16-month-old...constantly whining, I'm pulling my hair out!

[K&H's mommy]

My usually happy kid has been driving me crazy the past month. He whines about EVERYTHING. Walks around the house whining, whines to get a snack, whines when he's done, whines to be picked up, fights and whines to get down. This is driving my husband and I bonkers. I've given him Tylenol in case he's teething, food/drink in case he's hungry or thirsty, naps in case he's tired - everything. He even cries if he randomly drops a toy or if you look at him long enough.

Anyone else's toddler go through this? What worked for you? What didn't? Would anyone call child protective services on me if I taped his mouth closed? :rolleyes: ANY advice would be appreciated!!! Thanks!

[pullbuoy]

It's a phase. My DD went through it at about 15 months. I don't know what exactly causes it- everybody says it's because they "can't say what they want," but DD had the vocabulary to say what she wanted, she would just whine instead. I think it's because her whole life her whining WOULD get her exactly what she wanted, since her wants and needs were the same, but now that her wants were not always things I wanted to meet, she was testing different means of getting her way. Not in a bad way- how does she know whining is bad?

What I'd do when she started whining was
1) ask her what she wanted. If she used her nice voice, and it was something she could have, I'd thank her for using her nice voice and give it to her. If not I'd thank her profusely for using her nice voice, and give her other options (ex. she wants all the bookmarks at the checkout at the store. She can't have those, but she can have the receipt from the book I just bought.)

2) If she keeps whining, I'd say "No whining. Mommy can't hear you when you whine." I'd say that a couple times during the whining, and maybe add in a "If you tell me what you want in your nice voice, I can help you." And then I'd ignore her until it stopped, even if we were in a public place. ESPECIALLY if we were in a public place, actually. I didn't want her thinking that antisocial behavior was going to be super effective in a public place. I think the first time she kept at it for a minute or two, and then for maybe a month she'd go for 30 seconds, watching me like a hawk the whole time. Now she's stopped(20 months).

I tried to be flexible about this approach- it's not fair to expect her to be a picture perfect little mini adult when she's tired or hungry or something, but with my kid at least, you can tell pretty easily when she's whining as a means to an end, and when she's not feeling well. She also has always responded very well to verbal negotiation, and it really wasn't that hard to curb the whining since there's an obvious alternative for her to express the same need (just asking me nicely). I think it's just like any other behavior you want to curb- how do you usually approach this kind of thing? That approach will probably work for whining too, though I know you are probably super motivated to end this! It grates like nails on a chalkboard to me, too.

[tray622]

I was reading last week that between 14-17 months children are just realizing that their parents are extension of themselves. That is partial reason as to why they whine when they drop something or want something. I know that isnt any reassurance but at least it should pass!

Zoey went through major whining last month. The whining would continue in her sleep which made me think of teeth. I asked her ped and it seems like the 2 year molars are like wisdom teeth. The pain in the back can and will flare up for months before a tooth even comes out.

I dont have any suggestions but you are not alone!! I hope this stage passes quickly for you! Ours lasted a good 3-4 weeks and even now the whining when something is dropped, etc. has continued. It just is not at the annoying consistency as before.

[Kanga]

If your ds has everything he needs (clean diaper, fed, not tired, etc) I would ignore the whining as much as possible and tell him to use his nice voice and then he'll get what he wants (provided it's something he can have anyways). If it's something he can't have (dessert before dinner) then how about just ignoring him altogether? This is what I've done when watching toddlers and it seems to work well and also have seen it on super nanny. However, I don't have a toddler of my own yet, so take that in to effect as well.

[AttyGrl74]

Nora is going through a huge whining/tantrum phase. She's almost 18 months.

I try to figure out what she wants and if that doesn't work - I remove her from the situation and divert her attention elsewhere.

It doesn't always work, but sometimes it does!

[jeggink]

We have been having the whining now for about 2 months with no end in sight. That along with the Tantrums, ugggg, so hard to deal with. Sometimes I just plop him into DH's lap and walk away to be by myself. Unfortuantely we are in an apartment and I can still hear him. There are times where we are happy to see him off to Daycare or go to bed at night, this morning was one of them. We have noticed it is worse when he is teething. Good luck, it's about all I can offer...

ETA - We have tried ignoring him and it doesn't work for him. He just gets worse and worse and will continue for hours. Of couse my sanity is more than shot by that point.

[K&H's mommy]

Thanks everyone. Last week was HARD. It's especially hard because he doesn't really talk at all (besides mama and dada) so I have no idea what he wants or needs. I actually put him in his exersaucer and made him watch Baby Einstein while I went in another room for a minute! I'm hoping that this phase passes quickly before I have no hair on my head. :rolleyes: