Locating a Child Support Dodger

[amwilson615]

Just a question to look for ideas. My daughter's father is a loser, and refuses to provide the court system with his current address; thereby, making it virtually impossible for them to "serve" his with notices and other important documents. In the meantime, I have major financial problems and only want what's fair to raise my daughter. I have tried looking for his information on zabasearch and stuff like that, but to no avail. Any of you out there have any suggestions or ideas on how to obtain the information that he refuses to provide?????????????????????????????

[Sherb]

Let me first do a CYA for myself and state that I cannot and am not giving you any legal advice.

One option in my state is something called personal service. If you know where he works, hangs out, lives (but don't know the address), you may be able to get a friend to serve him with the papers. Also in my state you might be able to get service by certified mail. Bottom line: check with an attorney. If you do not have money for an attorney, please contact your local children's services/dhr/ social agency, DA's office, or the local legal services office and see if they can help you.

[Sherb]

Legal Aid of WV (http://www.lawv.net) - you can find your local legal services office here. HTH and good luck.

[amwilson615]

Thanks!

I do have a lawyer, and I am also working with the WVBCSE (West Virginia Bureau for Child Support Enforcement). My worker with the BCSE is dragging her feet, so I thought I would try to find it myself. I know the company he works for, as well as the general area in which he lives. I submitted documents for a review of our child support order, as well as a modification in December, and, as of yet, there is no hearing date set. When I called the worker, she said, she's shooting for an August hearing IF we can get him served. WTF? Will my bills just evaporate.

Just frustrated. But thanks so much for the help. :)

[Sherb]

Once again, not giving legal advice but a place to look for rules on service and child support would be the WV constitution and code. Google is your friend. :D

Service would probably be found under a search for Civil Procedure. Child Support may be found under Domestic Relations or Family law or something like that.

I really think that there should be other options to serve him than at his home address. Talk to your lawyer and bug the Child Support Enforcement people. They know this stuff.

[DiscoDiva]

I can't help, but your daughter is beautiful!!

[amwilson615]

Thanks much, Sherb! You have renewed my motivation and given me some avenues to direct some positive energy. I appreciate it!

And, thanks to you DiscoDiva, I think she is the next Halle Berry myself. ;) I think I am somewhat partial, however. She is a carbon copy of her father. He and I broke up when I was 7 months pregnant (after 7 years together), and she is now 3.5 years old. It's amazing how fast the time goes by. Anyway, thanks for the compliment on my little girl--Avery Beatrice.:D

[Kanga]

Can't they track him down by his credit card (see which address the bills are going to? Is the company he works for is not able to give out his address? Can you seve him at work?

[kris97]

You may also be able to hire a private investigator to find him. They'll be able to scour public records like driver's license records, etc., and may be able to find out his address. Good luck!

[amwilson615]

Chad and Liz:
To my knowledge, he doesn't have any credit cards, but that's a good idea. Yes, his company is allowed to give that information, I think the problem lies more in the fact that the child support workers are all overworked, underpaid, and undermotivated, so, I've been trying to do it on my own and just give the info to the WVBCSE. Also, he is a pharmaceutical rep, and it's my understanding that he doesn't have an office, but rather works out of his car. I don't know, I've thought about that option also. Thanks for the input!

Kris97:
That's also another option, however, I don't know how I would ever afford it. Also, I guess I should say that he has various family members, and a girlfriend who all live in the same area as him. He usually gives those addresses as his, even though he neither lives there, nor visits them often. This makes him less trackable from the public records viewpoint. And, makes this whole situation even more frustrating. Not to mention, that our custody/visitation agreement clearly states that each parent has the absolute right to know the other's physical address at all times--and any change in such is supposed to be reported to the other parent, as well as the courts within 24 hours of a move. He completely ignores the order............................:mad:

My dislike of him just grows and grows and grows. I cannot believe I have a child with this man.

[Kanga]

Also, he is a pharmaceutical rep, and it's my understanding that he doesn't have an office, but rather works out of his car.

Maybe one of the people you're working with or a PI can track him down by the address on his title or maybe insurance. Do you have his ss #? I don't know if you can legally do this, but maybe pulling up his credit report? That should have all kinds of ways to find his address (or maybe it's on the report itself)

I hope you get your money and soon at that.

I think the problem lies more in the fact that the child support workers are all overworked, underpaid, and undermotivated,

You are so right. The social workers definately deserve to paid much much much better.

