn is on vacation this week, so I´m lucky that I called myself and got those news by chance while we were talking. I demanded to get to talk to one of the doctors and I was lucky that a nice one called me back. I´m so tired of talking to those irritated receptionists!

They did not find anything that could explain why my baby died. There wasn´t an inflammtion or a hematoma, nothing that´s typical for a chromosomes defect and the placenta looked okay. Now the baby is at a humangenetical lab for further testing and those results aren´t in yet. But the doctor said they could never find out if it was the combination of the various bacterial infections I´ve suffered from. Although they were all in the throat and chest, they might have caused the baby´s death. I still have a feeling that this is all that was wrong - that I infected myself with the pinkeye of one kindergarden child. :( And that apart from that my baby would have been perfectly healthy. And I feel bad because when I first visited my otorhinolaryngologist I had a strong feeling that I needed antibiotics to cope with this illness and wouldn´t manage to do that on my own. And against my better instincts I left without one because he wanted me to try and get better on pineapple-icecubes. :rolleyes: Maybe if I had insisted on antibiotics that day, my baby would still be alive. I know it doesn´t help to have these thoughts since I can´t change it anymore. But still I feel guilty for ignoring my instincts and it´s a horrible thought that my baby might still be alive if I had said something.

But maybe I´m all wrong and they´ll find something at the humangenetics lab. I´ve discovered that there is a huge one in the same building as my obgyn and I wonder if that is where my baby is now. It´s strange not to know what happens to it. Some hospitals around here bury the ashes of m/c every couple of weeks together in an urn on a cemetery but since nobody talked to me about that, I guess my hospital does not do this. Well, it´s probably better that I don´t know. At least I can assume that it is buried together with other babies that weren´t supposed to live and I don´t have to know if they throw it in the trash. :(

[purplesunshine7]

littlemia:I am glad your co-workers were nice to you. Glad your numbers went down. Glad af came for you even though it sucks just to have to expect it.

bella: I am so happy for you that your numbers are coming down. I am glad you don't have to worry over the weekend about it, I wonder why the office people acted the way they did the other day by not telling you. Maybe they didn't know you were expecting them to go down. Try not blame yourself for not listening to your instinct because it could have turned around, if you did take antibiotics and it still occured then you might have blamed your self for taking the drugs, I know it's hard I am one to preach as to this day I still blame myself not because of anything I did but just because I was carrying him or her. you have a good question about what happens to the body afterwards I never thought about I guess I was to worried about it's soul. but i would hate to think they just throw it in the trash. maybe they keep it to allow other med students to learn from it. It would be nice if they did creamate with all other ones. I don't think they do that in the states but I could be wrong.

work was not that good today. Someone from our home office came in and apperently knew what happened to me and I can tell you it wasn't me in fact I have only met this lady maybe 4 times, so I know I didn't tell her that I was pg, which means my boss told her. I am not happy about this at all. I am so tiered of people asking me if I am ok. My boss aperently told my co-workers I was sick, which was fine , but I don't know why she told this other lady she isn't even my superior. Before I m/c I asked for a transfer to an offic edesk because my job requires heavy lifting and is stressful. I think i am going to tell them that I still want to transfer. On a funnier note one of our delivery people said you must be the assistant I said yes he said I heard you were out sick are you ok, I said yeah I am better he said good take it easy you don't want it to relaspe. I just had to laugh to my self I was thinking no kidding I don't want it to relaspe but I think I would have to get pg first. then on the other hand I was a bit iritated because I've never met this guy berfore.
DH and I are not on good terms, we argued about bding 1:00 in the morning. I feel bad because I want to and he wants to but (TMI) afterwards I start to cry and I have no reason why, it is something mentally not physical. I guess I am just not emotionally ready. It's just wierd that as soon as I go back to work things between him and I start to go bad. Maybe it's just a coinicidence. Sorry to go on and on. I just needed to let off some steam. I glad things are going as good as can be expected with eveyone in the room.


P.S. I am already tiered of hearing about brad and angelina.

[ag05]

Hope everyone is doing okay. I promise to go back and catch up on recent posts. I do have an update. My baby had a triploidy. An extra set of chromosomes I think. I saw the picture of the chromosomes and there were 3 of each or something like that. This can happen when 2 sperm fertilize the egg. I have had 4 miscarriages now and my Dr. thinks IVF can help. I don't think my DH is going to be easy to convince though. I didn't find much on the internet about this issue but then again I was at work searching when I shouldn't have been. Too much stuff to think about.

[ieducate]

Purple, I know exactly what you mean about Brangelina. I am so sick of hearing about all the celebrities that are pregnant or have just had babies. Stefani, Spears, etc. Whatever. I am sure they deserve all the happiness in the world, but where's my happiness???

On a separate note, I got my first positive OPK yesterday and it is about time. I have had terrible ovulation pains for the past two days (still having them) and I was getting negative OPK's. :( It was so frustrating because I knew I was ovulating. Anyway, dh and I are "working hard" to make this work and I hope that two plus weeks from now I am reporting a positive pregnancy test. Please cross your fingers for me.

My friend, who was due almost two weeks ago, had her baby yesterday morning. I am happy for her, but still wish it was me. My other friend just had her first u/s this past week and that pregnancy is bothering me way more than anything. She and her dh were trying for one month and bamb, that's it. My dh and I tried for over a year and half and I have nothing to show for it, except 16 months of charting. YUCK!!! I am so praying that this cycle works for us and I get pg...I am seriously not sure I can stomach charting for one more second after this. I want this more than anything in the whole world and I need it to work so that I am not obsessing over these charts, my mood, my physical feelings, my emotional feelings, etc.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good day today. I know that this has been a tough time for all of us and each day does not always get easier...there are steps forward and steps backwards. At least I know that is how it is for me. I am feeling just fine right now, but this afternoon, after having to go to a baby shower for someone at work I could feel differently. (I am trying to get out of going to the shower today...just too painful). I am off to get ready for work...9 more days of teaching for the year and I couldn't be more ready. :)

[bellabonga]

Just a short question since I´m in a hurry now:
As you know I have this friend who is 3 weeks further along in her pregnancy as I would have been. That means that she is in her 16th week. Somehow I feel I should offer to lend her my maternity clothes. I have some left from DD but I have also bought two nice shirts, capri pants and a beautiful dress for the pregnancy with Nathaniel. I think I should offer the clothes but somehow I can´t. I didn´t even get to wear them, they are new. :( And I feel horrible at the thought to see her in my maternity clothes that were supposed to be worn by me! The only thought that comforts me is the old wives´ tale that you get pregnant once you lend your maternity clothes out. :p Can anyone relate? What would you do?

[happy]

I lent out all of my maternity clothes from my last pregnancy that I was suppose to be wearing right now. It was actually kind of comforting to me to have them be able to be used. Who knows if I will ever be pregnant again during the same time of year to be able to wear them. I do love my maternity cloths though so it was a little difficult at first but to me it was better than seeing them in a box in the basement. Sometimes it is difficult to see friends wearing the clothes that I think I should be wearing right now but then I think that hopefully I will just get to wear all new clothes if I get pregnant again soon.

[kerrykate]

Hi ladies, I'm so sorry to all the new ladies that have joined us. It's such a difficult thing to go through, ok it plain sucks but everyone here is so wonderful and understanding.
I haven't been around in awhile. This miscarriage has been a long process. I found out I was pg on Valentines day and had some spotting early March. My doctor wanted me to miscarry naturally but that didn't happen until the end of March. My numbers had gotten really high, over 19000 so I've been having to get my betas checked every 2 weeks since then. So 3 months and 2 periods later I found out 2 weeks ago that my betas were finally at 3... So we can start TTC again which we've been doing the last few days. We leave for vacation tomorrow for a week and I know I shouldn't but I'm bringing pg tests with me. Hopefully I'll get a bfp b/c if I don't I know I'll be in a foul mood. I just can't resist testing though....

bellabongo~ I'm going through the same dilema as you. My SIL is pg and she's 2 weeks further along then I should be. My brother and her have 2 daughters that are 5 and 6 years old and they didn't think that they were going to have anymore kids so they got rid of everything. I have tons of maternity clothes from when I was pg with DD and some new clothes that I've picked up here and there on clearance. I've been debating on wheather or not I should let her borrow my clothes but since were TTC now and will hopefully be pg again soon, I've decided not to. It's really for selfish reasons. Seeing her in my clothes when I should be almost as far along as she is would probably break my heart. And even if I had let her borrow my clothes I wouldn't have given her the new clothes to wear. So basically I think it would be torture for you everytime you saw your friend wearing YOUR new pg clothes. That's very nice of you but honestly I think it would be too difficult. You have to think of yourself right now.

