polkadot
06-24-2006, 05:49 PM
subscribing,....i am away for a week on vaction and damn...25 pages...you girls move fast....:)
I promise to be back later!
I promise to be back later!
View Full Version : Support for Ladies Who Have Miscarried (#2)
bellabonga
06-26-2006, 01:25 AM
I just called by obgynīs office to make an appointment for the end of the week. First because my obgyn had told me to come in for an ultrasound after the first AF post d&c. Second because I am worried because I had bleeding and spotting non-stop since the d&c which was one month ago as of today. But again the receptionist gave me the feeling to be the most annoying patient on earth. Iīm so fed up with these receptionists! :mad: I seem to have a blinking red cross coming up after my name in the computer, saying "alert! annoying patient!"
It wasnīt enough that I asked for an appointment, no, I had to explain to the receptionist why I want to come in. I never had to do that before the m/c. And even after I told her that the doctor had told me to come in at this point and that I had ongoing spotting that worried me, she still suggested that the doctor could call me back tonight to discuss with me if itīs necessary to come in. WTF?! :mad: Since I insisted on getting an appointment she gave me one for July 3rd. But I wouldnīt be surprised if she prompted my doctor to call me tonight nevertheless.
Apart from that I asked her again whether the humangenetic result did come in in the meantime since my doctor had guessed that it would take two weeks and itīs already been a month. The receptionist told me that there would be results but she couldnīt open them in the computer. But I could discuss them on July 3rd with my doctor. Thank you. Especially as my doctor promised to call me right away when the results were in. :mad: Itīs surprising to see how they treat you differently whether you are pregnant or have m/c...
It wasnīt enough that I asked for an appointment, no, I had to explain to the receptionist why I want to come in. I never had to do that before the m/c. And even after I told her that the doctor had told me to come in at this point and that I had ongoing spotting that worried me, she still suggested that the doctor could call me back tonight to discuss with me if itīs necessary to come in. WTF?! :mad: Since I insisted on getting an appointment she gave me one for July 3rd. But I wouldnīt be surprised if she prompted my doctor to call me tonight nevertheless.
Apart from that I asked her again whether the humangenetic result did come in in the meantime since my doctor had guessed that it would take two weeks and itīs already been a month. The receptionist told me that there would be results but she couldnīt open them in the computer. But I could discuss them on July 3rd with my doctor. Thank you. Especially as my doctor promised to call me right away when the results were in. :mad: Itīs surprising to see how they treat you differently whether you are pregnant or have m/c...
polkadot
06-26-2006, 05:21 AM
i hate when receptionist act like that....why do they have to be so rude?? It bugs the crap out of me that they are not sympathetic after a m/c and that they act like it isnt a big deal. Yes, maybe they see m/c all the time but we dont and it is a life changing thing so a little sympathy is appropriate and if you cant give that to patients then you shouldnt work in an office where it is a possibility. ok.....off my soapbox :)
bellabonga
06-26-2006, 12:15 PM
Thank you for sympathy, polkadot! In the meantime Iīve figured out why she didnīt want me to come in this week: they have used up the budget they can bring into account for me during this quarter and wonīt get any more money by my health insurance if I come in again in June. So thatīs probably why it was an issue to come in this week and none to come in on July 3rd. :rolleyes: Still I am really put off by the treatment I got from these receptionists over the last month.
So how is everyone doing? Itīs been very quite in here for days.
So how is everyone doing? Itīs been very quite in here for days.
dlj78
06-26-2006, 06:34 PM
Bella - Yay for TTC again! How are you feeling about it? I am so sorry about the way the receptionist treated you! I don't understand the budget thing. Do insurance companies only allow you so much a month to go to the doctor? I hope that you have a nice appointment next week and get all of your answers. This is my first Clomid cycle, I just finished my pills last night.
ieducate - I finished up my clomid last night and didn't really have any s/e from it. I had a headache on Friday but nothing that really bothered me. I also had some hot flashes while sleeping. I hate OPKs, I use a monitor instead because I can never tell if the OPK is positive or not:o
Polkadot - Hope you had a nice vacation!
Hello to everyone else!
~~~~~~~~~~~
We went to Charlotte this past weekend to visit our niece, she turned 1 in April. She is just too much, we had such a great time with her.
I finished my clomid last night! No major s/e to report so that was nice. I have an u/s next Wednesday to check my follies so that should be neat.
Have a good night!
~Dana
ieducate - I finished up my clomid last night and didn't really have any s/e from it. I had a headache on Friday but nothing that really bothered me. I also had some hot flashes while sleeping. I hate OPKs, I use a monitor instead because I can never tell if the OPK is positive or not:o
Polkadot - Hope you had a nice vacation!
Hello to everyone else!
~~~~~~~~~~~
We went to Charlotte this past weekend to visit our niece, she turned 1 in April. She is just too much, we had such a great time with her.
I finished my clomid last night! No major s/e to report so that was nice. I have an u/s next Wednesday to check my follies so that should be neat.
Have a good night!
~Dana
bellabonga
06-27-2006, 05:18 AM
Dana, I wish I could explain the budget thing better to you but this is one of the many things about the German health system that I donīt understand myself. :o
Iīm crossing my fingers for you that the clomid works for you!
I am looking forward to TTC but I try not to get too excited since I still fear that something might have gone wrong and I might need another d&c. Although I have quite a good feeling today since AF seems to be gone by tomorrow. Hopefully it doesnīt come back like the post d&c spotting did. So I try not to get my hopes up until I got the OK by my doctor. Once I have that, I will be excited! I have already made crosses in my calendar for day 11, 13, 15 and 17. :D
This brings me to a question to you all: How often do you BD while TTC? Here in Germany they say you should only BD every second day since the sperm count would be lower if you did it every day. Is this the same in the USA or do you get different advice?
Iīm crossing my fingers for you that the clomid works for you!
I am looking forward to TTC but I try not to get too excited since I still fear that something might have gone wrong and I might need another d&c. Although I have quite a good feeling today since AF seems to be gone by tomorrow. Hopefully it doesnīt come back like the post d&c spotting did. So I try not to get my hopes up until I got the OK by my doctor. Once I have that, I will be excited! I have already made crosses in my calendar for day 11, 13, 15 and 17. :D
This brings me to a question to you all: How often do you BD while TTC? Here in Germany they say you should only BD every second day since the sperm count would be lower if you did it every day. Is this the same in the USA or do you get different advice?
dlj78
06-27-2006, 06:24 AM
Bella - Thank you! I really hope that you don't have to have another D&C. I am crossing my fingers that your appointment goes very well on Monday.
As for the BDing while TTC, my doctor's office told me every other day also. So it seems to be the same in the US and Germany.
Hello to everyone else!!:)
~Dana
As for the BDing while TTC, my doctor's office told me every other day also. So it seems to be the same in the US and Germany.
Hello to everyone else!!:)
~Dana
ieducate
06-29-2006, 03:00 PM
I posted this to another thread too, so I apologize if you are reading this twice. :(
My apologies for not being here very often recently, but I needed to take a break for a while. I finished teaching for the school year and thought it would be a great time for a BFP, but alas that was not the case. I got a BFN and it's off to another month of charting and hoping. I am trying to destress over the summer so that it will happen, but I have lots of doubts. I just feel like it may never happen again. The only month I got pg. was the month that I had a procedure where they flush out the falopian tubes. That was the month I got pg. Since then and before then....nothing but BFN. :( I am wanting to have hope, but it is most difficult at times. I decided, per my sister's advice, to celebrate the negatives with something I can't do when pg. That sounded good, but in reality, I would gladly give all of these things up to be pg. instead. Anyway, I am on cd8 so I have a ways to go. I will try and drop in to see how everyone is doing, but for now I am trying not to focus on pregnancy things right now...it is just too depressing. I just pray that I have great news to share later this month. I am crossing my fingers for all of you too. :)
My apologies for not being here very often recently, but I needed to take a break for a while. I finished teaching for the school year and thought it would be a great time for a BFP, but alas that was not the case. I got a BFN and it's off to another month of charting and hoping. I am trying to destress over the summer so that it will happen, but I have lots of doubts. I just feel like it may never happen again. The only month I got pg. was the month that I had a procedure where they flush out the falopian tubes. That was the month I got pg. Since then and before then....nothing but BFN. :( I am wanting to have hope, but it is most difficult at times. I decided, per my sister's advice, to celebrate the negatives with something I can't do when pg. That sounded good, but in reality, I would gladly give all of these things up to be pg. instead. Anyway, I am on cd8 so I have a ways to go. I will try and drop in to see how everyone is doing, but for now I am trying not to focus on pregnancy things right now...it is just too depressing. I just pray that I have great news to share later this month. I am crossing my fingers for all of you too. :)
bellabonga
07-01-2006, 01:34 PM
ieducate, Iīm sorry for your BFN! :( Hope you have better luck this month! And your sisters advice isnīt bad - Iīm indulging in parmesan and having a beer in the evenings now that Iīm not pg. Itīs not as good as being pg but at least itīs good.
I am still so worried that I might need another d&c! Iīm sooo waiting for my tuesday appointment to know whether itīs d&c again or TTC! AF was gone for two days and then returned bright red. But after four or five hours it was gone again. Then it was gone for one and a half days and then I had some spotting again today. Normal is something else. :confused: The bad thing is that tomorrow is CD 11 and I had planned to BD on CD 11, 13, 15 and 17. Now what do I do? Do I wait until tuesday (CD 13) with the BD and see what my obgyn says? Or should we go for it? We havenīt had sex since April since I was first sick, then had the d&c and then the bleeding/spotting for five weeks. So Iīm kind of scared that it might bleed heavier if we BD. But maybe itīs better to find that out before my appointment so that I could tell my obgyn. Or maybe we are still not allowed to have sex and I get an inflammation. Oh well, Iīm rambling. Iīm just confused and donīt know what to do. Apart from that I went to another hcg-test on friday. I could wait until tuesday for the result but Iīve decided to call on monday. Confound you, receptionists! ;) So at least Iīm prepared then and know what direction the appointment might take. According to my calculations the hcg should be around 15.
Hope everyone is having a nice weekend!
I am still so worried that I might need another d&c! Iīm sooo waiting for my tuesday appointment to know whether itīs d&c again or TTC! AF was gone for two days and then returned bright red. But after four or five hours it was gone again. Then it was gone for one and a half days and then I had some spotting again today. Normal is something else. :confused: The bad thing is that tomorrow is CD 11 and I had planned to BD on CD 11, 13, 15 and 17. Now what do I do? Do I wait until tuesday (CD 13) with the BD and see what my obgyn says? Or should we go for it? We havenīt had sex since April since I was first sick, then had the d&c and then the bleeding/spotting for five weeks. So Iīm kind of scared that it might bleed heavier if we BD. But maybe itīs better to find that out before my appointment so that I could tell my obgyn. Or maybe we are still not allowed to have sex and I get an inflammation. Oh well, Iīm rambling. Iīm just confused and donīt know what to do. Apart from that I went to another hcg-test on friday. I could wait until tuesday for the result but Iīve decided to call on monday. Confound you, receptionists! ;) So at least Iīm prepared then and know what direction the appointment might take. According to my calculations the hcg should be around 15.
Hope everyone is having a nice weekend!
purplesunshine7
07-03-2006, 10:44 AM
Hi ladies,
Sorry I've been MIA my computer still isn't working and only get to my mother's every now and then.
Bella: I am so sorry to hear you are still haveing difficulties I do hope you get some good news soon.
ieducate: I am sorry about your BFN, I hope you get your BFP soon.
TO everyone else that I have missed I hope the healing process is fast for you and I am truly sorry for your losses.
As for me , well to say I am fed up is putting it mildly. It had been five weeks since my D&C and the doctor hadn't called with the chromosone testing results, so I called her. the receptionist said they were not in yet. I asked her if it was possible that she didn't send it, she said no she did and that she would call the lab. after almost 3 hours of waiting I called back just for her to tell me they lost it.:mad: You have got to be kidding. I told her that I needed to talk to the doctor that this is not ok as I have been waiting for anwsers for 5 weeks. She said you want an appointment I said if that is the only way I can talk to the doctor. I told her this is the second time She said what that they have lost your results I said no this is the second m/c and I want some answers this time. She must have told the doctor I was p'od because she called me back and she was very nice, she isn't usually sympatatic. She said she would look into the lab for me I told her there was no sense in me trying again with out having any answers and get the same results. She said their are many test she can do to try and find the reason I told her that we should start there ahe told me to come see her in 2 or 3 weeks. I also had to update her on the fact that I went to the hospital due to ovarian pain.It was the same pain I got when I was pg so it worried me they said I have a cyct on each overy and a fribriod in my uterus. I knew about the fribriod and the one on my left side but the right side is a new one. My doctor said she would get those results from the hospital as the one on the left was disoving in april. So that is where I stand now I am not actively trying but I am not preventing either. I just really prefer not ttc again until I get some kind of answers. I don't think I would ever ttc again if I have to go through this a third time. I'll try to check in with you all soon .
Sorry I've been MIA my computer still isn't working and only get to my mother's every now and then.
Bella: I am so sorry to hear you are still haveing difficulties I do hope you get some good news soon.
ieducate: I am sorry about your BFN, I hope you get your BFP soon.
TO everyone else that I have missed I hope the healing process is fast for you and I am truly sorry for your losses.
As for me , well to say I am fed up is putting it mildly. It had been five weeks since my D&C and the doctor hadn't called with the chromosone testing results, so I called her. the receptionist said they were not in yet. I asked her if it was possible that she didn't send it, she said no she did and that she would call the lab. after almost 3 hours of waiting I called back just for her to tell me they lost it.:mad: You have got to be kidding. I told her that I needed to talk to the doctor that this is not ok as I have been waiting for anwsers for 5 weeks. She said you want an appointment I said if that is the only way I can talk to the doctor. I told her this is the second time She said what that they have lost your results I said no this is the second m/c and I want some answers this time. She must have told the doctor I was p'od because she called me back and she was very nice, she isn't usually sympatatic. She said she would look into the lab for me I told her there was no sense in me trying again with out having any answers and get the same results. She said their are many test she can do to try and find the reason I told her that we should start there ahe told me to come see her in 2 or 3 weeks. I also had to update her on the fact that I went to the hospital due to ovarian pain.It was the same pain I got when I was pg so it worried me they said I have a cyct on each overy and a fribriod in my uterus. I knew about the fribriod and the one on my left side but the right side is a new one. My doctor said she would get those results from the hospital as the one on the left was disoving in april. So that is where I stand now I am not actively trying but I am not preventing either. I just really prefer not ttc again until I get some kind of answers. I don't think I would ever ttc again if I have to go through this a third time. I'll try to check in with you all soon .
bellabonga
07-04-2006, 08:29 AM
purplesunshine, Iīm sorry you are having so much trouble too! But what the lab sent was just a copy, wasnīt it? They must have your results somewhere in the computer. Or did they tell you they were lost for good and you wonīt get any answers?! Iīm sorry about the cysts and the fibroid. I was lucky to never have that, so I have no clue whether you have to do something about it. What does that mean for you?
Iīm quite happy today since I finally had the appointment. My obgyn seemed to be kind of destracted today and we didnīt talk very long but better than nothing. I told him about the bleeding and spotting Iīve had for 5.5 weeks but he didnīt seem concerned at all. He asked me about the bleeding following my d&c after the c-section and still wasnīt concerned when I told him that the bleeding was worse after the m/c. He then did an ultrasound and still saw no tissue left from the m/c. He also did not see any signs of an inflammation. I asked him whether I was on the safe side now and could forget about having to go back for another d&c and he said "it seems so." I would have preferred a more reassuring answer and so Iīm still not 100% convinced that everything is okay. But maybe after all this worrying it only takes time for me to believe that itīs finally over. Or I need a hcg-level of zero to be sure.
He said that I would be ovulating really, really soon which probably explains the strange uterus pains Iīve been having since yesterday morning. Iīm on CD 13 today and tonight weīre gonna work on that BFP. I certainly forgot to ask whether my hcg of 25 on friday could be an obstacle but I hope that he kept that in mind when he gave me the official okay to TTC.
After that I asked him for the humangenetic results. I nearly did not sleep at all last night because I was so nervous. And guess what? The results still arenīt in. My baby still seems to rest in a glass at some humangenetic lab. The dumb receptionist got that mixed up with the pathologistīs results which I already knew. But at least my obgyn made a note in his computer to call me once the humangenetic results are in. And Iīm supposed to come back by the end of this week or the beginning of the next to see whether my hcg has dropped further. Although I hope we can raise it tonight again... ;)
Iīm quite happy today since I finally had the appointment. My obgyn seemed to be kind of destracted today and we didnīt talk very long but better than nothing. I told him about the bleeding and spotting Iīve had for 5.5 weeks but he didnīt seem concerned at all. He asked me about the bleeding following my d&c after the c-section and still wasnīt concerned when I told him that the bleeding was worse after the m/c. He then did an ultrasound and still saw no tissue left from the m/c. He also did not see any signs of an inflammation. I asked him whether I was on the safe side now and could forget about having to go back for another d&c and he said "it seems so." I would have preferred a more reassuring answer and so Iīm still not 100% convinced that everything is okay. But maybe after all this worrying it only takes time for me to believe that itīs finally over. Or I need a hcg-level of zero to be sure.
He said that I would be ovulating really, really soon which probably explains the strange uterus pains Iīve been having since yesterday morning. Iīm on CD 13 today and tonight weīre gonna work on that BFP. I certainly forgot to ask whether my hcg of 25 on friday could be an obstacle but I hope that he kept that in mind when he gave me the official okay to TTC.
After that I asked him for the humangenetic results. I nearly did not sleep at all last night because I was so nervous. And guess what? The results still arenīt in. My baby still seems to rest in a glass at some humangenetic lab. The dumb receptionist got that mixed up with the pathologistīs results which I already knew. But at least my obgyn made a note in his computer to call me once the humangenetic results are in. And Iīm supposed to come back by the end of this week or the beginning of the next to see whether my hcg has dropped further. Although I hope we can raise it tonight again... ;)
purplesunshine7
07-10-2006, 01:45 PM
hi bellabonga,
They never did any of the test, they lost the fetus. I haven't made a doctors appt yet but she said they could do alot of other test on dh and me to see if there is a problem there. I am glad things seem to be going ok for you. I hope life returns to normal as much as possible soon. sending you baby dust for a quick bfp.
They never did any of the test, they lost the fetus. I haven't made a doctors appt yet but she said they could do alot of other test on dh and me to see if there is a problem there. I am glad things seem to be going ok for you. I hope life returns to normal as much as possible soon. sending you baby dust for a quick bfp.
bellabonga
07-11-2006, 12:29 PM
Purplesunshine: They lost the fetus?! :eek: How on earth is that possible?! Iīm crossing my fingers for you that they will be more careful when they do the testing on you and your DH. Do you plan to do the testing soon? And did they say which tests they plan?
I am having a really bad time today. We just went to dinner at a Nepalese restaurant and just when we had finished dinner, my pg friend and her husband arrived at the restaurant. There are so many restaurants on that street - did they really have to go to the same we went to? I hadnīt seen my friend for I think three weeks and it was a real shock. She wore a nice tight summer dress and suddenly she is all baby belly and she had that proud pregnancy glow. It felt like a kick in the stomach. :( I made some small talk to her with a very fake smile on my face and I had a hard time keeping back the tears. We paid as soon as possible and left immediately. Itīs strange - I can talk to her on the phone and even be happy for her about her pregnancy but I just canīt stand to see her. To make things even worse, weīve agreed to meet on thursday. I donīt think I can stand to see her twice this week. Does anyone know when this will get better? Will this ever get better? Or will it always hurt to see her during her pregnancy and after that with her baby? Itīs horrible enough that this had to happen to me but why does she have to be pg right now? Three weeks further pg than I would have been. Sorry to be so whiney but this has brought me down so much that Iīm drowning in self-pity right now.
I hope you all feel better than I do.
I am having a really bad time today. We just went to dinner at a Nepalese restaurant and just when we had finished dinner, my pg friend and her husband arrived at the restaurant. There are so many restaurants on that street - did they really have to go to the same we went to? I hadnīt seen my friend for I think three weeks and it was a real shock. She wore a nice tight summer dress and suddenly she is all baby belly and she had that proud pregnancy glow. It felt like a kick in the stomach. :( I made some small talk to her with a very fake smile on my face and I had a hard time keeping back the tears. We paid as soon as possible and left immediately. Itīs strange - I can talk to her on the phone and even be happy for her about her pregnancy but I just canīt stand to see her. To make things even worse, weīve agreed to meet on thursday. I donīt think I can stand to see her twice this week. Does anyone know when this will get better? Will this ever get better? Or will it always hurt to see her during her pregnancy and after that with her baby? Itīs horrible enough that this had to happen to me but why does she have to be pg right now? Three weeks further pg than I would have been. Sorry to be so whiney but this has brought me down so much that Iīm drowning in self-pity right now.
I hope you all feel better than I do.
pacificbliss
07-11-2006, 12:33 PM
So sorry bellabonga. Honestly, I struggled with it until I got pg again.
bellabonga
07-11-2006, 12:40 PM
Thanks for you answer, pacificbliss!
To make matters even worse, I just talked to my mother about this on the phone and she made me feel even more horrible. She had no understanding for me at all and made me a guilty conscience instead by saying that I should be happy for my friend since itīll be her first baby and she had to try for over two years for it and I already have my daughter. Sure, thatīs all true but still it doesnīt make things really easier for me.
To make matters even worse, I just talked to my mother about this on the phone and she made me feel even more horrible. She had no understanding for me at all and made me a guilty conscience instead by saying that I should be happy for my friend since itīll be her first baby and she had to try for over two years for it and I already have my daughter. Sure, thatīs all true but still it doesnīt make things really easier for me.
lawphil
07-11-2006, 12:40 PM
Bellabonga,
I know exactly how you are feeling! For most of the summer I have close friends expecting babies every two weeks. Literally - June 15th to August 15th. I was just at the lake last weekend and our next door neighbors who are very close with us - both of their daughters are in the middle of their second pregnancy - so we spent a lot of the weekend cooing over the babies (both about 1 yrs. old) and talking about their pregnancies. And, I have a good friend who I am almost positive is pregnant with her second and has left me a message or two to call her back...and I just can't. I know I am being an awful friend....and I am so excited for her (for all of the new babes and pregnancies)... but I just can't do it right now.
The only answer seems to be to get pregnant but at the same time life is so short I don't want to think that I wasted a minute feeling sorry for myself when so much of my life is so wonderful!
Does anyone have conversations with their DH where DH doesn't understand sadness and doesn't understand why your relationship isn't enough. I can't seem to make dh understand that wanting a baby doesn't mean that our relationship isn't enough...they are two totally separate things and I can have a wonderful relationship with DH but still also want a baby really badly.
pity party.
I know exactly how you are feeling! For most of the summer I have close friends expecting babies every two weeks. Literally - June 15th to August 15th. I was just at the lake last weekend and our next door neighbors who are very close with us - both of their daughters are in the middle of their second pregnancy - so we spent a lot of the weekend cooing over the babies (both about 1 yrs. old) and talking about their pregnancies. And, I have a good friend who I am almost positive is pregnant with her second and has left me a message or two to call her back...and I just can't. I know I am being an awful friend....and I am so excited for her (for all of the new babes and pregnancies)... but I just can't do it right now.
The only answer seems to be to get pregnant but at the same time life is so short I don't want to think that I wasted a minute feeling sorry for myself when so much of my life is so wonderful!
Does anyone have conversations with their DH where DH doesn't understand sadness and doesn't understand why your relationship isn't enough. I can't seem to make dh understand that wanting a baby doesn't mean that our relationship isn't enough...they are two totally separate things and I can have a wonderful relationship with DH but still also want a baby really badly.
pity party.
ieducate
07-11-2006, 02:07 PM
Bella and Lawphil, I couldn't understand you more. Bella, my family and friends are reacting the same way and not being sympathetic to me at all about my other friends being pg. My mother (and dh) think I should just be happy for my friend who is 13 weeks pg. and tried for two weeks. YES, TWO stinkin' weeks to get pg. and is. My dh and I were TTC for over a year when I finally got pg. and then lost it. :( There is simply no justice. I can't even bare the thought of talking to her on the phone, that's how painful it is to me. :( I smile ever so politely when we are together and act like it doesn't bother me, but she and her dh know that something is wrong because I barely say a word when we are together. (Not typical behavior for me by the way). I seriously believe that until I am pg. and I mean REALLY pg. (13 or 14 weeks at least) that I will not be able to hang around with my pg. friends. As for my dh, he doesn't understand at all why I can't just "not think about it" as he says. HA, that's all I do is think about it. I wish I could get it out of my mind, but it is there all the time...no matter what I do. Anyway, we did EVERYTHING we were supposed to do this month and now all I can do is wait. I pray every morning that when I wake up my temperature will be high and that my bbs will be sore. So far the temp. is high, but bbs do not hurt. And...my temp. is always high until day 14dpo. Sooooo, we wait and see. I sure hope to be sharing some good news with all of you soon and I hope you all have good news to share soon too. We all need to be on a pg. thread. :)
kerrykate
07-12-2006, 06:18 AM
I'm sorry everyone is having a hard time, I'm right there with you all. My SIL is pg and is 2 weeks ahead of where I should be. So everytime I see her it's a CONSTANT reminder of how far a long I should be and it makes me green with envy. I honestly am happy for them but feeling sorry for myself.
My dh acts the same way, I think it's a guy thing, they just don't know how to deal with this type of situation. His way of dealing with things is not to deal with them. He's great if I bring it up and want to talk about it but he never brings it up on his own. We ttc last month and I think I had another miscarriage. AF showed up a day late and was really light for a few day then went away and came back 3 days later with a vengance and I'm still bleeding and it's been almost 2 weeks. I went to the doctor but I just told them AF is messed up and I didn't mention anything about a miscarriage I just couldn't bare the thought of having to go get more blood taken and live that ordeal again. The doctor wants me to start charting and come back in 2 months if things still don't seem right. So I started charting and we'll try again.
XOXO
My dh acts the same way, I think it's a guy thing, they just don't know how to deal with this type of situation. His way of dealing with things is not to deal with them. He's great if I bring it up and want to talk about it but he never brings it up on his own. We ttc last month and I think I had another miscarriage. AF showed up a day late and was really light for a few day then went away and came back 3 days later with a vengance and I'm still bleeding and it's been almost 2 weeks. I went to the doctor but I just told them AF is messed up and I didn't mention anything about a miscarriage I just couldn't bare the thought of having to go get more blood taken and live that ordeal again. The doctor wants me to start charting and come back in 2 months if things still don't seem right. So I started charting and we'll try again.
XOXO
usafwife
07-16-2006, 10:45 AM
I've lurked in this (and the previous thread) since I m/c earlier this year. It was hard to deal with at the time (we weren't trying but it didn't make it any easier to deal with). We found out we were pregnant and then a week later lost it. It was difficult for me to deal with. I think having DD and knowing what we were going to be missing out on with that baby made it that much more difficult for me. My DH was so supportive of me. It was hard for him to deal with as well but he wanted to be strong for me. We didn't tell anyone about it (the pregnancy nor the m/c) partly because we weren't trying, weren't sure what people would say, and a few other reasons. So we tried to deal with it just by ourselves. That probably wasn't the best way to handle it but that's what we thought was best at the time (I don't think I'd do that again though).
I had a threatened ab with my first pregnancy. We had an u/s and were able to see the heartbeat and no more bleeding issues with that pregnancy (though I was severely sick for 2/3 of the pregnancy and put on bed rest because of swelling).
Last month we found out we were expecting again. I knew I had to make an appt much earlier than I had because of the m/c and a medical condition (which we think was the reason behind the miscarriage earlier this year which makes me at VERY high risk for it). I had several wks of spotting each day which caused us great concern but so far everything is okay (had an u/s earlier this month and everything is just fine).
I now have to deal with my due date being very close to when I'm due. It's sort of bittersweet for me.
I'll comeback and finish as my DH wants me to run an errand.
I had a threatened ab with my first pregnancy. We had an u/s and were able to see the heartbeat and no more bleeding issues with that pregnancy (though I was severely sick for 2/3 of the pregnancy and put on bed rest because of swelling).
Last month we found out we were expecting again. I knew I had to make an appt much earlier than I had because of the m/c and a medical condition (which we think was the reason behind the miscarriage earlier this year which makes me at VERY high risk for it). I had several wks of spotting each day which caused us great concern but so far everything is okay (had an u/s earlier this month and everything is just fine).
I now have to deal with my due date being very close to when I'm due. It's sort of bittersweet for me.
I'll comeback and finish as my DH wants me to run an errand.
cherry
07-18-2006, 10:11 PM
i thought i would be a march 2007 mother until today - after some spotting and light cramping over the past couple of days, at my first OB appointment today my doctor couldn't find the sac and it seems i had an early miscarriage. i will know "officially" when i go back in on thursday for another blood sample to check my betas, but in my heart i already know... some of you might understand. like you usafwife, we only knew for a week, so i am trying to be realistic and intellectualize the situation, but it still hurts. unfortunately, my husband is out of town for work (he left before we found out and is going to be gone for another two weeks - talk about bad timing).
one thing that i have a really hard time with is, we got really excited and i told my family (who all live in europe). unfortunately, my parents told my entire extended family, so now i feel self-conscious. i know, i need to get over it.
hello to all of you and thanks for letting me join - i may pop in again soon. take care.
one thing that i have a really hard time with is, we got really excited and i told my family (who all live in europe). unfortunately, my parents told my entire extended family, so now i feel self-conscious. i know, i need to get over it.
hello to all of you and thanks for letting me join - i may pop in again soon. take care.
numberlady
07-19-2006, 03:23 AM
Cherry - I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm sure right now the waiting is killing you (((HUGS))). Hopefully you will get some support from your family, since they all know and DH is away. I was surprised at who reached out to me and shared their m/c stories because it wasn't the people I was closest to and expected to support me.
jodylovesscotty
07-19-2006, 07:27 AM
Cherry ~ I am sorry you have to go through this as well. I too had an early miscarriage in June. Even though you only know for a week or two it doesn't make it any easier. The excitement of finally becoming a parent is overwhelming and to have it stripped from you is hard. However things will get better. For me knowing that god had a plan for us and knowing that obviously something was wrong with it, helped me a lot. I still think about it and I found the best therapy for me is just to talk about it with friends and family. I hope you find some type of comfort!
cherry
07-19-2006, 09:50 AM
numberlady, jodylovesscotty - it's like you looked into my head and knew exactly how i was feeling. thank you. i am having such a hard time articulating to anyone how i feel, including my husband who is thousands of miles away and feels helpless. my family are also in a different country, and mean well but i don't feel like talking to them. i haven't yet told any of my close friends (who i told last week we were pregnant) about the miscarriage and actually avoided a few phone-calls from them last night for that reason.
jodylovesscotty, your message about god having a plan for us does help - there has to be a reason for something like this to happen because it still does seem so unfair. thanks.
question for those of you that also had an early miscarriage (and i apologize if this has already been asked) - did you continue to feel pregnancy symptoms for a few days after you found out? my chest is still sore, i feel a little nauseous, and i still have the slightly out-of-breath/ dizzy feeling i had last week. i assume this is normal and is because some of the hormones are still present; when does it stop?
jodylovesscotty, your message about god having a plan for us does help - there has to be a reason for something like this to happen because it still does seem so unfair. thanks.
question for those of you that also had an early miscarriage (and i apologize if this has already been asked) - did you continue to feel pregnancy symptoms for a few days after you found out? my chest is still sore, i feel a little nauseous, and i still have the slightly out-of-breath/ dizzy feeling i had last week. i assume this is normal and is because some of the hormones are still present; when does it stop?
jodylovesscotty
07-19-2006, 10:27 AM
Cherry ~ Some of my symptoms stayed a little while longer while others went away almost immediately. My BB's stopped being extremely sore the day I started bleeding. However my tiredness continued on for a week or so. I was never nauseous to begin with, so I can't help you with that.
Like I said before an early m/c (which I had as well) is difficult no matter what anyone says. We were lucky we had only told 2 people we were pregnant so we didn't have a lot of people to tell about this miscarriage. However, after the m/c we did tell our parents and family members about it so they could be there to support us if needed, and maybe know why I could be a little emotional for a while.
I never thought of myself as religious before this whole experience. Since that day I have prayed everyday just asking for the right road to take and the guidance I need. I have learned a great deal about myself medically since the m/c so I guess there was a reason for everything.
Enough rambling from me. Hope you and your dh find comfort in each other (when he comes home) and that you will be blessed again!
Like I said before an early m/c (which I had as well) is difficult no matter what anyone says. We were lucky we had only told 2 people we were pregnant so we didn't have a lot of people to tell about this miscarriage. However, after the m/c we did tell our parents and family members about it so they could be there to support us if needed, and maybe know why I could be a little emotional for a while.
I never thought of myself as religious before this whole experience. Since that day I have prayed everyday just asking for the right road to take and the guidance I need. I have learned a great deal about myself medically since the m/c so I guess there was a reason for everything.
Enough rambling from me. Hope you and your dh find comfort in each other (when he comes home) and that you will be blessed again!
usafwife
07-19-2006, 11:08 AM
Cherry ~ I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Of course it hurts. I don't think it would matter if you'd only known for a few days/weeks or 6+ wks. It's still a loss no matter when the m/c happens. I think that people who haven't been through it don't know exactly what to say and sometimes say something that isn't quite appropriate (like 'it was for the best,' 'you can get pregnant again,' 'you only knew for x long,' etc). All of those types of comments hurt. I think the people think they are helping but in reality their comments only make it hurt worse. Don't worry about avoiding phone calls. Anyone who has been in the situation will understand. I'm sorry that your DH can't be with you and is so far away right now. Can he come home and take the trip at another time? My DH had to go out of town the weekend after we lost the baby and so DD and I went with him just so I wasn't alone and dealing with it by myself. I don't think I could have dealt with that at the time (I was a wreck but put on a good face for family so they wouldn't know....bad mistake looking back on it as I'm sure they could tell something was up at the time).
I still had some nausea and was tired but pretty much the rest of the symptoms went away as soon as the bleeding started.
kerrykate ~ Don't worry about the envy feeling towards your SIL. We have a friend who is due about a month before I would have been due. It took a while before I could hear about her pregnancy. I was very happy for them but at the same time I couldn't help but feel upset, sorry, devastated for what we had lost. Some men don't talk about their feelings (my DH went through a very rough part following the death of his mom because he didn't talk about his feelings. I had a feeling it would happen again following his dad's sudden death last year so I made him talk to his brother about it whenever I could see it was starting to get to him). Does he have someone that he'd talk to about it with other than you (a brother he's really close with or someone else)?
ieducate, lawphill, and bella ~ I think you're feelings are completely normal. Thankfully none of my friends are pregnant other than one so I didn't have to have the constant reminder about it. But I do know that I have a friend who has had nothing but trouble for several years in TTC. I held off telling her I was pregnant the first time for probably half of the pregnancy. I just didn't feel like rubbing it in her face. I haven't told her about my pregnancy now either because I again don't want to rub it in her face that we are expecting #2 and they haven't even been able to get pregnant once. I know she's thrilled for us but it still hurts because I know how much it hurt hearing about my other friend's pregnancy after losing our baby. I think people just assume that you move on from a m/c and that it doesn't hurt after it's over unless they've been through it themselves. Or they say something thinking they're helping when really their comments just make it hurt that much more.
