First come pets, then come children

[Jaycee]

I have a question for anyone who has a dog\dogs and then had a baby.

First of all I just can't even describe the love I feel for my 2 dogs!! They are my babies and such a big part of our family and our lives!! However something I have noticed a lot of people telling me lately is that once we have the baby, our attitude towards our dogs will change dramatically. I just refuse to buy it. I can't imagine not being able to love my dogs just as much as I do now just because we are having a baby.

So this question goes out to all of you who have been through having a baby and who have dogs who are a major part of your life. Have things changed? Please explain.

ps. I'm not sure if this belongs here or in parenting, but I figured I'd find more dog lovers here!!

[Teresita]

I remember this topic came up on the WC parenting forum and got rather heated, so hopefully this thread can stay pleasant! Anyway, I have two dogs and a now one-year-old daughter. We have had our first dog for nine years and our second for 2 1/2 years. Has our attitude toward them changed? I suppose somewhat, but my attitude toward everything--DH, my job, life in general--has changed since having my DD. So much of my time and energy is devoted to her and it has to be. However, I love my dogs even more than before because I love to see them interact with my DD.

My dogs don't get as much time and attention as they used to, but they used to get a ridiculous amount of time and attention. Before I get attacked for being cruel to my doggies, this is their present situation:

I telecommute, so my dogs have the luxury of being able to be with me all day long. I leave the back door open, so they can come and go from the house to the yard as they please. I make an effort to pat them and spend some one-on-one time with them several times a day. My DH takes them for a morning walk, and they go to the dog park for an hour every evening. After that, my DH takes the older dog for a bike ride (trying to get him in shape) and the younger dog goes for a jog with him. And, the dogs are still welcome to sleep with us (only one chooses to).

So, they still get a ton of exercise and attention.

But, I think the crux of your post might have less to do with time and attention than with the emotion you feel for your dog. Like I said, I think I love them more than before if that is possible. They mean the world to me. My dog Luna got me through some of my darkest days--she was there for me to cry on, snuggle with, gave me so many much-needed kisses and was truly my best friend. I feel connected to her on a level that is deeper than most non-dog/non-animal folks could probably understand. But is it the same as my love for my DD? No. I've never been much into ranking my relationships as I don't think there is much value in that, but the love I feel for my DD is beyond anything I could imagine.

[kimthebride]

My cats think they are dogs (they fetch, come when you call them, bark, etc - don't even ask!), so I thought I'd reply here.

They are my first born children and were beyond spoiled for the 6 years I had them before baby came along. Now it's enough for me to just chage the litter and feed them daily - I just don't play and cuddle with them like I used to. I feel bad, but honestly baby has to come first. I try not to ignore them when they are begging for attention, but when you are sooooo exhausted you can't see straight and have everyone demanding your time, they unfortunately go to the bottom of the list.

[Jaycee]

Well written Teresita I don't see why anybody would flame you for that.


But, I think the crux of your post might have less to do with time and attention than with the emotion you feel for your dog.

Both I think. I just love them so much, and like you I feel so connected, I'm scared shitless at what may change. I honestly don't believe for one minute that my feelings will change, but why do people keep saying "you just wait"?

[chefker]

I'm in the same boat--I love my dog (adopted in 2003) to pieces, but we are expecting baby #1 in January. I KNOW that I will have less time for my Ivan when the baby arrives--however, I have vowed not to do what my cousin has done with her poor dog. She had her first baby in 2003, and has not paid much attention to the dog at ALL since then, saying that the dog is now 'on the bottom of the list.' I know that time-wise, of course a newborn baby will demand more of your time than a dog. I just can't see treating your dog like a family member one day, and then BOOM--all of a sudden the dog doesn't 'matter'. Belive me, this dog KNOWS she is at the bottom of the totem pole--she has started acting out by peeing/pooping in the house. (No medical reasons for this either, my cousin did bring her to the vet at least).

And, I don't think my cousin is evil or whatever--I just don't agree with her 'dog philosophy', I won't be treating my Ivan like that at all. I just can't. I've urged my cousin to maybe let her mom adopt the dog, if she feels she has no time for a dog anymore. Her mom loves the dog and would gladly take her to live with her too.

I do worry about Ivan getting jealous though! Usually I will take Ivan for a walk when I'm done working, and we have cuddle time in the evening while watching TV. I know I'll be out straight with a newborn, so some of the things Ivan is used to will have to be cut back somewhat. It makes me sad, but I hope I can work with him on adjusting to the new life form in the house!