Take care everyone.

[jodylovesscotty]

Hello Ladies,
I hope you don't mind if I ask a question. I am going through a natural miscarriage today (5w1d) which I almost positive of because I had a very large clot. As soon as that happened my cramps went away and I physically feel better than when the bleeding started. Anyway, on to my question. What should I expect from here (I am going to get an ultrasound tomorrow from my ob/gyn). Will I get a period again soon, will I still ovulate this cycle, how does this all work? Thanks for any insight.

[littlemia]

Hello Ladies,
I hope you don't mind if I ask a question. I am going through a natural miscarriage today (5w1d) which I almost positive of because I had a very large clot. As soon as that happened my cramps went away and I physically feel better than when the bleeding started. Anyway, on to my question. What should I expect from here (I am going to get an ultrasound tomorrow from my ob/gyn). Will I get a period again soon, will I still ovulate this cycle, how does this all work? Thanks for any insight.

jody, I'm so sorry.

If your u/s shows that the m/c was complete, your should get a period in about 4-6 weeks and you will probably ovulate about 2 weeks before that. They will want to check your beta HCG levels to make sure that they are coming down. I didn't think you were supposed to get your period until after they were down to 0, but some ladies in this thread have had different experiences, so I'm not sure what's up with that.

[flygirl]

Jody, more (((hugs))). Everyone's different, of course (there's that disclaimer), but there seems to be a common pattern for women who m/c early. Some only bleed for a day or two in the beginning, others for as long as two weeks. Almost everyone has reported the most intense cramps you could ever immagine, and some have described them as contraction-like. I couldn't keep anything down, either, & the doc had to prescribe some suppositories at 11pm. I was on the meds for the next 2-3 days & pretty out of it.

With most early m/cs the beta levels drop very quickly & I had a normal cycle following the short bleeding. I bled a day longer than usual the next few cycles but they were picture-perfect.

I'm thinking about you.

[littlemia]

jody, just letting you know that what I posted is what I've heard is pretty typical for all 1st tri. miscarriages but things with an early m/c might be different.

[kerrykate]

Jody~ I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've had 2 miscarriages and miscarried naturally both times. The first time I was 6 1/2 weeks and had heavy bleeding and cramps for 1 day then bled heavily for 2 more then moderate to light for another 6-7. The doctor tested my hcg levels every week until they were at 0 and I had 1 period before they got to 0. This time I found out I was going to miscarry at 6 1/2 weeks but didn't start bleeding until I was 9 weeks. My hcg levels got really high and it took 3 months and 2 periods before they were back down 3 (still weren't at 0:rolleyes: ). After I stopped bleeding from the miscarriage I had a period 2 weeks later and have since been back to my 28 day cycles. Hopefully you're hcg level will go down quickly and you'll be back ready to TTC.

[polkadot]

Jody~ I am so sorry you are here but there are a couple of familiar faces you will see here. This is a great place to get lots of info and to hear other experiences. I had a natural m/c at about the same time you did...They actually called mine a chemical pregnancy...but that doesnt matter...if was really like a late period for me...I had more cramping than usual but other than that...and being very emotional it was just like a regular period. I hope this is all over for you very soon. I Oed two weeks after the bleeding stopped and my cycles were pretty regular too. I hope this gives you a little bit of info. We are all here to chat if you need us....(((((hugs)))))

[ieducate]

Jody, sorry you have to be joining us here. None of this is any fun at all. As for the period after a m/c, like littlemia said, some people do get their period before they reach zero, as I did. I actually got my period the day I found out I was having a m/c and my hcg was at about 200. I had a normal period, with added cramping...pretty severe at times (even brought me to the hospital the second day because they were so bad). I got my "real" period about 28 days later after the first period. Make sense? I am actually ovulating now, so this is the second time ovulating, but the first time my dh and I were allowed to TTC.

As for me, let me tell you how much pain I am in right now. AGH. I have been on the clomid only once before and it worked (it was actually the month I got pg.). So, my doctor put me back on since it seemed to be the only thing that helped get me pg. The one real plus side to the clomid is that I knew when I was ovulating because I could feel it. This time I can feel it so much that it is almost crippling. It is killing me. It started a few days ago as a minor cramping on my left side, and yesterday it got real bad. Yesterday was the first positive OPK. Today my pain is so severe that it hurts to stand too long and/or walk. Well, that is a real problem seeing as I am a teacher. :( Anyway, I am hoping that the pains subside by tomorrow and that my temperature goes up so that my dh and I can stop "being friendly" for a while...we are both exhausted. :( This whole trying to have a baby thing is so emotionally and physically exhausting. Anyway, I am hoping that the pains I am feeling are strictly ovulation pains and that there is not actually anything wrong with me. I wouldn't know because the only other time I was on the clomid was when I got pg., so I don't have anything else to compare it to. Has anyone else here ever been on clomid and had debilitating cramps in one ovary?

Anyway, my dh and I are going out of town tomorrow night to visit his family in NY and I am not looking forward to it. His sister has three kids and gets pregnant thinking about it. :( Hope everyone has a good weekend. I will stop by tomorrow before I leave to see how everyone is doing.

[polkadot]

ieducate~ i wish the Clomid had worked for me as it has for you. This month was my first cycle on 50mg. and it did nothing...I had plenty of cramping around day 12 which when I asked others who had been on clomid they told me it was maybe my follies getting ready well as you can see in my chart that was short lived ....if i go by my temps I Oed on Tuesday...cycle day 21. A very late O even for me and i felt nothing...not even one cramp. We are dealing with DH's problems, he has a varicocele, for the next few months...and then i hope my doctor will up my dosage of Clomid. We are taking a break this summer until the varicolectomy. I hope you get your BFP very soon. I understand how much you want it....(((hugs)))

[tealynn]

Jody, just wanted to let you know again how sorry I am that you're dealing with this after many, many months of trying. I had a very similar experience just several weeks ago. I was about 5 weeks and started spotting lightly, then very heavily, then the worst cramps I've ever had in my life. Fortunately I only bled for several days, and within a week my levels were back down to 0.

I was give the okay to try again this week by the nurse, after of course waiting for a full cycle, my question is though, why must I wait for my period again? Is it just a timing issue (knowing exactly when you conceived) or is it a health issue? I know right now that I'm having EWCM and I could possibly conceive but I don't want to do anything that could end up in an unhealthy pregnancy again.

Thoughts anyone?

[jodylovesscotty]

Thank you all for your advice and well wishes. I went to the doctor this morning and they did a transvaginal ultrasound. The doctor said that everything cleared out which is good (he said the best kind you can have if you have any miscarriage). He told me to wait until I get my period again to try again. He said I can expect to get AF anywhere from 4 to 6 weeks. All day yesterday I cried my eyes out, but am much better today. I just have to keep reminding myself that our bodies have a weird way of knowing if something is right.

tealynn~ I don't know why your doctor would tell you go ahead right away because mine said wait until I get my regular period again. I will be curious to find out the answer as well.

I would like to join this thread as I think this one fits me the most now.

Name: Jody, 32
DH:Scott,32
Married: August 30, 2003
M/C: @ 5 weeks, June 2006
TTC: January 2005

[bellabonga]

Jody, I´m sorry that you have to join us. I have no real idea what you should expect after your ultrasound as I have had a d&c and no natural m/c. I only had one chemical pg but that was like a heavy AF and after that everything was as usual. At least your hcg-level should be down very soon, so maybe you will ovulate already in two weeks. And I´ve read sooo often that you are more fertile during the first months after a m/c. I´m crossing my fingers that this is true for all of us!

kerrykate, that must have been horrible to wait 3 months for your hcg to drop to 3! :eek: I´m having a bit of trouble with my slow-dropping hcg too and so hope it´ll be faster than that! Can you only get pregnant again when it reaches zero or which level do you have to reach for that?

ieducate, I´m crossing my fingers for you and am blowing lots of baby dust your way! :) I´ve never been on clomid so far but my friend has been. She had lots of pain in her ovaries too. And I´ve had them occasionally really badly even without clomid when I was ovulating. So you´re probably just hurting because you´re so fertile at the moment! ;) Hopefully your weekend gets better than expected.

tealynn, my doctor has told me that you should wait one cycle so that the mucous membrane in the uterus can build up again. But I have no clue whether that is only important if you´ve had a d&c.



I went to the obgyn again today first thing in the morning to get my hcg-level checked. And yay, it has dropped from 508 on tuesday to 270 today! :) So I can start the weekend without having to worry about getting another d&c! One of the obgyns felt the need to tell me that it was unneccessary and unwanted by them that I came in today instead of monday or tuesday but I don´t care about that. I´m much more relaxed now and that´s all that counts.

