Support for Ladies Who Have Miscarried (#2)

[polkadot]

subscribing,....i am away for a week on vaction and damn...25 pages...you girls move fast....:)

I promise to be back later!

[bellabonga]

I just called by obgyn´s office to make an appointment for the end of the week. First because my obgyn had told me to come in for an ultrasound after the first AF post d&c. Second because I am worried because I had bleeding and spotting non-stop since the d&c which was one month ago as of today. But again the receptionist gave me the feeling to be the most annoying patient on earth. I´m so fed up with these receptionists! :mad: I seem to have a blinking red cross coming up after my name in the computer, saying "alert! annoying patient!"
It wasn´t enough that I asked for an appointment, no, I had to explain to the receptionist why I want to come in. I never had to do that before the m/c. And even after I told her that the doctor had told me to come in at this point and that I had ongoing spotting that worried me, she still suggested that the doctor could call me back tonight to discuss with me if it´s necessary to come in. WTF?! :mad: Since I insisted on getting an appointment she gave me one for July 3rd. But I wouldn´t be surprised if she prompted my doctor to call me tonight nevertheless.
Apart from that I asked her again whether the humangenetic result did come in in the meantime since my doctor had guessed that it would take two weeks and it´s already been a month. The receptionist told me that there would be results but she couldn´t open them in the computer. But I could discuss them on July 3rd with my doctor. Thank you. Especially as my doctor promised to call me right away when the results were in. :mad: It´s surprising to see how they treat you differently whether you are pregnant or have m/c...

[polkadot]

i hate when receptionist act like that....why do they have to be so rude?? It bugs the crap out of me that they are not sympathetic after a m/c and that they act like it isnt a big deal. Yes, maybe they see m/c all the time but we dont and it is a life changing thing so a little sympathy is appropriate and if you cant give that to patients then you shouldnt work in an office where it is a possibility. ok.....off my soapbox :)

[bellabonga]

Thank you for sympathy, polkadot! In the meantime I´ve figured out why she didn´t want me to come in this week: they have used up the budget they can bring into account for me during this quarter and won´t get any more money by my health insurance if I come in again in June. So that´s probably why it was an issue to come in this week and none to come in on July 3rd. :rolleyes: Still I am really put off by the treatment I got from these receptionists over the last month.

So how is everyone doing? It´s been very quite in here for days.

[dlj78]

Bella - Yay for TTC again! How are you feeling about it? I am so sorry about the way the receptionist treated you! I don't understand the budget thing. Do insurance companies only allow you so much a month to go to the doctor? I hope that you have a nice appointment next week and get all of your answers. This is my first Clomid cycle, I just finished my pills last night.

ieducate - I finished up my clomid last night and didn't really have any s/e from it. I had a headache on Friday but nothing that really bothered me. I also had some hot flashes while sleeping. I hate OPKs, I use a monitor instead because I can never tell if the OPK is positive or not:o

Polkadot - Hope you had a nice vacation!

