Help with an 8 year old!

[karlatta]

DH and I are foster parents and just got a call for an 8-year old girl. I am coming here to solicit your advice.

I have not really spent time with an 8-year old recently, so I'm feeling a little bit insecure about mothering one. So I just have a few general questions and would appreciate any input you guys have.

What is a good bedtime? She will have to be at school at 8:00 in the morning.
What works for you, discipline-wise?
What kind of stuff do you think she would enjoy doing in her free time? We have absolutely no 8-year old entertainment in our home. Everything we have is for toddlers and infants.
What kind of attention span should I be expecting? How long should she be willing to sit in one place and do one particular activity? (Assuming, of course, that she is an "average" child - I know this answer varies widely from child to child.)

Any other advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel confident in caring for her newborn baby brother, but am just a little bit freaked out about taking care of an 8-year old!

[MrsD108]

I have a 3 girls at home that are 10, 10 & 8 so hopefully I can answer your questions.

What is a good bedtime? She will have to be at school at 8:00 in the morning. all 3 of mine have a 9pm bedtime during the school week and 11pm on the weekends.

What works for you, discipline-wise? Time out in the corner but when they fight with each other we make them sit on the sofa and hold hands.

What kind of stuff do you think she would enjoy doing in her free time? We have absolutely no 8-year old entertainment in our home. Everything we have is for toddlers and infants. My girls love Bratz (same department as Barbie), hand held games, the computer, movies, drawing & reading.

What kind of attention span should I be expecting? How long should she be willing to sit in one place and do one particular activity? (Assuming, of course, that she is an "average" child - I know this answer varies widely from child to child.) My girls will watch a 2 hour movie, do crafts for over an hour (they took about 45 minutes to glue gems to plain purses and they had a great time). I would say 30 minutes to 2 hours depending how well they enjoy what they are doing.

If there are any other questions I will try to help you.

[jay&erinn]

I can't speak from experience, but I have 2 8 year old neices and a 9 year old nephew.

They all go to bed around 9:00 pm during the week- the weekends vary.

Discipline- They loose TV time, activities, etc as punishments

Activities- Anything craft related, helping cook/bake, barbies/dolls, board games/puzzles

Attention- My neices really enjoy adult time now- they like for us to sit and play a game with them, or to help cook, etc. They will entertain themselves though for an hour or two at a time.

[IrishMeg]

Hi! I have a 7 year old and 9 year old stepdaughters, so I think I can answer some of your questions!

What is a good bedtime? She will have to be at school at 8:00 in the morning. I think it truly depends on the kid. One of my girls only needs about 10-11 hours of sleep. The other needs at least 12. During the school year, we are really strict about sleep. When school is out this week and they have no where they have to be for 12 weeks, we will loosen up about this. If either of them get too little sleep, they have awful days at school. They're bed time is somewhere between 7:30 and 8:00pm. They have to be up at 7:30am for school. Some people think that is too early but it has made an enormous difference in their grades and their behavior at school. We've been really pleased with our decision, to make bedtime earlier.

What works for you, discipline-wise? We do not believe in spanking. Occasionally, we do time out or "grounding" but they aren't the most effective forms of consequences. We like natural consequences. We've seen the most dramatic improvement in their choices when they realize they really don't want to deal with the natural consequences that come with making poor choices. For example, the oldest was not doing her classwork during classtime. In turn, her teacher sent it all home as makeup work. She would then spend 3-4 hours of her weekend completing the work that should have been done that week. We did this only twice before she realized that she was losing her weekend doing her classwork. We have not had this problem since.
What kind of stuff do you think she would enjoy doing in her free time? We have absolutely no 8-year old entertainment in our home. Everything we have is for toddlers and infants. The televisions are off the whole time the kids are here. Sometimes, we will rent a movie but not often. We have an art box with all kinds of supplies for them to use whenever they want. (Construction paper, stickers, markers, crayons, glue, coloring books, glitter etc.) They both have a lot of books and read, by choice, in their free time. They both have bikes and scooters. They have a lot of board games. They still both enjoy dolls, doll houses, and playing make believe. They love going places like the grocery store, post office, and to pay bills. They both jump at any chance to go "out and about." (That's what they call it!) Both girls love cemetaries, so we go on the weekends to read the gravestones! :o They play with our dogs in the back yard. They like to go to the dog park or regular park. All in all, it is a very easy age. I am really loving this stage.

What kind of attention span should I be expecting? How long should she be willing to sit in one place and do one particular activity? (Assuming, of course, that she is an "average" child - I know this answer varies widely from child to child.) I have no problems getting either child to play a game, play with the art box, or read a book. They will get bored outside sometimes but I think it is because it is hot and they can't go too far without adult supervision. Sidewalk chalk is your friend!!