[amwilson615]

Chad and Liz GREAT idea!!! I DO have his ssn and all that other pertinent info!!!! The legal aspect is a problem, but I will weigh that--I mean, I don't plan on doing identity theft, and I don't particularly care about anything other than his address, so he can be served. Oh, good idea. Thanks a million. :D

[tbell]

I can't speak for anyone at WVBCSE but I work for NC CSE and locating non-custodial parents is a huge issue. We can only utilize so many avenues and many people are careful not to leave a trail behind them. Your worker should (and I say this only because we can, but again, not sure about WV) be able to obtain his credit report to locate an address. They should be able to use most types of public service information and search the DMV records, but many people don't update their license or title addresses. Plus, he might be driving a company car. Our office usually only uses private process servers as last resorts because it costs a lot of money and sadly, our office isn't allotted a huge budget to begin with. He can be served by certified mail as long as someone signs for it; same as having the sheriff/police serve him with papers. As long as an adult of reasonable age accepts service, it doesn't matter if he's personally served or not. I hope your worker is doing everything she can to help you with this!

I think the problem lies more in the fact that the child support workers are all overworked, underpaid, and undermotivated

Overworked and underpaid, for sure. Undermotivated, maybe. Sometimes workers do all they can within the scope that is allowed to them and people are still extremely hard to locate. Not trying to defend your worker, just sticking up for the profession! :D

[amwilson615]

OMG--CS Dodger lives in North Carolina!! How funny that you work for NC CSE. lol. I am just in shock that a CSE worker from NC responded to my post, when that's where my "loser" lives. lol.

At this point, I'm thinking the credit report is gonna be the only viable option for locating his current address. I know that he has not left a good paper trail, and that he hasn't had his license and such updated. And, you are correct, he is driving a company car, to boot. That is another thing that makes me heated. He gets to drive around in a brand new car equipped with GPS, Northstar, and all this other stuff as part of his job, and STILL won't financially support his daughter. I just want to burst into tears a lot of the time. (Sorry for the little outburst :rolleyes: )

As far as serving him, the family court judge in our county will only allow things to be served to the individual in the notice/summons, whatever. As a matter of fact, for one hearing that "loser" didn't show up for, his bro (duh, he gave his bro's address to the court) signed for the notice of hearing, so when loser didn't show up, the judge said that, legally, the court could not prove that he had notice since he hadn't signed for it, and that no action could be taken. I was so steamed, as I had my stuff in order, took a day off work, and everything to be there, and I knew full well (and judge did too, as loser had called the court to say he wouldn't be there) that he had knowledge of the hearing whether he signed or not. Thus, loser has to be served in person and be the one to do the signing, or a modification hearing is a no go. So, in essence, I am being jerked around while loser lives a life of luxury and, conveniently, can NEVER be reached to be served. And, his family, of course, sees nothing wrong with this. All the while, ALL of them are constantly demanding visitation and such. :mad: :mad: :mad:

I think I am going to call and check on the status, now that I am fired up about it.

Overworked and underpaid, for sure. Undermotivated, maybe. Sometimes workers do all they can within the scope that is allowed to them and people are still extremely hard to locate. Not trying to defend your worker, just sticking up for the profession!

Sorry, if that was offensive. I agree with you 100%. I was trying to show that I didn't blame my worker, guess it didn't come out right. I meant undermotivated in the sense that you stated it--only so many resources, overload of cases, frustration, etc. Hope you're having a nice day in the trenches of CSE. ;)

[amwilson615]

Just an aside. I know that he lives somewhere near Hickory/Morganton area. On zabasearch, I found an address and phone number in the name of his girlfriend in Drexel (which is around Hickory/Morganton), so I was sure that was it. I tried to call the number, but it was disconnected.

His family and girlfriend live in Charlotte, by the way.

[tbell]

Sorry, if that was offensive. I agree with you 100%. I was trying to show that I didn't blame my worker, guess it didn't come out right. I meant undermotivated in the sense that you stated it--only so many resources, overload of cases, frustration, etc. Hope you're having a nice day in the trenches of CSE.

No offense taken!:D There are many CSE workers that are unmotivated, just as there are in any other profession, which makes it harder for the custodial parent.

Is your case handled as an interstate case (the order originated in WV but they are relying on NC to enforce)? If that's the case, then it could take a longer time to get some kind of progress since you're dealing with two states. I've done interstate work and it's a real PITA because it's not like the WV worker can just call the sheriff for updates. She has to rely on the NC worker, who has to rely on the sheriff, etc. Their timeframes are a lot longer than regular instate timeframes.