Jaycee ~ I hear that "you just wait" quite a bit too, which I don't really 'get.' Obviously DH and I KNOW our lives will change dramatically with a baby, and if we weren't ready for that, we would have put off or completely avoided TTC in the first place!

[Teresita]

I also thought I should clarify that my dogs did not get the attention they currently get for my DD's first couple of months. The first weeks are such a blur ... everyone but baby has to give up lots of things. Mom and Dad give up sleep, showers, regular sex, meals, any semblance of a social life, etc., and our dogs had to give up the dog park every night (we went only a couple of times a week until DD was around 8 weeks old) and sometimes only got one walk a day.

I felt very guilty about it at first, but now the way I look at is that I consider the dogs a part of the family, and we all survived the challenge of welcoming a newborn into our household together as a family. Now that my DD is older, things are on a much more even keel.

But, don't beat yourself up if in the early days you aren't quite the doggie mom you'd like to be--just do the best you can and it will get better and easier with time.

ETA: About those people who say "just wait"...whatever. I think once you are a dog nut, always a dog nut. My DH and I were dog people before baby, and now we are still dog people. My DD has two words that she says all day long: "dog" and "ruff"! So, we're just a dog-centric family:)

[pocket]

I have a friend who told me that once you have a baby you stop loving your dog. I just think that’s evidence that he is a terrible person, and it made me like him a lot less. Both Pita and I put a lot of time and energy into helping Ari be the sort of dog who likes children and understands how to act around them in the hopes that he would be like our dogs when we were little. Our beloved dogs who we loved so passionately and who were our first real friends. Pita’s dog was Raul, a collie, and mine was Pepper, a Springer. Not getting as much attention doesn't mean you love them less. Pita's going to get a lot less attention from me when we have a baby, but I am sure I won't love him any less. Like you only have so much love and when it's used up, that's all there is? Who thinks like that?

ETA - all those mother superiors who say "just wait" really chap my hide.

[greenbunny]

IMO, anyone who says "just wait, you'll feel that way too" about something like this is actually just feeling guilty for doing that themselves, and trying to project those feelings on to you as well so that they feel like less of a scumball.

[IrishMeg]

I'm glad Jaycee started this thread because it is something I really worry about. The idea of not having enough time to love and play with my dog makes me feel very sad. My dog has given so much to me that the thought of putting him on the back burner breaks my heart.


I felt very guilty about it at first, but now the way I look at is that I consider the dogs a part of the family, and we all survived the challenge of welcoming a newborn into our household together as a family. Now that my DD is older, things are on a much more even keel.

I think this is an excellent point. I hadn't thought of it that way at all. Also, after the infant stage ends and the child gets older, I'd imagine things would change. They would become more like playmates and less like competitors for your attention. They would form their own relationship which would be positive for both of them.


IMO, anyone who says "just wait, you'll feel that way too" about something like this is actually just feeling guilty for doing that themselves, and trying to project those feelings on to you as well so that they feel like less of a scumball.

LMAO. Good point!

[kam]

My brother and SIL had four dogs before they had their baby. They are a great example of how less attention doesn't mean less love. First, they had four dogs. They had this concept down pat. Second, they actually included the dogs in the family so they thought of the baby as higher in the pack but still part of the family. They also taught their son to respect their pets. I believe this will make their son sensitive to the needs of animals. Who knows - maybe it will inspire him to work with animals one day but if it doesn't at least he'll learn how to treat animals.

My nephew's first word was "Da" (dad). His second was "Ma" (mom). His third was Abeeeee (abby, one of their black labs). His fourth, being from a family who played basketball, was of course "ball". So at least he knows his priorities ;)

[KKay]

It really only changes b/c your DC becomes central to everything you do. All of your time is wrapped up in feeding, changing, and learning your newborn. Initially, it's hard to juggle your furbaby b/c you are trying to take care of DC and sleep whenever you can. I was always cuddling with both DD and our furbaby. I was really sensitive to Harley (dog) b/c I was worried that he would feel left out and become jealous of DD. The last thing I wanted was for him to blame the baby for less attention.

Everything worked out well b/c DD and furbaby are the BEST of friends. DD is 17 months old now and adores her "doogie". She is always really excited to see him when she walks in a room. Sometimes she'll run to see the dog over DH or I. :rolleyes: She runs around the house with her corn popper and Harley chases around behind her. Everyone is happy and everyone is entertained.