Hello to everyone else!

~~~~~~~~~~~
We went to Charlotte this past weekend to visit our niece, she turned 1 in April. She is just too much, we had such a great time with her.

I finished my clomid last night! No major s/e to report so that was nice. I have an u/s next Wednesday to check my follies so that should be neat.

Have a good night!

~Dana

[bellabonga]

Dana, I wish I could explain the budget thing better to you but this is one of the many things about the German health system that I don´t understand myself. :o

I´m crossing my fingers for you that the clomid works for you!

I am looking forward to TTC but I try not to get too excited since I still fear that something might have gone wrong and I might need another d&c. Although I have quite a good feeling today since AF seems to be gone by tomorrow. Hopefully it doesn´t come back like the post d&c spotting did. So I try not to get my hopes up until I got the OK by my doctor. Once I have that, I will be excited! I have already made crosses in my calendar for day 11, 13, 15 and 17. :D

This brings me to a question to you all: How often do you BD while TTC? Here in Germany they say you should only BD every second day since the sperm count would be lower if you did it every day. Is this the same in the USA or do you get different advice?

[dlj78]

Bella - Thank you! I really hope that you don't have to have another D&C. I am crossing my fingers that your appointment goes very well on Monday.
As for the BDing while TTC, my doctor's office told me every other day also. So it seems to be the same in the US and Germany.

Hello to everyone else!!:)

~Dana

[ieducate]

I posted this to another thread too, so I apologize if you are reading this twice. :(

My apologies for not being here very often recently, but I needed to take a break for a while. I finished teaching for the school year and thought it would be a great time for a BFP, but alas that was not the case. I got a BFN and it's off to another month of charting and hoping. I am trying to destress over the summer so that it will happen, but I have lots of doubts. I just feel like it may never happen again. The only month I got pg. was the month that I had a procedure where they flush out the falopian tubes. That was the month I got pg. Since then and before then....nothing but BFN. :( I am wanting to have hope, but it is most difficult at times. I decided, per my sister's advice, to celebrate the negatives with something I can't do when pg. That sounded good, but in reality, I would gladly give all of these things up to be pg. instead. Anyway, I am on cd8 so I have a ways to go. I will try and drop in to see how everyone is doing, but for now I am trying not to focus on pregnancy things right now...it is just too depressing. I just pray that I have great news to share later this month. I am crossing my fingers for all of you too. :)

[bellabonga]

ieducate, I´m sorry for your BFN! :( Hope you have better luck this month! And your sisters advice isn´t bad - I´m indulging in parmesan and having a beer in the evenings now that I´m not pg. It´s not as good as being pg but at least it´s good.

I am still so worried that I might need another d&c! I´m sooo waiting for my tuesday appointment to know whether it´s d&c again or TTC! AF was gone for two days and then returned bright red. But after four or five hours it was gone again. Then it was gone for one and a half days and then I had some spotting again today. Normal is something else. :confused: The bad thing is that tomorrow is CD 11 and I had planned to BD on CD 11, 13, 15 and 17. Now what do I do? Do I wait until tuesday (CD 13) with the BD and see what my obgyn says? Or should we go for it? We haven´t had sex since April since I was first sick, then had the d&c and then the bleeding/spotting for five weeks. So I´m kind of scared that it might bleed heavier if we BD. But maybe it´s better to find that out before my appointment so that I could tell my obgyn. Or maybe we are still not allowed to have sex and I get an inflammation. Oh well, I´m rambling. I´m just confused and don´t know what to do. Apart from that I went to another hcg-test on friday. I could wait until tuesday for the result but I´ve decided to call on monday. Confound you, receptionists! ;) So at least I´m prepared then and know what direction the appointment might take. According to my calculations the hcg should be around 15.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend!

[purplesunshine7]

Hi ladies,
Sorry I've been MIA my computer still isn't working and only get to my mother's every now and then.
Bella: I am so sorry to hear you are still haveing difficulties I do hope you get some good news soon.
ieducate: I am sorry about your BFN, I hope you get your BFP soon.
TO everyone else that I have missed I hope the healing process is fast for you and I am truly sorry for your losses.

As for me , well to say I am fed up is putting it mildly. It had been five weeks since my D&C and the doctor hadn't called with the chromosone testing results, so I called her. the receptionist said they were not in yet. I asked her if it was possible that she didn't send it, she said no she did and that she would call the lab. after almost 3 hours of waiting I called back just for her to tell me they lost it.:mad: You have got to be kidding. I told her that I needed to talk to the doctor that this is not ok as I have been waiting for anwsers for 5 weeks. She said you want an appointment I said if that is the only way I can talk to the doctor. I told her this is the second time She said what that they have lost your results I said no this is the second m/c and I want some answers this time. She must have told the doctor I was p'od because she called me back and she was very nice, she isn't usually sympatatic. She said she would look into the lab for me I told her there was no sense in me trying again with out having any answers and get the same results. She said their are many test she can do to try and find the reason I told her that we should start there ahe told me to come see her in 2 or 3 weeks. I also had to update her on the fact that I went to the hospital due to ovarian pain.It was the same pain I got when I was pg so it worried me they said I have a cyct on each overy and a fribriod in my uterus. I knew about the fribriod and the one on my left side but the right side is a new one. My doctor said she would get those results from the hospital as the one on the left was disoving in april. So that is where I stand now I am not actively trying but I am not preventing either. I just really prefer not ttc again until I get some kind of answers. I don't think I would ever ttc again if I have to go through this a third time. I'll try to check in with you all soon .

[bellabonga]

purplesunshine, I´m sorry you are having so much trouble too! But what the lab sent was just a copy, wasn´t it? They must have your results somewhere in the computer. Or did they tell you they were lost for good and you won´t get any answers?! I´m sorry about the cysts and the fibroid. I was lucky to never have that, so I have no clue whether you have to do something about it. What does that mean for you?


I´m quite happy today since I finally had the appointment. My obgyn seemed to be kind of destracted today and we didn´t talk very long but better than nothing. I told him about the bleeding and spotting I´ve had for 5.5 weeks but he didn´t seem concerned at all. He asked me about the bleeding following my d&c after the c-section and still wasn´t concerned when I told him that the bleeding was worse after the m/c. He then did an ultrasound and still saw no tissue left from the m/c. He also did not see any signs of an inflammation. I asked him whether I was on the safe side now and could forget about having to go back for another d&c and he said "it seems so." I would have preferred a more reassuring answer and so I´m still not 100% convinced that everything is okay. But maybe after all this worrying it only takes time for me to believe that it´s finally over. Or I need a hcg-level of zero to be sure.

He said that I would be ovulating really, really soon which probably explains the strange uterus pains I´ve been having since yesterday morning. I´m on CD 13 today and tonight we´re gonna work on that BFP. I certainly forgot to ask whether my hcg of 25 on friday could be an obstacle but I hope that he kept that in mind when he gave me the official okay to TTC.

After that I asked him for the humangenetic results. I nearly did not sleep at all last night because I was so nervous. And guess what? The results still aren´t in. My baby still seems to rest in a glass at some humangenetic lab. The dumb receptionist got that mixed up with the pathologist´s results which I already knew. But at least my obgyn made a note in his computer to call me once the humangenetic results are in. And I´m supposed to come back by the end of this week or the beginning of the next to see whether my hcg has dropped further. Although I hope we can raise it tonight again... ;)

[purplesunshine7]

hi bellabonga,
They never did any of the test, they lost the fetus. I haven't made a doctors appt yet but she said they could do alot of other test on dh and me to see if there is a problem there. I am glad things seem to be going ok for you. I hope life returns to normal as much as possible soon. sending you baby dust for a quick bfp.

[bellabonga]

Purplesunshine: They lost the fetus?! :eek: How on earth is that possible?! I´m crossing my fingers for you that they will be more careful when they do the testing on you and your DH. Do you plan to do the testing soon? And did they say which tests they plan?


I am having a really bad time today. We just went to dinner at a Nepalese restaurant and just when we had finished dinner, my pg friend and her husband arrived at the restaurant. There are so many restaurants on that street - did they really have to go to the same we went to? I hadn´t seen my friend for I think three weeks and it was a real shock. She wore a nice tight summer dress and suddenly she is all baby belly and she had that proud pregnancy glow. It felt like a kick in the stomach. :( I made some small talk to her with a very fake smile on my face and I had a hard time keeping back the tears. We paid as soon as possible and left immediately. It´s strange - I can talk to her on the phone and even be happy for her about her pregnancy but I just can´t stand to see her. To make things even worse, we´ve agreed to meet on thursday. I don´t think I can stand to see her twice this week. Does anyone know when this will get better? Will this ever get better? Or will it always hurt to see her during her pregnancy and after that with her baby? It´s horrible enough that this had to happen to me but why does she have to be pg right now? Three weeks further pg than I would have been. Sorry to be so whiney but this has brought me down so much that I´m drowning in self-pity right now.

I hope you all feel better than I do.

[pacificbliss]

So sorry bellabonga. Honestly, I struggled with it until I got pg again.

[bellabonga]

Thanks for you answer, pacificbliss!

To make matters even worse, I just talked to my mother about this on the phone and she made me feel even more horrible. She had no understanding for me at all and made me a guilty conscience instead by saying that I should be happy for my friend since it´ll be her first baby and she had to try for over two years for it and I already have my daughter. Sure, that´s all true but still it doesn´t make things really easier for me.

[lawphil]

Bellabonga,

I know exactly how you are feeling! For most of the summer I have close friends expecting babies every two weeks. Literally - June 15th to August 15th. I was just at the lake last weekend and our next door neighbors who are very close with us - both of their daughters are in the middle of their second pregnancy - so we spent a lot of the weekend cooing over the babies (both about 1 yrs. old) and talking about their pregnancies. And, I have a good friend who I am almost positive is pregnant with her second and has left me a message or two to call her back...and I just can't. I know I am being an awful friend....and I am so excited for her (for all of the new babes and pregnancies)... but I just can't do it right now.

The only answer seems to be to get pregnant but at the same time life is so short I don't want to think that I wasted a minute feeling sorry for myself when so much of my life is so wonderful!

Does anyone have conversations with their DH where DH doesn't understand sadness and doesn't understand why your relationship isn't enough. I can't seem to make dh understand that wanting a baby doesn't mean that our relationship isn't enough...they are two totally separate things and I can have a wonderful relationship with DH but still also want a baby really badly.

pity party.

[ieducate]

Bella and Lawphil, I couldn't understand you more. Bella, my family and friends are reacting the same way and not being sympathetic to me at all about my other friends being pg. My mother (and dh) think I should just be happy for my friend who is 13 weeks pg. and tried for two weeks. YES, TWO stinkin' weeks to get pg. and is. My dh and I were TTC for over a year when I finally got pg. and then lost it. :( There is simply no justice. I can't even bare the thought of talking to her on the phone, that's how painful it is to me. :( I smile ever so politely when we are together and act like it doesn't bother me, but she and her dh know that something is wrong because I barely say a word when we are together. (Not typical behavior for me by the way). I seriously believe that until I am pg. and I mean REALLY pg. (13 or 14 weeks at least) that I will not be able to hang around with my pg. friends. As for my dh, he doesn't understand at all why I can't just "not think about it" as he says. HA, that's all I do is think about it. I wish I could get it out of my mind, but it is there all the time...no matter what I do. Anyway, we did EVERYTHING we were supposed to do this month and now all I can do is wait. I pray every morning that when I wake up my temperature will be high and that my bbs will be sore. So far the temp. is high, but bbs do not hurt. And...my temp. is always high until day 14dpo. Sooooo, we wait and see. I sure hope to be sharing some good news with all of you soon and I hope you all have good news to share soon too. We all need to be on a pg. thread. :)

[kerrykate]

I'm sorry everyone is having a hard time, I'm right there with you all. My SIL is pg and is 2 weeks ahead of where I should be. So everytime I see her it's a CONSTANT reminder of how far a long I should be and it makes me green with envy. I honestly am happy for them but feeling sorry for myself.