I still had some nausea and was tired but pretty much the rest of the symptoms went away as soon as the bleeding started.
kerrykate ~ Don't worry about the envy feeling towards your SIL. We have a friend who is due about a month before I would have been due. It took a while before I could hear about her pregnancy. I was very happy for them but at the same time I couldn't help but feel upset, sorry, devastated for what we had lost. Some men don't talk about their feelings (my DH went through a very rough part following the death of his mom because he didn't talk about his feelings. I had a feeling it would happen again following his dad's sudden death last year so I made him talk to his brother about it whenever I could see it was starting to get to him). Does he have someone that he'd talk to about it with other than you (a brother he's really close with or someone else)?
ieducate, lawphill, and bella ~ I think you're feelings are completely normal. Thankfully none of my friends are pregnant other than one so I didn't have to have the constant reminder about it. But I do know that I have a friend who has had nothing but trouble for several years in TTC. I held off telling her I was pregnant the first time for probably half of the pregnancy. I just didn't feel like rubbing it in her face. I haven't told her about my pregnancy now either because I again don't want to rub it in her face that we are expecting #2 and they haven't even been able to get pregnant once. I know she's thrilled for us but it still hurts because I know how much it hurt hearing about my other friend's pregnancy after losing our baby. I think people just assume that you move on from a m/c and that it doesn't hurt after it's over unless they've been through it themselves. Or they say something thinking they're helping when really their comments just make it hurt that much more.
cherry
07-19-2006, 05:40 PM
thanks again, guys. your support means so much.
today has been a rollercoaster. for the first half of the day, i was so incredibly emotional - i don't think i had any tears left. i felt so alone, and didn't even feel like talking to my poor husband (stillllll out of town), who was calling and emailing me frantically. i couldn't talk to my mother and sister, my favorite people on the planet. i was just in my own world of pain, and everytime i thought about the stuff i was so excited for (this christmas, telling my in-laws that we were pregnant, etc.) i could hardly breathe. i left the office because it got too hard to hide the fact that i was very, very upset, and cried the whole drive home. i'm too busy not to work, but was too upset to work properly; it was horrible.
i mentioned a rollercoaster because around lunchtime, i suddenly felt calm. still sad, still hurting, but calm. i called my two best friends (one of whom had a late-term miscarriage) and both were really supportive and honestly, said all the right things. i talked to my mother and sister and even laughed a bit with them. and i talked a lot to my husband, who of course is going through his own pain (but is mostly worried about me).
i know that this respite is just temporary and part of the rollercoaster - i know i won't be over this blow for quite a while. but i am trying to hold onto the feelings of gratitude that i was pregnant, and that i have a great husband, great family, great friends, that we are ready to start a family and have the means to do so when the time is right. i need to remember these more positive feelings when i inevitably crash again. because i know that will come.
i do really miss my husband more than ever and cannot wait to put my arms around him when i see him on friday. we are meeting up out-of-town for a friend's wedding and i'm not sure i will feel like putting on a brave face, but am going to try to tough it out. unfortunately, my husband is then going to be out of town for one more week (i'm also on the road all week next week), then finally he will be home and we can really deal with this.
sorry for the long post. thanks again, guys. i will be back - i have my follow-up doctor's appointment tomorrow and really hope to get some more closure then.
today has been a rollercoaster. for the first half of the day, i was so incredibly emotional - i don't think i had any tears left. i felt so alone, and didn't even feel like talking to my poor husband (stillllll out of town), who was calling and emailing me frantically. i couldn't talk to my mother and sister, my favorite people on the planet. i was just in my own world of pain, and everytime i thought about the stuff i was so excited for (this christmas, telling my in-laws that we were pregnant, etc.) i could hardly breathe. i left the office because it got too hard to hide the fact that i was very, very upset, and cried the whole drive home. i'm too busy not to work, but was too upset to work properly; it was horrible.
i mentioned a rollercoaster because around lunchtime, i suddenly felt calm. still sad, still hurting, but calm. i called my two best friends (one of whom had a late-term miscarriage) and both were really supportive and honestly, said all the right things. i talked to my mother and sister and even laughed a bit with them. and i talked a lot to my husband, who of course is going through his own pain (but is mostly worried about me).
i know that this respite is just temporary and part of the rollercoaster - i know i won't be over this blow for quite a while. but i am trying to hold onto the feelings of gratitude that i was pregnant, and that i have a great husband, great family, great friends, that we are ready to start a family and have the means to do so when the time is right. i need to remember these more positive feelings when i inevitably crash again. because i know that will come.
i do really miss my husband more than ever and cannot wait to put my arms around him when i see him on friday. we are meeting up out-of-town for a friend's wedding and i'm not sure i will feel like putting on a brave face, but am going to try to tough it out. unfortunately, my husband is then going to be out of town for one more week (i'm also on the road all week next week), then finally he will be home and we can really deal with this.
sorry for the long post. thanks again, guys. i will be back - i have my follow-up doctor's appointment tomorrow and really hope to get some more closure then.
bellabonga
07-20-2006, 01:56 AM
cherry, Iīm very sorry that you have to join us. I hope that your doctorīs appointment will give you the closure you expect from it.
Thank you everyone for your answers when I felt so bad about my pg friend! Your stories really helped a lot! :)
I went back to my obgynīs office today for what will hopefully be my last hcg-check. Tomorrow it will be 8 weeks since my d&c and so I hope itīll finally be zero. The results from the humangenetic lab are still not in although my obgyn had estimated it would take 2-3 weeks. So I asked the receptionist today whether she could call the pathologist to ask if he sent it to a lab at all and to which lab he sent it. She asked at which hospital I had been and acted like it was really none of her business since Iīve had the d&c at a hospital and not in her office. Just when we were in the middle of our talk, another assistant came to draw my blood and so we didnīt get to finish our conversation. So I have no clue whether she will call the pathologist or the hospital at all. I will ask her that when I call today at 5.30pm to get my hcg result. If she didnīt call, I will call the hospital tomorrow. I donīt understand why my obgyn initiates the examination when he doesnīt seem to be interested in the results at all. I would at least like to know if I will get results at one time or if my baby has been disposed somewhere long time ago. :( And since Iīm allowed to TTC again (although it didnīt work so far), I would like to know if I had a condition like progesterone lack that could be treated easily or lead to m/c again if itīs not treated. Why is it that so hard to understand?!
Thank you everyone for your answers when I felt so bad about my pg friend! Your stories really helped a lot! :)
I went back to my obgynīs office today for what will hopefully be my last hcg-check. Tomorrow it will be 8 weeks since my d&c and so I hope itīll finally be zero. The results from the humangenetic lab are still not in although my obgyn had estimated it would take 2-3 weeks. So I asked the receptionist today whether she could call the pathologist to ask if he sent it to a lab at all and to which lab he sent it. She asked at which hospital I had been and acted like it was really none of her business since Iīve had the d&c at a hospital and not in her office. Just when we were in the middle of our talk, another assistant came to draw my blood and so we didnīt get to finish our conversation. So I have no clue whether she will call the pathologist or the hospital at all. I will ask her that when I call today at 5.30pm to get my hcg result. If she didnīt call, I will call the hospital tomorrow. I donīt understand why my obgyn initiates the examination when he doesnīt seem to be interested in the results at all. I would at least like to know if I will get results at one time or if my baby has been disposed somewhere long time ago. :( And since Iīm allowed to TTC again (although it didnīt work so far), I would like to know if I had a condition like progesterone lack that could be treated easily or lead to m/c again if itīs not treated. Why is it that so hard to understand?!
ieducate
07-20-2006, 06:54 AM
Cherry, I am so sorry you are going through this pain right now. Please know that it does get a bit easier each day, but also know that it IS a rollercoaster. You are allowed to feel however you feel, each day possibly being different. There were days that I was thankful that my body knew enough to get rid of something that didn't (and wouldn't) work out to be a healthy baby, and there were other days where I hated everything and everyone for taking what belonged to me. The hardest thing to deal with me for me was the fact that 5 of my friends are pg. right now (one actually just had the baby). That was a real blow to my stability. Please stay on this board as much as you can, it truly does help. All of us are going through the same thing (or were going through it). It takes time and I know that stinks, but time will be your friend and you will someday see that BFP again. My thoughts are with you and I am so sorry for your loss.
bellabonga
07-20-2006, 11:50 AM
Now I am really frustrated! Two weeks ago I had a hcg-level of 13 left from my m/c. I had so hoped that it would be zero finally. Nope, itīs still 8! So I have to go in for another blood draw in two weeks. It is so frustrating to know that there is still a trace of this m/c inside of me.
Apart from that I asked the receptionist if her colleague had called the hospital. And guess what? Suddenly they got my results in today! Now isnīt that a coincidence that I asked her to call the hospital and out of a sudden they get a result? :rolleyes: Doesnīt that indicate that I could have gotten those results much earlier if they had called four weeks earlier? And doesnīt that indicate that I would probably be still waiting if I hadnīt asked her to call? However, the receptionist said that she saw my report and gave it to my obgyn who would read it tonight after work. And I could call tomorrow or next week to talk to him about it. WTF?! I could bet that they will give me a really hard time when I call tomorrow morning and ask to talk to my doctor. And Iīm not yet convinced that Iīll really get to talk to him. So maybe tomorrow I will finally know what went wrong - exactly 8 weeks after my d&c.
Apart from that I asked the receptionist if her colleague had called the hospital. And guess what? Suddenly they got my results in today! Now isnīt that a coincidence that I asked her to call the hospital and out of a sudden they get a result? :rolleyes: Doesnīt that indicate that I could have gotten those results much earlier if they had called four weeks earlier? And doesnīt that indicate that I would probably be still waiting if I hadnīt asked her to call? However, the receptionist said that she saw my report and gave it to my obgyn who would read it tonight after work. And I could call tomorrow or next week to talk to him about it. WTF?! I could bet that they will give me a really hard time when I call tomorrow morning and ask to talk to my doctor. And Iīm not yet convinced that Iīll really get to talk to him. So maybe tomorrow I will finally know what went wrong - exactly 8 weeks after my d&c.
cherry
07-20-2006, 12:04 PM
i had my follow-up doctor appointment today, although they didn't need to check my betas after all as i started bleeding last night. they did advise me on pain management and next steps, and because i am RH negative gave me my rodan injection. my husband and i may or may not "get back on the horse" in a couple of weeks and try as of next cycle; he wants to, i am playing it by ear.
last night and this morning were, again, tough to go through alone (although aleve is my friend and the pain is starting to subside). i am trying to take comfort in the fact that i'm stronger than i thought i was. my lovely friend is taking me out to dinner tonight and i'm trying to stay positive; i also plan to take the rest of the day off work today.
can't thank you guys enough for your kind support. bellabonga, best of luck with your TTC plans and i'm sorry your OBgyn seems so unhelpful. ieducate, congrats on your pregnancy, and thanks - your words meant a lot to me.
i'll be back. can't wait to see my husband tomorrow, this has been so tough for him too.
last night and this morning were, again, tough to go through alone (although aleve is my friend and the pain is starting to subside). i am trying to take comfort in the fact that i'm stronger than i thought i was. my lovely friend is taking me out to dinner tonight and i'm trying to stay positive; i also plan to take the rest of the day off work today.
can't thank you guys enough for your kind support. bellabonga, best of luck with your TTC plans and i'm sorry your OBgyn seems so unhelpful. ieducate, congrats on your pregnancy, and thanks - your words meant a lot to me.
i'll be back. can't wait to see my husband tomorrow, this has been so tough for him too.
bellabonga
07-24-2006, 01:43 PM
Thank you, cherry!
Today in the morning I called my obgyn because the report I got on Saturday was from the pathologists and not the humangenetic lab. It has 6/28 marked as the date of entry and so I guessed that this was the pathologistīs report theyīve had some some weeks now. The new one shouldnīt have the pathologistīs address on it and should be marked 7/20. But when I called my obgyn, the receptionist claimed that this was the only report they got and she wouldnīt know why it was marked 6/28 since this would be the report she got on 7/20. Uh-huh? :rolleyes: I repeatedly told her that theyīve claimed to have a pathologistīs report for weeks now but she didnīt have an answer to that. She offered to call the hospital and/or the pathologists since she "remembered that I have called soooo many times already because of this." Well, do your work properly, then I donīt have to call that often! :mad: So I politely refused and told her Iīd try to call them myself first.
No one answered the phone in the gyn at my hospital, although it was Monday morning and was nearly 10am. So I called the pathologists (luckily their number was on the copy of the report and there was also my case number). Because I had the case number, the pathologistīs receptionist agreed to talk to me about my case. Yay! :) She said that they had sent this report on 5/29 (cool how long it took to get to me, isnīt it?!) and that theyīve instructed another examination on last Friday - the day after Iīve asked my obgynīs receptionist to call and ask what has been done so far. What a coincidence. The pathologistīs receptionist said that it would take another three weeks now for that to be done and that the results would be send to the hospital. So my obgyn would have to demand that report from the hospital maybe on August 13th if they are in time. I also asked her if they would determine the gender of my baby and told her that this is very important for me. I said that I need to know that somehow and that I would be willing to pay for it myself if necessary. But she said that they will determine it anyway during that examination. So at least there is hope that I will get to know the gender and a cause!
Today in the morning I called my obgyn because the report I got on Saturday was from the pathologists and not the humangenetic lab. It has 6/28 marked as the date of entry and so I guessed that this was the pathologistīs report theyīve had some some weeks now. The new one shouldnīt have the pathologistīs address on it and should be marked 7/20. But when I called my obgyn, the receptionist claimed that this was the only report they got and she wouldnīt know why it was marked 6/28 since this would be the report she got on 7/20. Uh-huh? :rolleyes: I repeatedly told her that theyīve claimed to have a pathologistīs report for weeks now but she didnīt have an answer to that. She offered to call the hospital and/or the pathologists since she "remembered that I have called soooo many times already because of this." Well, do your work properly, then I donīt have to call that often! :mad: So I politely refused and told her Iīd try to call them myself first.
No one answered the phone in the gyn at my hospital, although it was Monday morning and was nearly 10am. So I called the pathologists (luckily their number was on the copy of the report and there was also my case number). Because I had the case number, the pathologistīs receptionist agreed to talk to me about my case. Yay! :) She said that they had sent this report on 5/29 (cool how long it took to get to me, isnīt it?!) and that theyīve instructed another examination on last Friday - the day after Iīve asked my obgynīs receptionist to call and ask what has been done so far. What a coincidence. The pathologistīs receptionist said that it would take another three weeks now for that to be done and that the results would be send to the hospital. So my obgyn would have to demand that report from the hospital maybe on August 13th if they are in time. I also asked her if they would determine the gender of my baby and told her that this is very important for me. I said that I need to know that somehow and that I would be willing to pay for it myself if necessary. But she said that they will determine it anyway during that examination. So at least there is hope that I will get to know the gender and a cause!
polkadot
07-24-2006, 02:25 PM
Wow that is a saga ....Bellabonga...i hope this time you get the answers that you are looking for...
Me~ I have a GYN appt on Wednesday...hopefully i will get the answers I want...like what our next step should be...and what i need to be doing for myself to increase the odds. I didnt O on my first cycle of Clomid of 50mg. Hopefully he will up the dose and monitor me this next cycle...fingers crossed!!
Me~ I have a GYN appt on Wednesday...hopefully i will get the answers I want...like what our next step should be...and what i need to be doing for myself to increase the odds. I didnt O on my first cycle of Clomid of 50mg. Hopefully he will up the dose and monitor me this next cycle...fingers crossed!!
purplesunshine7
07-31-2006, 11:26 AM
hi,
Sorry I've been MIA. My computer is still broke but maybe now I will have some time to get it fixed. I quit my job, and am so happy about it. It is so much stress off of me. I just had blood work done today. They are testing for 10 different things. they are also doing checking my dh chromosones. Friday I go in for a HSG. They inject dye into uterus and tubes to see if they are blocked and to get a better picture of what is going on. At least they are trying to do something for me. It really is just taking a long time. I am not ttc until I have some kind of answer or at least until I have all test results. My mom was spo nice to tell me she had a dream that I lost another one and then I had a boy after that one. I don't think that comforted me much. Last night I dreamt of a BFP, I thought that was very odd, since I am not ttc.
Bella I know this whole process is driving you crazy as it is me too, I hope you get the answers soon. My brother's gf ius pg and I now how you feel about having to be around them or listen to them talk about their pg. It is strange that it felt like I was moving on and seeing pg people didn't bother me, but as all my test dates come closer it does get to be a bit un-nerving.
I'll try to check in again real soon. Take care.
Sorry I've been MIA. My computer is still broke but maybe now I will have some time to get it fixed. I quit my job, and am so happy about it. It is so much stress off of me. I just had blood work done today. They are testing for 10 different things. they are also doing checking my dh chromosones. Friday I go in for a HSG. They inject dye into uterus and tubes to see if they are blocked and to get a better picture of what is going on. At least they are trying to do something for me. It really is just taking a long time. I am not ttc until I have some kind of answer or at least until I have all test results. My mom was spo nice to tell me she had a dream that I lost another one and then I had a boy after that one. I don't think that comforted me much. Last night I dreamt of a BFP, I thought that was very odd, since I am not ttc.
Bella I know this whole process is driving you crazy as it is me too, I hope you get the answers soon. My brother's gf ius pg and I now how you feel about having to be around them or listen to them talk about their pg. It is strange that it felt like I was moving on and seeing pg people didn't bother me, but as all my test dates come closer it does get to be a bit un-nerving.
I'll try to check in again real soon. Take care.
bellabonga
08-01-2006, 01:02 PM
Thanks, polkadot! Did you find out what you wanted to know? What is your next step?
Purplesunshine7, Iīm sorry you have to go through a HSG. Hopefully it will bring you some results. Iīve heard that you are more fertile for some time after a HSG, so Iīm crossing my fingers for you that you can TTC soon after it. :) Sorry but I think thatīs very insensitive of your mom to tell you about that dream. That wouldnīt comfort me too.
My obgyn was on my answering machine today when I came home: My results are in. :eek: Two weeks early. It was too late to call back and he said I should call him tomorrow. So itīll probably the same as usual: Iīll call at 9am and theyīll tell me that he will call me back either on his lunch break or after work which means after 6pm. Iīm already so nervous that I could throw up.
I fear that he will tell me for sure that there was nothing wrong with my baby, that it was perfectly healthy. It would be a miracle if it wasnīt after two examination didnīt find anything wrong with it. That would make it unbearable for me. I could live better with it if I knew that there was something wrong with the baby, if possible something that is not likely to repeat itself. But losing a healthy baby seems even more senseless than using one that didnīt have a chance from the beginning. But who knows how Iīll see that tomorrow when I know for sure. Iīm also very nervous because I should find out whether it was a boy or a girl tomorrow. I always thought it was a boy.
Iīm still worried that I might have an inflammation of the uterus since I have strange pains now and then in the uterus area. My obgyn told me during my last exam that he could see it on the ultrasound but another obgyn told me that this wasnīt possible and you would have to do a smear test. So I hope Iīll remember to ask my obgyn whether he did a smear test some weeks ago (for the life of me I canīt remember!) and if not, I plan to ask for one.
Apart from that I was so stupid to lurk in the December 2006 mommies thread where they all find out the gender now. Isnīt it ironic that Iīll find it out tomorrow too? :( I would have been 20.5 weeks now. I know I shouldnīt keep track of that but somehow I canīt let go. Iīll be back tomorrow with my results.
Purplesunshine7, Iīm sorry you have to go through a HSG. Hopefully it will bring you some results. Iīve heard that you are more fertile for some time after a HSG, so Iīm crossing my fingers for you that you can TTC soon after it. :) Sorry but I think thatīs very insensitive of your mom to tell you about that dream. That wouldnīt comfort me too.
My obgyn was on my answering machine today when I came home: My results are in. :eek: Two weeks early. It was too late to call back and he said I should call him tomorrow. So itīll probably the same as usual: Iīll call at 9am and theyīll tell me that he will call me back either on his lunch break or after work which means after 6pm. Iīm already so nervous that I could throw up.
I fear that he will tell me for sure that there was nothing wrong with my baby, that it was perfectly healthy. It would be a miracle if it wasnīt after two examination didnīt find anything wrong with it. That would make it unbearable for me. I could live better with it if I knew that there was something wrong with the baby, if possible something that is not likely to repeat itself. But losing a healthy baby seems even more senseless than using one that didnīt have a chance from the beginning. But who knows how Iīll see that tomorrow when I know for sure. Iīm also very nervous because I should find out whether it was a boy or a girl tomorrow. I always thought it was a boy.
Iīm still worried that I might have an inflammation of the uterus since I have strange pains now and then in the uterus area. My obgyn told me during my last exam that he could see it on the ultrasound but another obgyn told me that this wasnīt possible and you would have to do a smear test. So I hope Iīll remember to ask my obgyn whether he did a smear test some weeks ago (for the life of me I canīt remember!) and if not, I plan to ask for one.
Apart from that I was so stupid to lurk in the December 2006 mommies thread where they all find out the gender now. Isnīt it ironic that Iīll find it out tomorrow too? :( I would have been 20.5 weeks now. I know I shouldnīt keep track of that but somehow I canīt let go. Iīll be back tomorrow with my results.
polkadot
08-01-2006, 05:52 PM
bellabong~ I completly forgot to post here yes...i did get the answers I was looking for...
Here is the new plan:
This upcoming cycle I am going to take:
100mg of Clomid days 3-7
Estrogen 3x's a day days 8-12
and
Prometrium days 17- i cant remember right now
Hopefully this will atleast get me to O, if it does not make me O then the next month I will be bumped to 150 mg of Clomid and he wants to try to add glucofage (i cant spell it) to the mix, b/c he has said that I could be borderline PCOS. Which I am not happy about, but he said he thinks that the 100mg will work and that if all of these things dont work..by Jan. then he will refer me to the Infertility Institute at our hospital. So,....hopefully I will be PG before Jan...Everyone...fingers crossed...
I am so sorry that you missed the GYN call today...isnt that always the case with them...its like playing neverending phonetag...I have learned not to lurk in the Mommies thread I was in...its too hard...having my sister to remind me of all the things that would be happening sucks too.
Hope you get all the answers you need...(((hugs)))
Here is the new plan:
This upcoming cycle I am going to take:
100mg of Clomid days 3-7
Estrogen 3x's a day days 8-12
and
Prometrium days 17- i cant remember right now
Hopefully this will atleast get me to O, if it does not make me O then the next month I will be bumped to 150 mg of Clomid and he wants to try to add glucofage (i cant spell it) to the mix, b/c he has said that I could be borderline PCOS. Which I am not happy about, but he said he thinks that the 100mg will work and that if all of these things dont work..by Jan. then he will refer me to the Infertility Institute at our hospital. So,....hopefully I will be PG before Jan...Everyone...fingers crossed...
I am so sorry that you missed the GYN call today...isnt that always the case with them...its like playing neverending phonetag...I have learned not to lurk in the Mommies thread I was in...its too hard...having my sister to remind me of all the things that would be happening sucks too.
Hope you get all the answers you need...(((hugs)))
littlemia
08-01-2006, 08:49 PM
I feel a little funny about posting in here considering that I'm pregnant again but I'm still reading this thread and I would like to comment from time to time if that's okay.
purplesunshine7 and bellabonga, I hope you are able to find answers soon. I'm sorry you have gone through so much trying to get these answers. It's disheartening to read that that the medical personnel you've dealt with don't seem to understand how big a deal it is to have some answers. It's so frustrating to not know what went wrong. You just don't know how likely it is to happen again. I never had any testing done and I'm afraid that history will repeat itself.
Also, bellabonga, I completely understand about being upset when you read about the ladies in your due date club finding out gender. I unsubscribed from my due date thread not long after I miscarried and I haven't been back. But I was on CC one Saturday reading something in Fashion and Beauty, I think, and I saw that one of the November mommies had changed her signature to add the gender of her baby. I lost it. The rest of the day was spent in an all out sob fest- it was a really low moment. I knew how many weeks I was supposed to be so I knew that the time for my big u/s would have been coming up but somehow just seeing that people were finding out gender really hit me. And I never had any intention of finding out gender. I think it was the realization that this was another milestone I was missing. Seeing that they have started the 3rd trimester thread was hard too, but not nearly as painful.
purplesunshine7 and bellabonga, I hope you are able to find answers soon. I'm sorry you have gone through so much trying to get these answers. It's disheartening to read that that the medical personnel you've dealt with don't seem to understand how big a deal it is to have some answers. It's so frustrating to not know what went wrong. You just don't know how likely it is to happen again. I never had any testing done and I'm afraid that history will repeat itself.
Also, bellabonga, I completely understand about being upset when you read about the ladies in your due date club finding out gender. I unsubscribed from my due date thread not long after I miscarried and I haven't been back. But I was on CC one Saturday reading something in Fashion and Beauty, I think, and I saw that one of the November mommies had changed her signature to add the gender of her baby. I lost it. The rest of the day was spent in an all out sob fest- it was a really low moment. I knew how many weeks I was supposed to be so I knew that the time for my big u/s would have been coming up but somehow just seeing that people were finding out gender really hit me. And I never had any intention of finding out gender. I think it was the realization that this was another milestone I was missing. Seeing that they have started the 3rd trimester thread was hard too, but not nearly as painful.
bellabonga
08-02-2006, 04:25 AM
My obgyn called me back during his lunch break half an hour ago. With totally unexpected news: My perfectly healthy boy turned out to be a girl with severe trisomy 21 (down syndrome)! :eek: I nearly dropped the phone because I had never expected this. Not after two pathologistīs examinations that said that they did not find any evidence for chromosomal disorders. But I have to say that Iīm glad. Well, not really glad - somehow between laughing and crying. But I feel relief. I finally know what went wrong. It wasnīt my fault. I didnīt lose it because I took the antibiotics too late as I always thought. And losing a baby with a down syndrome so severe that the heart stopped beating makes much more sense than losing a perfectly healthy baby because of a flu-like infection.
He said that in this case they are 100% sure that it was a girl because these trisomy 21 cells definitely canīt be mine. So Nathaniel really was Nathanielle.
It is so good to finally have some closure and I am so grateful that my obgyn demanded all these tests. :) Today he was his usual nice self again and took several minutes to talk everything through with me. He said that my risk to have a child with down syndrome would only be increased by 0.5% by this although I canīt believe this and think it is probably too optimistic. I will do further research regarding this topic on the internet. He advised me to do a first-trimester-screening next time which is no biggie since I had that too with Maya and would have chosen it with Nathanielle anyway. He doesnīt think that an amnio would be obligatory and said that he would wait for the first-trimester-screening results and decide after that.
So it isnīt the best case scenario I was hoping for which would have been a fatal disorder that doesnīt repeat itself but still for me it is better than having lost a healthy baby. In a way Iīm glad that it happened this way. Otherwise I would have probably had bad results in the first-trimester-screening, an amnio and after that and then the decision between abortion or living for the rest of my life with a severely handicapped child. Iīm very thankful that I did not have to make that decision.
Now I only need some time to digest this information, to cry for my lost girl and to look forward to the future.
He said that in this case they are 100% sure that it was a girl because these trisomy 21 cells definitely canīt be mine. So Nathaniel really was Nathanielle.
It is so good to finally have some closure and I am so grateful that my obgyn demanded all these tests. :) Today he was his usual nice self again and took several minutes to talk everything through with me. He said that my risk to have a child with down syndrome would only be increased by 0.5% by this although I canīt believe this and think it is probably too optimistic. I will do further research regarding this topic on the internet. He advised me to do a first-trimester-screening next time which is no biggie since I had that too with Maya and would have chosen it with Nathanielle anyway. He doesnīt think that an amnio would be obligatory and said that he would wait for the first-trimester-screening results and decide after that.
So it isnīt the best case scenario I was hoping for which would have been a fatal disorder that doesnīt repeat itself but still for me it is better than having lost a healthy baby. In a way Iīm glad that it happened this way. Otherwise I would have probably had bad results in the first-trimester-screening, an amnio and after that and then the decision between abortion or living for the rest of my life with a severely handicapped child. Iīm very thankful that I did not have to make that decision.
Now I only need some time to digest this information, to cry for my lost girl and to look forward to the future.
polkadot
08-02-2006, 06:59 AM
Bellabonga~ Wow, that is a twist your didnt expect but your attitutade towards it is wonderful. I cant imagine how hard it must be but at least now you have some answers. HOpefully the next baby will be happy and healthy and you can rest easy that it is nothing that you did to cause this. I hope you take the day or as much time as you need to grieve for your little girl...we are here if you need us...(((((hugs)))))
purplesunshine7
08-06-2006, 08:43 AM
oh bella I am happy you got your answers. I am so glad you don't have to go through the what if's anymore. I am sorry your little girl was sick though. I didn't have the HSG done because I went to the hospital I was having gall bladder attacks. boy did they hurt. but all the blood work is done mine and dh. I have to reschedule HSG for next month. I guess that is ok I am not in a big hurry since I always think the worst anyway.
Polka I hope you get your O soon.
littlemia thanks for your kind words. I hope you have a h&h 9 months.
well my copmuter seemed to worked today how different. I hope it keeps working so that I can keep up with you guys.
Polka I hope you get your O soon.
littlemia thanks for your kind words. I hope you have a h&h 9 months.
well my copmuter seemed to worked today how different. I hope it keeps working so that I can keep up with you guys.
ag05
08-24-2006, 10:02 PM
I have not checked back in this thread for a while. Can I vent for a minute? One of my dearest friend (bridesmaid in my wedding and all that) called and told me she is pregnant and is due in 2 1/2 months. Oh my gosh. She never told me because she didn't want to upset me. I had my last miscarriage in May. I told her I understood but really I am rather pissed. This is the same friend that waited 5 1/2 months to tell me she was pregnant with her first. I know some people are private and good lord I should understand the need to wait until the first tri or so but damn. She really has not demonstrated herself to be a good friend to me. I would have been upset had she mentioned this pregnancy around the time of my loss, sure, but I would ultimately be happy for her and happy that she opened up to me about something huge in her life. Okay. I will forgive her I think but I do have some bottled up anger. My therapist recommends just coming out and telling her how I feel. I don't know if I can. Oh well.
In other news, I am doing okay. Its been 3 1/2 months since my miscarriage (my 4th) and while it is hard work, I am finally feeling happy a lot of the time. So life is good for now.
In other news, I am doing okay. Its been 3 1/2 months since my miscarriage (my 4th) and while it is hard work, I am finally feeling happy a lot of the time. So life is good for now.
pacificbliss
08-25-2006, 09:14 AM
Hi ag05,
I'm glad you're feeling better. That is a long time for your friend to wait to tell you she's pg. Of course, with your last m/c 3 1/2 months ago that would have been the end of the 1st trimester for her and a tough timne for you. Right? Did I add that up right? Still, a close friend should have been helping you through your loss and could have brought it up. I'm so sorry.
I'm glad you're feeling better. That is a long time for your friend to wait to tell you she's pg. Of course, with your last m/c 3 1/2 months ago that would have been the end of the 1st trimester for her and a tough timne for you. Right? Did I add that up right? Still, a close friend should have been helping you through your loss and could have brought it up. I'm so sorry.
tipsy
09-03-2006, 05:54 PM
Hi Ladies,
I had a miscarriage exactly 1 week ago at 13 weeks. Reading your posts has been such a comfort. Everything has started to really hit in the last few days. Thank God for the internet. Its so nice to be able to share with people who have been through this. In my regular life, it seems like everyone is either pregnant or just had a baby.
Right after the mc I was numb, but now feelings of jealousy, anger and sadness have been hitting me in waves. Here's what I posted in the March 2007 thread regarding the m/c:
You can go ahead and take me off the list. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage this morning at 13 weeks, 1 day (according to the ultrasound). Started bleeding heavily, cramping and passing clots last night. Went to the ER thinking the miscarriage had already occured, but we were shocked to see the baby was still in there on the ultrasound. It was kicking, flipping, etc. and had a heartbeat of 182 which was great news. Plus my cervix was still closed according to the ultrasound.
We were sent home around 2am and told it was probably a blood clot. Continued to bleed and cramp all night. At 9am, just before getting in the car to go back to the ER, I had a worst cramp yet, felt like I was going to pass out and needed to throw up. Then felt something was about to pass, which ended up being a fully intact 4 inch little baby. My hubby passed out cold on the bathroom floor after seeing it. After reviving him, I had to fish the baby out and bring it to the hospital so they could do testing to see what went wrong. I spent a little time looking at the little guy and I'm pretty sure I saw boy parts.
We'll hopefully get some answers in the next few weeks. Unfortunately we told pretty much everyone we know that we were expecting just a few days ago. Not looking forward to sharing this news and this weekend I'm helping to throw my cousin's baby shower.
Good luck with all of your pregnancies. I'll miss being a part of this group and will be lurking here to follow your progress...
A little update: I had a suction D&C last Sunday, but apparently they didn't get everything, so now I'm on medication to make me contract, along with some pretty strong painkillers. If this doesn't do the trick, I may have another D&C this week. Ugh.
I had a miscarriage exactly 1 week ago at 13 weeks. Reading your posts has been such a comfort. Everything has started to really hit in the last few days. Thank God for the internet. Its so nice to be able to share with people who have been through this. In my regular life, it seems like everyone is either pregnant or just had a baby.
Right after the mc I was numb, but now feelings of jealousy, anger and sadness have been hitting me in waves. Here's what I posted in the March 2007 thread regarding the m/c:
You can go ahead and take me off the list. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage this morning at 13 weeks, 1 day (according to the ultrasound). Started bleeding heavily, cramping and passing clots last night. Went to the ER thinking the miscarriage had already occured, but we were shocked to see the baby was still in there on the ultrasound. It was kicking, flipping, etc. and had a heartbeat of 182 which was great news. Plus my cervix was still closed according to the ultrasound.
We were sent home around 2am and told it was probably a blood clot. Continued to bleed and cramp all night. At 9am, just before getting in the car to go back to the ER, I had a worst cramp yet, felt like I was going to pass out and needed to throw up. Then felt something was about to pass, which ended up being a fully intact 4 inch little baby. My hubby passed out cold on the bathroom floor after seeing it. After reviving him, I had to fish the baby out and bring it to the hospital so they could do testing to see what went wrong. I spent a little time looking at the little guy and I'm pretty sure I saw boy parts.
We'll hopefully get some answers in the next few weeks. Unfortunately we told pretty much everyone we know that we were expecting just a few days ago. Not looking forward to sharing this news and this weekend I'm helping to throw my cousin's baby shower.
Good luck with all of your pregnancies. I'll miss being a part of this group and will be lurking here to follow your progress...
A little update: I had a suction D&C last Sunday, but apparently they didn't get everything, so now I'm on medication to make me contract, along with some pretty strong painkillers. If this doesn't do the trick, I may have another D&C this week. Ugh.
numberlady
09-04-2006, 04:35 AM
Tipsy, I am so sorry that you had to join this thread and reading through your story makes me so sad for you. Especially that you got to see the baby on the ultrasound and everything looked OK. I hope that the meds help and that you do not have to have another D & C. (((Hugs to you))) I hope your Dh is taking care of you. Take some time to grieve and as you start telling people, you will be suprised who is supportive of you.
littlemia
09-04-2006, 06:43 PM
Tipsy, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult it was to hear that everything was okay and then miscarry hours later. And to have a D&C that didn't get everything- that's a lot to handle. I hope the medication worked. It's really hard to deal with things emotionally when you're still dealing with the physical processes of all of this. It's really normal to feel a combination of numbness, sadness, anger, and jealousy. Take care of yourself and if there are things that you don't feel up to doing for awhile- just don't do them. Come back and let us know how you're doing if you feel up to it.
bellabonga
09-05-2006, 06:44 AM
tipsy, Iīm so sorry you had to go through this. :( It must have been especially upsetting to be worried, have hope again and then lose the baby nevertheless. And it must have been very disturbing to see your baby. I did not see mine, so I can only imagine that this must have been a shock and judging from you DHīs reaction, it obviously was.
It must be an additional burden that you had to have a d&c and might have to go through another one. What a nightmare. I hope the medication will do the trick and you will at least not have to go through a second d&c. Having to deal with the physical consequences is a very hard part of recovery and you will probably feel already much better when that is over.
Iīm crossing my fingers for you that you will get some answers about what caused this to happen. The weeks waiting for a result were very painful for me and but least I got some closure by knowing what went wrong and what the risk for another pregnancy is.
And some advice: Stop lurking in your old pregnancy thread. It only hurts you to see the otherīs progress.
It must be an additional burden that you had to have a d&c and might have to go through another one. What a nightmare. I hope the medication will do the trick and you will at least not have to go through a second d&c. Having to deal with the physical consequences is a very hard part of recovery and you will probably feel already much better when that is over.
Iīm crossing my fingers for you that you will get some answers about what caused this to happen. The weeks waiting for a result were very painful for me and but least I got some closure by knowing what went wrong and what the risk for another pregnancy is.
And some advice: Stop lurking in your old pregnancy thread. It only hurts you to see the otherīs progress.
pacificbliss
09-05-2006, 02:54 PM
tipsy I am so sorry. Grieving takes a while. Take care of you and DH. The shower this weekend is going to be tough and you will find people don't know what to do or say so you two will need to take care of each other.
tipsy
09-05-2006, 04:32 PM
Thanks for the warm welcome and the kind words.;)
I had my doctor's appointment today and unfortunately the medications didn't work, so I'll be having another D&C on Friday afternoon. Aside from having to go through the procedure, I'm so anxious to be pregnant again and this D&C will set us back another two weeks. I'm trying not to be obsessed with getting pregnant right away, but its all I can think about.
Based on the fact that the baby looked fine in the u/s just hours before the mc, I believe some kind of event took place which caused the pregnancy to end. A friend of mine emailed me about a blood clotting condition (there are actually a few of them) that can cause mc. Two ladies she knows had miscarriages which sounded like exactly what happened to me, bleeding, passing clots, 2nd trimester mc, baby looking okay on the u/s, etc. and they had a clotting condition which can be helped with medication. Both ladies were able to carry babies to term after they were put on blood thinners.
I brought this up to my doctor and she wants to wait until the initial test results come in, but she told me "we're on the same page with our thinking." So I'll hopefully get tested for those clotting disorders. Anyone else on this board have a clotting disorder? I'm really curious about them.
numberlady Had my cousin's shower this weekend and surprisingly, I was able to enjoy myself (maybe it was the percoset:D ). Pretty much everyone knew about the mc and a few women even shared that they had a mc too. It wasn't as bad as I though it would be.
littlemia Not looking forward to the second D&C, but at least we're on the way to getting my body back to normal.
bellabonga How long did it take to get your test results back? My doctor says 3 weeks. If you don't mind answering, what did test results say about the mc. Did you get a definite cause for the mc?