[pocket]

IMO, anyone who says "just wait, you'll feel that way too" about something like this is actually just feeling guilty for doing that themselves, and trying to project those feelings on to you as well so that they feel like less of a scumball.

this is absolutely right on. i will remember this the next time a mothersuperior tries to tell me i won't love my dog or have sex anymore.

[Jaycee]

WOW what great replies everybody!! This is so helpful, and just hearing how those of you who have been there managed it is going to help all of us who have yet to get there. I think that being prepared and having a plan is going to be half the battle and will make me a better fur mommy. Keep the stories coming!!

[icedwhite]

thanks, jaycee, for starting this thread! i've been worried about the same thing ever since we've been trying for a baby. we have 2 dogs and they are our world right now. i have this fear that when we have a baby they won't get as much attention and i already feel guilty about it! my friend told me about her friends who had this little chihuahua that they loved so much and treated like their child. but once they had their human-baby, they pretty much forgot about her; instead of being allowed in the house, she was kept outside all the time; when she ran away and didn't come back, they didn't seem very upset about it. i was shocked.

i keep telling myself that we will always love them and they will be a part of our family. we wanted two dogs so they could give each other companionship when we're not home. do you guys think that having each other will help them not be too lonely, especially the first few weeks after having the baby? i hope so!

[Jaycee]

I think that having 2 is definitly going to help :)

[Jaycee]

bumping to share this website that I found:
PreparingFido.com (http://www.preparingfido.com)

[amychris03]

I am starting to think about this more and more. I am due with our
first child at the end of March, and am worried about how my
fur baby is going to handle this adjustment. Madison is a 4.5 year
old female, and seems to do great around small children, but we've
never had one in the house all the time obviously and will not be the
center of our attention as she is used to. Any advice on how to make
this transition a smooth one? I love Maddie like crazy (she's been my
best friend while DH has been gone on 2 deployments) and I want
things to go well! Thanks!:)

[cr8zyforaf]

We have a four year old lab and I had a daughter in September - my dog was much like yours - my best friend - my husband started his own business and was never home- it was always Bailey and me.

I did nothing to prepare him - but he knew something was up from the moment I was pregnant. He became very protective of me. I did play a CD that had crying babies on it - but he was not interested.

He stayed with my parents while we were in the hospital - I sent my mom home with a blanket that Ashley had been wrapped in - but he wasn't really interested.

When we brought her home - I had DH carry her in and I made an effort to pay Bay some attention - all he wanted to do was lick the baby. She is now 4 months and the adore each other - the first time she laughed was when Bay was licking her feet. We've had an easy transition. I think Bay was a little bit depressed at first but now, he loves his little sister.

Also, ask your vet - mine sent me a ton of literature on introducing a baby to your dog.

[EJH]

We have a 1 year old lab cross -- she was 9 months old when we brought DD home. She stayed with my in-laws while we were in the hospital, and we actually picked her up en route home with the baby. We introduced them at MIL's. We just sat on the floor with Lucy and the baby and let L sniff the baby..she didn't show much interest really at all.

We never had any probs (knock wood). My DP is really into dog obedience etc, so that was a benefit. Now Lucy and the baby are great friends and Lucy is super protective of her. It's HER baby. Of course she's also still a bit on the depressed side at the idea of having to share us...but once DD is older they will be the best of friends and HOPEFULLY chase each other around the house to get rid of that extra energy!!

Erin

[Heather719]

Hey Amy-

We have a 3.5 year old lab and as you know we're expecting baby #1 in May. We have enrolled Abby in a refresher obedience class that starts next week for 6 weeks. For the most part, Abby is very well behaved, but in a lot of ways she is still a puppy, so a refresher isn't going to hurt her at all. ;)

We are also meeting one-on-one once with our old trainer to get some of her tips. I've talked to her briefly about this and she did mention to me something about using a doll in the months leading up to the baby's arrival. Abby tends to jump on DH and I a lot, so we hope to train her (using the doll) not to jump on us at all when we have something (the doll/the baby) in our arms. I'll let you know more about this once I learn more.