My dh acts the same way, I think it's a guy thing, they just don't know how to deal with this type of situation. His way of dealing with things is not to deal with them. He's great if I bring it up and want to talk about it but he never brings it up on his own. We ttc last month and I think I had another miscarriage. AF showed up a day late and was really light for a few day then went away and came back 3 days later with a vengance and I'm still bleeding and it's been almost 2 weeks. I went to the doctor but I just told them AF is messed up and I didn't mention anything about a miscarriage I just couldn't bare the thought of having to go get more blood taken and live that ordeal again. The doctor wants me to start charting and come back in 2 months if things still don't seem right. So I started charting and we'll try again.

XOXO

[usafwife]

I've lurked in this (and the previous thread) since I m/c earlier this year. It was hard to deal with at the time (we weren't trying but it didn't make it any easier to deal with). We found out we were pregnant and then a week later lost it. It was difficult for me to deal with. I think having DD and knowing what we were going to be missing out on with that baby made it that much more difficult for me. My DH was so supportive of me. It was hard for him to deal with as well but he wanted to be strong for me. We didn't tell anyone about it (the pregnancy nor the m/c) partly because we weren't trying, weren't sure what people would say, and a few other reasons. So we tried to deal with it just by ourselves. That probably wasn't the best way to handle it but that's what we thought was best at the time (I don't think I'd do that again though).

I had a threatened ab with my first pregnancy. We had an u/s and were able to see the heartbeat and no more bleeding issues with that pregnancy (though I was severely sick for 2/3 of the pregnancy and put on bed rest because of swelling).

Last month we found out we were expecting again. I knew I had to make an appt much earlier than I had because of the m/c and a medical condition (which we think was the reason behind the miscarriage earlier this year which makes me at VERY high risk for it). I had several wks of spotting each day which caused us great concern but so far everything is okay (had an u/s earlier this month and everything is just fine).

I now have to deal with my due date being very close to when I'm due. It's sort of bittersweet for me.

I'll comeback and finish as my DH wants me to run an errand.

[cherry]

i thought i would be a march 2007 mother until today - after some spotting and light cramping over the past couple of days, at my first OB appointment today my doctor couldn't find the sac and it seems i had an early miscarriage. i will know "officially" when i go back in on thursday for another blood sample to check my betas, but in my heart i already know... some of you might understand. like you usafwife, we only knew for a week, so i am trying to be realistic and intellectualize the situation, but it still hurts. unfortunately, my husband is out of town for work (he left before we found out and is going to be gone for another two weeks - talk about bad timing).

one thing that i have a really hard time with is, we got really excited and i told my family (who all live in europe). unfortunately, my parents told my entire extended family, so now i feel self-conscious. i know, i need to get over it.

hello to all of you and thanks for letting me join - i may pop in again soon. take care.

[numberlady]

Cherry - I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm sure right now the waiting is killing you (((HUGS))). Hopefully you will get some support from your family, since they all know and DH is away. I was surprised at who reached out to me and shared their m/c stories because it wasn't the people I was closest to and expected to support me.

[jodylovesscotty]

Cherry ~ I am sorry you have to go through this as well. I too had an early miscarriage in June. Even though you only know for a week or two it doesn't make it any easier. The excitement of finally becoming a parent is overwhelming and to have it stripped from you is hard. However things will get better. For me knowing that god had a plan for us and knowing that obviously something was wrong with it, helped me a lot. I still think about it and I found the best therapy for me is just to talk about it with friends and family. I hope you find some type of comfort!

[cherry]

numberlady, jodylovesscotty - it's like you looked into my head and knew exactly how i was feeling. thank you. i am having such a hard time articulating to anyone how i feel, including my husband who is thousands of miles away and feels helpless. my family are also in a different country, and mean well but i don't feel like talking to them. i haven't yet told any of my close friends (who i told last week we were pregnant) about the miscarriage and actually avoided a few phone-calls from them last night for that reason.

jodylovesscotty, your message about god having a plan for us does help - there has to be a reason for something like this to happen because it still does seem so unfair. thanks.

question for those of you that also had an early miscarriage (and i apologize if this has already been asked) - did you continue to feel pregnancy symptoms for a few days after you found out? my chest is still sore, i feel a little nauseous, and i still have the slightly out-of-breath/ dizzy feeling i had last week. i assume this is normal and is because some of the hormones are still present; when does it stop?

[jodylovesscotty]

Cherry ~ Some of my symptoms stayed a little while longer while others went away almost immediately. My BB's stopped being extremely sore the day I started bleeding. However my tiredness continued on for a week or so. I was never nauseous to begin with, so I can't help you with that.

Like I said before an early m/c (which I had as well) is difficult no matter what anyone says. We were lucky we had only told 2 people we were pregnant so we didn't have a lot of people to tell about this miscarriage. However, after the m/c we did tell our parents and family members about it so they could be there to support us if needed, and maybe know why I could be a little emotional for a while.

I never thought of myself as religious before this whole experience. Since that day I have prayed everyday just asking for the right road to take and the guidance I need. I have learned a great deal about myself medically since the m/c so I guess there was a reason for everything.

Enough rambling from me. Hope you and your dh find comfort in each other (when he comes home) and that you will be blessed again!

[usafwife]

Cherry ~ I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Of course it hurts. I don't think it would matter if you'd only known for a few days/weeks or 6+ wks. It's still a loss no matter when the m/c happens. I think that people who haven't been through it don't know exactly what to say and sometimes say something that isn't quite appropriate (like 'it was for the best,' 'you can get pregnant again,' 'you only knew for x long,' etc). All of those types of comments hurt. I think the people think they are helping but in reality their comments only make it hurt worse. Don't worry about avoiding phone calls. Anyone who has been in the situation will understand. I'm sorry that your DH can't be with you and is so far away right now. Can he come home and take the trip at another time? My DH had to go out of town the weekend after we lost the baby and so DD and I went with him just so I wasn't alone and dealing with it by myself. I don't think I could have dealt with that at the time (I was a wreck but put on a good face for family so they wouldn't know....bad mistake looking back on it as I'm sure they could tell something was up at the time).

I still had some nausea and was tired but pretty much the rest of the symptoms went away as soon as the bleeding started.

kerrykate ~ Don't worry about the envy feeling towards your SIL. We have a friend who is due about a month before I would have been due. It took a while before I could hear about her pregnancy. I was very happy for them but at the same time I couldn't help but feel upset, sorry, devastated for what we had lost. Some men don't talk about their feelings (my DH went through a very rough part following the death of his mom because he didn't talk about his feelings. I had a feeling it would happen again following his dad's sudden death last year so I made him talk to his brother about it whenever I could see it was starting to get to him). Does he have someone that he'd talk to about it with other than you (a brother he's really close with or someone else)?

ieducate, lawphill, and bella ~ I think you're feelings are completely normal. Thankfully none of my friends are pregnant other than one so I didn't have to have the constant reminder about it. But I do know that I have a friend who has had nothing but trouble for several years in TTC. I held off telling her I was pregnant the first time for probably half of the pregnancy. I just didn't feel like rubbing it in her face. I haven't told her about my pregnancy now either because I again don't want to rub it in her face that we are expecting #2 and they haven't even been able to get pregnant once. I know she's thrilled for us but it still hurts because I know how much it hurt hearing about my other friend's pregnancy after losing our baby. I think people just assume that you move on from a m/c and that it doesn't hurt after it's over unless they've been through it themselves. Or they say something thinking they're helping when really their comments just make it hurt that much more.

[cherry]

thanks again, guys. your support means so much.

today has been a rollercoaster. for the first half of the day, i was so incredibly emotional - i don't think i had any tears left. i felt so alone, and didn't even feel like talking to my poor husband (stillllll out of town), who was calling and emailing me frantically. i couldn't talk to my mother and sister, my favorite people on the planet. i was just in my own world of pain, and everytime i thought about the stuff i was so excited for (this christmas, telling my in-laws that we were pregnant, etc.) i could hardly breathe. i left the office because it got too hard to hide the fact that i was very, very upset, and cried the whole drive home. i'm too busy not to work, but was too upset to work properly; it was horrible.

i mentioned a rollercoaster because around lunchtime, i suddenly felt calm. still sad, still hurting, but calm. i called my two best friends (one of whom had a late-term miscarriage) and both were really supportive and honestly, said all the right things. i talked to my mother and sister and even laughed a bit with them. and i talked a lot to my husband, who of course is going through his own pain (but is mostly worried about me).

i know that this respite is just temporary and part of the rollercoaster - i know i won't be over this blow for quite a while. but i am trying to hold onto the feelings of gratitude that i was pregnant, and that i have a great husband, great family, great friends, that we are ready to start a family and have the means to do so when the time is right. i need to remember these more positive feelings when i inevitably crash again. because i know that will come.

i do really miss my husband more than ever and cannot wait to put my arms around him when i see him on friday. we are meeting up out-of-town for a friend's wedding and i'm not sure i will feel like putting on a brave face, but am going to try to tough it out. unfortunately, my husband is then going to be out of town for one more week (i'm also on the road all week next week), then finally he will be home and we can really deal with this.

sorry for the long post. thanks again, guys. i will be back - i have my follow-up doctor's appointment tomorrow and really hope to get some more closure then.

[bellabonga]

cherry, I´m very sorry that you have to join us. I hope that your doctor´s appointment will give you the closure you expect from it.

Thank you everyone for your answers when I felt so bad about my pg friend! Your stories really helped a lot! :)


I went back to my obgyn´s office today for what will hopefully be my last hcg-check. Tomorrow it will be 8 weeks since my d&c and so I hope it´ll finally be zero. The results from the humangenetic lab are still not in although my obgyn had estimated it would take 2-3 weeks. So I asked the receptionist today whether she could call the pathologist to ask if he sent it to a lab at all and to which lab he sent it. She asked at which hospital I had been and acted like it was really none of her business since I´ve had the d&c at a hospital and not in her office. Just when we were in the middle of our talk, another assistant came to draw my blood and so we didn´t get to finish our conversation. So I have no clue whether she will call the pathologist or the hospital at all. I will ask her that when I call today at 5.30pm to get my hcg result. If she didn´t call, I will call the hospital tomorrow. I don´t understand why my obgyn initiates the examination when he doesn´t seem to be interested in the results at all. I would at least like to know if I will get results at one time or if my baby has been disposed somewhere long time ago. :( And since I´m allowed to TTC again (although it didn´t work so far), I would like to know if I had a condition like progesterone lack that could be treated easily or lead to m/c again if it´s not treated. Why is it that so hard to understand?!

[ieducate]

Cherry, I am so sorry you are going through this pain right now. Please know that it does get a bit easier each day, but also know that it IS a rollercoaster. You are allowed to feel however you feel, each day possibly being different. There were days that I was thankful that my body knew enough to get rid of something that didn't (and wouldn't) work out to be a healthy baby, and there were other days where I hated everything and everyone for taking what belonged to me. The hardest thing to deal with me for me was the fact that 5 of my friends are pg. right now (one actually just had the baby). That was a real blow to my stability. Please stay on this board as much as you can, it truly does help. All of us are going through the same thing (or were going through it). It takes time and I know that stinks, but time will be your friend and you will someday see that BFP again. My thoughts are with you and I am so sorry for your loss.