I don't know what I was thinking when I mentioned lurking in my old thread? I really liked the people on that thread, but now the thought of going back there is unimaginable. Thanks for the advice. I'll definitely stay away.
pacificbliss It was a little awkward at the shower, but it was mostly family, so it wasn't too bad. There were quite a few babies there. One of the ladies who didn't know about the mc practically forced her baby on me. I didn't really want to hold him, but she kind of pressured me. Other than that little episode, I was okay.
I had my doctor's appointment today and unfortunately the medications didn't work, so I'll be having another D&C on Friday afternoon. Aside from having to go through the procedure, I'm so anxious to be pregnant again and this D&C will set us back another two weeks. I'm trying not to be obsessed with getting pregnant right away, but its all I can think about.
Based on the fact that the baby looked fine in the u/s just hours before the mc, I believe some kind of event took place which caused the pregnancy to end. A friend of mine emailed me about a blood clotting condition (there are actually a few of them) that can cause mc. Two ladies she knows had miscarriages which sounded like exactly what happened to me, bleeding, passing clots, 2nd trimester mc, baby looking okay on the u/s, etc. and they had a clotting condition which can be helped with medication. Both ladies were able to carry babies to term after they were put on blood thinners.
I brought this up to my doctor and she wants to wait until the initial test results come in, but she told me "we're on the same page with our thinking." So I'll hopefully get tested for those clotting disorders. Anyone else on this board have a clotting disorder? I'm really curious about them.
numberlady Had my cousin's shower this weekend and surprisingly, I was able to enjoy myself (maybe it was the percoset:D ). Pretty much everyone knew about the mc and a few women even shared that they had a mc too. It wasn't as bad as I though it would be.
littlemia Not looking forward to the second D&C, but at least we're on the way to getting my body back to normal.
bellabonga How long did it take to get your test results back? My doctor says 3 weeks. If you don't mind answering, what did test results say about the mc. Did you get a definite cause for the mc?
I don't know what I was thinking when I mentioned lurking in my old thread? I really liked the people on that thread, but now the thought of going back there is unimaginable. Thanks for the advice. I'll definitely stay away.
pacificbliss It was a little awkward at the shower, but it was mostly family, so it wasn't too bad. There were quite a few babies there. One of the ladies who didn't know about the mc practically forced her baby on me. I didn't really want to hold him, but she kind of pressured me. Other than that little episode, I was okay.
cherry
09-05-2006, 07:28 PM
tipsy, i am really sorry about your m/c. good for you for working to find out what caused it, and good luck with getting your second d&c out of the way this friday so you can get on with TTCing again.
bellabonga
09-06-2006, 12:48 AM
tipsy, I donīt mind sharing at all. Reading the m/c stories of others has both helped me to heal and to learn about different reasons for a m/c. And for me itīs still kind of therapeutic to talk about it. I learned at 10w4d that the baby had died some days ago and had a d&c at 11w. After the d&c I bled for (now hold your breath! :eek: ) 5.5 weeks. My doctor put me on the pill immediately after the m/c to get my body back on track earlier. I wasnīt too thrilled about taking the pill as I wanted to get pregnant again ASAP. But the argument that at least I would have my first AF then after 4 weeks instead of maybe 6-8 convinced me. So the d&c bleeding merged right into AF. During this long bleeding I was constantly scared that the d&c might have been incomplete and that I would have to go back for another one. Strangely my doctor wasnīt worried at all, even though my hcg-levels were too high. They were too high right after the m/c and they dropped very, very slowly. I had weekly blood draws to determine the hcg left. I started out with 3920 or so and it took 10 weeks for the hcg to fall down below 5. During this time I couldnīt heal mentally as my body felt so weird.
My doctor too had told me that it would take 2-3 weeks to get the results. He said that my baby would be send to a pathologist first for a superficial examination and then after that to a humangenetic lab. I waited and waited and was treated very poorly at my obgynīs office, even when I asked after 8 weeks if they could call and ask if the results were ever to come. But that finally got the ball rolling and exactly when my hcg dropped, I got the results after 10 long weeks. All the while I had thought that I had lost a perfectly healthy boy because I had several severe respiratory infections during that pregnancy and had to take antibiotics which I took very late because of the pregnancy. During that 10 weeks wait I had framed an ultrasound picture of the baby (I can only recommend that to you) and had decided to give the baby a name (Nathaniel). So you can imagine my surprise when I found out that my perfectly healthy boy had in fact been a girl with a trisomy 21 and a severe heart defect which caused her to die. It was disturbing but to know what went wrong and that it had not been my fault made things so much more bearable for me. Same with knowing the gender for sure, so that I know exactly whom Iīm grieving about. We named her Olivia Nathanielle (because we had gotten used to Nathaniel over those 10 weeks). Later I found out that she will be buried together with 29 other m/c by the hospital some time this year. This also gave me some peace of mind because I always wondered what they did with my baby. I was very annoyed that the hospital staff did not tell me that right away after the d&c. There will also be a funeral service held for the parents which we can attend. I have decided that I will go there, just to know where she will be buried. This will be the final closure point for me and I hope it will soon come up. My d&c was on May 26th and still the invitation wasnīt in the mail so far. I will keep the framed ultrasound picture on Olivia on my wall as she will always be my second daughter and without the picture it would already seem surreal that she ever existed.
Itīs good that you decided to stay away from your old thread. I tortured myself now and then by sneaking over to the December mommies but everytime I did that, I felt awful and jealousy and sadness were there in full force again.
How awful that you have to have another d&c. :( I hope your body recovers soon and youīll be able to start over new as soon as you feel ready. Maybe you could join us in "Seeing what happens in October". I wouldnīt want to miss the support during this rough time of TTC again. Good luck for Friday! :)
My doctor too had told me that it would take 2-3 weeks to get the results. He said that my baby would be send to a pathologist first for a superficial examination and then after that to a humangenetic lab. I waited and waited and was treated very poorly at my obgynīs office, even when I asked after 8 weeks if they could call and ask if the results were ever to come. But that finally got the ball rolling and exactly when my hcg dropped, I got the results after 10 long weeks. All the while I had thought that I had lost a perfectly healthy boy because I had several severe respiratory infections during that pregnancy and had to take antibiotics which I took very late because of the pregnancy. During that 10 weeks wait I had framed an ultrasound picture of the baby (I can only recommend that to you) and had decided to give the baby a name (Nathaniel). So you can imagine my surprise when I found out that my perfectly healthy boy had in fact been a girl with a trisomy 21 and a severe heart defect which caused her to die. It was disturbing but to know what went wrong and that it had not been my fault made things so much more bearable for me. Same with knowing the gender for sure, so that I know exactly whom Iīm grieving about. We named her Olivia Nathanielle (because we had gotten used to Nathaniel over those 10 weeks). Later I found out that she will be buried together with 29 other m/c by the hospital some time this year. This also gave me some peace of mind because I always wondered what they did with my baby. I was very annoyed that the hospital staff did not tell me that right away after the d&c. There will also be a funeral service held for the parents which we can attend. I have decided that I will go there, just to know where she will be buried. This will be the final closure point for me and I hope it will soon come up. My d&c was on May 26th and still the invitation wasnīt in the mail so far. I will keep the framed ultrasound picture on Olivia on my wall as she will always be my second daughter and without the picture it would already seem surreal that she ever existed.
Itīs good that you decided to stay away from your old thread. I tortured myself now and then by sneaking over to the December mommies but everytime I did that, I felt awful and jealousy and sadness were there in full force again.
How awful that you have to have another d&c. :( I hope your body recovers soon and youīll be able to start over new as soon as you feel ready. Maybe you could join us in "Seeing what happens in October". I wouldnīt want to miss the support during this rough time of TTC again. Good luck for Friday! :)
numberlady
09-06-2006, 04:07 AM
Tipsy - Good luck with your second D & C Friday. I agree with Bellabonga. It is so hard going in to your old due date thread. I have popped in and out of mine, and now they are all having babies (I was due Sept 27), so it is kind of bittersweet. I am happy for them, but sad for me.
I think your wanting to get pg right away is very normal. I had that feeling too. The bad thing was that at the time I got pg, we were not ttc, so we decided to wait. That waiting was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Dh didn't understand my desire and we got in many fights, me trying to convince him that it was the right time and we didn't need to wait. In hindsight, it was better that we waited, but at the time, my hormones were speaking and I was listening.
I wish that I had some testing done on the fetus. We are ttc now, and it is hard when DH begins to wonder if the m/c happened because there was something wrong with him, and then I start to wonder if it was me.
I think your wanting to get pg right away is very normal. I had that feeling too. The bad thing was that at the time I got pg, we were not ttc, so we decided to wait. That waiting was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Dh didn't understand my desire and we got in many fights, me trying to convince him that it was the right time and we didn't need to wait. In hindsight, it was better that we waited, but at the time, my hormones were speaking and I was listening.
I wish that I had some testing done on the fetus. We are ttc now, and it is hard when DH begins to wonder if the m/c happened because there was something wrong with him, and then I start to wonder if it was me.
jodylovesscotty
09-06-2006, 01:31 PM
Tipsy~ Sorry you had to join this thread as well. I just wanted to let you know that I have a blood clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden. I didn't know about it until after my m/c in June. My RE did all kinds of tests and the blood clotting test was one of them. I have both genes of it. I have been put on 1 baby asprin a day and then when I get pregnant again I will have to do a shot of heparin a day (blood clotting medicine). It is an easy blood test they can do.
usafwife
09-06-2006, 01:46 PM
Tipsy ~ I'm so sorry that you had to join this group. I'm so sorry for your m/c. As someone else mentioned, grieving takes a while to deal with. I'm now due almost exactly to the day that I suffered my m/c. That has taken me a while to deal with. It's bittersweet for me.
I am so sorry that you have to go through another d&c. {{{HUGS}}}
I am so sorry that you have to go through another d&c. {{{HUGS}}}
tipsy
09-06-2006, 08:18 PM
I went back to the gym for the first time since the mc. A few of the instructors and some other people that I see in class on a regular basis, knew I was pregnant. In fact one of the instructors is due three weeks before I was. She always comes to chat with me about our pregnancies. The whole time, I was worried someone would ask me about the baby.
Luckily no one did, but its just a matter of time. The lady who teaches my kickboxing class (the class I went to today) hadn't seen me for a while and at one point during the class asked if I was okay and if I able to keep up. I knew she was referring to me being pregnant, but I didn't say anything. I'm not ready yet. Actually I'm hoping she'll figure it out, since I was starting to show and now my stomach's flat again.
Random question, but how long does it take to get your period after a D&C. I've heard everything from 2 to 6 weeks.
cherry That's the way I'm trying to look at it. I'll be that much closer to TTC.
bellabonga I'm sorry it took your doctor so long to get your test results to you. I'll make sure check in with mine. Its a really busy office and sadly I could see mine doing the same thing. I have a follow appointment a little over a week from the D&C. That should be a 3 weeks from when the tests were sent out, so I'll ask then.
numberlady I also wonder if I somehow caused the mc. The day I miscarried, I had a very physical day. DH and I were in the yard all day pulling weeds and spreading mulch for 8 hours. It was probably one of the most physical days I had while pregnant. I know it probably had nothing to do with what happened, but I'll never know.
jodylovesscotty Thanks for the info. I don't know for sure yet, but I'm highly suspicious that I have a clotting disorder as well. When I started bleeding, I passed a ton of clots, plus just found out (but have suspected for over a year now) that I have fibroids due to clotting in the past. On my last u/s the tech saw several fibroids.
I've been doing some preliminary research on clotting disorders. Does your doctor give you any statistics on chances of another mc with the blood thinners and aspirin? I'm thinking of going on the baby aspirin as well before conceiving to help my body prepare.
usafwife Maybe having the baby near your due date will be healing in some way. Congrats on your pregnancy! Did you start trying right away?
Luckily no one did, but its just a matter of time. The lady who teaches my kickboxing class (the class I went to today) hadn't seen me for a while and at one point during the class asked if I was okay and if I able to keep up. I knew she was referring to me being pregnant, but I didn't say anything. I'm not ready yet. Actually I'm hoping she'll figure it out, since I was starting to show and now my stomach's flat again.
Random question, but how long does it take to get your period after a D&C. I've heard everything from 2 to 6 weeks.
cherry That's the way I'm trying to look at it. I'll be that much closer to TTC.
bellabonga I'm sorry it took your doctor so long to get your test results to you. I'll make sure check in with mine. Its a really busy office and sadly I could see mine doing the same thing. I have a follow appointment a little over a week from the D&C. That should be a 3 weeks from when the tests were sent out, so I'll ask then.
numberlady I also wonder if I somehow caused the mc. The day I miscarried, I had a very physical day. DH and I were in the yard all day pulling weeds and spreading mulch for 8 hours. It was probably one of the most physical days I had while pregnant. I know it probably had nothing to do with what happened, but I'll never know.
jodylovesscotty Thanks for the info. I don't know for sure yet, but I'm highly suspicious that I have a clotting disorder as well. When I started bleeding, I passed a ton of clots, plus just found out (but have suspected for over a year now) that I have fibroids due to clotting in the past. On my last u/s the tech saw several fibroids.
I've been doing some preliminary research on clotting disorders. Does your doctor give you any statistics on chances of another mc with the blood thinners and aspirin? I'm thinking of going on the baby aspirin as well before conceiving to help my body prepare.
usafwife Maybe having the baby near your due date will be healing in some way. Congrats on your pregnancy! Did you start trying right away?
pacificbliss
09-07-2006, 11:38 AM
tipsy That's good that you got back to the gym. It probably helps. At least a workout always seems to help me. I was really bad about getting back to normal after the m/c. It's hard to tell people that knew you were pregnant that you're not anymore. I actually had DH tell some people. Take care.
littlemia
09-09-2006, 12:41 PM
Tipsy, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and I hope everything went well yesterday.
tipsy
09-10-2006, 08:35 PM
pacificbliss Getting back to the gym felt great! Usually I have to drag myself there, but it was really nice to be active again.
littlemia Thanks for checking in on me. Everything went really well. A little minor cramping afterward, but that was it. I was so much more relaxed this time around.
I have a follow up appointment in about a week and the doctor thinks some of the test results will be in by then.
littlemia Thanks for checking in on me. Everything went really well. A little minor cramping afterward, but that was it. I was so much more relaxed this time around.
I have a follow up appointment in about a week and the doctor thinks some of the test results will be in by then.
polkadot
09-11-2006, 11:27 AM
Ladies...I havent been here in a while because i was trying not to think about the empending due date of my angel baby...but this week has already begun and its starting already...OK, so i knew that thursday would be rough...I didnt think it would start on Monday. I have already cried twice today and I am on the verge of tears now. I am so sad today. I tested this morning....of course BFN...My class is being horrible, they are not listening to a thing that I say. I just want this week to end and its barley just begun,....I saw my friedn that just found out she is PG and I just cried....I am so happy for her...but so sad for myslef...this sucks...I wanna go home :( :(
pacificbliss
09-11-2006, 01:27 PM
polkadot I'm so sorry. Can you go home?
ameigh
09-11-2006, 04:31 PM
I'd like to join, too, please.
Name: Amy, 27
DH: Neale, 32
Married: Sept. 2001
DD: Feb. 2005
M/C #1: Jan. 28th, 2006
M/C #2: Sept. 9th, 2006
I feel terrible saying this, but I'm really feeling sorry for myself right now. I miscarried on Saturday night. It was pretty traumatic this time around. I passed out twice at home and had a small seizure, which landed me in the ER via ambulance (my poor, freaked-out husband!). The doctor said it was from blood loss, so now I have anemia to deal with.
I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that a lot of the moms in my daughter's playgroup are pregnant and due right around when I was. I even ran into one of them at my clinic today...she hadn't told anyone that she was pregnant, so it was a surprise to me. I really resented her being happy because she had just gotten her first ultrasound, and she wanted to know why I was there. ugh. I've been trying (until then) to make myself feel happy for all of these pregnant people, but I think it's just too early to really embrace that.
I think my one comfort right now is that my OB actually wants a real followup visit this time around, as opposed to last time.
I hate feeling this depressed. It's totally not how I usually am.
Name: Amy, 27
DH: Neale, 32
Married: Sept. 2001
DD: Feb. 2005
M/C #1: Jan. 28th, 2006
M/C #2: Sept. 9th, 2006
I feel terrible saying this, but I'm really feeling sorry for myself right now. I miscarried on Saturday night. It was pretty traumatic this time around. I passed out twice at home and had a small seizure, which landed me in the ER via ambulance (my poor, freaked-out husband!). The doctor said it was from blood loss, so now I have anemia to deal with.
I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that a lot of the moms in my daughter's playgroup are pregnant and due right around when I was. I even ran into one of them at my clinic today...she hadn't told anyone that she was pregnant, so it was a surprise to me. I really resented her being happy because she had just gotten her first ultrasound, and she wanted to know why I was there. ugh. I've been trying (until then) to make myself feel happy for all of these pregnant people, but I think it's just too early to really embrace that.
I think my one comfort right now is that my OB actually wants a real followup visit this time around, as opposed to last time.
I hate feeling this depressed. It's totally not how I usually am.
lilhimley
09-11-2006, 04:36 PM
Hi Everyone. Unfortunately, I would like to join the group.
Name:Jennifer, 33
DH: Erik, 45
Married: June 7, 2003
M/C blighted ovum by D&C at 10 weeks 12/07/2005
Had D&E at 14 weeks 08/18/06 due to chromosome problem and heart defect
TTC: Will start again a few months.
I had a blighted ovum m/c in December and then this pregnancy turned out even worse. We found out August 7th that something was seriously wrong and it turned out to be Down's Syndrome and a very severe heart defect and the baby(a girl) wouldn't make it, so we had surgery to terminate on August 18th. This is the first I've been able to write to update everyone. We are devastated but will try again in approximately four months after some tests and another D&C to clear out a couple polyps and scar tissue in my uterus(unrelated to the Down's & heart defect). We're hoping the third time is the charm. I'm trying to keep it together and some days are better than others. I'm so thankful to have this group, but so sorry that any of us have to be in it. I haven't read through the thread yet, but will get to work on it. If anybody knows of a thread about terminating due to chromosome/genetic problems, please let me know. Thank you in advance for your support and I hope I can be here for you too.
Jennifer
Name:Jennifer, 33
DH: Erik, 45
Married: June 7, 2003
M/C blighted ovum by D&C at 10 weeks 12/07/2005
Had D&E at 14 weeks 08/18/06 due to chromosome problem and heart defect
TTC: Will start again a few months.
I had a blighted ovum m/c in December and then this pregnancy turned out even worse. We found out August 7th that something was seriously wrong and it turned out to be Down's Syndrome and a very severe heart defect and the baby(a girl) wouldn't make it, so we had surgery to terminate on August 18th. This is the first I've been able to write to update everyone. We are devastated but will try again in approximately four months after some tests and another D&C to clear out a couple polyps and scar tissue in my uterus(unrelated to the Down's & heart defect). We're hoping the third time is the charm. I'm trying to keep it together and some days are better than others. I'm so thankful to have this group, but so sorry that any of us have to be in it. I haven't read through the thread yet, but will get to work on it. If anybody knows of a thread about terminating due to chromosome/genetic problems, please let me know. Thank you in advance for your support and I hope I can be here for you too.
Jennifer
lilhimley
09-11-2006, 04:40 PM
ameigh and polkadot,
So sorry you feel like total crap. I know that it's so painful that nobody can fix the sadness. Everyone says "what can I do to help you" and there is nothing they can do. Please know that you are not alone. I will be thinking positive thoughts for you both and everybody in here. The world is not all bad. At least we have each other.
So sorry you feel like total crap. I know that it's so painful that nobody can fix the sadness. Everyone says "what can I do to help you" and there is nothing they can do. Please know that you are not alone. I will be thinking positive thoughts for you both and everybody in here. The world is not all bad. At least we have each other.
littlemia
09-11-2006, 04:57 PM
Ameigh, I'm sorry you had to join us. Don't feel bad about feeling sorry for yourself. I think all of us felt (and probably sometimes still feel) that way. I'm glad your OB is taking this seriously. I hope you're able to get some answers.
polkadot, I'm sorry today was tough. Take care of yourself this week. Is there any way you can call in on Thursday?
lilhimley, just wanted to tell you again that I'm sorry. I wish I had something more to say or some advice to give, but I don't. Know that we are here to listen whenever you need to talk.
polkadot, I'm sorry today was tough. Take care of yourself this week. Is there any way you can call in on Thursday?
lilhimley, just wanted to tell you again that I'm sorry. I wish I had something more to say or some advice to give, but I don't. Know that we are here to listen whenever you need to talk.
polkadot
09-11-2006, 07:24 PM
sorry to have to say this but welcome to lilhimley & aimeigh...but this is a wonderful place to find support. I have gotten great advice here and its a place to vent when you feel like you have no one to talk too, or no one to relate too...this is place...I tried to stay away from here b/c I didnt want to dwell on my m/c but this week was my angel baby's due date and it has hit me like a ton of bricks...especially since I am in the 2WW once again and not feeling very positive about this cycle. The ladies here have once again embraced me and are really just letting me vent...thanks girls...
Littlemia~ I wish I could call in sick on Thursday but we are really short on subs at school and if I'm not at school I would be at the hospital waiting for my sister to have her baby...so either way I am going to be sad....I think its better to be at school with less time to think about it all than to be sitting in the hospital surrounded by bundles of joy KWIM? Thanks again...
off to bed...
Littlemia~ I wish I could call in sick on Thursday but we are really short on subs at school and if I'm not at school I would be at the hospital waiting for my sister to have her baby...so either way I am going to be sad....I think its better to be at school with less time to think about it all than to be sitting in the hospital surrounded by bundles of joy KWIM? Thanks again...
off to bed...
ameigh
09-11-2006, 07:39 PM
tried to stay away from here b/c I didnt want to dwell on my m/c but this week was my angel baby's due date and it has hit me like a ton of bricks...
I'm sorry you're feeling so down. My first miscarried baby would have been due this week. I don't think I have the energy left to feel sad about it while I'm dealing with the current miscarriage, though. I just keep telling myself that there is a reason for everything! When I'm feeling more optimistic, anyway. :rolleyes:
Thanks for your welcome, ladies. It means a lot.
I'm sorry you're feeling so down. My first miscarried baby would have been due this week. I don't think I have the energy left to feel sad about it while I'm dealing with the current miscarriage, though. I just keep telling myself that there is a reason for everything! When I'm feeling more optimistic, anyway. :rolleyes:
Thanks for your welcome, ladies. It means a lot.
polkadot
09-11-2006, 07:46 PM
((((((((((hugs)))))))) ameigh!!!
pacificbliss
09-11-2006, 07:58 PM
ameigh and lilhimley sorry to see you both here. Unfortunately everyone here knows how you feel. It's ok to say anything that's on your mind.
polkadot due dates are tough. I hope you get some good news real soon.
Hugs to all of you
polkadot due dates are tough. I hope you get some good news real soon.
Hugs to all of you
cherry
09-11-2006, 08:06 PM
lilhimley, i am so sorry for what you have been through. good luck and let us know how you're doing over the next few days.
ameigh, sending you supportive vibes at such a difficult time. i know what you mean about not usually being a "depressed" type - i felt the same way when i had my m/c and i think others had a hard time knowing how to respond because i'm usually so cheerful and jokey. hope you learn more from your OB.
ameigh, sending you supportive vibes at such a difficult time. i know what you mean about not usually being a "depressed" type - i felt the same way when i had my m/c and i think others had a hard time knowing how to respond because i'm usually so cheerful and jokey. hope you learn more from your OB.
ameigh
09-12-2006, 07:55 AM
I'm sure you all have experienced this, but have you ever noticed that it's hard for your friends and family to say the *right* thing? I've heard some pretty amazing things fly out of people's mouths in the last few days. I absolutely know that they mean well, but man, I don't know. My sister-in-law told my husband that it would have been worse if I had to have had a D&C (like, passing out twice from low blood volume and seizing isn't bad enough?) and that mom from my playgroup telling me that *she* doesn't tell people that she's expecting until she's at least 12 weeks along. 'Cause that would have prevented this? :confused: Ah well. At least I know that they care, right?
lilhimley
09-12-2006, 12:41 PM
ameigh - yes, I totally agree that there is no right thing or anything that people can say to make me feel better. I think it's better to just say sorry. It's not profound, but it's not hurtful either. I get angry when people say, "at least you can get pregnant" which I guess is good news, but if I get pregnant a hundred times and none of them end with a baby in my arms, I won't feel better that at least I could get pregnant. And then others, meaning well, say "I'm sure you'll be successful next time" or "I know it will happen for you". Really? How do they know? Are they dropping off a newborn at my house tonight after work? Anyway, that one just gets me because I'm so fearful that I'll never have a baby and then people are basically promising that I will and they don't know that! Sorry, thanks for listening to my rant. Man, I can't believe I have to start going back to charting and doing the 2WW and everything again. And I can't even start that for another few months. Geez!
pacificbliss
09-12-2006, 03:30 PM
ameigh I was shocked at the things some people say. Why can't they just say sorry? One of the ones I found most hurtful was, "at least it was early"
Really? Is that supposed to make me feel better? These are the same people that were celebrating with me last week!
Really? Is that supposed to make me feel better? These are the same people that were celebrating with me last week!
usafwife
09-12-2006, 04:30 PM
tipsy ~ I hope it does. Thank you. No, we didn't start trying right again. We gave it some time (I was on BC) and we really wanted DD to be a little older. I'm glad that we waited because with my mom's health problems (she suffered a ruptured cerebral aneurysm a little over 2 wks ago and nearly lost her) I don't know how well I'd be doing right now if I was just a few short wks away from delivering #2 and having to travel so much.
polkadot ~ I'm sorry. My EDD with my angel baby is coming up in a few wks. I haven't really figured out how I'll be handling it. I've certainly got enough things to keep my mind off of it though. I hope it isn't too rough on me. I've had enough to deal with the past two wks (I landed myself in the ER in the hours following my mom's aneurysm because my BP shot up and I started having contractions).
ameigh ~ I'm sorry that you've had to join this group. It's normal to feel sorry for yourself after having lost a baby/child. Don't beat yourself up over it. Sometimes I just wish people would keep their mouths shut if they don't have anything better to say.
I just keep telling myself that there is a reason for everything!
I've had to tell myself this quite a few times in the past two and half wks. I was pregnant with DD (about a month away from my due date) when we lost DH's dad unexpectedly. Then two wks ago we nearly lost my mom to a ruptured cerebral aneurysm (and had we not been in the room when it happened she wouldn't be alive now). I am tired of bad things happening when I'm pregnant (this is the third time something bad has happened, 1 death, 1 m/c, and now my mom) that we are done for a while. I just can't handle anything else happening right now.
lilhimley ~ I'm sorry that you've had to join us as well. I saw your post in the Feb 07 group. I just hadn't had the time to respond to it yet.
polkadot ~ I'm sorry. My EDD with my angel baby is coming up in a few wks. I haven't really figured out how I'll be handling it. I've certainly got enough things to keep my mind off of it though. I hope it isn't too rough on me. I've had enough to deal with the past two wks (I landed myself in the ER in the hours following my mom's aneurysm because my BP shot up and I started having contractions).
ameigh ~ I'm sorry that you've had to join this group. It's normal to feel sorry for yourself after having lost a baby/child. Don't beat yourself up over it. Sometimes I just wish people would keep their mouths shut if they don't have anything better to say.
I just keep telling myself that there is a reason for everything!
I've had to tell myself this quite a few times in the past two and half wks. I was pregnant with DD (about a month away from my due date) when we lost DH's dad unexpectedly. Then two wks ago we nearly lost my mom to a ruptured cerebral aneurysm (and had we not been in the room when it happened she wouldn't be alive now). I am tired of bad things happening when I'm pregnant (this is the third time something bad has happened, 1 death, 1 m/c, and now my mom) that we are done for a while. I just can't handle anything else happening right now.
lilhimley ~ I'm sorry that you've had to join us as well. I saw your post in the Feb 07 group. I just hadn't had the time to respond to it yet.
tipsy
09-12-2006, 06:40 PM
ameigh and lilhimley I'm sorry for both of your losses.
polkadot Try to do something nice for yourself and maybe do something to honor the baby if you feel up to it. Good luck.
usawife It sounds like you've been through the ringer lately. Hope your mom is doing better.
I know what you mean when you say you're tired of bad things happening. The last few years, I feel like so many awful things have happened. My mom died two years ago and my brother has a potentially fatal illness that flares up every few months. This pregnancy was the first time I have felt real joy in the last two years, so losing our baby has been unbearable. It seems to be getting harder everyday that goes by.
polkadot Try to do something nice for yourself and maybe do something to honor the baby if you feel up to it. Good luck.
usawife It sounds like you've been through the ringer lately. Hope your mom is doing better.
I know what you mean when you say you're tired of bad things happening. The last few years, I feel like so many awful things have happened. My mom died two years ago and my brother has a potentially fatal illness that flares up every few months. This pregnancy was the first time I have felt real joy in the last two years, so losing our baby has been unbearable. It seems to be getting harder everyday that goes by.
usafwife
09-12-2006, 06:57 PM
usawife It sounds like you've been through the ringer lately. Hope your mom is doing better.
I know what you mean when you say you're tired of bad things happening. The last few years, I feel like so many awful things have happened. My mom died two years ago and my brother has a potentially fatal illness that flares up every few months. This pregnancy was the first time I have felt real joy in the last two years, so losing our baby has been unbearable. It seems to be getting harder everyday that goes by.
Yes, I've certainly been through the ringer. We have a long road ahead of us (just how long we do not know, what types of problems lay in the road, don't know what to expect, etc). I pray everyday that nothing happens with this pregnancy or I don't know how I would handle things. I'm looking forward to our upcoming u/s so I can feel more reassured that things are okay and I won't be as worried. I fully expected to lose my dad at some point this year (his health has been going downhill for the past few years and it's just a matter of time before he does go) so this illness with my mom came totally out of the blue. Sort of like DH's dad's passing....we weren't expecting it and it hit us like a ton of bricks.
I know what you mean when you say you're tired of bad things happening. The last few years, I feel like so many awful things have happened. My mom died two years ago and my brother has a potentially fatal illness that flares up every few months. This pregnancy was the first time I have felt real joy in the last two years, so losing our baby has been unbearable. It seems to be getting harder everyday that goes by.
Yes, I've certainly been through the ringer. We have a long road ahead of us (just how long we do not know, what types of problems lay in the road, don't know what to expect, etc). I pray everyday that nothing happens with this pregnancy or I don't know how I would handle things. I'm looking forward to our upcoming u/s so I can feel more reassured that things are okay and I won't be as worried. I fully expected to lose my dad at some point this year (his health has been going downhill for the past few years and it's just a matter of time before he does go) so this illness with my mom came totally out of the blue. Sort of like DH's dad's passing....we weren't expecting it and it hit us like a ton of bricks.
ameigh
09-13-2006, 07:09 AM
usawife, I hope that you're taking care of yourself in the midst of all of this.
lilhimley, I know what you're talking about. It's unbelievable to me that we have to start over again. I know that my husband and I *can* get pregnant, but we're not the type of couple where it happens immediately. It took us seven months after my first miscarriage, and it took us a full year to get pregnant with my daughter. It's so frustrating. And I know we're going to have to wait at least until my anemia is resolved. *sigh* Here's to the next few months, right?
pacificbliss, Wow, yeah, that's a great comment. :rolleyes: I think it makes it worse when people who think that they're making it better just sound like they're trying to *not* validate the fact that you did lose what, in your mind (which is enough!) was a baby. My grandmother informed me after my first miscarriage that "nothing was there. you didn't lose anything." (There actually was something "there" for me, but I didn't get into it with her.) Regardless, you spend a few months creating this little being in your mind. It doesn't make the grief any different even if there really *wasn't* an embryo or anything. It doesn't make any difference if you were 8 weeks as opposed to 16. I hope that made sense.
Today I go in for another blood test. I'm sure my levels are falling, so right now I'm interested in what the OB wants to talk to us about. The nurse told me that she "wants to talk to us about getting pregnant again, etc." At least they want to do a *real* followup appointment this time around. I know they're not going to be able to offer any explanation for what happened, but I'm curious about what they're going to want to do with the next pregnancy (more monitoring? I think I'd almost like more monitoring so that I can prepare myself for another miscarriage if they can catch it). We were going to do a home birth with this last pregnancy, so we weren't doing any blood testing with our midwife to see what the HCG levels were. I think we'll stick with the clinic next time. This sounds terrible, but maybe if I can have a little warning of an impending miscarriage, I can prepare myself. Like staying hydrated so that I *don't* land in the ER from blood loss and dehydration...
lilhimley, I know what you're talking about. It's unbelievable to me that we have to start over again. I know that my husband and I *can* get pregnant, but we're not the type of couple where it happens immediately. It took us seven months after my first miscarriage, and it took us a full year to get pregnant with my daughter. It's so frustrating. And I know we're going to have to wait at least until my anemia is resolved. *sigh* Here's to the next few months, right?
pacificbliss, Wow, yeah, that's a great comment. :rolleyes: I think it makes it worse when people who think that they're making it better just sound like they're trying to *not* validate the fact that you did lose what, in your mind (which is enough!) was a baby. My grandmother informed me after my first miscarriage that "nothing was there. you didn't lose anything." (There actually was something "there" for me, but I didn't get into it with her.) Regardless, you spend a few months creating this little being in your mind. It doesn't make the grief any different even if there really *wasn't* an embryo or anything. It doesn't make any difference if you were 8 weeks as opposed to 16. I hope that made sense.
Today I go in for another blood test. I'm sure my levels are falling, so right now I'm interested in what the OB wants to talk to us about. The nurse told me that she "wants to talk to us about getting pregnant again, etc." At least they want to do a *real* followup appointment this time around. I know they're not going to be able to offer any explanation for what happened, but I'm curious about what they're going to want to do with the next pregnancy (more monitoring? I think I'd almost like more monitoring so that I can prepare myself for another miscarriage if they can catch it). We were going to do a home birth with this last pregnancy, so we weren't doing any blood testing with our midwife to see what the HCG levels were. I think we'll stick with the clinic next time. This sounds terrible, but maybe if I can have a little warning of an impending miscarriage, I can prepare myself. Like staying hydrated so that I *don't* land in the ER from blood loss and dehydration...
bellabonga
09-13-2006, 12:03 PM
polkadot, Iīm sorry you are having such a hard week with your EDD coming up. Mine is still far away but I can imagine how hard it must be. I hope youīll feel a little better once it is over but having a newborn soon in your family is certainly bad timing.
ameigh, your experience sounds very scary. Iīm sorry you had to go through that. Do you feel okay now, physically? How far along were you? I hope you donīt mind that I ask. I got some pretty heavy stuff to hear after I m/c too, so I know what you mean. The whole "it was better this way blahblahblah" and my friend whose EDD is 3 weeks earlier than mine would have been basically told me to finally get over it after just one week. I understand that it is a sensitive issue and that it is hard to find the right words but still I was pretty ticked off. Even after my own m/c I still find it hard to say the right words. But I found that the most important thing is that people care and listen to you. So itīs great that this group exists, even if the cause is such a sad one. But it has helped me so much and Iīm sure it will help you to.
lilhimley, Iīm so sorry for your experience. I can somewhat relate because my m/c also happened because my baby girl had trisomy 21 and a severe heart defect. Only that I was "lucky" compared to you and my girlīs heart stopped beating before I even found out that she was so ill. So at least I wasnīt forced to make a decision. I have thought a lot about it afterwards and tried to imagine what I would have done and how that would have felt. So although you only ever really know when you have been there yourself, I think I can to some level understand how you feel. I wish I knew someone with a similar experience (well, not really...you know what I mean) but I donīt. After my m/c I spent some time on this m/c message board http://www.pregnancyloss.info/phpbb2/ . I donīt know if youīll find someone who had to terminate their pregnancy too but it might be worth a try. There were lots of very different experiences when I was there.
