Do you think children should send thank you notes?

[alienhost]

Do you plan or have your DC send thank you notes for gifts? Obviously since DD can't write I send them on her behalf, however when she can write (or draw a picture) I plan on teaching her that thanking people in the form of a written note is important. I have always enjoyed sending and receiving thank you notes.

My DH's neice and nephew who are over 8 years old, never send thank you notes for Christmas, birthday or other gifts received. I just feel this is somewhat rude. They do thank us in person but I've always been one to send a note for a gift. I know this is something really taught by the parents but has the thank you note gone by the wayside? Would it be rude for me to buy them for their next birthday some personalized stationery? :D

How do you all weigh in on the thank you note topic?

[PinkGirl]

Absolutely. I was always "made to" and my mom wrote them for me before I could. My baby niece sends her own thank you notes (on personalized cards at that!) and she is only 4 months old. ;)

Some families are just different about thank yous. FH's family doesn't do them at all, so I don't usually send them thank you notes, nor would I expect one. My parents and I don't send them to each other, but my brothers and SILs do.

[vancouvergirl]

once my children could draw, i enclosed a drawing of theirs. once able to write, they need to write a proper thank you note. the one exception i make for this is grandparents just because they are so much a part of our immediate family. (maybe this is wrong? what do other people do typically?)

as well, i write thank yous myself.

[UTChick]

I will definitely teach my children to write thank you notes. My mom "made me" do it as a child as well, and I think that it is one of the best things she has taught me - to be gracious when you are given a gift. My cousins are 18 and 20 and my aunt and uncle never taught them to write TY notes, or even say it for that matter. :rolleyes: My grandmother puts the TY notes my brother and I send her up on her fridge because she says she like to reread them. She also told my mom it is in hopes that my aunt would catch a clue and teach her boys to write them as well (not necessarily to her, but to anyone who gives them a gift). Unfortunately, it hasn't worked.

I just think it is important to show someone that you appreciate his/her thoughtfulness. Ok...stepping down off my soapbox now...;)

[alienhost]

My mom "made me" do it as a child as well, and I think that it is one of the best things she has taught me - to be gracious when you are given a gift.
I just think it is important to show someone that you appreciate his/her thoughtfulness. Ok...stepping down off my soapbox now...;)

ITA, my parents emphasized this when I was young and I have carried it through. It really bothers me when I give a gift and people don't send notes. I feel that if I take the time to give a thoughtful gift then the receipient should take 5 minutes to send a note.

My DH's entire family does not send notes (except for wedding or shower gifts, which I don't understand, a gift is a gift and I think you need to send them for both). So you send me a note b/c I gave you a wedding gift but the birthday gift I gave you 6 months after doesn't warrant a note? What gives?

I always sent them notes but I'm thinking of giving it up b/c they don't appreciate the note and they don't feel they have to send me one. But I hate being rude so I'm sure I'll send one.

I even bought my DD her own personalized stationery and I send her notes on that.

[alienhost]

vancouvergirl I have my DD send her grandparentsb notes, they love receiving them (at least I know my parents do, not sure about the ILs). And everyone likes to get mail right?

[IrishMeg]

We were never made to do it however my brother and I both picked up the habit somewhere along the way.

We make my SDs send Thank Yous for everything, even at Valentine's Day. They spent two hours after Christmas writing their notes. :o They are 7 and 9. Before they could write we would write and they would dictate what to say. I'd say that started about 3 years old.

[majorgal]

Abso-fricking-lutely.

Aidan has been sending thank you notes from Day One (via me of course) and when he can, he will send his own. Here's how we will manage the progression:

1) Now that he can scribble with crayons, I will have him scribble at the bottom of notes.
2) When he is old enough to tell me what he wants to say, he can dictate the note to me and I will write it out.
3) When he can write, he will dictate a note, I will write it out, and then he can copy it onto the thank you card.
4) Finally, when he can master it all, he will pen his own.

I am actually pretty dismayed that so few thank you notes are still sent these days. I want my son to understand that he needs to acknowledge someone's kindness. And, sadly, I believe that in a few years, kids that write notes will be the exception to the rule.

[NJMom]

I also believe thank you notes are important and will definately teach my DS's this as well. I am actually in the process of writing out TY's on their behalf for the gifts they just received for their first Birthday.

