Sticky situation....WWYD??

[chloechloe]

Okay my MIL is good to DD but I haven't let her babysit at her house. It not at all baby proofed (open stairs, tiny knick knacks and no covers on the outlets to name a few) She also has a big dog that is her baby. She believes that this dog would NEVER bite (although she did snap at DD when she accidentially stepped on her tail). If the dog could be separated or VERY closely watched it would make me feel better. AND my MIL lets DD put her dogs chew toys in her mouth, I think it is gross, but MIL thinks the dogs mouth is very clean. How would you deal with this situation?

[Asha]

i am not a mom yet, but i wouldn't let my future children be babysat in a home that wasn't baby proofed.

[cr8zyforaf]

I would tell her your concerns and express that unless she changed things while the baby was there - she wouldn't be babysitting. And letting the baby chew on dog toys - that is just gross.

[bluebunny]

My mom's house isn't baby-proofed either but she has set up my old room as a playroom/nursery for DS so that he has a baby-proof place to play when he's there. She also has a dog and keeps a vigilant watch on him around DS. Is there a room in your MIL's house that could be baby-proofed? Can she put the dog in another room while your DD is there? I definitely think there's room for compromise here. I would talk to your DH and see if he can convince his mom that some changes need to be made in order for you both to feel comfortable leaving DD in her care at her house.

[Winter Biscuit]

I agree that there's room for compromise. Have you discussed any of your concerns re: the babyproofing with your MIL? It's possible she just hasn't even thought about it yet, and would be more than happy to babyproof if you gently remind her. You could always tell her that you'd hate to see some of her knick knacks get broken or disappear if DD got her hands on them, so could she please temporarily put them in another location when DD is over there? Maybe if you come across as showing concern for her property as well as DD's safety, it will sink in better?

I personally wouldn't be comfortable with my DD around a big dog at that young an age, especially one that has already snapped at her. It's so easy for a young child to grab a dog the wrong way, or step on their tail, or pull their tail, etc. without intending to harm the dog. They just don't know any better, and you really can't blame the dog for wanting to snap at someone that was harassing him, intentional or not. If I were in this situation, I would ask my MIL to put a gate up or somehow keep the child and dog separate until the child was older and could be taught how to properly handle being around a dog.

And letting DD put the dog's toys in her mouth is disgusting, IMO. I've seen plenty of dogs lick their butts. I personally wouldn't let my DD suck on a dog's toy, no matter how clean the owner insisted it was. If you dont' want your DD putting those toys in your mouth, your MIL should absolutely respect that. Hopefully your DH is willing to talk to MIL and work out a compromise.

[BeachBum]

From your post it is unclear if these are just concerns, or if you've talked to your MIL about them and she is unwilling to change.
Those are two really different scenerios IMO.
I think your first step is to talk with MIL about your concerns if you haven't already.
I think bluebunny has some great level headed advice.
Good luck!

[BusyBee]

No, no, no. I would not leave my baby with the dog in her house. If they are separated, are you sure she would not let the dog (her baby) out after you left? It only takes a second for something bad to happen. She did snap at your DD already. Could the dog get jealous? or overly affectionate or just curious. Or irritated by a child.

My parents have a little dog who is very affectionate, and can be quite aggressive. We do not take DD over there except for holidays. And then the dog is locked downstairs the whole time, no exceptions, no "visits". My mom was disappointed in the beginning, she thought the dog could get used to the baby. But now she agrees, and she's very happy to come to our house to babysit DD.

The lack of babyproofing is a lesser problem. Not everything is necessary, since she'll be watched all the time, but at least a gate at the stairs for a mobile baby.

Sharing the dog's toys - gross!

[Scooter]

Your MIL is right that dogs' mouths are cleaner than people's mouths, but that doesn't mean the chew toys are clean. What happens when something is wet and slobbery and sitting on the floor? Bacteria, dust & dirt just from being on the floor get on it. And it's a very good rule of thumb to always closely watch a dog with a baby around, even if it's a dog being raised with the child, but especially if the baby's a visitor. If this is a small creature coming into the dog's house, the dog can perceive the baby as a threat or get jealous, just like if a new dog visited the house. You just never know, even with the sweetest dog, and I'd be as concerned about that as the open stairs, personally.

[Kanga]

I wouldn't unless she agreed to change afew things. Dogs mouths are cleaner than humans, and I'm a dog lover but it's still gross. And like Winter biscuit said most dogs like their butts, cary around dead prey, eat poop, etc. I wouldn't be comfortabe with the dog around her either. A meet and greet would be fine with MIL holding the dog and you your baby to make sure neither irritate the other, but after that, the dog needs to go to a different room. Every dog we've had has been 'my baby' but when young children are over (crawling to about 3 or so) all but one go to a different area of the house. The one we didn't I trust around young kids, because she could care less if you take food from her, pull her tail, ears, fur whatever. When she's had enough, she goes to her crate on her own.

[Sophia]

If the dog has already snapped at your daughter, it's a sign the dog doesn't see the baby as above it in the pack order, and it needs to before you can trust it around your baby. All human family members are ABOVE the dog in the pack, period. Even with a dog you trust, you should never leave the baby and dog together unattended. Cesar Millan/"The Dog Whisperer" had an episode addressing how to get a dog to recognize a baby as higher in the pack.

Dog saliva is sterile, but that doesn't mean a dog's mouth is (they can get infections, too, and several people have already mentioned various icky habits many dogs have), and it certainly doesn't mean that a toy moist with dog spit that has been sitting around is free from bacteria colonies and whatnot. That falls under gross to me, and I'm not a germaphobe.

The stairs are a big concern, but can be easily remedied, as can the knickknacks and outlets, either by babyproofing the entire house or by confining the baby to smaller babyproofed areas.

I'd have DH talk to him mom--these sorts of discussions usually go better if the person is hearing it from his/her own child instead of a DIL/SIL.