Zelda Von Yitz
07-04-2005, 05:08 PM
I will give you a bit of background:
My brother (who I'll call Clyde) was engaged to a woman I'll call Bonnie. Bonnie's got a three year old daughter Bonnie Junior.
Six months after he started to see Bonnie, he moved both of them in with him.
When he did so, I said nothing, for a myriad of reasons. Plus I did not want to look like a meddler -- I already saw a potential attachment issue for Bonnie J. when he said he was considering moving Bonnie and Bonnie J. in with him, but I said nothing.
Five months after they moved in, Clyde and Bonnie got engaged.
Things did not go well not long after that. A great many things were wrong with the relationship on both side.
HEre's what they had going on: big conflict in religion; she demanded a temple wedding -- Clyde is a fallen away Catholic -- and there was no compromise in anything. (She even had a Christmas Day wedding lined up at one point -- again, very nice, being the groom is Catholic)
She was much too manipulative --, what she said WENT no questions asked. If you even encroached the subject, she'd get confrontational.
Not addressing extreme religious differnces? Will eventually kill a relationship. It is something that has to be addressed before you get married -- better yet, when the relationship begins to get serious, it should be addressed.
If you don't address it early on, you'll butt heads later and it won't be pretty. I've never seen it fail.
Like I said, what she said went, no questions asked. She flat out said, "He is getting married in my temple and THAT'S THAT!" Clyde was right there when she said this -- he didn't seem to hear what Bonnie said...aiyiyiyiyi... hey, Bonnie: way to go! Thanks for making the decision FOR HIM!
Also, Clyde could not handle money to save his life. (just based on that alone, I'd have hightailed it out the door, if I was Bonnie) That was also another contributing factor to the relationship's demise.
Towards the end of last year, Clyde started seeing somebody else (this was on the sneak) and Bonnie found out about it. (he also said to me, "I'm afraid that Bonnie is the only thing I'll be able to find." I flat out said to him, "If you are not happy, end this relationship. Don't settle; you come first and skroo what everybody else thinks. He didn't take my advice. About a month after he said that, he started dating this other girl on the sneak.)
I saw this breakup coming from 100 miles away and I still said nothing to Clyde.
The relationship ended when she found out about the other yl and Bonnie and Bonnie J. moved out. That was at the start of this year.
Okay.....
That now leads us to this...and I think this is a bit strange:
Clyde still has Bonnie hanging around him. The arrangement when she moved out, Clyde would still drop around on a Sunday here and there to visit Bonnie J., to ease her transition a bit. (I can see where this is at; a friend of mine did the same thing with a bf Rob when she broke up with him; her youngest son Jeremy was very attached to Rob, so my friend and Rob agreed that he'd drop around every so often to see Jeremy. The visits stopped after several months and Jeremy was fine with that after that) The visits aren't ending.
She isn't quite his friend and not quite dating him -- Clyde got invited to a wedding a coworker is taking and guess who he is bringing (a very high end reception site where it's $150 a head and up, a Sunday afternoon affair or not) -- being Clyde is in financial dire straits, why does he even need to bring anyone, let alone Bonnie?
Bonnie had some awards ceremony to attend at our local high school...uh, guess who went along? "I want to keep an eye on Bonnie J" is what he told me. Uh, she could very well have called a sitter! WTF is up with this?
Clyde cannot seem to close the door on this; I've told him three times to move on but it doesn't seem to penetrate.
He flat out told me he was de-spined by Bonnie when Bonnie was living there; did he forget that she had such a freaking granite grip on him? For that alone, I wouldn't want to speak to Bonnie ever again, if I was in Clyde's shoes.
The same goes for his finding himself another gf while he was engaged to Bonnie: with friends like that you do not need enemies -- wtf is Bonnie interested in keeping in touch with Clyde at all? I sure would NOT, if this was me. Sorry, but a guy like this is NOT friendship material, not in any size, shape or form.
He cannot seem to close the door on this -- I cannot see the point in his taking her to some wedding a coworker is having.
