Support for Ladies Who Have Miscarried (#2)

[Tiniest Angels]

This thread has been set up for ladies who have experienced a miscarried. It's a place to discuss our emotions, struggles, and successes. If you have experienced, or are currently experiencing a miscarriage, we hope you will join us. This is a place to talk openly while also offering comfort and encouragement.

Your threadmistress: ThreeYell

If you would like to be added to this thread then please post your stats in red.

Also, if you have any links that have helped you, feel free to post those and we will add them.


*posting your stats is not mandatory

[Tiniest Angels]

abbylynn
Name: Abby, 28
DH: Darren, 42
Married: 8/4/01
DS: 7/22/03
M/C: 12/16/06
TTC: ?

ag05
Me: 33
DH: 31
Married: 2001
M/C: 11/04 - 13 weeks w/ D&C
M/C: 2/05 - 5.5 weeks
M/C: 11/05 - 4.5 weeks
M/C: 5/06 - 9.5 weeks w/ D&C
TTC: no plans

ahavnes
Me: Alicia (31)
DH: Scott (32)
DD: Abbey (5/29/05)
M/C: Found out at 11w1d, D&C a day later (7/19/07)

AirForceLove
Name:Jen, 32
DH:Lenny, 28
Married: February 15th, 2003
M/C 6 weeks, January 2002
M/C 4 weeks, 3 days July 2004
M/C 4 weeks, 4 days Dec 2006
TTC: As soon as I we can


ajjlanden
Name:Ashley, 28
DH: Doug, 33
Married: June 28, 2005
M/C naturally at 7 weeks
TTC: NOW!
DD: Danielle Judith 12-15-04
*update*
BFP 12/9/05
EDD 08/23/06

jenahdawn
Name: Jenah, 29
DH: Matthew, 28
Married: 07/26/02
Lost Katie & Chloe at 18 weeks, 6 day on 9/27/06
TTC: end of March, early April '07

alliannie
Name:Annie,22
DH:Adam,23
Married: August 15, 2004
M/C (D&C) @ 10 weeks, June 2005
TTC: January 2006


ameigh
Name: Amy, 27
DH: Neale, 32
Married: Sept. 2001
DD: Feb. 2005
M/C #1: Jan. 28th, 2006
M/C #2: Sept. 9th, 2006


amygrrl
me: amy (36)
dh: dan (34)
TTC since: March 2003
Treatments: 6 failed rounds of Clomid. 1 successful IVF producing Avery Elizabeth born still on June 3, 2005 at 27 weeks from possible cord accident (we love you, baby girl!) along with 3 frozen blasts.
Update
DD Name: malin elizabeth
Birthdate: 4/3/06

Annette
Name: Annette, 29
DH: Mike, 30
Married: 11/01
M/C: 3/5/07, @ 8 weeks
TTC: unsure yet


bellabonga
Me: 33
DH: 35
Married: October 2nd, 2002
M/C: Missed Abortion at 10w4d but he or she had been dead for about a week by then. Three days later d&c on May 26th, 2006.
TTC: September 2006
DD: Maya Allison February 14th, 2003


[B]brenda
Name: Brenda, 22
DH: Sweetie, 36
Married: September, 2005
M/C naturally at 8 weeks (11/10/05)
TTC: February? (will depend)

[B]bumble
name: rebecca
dh: a boy
married: august 31, 2003
m/s at 8 weeks, june 2005
ttc: now

bunnybeth
Name: Bethany, 27DH: Elon, 28
Married: June 23, 2002
M/C naturally at 12w1d (12/7/05)
TTC: January 2006
*UPDATE*
BFP 2/14/06
EDD: 10/25/06

Calla Lilly
Name:Erin, 31
DH: Gary 36
Married: August 2006
M/C medicated 9w3d on 11/16/05
TTC: January 2006?

CapeCod04
Me: Kate, 44
DH: Aron 35
mc: medicated 8w2d
TTC: not

Chagtown
Me: Alissa
DH: Brian
Married: 07/05/03
M/C: 07/29/05: 6w,4d
M/C: 09/14/05: 6w, 6d
TTC: Now

dlj78
Me: Dana, 27
DH: Nick, 31
Married: 9-18-04
Miscarred: Still waiting
TTC: whenever we get the ok from the doc

dpangel33
Me: Danea (22)
FH: Patrick (24)
Wedding: 10-16-05
M/C: at 7 wks

Ericka&Jarett
Me: Ericka, 32
DH: Jarett, 27
Married: 12/14/01
Infant Loss : Rebekah Joy - 4/18/05 @ 24 weeks, lived 1 hour and 11 mins.
TTC: June 2005
*UPDATE*
BFP: January 30, 2006
EDD: October 4, 2006
Gender: Boy

excitedbride
Name:Christina 24
DH:27
Married: 03/02/03
M/C (natural @ 10 1/2wks
TTC: Waiting for this one to end and waiting the next.
*update*
BFP: 10/05/05
EDD: 06/18/06

Ferris
Name:Kim, 30
DH:Brian, 31
Married: 7/13/02
M/C: 4w3d, 5/21/07
TTC: Now
DS: Douglas, 5/21/05


foofie357
Name: Steff, 26
DH: Brian, 26
Married: November 24, 2001
M/C: 9 weeks. D&E Feb 23. I am considering this her date, but she had died about a week before that.
TTC: April 06
DS: Christopher 8-12-04

Happy27
Name:happy 27
DH: 29
Married: April 27, 2002
M/C in process - the baby measured 6 weeks but should be about 9 weeks we are waiting for the baby to pass and contemplating a D&C
TTC: As soon as possible
DS: Benjamin 8-14-04

Hew?B
Name: Hew?B, 29
Will be Married: Oct 2006
M/C: @ 6w2d, June 2006
TTC: Oct 2006

jay&erinn
Name:Erinn, 30
DH: Jay, 30
Married: December 29, 2001
DD: 9/22/03
M/C: 11/10/04: 6w, 6d
M/C: 7/20/05: 11w, 6d
TTC: ASAP once cleared from OB
*UPDATE*
EDD: 6/21/06


ieducate
Name:Karen, 33
DH: Andrew, 34
Married: August 1, 2004
M/C naturally at 6w2d (April 20, 2006)
TTC: As soon as OB gives the ok.
Waiting for my hcg level to drop to 0.



[B]JennH
Name:Jenn, 30
DH:Rob, 30
Married: September 20, 2002
M/C at 9 weeks, the surgery date is what sticks in my head at 6/13/05
TTC: September 2005, once we are in our house

Jennylou
Me: Jenny
DH: Sean
Married: 9/20/03
Forever in our hearts: Andrew Wyatt, 5/20-5/22/05
TTC: Later this year
*UPDATE*
BFP: 11/26/05
EDD: 8/6/06

Jenzen01
Me: Jen, 28
DH: Al, 37
DS: Gabe, born 12.21.04
Married: 10.4.03
Miscarred: 8 weeks, naturally, Oct. 2005
TTC: probably end of the 2005
*UPDATE*
BFP: 2/2/06
EDD: 10/18/06

jjsanner
Name:Jen, 31
DH: Eric, 33
Married: April 26, 2003
DS: Elijah 02-06-04
M/C: 02-10-06 at approx. 5 weeks


jrose
Me:Jess--27
DH:J--27
Married: 8.31.02
DS: O 1.05.04
No m/c yet, but found at at 12 weeks that baby was only 8wks and there was no heartbeat.

jodylovesscotty
Name: Jody, 32
DH:Scott,32
Married: August 30, 2003
M/C: @ 5 weeks, June 2006
TTC: January 2005

Karlatta
Name: Karla, 25
DH: Scott, 26
Married: 06/08/02
M/C at 8 weeks, D&C 1/29/05
TTC: Now

katmg
Name: Kat, 26
DH: 31
Married: November 08, 2003
M/C: 2/04/06 @ 6 1/2 weeks
TTC: Dr. wants us to wait 2 cycles

kdotp
Me: Kari - 26
DH: Nate - 29
Married: 9-6-03
m/c #1 12-24 @ 6w2d
m/c #2 4-22 @ 8w
TTC: January 2006
*Update*
BFP: July 11, 2005
EDD: March 14, 2006

kerrykate
Name, Kerry, 30
Dh, Fred 30
Married 27 Oct 01
DD: 4 Oct 03
M/C: 6-01, 3-06, 12-06
TTC: ?

ktnkids
Me:Karen (25)
DH:Patrick (31)
Married: 7/13/02
DD:Helen 6-12-99
angel Jamie 7-31-03
DS:Nathan 9-28-04
Angel baby 11-1-06

lilhimley
Name:Jennifer, 33
DH: Erik, 45
Married: June 7, 2003
M/C blighted ovum by D&C at 10 weeks 12/07/2005
Had D&E at 14 weeks 08/18/06 due to chromosome problem and heart defect
TTC: Will start again a few months.

Lilla
Name: Kim, 30
DH: Tony, 33
Married: 10/12/02
M/C: naturally @ 10 weeks, 11/26/05
TTC: January 2006


lissy
Name: Lissette, 32
DH: Benny, 30
Married: 05/04/03
M/C at 11 weeks, D&C 8/2/05
TTC: later this year

LDS Angel 19
Me: Michelle, 22
DH: Aaron, 23
Married: September 4th, 2004
Our angel Allison Grace June 17th 2005 @ 22 wks, With us on earth 40 mins
TTC: August 2005

Lil_Mrs_0702
Name:April,21
DH: Shannon,25
Married: July 02, 2005
M/C partial molar at 11 weeks had D&C
*Update*
I think I'm pregnant!! 5 1/2 weeks!!!!

lorbo
Name:lori, 35 for a few more weeks
DH:jimbo, 36
Married: dec 1, 2001
kids: DD 1/03
DS 1/05
M/C 13 weeks
TTC: don't know

MrsCantDecide (MCD)
Name:Stefani, 29
DH:Shane, 32
Married: 5/4/02
M/C #1: 5 weeks, 11/06
M/C #2: 6w4d, 3/18/07
M/C #3: 4w3d 5/18/07
TTC: Now
DS: Lucas Wayne, 3/5/06

Nigellas
Me: Kerry, 28
DH: Chris, 30
Married: August 7th, 2001
MCs: at 11wks, 19 wks, 6 wks and 12 wks
Currently TTC with help of an RE, Femara and Prometrium
*UPDATE*
BFP: 2/11/06
EDD: 10/24/06

polkadot
Name: Lauren , 26
DH: Brian, 27
Married: November 20, 2004
M/C: 1/12/06 @ 5 1/2 weeks
TTC: Now!!!

puglover
Name:Julia, 27
DH: Josh, 28
Married: April 20, 2002
M/C - baby died 8w3d, I would have been 12w4d when we found out, D&C on October 18, '06, miscarried naturally Oct. 22, 27 and Nov 1, Cytotec Nov 4-5, '06, D&C#2 Nov. 9, '06
TTC: don't want to again

purplesunshine7
married 4/5/03
me:28
dh:28
m/c june 2,2005
ttc: july 2005
*UPDATE*
EDD 12/5/06


robynsnest
Me: 32
DH: 34
Married Since: 04/02
Miscarried: 02/06

rene'
Name: Rene', 35
DH: Todd, 36
Married: December 23, 1990
2 DD's: 12/18/94, 03/30/98
M/C: 9/02: 6w
M/C: 12/02: 5w
M/C: 11/7/05: 10w (naturally, no d&c)
TTC: not sure