It's funny because when DH and I have sent gifts to family and not received a thank you, I always think it is strange. It's not that I am offended or anything but I guess I think it's important to acknowledge receiving the gift. I always try to send thank you's though sometimes it may take me longer than I would like, I still send them or else I would feel terrible!

[Littlelamb11]

definately. birthdays always. most other occasions like valentine's, christmas, easter etc where there is a mutual gift exchange, we only do it if the giver wasn't there when she opened it for a verbal thank you--so everythign that comes in the mail.

it was all me until DD could hold a crayon. then we also included a picture. once DD could talk, i started writing down the thank you she dictated to me in quotes and then she also usually adds a picture. Now that she's starting to write a bit, i also have her sign as much of her name that she can. :)

ETA: since DD has been participating in thank-you notes as long as she can remember, she LOVES working on them now. she personalizes the pictures (and i write her dictation on her drawing of what she drew for the particular recipient) and her dictations are getting longer and longer and getting to be in such great letter/thank-you note form.

[usafwife]

Yes, our children will be writing/sending out thank yous when they are old enough. I was made to write/send out thank yous and our children will do the same.

[psusna]

Vancouver: I love the idea of enclosing a drawing as well. That would be great for my family who live so far away.

Jackson has been sending notes from birth as well. As others have said, it was such a "chore" for me growing up but I so appreciate my mom staying on me about being gracious and thankful.

[JayJay]

I absolutely love getting thank-you's from DH's nephews. It's so great to be able to see their drawings, and the oldest is now getting old enough to start writing his name and a few simple rules.

I think that starting this young with Thank-you's is a great way to teach your children proper manners for gift giving and receiving.

[dana b]

i've always sent them for myself and now send them for dd, too. when she's old enough, she'll do them herself. i don't get bothered at all though when others don't send me thank you cards, if they weren't brought up doing it and don't even think about it, then i can't consider that rude.
speaking of the drawings my aunt uses this website where she sends in one of her kids' drawings and they make cards out of them, they use those for thank you cards, they're really cute.

eta: we've never sent them for christmas and i've never seen other people do it for xmas gifts, maybe because we all exchange gifts in person.

[kmmommy]

I was always taught to send TYs and my children will also do so. I will include a drawing or picture from them in the TYs I have to write. Once they're old enough the will be writing them.

[catmom]

I figured I'd just teach DD the standard etiquette rules... if the gifts are not exchanged in person, she needs to send a note. If she balks about writing notes, I'll probably give her the option of calling the giver on the phone to thank them, but it needs to be one or the other.

[EJM]

YES! We always had to write thank you notes. When I met DH, he thought it was ridiculous that I even wrote notes to my parents for holiday gifts, birthday gifts etc. Until that, I thought everyone did. It drives me crazy that people don't bother anymore, I've even been to weddings where none were sent. It's petty, but it burns me up.

Right now, I write the note then to sign her name I have DD hold the pen and I wave her hand around so it scribbles on the paper. My family knows its her from our return address. When she's old enough she'll do art work. Our fridge is covered in drawings from my neices/nephews.

[ManteoChik]

My little sister is 6 and before she could write the whole thing, my stepmom would write the note and then little sister would sign her name at the bottom (usually in crayon...lol). I think its a great habit to teach kids because in the real world those simple things can make or break you.

I know TONS of people who have interviewed for jobs and after the interview they sent a simple "thank you" note to the person....when they were hired they were told that both the candidates were equally qualified and it was a hard decision but in the end it was the thank you note that got them the job because it was considerate and thats the type of people that you'd want working for you.

[psusna]

Dana: Fabulous tip about the drawings becoming the TY cards. Love it! I could do that with our scanner. Great tip.

[Pink_Converse]

We were never made to send them from what I can remember, no one in the family did it. In my family we only send them for showers, weddings, etc. That being said we rarely exchange gifts for b-day, etc. with family or friend's. It's definately a habit I need to get into and will teach my children as well. I think it's important. Maybe if it's for Christmas I would not send a TY if we were all exchanging gifts in person. If someone sent my child a Christmas gift then yes, I would make them send a TY.

[Camdynlyn]

I always send thank you cards for thoughtful gifts that were not expected. Let me explain, if it's Christmas and we always do the family gift exchange, I do not send TYs because I can thank them in person. If they aren't present, I will. I also do not send them out for Valentine's Day and such.