I had another talk to my pg friend today and again she said I should get over my m/c and not think about it anymore. And I shouldn´t search for possible reasons and get over it. So I am still kind of mad at her because I don´t think she has a right to tell me how long I can mourn my loss. Because I consider her behaviour to be pretty rude, I have decided I will keep my maternity clothes. Why should I upset myself further with risking to run into her while she is wearing the new clothes I had bought for my pregnancy? I will keep them and if they don´t fit the seasons of my next pregnancy, I will prefer to sell them on ebay instead of having her wearing them. I will offer her some of the things I wore with DD as a compromise. Thank you all for your input on this issue!

Soccer world championships started today and everyone in Germany goes totally crazy. Unfortunately DH too. I´m pretty p*ssed because he went to a local event to watch the opening game on a huge screen. I couldn´t go with him because I needed to stay with DD although I would have loved to go with him and get out a bit. He told me he would be back after that opening game (which would have been around 8.30pm). Now it´s 9.30pm and he just called and is totally wasted. Since he now said he wouldn´t be back before midnight, I begged him to change to water until he gets home but he couldn´t even promise that. So now he will get home totally wasted, wake me up with being noisy and then lie down next to me stinking like a whole pub! :mad: Okay, he didn´t do that for quite a long time but does it have to be now when I´m already not feeling that well? I wish I could at least take a long hot bath with a good book but the bleeding still hasn´t stopped entirely although today it´s been two weeks since my d&c. I soooo want a bath! :( And I want him to sleep on the couch...

Hope you all have a nice weekend!

[bellabonga]

Has anyone thought about using pre-seed to speed things up when you´re TTC? Or has anyone tried it yet? Is it worth the price? Do you have to tell your obgyn if you´ve used it? :o

[jodylovesscotty]

bellabonga~ I have used preseed in the past and only have one vial left so I need to order more. It doesn't really speed things up, just helps for dryness. For me it is worth the money only because I know it is sperm friendly and after days of BDing I know I need it.

[flygirl]

Bella, ditto what jody said: Pre-Seed doesn't help with sperm nurishment and travel, only to alleviate the pain of dryness. The only difference between it & most other lubes is that it doesn't kill off the sperm :). We use FemGlide (http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=81062&catid=682&trx=PLST-0-SEARCH&trxp1=682&trxp2=81062&trxp3=1&trxp4=0&btrx=BUY-PLST-0-SEARCH), another sperm-friendly lube that is much cheaper than Pre-seed. Sperm-friendly aside, it is the best lube we've every used!

And I'm sorry you're not feeling so well about your pg friend. It sucks, I know, and come here all you want to vent about it. But also try not to let it ruin your friendship. Even though she's been through it, everyone reacts differently, and she may be feeling very guilty for being pg while you're not.

Jody & tealynn, waiting time really depends on how far along you were, how long you bled during your m/c (ie how much of the lining was shed) and personal preference. The most important thing is to get your betas down to 2 or below, but if you m/c within 5-6 weeks it usually happens very quickly, as in a week or two. It's completely possible to fertilize & support an egg during this cycle and sustain it, just make sure your mentally prepared in case of another chem or m/c.

[polkadot]

i have used Preseed....i really liked it especially after 5 days of BDing in a row you need it...i think its worth the money... It didnt work for us...but tahts a whole other story ;)

[Melne11]

Thank God I found this thread. I've been writing IRL in my journal about my experience, but need somewhere to tell my story and recieve support. Hopefully this will do. I know this is long, and I appologize ahead of time, I just need to get it all out. Thanks.

I just had a missed miscarriage last week. DH and I wern't trying for a baby, we were pleasently suprised when I found out four or five weeks ago that I was pregnant. We were so excited we told EVERYONE that I was pregnant. People we work with, old friends all of our family, everyone knew.

I had some bleeding three weeks ago and went to the ER because my Dr.'s office wasn't open yet. I had an ultrasound and blood work done. The blood work said that my HGC levels weren't growing like they should be, and my Progestorone levels were too low. They put my on Prometrium. The ultrasound showed that my baby had a slow heartbeat, and there was bleeding in my uterus. I was sent home with the news that I had a fifty/fifty chance of miscarrying. I was in high spirits though, because even though it was a slow heartbeat, it was the first time they baby had one. It was still alive and growing, it had to be okay.

The following Friday I had an appointment for an ultrasound. My MIL came with me because my DH wasn't able to. The Dr wasn't in, but the sono tech said that the bleeding in my uterus was still there, and my baby's heartrate was still slow. We left with very little information, and we were told that Dr. would call me the next monday to let me know what her thoughts were on my sonogram. On Monday, Dr. called and said that she wasn't concerned so much with the bleeding in the uterus, but the heartrate. She said that when I was at the ER, the heartrate was 90. The previous Friday, it was 60. She was afraid that I would come in and the baby would have no heartbeat at all. I was schedualled for an ultrasound on Thursday. That was just this past week.
I went in on Thursday again with my MIL. The tech searched for what seemed like forever, but the baby had no heartbeat.

I was crushed. I couldn't do anything but cry. My MIL tried to say things that would help, but nothing did. Dr asked me what I wanted to do. She said I could wait and see if my body passes the tissue itself, or I could schedual a D&C. I just wanted to get it out. It sounds so horrible, but I didn't want it inside of me anymore that I had to. I was schedualed for a D&C the next day.
We had to go in at 6am. We were out of the hospital by 11am. And that's it.

It seems so anticlimatic. All of a sudden, poof, I'm not pregnant anymore. Where do I go from here? What do I do now? For the past five weeks I've watched what I ate, no chocolate, no Pepsi, no coffee-- I've read nothing but baby books, I was ready. And now what? Now I've got to tell everyone that I'm NOT pregnant. Most of our closest friends and family know. I'm going to go to work and be asked how I'm doing, and over and over again I've got to say I've lost my baby.

Physically I feel fine most of the time. Unless I'm too active, I don't feel any pain. It's almost like it didn't happen at all. A part of me feels like one of those crazy women who lie about being pregnant for attention. I never felt pregnant. I feel like it was a big lie, like I made it all up. It's all so surreal to me. I just don't know what to do next.

Emotionally I'm doing okay. I kind of knew when I talked to the Dr. on Monday that I was going to lose it, so I've been getting used to the idea. I went to a bridal shower on saturday. And I was holding up well, until there's about four pregnant women complaining about being pregnant. I got a little upset then, because they didn't know I was pregnant to begin with, and I obviously don't have any kids, and so I couldn't chime in when I wanted to, about the morning sickness etc. And at the same time I was mad-- how dare they complain. So many women would die to feel the misery that is pregnancy. They were clueless.

I just don't know how to move on from here. I don't feel like I'm okay just yet, but I don't know how else to grieve. I'm through with crying, I can't cry anymore, but I'm not over it yet. I don't know how to be okay.

[polkadot]

Mel~ I know exactly how you feel. I did the same thing in Jan. I had told everyone, bought all the books, some people had even bought me little things...and then bam...no baby. I never got to hear the heartbeat because I had a chemical pregnancy when the fertilized egg never really implants but you get positive tests. Ihope you find comfor there. I know I have. All the women here are great and even though we hate this sisterhood, thats really what it is. We even have a thread called TTC after loss...you may want to join that threrad too, if you an DH decide to TTC again soon. I wish you the best here even though no one wants to be here..I hope you get some comfort knowing you are not alone....((((husg))))

[jodylovesscotty]

Flygirl~ I ordered the femglide that you linked today. I have always used pre-seed before this. I looked it up and there were conflicting information on it, some say yes it is sperm friendly other sites say no. Does the info. in the box say that it is?