Having to wait for so long must be additionally agonizing. I hope you wonīt have to wait as long as prognosed and Iīm crossing my fingers for you that youīll have a baby in your arms by next year.
ameigh, your experience sounds very scary. Iīm sorry you had to go through that. Do you feel okay now, physically? How far along were you? I hope you donīt mind that I ask. I got some pretty heavy stuff to hear after I m/c too, so I know what you mean. The whole "it was better this way blahblahblah" and my friend whose EDD is 3 weeks earlier than mine would have been basically told me to finally get over it after just one week. I understand that it is a sensitive issue and that it is hard to find the right words but still I was pretty ticked off. Even after my own m/c I still find it hard to say the right words. But I found that the most important thing is that people care and listen to you. So itīs great that this group exists, even if the cause is such a sad one. But it has helped me so much and Iīm sure it will help you to.
lilhimley, Iīm so sorry for your experience. I can somewhat relate because my m/c also happened because my baby girl had trisomy 21 and a severe heart defect. Only that I was "lucky" compared to you and my girlīs heart stopped beating before I even found out that she was so ill. So at least I wasnīt forced to make a decision. I have thought a lot about it afterwards and tried to imagine what I would have done and how that would have felt. So although you only ever really know when you have been there yourself, I think I can to some level understand how you feel. I wish I knew someone with a similar experience (well, not really...you know what I mean) but I donīt. After my m/c I spent some time on this m/c message board http://www.pregnancyloss.info/phpbb2/ . I donīt know if youīll find someone who had to terminate their pregnancy too but it might be worth a try. There were lots of very different experiences when I was there.
Having to wait for so long must be additionally agonizing. I hope you wonīt have to wait as long as prognosed and Iīm crossing my fingers for you that youīll have a baby in your arms by next year.
ameigh
09-13-2006, 12:23 PM
bellabonga, I have also always found it hard to say the right thing to people who are grieving, which is why I don't hold these poor folks' words against them. I just roll my eyes and store it away in my "remember not to say *that* to anyone" memory.
I was 10 1/2 weeks along this time around. I think I'm doing fine, physically...just a little tired in the legs after going for walks. Walking around the block is kinda like going for a run for me right now. phew!
thanks for asking. :)
I was 10 1/2 weeks along this time around. I think I'm doing fine, physically...just a little tired in the legs after going for walks. Walking around the block is kinda like going for a run for me right now. phew!
thanks for asking. :)
bellabonga
09-13-2006, 01:14 PM
I just roll my eyes and store it away in my "remember not to say *that* to anyone" memory.
LOL :D
I hope the wobbly feeling in your legs is gone soon. Do you need to get a special treatment for the anaemia? Can it be cured easily or does it take a long time?
LOL :D
I hope the wobbly feeling in your legs is gone soon. Do you need to get a special treatment for the anaemia? Can it be cured easily or does it take a long time?
ameigh
09-14-2006, 05:43 AM
bellabonga, I don't know (unfortunately)! I'm just taking 325 mg of iron twice a day, staying hydrated, and hoping that the doctor will tell me that all will be normal soon. I'm sure it will be, though...I don't have time for wobbly legs anyway! I have a toddler to run after! :-)
How's everyone else feeling these days? I'm finally feeling cabin fever, but my daughter is still getting over a cold. So while I feel almost ready to rejoin the real world, I'll have to wait until the cough and runny nose die down...
Also, I'm starting to wonder about our chances (statistically) for another miscarriage after these two in a row (but with a history of one successful pregnancy). It looks like there are some good references at the beginning of this thread...any suggestions?
How's everyone else feeling these days? I'm finally feeling cabin fever, but my daughter is still getting over a cold. So while I feel almost ready to rejoin the real world, I'll have to wait until the cough and runny nose die down...
Also, I'm starting to wonder about our chances (statistically) for another miscarriage after these two in a row (but with a history of one successful pregnancy). It looks like there are some good references at the beginning of this thread...any suggestions?
ameigh
09-14-2006, 09:10 AM
Hey, I need to learn how to read. It's right in the front of the thread:
The majority (85%) of women who have had two miscarriages will conceive and carry normally afterwards...
That's actually very comforting...I'm going to take a deep breath now and quit hogging the board...
The majority (85%) of women who have had two miscarriages will conceive and carry normally afterwards...
That's actually very comforting...I'm going to take a deep breath now and quit hogging the board...
pacificbliss
09-14-2006, 11:14 AM
ameigh some time after my m/c I really needed more information. I found a book at the library by Jon Cohen titled, Coming to Term. He wrote it after his wife had several m/c and he wanted answers he could not find. He read all the studies, interviewed the experts and then put this book together. On the whole it's pretty reassuring.
RainGirl
09-26-2006, 08:37 PM
I've been reading through this thread the past few days as unfortunately I'm also going through the difficult process of losing our first baby.
I was 8.5 weeks when we found out at a follow-up ultrasound on Friday that the baby's heartbeat had stopped and we needed to wait it out for a natural miscarriage to start or schedule a D&C. I had the D&C today, which I now feel was the right decision. It gave me time to grieve without having to officially say goodbye until today, if that makes sense.
This has been such an emotional time. I spent the first half of last week celebrating my Brother's wedding. We were away at a lodge with close family and friends for three days for a destination wedding and everyone was hounding us to have kids, at that point it was DH and I's happy little secret as we were waiting until the wedding was over to allow my Brother and SIL their week to shine.
On afternoon Friday we learned the baby's heartbeat had stopped and she/he did not survive. We were only hours away from heading over to the wedding reception in our home town. I cried on and off until we pulled into the parking lot and then we put on our happy faces and visited with 150+ family and friends. It ended up being a good diversion and holding lots of babies helped reaffirm to me that life is precious and when its our turn I won't take it for granted for one moment.
We spent the rest of the weekend keeping very busy and putting on our happy faces until we got in the car and cried our eyes out. Lots of ups and downs. Even though no one knew what was going on it felt so good be loved by people just because they truly care about us, so in a way we were indirectly supported.
Now for the future, I'm having a hard time letting go of the "should have beens" and worrying about getting pregnant again since it took us a year the first time around. At this point I feel happy for friends and family who are having babies, as I wouldn't wish this grief on my worst enemy, but do have times of complete idiocy where I'm convinced that if we were on welfare or teens we wouldn't have this problem as it seems "that crowd" has more kids than they know what to do with.
I'm feeling overall optimistic today, but I suppose some of the pain has been softened by the pain meds. I know this is a major ramble, but it just felt good to put my thoughts into words.
I'm wishing all the best for each of you. I'm convinced that our dreams will come true.
I was 8.5 weeks when we found out at a follow-up ultrasound on Friday that the baby's heartbeat had stopped and we needed to wait it out for a natural miscarriage to start or schedule a D&C. I had the D&C today, which I now feel was the right decision. It gave me time to grieve without having to officially say goodbye until today, if that makes sense.
This has been such an emotional time. I spent the first half of last week celebrating my Brother's wedding. We were away at a lodge with close family and friends for three days for a destination wedding and everyone was hounding us to have kids, at that point it was DH and I's happy little secret as we were waiting until the wedding was over to allow my Brother and SIL their week to shine.
On afternoon Friday we learned the baby's heartbeat had stopped and she/he did not survive. We were only hours away from heading over to the wedding reception in our home town. I cried on and off until we pulled into the parking lot and then we put on our happy faces and visited with 150+ family and friends. It ended up being a good diversion and holding lots of babies helped reaffirm to me that life is precious and when its our turn I won't take it for granted for one moment.
We spent the rest of the weekend keeping very busy and putting on our happy faces until we got in the car and cried our eyes out. Lots of ups and downs. Even though no one knew what was going on it felt so good be loved by people just because they truly care about us, so in a way we were indirectly supported.
Now for the future, I'm having a hard time letting go of the "should have beens" and worrying about getting pregnant again since it took us a year the first time around. At this point I feel happy for friends and family who are having babies, as I wouldn't wish this grief on my worst enemy, but do have times of complete idiocy where I'm convinced that if we were on welfare or teens we wouldn't have this problem as it seems "that crowd" has more kids than they know what to do with.
I'm feeling overall optimistic today, but I suppose some of the pain has been softened by the pain meds. I know this is a major ramble, but it just felt good to put my thoughts into words.
I'm wishing all the best for each of you. I'm convinced that our dreams will come true.
numberlady
09-27-2006, 04:02 AM
RainGirl - I am sorry that you have to join this club. It takes a while to get over the "should have beens." Your post sounded like it could have come from me (except much more eloquent). I'm glad that you are feeling positive and hope that you get to feeling better and allow your body to heal.
My "should have been" is that my edd is today. I had hoped to be so busy or pregnant by now, so as to not realize the day and just let it pass by. But I did, first thing this morning. In a way I am sad, in a way I feel like I should be sadder. I'm not sure how I should feel. I really thought I would be pg by now, but I we are on our 4th cycle with no bfp. I know that for some people that is not very long, but I got pg by accident, so I kind of thought it would happen right away once we started trying. Hopefully work will be busy today so I don't have to think about it much.
My "should have been" is that my edd is today. I had hoped to be so busy or pregnant by now, so as to not realize the day and just let it pass by. But I did, first thing this morning. In a way I am sad, in a way I feel like I should be sadder. I'm not sure how I should feel. I really thought I would be pg by now, but I we are on our 4th cycle with no bfp. I know that for some people that is not very long, but I got pg by accident, so I kind of thought it would happen right away once we started trying. Hopefully work will be busy today so I don't have to think about it much.
pacificbliss
09-27-2006, 01:45 PM
raingirlI'm so sorry. Don't worry about your thoughts on "that crowd". For a long time I could not get over the fact that sometimes women who do drugs during pregnancy have healthy babies and I lost mine. I hope you heal quickly and are able to easily get pg again.
numberlady Sorry today is your due date. That's a tough day. hugs
numberlady Sorry today is your due date. That's a tough day. hugs
polkadot
09-27-2006, 04:04 PM
raingirl~ so sorry to have to welcome you here. I am just finishing my second miscarriage....I have lost two much earlier than you have and it is still tough. YOu will get lots of support and help from the ladies here...we all have experieinces and info to share....((((((hugs)))))))
numberlady~ ((((hugs)))) My edd was filled with joy b/c i had just found out i was pg again only to loose this one too. I know how hard it is...try to do something special in memory of your angel baby. It might make you feel better....more ((((((((hugs))))))))
As for me...I got my results back from my last beta and my levels were below two so that mean I am good to go. We are not trying this month...I am giving my body a little time to readjust and then next month...back on the ttc wagon....:)
numberlady~ ((((hugs)))) My edd was filled with joy b/c i had just found out i was pg again only to loose this one too. I know how hard it is...try to do something special in memory of your angel baby. It might make you feel better....more ((((((((hugs))))))))
As for me...I got my results back from my last beta and my levels were below two so that mean I am good to go. We are not trying this month...I am giving my body a little time to readjust and then next month...back on the ttc wagon....:)
RainGirl
09-27-2006, 04:14 PM
Numberlady and Pacificbliss, thanks so much for your support, it means a lot, especially when this has been something we've been going through privately IRL.
Numberlady, I'm so sorry that today has been a rough one, hang in there. I wish I knew how to make it truly better for you.
Today for me has been a little tough, physically I'm doing ok, but emotionally I'm losing it. I got in a little tiff with my husband. He is most comfortable when things are organized and has been spending the afternoon flitting around the house and putting life back together, while if I was in my right mind I would totally appreciate his thoughtfulness, instead I'm taking it as an emotional sign that he is moving on, which I'm not ready to do. I mean the D&C was just yesterday. I got crabby at him, he got hurt and now I just made my hubby who has been beyond amazing feel bad. Seems like not only do I feel bad, but I'm not allowing my own DH do what he needs to heal, what is my problem???
On a happy note, two of my best girlfriends sent me flowers today, they don't know what is going on, other than me telling them that I'm going through a rough patch and that I'm not ready to talk about it. Of course I cried, but it was because I feel so loved by them, which was a nice change from crying because of all the sadness.
Hope we all have more up days than down days in our future.
Numberlady, I'm so sorry that today has been a rough one, hang in there. I wish I knew how to make it truly better for you.
Today for me has been a little tough, physically I'm doing ok, but emotionally I'm losing it. I got in a little tiff with my husband. He is most comfortable when things are organized and has been spending the afternoon flitting around the house and putting life back together, while if I was in my right mind I would totally appreciate his thoughtfulness, instead I'm taking it as an emotional sign that he is moving on, which I'm not ready to do. I mean the D&C was just yesterday. I got crabby at him, he got hurt and now I just made my hubby who has been beyond amazing feel bad. Seems like not only do I feel bad, but I'm not allowing my own DH do what he needs to heal, what is my problem???
On a happy note, two of my best girlfriends sent me flowers today, they don't know what is going on, other than me telling them that I'm going through a rough patch and that I'm not ready to talk about it. Of course I cried, but it was because I feel so loved by them, which was a nice change from crying because of all the sadness.
Hope we all have more up days than down days in our future.
RainGirl
09-27-2006, 04:23 PM
Polkadot, sorry that you are going through this for the second time, so unfair. Thanks for the ((((((hugs)))))), sending them right back at you.
klanae
09-27-2006, 09:43 PM
I am a new visitor to this thread. First off I am so sorry for everyones losses! I can not imagine what ya'll are going through which is why i am in this thread, I just found out from my FMIL that my friend miscarried her baby today at 10 weeks and I would like to send her a card or a lil something! I just have no idea what to say. A little background, she is my FH's cousin and she lives 2 hours away and we just recently became closer friends! I will probably see her in mid October but I wanted to send a card before then! So if ya'll could post something that you think will encourage her or things I shouldn't say! Also, I wasn't sure if I should send flowers, I have heard people say that it makes it hard after the flowers die! Any advice ya'll could give would be greatly appreciated!!!
Sorry for all the rambling and I hope I didn't intrude!
Sorry for all the rambling and I hope I didn't intrude!
ameigh
09-28-2006, 04:40 PM
RainGirl, I'm so sorry for your loss. Just let your mood swings take their course...they'll go away eventually. You were very brave to have such a positive attitude at your brother's reception. When I had my two miscarriages, I would sit at home and think "I don't want to go anywhere...I don't want to see anyone." But I'd do it anyway on the hunch that it would make me feel better to see friends and get back into the routine. And I was right, every time. So good for you.
I've found that having even a macabre sense of humor is helpful...but that's me. I just tell my husband that "I have the Rice University of uteruses. Our next baby will be absolutely perfect, because I reject everything less than that!" ;-) Anyway, it helps me.
Good luck to you in the next few days!
klanae, you're not intruding! I think a good rule of thumb would be to consider it like you would if your friend's family member had died. You know, the usual: don't say you know how she's feeling, don't say that you know she'll feel better soon. Just say that you're so sorry, you hope that she feels better soon, and that if she ever wants to talk, you're always there. That kind of thing was something I was so grateful for in my losses.
I've found that having even a macabre sense of humor is helpful...but that's me. I just tell my husband that "I have the Rice University of uteruses. Our next baby will be absolutely perfect, because I reject everything less than that!" ;-) Anyway, it helps me.
Good luck to you in the next few days!
klanae, you're not intruding! I think a good rule of thumb would be to consider it like you would if your friend's family member had died. You know, the usual: don't say you know how she's feeling, don't say that you know she'll feel better soon. Just say that you're so sorry, you hope that she feels better soon, and that if she ever wants to talk, you're always there. That kind of thing was something I was so grateful for in my losses.
jenahdawn
09-28-2006, 05:11 PM
I'd give anything NOT to join.
The hardest part is that it's still considered a miscarriage or "spontaneous abortion" at 19 weeks. (Well, ONE of the hardest parts.)
We got home a few hours ago. He's sleeping behind me and I'm bawling.
Tues night I started having contractions. I was dialated to 2 cm. After 2 hours, I was at 3 cm and was moved "upstairs" to L&D.
6:15 am Wed, Sept 27, my water broke. By 6:30~ish, my beautiful baby girls were here. Katie was 7.8 oz and 22cm long (8 3/4 inches) and Chloe was 6 oz and 20 cm (8 inches) long. And they were absolutely perfect.
This afternoon, we gave our little angels away so their ashes can be spread over a flower garden so everyone can appreciate their beauty.
But I just want them in our arms again.
Recovering mentally, emotionally AND physically....this is the worst pain anyone can ever feel and the one thing I hope no one else ever has to.
We were told to wait 6 months before trying again.
The hardest part is that it's still considered a miscarriage or "spontaneous abortion" at 19 weeks. (Well, ONE of the hardest parts.)
We got home a few hours ago. He's sleeping behind me and I'm bawling.
Tues night I started having contractions. I was dialated to 2 cm. After 2 hours, I was at 3 cm and was moved "upstairs" to L&D.
6:15 am Wed, Sept 27, my water broke. By 6:30~ish, my beautiful baby girls were here. Katie was 7.8 oz and 22cm long (8 3/4 inches) and Chloe was 6 oz and 20 cm (8 inches) long. And they were absolutely perfect.
This afternoon, we gave our little angels away so their ashes can be spread over a flower garden so everyone can appreciate their beauty.
But I just want them in our arms again.
Recovering mentally, emotionally AND physically....this is the worst pain anyone can ever feel and the one thing I hope no one else ever has to.
We were told to wait 6 months before trying again.
polkadot
09-28-2006, 07:16 PM
jenahdawn...i am soooo sorry for your loss. I cannot express in words how sorry I am for you. If we can do anything, please let us know.
((((((hugs)))))))))
((((((hugs)))))))))
shouldaeloped
09-28-2006, 07:29 PM
I just wanted to stop in to say how sad I was that this thread continues to receive new members. I miscarried my first two pregnancies, one naturally in Jan 05 at 12w2d and the other via d&c in May 05 at 9w2d. I was lucky enough to get pregnant again last October and delivered my daughter this past June. I know how very hard it can be to see the future and to believe that it will happen for you, but it is possible to overcome even the crappiest of circumstances.
polkadot- my heart aches for you. I read about your second bfp and celebrated for you. I was devastated to hear about your loss again. somehow, the second one seems so much more difficult. I'll be thinking about you and sending you positive vibes as you continue your journey.
jenahdawn- I am so so sorry to hear about your losses. I hope you are able to find some peace in the grieving process.
good luck to all of you and I'll be lurking in case I can add anything. I feel like i have been through quite a bit myself. (((hugs))) to everyone here.
polkadot- my heart aches for you. I read about your second bfp and celebrated for you. I was devastated to hear about your loss again. somehow, the second one seems so much more difficult. I'll be thinking about you and sending you positive vibes as you continue your journey.
jenahdawn- I am so so sorry to hear about your losses. I hope you are able to find some peace in the grieving process.
good luck to all of you and I'll be lurking in case I can add anything. I feel like i have been through quite a bit myself. (((hugs))) to everyone here.
usafwife
09-28-2006, 07:32 PM
Raingirl ~ As someone else said, it takes a while to get over the should have beens. I would have been very close (if not already delivered) to delivering our little one had we not lost it earlier this year. I realize in hindsight that it might have been for the better because I do not know how I would have handled everything I had to deal with concerning my mom during the past month +. I probably would have delivered the night we nearly lost her just from the stress.
numberlady ~ Sorry that yesterday was a rough day for you. I hope that my due date of the one we lost isn't too rough for me. Though we never really had an actual date, just more of a due date week.
klanae ~ You aren't intruding.
I think a good rule of thumb would be to consider it like you would if your friend's family member had died. You know, the usual: don't say you know how she's feeling, don't say that you know she'll feel better soon. Just say that you're so sorry, you hope that she feels better soon, and that if she ever wants to talk, you're always there. That kind of thing was something I was so grateful for in my losses. I completely agree.
jenah ~ I'm so very sorry that you are having to join us here. Your precious angels are looking down from above. Please relay on your family and friends during this most difficult and trying time. If we can do anything here, please let us know. {{{HUGS}}}
numberlady ~ Sorry that yesterday was a rough day for you. I hope that my due date of the one we lost isn't too rough for me. Though we never really had an actual date, just more of a due date week.
klanae ~ You aren't intruding.
I think a good rule of thumb would be to consider it like you would if your friend's family member had died. You know, the usual: don't say you know how she's feeling, don't say that you know she'll feel better soon. Just say that you're so sorry, you hope that she feels better soon, and that if she ever wants to talk, you're always there. That kind of thing was something I was so grateful for in my losses. I completely agree.
jenah ~ I'm so very sorry that you are having to join us here. Your precious angels are looking down from above. Please relay on your family and friends during this most difficult and trying time. If we can do anything here, please let us know. {{{HUGS}}}
ameigh
09-29-2006, 12:28 PM
I'm just wondering...my husband and I are trying again right away this first cycle after my miscarriage. If, on the very off chance, I'm late and wanted to take a pg test, would it even be accurate? Seems like it took at least 3 weeks for the HCG levels to drop to zero, so if it picked something up, would it still be from the previous pregnancy?
cherry
09-29-2006, 02:01 PM
jenahdawn, i am so terribly sorry for your terrible loss. my heart breaks for you and your husband. as someone else mentioned, rely as much as you need to on those around you who love and support you. in the meantime, wishing you strength and peace. your two little girls and truly looking down on you from above.
lilhimley
10-01-2006, 11:35 AM
jenahdawn, so sorry for your heartbreak. You are surrounded by support here. Talk to us as you need to. Healing thoughts are with you.
jenahdawn
10-01-2006, 03:31 PM
Just wanted to post a quick hey...and that today...well, so far...and this afternoon, is a "good" day. (Last night blew....took a trip to the ER for shoulder and abdominal pains and pain breathing....er doc thought I needed a D&C. OB/GYN consult said, "No, I don't think so."~~~I look like a friggin heroin addict with track marks up and down my arms....IV this past week, MULTIPLE blood draws, IV last night along with another blood draw. And not just one, but TWO pelvic exams....)
We have also decided on November 4th we are doing a memorial get together here at our house. The ONLY decision that has been made is the date. No idea what we are going to do yet, but the emotions won't be so raw.
Oh, and the new goal is to be a member of the Feb (or Jan) 2008 mommies thread....~~~today, at least...
We have also decided on November 4th we are doing a memorial get together here at our house. The ONLY decision that has been made is the date. No idea what we are going to do yet, but the emotions won't be so raw.
Oh, and the new goal is to be a member of the Feb (or Jan) 2008 mommies thread....~~~today, at least...
lilhimley
10-02-2006, 01:51 PM
jenahdawn, thanks for the update. I've been thinking about you and your family. I hope you don't have to go through any more procedures/exams.
jenahdawn
10-02-2006, 02:53 PM
Tomorrow afternoon's the first appt. (It was already planned, now it's just for a different reason) I look at it as a step forward. I have a page of questions for the doctor. And, since he hasn't steered us wrong, I'm going to follow his instructions to the letter.
Today was a mixed day. We went to the funeral home to see their ashes spread. (It's right by a pole of a white wrought iron gate that the owner brought from his grandmother's farm. The flowers are pinks and purples and yellows) And, afterwards, I ended up with a sense of calm. I no longer have to worry where my babies are, physically or spiritually.
He's having a very hard day today and doesn't really want to talk or do anything, so I'm giving him a little space and keep checking on him.
Ups and downs.
Today was a mixed day. We went to the funeral home to see their ashes spread. (It's right by a pole of a white wrought iron gate that the owner brought from his grandmother's farm. The flowers are pinks and purples and yellows) And, afterwards, I ended up with a sense of calm. I no longer have to worry where my babies are, physically or spiritually.
He's having a very hard day today and doesn't really want to talk or do anything, so I'm giving him a little space and keep checking on him.
Ups and downs.
jimmysgirl424
10-03-2006, 08:35 AM
jenahdawn Normally I wouldn't intrude on this thread; but I just today heard about your loss and felt very compelled to come here and give you my heartfelt sympathies. Your little girls are looking down on you and they know how much they were loved. I don't know what else to say that hasn't been said before. Except that I'm sorry. :(
jenahdawn
10-03-2006, 09:02 AM
Kym, thanks.
curlygurl
10-05-2006, 10:00 AM
I not sure if you guys know, but this was recently PASSED in Congress -
October 15th is officially Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (http://www.october15th.com)
Although, for most of us - we remember everyday.
October 15th is officially Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (http://www.october15th.com)
Although, for most of us - we remember everyday.
klanae
10-06-2006, 03:04 PM
Thanks ladies for your help! I found a card at Hallmark and on the front it says "Thinking of You" and inside it says "At this sad and difficult time, you're in the thoughts of so many people who care very much about you. Do you think that is okay to send her? Thanks again!
lilhimley
10-06-2006, 05:28 PM
klanae, that sounds perfect. I would appreciate that message.
usafwife
10-08-2006, 07:36 AM
Jenah ~ It's normal to have ups and downs. I wasn't as far along as you were when I had the m/c and I had plenty of up and down days. I still do. I think the memorial is a good idea. Your goal sounds wonderful and I'll (and the rest of the Feb group) be cheering you on. I think of you often and hope the days will get better. Remember we are all here for you whenever you need to talk.
klanae ~ I think that message sounds perfect.
curly ~ Thanks for the information regarding Oct. 15th.
klanae ~ I think that message sounds perfect.
curly ~ Thanks for the information regarding Oct. 15th.
PugLover
10-12-2006, 07:38 PM
Name:Julia, 27
DH: Josh, 28
Married: April 20, 2002
M/C - still waiting...baby died 8w3d, I would have been 12w4d when we found out
TTC: don't know yet
DH: Josh, 28
Married: April 20, 2002
M/C - still waiting...baby died 8w3d, I would have been 12w4d when we found out
TTC: don't know yet
PugLover
10-12-2006, 07:43 PM
I haven't read through the whole thread but wanted to come by and ask some questions. I really never thought I would be in this place. I guess I just took for granted that everything would be fine. And now it is not. I just found out today that my baby has been dead for 4 weeks. I have so many questions unanswered. And the sadness is overwhelming. I have had cramping and some brown spotting now for 3 days. What will happen when I miscarry? Should I be concerned I haven't yet? What will it be like? Bad cramps? Will I be able to see just clots or more? I am really scared.
polkadot
10-12-2006, 08:27 PM
Puglover~ I am so sorry you are going through this..both of my m/c were very early so they were just like very heavy period...I wish I had some better advice to give. i know that none of us ever thought we would be here. It sucks that we are all here but you will get a lot of advice and support here and most importantly (((hugs)))
tipsy
10-12-2006, 08:50 PM
Sorry I haven't been around for a while. I felt like I had to take a break from the boards.
PugLover I'm sorry you are going through this. I was also 12.5 weeks when I miscarried (6 wks ago), when you're supposed feel safe with your pregnancy. You're probably in shock right now. Those first 2-3 weeks were really hard, but it gets easier. Also your hormones are dropping, so you'll feel fine and the next day a sobbing mess.
As far as the mc, I had a natural mc too. Mine might have been a little different since it happened suddenly, hours after a normal u/s, and the baby measured over 13wks, so for me it was like giving birth. You will probably have heavy bleeding, period cramps and what you will see...it's hard to say. Some people only see clots, I had clots, but also a 4 inch long, in tact, little person. I know its scary, but you will get through this. Somehow your body will know what to do. Keep us posted.
PugLover I'm sorry you are going through this. I was also 12.5 weeks when I miscarried (6 wks ago), when you're supposed feel safe with your pregnancy. You're probably in shock right now. Those first 2-3 weeks were really hard, but it gets easier. Also your hormones are dropping, so you'll feel fine and the next day a sobbing mess.
As far as the mc, I had a natural mc too. Mine might have been a little different since it happened suddenly, hours after a normal u/s, and the baby measured over 13wks, so for me it was like giving birth. You will probably have heavy bleeding, period cramps and what you will see...it's hard to say. Some people only see clots, I had clots, but also a 4 inch long, in tact, little person. I know its scary, but you will get through this. Somehow your body will know what to do. Keep us posted.
littlemia
10-12-2006, 08:58 PM
puglover, I'm very sorry. I was in a similar situation a few months ago. I started spotting at about 11 weeks and it was confirmed that the baby had died about 2 weeks before. My midwives recommended that I wait to miscarry naturally. About 10 days after I first started spotting I still was more or less still just spotting so I opted to choose medical management which was taking misoprostol (Cytotec). It was not easy and didn't work completely (I didn't pass the pregnancy until 4 days after I took the medicine) but I was very glad to avoid a D&C. I'm just telling you this because I want you to know your options if your body doesn't seem to want to miscarry on its own.
Since my miscarriage was induced, I can't really be sure if what I experienced is anything like what would be experienced in a natural miscarriage. But I can tell you I experienced a lot of pain and cramping until my water broke/the Darvocet kicked in. I would ask about some pain killers. After my water broke, the bleeding started. There was a lot of blood. I'm glad I knew to expect a lot of blood because otherwise I would have been really scared. I bled very heavily for about 4-5 hours (clots and gushing blood). Then it tapered off and I went to sleep. It kept tapering off and I thought I was finished but at my follow-up appointment a few days later, my midwife saw that I hadn't passed the baby and the sac. She removed it and gave me more misoprostol and I bled fairly heavily again for a couple of hours. After that the bleeding went down to similar to a period and then down to spotting. I bled for about 2 weeks total.
Since my miscarriage was induced, I can't really be sure if what I experienced is anything like what would be experienced in a natural miscarriage. But I can tell you I experienced a lot of pain and cramping until my water broke/the Darvocet kicked in. I would ask about some pain killers. After my water broke, the bleeding started. There was a lot of blood. I'm glad I knew to expect a lot of blood because otherwise I would have been really scared. I bled very heavily for about 4-5 hours (clots and gushing blood). Then it tapered off and I went to sleep. It kept tapering off and I thought I was finished but at my follow-up appointment a few days later, my midwife saw that I hadn't passed the baby and the sac. She removed it and gave me more misoprostol and I bled fairly heavily again for a couple of hours. After that the bleeding went down to similar to a period and then down to spotting. I bled for about 2 weeks total.
jenahdawn
10-13-2006, 07:22 AM
I can't give you much advice as mine (still considered a miscarriage) was 19 weeks.
I am so sorry.
I am so sorry.
pacificbliss
10-13-2006, 09:49 AM
I am so sorry puglover. I don't have any advice as I had a D & C but I do have hugs for you.
lilhimley
10-13-2006, 04:40 PM
puglover, with my first pregnancy I wanted to miscarry naturally, but after 3 weeks of waiting, couldn't take it anymore and had a D&C. I had the D&C because I heard that the medicine to induce m/c sometimes has bad effects like incomplete abortion, bleeding a long time, and pain. I was glad I did it because it had a quick recovery time and was relatively painless.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I never thought I'd be here either of course, or that I'd have to join twice. I have started to feel better over time, but it's kind of wacky. Some days I'm busy and don't think about it much. Other days, it's all I can do to not cry all day at work. I think I'll try a support group next Wednesday.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I never thought I'd be here either of course, or that I'd have to join twice. I have started to feel better over time, but it's kind of wacky. Some days I'm busy and don't think about it much. Other days, it's all I can do to not cry all day at work. I think I'll try a support group next Wednesday.
polkadot
10-13-2006, 08:51 PM
I never thought I'd be here either of course, or that I'd have to join twice. I have started to feel better over time, but it's kind of wacky. Some days I'm busy and don't think about it much. Other days, it's all I can do to not cry all day at work.
This is exactly how I feel everyday! Once second I am great the next I am a wreck. I just take it one day at a time and sometimes...one hour at a time....
I hope everyone is ok..sending ((((hugs)))) to all of you...:D
This is exactly how I feel everyday! Once second I am great the next I am a wreck. I just take it one day at a time and sometimes...one hour at a time....
I hope everyone is ok..sending ((((hugs)))) to all of you...:D
jenahdawn
10-14-2006, 10:48 AM
We have our psychologist appt on Monday. She gave us her cell phone # "just in case" because she gives it to all of her vulnerable patients, and even though she hasn't met us yet, we are in that category.
I feel like a complete freak.
puglover, I don't think anyone here expected to join. Chalk me up as one who pretended these kinds of threads didn't exist because I didn't want to think of the possibility...which is now reality.
I feel like a complete freak.
puglover, I don't think anyone here expected to join. Chalk me up as one who pretended these kinds of threads didn't exist because I didn't want to think of the possibility...which is now reality.
PugLover
10-16-2006, 07:50 PM
I posted a thread about this in Family Planning but thought I would ask in here too.
I am a little concerned and tired of waiting to pass my baby. Long story short is the baby died at 8w3d and we found out at 12w4d. I started spotting brown and having light cramps on Tuesday, also did on Wednesday and still was Thurdsay morning so we had an ultrasound and found out the baby had no heartbeat and had not grown. Since then I have went from red to brown back to red bleeding but still have yet to even fill a pad. I had horrible contractions (5 hours where they were at least a minute long and at least 1 minute apart, sometimes 15-20 seconds apart) last night. Tonight I had 3 hours of more contractions that weren't as intense and through all of this still nothing has passed at all. It is now Monday and I am still waiting. Is this normal to still not have passed anything after all of that labor?
I am a little concerned and tired of waiting to pass my baby. Long story short is the baby died at 8w3d and we found out at 12w4d. I started spotting brown and having light cramps on Tuesday, also did on Wednesday and still was Thurdsay morning so we had an ultrasound and found out the baby had no heartbeat and had not grown. Since then I have went from red to brown back to red bleeding but still have yet to even fill a pad. I had horrible contractions (5 hours where they were at least a minute long and at least 1 minute apart, sometimes 15-20 seconds apart) last night. Tonight I had 3 hours of more contractions that weren't as intense and through all of this still nothing has passed at all. It is now Monday and I am still waiting. Is this normal to still not have passed anything after all of that labor?
littlemia
10-16-2006, 08:38 PM
PugLover, I can't answer your question about the contractions since I was basically induced, but the bleeding/spotting pattern sounds a lot like what I experienced. My midwife made it seem like it wouldn't be too long before I started passing everything but after 10 days I couldn't take it anymore and I took the medication. I would call your OB in the morning to see if there's anything they can do for you. I hope everything happens soon. I know how hard it is to wait.
jenahdawn, I hope your appointment with the psychologist went well. I didn't tell you before but I'm very sorry for your losses.
jenahdawn, I hope your appointment with the psychologist went well. I didn't tell you before but I'm very sorry for your losses.
polkadot
10-17-2006, 04:12 PM
puglover~ I am so sorry you are having to go through this...the only advice I have to offer is to call your doctor...both of my miscarriages were early on 4 wks and 6 wks...so I never had to pass anything...
((((hugs)))) to you
((((hugs)))) to you
jenahdawn
10-17-2006, 09:18 PM
polkadot, can I say how much I love this?
: Be patient... in time, even an egg will walk :
: Be patient... in time, even an egg will walk :
numberlady
10-18-2006, 03:15 AM
PugLover - I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. The wait must be agonizing. I hope you have contacted your doctor. My experience was more liketipsy's in that it was spontaneous, but not as far along as her. I hope you get some answers soon.
jenahdawn - Still thinking of you and you are not a freak! At least your phych recognizes the trauma and impact that this loss must be having on you.
jenahdawn - Still thinking of you and you are not a freak! At least your phych recognizes the trauma and impact that this loss must be having on you.
polkadot
10-18-2006, 05:53 PM
jenahdawn~ it was actually the fortune I got 2 days before my last BFP. I guess i have to be patient...that is so unlike me ;)
I hope you are doing ok....I cant imagine how hard this must be
~~~
I dont want to be a downer but this is going on and i need to ask for prayers...a friends from works cousin...is 21 weeks pg with triplet girls. She is having complications and they may have to deliver the girls within the next few days. The doctors have said that the babies will probably not be viable. It is breaking my heart...she had IVF 3 x's to get them and now they may be taken away...please send any extra prayers her way...her name is Elizabeth
thanks.,...ok I am crying gotta go
I hope you are doing ok....I cant imagine how hard this must be
~~~
I dont want to be a downer but this is going on and i need to ask for prayers...a friends from works cousin...is 21 weeks pg with triplet girls. She is having complications and they may have to deliver the girls within the next few days. The doctors have said that the babies will probably not be viable. It is breaking my heart...she had IVF 3 x's to get them and now they may be taken away...please send any extra prayers her way...her name is Elizabeth
thanks.,...ok I am crying gotta go
jenahdawn
10-19-2006, 10:05 AM
Oh, your poor friend! There are no words.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today we are going to meet the bereavement group for the first time. Not really looking forward to it....but I am, you know?
And today we would have been 22 weeks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today we are going to meet the bereavement group for the first time. Not really looking forward to it....but I am, you know?
And today we would have been 22 weeks.
PugLover
10-19-2006, 04:11 PM
I wanted to say thank you for whoever posted the link about October 15th. We found a candle lighting ceremony in my area that we were able to attend through it.
I don't know if my stats got posted or not but I wanted to update them if they did:
Name:Julia, 27
DH: Josh, 28
Married: April 20, 2002
M/C - baby died 8w3d, I would have been 12w4d when we found out, D&E on October 18
TTC: don't know if I can emotionally again
I don't know if my stats got posted or not but I wanted to update them if they did:
Name:Julia, 27
DH: Josh, 28
Married: April 20, 2002
M/C - baby died 8w3d, I would have been 12w4d when we found out, D&E on October 18
TTC: don't know if I can emotionally again
polkadot
10-19-2006, 06:39 PM
Hi girls~
Just wanted to give an update on the prayers I was asking for a friend. She is now doing ok...she is no longer in labor and that is very good...she is offically in the hospital until the babies are delivered....Everyday is more time for them to grow and develop. PLease keep Elizabeth and the baby girls in your prayers...they are working!!:D
thanks
Just wanted to give an update on the prayers I was asking for a friend. She is now doing ok...she is no longer in labor and that is very good...she is offically in the hospital until the babies are delivered....Everyday is more time for them to grow and develop. PLease keep Elizabeth and the baby girls in your prayers...they are working!!:D
thanks
jenahdawn
10-20-2006, 08:40 AM
polkadot, crossing everything I've got!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night was our first support group meeting.