Anybody's thoughts on this?
My brother (who I'll call Clyde) was engaged to a woman I'll call Bonnie. Bonnie's got a three year old daughter Bonnie Junior.
Six months after he started to see Bonnie, he moved both of them in with him.
When he did so, I said nothing, for a myriad of reasons. Plus I did not want to look like a meddler -- I already saw a potential attachment issue for Bonnie J. when he said he was considering moving Bonnie and Bonnie J. in with him, but I said nothing.
Five months after they moved in, Clyde and Bonnie got engaged.
Things did not go well not long after that. A great many things were wrong with the relationship on both side.
HEre's what they had going on: big conflict in religion; she demanded a temple wedding -- Clyde is a fallen away Catholic -- and there was no compromise in anything. (She even had a Christmas Day wedding lined up at one point -- again, very nice, being the groom is Catholic)
She was much too manipulative --, what she said WENT no questions asked. If you even encroached the subject, she'd get confrontational.
Not addressing extreme religious differnces? Will eventually kill a relationship. It is something that has to be addressed before you get married -- better yet, when the relationship begins to get serious, it should be addressed.
If you don't address it early on, you'll butt heads later and it won't be pretty. I've never seen it fail.
Like I said, what she said went, no questions asked. She flat out said, "He is getting married in my temple and THAT'S THAT!" Clyde was right there when she said this -- he didn't seem to hear what Bonnie said...aiyiyiyiyi... hey, Bonnie: way to go! Thanks for making the decision FOR HIM!
Also, Clyde could not handle money to save his life. (just based on that alone, I'd have hightailed it out the door, if I was Bonnie) That was also another contributing factor to the relationship's demise.
Towards the end of last year, Clyde started seeing somebody else (this was on the sneak) and Bonnie found out about it. (he also said to me, "I'm afraid that Bonnie is the only thing I'll be able to find." I flat out said to him, "If you are not happy, end this relationship. Don't settle; you come first and skroo what everybody else thinks. He didn't take my advice. About a month after he said that, he started dating this other girl on the sneak.)
I saw this breakup coming from 100 miles away and I still said nothing to Clyde.
The relationship ended when she found out about the other yl and Bonnie and Bonnie J. moved out. That was at the start of this year.
Okay.....
That now leads us to this...and I think this is a bit strange:
Clyde still has Bonnie hanging around him. The arrangement when she moved out, Clyde would still drop around on a Sunday here and there to visit Bonnie J., to ease her transition a bit. (I can see where this is at; a friend of mine did the same thing with a bf Rob when she broke up with him; her youngest son Jeremy was very attached to Rob, so my friend and Rob agreed that he'd drop around every so often to see Jeremy. The visits stopped after several months and Jeremy was fine with that after that) The visits aren't ending.
She isn't quite his friend and not quite dating him -- Clyde got invited to a wedding a coworker is taking and guess who he is bringing (a very high end reception site where it's $150 a head and up, a Sunday afternoon affair or not) -- being Clyde is in financial dire straits, why does he even need to bring anyone, let alone Bonnie?
Bonnie had some awards ceremony to attend at our local high school...uh, guess who went along? "I want to keep an eye on Bonnie J" is what he told me. Uh, she could very well have called a sitter! WTF is up with this?
Clyde cannot seem to close the door on this; I've told him three times to move on but it doesn't seem to penetrate.
He flat out told me he was de-spined by Bonnie when Bonnie was living there; did he forget that she had such a freaking granite grip on him? For that alone, I wouldn't want to speak to Bonnie ever again, if I was in Clyde's shoes.
The same goes for his finding himself another gf while he was engaged to Bonnie: with friends like that you do not need enemies -- wtf is Bonnie interested in keeping in touch with Clyde at all? I sure would NOT, if this was me. Sorry, but a guy like this is NOT friendship material, not in any size, shape or form.
He cannot seem to close the door on this -- I cannot see the point in his taking her to some wedding a coworker is having.
Anybody's thoughts on this?