How can I convince him we are ready for a dog?

[newsjunkie]

I have wanted a dog my whole life but family allergies wouldn't allow it. I now have two wonderful cats and am living in a house with my fiance and I feel like we are ready to get a dog. He has never had one, either, and definitely wants one but says he isn't "ready". ??? I guess he wants to get used to living together but I want a dog so bad. I feel like a little kid! Any suggestions? I have a feeling most of you will say just wait it out but I had to ask just in case someone came up with something helpful!

Just joined the site today and it is a really great one! :)

[jnettie]

All you have to do is go to an animal shelter with him just to "look." I garantee you'll get a dog in a week's time! ;)

[alisong]

You could always do what my DH did, and just go get one. :rolleyes: He figured (correctly, I guess) that it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

Of course I don't recommend that route. Does your FH have any specific objections to dog ownership? Does he know when he might be "ready"?

[Sposa06]

If neither of you has had a dog before, maybe he'd feel more comfortable if you did dog-sitting for a friend or family member away on vacation or something.

[j*east]

I was the one who wasn't ready, for 2 years after moving in together, and I grew up with dogs and love dogs...I just didn't know that I wanted the commitment and lifestyle changes. Here's what helped convince me:

1. We visited the shelter several times over 2 years and waited to find a dog that we both *loved*. DH was very clear about saying that we wouldn't get a dog unless we both loved it. (He volunteered at the shelter and saw a lot of dogs...he said the test was if we were both still thinking about a dog a few days later, that was the one for us.)

2. We got married first. That really helped me b/c honestly, getting ready to get married was a big deal and I couldn't have added dog responsibilities on top of it.

3. We had an honest talk about our expectations before we got the dog. I told DH that I was willing to help walk and feed it, but he was responsible for vet visits (and there are several in the beginning) and other bigger stuff. That's eased up over time, but it helped me adjust that in the beginning he did more work.

4. We dog-sat, a few times for a friend's dog who we both loved, and once for a dog that had zero personality (I'm sorry to say). That helped me figure out more about what I wanted in a dog.

5. Finally, we talked about what kind...it was important that we rescue a dog, but we didn't really care about breed. We wanted a small-ish dog for our apartment, but not too small. We wanted a younger dog, but not a puppy as they are a ton of work. (So are older dogs, but not quite so much.) We wanted a smarter, trainable dog. DH knew how to work with dogs from the shelter to see if they could take direction, pay attention, etc.

6. Oops, there's still more...we read books about training and DH really impressed me with how much he knew. We also set ground rules... I didn't want the dog sleeping with us or allowed up on the furniture. Your FH (I think?) may have some concerns like "What if the dog jumps on me?" or "What if the dog barks all night?" or whatever. Be ready with answers, and encourage him to share his fears.

Hope that helps! It was obviously a long process for us, but now we have a great dog and are very happy. So yes, you have to wait, but there are things you can do meanwhile to help things along. :) Good luck!

[mlfallis]

Like others have said, visiting a resuce almost always gets someone the pet they want. Also if he isn't ready, maybe you could begin dog walking for the shelter to get your dog fix.

Other than that I can't really help too much, we got 2 cats and 2 x-large size dogs in under 2 years, so I didn't have to do much conviencing ;)

[fuzzy]

I second everything j*east said.

I have wanted a dog my whole life but family allergies wouldn't allow it.

I will suggest this -- get an older [read: calmer] dog who has had some basic obedience. I've had dogs my entire life, always older rescues with "issues", I have four cats, I have a horse and do some light training -- in other words I consider myself an animal person.

Nothing, I mean nothing prepared us for Hurricane Daisy. She was my first puppy. Yes, she was abused and had more issues than the U.N. But, gawd, I swear my husband -- who is also an animal person -- and I nearly divorced because of that dog (ok, that's an exaggeration).