[bellabonga]

Now I am really frustrated! Two weeks ago I had a hcg-level of 13 left from my m/c. I had so hoped that it would be zero finally. Nope, it´s still 8! So I have to go in for another blood draw in two weeks. It is so frustrating to know that there is still a trace of this m/c inside of me.

Apart from that I asked the receptionist if her colleague had called the hospital. And guess what? Suddenly they got my results in today! Now isn´t that a coincidence that I asked her to call the hospital and out of a sudden they get a result? :rolleyes: Doesn´t that indicate that I could have gotten those results much earlier if they had called four weeks earlier? And doesn´t that indicate that I would probably be still waiting if I hadn´t asked her to call? However, the receptionist said that she saw my report and gave it to my obgyn who would read it tonight after work. And I could call tomorrow or next week to talk to him about it. WTF?! I could bet that they will give me a really hard time when I call tomorrow morning and ask to talk to my doctor. And I´m not yet convinced that I´ll really get to talk to him. So maybe tomorrow I will finally know what went wrong - exactly 8 weeks after my d&c.

[cherry]

i had my follow-up doctor appointment today, although they didn't need to check my betas after all as i started bleeding last night. they did advise me on pain management and next steps, and because i am RH negative gave me my rodan injection. my husband and i may or may not "get back on the horse" in a couple of weeks and try as of next cycle; he wants to, i am playing it by ear.

last night and this morning were, again, tough to go through alone (although aleve is my friend and the pain is starting to subside). i am trying to take comfort in the fact that i'm stronger than i thought i was. my lovely friend is taking me out to dinner tonight and i'm trying to stay positive; i also plan to take the rest of the day off work today.

can't thank you guys enough for your kind support. bellabonga, best of luck with your TTC plans and i'm sorry your OBgyn seems so unhelpful. ieducate, congrats on your pregnancy, and thanks - your words meant a lot to me.

i'll be back. can't wait to see my husband tomorrow, this has been so tough for him too.

[bellabonga]

Thank you, cherry!

Today in the morning I called my obgyn because the report I got on Saturday was from the pathologists and not the humangenetic lab. It has 6/28 marked as the date of entry and so I guessed that this was the pathologist´s report they´ve had some some weeks now. The new one shouldn´t have the pathologist´s address on it and should be marked 7/20. But when I called my obgyn, the receptionist claimed that this was the only report they got and she wouldn´t know why it was marked 6/28 since this would be the report she got on 7/20. Uh-huh? :rolleyes: I repeatedly told her that they´ve claimed to have a pathologist´s report for weeks now but she didn´t have an answer to that. She offered to call the hospital and/or the pathologists since she "remembered that I have called soooo many times already because of this." Well, do your work properly, then I don´t have to call that often! :mad: So I politely refused and told her I´d try to call them myself first.

No one answered the phone in the gyn at my hospital, although it was Monday morning and was nearly 10am. So I called the pathologists (luckily their number was on the copy of the report and there was also my case number). Because I had the case number, the pathologist´s receptionist agreed to talk to me about my case. Yay! :) She said that they had sent this report on 5/29 (cool how long it took to get to me, isn´t it?!) and that they´ve instructed another examination on last Friday - the day after I´ve asked my obgyn´s receptionist to call and ask what has been done so far. What a coincidence. The pathologist´s receptionist said that it would take another three weeks now for that to be done and that the results would be send to the hospital. So my obgyn would have to demand that report from the hospital maybe on August 13th if they are in time. I also asked her if they would determine the gender of my baby and told her that this is very important for me. I said that I need to know that somehow and that I would be willing to pay for it myself if necessary. But she said that they will determine it anyway during that examination. So at least there is hope that I will get to know the gender and a cause!

[polkadot]

Wow that is a saga ....Bellabonga...i hope this time you get the answers that you are looking for...

Me~ I have a GYN appt on Wednesday...hopefully i will get the answers I want...like what our next step should be...and what i need to be doing for myself to increase the odds. I didnt O on my first cycle of Clomid of 50mg. Hopefully he will up the dose and monitor me this next cycle...fingers crossed!!

[purplesunshine7]

hi,
Sorry I've been MIA. My computer is still broke but maybe now I will have some time to get it fixed. I quit my job, and am so happy about it. It is so much stress off of me. I just had blood work done today. They are testing for 10 different things. they are also doing checking my dh chromosones. Friday I go in for a HSG. They inject dye into uterus and tubes to see if they are blocked and to get a better picture of what is going on. At least they are trying to do something for me. It really is just taking a long time. I am not ttc until I have some kind of answer or at least until I have all test results. My mom was spo nice to tell me she had a dream that I lost another one and then I had a boy after that one. I don't think that comforted me much. Last night I dreamt of a BFP, I thought that was very odd, since I am not ttc.

Bella I know this whole process is driving you crazy as it is me too, I hope you get the answers soon. My brother's gf ius pg and I now how you feel about having to be around them or listen to them talk about their pg. It is strange that it felt like I was moving on and seeing pg people didn't bother me, but as all my test dates come closer it does get to be a bit un-nerving.
I'll try to check in again real soon. Take care.

[bellabonga]

Thanks, polkadot! Did you find out what you wanted to know? What is your next step?

Purplesunshine7, I´m sorry you have to go through a HSG. Hopefully it will bring you some results. I´ve heard that you are more fertile for some time after a HSG, so I´m crossing my fingers for you that you can TTC soon after it. :) Sorry but I think that´s very insensitive of your mom to tell you about that dream. That wouldn´t comfort me too.


My obgyn was on my answering machine today when I came home: My results are in. :eek: Two weeks early. It was too late to call back and he said I should call him tomorrow. So it´ll probably the same as usual: I´ll call at 9am and they´ll tell me that he will call me back either on his lunch break or after work which means after 6pm. I´m already so nervous that I could throw up.

I fear that he will tell me for sure that there was nothing wrong with my baby, that it was perfectly healthy. It would be a miracle if it wasn´t after two examination didn´t find anything wrong with it. That would make it unbearable for me. I could live better with it if I knew that there was something wrong with the baby, if possible something that is not likely to repeat itself. But losing a healthy baby seems even more senseless than using one that didn´t have a chance from the beginning. But who knows how I´ll see that tomorrow when I know for sure. I´m also very nervous because I should find out whether it was a boy or a girl tomorrow. I always thought it was a boy.

I´m still worried that I might have an inflammation of the uterus since I have strange pains now and then in the uterus area. My obgyn told me during my last exam that he could see it on the ultrasound but another obgyn told me that this wasn´t possible and you would have to do a smear test. So I hope I´ll remember to ask my obgyn whether he did a smear test some weeks ago (for the life of me I can´t remember!) and if not, I plan to ask for one.

Apart from that I was so stupid to lurk in the December 2006 mommies thread where they all find out the gender now. Isn´t it ironic that I´ll find it out tomorrow too? :( I would have been 20.5 weeks now. I know I shouldn´t keep track of that but somehow I can´t let go. I´ll be back tomorrow with my results.

[polkadot]

bellabong~ I completly forgot to post here yes...i did get the answers I was looking for...
Here is the new plan:

This upcoming cycle I am going to take:
100mg of Clomid days 3-7
Estrogen 3x's a day days 8-12
and
Prometrium days 17- i cant remember right now

Hopefully this will atleast get me to O, if it does not make me O then the next month I will be bumped to 150 mg of Clomid and he wants to try to add glucofage (i cant spell it) to the mix, b/c he has said that I could be borderline PCOS. Which I am not happy about, but he said he thinks that the 100mg will work and that if all of these things dont work..by Jan. then he will refer me to the Infertility Institute at our hospital. So,....hopefully I will be PG before Jan...Everyone...fingers crossed...

I am so sorry that you missed the GYN call today...isnt that always the case with them...its like playing neverending phonetag...I have learned not to lurk in the Mommies thread I was in...its too hard...having my sister to remind me of all the things that would be happening sucks too.

Hope you get all the answers you need...(((hugs)))

[littlemia]

I feel a little funny about posting in here considering that I'm pregnant again but I'm still reading this thread and I would like to comment from time to time if that's okay.

purplesunshine7 and bellabonga, I hope you are able to find answers soon. I'm sorry you have gone through so much trying to get these answers. It's disheartening to read that that the medical personnel you've dealt with don't seem to understand how big a deal it is to have some answers. It's so frustrating to not know what went wrong. You just don't know how likely it is to happen again. I never had any testing done and I'm afraid that history will repeat itself.

Also, bellabonga, I completely understand about being upset when you read about the ladies in your due date club finding out gender. I unsubscribed from my due date thread not long after I miscarried and I haven't been back. But I was on CC one Saturday reading something in Fashion and Beauty, I think, and I saw that one of the November mommies had changed her signature to add the gender of her baby. I lost it. The rest of the day was spent in an all out sob fest- it was a really low moment. I knew how many weeks I was supposed to be so I knew that the time for my big u/s would have been coming up but somehow just seeing that people were finding out gender really hit me. And I never had any intention of finding out gender. I think it was the realization that this was another milestone I was missing. Seeing that they have started the 3rd trimester thread was hard too, but not nearly as painful.

[bellabonga]

My obgyn called me back during his lunch break half an hour ago. With totally unexpected news: My perfectly healthy boy turned out to be a girl with severe trisomy 21 (down syndrome)! :eek: I nearly dropped the phone because I had never expected this. Not after two pathologist´s examinations that said that they did not find any evidence for chromosomal disorders. But I have to say that I´m glad. Well, not really glad - somehow between laughing and crying. But I feel relief. I finally know what went wrong. It wasn´t my fault. I didn´t lose it because I took the antibiotics too late as I always thought. And losing a baby with a down syndrome so severe that the heart stopped beating makes much more sense than losing a perfectly healthy baby because of a flu-like infection.

He said that in this case they are 100% sure that it was a girl because these trisomy 21 cells definitely can´t be mine. So Nathaniel really was Nathanielle.

It is so good to finally have some closure and I am so grateful that my obgyn demanded all these tests. :) Today he was his usual nice self again and took several minutes to talk everything through with me. He said that my risk to have a child with down syndrome would only be increased by 0.5% by this although I can´t believe this and think it is probably too optimistic. I will do further research regarding this topic on the internet. He advised me to do a first-trimester-screening next time which is no biggie since I had that too with Maya and would have chosen it with Nathanielle anyway. He doesn´t think that an amnio would be obligatory and said that he would wait for the first-trimester-screening results and decide after that.

So it isn´t the best case scenario I was hoping for which would have been a fatal disorder that doesn´t repeat itself but still for me it is better than having lost a healthy baby. In a way I´m glad that it happened this way. Otherwise I would have probably had bad results in the first-trimester-screening, an amnio and after that and then the decision between abortion or living for the rest of my life with a severely handicapped child. I´m very thankful that I did not have to make that decision.

Now I only need some time to digest this information, to cry for my lost girl and to look forward to the future.

[polkadot]

Bellabonga~ Wow, that is a twist your didnt expect but your attitutade towards it is wonderful. I cant imagine how hard it must be but at least now you have some answers. HOpefully the next baby will be happy and healthy and you can rest easy that it is nothing that you did to cause this. I hope you take the day or as much time as you need to grieve for your little girl...we are here if you need us...(((((hugs)))))

[purplesunshine7]

oh bella I am happy you got your answers. I am so glad you don't have to go through the what if's anymore. I am sorry your little girl was sick though. I didn't have the HSG done because I went to the hospital I was having gall bladder attacks. boy did they hurt. but all the blood work is done mine and dh. I have to reschedule HSG for next month. I guess that is ok I am not in a big hurry since I always think the worst anyway.

Polka I hope you get your O soon.

littlemia thanks for your kind words. I hope you have a h&h 9 months.

well my copmuter seemed to worked today how different. I hope it keeps working so that I can keep up with you guys.

[ag05]