The looks on the peoples' faces when they walked in (we were the first ones there) was saddness. And then two more "new" people came in.
It was helpful. Lots of tears, lots of kleenex, lots of heartbreaking stories.
Then, today, (just now) I got a phone call from a couple who were undergrads when my husband was getting his masters. They just moved back to town and she found my name in the mothers of multiples directory and called me. I told her that we didn't have the desired results and she told me about her first two miscarriages and now they have 7 month old boys. And, surprisingly, it's not that hard to hear about now. She wants us to get together when we are ready and I told her it would be sooner than some others because 1, she's been through it and 2, she has boys, and 3, it's not babies that are getting me...yet...it's pregnant women. I am having a harder time with pregnant women (especially those still living in blissful ignorance...God, I wish I were still there) because that's what I knew.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night was our first support group meeting.
The looks on the peoples' faces when they walked in (we were the first ones there) was saddness. And then two more "new" people came in.
It was helpful. Lots of tears, lots of kleenex, lots of heartbreaking stories.
Then, today, (just now) I got a phone call from a couple who were undergrads when my husband was getting his masters. They just moved back to town and she found my name in the mothers of multiples directory and called me. I told her that we didn't have the desired results and she told me about her first two miscarriages and now they have 7 month old boys. And, surprisingly, it's not that hard to hear about now. She wants us to get together when we are ready and I told her it would be sooner than some others because 1, she's been through it and 2, she has boys, and 3, it's not babies that are getting me...yet...it's pregnant women. I am having a harder time with pregnant women (especially those still living in blissful ignorance...God, I wish I were still there) because that's what I knew.
lilhimley
10-20-2006, 09:33 PM
polkadot, I'm still thinking good thoughts for Elizabeth and am glad she's doing better.
Our first support meeting was Wednesday. Yes, all sad faces including one who admitted she cries everyday and it looked like she had cried all day on Wednesday. All the women cried, at least a little. It was good for us. It helped me see that I'm not alone. The things the other women said were exactly how I felt. Really only they, and us, know how it feels. I plan to attend every meeting, twice a month, and hopefully become one of the facilitators eventually. I feel like I've taken a step further in the grieving process so I'm happy about that and hope that more is to come. Take care everyone.
Jennifer
Our first support meeting was Wednesday. Yes, all sad faces including one who admitted she cries everyday and it looked like she had cried all day on Wednesday. All the women cried, at least a little. It was good for us. It helped me see that I'm not alone. The things the other women said were exactly how I felt. Really only they, and us, know how it feels. I plan to attend every meeting, twice a month, and hopefully become one of the facilitators eventually. I feel like I've taken a step further in the grieving process so I'm happy about that and hope that more is to come. Take care everyone.
Jennifer
purplesunshine7
10-20-2006, 09:37 PM
hi ladies, I hope everyone is doing well as can be expected. Sorry I've been MIA. Please update this for me. M/c #2 on may 24,06. As difficult as it has been we are now seeing an RE and on are way again. I really didn't ever think I would have the strength to try again. but I really want a baby and I guess no matter how many times you have to try if you wants something bad enough you just don't give up. I just had a HSG and all looked well I do have a gene problem but dr. said that it didn't have an affect on m/c. I am going in for biopsy soon. I just wanted to let all you ladies know that no matter how much pain you may have now. Do not give up on your dreams. Of course let yourself heal, and although the pain never truely goes away it does quiet down after a while. I hope you all find peace in your hearts soon.
jenahdawn
10-21-2006, 09:24 AM
I look at this as a positive step.....we already found a name we love should we get lucky enough to have another daughter. I'd been worried I'd never fall in love with another name for a girl and this one just came.
So, maybe it will be used in 16-18 months?
So, maybe it will be used in 16-18 months?
polkadot
10-21-2006, 09:34 AM
Girls~ I am so glad that you two have joined support groups to help you through this hard time. I wish that I had some other type of support, your friends can only give you so much. I hope you both get to feeling normal again...
We started our 3rd cycle of Clomid and hopefully this will be it for us...fingers crossed!!
We started our 3rd cycle of Clomid and hopefully this will be it for us...fingers crossed!!
jenahdawn
10-21-2006, 12:47 PM
polkadot needs a little dot! Come on Clomid!
I really see this group as a good thing. The only thing I am having a hard time with, as of right now, with it is that I am the only one I know of that has lost multiples. (Note, not the same as multiple losses.....)
I really see this group as a good thing. The only thing I am having a hard time with, as of right now, with it is that I am the only one I know of that has lost multiples. (Note, not the same as multiple losses.....)
polkadot
10-21-2006, 08:23 PM
jenahdawn~ yes, i think you are the only one in our little thread that has loss multiples...but please dont leave us :o
You will find great support here...and thanks for giving me some;)
You will find great support here...and thanks for giving me some;)
jenahdawn
10-21-2006, 09:45 PM
polkadot, no, I mean in our (in person) support group.....although, in some strange way that you all understand, I'd hope I was the only one in this group, too....but, being in the multiples thread, I know I'm not.
polkadot
10-22-2006, 09:37 AM
ok...i get it...sorry i am a little slow these days...must be the Clomid...i feel like I am walking around in a haze ;)
jenahdawn
10-22-2006, 09:39 PM
from what I've heard (from "graduates"), that happens. :)
Steve's Sweety
10-27-2006, 12:10 PM
We found out yesterday at 5:00 that our baby had no heartbeat. It had stopped growing around 8 wks 4 days. I was 11 wks, 1 day.
We are devestated. I have no idea how to deal with this.
Waiting to see if my body does something or if I have to have a D&C.
So technically I guess I haven't m/c yet but figured you all would let me be here anyway.
I am just so sad.
And I feel like this will go on forever because after dealing with this now I will go through it all over again when I do pass the baby or have a D&C.'
This sucks, no one should have to go through this. :(
We are devestated. I have no idea how to deal with this.
Waiting to see if my body does something or if I have to have a D&C.
So technically I guess I haven't m/c yet but figured you all would let me be here anyway.
I am just so sad.
And I feel like this will go on forever because after dealing with this now I will go through it all over again when I do pass the baby or have a D&C.'
This sucks, no one should have to go through this. :(
jenahdawn
10-27-2006, 12:44 PM
Tish,
This sucks, no one should have to go through this.
You've said I think what has become my mantra.
While I don't WANT you in this group, welcome.
This sucks, no one should have to go through this.
You've said I think what has become my mantra.
While I don't WANT you in this group, welcome.
lilhimley
10-27-2006, 05:43 PM
Tish, I'm so sorry for your heartbreak. I'm two months past my 2nd loss and it's still so terrible, but it does get better over time, very very gradually for me. I hope it will for you too. My DH and I go to a support group twice a month. It helps. My thoughts are with you. Please share and vent whenever you want and let us know what we can do to help.
Jenah, Polkadot, and everyone else - I'm thinking about you a lot too.
Take care of yourselves.
Jen
Jenah, Polkadot, and everyone else - I'm thinking about you a lot too.
Take care of yourselves.
Jen
PugLover
10-27-2006, 07:34 PM
Steve's Sweety - I'm so sorry about your loss. My heart hurt when I read your post. It sounds so similar to what happened to me. Just a couple weeks ago we too find out our baby had died at 8w3d when I would have been 12w4d. I hope you do pass the baby naturally and without more suffering. It didn't work that way for me but I do hope it will for you. I wish no one else would ever have to join this thread.
Steve's Sweety
10-28-2006, 09:00 AM
Jenah -
Thanks.
Jen -
2 months, seriously?!? Oh gosh, I don't think I can stand to feel like this for that long and I know everyone is different but I am a super emotional person and I bet it will take me a really long time. I'm not at all saying that you shouldn't still be feeling however you're feeling so please don't take this that way. I guess just reading in writing how long the healing process can be is a bit disheartening.
I had the nurse at my midwife's office (my midwife is out having foot surgery so won't be in the office for another week yet) check for a support group for me and she said she checked one of our area hospitals and there wasn't one.
Was there anything that anyone could do for you IRL that helped? Everyone keeps asking me and all I want is our baby and I want to sob that to them but I don't.
Pug -
I actually found your story while I was looking for this thread. It did sound pretty much exactly like what has been happening to me but I didn't see what the outcome was. If you are comfortable, would you share with me how things did go for you? I feel like I have to try and find out everything that could possibly happen to me.
---------
Disclaimer: I really do try to be a nice person but I am also very blunt, honest and open. I hope I don't offend anyone by anything I say.
This is the first time I really cried again since sometime last night. Coming here means this is really happening to me and as much as I need the support I want to go hide somewhere and pretend this isn't happening to me.'
Did you all go through the stages of grief, does that happen with these things? And is denial/hope/disbelief one of them?
I saw my baby on the u/s. I saw it not move its little arms and legs like it should have. I have a picture of it, just laying there in my womb measuring at only 8 wks 4 days, but I keep hoping that maybe they missed something, maybe someone will tell me this was all a terrible mistake.
I've been talking to the baby some, rubbing my tummy and telling it how sorry I am, how much I want it to be ok and come and live with us when it is time.
Writing that I feel I might be a sad pathetic person but oh my GOSH this hurts.
Yesterday I called the nurse at my mw's office like 3 times to ask questions and the last time was to ask for some Wellbutrin. I had horrible PPD after my DS was born and I had been thinking that WB might help the situational depression I am sure to experience but also that I might go through the same set of hormone changes after my hormones change this time too so I thought I'd better get on it (was planning on going on it at around 36W anyway to try to prevent the PPD this time around). Well after I asked her for it, she asked me if I maybe wanted something else, like had I ever had anything for anxiety? Apparently I am dealing with this less well than their other patients if she thought that I needed that too. I told her I hadn't but that I wouldn't say no to it right now.
So I was going to take one (it's Xanax) last night before bed but the label on it says not to take it if you're pregnant or planning to become pregnant. Well I am still pregnant! And logically I know that it can't do anything to the baby now but I couldn't bring myself to take it because I plan to try to get pregnant again as soon as I can (yet another thing I feel weird about) and I don't know what it could do.
So I took a Unisom and slept from 10:30ish until 5 am. Better than the night before at least.
Tonight we are supposed to go to a Halloween party at some friends. They are expecting their first baby in a few wks. So I wrote to her to tell her what happened (easier than calling her b/c she is hearing impaired) and she wrote back to tell me she was sorry and everything but then in the next paragraph she was telling me about having ctrx and the Dr. not thinking she'll make it to her EDD but maybe she could just bring the baby to the shower (which another friend and I are throwing her next wkend).
I guess people who haven't been through this can't think that they shouldn't say anything baby related. :(
We are planning on going to the party to get me out of the house but I told her not to take it personally that I dind't think I would be able to handle looking at the nursery and baby stuff.
Anyway, I think that is most of what is on my mind at the moment but I'm sure I will be back soon.
I am really glad this thread is here and that there are other ways of getting support because without it I feel like I could just...well I want to say die but I don't really want to die it's just that's how much my heart hurts. :(
Thanks.
Jen -
2 months, seriously?!? Oh gosh, I don't think I can stand to feel like this for that long and I know everyone is different but I am a super emotional person and I bet it will take me a really long time. I'm not at all saying that you shouldn't still be feeling however you're feeling so please don't take this that way. I guess just reading in writing how long the healing process can be is a bit disheartening.
I had the nurse at my midwife's office (my midwife is out having foot surgery so won't be in the office for another week yet) check for a support group for me and she said she checked one of our area hospitals and there wasn't one.
Was there anything that anyone could do for you IRL that helped? Everyone keeps asking me and all I want is our baby and I want to sob that to them but I don't.
Pug -
I actually found your story while I was looking for this thread. It did sound pretty much exactly like what has been happening to me but I didn't see what the outcome was. If you are comfortable, would you share with me how things did go for you? I feel like I have to try and find out everything that could possibly happen to me.
---------
Disclaimer: I really do try to be a nice person but I am also very blunt, honest and open. I hope I don't offend anyone by anything I say.
This is the first time I really cried again since sometime last night. Coming here means this is really happening to me and as much as I need the support I want to go hide somewhere and pretend this isn't happening to me.'
Did you all go through the stages of grief, does that happen with these things? And is denial/hope/disbelief one of them?
I saw my baby on the u/s. I saw it not move its little arms and legs like it should have. I have a picture of it, just laying there in my womb measuring at only 8 wks 4 days, but I keep hoping that maybe they missed something, maybe someone will tell me this was all a terrible mistake.
I've been talking to the baby some, rubbing my tummy and telling it how sorry I am, how much I want it to be ok and come and live with us when it is time.
Writing that I feel I might be a sad pathetic person but oh my GOSH this hurts.
Yesterday I called the nurse at my mw's office like 3 times to ask questions and the last time was to ask for some Wellbutrin. I had horrible PPD after my DS was born and I had been thinking that WB might help the situational depression I am sure to experience but also that I might go through the same set of hormone changes after my hormones change this time too so I thought I'd better get on it (was planning on going on it at around 36W anyway to try to prevent the PPD this time around). Well after I asked her for it, she asked me if I maybe wanted something else, like had I ever had anything for anxiety? Apparently I am dealing with this less well than their other patients if she thought that I needed that too. I told her I hadn't but that I wouldn't say no to it right now.
So I was going to take one (it's Xanax) last night before bed but the label on it says not to take it if you're pregnant or planning to become pregnant. Well I am still pregnant! And logically I know that it can't do anything to the baby now but I couldn't bring myself to take it because I plan to try to get pregnant again as soon as I can (yet another thing I feel weird about) and I don't know what it could do.
So I took a Unisom and slept from 10:30ish until 5 am. Better than the night before at least.
Tonight we are supposed to go to a Halloween party at some friends. They are expecting their first baby in a few wks. So I wrote to her to tell her what happened (easier than calling her b/c she is hearing impaired) and she wrote back to tell me she was sorry and everything but then in the next paragraph she was telling me about having ctrx and the Dr. not thinking she'll make it to her EDD but maybe she could just bring the baby to the shower (which another friend and I are throwing her next wkend).
I guess people who haven't been through this can't think that they shouldn't say anything baby related. :(
We are planning on going to the party to get me out of the house but I told her not to take it personally that I dind't think I would be able to handle looking at the nursery and baby stuff.
Anyway, I think that is most of what is on my mind at the moment but I'm sure I will be back soon.
I am really glad this thread is here and that there are other ways of getting support because without it I feel like I could just...well I want to say die but I don't really want to die it's just that's how much my heart hurts. :(
jenahdawn
10-28-2006, 09:36 AM
Was there anything that anyone could do for you IRL that helped? Everyone keeps asking me and all I want is our baby and I want to sob that to them but I don't.
There was nothing magical. My mother made the mistake of asking if there was anything we needed. I cried and basically screamed at her, "WE NEED OUR BABIES!" She apologized and apologized. That's when it hit me....people don't KNOW how to handle this or us. I need to TELL them.
(from my LJ....This was 2 days after we had the girls)
Talking to the grief nurse, she told me I SHOULD let everyone know this...
Right now, as a few of you understand, the hardest things for Matt and I to do is make decisions. Even something that sounds as simple as, "Do I shower first or eat breakfast first?" took us three hours to decide this morning. (We showered....we haven't eaten yet.)
With that, please don't ask us what we need, because the question will inevitably make one of us cry and say, "We NEED our babies."
Instead, if you have an idea or are thinking of coming to visit or thinking of doing something, just call and tell us when you are coming. Please don't make us make decisions. And, the biggest thing right now, please, no kids.
If you have NO idea what to say or do, it's completely okay. Just a simple, "I'm thinking of you" works. Or, if you WANT to do something and don't know what, call. SOMEONE will answer one of the three phones and we will probably have a list of things that are needed, some may not be fun, but it's something that would help and take what feels like an enormous burden off our shoulders. (Examples, running to the grocery store for a gallon of milk, throwing in a load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher, filling up my big water pitcher, mowing the lawn, coming over and holding our hands, ANYTHING like that.)
Another thing, the reason we got up today and took that shower, two nurses told us, "Before I talk to you again today, I want you to have taken a shower and get some breakfast. After I talk to you, I want you to take a walk." Just telling us what to do. "I want you to get up and take a shower." "I want you to get up and get a bowl of cereal." "I want you to eat dinner today." We almost need to be parented in a way.
Again, please, no kids. We need to be selfish and self preserving right now. As far as those of you expecting, and this may hurt one of you, I'm okay with everyone (It's not any of your faults) but one of you is a little harder to see right now. I know you understand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you are on LJ and want to be added to my FL, let me know and I will. I've been quite honest and raw in my journal throughout this process. I think it helps to see that someone else is feeling the same way you are or have or will. I still really can't talk about it easily, that's why I've been writing or typing, but it's something.
Did you all go through the stages of grief, does that happen with these things? And is denial/hope/disbelief one of them?
I'm still pretty new to it, but I have hard days and not so hard days. Today, so far, is a not so hard day....but it's only 11:30 am. I cannot promise in an hour....in 10 minutes....that it still won't be a not hard day. (I measure my days in terms of hardness now, never easy, it's always hard or less hard)
There was nothing magical. My mother made the mistake of asking if there was anything we needed. I cried and basically screamed at her, "WE NEED OUR BABIES!" She apologized and apologized. That's when it hit me....people don't KNOW how to handle this or us. I need to TELL them.
(from my LJ....This was 2 days after we had the girls)
Talking to the grief nurse, she told me I SHOULD let everyone know this...
Right now, as a few of you understand, the hardest things for Matt and I to do is make decisions. Even something that sounds as simple as, "Do I shower first or eat breakfast first?" took us three hours to decide this morning. (We showered....we haven't eaten yet.)
With that, please don't ask us what we need, because the question will inevitably make one of us cry and say, "We NEED our babies."
Instead, if you have an idea or are thinking of coming to visit or thinking of doing something, just call and tell us when you are coming. Please don't make us make decisions. And, the biggest thing right now, please, no kids.
If you have NO idea what to say or do, it's completely okay. Just a simple, "I'm thinking of you" works. Or, if you WANT to do something and don't know what, call. SOMEONE will answer one of the three phones and we will probably have a list of things that are needed, some may not be fun, but it's something that would help and take what feels like an enormous burden off our shoulders. (Examples, running to the grocery store for a gallon of milk, throwing in a load of laundry, emptying the dishwasher, filling up my big water pitcher, mowing the lawn, coming over and holding our hands, ANYTHING like that.)
Another thing, the reason we got up today and took that shower, two nurses told us, "Before I talk to you again today, I want you to have taken a shower and get some breakfast. After I talk to you, I want you to take a walk." Just telling us what to do. "I want you to get up and take a shower." "I want you to get up and get a bowl of cereal." "I want you to eat dinner today." We almost need to be parented in a way.
Again, please, no kids. We need to be selfish and self preserving right now. As far as those of you expecting, and this may hurt one of you, I'm okay with everyone (It's not any of your faults) but one of you is a little harder to see right now. I know you understand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you are on LJ and want to be added to my FL, let me know and I will. I've been quite honest and raw in my journal throughout this process. I think it helps to see that someone else is feeling the same way you are or have or will. I still really can't talk about it easily, that's why I've been writing or typing, but it's something.
Did you all go through the stages of grief, does that happen with these things? And is denial/hope/disbelief one of them?
I'm still pretty new to it, but I have hard days and not so hard days. Today, so far, is a not so hard day....but it's only 11:30 am. I cannot promise in an hour....in 10 minutes....that it still won't be a not hard day. (I measure my days in terms of hardness now, never easy, it's always hard or less hard)
Steve's Sweety
10-28-2006, 10:16 AM
Jenah -
Thank you for that. I think I may email it to some of our friends because most of them don't have kids and several of them are pregnant.
I want to respond to some of the other stuff but right now my head is cloudy.
ETA: I'm Titia at LJ if you want to add me. I don't really post there much but did post what has happened.
I just started bleeding and in one way I thought to myself, well finally there's some real blood but then I came out of the bathroom and broke down when I told DH. I told him I guess I couldn't really keep on thinking they were wrong now and asked him why we couldn't have this baby.
I'm mostly sad but I can tell that I'm going to get really angry too. Angry that I have to bleed again when I shouldn't be, and to wear a pad and watch what's going to happen, to have a cold stab of fear/dread run through my heart every time I have to go to the bathroom.
Thank you for that. I think I may email it to some of our friends because most of them don't have kids and several of them are pregnant.
I want to respond to some of the other stuff but right now my head is cloudy.
ETA: I'm Titia at LJ if you want to add me. I don't really post there much but did post what has happened.
I just started bleeding and in one way I thought to myself, well finally there's some real blood but then I came out of the bathroom and broke down when I told DH. I told him I guess I couldn't really keep on thinking they were wrong now and asked him why we couldn't have this baby.
I'm mostly sad but I can tell that I'm going to get really angry too. Angry that I have to bleed again when I shouldn't be, and to wear a pad and watch what's going to happen, to have a cold stab of fear/dread run through my heart every time I have to go to the bathroom.
lilhimley
10-28-2006, 11:58 AM
Steve's Sweety, to be clear, not every day is horrible for me. If I'm busy, particularly with others, it's a good day. It really can change in a minute too. Different things set me off like pregnant women and songs on the radio, bad/sad stories on the news. I did not experience denial as part of my grieving process. I was just profoundly sad and angry. Anger is definitely a lot of what I feel. I've lost two now and fear that I won't ever have a baby and get angry about that and jealous of those that have many kids easily. I ask a lot, "why me?". I even work professionally as a nanny as a second job and everybody knows I would be a good mom.
For me, there is nothing that people can say or do to make this better for me except that they are sorry and there for me. There is nothing that can be done. But it does help that I know they care and share in my grief.
And yes, you're right, nobody understands like us unless they've been there. That's why I find the support group so helpful. There are people there just like me and my DH. I felt less alone. It was interesting, I had to ask two different OB offices to find a group in my area. I really appreciate being able to share and get support from the ladies here too. I'll be thinking about you.
Jen
For me, there is nothing that people can say or do to make this better for me except that they are sorry and there for me. There is nothing that can be done. But it does help that I know they care and share in my grief.
And yes, you're right, nobody understands like us unless they've been there. That's why I find the support group so helpful. There are people there just like me and my DH. I felt less alone. It was interesting, I had to ask two different OB offices to find a group in my area. I really appreciate being able to share and get support from the ladies here too. I'll be thinking about you.
Jen
jenahdawn
10-28-2006, 01:15 PM
T~~~I added you.
polkadot
10-28-2006, 07:31 PM
I did not experience denial as part of my grieving process. I was just profoundly sad and angry. Anger is definitely a lot of what I feel. I've lost two now and fear that I won't ever have a baby and get angry about that and jealous of those that have many kids easily. I ask a lot, "why me?".
I too feel the same way ....I have also lost two pregnancies...but as I type this I realize that maybe I do have a little of the denial thing going...I truley dont believe that I will never have children...I know that I will so maybe that is kinda a denial thing...:confused:
I hope that things get easier for all of us...and we all just have to believe that we will get PG and then hope and pray...its all we can do...
((((hugs))) to everyone..
oh ps: I am polkkadot (2 k's) over at LJ is anyone wants to friend me...I will reciprocate :D
I too feel the same way ....I have also lost two pregnancies...but as I type this I realize that maybe I do have a little of the denial thing going...I truley dont believe that I will never have children...I know that I will so maybe that is kinda a denial thing...:confused:
I hope that things get easier for all of us...and we all just have to believe that we will get PG and then hope and pray...its all we can do...
((((hugs))) to everyone..
oh ps: I am polkkadot (2 k's) over at LJ is anyone wants to friend me...I will reciprocate :D
jenahdawn
10-29-2006, 09:41 AM
p~~~added you, too.
Anyone, I'm (big shock, I know you are all going to be stunned) jenahdawn
Anyone, I'm (big shock, I know you are all going to be stunned) jenahdawn
polkadot
10-29-2006, 11:38 AM
i'm going to add you too....and yes...I am shocked ;)
LDS Angel 19
10-29-2006, 04:52 PM
Jenah, hope you don't mind, I added you. I'm taprootgirl on LJ.
jenahdawn
10-29-2006, 05:44 PM
I'm all over you, too.....(not in a sick way....)
PugLover
10-29-2006, 06:52 PM
I am jeweliamber over at LJ. Feel free to friend me and I will reciprocate.
Steve's Sweety I am going to friend you over at LJ and you can read my whole story over there. If you start after October 11 (I found out October 12), the whole story is there. It isn't completely over for me yet, but I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, as for as the actual miscarriage goes.
Today someone I just met asked me if I had children and I said no. Later I thought that was really not true that I did have one and it made me really sad. They assumed it was because we were waiting to have kids and I just pretended that was true and wished she would stop talking about it. Of course, I wasn't mad at her. She had no idea but it was just hard for me to deal with because inside my head I was thinking how I was just smiling and it was such a lie.
Steve's Sweety I am going to friend you over at LJ and you can read my whole story over there. If you start after October 11 (I found out October 12), the whole story is there. It isn't completely over for me yet, but I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, as for as the actual miscarriage goes.
Today someone I just met asked me if I had children and I said no. Later I thought that was really not true that I did have one and it made me really sad. They assumed it was because we were waiting to have kids and I just pretended that was true and wished she would stop talking about it. Of course, I wasn't mad at her. She had no idea but it was just hard for me to deal with because inside my head I was thinking how I was just smiling and it was such a lie.
jenahdawn
11-01-2006, 08:37 PM
Copied and pasted from my LJ:
All of my tests have come back normal. And now they are thinking the pain I had in the emergency room the Saturday after (coupled with the fact that my liver enzymes are normal) was that I passed a gall stone. K.....
And, apparantly genetic testing was done. They only had results back on one of the girls (no, I don't know who), and all it said was that she was a girl and nothing was wrong with her.
He expects the results on the other twin will come back the same.
This bothers me. It's two sided.....this means there was no reason it happened. Good, because it may not happen again. Bad, because there's nothing stopping it from happening again. I need some positives and reassurance here.
I have an appt with him Dec 1 again. He's concerned that my eating habits aren't even close to normal and about my sleeping patterns. He wants to make sure, in a month, it's a little better, not worse. He also would like to see us after the holidays to see how we both are doing, and at least once more (MY request) before we can start again, he thinks it's a good idea.
Have an appt in 2 weeks with the family doc, she wants to make sure the same thing. (eating, sleeping)
Saw the psychologist today. It was much better. I think it will be better if Matt and I meet with her separately sometimes but still see her together sometimes. She's not worried or concerned about me at all. Of course, we haven't talked food or much about sleep, either.....
Oh, and I'm down another two pounds. (No, I'm not happy about it, I shouldn't be losing weight this way.)
~~~~~~~~~
Monday was an EXTREMELY bad day. One of the worst yet.
All of my tests have come back normal. And now they are thinking the pain I had in the emergency room the Saturday after (coupled with the fact that my liver enzymes are normal) was that I passed a gall stone. K.....
And, apparantly genetic testing was done. They only had results back on one of the girls (no, I don't know who), and all it said was that she was a girl and nothing was wrong with her.
He expects the results on the other twin will come back the same.
This bothers me. It's two sided.....this means there was no reason it happened. Good, because it may not happen again. Bad, because there's nothing stopping it from happening again. I need some positives and reassurance here.
I have an appt with him Dec 1 again. He's concerned that my eating habits aren't even close to normal and about my sleeping patterns. He wants to make sure, in a month, it's a little better, not worse. He also would like to see us after the holidays to see how we both are doing, and at least once more (MY request) before we can start again, he thinks it's a good idea.
Have an appt in 2 weeks with the family doc, she wants to make sure the same thing. (eating, sleeping)
Saw the psychologist today. It was much better. I think it will be better if Matt and I meet with her separately sometimes but still see her together sometimes. She's not worried or concerned about me at all. Of course, we haven't talked food or much about sleep, either.....
Oh, and I'm down another two pounds. (No, I'm not happy about it, I shouldn't be losing weight this way.)
~~~~~~~~~
Monday was an EXTREMELY bad day. One of the worst yet.
Steve's Sweety
11-04-2006, 11:51 PM
Jen -
Thank you for the clarification.
I work as a nanny also.
Pug -
I have read some and it makes me cry, I am so sorry for you.
Jenah -
Sorry Monday was so bad, I hope you had some support to help you through it.
As far as positives and reassurance, all I can think to say is that I'm guessing they might start doing some testing on you, if they haven't already and maybe they will be able to find and address whatever that issue might be if there is one? I'm not sure if that's postive or not, but if you are in need of an explanation that may help to give you one and if an explanation helps you some then that is positive.
Thank you for the clarification.
I work as a nanny also.
Pug -
I have read some and it makes me cry, I am so sorry for you.
Jenah -
Sorry Monday was so bad, I hope you had some support to help you through it.
As far as positives and reassurance, all I can think to say is that I'm guessing they might start doing some testing on you, if they haven't already and maybe they will be able to find and address whatever that issue might be if there is one? I'm not sure if that's postive or not, but if you are in need of an explanation that may help to give you one and if an explanation helps you some then that is positive.
Steve's Sweety
11-05-2006, 12:04 AM
As for me...
My numbers were still dropping as of Friday, but I haven't passed very much and that concerns me some.
Yesterday was not as bad a day as some but the night before was pretty bad.
I am going crazy already worrying myself that this will happen again. I was reading a book at B&N last night called "Preventing Miscarriages: The Good News" and it brought up some things that I hadn't even thought of.
One thing it mentioned that I had heard was that some women can conceive and have a healthy pregnancy/baby the first time around and then not be able to do it a 2nd time. I didn't read what the explanation was for this if there was one.
When I talk about things I have been asking "What if something changed in my body that makes it so I can't carry and have another baby"? And people keep telling me that doesn't make much sense if I look at it logically but apparently something like that can be the case.
One more thing for me to be anxious about - I am going to drive myself over the edge with all of this.
So, I am now going to make an appt. with the specialist (she's a regular OB but has a lot of experience in the infertility dept and since I have/had LPD we saw her when we were TTC the first time) we saw before I got pg with DS. I really hope she can put some of my fears to rest and give me some answers to some things that are really bothering me.
I still have not spent more than a few hours at a time by myself or driven anywhere.
No one is making me feel this way but I keep thinking that I should be doing better than this by now.
Maybe I need to go ahead and take some of the Xanax I was given...
My numbers were still dropping as of Friday, but I haven't passed very much and that concerns me some.
Yesterday was not as bad a day as some but the night before was pretty bad.
I am going crazy already worrying myself that this will happen again. I was reading a book at B&N last night called "Preventing Miscarriages: The Good News" and it brought up some things that I hadn't even thought of.
One thing it mentioned that I had heard was that some women can conceive and have a healthy pregnancy/baby the first time around and then not be able to do it a 2nd time. I didn't read what the explanation was for this if there was one.
When I talk about things I have been asking "What if something changed in my body that makes it so I can't carry and have another baby"? And people keep telling me that doesn't make much sense if I look at it logically but apparently something like that can be the case.
One more thing for me to be anxious about - I am going to drive myself over the edge with all of this.
So, I am now going to make an appt. with the specialist (she's a regular OB but has a lot of experience in the infertility dept and since I have/had LPD we saw her when we were TTC the first time) we saw before I got pg with DS. I really hope she can put some of my fears to rest and give me some answers to some things that are really bothering me.
I still have not spent more than a few hours at a time by myself or driven anywhere.
No one is making me feel this way but I keep thinking that I should be doing better than this by now.
Maybe I need to go ahead and take some of the Xanax I was given...
ktnkids
11-05-2006, 12:12 PM
Add me to the list!
Me:Karen (25)
DH:Patrick (31)
Married: 7/13/02
DD:Helen 6-12-99
angel Jamie 7-31-03
DS:Nathan 9-28-04
Angel baby 11-1-06
My issues right now are that DH doesn't want to tell anyone that I am/was pg. I told my family but he's barely acknowledging that we're going thru all of this yet again.
Another thing--I got a BFP 2 1/2 weeks ago. My last period was 9/6 but I chart and I know I didn't O till 10/2. ( I have very irregular cycles ranging from 16-47 days from start to start) I should be 6-7 weeks. On Halloween I started spotting then on 11/1 I started bleeding heavily. Thurs it slowed down and Fri I went in to my OB for a vag u/s and there was nothing there. They also did a beta. GOt the beta back yesterday and it was only 167 which isn't high enough to see anything anyway. Now I have to go in on Mon and get blood again to see if it's going up or down. my guess is down. I jsut didn't really ever feel pg. It makes me so sad to think of going thru the holidays again after m/c'ing. It all just sucks. (to make matters worse I'm a nurse in L&D and that makes it so much harder when you see people who live off our tax money having bunches of babies and people who really want them and take care of them have trouble getting and staying pg.:mad: )
Any thoughts?
Me:Karen (25)
DH:Patrick (31)
Married: 7/13/02
DD:Helen 6-12-99
angel Jamie 7-31-03
DS:Nathan 9-28-04
Angel baby 11-1-06
My issues right now are that DH doesn't want to tell anyone that I am/was pg. I told my family but he's barely acknowledging that we're going thru all of this yet again.
Another thing--I got a BFP 2 1/2 weeks ago. My last period was 9/6 but I chart and I know I didn't O till 10/2. ( I have very irregular cycles ranging from 16-47 days from start to start) I should be 6-7 weeks. On Halloween I started spotting then on 11/1 I started bleeding heavily. Thurs it slowed down and Fri I went in to my OB for a vag u/s and there was nothing there. They also did a beta. GOt the beta back yesterday and it was only 167 which isn't high enough to see anything anyway. Now I have to go in on Mon and get blood again to see if it's going up or down. my guess is down. I jsut didn't really ever feel pg. It makes me so sad to think of going thru the holidays again after m/c'ing. It all just sucks. (to make matters worse I'm a nurse in L&D and that makes it so much harder when you see people who live off our tax money having bunches of babies and people who really want them and take care of them have trouble getting and staying pg.:mad: )
Any thoughts?
jenahdawn
11-05-2006, 03:24 PM
Karen, welcome to our little group.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I posted this on the SHARE/Families who have lost children board about the memorial:
We had 36 people here to say goodbye and celebrate our angels. Even our OB came. (According to my mother, he told her he wanted to stay in the area because he wanted to meet the rest of our children, too!)
My brother spoke, then three friends/family read poetry. Then we had someone hand us each a pink balloon, one blue one to a friend who lost her son, and one white to a friend who miscarried back in May. The four of us released the balloons and it felt....good. It was a physical release.
Then all of my friends around here presented us with a stepping stone and a certificate for a brick that will be placed in the local botanical gardens next May that will say "In Memory of Katie & Chloe"
One of my husband's old college roommates (who we never got ahold of while pregnant) came and I completely lost it.
Now everyone is gone today, including my husband, for business. He'll be back Wednesday. A friend is staying until Weds because he's here for work. (But he's gone at the moment)
I feel so alone, but I have confidence that I WILL be okay...it's just going to take a lot more time. I will never get OVER them or "through" this, but I WILL be able to move on. And it emphasized even more how much I want to bring at least two more healthy children into this world. At LEAST....
We've even picked out a name for another daughter...someday.
Yesterday was hard and not hard all at once. And today is a little easier.
If any of you were wondering, "Should we do some kind of memorial?" YES! And, remember, it's not just for you, there are others who need it as closure.....we need it to see that others care.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, I just wanted to say that yesterday was amazing. Everyone who came, everything done for us and our girls and....I can't even describe how wonderful everyone was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I posted this on the SHARE/Families who have lost children board about the memorial:
We had 36 people here to say goodbye and celebrate our angels. Even our OB came. (According to my mother, he told her he wanted to stay in the area because he wanted to meet the rest of our children, too!)
My brother spoke, then three friends/family read poetry. Then we had someone hand us each a pink balloon, one blue one to a friend who lost her son, and one white to a friend who miscarried back in May. The four of us released the balloons and it felt....good. It was a physical release.
Then all of my friends around here presented us with a stepping stone and a certificate for a brick that will be placed in the local botanical gardens next May that will say "In Memory of Katie & Chloe"
One of my husband's old college roommates (who we never got ahold of while pregnant) came and I completely lost it.
Now everyone is gone today, including my husband, for business. He'll be back Wednesday. A friend is staying until Weds because he's here for work. (But he's gone at the moment)
I feel so alone, but I have confidence that I WILL be okay...it's just going to take a lot more time. I will never get OVER them or "through" this, but I WILL be able to move on. And it emphasized even more how much I want to bring at least two more healthy children into this world. At LEAST....
We've even picked out a name for another daughter...someday.
Yesterday was hard and not hard all at once. And today is a little easier.