[ieducate]

Melne11, sorry you have to join us, but welcome and feel free to express yourself anytime. I know exactly how you feel, as I felt the same way. There is no "way" to heal from this really...it takes a lot of time, and I think it takes another pregnancy...a successful one. I had a m/c on April 20th and I am still not over it. I know that getting pg. is the only way I will feel okay with it, and even then I will always be upset that I lost the pg. in the first place. I would be 13 or 14 weeks pg. right now and I am nothing at the moment...nothing but hopeful that this cycle I am in now is THE one. I know what you mean about feeling like it never happened...I was six plus weeks when I had my m/c and all of a sudden I felt like none of it had ever really happened to begin with. I did have pg. symptoms for a while and I even had them after the baby was gone. My numbers took a long time to go down and my body still thought I was pg. What fun that was. :(

Anyway, my dh and I are TTC again and this has been an emotional rollercoaster for us. I started charting again too and boy what a drag that is. My chart is not detecting ovulation, even though I know I did and my temperatures are not going up as high as they normally do. I am hoping it is because my OB put me on progesterone this time and I started it on Friday, 48 hours after O. Has anyone here ever been on progesterone early in their cycle? The last time I was on it I was 5 weeks pg. and the OB thinks that it was too late at that point. That is why she started me earlier this time. I don't know how my body reacts to it, as I have never been on it before I knew I was pg. and I have only been pg. once. I know I ovulated this month because the pains were excrutiating and I got two positive OPK's last week. I just wish my temperatures were a bit higher...as it was easier to tell if I was pg. or not...the temperature always dropped to the 97 range the day I was going to get AF. The month (March) when it stayed above in the 98 range 16, 17, and 18 days after ovulation, I had a feeling that I was pg. This time I won't be able to tell at all. Unless of course my bbs start to hurt around the same time that they did last time...according to my chart. Here is my biggest problem right now though...I feel like I am willing my bbs to start hurting, etc. because I want it to mean that I am pg. Then I will be even more upset when my AF comes in two weeks. :( I guess I have to just wait and see. I can't do a pg. test until the 21st, according to the chart. :( It seems like so far away, even though it's less than two weeks. I hope that I am reporting great news on this site on that day. Please cross your fingers for me, and I will cross my fingers for all of you. :)

[bellabonga]

Jody, I thought pre-seed might speed things up because I read that it would support contraception. So I thought it would actually do something else than let the sperm alive. :p So far we´ve only used plain old vaseline and I got pregnant with it twice. So I´m not sure whether pre-seed is worth the money or not. I could buy pre-seed on Ebay.com but I don´t get Femglide here in Germany.

Flygirl, No, I won´t let my jealousy and her insensitive behavior ruin our friendship. We´ve been friends for 16 years now and always have had our issues now and then. She´s never been my closest friend. But still I´m disappointed by her right now. I can understand that she does not want to talk and think about m/c right now that she has finally an intact pregnancy. But then she could tell me that it scares her and we could stop talking about it alltogether. There´s no need to play cool, especially not after she was everything but cool after her chemical pregnancy and mourned for weeks. But I´m sure we´ll work this out or I´ll get over her behavior as time goes by. I´m not a resentful person.

Melne, I´m so sorry for your loss and I think you´ve found the right place to talk about it. At least for me it is a great help to come here (and to another m/c message board - if you want to have the link, send me a message) to talk about it. No one who hasn´t had this experience can really understand.
Just like you I´ve told everyone that I was pregnant. We did not plan to this time but as the days went by, we told one after the other. For most people we waited until I saw the heartbeat at the ultrasound (I was 6w4d). We felt on the safe side from then on because the chance of a m/c after the detection of a healthy heartbeat is only 5%. So I told everyone and made plans. I even bought some maternity clothes on Ebay.com and since I live in Germany I had to buy them early (it always takes 2-3 weeks until items from the USA arrive here). And then everything crushed and no heartbeat was found on my third ultrasound at 10w4d. :( What I did was that I called EVERYONE on that evening. I said over and over again "my baby is dead" while I was still in shock. But for me that was the best thing I could do. I couldn´t have stand it if they had called one after the other and asked how the baby was doing when there was no living baby anymore. I still fear that the day will come when my nosy neighbor (the only one I did not tell) will ask me why my belly isn´t growing at all. :(
What helped me to grieve? The first few days I occasionally broke down, lay in bed and cried. But after some days there were no tears left, there was only sadness. Just like you I had the feeling that it seemed my baby had never existed. What really helped me was that I bought a nice frame (white with a light blue teddy bear) and framed a beautiful ultrasound picture of my baby. It is from the day the doctor told me that it died but it is still beautiful. It is hanging side to side with a picture of my DD when she was a baby and I have decided to keep it there. This was my second baby and it will always be. And what helped me to grieve and cope was that we named our baby (Nathaniel). We still don´t know whether it was a boy or a girl and it is not sure whether we will get to know that at all. But I have a feeling that it was a boy. I don´t know if framing an ultrasound picture and naming the baby will help you but it really helped me. And after I did it, I read in various m/c threads that it helped others too.

ieducate, I was so sad to read that you would be 13 or 14 weeks by now. Our EDDs were really close - I would have been 13 wks now too. :( I´m crossing my fingers for you that the early progesterone works for you and that you´ll get a BFP. But I´ll warn you: I´ve had that before with the imagined symptoms. When we TTC after DD, I´ve had two or three cycles where I was sooo hopeful to get a BFP that I really felt my bbs were sore. And then I got a BFN and was sooo miserable! And with the BFN my bbs suddenly weren´t sore anymore too. So hope can really play a dirty trick on you. Both times I was pregnant were ironically cycles where I did not think I could be pregnant although AF was already late. So try not to look out for symptoms although I know that it is easier said than done. ;)

[numberlady]

Mel, You are definitely in the right place. I hope that you can find comfort "talking" to people that have gone through this. Most likely once your IRL friends find out that you had a m/c, you will find that many of them when through the same thing, I know that happened to me. And even though this is not something you would wish on anyone, for me I felt better talking to others online and IRL that went through it.

Like you, DH and I were not TTC and had an oops that resulted in pregnancy. Even though it was a few months earlier then we expected, the idea had really grown on us and we were so excited. We told everyone minus many people at work because I didn't want the whole company to know until I was further along.

I had a m/c at 7 weeks back in February and it has been really hard to deal with. Since we weren't trying at that time, we decided to wait a few more months until the original date we had planned on. This was the hardest decision for me, because I felt like the only thing that would make it better was to be pregnant right away. DH and I had many fights about this because he could not understand my need to be pg. and I would try to get him to agree to move the TTC date up and he didn't want to. Here we are in June, our "original" TTC date was May and has now been pushed back to October. I am less than thrilled because my due date was Sept 27 and I really want to be pg by the time my due date rolls around.

The hardest times for me know are during my period (because I bled for almost 3 weeks) and when I am ovulating. I always think about the m/c during those times. Most of the other times I am OK, of course I have medicated myself with shopping:rolleyes: , which is not such a good thing.

At the time of the m/c I just took care of myself and DH did the same. I took a day off work (which is rare for me), but it sucked. I lurked a lot in the pregnancy thread I was a member of and had a hard time with the realization that I was not one of them any more. I now try to stay out of that and other pregnancy threads because it just increases my desire to TTC.

I hope that you are able to get the support you need ((HUGS))

[ieducate]

Numberlady, I know exactly what you mean about being pg. again to help ease the pain of the m/c. My dh and I fight about this exact same thing all the time it seems. I want to be pg. more than anything in the world, but making it more of an issue is that I know it is the one and only thing that will truly help me deal with the m/c I had in April. I want so badly to be pg. that sometimes I think I create symptoms that aren't really there. I am trying so hard not to do that so that I do not find myself even more disappointed when I get a BFN next week. I am praying to every possible source that I get a BFP next week and that I can celebrate for the first time in a long time. I feel like we are doing everything possible to get pg. and I know I can get pg., now I just need to get pg. and figure out how to hold on to the baby. I am glad you are not on the pg. thread anymore...it really is too painful. Though dealing with the reality of a m/c is harder than anything, you will someday be on a pg. thread and it will be a joyous occasion for you. I send ((Hugs)) to you. :)

[jodylovesscotty]

I have another question. I talked to my friend who works in pediatrics for a well known hospital about my m/c. She said there was no reason except for emotional to wait a full cycle to start trying again, especially since I had a natural miscarriage. I would really like to start again right away. My doctor won't do any bloodwork to tell me if my numbers are down, but I would have to think they are because when I have been temping the last few days, the temps. are what they use to be pre-o. Am I correct in my thinking?

[Franni]

jody my ob/gyn told me that I could start right away after my natural m/c. I am not sure if the advice would be different if I had to do a d&C

pg to heal m/c I totally hear you ieducate, mel, numberlady about wanting to pg to heal m/c. It was hard to wait.

[Sebski]

I've been lurking here since the w/e but decided to join... I had a natural miscarriage last Weds @ 5w1d. I still can't believe I'm not pregnant anymore. I didn't fully embrace the pregnancy because I got a very late BFP but I miss it so very much. I got my BFP after AF was 5 days late and knew that wasn't a good sign because my BF had miscarried after such a late BFP herself. I bled pretty heavily for the first 4 days but then it started tapering off on Sunday and it was virtually gone yesterday. My doctor said that we can try right away but my girlfriend who miscarried last winter (at 7w) said that she was told to wait a full cycle. I don't know what to do though... DH is fine w/ TTC again so soon but I'm scared. What if I miscarry again? It's such a frightening thought to me.