I wish I could be of some help since he lives in NC, but I don't handle interstate anymore. If I can be of some general assistance, let me know! Good luck!:)

[amwilson615]

Is your case handled as an interstate case (the order originated in WV but they are relying on NC to enforce)?

Yes, unfortunately. And, I completely understand the time frame being longer and all of that. The real thing that ticks me off, is that my DD's father could EASILY step up to the plate, but he won't. All the red tape and interstate stuff is a PITA for everyone, I suppose. Argh. All the while, I am forking over half my paycheck for daycare and the rest of it for household stuff. :( Another reason I get so upset about the time frame thing, is because the CSE agent with whom I speak told me that they will backdate any order that the court hands down to the first day of the month when he is served. SERVED????? SERVED??????? He's had the means to pay more support since mid-2005, and they can only backdate till when he was SERVED????? WTF???? I think they should backdate to when he got the job (which he failed to report, failed to report change of address, failed to report change in income, etc etc etc) and had the ability to contribute more financially. Argh.

[Neen]

I'm really sorry your daughter's father is such a putz. I had to deal with the same thing with my DD's father so I know how you feel. I finally gave up and just decided it wasn't worth the fight anymore. Last time I talked to him, DD was about 5 (she's 16 now). Yes, the extra $$ would have been great, but the stress it put on me and her wasn't worth it any more. I feel we (DD and I) are lucky because I met a wonderful man who has adopted her (she was 14) and it's great to think that her life is now complete with 2 parents who love her no matter what!

Good luck in your fight and stay strong!!

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don't have any real advice. Hopefully they can track him down soon and once he is served you can look into charging him with all of the other agreements that he broke.

I just can't believe that some people can be such dead beats. Why would you not want to provide your children with the absolute best that you can give them? I can only imagine your frustration. I would stalk him myself if I had the resources.

I know that when my aunt was going through her divorce and custody battle her exH was trying to dodge child support as well by working under the table. She was able to show their joint banking statements of deposits and tell the judge with out him being there and they readjusted his child support.

[amwilson615]

Thanks, ladies! Your comments and support are greatly appreciated. :)

Neen--I have often said that were it not for some future pain (for Avery) of "being rejected," that I wish her father would just butt out of our lives forever. I think he derives some sort of pleasure from bothering me in any way he can. Anyway, my point is that I would be PERFECTLY fine with him being out of my life for good; however, he believes that he is a great father because he calls DD every day and visits with her once every few months. I sincerely want my FH to be able to adopt her, but sperm-donor would NEVER give up parental rights simply for the "possession/control" trip it gives him. He and his family are all about demanding to see her, talk to her, know everything about her at every moment, etc.--yet, they seem to ignore the fact that part of being a parent is financial support, as well as more than a sporadic physical presence in her life.

Aaaah well, the battle rages on.

[colleenjoy]

no advice for you, but wanted to sympathise. and to let you know that even though it may take time you will get your support.

my father,i hate to even call him that, how about sperm donor (SD)? anyway SD never paid child support to my mom, even though it was in their divorce, he just never paid it. when my mom finally demanded he start paying he refused. a lengthy court battle later and the courts started taking out of his paycheck prior to him getting paid.

so what does SD do? starts working under the table so he doesn't have any record of him being employed, nice huh? you can only do that for so long, so everytime he got a "legal" job mom got a support check.

they divored when i was 1, the court process started when i was in junior high, we started getting checks when i was in highschool and she was still getting support checks sporadically up until a few years ago (I'm 34 now). it gave me a sick little thrill everytime she got a check knowing that if he had just paid when he was supposed to it would habe been over years ago .

so the moral of the story is it may take a while, but you will get what you deserve. and better yet so will he ;)

good luck, you have a beautiful daughter.

Colleen

[amwilson615]

Thanks, Colleen!

As with a lot of things where SD is concerned, I stay sane by remembering that "what goes around comes around."

I, too, had a father that did the same types of things as yours--sorry for your pain. I have forgiven my father, and we have a wonderful relationship now. He has come a long way in realizing/owning up to the err of his ways, and he is absolutely FABULOUS with DD. It is so nice to see her having a relationship with her PapPap--and it has helped me and my father to become closer and come to peace with our past, as well. My mother is also now receiving over $40k of back childsupport now, so that is good for her. Better late than never, I suppose.

Thank you for your response and sharing your experience!