I have not checked back in this thread for a while. Can I vent for a minute? One of my dearest friend (bridesmaid in my wedding and all that) called and told me she is pregnant and is due in 2 1/2 months. Oh my gosh. She never told me because she didn't want to upset me. I had my last miscarriage in May. I told her I understood but really I am rather pissed. This is the same friend that waited 5 1/2 months to tell me she was pregnant with her first. I know some people are private and good lord I should understand the need to wait until the first tri or so but damn. She really has not demonstrated herself to be a good friend to me. I would have been upset had she mentioned this pregnancy around the time of my loss, sure, but I would ultimately be happy for her and happy that she opened up to me about something huge in her life. Okay. I will forgive her I think but I do have some bottled up anger. My therapist recommends just coming out and telling her how I feel. I don't know if I can. Oh well.

In other news, I am doing okay. Its been 3 1/2 months since my miscarriage (my 4th) and while it is hard work, I am finally feeling happy a lot of the time. So life is good for now.

[pacificbliss]

Hi ag05,

I'm glad you're feeling better. That is a long time for your friend to wait to tell you she's pg. Of course, with your last m/c 3 1/2 months ago that would have been the end of the 1st trimester for her and a tough timne for you. Right? Did I add that up right? Still, a close friend should have been helping you through your loss and could have brought it up. I'm so sorry.

[tipsy]

Hi Ladies,

I had a miscarriage exactly 1 week ago at 13 weeks. Reading your posts has been such a comfort. Everything has started to really hit in the last few days. Thank God for the internet. Its so nice to be able to share with people who have been through this. In my regular life, it seems like everyone is either pregnant or just had a baby.

Right after the mc I was numb, but now feelings of jealousy, anger and sadness have been hitting me in waves. Here's what I posted in the March 2007 thread regarding the m/c:

You can go ahead and take me off the list. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage this morning at 13 weeks, 1 day (according to the ultrasound). Started bleeding heavily, cramping and passing clots last night. Went to the ER thinking the miscarriage had already occured, but we were shocked to see the baby was still in there on the ultrasound. It was kicking, flipping, etc. and had a heartbeat of 182 which was great news. Plus my cervix was still closed according to the ultrasound.

We were sent home around 2am and told it was probably a blood clot. Continued to bleed and cramp all night. At 9am, just before getting in the car to go back to the ER, I had a worst cramp yet, felt like I was going to pass out and needed to throw up. Then felt something was about to pass, which ended up being a fully intact 4 inch little baby. My hubby passed out cold on the bathroom floor after seeing it. After reviving him, I had to fish the baby out and bring it to the hospital so they could do testing to see what went wrong. I spent a little time looking at the little guy and I'm pretty sure I saw boy parts.

We'll hopefully get some answers in the next few weeks. Unfortunately we told pretty much everyone we know that we were expecting just a few days ago. Not looking forward to sharing this news and this weekend I'm helping to throw my cousin's baby shower.

Good luck with all of your pregnancies. I'll miss being a part of this group and will be lurking here to follow your progress...

A little update: I had a suction D&C last Sunday, but apparently they didn't get everything, so now I'm on medication to make me contract, along with some pretty strong painkillers. If this doesn't do the trick, I may have another D&C this week. Ugh.

[numberlady]

Tipsy, I am so sorry that you had to join this thread and reading through your story makes me so sad for you. Especially that you got to see the baby on the ultrasound and everything looked OK. I hope that the meds help and that you do not have to have another D & C. (((Hugs to you))) I hope your Dh is taking care of you. Take some time to grieve and as you start telling people, you will be suprised who is supportive of you.

[littlemia]

Tipsy, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult it was to hear that everything was okay and then miscarry hours later. And to have a D&C that didn't get everything- that's a lot to handle. I hope the medication worked. It's really hard to deal with things emotionally when you're still dealing with the physical processes of all of this. It's really normal to feel a combination of numbness, sadness, anger, and jealousy. Take care of yourself and if there are things that you don't feel up to doing for awhile- just don't do them. Come back and let us know how you're doing if you feel up to it.

[bellabonga]

tipsy, I´m so sorry you had to go through this. :( It must have been especially upsetting to be worried, have hope again and then lose the baby nevertheless. And it must have been very disturbing to see your baby. I did not see mine, so I can only imagine that this must have been a shock and judging from you DH´s reaction, it obviously was.

It must be an additional burden that you had to have a d&c and might have to go through another one. What a nightmare. I hope the medication will do the trick and you will at least not have to go through a second d&c. Having to deal with the physical consequences is a very hard part of recovery and you will probably feel already much better when that is over.

I´m crossing my fingers for you that you will get some answers about what caused this to happen. The weeks waiting for a result were very painful for me and but least I got some closure by knowing what went wrong and what the risk for another pregnancy is.

And some advice: Stop lurking in your old pregnancy thread. It only hurts you to see the other´s progress.

[pacificbliss]

tipsy I am so sorry. Grieving takes a while. Take care of you and DH. The shower this weekend is going to be tough and you will find people don't know what to do or say so you two will need to take care of each other.

[tipsy]

Thanks for the warm welcome and the kind words.;)

I had my doctor's appointment today and unfortunately the medications didn't work, so I'll be having another D&C on Friday afternoon. Aside from having to go through the procedure, I'm so anxious to be pregnant again and this D&C will set us back another two weeks. I'm trying not to be obsessed with getting pregnant right away, but its all I can think about.

Based on the fact that the baby looked fine in the u/s just hours before the mc, I believe some kind of event took place which caused the pregnancy to end. A friend of mine emailed me about a blood clotting condition (there are actually a few of them) that can cause mc. Two ladies she knows had miscarriages which sounded like exactly what happened to me, bleeding, passing clots, 2nd trimester mc, baby looking okay on the u/s, etc. and they had a clotting condition which can be helped with medication. Both ladies were able to carry babies to term after they were put on blood thinners.

I brought this up to my doctor and she wants to wait until the initial test results come in, but she told me "we're on the same page with our thinking." So I'll hopefully get tested for those clotting disorders. Anyone else on this board have a clotting disorder? I'm really curious about them.

numberlady Had my cousin's shower this weekend and surprisingly, I was able to enjoy myself (maybe it was the percoset:D ). Pretty much everyone knew about the mc and a few women even shared that they had a mc too. It wasn't as bad as I though it would be.

littlemia Not looking forward to the second D&C, but at least we're on the way to getting my body back to normal.

bellabonga How long did it take to get your test results back? My doctor says 3 weeks. If you don't mind answering, what did test results say about the mc. Did you get a definite cause for the mc?

I don't know what I was thinking when I mentioned lurking in my old thread? I really liked the people on that thread, but now the thought of going back there is unimaginable. Thanks for the advice. I'll definitely stay away.

pacificbliss It was a little awkward at the shower, but it was mostly family, so it wasn't too bad. There were quite a few babies there. One of the ladies who didn't know about the mc practically forced her baby on me. I didn't really want to hold him, but she kind of pressured me. Other than that little episode, I was okay.

[cherry]

tipsy, i am really sorry about your m/c. good for you for working to find out what caused it, and good luck with getting your second d&c out of the way this friday so you can get on with TTCing again.

[bellabonga]

tipsy, I don´t mind sharing at all. Reading the m/c stories of others has both helped me to heal and to learn about different reasons for a m/c. And for me it´s still kind of therapeutic to talk about it. I learned at 10w4d that the baby had died some days ago and had a d&c at 11w. After the d&c I bled for (now hold your breath! :eek: ) 5.5 weeks. My doctor put me on the pill immediately after the m/c to get my body back on track earlier. I wasn´t too thrilled about taking the pill as I wanted to get pregnant again ASAP. But the argument that at least I would have my first AF then after 4 weeks instead of maybe 6-8 convinced me. So the d&c bleeding merged right into AF. During this long bleeding I was constantly scared that the d&c might have been incomplete and that I would have to go back for another one. Strangely my doctor wasn´t worried at all, even though my hcg-levels were too high. They were too high right after the m/c and they dropped very, very slowly. I had weekly blood draws to determine the hcg left. I started out with 3920 or so and it took 10 weeks for the hcg to fall down below 5. During this time I couldn´t heal mentally as my body felt so weird.

My doctor too had told me that it would take 2-3 weeks to get the results. He said that my baby would be send to a pathologist first for a superficial examination and then after that to a humangenetic lab. I waited and waited and was treated very poorly at my obgyn´s office, even when I asked after 8 weeks if they could call and ask if the results were ever to come. But that finally got the ball rolling and exactly when my hcg dropped, I got the results after 10 long weeks. All the while I had thought that I had lost a perfectly healthy boy because I had several severe respiratory infections during that pregnancy and had to take antibiotics which I took very late because of the pregnancy. During that 10 weeks wait I had framed an ultrasound picture of the baby (I can only recommend that to you) and had decided to give the baby a name (Nathaniel). So you can imagine my surprise when I found out that my perfectly healthy boy had in fact been a girl with a trisomy 21 and a severe heart defect which caused her to die. It was disturbing but to know what went wrong and that it had not been my fault made things so much more bearable for me. Same with knowing the gender for sure, so that I know exactly whom I´m grieving about. We named her Olivia Nathanielle (because we had gotten used to Nathaniel over those 10 weeks). Later I found out that she will be buried together with 29 other m/c by the hospital some time this year. This also gave me some peace of mind because I always wondered what they did with my baby. I was very annoyed that the hospital staff did not tell me that right away after the d&c. There will also be a funeral service held for the parents which we can attend. I have decided that I will go there, just to know where she will be buried. This will be the final closure point for me and I hope it will soon come up. My d&c was on May 26th and still the invitation wasn´t in the mail so far. I will keep the framed ultrasound picture on Olivia on my wall as she will always be my second daughter and without the picture it would already seem surreal that she ever existed.

It´s good that you decided to stay away from your old thread. I tortured myself now and then by sneaking over to the December mommies but everytime I did that, I felt awful and jealousy and sadness were there in full force again.

How awful that you have to have another d&c. :( I hope your body recovers soon and you´ll be able to start over new as soon as you feel ready. Maybe you could join us in "Seeing what happens in October". I wouldn´t want to miss the support during this rough time of TTC again. Good luck for Friday! :)

[numberlady]

Tipsy - Good luck with your second D & C Friday. I agree with Bellabonga. It is so hard going in to your old due date thread. I have popped in and out of mine, and now they are all having babies (I was due Sept 27), so it is kind of bittersweet. I am happy for them, but sad for me.

I think your wanting to get pg right away is very normal. I had that feeling too. The bad thing was that at the time I got pg, we were not ttc, so we decided to wait. That waiting was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Dh didn't understand my desire and we got in many fights, me trying to convince him that it was the right time and we didn't need to wait. In hindsight, it was better that we waited, but at the time, my hormones were speaking and I was listening.

I wish that I had some testing done on the fetus. We are ttc now, and it is hard when DH begins to wonder if the m/c happened because there was something wrong with him, and then I start to wonder if it was me.

[jodylovesscotty]

Tipsy~ Sorry you had to join this thread as well. I just wanted to let you know that I have a blood clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden. I didn't know about it until after my m/c in June. My RE did all kinds of tests and the blood clotting test was one of them. I have both genes of it. I have been put on 1 baby asprin a day and then when I get pregnant again I will have to do a shot of heparin a day (blood clotting medicine). It is an easy blood test they can do.

[usafwife]

Tipsy ~ I'm so sorry that you had to join this group. I'm so sorry for your m/c. As someone else mentioned, grieving takes a while to deal with. I'm now due almost exactly to the day that I suffered my m/c. That has taken me a while to deal with. It's bittersweet for me.

I am so sorry that you have to go through another d&c. {{{HUGS}}}

[tipsy]

I went back to the gym for the first time since the mc. A few of the instructors and some other people that I see in class on a regular basis, knew I was pregnant. In fact one of the instructors is due three weeks before I was. She always comes to chat with me about our pregnancies. The whole time, I was worried someone would ask me about the baby.

