Getting our dog to be comfortable around other dogs

[Lizzy]

My husband and I have a five year-old golden retriever. She is an awesome dog and is as sweet as can be. She loves to meet people but she is not very fond of other dogs. Other dogs seems to make her nervous- she will back away from them and bark aggressively, although she is too chicken to do anything else.

My brother in law may be coming to live with us for awhile, and his two year-old golden retriever would come with him. She is a sweet dog, but much more hyper than our mellow dog. The two dogs have met before, but with a predictable outcome- our dog barking a lot and acting uncomfortable around his dog. His dog doesn't seem to mind, she just wants to play.

What can we do to socialize our dog? We'd really like her to be more comfortable around other dogs, to play with them, etc. I was thinking about inviting my brother in law and his dog over this weekend so that the two dogs could spend some time together.

[Scooter]

I'd contact a trainer to get some specific tips for your situation. If your dog is 5, this has gone past just some shyness and become a habit. That is going to take more work to change. There are a lot of ways to socialize, but unless you have spoken with a trainer to identify what is going on for your dog, it's kind of trial and error with different techniques.

You could also try taking a class with your dog. If there is anxiety behind it, giving your dog a clear message that YOU are dominant also gives her the message that she's safe. In a class she can learn to focus on you & your commands, even with other dogs present, which should show some improvement in the anxiety. There are a big variety of classes, so it doesn't need to be general obedience, it can be a more fun class if you want.

One more thing I'd suggest is NOT having your BIL bring your dog to the house. If your dog is anxious about other dogs, having one come into her house might overwhelm her & turn on her protective response even more. And then it's going to be hard to get her to listen or to calm down. Can you meet at a neutral place, maybe go on a walk together or go sit ona park bench and talk or something?

[katiadarling]

I second talking to a trainer. At 5 years old, it most likely not just a, "oh, she's not comfortable, it'll be ok." kind of thing.

Does she calm down with other dogs after they've been together for a while?

What is her socialization history like with other dogs (did she get to meet lots of them as a puppy and was it a positive experience)? The primary period of socialization in dogs is before 4 months of age, that doesn't mean that they can't be worked with, but it's much easier if they've been introduced to things as wee ones.

My friends have a dog that my dogs dislike (intensely). Their dog is very active and very pushy, and my dogs are generally pretty mellow and laid back. She just doesn't read their signals and it really bothers them. So, we have to be really careful when we're hanging out and just sitting around that we both control our dogs. All of us really enjoy hiking though, so we frequently take them out on trails and they're fine when we're doing that. So, my point (sorry it took so long to get there!) is that maybe hiking would be less stressful for your pooch.

What is your reaction and body language when your dog is being approached by another dog? Dogs feed off of what you're telling them with your body, so I'd encourage you to be loose and happy and let her know that you're not worried.

Also, dogs on leash generally are more reactive to other dogs because their escape has been cut off, so they only have the fight reaction left (they have to stand and face what ever is freaking them out). It really helps to have a loose leash, or, if possible, you could have them meet some place fenced in (though probably not your backyard because that's "hers") and have her dragging a leash (so you can grab it if you need to) and the other dog on a held leash. Just let her be and get used to the other dog, reward her with praise and yummies when she behaves appropriately and don't pay any attention when she's barky (unless she's a danger to the other dog, in which case grab her leash).

A number of my co-workers have dogs that don't get along with other dogs in general, but do have dog buddies that they do well with (I work at a humane society), so maybe it's just a matter of working on it little by little. Sorry writing a novel, I deal a lot with problem behaviors and dog body language, so I have a lot to say! Hope some of this helps!

[katiadarling]

Oh! One more thing, (a little redundant, but I can't stress this enough) when she is reacting poorly and doing a behavior that you don't like, don't try to calm her down by saying in a sweet voice, "It's ok, don't worry. You're ok." Dogs don't understand the words, but only hear the tone of voice which is telling them that what they're doing is exactly what you want them to do. Instead, ignore the behavior and the minute that she offers something else, reward like mad! Let her know that quieting down, looking at you, sitting, whatever the good behavior is, is the BEST thing in the world to you. That way you reinforce the good behaviors and work to negate the bad ones by not reinforcing them.

[Scooter]

What is your reaction and body language when your dog is being approached by another dog? Dogs feed off of what you're telling them with your body, so I'd encourage you to be loose and happy and let her know that you're not worried.That is so true. I don't know about your experience with dogs, Lizzy, so I don't want to offend you by assuming anything. But I can share that when we go to the dog park there are certain owners who don't seem comfortable translating "dog language." So they'll bring a young dog who wants to play with another one, and they'll be overprotective, overworried, and misread the signs. They often think that signs of playing are "fighting" or dogs appropriately teaching younger dogs their place in teh pecking order is fighting. So they're kind of always on the defensive about the interactions. That is really confusing to a dog! I have seen it happen a lot with new owners or owners inexperienced with dog socializing.

The dogs definitely pick up on it--when my dog is nervous about a situation, she is reading my reactions. If I stay calm and in charge, she will relax--if you watch you see them checking your face & tone of voice frequently, just like little kids do. I can also use that same language to teach her what I think is inappropriate. If she's playing too rough with another dog, I'll push her down and away, like a bigger dog would do. She gets it right away, and goes back to play without doing that same thing again. A trainer can give you specific techniques like that to do with her to communicate what behavior you expect from her.

[Lizzy]

One more thing I'd suggest is NOT having your BIL bring your dog to the house.

I was wondering if someone would say that! Thanks for the advice, I wasn't sure that it would be such a good idea.

Does she calm down with other dogs after they've been together for a while? What is her socialization history like with other dogs (did she get to meet lots of them as a puppy and was it a positive experience)?

She does calm down, but you can tell that she's not really relaxed/still kind of nervous. She really didn't meet any other dogs as a puppy. There just weren't any other dogs around, and unfortunately we never really thought of it.


What is your reaction and body language when your dog is being approached by another dog? Dogs feed off of what you're telling them with your body, so I'd encourage you to be loose and happy and let her know that you're not worried.

We are definitely very calm. We certainly don't mind meeting new dogs, but she hasn't picked up on that behavoir unfortunately.

katiadarling, thanks for all the advice! Going on a hike with my BIL's dog is a great idea.

Scooter, thank you for your advice! I'm definitely not offended. I love the input, as I really want to work through this and habe her feel more comfortable around other dogs.