I honestly don't know how often I will pop into this thread because I'm having a hard time visiting the boards since the miscarriage. I made the mistake of joining the Feb 2007 mom's group and it hurts so much to come to the family planning groups right now.

Anyway, here are my stats...

Name: Sebski, 30
Married: Oct 2002
M/C: @ 5w1d, June 2006
TTC: May 2005

[littlemia]

What were we saying a few weeks back about 1 step forward, 4 steps back? I definitely feel like that the last few days. This has been much harder than I thought it would be. Not that I thought it would be easy, but I always figured that it would happen at some point in my life and I thought I would be prepared. While I was pregnant I qualified every statement with "if I get that far" and I didn't buy any baby things, think seriously about baby names, or any of that stuff. I thought if I could stay detached it would protect me. But it didn't help at all. Staying detached from a wanted pregnancy is not that easy and once the symptoms start it's impossible not to think all the time about the fact you're pregnant.

It's amazing how your brain and emotions don't work all that well together a lot of the time. After all, I know that rationally having a miscarriage is a fairly common occurrence and that the chances are good that I'll get pregnant again and go on to have a healthy child and everything will be okay so I shouldn't worry, right? :rolleyes: It doesn't matter how many times I try to tell myself that, it doesn't help.


ieducate, good luck this month. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

polkadot, I'm sorry that you got bad news about your DH. Hopefully they can repair everything and you will be able to try again soon.

bella, we did go on our trip and had a pretty good time although the weather was quite poor. I knew May would be a little iffy weather-wise, but I was hoping to at least get a few good days- we only got one. I know things must be pretty crazy there right now. Do you live in a host city? I'm in the Orlando area and we hosted a few of the opening matches in the '94 World Cup. I went downtown one night and it was pretty wild seeing all of the fans. At one time I looked up and was under a huge Mexican flag and I looked over and saw my friend wearing wooden shoes. Then we got stranded at the hotel with the Moroccon team. Good times. Hopefully you and your DH can get out for a bit if you're up to it.

ag05, how are you doing? I can't imagine how hard going through 4 m/c must be. Is your DH still against doing IVF? I know IVF is scary, but going through a m/c is really scary too and if it improves your chances of carrying a baby to term, I hope he will consider it.

purplesunshine7, were you able to get any answers about why you m/c? I think I remember you saying they were running some tests. I hope work is going better for you.

Sebski and Melne11,I'm really sorry.

I know how hard it is to go to this thread through "All things Family." Every once in a while I accidentally click on the wrong link and go to the Pregnancy Groups. Or I hit new posts and find that most of them are pregnancy or baby related. :( If you subscribe to this thread you can go directly into the thread and bypass all of the pregnancy/baby sections.

[littlemia]

Regarding how long to wait to TTC: I think you'll find a lot disagreement among doctors. There haven't been a ton of studies done, but I found a few that support the idea that getting pregnant again right away is fine. In my searching I did see one article that correlated a higher risk of miscarriage after a short interpregnancy interval following an induced abortions (however, that doesn't really apply to us) and another article that correlated a higher risk of neural tube defects with a short interpregnancy interval (although the risk was highest with a short interval following a live birth).

All of these abstracts can be found on PubMed (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?db=PubMed). To get the complete article, contact your local library.


J Perinat Med. 1994;22(3):235-41.

Relevance of the miscarriage-new pregnancy interval.

Wyss P, Biedermann K, Huch A.

Clinic and Policlinic of Obstetrics, University Hospital of Zurich, Switzerland.

There is a wide divergence of opinion concerning the interval a woman should wait after a miscarriage before attempting a new pregnancy ("pregnancy interval"). Many authors recommend waiting 3-4 months in order to reduce the risk of another miscarriage [3, 6, 17, 21]. This retrospective study investigated whether a longer pregnancy interval lowers the risk of repeat miscarriage (R-risk) and/or prematurity. The association between parity and R-risk was also analyzed. Results showed that there are no proven reasons to recommend a waiting period between a miscarriage and a subsequent pregnancy, because the R-risk was around 20% irrespective of interval duration. Prematurity too is not influenced by a waiting period after miscarriage. There was, however, an association between parity and R-risk and risk of prematurity: nulliparae were more likely to have a repeat miscarriage (p < 0.05) or a preterm delivery in the next pregnancy (p < 0.05) than women who had already given birth to a child.


Am J Obstet Gynecol. 2002 Jun;186(6):1230-4; discussion 1234-6.

Neonatal outcomes in immediate versus delayed conceptions after spontaneous abortion: a retrospective case series.

Goldstein RR, Croughan MS, Robertson PA.

Department of Family and Community Medicine, University of California, San Francisco, USA.

OBJECTIVE: This study was undertaken to determine differences in neonatal outcomes between successful pregnancies conceived immediately after a spontaneous abortion (SAB) and successful pregnancies conceived after two menstrual cycles or at least 100 days from the spontaneous abortion. STUDY DESIGN: This study was a retrospective case series. Deliveries were identified from the University of California-San Francisco Perinatal Database among patients with a history of one SAB. Medical records of 268 patients were reviewed. Sixty-four patients fulfilled study criteria, with 19 in the immediate conception group and 45 in the delayed conception group. Categorical variables were analyzed using chi(2) tests and Fisher exact tests for variables with expected values of <5, whereas continuous variables were analyzed using Student t tests. RESULTS: Neonatal outcomes for the 2 groups were similar, although neonates in the delayed conception group were more likely to have at least one of the following: low birth weight, an Apgar score <7 at 5 minutes, or admission to the neonatal intensive care unit. CONCLUSION: In this small retrospective case series, there was no evidence of adverse neonatal outcomes associated with conception immediately after a SAB.

The above article is also referenced in this (http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0CYD/is_22_36/ai_94158757) article.

The following article deals with waiting for psychological purposes. I saw a few others that appear to support those conclusions. I know my midwife said to wait a bit to heal emotionally but I'm not sure waiting is the best course of action for me.


J Psychosom Obstet Gynaecol. 1996 Sep;17(3):168-74.

Pregnancy following miscarriage: course of grief and some determining factors.

Cuisinier M, Janssen H, de Graauw C, Bakker S, Hoogduin C.

Department of Clinical Psychology, University of Nijmegen, The Netherlands.

This prospective study aimed to investigate the impact of both (the speediness of) a subsequent pregnancy and the birth of a viable child on grief arising from a previous pregnancy loss. Data were collected from a series of written questionnaires. Of the 2140 pregnant women who participated in the study, 227 lost a baby by miscarriage (85%) or perinatal death (15%). In 221 women, the loss concerned a singleton. At each of four post-loss assessments, these women completed the Perinatal Grief Scale. They also indicated whether they had conceived again and, if they had, related how they felt about that. Data were analyzed by means of hierarchical multiple regression. Both conceiving again and the birth of a living child lessened grief. A speedy new pregnancy was only rarely found to be detrimental. It is suggested that parents, at least following miscarriage, no longer be advised to wait a specific time before conceiving again. Preferably their individual situation should be discussed with them in order to help them make their own informed decision concerning the subsequent pregnancy.

[jeggink]

I am sorry to see so many new faces :(. Hugs to all!

I have gotten my round of blood testing last week to find out if there is a reason for the 2 m/c and have not heard back yet, which I guess is probably a good sign that nothing was positive, but will call soon to see what the results were.

I was cleared to start TTC'ing again if we wish as long as the test results come back OK. I have AF now and we may go ahead and TTC this cycle, but we aren't sure. I am not sure if I can handle the stress of losing another pg so soon again.

I wish everyone here the best of luck and that you all have healthy pg's in the very near future!!!

[wasabi_green_peas]

My heart just breaks reading the posts from the newest members: ag05, bellabonga, kerrykate, jodtlovesscotty, tealynn, melne11 and sebski I am so sorry you had to join this thread. I have nothing to say that will take away your pain. It hurts so much. I am grateful to have a place to read and post. ((( )))

I haven't been here in a while --- sorry if this gets long. Quite frankly, Mother's Day and my getting my period really sent me for a loop. I felt depressed and quite useless and truly felt that I was bringing the thread down. A few weeks ago, my cousin (who wasn't even trying and never wanted kids) gave birth to the most beautiful twin girls. I was a bit jealous, but once I saw how truly happy she was my feelings dissipated a bit. Not less than a day later, my sister-in-law delivered her son. Now, as a bit of a background, we have never been super close. In fact, she and I have had a few issues. To oversimplify, she is married to the baby of the family (My H's brother is 31!) and they are constantly getting things given to them. It's hard to take sometimes being that I've been a part of this family for 16 years and have 'been there' for them a million times. As bad as it sounds, I was not looking forward to going to the hospital and 'oohing' and 'ahhing' over my new nephew. :(

Well, her son took an immediate turn for the worse and I immediately felt a TON of guilt. Intellectually, I knew I had nothing to do with the situation, but emotionally somehow I felt my jealousy was causing this poor little guy pain. It (jealousy) is an emotion that I am least proud of. I can't tell you how hard I prayed. My nephew was transferred to another hospital where he received transfusions and scads of testing - a spinal tap :( , MRIs, EKGs, EEGs, Cat scans. Thankfully, after two weeks in the NICU, he was discharged. He is a very healthy baby, but they cautioned that there may be some developmental issues, so I'm still praying.