Sabriel
Name: C, 24
DH: J, 23
Married: May 22, 2005
M/C: @ 6 weeks 4 days, October 15, 2005
TTC: Not sure yet
*update*
BFP: 12/11/05
EDD: 8/22/06

[Tiniest Angels]

Sebski
Name: Sebski, 30
Married: Oct 2002
M/C: @ 5w1d, June 2006
TTC: May 2005

shouldaeloped
me: Heather (32)
DH: Neal (34)
TTC: September 2004
first m/c: january 2005, 12w2d, natural
second m/c: may 2005, 9w2d, d&c
ttc: now
*update*
BFP: October 12, 2005
EDD: June 21, 2006

Steve's Sweety
Name: Tish, 31
DH: Steve, 30
Married: June 9, 2001
M/C: In progress/waiting to see if I have to have a d&c. (Found out on 10/26/06 that our baby had died at 8W 4D when I should have been 11W 1D pregnant.)
TTC: As of right now we are planning to as soon as possible
DS: Holden, June 13, 2004

Sully130
Me: 29
DH: 31
Married: June 2002
M/C at ~6 weeks, 7/1/04
Our angel, Hannah Jane, born still on 4/22/05 at 23 weeks (1 lb, 2 oz, 10 1/8" long).
TTC again: August or September 2005?
*UPDATE*
BFP: 8/16/05
EDD: 4/29/06

Sydney24
Name:Jennifer, 30
DH: Ben, 30
Married: December 2003
TTC: since Feb 06
BFP: 31 Oct
M/C: found no heartbeat at 9 week u/s, waiting for D&C
TTC again: as soon as possible

teacher jessica
Name: Jessica, 29 (30 in February)
DH: Brad, 33
Married: July 23, 2005
M/C: 12/06/06 at 6w4d
TTC: Now!

Taraw
Name: Tara
DH: Scott
Married: July 20, 2002
DD: Adelina - Aug. 2003
M/C: 8 weeks (Natural, no D&C) - April 2005
TTC: right away

ThreeYell
Me: Amy, 31
Married: 9.21.02
DS: 2.04.05
M/C: fetal demise @ 13 weeks, discovered at 15 weeks. Induced/D&E 6.8.07
TTC: after 2 cycles

wasabigreenpeas
Me:33
DH:34
Married since: 2002
M/C: 03/24/06

Kelly51703
Name: Kelly
DH: Chris
Married: 5.17.03
DD: 11.23.05
M/C: @ 5w6d, 11.28.06
M/C: ruptured ectopic 1.14.07 (didn't even know I was PG)
TTC: ???

GlamaGal
Name: Lori, 31
DH: Kevin, 43
Married: 10.11.03
DD: 11/27/05
M/C: June 5, 2007
TTC: absolutely

[Tiniest Angels]

Inspiration!!!!

Happily PG

ajlanden: EDD 8/23/06

jennylou:EDD 8/6/06

jenzen01: EDD 10/18/06

excitedbride: EDD 6/18/06

kdotp: EDD 3/14/06

Lil_Mrs_0702:

Nigellas: EDD 10/24/06

shouldaeloped: EDD 6/21/06

Sabriel: EDD 8/22/06

sully130: EDD 4/29/06

LDS angel 19: EDD 2-10-07

erickandjarrett: EDD 10/4/06

Purplesunshine7: EDD 12/5/06

Mommies!

Suly130 - had a son, Thomas on April 20, 2006

[Tiniest Angels]

What is a Miscarriage? [/

Miscarriage or spontaneous abortion is the natural or accidental termination of a pregnancy at a stage where the embryo or the fetus is incapable of surviving, generally defined at a gestation of prior to 20 weeks. Miscarriages are the most common complication of pregnancy. The term "abortion" refers to any terminated pregnancy, deliberately induced or spontaneous, although in common parlance it refers specifically to active termination of pregnancy.

Types of Miscarriages

A threatened abortion is the development of symptoms (bleeding with or without cramps or low back pain) that often suggest impending miscarriage. With such a presentation of bleeding, 50% proceed to miscarriage of the pregnancy.

Inevitable abortion
The miscarriage of a pregnancy is inevitable when any of the following symptoms are present:

There is an obvious rupture of membranes
An open cervix
There is tissue in the cervix
There is an absence of fetal heart at a βHCG level consistent with fetal heart activity
When any of these symptoms are detected, management involves conservative observation, monitoring for heavy bleeding and sepsis, and a dilatation and curettage (D&C).

Incomplete abortion
An incomplete abortion is the miscarriage of a fetus in a pregnancy when tissue has been passed, but some remains in utero. It can result in severe bleeding, infection or intrauterine scarring. Management consists of a dilatation and curettage (D&C).

Septic abortion
The infection of the womb carries risk of spreading infection (septicaemia) and is a grave risk to the life of the woman. It may follow an incomplete miscarriage and previously was a problem for pregnancies that occurred if a Dalkon Shield IUD had failed in its contraception. This has been particularly associated with abortions performed in non-sterile circumstances, common where abortions are carried out illegally and/or by poorly skilled and equipped operators.[


A missed abortion is the miscarriage of a fetus in a pregnancy when the fetus has died, but remains in the uterus. Many cases of missed abortion will lead to a spontaneous abortion within days. Occasionally, a dilatation and currettage is necessary to remove the pregnancy tissue. That's because there is a risk of maternal coagulation abnormality if the tissue remains in the uterus for several weeks.

Habitual abortion (recurrent pregnancy loss or recurrent miscarriage) is the occurrence of 3 consecutive miscarriages. The majority (85%) of women who have had two miscarriages will conceive and carry normally afterwards, so statistically the occurrence of three abortions at 0.34%[3]) is regarded as "habitual".
There are various medical conditions associated with this problem, some of which may be corrected with medication.


Common causes of Miscarriages

Uterine Abnormalities
Ectopic Pregnancy
Blighted Ovum
Luteal Phase Defects
Autoimmune Disorders
Molar Pregnancy

[Tiniest Angels]

Links

http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/miscarriage/resources.html
http://www.realsavvymoms.com/pregnan...iscarriage.php
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miscarriage


Books

A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss -- Guidance and Support for You and Your Family
by Perry-Lynn Moffitt, Isabelle A. Wilkins, Ingrid Kohn
Support for this often unrecognized loss. Includes information on how men and women grieve differently, stress management in subsequent pregnancies, etc.

A Woman Doctor's Guide to Miscarriage: Essential Facts and Up-To-The
Minute Information on Coping With Pregnancy Loss and Trying Again
by Irene Daria, Laurie Abkemeier (Editor), Lynn Friedman

Coping With Miscarriage: A Simple, Reassuring Guide to Emotional and Physical Healing
by Mimi Luebbermann
Pregnancy councelor writes about emotional and physical stages of miscarriage.

Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss
by Sherokee Ilse
Support.

Empty Arms: Emotional Support for Those Who Have Suffered Miscarriage or Stillbirth
by Pam W. Vredevelt
Christian-based emotional support.

How to Prevent Miscarriage and Other Crisis of Pregnancy
by Carol Colman, Stefan Semchyshyn
Information of preventing future losses.

Never Held You: an ebook about miscarriage
by Ellen M. DuBois
Who are we? We are professionals in the workforce or professional mothers. We are painters and singers. We are caretakers and we are movie stars. Some of us may have children; while some of us don't. The one thing that connects us all is that we are women who experienced a miscarriage that seemed, in many cases, to go unacknowledged by many. We have all felt the dismissal of our very real grief and we have all felt alone and isolated because of it. We cry our tears together. You are not alone in your struggle to get through this . . .
http://dlsijpress.com/dubois/index.shtml

Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream
by Sherokee Ilse & Linda Hammer Burns
This is what I would consider a short form book of information and support. It's a fast read, but some people will want more depth.

Miscarriage: The Facts
(Oxford Medical Publications) 2nd Edition
by Gillian C. L. Lachelin

Miscarriage: What Every Woman Needs to Know
by Professor Lesley Regan
Information on causes, process, treatment, chances of successful pregnancy,
miscarriage and infertility.

Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart
by Marie Allen, Ph.D. & Shell Marks, M.S.
Stories of support from many women. A very emotional read, but worth it.

Motherhood after Miscarriage
by Dr. Kathleen Diamond (Ph.D. biochemistry)
Medical info and support.

Stories of Miscarriage - Healing with Words
edited by Rachel Faldet and Karen Fitton
Moving writings from both mothers and fathers.

Preventing Miscarriage: The Good News
by Jonathan Scher, M.D.
A good look into the medical causes of loss and information on testing and prevention.

Surviving Pregnancy Loss: A Complete Sourcebook for Women and Their Families
(revised & updated)
by Rochelle Friedman, MD & Bonnie Gradstein, MPH
An in-depth look at the physical and emotional, with a section on husbands & other family. Some stories, a good resource list, and great bibliography.

A Time To Decide, A Time To Heal
Molly Minnock, MSW, Kathleen Delp, ACSW and Mary Ciotti, MD
This is a book for parents who are making difficult decisions about babies they love. It's written by mothers & fathers who have faced the news of a fetal anomaly with grief & courage. Topics include: Making decisions (continuing & interrupting the pregnancy), taking control, medical procedures, couples healing, selective fetal reduction and subsequent pregnancies.

Unspeakable Losses: Understanding the Experience of Pregnancy Loss, Miscarriage, and Abortion
Kim Kluger-Bell
A therapist's look at the loss of a baby -- includes a number of personal stories. Looks at subjects including knowing of an in-utero death before the physical loss takes place, selective reduction, abortion for genetic reasons, loss after infertility, etc.

Moving on

If and when you are ready to move on to a thread for TTC there are these threads available:

TTC after a Loss
TTC w/ Charting
Plus Size and TTC
Seeing What Happens
Still At It
TTC at 35+

Or if you have decided to wait these threads are available:

Ladies in Waiting
Charting to Aviod

[Robyn's Nest]

Hey Ladies! I'm delurking! I have been on here a lot the last few weeks to see if the feelings I'm having are "normal" or if the weird stuff my body is doing is cause for concern. So you have all been helping me without even knowing it!

Here's my story: I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and have to have a d&c on February 15. It was first diagnosed as a molar pregnancy which I had never even heard of, but I had to see a specialist and have a CT scan since there is a small chance of cancer evolving from this rare pregnancy ailment. It was bad enough having been told the pregnancy wasn't going to happen but then the doctor started saying "chance of cancer and possible chemo" and I lost it.

Well very, very long story short, it was not a molar pregnancy but was a miscarriage with some abnormalities. My HcG count was at over 207,000 at 8 weeks and there was something "not quite right" on my ultrasound so with those conditions I'm still having weekly blood tests to get my numbers back down. I get results on the latest one today.

All that said, I started having what appeared to be a period the other day and continues now. Is that possible with the numbers not at "zero" or should I be concerned? What was everyone's first period after the d&c like?

Thanks for letting me lurk the last few weeks, I just had to wait till I was able to share.

