Are we starting a bad habit???

[newmommy]

DS will be 3 weeks tomorrow!!!
Well he has a difficult time falling asleep on his own, and we have to hold him/rock him to sleep. Many times when we put him down, we have to pick him back up.

He loves being held.....but are we setting him up?? I mean we have no quams about settling a newborn, but will this become necessary for him to fall asleep, or is it just developmental??

I'm thinking it is, but I kind of need to hear that we're not forming any bad habits. I NEVER thought we'd sleep with our child in our arms....but as it turns out, that's the only way any of us get sleep around here these days :(

He has issues with gas/constipation and we've had to change his bottles and switch him to soy......so he's been really cranky/uncomfortable and sad....so as his mommy I feel the need to soothe him...but in the back of my head I worry that we're doing something wrong....


Of course DH thinks I worry too much :rolleyes: So any thoughts you can bounce back...you've all been so helpful in the past!!!!

TIA

[lady1297]

I believe that you can do know wrong in holding a baby. They are comforted by it. Your role is to comfort. I also believe that if it feels right to you, then you need to do it. Yes, my son still likes to be held at 17 months. But neither DH nor I mind. He'll be too big to hold one day and we'll miss it.So for now we are going to hold him and snuggle with him as much as possible. It's much better than my gf's son who won't even hug her. She put him in the crib to fall asleep since he was a few weeks old. Worked for her at the time, but she gets so sad that he won't snuggle, cuddle, hug or show any affection to her like my son does me. Makes me glad we rock our son to sleep every night. :) Go with your gut momma!

[lorbo]

i don't think so! DS was in a NICU for the first 5 weeks of his life-when he came home, we slept on the couch, with him on me or right next to me. 4 weeks after his release we had to return to another NICU for a long weekend. he remained sleeping on or right next to me until he was six months old-then i transitioned him to the cradle(he was just about 8 weeks early)-then he was moved to the crib. IMO, he needed all that snuggling and when he was sleeping on me, it made me more comfortable and he slept well! i don't think you can spoil a newborn with too much holding, loving, etc.

[Jen1098]

You really can't spoil or set up bad habits in a baby as young as yours.

My ds slept half the night in his swing from about 2-4 months old. He's a fantastic sleeper now.

You aren't doing anything wrong, he likes being held close to you. Nothing wrong with that. I slept many nights sitting up with Ds on my chest.

Just keep doing what your doing he'll be fine and eventually will sleep on his own.

Have you tried swaddling him though, that might help you.

[IrisHope]

Nah, you can't spoil a newborn!

[newmommy]

Thanks :D

I do swaddle him. He is a cuddler like his mom and dad!! DH and I cuddle all the time at night, even in the summer when it's hot and humid....so I think he takes after us ;)

Thanks for the support!!!

[Nikkid]

First off, congrats! Our DC our close in age, mine turned 3 weeks on Wed. I also wanted to add that your doing nothing wrong. We had to do this with our DD, that was the only way we could get her to sleep as well as us. I don't remember how long we had to do it but eventually she started sleeping on her own. My DS now is a pretty good sleeper but we are dealing with constipation and gas too, it doesn't happen every night but a couple times a week. Those nights the only way he is comfortable is when I'm holding him on my chest. Just keep doing what our doing.

[philnikki]

I was like you, and thought "No way am I holding my baby and co-sleeping" But things always look a little differently when you actually experience them! We did co-sleep with my DD until she was 3 mos old (she had the same issues with constipation and gas, and my DH said the same thing to me), and when we moved her to her crib she took to sleeping in there like a champ, so in my experience, it hasn't created any kind of bad habit. I agree with everyone else, you can't spoil a newborn! Congrats! :)

[allyray231]

Nah, you can't spoil a newborn!
ITA

When my son was a few weeks-he would nap on my for hours. In the early days you do what you can to get them to sleep

He is now 7 1/2 months and sleeps in a crib with usually no problems

[dzmattie]

You are doing fine - we did the same thing for awhile - you can't spoil him at this point.

Be careful sleeping with him in your arms though....

[AirForceLove]

I agree with all the PP's. You can't spoil a newborn. I wish mine still liked to be rocked to sleep. I miss that so much. Oldest who is almost 2 will only do it if he is REALLY tired or is sick. My youngest is 6 1/2 months old and is getting to the stage where he likes to look around so much that he won't stay till. :( Cherrish this time.