In a weird way, being at the hospital every day for weeks led me toward a lot of healing. Being able to be there for his family also let me 'make up' for my underlying jealousy. There are still some hurt feelings and mixed emotions, but I think it set off a feeling of calm. It's hard to explain.

This past weekend was a huge 40th family reunion. I was dreading going because I desperately wanted to avoid, "When are you guys having kids?" and "How old are you again?". I was sad because my period was due on Monday and I was quite certain I wasn't pregnant. I tested anyway. And it was positive. :eek: I am pregnant again.

I am very happy, but I can't tell you how scared I am. And a teeny bit sad as well. I know I won't get as over-the-moon content and happy with this one because of the knowledge that it might not take. This is my third pregnancy without a baby to show for it. The first time I was so early (~5.5 weeks) that I figured it was 'Nature's cruel way', but it was a fluke. The last one was a missed miscarriage and I felt pregnant for days after the D&C --- my body never let me know for a second and it makes me scared to trust it again.

If you got this far, thanks for reading.

I want to wish everyone TTC strong and powerful **baby dust**, and [those who are still in the healing phase lots of love, strength and peace of mind. Take care.

[jodylovesscotty]

wasabi_green_peas~ Congratulations! I hope that you have a healthy and happy 9 months, you deserve it!:)

[HEW?B]

It feels really strange to be joining this thread but you all seem so helpful and I think that I need a place to express what I have been going through. My stats are a bit funny
Name: Hew?B, 29
Will be Married: Oct 2006
M/C: @ 6w2d, June 2006
TTC: Oct 2006

My FI and I were not yet in the process of TTC when we had a surprise pregnancy. We are both counting the seconds until we can have kids so while we were a bit shaken by the fact that our wedding is not until Oct, we were also THRILLED. We already live together and have great jobs and insurance and that stuff so we and all of our families were just as excited as could be. All of that of course ended when I had a miscarriage that began last Monday. I have had a natural miscarriage and my beta levels are doing what they are supposed to be doing but I am still just sort of shaken by this whole experience. I am soooo sad and just "want a baby back in my tummy." FI and I have decided to to start TTC until after our wedding in Oct, but I am still just feeling pretty down about all of this. Also, I think FI is having kind of a hard time with it. He has been more moody that I have been. That has made it sort of tough for me because I feel like I have been trying to take care of him rather than deal with my own emotions about it. I was wondering is others could share stories about how the men in their lives have dealt with this loss. I want to be as supportive of his as possible but at the same time feel a bit frustrated that he has not really understood what I am going through as well.

[pacificbliss]

Sorry you ahve to join this thread HEW?B. I found it very comforting and hope you do too.

Congratulations wasabi green peas I know how you feel about not completely relaxing and enjoying it.

[polkadot]

Congrats wasabi green peas ...H&H 9 months to you!!

[ag05]

wasabi_green_peas - Congratulations!

Sebski, Melne, HEW?B - I am so sorry.

littlemia - Thanks. I am doing okay. When I talked to DH further, he said okay about the IVF with the stipulation that he would like to wait until next year. He is gonna go with me to the RE for a consultation next month or so. Then we can kind of think it over some more. Its progress, at least.

[purplesunshine7]

sorry I've been MIA, My computer boke and now I am working 90 hr. this week this will be a drive by I will check in with you all as soon as my computer is fixed. but just to update, mjy doctor hasn't called me yet with test results it has been 3 weeks I 'll give her one more week then I will call her. I hope you feel better soon sorry all new members have to be here.

[bellabonga]

Jody, I have heard two reasons why you should wait one cycle: First you can determine an EDD and second your mucous membrane can heal. But maybe that isn´t necessary when you´ve had a natural m/c without a d&c.

sebski, I´m sorry that you have to join us. I know what you mean about having participated in one of the mommy2b threads. I always hope that the newest post in the pregnancy groups isn´t in the Dec2006 thread I belonged to. It shouldn´t matter but it makes me so sad just to see the title. :(

littlemia, I´m sorry that the German weather was so awful when you came to visit! You can be lucky in May but this May really sucked. We had about a week with great weather and temperatures in the high 80s or low 90s at the beginning of May but after that it got really cold. At the moment it´s good again - sunny with some clouds and up somewhere in the 80s.
I don´t live in a host city but very close to both Gelsenkirchen and Dortmund where the games take place. The US team has slept in a hotel in my city and we could have watched their training for free. Same with Czech Republic, Portugal and some other teams who slept and played in the area.
I´m envious that you live in Orlando! But at least we´re going to be there in October again. We just booked our vacation yesterday and while we´re in Florida, we´ll stay 4 nights in Orlando again. I´m determinded to make that boat trip on the lake in Winter Park this time. We always wanted to do it but never came around to it.
I hear you on clicking on the wrong subject in Family Planning. I can´t stand to click on the pregnancy topics at the moment. But although it gave me a hard time, I went back and copied the posts I had made in the Dec2006 thread and moved them to my journal. Maybe later I´ll be glad to be able read them again.

wasabi, congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope you´ll have a happy and healthy 9-months-pregnancy! And all the best for your SIL´s son.

hew?b, I´m sorry you have to join us. But at least this is a very helpful place to be.
I think men deal very differently with the loss. My DH cried so hard like I have never seen it before in the 15 years we know each other. He did not nearly cry so hard when his mother died. But after that he seemed to be okay with the loss and since then has a "life goes on" mentality. All he wanted was normality back and he didn´t bring up the subject on his own. So I think he is glad that I stopped talking about the m/c some days ago. I think that it did not hit him as hard as me because he did not have the baby in his body. He did not even see it once on the ultrasound while I saw it twice alive and twice dead. He did not have the feeling of having a dead baby in his belly and he did not have to go through a d&c. So I think it´s naturally that my bond was closer and that it hit me even harder than him. But the upside was that he could be supportive since he felt better than me. I´m sorry that this isn´t the case for you. Maybe you have a close friend that could comfort you instead?

[flygirl]

ag05, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, and feel you're making progress. I hope your RE appt. goes well.

Congrats, Wasabi!!

jeggink, I wish you the best of luck!

Hew?B, I am so very sorry. I, too, can relate perfectly to just wanting to get pg again. I felt like nothing else would take away the pain and knowing I couldn't be pg made it so very difficult. I wish I had a helpful story to share about DH's reaction, but the best I can say is that it caused a lot of tension. He left for work (international flying) soon after so we essentially dealt with it alone & by email or Skype.

Sebski, more (((hugs))). Coming back here was harder than I could have imagined. I spent so much time exploring TTC and comparing & interpreting charts during the previous 7 months, and I had just created the July Moms thread. In fact, I had trouble just being on the boards in general. This thread is always difficult to read, but the support here is oh so important to everyone.


As for me, my would-be due date is 2 weeks away and I can feel it haunting me. At times l actually feel nauseated. By one perspective it feels like it was just a month or two ago. But so much has happened in my life since then, and by that perspective it feels like ages ago. I mentioned it to my dad about a week ago and he responded with, "Don't think about it." :rolleyes: I intend to let him know what it means to me. I met a new friend just this past Friday & mentioned the m/c. I have never received a better response from anyone. She did an excellent job of recognizing how painful it could be, how it stays with you forever, yet she acknowledged she could never really understand it. I told her flat-out that it was the absolute best response she could have given & that I was extremely greatful. I'm feeling a catch in my throat thinking about it.

[jodylovesscotty]

flygirl~ I am sorry that you even have to think about when your baby would have been due. I hope that you will blessed by a baby soon! I also wanted to thank you for your recommendation of Femglide. We bought some and used it, my husband loves it!!!!

We decided to go ahead and ttc again. I don't know if it is going to do any good, since from what I read some people ovulate before their first cycle and others don't. I went ahead and rescheduled my RE appointment for June 26 (I had cancelled it when we got pregnant). He wanted to get me in by the end of June so that we can have a game plan for July! I am hoping that getting pregnant again won't take as long as the first time (a year and 1/2).