[numberlady]

Robyn's Nest - I'm so sorry you had to go through not only the m/c but the cancer scare as well. I didn't have a d & c, but my first period was much heavier than normal. I would think if your levels aren't down to zero, though, it might not be your period, but someone else might have better knowledge of this kind of thing than me. We are all here for you.

Kerrykate - I'm so sorry for your loss. At least your body did everything naturally. For me that was the one thing I felt like went right, my body couldn't keep the pregnancy, but at least it knew what to do.

[wasabi_green_peas]

Hi All,

I am new here. A friend told me about this site/thread.

Me:33
DH:34
Married since: 2002
M/C: 03/24/06

On March 1, 2006, I went in for a sonogram. Don't ask me why, but I thought it was just a quick appointment and my DH wasn't even with me at that time. At that point, the doctor thought the baby was measuring small. There was a heartbeat, but she was 'concerned' and made an appointment for 2 weeks later. Well, on March 16 we found out that there no longer was a heartbeat. I should have been almost 11 weeks.

Initially I waited, hoping my body would take care of things naturally. After almost a week the waiting was too much to bear, so I scheduled a D&C for 3/24/06. Honestly, it was an awful experience. The only thing positive about it was not waiting anymore. I don't need to elaborate on that.

I am so sad and angry and feeling very lost and alone. It seems as if my friends fall into categories a) Don't know what to say, so they avoid me; b) Don't know what to say, so just talk about anything BUT the miscarriage; or c) Keep reassuring me that everything will be fine. Honestly, I don't know what I want/need/would like to hear anyway. This is where I feel very alone. I don't know anyone personally who has gone through this.

I was so excited about this baby. Who knows if I'll be able to ever have a child. I feel so old and the truth is that statistics are not on my side. I don't know where to go from here...?

Thanks for listening. Sorry I sound like such a sad sack.

[ajlanden]

green_peas-First off major ~hugs!~ Your feelings are completely justified, completely normal and completely horrible. Give yourself permission to feel that way and time to grieve. You have a right to do both. Nothing anyone can say will make the pain go away.

That being said, even though this is an online community, I found great comfort here going through the grieving and healing process. There are also MANY inspirational stories about people who have gone through many m/cs. I encourage you to find those when you are feeling up to it. It certainly gave me hope.

TAke care of yourself! This is such a crappy thing to go through!

[Jenzen01]

wasabi - gosh, what you're feeling sounds so normal, and i went through the same stuff. just give yourself lots of time to mourn. you aren't going to feel better tomorrow or the next day or maybe even next month. it's going to hurt for a good long time. i know that doesn't sound nice, but you need to know that you're allowed months to heal and feel sad and cry about that baby. you're friends and family will probably want you to feel better right away, and you're just going to have to tell them that you're not fine, that it still hurts, that you need support, etc.

whatever you do, just know that this was a loss, and you're completely normal for needing time to hurt, feel anger, feel sorrow. you're going to have to figure out over time how to deal with everything, but the important thing to know is that you have time and it's OK to have all these feelings.

Stop by here whenever you need support. We've all been there and know how intense the pain is.

Take care,
Jen

[CapeCod04]

wasabi I'm so sorry you've had to join us here. Your feelings are all normal. Allow yourself the time to heal. I kept fighting that - I wanted to be over it quickly, but that just doesn't happen. I don't think the pain ever goes away, but it eases.

[happy]

Robyn's Nest - I am so sorry about your loss as well as the cancer scare. I am glad that everything is fine now. Give your body time to heal and your emotions as well.

wasabi - I am so sorry for your loss as well. Just know that even though people don't know what to say they are still hurting for you. I think that people are scared to bring up the m/c because they don't know if you want to talk about it or not. I found that if I needed to talk I had to bring it up and my friends were so supportive when I did. Your emotions are completely normal you lost a child and no matter how you put it that is one of the hardest things you will go through in life. Come here for support these ladies are great :)

[Franni]

wasabi Sorry for your loss. I have found it hard to talk about the m/c with anyone, so I really never told anyone. I hope you'll find the strength and support that you need here.

[bunnybeth]

Robyn's Nest So sorry you're having to go through this. I can see why the possibility of a molar pregnancy freaked you out, my dr originally brought up that possibility and really hoped against that as well. Glad you were able to get some answers and support from all the other stories in here, I found that helped me out a lot as well.

wasabi I'm really sorry you're going through all this, it's just a terrible thing. The waiting is just awful, so I can really understand why you just wanted to get it over with. I've found that it's pretty rare for someone who has never had a m/c to know what to say in this situation. But, even with a couple of great support people IRL, I found this thread so helpful and supportive. I was able to share the guilty feelings and everything. Make sure you give yourself time to heal. Grieving time is different for everyone, so don't feel yours is too short or too long. It may seem like forever now, but it will only take as long as it needs to.

[Robyn's Nest]

Wasabi- Wow, I didn't put my stats on here, but we are a lot alike

Here are my stats:
Me: 32
DH: 34
Married Since: 04/02
Miscarried: 02/06

I just finished getting blood tests last week which was a reminder everytime I went in the doors of the lab, but every week seeing the numbers go down was a little step closer to being me again. I guess what I'm saying is it does get better and if you give yourself little goals, you start to feel like you're getting back on the right road.

One thing my husband I did was to plan a trip so we had something fun to talk about and look forward to. It's hard to not to dwell on the unfairness of everything ( both sister in laws are pregnant now!) but you have to know that lots of support is out there for you. I was telling someone about how hard it will be for me when both sister in laws have their babies in the next 3 months and I was told "well you'll have to get over that" I realized "no I don't" Don't put a time limit for grief on yourself.

Thanks to everyone here for the kind words!!

[CapeCod04]

robyn's nest That was smart to give yourself something positive to which you could look forward.

[wasabi_green_peas]

Hi All,

I am so sorry for the circumstances that brought each of us here. I am sorry for your losses. ((( )))

ajlanden, jenzen01, capecod04, bunnybeth: thank you for the kind words. I have been reading and perusing. I have to admit I get lost in the thread sometimes, though, and end up in a completely different thread altogether.

happy, Just know that even though people don't know what to say they are still hurting for you. I have found that true with very many people. There are people here and there who have literally dropped off the face of the earth, but I'm trying to get to a point where I don't care so much and am trying to disentangle from the lopsided friendships altogether. I also hope I'm not unintentionally focusing my anger on them (but I don't think so). Yikes.

franni, I don't know if talking has helped or not. Sometimes when I open up to people and feel their responses lacking, I feel more alone. So, my candor might be my biggest downfall presently. I'm still trying to sort that one out.

Robyn's Nest, I'm sorry for your cancer scare, too, and I'm glad it resolved itself (hope I read that correctly). As for vacation plans, I just don't know. We just bought a house in January and are in the process of renovating the kitchen (which if you knew me you would know for me is *torture*) , so I don't know if that's in the cards. It just makes me sad. We looked for a house for 18 months and finally just bought this one because we were anxious to start a family. Now I feel like I hate my house and the reason for fast-tracking its purchase is gone. I'm sure part of it is my outlook (what isn't adding to my sense of unfairness these days?). And my SIL (who is years younger and has been married for less than a year) is due the beginning of June. This has caused me a bit of consternation and heartache. Am I supposed to go to the shower at the end of the month? I find little likelihood of that happening.

Well, I'm really just venting/ranting here because I don't know where to go with all these feelings. I hope that's okay. I truly hope I have something to give back, even if I feel a tad tapped at the moment.

[katmg]

Well, I'm really just venting/ranting here because I don't know where to go with all these feelings. I hope that's okay. I truly hope I have something to give back, even if I feel a tad tapped at the moment.

It's totally fine to vent and rant in here - that what this is for. I've certainly done my fair share of venting and whining and moaning in here. I'm sorry that you had to find your way here.

[xhristina]

Has anyone had an in-office D&C with just a sedative and local anesthesia? I just found out that my pregnancy is not a healthy one (baby stopped developing at like 5w and I'm now at 9w). I want to go ahead and have the D&C.

In talking to my Dr., we both decided I would be a good candidate for an in-office procedure as opposed to going to the surgical center and having general anesthesia. In the past, I seem to have a higher pain threshold. I've had a different procedure done in that area years ago, and it was done under local. I didn't feel much pain (all the nurses thought I was nuts for undergoing it under local and told me so - they freaked me out before the procedure, but afterwards, I couldn't understand what the big deal was).

In addition, my Dr. asked if I have heavy cramping during my menstrual periods - and I don't normally. Most of the times, I don't have any cramping at all. So he said based on that, and my past experience, he thought I'd be find in the office. He said that I wouldn't feel any pain, but I would feel about 2 minutes of cramping...and that's it.

Now that I've agreed to it and scheduled the procedure, I'm kinda getting nervous about it and second guessing my decision not to go under for it. What can I expect? Please be honest. If your procedure was awful, please tell me why - if I need to reschedule mine under general, I'd rather KNOW, so that I can take that option.

Thank you!

[happy]

Just a vent
I just had a shower at my house for a girl in my Sunday school class. I hate it that people are afraid to talk to me about my m/c. I don't have a problem talking about it but people don't even like to talk about their kids around me. I have one and know how fun they are and how consuming they can be. I just wish that people would act normally around me. It was also a hard night because out of the 8 people here 5 of them were pregnant. I was loaning out all of my maternity clothes that I had hoped to wear again this summer but that won't be the case. After everyone left I just started crying. My DH is still no home from work (it is 11:00pm) but even if he were he would probably think that I was crazy. Does anyone else's DH's think that they are crazy for still having so many emotional days about your m/c. I don't think that my DH can truly understand how hard this is for me. I loved that baby with all my heart and I am so sad to know that I will not get to meet him/her until I get to heaven. I am sad that I won't have a baby so close to three of my very close friends. I am sad that I went through so much nausea and pucking for nothing. It has been three weeks since the D&C and it is harder now than it was before. My DH and I also DTD without protection last night (kind of a mistake) and now I am freaking out that I will loose another baby. I think that really I just need to go to bed but I had to have somewhere to go to share my feelings.
Goodnight. I hope everyone else is doing ok you are all in my thoughts.

[jeggink]

Well, I don't know if I should be here or the other thread anymore, but I had a m/c Jan 4, got pg again in March and now it is looking like I may have m/c #2. We find out next Wed, but things don't look good. I should be 7w4d yesterday, my fetal sac was measuring 7w6d but the baby was measuring 6w1d with a HB of 79, very low. Plus I have a subchorionic hematoma (blood spot next to fetal sac, not a huge deal, but not great either). My OB doesn't have high hopes for this.

I am so very upset about this, I just never expected this. It is happening the exact same was as the other m/c, right around 8.5 weeks and my body doesn't know what is going on. Now with some miracle, things may end up being OK, but I think it's along shot at this point. Geessh, this sucks.

If I do miscarry they will do some minimal blood testing but don't do anything more until a 3rd m/c. But since Ihave alreadyhad a child they know I can at least carry one so that rules out certain things. I guess I just feel so numb at this point.

[Jenzen01]

jeggink - Just wanted to send you some hugs. I am so sorry you're going through this.