Heck, if you want, you could borrow her for the weekend! I'd bet dollars to donuts your FH would say "See, I told you so!" :p (I'm just kidding, of course)

[TazLuv]

Everyone has given you great advice just make sure you're truly ready especially if you get a puppy. They're like a child, really they require that much time and dedication. Find a cute one, he'll fall in love in no time! ;)

[jcharley]

Everyone has some very good advice. I would definitely reccommend doing some research into different breeds, and see what type of dog fits you personality and lifestyle needs. Then when you look at mixes at a shelter, you still have some idea of what you are getting into. And a word of caution about rescues: Rescuing dogs is great, and I am all for it. However, especially if you are not people who have had a dog, be a little cautious about getting an older dog that you have no history on. I say this because my sister and her husband, neither of who had really had a dog before, rescued a medium sized dog, that seemed very calm, gentle, and easy to get along with. After about 3 months, it started getting very possesive of my BIL, and began growling at my sister, and actually jumped at her and tried to bite her, all for no reason. This was not a breed of dog that has a tendency to be aggressive, but somehow something in its past reared its ugly head, and they ended up having to return him to the rescue place. Not to scare you off, but people who have never had dogs have a harder time reading warning signals on a dog that might have problems.
So, do some research, read some books on dog behavior, and be pepared to go to some dog classes to learn how to communicate with your dog. Starting with a smaller type dog, maybe 6 months to a year old may be a good place to start. That way you are past some of the prime wild puppy behavior, and the dog won't be too strong for you too control.
Just some things to consider!! But I'd keep working on him- everyone deserves a dog:-)

[Tonysweetie]

I know how you feel. We adopted our kitty Max shortly after we got married. Then for months I wanted another kitten for a companion for Max. It took me 8 months to convience DH we were ready fora nother. We just got her today actually. All I did was take him to the SPCA and that was that. Good Luck!

[newsjunkie]

Wow, thank you all for the great advice! Sadly, we HAVE visited a number of shelter dogs. I could have easily gone home with several of them. I'm glad my FH has a cooler head about these things as I would soon be overrun with the number of pets I fell in love with. :)

Very good idea about borrowing someone's dog for a weekend. We have a friend with an elderly cocker spaniel and it might work out to have him come over to get us used to having a dog and to introduce my cats to a dog as they have never met one.

As for breeds I am in love with golden retrievers. Absolutely love everything about them. We do not have a fenced yard, though, and with our wedding and honeymoon coming up in October don't really have the funds for one. I have checked with the local rescue groups and they said that an electric fence would be OK as long as the dog was supervised when he was outside which is something we had planned to do anyway. We love love love animals and this dog will be loved to bits! :) We have no intention of letting him outside without us to play with.

And no puppies here... We both work all day and it isn't really fair to the puppy, not to mention it would almost certainly have an accident being alone for such a long time.

I have been researching breeds and visiting shelters and PetSmarts on Saturdays to see rescue dogs. I know having a dog is a lot tougher than having cats so I definitely want to make the right choice!

[jbenny75]

Sounds like you're off to a great start at being a responsible pet owner. I just want you to keep in mind, though, that even an older dog will need time and training. He will need to learn the rules and routines of your house- where he's supposed to go to go outside, what are his toys vs. your shoes, etc. I've done some rescue work and I've seen people sometimes adopt an older dog and expect it to be the ready-made perfectly trained dog. I'm not saying that you would, but just something to keep in mind.

[jennylou]

Wait, wait, wait until you get that fence. It'll be sooooooooooooo much easier on you. Not that you still shouldn't walk your dog, but there's nothing like being able to open the door in the middle of the night and let him out, instead of getting your shoes on (and coat if you need one) and walking him. I know you said funds are tight because of the upcoming wedding, and that's your priority right now (which is fine), but I really think dog ownership will be much better if you wait for a fence. Plus, those first couple vet visits can be hard on the wallet as well. I got Otis from the pound and first we had to take him to the vet to get an all clear. That was over $300! Then, there was obedience classes...another $275. Then we had him fixed...I think that was around $200 as well (he's a moose of a dog and the bigger dogs cost more).

I love Golden's too - and it'll be my next dog. :)

[jbenny75]

jennylou makes a great point about the cost of a dog. And it is MUCH easier to have a fence.