[Twylla]

I know this may not necessarily be ethical, but could you refuse to allow him to speak with your daughter or have his family visit with her until he starts paying? As in, if he won't step up with the bucks to be a parent, then he doesn't get DD's time either? I know this steps on all sorts of possible pain for your beautiful little girl, but maybe this would be enough to at least get his address?

I'm so sorry you're going through this!

[amwilson615]

Thanks, Twylla, for your thoughts and for taking the time to type them out.

As far as your suggestion goes, there is nothing I would like more than to take that route. There I a few reasons why I don't. First and foremost, the courts separate the two issues, and I will not give SD ANY ammunition to use against me, ever, no matter how justifiable my actions. He, nor his family, will NEVER NEVER NEVER be able to truthfully tell a soul (specifically, DD) that I in any way kept him away from his daughter. Plus, I don't want to violate our custody/visitation order. I want my history of adherence (sp?) to the court order to be impeccable. As far as the pain for Avery (thanks, for the "beautiful" compliment, by the way), I dont think it would hurt her until later in life, Heaven forbid, if she ever got converted to her father's way of thinking that I kept them apart, blah blah blah. She does not want to go visit him, she rarely talks to him when he calls (which he chides her for, and acts like a 3.5 year old is supposed to want to talk to him EVERY single day :rolleyes: ), she has not been around, and is therefore, scared of his family, and she does not get appropriate care/stimulation when she is around them. So, for any painful effects for her in the current time frame, there won't be any, cause he's not an integral part of her (and I mean her) world/thought process. KWIM? My fear is for her to someday believe his lies and resent me--which as I said above is another reason I don't act on my first instinct.

gotta love the complexities of it all.........................:( :rolleyes:

[amwilson615]

Just got off the phone with my Child Support worker, and she told me that she was able to get a verified address for SD in North Carolina (that is not one of the previous ones that I knew he had been using). She has forwarded the paperwork and stuff down to the Sheriff's Department in his county, and is just waiting to hear back whenever he is served. Yayay! Good news for Amanda!!!!!:D

On another note, since our custody/visitation order specifically states that each parent has the right to know the other's physical address, I am considering denying all visitation until he provides that information--what does anyone think? My main reasoning is because IF (God forbid) he would refuse to return her from a visit, I want to have a valid starting point for a search to locate her. Oh, my stomach is sick even thinking about this possibility--but, that's just what it is, a possibility: must live in reality afterall. Any thoughts?

ETA: After re-reading my post, I just want to clarify that the CS worker did not give me his address or even let me know what town it is in. The only info she gave me was that she had gotten a verified address for him that was different than the previously-known ones that I had provided her with. I don't want anyone to think that anything unethical or in violation of privacy rights occurred.

[Kanga]

I don't blame you one bit for w/holding visitation, especially since she isn't comfortable with him. Just make sure you make it known to him that that is your reason. CYA as well and make sure you at least have a witness hear you say it to him (I assume your only contact is by phone?) or even better, record your conversation with him. I wouldn't tell him the reason for wanting his address tho (don't want to give him any ideas), just say that it's on the order of visitation.

[tbell]

Thanks, Twylla, for your thoughts and for taking the time to type them out.

As far as your suggestion goes, there is nothing I would like more than to take that route. There I a few reasons why I don't. First and foremost, the courts separate the two issues, and I will not give SD ANY ammunition to use against me, ever, no matter how justifiable my actions. He, nor his family, will NEVER NEVER NEVER be able to truthfully tell a soul (specifically, DD) that I in any way kept him away from his daughter. Plus, I don't want to violate our custody/visitation order. I want my history of adherence (sp?) to the court order to be impeccable. As far as the pain for Avery (thanks, for the "beautiful" compliment, by the way), I dont think it would hurt her until later in life, Heaven forbid, if she ever got converted to her father's way of thinking that I kept them apart, blah blah blah. She does not want to go visit him, she rarely talks to him when he calls (which he chides her for, and acts like a 3.5 year old is supposed to want to talk to him EVERY single day :rolleyes: ), she has not been around, and is therefore, scared of his family, and she does not get appropriate care/stimulation when she is around them. So, for any painful effects for her in the current time frame, there won't be any, cause he's not an integral part of her (and I mean her) world/thought process. KWIM? My fear is for her to someday believe his lies and resent me--which as I said above is another reason I don't act on my first instinct.


This is a really smart way to think. The courts, as unfair as it may be, generally don't approve of withholding visitation b/c of child support issues. You're right that they are two very separate issues and I think your daughter will thank you for not making any decisions for her. In my experience in my job, the kids whose parents let them make the decisions about seeing a non-custodial parent see that parent for what they are worth and appreciate that the choice was theirs (if that makes any sense.)