Jen

[katmg]

xhristina - I didn't have a d&c so I can't help you much. Hopefully someone else will be able to help you out!

happy - I am so sorry that you had a rough night. I still have them 2 months later...I broke down in our driveway two nights ago and just cried in DH's arms. Sometimes we just need to cry, and that's okay...

jeggink - :( I'll be praying that this baby makes it. Please let us know if there's anything we can do...

[shouldaeloped]

xhristina- I am so sorry for your loss. I had a d&c but it was under anesthesia. the only par that I would be concerned about without going totally under, would be the emotional side. I would think that being aware of what is going on physically would make it that much harder to deal with. the recovery from my d&c after going under was mild, I slept all day and the rest of it was just the normal bleeding and recovery. good luck to you with making your decision, but please be aware that the emotional side is often much more difficult than the physical side of miscarrying.

jeggink- so so sorry that it looks like you are going through this twice in a row. I lost my first two pregnancies and while the first one is absolutely devasating, the second just makes you feel totally hopeless. I hope you end up with good news and please take care of yourself.

makes me sad to see so many new members of this thread. . . .

[Robyn's Nest]

xhristina- I had a d&c but it was under general like Shouldaeloped I agree with her in that the emotions may be a lot to take under local even with a sedative. As hard as it was being wheeled in the OR, there was a sense of , I hate to say relief, but waking up and having a peace knowing physically it over.

Happy- Just when I think I'm getting better something drags me back in also. I just finished getting blood tests last week to get my HcG back to negative and the d&c was February 15. I thought when that weekly reminder was over all would better. Well yesterday I get a shower invitation in the mail for my sister in law. Never mind that this is her second child so I didn't even think a shower was called for, but she hasn't been very nice to me during this event, so I broke down crying. I cannot go, it would be way too much right now, but it made me upset too b/c I so want to be back to somewhat normal. I guess we just have to cry sometimes.

[wasabi_green_peas]

xhistina, ((( ))) I'm sorry for your loss. I don't have much advice because I had a sedative/anesthesia that completely knocked me out. I had never gotten general anesthesia (even getting all 4 wisdom teeth extracted was under local) and was scared about my reaction to that, but whatever I had turned out okay. I was only under for 20 minutes or so? I'm not sure.

happy, I don't know how long it's been since your m/c, but I can't even imagine hosting a shower right now. You are such a caring and kind friend. ((( ))) I don't know what normal talk I am looking for these days. If people can't talk to me about the m/c and act as if nothing's wrong, I get irritable. If people tell me not to worry that I'll be able to have a child, I feel patronized. I end up feeling sorry for those around me because I am not sure what *would* help. I have (admittedly) been withdrawing into a tiny circle. The last few nights I have been trying to reach out a bit more, but it's hard. I'm used to being the motivator, the assurer, etc.

jeggink, my heart aches for you right now. :( I am so so sorry you are going through this, but I will keep you in my positive thoughts and prayers. I fervently hope your baby is healthy. I wish I had something to console you. ((( )))

[CapeCod04]

xhistina I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a medicated miscarriage, so I have no advice on the D&C

jeggink I'm sorry things are not looking positive. I can't imagine what you must be going through.

[jeggink]

Thanks CapeCod04, wasabi_green_peas, shouldaeloped, katmg & Jenzen01 for all your thoughts.

I had spotting this weekend so I am going to the dr today at 11:50. I am very nervous and trying to keep some hope.

[happy]

xhistina - I am so sorry for your loss. How are you feeling now?

jeggink - You will be in our thoughts this afternoon. I hope that you have very good news when you get to the Dr. today. Miracles can happen.

How is everyone else doing?

[kerrykate]

jeggink~ I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Hopefully you'll get good news at the doctors.

Happy~ That was so sweet of you to have a shower for your friend, but I can't imagine how hard it was. It's totally normal to have emotional days, a miscarriage is such a devastating thing to go through. I'll think I'm fine then something will happen to bring back the emotions, like remembering I should be so many weeks along or seeing the Oct 06 thread is always hard.

My levels finally took a big drop. Two weeks ago they were 19,200 then last week they dropped to 1000, and I just found out today that they are 415 which really stinks I was hoping they would be below 5 so I wouldn't have to go back but now I have to go back this Friday and have blood taken again for the 7th time. I just want it to be over with I bled heavy for 3 days and am still lightly spotting 2 weeks later...Ugh.

Take care everyone.

[CapeCod04]

kerrykate Waiting for your levels to drop can be maddening. Hang in there because it may take several weeks.

[jeggink]

Happy & Kerrykate Thanks.

No news good or bad. Had a very quick u/s and the baby is still there but his u/s machine is so antique we aren't sure. So I have a hospital u/s Wed at 2pm to make the thumbs up or down decision.

kerrykate So sorry your numbers aren't going down fast. I know it was an additional 10 days added onto my cycle after my D&C and my numbers were up really high as well (>30,000). It just takes time, which sucks in itself.

[pacificbliss]

xhristina I am so sorry for your loss. I had a local for my d & c. They gave me a strong sedative so I was asleep during the procedure itself. I woke up and DH was with me. Other than being a horrible thing to have happen the procedure itself was fine this way.

jeggink I hope everything turns out fine and am so sorry you are going through this.

kerrykate sorry this is taking so long.

Hugs to everyone.

[polkadot]

xhristina~ I am so sorry for your loss. I didnt have to have a D&C b/c i was very early into the pregnancy. The day the doc told me i would m/c i started to spot and the next day AF had arrived. I think oncei had come to terms with what was going to happen my body just did it. and i agree with shouldaeloped that:
the emotional side is often much more difficult than the physical side of miscarrying.

jeggink~ So sorry you are having to go through this...you and the bean are in my prayers I hope all is well.

kerrykate~ Sorry everything is taking so long. I hope your body gets itself straitened out very quickly.

[Robyn's Nest]

Jeggink- I hope all is well for you and the baby tomorrow. I know the hours until then must be dragging by.

kerrykate- My numbers were at 207,000 before the d&c and it took 7 weeks to get to negative. I know how frustrating it is and how having a weekly reminder doesn't help. The only thing I can say is to hang in there.

Does anyone else have those family members that just don't get it? I have one that makes these insane comparisions trying to relate to what my husband and I have been going through and he has no idea. They have a healthy happy 3 year old and his wife is 7 months pregnant now. She got pregnant both times really quickly and w/o complications. I was told by this person 2 days after my d&c that me having a miscarriage "made him nervous for their pregnancy" then in a phone call last night he told me that getting past this "must be like getting over a stomach virus" Comparing losing a baby to having a stomach virus?! I was at a loss for words. I have to see this person Easter b/c it's immediate family, but right now I could slug him in the face.

Guess I'm still kinda hormonal huh:o

[polkadot]

oh robyns nest~ yes, you should slug him in the face. I have a family member who is just like that...she's my sister and she found out she was PG two days after I did. All she does is complain about her pregnancy and she still smokes. When i yell at her for smoking and other things she is not doing...she says well you should see how hard it is to quit when you are so stressed out ...uhmm hello? You chose to get PG no one forced this on you. And then my mother, yes my own mother...will say very hurtful things when i talk about my sister...and she'll say...well, you dont understand you are not a mother. Well, thank you for pointing that out...time and time again...:rolleyes:

I dont know if they know how much that hurts me but they seem to not care...and the worse part is that they both continually ask ::are ya pregnant yet?: Uhmm no, but thanks for reminding me of that too!!

Some people....:mad:

I hope you get to feeling better soon...(((((hugs))))

[xhristina]

Thank you all for your input. The procedure itself, under local was 110% easier than I had worked myself up about. It's crazy what your mind conjures up when you don't know what to expect.

The morning of, I was very nervous and anxious and emotional. During the procedure, they gave me a great sedative (I think it was valium and demarol maybe?). I was so relaxed, and out of it... almost asleep. I didn't feel a thing. When it was over, all I fell into a nice, deep, sleep that felt like it was HOURS but was really only 20 minutes.

DH was a God send before and after the procedure. We talked and talked for hours and for the first time in a long time, he nursed me back to health. Typically, I'm not the type of person that likes to be babied too much when I'm sick, but after the D&C, I soaked it in....I NEEDED it. I think you guys were right, it wasn't a physical need, as much as an emotional one.

I didn't feel much physical pain afterwards, I just felt exhausted. I didn't bleed a lot either. I stayed in bed the remainder of Friday and by the evening I even felt well enough to go out to dinner with my DH and my mom.

Jeggink - my heart sank, reading that this is your second time...I can not imagine how agonizing the waiting game is. I wish they could give us quicker answers...half of the agony is just not knowing what's going to happen one way or another. I am hoping that your appointment yesterday might've brought you some good news! =)

Robyn's Nest - honestly, I think some people just are very clumsy about their reactions - they don't know HOW to react, so they say very awkward things sometimes. I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt you purposely and maybe it will help to just remember that at least he's trying to show concern and care.

Now Polkadot - the thing with your mom is just MEAN! Have you pointed out to her that the comments she makes are hurtful to you? That's the kind of thing I would feel comfortable discussing with my mom...a distant relative, I let slide, but MOM?! No way!

[Franni]

jeggink You and your baby are in my prayers. Please take care of yourself. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[jeggink]

Thanks ladies for thinking about me, I am really really nervous and scared for tomorrow. Part of me is keeping my hopes up, the other is thinking bad thoughts. I can barely concentrate on work right now, I feel like my mind is going a mile a minute. My appt is at 2pm tomorrow and since the techs doing the u/s can't give me any information, I have to wait till they call my dr right after and talk to him.

If the pg is not good I have the option of a D&C on Thurs per my dr. He prefers to do it that way instead of waiting cause it can take a long time. So we shall see which way it goes.

xhristina Glad your procedure went well. I was completely under in the OR for mine. Glad DH took good care of you.

Polkadot So sorry about your family, how rude!

[pacificbliss]

Crossing my fingers for you jeggink.

xhristina I am glsd the procedure is over, I hope you are doing ok.

Polkadot you must be so patient. I would let my family have it for that. I can't believe the things they have said. It's like sometimes it just doesn't occur to people that words hurt. So sorry.

[polkadot]

oh thanks girls....

My mom realized what she said afterwards b/c she saw the look on my face but my comeback from that was: Thanks for reminding me and then storming off: She got the hint. and as far as my sister...she is 21 dumb, and immature and going nowhere fast...I've lived with her this long...a few more years isn't gonna kill me;) thank god she lives in another town...close enough for me to see anna but far enough where i dont see her everyday!

[Robyn's Nest]

Polkadot- Glad to know I'm not alone in my insensitive family. I cannot imagine my mom saying that to me. Thank goodness she got the message when she said it to you. As far as your sister, sounds like you have a good attitude about it. Family....you're stuck with them, so make the best I guess.

xchristina- Sounds like things went as well as could given the circumstances. So sorry you had to go through that though. Having a caring DH makes a world of difference. Hope you continue to heal.

[pacificbliss]

Thinking of you jeggink. I hope everything is alright.

[Franni]

jeggink thinking of you also. Still keeping my fingers crossed.