Now, for my child, I will make them for things such as birthdays and other small gifts. I think it's important. When I was a nanny, the child would paint on his easle (?) and we would wrap gifts and things using this 'wrapping paper.' We also used those for stationary, too. People always enjoyed it.

On another note, I'm a teacher and for gifts, I do TYs. Now, for all the Valentine's candy I got, I did not.

[kimthebride]

I sent some for Xmas and DS was only 6 months old. I printed in very simple hand a short note like "Thank you Aunt Jane for the really fun stacking rings! Love, Thomas" and that sort of thing - short & simple.

I'm a thank-you card person, and I like to show appreciation. No one has to think and our DS and buy him a gift. I want to make sure those that do know that the gesture was appreciated, and in the future I plan to keep him involved so he learns the the value of recognition.

As he learns new skills, he can use them in the thank-you cards: scribble, draw, write his name, write a note.

[alienhost]

It's interesting b/c I still send thank you's even if I receive the gift "in-person" (and thank them verbally) maybe that's an exception rather than a rule. I think it is interesting b/c if you have a wedding/baby shower and people give you gifts in person most people still send notes. I'm really enjoying what everyone has to say.

[vancouvergirl]

oh my gosh, i just recalled the craziest storiy re: thank yous. i brought my daughter to a birthday party for twin 6 year olds and as the goodie bags were being handed out at the end, their nanny simultaneously handed out PRE-WRITTEN thank yous that she herself had written! they all said: "we really enjoyed seeing you at the party. thank you very much for the wonderful gift." love, twin A and twin B. AAAHHHHHHHH! i was in shock needless to say. however the topper came when i witnessed the nanny handing a thank you the following day in school to a child who missed the party. i was so curious, i had to peek and see that she had simply CROSSED OFF the first line!!!

btw, what is up with the joint thank you? i have twins and they will each be doing their own work, thank you very much. :)

[alienhost]

oh my gosh, i just recalled the craziest storiy re: thank yous. i brought my daughter to a birthday party for twin 6 year olds and as the goodie bags were being handed out at the end, their nanny simultaneously handed out PRE-WRITTEN thank yous that she herself had written! they all said: "we really enjoyed seeing you at the party. thank you very much for the wonderful gift." love, twin A and twin B. AAAHHHHHHHH! i was in shock needless to say. however the topper came when i witnessed the nanny handing a thank you the following day in school to a child who missed the party. i was so curious, i had to peek and see that she had simply CROSSED OFF the first line!!!

btw, what is up with the joint thank you? i have twins and they will each be doing their own work, thank you very much. :)

Why did they bother? :D And yes I think each twin should have sent one - six year olds can write, can't they?

[majorgal]

Um, prewritten thank yous? Defeating the purpose much?

alienhost: We write thank yous for gifts given in person, too. Always have.

[Littlelamb11]

Um, prewritten thank yous? Defeating the purpose much?


man, i thought the fill in the blank ones were tacky...

[BooeyJ2]

My niece (6) and nephew (8) always do...even for things like Halloween treats or Valentines Day gifts. They have always (or my sister before they could obviously) given us Thank You cards. Even when they weren't old enough to write, they would draw something and my sister would write the thank you part :) I plan on doing the same with DD :)


My husbands niece and nephew NEVER do....and most of the time still have to be reminded to even SAY thank you (they are 10 and 16 now, so waaaaaay past the age of knowing better)....and I get really annoyed with it. I feel like they are ungrateful or just plain rude sometimes.

[celina]

Yes, my DD always sends thank yous. Of course they're written by me as she's only 5 months old. But, I do plan on teaching her to do her own as she gets older. To personalize the thank yous she sends out now, we put her thumb print next to were I sign her name, and I used a faux wax seal on the envelope with her initial.

[cartersmommy]

yes yes yes! very important!

[MrsT]

I haven't read the other replies but YES, EVERYONE should send thank you notes. I'm getting annoyed by the lack of manners these days. I send gifts to my nieces and nephews and one of DHs brothers doesn't even tell he he received them until WE ask about them. The other brother's kids send a note or picture they drew and I love that. I actually used to send my half sister gifts as well, but neither she nor my dad (we don't talk much) ever thanked us. At almost 11 she should know by now (I blame my dad, but still) and I actually stopped sending gifts. All I want is some acknowledgement for the trouble I went to to select and send gifts - I love doing it, but I want it to be appreciated (and for society and our children to stop feeling so friggin' entitled to things!!!):mad:

I send thank you notes for EVERYTHING and constantly get told how nice it was to receive them. When my son gets gifts I send notes - usually a picture of him enjoying the gift. Everyone really likes that too. It's the least you can do - and I want to instill some good manners in my kids!