[ieducate]

I am an absolute mess and my marriage is taking the toll. AGH...I am irritable all the time and I am focused on nothing other than getting pg. I am miserable. I am two days away from when I should get AF and I did an HPT this morning and it was negative. I used one that detects it early. I am sick of waiting. I need that BFP more than anything right now. The hardest thing has actually been my emotions. I have been on progesterone since 48 hours after O and I swear it is making me an emotional wreck. I feel on edge all the time. Has anyone else felt that way when on progesterone? Sources say that progesterone can also affect your temperatures and so I have no idea why my ob didn't tell me to take the month off from charting temps if that is true. If my temperature won't end up dropping on the day my AF is due, then I won't really be able to tell anything from the chart. I am going to test tomorrow and Wednesday (because I am very inpatient) and then if my AF doesn't come by Thursday I will call my dr. I have read that the AF doesn't come if you are on progesterone...which means I will of course think I am pg. for sure when in reality I am not. :( What a mess this whole process is. I am still having a very difficult time with the m/c and I thought that getting pg. this month would help ease that. I am feeling a time crunch for some reason and I just want to be pg. RIGHT NOW. My dh and I are fighting all the time and I know it is me, not him. I know that he has not been any different, but he seems more annoying than usual. :) I love my dh so very much, but this has been the hardest year of my life it seems. I just want to be pg. and happy. I want for both of us to be building a future for our family and for me to stop harping on the past. I need to get over this and for some reason I can't. I think of nothing but getting pg. all the time. :( Anyway, three more days of work before summer break and I couldn't need more. I had a great class of kids this year, but being around kids has only made it more difficult. I just need a break from responsibility for a while. I will sign off now, as I am feeling overwhelmed as usual and don't want to break down again. I hope everyone is well and hope and pray that we all have the BFP when we are ready for it. For me, I hope and pray that it comes for me tomorrow or Wednesday and that this pain will slowly disappear...I am not sure I can take it anymore.

[bellabonga]

ieducate, I´m sorry that you feel so much pressure on you. I have no idea whether the progesterone might cause some of your tension. I´ve only taken monk´s pepper tree to increase my progesterone level and that didn´t make me feel this way.
I hope you don´t get it the wrong way, but I think it´s dangerous to rely solely on a new pregnancy for your happiness. This way you are putting so much pressure on yourself and your DH that you will feel only worse if you get a BFN. I still get sad every day but I try to focus on the good things too. Maybe some quality time with your DH would give you that perspective back. Is is possible that you go on a vacation to get something else on your mind than m/c and pregnancy? Maybe a weekend trip would already help. I hope I didn´t step on your toes but you really do sound as if you are too focused on the BFP to cope with it if it doesn´t come soon. But I´m crossing my fingers for you that you will get a BFP this week! :)



I hope we´ll be able to TTC in July. Today I have to take the last BCP and so hopefully AF comes within the next days. Great, I´ve just stopped spotting yesterday from the d&c. :rolleyes: So hopefully I will ovulate in 16-18 days. I hope that my hcg will be zero by then. On friday it was 96 and now I was told to come in around the 29th for another blood test. I was also told to come in for an examination after AF. Maybe I can time that appointment around my ovulation date so that my obgyn can tell me more or less precisely when it will be. Next month we won´t be able to BD a lot since DH has to have knee surgery on friday. He will have to wear a splint for 6 weeks after the surgery and so won´t be very active. ;) I hope we can even remember how it is done - the last time we had sex was at the beginning of April! :eek:

[wasabi_green_peas]

Thank you all for the well wishes. I am trying to be happy and let it be at that for the time being.

HEW B? I'm sorry you are joining this group. In some ways, I think having to focus on something helps. I had just finished the planning phase of gutting my kitchen when I miscarried the last time. Having to deal with the contractors, etc. was overwhelming at the time, but I literally had no choice but to keep going. Good luck with your wedding planning! It's an exciting time!

As for my H's feelings about the m/c. My H was really upset, but went into 'take care of Jenn' overdrive. He made the D&C appointment. He tried to look out for me. He's not big into feelings per se, but would sometimes get moody. I think it's hard for them because the world doesn't really want to hear about sad things like miscarriages, and it definitely doesn't allow men to carry on about it. Some of the people that knew would often ask him how *I* was doing. I know he was shocked and very appreciative when someone asked him how he was doing. (I think he muttered a "fine", but was impressed that someone would ask.)

Jodylovesscotty, I love your doggie/goldfish picture (Is it an avatar or are avatars only the cartoon figures?)! Dalmations are one of my favorites! I am so glad your RE is so proactive and wants to have a game plan for July. I wish you nothing but swift success. ((( )))

Flygirl, ((( ))) I'm sorry about your due date looming. This process never gets easier, does it? When my first due date rolled around, I went out and drank too much (not the healthiest, I admit). I didn't even realize the time frame until I looked at the calendar. It's like my body/subconscious remembered, but I was trying not to. (Doesn't work). Be good to yourself! Also, there is a woman in my office who has almost the same due date as I would have had this time and it is a daily reminder for me. I try to just smile, but it hurts. And I agree that your new friend's response was wonderful. I mostly get people who gloss over/don't want to acknowledge that m/c even exist. :rolleyes:

Bellabonga, I am thrilled that your plan is coming together, too. I am really impressed with the level of care you received. I got one follow-up visit in which they did not even check my blood levels. As I walked out the door, my doctor shouted, "Hopefully I'll see you pg again in a few months!" Ummmm...how sensitive. I hope your H's surgery goes well and that he's not in too much pain. (I also wanted to tell you how much I love Germany and miss it so much! I lived in Schleswig Holstein for a year. Beautiful country.)

ieducate, I wish I had some words of comfort and solace. This has been a really hard journey and a truly awful patch. The feeling of 'just wanting to be pg again" is 100% understandable, and I hope you get your bfp in a few days. I think you need to look out for yourself, too. I know it was good for me to talk to someone about the miscarriage to help grieve and process things. I also stepped *away* from the boards (maybe checking every few days not several times a day) because I felt like it just created a bigger sense of failure and longing. It created a tunnel vision. I am only telling you about myself because as I mentioned in the previous post, I was getting more and more down, too. Sometimes you just have to let go. ((( )))

Take care everyone.

[bellabonga]

wasabi, I am really glad about the care I receive, too. Part of it has to do with our health care system which is rather good. And part of it has to do with my obgyn who is really great and cares for his patients much more than the average doctor. He wants me to come in until my hcg is below 5 to be sure that everything is okay. Every woman should have a doctor like him! :)
I´m always really astonished how many of you have been to Germany! It would never be on the top of my travel list if I wouldn´t live here. :D But I like Schleswig Holstein a lot too although I´ve only been there twice. I live near Dusseldorf, Gelsenkirchen and Dortmund.


OMG, today in the afternoon one of my neighbors congratulated me on my pregnancy! :( I feared this might happen sooner or later since another noisy neighbor of mine had asked me straight out whether I was pregnant or not when I was just 7 weeks pregnant, because "I looked so pregnant". I found this rather rude and had always feared that she had gossiped about it among the other neighbors. And she had. :mad: This neighbor today didn´t take it too tragically - I would have felt totally awkward if I were her. Instead she told me that I was still young and that it would have been the best because god knows what had been wrong with my baby. Thanks. Fortunately I was in a positive mood today and so it didn´t hit me too hard. At least I have my hopes up that they are now gossiping about my m/c and that no other neighbor will come and congratulate me in the future. :rolleyes:

[bellabonga]

ieducate, how are you? Did you test again?

[ieducate]

Bella, I am doing okay. I did test this morning and it came back negative, but my OB told me today that it was still too early. I am supposed to get AF tomorrow, so technically it was not too early today, but whatever. I just don't feel pregnant and I think I have been too stressed this month to be pg. I am still hopeful for a BFP tomorrow, but I will be okay (I think) if it isn't. I am slowly getting a new prospective on things. It is going to take me some time, but now that school is over and the kids are gone, life will be a bit easier for me. I still have to go back and clean my classroom tomorrow, but there are no more serious demands on me, which means from here on out I can relax for the next two plus months. :) Yay for relaxation. My dh and I are going to go to Chicago next weekend (I think) for a quick mini-vacation...a break from reality. It was my idea to get me out of this rut. I hope it works. We are going to see my family this weekend and I am excited, but had hoped I would have to cancel due to pregnancy. :( Oh well. I will keep you posted tomorrow on the result, but I pretty much know it will be negative. Next month perhaps will be my month. Cross your fingers for me. :) Thanks for asking how I am doing. :)

BTW: Some people really are clueless about the way to behave around women when they have a m/c aren't they? Why do you think that people get so stupid sometimes? Your neighbor's comments are so typical and yet really sometimes I wonder if people have brain cells. :( Glad you were in a good mood and could blow it off to her nonsense.