Luckily no one did, but its just a matter of time. The lady who teaches my kickboxing class (the class I went to today) hadn't seen me for a while and at one point during the class asked if I was okay and if I able to keep up. I knew she was referring to me being pregnant, but I didn't say anything. I'm not ready yet. Actually I'm hoping she'll figure it out, since I was starting to show and now my stomach's flat again.

Random question, but how long does it take to get your period after a D&C. I've heard everything from 2 to 6 weeks.

cherry That's the way I'm trying to look at it. I'll be that much closer to TTC.

bellabonga I'm sorry it took your doctor so long to get your test results to you. I'll make sure check in with mine. Its a really busy office and sadly I could see mine doing the same thing. I have a follow appointment a little over a week from the D&C. That should be a 3 weeks from when the tests were sent out, so I'll ask then.

numberlady I also wonder if I somehow caused the mc. The day I miscarried, I had a very physical day. DH and I were in the yard all day pulling weeds and spreading mulch for 8 hours. It was probably one of the most physical days I had while pregnant. I know it probably had nothing to do with what happened, but I'll never know.

jodylovesscotty Thanks for the info. I don't know for sure yet, but I'm highly suspicious that I have a clotting disorder as well. When I started bleeding, I passed a ton of clots, plus just found out (but have suspected for over a year now) that I have fibroids due to clotting in the past. On my last u/s the tech saw several fibroids.

I've been doing some preliminary research on clotting disorders. Does your doctor give you any statistics on chances of another mc with the blood thinners and aspirin? I'm thinking of going on the baby aspirin as well before conceiving to help my body prepare.

usafwife Maybe having the baby near your due date will be healing in some way. Congrats on your pregnancy! Did you start trying right away?

[pacificbliss]

tipsy That's good that you got back to the gym. It probably helps. At least a workout always seems to help me. I was really bad about getting back to normal after the m/c. It's hard to tell people that knew you were pregnant that you're not anymore. I actually had DH tell some people. Take care.

[littlemia]

Tipsy, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and I hope everything went well yesterday.

[tipsy]

pacificbliss Getting back to the gym felt great! Usually I have to drag myself there, but it was really nice to be active again.

littlemia Thanks for checking in on me. Everything went really well. A little minor cramping afterward, but that was it. I was so much more relaxed this time around.

I have a follow up appointment in about a week and the doctor thinks some of the test results will be in by then.

[polkadot]

Ladies...I havent been here in a while because i was trying not to think about the empending due date of my angel baby...but this week has already begun and its starting already...OK, so i knew that thursday would be rough...I didnt think it would start on Monday. I have already cried twice today and I am on the verge of tears now. I am so sad today. I tested this morning....of course BFN...My class is being horrible, they are not listening to a thing that I say. I just want this week to end and its barley just begun,....I saw my friedn that just found out she is PG and I just cried....I am so happy for her...but so sad for myslef...this sucks...I wanna go home :( :(

[pacificbliss]

polkadot I'm so sorry. Can you go home?

[ameigh]

I'd like to join, too, please.

Name: Amy, 27
DH: Neale, 32
Married: Sept. 2001
DD: Feb. 2005
M/C #1: Jan. 28th, 2006
M/C #2: Sept. 9th, 2006

I feel terrible saying this, but I'm really feeling sorry for myself right now. I miscarried on Saturday night. It was pretty traumatic this time around. I passed out twice at home and had a small seizure, which landed me in the ER via ambulance (my poor, freaked-out husband!). The doctor said it was from blood loss, so now I have anemia to deal with.

I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that a lot of the moms in my daughter's playgroup are pregnant and due right around when I was. I even ran into one of them at my clinic today...she hadn't told anyone that she was pregnant, so it was a surprise to me. I really resented her being happy because she had just gotten her first ultrasound, and she wanted to know why I was there. ugh. I've been trying (until then) to make myself feel happy for all of these pregnant people, but I think it's just too early to really embrace that.

I think my one comfort right now is that my OB actually wants a real followup visit this time around, as opposed to last time.

I hate feeling this depressed. It's totally not how I usually am.

[lilhimley]

Hi Everyone. Unfortunately, I would like to join the group.
Name:Jennifer, 33
DH: Erik, 45
Married: June 7, 2003
M/C blighted ovum by D&C at 10 weeks 12/07/2005
Had D&E at 14 weeks 08/18/06 due to chromosome problem and heart defect
TTC: Will start again a few months.

I had a blighted ovum m/c in December and then this pregnancy turned out even worse. We found out August 7th that something was seriously wrong and it turned out to be Down's Syndrome and a very severe heart defect and the baby(a girl) wouldn't make it, so we had surgery to terminate on August 18th. This is the first I've been able to write to update everyone. We are devastated but will try again in approximately four months after some tests and another D&C to clear out a couple polyps and scar tissue in my uterus(unrelated to the Down's & heart defect). We're hoping the third time is the charm. I'm trying to keep it together and some days are better than others. I'm so thankful to have this group, but so sorry that any of us have to be in it. I haven't read through the thread yet, but will get to work on it. If anybody knows of a thread about terminating due to chromosome/genetic problems, please let me know. Thank you in advance for your support and I hope I can be here for you too.

Jennifer

[lilhimley]

ameigh and polkadot,
So sorry you feel like total crap. I know that it's so painful that nobody can fix the sadness. Everyone says "what can I do to help you" and there is nothing they can do. Please know that you are not alone. I will be thinking positive thoughts for you both and everybody in here. The world is not all bad. At least we have each other.

[littlemia]

Ameigh, I'm sorry you had to join us. Don't feel bad about feeling sorry for yourself. I think all of us felt (and probably sometimes still feel) that way. I'm glad your OB is taking this seriously. I hope you're able to get some answers.

polkadot, I'm sorry today was tough. Take care of yourself this week. Is there any way you can call in on Thursday?

lilhimley, just wanted to tell you again that I'm sorry. I wish I had something more to say or some advice to give, but I don't. Know that we are here to listen whenever you need to talk.

[polkadot]

sorry to have to say this but welcome to lilhimley & aimeigh...but this is a wonderful place to find support. I have gotten great advice here and its a place to vent when you feel like you have no one to talk too, or no one to relate too...this is place...I tried to stay away from here b/c I didnt want to dwell on my m/c but this week was my angel baby's due date and it has hit me like a ton of bricks...especially since I am in the 2WW once again and not feeling very positive about this cycle. The ladies here have once again embraced me and are really just letting me vent...thanks girls...

Littlemia~ I wish I could call in sick on Thursday but we are really short on subs at school and if I'm not at school I would be at the hospital waiting for my sister to have her baby...so either way I am going to be sad....I think its better to be at school with less time to think about it all than to be sitting in the hospital surrounded by bundles of joy KWIM? Thanks again...

off to bed...

[ameigh]

tried to stay away from here b/c I didnt want to dwell on my m/c but this week was my angel baby's due date and it has hit me like a ton of bricks...

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. My first miscarried baby would have been due this week. I don't think I have the energy left to feel sad about it while I'm dealing with the current miscarriage, though. I just keep telling myself that there is a reason for everything! When I'm feeling more optimistic, anyway. :rolleyes:

Thanks for your welcome, ladies. It means a lot.

[polkadot]

((((((((((hugs)))))))) ameigh!!!

[pacificbliss]

ameigh and lilhimley sorry to see you both here. Unfortunately everyone here knows how you feel. It's ok to say anything that's on your mind.

polkadot due dates are tough. I hope you get some good news real soon.


Hugs to all of you

[cherry]

lilhimley, i am so sorry for what you have been through. good luck and let us know how you're doing over the next few days.

ameigh, sending you supportive vibes at such a difficult time. i know what you mean about not usually being a "depressed" type - i felt the same way when i had my m/c and i think others had a hard time knowing how to respond because i'm usually so cheerful and jokey. hope you learn more from your OB.

[ameigh]

I'm sure you all have experienced this, but have you ever noticed that it's hard for your friends and family to say the *right* thing? I've heard some pretty amazing things fly out of people's mouths in the last few days. I absolutely know that they mean well, but man, I don't know. My sister-in-law told my husband that it would have been worse if I had to have had a D&C (like, passing out twice from low blood volume and seizing isn't bad enough?) and that mom from my playgroup telling me that *she* doesn't tell people that she's expecting until she's at least 12 weeks along. 'Cause that would have prevented this? :confused: Ah well. At least I know that they care, right?

[lilhimley]

ameigh - yes, I totally agree that there is no right thing or anything that people can say to make me feel better. I think it's better to just say sorry. It's not profound, but it's not hurtful either. I get angry when people say, "at least you can get pregnant" which I guess is good news, but if I get pregnant a hundred times and none of them end with a baby in my arms, I won't feel better that at least I could get pregnant. And then others, meaning well, say "I'm sure you'll be successful next time" or "I know it will happen for you". Really? How do they know? Are they dropping off a newborn at my house tonight after work? Anyway, that one just gets me because I'm so fearful that I'll never have a baby and then people are basically promising that I will and they don't know that! Sorry, thanks for listening to my rant. Man, I can't believe I have to start going back to charting and doing the 2WW and everything again. And I can't even start that for another few months. Geez!

[pacificbliss]

ameigh I was shocked at the things some people say. Why can't they just say sorry? One of the ones I found most hurtful was, "at least it was early"
Really? Is that supposed to make me feel better? These are the same people that were celebrating with me last week!

[usafwife]

tipsy ~ I hope it does. Thank you. No, we didn't start trying right again. We gave it some time (I was on BC) and we really wanted DD to be a little older. I'm glad that we waited because with my mom's health problems (she suffered a ruptured cerebral aneurysm a little over 2 wks ago and nearly lost her) I don't know how well I'd be doing right now if I was just a few short wks away from delivering #2 and having to travel so much.

polkadot ~ I'm sorry. My EDD with my angel baby is coming up in a few wks. I haven't really figured out how I'll be handling it. I've certainly got enough things to keep my mind off of it though. I hope it isn't too rough on me. I've had enough to deal with the past two wks (I landed myself in the ER in the hours following my mom's aneurysm because my BP shot up and I started having contractions).

ameigh ~ I'm sorry that you've had to join this group. It's normal to feel sorry for yourself after having lost a baby/child. Don't beat yourself up over it. Sometimes I just wish people would keep their mouths shut if they don't have anything better to say.

I just keep telling myself that there is a reason for everything!

I've had to tell myself this quite a few times in the past two and half wks. I was pregnant with DD (about a month away from my due date) when we lost DH's dad unexpectedly. Then two wks ago we nearly lost my mom to a ruptured cerebral aneurysm (and had we not been in the room when it happened she wouldn't be alive now). I am tired of bad things happening when I'm pregnant (this is the third time something bad has happened, 1 death, 1 m/c, and now my mom) that we are done for a while. I just can't handle anything else happening right now.

lilhimley ~ I'm sorry that you've had to join us as well. I saw your post in the Feb 07 group. I just hadn't had the time to respond to it yet.

[tipsy]

ameigh and lilhimley I'm sorry for both of your losses.

polkadot Try to do something nice for yourself and maybe do something to honor the baby if you feel up to it. Good luck.

usawife It sounds like you've been through the ringer lately. Hope your mom is doing better.

I know what you mean when you say you're tired of bad things happening. The last few years, I feel like so many awful things have happened. My mom died two years ago and my brother has a potentially fatal illness that flares up every few months. This pregnancy was the first time I have felt real joy in the last two years, so losing our baby has been unbearable. It seems to be getting harder everyday that goes by.

[usafwife]

usawife It sounds like you've been through the ringer lately. Hope your mom is doing better.

I know what you mean when you say you're tired of bad things happening. The last few years, I feel like so many awful things have happened. My mom died two years ago and my brother has a potentially fatal illness that flares up every few months. This pregnancy was the first time I have felt real joy in the last two years, so losing our baby has been unbearable. It seems to be getting harder everyday that goes by.