If any of you were wondering, "Should we do some kind of memorial?" YES! And, remember, it's not just for you, there are others who need it as closure.....we need it to see that others care.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, I just wanted to say that yesterday was amazing. Everyone who came, everything done for us and our girls and....I can't even describe how wonderful everyone was.
PugLover
11-05-2006, 03:34 PM
We also did a memorial for our baby. It was just my immediate family (and DH of course) but we buried our baby under a tree we planted in memory of the baby. My husband made a small box to put the baby in and wrapped it with a ribbon. We picked a tree that will bloom around the time the baby was due and plan on doing something every year under the tree on the due date.
PugLover
11-05-2006, 03:42 PM
My stats never got added but I have an update for them anyway so here are my most current stats:
Name:Julia, 27
DH: Josh, 28
Married: April 20, 2002
M/C - baby died 8w3d, I would have been 12w4d when we found out, D&C on October 18, '06, miscarried naturally Oct. 22, Cytotec Nov 4-5, '06, D&C#2 Nov. 9, '06
TTC: don't want to again
Name:Julia, 27
DH: Josh, 28
Married: April 20, 2002
M/C - baby died 8w3d, I would have been 12w4d when we found out, D&C on October 18, '06, miscarried naturally Oct. 22, Cytotec Nov 4-5, '06, D&C#2 Nov. 9, '06
TTC: don't want to again
Steve's Sweety
11-06-2006, 11:03 AM
I am not ready to reply to anyone yet, sorry for that but know that my thoughts are with you all.
I would like to talk about the memorial thing (yours sounds so perfect Jenah, and Julia yours too) but I just can't right now.
But I do have to ask Julia, did they give you your baby after your d&c then?
I am very anxious about not having seen my baby, thinking s/he is still inside me but not sure.
------
We have an appt with our midwife today at 2:30, not sure what will happen there. I have a list of questions/concerns for her.
I called this morning and made an appt with the OB I mentioned above. The soonest they could get us in is 12/11 but I asked to be put on a call list if there are cancellations, though I'm not the only one on that list.
I'll end for right now with a question:
Not that I have even "really" miscarried yet as far as I know so it will be quite a while until this is actually a possibility, but is anyone else freaked out by the thought of sex?
Several days ago I started thinking about not wanting to wait to TTC again (which still also kind of freaks me out considering that technically I am still pregnant) but then the thought that that means having sex to do so entered my mind and I got all...I don't know...weired out by it.
I read in one of the books on loss that I got from the library that some women do have that reaction but wanted to see if anyone else here did.
I would like to talk about the memorial thing (yours sounds so perfect Jenah, and Julia yours too) but I just can't right now.
But I do have to ask Julia, did they give you your baby after your d&c then?
I am very anxious about not having seen my baby, thinking s/he is still inside me but not sure.
------
We have an appt with our midwife today at 2:30, not sure what will happen there. I have a list of questions/concerns for her.
I called this morning and made an appt with the OB I mentioned above. The soonest they could get us in is 12/11 but I asked to be put on a call list if there are cancellations, though I'm not the only one on that list.
I'll end for right now with a question:
Not that I have even "really" miscarried yet as far as I know so it will be quite a while until this is actually a possibility, but is anyone else freaked out by the thought of sex?
Several days ago I started thinking about not wanting to wait to TTC again (which still also kind of freaks me out considering that technically I am still pregnant) but then the thought that that means having sex to do so entered my mind and I got all...I don't know...weired out by it.
I read in one of the books on loss that I got from the library that some women do have that reaction but wanted to see if anyone else here did.
jenahdawn
11-06-2006, 05:34 PM
is anyone else freaked out by the thought of sex?
Yes. And I have NO desire to right now. We have 4 1/2 months to wait....and I want to start AT 4 1/2 months, but the thought of it meaning having sex again....it seems like a huge burden, as well as terrifying. (My poor husband....I was put on pelvic rest almost right away, too....)
Yes. And I have NO desire to right now. We have 4 1/2 months to wait....and I want to start AT 4 1/2 months, but the thought of it meaning having sex again....it seems like a huge burden, as well as terrifying. (My poor husband....I was put on pelvic rest almost right away, too....)
PugLover
11-06-2006, 06:37 PM
Yes, they did let us keep the baby. At first the dr. told us we couldn't but then when I was getting ready to have the procedure, the dr. that was doing it (different one than the dr. who said we couldn't) said the other dr. told her we wanted to keep the baby so they would give it to us. Of course, I ended up passing the baby AFTER the D&C anyway but to answer your question, they did let us keep what we thought was the baby.
So, yes, we did have to bury the baby twice, although the first time it wasn't really the baby we found out. It was a blessing in disguise because part of the reason I didn't want to have the D&C in the first place is I felt like they were tearing my baby out of me and it ended up they didn't after all. I know maybe this might be weird to some people, but we got to see the baby and were comforted by that.
As far as the sex question, we haven't since we found out I was pg because I was afraid to when we first found out since I was spotting and then we found out I had placenta previa and were told we could not. After we found out we lost the baby, a week after we found out we had the D&C and were told to wait 2 weeks and, as it turns out, I have to have yet another D&C so we will have to wait again at least another 2 weeks. Honestly, it is SO sore up there (I know this from all the ultrasounds and exams they have done that have REALLY hurt), the very thought of sex is scary because of the pain. The actual act itself, if that makes sense, I miss because it has been so long but I am scared from a pain standpoint.
So, yes, we did have to bury the baby twice, although the first time it wasn't really the baby we found out. It was a blessing in disguise because part of the reason I didn't want to have the D&C in the first place is I felt like they were tearing my baby out of me and it ended up they didn't after all. I know maybe this might be weird to some people, but we got to see the baby and were comforted by that.
As far as the sex question, we haven't since we found out I was pg because I was afraid to when we first found out since I was spotting and then we found out I had placenta previa and were told we could not. After we found out we lost the baby, a week after we found out we had the D&C and were told to wait 2 weeks and, as it turns out, I have to have yet another D&C so we will have to wait again at least another 2 weeks. Honestly, it is SO sore up there (I know this from all the ultrasounds and exams they have done that have REALLY hurt), the very thought of sex is scary because of the pain. The actual act itself, if that makes sense, I miss because it has been so long but I am scared from a pain standpoint.
ktnkids
11-06-2006, 06:54 PM
I got my blood drawn again today to see if my Beta levels are going down. I'm supposed to get a call tomorrow morning so we'll see.
In response to the sex question--I know after I m/c the last time and had to have a d&c I was scared to have sex again. Emotionally I was a wreck. We ended up waiting about 2 weeks after and I cried just from all of the pent up emotion and everything. I still can't believe I've lost 2 babies. Now we haven't done anything since I started bleeding a week ago (more like 2 weeks b/c we didn't do anything for about a week before that). I'm scared to try again and scared to have sex so I think we're all pretty much in the same place right now.
I've gotta go. I'll update tomorrow about the beta.
Karen
In response to the sex question--I know after I m/c the last time and had to have a d&c I was scared to have sex again. Emotionally I was a wreck. We ended up waiting about 2 weeks after and I cried just from all of the pent up emotion and everything. I still can't believe I've lost 2 babies. Now we haven't done anything since I started bleeding a week ago (more like 2 weeks b/c we didn't do anything for about a week before that). I'm scared to try again and scared to have sex so I think we're all pretty much in the same place right now.
I've gotta go. I'll update tomorrow about the beta.
Karen
jenahdawn
11-07-2006, 07:06 AM
Mine hasn't been added either.
jenahdawn
Name: Jenah, 29
DH: Matthew, 28
Married: 07/26/02
Lost Katie & Chloe at 18 weeks, 6 day on 9/27/06
TTC: end of March, early April '07
jenahdawn
Name: Jenah, 29
DH: Matthew, 28
Married: 07/26/02
Lost Katie & Chloe at 18 weeks, 6 day on 9/27/06
TTC: end of March, early April '07
ktnkids
11-07-2006, 02:16 PM
So my Beta today was 49. Down from 167. I know something was wrong! I had to go in and get a Rhogam shot in the a$$ b/c I'm A neg. My OB told me that I need to come back and get another Beta in 2 weeks to make sure it's completely gone back down. Then I have to go in in 2 weeks again if it hasn't gotten to 0. I'm cleared to start TTCing again after it's back to 0. Don't know if we will right away. I'm scared about that. She said it might be a luteal phase defect and I'll go on progesterone right away next time and will probably get Thyriod and prolactin drawn to see if those are off if I"m not getting pg like I should. My cycles have always been crazy-ranging from 16-47 days. So we'll see.
How is everyone else's day been.
How is everyone else's day been.
JRose
11-07-2006, 03:56 PM
I'm not really sure if I _want_ to be joining. But I know what a help this groupo has been for several of my friends. So here I am. I still need to read through everything, but that will have to wait until after bedtime.
Me:Jess--27
DH:J--27
Married: 8.31.02
DS: O 1.05.04
No m/c yet, but found at at 12 weeks that baby was only 8wks and there was no heartbeat.
I am supposed to wait until Thursday and if I haven't miscarried by then, they will do a D&C on Friday. I have no idea what questions to ask or what protocol there is.
Right now I'm numb. Yesterday I was pretty raw. I'm not looking forward to trying to sleep tonight.
Me:Jess--27
DH:J--27
Married: 8.31.02
DS: O 1.05.04
No m/c yet, but found at at 12 weeks that baby was only 8wks and there was no heartbeat.
I am supposed to wait until Thursday and if I haven't miscarried by then, they will do a D&C on Friday. I have no idea what questions to ask or what protocol there is.
Right now I'm numb. Yesterday I was pretty raw. I'm not looking forward to trying to sleep tonight.
jenahdawn
11-07-2006, 04:19 PM
Jess, you know you can call me any time, my cell is with me all the time now, at night it's next to me, just for you...
ETA: And if you CAN'T get to sleep tonight, I usually can't, either....(without help) so you can call me any time.....ANY time.
ETA: And if you CAN'T get to sleep tonight, I usually can't, either....(without help) so you can call me any time.....ANY time.
JRose
11-07-2006, 05:14 PM
Thanks Jenah. I don't know if I will ever be able to put into words how much I appreciated you spending the day with me until J got back. I'm hoping to take some meds and sleep tonight.
I know I have lots of questions for everyone but I just can't seem to remember them.
I know I have lots of questions for everyone but I just can't seem to remember them.
polkadot
11-07-2006, 06:01 PM
ktnkids~ (((hugs))) I hate when they doctors want you to go back for another beta...I know its needed but it just reminds me of the one thing that I want to forget and it makes it worse when you go in and see all the pg ladies..sending you hugs...
jrose~ sorry you are having to join..but you know that the women here are a great support system, take it one day, one hour, or one minute at a time,...whatever is easiest...Thinking of you and sending you sleepy vibes
jrose~ sorry you are having to join..but you know that the women here are a great support system, take it one day, one hour, or one minute at a time,...whatever is easiest...Thinking of you and sending you sleepy vibes
jenahdawn
11-07-2006, 06:05 PM
(I know I don't even have to ask this, but...) Jess, do you have a journal? I write in mine kind of as if I am writing to them but also writing so my someday Earth Angels will be able to read it as well.
Do any of you keep journals?
I'd started one the day I found out I was pregnant, then misplaced it when we moved....found it again...right abou the 4 week mark....and realized we found out we were having twins on 6/27, exactly 3 months before....well, you know.
I don't know what to do with that one now....
Do any of you keep journals?
I'd started one the day I found out I was pregnant, then misplaced it when we moved....found it again...right abou the 4 week mark....and realized we found out we were having twins on 6/27, exactly 3 months before....well, you know.
I don't know what to do with that one now....
polkadot
11-07-2006, 06:25 PM
I think of this place as my journal..b/c i have one..but both times I was pg I saved a private journal entry on LJ...I will do that when ever I get pg again..so that I will have a pregnancy journal for my babe.
ktnkids
11-08-2006, 09:14 AM
Jess-First of all I'm so sorry you are joining this group. I hate that there even has to be a group for this but everyone here knows what you're going thru and they're all great resources. That's exactly what happened w/ my first m/c. I was numb for days and just bawled a whole lot. (((HUGS))) Hang in there. I know it sounds goofy but it does get easier w/ time, prayers and leaning on family and friends.
Polkadot-it does suck to have to go back in to have blood drawn and seeing all those pg ladies in the office isn't fun. I'm a nurse in L&D so it's even more`fun`b/c I have to work w/ people every day who are pg. Today I'm at work and I have the high riskers who are having issues. I had to call in all weekend b/c I just couldn't do it that soon after m/c'ing.
Somehow this m/c doesn't seem as painful for me. Maybe b/c I wasn't as far or something but I still miss my baby!! I ran into a nurse that I used to work w/ and now she's a teacher and she told me that secondary infertility is actually more common than primary! (so after having 1 or more healthy babies you start having troubles w/ infertility--which is my case totally!)
Hope everyone has an ok day. (OK for us is the equivalent to good for most others)
Polkadot-it does suck to have to go back in to have blood drawn and seeing all those pg ladies in the office isn't fun. I'm a nurse in L&D so it's even more`fun`b/c I have to work w/ people every day who are pg. Today I'm at work and I have the high riskers who are having issues. I had to call in all weekend b/c I just couldn't do it that soon after m/c'ing.
Somehow this m/c doesn't seem as painful for me. Maybe b/c I wasn't as far or something but I still miss my baby!! I ran into a nurse that I used to work w/ and now she's a teacher and she told me that secondary infertility is actually more common than primary! (so after having 1 or more healthy babies you start having troubles w/ infertility--which is my case totally!)
Hope everyone has an ok day. (OK for us is the equivalent to good for most others)
Steve's Sweety
11-08-2006, 05:21 PM
Jess -
Oh no, OH NO, I am so sad to see you in here!
We were in the May mommies group together and I had hoped no one else from there would be joining here.
I am SO sorry for your loss.
Since I am still going through the same thing myself (m/w is having me wait things out even though it's been almost 2 wks since we found out) I know just how you feel. I know there are no words that can bring comfort, nothing anyone can say or do that helps but please know that I am thinking of you and sharing in your grief.
Karen -
I am also sorry that you have had to join this group and very sorry for your loss.
Oh no, OH NO, I am so sad to see you in here!
We were in the May mommies group together and I had hoped no one else from there would be joining here.
I am SO sorry for your loss.
Since I am still going through the same thing myself (m/w is having me wait things out even though it's been almost 2 wks since we found out) I know just how you feel. I know there are no words that can bring comfort, nothing anyone can say or do that helps but please know that I am thinking of you and sharing in your grief.
Karen -
I am also sorry that you have had to join this group and very sorry for your loss.
Steve's Sweety
11-08-2006, 05:34 PM
Well I'm feeling pretty frustrated b/c my m/w had told me they wanted me to wait 2 wks and it will be 2 wks tomorrow and today she told me to have my hcg drawn again in a week?!?
Here's how that has gone:
10/26 at 5:00 pm, found out our baby had died at 8W 4D, I was 11W 1D
10/27 hcg 2534
10/30 hcg 1079
11/3 hcg 516
11/6 hcg 409
So it has slowed considerably and I want to know if that means that it probably won't come all the way down by itself and I'm going to do all this waiting and then have to have a d&c anyway, or if there's still a chance it will pick up dropping again.
And my stats:
Steve's Sweety
Name: Tish, 31
DH: Steve, 30
Married: June 9, 2001
M/C: In progress/waiting to see if I have to have a d&c. (Found out on 10/26/06 that our baby had died at 8W 4D when I should have been 11W 1D pregnant.)
TTC: As of right now we are planning to as soon as possible
DS: Holden, June 13, 2004
Here's how that has gone:
10/26 at 5:00 pm, found out our baby had died at 8W 4D, I was 11W 1D
10/27 hcg 2534
10/30 hcg 1079
11/3 hcg 516
11/6 hcg 409
So it has slowed considerably and I want to know if that means that it probably won't come all the way down by itself and I'm going to do all this waiting and then have to have a d&c anyway, or if there's still a chance it will pick up dropping again.
And my stats:
Steve's Sweety
Name: Tish, 31
DH: Steve, 30
Married: June 9, 2001
M/C: In progress/waiting to see if I have to have a d&c. (Found out on 10/26/06 that our baby had died at 8W 4D when I should have been 11W 1D pregnant.)
TTC: As of right now we are planning to as soon as possible
DS: Holden, June 13, 2004
jenahdawn
11-08-2006, 05:48 PM
Just wanted to post that it's been 6 weeks today.
BUT....on the flip side, it's 4 1/2 months until we are given the okay to start trying again.
I really miss them today. (would have been 25 weeks tomorrow)
BUT....on the flip side, it's 4 1/2 months until we are given the okay to start trying again.
I really miss them today. (would have been 25 weeks tomorrow)
Tiniest Angels
11-08-2006, 08:14 PM
**UPDATED TO HERE**
On that note...I am sorry I have been MIA to update the thread. If anyone wants to take over as threadmistress PM me and I will send you the username and password. It is very easy to do. I just forgot I was TM until Steves Sweety reminded me(thank you!). If not I will keep it updated!
If I missed you let me know by PM or posting here in red.
On that note...I am sorry I have been MIA to update the thread. If anyone wants to take over as threadmistress PM me and I will send you the username and password. It is very easy to do. I just forgot I was TM until Steves Sweety reminded me(thank you!). If not I will keep it updated!
If I missed you let me know by PM or posting here in red.
polkadot
11-09-2006, 11:17 AM
i'll do it...just let me know... :D
Steve's Sweety
11-09-2006, 12:17 PM
Jenah -
It is nice to see that you can now look at a positive, gives me hope that eventually I might be able to also.
polkadot -
I PM'd the TM b/c it seemed like the thread had not been updated in quite a while and while I am not in a place where I feel I can take it over, I was hoping someone would.
The only thing I was thinking, is that maybe you could just start a new s/n and a new thread? No one else might be bothered by this but I am an overthinker and it gets to me sometimes to see the master name of this thread as ttcafteraloss.
So I was thinking maybe a name like loss_support or something?
This is just an idea and since you are willing to do it feel free to do whatever you want and not use that idea at all.
It is nice to see that you can now look at a positive, gives me hope that eventually I might be able to also.
polkadot -
I PM'd the TM b/c it seemed like the thread had not been updated in quite a while and while I am not in a place where I feel I can take it over, I was hoping someone would.
The only thing I was thinking, is that maybe you could just start a new s/n and a new thread? No one else might be bothered by this but I am an overthinker and it gets to me sometimes to see the master name of this thread as ttcafteraloss.
So I was thinking maybe a name like loss_support or something?
This is just an idea and since you are willing to do it feel free to do whatever you want and not use that idea at all.
Steve's Sweety
11-09-2006, 12:22 PM
Also, just wanted to say Julia, I am thinking of you extra today!
jenahdawn
11-09-2006, 05:44 PM
I've PM'd the TM, I have all of the info.....
polkadot
11-09-2006, 07:13 PM
ok so i just spent the last hour...cutting out brown paper bags indian vest for my kindergarten tomorrow and crying...I dont know if its the Clomid, the progesteron, or just watching Grey's Anatomy. :rolleyes: I wish I would have read the espiode info...i may not have watched...very sad,...
ok off to bathe and get to bed...
Hope everyone is doing well!!
ok off to bathe and get to bed...
Hope everyone is doing well!!
PugLover
11-10-2006, 08:55 AM
Tish - Thanks for the thoughts! I will update in my LJ but I made it through and the Dr. said they did an ultrasound before, during and after to make sure they got everything. I guess there was a piece of tissue that was stuck and they had some trouble getting it out but I should be clear now. I sure hope so! I am definitely ready for this to be over. I really, really hope nothing like this happens to you or anyone else but yes, it is rare so I'm sure everything will turn out differently for you.
I am sorry for those who have had to join recently. :( It does get a little easier to deal with over time and you won't always feel like the world is ending.
I am sorry for those who have had to join recently. :( It does get a little easier to deal with over time and you won't always feel like the world is ending.
jenahdawn
11-10-2006, 04:05 PM
So, my favorite show (CSI) is having an episode where identical twin girls are murdered......I've never missed an episode, but I may have to.
usafwife
11-10-2006, 05:20 PM
I'm so sorry for all of those who have joined this group lately. Time heals all wounds for some of us it just takes longer for that to happen.
Jenah ~ I didn't realize that was an upcoming episode. I may have to watch it at a later date as well. I had trouble enough getting through the first few episodes of ER this season. I heard Grey's Anatomy had a real tearjerker on the other night (I don't watch it just read what others were posting regarding it).
Jenah ~ I didn't realize that was an upcoming episode. I may have to watch it at a later date as well. I had trouble enough getting through the first few episodes of ER this season. I heard Grey's Anatomy had a real tearjerker on the other night (I don't watch it just read what others were posting regarding it).
ktnkids
11-10-2006, 05:58 PM
About the tv episodes lately--I know this kind of sounds bad but this time aruond I don't seem to get as emotional as I did w/ my first one. It still hurts like heck but I can watch most stuff and it doesn't get to me. I hope everyone is doing ok today and I hope no one has to join us in the near future. M/c sucks!!:(
Steve's Sweety
11-11-2006, 05:29 AM
Tried to post this yesterday but never got to finish it...
Re: Grey's -
No kidding, I told DH I literally felt a kick in the gut when Addison said what she said to Cally in the bathroom. After that I gave DH the remote and any time a scene from that plot came on he muted it and I closed my eyes. I still saw the beginning of one of the scenes though when it cut right to it.
We had to skip past all the OB scenes in last weeks episode too, at least we had recorded that one and could do that.
Day before yesterday I made myself go out of the house (a friend called and asked us to meet her and her kids at the park) so DS could have something to do and of course a pregnant woman showed up there with her little girl. I was pretty miserable the whole rest of the time.
This sucks.
I don't want to go to the mall b/c there are always lots of pregnant women and/or little babies, and there's really not anything else to do around here in the cold weather.
Oh, and I still haven't passed anything more.
I know my m/w said this might just be the way it is for me but I just can't believe that. There has to be more than one big plug looking thing and a few clots in there.
All I can do is get my levels checked again on Mon. If I don't like them and/or what she says, I think I might ask for cytotec.
I can't get on with my cycles until this is all over and I'm getting impatient!
--------
polkadot -
I didn't realize you were on clomid and progesterone. Did they do testing for your progesterone? I keep reading that it's so controversial as to whether or not it can help, but I'm still freaking out thinking that I caused this m/c because I didn't take it this time (I was on it the month before we conceived DS and then went on it again as soon as I found out we were PG).
Jenah -
Did you see my post to polkadot about the possibility of starting a new s/n for the group? Just wondering if you'd considered it.
Julia -
I am so glad your nightmare looks like it finally has an end in sight, at least as much as it can!
Karen -
I wish there was some magic potion you could share with those of us who are taking it harder! I am glad to hear that it is better for you this time around though.
Re: Grey's -
No kidding, I told DH I literally felt a kick in the gut when Addison said what she said to Cally in the bathroom. After that I gave DH the remote and any time a scene from that plot came on he muted it and I closed my eyes. I still saw the beginning of one of the scenes though when it cut right to it.
We had to skip past all the OB scenes in last weeks episode too, at least we had recorded that one and could do that.
Day before yesterday I made myself go out of the house (a friend called and asked us to meet her and her kids at the park) so DS could have something to do and of course a pregnant woman showed up there with her little girl. I was pretty miserable the whole rest of the time.
This sucks.
I don't want to go to the mall b/c there are always lots of pregnant women and/or little babies, and there's really not anything else to do around here in the cold weather.
Oh, and I still haven't passed anything more.
I know my m/w said this might just be the way it is for me but I just can't believe that. There has to be more than one big plug looking thing and a few clots in there.
All I can do is get my levels checked again on Mon. If I don't like them and/or what she says, I think I might ask for cytotec.
I can't get on with my cycles until this is all over and I'm getting impatient!
--------
polkadot -
I didn't realize you were on clomid and progesterone. Did they do testing for your progesterone? I keep reading that it's so controversial as to whether or not it can help, but I'm still freaking out thinking that I caused this m/c because I didn't take it this time (I was on it the month before we conceived DS and then went on it again as soon as I found out we were PG).
Jenah -
Did you see my post to polkadot about the possibility of starting a new s/n for the group? Just wondering if you'd considered it.
Julia -
I am so glad your nightmare looks like it finally has an end in sight, at least as much as it can!
Karen -
I wish there was some magic potion you could share with those of us who are taking it harder! I am glad to hear that it is better for you this time around though.
polkadot
11-11-2006, 06:43 AM
Steve's Sweety~ yes i know grey's was really hard for me to watch...i cried...but brian was at work so it was ok to cry alone...i guess....anyway...i was put on the progesterone b/c my O's were never strong enough to produce a good O, my progest levels were really low even after I oed, so my doc assumed that it would help with the O and since I had already had one m/c we thougth that it would be an answer to our problems....but that is not hat happened....maybe it helped me to have a stronger O...but it did not help in preventing another m/c ....this time my doc said allof my levels were perfect and that there was no reason he could see at this time why it didnt stick....that is why in my soul that it is an immune issue and that it can be fixed...if I am not pg this cycle I see my RE for the first time on the 20th, hoepfully she can give me some answers to what is going on...and i am demanding every blood test out there....
Hope everyone else is having an ok weekend!
Hope everyone else is having an ok weekend!
jenahdawn
11-11-2006, 07:05 AM
SS, yes, I did....I will ask.
(I also have to log in to update that it's me....as well as adding my stats....)
(I also have to log in to update that it's me....as well as adding my stats....)
jenahdawn
11-11-2006, 07:07 AM
Question for anyone who is further along than I am.....It's been 6 1/2 weeks and no period, when did your's start again?
(FTR: I'd never missed one until this past June, since the January I turned 12, and I was scary/textbook regular)
(FTR: I'd never missed one until this past June, since the January I turned 12, and I was scary/textbook regular)
Tiniest Angels
11-11-2006, 07:21 AM
Ladies, I have asked if we can change the name (as we are different from the ttcafterloss acct) but I would like opinions as to what name we should change it to.
"loss support" covers quite a bit of groups, so I was thinking we should do something specific to differentiate. (I keep having a poem we read at the girls' memorial that is called "Tiny Angles", but maybe, in our situation, tiniestangels?)
Any other ideas?
(this is Jenah, by the by)
"loss support" covers quite a bit of groups, so I was thinking we should do something specific to differentiate. (I keep having a poem we read at the girls' memorial that is called "Tiny Angles", but maybe, in our situation, tiniestangels?)
Any other ideas?
(this is Jenah, by the by)
ktnkids
11-11-2006, 07:26 AM
I like tiniestangels b/c they are the tiniest of any!
jenahdawn
11-11-2006, 07:35 AM
that was my thought, too.
If none of you have seen the poem (I had adjusted it to fit our two, here's the original):
Tiny Angel
Tiny Angel rest your wings
Sit with me for a while.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see you tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear…
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren’t here for very long…
Why is it, you couldn’t stay?
Tiny Angel shook her head,
“These things I do not know…
But I know that you love me,
And that I love you so”.
~Anonymous
If none of you have seen the poem (I had adjusted it to fit our two, here's the original):
Tiny Angel
Tiny Angel rest your wings
Sit with me for a while.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see you tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear…
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren’t here for very long…
Why is it, you couldn’t stay?
Tiny Angel shook her head,
“These things I do not know…
But I know that you love me,
And that I love you so”.
~Anonymous
LDS Angel 19
11-11-2006, 07:38 AM
Jenah, After I lost Alli I got AF back in almost exactly 6 weeks. But I've heard it could take up to 8 or so, maybe even ten.
With my early m/c, I got my next AF really fast, about 30 days, which is way abnormal for me.
With my early m/c, I got my next AF really fast, about 30 days, which is way abnormal for me.
JRose
11-11-2006, 12:02 PM
Just updating
I had my D&C yesterday morning. Physically I feel really good-a little cramping and my pelvis aches, but that's it and I haven't had any bleeding since immediately after. Emotionally, I'm better than last week. I'm at a weird in between stage where I'm not sure what to feel. Mostly I'm enjoying quiet time with DH and DS.
I watched Grey's as well, but it was super weird for me because it was the night before the D&C AND I went to school with the woman playing who lost her baby. Usually it's pretty cool to see her on a show, but this time it just gave me the chills.
I had to work for a few hours this morning and I ran into a woman that just found out about my pg 2 weeks ago. So I had to explain that I was no longer pg and what had happened. I feel bad when there is that awkward pause and the other person has no clue what to say. No one is prepared for what I tell them-and why should they be?! I just gave her a half smile and said "It's ok" which is weird because then I feel like I'm comforting them. Does that make any sense?
I had my D&C yesterday morning. Physically I feel really good-a little cramping and my pelvis aches, but that's it and I haven't had any bleeding since immediately after. Emotionally, I'm better than last week. I'm at a weird in between stage where I'm not sure what to feel. Mostly I'm enjoying quiet time with DH and DS.
I watched Grey's as well, but it was super weird for me because it was the night before the D&C AND I went to school with the woman playing who lost her baby. Usually it's pretty cool to see her on a show, but this time it just gave me the chills.
I had to work for a few hours this morning and I ran into a woman that just found out about my pg 2 weeks ago. So I had to explain that I was no longer pg and what had happened. I feel bad when there is that awkward pause and the other person has no clue what to say. No one is prepared for what I tell them-and why should they be?! I just gave her a half smile and said "It's ok" which is weird because then I feel like I'm comforting them. Does that make any sense?
ktnkids
11-11-2006, 12:12 PM
JROse-I'm glad things are finally done w/ for you so you can move on w/ the grieving process. It does make sense how you feel about handling people when they knew you were pg. I hadn't told people @ work yet and now they're finding out I m/c'd which is kind of akward too. I've found most people don't know what to say to us. What can they say but "I'm sorry"?? If they've never m/c'd they don't know how it feels (for us it's horrible).
One thing I've seen w/ working in L&D is how many women have had m/c's. It seems like almost every other pt has had one. That always helped me getting thru those long days @ work after my last m/c.
Enjoy that time w/ your family!
One thing I've seen w/ working in L&D is how many women have had m/c's. It seems like almost every other pt has had one. That always helped me getting thru those long days @ work after my last m/c.
Enjoy that time w/ your family!
Steve's Sweety
11-11-2006, 12:57 PM
"loss support" came to my head because I was thinking it would be good to encompass everyone who has suffered the loss of a baby, whether an early miscarriage, a loss like yours Jenah, or any other pregnancy/infant loss.
But really, it doesn't matter to me what we call it, I just don't want it to be what it isn't, kwim?
polkadot -
I sure wish the progesterone would have helped you, and I know you do too.
I hope you get a sticky BFP this cycle or that the RE can get you one VERY very soon!
Jess -
I've been thinking about you so I'm glad you posted. I am also glad you are feeling alright physically and emotionally some better. I was still a wreck up until just a few days ago so I think you are stronger than me!
But really, it doesn't matter to me what we call it, I just don't want it to be what it isn't, kwim?
polkadot -
I sure wish the progesterone would have helped you, and I know you do too.
I hope you get a sticky BFP this cycle or that the RE can get you one VERY very soon!
Jess -
I've been thinking about you so I'm glad you posted. I am also glad you are feeling alright physically and emotionally some better. I was still a wreck up until just a few days ago so I think you are stronger than me!
JRose
11-11-2006, 08:31 PM
ktnkids~ you are right. It has been kind of nice to see how many other women have gone through this. Once you bring it up, it's amazing how many people come out of the woodwork with stories. My MIL had 4 m/c in between my BIL and DH.
Tish~ I don't think I'm stronger necessarily, I just practice a certain technique called Denial. I wouldn't recommend it. But part of what makes me feel better is that I have a little bit of closure happening--you don't just yet. It has to be so agonizing sitting there waiting for your body to make a decision. You have an appt. on Monday right? I'm hoping you get some sort of answers.
I finally remembered my question--for those of you that ended up with a D&C--how much bleeding did you have afterwards?
Tish~ I don't think I'm stronger necessarily, I just practice a certain technique called Denial. I wouldn't recommend it. But part of what makes me feel better is that I have a little bit of closure happening--you don't just yet. It has to be so agonizing sitting there waiting for your body to make a decision. You have an appt. on Monday right? I'm hoping you get some sort of answers.
I finally remembered my question--for those of you that ended up with a D&C--how much bleeding did you have afterwards?
jenahdawn
11-12-2006, 09:25 AM
"loss support" came to my head because I was thinking it would be good to encompass everyone who has suffered the loss of a baby, whether an early miscarriage, a loss like yours Jenah, or any other pregnancy/infant loss.
Yeah, I feel like I'm in this weird inbetween stage....
I don't remember what the "further along" thread's TM name is....
But, I WILL be pursuing changing the name because....well, I don't need to explain.
Today's the hospital memorial.....and I'd forgotten what real cramps felt like...and they suck. But, almost 7 weeks later, I may be becoming a woman again.....*sigh* But it's only some spotting, like I have 3 weeks ago....but I didn't have cramps then. Well, it's a step forward....I guess.
Yeah, I feel like I'm in this weird inbetween stage....
I don't remember what the "further along" thread's TM name is....
But, I WILL be pursuing changing the name because....well, I don't need to explain.
Today's the hospital memorial.....and I'd forgotten what real cramps felt like...and they suck. But, almost 7 weeks later, I may be becoming a woman again.....*sigh* But it's only some spotting, like I have 3 weeks ago....but I didn't have cramps then. Well, it's a step forward....I guess.
Steve's Sweety
11-13-2006, 11:02 AM
Jess -
Well, I think I've been practicing that technique myself - I kept saying (and still have to keep myself from saying it) that I'm still PG because I have the hormones still in my body and haven't seen my baby come out.
No appt today but I went and had my levels drawn again.
Jenah -
Thanks for taking care of the name change.
Sorry about the cramps, but yeah, you can see what your cycles will be like now.
How was the memorial?
Well, I think I've been practicing that technique myself - I kept saying (and still have to keep myself from saying it) that I'm still PG because I have the hormones still in my body and haven't seen my baby come out.
No appt today but I went and had my levels drawn again.
Jenah -
Thanks for taking care of the name change.
Sorry about the cramps, but yeah, you can see what your cycles will be like now.
How was the memorial?
jenahdawn
11-13-2006, 01:13 PM
I'm officially a woman again. NO doubt about it now.....and I'd forgotten that cramps had their own special kind of suck.
The memorial went very well (the hospital one as well as our's). Now I just need to find thank you cards, which I think we are going to do tonight....
The hospital memorial: I think they picked out the hardest songs to hear on purpose...."On Eagle's Wings" and "You are mine"
They had stained glass butterflies for every baby as well as candles. We met another couple who lost their twins (boys) and there was a couple who lost one of their triplet sons.
The memorial went very well (the hospital one as well as our's). Now I just need to find thank you cards, which I think we are going to do tonight....
The hospital memorial: I think they picked out the hardest songs to hear on purpose...."On Eagle's Wings" and "You are mine"
They had stained glass butterflies for every baby as well as candles. We met another couple who lost their twins (boys) and there was a couple who lost one of their triplet sons.
Steve's Sweety
11-13-2006, 01:49 PM
329.
What I expected, but not what I hoped.
I asked for cytotec and my m/w is out and won't be in until Wed. so I have to wait until at least then.
I should have just asked for this last week, I would be a week closer to starting a new cycle.
Ugh.
And let me add that I have been kicking myself in the butt ever since I found out they have only dropped by 80 in a whole week because I should have asked for this sooner! I shouldn't still be waiting for my body to pass something after almost 2.5 wks!
I'm so frustrated, this puts me this much farther behind!
I ended up calling the nurse back crying to find out if she can possibly somehow just get it for me before Wed because I just want this to be DONE ALREADY!
What I expected, but not what I hoped.
I asked for cytotec and my m/w is out and won't be in until Wed. so I have to wait until at least then.
I should have just asked for this last week, I would be a week closer to starting a new cycle.
Ugh.
And let me add that I have been kicking myself in the butt ever since I found out they have only dropped by 80 in a whole week because I should have asked for this sooner! I shouldn't still be waiting for my body to pass something after almost 2.5 wks!
I'm so frustrated, this puts me this much farther behind!
I ended up calling the nurse back crying to find out if she can possibly somehow just get it for me before Wed because I just want this to be DONE ALREADY!
ktnkids
11-13-2006, 02:17 PM
Jenah-yeah for 'being woman again' but it does suck when everything comes back full force (especially after what you've been thru). Glad to hear the memorial went well.