[dlj78]

Hey ladies! Sorry I have been MIA again. I have been keeping busy with work and hanging out with friends. Sorry to see more people in this thread.:(

Wasabi - Congrats!!! H&H 9 months to you!

Bella - Sorry about your neighbor. Most people don't think before they speak or don't know what to say. But I really don't like the "you're still young" comment!

ieducate - So sorry that you are feeling down. I don't know what to say but I am thinking about you. I think that a mini getaway would be great. Just take a weekend and relax with your DH. Crossing my fingers for a positive HPT!!!:)

~~~~~~~~~~
Things have been going well here. I have been keeping myself busy, not to forget about the loss but it has helped tremendously. We have been spending lots of time with friends and going out on our boat so it's been nice. I am ready to TTC again. And I just got my second AF since the D&C so we have a green light to start trying again. My doctor also gave me clomid this cycle so I am anxious to see if it does anything. We'll see.

Hope everyone is well!:)

I guess I should update my stats too:o

My age is now 28
My D&C was 3-31-06
and we are TTC again as of June

Thanks!

~Dana

[bellabonga]

ieducate, I´m really glad that you sound so much better! :) Wow, you´re lucky! I´ve always wanted to go to Chicago but so far I´ve only been on transit in the airport. But it looked great when the plane took off. ;) And I´m sure crossing my fingers for you, whether it´s for this month or for the next.

Dana, I´m crossing my fingers for you too!


I´m planning to join the "TTC in July" thread once it´s opened. And if I succeed sooner or later, I will make sure that my noisy neighbor will not take me by surprise again and get information I plan to keep to myself. Yeah, I was really lucky that I was in such a good mood when the other neighbor congratulated me. I thought that it didn´t make much sense what she said since Í am not still that young (heck, I´m turning 34 in three months!) and since I told her that it seems that the baby was perfectly healthy and that it probably only died because I had the pharyngitis and the other illnesses. So why was it better this way?! Well, I understand that it´s difficult to find the right words for such a situation. But sometimes it´s simply better to say "I´m sorry" and nothing else. :rolleyes: At least she told me that she had a m/c herself between child #1 and #2, so that gave me hope again. It´s always good to hear success stories.

I´ve taken the last BCP on the day before yesterday. Yesterday I took the first monk´s pepper tree pill. So I´m now waiting for AF and then TTC officially starts!

[dlj78]

Thanks Bella! The thread that you are going to join, is that the "Seeing What Happens" thread or another one? I am debating on joining another thread, they are so hard for me to keep up with:o
I agree with you, it's better to just say I'm sorry and leave it be. What is the monk's pepper tree pill?

So I start my clomid tonight. I am a little nervous about it. I just don't want to get the yucky side effects. My doctor is going to do an u/s on July 5th to check out the follies so that should be neat.

Have a great day ladies!

~Dana

[bellabonga]

I was thinking about the "Seeing what happens" thread, Dana. I´ve never charted and I haven´t got the nerve to start it now. And I have no desire to explore my cervical mucous either. ;) So "Seeing what happens" seems more appropriate than the others. Or "TTC after a loss." Or both. I think you have to keep up with every post to join.


I´ve copied for you what monk´s pepper tree pills are:

Other Common Names: Agno Casto, Agnocasto, Bish Barmagh Aghaji, Chaste Tree, Daribrahim, Gatilier, Hayit, Hemp Tree, Kaff Maryam, Keuschlamm, Lilac Chastetree, Lygos, Monk'S Pepper, Monk's Pepper Tree, Monks Pepper, Panjangusht, Pepper, Monks, Poivre De Moine, Ranukabija, Sauzgatillo, Seiyo-Ninzin-Boku, Shajerat Ebrahim, Vitex, Vitex agnus-castus

Range: Europe; France; Germany; India; Iraq; Italy; Kurdistan; Mediterranean; Sanscrit; Spain; Turkey; USA

Habitat: Damp places by streams and on the littoral

Agnus castus has been used for thousands of years for its beneficial affect on the female hormonal system. Modern research has confirmed this use, the seeds being used to restore balanced functioning to the female reproductive system.

The seeds and fruits are anaphrodisiac, aphrodisiac, galactogogue, ophthalmic, sedative, stomachic, women's complaints. Prolonged usage restores corpus luteum function.

The berries of this plant have a range of medicinal actions but possibly the most important is its ability to rectify hormonal imbalances caused by an excess of oestrogen and an insufficiency of progesterone. It acts upon the pituitary gland, reducing the production of certain hormones and increasing the production of others, shifting the balance in favour of the gestagens. Thus it has a wide application of uses in malfunctions of the feminine reproductive system and has been used with great effect in restoring absent menstruation, regulating heavy periods, restoring fertility when this is caused by hormonal imbalance, relieving pre-menstrual tension and easing the change of the menopause. Some caution is advised since excessive doses can cause a nervous disorder known as formication, which manifests as a sensation of insects crawling over the skin.

The berries are considered to be an aphrodisiac, though other reports say that they are anaphrodisiac. The reason for this apparent disagreement is that the berries have a regulating effect on the body and so are likely to increase sexual activity in those who are not very active in this area whilst reducing it in those who are very active.

The fresh berries are pounded to a pulp and used in the form of a tincture for the relief of paralysis, pains in the limbs, weakness etc.

And I can really second that! Not only did my cycles get much shorter than before (28-30 days instead of 35-42), but I had no cramping during AF anymore and I got pregnant during the third cycle on monk´s pepper. So I hope it will help me again! But since you are already on clomid, I don´t think you can use it. Is it your first clomid cycle or have you done it before?

[ieducate]

Well, I stopped testing as I am pretty sure I am not pg. this month. I think I am okay with it, but I am still disappointed. I didn't test at all this morning, but it was negative yesterday and my temperature dropped which usually means that I will get AF today. I already took a look at my calendar to figure out what the date would be of when I O next month and then when my test date would be. Unfortunately we are going to be in Florida visiting my in-laws when I have to test. I hope it is a positive or that will make for a very sad trip. :( I am disappointed that this was not my month, but perhaps July will be the time for me. I will certainly be more relaxed now that work is over for a few months.

Dana, As for Clomid, well, I will go back on for my third month. I felt a little more emotional when on it, but the best thing was it makes your ovulation pains more prominent. I could not feel at all when I was ovulating before I went on clomid. now I can pinpoint the exact moment. I like that because it helps me not rely soley on the OPK's. Whatever side effects you will have, will disappear shortly after CD5. My worse side effects came from the prosterone. Which now that I am going to get my AF today I can go off of. Thank goodness. :)

Anyway, officiall on summer break today and couldn't be happier. I wish I were celebrating with a BFP, but there is always next month. I just hope I can keep up this positive feeling until I do get the BFP. It's so easy to get down and depressed. I just don't want my summer to be about getting pg. My doctor still wants me to chart, but as soon as my AF comes I am going to do lazy charting. I am going to chart, but I refuse...absolutely refuse to set my alarm and wake up to take my temperature. I will still take it before I get out of bed, but I will not force myself to wake up. I look forward to the summers all school year so that I can finally sleep in. I will still be taking the clomid and the OPK's, and the prosterone 48 hours after the first positive OPK. Therefore, my temperatures are just an added bonus of information. :) If they are a little off on timing big deal. I have to run so that I can go back to sleep. I worked 13 hours yesterday and am way tired still. Hope everyone is well. Oh yea, Bella, I also chat on the TTC after a loss thread and I find that helpful. It has a positive future feel to it. :)

[bellabonga]

AF has arrived, I´m on CD 2 and so TTC has officially begun! :D At least I hope so since I´ve had spotting for the whole four weeks since the d&c which isn´t quite normal. It could still mean that the d&c wasn´t complete and that I might need another one. :( I hopefully will know for sure after my next hcg test and after the ultrasound I´ll have at the end of next week or the beginning of the week after.


ieducate, where in Florida will you go to? We will go to Naples, Miami and Orlando in September. I´m sooo looking forward to it although this time I would be very nervous if I was pregnant on the trip. So I kind of hope that we´ll take a little souvenier home. ;) If a BFN would ruin the trip for you, then wait to test until you get home. Whereas I think a BFN would be better to take when you´re on vacation. But so is everyone different.