Yes, I've certainly been through the ringer. We have a long road ahead of us (just how long we do not know, what types of problems lay in the road, don't know what to expect, etc). I pray everyday that nothing happens with this pregnancy or I don't know how I would handle things. I'm looking forward to our upcoming u/s so I can feel more reassured that things are okay and I won't be as worried. I fully expected to lose my dad at some point this year (his health has been going downhill for the past few years and it's just a matter of time before he does go) so this illness with my mom came totally out of the blue. Sort of like DH's dad's passing....we weren't expecting it and it hit us like a ton of bricks.

[ameigh]

usawife, I hope that you're taking care of yourself in the midst of all of this.

lilhimley, I know what you're talking about. It's unbelievable to me that we have to start over again. I know that my husband and I *can* get pregnant, but we're not the type of couple where it happens immediately. It took us seven months after my first miscarriage, and it took us a full year to get pregnant with my daughter. It's so frustrating. And I know we're going to have to wait at least until my anemia is resolved. *sigh* Here's to the next few months, right?

pacificbliss, Wow, yeah, that's a great comment. :rolleyes: I think it makes it worse when people who think that they're making it better just sound like they're trying to *not* validate the fact that you did lose what, in your mind (which is enough!) was a baby. My grandmother informed me after my first miscarriage that "nothing was there. you didn't lose anything." (There actually was something "there" for me, but I didn't get into it with her.) Regardless, you spend a few months creating this little being in your mind. It doesn't make the grief any different even if there really *wasn't* an embryo or anything. It doesn't make any difference if you were 8 weeks as opposed to 16. I hope that made sense.

Today I go in for another blood test. I'm sure my levels are falling, so right now I'm interested in what the OB wants to talk to us about. The nurse told me that she "wants to talk to us about getting pregnant again, etc." At least they want to do a *real* followup appointment this time around. I know they're not going to be able to offer any explanation for what happened, but I'm curious about what they're going to want to do with the next pregnancy (more monitoring? I think I'd almost like more monitoring so that I can prepare myself for another miscarriage if they can catch it). We were going to do a home birth with this last pregnancy, so we weren't doing any blood testing with our midwife to see what the HCG levels were. I think we'll stick with the clinic next time. This sounds terrible, but maybe if I can have a little warning of an impending miscarriage, I can prepare myself. Like staying hydrated so that I *don't* land in the ER from blood loss and dehydration...

[bellabonga]

polkadot, I´m sorry you are having such a hard week with your EDD coming up. Mine is still far away but I can imagine how hard it must be. I hope you´ll feel a little better once it is over but having a newborn soon in your family is certainly bad timing.

ameigh, your experience sounds very scary. I´m sorry you had to go through that. Do you feel okay now, physically? How far along were you? I hope you don´t mind that I ask. I got some pretty heavy stuff to hear after I m/c too, so I know what you mean. The whole "it was better this way blahblahblah" and my friend whose EDD is 3 weeks earlier than mine would have been basically told me to finally get over it after just one week. I understand that it is a sensitive issue and that it is hard to find the right words but still I was pretty ticked off. Even after my own m/c I still find it hard to say the right words. But I found that the most important thing is that people care and listen to you. So it´s great that this group exists, even if the cause is such a sad one. But it has helped me so much and I´m sure it will help you to.

lilhimley, I´m so sorry for your experience. I can somewhat relate because my m/c also happened because my baby girl had trisomy 21 and a severe heart defect. Only that I was "lucky" compared to you and my girl´s heart stopped beating before I even found out that she was so ill. So at least I wasn´t forced to make a decision. I have thought a lot about it afterwards and tried to imagine what I would have done and how that would have felt. So although you only ever really know when you have been there yourself, I think I can to some level understand how you feel. I wish I knew someone with a similar experience (well, not really...you know what I mean) but I don´t. After my m/c I spent some time on this m/c message board http://www.pregnancyloss.info/phpbb2/ . I don´t know if you´ll find someone who had to terminate their pregnancy too but it might be worth a try. There were lots of very different experiences when I was there.
Having to wait for so long must be additionally agonizing. I hope you won´t have to wait as long as prognosed and I´m crossing my fingers for you that you´ll have a baby in your arms by next year.

[ameigh]

bellabonga, I have also always found it hard to say the right thing to people who are grieving, which is why I don't hold these poor folks' words against them. I just roll my eyes and store it away in my "remember not to say *that* to anyone" memory.

I was 10 1/2 weeks along this time around. I think I'm doing fine, physically...just a little tired in the legs after going for walks. Walking around the block is kinda like going for a run for me right now. phew!

thanks for asking. :)

[bellabonga]

I just roll my eyes and store it away in my "remember not to say *that* to anyone" memory.

LOL :D

I hope the wobbly feeling in your legs is gone soon. Do you need to get a special treatment for the anaemia? Can it be cured easily or does it take a long time?

[ameigh]

bellabonga, I don't know (unfortunately)! I'm just taking 325 mg of iron twice a day, staying hydrated, and hoping that the doctor will tell me that all will be normal soon. I'm sure it will be, though...I don't have time for wobbly legs anyway! I have a toddler to run after! :-)

How's everyone else feeling these days? I'm finally feeling cabin fever, but my daughter is still getting over a cold. So while I feel almost ready to rejoin the real world, I'll have to wait until the cough and runny nose die down...

Also, I'm starting to wonder about our chances (statistically) for another miscarriage after these two in a row (but with a history of one successful pregnancy). It looks like there are some good references at the beginning of this thread...any suggestions?

[ameigh]

Hey, I need to learn how to read. It's right in the front of the thread:

The majority (85%) of women who have had two miscarriages will conceive and carry normally afterwards...

That's actually very comforting...I'm going to take a deep breath now and quit hogging the board...

[pacificbliss]

ameigh some time after my m/c I really needed more information. I found a book at the library by Jon Cohen titled, Coming to Term. He wrote it after his wife had several m/c and he wanted answers he could not find. He read all the studies, interviewed the experts and then put this book together. On the whole it's pretty reassuring.

[RainGirl]

I've been reading through this thread the past few days as unfortunately I'm also going through the difficult process of losing our first baby.

I was 8.5 weeks when we found out at a follow-up ultrasound on Friday that the baby's heartbeat had stopped and we needed to wait it out for a natural miscarriage to start or schedule a D&C. I had the D&C today, which I now feel was the right decision. It gave me time to grieve without having to officially say goodbye until today, if that makes sense.

This has been such an emotional time. I spent the first half of last week celebrating my Brother's wedding. We were away at a lodge with close family and friends for three days for a destination wedding and everyone was hounding us to have kids, at that point it was DH and I's happy little secret as we were waiting until the wedding was over to allow my Brother and SIL their week to shine.

On afternoon Friday we learned the baby's heartbeat had stopped and she/he did not survive. We were only hours away from heading over to the wedding reception in our home town. I cried on and off until we pulled into the parking lot and then we put on our happy faces and visited with 150+ family and friends. It ended up being a good diversion and holding lots of babies helped reaffirm to me that life is precious and when its our turn I won't take it for granted for one moment.

We spent the rest of the weekend keeping very busy and putting on our happy faces until we got in the car and cried our eyes out. Lots of ups and downs. Even though no one knew what was going on it felt so good be loved by people just because they truly care about us, so in a way we were indirectly supported.

Now for the future, I'm having a hard time letting go of the "should have beens" and worrying about getting pregnant again since it took us a year the first time around. At this point I feel happy for friends and family who are having babies, as I wouldn't wish this grief on my worst enemy, but do have times of complete idiocy where I'm convinced that if we were on welfare or teens we wouldn't have this problem as it seems "that crowd" has more kids than they know what to do with.

I'm feeling overall optimistic today, but I suppose some of the pain has been softened by the pain meds. I know this is a major ramble, but it just felt good to put my thoughts into words.

I'm wishing all the best for each of you. I'm convinced that our dreams will come true.

[numberlady]

RainGirl - I am sorry that you have to join this club. It takes a while to get over the "should have beens." Your post sounded like it could have come from me (except much more eloquent). I'm glad that you are feeling positive and hope that you get to feeling better and allow your body to heal.

My "should have been" is that my edd is today. I had hoped to be so busy or pregnant by now, so as to not realize the day and just let it pass by. But I did, first thing this morning. In a way I am sad, in a way I feel like I should be sadder. I'm not sure how I should feel. I really thought I would be pg by now, but I we are on our 4th cycle with no bfp. I know that for some people that is not very long, but I got pg by accident, so I kind of thought it would happen right away once we started trying. Hopefully work will be busy today so I don't have to think about it much.

[pacificbliss]

raingirlI'm so sorry. Don't worry about your thoughts on "that crowd". For a long time I could not get over the fact that sometimes women who do drugs during pregnancy have healthy babies and I lost mine. I hope you heal quickly and are able to easily get pg again.

numberlady Sorry today is your due date. That's a tough day. hugs

[polkadot]

raingirl~ so sorry to have to welcome you here. I am just finishing my second miscarriage....I have lost two much earlier than you have and it is still tough. YOu will get lots of support and help from the ladies here...we all have experieinces and info to share....((((((hugs)))))))

numberlady~ ((((hugs)))) My edd was filled with joy b/c i had just found out i was pg again only to loose this one too. I know how hard it is...try to do something special in memory of your angel baby. It might make you feel better....more ((((((((hugs))))))))

As for me...I got my results back from my last beta and my levels were below two so that mean I am good to go. We are not trying this month...I am giving my body a little time to readjust and then next month...back on the ttc wagon....:)

[RainGirl]

Numberlady and Pacificbliss, thanks so much for your support, it means a lot, especially when this has been something we've been going through privately IRL.

Numberlady, I'm so sorry that today has been a rough one, hang in there. I wish I knew how to make it truly better for you.

Today for me has been a little tough, physically I'm doing ok, but emotionally I'm losing it. I got in a little tiff with my husband. He is most comfortable when things are organized and has been spending the afternoon flitting around the house and putting life back together, while if I was in my right mind I would totally appreciate his thoughtfulness, instead I'm taking it as an emotional sign that he is moving on, which I'm not ready to do. I mean the D&C was just yesterday. I got crabby at him, he got hurt and now I just made my hubby who has been beyond amazing feel bad. Seems like not only do I feel bad, but I'm not allowing my own DH do what he needs to heal, what is my problem???

On a happy note, two of my best girlfriends sent me flowers today, they don't know what is going on, other than me telling them that I'm going through a rough patch and that I'm not ready to talk about it. Of course I cried, but it was because I feel so loved by them, which was a nice change from crying because of all the sadness.

Hope we all have more up days than down days in our future.

[RainGirl]

Polkadot, sorry that you are going through this for the second time, so unfair. Thanks for the ((((((hugs)))))), sending them right back at you.

[klanae]

I am a new visitor to this thread. First off I am so sorry for everyones losses! I can not imagine what ya'll are going through which is why i am in this thread, I just found out from my FMIL that my friend miscarried her baby today at 10 weeks and I would like to send her a card or a lil something! I just have no idea what to say. A little background, she is my FH's cousin and she lives 2 hours away and we just recently became closer friends! I will probably see her in mid October but I wanted to send a card before then! So if ya'll could post something that you think will encourage her or things I shouldn't say! Also, I wasn't sure if I should send flowers, I have heard people say that it makes it hard after the flowers die! Any advice ya'll could give would be greatly appreciated!!!

Sorry for all the rambling and I hope I didn't intrude!

[ameigh]

RainGirl, I'm so sorry for your loss. Just let your mood swings take their course...they'll go away eventually. You were very brave to have such a positive attitude at your brother's reception. When I had my two miscarriages, I would sit at home and think "I don't want to go anywhere...I don't want to see anyone." But I'd do it anyway on the hunch that it would make me feel better to see friends and get back into the routine. And I was right, every time. So good for you.

I've found that having even a macabre sense of humor is helpful...but that's me. I just tell my husband that "I have the Rice University of uteruses. Our next baby will be absolutely perfect, because I reject everything less than that!" ;-) Anyway, it helps me.

Good luck to you in the next few days!