[shouldaeloped]

xhristina- glad everything went okay. and kudos to your DH for taking such good care of you.

jeggink- I keep checking in here for updates on you. keeping everything crossed that everything is okay.

insensitive comments- I get tons of them. the worst was 2 days after my first miscarriage, my mom asked me when I was finally going to give her grandchildren close to her (my sisters and their kids live far away) so she could spoil them. uh . nice sentiment, but could you give me a little healing time please??? and then when I was very early pregnant for the third time (after losing 2) she asked me how I was feeling and I told her that I was nervous and nauseaus and her response was "you know, there are things in life other than pregnancy." thank you for pointing that out. I told her that right, there was nothing else in my life. the saddest part is that she has no recollection of these comments when I call her out. she's young, I guess she's got some early senility. still hurts to hear it but ever since then, she has been a rock for me. so I suppose I can forgive.

[happy]

xhristina - I am glad everything went well with your D&C. I was very glad after I had mine to know that the waiting to m/c was over and that I was then ready to move on. It is still very emotional almost 4 weeks later but everyday I feel a little stronger. Now if only AF would show up soon :)

jeggink - I hope everything goes well. I keep checking in to see if there is any news. Hopefully everything went well.

insensitive comments - I didn't get a lot of them. One of my friends said she was sad I MC but really wanted me to hurry up and get pregnant again so that our kids could be close in age. I think that her general thought was nice it just didn't come across that nicely. I actually think that the most insensitive people are those that have been completely avoiding me or avoiding having any in-depth conversation about the mc with me.

Well I hope everyone is doing well. It is a gloomy day here and it is really starting to make me sad.
Well, hope everyone has a great Wednesday

[jeggink]

Well, unfortunately, things didn't go well. The official term, fetal demise as we saw the HB a week ago.

I have my D&C tomorrow at 1pm.

I am soo upset :(.

[happy]

oh, I am so sorry that the ultrasound didn't go well today. You will be in my thoughts tomorrow. I hope everything goes well. At least you get to get it over with fast and will not have to think about it for two long. I am so sorry :(

[katmg]

jeggink - I am so sorry. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow.

[numberlady]

I guess it has been a while since I have been here and am sad to see a couple new members, christina and jeggink. I am so sorry you have to join us.

[kerrykate]

jeggink~ Oh no, I'm so sorry. Take care sweetie.

[Franni]

jeggink I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself.

[polkadot]

jeggink- you are in my thoughts....((((hugs))))

[jeggink]

Thanks for all your well wishes ladies, it means ever so much to me!! I am taking this a lot harder than I thought I would, I am very sad. I had such a hard time sleeping last night, so many nightmares. Plus my hand kept straying to my rounding belly and that sucked as well.

You would think that after one m/c that you would get a healthy baby, the statistics don't lie. Well I guess that didn't work for me. It makes me very scared to even think about getting pg again.

At least they will do some preliminary blood work on me to see what is going on. They won't do any chromosonal testing till after the 3rd m/c. I mean both times we saw the HB and the baby passed away, there has got to be a reason for that.

Anyway, I am leaving work very shortly to head to the hospital. I am sooo hungry and thirsty right now so I can't wait to eat again.

I hope everyone has a great day.

[bunnybeth]

jeggink, so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope everything goes smoothly today and you can just heal and grieve as you need. {{hugs}} Take care of yourself.

[xhristina]

Awwww Jeggink....I was SO hoping for a different outcome. I'm so sorry. Take care! =/

[brenda]

jeggink - You're in my thoughts. Be gentle with yourself, and try to rest. This will be a difficult time, don't expect it to get better right away.

[CapeCod04]

jeggink - I am so sorry.

[pacificbliss]

Sorry jeggink, my heart goes out to you.

[silentbunny]

Oh, how terrible. Jeggink, I am so sorry.

[Jenzen01]

Jeggink - I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Hope all goes well today. I am so sorry.

[jeggink]

Thanks ladies, I got back at 4:30pm yesterday. I think they gave me more drugs this time so I was out a bit longer. My experience was slightly different than last time, but not much. I am still sad and it's hard to believe I am not pg today, but like last time it will fade over time.

I go to the dr in 2 weeks for a follow-up and to get the blood work started to see if they can find anything. I am not sure when we will be cleared to TTC again but I am hoping we just need to wait this month.

Thanks for all your well wishes, it means a lot to me!

[polkadot]

jeggink- you are in my thoughts and prayers and i hope you can find a way to enjoy Easter...we are all here for you....(((hugs)))

[LynzeyAHL]

I don't feel up to going back and reading all 113 pages. I'm in the process of m/cing now. I've been spotting/bleeding since March 18th I'm about at my psychological threshold for dealing with it. Would a D&C speed things up so I can just have a break?:confused:

[happy]

LynzeyAHL - I am so sorry that you are going through this. A D&C would speed things up a bit. After my D&C I sill bled for about a week. It would at least get the acutal m/c over faster. Have you have blood drawn to make sure that your levels are decreasing. I guess I have not been much help but I am so sorry that you are going through this.

[kerrykate]

LynzeyAHL~ I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also miscarried naturally and it's a long process. Since your bleeding I don't know if your doctor would do a d&c. Are you getting blood drawn to see if your hcg levels are going down? I started bleeding on 23 March and bled heavy for about 3-4 days, then moderatly for about another week then spotted for about 1-2 more weeks and finally completely stopped about a week ago. I'm still getting my levels tested and just found out that they went from 450 last week to 158 but they're still not at 0:rolleyes: I've been getting my blood tested for the last 5-6 weeks and it's taking forever to get to 0... Since it's going so slow the nurse suggested I wait 2 weeks before I get my blood taken again. Anyhoo, take care of yourself and hang in there.

Easter was just *ok*. My SIL announced that she's pg and is already 14 weeks along. I'm really thrilled for them but feeling sorry for myself. They have 2 DD's already that are 5 and 6 years old and have mentioned several times that they were done having kids, but apparently got that itch one last time. It really sucks because her due date is 15 Oct and mine should be 26 Oct. They told my mom that they were so excited when they found out I was pg b/c the kids would have been so close in age *sigh*.... I'm glad they waited awhile to tell everyone because if I would have known we were pg at the same time I think it would have made my loss that much more difficult.

[LynzeyAHL]

LynzeyAHL~ I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also miscarried naturally and it's a long process. Since your bleeding I don't know if your doctor would do a d&c. Are you getting blood drawn to see if your hcg levels are going down?

yes they were only like 83 - 165 - 315 at their highest (1 week after I thought I m/c before the dr tested) US with no fetal heart tones at 8w6d and then dropping last Tuesday. I never asked about my progesterone. I called for my numbers today but it seems the last dr to have my chart on Thursday isn't there today and they couldn't locate it. TYPICAL!

[happy]

LynzeyAHL - I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It looks like your numbers are getting closer to 0. Hopefully soon :)

kerrykate - I can totally relate to you about your sister. one of my very good friends is pregnant and due three weeks after when I should have been. I am super exicited for her but at the same time it is really hard for me to talk about her pregnancy with her since I wish that I was there too. How are you doing other than that? hopefully your numbers will be to 0 next time you go in to get them checked.

Jenzen01 - How are you doing? I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Have you gotten any results from your bloodwork that was done?

Anyone else I missed, how is everyone doing?

------

AF showed up this weekend. I was glad to finally see her but it was also hard. I had nothing in the house except for the big pads that I used after the D&C and it was very hard for me to go and buy tampons. That may be crazy but I was really hoping that I would not need any for at least 9 months. I am glad that my body is back on track though since it was only about 30 days since my D&C.

[LynzeyAHL]

my number had dropped to 261 on monday the 3rd no fetal heart tones on 11th so I took a hpt at home Sunday and it was so faintly positive that I had to squint to see the line so I have to be back down looooooooow right now. They're mailing me a lab slip to go in one more time next week to confirm for sure.

looks like we can try again in may

[polkadot]

(((((hugs)))))

[jeggink]

LynzeyAHL Glad your numbers keep dropping!

happy Ugg, the 1st AF is the hardest. Hope it went OK. I know mine was HELL!

kerrykate So sorry for the news, that is so hard. Hoping you are doing OK.

Well, my bleeding is finally slowing down and just about gone. Still having some cramping. My dr appt is next week and I find out what tests we will do at that point and when we can TTC again, and mentally when we want to TTC again. I am so scared of getting pg right now, it is not even funny, I am absolutely terrrified. I do not want to have to go through a D&C ever again. Sigh, so difficult.

I am still bummed about this all, but trying to work through it. At least only 2 people knew about it this time (besides you all of course).

Anyway, hoping everyone is doing well and is healthy!

[wasabi_green_peas]

LynzeyAHL, I am sorry you have joined our little group. I hope your numbers reach 0 quickly.

Jeggink,
I am still bummed about this all, but trying to work through it. At least only 2 people knew about it this time (besides you all of course).
I just went through my 2nd, too --- my first was in August '04 and I was 6 weeks pregnant. I still wonder if I will tell people if/when I get pg again. In some ways, it makes it harder to suffer in silence (I think). But then, I feel like this story is old; I feel defective and I would want others to be happy for me and not be 'cautious' in their congratulations. Does that make sense?

Kerrykate, I know how you feel. Although not the same, my SIL's shower is next weekend and I just *can't* go. I just feel like it's still too soon.

Happy, I am just getting my period now. How is that even possible? I was 10.5 weeks pregnant and had the d&c just four weeks ago (as of tomorrow). I don't know. It seems very soon...? I, too, started crying when it started yesterday. Even though I was 'happy' that it returned, I was sad that it wasn't the 9+ months it should have been.

Otherwise, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I still cry a lot. Especially at night. It kills me that I'll never know if my baby was a girl or a boy. Things like that. *Sigh*

Love to you all, Jenn

[ieducate]

Someone from my DecemberMommies page recommended this thread for dealing with my grief. I had a miscarriage today and I am at such of loss for words to express my devastation. I was only 6 weeks pregnant (Due December 12th), but it feels like I lost a lifetime. I had so much planned already (mostly in my head) and my dh was so excited. He and I cried so much today that I don't think I have any tears left. I am in shock and don't know what to do. we saw the the OB today and she is wonderfully optimistic. She is watching me carefully and monitoring my hcg levels until they get back to zero. Then I have to go through one full month of regular cycle before I go back on the fertility drugs and try again. I think one of the worst things is the thought of waking up every darn morning to take my stupid temperature. I think I may skip it the first month we try to get preg. again. I am not sure I can stomach doing that. I will still do the OPK's though. Either way I am feeling an unbelievable loss today and I can't stomach it. I was at work when I found out and it was horrible. I called the doctor to get an update on my hcg levels (blood test was taken yesterday) and she (the doctor herself) got on the phone and gave me the news. I had dropped from 888 to 200 in 48 hours. I broke into tears right there in the copy room...where I was standing talking on my cell phone. To make matters worse, I am a teacher, so I was supposed to go back to my classroom and take my students to lunch. I grabbed another teacher in the hallway and told her to go to my classroom and tell the teacher who was in there covering for me to take my kids to lunch. She didn't ask any questions as it was quite obvious by my sobbing that something was wrong. I walked downstairs to my principal's office and broke into more tears. One of the secetaries (bless her heart) drove me home and another one followed in my car. I am a wreck. My family has been nothing but supportive, but I can't stand that I am no longer pregnant. This was all I thought about day and night. I did everything I was supposed to do and nothing I wasn't. The doctor told me it was not my fault at all, but I can't help to feel the quilt anyway. Thanks for listening...I will be back later...need to collect myself again and regroup.

