Do you trust women?

[kedzieb]

I've been reading a few threads that make me wonder if part of the reason for such a sharp divide in many people's oppinions is their trust of women. Women's ability to be trusted. Women's capability.

I wonder if a lot of the opinions we reach are based on whether or not we really trust women - including ourselves - to be as responsible as men.

I'm not just talking about reproductive rights and childcare. I notice it in other posts - about single friends' intentions, husband stealing, female bosses and political leaders. I wonder if some of the reason women don't get as many promotions or make as much is due to this lack of trust. And how do we take advantage of it ourselves?

Anyway, it's all really interesting to me and I'd appreciate it if this doesn't turn into an "us vs them" thread. Honestly, I think that kind of infighting might contribute to a lack of trust.

[dionysia]

To be honest, I trust men less than I do women.

Which is probably my own character flaw, but there you go. :cool:

Di

[BethIrish]

I don't instintively trust one sex over the other.

In fact, I've worked for both men and women....my level of comfort/trust with them was more a function of who they where than what sex they were.

[LyLMyssChaos]

For me, the trust isn't about a person's sex, but about the person's character.

[kedzieb]

One of the areas where I think I trust women more than men is with childcare. Through no example of the men in my life - since they've all been pretty great fathers - I do feel like women know better what's right for their children and families.

I'm not sure how I feel about women in positions of power. I want to believe I trust them the same, but I wonder if we've learned how to be objective enough. But then again, maybe our ability to empathize in a situation should be viewed as an asset?

[artist]

Okay, this seems like a loaded question!:)

I don't trust a lot of people in general. I think people (regardless of gender) need to earn my trust. I have less trust of anyone in power or in a position of power.

But you could have an interesting point that for some people maybe gender is a factor.

You mentioned...

single friends' intentions, husband stealing, female bosses and political leaders

Here is how I feel on each of the following...

Single Friends' Intentions:
I tend to get annoyed with anyone's "intentions" or "advice", be it from a single friend or a married friend. Maybe married people get annoyed with advice from a single friend, but I bet single people get annoyed from married friends giving advice, wondering when they plan to get married, setting up blind dates, etc. Again, for me it is simply that sometimes advice can come across as annoying regardless of the messenger.

Husband Stealing:
Well, if I saw some woman trying to hang all over my husband, you bet I'd be annoyed. Then again, he would be annoyed if some man were trying to hang all over me. I suppose there are what you could call "home wreckers" (which could be men or women) but just as much blame needs to be placed on any spouse who is cheating. Again, to me this is not a gender issue.

Female Bosses:
I think whether or not someone is a good boss has nothing to do with gender. I really like my supervisor right now and she is a woman. I have had great and terrible bosses, some men, some women.

Political Leaders:
I would love to see more women in office! However, when I vote, it is not just about gender. If I happen to agree more with the male candiate then the female candidate, I would vote for the male. If I agree with both candidates I might consider gender as one deciding factor though.

[kedzieb]

Strangely enough, I tend to support female candidates and like having female bosses as well as male. I'm not sure where my question came from - but it wasn't meant to be loaded.

I see people, for example, being more pissed off at Angelina Jolie for being a homewreaker than for Brad Pitt 'cheating' (no clue if he did) on Jennifer Aniston. i feel sometimes like we're trained to distrust other women.

[kris97]

As prior posters have written, I do not differentiate between men and women in terms of trust. In specific situations, I admit, my guard is up more with a specific gender than the other -- for instance, I'm much more likely to feel ill at ease alone on a dark street with a large man than a large woman --but this does not give rise to an overarching trust distinction between genders.

I think that historically, however, women have been very distrusted when it comes to their sexuality. For instance, traditionally, there were very strict rules for proving the crime of rape mostly due to the fear that women could easily make up such a charge against men. There's also a tradition of denying women rights by claiming that they are, by nature, inherently weak or crazy. (The word "hysteria" -- a protoypically "female" ailment from the Victorian era -- comes from, I think, the Greek word for uterus.) And of course there is the legacy of Eve, who many blame for the downfall of man. :) I don't necessarily think that these beliefs have any currency today, but they're interesting to consider.

[vikib]

In my opinion it depends upon the person. I will say that I'm a manager and I hope that I'm a good manager and people won't judge me because I am female, I'd be affonted if that did happen and probably not like the person very much.

I assume Brad and Jennifer were broken up, we don't know for sure, wonder if we ever will know the whole story, but I'd say if Brad did cheat on Jennifer I'd be more mad at him, its his choice to cheat on Jenn, not that its great of Angelina slept/cheated with a married man, that's not correct either. I will say that I had broken up with my BF of 4 years, we were having problems and he lived far away, so I decided I'd try to go to school where he was and work it out with him, meanwhile I told all this to my BFF, she was married and cheated on her husband with my ex. I wasn't mad at my ex, we were broken up, he had no idea I wanted to work on us, but my BFF knew, I haven't talked to her since. Again I'd say it depends upon the person.