Once the baby comes, I will have DH bring home the blanket before we get there so all my animals (Abby + 2 cats) get used to the baby's scent. We were told that playing a tape of a baby crying is a waste of time as the animals know it's not real. If that's the case, then there is no point in torturing all of us with the sound before it's unavoidable. ;)

I'm sure your dog is going to do fine!
-Heather

[bunny nose]

I have a 7 year old rhodesian ridgeback. My SIL is a breeder, handler, shower, groomer- you name it. LOL Anyway, she said to have DH bring home the first blanket they use on the baby, when the baby is first born. This way the blanket will also have your smells on it too. Also, don't let the dog take the blanket in his mouth- he'll think it is OK to do that with the baby too.

Other than that we have been preparing him as much as we can. In the beginning we just kept telling him that he is going to be a big brother soon. I haven't nothiced him being more protective of me because he pretty much always was protective of me. I have noticed that he is more interested in my smells when I use the bathroom. (Just #1- sorry TMI LOL) I used to swat him away but SIL said that he smells the difference and is interested. So I let him sniff away and tell him that is his brother, that that is Nicholas. Sometimes he even starts to look around for him.

We will be setting up the crib soon so we bought him a new bed and will put that out as well at the same time. This way he has something new too.

Other than that just be sure to show him attention too when baby comes home. My brother had a lab and she was great when he brought home his DD. She followed her everywhere and couldn't get enough of licking her. They loved each other to death! Labs are great with kids, so you should do fine.

Good luck!
Karen

[IUAlum]

Subscribing! My lab is almost 4 and does great with kids, but I'm worried he'll be jealous.
He has been very cuddly and affectionate with me lately. :)

[Kingdono]

We didn't really do anything special for our dog he was a 3 year old Rottie Now he's 5. I did have my husband bring home a cap or blanket from the baby for him to smell and my husband helpd the baby so that I could say hi to the puppy since I had been away. We just kept a close eye on them as he explored the new baby and now my son lays on top of him and most recently is inspecting the possibility of riding him :p

Good luck

[Chimichanga]

Labs, by nature, are people pleasing animals. I think if you bring home a blanket with the baby's scent it would be good, but like other people have said - the dog just may not be interested.

Make sure you pay attention to your dog once the baby is home. I know it can be hard, but have DH take the baby for 30 minutes and you play with the dog or something. Your pup is going to get depressed because he doesn't have all of your attention at all times. But they'll get used to it.

[amychris03]

Thanks for all the advice ladies!! Keep it coming!:)

Maddie is for the most part a great dog! She doesn't jump on us at all but
will do it to others who come in our house. She is a big fan of licking though!
Surprisingly enough, she is a lot more attached to DH than I (why I dont know
since I am the primary caregiver and he is gone so often) so hopefully he will
be a good consolation for her when the baby first gets here and I can spend
some time with her as well. We live literally 5 minutes or less from the
hospital, so Chris will be able to come home and check on her while I am away
and take her for walks, etc. She will be staying with our neighbors probably.

Another suggestion I got from someone is to buy cheap, inexpensive dog
toys/treats and have them by the door in a container so that when people
come to visit the new baby, they can give her something as well and she
doesn't feel resentful that she isn't getting the most attention.

[ajlanden]

We have two labs. One was 7 and one was 2 when we bought DD home. We didn't have any problems at all at first. They loved her. They loved to lick her especially. At first they were really worried when she cried, but they totally got over it. :)

The one thing I would say is that I don't think they think of her as a "human". It seems to me they think of her more like another animal. I say this because of an awful experience I had...DD was about 10 months and just had started crawling. I thought it would be cute to get a picture of her between the two dogs while they were eating. (Remember that she crawls all over the dogs most of the time and they LOVE it!) Well, DD got close to our young lab's food dish and he snapped at her and actually bruised her face. I was LIVID! I couldn't believe he would do that. I was ready to get rid of him. But then I thought, that he must think of her as another animal and he was just protecting his "kill". So, I guess the moral of my story is that although labs act like people sometimes, they are still dogs. I am just more careful now.

She does still love the dogs and they love her.

[lady1297]

We did a few things to get our lab ready for our son (who is her bestest friend now!).

First off, we started slowly weaning our lab off of all our attention. I started making her wait 'her turn' to go out (I nursed and couldn't just run out with a baby to let her out). We backed off all the 'love/play/rubdown sessions' to four or five times a day (about all we figured we could do for her with a baby). We enrolled in a second level training class to brush up on her obedience skills.

Then we sent home the baby's recieving blanket with DH. He laid it next to him in bed the first night I was in the hospital, down the side of the bed where our lab sleeps. She sniffed it a few times, and didn't care after that.