Steve'sweety-(((((HUGS))))) That sucks that your numbers haven't dropped more than that. You might want to ask for a d&c just to have this all over with (especially if there's no signs of passing anything)
On my side of things I'm just sitting here waiting for next tues so I can have my blood drawn again to see if I'm all the way down. I have a sneaking suspicion that they won't be below 25. I don't know why-call it the pessimist im me. DH has said that he doesn't think this will be the last time we go thru this:eek: Goodness I hope he's wrong b/c I never want to have to go thru this again. It sucks in all ways! Right now I just want AF back so I know things are @ least starting to get back to normal (or what's normal for me)
Steve'sweety-(((((HUGS))))) That sucks that your numbers haven't dropped more than that. You might want to ask for a d&c just to have this all over with (especially if there's no signs of passing anything)
On my side of things I'm just sitting here waiting for next tues so I can have my blood drawn again to see if I'm all the way down. I have a sneaking suspicion that they won't be below 25. I don't know why-call it the pessimist im me. DH has said that he doesn't think this will be the last time we go thru this:eek: Goodness I hope he's wrong b/c I never want to have to go thru this again. It sucks in all ways! Right now I just want AF back so I know things are @ least starting to get back to normal (or what's normal for me)
Steve's Sweety
11-14-2006, 03:53 PM
Ok, I have the cytotec, I have some pain meds, now I just have to decide that it really is what I need to do and muster up enough courage to use it/them.
polkadot
11-14-2006, 04:06 PM
Girls..i have a question....I just took a test this afternoon and I am indeed pregnant again...I am terrified...I am so scared of loosing another pregnancy. Have any of you been in this situation...thanks so much in advance..and sorry to be mentioning being pregnant again when some of you are going through so much...but i didnt know who else to ask.
thanks:)
thanks:)
lilhimley
11-14-2006, 04:26 PM
Steve's Sweety, you are courageous. I'm sending you a little extra courage with courage vibes. I hope it is as painless and as quick as possible. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Polkadot, wow, I'm happy for you and also totally understand your fear. I go to a support group for pregnancy and infant loss and they have another group for those who are pregnant after a loss because we require special care due to our anxieties. I don't know if there is such a group where you are. Ours is at a local hospital. Man, I hope this is it for you. You've been through a lot. It's perfectly normal to feel how you feel. If you can't find a group, you might consider seeing a counselor. It might be worth it for you and the baby to help alleviate some of the stress. I will think super sticky for you of course. Keep us posted and congratulations.
Jen
Polkadot, wow, I'm happy for you and also totally understand your fear. I go to a support group for pregnancy and infant loss and they have another group for those who are pregnant after a loss because we require special care due to our anxieties. I don't know if there is such a group where you are. Ours is at a local hospital. Man, I hope this is it for you. You've been through a lot. It's perfectly normal to feel how you feel. If you can't find a group, you might consider seeing a counselor. It might be worth it for you and the baby to help alleviate some of the stress. I will think super sticky for you of course. Keep us posted and congratulations.
Jen
pacificbliss
11-14-2006, 04:43 PM
Kind of delurking. I hate that people are joining this thread. I check in to try and send happy, healing thoughts.
Steve's Sweety take a deep breath. I hope it's over quickly for you.
polkadot I know how scared you are. PM me if you want.
Take care ladies.
Steve's Sweety take a deep breath. I hope it's over quickly for you.
polkadot I know how scared you are. PM me if you want.
Take care ladies.
jenahdawn
11-15-2006, 01:25 PM
Dot, I hope you share your feelings (here or in your LJ) because I hope I am going to be in your place in a few months.
PugLover
11-15-2006, 02:37 PM
As far as the bleeding after a D&C, I have had 2 recently (one Oct. 18 and one Nov. 9) and the first one I didn't stop bleeding but that is because they didn't get everything. I continued to pass A LOT of clots, etc. (as well as the baby!). With this second one, I bled heavily up until a couple days ago (so for 5 days I had heavy bleeding.) I also was pretty sore and one day had bad cramps for half the day 4 days after the procedure. I cramped on and off the other days. I also passed a huge blood clot and another smaller blood clot maybe an hour or two after the procedure. The bleeding has FINALLY started to let up as of yesterday (5 days after the D&C). I don't know if my situation is different than normal though since they did it twice. And I have been bleeding since Oct. 12, so for over a month. I will be SO glad when I stop bleeding. I just want to feel some degree of normal again.
Steve's Sweety
11-15-2006, 06:23 PM
I just want to feel some degree of normal again.I have told DH several times that I feel like I will never feel normal again, so I completely understand that one.
So glad your bleeding looks like it's finally coming to an end.
polkadot -
I am keeping everything crossed for you. I can only imagine how scared/anxious you must be and I'm sure most of us will feel the same when we're lucky enough to get pregnant again.
--------------
Another x-post from my LJ
I decided not to do it...at least not yet
By the time DH got home from Holden's library storytime it was getting late and I didn't want to be up half the night or anything, so we decided I should wait until Fri/Sat when he can be home with me. He is supposed to work the weekend but says he can get someone to cover for him Sat.
In the meantime, I did some more reading on cytotec, and on hcg levels. Apparently it really isn't all that uncommon for them to take quite a while to go down on their own, though it isn't the "norm". And then there are women whose levels still take several weeks to drop even after having a d&c when they get everything out, so maybe there really isn't anything left in me. And since I also read that cytotec can (though rarely) cause excessive bleeding that ends up requiring a d&c, I just got too freaked out and am now trying to convince myself my body is just being slow for them to drop because it's slow for most everything else (weight loss, healing, that kind of thing).
So I actually talked to my m/w herself today and she answered some more questions I had. She also said it was ok to get my levels drawn again on Fri even though it won't have been a week, but I asked because if by some miracle they do a sudden drop or something I maybe won't do the cytotec afterall. My bleeding has all but stopped BUT I started temping again a few days ago and my temps were still running higher more like my post-o temps. Until today. It dropped back down to pretty much where my "normal" temps run and so I'm hoping that means I also had a bigger hcg drop, though I have no clue if they are really all that correlated.
So yeah, the short of it is...I'm a basket case.
So feed my insanity and tell me how levels have gone for you?
So glad your bleeding looks like it's finally coming to an end.
polkadot -
I am keeping everything crossed for you. I can only imagine how scared/anxious you must be and I'm sure most of us will feel the same when we're lucky enough to get pregnant again.
--------------
Another x-post from my LJ
I decided not to do it...at least not yet
By the time DH got home from Holden's library storytime it was getting late and I didn't want to be up half the night or anything, so we decided I should wait until Fri/Sat when he can be home with me. He is supposed to work the weekend but says he can get someone to cover for him Sat.
In the meantime, I did some more reading on cytotec, and on hcg levels. Apparently it really isn't all that uncommon for them to take quite a while to go down on their own, though it isn't the "norm". And then there are women whose levels still take several weeks to drop even after having a d&c when they get everything out, so maybe there really isn't anything left in me. And since I also read that cytotec can (though rarely) cause excessive bleeding that ends up requiring a d&c, I just got too freaked out and am now trying to convince myself my body is just being slow for them to drop because it's slow for most everything else (weight loss, healing, that kind of thing).
So I actually talked to my m/w herself today and she answered some more questions I had. She also said it was ok to get my levels drawn again on Fri even though it won't have been a week, but I asked because if by some miracle they do a sudden drop or something I maybe won't do the cytotec afterall. My bleeding has all but stopped BUT I started temping again a few days ago and my temps were still running higher more like my post-o temps. Until today. It dropped back down to pretty much where my "normal" temps run and so I'm hoping that means I also had a bigger hcg drop, though I have no clue if they are really all that correlated.
So yeah, the short of it is...I'm a basket case.
So feed my insanity and tell me how levels have gone for you?
polkadot
11-15-2006, 06:31 PM
thank you so much girls...i will post about my appt in my journal...
Steve's Sweety~ I am so sorry you are going through all this and that you are a basketcase....((((hugs)))) and feeling normal again thoughts....
Steve's Sweety~ I am so sorry you are going through all this and that you are a basketcase....((((hugs)))) and feeling normal again thoughts....
ktnkids
11-15-2006, 07:32 PM
First Polkadot-congrats! I know how scary pg after m/c can be. I had a fear in me for my whole pg taht something would happen so I tried to enjoy each day take it as it came, and cherish every little thing I felt being pg. There are so many I work w/ (in L&D and the patients) who hate being pg and just want it over. I couldn't wait to hold my baby and know he was safe in my arms but after being thru m/c I had a totally different perspective on things. you can PM me if you want to chat. I was terrified of m/c or losing the baby the whole time. After what we've been thru it only makes sense. I just never thought I'd be back here going thru another m/c.
Steve's sweety and pug lover-I think 'normal' has a whole different level/meaning for us now. We've lost babies. I wouldn't wish this on my enemy-it sucks! Normal physically can happen but emotionally we'll always carry it with us. On the temp note-I've nticed my temps are staying high (high is relative w/ me b/c my post O temps are usually >97.0) and I'm not sure why either. My last beta was 49 down from 167 three days earlier and I'm doe for one next Tues so I should have an update on that by Wed. I agree w/ you guys that I jsut wish my body would make up its mind and go back to what was normal for me before.
have a nice night!
Steve's sweety and pug lover-I think 'normal' has a whole different level/meaning for us now. We've lost babies. I wouldn't wish this on my enemy-it sucks! Normal physically can happen but emotionally we'll always carry it with us. On the temp note-I've nticed my temps are staying high (high is relative w/ me b/c my post O temps are usually >97.0) and I'm not sure why either. My last beta was 49 down from 167 three days earlier and I'm doe for one next Tues so I should have an update on that by Wed. I agree w/ you guys that I jsut wish my body would make up its mind and go back to what was normal for me before.
have a nice night!
bellabonga
11-16-2006, 12:27 AM
Tish, sorry but again I did not see your PM for days! :o I decided to respond to the slow-dropping levels here because that is something I have experienced myself. As you know, I had a d&c at 11w. After the d&c my hcg level was still at 3960 or something like that which I think was very high after a d&c. And it took 10 long weeks for the hcg to drop to zero. I was worried beyond belief that they might have left something in there but apparently my body just took longer to adjust to not being pregnant anymore. So Iīm crossing my fingers for you that itīs the same way for you. I think it took me at least 7 weeks or so to come to the level where you are now.
polkadot, congratulations! :) I hope everything will be okay this time and you will be able to relax after the first trimester, although it is not easy.
polkadot, congratulations! :) I hope everything will be okay this time and you will be able to relax after the first trimester, although it is not easy.
Steve's Sweety
11-16-2006, 07:50 AM
Karen -
Yeah, I think you are right. It sucks, but you are right.
My temps are low too, but not as low as yours. IIRC, low temps can be indicitive of low progesterone.
bella -
NP. I sure hope it doesn't take me as long as you but I don't think it will since like you said it took you 7 wks to get to where I am after 3.
Did they do any u/s to make sure there was nothing left in there while you just had to keep waiting?
I wish there was an explanation for why some people's take longer to come down than others, and that there was something we could do about it!
--------
Temp went back up today, so I have no idea if there's much correlation or not, I kind of got my hopes up after yesterday's temp.
So strange, to be wishing for temp drops instead of rises like I was just 3 months ago.
Yeah, I think you are right. It sucks, but you are right.
My temps are low too, but not as low as yours. IIRC, low temps can be indicitive of low progesterone.
bella -
NP. I sure hope it doesn't take me as long as you but I don't think it will since like you said it took you 7 wks to get to where I am after 3.
Did they do any u/s to make sure there was nothing left in there while you just had to keep waiting?
I wish there was an explanation for why some people's take longer to come down than others, and that there was something we could do about it!
--------
Temp went back up today, so I have no idea if there's much correlation or not, I kind of got my hopes up after yesterday's temp.
So strange, to be wishing for temp drops instead of rises like I was just 3 months ago.
bellabonga
11-16-2006, 12:07 PM
Tish, yes, I had an ultrasound done to see if there was anything left. My body just did not seem to notice that I wasnīt pregnant anymore. Although the baby had died at 10w, my uterus had grown to 13w by the time of the d&c (which was at 11w). So somehow my body seemed eager to be pregnant. My higher hcg level to start with had to do with the reason of my m/c because trisomy 21 pregnancies have often a higher hcg level.
Steve's Sweety
11-17-2006, 12:07 PM
I had my levels drawn again today to see if by some chance they've taken a big dive in the hopes that I won't need any further intervention.
I can't believe how long this is taking. I mean, come on already like someone else said it is bad enough to have to go through this but then to just have it drag out and out and worry each day that after all this you are going to have to end up having a d&c a month out from when you found out, when you should be close to getting AF again and trying to move on?!? It is just CRUEL!
Not to mention that I have been bleeding for 3 wks now and as of today have finally stopped. So if I have to do the cytotec or have a d&c, I'm looking at bringing on the bleeding again for who knows how long, after I JUST stopped!?!?
I know I keep going on and on about this but it is going on and on in my life and it is all consuming for the most part. :(
And to top it off, I just called the m/w's office because I hadn't heard from them and was told they only worked a half day today! UH, HELLO, when I talked to you just a couple days ago we discussed how whether or not I did the cytotec over the wkend would be based on what my levels were today, so how do I know what to do if I don't have them?!?
I called the lab and they are supposed to be trying to contact someone who can give me the info but come on!
I can't believe how long this is taking. I mean, come on already like someone else said it is bad enough to have to go through this but then to just have it drag out and out and worry each day that after all this you are going to have to end up having a d&c a month out from when you found out, when you should be close to getting AF again and trying to move on?!? It is just CRUEL!
Not to mention that I have been bleeding for 3 wks now and as of today have finally stopped. So if I have to do the cytotec or have a d&c, I'm looking at bringing on the bleeding again for who knows how long, after I JUST stopped!?!?
I know I keep going on and on about this but it is going on and on in my life and it is all consuming for the most part. :(
And to top it off, I just called the m/w's office because I hadn't heard from them and was told they only worked a half day today! UH, HELLO, when I talked to you just a couple days ago we discussed how whether or not I did the cytotec over the wkend would be based on what my levels were today, so how do I know what to do if I don't have them?!?
I called the lab and they are supposed to be trying to contact someone who can give me the info but come on!
ktnkids
11-17-2006, 01:21 PM
Tish-(((((HUGS))))) Hang in there. Hopefully you'll get some answers soon!
polkadot
11-17-2006, 03:14 PM
oh tish...i am so sorry things are not going the way you want them....(((hugs)))....to you and i hope the your body figures itself out soon before you have to do anything else!!!
RainGirl
11-17-2006, 04:08 PM
Sorry I haven't been around, other life stressors have been bombarding me lately.
So I'm eight weeks out from the D&C now and am feeling so much more optimistic, while my body is still not cooperating, one day I woke up and didn't cry for a whole day, which then turned into several and most recently I only cry occasionally. Finally I feel like I can manage and that good things are still in store for us.
I think we should all remember that when we go through a miscarriage our bodies go through huge hormone shifts which I think makes the sadness that much more crushing. My point is that in addition to the emotional sadness it is most definitly being stoked in a physical way. While I'm still getting blood draws each week and AF hasn't shown, I can feel the difference of not having the hormones compound the emotional side, for me it has made a huge difference in really starting to heal.
Steve's Sweety: It has taken awhile for my levels to drop as well, even with a D&C. I'm actually about to take off for what I hope is my last draw. Here's my progression:
3200
1200
368
86
32
17
Take care Ladies, hope everyone's next few days are better than their last few days.
RainGirl
So I'm eight weeks out from the D&C now and am feeling so much more optimistic, while my body is still not cooperating, one day I woke up and didn't cry for a whole day, which then turned into several and most recently I only cry occasionally. Finally I feel like I can manage and that good things are still in store for us.
I think we should all remember that when we go through a miscarriage our bodies go through huge hormone shifts which I think makes the sadness that much more crushing. My point is that in addition to the emotional sadness it is most definitly being stoked in a physical way. While I'm still getting blood draws each week and AF hasn't shown, I can feel the difference of not having the hormones compound the emotional side, for me it has made a huge difference in really starting to heal.
Steve's Sweety: It has taken awhile for my levels to drop as well, even with a D&C. I'm actually about to take off for what I hope is my last draw. Here's my progression:
3200
1200
368
86
32
17
Take care Ladies, hope everyone's next few days are better than their last few days.
RainGirl
Steve's Sweety
11-19-2006, 12:45 PM
WARNING: This is going to be long, descriptive and graphic. I have to get it out somewhere and we who have been through this are the only ones who understand. I am partly sharing this because of that, and also because if I can help someone who has to go through this maybe they won't have to endure such a long process as I did.
My levels had only gone down from 329 to 290 from Mon to Fri last week, really crawling, so I went ahead with the cytotec Fri night.
I took a Darvocet around 6:15 pm and inserted the first dose of Cytotec at around 7. Felt kind of out of it from the meds (I had also taken Xanax earlier in the day to try and relax) and tired so went to bed around 10, and set my alarm for 3 when it would be 8 hours and I was supposed to insert the 2nd dose if nothing had happened by then. At around 2:30 am I woke up with cramping, but when I went to the bathroom there was no blood so I decided to go ahead with the 2nd dose of Cyto. I also took another Darvocet. A while later I started half waking from cramping pain and by 4:30 was awake just laying there trying to manage the pain until DH's alarm was due to go off at 5 (He ended up having to go into work for a while). So when he got up I let him know what was going on and then he had to go downstairs to get ready for work.
A bit later I decided to go sit on the toilet. At 6 am I had just stood up and pulled my pants up and flushed when I felt a big gush, so I sat back down on the toilet quickly and felt something come out.
All this time, I was right - my baby had still been inside me and there he/she was. Luckily DH still hadn't left for work so I called him upstairs and he got our baby out. He/she wasn't in a sac. He/she looked just like what my pregnancy book said he/she would look like at between 8-9 wks. Our precious, tiny little angel with dots for eyes and finger buds.
The cramping mostly went away pretty much right after I passed the baby, but then I passed quite a bit of tissue and started bleeding - A LOT. I asked DH to look at how much blood there was but he was getting queasy by that point and said he couldn't. And unfortunately he was the one with the keys to open up at work so he had to get going. He took DS over to MIL's on his way in. So I put on a pad, went downstairs and called my very good friend (who lost a 33.5 wk old baby at 18 days old and also had a blighted ovum diagnosed at 10 wks for which she had a d&c) and talked to her. I put a towel under me on the couch because so much blood was coming out. She was concerned and called l&d at one of the area hospitals to see if that much blood was normal and the nurse said she thought I should go into ER. Well, I am very stubborn sometimes, and don't like ER at all, so I told her I just wanted to wait and call my midwife a bit later. I did so at around 8 am and she was very surprised that we had the baby. She said I had taken a lot of Cyto so a lot of bleeding was to be expected. She said not to worry unless I soaked 2-3 pads in an hour, and to just sit on the toilet for a while with some pads and towels.
So I called my gf back and talked to her a little longer and she had me drink some liquilytes since we had some from DS, then I decided to go back upstairs. DH called to check on me and I told him I was just sitting on the toilet with blood pouring out like I was peeing it, and at that point I started not feeling very well, and told him to just come home, I was going to go lay down. I headed down the hall to our bedroom and felt things going all wonky, got into our bedroom and passed out on the floor. I think I came to as soon as I passed out. I remember thinking that it wasn't a good sign and I was all alone and I had left the phone in the bathroom and I was weak and scared. I got up enough strength to crawl to get the phone and back into the bedroom to try to call my gf back but she didn't answer so I called my m/w's office again and this time they just gave me some nurse there who also said I should go to ER. I called my gf back and she answered this time and told me she was coming to get me and taking me in no matter what I said but I told her DH was on his way (they are each 30 mins from our house) and should get here before she would, so she just stayed on the phone with me. She kept telling me I had to go in and I kept telling her I was starting to feel better, and finally DH came home. I pulled myself into the bathroom with my arms (every time I moved my legs so much blood gushed out & I didn't want to keep losing more, plus I was too weak to do much else) and DH helped me onto the toilet and helped me get cleaned up. He got me clothes (I was only in a pj top and undies) and helped me get dressed and made me keep drinking water and liquilytes. By that time I had enough strength to go down the stairs with his help. He got stuff packed to go to the hospital but I kept telling him I didn't want to go if I absolutely didn't have to and I was starting to feel better, so he had the m/w paged again and she told him that she still thought everything sounded normal and wasn't surprised I had passed out because I had taken the Darvocet and got up from a sitting position to walk after losing a lot of blood. So I was relieved that she didn't think I needed to go in, but still scared that the bleeding wouldn't slow down and I would wind up having to go in after all. But DH got me a bit to eat and some Ibuprofen since I was still cramping some, and I kept drinking, and finally I was able to sleep for a bit. I felt a bit better when I woke up and every time I had to get up to go to the bathroom there was a little less blood. I spent the rest of the day on the couch and today I am feeling about 85% back to myself - physically. Many of the muscles in my body are very sore though.
Unfortunately, having some strength back physically now means I am starting to feel things more emotionally again (I was just too weak yesterday) and I am prety much back where I was a couple weeks ago, with the emotional wreck feeling.
And, I am starting to get angry that I had to wait so long when I kept telling the nurse and m/w I didn't think I had miscarried yet but because my numbers kept coming down they kept saying that the way it had been going might just be how it was going to happen for me. I am mostly angry at myself for not asking for the Cyto sooner because I had that feeling of it not being over and now instead of being closer to starting another cycle I am 3 wks farther behind than I could be. My aunt says I should be angry with my m/w. She feels it was much too unfair and turmultuous for me to have to wait so long.
All I can really do now is hope that the Cyto got everything out (oh my gosh there was SO much, it certainly better have) and that my numbers now fall very very quickly to 0. So I would appreciate a lot of positive thoughts in that regard, and that I can finally start to heal.
We are now trying to figure out how to bury the baby, as we don't plan to stay in this house forever so we want to put him/her in something we will be able to dig up and take with us when we move. We are also going to give him/her a name and maybe do something (like read a poem, etc) when we do the burial.
My levels had only gone down from 329 to 290 from Mon to Fri last week, really crawling, so I went ahead with the cytotec Fri night.
I took a Darvocet around 6:15 pm and inserted the first dose of Cytotec at around 7. Felt kind of out of it from the meds (I had also taken Xanax earlier in the day to try and relax) and tired so went to bed around 10, and set my alarm for 3 when it would be 8 hours and I was supposed to insert the 2nd dose if nothing had happened by then. At around 2:30 am I woke up with cramping, but when I went to the bathroom there was no blood so I decided to go ahead with the 2nd dose of Cyto. I also took another Darvocet. A while later I started half waking from cramping pain and by 4:30 was awake just laying there trying to manage the pain until DH's alarm was due to go off at 5 (He ended up having to go into work for a while). So when he got up I let him know what was going on and then he had to go downstairs to get ready for work.
A bit later I decided to go sit on the toilet. At 6 am I had just stood up and pulled my pants up and flushed when I felt a big gush, so I sat back down on the toilet quickly and felt something come out.
All this time, I was right - my baby had still been inside me and there he/she was. Luckily DH still hadn't left for work so I called him upstairs and he got our baby out. He/she wasn't in a sac. He/she looked just like what my pregnancy book said he/she would look like at between 8-9 wks. Our precious, tiny little angel with dots for eyes and finger buds.
The cramping mostly went away pretty much right after I passed the baby, but then I passed quite a bit of tissue and started bleeding - A LOT. I asked DH to look at how much blood there was but he was getting queasy by that point and said he couldn't. And unfortunately he was the one with the keys to open up at work so he had to get going. He took DS over to MIL's on his way in. So I put on a pad, went downstairs and called my very good friend (who lost a 33.5 wk old baby at 18 days old and also had a blighted ovum diagnosed at 10 wks for which she had a d&c) and talked to her. I put a towel under me on the couch because so much blood was coming out. She was concerned and called l&d at one of the area hospitals to see if that much blood was normal and the nurse said she thought I should go into ER. Well, I am very stubborn sometimes, and don't like ER at all, so I told her I just wanted to wait and call my midwife a bit later. I did so at around 8 am and she was very surprised that we had the baby. She said I had taken a lot of Cyto so a lot of bleeding was to be expected. She said not to worry unless I soaked 2-3 pads in an hour, and to just sit on the toilet for a while with some pads and towels.
So I called my gf back and talked to her a little longer and she had me drink some liquilytes since we had some from DS, then I decided to go back upstairs. DH called to check on me and I told him I was just sitting on the toilet with blood pouring out like I was peeing it, and at that point I started not feeling very well, and told him to just come home, I was going to go lay down. I headed down the hall to our bedroom and felt things going all wonky, got into our bedroom and passed out on the floor. I think I came to as soon as I passed out. I remember thinking that it wasn't a good sign and I was all alone and I had left the phone in the bathroom and I was weak and scared. I got up enough strength to crawl to get the phone and back into the bedroom to try to call my gf back but she didn't answer so I called my m/w's office again and this time they just gave me some nurse there who also said I should go to ER. I called my gf back and she answered this time and told me she was coming to get me and taking me in no matter what I said but I told her DH was on his way (they are each 30 mins from our house) and should get here before she would, so she just stayed on the phone with me. She kept telling me I had to go in and I kept telling her I was starting to feel better, and finally DH came home. I pulled myself into the bathroom with my arms (every time I moved my legs so much blood gushed out & I didn't want to keep losing more, plus I was too weak to do much else) and DH helped me onto the toilet and helped me get cleaned up. He got me clothes (I was only in a pj top and undies) and helped me get dressed and made me keep drinking water and liquilytes. By that time I had enough strength to go down the stairs with his help. He got stuff packed to go to the hospital but I kept telling him I didn't want to go if I absolutely didn't have to and I was starting to feel better, so he had the m/w paged again and she told him that she still thought everything sounded normal and wasn't surprised I had passed out because I had taken the Darvocet and got up from a sitting position to walk after losing a lot of blood. So I was relieved that she didn't think I needed to go in, but still scared that the bleeding wouldn't slow down and I would wind up having to go in after all. But DH got me a bit to eat and some Ibuprofen since I was still cramping some, and I kept drinking, and finally I was able to sleep for a bit. I felt a bit better when I woke up and every time I had to get up to go to the bathroom there was a little less blood. I spent the rest of the day on the couch and today I am feeling about 85% back to myself - physically. Many of the muscles in my body are very sore though.
Unfortunately, having some strength back physically now means I am starting to feel things more emotionally again (I was just too weak yesterday) and I am prety much back where I was a couple weeks ago, with the emotional wreck feeling.
And, I am starting to get angry that I had to wait so long when I kept telling the nurse and m/w I didn't think I had miscarried yet but because my numbers kept coming down they kept saying that the way it had been going might just be how it was going to happen for me. I am mostly angry at myself for not asking for the Cyto sooner because I had that feeling of it not being over and now instead of being closer to starting another cycle I am 3 wks farther behind than I could be. My aunt says I should be angry with my m/w. She feels it was much too unfair and turmultuous for me to have to wait so long.
All I can really do now is hope that the Cyto got everything out (oh my gosh there was SO much, it certainly better have) and that my numbers now fall very very quickly to 0. So I would appreciate a lot of positive thoughts in that regard, and that I can finally start to heal.
We are now trying to figure out how to bury the baby, as we don't plan to stay in this house forever so we want to put him/her in something we will be able to dig up and take with us when we move. We are also going to give him/her a name and maybe do something (like read a poem, etc) when we do the burial.
littlemia
11-19-2006, 06:56 PM
Delurking to say Steve's Sweety, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. I also took Cytotec and while I didn't have as severe of a time as you (I took it orally, don't know if that makes a difference), I can relate to bleeding on the toilet so much it sounded like you were peeing. While I knew to expect a lot of blood, I don't think you can really prepare yourself for how much blood there is- it's very traumatic. I wanted to give you hope that things should get better physically for you very soon. In my case, I didn't pass the baby until days later but after I did, I bled for about 10 days. On the 10th day, my beta levels were down to 21. This was my first beta draw, so I don't know what they were before. I went on vacation so I didn't have another draw until 12 or so days later and they were down to 0 by then. AF arrived 4 weeks after I had passed the baby.
ktnkids
11-21-2006, 05:25 AM
Tish-I'm so sorry you've had to go thru all of this! Sounds like you lost a lot of blood if you were passing out and that weak! I'm glad your DS wasn't home @ the time. THis all has been awful for you. @ least things should be getting back to 'normal' for you soon. I'm just sorry you had to go thru this @ home by your self. (((HUGS))) Take it easy and hang in there!
Karen
Karen
polkadot
11-21-2006, 05:36 AM
Tish~ I am so sorry you had to go through this and that you had to do it @ home too....sending you lots of ~~~~feeling better and happy thought vibes~~~~
((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
Steve's Sweety
11-21-2006, 08:40 AM
I wanted to give you hope that things should get better physically for you very soon. In my case, I didn't pass the baby until days later but after I did, I bled for about 10 days. On the 10th day, my beta levels were down to 21. This was my first beta draw, so I don't know what they were before. I went on vacation so I didn't have another draw until 12 or so days later and they were down to 0 by then. AF arrived 4 weeks after I had passed the baby.I'm sorry that you had to go through this too, and very sorry for your loss.
Thank you for letting me know that.
How long after you found out you'd lost your baby was it before you took the cyto?
Karen & polkadot -
Thank you for your thoughts.
---------------
Well, I guess it wasn't completely over but now I hope it is.
All night Sun night I was uncomfortable and Mon in the am when I went to the bathroom it felt like something was coming out of my, uh, girl part. So of course I freaked because I know there is a rare side effect from cyto of uterine rupture. I was so scared I wouldn't even get a chance to have a baby again, I actually talked to myself the whole way to the office (if you guys didn't think I was a nutcase before, now there's your proof) trying to convince myself it would be ok. Well, what I had felt was a big piece of...tissue or something, but as soon as the m/w got it out (she had to use some little forceps) she called the nurse to send it to pathology (because apparently it didn't look like something she usually sees)?? and when she showed it to me it didn't look like anything I'd seen come out either. Then she says "Who knows, maybe there were 2 pregnancies". WTH?!? I don't think she should have said that to someone who has just gone through this and can never know if there really were - at least not in the flip way that I took it. Anyway, I do like my m/w but sometimes things she says just get to me, but then again I'm pretty sensitive.
So she told me she thought that was probably everything (it was everything in my cervix but she of course couldn't see in my uterus) and that I should "be like a new woman now".
I did talk to her about how I thought that I should have been given at least an u/s sooner if not taken the cyto sooner and she again said that since my levels were going down like they were they just figured it would happen on its own and that in her opinion I needed the time anyway. Then added that she thought I was trying to move on too fast and she didn't want me going and getting pregnant next week. <SIGH>
Oh, and I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have posted all those details that I did earlier? I don't want to scare anyone who might be facing a similar situation, esp with how scary it already is. It really wasn't horrible, I just wasn't prepared for how much stuff and blood there was, and didn't think about the possibity of passing out of course. Maybe I'll just add a disclaimer that says that it wasn't that horrible, just traumatic (which there isn't really a way out of when you have a m/c) and that I would do it the same again (just sooner). For me, it was a more "comfortable" way to do it than a d&c - I was able to stay at home, and see my baby, and I think I needed that.
Thank you for letting me know that.
How long after you found out you'd lost your baby was it before you took the cyto?
Karen & polkadot -
Thank you for your thoughts.
---------------
Well, I guess it wasn't completely over but now I hope it is.
All night Sun night I was uncomfortable and Mon in the am when I went to the bathroom it felt like something was coming out of my, uh, girl part. So of course I freaked because I know there is a rare side effect from cyto of uterine rupture. I was so scared I wouldn't even get a chance to have a baby again, I actually talked to myself the whole way to the office (if you guys didn't think I was a nutcase before, now there's your proof) trying to convince myself it would be ok. Well, what I had felt was a big piece of...tissue or something, but as soon as the m/w got it out (she had to use some little forceps) she called the nurse to send it to pathology (because apparently it didn't look like something she usually sees)?? and when she showed it to me it didn't look like anything I'd seen come out either. Then she says "Who knows, maybe there were 2 pregnancies". WTH?!? I don't think she should have said that to someone who has just gone through this and can never know if there really were - at least not in the flip way that I took it. Anyway, I do like my m/w but sometimes things she says just get to me, but then again I'm pretty sensitive.
So she told me she thought that was probably everything (it was everything in my cervix but she of course couldn't see in my uterus) and that I should "be like a new woman now".
I did talk to her about how I thought that I should have been given at least an u/s sooner if not taken the cyto sooner and she again said that since my levels were going down like they were they just figured it would happen on its own and that in her opinion I needed the time anyway. Then added that she thought I was trying to move on too fast and she didn't want me going and getting pregnant next week. <SIGH>
Oh, and I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have posted all those details that I did earlier? I don't want to scare anyone who might be facing a similar situation, esp with how scary it already is. It really wasn't horrible, I just wasn't prepared for how much stuff and blood there was, and didn't think about the possibity of passing out of course. Maybe I'll just add a disclaimer that says that it wasn't that horrible, just traumatic (which there isn't really a way out of when you have a m/c) and that I would do it the same again (just sooner). For me, it was a more "comfortable" way to do it than a d&c - I was able to stay at home, and see my baby, and I think I needed that.
littlemia
11-21-2006, 10:40 AM
Steve's Sweety, I was 11 weeks 4 days when I found out the baby had died about 2 weeks earlier. I took the Cytotec 8 days later. My midwife also wanted me to wait but things weren't really progressing and I needed to get the physical processes over with in order to heal. Unfortunately I didn't pass everything and when I went back for a follow-up 4 days later my midwife pulled the baby out during my exam. At that point I didn't know I hadn't passed everything- I didn't see the baby but there was so much blood and tissue at first and then it tapered off that I thought everything was over with. I was given another dose of Cytotec and had an u/s later that afternoon that showed that I had passed everything but a couple of clots.
I'm sorry your experience was also not over after the first day and I'm sorry your midwife made such a flippant remark. My midwife said something careless too and it was really upsetting. I wish they would realize that while it's something they may see frequently, it's a horrible event for us to go through.
I'm glad you shared your experience. There's a thread on Mothering.com where people share what physically happens to you during a miscarriage and I read it before I took the Cytotec. It was very scary and sad to read but I'm glad I read it because it gave me an idea of what to expect. Taking the medication is not for everyone- it was definitely traumatic- but I think it was the right decision for me. I wanted to avoid a D&C but there was no way I could wait to miscarry naturally. I think I would do the same again but I wouldn't have waited as long.
I'm sorry your experience was also not over after the first day and I'm sorry your midwife made such a flippant remark. My midwife said something careless too and it was really upsetting. I wish they would realize that while it's something they may see frequently, it's a horrible event for us to go through.
I'm glad you shared your experience. There's a thread on Mothering.com where people share what physically happens to you during a miscarriage and I read it before I took the Cytotec. It was very scary and sad to read but I'm glad I read it because it gave me an idea of what to expect. Taking the medication is not for everyone- it was definitely traumatic- but I think it was the right decision for me. I wanted to avoid a D&C but there was no way I could wait to miscarry naturally. I think I would do the same again but I wouldn't have waited as long.
jenahdawn
11-21-2006, 01:33 PM
Has anyone else gotten "Pregnancy After a Loss"? I've been reading it. SS, I think you may want to, as well, because the comments your m/w has said...
Tomorrow is 8 weeks.
Tomorrow is 8 weeks.
Steve's Sweety
11-22-2006, 07:36 AM
littlemia -
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. It is helpful to "talk" to someone else who has done the cyto and had a similar experience.
It must have been very traumatic to have your m/w to pull the baby out, I am so sorry you had to endure that.
May I ask what you did with him/her?
Jenah -
If it tells me I need to wait longer to TTC, I don't want it. :p
Besides, I can't do anything until my body cooperates anyway, and I'm not sure that it's ready to.
I hope that everyone you are around tomorrow is sensitive to it being the 8 wk mark for you.
----------
I had a not very good evening yesterday, and my girl parts hurt.
And no one better ask me tomorrow what I am thankful for.
Hope everyone has as painless of a holiday as possible.
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. It is helpful to "talk" to someone else who has done the cyto and had a similar experience.
It must have been very traumatic to have your m/w to pull the baby out, I am so sorry you had to endure that.
May I ask what you did with him/her?
Jenah -
If it tells me I need to wait longer to TTC, I don't want it. :p
Besides, I can't do anything until my body cooperates anyway, and I'm not sure that it's ready to.
I hope that everyone you are around tomorrow is sensitive to it being the 8 wk mark for you.
----------
I had a not very good evening yesterday, and my girl parts hurt.
And no one better ask me tomorrow what I am thankful for.
Hope everyone has as painless of a holiday as possible.
ktnkids
11-22-2006, 11:46 AM
Here's my update for today-Got my beta results back and they were 0!:) That makes me happy. I have to wait till after next AF before we can start TTCing again but after next AF I'll be getting blood drawn to see what my thyroid is doing and all of that stuff.
On tha holiday note-holidays after m/cing are expecially hard. I had a hard time w/ holidays after I lost my last baby. DH reminds me to watch our kiddos and be thankful for them but I long for my babies that I lost too. I don't think guys get that.
Tish-I know how awful you feel right now. Just know that even tho most days seem like bad days now, but in the days ahead those good and bad days will even out. then those bad days will get further and further apart till there's more good than bad. Hang in there!
On tha holiday note-holidays after m/cing are expecially hard. I had a hard time w/ holidays after I lost my last baby. DH reminds me to watch our kiddos and be thankful for them but I long for my babies that I lost too. I don't think guys get that.