I do remember having a conversation with my brother many years ago and he said that women with their "pms or horomones" are untrustworthy and can have emotional problems so he wouldn't want them running the government. :rolleyes: I told him he was ridiculous.

[artist]

Right, so even though I personally don't distrust one gender more then the other gender, that doesn't mean other people don't.

It is interesting though that more attention is paid to a female "homewrecker" then a man who is cheating on his wife. To me they are both being very dishonest people. The only exception would be if the "homewrecker" (again, be it a woman or a man) were not aware that the person was married, then they are not at fault until or unless they become aware the person is married or "taken".

As for the "hysteria" or "PMS" excuse for why women should not be in positions of power, that is such bull. Heck, I could think of a number of men for example that could benefit from anger management classes or therapy in general! Plus, there is that whole argument that if women were in power, maybe there would be less war. (Though I think that is also a sexist and not necessarily true statement.)

[Southlooper]

Funny, we got into this very discussion the other day at work.

Personally I believe men and women have the equal ability to create and destroy, trust is included in that.

But there is some bias in our society. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people gloss over something irresponsible a man has done because "what can you expect from a man" then turn around and crucify a women for the same offense because "she's a woman and should know better." It's infuriating.:mad:

[ADSigMel]

I can't tell you how many times I've heard people gloss over something irresponsible a man has done because "what can you expect from a man" then turn around and crucify a women for the same offense because "she's a woman and should know better." It's infuriating.:mad:

I feel the same way, and while I agree that it's stupid and demeaning. But I tend to take it as a challenge. It's empowering to know that people expect more from women in some situations than from men...backwards, but it gives me something to strive for. *shrug*

[dionysia]

As for the "hysteria" or "PMS" excuse for why women should not be in positions of power, that is such bull. Hell, how many times have you seen someone on this very message board post in a heated topic something to the effect of "boy, we all must be PMSing!" I hate that!

Di

[jnettie]

I really should be going now but...

Yes, I think there is an inherant distrust of women in our culture. Me, I don't have this. But more than one person felt it their business to let me know that my DH shouldn't have had a woman be his "best man" in our wedding. Often it was implied that they might sleep with each other. :eek:

And look at the viceral reactions people have to Hillary Clinton! People hate her over personal reasons NOT policy reasons most of the time.

[kmmommy]

I trust women in general. That said, my level of trust varies based on the personality characteristics of each individual woman.

[LittleFredPunkinHead]

I do so hate it when people say women wouldn't be good at something or other because they're moody, or too emotional, or whatever.
In my immediate family- my mom and dad, my sister and BIL, me and my DH- the men are the moody people. The men are more emotional. And yet the men have all done just fine in the workworld, in their decisionmaking, etc. And so have we women.

[kmmommy]

I do so hate it when people say women wouldn't be good at something or other because they're moody, or too emotional, or whatever.
In my immediate family- my mom and dad, my sister and BIL, me and my DH- the men are the moody people. The men are more emotional. And yet the men have all done just fine in the workworld, in their decisionmaking, etc. And so have we women.

ITA agree with your statement. I don't find women moody any more than men are moody. Plus, a little emotion can be good when making some decisions.

[Dally]

ITA with Kaeden's ITA:ITA agree with your statement. I don't find women moody any more than men are moody. Plus, a little emotion can be good when making some decisions.

I tend to trust people until they prove untrustworthy. Gender has nothing to do with it.

Overall, I'm not sure if women or men are trusted more, but it's my experience that, in general, men are trusted more in business. It's not fair or warrented, but that's what I see.

[Southlooper]

We continued this discussion at lunch today and someone brought up an interesting point:

Do you think we, as women, expect more from each other because we are women (and conversely men expect more from men because of they are men?)

I've heard male friends say, "can't do that because it's against the "man code." I'm sure there is a women code out there.

[kedzieb]

I guess what I was trying to get at when I wrote this post is that a lot of the issues I see debated on these threads wouldn't really be issues if we truly trusted women to the degree men are trusted.

I guess birth control is a pretty easy example. I think if we trusted women more and gave everyone all the information, they'd make the best choices for themselves and their families. I think a lot of the people who want to take reproductive rights away are the same people who don't trust women to make responsible decisions. I don't know if men would be treated the same way if they were the childbearer.

[vikib]

I guess what I was trying to get at when I wrote this post is that a lot of the issues I see debated on these threads wouldn't really be issues if we truly trusted women to the degree men are trusted.

I guess birth control is a pretty easy example. I think if we trusted women more and gave everyone all the information, they'd make the best choices for themselves and their families. I think a lot of the people who want to take reproductive rights away are the same people who don't trust women to make responsible decisions. I don't know if men would be treated the same way if they were the childbearer.
You have an interesting point. But I don't think its necessarily women that they don't trust, I think they'd do the same thing to men. I think its that the powers that be don't think any of us can think for ourselves, be male or female.