When we came home, DH brought our son in AFTER I came in to greet our dog and cats. She is a bit jumpy and did jump on me, but when DH came in, she just sniffed the car seat. Then we set the car seat down on the floor and let her sniff all she wanted. Three sniffs later she moved on with life!

Then we started training her with treats to lay down next to me when I nursed (gave her a 'job' when I was nursing). This took about a month or so to do. And I had treats in the baby's room to give her whenever I went into the room to change our son. I did this because our lab was still a chewer and I wanted her to come with me so I knew what she was doing. 16 months later, she still comes upstairs with us (although now she sometimes goes and lays on our bed instead of coming into DS's room all the time, which is perfectly okay with me.)

We also gave her the ability to sniff all the new 'stuff'. Diapers, clothes, baby powder, diaper cream, bottles, etc. So nothing was 'new' by the time our son came home. Also, we asked some family to come over and take her for a walk a few days a week so she could get some one on one attention (I had some post partum depression issues and wouldn't go outside for awhile.)

There was a several month adjustment phase anyway. And I did threaten to get rid of our first baby out of depression (she was known to run off and chew stuff while I was nursing because she wasn't dealing). But all the training and patience paid off BIG time. She and my son are bestest friends EVER! My son learned to climb onto the sofa by using her as a starting point!

[amychris03]

lady1297
Love the idea about the treats while nursing. I read that somewhere
else, to keep treats in rooms where you do a lot of the nursing and
changing so that the dog associates positive things with the baby!

I hope Mads doesnt revert to any negative behavior... She's normally
pretty good like I said, but she gets jealous when DH and I are spending
time together. One time she was being such a brat jumping on the bed
when we were "in the mood" that we locked her out of the bedroom. When
we let her in, the little crap went over and peed on my clothes! I guess
thats the only behavior she has that is really bad (she hasnt done it since
reallly-- only one other time total when a friends dog was over and she
was being territorial).

[ManteoChik]

I agree with everything everyone else has posted. My best friend and her DH just had a baby girl and to prepare their 2 year old female lab for her arrival they made sure the nursery and all baby items were set up pretty far in advance. The dog was always allowed to go into the nursery and so she never felt like it was an "off limits" place. She actaully sat in the nursery with them as they put together all of the baby items and she was able to check everything out. Once the baby was born her DH brought home the baby blanket so her dog could sniff it and get the scent.

Dogs are very smart and they know when something is different. My friends dog was *very* protective of my friend when she was PG and didn't want anyone to get near her. She knew something was different. I think that you should always start at a very young age taking the dogs toys, treats, and food away from them in the middle of play and eating so they are used it and they don't feel like they need to fight for it. This is especially important when you are introducing kids into the house.

My friend and the baby (who was 3 months) flew down to stay with me for a week. I was fairly worried how my 1 year female old black lab was going to act having a baby in the house because she is very spoiled. She *loved* the baby and never left her side the whole time. She would sit by her bouncer and make sure that no one strange got near her when people came to visit. I was really cute and Baby Ella loved to have her feet licked by the dog.

[lady1297]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

lady1297
Love the idea about the treats while nursing. I read that somewhere
else, to keep treats in rooms where you do a lot of the nursing and
changing so that the dog associates positive things with the baby!

I totally did it out of necessity, but find it was the best thing I did. I'll probably do something similar when we have #2 for both dog and DS!! :) Our dog still gets treats occasionally when I nurse and if she comes up with us, she gets a big old tummy rub!


ETA: Funny side story of that. My mom was here and I was nursing my son, about 2 months old. Our dog came over, put her head on the boppy pillow and drooled about a gallon of drool all over the pillow waiting for her treat (I would give them at different times, sometime at the beginning, sometimes the end most of the time randomly in the middle, just as long as she was sitting there or laying down, I wasn't picky, so head on boppy was acceptable to me too.). My mom asked me why she was doing that and I started to explain. Well pup decided there had been enough of the talking and not enough treats, so she tried to stand on the sofa and lick my shirt where my boob was. She figured if I wasn't going to give her a treat, milk would be fine! I about died of laughter! Silly dogs!