ETA: I went back and read the replies and am so glad to see that other moms feel the way I do! There's hope in the world yet :P!!

Also, on the etiquette side, I always thought that written thank yous were still required even if the gift was given in person?? I send notes for those as well!

[jmvan74]

definately. birthdays always. most other occasions like valentine's, christmas, easter etc where there is a mutual gift exchange, we only do it if the giver wasn't there when she opened it for a verbal thank you--so everythign that comes in the mail.



I agree with this philosophy. However, I've even sent TY's when we have stayed at someone's home.

[alienhost]

Ok, I think I'm being nit picky here but I received a thank you note for the shower gift from my SIL (within a week of the shower so kudos for that)

It said:

Dear alienhost,

Thank you for the great baby gifts. My shower was so special to me, thank you for being a part of it!

love,
SIL

It would have been nice if she acknowledged what I gave her, especially since a few items were handmade - by me. I like to think I take a lot of time/thought finding the right gift and I just feel that someone can spend more than 30 seconds writing a totally generic thank you note.

Am I being a PITA? Should I be happy that I got a note at all?

[marchfamily]

I'm a thank you note nazi. I promptly send TYs for nearly everything. As soon as my girls are able to participate, they will help too. I think its an important lesson to thank people that go out of their way to do something nice.

I've seen some cute "fill in the blank" type cards for younger children. Or, you could print them out so they could fill in the necessaries...

Dear FILL IN THE BLANK,

Thank you for the the FILL IN THE BLANK, etc.

[vancouvergirl]

Ok, I think I'm being nit picky here but I received a thank you note for the shower gift from my SIL (within a week of the shower so kudos for that)

It said:

Dear alienhost,

Thank you for the great baby gifts. My shower was so special to me, thank you for being a part of it!

love,
SIL

It would have been nice if she acknowledged what I gave her, especially since a few items were handmade - by me. I like to think I take a lot of time/thought finding the right gift and I just feel that someone can spend more than 30 seconds writing a totally generic thank you note.

Am I being a PITA? Should I be happy that I got a note at all?

alienhost, no, you are not being unreasonable. not everyone knows how to write a proper thank you these days. i cringe when i receive one that is obviously a chore which was checked off the "i really don't feel like doing this" to do list. manners are about making people feel good. reading a letter that says "thanks for the gift." does not make me feel especially good. it's much better to take the time and enjoy the process of letter writing. why are you thankful? what does this gift/person mean to you? how can you make the giver feel as special as they are?

[KK812]

I'm not a parent, but I just thought I'd pop this in there:

The Do's of Thank You Notes

Send your thank you notes as quickly as possible.

Notes may be sent on informal stationery, except for wedding thank you notes which are generally sent on formal stationery.

Always make specific reference to the gift that is the subject of the note, such as "Thank you so much for the blue sweater. How did you know that was my favorite color?"

Always send notes in the following situations:

* Wedding gifts.
* For sympathy letters, flowers, or mass cards.
* To the hostess after a party that was hosted in your honor.
* For bridal or baby shower gifts.
* For gifts that were received by mail.
* After being entertained by your boss.
* Gifts received during a hospital stay.
* After being hosted as a houseguest for one or more nights (unless it's a close relative or friend who is doing the hosting).
* For notes or gifts of congratulations.

Thank you notes are not required in the following situations, but would still be a nice gesture:

* After being a guest at a dinner party.
* After a job interview (not required, but definitely a smart idea).
* For birthday gifts that were received and opened in person, and you already thanked the giver personally.
* When a friend has helped you out with a special favor such as babysitting, a meal when you were sick, running errands for you when you are incapable.
* To the sales representative who has entertained you personally as part of a business relationship.

The Don'ts of Thank You Notes

Don't delay in sending most notes. Generally notes should be sent within a week of receipt of the gift or gesture. The only exception to this timing is as follows:

* Thank you notes for hospital gifts should be sent as soon as the patient is well enough to send them, whenever that is.
* The current guidelines for wedding gift thank you notes are that the notes should be sent within three months of receipt of gifts. However, given the potential monumental task that would pose to the bride and groom after their honeymoon, it makes sense to send notes out as soon as gifts are received (often wedding gifts are sent prior to the wedding date).