[ieducate]

Sorry...forgot to put my information in red.


ieducate
Name:Karen, 33
DH: Andrew, 34
Married: August 1, 2004
M/C naturally at 6w2d (April 20, 2006)
TTC: As soon as OB gives the ok.
Waiting for my hcg level to drop to 0.

[happy]

ieducate - I am so sorry that you have to go through this. There are really no words that I can say to make the pain go away but it will get less and less as the days go on. There was a purpose in the loss of this baby and there is a greater plan for your lives at this point. It is encouraging that you were able to get pregnant and really there was nothing that you did or didn't do to cause this. You are in my thoughs. This is a great group for support but I am so sad that you have to join us.

[ieducate]

Honestly I was nervous that talking on this thread would make it somewhat harder for me to deal with and move on, but in reading through many (not all) of the postings I am put to ease a bit. It is amazing to me how even though we are all so different, we share this very same feeling of loss, sadness, confusion, and frustration after the loss of our baby(ies). No one who has never been through this can begin to understand the feelings involved in this whole process. The miscarriage is not a single event, but rather a series of events over a sometimes long period of time. I was lucky (some would say) that I got my period tonight. I guess it is a good thing that my doctor told me today about my numbers and that I saw her today because if I had gotten my period without knowing that information I would have surely freaked out and run to the ER. The good news about geting my period today is that its all the sooner I can try again. The really tough part is that I am apprehensive about getting pregnant again soon because I am afraid of losing it again. I don't think I can go through this again. Not anytime soon. I have to wait until next cycle anyway, as in not this "losing your pregnancy period", but instead the real cycle of May. Anyway, thank goodness this thread exist, but sorry that it has to exist. Make sense? I am praying for each and every one of us on this thread right now for babies, babies, babies soon, soon, soon. By the way, I was supposed to go to a friend's baby shower this Saturday and my husband told me "NO WAY". He is not allowing me to go because he knows that it will be a disaster for me. We had not told this couple that we were pregnant, but he is going to call the husband tomorrow and explain the situation. I just can't deal with the idea of celebrating somoene else's happiness in the baby department when I just lost one. I know that sounds so selfish (and I am happy for her), but it's just too soon. I really am happy for her. Talk to you all later.

[numberlady]

ieducate - I am so sorry that you have to join us here. It has been over 2 months since my m/c and reading your posts brought back some of the raw feelings for me. I can tell you that it does get better, but I still think about it a lot. I had a similar situation as you where I had the m/c and immediately started my "period". The only thing that made me feel a teeny bit better was that my body did the right thing and realized that for whatever reason the pregnancy was not OK. That was the one thing I held on to, but other than that I felt exactly like you do now for several days.

[katmg]

ieducate - Oh, I am so sorry to come on here this morning and find this news. :( I lost my pregnancy at 6w4d and I too remember how much planning and thinking and hoping I had already done in the short time I had known about the pregnancy. You and your DH hang on to one another and cry as much as you need to. Feel free to rant, cry, etc. as much as you want on this thread - I know that the rest of us all have at one time or another.

[kerrykate]

Wow, I also found out I was going to miscarry at 6 w 4d.

ieducate~ I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally agree with this:
The really tough part is that I am apprehensive about getting pregnant again soon because I am afraid of losing it again. I don't think I can go through this again. Not anytime soon.
I want a baby but I'm scared to death about getting pg again, it just feels inevitable that I'll miscarry again and that terrifies me. Right now I'm definitly a ~glass is half empty~ type of person. It's amazing how much your life can change in the matter of a few weeks. You go from the highest high to the lowest low. Cry, rant, feel sorry for yourself, just let it all out. Take care and you're in my thoughts.

[Franni]

ieducate Bravo for your DH for not allowing you to go to the shower. He is really looking out for you and that is so wonderful. Right now, you need each other. I have a dear friend who will have a baby in July. That would have been my due date if I had not miscarried. To this day, 4 months later, I still feel that sting.

If you are not feeling up to it, maybe it would make sense to "postpone" charting, etc.

[dpangel33]

ieducate, I'm so sorry for your loss. My due date just recently passed and it brought back all the raw emotion that I felt 7 months ago so I feel your pain. It was so hard for me as well to celebrate my SIL's pg so close to my loss. But the jealousy and envy has finally passed so now I can enjoy my precious little neice.

I wish you and everyone else all the best in the months ahead.

[ieducate]

Today is easier than yesterday, but it still feels like a bad dream. I keep thinking I am going to wake up and be pregnant as normal. I want to be pregnant more than anything,but I don't want to go through this emotional pain ever again. I told my dh that if and when I get pregnant again I am not leaving my bed for the first three months until I know the baby is ok. :) We are both hoping that I get pregnant in June (first available month allowed to try) so that I am off for the summer during the first trimester. I am a teacher so the timing would work. Plus, I wouldn't have to worry about other teachers finding out I was pregnant until the three months were up and I was back at work. Unfortunately we all know that life does not work that way and it is likely I will not get pregnant right away. :( This whole situation just SUCKS. :( I am angry, frustrated, and sad beyond belief. To make matters worse, I still have sore boobs and am still nauseous. How fair is that??? My mother used to always say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". AGH to that. I don't feel stronger from this at all...I feel more scared about being pregnant and more anxious to have it happen (in a good anxious way and a bad anxious way). Make sense? How screwed up I feel right now. Talk to you ladies later. Thanks for your support through all of this.

Franni, I decided not to chart for a while and in fact even the first month we try again I am not going to take my temperature. I am just going to do the OPK's. I can't stand the thought of waking up every morning and putting that thermometer in my mouth. I could handle it during the work week when I had to be up at 5:00am anyway, but waking up every Saturday and Sunday was horrible. My OB will be putting me back on clomid again at the end of May so I will most likely know when I am ovulating without the darn temperatures. I am looking forward to taking a break from FertilityFriend for a while anyway. :)

[wasabi_green_peas]

ieducate,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Feel free to vent about the unfairness, anger, grief, sadness, devastation... I think the only thing that helps is time.

To make matters worse, I still have sore boobs and am still nauseous. How fair is that???

I felt that to be terrible. I had a missed miscarriage and was horrified to know my body had no idea that my baby had died. I generally trusted my body to be in sync with my health.

As far as conceiving, follow your heart and what is best for you. ((( )))

Again, I am so sorry for the pain. At times, I wished my heart would stop because the pain was so real and deep. I wish I had something other than an internet hug to offer you.

Jenn

[Ericka_Jarett]

Sully130 had her son, Thomas yesterday. Born at 5:32 p.m., Thomas is 8 pounds, 4 ounces, 21 and 1/4 inches long.

[CapeCod04]

ieducate I am so sorry for your loss. I think you'll find this board a helpful, healing place. Kudos to your husband for saying no to the shower. You need to heal a little before attempting to handle something like that.

[polkadot]

i educate~ so sorry for your lost...it does suck that sometimes our bodies dont catch on to what is going on inother parts of our bodies. I lost my pregnancy at 6 wk 5 days and my bb's hurt for about a week after i m/c I never had any nausea though. I hope your body get back on track soon. We all know that emoty feeling you are talking about but it does get better...Some days are good some days are better and then some days are worse. You just have to take it one day at a time and it will get better. There are so many girls here that have gone on to have healthy and happy pregnancies and babies. They are my insipiration and they give me a little speck of hope that it will happen...((((hugs))) to you...i hope you get to feeling a little more like yourself soon...

Congrats!! to Sully130!!

[ieducate]

Well, yesterday in addition to the bleeding getting worse, I had terrible pains on the left side of my stomach...real far down. I thought I could just ignore it and go about my weekend, but the pains got worse. The doctor on call said to go to the ER. I dreaded it, but knew it was the only way to know for sure what was going on. My dh, bless his heart, gave up a Saturday night to spend it in the hospital watching me become more and more frustrated with every second that past in that darn ER. They drew blood and did an u/s. I thought I would be happier the first time I had an u/s. I was anything but happy last night. They noted quickly that my numbers had dropped to 27...so they went from 888 to 200 to 27. It's official...I am not an ounce pregnant. Even though I already knew when i went in there yesterday that I was no longer pregnant, there was something horrible about hearing the numbers that brought it all back...the pain and frustration. Anyway, after the u/s they discovered a bit of fluid in one of my ovaries that indicates a possible cyst...which would explain the pain. They gave me some pain medicine to take home with me and sent me on my way. I have to have a repeat u/s and blood test on Wednesday. The doctor's are all really sensitive, but they all say the same things...they all say something about their own miscarriage or someone they know, and they all say that this is the body's way of getting rid of a bad pregnancy. Do they really think that is going to make me feel better? I am happy to know that a: I can get pregnant, b: that I can try again in 6 weeks, and c: that I am not alone in this, but all in all I just wish it hadn't happened at all...the pain has not gone away in my heart and won't for a long, long time. I hate more than anything that I am depressed. I want to go back to my normal bubbly self and I can't. My dh and I have watched as many comedy shows as possible this weekend and even though I have definitely laughed a few times, once the laughter stops I go back to feeling the heartache. None of this is fair...that's what gets me the most. I am trying to hold on to the notion that I can get pregnant again and that it is not too far off for me to try. I just wish I could get pregnant now so that I could erase this event a tiny bit.

[happy]

ieducate - I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. It is so hard to go through but at least your body is doing the right thing and it seem very quickly. My body didn't even realize that the baby had passed and then I had to have a D&C. I am sure that the worst is almost behind you physically since your numbers are back down so low. It is going to continue to be hard emotionally but everyday will get a little better. It has only been about a month since my D&C and I still have some really bad days. I guess Ijust really long for that baby and I have realized that getting pregnant again is not going to entirely take those emotions away. Losing a baby at 6 weeks or 12 weeks is really hard and it will continue to be a hard thing I am sure for all of us. Continue to vent here. It is so helpful to vent to people who know what you are going through.

[bunnybeth]

ieducate I am so sorry for your loss. I never like to see more women going through this experience. I hope you find the comfort and support you need. What you said about hating feeling depressed is what I went though. It felt so foreign and terrible to me to never really feel happy. And, all the tv I watched didn't help- it seemed like the tiny problems that happily resolved themselves in a neat block were so untrue. So, you are definately not alone. The only thing that really helps is time, and the amount is different for everyone. Take as long as you need to grieve, and try not to feel guilty if you need more or less time than you thought.

[CapeCod04]

I found out yesterday that the wife of one of my co-workers is pregnant and due around the same time I would have been due. That's going to be hard to deal with.

[polkadot]

CapeCod~ Yes, it is hard to deal with...my sister is due two days after i would have been. It sucks...it was really hard last week when she found out what the sex of the baby was b/c i knew that we would be at that stage too...she is now picking out bedding etc....it makes me sad...but everybody loves babies and i know i will love this one...try to think about the baby and not the pregnancy so much...i know its hard...if you need to talk or need to vent feel free to PM me...((((hugs)))

[katmg]

I found out yesterday that the wife of one of my co-workers is pregnant and due around the same time I would have been due. That's going to be hard to deal with.