[curlyjr]

I have 2 cars and a dog that I love just like they were my own children. However, DH and I would like to have children in the future but we are in agreement we would never give up our pets. They are all very affectionate well behaved animals but as far as the cats jumping in the crib or the dog trying to jump on my lap with the baby and things like that, I don't know what do do. So for those of you who have pets and children, how did it work out? what were the problems and how did you deal with them?

[beachlvr]

We had a cat when we had our kids and it was never a problem. She was a mean ornery old cat but she never scratched or bit any of the kids. If she didn't want to be bothered she'd just find a hiding place. And if I was nursing one of the babies she'd just jump onto the chair next to me. If the baby was asleep in the crib I just shut the door to keep her out of the room. But one of her favorite out-of-the-way places was the top of the changing table!

We got a dog when our youngest was 9 months old and they are best friends.

I truly don't see any reason to give up your pets just because you have kids.

[jo&sean]

We have 3 cats, 2 dogs and an almost 5 month old DD. We have not had any problems whatsoever with the pets and the baby. The dogs know their limits through proper training and the cats have been fine. For the most part they all kept their distance when she was younger but now that she is getting more active, they love to hang out with her and watch her. The cats have yet to even offer to jump in her crib and I think that is largely due to us letting them know it isn't a cat place and by keeping her bedroom door shut when she is sleeping or we are not in there doing something. We have provided them with a number of comfy "cat" places that they seem content with their space right now.

I would never consider giving up our pets just because we had a child unless it was for a medical reason. You can make it work if you want it to work.

[lisainpink]

My sister has 4 dogs and an 8 month old. The doggies love my nephew. They just aren't allowed to lick him in the face- and they know that. (BTW- her dogs are very active- 1 Bassett Hound, 2 Beagles, and 1 Spaniel.)

[jbenny75]

If your dog jumps up on you, I'd start right now on training it not to. I'd also look around for info on properly introducing your animals to a new baby. There's no reason to have to give up your animals when you have kids. Dogs, cats, and kids peacefully co-exist all the time.

For cats, you can keep the baby's door closed, or someone suggested this to me:

www.totsinmind.com

It's a mesh covering that goes over your crib to keep your cats out.

[ManteoChik]

My best friend has a black lab and a 5 month old DD. The dog is now 2 1/2 and they've had her since she was 7 weeks old. They had no problems whatsoever....in fact their dog LOVES their DD and likes to "watch" after her. Whenever she is in her bouncer or asleep in the bedroom, the dog will lay next to it and not leave the room until the baby wakes up and someone comes to get her.

I also have a 1 year old black lab and she LOVES kids, I have none of my own but she loves when kids come over to the house. She especially loves my best friends DD. She too will sit next to her bouncer and not leave her side.

[Jaycee]

We have 2 dogs and an 11 week old daughter and everything is working out GREAT!! We wanted to make sure that everyone would get along right from the get go, so we actually had a dog trainer bring our dogs home from boarding when we came home from the hospital with the baby, so that they could be properly introduced. It was pretty non eventful actually, and the dogs just wanted to sniff her, and then they layed down on the floor and passed out like they normally do when they come home from doggie day care :D Now it seems like they've known the baby forever. :)
I really believe they knew what was happening when I was pregnant and had plenty of time to get used to the idea. They have pretty good intuition. More than most humans give them credit for.

[fastlayne224]

We got Monkey (a beagle mix) last year for DD 6th birthday. Monkey was about 4 months when we got her. DD has several disabilities as well as a lot of sensory issues. We have not had one problem. Monkey is so protective of her and keeps an eye on her at all times. In fact, just this morning, DD was in the bathtub, I had turned around to get the towel and she started to have a seizure. Monkey about knocks me down, to get me turn around to get to DD. She then jumps into the tub to lay down beside her until the seizuire stopped.

So unless your pets tend to be jealous, I don't think you will have any problems.

[curlyjr]

Thank you so much for your stories, we will do everything we can to make sure it is a happy family of pets and kids, I guess I'm just freaked because I know a lot of new mothers who keep saying stuff like, its too dangerous and you won't feel that way once you have your own baby and everything changes when you are a real mother. To top it off, SIL insists we put our dog in his crate when she comes over with my 2 month old nephew.

[Jaycee]

Curlyjr, I had the same fears when I was pregnant, and I started a similar thread : (heres the link) "First comes dog, then comes baby" (http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?t=4469)

I'm happy to say, those people who told you that are W-R-O-N-G :p

[jbenny75]

I always think that people like that must not have loved their poor animals much to begin with. People that say things like that are not true animal lovers, IMO.