I cannot stress enough the importance of personalizing thank you notes. I have attended large children's parties where parents hand out pre-written thank you's as guests leave the party, even though gifts haven't even been opened. In my opinion, there's no point in even giving a thank you in this case. Thought was given to selecting just the right present for the birthday boy or girl, and without a specific thank you for the gift, the giver will never know how much the gift was really enjoyed. This kind of thank you is merely a check note on the party list, and conveys no sense of personal appreciation.

Even though most thank you notes can be sent on informal stationery, that doesn't mean it's okay to use a piece of paper torn from your shopping list pad. Find note cards that reflect your personality, and keep a ready supply on hand. They don't need to cost a lot of money. In fact, if you shop diligently, you can find inexpensive, attractive cards in the dollar stores.

There's no need to lie if you dislike a gift. If something is not to your taste, you should still show appreciation for the thought that went into selecting it for you. You can always say "Thank you for the thoughtful (fill in the blank). I will always think of you whenever I use it."

http://entertaining.about.com/cs/etiquette/a/thankyou.htm

[westamp]

I am also a stickler about thank you notes. When my niece was young, I used drill it into her head that people didn't have to give her anything so she should write a ty note. My sister doesn't have the forethought to do this but I did so now my niece automatically knows that she should send a ty for any gift she receives.

I have been writing ty for my baby boy (christmas, baby shower, etc). Eventually when he's old enough, I'll have him do it. It's important to drill in manners and graciousness. I am appalled by the lack of consideration some people have.

DH has some friends who invites us to all their kids' parties (they have 3). We also gave them xmas gifts. We never got a ty note from the kids. One time, the mom said, oh, I never have time to do this. I'm not that organized. That sooo ticked me off! :mad: Well lady, I don't have time to buy stuff for your kids but I make the time. I agree with everyone here, if we don't teach our kids to write ty notes, we're just going to end up w/ kids who think they're entitled to everything.

Oh yeah, I am one of those people who write ty notes after a job interview. It worked because the job I'm currently at now, the hiring manager said, "nobody sends ty notes anymore so it was a nice touch."

[BusyBee]

Yes, my DD always sends thank yous. Of course they're written by me as she's only 5 months old. But, I do plan on teaching her to do her own as she gets older. To personalize the thank yous she sends out now, we put her thumb print next to were I sign her name,
That sounds like a great idea - I wish my dd would cooperate with that for her b-day thank-you cards.

[cr8zyforaf]

Yes, my DD always sends thank yous. Of course they're written by me as she's only 5 months old. But, I do plan on teaching her to do her own as she gets older. To personalize the thank yous she sends out now, we put her thumb print next to were I sign her name

Ditto. I send a thank you for EVERYTHING...all are hand written and very personal. I was raised this way and my children will be raised this way. If someone takes the time to do something thoughtful for my family, we take the time to send them a note.

alienhost - no. I also just got a canned, computer printed thank you for a son of a friends party - which really annoyed me, especially since I also picked up a small gift for her older daughter just to be thoughtful. It basically said "thanks for coming to my party". Totally crass in my opinion.

I am also annoyed by e-vites. I just got an e-vite for a baptism that is happening THIS weekend...WTF? Not only is that short notice, I find it very rude to e-vite people to such a personal event. It is like I was e-vited at the last minute.

[Chimichanga]

Oh yes - our children will send out thank you notes! I sent out TY notes for everything as a child. I don't send them out anymore for Christmas gifts, but usually will for birthday gifts. My ILs don't do thank you notes, so I don't send them one.

What irks me is that I didn't get a TY note from a cousin for her baby shower because my mom and I went in on a gift. Should that matter?!?! I contributed to the gift. I went to the shower. :mad: What if my name was listed first - would my mom not have gotten a TY?

[BusyBee]

Chimichanga - She could have at least mentioned both of you on the same TY - but if it was a really big gift and you live separately, there should be 2 notes.

My MIL bought DD some teether toys for her birthday, from my BIL (50). She has always purchased and wrapped presents that are "from" this son - he doesn't even know what he's "giving". She doesn't even try to hide this anymore. For me, I always thank BIL verbally in front of her and tell them both how much I like them. For DD's birthday, should I write him a TY note, or should I include them in MIL's note? I'm tired of this game.