[cr8zyforaf]

So at what age do you think it is appropriate to stop? I have an almost 5 month old daughter who is fed/rocked to sleep and sometimes held during naps and sleeps with me when I have a really hard time putting her down. Most of the books (which are about to set me crazy) advise against everything I am doing and yes, at times the rocking, holding, etc. wears on me – but I work full time and need what sleep I can get – so if I have to hold her all night that is what I am going to do? Am I setting myself up here- or will the time just come when she transitions to the next step on her own?

[LexyLou]

No you are not setting up bad habits. Your DC is so little and is used to being held (in your womb) 24 hours a day so anything less is a major change for him.

My DD would only fall asleep in the Bjorn for the first 10 weeks of her life. We could transition her to her crib for bedtime but not naps and she would have to be out for 45 minutes plus before we could transition her.

Now at 4 months old she has to be put down to fall asleep. She won't sleep in my arms or in bed with me. It actually makes me sad because I would love to be able to take a nap with her.

[nancy drew]

So at what age do you think it is appropriate to stop? I have an almost 5 month old daughter who is fed/rocked to sleep and sometimes held during naps and sleeps with me when I have a really hard time putting her down. Most of the books (which are about to set me crazy) advise against everything I am doing and yes, at times the rocking, holding, etc. wears on me – but I work full time and need what sleep I can get – so if I have to hold her all night that is what I am going to do? Am I setting myself up here- or will the time just come when she transitions to the next step on her own?

whenever she is ready, thats when you stop. throw out the books. seriously. i made one last stab at books with my son and omg it nearly drove me insane. read your child instead. you can gently try to get her to use other methods to go to sleep *if* you feel areal need to do things differently. but if you are trying to change just because some book says you are doing something wrong, then i wouldnt change a thing. :)

and to the OP, one thing that helped both of my kids (who coslept, were held to sleep, slept in our room, and yet had NO problems transitioning to a crib) was rolling up a blanket or two to place on either side of them as they sleep (at shoulder level) so they are "snuggling" with the blankets just like they snuggle with people. :)

[Neen]

I rocked all my kids to sleep when they were babies. I was still rocking them once in awhile up to about 5 years! They are all real snugglers and truthfully, I didn't mind it one bit. I never had a problem after they were asleep getting them to sleep in their crib/bed. I wouldn't trade that time for anything! (I kinda miss it now, my kids are 15, 8, & 7 and still love to snuggle!)

[lml41981]

Have you ever heard of an adult who simply can't sleep unless his parents are in the bed? ;)

I don't think you're doing anything wrong.

[PinkMartini]

Have you ever heard of an adult who simply can't sleep unless his parents are in the bed? ;)

Not the OP, but I have heard (from family) of 10 - 15 year old children still sleeping in their parents beds with them :eek: Now that's a little extreme....

[Marisa]

With all due respect, PM -- if that's the case, and they're not doing so because of a bed shortage, then I'm sure there's something else going on there, not caused by the parents rocking their babies to sleep when they were infants.

[Delta]

I fail to see why that is extreme.

[Cali_Katy]

My baby is nine months old. When he was a newborn, he would only sleep in my arms or on my chest. I freaked out about this, I really did. How would I ever get anything done?

Yesterday afternoon he took a nap in my arms for the first time in literally months. It did not become a habit. His needs for this changed around the 3-4 month mark. I really wish I had not stressed about this and had just enjoyed it. I enjoyed every second of his nap yesterday afternoon :)

[snowzilla]

whenever she is ready, thats when you stop. throw out the books. seriously. i made one last stab at books with my son and omg it nearly drove me insane. read your child instead. you can gently try to get her to use other methods to go to sleep *if* you feel areal need to do things differently. but if you are trying to change just because some book says you are doing something wrong, then i wouldnt change a thing. :)



I completely agree! I don't read parenting books anymore. Seriously. I've learned, after three children, that not one of them is the same, and especially with DD#3, there is no parenting book mold that "fits" her personality - it's just impossible for any author, doctor or not, to write a book that fully encompasses all the possible differences in our loveable little babies.

Just do what feels right. You'll hear this alot - "you can't spoil a newborn" - and I firmly believe that it is true.

[octoberkate]

I haven't read the replies, so I'm sure that you've heard this already, but FWIW - we did the same thing. I think one of us slept holding our son every night until he was four or five months old. (Not co-sleeping - he didn't like that - we had to have him physically on our chest on the couch or recliner or something.) Now, at 22 months, he sleeps in his crib just fine.

When I asked the ped about this at an early WBV, she said that you really can't spoil babies under 6 months because they don't yet know how to manipulate you for anything. After 6 months, maybe it could be manipulation, and a big maybe at that. But not that early.

So do whatever works to make all of you happy and rested.