klanae, you're not intruding! I think a good rule of thumb would be to consider it like you would if your friend's family member had died. You know, the usual: don't say you know how she's feeling, don't say that you know she'll feel better soon. Just say that you're so sorry, you hope that she feels better soon, and that if she ever wants to talk, you're always there. That kind of thing was something I was so grateful for in my losses.

[jenahdawn]

I'd give anything NOT to join.

The hardest part is that it's still considered a miscarriage or "spontaneous abortion" at 19 weeks. (Well, ONE of the hardest parts.)

We got home a few hours ago. He's sleeping behind me and I'm bawling.

Tues night I started having contractions. I was dialated to 2 cm. After 2 hours, I was at 3 cm and was moved "upstairs" to L&D.

6:15 am Wed, Sept 27, my water broke. By 6:30~ish, my beautiful baby girls were here. Katie was 7.8 oz and 22cm long (8 3/4 inches) and Chloe was 6 oz and 20 cm (8 inches) long. And they were absolutely perfect.

This afternoon, we gave our little angels away so their ashes can be spread over a flower garden so everyone can appreciate their beauty.

But I just want them in our arms again.

Recovering mentally, emotionally AND physically....this is the worst pain anyone can ever feel and the one thing I hope no one else ever has to.

We were told to wait 6 months before trying again.

[polkadot]

jenahdawn...i am soooo sorry for your loss. I cannot express in words how sorry I am for you. If we can do anything, please let us know.

((((((hugs)))))))))

[shouldaeloped]

I just wanted to stop in to say how sad I was that this thread continues to receive new members. I miscarried my first two pregnancies, one naturally in Jan 05 at 12w2d and the other via d&c in May 05 at 9w2d. I was lucky enough to get pregnant again last October and delivered my daughter this past June. I know how very hard it can be to see the future and to believe that it will happen for you, but it is possible to overcome even the crappiest of circumstances.

polkadot- my heart aches for you. I read about your second bfp and celebrated for you. I was devastated to hear about your loss again. somehow, the second one seems so much more difficult. I'll be thinking about you and sending you positive vibes as you continue your journey.

jenahdawn- I am so so sorry to hear about your losses. I hope you are able to find some peace in the grieving process.

good luck to all of you and I'll be lurking in case I can add anything. I feel like i have been through quite a bit myself. (((hugs))) to everyone here.

[usafwife]

Raingirl ~ As someone else said, it takes a while to get over the should have beens. I would have been very close (if not already delivered) to delivering our little one had we not lost it earlier this year. I realize in hindsight that it might have been for the better because I do not know how I would have handled everything I had to deal with concerning my mom during the past month +. I probably would have delivered the night we nearly lost her just from the stress.

numberlady ~ Sorry that yesterday was a rough day for you. I hope that my due date of the one we lost isn't too rough for me. Though we never really had an actual date, just more of a due date week.

klanae ~ You aren't intruding. I think a good rule of thumb would be to consider it like you would if your friend's family member had died. You know, the usual: don't say you know how she's feeling, don't say that you know she'll feel better soon. Just say that you're so sorry, you hope that she feels better soon, and that if she ever wants to talk, you're always there. That kind of thing was something I was so grateful for in my losses. I completely agree.

jenah ~ I'm so very sorry that you are having to join us here. Your precious angels are looking down from above. Please relay on your family and friends during this most difficult and trying time. If we can do anything here, please let us know. {{{HUGS}}}

[ameigh]

I'm just wondering...my husband and I are trying again right away this first cycle after my miscarriage. If, on the very off chance, I'm late and wanted to take a pg test, would it even be accurate? Seems like it took at least 3 weeks for the HCG levels to drop to zero, so if it picked something up, would it still be from the previous pregnancy?

[cherry]

jenahdawn, i am so terribly sorry for your terrible loss. my heart breaks for you and your husband. as someone else mentioned, rely as much as you need to on those around you who love and support you. in the meantime, wishing you strength and peace. your two little girls and truly looking down on you from above.

[lilhimley]

jenahdawn, so sorry for your heartbreak. You are surrounded by support here. Talk to us as you need to. Healing thoughts are with you.

[jenahdawn]

Just wanted to post a quick hey...and that today...well, so far...and this afternoon, is a "good" day. (Last night blew....took a trip to the ER for shoulder and abdominal pains and pain breathing....er doc thought I needed a D&C. OB/GYN consult said, "No, I don't think so."~~~I look like a friggin heroin addict with track marks up and down my arms....IV this past week, MULTIPLE blood draws, IV last night along with another blood draw. And not just one, but TWO pelvic exams....)

We have also decided on November 4th we are doing a memorial get together here at our house. The ONLY decision that has been made is the date. No idea what we are going to do yet, but the emotions won't be so raw.

Oh, and the new goal is to be a member of the Feb (or Jan) 2008 mommies thread....~~~today, at least...

[lilhimley]

jenahdawn, thanks for the update. I've been thinking about you and your family. I hope you don't have to go through any more procedures/exams.

[jenahdawn]

Tomorrow afternoon's the first appt. (It was already planned, now it's just for a different reason) I look at it as a step forward. I have a page of questions for the doctor. And, since he hasn't steered us wrong, I'm going to follow his instructions to the letter.

Today was a mixed day. We went to the funeral home to see their ashes spread. (It's right by a pole of a white wrought iron gate that the owner brought from his grandmother's farm. The flowers are pinks and purples and yellows) And, afterwards, I ended up with a sense of calm. I no longer have to worry where my babies are, physically or spiritually.

He's having a very hard day today and doesn't really want to talk or do anything, so I'm giving him a little space and keep checking on him.

Ups and downs.

[jimmysgirl424]

jenahdawn Normally I wouldn't intrude on this thread; but I just today heard about your loss and felt very compelled to come here and give you my heartfelt sympathies. Your little girls are looking down on you and they know how much they were loved. I don't know what else to say that hasn't been said before. Except that I'm sorry. :(

[jenahdawn]

Kym, thanks.

[curlygurl]

I not sure if you guys know, but this was recently PASSED in Congress -

October 15th is officially Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (http://www.october15th.com)

Although, for most of us - we remember everyday.

[klanae]

Thanks ladies for your help! I found a card at Hallmark and on the front it says "Thinking of You" and inside it says "At this sad and difficult time, you're in the thoughts of so many people who care very much about you. Do you think that is okay to send her? Thanks again!

[lilhimley]

klanae, that sounds perfect. I would appreciate that message.

[usafwife]

Jenah ~ It's normal to have ups and downs. I wasn't as far along as you were when I had the m/c and I had plenty of up and down days. I still do. I think the memorial is a good idea. Your goal sounds wonderful and I'll (and the rest of the Feb group) be cheering you on. I think of you often and hope the days will get better. Remember we are all here for you whenever you need to talk.

klanae ~ I think that message sounds perfect.

curly ~ Thanks for the information regarding Oct. 15th.

[PugLover]

Name:Julia, 27
DH: Josh, 28
Married: April 20, 2002
M/C - still waiting...baby died 8w3d, I would have been 12w4d when we found out
TTC: don't know yet

[PugLover]

I haven't read through the whole thread but wanted to come by and ask some questions. I really never thought I would be in this place. I guess I just took for granted that everything would be fine. And now it is not. I just found out today that my baby has been dead for 4 weeks. I have so many questions unanswered. And the sadness is overwhelming. I have had cramping and some brown spotting now for 3 days. What will happen when I miscarry? Should I be concerned I haven't yet? What will it be like? Bad cramps? Will I be able to see just clots or more? I am really scared.

[polkadot]

Puglover~ I am so sorry you are going through this..both of my m/c were very early so they were just like very heavy period...I wish I had some better advice to give. i know that none of us ever thought we would be here. It sucks that we are all here but you will get a lot of advice and support here and most importantly (((hugs)))

[tipsy]

Sorry I haven't been around for a while. I felt like I had to take a break from the boards.

PugLover I'm sorry you are going through this. I was also 12.5 weeks when I miscarried (6 wks ago), when you're supposed feel safe with your pregnancy. You're probably in shock right now. Those first 2-3 weeks were really hard, but it gets easier. Also your hormones are dropping, so you'll feel fine and the next day a sobbing mess.

As far as the mc, I had a natural mc too. Mine might have been a little different since it happened suddenly, hours after a normal u/s, and the baby measured over 13wks, so for me it was like giving birth. You will probably have heavy bleeding, period cramps and what you will see...it's hard to say. Some people only see clots, I had clots, but also a 4 inch long, in tact, little person. I know its scary, but you will get through this. Somehow your body will know what to do. Keep us posted.

[littlemia]

puglover, I'm very sorry. I was in a similar situation a few months ago. I started spotting at about 11 weeks and it was confirmed that the baby had died about 2 weeks before. My midwives recommended that I wait to miscarry naturally. About 10 days after I first started spotting I still was more or less still just spotting so I opted to choose medical management which was taking misoprostol (Cytotec). It was not easy and didn't work completely (I didn't pass the pregnancy until 4 days after I took the medicine) but I was very glad to avoid a D&C. I'm just telling you this because I want you to know your options if your body doesn't seem to want to miscarry on its own.

Since my miscarriage was induced, I can't really be sure if what I experienced is anything like what would be experienced in a natural miscarriage. But I can tell you I experienced a lot of pain and cramping until my water broke/the Darvocet kicked in. I would ask about some pain killers. After my water broke, the bleeding started. There was a lot of blood. I'm glad I knew to expect a lot of blood because otherwise I would have been really scared. I bled very heavily for about 4-5 hours (clots and gushing blood). Then it tapered off and I went to sleep. It kept tapering off and I thought I was finished but at my follow-up appointment a few days later, my midwife saw that I hadn't passed the baby and the sac. She removed it and gave me more misoprostol and I bled fairly heavily again for a couple of hours. After that the bleeding went down to similar to a period and then down to spotting. I bled for about 2 weeks total.

[jenahdawn]

I can't give you much advice as mine (still considered a miscarriage) was 19 weeks.

I am so sorry.

[pacificbliss]

I am so sorry puglover. I don't have any advice as I had a D & C but I do have hugs for you.

[lilhimley]

puglover, with my first pregnancy I wanted to miscarry naturally, but after 3 weeks of waiting, couldn't take it anymore and had a D&C. I had the D&C because I heard that the medicine to induce m/c sometimes has bad effects like incomplete abortion, bleeding a long time, and pain. I was glad I did it because it had a quick recovery time and was relatively painless.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I never thought I'd be here either of course, or that I'd have to join twice. I have started to feel better over time, but it's kind of wacky. Some days I'm busy and don't think about it much. Other days, it's all I can do to not cry all day at work. I think I'll try a support group next Wednesday.

[polkadot]

I never thought I'd be here either of course, or that I'd have to join twice. I have started to feel better over time, but it's kind of wacky. Some days I'm busy and don't think about it much. Other days, it's all I can do to not cry all day at work.

This is exactly how I feel everyday! Once second I am great the next I am a wreck. I just take it one day at a time and sometimes...one hour at a time....

I hope everyone is ok..sending ((((hugs)))) to all of you...:D

[jenahdawn]

We have our psychologist appt on Monday. She gave us her cell phone # "just in case" because she gives it to all of her vulnerable patients, and even though she hasn't met us yet, we are in that category.

I feel like a complete freak.

puglover, I don't think anyone here expected to join. Chalk me up as one who pretended these kinds of threads didn't exist because I didn't want to think of the possibility...which is now reality.

[PugLover]

I posted a thread about this in Family Planning but thought I would ask in here too.

I am a little concerned and tired of waiting to pass my baby. Long story short is the baby died at 8w3d and we found out at 12w4d. I started spotting brown and having light cramps on Tuesday, also did on Wednesday and still was Thurdsay morning so we had an ultrasound and found out the baby had no heartbeat and had not grown. Since then I have went from red to brown back to red bleeding but still have yet to even fill a pad. I had horrible contractions (5 hours where they were at least a minute long and at least 1 minute apart, sometimes 15-20 seconds apart) last night. Tonight I had 3 hours of more contractions that weren't as intense and through all of this still nothing has passed at all. It is now Monday and I am still waiting. Is this normal to still not have passed anything after all of that labor?

[littlemia]

PugLover, I can't answer your question about the contractions since I was basically induced, but the bleeding/spotting pattern sounds a lot like what I experienced. My midwife made it seem like i