I'm so glad they have an address for him and are working on getting him served. Hoping the Mecklenburg Co. sheriff works quickly!!!:D

[Twylla]

[QUOTE=amwilson615]I will not give SD ANY ammunition to use against me, ever, no matter how justifiable my actions. He, nor his family, will NEVER NEVER NEVER be able to truthfully tell a soul (specifically, DD) that I in any way kept him away from his daughter. [QUOTE]

That makes perfect sense to me. I'm sory he's such a jerk to your daughter, I wish he would at least treat her well, even if he's going to be an a$$ about everything else.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to contact your local PD and ask if it's legal for you to keep her from him since you don't have his address. sort of make it sound as though you really don't trust him, which you obviously don't. But mention that you're feeling uneasy and he won't give you a current addresss so that you can't collect child support... which also means you're cencerned about your DD's whereabouts when she's with her father.

{{{hugs}}} this can't be easy for you, but go hug Avery, and you'll remember why it's so important for you to do this.

[MissRhi]

I just want you to know that I feel what you are going through. I have 3 children and I am also working with the wvbcse. My oldest is going to be 8 in January, My Middle child is 6, and my youngest is 4 1/2. I am owed over 18K in back child support and every time I call the child support office they just say they are working on it. It is crazy that when you try to better yourself and bust you butt you get put on the back burner, but when you are sitting at home doing nothing they try to do everything for you. I have been a single parent for a while now and have begged and pleeded for help but it just seems like there is no one who wants to help. I have called the supportkids line and they won't even help people in wv because of the state senate. Keep on doing what you are doing and you will eventually get something. Hope you have better luck then I am having. If you figure out how to get a "dead-beat dad" to pay child support let me know!

[dionysia]

This thread is almost 2 years old. I think amwilson probably had some sort of resolution.

[amwilson615]

I just want you to know that I feel what you are going through. I have 3 children and I am also working with the wvbcse. My oldest is going to be 8 in January, My Middle child is 6, and my youngest is 4 1/2. I am owed over 18K in back child support and every time I call the child support office they just say they are working on it. It is crazy that when you try to better yourself and bust you butt you get put on the back burner, but when you are sitting at home doing nothing they try to do everything for you. I have been a single parent for a while now and have begged and pleeded for help but it just seems like there is no one who wants to help. I have called the supportkids line and they won't even help people in wv because of the state senate. Keep on doing what you are doing and you will eventually get something. Hope you have better luck then I am having. If you figure out how to get a "dead-beat dad" to pay child support let me know!

Sorry that you're in such a situation. I find it sad just how many people go through this same trial in life. All I can say is, keep checking in with with BCSE and doing your best. Thank goodness, I only have 1--I don't know how you get by with 3.

This thread is almost 2 years old. I think amwilson probably had some sort of resolution.

Somewhat--although not the resolution I wanted. DD's father has not paid me a penny since my original post. I still have no real physical address for him. I have sort of resigned myself to the fact that this is all there will be for me with regards to DD's father's financial support of his offspring. I call and check in with my WV BCSE worker every month or so--just to stay active and involved. I also keep faith in the fact that "what goes around comes around" and "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger."

[brenda]

Have you considered calling his boss and embarassing the hell out of him? I don't know if it would be wise, but I'd be really tempted. If you know when he's coming to visit your DD, could you arrange for him to be served at that time?

I don't envy you having to deal with this crap. Sounds like your ex is a word I'm trying to delete from my vocabulary. And his family? Ugh!

[amwilson615]

Have you considered calling his boss and embarassing the hell out of him? I don't know if it would be wise, but I'd be really tempted. If you know when he's coming to visit your DD, could you arrange for him to be served at that time?


Oh, I guess I didn't post about that. According to him he got fired from his pharm rep job. He says he hasn't been employed since September '06. Somehow, he drives a Cadillac, dresses to the nines, and has flown all over the country for random events. The NC BCSE has no knowledge of any legit job he has. My guess is that he's working under the table--perhaps for his brother who owns a real estate business and an auto dealership, as well as random other business ventures.

I hate dealing with this stuff. However, the fire and rage that it once stirred within me has given way to a quiet determination.

[artist]

Does he still see your DD?

I know of divorced men who are adament about paying child support yet their exes refuse visitation regardless. Men like your ex would probably piss off the men I am thinking of.