[solongtogo]

I have two cats that were very much like my own children before my baby was born. I was insanely worried for them, that they wouldn't take to the baby. Now one of them keeps his distance but only because he's scared of the baby. Suprisingly the one that I figured would have an intense hatred for the baby is in love with her. When I'm nursing, the cat will come and lay on the other side of the baby and purr in her ear. If she's crying, the cat will race to her to see what's wrong. There's never been any scratches or biting. Baby isin't old enough to pull on ears or tails yet though :)

[jbenny75]

solongtogo Did you have any trouble with the cats going into your baby's crib? That's the only thing I'm worried about. One of my cats will be no problem, I know she'll be afraid of the baby. However, my other cat has a knack for always being where she isn't supposed to be. She also is never content to lay on my lap, she's always got to be right on my chest or in my face. I'm kinda worried about her being in the crib or laying on the baby's chest.

I know that there are ways around these things if you're careful, though. I would never just get rid of her.

[jnettie]

fastlayne224, that's one of the sweetest stories I've ever heard! What a great dog!

[allyray231]

My cat was "my first baby." When I was pg people asked me if I was going to give up my cat--I just rolled my eyes on them.

DS is almost 8 months and him and the cat are doing well. It took the cat a whlie to get used to the baby-but he has been very good with him. He even lets him sit there and pull his fur :)

[ManteoChik]

I don't have cats - or kids but thought I would add this....

The family that I used to babysit for in high school and college had two girls...4 years and 6 months when I started babysitting them. They had a cat and the girls got along great with the cat. In fact the cat's name was the youngest girls first word...she said "Boots". As for the crib issue...whenever the baby went to bed we shut the door and made sure the monitor was on. I would also check the room to make sure the cat wasn't in there. These people had a huge house and lots of $$$ so they had camera systems through the whole house including the girls bedrooms and playrooms. It was actually really nice because I could change the TV to a particular channel and check up on them when they were napping without ever having to go in the room and risk waking them up.

[fuzzy]

My mom has a wonderful picture of me in my crib...the cat, who is in the crib with me, is staring out the slats while our German Shepherd and my brother, who was just learning to walk and who was clinging to the scruff of the dog's neck, are staring into the crib, keeping watch.

We didn't have a lot, but we had a house full of pets. And it was wonderful.

[Hula1974]

Bumping for more ideas/stories! We have a JRT, not a lab, but I think all these theories apply.

[CityGirl]

We started thinking about this issue when we started TTC. We have a 3 year old Boston Terrier who is our child. He gets so much attention and love we just knew that we would feel terrible when we had a baby and less time to spend with him. So we got him a baby sister :p She's also a Boston, and is currently about 4 months old. Our dog needs so much less attention now that its been really great. We're already working on some changes that I don't want them to associate with the baby such as asking permission to get on the sofa instead of just jumping up whenever. I also want to transition them now to sleeping in the family room as opposed to our bedroom. I do plan on doing a lot of walking with the baby and dogs, so am starting to work on good leash manners again.

[schmeevee]

hi! hubby and i are hoping to TTC by fall 2007. we have a boston terrier who will be 1.5 by the time we start. already, i'm thinking about where will we bring him when it's time for me to go to the hospital? how we would start preparing him for a human baby? how we would we re-organize our lives so human baby and furbaby can get along?

so... just wondering, if you had a furbaby before a human baby, how did your lives change? what worries did you have? how did you overcome them? how are things now, etc... any insight or sharing of experiences would be very helpful. :)


tia!
vee

[Scooter]

i'm thinking about where will we bring him when it's time for me to go to the hospital?
We left ours at home and had famiy members stop in to see her & give her food & attention. After the baby was born, DH went home that afternoon to give her some exercise & went home to sleep that night. It worked out fine, we didn't have to put her in a kennel or anything.

how we would start preparing him for a human baby?
There are cds out there of crying babies to help them get used to the sound, although we didn't use that. We did encourage her to spend more time playing by herself, and I tried to not spend quite as much time playing with her. We also wrapped the baby in a receiving blanket right after birth, when I was cuddling her, and then DH took that blanket home. It smelled to her like a mix of baby & me, so she had an introduction before meeting face to face.