Tish-I know how awful you feel right now. Just know that even tho most days seem like bad days now, but in the days ahead those good and bad days will even out. then those bad days will get further and further apart till there's more good than bad. Hang in there!
Steve's Sweety
11-22-2006, 01:26 PM
Sorry I haven't been around, other life stressors have been bombarding me lately.
So I'm eight weeks out from the D&C now and am feeling so much more optimistic, while my body is still not cooperating, one day I woke up and didn't cry for a whole day, which then turned into several and most recently I only cry occasionally. Finally I feel like I can manage and that good things are still in store for us.
I think we should all remember that when we go through a miscarriage our bodies go through huge hormone shifts which I think makes the sadness that much more crushing. My point is that in addition to the emotional sadness it is most definitly being stoked in a physical way. While I'm still getting blood draws each week and AF hasn't shown, I can feel the difference of not having the hormones compound the emotional side, for me it has made a huge difference in really starting to heal.
Steve's Sweety: It has taken awhile for my levels to drop as well, even with a D&C. I'm actually about to take off for what I hope is my last draw. Here's my progression:
3200
1200
368
86
32
17
Take care Ladies, hope everyone's next few days are better than their last few days.
RainGirl
I meant to reply to this before.
Thank you for coming in and posting, because your post gives me hope to see how others are doing further out from this than what I am, since when you are in it you just can't imagine that you will ever feel any different...
It is driving me crazy that some betas just drop slowly for no apparent reason, or at least not one that anyone can/will explain.
I'm sure it has been so frustrating for you and I really hope they came back at 0 this time!!!
Now that I actually know what all was inside me, I can't believe my levels even got down to where they did. I'm hoping that now that (please please please) it's all out, they will just do a big dive and be at 0 within a week.
Hormone wise - I was planning on going on anti-d's at around 36 wks into this pregnancy anyway because I had such horrible PPD after DS, so when we found out there was no h/b I thought of it the next day and got on them right away and I'm sure now that them being in my system for a while now is why I don't feel worse than I do now that I actually miscarried.
Karen -
So glad to hear your levels are at 0!
Thanks for telling me that, because while I couldn't have fathomed it even just a week ago, I think I can now.
I have not been looking forward to the holidays, obviously, from my last post. I had been hoping to be PG again by Christmas but it doesn't look like it will work that way so I hope for DS's sake I can still enjoy it. At least by then hopefully I'll be in that latter phase of what you said and maybe will be able to.
So I'm eight weeks out from the D&C now and am feeling so much more optimistic, while my body is still not cooperating, one day I woke up and didn't cry for a whole day, which then turned into several and most recently I only cry occasionally. Finally I feel like I can manage and that good things are still in store for us.
I think we should all remember that when we go through a miscarriage our bodies go through huge hormone shifts which I think makes the sadness that much more crushing. My point is that in addition to the emotional sadness it is most definitly being stoked in a physical way. While I'm still getting blood draws each week and AF hasn't shown, I can feel the difference of not having the hormones compound the emotional side, for me it has made a huge difference in really starting to heal.
Steve's Sweety: It has taken awhile for my levels to drop as well, even with a D&C. I'm actually about to take off for what I hope is my last draw. Here's my progression:
3200
1200
368
86
32
17
Take care Ladies, hope everyone's next few days are better than their last few days.
RainGirl
I meant to reply to this before.
Thank you for coming in and posting, because your post gives me hope to see how others are doing further out from this than what I am, since when you are in it you just can't imagine that you will ever feel any different...
It is driving me crazy that some betas just drop slowly for no apparent reason, or at least not one that anyone can/will explain.
I'm sure it has been so frustrating for you and I really hope they came back at 0 this time!!!
Now that I actually know what all was inside me, I can't believe my levels even got down to where they did. I'm hoping that now that (please please please) it's all out, they will just do a big dive and be at 0 within a week.
Hormone wise - I was planning on going on anti-d's at around 36 wks into this pregnancy anyway because I had such horrible PPD after DS, so when we found out there was no h/b I thought of it the next day and got on them right away and I'm sure now that them being in my system for a while now is why I don't feel worse than I do now that I actually miscarried.
Karen -
So glad to hear your levels are at 0!
Thanks for telling me that, because while I couldn't have fathomed it even just a week ago, I think I can now.
I have not been looking forward to the holidays, obviously, from my last post. I had been hoping to be PG again by Christmas but it doesn't look like it will work that way so I hope for DS's sake I can still enjoy it. At least by then hopefully I'll be in that latter phase of what you said and maybe will be able to.
littlemia
11-22-2006, 03:52 PM
littlemia -
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. It is helpful to "talk" to someone else who has done the cyto and had a similar experience.
It must have been very traumatic to have your m/w to pull the baby out, I am so sorry you had to endure that.
May I ask what you did with him/her?
Yes, it was very traumatic. And I got to follow that up with an internal u/s with a less than gentle tech who left me bleeding all over the table with nothing to clean up with. I had to waddle to the bathroom. (This was at a standalone imaging facility). I think that day was worse than the day I actually took the Cytotec.
After they removed the baby, they put it in a jar and held it up for me to see. I didn't look really closely but what I saw wasn't anything recognizable. I just let the staff take care of everything. If I had the baby at home, I would have buried him/her in the backyard.
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. It is helpful to "talk" to someone else who has done the cyto and had a similar experience.
It must have been very traumatic to have your m/w to pull the baby out, I am so sorry you had to endure that.
May I ask what you did with him/her?
Yes, it was very traumatic. And I got to follow that up with an internal u/s with a less than gentle tech who left me bleeding all over the table with nothing to clean up with. I had to waddle to the bathroom. (This was at a standalone imaging facility). I think that day was worse than the day I actually took the Cytotec.
After they removed the baby, they put it in a jar and held it up for me to see. I didn't look really closely but what I saw wasn't anything recognizable. I just let the staff take care of everything. If I had the baby at home, I would have buried him/her in the backyard.
ktnkids
11-23-2006, 10:07 PM
Guys keep a lady in your prayers who just came into the hospital I work at with a stillborn 39week baby.:( It was very sad
Steve's Sweety
11-27-2006, 08:53 AM
littlemia - Oh you poor thing! And you were all by yourself?
Did they send your baby for testing?
Karen -
GAH, goosebumps. I don't know how you do it after having gone through your own losses.
That poor poor woman. :(
---------------
Yesterday was exactly one month since we found out, but I wasn't too big of a basketcase.
No one asked me what I was thankful for, but I did find out that my levels on Fri came down to 7.1 from 290 the previous Fri, and I finally stopped bleeding over the weekend (and am hoping that is it) so that was actually something to be thankful for, I guess.
ETA: Ok, forget the done bleeding part. ARGH, this on and off is frustrating and irritating! And seriously, I have not bled since Sat and the minute I go and write it...
And DH and I DTD for the 1st time in a looong time and I didn't freak out, and it didn't hurt. (My cervix is still a bit irritated sometimes and still feels kind of swollen to me so I was afraid it would).
On the flip side though, of course something else had to happen - a totally different subject. My little old dog. We have known for a while now that her time with us is coming to an end. She turned 16 last month, 16! I have had her since I was 15. Fri my aunt was coming to watch DS so we could go out but before she got here I had to run our dog to the vet because when she came in from out in our fenced yard, she was acting strange and her head was cocked to one side and she couldn't walk straight. I figured it was the last straw but the vet said we could wait a little longer (try to get through the holidays) and it was either a brain thing or an ear infection. He couldn't see in her ears so he gave her some injections to treat it like it was ears since there's nothing to be done for the brain. She made a pretty quick turnaround so he thinks it was probably a stroke (an ear infection wouldn't have responded so quickly) and we don't know if/when she'll have another.
Well, I hope everyone made it through the holiday w/o too much drama or anything.
Did they send your baby for testing?
Karen -
GAH, goosebumps. I don't know how you do it after having gone through your own losses.
That poor poor woman. :(
---------------
Yesterday was exactly one month since we found out, but I wasn't too big of a basketcase.
No one asked me what I was thankful for, but I did find out that my levels on Fri came down to 7.1 from 290 the previous Fri, and I finally stopped bleeding over the weekend (and am hoping that is it) so that was actually something to be thankful for, I guess.
ETA: Ok, forget the done bleeding part. ARGH, this on and off is frustrating and irritating! And seriously, I have not bled since Sat and the minute I go and write it...
And DH and I DTD for the 1st time in a looong time and I didn't freak out, and it didn't hurt. (My cervix is still a bit irritated sometimes and still feels kind of swollen to me so I was afraid it would).
On the flip side though, of course something else had to happen - a totally different subject. My little old dog. We have known for a while now that her time with us is coming to an end. She turned 16 last month, 16! I have had her since I was 15. Fri my aunt was coming to watch DS so we could go out but before she got here I had to run our dog to the vet because when she came in from out in our fenced yard, she was acting strange and her head was cocked to one side and she couldn't walk straight. I figured it was the last straw but the vet said we could wait a little longer (try to get through the holidays) and it was either a brain thing or an ear infection. He couldn't see in her ears so he gave her some injections to treat it like it was ears since there's nothing to be done for the brain. She made a pretty quick turnaround so he thinks it was probably a stroke (an ear infection wouldn't have responded so quickly) and we don't know if/when she'll have another.
Well, I hope everyone made it through the holiday w/o too much drama or anything.
littlemia
11-29-2006, 09:07 AM
littlemia - Oh you poor thing! And you were all by yourself?
Did they send your baby for testing?
I was by myself at the midwife's office. I thought it was just going to be a quick follow-up and was planning on going to work that night. I went home and had DH meet me so we could go to the ultrasound place together.
They didn't send my baby for testing. The nurse's assistant asked the midwife if she wanted to send it for testing but the midwife said no. I think she may have asked me but they way she phrased it was like why bother. I probably wouldn't have agreed to it anyway because of the cost. It was my first miscarriage and my insurance sucks so we would have had to pay for it out of pocket.
I hope you quit bleeding soon. I remember how tired I was of seeing blood but then after it stopped I was ready to see it again because I knew that meant my cycles had resumed.
I hope your dog is okay. 16 years, wow. I hope we have that much time with ours.
Did they send your baby for testing?
I was by myself at the midwife's office. I thought it was just going to be a quick follow-up and was planning on going to work that night. I went home and had DH meet me so we could go to the ultrasound place together.
They didn't send my baby for testing. The nurse's assistant asked the midwife if she wanted to send it for testing but the midwife said no. I think she may have asked me but they way she phrased it was like why bother. I probably wouldn't have agreed to it anyway because of the cost. It was my first miscarriage and my insurance sucks so we would have had to pay for it out of pocket.
I hope you quit bleeding soon. I remember how tired I was of seeing blood but then after it stopped I was ready to see it again because I knew that meant my cycles had resumed.
I hope your dog is okay. 16 years, wow. I hope we have that much time with ours.
Steve's Sweety
11-29-2006, 11:26 AM
Oh good, someone else posted.
I was just about to come in here and ask where everyone was, and if I was the only one who still feels like I need the thread, or if you all are just sick of me and my complaining. ;)
--------
littlemia -
Ok, well at least you had DH with you for part of it, though I'm sure that was of little consolation but I was feeling so bad imagining you by yourself for the whole thing. It still sucks you had to go through that.
So how much longer after your m/w visit did you bleed for?
I'm on day 12 counting from the day I actually m/c, but I spotted/bled lightly for the 3+ wks prior to that so I'm totally ready for it to stop.
And how long after your m/c (I guess counting from the m/w visit) was it before you got PG again?
Yeah, she's a little dog so she has a longer life expectancy than the larger breeds. Unfortunately for us, we also have 2 other dogs who are toward the end of their expected life spans too (a medium and a large breed) so we didn't plan that too well. :rolleyes:
--------------
I went out to the store a bit ago to get DS and I out of the house and while we were in there (and browsing the pads for the longest time trying to figure out what was cheapest that would still cover me for these spotting/light/spotting days) a couple just around the corner from the aisle we were in ran into someone they knew and started talking about how they had just found out yesterday that they were expecting again and she was 22 wks along (which I couldn't comprehend until I heard the rest of the story) and how that would make number 10 for them (that caused me to understand why she may not have noticed). So the woman they were talking to says "Well, they say god won't give them to you unless you can handle them". Then, "So you guys must be pretty good".
OMG, I had all I could do to stop myself from sticking my head out from the end of the aisle and yelling "Well, that's not what you want to hear when you've just had a miscarriage". Like I needed some other prodding to feel guilty or like I didn't deserve this baby because I don't already feel that way enough on my own?!?
GAH.
Breathing and moving on...
So, I would like your opinion on what birthstone I should get for the baby in a mother's bracelet.
Do I go with October because that's when the baby stopped developing, or November because he/she was inside me until then?
I'm pretty sure I'm doing a double, with one of those plus May (the woman I've been talking with about making me one suggested that) but I'm not sure which one to go with.
I was just about to come in here and ask where everyone was, and if I was the only one who still feels like I need the thread, or if you all are just sick of me and my complaining. ;)
--------
littlemia -
Ok, well at least you had DH with you for part of it, though I'm sure that was of little consolation but I was feeling so bad imagining you by yourself for the whole thing. It still sucks you had to go through that.
So how much longer after your m/w visit did you bleed for?
I'm on day 12 counting from the day I actually m/c, but I spotted/bled lightly for the 3+ wks prior to that so I'm totally ready for it to stop.
And how long after your m/c (I guess counting from the m/w visit) was it before you got PG again?
Yeah, she's a little dog so she has a longer life expectancy than the larger breeds. Unfortunately for us, we also have 2 other dogs who are toward the end of their expected life spans too (a medium and a large breed) so we didn't plan that too well. :rolleyes:
--------------
I went out to the store a bit ago to get DS and I out of the house and while we were in there (and browsing the pads for the longest time trying to figure out what was cheapest that would still cover me for these spotting/light/spotting days) a couple just around the corner from the aisle we were in ran into someone they knew and started talking about how they had just found out yesterday that they were expecting again and she was 22 wks along (which I couldn't comprehend until I heard the rest of the story) and how that would make number 10 for them (that caused me to understand why she may not have noticed). So the woman they were talking to says "Well, they say god won't give them to you unless you can handle them". Then, "So you guys must be pretty good".
OMG, I had all I could do to stop myself from sticking my head out from the end of the aisle and yelling "Well, that's not what you want to hear when you've just had a miscarriage". Like I needed some other prodding to feel guilty or like I didn't deserve this baby because I don't already feel that way enough on my own?!?
GAH.
Breathing and moving on...
So, I would like your opinion on what birthstone I should get for the baby in a mother's bracelet.
Do I go with October because that's when the baby stopped developing, or November because he/she was inside me until then?
I'm pretty sure I'm doing a double, with one of those plus May (the woman I've been talking with about making me one suggested that) but I'm not sure which one to go with.
lilhimley
11-29-2006, 07:10 PM
Hi Tish, sorry I've been MIA here lately (holidays and busy at work). I'm still with you on needing this thread and hope I can provide some support to you and the others. I'm sad that you're sad and angry. I'm, of course, sorry for all you've been through and that you now have to deal with a sick furry friend. I'm sure you consider your dog a family member like I do my cats. I hope it is as painless as possible when the time comes to make that decision that's best for the animal. We had a vet come to our house to do the deed with the last cat we lost. Since the cat hated the car and the vet, it was great for us to be with her at home and she was so much more comfortable in her own environment with us petting her while she 'went to sleep'. I would highly recommend a vet coming to your house if possible at all. Our vet is great and actually did it as a special favor to us. Hopefully you won't have to deal with that for a while. These things are tough to go through and everything sad seems so much more magnified to me since my miscarriages.
Onto the bleeding thing, get done with it already! Geez! So sorry.
And those remarks from that lady at the store...WHAT EV ER! You know, I've just decided that these people are not thinking. They're not mean or stupid, they're just not thinking, thoughtless. And seriously, just found out? 22 weeks? This will be #10? I don't get it, just not fair.
On the birthstone thing, I think you have to decide for yourself. For me, it would be the last date that she was inside me, part of me.
To everyone else, I'm thinking about you all too and sending good thoughts and will be more active in my responses and support of you (it's good for me too).
As for me, we TTC this month and it didn't work, so I'm trying not to fall apart. I missed my last support group meeting and can't wait to go to the next one in a week. I really notice myself feeling worse when I don't have a meeting coming up that I can look forward too. On the plus side, I had a fantastic Thanksgiving with friends and family. We played board games and laughed a lot and it reminded me that there still are good times to be had, so that was good. :) I hope you each are finding those little good times in your life someplace. Take care everyone and know I'll be thinking of you.
Jennifer
Onto the bleeding thing, get done with it already! Geez! So sorry.
And those remarks from that lady at the store...WHAT EV ER! You know, I've just decided that these people are not thinking. They're not mean or stupid, they're just not thinking, thoughtless. And seriously, just found out? 22 weeks? This will be #10? I don't get it, just not fair.
On the birthstone thing, I think you have to decide for yourself. For me, it would be the last date that she was inside me, part of me.
To everyone else, I'm thinking about you all too and sending good thoughts and will be more active in my responses and support of you (it's good for me too).
As for me, we TTC this month and it didn't work, so I'm trying not to fall apart. I missed my last support group meeting and can't wait to go to the next one in a week. I really notice myself feeling worse when I don't have a meeting coming up that I can look forward too. On the plus side, I had a fantastic Thanksgiving with friends and family. We played board games and laughed a lot and it reminded me that there still are good times to be had, so that was good. :) I hope you each are finding those little good times in your life someplace. Take care everyone and know I'll be thinking of you.
Jennifer
PugLover
11-29-2006, 08:09 PM
I still need the thread so you are not alone Tish. I just don't get to it that often. I think I have finally maybe stopped bleeding but am still wearing liners because last time I thought I was done (it stopped for 2 days) and I took off a pad, it started up again! I bleed a little over 6 weeks so I am really hoping to be done now!
I had my post operative check up for my 2nd D&C on Tuesday and the Dr. said things are normal finally and this nightmare is finally over (the physical part anyway.) I guess I just feel really alone since I don't know anyone else and have not read about anyone else who has gone through what I have. Not that I wish it on anyone, it is horrible enough to lose your baby as it is, but I just wish I didn't feel like such a freak that I needed 2 D&C's and that I couldn't pass the baby naturally or even after Cytotec. It makes me terrified to ever be pregnant again and that really is my biggest struggle right now. A small part of me wants to be pregnant again but the rest of me is scared to death.
I had my post operative check up for my 2nd D&C on Tuesday and the Dr. said things are normal finally and this nightmare is finally over (the physical part anyway.) I guess I just feel really alone since I don't know anyone else and have not read about anyone else who has gone through what I have. Not that I wish it on anyone, it is horrible enough to lose your baby as it is, but I just wish I didn't feel like such a freak that I needed 2 D&C's and that I couldn't pass the baby naturally or even after Cytotec. It makes me terrified to ever be pregnant again and that really is my biggest struggle right now. A small part of me wants to be pregnant again but the rest of me is scared to death.
littlemia
11-29-2006, 08:56 PM
Steve's Sweety, I bled for 11 days after the midwife visit. I spent too much time reading stupid stuff on the Internet that said that bleeding should only last for a week and on day 10 I got worried and called the midwife since I was leaving the next day for a vacation in Germany. She was able to fit me in that day and gave me an exam and said my uterus was nice and small and that the bleeding should stop soon. Sure enough it stopped the next day.
I wasn't sure if you knew I was pregnant again. I don't post in here much because of that but when hear about someone whose situation is similar to mine I want to offer my support. I got pregnant about 6 weeks after my midwife visit. I had a relatively normal AF 4 weeks after the miscarriage was complete and got pregnant that cycle. We were very fortunate. However, it was very stressful. I was basically a wreck from the end of April (when I found out the baby had died) until I was in the second trimester in September. I don't know if waiting would have helped. I think you go through stress and depression no matter what.
Three dogs- what a houseful. I'm sorry they're getting older; I hope they stay healthy and hang in there awhile longer.
:rolleyes: at that woman in the store's comment.
I wasn't sure if you knew I was pregnant again. I don't post in here much because of that but when hear about someone whose situation is similar to mine I want to offer my support. I got pregnant about 6 weeks after my midwife visit. I had a relatively normal AF 4 weeks after the miscarriage was complete and got pregnant that cycle. We were very fortunate. However, it was very stressful. I was basically a wreck from the end of April (when I found out the baby had died) until I was in the second trimester in September. I don't know if waiting would have helped. I think you go through stress and depression no matter what.
Three dogs- what a houseful. I'm sorry they're getting older; I hope they stay healthy and hang in there awhile longer.
:rolleyes: at that woman in the store's comment.
RainGirl
11-30-2006, 11:54 AM
Just wanted to stop by with a quick update. My numbers are still not down. Last time I posted I was at 17, then it went to 13 and the most recent one is 10. Monday will be my ninth draw (I go in once a week) and they won't let me stop until we get to two or below. I get the impression from the nurse/doc that they think this is not great, but since I'm not currently having any cramping or bleeding and the numbers are moving in the right direction they just keep watching me.
Mentally, I'm still doing ok. It has been a little hard knowing that I would have been close to hitting some milestones at this point, like knowing the sex and showing.
I'm surprised that it is taking so long physically to get back on track. I appreciate everyones support; while I'm not great about posting I do feel comforted by everyone's words. I think I come in here the most when I start to feel alone (very few people in IRL know), it helps me to know that when I'm having a sad day, others can sympathize. I'll try to check in more.
RainGirl
Mentally, I'm still doing ok. It has been a little hard knowing that I would have been close to hitting some milestones at this point, like knowing the sex and showing.
I'm surprised that it is taking so long physically to get back on track. I appreciate everyones support; while I'm not great about posting I do feel comforted by everyone's words. I think I come in here the most when I start to feel alone (very few people in IRL know), it helps me to know that when I'm having a sad day, others can sympathize. I'll try to check in more.
RainGirl
Jill1228
12-04-2006, 04:53 PM
looks like I might be joining you because I have a threatened abortion right now :(
lilhimley
12-04-2006, 05:35 PM
I'm so sorry Jill. You are welcome to share all of your feelings with us. We are here for you. Keep us posted as you feel up to it. Take care of yourself.
Jennifer
Jennifer
lilhimley
12-04-2006, 05:52 PM
To everyone else, it's been pretty quiet in here lately. Is everybody okay? Well, I know that we're not okay, but is everybody surviving? I think about you all often.
I'm starting to enjoy the holiday season, but it's still the same deal with me. Some days I'm great and realizing how life can be good and other days I feel pretty sorry for my self (usually induced by a sad song on the radio). I'm looking forward to my support group on Wednesday.
So, of course, everyone has told me "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" so I think I must be a super hero by now. I think we should make up names for ourselves. I haven't decided mine yet, but so far I've come up with Queen Questionable Uterus (they couldn't figure out if it was bicornuate or septate - turns out it's neither!).
Or how about Bad Egg Betty? Stirrups Sorceress, able to lie with feet in the air for unimaginably long periods of time! Okay, I hope this wasn't offensive to anybody. I just need to have a sense of humor - it helps me. As always, thanks for listening.
Take care everyone.
Jen
I'm starting to enjoy the holiday season, but it's still the same deal with me. Some days I'm great and realizing how life can be good and other days I feel pretty sorry for my self (usually induced by a sad song on the radio). I'm looking forward to my support group on Wednesday.
So, of course, everyone has told me "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" so I think I must be a super hero by now. I think we should make up names for ourselves. I haven't decided mine yet, but so far I've come up with Queen Questionable Uterus (they couldn't figure out if it was bicornuate or septate - turns out it's neither!).
Or how about Bad Egg Betty? Stirrups Sorceress, able to lie with feet in the air for unimaginably long periods of time! Okay, I hope this wasn't offensive to anybody. I just need to have a sense of humor - it helps me. As always, thanks for listening.
Take care everyone.
Jen
ktnkids
12-04-2006, 07:04 PM
Jill,
I'm so sorry you might be joining us. Hopefully you won't but if you're already here sometimes the mind just knows things. I know mine did. (((HUGS))) If you need to vent or ask any questions we're here. We've all been there.
Karen
I'm so sorry you might be joining us. Hopefully you won't but if you're already here sometimes the mind just knows things. I know mine did. (((HUGS))) If you need to vent or ask any questions we're here. We've all been there.
Karen
Steve's Sweety
12-05-2006, 05:41 AM
I have been reading almost every day but have not for all that had a chance to actually post. So now I guess I see why others have that happen sometimes too, lol.
And now, I am on my way out the door so I don't have time for a real post, but wanted to tell Jill that I am very sorry for your loss.
Jen -
Thanks for checking on us. I will try to get a post in soon.
And now, I am on my way out the door so I don't have time for a real post, but wanted to tell Jill that I am very sorry for your loss.
Jen -
Thanks for checking on us. I will try to get a post in soon.
Jill1228
12-05-2006, 11:20 AM
Thanks ladies. I am coming to terms with it because I had the feeling that the news was not gonna be good
Jen, I am LMAO about the superheroes
I think I will take Bad Egg Betty :D
Jen, I am LMAO about the superheroes
I think I will take Bad Egg Betty :D
pacificbliss
12-05-2006, 12:51 PM
APhiJill I'm so sorry. If it's threatened could it still stick?
jenahdawn
12-05-2006, 01:18 PM
Jill, if there is still a hope, I hope you DON'T have to join us.
How about "Queen Can't Carry Two" for me? Or, "Situational Sally"? (Because, we were told Friday, our loss was "situational"~~~bleeding combined with the fact there were two, my body just couldn't do it)
We went to a memorial for a loss group by our friend's this weekend. Our group memorial is this Saturday. Their group, for such a small area, has a very large number of multiples. And I felt so terrible for a young girl who lost her two boys at the beginning of August. (Yes, before us) She had this completely dazed look that said either she needs to be on meds or her dose is too high.
Otherwise, we lit candles for our girls, and our friend lit a candle for her son (14 years now) and our girls.
The weekend felt good spending it with someone who gets it. We also stopped by the cemetary that my grandparents are at, and I told my grandmother (Katie) that, even though one of the girls is named after her, it does NOT mean she can hold them the ENTIRE time until we get there, and that she HAS to share! (Because, knowing my grandmother, if there is a baby, she's holding him or her) I also cleared the marker for my father's little brother who died at term. (His mother also lost a set of twins, boy and girl)
And not a day goes by that I don't think of them.
My mother put the thank you card we sent (their footprints) at the top of her tree because that's where angels go. She's going to get it laminated and it will go up there every year. She said, as she was decorating, she was going to put what she usually does on top of the tree when she felt a push. It kept pushing her into the kitchen to pick up the card. She said she felt this sense of "Come on, Grandma, we want to be a part of it, too!"
How about "Queen Can't Carry Two" for me? Or, "Situational Sally"? (Because, we were told Friday, our loss was "situational"~~~bleeding combined with the fact there were two, my body just couldn't do it)
We went to a memorial for a loss group by our friend's this weekend. Our group memorial is this Saturday. Their group, for such a small area, has a very large number of multiples. And I felt so terrible for a young girl who lost her two boys at the beginning of August. (Yes, before us) She had this completely dazed look that said either she needs to be on meds or her dose is too high.
Otherwise, we lit candles for our girls, and our friend lit a candle for her son (14 years now) and our girls.
The weekend felt good spending it with someone who gets it. We also stopped by the cemetary that my grandparents are at, and I told my grandmother (Katie) that, even though one of the girls is named after her, it does NOT mean she can hold them the ENTIRE time until we get there, and that she HAS to share! (Because, knowing my grandmother, if there is a baby, she's holding him or her) I also cleared the marker for my father's little brother who died at term. (His mother also lost a set of twins, boy and girl)
And not a day goes by that I don't think of them.
My mother put the thank you card we sent (their footprints) at the top of her tree because that's where angels go. She's going to get it laminated and it will go up there every year. She said, as she was decorating, she was going to put what she usually does on top of the tree when she felt a push. It kept pushing her into the kitchen to pick up the card. She said she felt this sense of "Come on, Grandma, we want to be a part of it, too!"
sydney24
12-05-2006, 04:27 PM
Hi all,
I am so sad to be joining you guys
Sydney24
Name:Jennifer, 30
DH: Ben, 30
Married: December 2003
TTC: since Feb 06
BFP: 31 Oct
M/C: found no heartbeat at 9 week u/s, waiting for D&C
TTC again: as soon as possible
I was about to join the July 2007 Mommies thread, when I noticed the tiniest bit of spotting yesterday at 9 weeks. We had seen our baby's heartbeat at 6w3d, and it was measuring right on time. I wasn't too worried about the spotting, however just to be sure I went for an u/s. Thinking the risk of m/c goes down after a heartbeat was seen, I was looking forward to seeing my bean.
However, the u/s technician at first couldn't even find the baby, and then said it was way too small for 9 weeks. When she finally found it, there was no heartbeat. She said it was measuring at around 6w, so it must have died right after my last scan.
I cannot even begin to describe how devasted we are. We were so much looking forward to this baby. We found out a week after mine and a week before DH's 30th birthday. We could not have wished for a better present. I would have made the 12 week mark on Boxing Day, the perfect Christmas gift.
I cried so much yesterday, and woke up this morning screaming for my baby. My baby is still inside of me, and I still have pregnancy symptons. My D&C will be on Friday, I just want it out.
As devasted as we are, we want to start trying again straight away. Can any of you ladies help me with these questions:
How long do you have to wait after a D&C to TTC again?
When will AF come after a D&C?
Will it affect my cycle? I always had 28 day cycles, which made pinpointing my O date very easy. I hope that will stay the same.
Is a D&C painful? Do I need to stay at home for a while?
I have heard that you are more fertile after a D&C (like with a laparascopy). Is that true? One of my friends fell pregnant the month after her D&C, so at least for her it must have worked
Many thanks for your assistance, and I am hoping we all have some BFP in the near future. This all really sucks.
I am so sad to be joining you guys
Sydney24
Name:Jennifer, 30
DH: Ben, 30
Married: December 2003
TTC: since Feb 06
BFP: 31 Oct
M/C: found no heartbeat at 9 week u/s, waiting for D&C
TTC again: as soon as possible
I was about to join the July 2007 Mommies thread, when I noticed the tiniest bit of spotting yesterday at 9 weeks. We had seen our baby's heartbeat at 6w3d, and it was measuring right on time. I wasn't too worried about the spotting, however just to be sure I went for an u/s. Thinking the risk of m/c goes down after a heartbeat was seen, I was looking forward to seeing my bean.
However, the u/s technician at first couldn't even find the baby, and then said it was way too small for 9 weeks. When she finally found it, there was no heartbeat. She said it was measuring at around 6w, so it must have died right after my last scan.
I cannot even begin to describe how devasted we are. We were so much looking forward to this baby. We found out a week after mine and a week before DH's 30th birthday. We could not have wished for a better present. I would have made the 12 week mark on Boxing Day, the perfect Christmas gift.
I cried so much yesterday, and woke up this morning screaming for my baby. My baby is still inside of me, and I still have pregnancy symptons. My D&C will be on Friday, I just want it out.
As devasted as we are, we want to start trying again straight away. Can any of you ladies help me with these questions:
How long do you have to wait after a D&C to TTC again?
When will AF come after a D&C?
Will it affect my cycle? I always had 28 day cycles, which made pinpointing my O date very easy. I hope that will stay the same.
Is a D&C painful? Do I need to stay at home for a while?
I have heard that you are more fertile after a D&C (like with a laparascopy). Is that true? One of my friends fell pregnant the month after her D&C, so at least for her it must have worked
Many thanks for your assistance, and I am hoping we all have some BFP in the near future. This all really sucks.
ktnkids
12-05-2006, 06:00 PM
Sydney-I'm so sorry you have to join us. (((HUGS)))
I don't have time for a real post but will post later.
I don't have time for a real post but will post later.
pacificbliss
12-05-2006, 06:11 PM
Sorry Sydney. I had a D&C at 8 weeks. I can't remember exactly when my period came again but I do remember that it was exactly when I would have had it if I had not been pg. I don't know if that was a coincidence or if my body was still somehow "tracking" my cycle. I did not have a general but was well sedated for the procedure. It was not physically painful. For a few days I had AF like cramping and bled for about 6 days. It got a little better each day. I took time off work to sit at home and cry. Personally, I just couldn't deal with moving on without a few days to grieve. How long you have to wait varies by Dr. Mine said I needed to have two normal cycles and then we could try again. I also had regular cycles and they normalized pretty quickly. The first one was lighter than normal but on schedule. The second one was on schedule but quite heavy and painful. Mine is just one of many experiences and it's different for everyone but I hope this helps. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
jenahdawn
12-05-2006, 06:53 PM
Syd, I'm soooooo sorry.
I can't answer many of your questions, but the friend I mentioned above...they'd tried for several years to get pregnant, lost baby Scotty at
19w4d and got pregnant 3 months later. (They were told to wait for at least 4 weeks to "resume activities")
As far as our situation, doctor told us to wait 6 months, but I didn't have a D&C....
I can't answer many of your questions, but the friend I mentioned above...they'd tried for several years to get pregnant, lost baby Scotty at
19w4d and got pregnant 3 months later. (They were told to wait for at least 4 weeks to "resume activities")
As far as our situation, doctor told us to wait 6 months, but I didn't have a D&C....
Tiniest Angels
12-05-2006, 07:01 PM
Sadly, updated to here.
sydney24
12-05-2006, 08:15 PM
Thank you so much for your replies.
We are about to leave for Canberra (3 hour drive from where I live), where my MIL and FIL live. My MIL who is a GP has organised a D&C for me on Friday. If I had it done in Sydney (my home town), I would have had to wait for a week, and carrying this dead baby for that long is just unbearable. I love my parents in-law, and hope to be able to recover there. My parents live overseas, and it is tearing my Mom apart that she can't be here for me.
I started taking Xanax (which I always have handy for my fear of flying) last night to calm myself down. Well, they must be wearing off since I broke down crying at the mall I just went to when I saw a pregnant woman. poor DH feels so helpless, and he is in so much pain too.
I just want my baby back so bad...it is so unfair. And I still feel pregnant.
Will be back after my D&C. Thank you so much for your support.
We are about to leave for Canberra (3 hour drive from where I live), where my MIL and FIL live. My MIL who is a GP has organised a D&C for me on Friday. If I had it done in Sydney (my home town), I would have had to wait for a week, and carrying this dead baby for that long is just unbearable. I love my parents in-law, and hope to be able to recover there. My parents live overseas, and it is tearing my Mom apart that she can't be here for me.
I started taking Xanax (which I always have handy for my fear of flying) last night to calm myself down. Well, they must be wearing off since I broke down crying at the mall I just went to when I saw a pregnant woman. poor DH feels so helpless, and he is in so much pain too.
I just want my baby back so bad...it is so unfair. And I still feel pregnant.
Will be back after my D&C. Thank you so much for your support.
cherry
12-05-2006, 08:44 PM
sydney24, i just want you to know that i am thinking about you and am so sorry for your devastating loss.
PinkBeary
12-05-2006, 09:01 PM
hello sydney24,
i'm really sorry for your loss. i too had a D&C after our doctor could not find a heartbeat at 11 weeks. we were heart broken.
How long do you have to wait after a D&C to TTC again? - 3 months (i think we only waited a couple of months)
When will AF come after a D&C? - i think that it took my body a couple of months to get AF
Is a D&C painful? - it wasn't painful at all for me. it felt like cramps afterwards. it was more emotionally painful. it helped to know that a fourth of my friends also had miscarriages. i didn't feel as alone... and it gave me hope for a BFP.
we were able to get pregnant 7 months after the D&C and now have a beautiful baby girl. =)
i'm really sorry for your loss. i too had a D&C after our doctor could not find a heartbeat at 11 weeks. we were heart broken.
How long do you have to wait after a D&C to TTC again? - 3 months (i think we only waited a couple of months)
When will AF come after a D&C? - i think that it took my body a couple of months to get AF
Is a D&C painful? - it wasn't painful at all for me. it felt like cramps afterwards. it was more emotionally painful. it helped to know that a fourth of my friends also had miscarriages. i didn't feel as alone... and it gave me hope for a BFP.
we were able to get pregnant 7 months after the D&C and now have a beautiful baby girl. =)
jeggink
12-06-2006, 08:00 AM
Sidney24 I am sorry for you loss. I have had 2 D&C's and they put me under for both of them. I stayed home the day of the D&C and was back at work the next day, but I do work a mostly desk job. I did have some cramping the day of and the day after, but nothing motrin couldn't handle. I didn't bleed much the 1st day, but the 2nd and 3rd day I did bleed a bit more, light to medium. After that it was spotting and it stopped both times for me at 10 days past D&C. We were told we could try again after one months normal cycle. The cycle I had the D&C was a bit longer, but only by the bleeding amount and the cycle right after was normal. We didn't have issues getting pg afterwards.
Hope that helps a bit :(.
Hope that helps a bit :(.
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