I've got the same thing here. They just moved the girl who is due 1 week before when I would have been due across the (workstation) hall from me. It's been super-fun hearing about how she's having a boy, etc. :rolleyes: I'm trying to be a good sport about the whole thing but it's just really hard some days. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this too. :(

[happy]

CapeCod04 - It is so hard to deal with. One of my very good firends is due three weeks after I should have been. It is hard to look at her and think "that could be me" i am sure it will be easier when the baby comes. polkadot, katmg I feel your pain as well

ieducate How are you doing?

[wasabi_green_peas]

I can relate to you all, CapeCod, polkadot, katmg and happy. ((( ))) How are you all doing?

SIL is pregnant. We have a tenuous-at-best relationship so that is quite difficult. And the women at work? Lost count. And that is funny because I work with mostly men. There aren't that many women here. :(

Hearing that Britney Spears is confirmed pregnant again was quite depressing. I don't know. I know someone else being pregnant doesn't alter my state one way or the other, it's just hard to deal with that feeling, "Wish it were me. I really loved my baby."

I try and ignore it, but at times it's lonely and difficult.

Love to all, Jenn

[ieducate]

Well, I am hanging in there. I have my okay moments and my definitely not okay moments. I am still in an angry phase where I feel that this is simply not fair at all. I had to go yesterday for a blood test to see if my numbers are down to zero yet and I just hate this whole thing. Jenn, I can definitely understand your feelings...anytime I see a pregnant woman anywhere, even strangers, I am resentful. I hate that I feel that way, but I do. It should be me. I should be going for my first u/s this Monday and I'm not. That makes me so depressed. All I want to do all the time is sleep. I want to sleep for the next month or two and then wake up and be pregnant again. I just want to the depressed, anxiety, and anger to go away. I can't seem to make that happen. The days go by so slowly and the nights (when I can sleep) go by too quickly. Speaking of days, gotta go to work. :( Speak to you all soon. Hope you are all finding something to smile about each day. :)

[Franni]

wasabi I thought the same thing when I heard about Britney's pregnancy.

[jeggink]

ieducate Glad your hanging in there. Take it easy, OK! Glad to hear your numbers are going down.

wasabi Yeah my thoughts are Britney were the same, especially since her "supposed" due date is right between the due dates of my 2 miscarriages. :(. I to am undecided if I will tell ANYONE about another pg, I just hate telling people I am m/c again. The 2nd time only the CC folks knew and it was a bit easier.

So sorry so many of you are surrounded by pg women, that must be sooo hard! {{HUGS}} to everyone!!!

Yeah for Sully!!!

Well, I had my follow-up for the D&C. I will get blood work done on CD3 of my next cycle and then again around CD24, depending when I O. So that means I will need to chart. I was also told to wait to get pg, so I have to wait until at least my next cycle is over, so that is around 2 more months :(. So the earliest I could have a baby now if late March 2007. I did shed a few tears when I got home, but otherwise not to bad.

I am somewhat bummed, but also somewhat relieved we need to wait because mentally I wouldn't be able to handle another m/c right now. I feel like I need to regain my physical and mental health. I have gained 10lbs from both the pg's and would like to loose that, I want to start exercising again and find the happiness in life I lost with that 2nd m/c. We are moving into a house next month that requires a lot of work and I can actually start gardening again, which is very relaxing, plus the sun is coming out again.

Maybe in a few months I will feel different, but I think we will wait a while and I am going to stop charting cause I just don't feel like it anymore. I can tell when I O cause I am in a ton of pain so that should be enough of an indicator for me. I am also going back on the Claritin for seasonal allergies, plus before DS it actually stopped me from getting pg as it dried me up. So we will kinda use that as a pseudo BC method.

I just want to enjoy life right now and not worry about having another bad pg for a while, I am sure you ALL understand where this is coming from.

I hope you are all having a decent day and that the sun is shining where you are!

[msnicolea]

I am so sorry to read of everyone's losses. I suffered my second m/c yesterday and it feels pretty awful. I'm trying to distract myself today on CC and LJ--otherwise I just sit around crying. I am 35 years old and I am terrified and heartbroken that I may never have a viable pregnancy.

[happy]

msnicolea - I am so sorry that you have to be here. I hate it when I see new members. I can't imagine what you are going through. I have no real good words of wisdom other than just to say let time heal you. I do have one word of encouragement though. One of my very good friends (who is 38) had two m/c. She then got pregnant the third time and carried the baby full term. She has a beautiful baby girl. It can happen.

[katmg]

msnicolea - Oh, I am so, so sorry that you are rejoining us here - I had seen your happy news in the TTC after a loss thread. I think your fears about never carrying a baby to term are so common here. People saying, at least you know you can get pregnant is SO unhelpful. :( I hope you are able to find some comfort here...

[ieducate]

Well, Jeggink, you couldn't be more on the money with your comments. I feel like the waiting process is so hard, but yet the thought of being pregnant again actually scares me. I want to be pregnant more than anything, but I don't want to go through another m/c. That scares me more than anything. Yesterday on my way home from work I had a total breakdown. I don't know what happened, but I felt like I had been holding my breath for a week. I went back to work this past Monday and everytime someone talked to me and asked how I was I gave the normal response, "I'm hanging in there and taking one day at a time." I believed that I think. I just felt like saying to everyone, "How the heck do you think I'm doing? I'm terrible, miserable, and depressed." But, you can't say that really. No one wants to hear how I am REALLY doing, they want to hear that everything is fine. My mother and my dh are the only ones who have known all week that I am miserable and depressed. My dh called my mother last night during my breakdown and got her on the phone with me. Then he ran downstairs to the kitchen and made me dinner...my comfort food...PB and J. I know most people use icecream as their comfort food, but for some reason PB&J is mine. I LOVE peanut butter. :) Anyway, when my MIL called last night it was back to holding my breath and giving the general response that I am okay and taking one day at a time. I am sick of feeling the pain, masking the pain, hiding the pain, and not feeling like it will ever end. I know it will lessen over time, but time seems to move so slowly when you want to get pregnant. The month that I have to wait (Same as Jeggink) is the longest month of my life. My numbers are still not at zero yet either, which means it will actually be longer before I have my next period. AGH. It seems that it adds insult to injury. I already lost the baby, just get me to zero already. :( I am hoping for an easier, breathing, day today. I hope everyone is finding each day easier and more hopeful. Love to you all.

[LynzeyAHL]

My betas are down to 9 (on tuesday 25) they want me to go back in to make sure its under 2 I mean seriously... under 2?!? I thought under 10 was good enough no?!? :rolleyes:

[katmg]

Lynzey - Yup, I had to get mine down to zero. Before they'd stop blood-testing me. :rolleyes: Luckily mine went from 13 to zero in a week and only meant one more blood draw. The only bright side I could come up with was I was happy the doctor was at least taking this seriously. It's rough though going in for all those blood draws...

[ieducate]

LynzeyAHL: Anything 5 or above on the beta means that you are official pregnant. If you did a pregnancy test at a 9, you will still get a positive. That is why your doctor wants you at a 2. My doctor, like Katmg, wants me at a zero and continues to test me. I was at an 8 as of last Wednesday. :( I just want this part to be over and have it time for me to move on. I can't move on from this while I am still focused on it with blood tests and sonograms. :( AGH. My dh and I went out yesterday with friends of ours that are expecting their first child in 5 weeks. It was extremely difficult to go out with them and even more difficult to go to their place and see the baby's room all made up. I knew it would be hard, but I never imagined it would have been that difficult. It was painful. I am just praying that by the time my December 12th due date rolls around, that I am very pregnant. My dh has already stated that he will do everything in his power to get me pregnant as soon as it is possible...which my doctor says will be sometime in June. June is not that far away, but it seems like a lifetime away for me. I want to be pregnant again so that I can put this behind me as an experience and event that happened and hurt a lot, but didn't destroy me. Getting pregnant again (and hopefully keeping it this time) I feel is the only way to really get me recovered from this. Man, this just sucks. I hope everyone is feeling better each day and has found something positive from this. I am still looking for the positives and hoping they will somehow comfort me. Have a great day.

[numberlady]

I am just praying that by the time my December 12th due date rolls around, that I am very pregnant. ieducate, this is my wish too. I already had certain milestones worked out in my , and by now I think I would be almost 18 weeks and it is very hard to fathom why other people are pregnant and stay pregnant, and I'm not.
msnicolea - I'm so sorry you have to be here ((HUGS))

[LynzeyAHL]

Yea I saw some pregnant teenager at target with her mom and dad buying a travel system and I almost started crying on the spot. I was however happy as a clam to hold my friend's 3 week old baby. I think seeing the baby wasn't as hard as the I'm not pregnant thing right now. Thanksgiving this year will suck if I'm not prego for sure.

DH is the same with me Ieducate - I was supposed to be knocked up and not help have to move at all when we buy our house this summer and DH said he'll do whatever he can to make sure I don't have to lift a finger. He was already like why do we gotta use protection?!? lol he's like who cares if the dr knows the second you got pregnant babies come when they want to anyway right?!?

such a rebel!

So my qt. is do your betas have to be back to 0 before AF can come back? I mean is 0 considered CD 1? I'm just trying to figure out what the hell is up with my cycle coming back. I don't think I'll ever be so happy to see af in all my life... <sigh>

[msnicolea]

I'm sorry that I forgot to post here. I did not M/C--even though I had an abnormal amount of blood, my betas are good and I had an ultrasound on Friday--everything is ok.

I know you ladies will have your turn.

[katmg]

Awesome! So happy to hear that you are not rejoining us here!

[polkadot]

that is great that you are not rejoining us...NOW STAY OUT!!!;) You are welcome here anytime but just as a cheerleader...;)

That is great to hear good news....:D

[littlemia]

Ugh, it sucks so much to be posting in here. I hate that any of us are part of this thread. Last Wednesday, on our anniversary and on the day that we finally got our certificate of occupancy for the house we built, DH and I were told that the baby had quit developing in the 9th week. I was supposed to be 11w4d. What was supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives turned out to be one of the worst (if not the worst). We (especially DH) had worked so hard on that house and we were so happy and relieved that after 2 years (1 year planning and 1 year building) we could actually move in. I'm so angry we couldn't enjoy that.

My midwife recommended that I miscarry naturally. I've been spotting for a week now and I'm doubting it's going to happen on its own. I think I'm going to have to make the decision to either use medications to induce (Cytotec, I assume) or schedule a D&C. I have crappy, high deductible, no maternity coverage insurance so I'm not even sure it will cover a D&C. I guess I can still wait, but it's really hard. I'm being very vague at work and telling people I have a medical issue and might need some time off. I just wish I knew when this time off would come. For those of you who waiting to miscarry naturally, how long did you wait? Did you eventually use medication or have a D&C?

If this does happen soon (by Monday at the latest), do you think I would be physically up for traveling by the 18th? DH and I had a trip to Europe planned. Unfortunately, I don't think we can postpone, so if we can't go we will probably just have to cancel. I love to travel, so if we can't go it will just be another blow. But it won't worth it to be spend lots of money miserable over vacation either.