I've noticed that both girls are very interested in what I do, what I think, and emmulate my behavior/actions. Like you, I am not their biological mother and I am relatively young, so they love to just sit and talk. While I read the newspaper, they will too. They play on the computer because I am always on here. They are really starting to figure out the kind of people they want to be. If they need clothes or shoes, I take them with me because they love to shop. If I'm shopping online, they help me pick stuff out. They are staring to form opinions about everything, so conversations are always lively. It really is so much fun.

I'm a Child Protection Professional, so I can totally understand where you are right now. I think it is great that you care enough to ask about all of this. You will be great!! PM me if you ever have more specific questions or anything. Good luck!

[IrishMeg]

FH e-mailed me this list of things the girls like to do. Hope it is helpful!

Go to the aquarium/zoo
Go to museums
Go to the mall
Go on picnics
Go to the beach
Go to the movies
Go to Humane Society/SPCA
Go grocery shopping
Go to the bank
Go out to lunch
Make lunch/dinner/cookies
Help Clean/organize around the house
Wash the car
Give the dogs a bath/shower
Draw/color/do crafts
Make cards for different holidays
Visit grandparents
Look at old pictures in family albums
Visit local attractions
Go to new restaurants to try new foods
Talk on the phone.
Write in their diaries
Ride bikes/scooters
Take the dogs for a walk

[tray622]

Not direct experience but we do help in raising my godson:

What is a good bedtime? She will have to be at school at 8:00 in the morning. I would start with say 8 and then from there you will see if she needs more or less. My godson needs sleep or he has some behavioral problems. He is in bed at 730.

What works for you, discipline-wise? For us we use time out or take something away. He will sit oon his desk chair or sit on his bed (not lay) for about 10 minutes.

What kind of stuff do you think she would enjoy doing in her free time? We have absolutely no 8-year old entertainment in our home. Everything we have is for toddlers and infants. Cant help with this one... my godson likes very "boy" things.

What kind of attention span should I be expecting? How long should she be willing to sit in one place and do one particular activity? (Assuming, of course, that she is an "average" child - I know this answer varies widely from child to child.) She should probably be able to sit and do her homework. For play, she will probably be able to color, use outside chalk, ride a bike or something for an hour. It just depends since I have met needier kids.

GOOD LUCK!! You are doing a fabulous thing and she is fortunate to be in your home with someone who cares about her.

[steph111397]

I have an 8 year old DD...

What is a good bedtime? She will have to be at school at 8:00 in the morning. DD leaves for school at 8:15, so I wake her up at 7:00. Her bedtime is 9:00, sometimes she doesn't fall asleep until 9:30 or 10 though.

What works for you, discipline-wise? For us, it depends on the "crime". She really is a well behaved child. So we don't have many instances of her being mean or disrespectful. The biggest problem we've had lately is her getting her work done in class. If it comes home with her with the "didn't use time wisely" note, she is "grounded" for that day - which right now, just means she isn't allowed to go out and play with her friends or watch TV. She has to get the work done as soon as she gets home from school and then entertain herself the rest of the afternoon/evening. It's been a couple of months now since she's brought class-time work home.

What kind of stuff do you think she would enjoy doing in her free time? We have absolutely no 8-year old entertainment in our home. Everything we have is for toddlers and infants. She LOVES doing craft things. Drawing, coloring, cutting, gluing, glittering, painting, folding...ANYTHING!! She has just about every kid craft kit available! lol. She also likes to read. She doesn't get on the computer very much - she goes through stages with that. And as far as TV or movies....that's just something she does out of boredom anyway, so, it's more of a "background" noise for her than anything else. Playing outside (when the weather allows) is her FAVORITE!!! She rides her bike and scooter. And when the weather isn't so nice outside, she will play in the garage - hoola hoop, sidewalk chalk, darts, basketball, etc...

OOOH! Also, I just saw a pp about writing in diaries - DD is just starting to get into this also! It's SO freaking cute!:D

What kind of attention span should I be expecting? How long should she be willing to sit in one place and do one particular activity? (Assuming, of course, that she is an "average" child - I know this answer varies widely from child to child.) I consider DD to be an "average" child - so, watching a movie (that she's never seen before) she should be able to sit through it. Doing her homework (staying "on task" and getting it done without me hovering over her). Reading a short chapter book. Other than that, there really isn't anything that will hold her attention for HOURS on end...except playing outside, of course!:p