[TazLuv]

I TOTALLY agree it is easier with a fence - we wouldn't have our Molly without one.

[Kanga]

I definitely agree with the fence. Here's a breed to look into, although they usually aren't in shelters as they're not too common, but you can get one from a rescue.

keeshond (http://www.akc.org/images/breeds/keeshond/lg_artwork.jpg)

They're great for first time dog owners IMO. Super affectionate.

[imagirliegirl]

I was sort of in the opposite situation. My roommate wanted a dog and I didn't. He tried and tried to convince me. So a friend went out of town for the weekend and asked me to dog sit. This dog crapped and peed all over my house. And by the end of the weekend my roommate didn't want a dog anymore.

I strongly suggest doing a trial run with someone else's dog first. Get a taste of what you might be in for before you commit. I know you've always wanted a dog but they can be a real pain in the ass if you don't know what you're doing with them. Even if you do know what you are doing they can be a pain.

If you really want one no matter what, I second the shelter idea. Get an older dog that already knows how to behave. Puppies require a lot of work and time. Maybe your FH just doesn't want to deal with it. That was always my issue. I don't want to have to train a dog. My cats pooped in the box the first time I put them in it. :)

[fuzzy]

Let me know if you have any question about the electric/invisible fence. We have one and it was a life saver. I love it and would recommend one to anyone. :)

[TazLuv]

fuzzy, can I ask what kind of dog you have? I've considered one for my beagle but they're so nose driven I'm not sure it would work with her. TIA!

[fuzzy]

Sure!

She's registered Super Mutt. :p Or, if you want to be technical about it, a lab mix. Somedays, she loks very much like a lab, other days a basenji, sometimes a greyhound...she's part hound of some sort -- I'm convinced of that.

She has a VERY, VERY, VERY high prey drive. Which is why we got the fence. We live on 19 acres in the country and are 400 yards away from the closest road. I never thought we'd have an issue, but once she picked up a scent, she was gone. No amount of calling, begging, pleading...nothing would stop her. She chased deer, rabbits, beavers, otters, muskrats, turkeys, other birds, butterflies, cats, other dogs...you name it, she chased it.

I was *not* happy about the fence. I don't believe in negative punishment as a means to train your pets. But, we couldn't afford to fence in acres upon acres of land and aesthetically, I wasn't what we wanted. I mean we moved to the country to enjoy open spaces -- the last thing I wanted was to close things in!

We went with the invisible fence company for two reasons: 1) she was abused and part of the training requires you to walk the dog up to the fence to feel the "correction" (the company's euphemism for the shock :-) ) -- we worked fo hard with her to gain trust that I didn't want to be the one doing this to her. The IF people do the training for you (partly) so...; and more importantly, 2) because of her high prey drive I said there was no way in hell this fence would work, they offered a 100% money back guarantee. I thought it'd be fun to tell someone "I told you so!" ;)

It took a while. As in, probably four month-ish of training, trial and error (there's different "levels" of "corrections" you can give and different types of warning signals to give to the dog) before I was 100% confident that she wouldn't break the barrier. But, yeah, its been over a year and she hasn't broken through. The deer, turkeys and geese know exactly where her border is and stand on the other side. She goes ballisitic, barking and snarling like mad, but never ever crosses the border.

In fact, our biggest problem was that we couldn't take her for walks because she absolutely would NOT go near her border, even if we carried her or walked iwth her. We actually had to drive her across the coundry line to get her off our property. She's just now figured out that her collar is the key component and if she has that off, then she can safetly get across.

I love this fence. Its made her life so much safer, yet doesn't take away her freedom. Its made a huger difference in our lives. Honestly, if I wasn't worried about other people and/or creatures (she got in a fight with a muskrat last year...and lost) coming into her "area", I'd leave her outside on days with nice weather and not worry a bit.

[TazLuv]

Wow, thanks fuzzy!

[bird_feet]

Have you ever thought about working with a local rescue and fostering a dog or two? You'd get to spend some time with a dog and if you happen to find one you'd like to adopt you have a good chance of keeping him or her.