Moving in with the In-Laws

[oceaneast]

My relationship with my MIL has always been testy. Now with moving a few states up I'm going to be living with them until we find a place. Realistically we could be living there for up to two months. Any suggestions on how to make it easier?

[kmmommy]

Just try to help out with cooking, cleaning, etc. while maintaining your own private space. It would probably help if you'll be helping pay for food and things too. Then she'll have one less thing to hold over you.

Good luck!

[trefoil]

Don't expect anything in terms of privacy. Even if we visit for one night, MIL has always "needed" something in the room where we stay at her house. I now just expect it and lock the door if I need to change.

No matter what happens, remember that it is temporary and that she is doing you a favor by letting you stay with her.

[Katie&Micah]

We are currently living with Mil and hopefully be moving out within the next few months.

Even when we are in the room alone I feel like we never really get any private time together. Sometimes we'll just drive around and talk or park somewhere and talk.

I agree.. help out with the groceries, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. Don't give her any reasons to complain about you.. be the perfect houseguest.

Good luck!

[oceaneast]

I know its going to be a huge inconvenience for them. We will be staying in their newly redone basement entertainment room. They are doing alot for us - they are coming down to help with the moving (and getting the truck up there and in storage) They love DH, their just not so crazy about me. I think were going to get a mini fridge. I hope it we won't be there long. I can already see an already strained relationship getting worse with the lack of privacy.

[Alicia]

oh yikes... good luck! unfortunately i don't have much advice to give about your ILs but where in Maryland are you moving? maybe i could give you a few suggestions of where to "hide" so you can get away from them a few hours at a time until you find your own plalce!!!

[oceaneast]

We're moving to the Annapolis area (my in-laws live in Arnold) Any suggestions would be appreciated. I've visited there through the years but beyond Rams Head Brewery and the Smithsonians I'm clueless about what there is to do.

[KristyK]

Bite your tongue. No matter how much you want to say it.....just don't! LOL

My first DH and I lived with his grandmother when he first got out of the navy and we moved to Philly. It was more than difficult, and I wanted to kill that meddling old biddy, but I didn't, I bit my tongue, and didn't say a darn thing. I was more than ready to move out, but it was very difficult to get a job back then, and we stayed much longer than we should have, but had no choice.

I was relieved when we finally moved, and although he visited his grandmother, I didn't bother!

Kristy

[oceaneast]

I imagine I will be doing alot of tongue biting. It's their house I want to be very respectful of that.

[Alicia]

figures, the one part of the state i'm least familiar with! but if you're willing to drive a little bit here are some suggestions:
*the beach!! since you're close to the Bay Bridge- you could drive down (2-3 hours) this summer and explore Ocean City, Rehobeth, Bethany and Dewey beaches!!!
*ALL of DC :) - you could do various day trips to see monuments, georgetown, and other neighborhoods
*Arundel Mills: huge indoor outlet mall, but with a great movie theater and some restaurants, too. (not too far from Arnold, I believe).
*Baltimore: Inner Harbor area is a lot of fun to walk around. Canton, Fells Point and Federal Hill are great areas for bars/restaurants. Little Italy has great Italian food.
*Howard County: Columbia Mall, Historic Main Street in Ellicott City (antiques, restaurants, shops), Savage Mill (an old mill turned shopping center with lots of crafts)

That's probably a good start for now....once you get up here, find me on one of these message boards or email me, and i'll be happy to give you more specific recommendations!

Good Luck!!! :)

[KristyK]

Off topic....

I sure miss Bethany!!! My first DH's parents moved there and we used to spend all our weekends there and most of our vacations even though it was a 3 hour drive from Philly! It's one of the places I'd love to live if we were ever to move back to the East coast. I also loved Ocean City MD, it was so much nicer than WildWood NJ, no flame wars girls! LOL

/off topic...

Kristy

[Jane&Andy]

I don't have any good advice other than to just remember its only temporary - you'll be in your own place before too long.

The DC zoo is free and they have 5 new cheetah cubs on display (from 11-1, get there early). You can bring your own food and snacks there too. :)

Arundel Mills is great for shopping - I love that mall!

And my neighbor was just telling me about a dog park that has a beach area - its called Quiet Waters. Its in or near Annapolis. I haven't been there yet but we plan to go soon (if I remember correctly you have a dog - at least I think I remember you posting a picture in the pet thread).

[nylons73]

Ocean - Oh my! let me just say that I feel for you 100 percent. I would probably have to tape my mouth shut if we moved in with my ILs.

I agree with the others. Don't say it, as much as you want to, and.....get out of the house as much as humanly possible! Go to the zoo, the beach, DC, the mall, wherever, but just go. Things can't get too uncomfortable if you are always out doing interesting things :)

PS: it should take you a while to see all of the Smithsonians :D

[laura]

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to wish you luck. I am 90% sure that my MIL bothers me infinitely more than I bother her, and I couldn't imagine living with her. In fact, we may be in your situation in 1-2 years, and I am already sweating it.

I guess my advice is that you should be helpful and respectful, but it also is going to be your HOME too while you are there, so you shouldn't feel uncomfortable either. I know that's difficult; I guess I would just say be the kind of guest you would like to have - it always stresses me out when my guests don't feel comfortable in my home, so I try to act accordingly.

[Katie1]

Ugh. I think I may in that situation next year as well. I really like my future in-laws, but the idea of living under someone else's roof after being on my own so long is less than appealing.

One thing that I can suggest is to make sure your DH is VERY aware of how you feel. Chances are that he will feel completely comfortable in his parents' house, and it won't occur to him that you don't feel the same way.

Personally, my biggest fear about living with them is boredom. My BF will be working and I will be home with the baby and FMIL. If it were my own house, I would find ways to occupy myself like cleaning or doing little projects. But she keeps her house spotless already, and I don't think I would feel comfortable setting up an area for sewing or any other hobby when I know how clutter-free a life she leads. Obviously I won't be taking on any home improvement projects either.

Anyway, I know I'm not much help but I feel for you!