[happy]

littlemia - I am so sad that you have to join us here. I was in the same situation as you a few months ago. Originally I was just going to wait to MC naturally (I had no spotting though). I couldn't handle that after a few days. I was afraid to go anywhere becuase I was afraid I would start bleeding everywhere. I did end up going with the D&C and it mad the process a lot faster and easier. If you do go ahead with the D&C you will be fine physically to travel on the 18th. I don't know how it would be if you waited. I also liked thd D&C option because it got my body back on track quickly. It was only 30 days between the D&C and my first period. I am so sorry that you have to join us here. The mental pain is the worst part of the whole thing. Time will help heal you

[ieducate]

Littlemia, I am so sorry you are joining us. I understand what Happy was saying about the D&C making it quicker. I have been gradually going down in numbers since last week. April 20th was my official miscarriage date and I was at 200 on that day. As of Saturday the 22nd, I was down to 27. Then the following Wednesday I was at 8. Now I am waiting until Monday to get tested again, but I don't think I am at zero yet. I still have some spotting (slight) and my boobs still hurt. Something in my body is not right. This whole process is driving me crazy. The longer it takes to get me to zero, the longer I have to wait for my next cycle and the longer I have to wait until I can try and get pregnant again. How stinking unfair is that??? I feel quite angry at this whole situation. I feel angry that I lost my baby and then on top of it, my body won't let me move on. AGH. Does anyone know if spotting is normal even this late after the miscarriage? I had a full blown period on the 20th until like the 23rd and then nothing until last night I had some blood. Nothing traumatic by any means, but it seems unusual. I am probably going to call my doctor tomorrow and ask about it, but I figured I would ask here since some of you (unfortunately) have been through this more than once. I just wish my numbers were at zero so that I could move on and count the days until I can try again. I just know that the only thing that will make this pain feel less painful is to be pregnant again. That is really the only way...I know it is. :(

[brenda]

I miscarried naturally and bled for 2 weeks, the first week was awful - heavy bleeding and lots of intermittent pain.

If you have travel plans, I would suggest that you take the D&C. Waiting for the natural MC means you won't know when it will happen or how long it will last. Just a thought.

[kerrykate]

littlemia~ I'm so sorry you had to join us. I miscarried naturally, from the time I found out it wasn't going to be a viable pregnancy until I started to miscarry was almost 2 weeks. I started spotting then bled for almost 2 weeks, heavy for a few days then it tapered off.

We moved a week a go this past Sunday and AF showed up the first day at the new house. It was my first AF since the miscarriage and lasted almost 9 days:rolleyes: So I have to go back and get my blood taken and levels checked, I thought I would be at 0 since AF showed but I got my results on Monday and my beta was at 21... I have to go again in 2 weeks to get them checked. They better be at 0. I think we are going to wait one more month to TTC.

XOXO

[LynzeyAHL]

believing that every thing happens for a reason, we found the perfect house and will be moving soon so now I'm even more ok with why this pregnancy didn't work it just wasn't the right time. So now I get to do all the fun new house stuff. I'm excited AND looking forward to trying again soon

[jeggink]

littlemia So sorry to see you here, get lots of rest!

LynzeyAHL Congrats on the new house, we are in the process of remodeling and then moving into our new house, it definately helps!

msnicolea So happy you didn't have a m/c!

ieducate {{HUGS}}

Well, we may have had an oops that I am sooo not prepared for, we will have to see. We BD'd 3 days before O when I was having fertile cm. I didn't realize it till later that day since I wasn't charting. So there is a chance, although hopefully small. I am supposed to have testing as soon as AF comes and the last thing I want to have to do is go in and say I am pg again, right after my D&C :(. So lets really hope that AF comes in 2 weeks!! All other 3 times I have been pg, it was a BD within 24 hrs of O. Sigh, the drama continues!

[ieducate]

AGH...so tired of waiting. I hate this waiting game more than anything. I am going for another beta test this Monday, but until then I have no idea if I am at 0 yet. The worst thing is, even if I did get to 0 days before, I wouldn't know and can't chart at all since I have no idea. As of the 26th of April I was at 8 and I just want to be almost done with this first month after the m/c. I want to be at the stage where I am TTC again. I hate not knowing where my cycle is. Without taking my temperature everyday I didn't know when O would be. I had to take my temp and do OPK's. Time consuimg, but helped me pinpoint when it was happening. The month I got pregnant I was on Clomid and I knew to the second when I started O...I could feel it. Without the Clomid I can't tell at all. The worst thing is...I don't want to wait. I wish I could tell when I O and then just do it, even though the doctor told me to wait until next month. I don't want to wait anymore. I want to replace some of this pain with a new pregnancy and begin the constant worry about whether or not I will lose this one too. :( I just want to be pg so badly it hurts. We were TTC for so long and finally had a taste of it. The other bad thing is, I tried to get in touch with my doctor this week to find out when we were at least allowed to have sex and I kept playing phone tag...so no answer on that. :( I want to be with my dh and not feel like damaged goods. How long do you have to wait until you start being active in that area again? Anyone know? I m/c'd naturally...no d&c, so I don't know what the protocol is. This whole situation sucks and it seems all my friends and coworkers are either pregnant right now or just had a baby in the last two/three months. It's not the whole world, but at times it seems there isn't a single woman out there who isn't pregnant. :( Why can't it be me? Sorry for expressing the frustrations...I am sure you are all feeling the same thing.

P.S. LynzeyAHL: Congratulations on the new house. That is an exciting event to help keep you occupied. :)

[littlemia]

Thanks for all of your replies and well wishes. I haven't been able to reply until today because I still don't have cable at my house.

After talking with one of the midwives about my options, I decided to take misoprostol (Cytotec) to induce the miscarriage. I called the place where they refer people to have D&Cs and they told me they could get me in on May 19th :rolleyes:. I definitely wasn't waiting that long, so I took the misoprostol. It wasn't a pleasant experience but once my water broke and the Darvocet kicked in, it wasn't that painful. I'm going back to the midwife's office today to see if she thinks I passed everything. God, I hope so.

Kerrykate and Ieducate, I'm so sorry that you're still waiting for your beta's to reach zero. I know I'm definitely worried that it will be a long time before mine go down.

[polkadot]

littlemia~I am so sorry you have to go through all of this...but I am sure you are gald to have the process done with...(((hugs)))

kerrykate & ieducate~ so sorry you are both having to wait till your numbers reach zero...it feels like it will take forever...(((hugs)) to both of you...

I on the other hand have done something that i feel like i am regretting....I am 6DPO and two days ago i discovered that i had a YI...i was going to try and wait it out until today and call the doctors office but it was so painful I decided to call my aunt who is an OB nurse and she what she said. She said it was perfectly OK for me to use one of the OTC creams as long as it wasnt the 1-3 day kind...those are very strong....so i got the 7 day cream well late night after i used it about 15 minutes later I got a horrible burning itching sensation and when I went to check I was spotting...it was pink and it has stopped but i have scared the daylights out of myself....I have a dr apt at 3:30 so we will see what happens then...i really hope i have not done anything stupid like screwed up the chances of implant or anything else...and i know its too early for a blood test to confirm or deny the PG so i just have to wait...:mad: :confused: i am so mad with myself right now...

thanks for listening

[littlemia]

Yesterday afternoon was just awful. I went to the midwife's office to be checked and as soon as she got the speculum in and looked she could tell it wasn't all out. So she proceded to pull the "products of conception" out of me. Not very fun. Painful both physically and emotionally. I wasn't at all prepared for it. She gave me more misoprostol and a prescription to have an u/s done that afternoon. Of course, all of that made me bleed heavily. I was prepared for it Thursday, but not yesterday. Luckily I had a heavy-duty pad with me but emotionally, I just wasn't ready to deal with all of that blood again.

The u/s didn't go any better. The tech was not very gentle at all (I had an internal) and didn't seem to care. After she was done, she just left. Didn't tell me what to do to check out and just left me there with gel and blood coming out of me with nothing to clean up with. Thankfully there's a bathroom in the room, so I waddled over there and cleaned myself up. During the u/s, I could just tell by the comments by the tech and from what little I could see on the screen that it's not all out. They did a wet read, so my midwife got the results last night, but she still hasn't contacted me. I'll try calling again after lunch.

I think my only option now is to have a D&C. I have no idea when they'll be able to get me in. It has to be soon, I can't deal with all of this any longer. I still really want to be able to take this trip next Thursday. For those of you who had a D&C, how soon after would you have been able to travel? Did you have general anesthesia?

[happy]

littlemia - I am so sorry that you are still having to deal with all of this. It is such an awful feeling not being in control of what your body is doing. I hated that aspect of the whole thing. I had a D&C and I could have traveled the next day (I would assume that a Doc. Would let you. I didn’t really have any restrictions well except for the obvious afterwards). I had general anes. and so I was super tired the day I had the procedure. I had not pain just bleeding like a period after that point. It was not bad at all.

[wasabi_green_peas]

littlemia, I am so sorry that this process has become even longer and more painful (both physically and emotionally) for you. Everyone is different, but my D&C was not physically painful. I was generally sore for the next few days. However, perhaps 5 or 6 days afterwards, I had horrible cramps and a lot of bleeding. You might not have the same experience. Good luck in your decision and I hope your ordeal comes to an end asap.

ieducate, I think we can all understand your frustration and sadness. I totally understand the desire to be pregnant again. It's tough. I hope you and kerrykate's numbers reach 0 quickly.

LynzeyAHL and kerry kate, Congratulations on your new houses! We just moved in January. (Actually, the first weekend in my new house is when I got my BFP.)

polkadot, I'm sorry about you YI. I don't think you did anything to possibly impair your pregnancy chances. I try and remember that in the 'real world' pregnancies are quite resilient. And although hard to avoid, I feel like worrying solves nothing in the end.

I hope everyone else is happy and healthy (or on their way there).

As for me, I've been somewhat contented lately (7 weeks post last miscarriage). We've gutted our kitchen. It was hard because I made a lot of decisions when I was pregnant, trying to fast track the process. After I miscarried, I still had quite a few decisions to make and I couldn't have cared less. I was in the mindset of, "I don't care what color the freaking backsplash is! This frivolity doesn't matter! My baby is gone!" Luckily, those thoughts have subsided and I've been happy with the distraction - unhappy with the dust, missing sink, rerouted sewer pipe, blown budget, etc.... Oh well, no pain, no gain.

Wishing everyone health, hope and happiness! Jenn

[pacificbliss]

littlemia I am so sorry this just keeps going on for you. I had a D&C and did not have a general. I just had some AF like cramps and bleeding so I could have travelled.

[polkadot]

littlemia~ I am so sorry that these professionals have no bedside manner...it is horrible that you have to go through this at all much less when people are so unsympathetic...:rolleyes: (((hugs))) to you and i hope this all end very soon for you.

Me~ Well, i called about my cycle days 3 &21 bloodwork....the cycle day 3 bloodwork was normal..which i expected...the 21 day bloodwork was sent for the wrong test. :rolleyes: The nurse apologized said it was her fault and that she was sending it to be retested with the correct orders and that she would call me tomorrow with the results. I am kinda prepared for her to come back and say that my proges. was low and that i may not have Oed. I only say this b/c I know that i didnt O until day 18 which meant that at day 21 i was only 3DPO instead of 7 like it should be. I am ok with this b/c i told him that i usually Oed later and he said that if my Progest. was low and I was Oing later then I had two things workign against us...so i will probably be spending my summer on Clomid and progest. supposi