Honestly, our dog knew I was pregnant as soon as I did. She was sleeping next to me & guarding me & being really protective right from the very beginning. She definitely knew things were changing, even though she didn't know in what way! I think nature helps prepare them a bit.

how we would we re-organize our lives so human baby and furbaby can get along? so... just wondering, if you had a furbaby before a human baby, how did your lives change?
Since everything changes after a baby, we tried to leave some routines in place for our dog. As far as them getting along, maybe it helped us that our dog's female, but she loved the baby from the beginning. We just made sure from the first introduction that she was gentle with the baby, and haven't had problems. She's very protective of the baby. It's also important to make sure the dog has respect for the baby's place in the pack hierarchy above your dog.


Also, check out the Pets forum for this topic, there are other several threads there:
How to introduce Lab to baby (http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?t=13426)
Pets and children (http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?t=14974)
Did your dog know you were pregnant? (http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?t=6028)
First comes dog, then comes baby? (http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?t=4469)
Dog & new baby (http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?t=8038)

[schmeevee]

thank you again scooter for sharing your experiences and for the link! i'll definitely have to check those out! :)


MODS - can you please move this to PETS forum? thanks!

[bellabonga]

We´ve had our Tibetan Terrier for 6 or 7 years when DD was born. Everyone told us before that he would probably be very jealous and might hurt the baby. We thought that was BS and fortunately we were right!

Our dog stayed with my parents when I was at the hospital since DH stayed for the first three days with me at the hospital. I had to stay for a week and so DH had some time to bring home used diapers for the dog. He gave it to our dog to sniff at it which is often advised to prepare your dog. So the baby already smelled familiar when we brought it home.

It was a bit tough for the first weeks. My dog went overly enthusiastic when I returned home and kept jumping at me. I had had a c-section and that was not funny. After that everything was fine and the only thing that was a bit complicated was taking out the dog between the baby´s feedings. I didn´t want to leave DD at home and so I had to dress her (she was born in Feb) and carry the stroller downstairs several times a day which wasn´t that easy after the c-section. But it was doable and I guess it might be easier if you don´t need a c-section. And if it´s warmer you can use a sling or a baby born instead of a stroller.

I think it´s mostly important that you don´t change your dog´s routines. Our dog was used to sleep in our bed and so we didn´t throw him out. We just had DD´s crib next to our bed and everyone was happy with that solution. If we had thrown him out so that DD could have slept in our bed, I guess that he would have gotten jealous. So I only had to watch him when DD was on her playmat on the floor because my dog always wanted to lick her face and feet. :D

[dancn226]

Oh my this is so crazy. My husband and I have thsi conversation with each other all the time about our Boston Terrier. She truly is our girl. She sleeps between us, lays between us on the couch, and is with us at all times. Like we only leave her when we ahve to work. So we wonder the same, how do you handel the fact that you will have a baby, when your boston thinks she is the only baby? Very funny there are others thinking the same. My bostons is turnning to. My husband and I are seeing what happens, so we will see what happens with Tia as well. She is the princess!!!:)

[Daniel's Kitty]

I was more worried about how the cat would respond. But my son loves the cat and the cat will even let him pull fur. Ds does it just gently enough that the shedding stuff comes out.

Our dog has recently started causing problems though. He is about 12 and a cocker. He has started trying to compete with ds and pees on the floor. I think it is because of the way his life is changing due to age and health. We had to quit walks since he can't walk far and he doesn't get much attention since he wants to sleep.

[miaclear]

We have a cocker also and I always used to think I'd have to worry more about the cat (who has her claws) and not the dog. Then when our friends started having kids and they were at the house I noticed the cat just sat back and watched...or ran away. Whereas the dog believes any toy or food that's at his level is his....so babies beware. He's only got like 3 teeth left and is mostly all bark but it worries me a bit. I hope when we have our baby that he'll just get used to it.

As for loving them.... I'm sure it'll change when baby comes but honestly I couldn't imagine not looking at my cat as the sweetest thing ever :D

[Dotsie]

We have an akita/german sheperd mix. She was 3 when we brought our DS home. THings really didn't change that much at all. My DH brought home a hospital blanket with the baby's scent on it before we came home. Cady May (our dog) pretty much ignored him from the get go. Our dog was always very well behaved. She now will get into the trash or eat food off the counter in the kitchen. She's gotten really bad with it. It's something we can live with though. Cady May is now SUPER protective of our DS. If my DH is wrestling with our DS, Cady May goes after my DH. It's really sweet to see my DS and our dog together. They really are best buds.
GOod Luck.