How many moms get sitters they don't know?(a ? from the wedding thread)

[chloechloe]

I was surprised in another thread, asking about a wedding that children were not allowed. Alot of the people that replied mentioned that they would get a sitter, in a strange city that they did not know to watch their baby. I am curious how many moms are okay with this? If it is a total stranger watching your child, do you check references or have requirements (ie. first aid, CPR)? Are you afraid that something may happen?

(I would never ever leave my dd with a stranger so that thread got me thinking.......)

[1_mommy]

i would never leave my kids with somebody i did not know. both of my kids are in a wedding in nov. i am taking my sister with me to watch my kids so that we can enjoy ourselves too. (the wedding is in las vegas)

[magdesilver]

Not travelling, but we are new to the area and I signed up with a sitter service. They assigned me a regular sitter who I spoke with over the phone (I could have met her as well but I opted not to). She's background checked and cpr-certified, and will be watching my DD for occasional date nights after she is already asleep in bed.

[prudies]

I don't regularly leave my kid with someone I don't know obviously, but I did do it for a wedding we attended several months ago. I was a little nervous since I'd never done this before but I arranged it through the hotel we were staying at, a fancy schmancy place that went through an outside agency, and I felt comfortable. They give you the person's resume beforehand, you can talk to the person by phone or in person first, and I also spent some time with the caregiver when she arrived a half hour early. I felt comfortable with her right away, and everything went great.

[catmom]

Nope. If she were really verbal, I could see leaving her with someone I didn't know well who came recommended, though (like a local teenager). But I wouldn't leave her with someone I didn't know anytime soon. Shoot, there are a lot of people I DO know that I won't leave her with for various reasons.

[LeslieR]

I wouldn't. In fact, I'm not even sure I feel comfy leaving him with someone other than my mom or my MIL at this point. Can't really say how I'll feel when he's older, though.

[mia's mama]

I would use a sitter service in a pinch- if I could meet the person beforehand and be sure that they were CPR certified, had a background check etc. I wouldn't do it on a regular basis, but for an out-of-town wedding, maybe. I used to babysit for a fancy hotel in college, and a ton of families used the service. I never met the families beforehand, and it was always a one-time deal.

If a friend or relative reccomended a sitter that they had personally used, I would certainly trust that opinion and use that person over a service....especially for something like an out-of-town wedding.

For our regular babysitter, I interviewd 12 people (no exageration) before I made my decision, and stayed home the first 3 times she came over, just to watch the interaction with DD.

[dana b]

it depends on so many things (meeting them, them being very close to the reception, references, etc.). i would normally say no, that i wouldn't. we're going to an out of state wedding in a few months and the bride (my bf) is going to hire a sitter that watches her cousins, someone the family is already familiar with, she would be watching a few of the kids at the hotel where the wedding is. this is one situation where i would feel comfortable leaving my dd, i would also check on her often.

[emschwar]

I'd leave him with anyone who was qualified, so long as I knew their qualifications, and had a chance to talk to them before hand. I'd even leave him with someone I hadn't met, if someone I knew could vouch for them. (Like in the wedding situation, if the bride or groom had arranged the sitter and it was someone they knew that had a lot of sitting experience. If he was a lot younger, I might have more reservations, but even then, I think I'd feel pretty confident leaving him with a qualified sitter if we were close by (like downstairs in the same hotel).

[AlisonCO]

I would NEVER leave my young child (say under 6) with a stranger even if it were my sisters wedding! If my parents, brother, sister or a couple of mom friends couldn't sit, either DH or I would not go.

[dzmattie]

We would never leave our child with a sitter that we didn't know - not for any reason.

Came back to edit -
I was thinking about this last night after I posted - I am considering putting DS in the Child Care at the YMCA a couple times a week for an hour at a time - he is almost two. So I guess what I mean is that I wouldn't leave him with someone I didn't know at all. I also would probably consider leaving him with a sitter who had worked for friends and I had met a few times. At that point though I don't really consider them a stranger anymore - I guess it isn't very black and white.

[Allegra]

hmmm - interesting topic for me to read right now. My parents have actually invited DD and me to a two week jaunt in the Caribbean (isn't it GREAT to be retired? them not me!) I will be with her most of the day but they were pretty clear that the resort dinners are not child friendly. Apparently the place does offer a babysitting service. I think I'm ok with it but we'll see when I get there how I feel.

Allegra

[Renrel]

I live in an area where I do not have any family who can babysit most of the year. I also don't have any friends with teenagers, or live in a neighborhood where I know my neighbors and can call their kids to babysit - not that I would leave an infant with a teenager anyway. So I signed up with sittercity and spoke to friends to get recommendations. From those souce I have used two sittercity sitters. I went for older woman with experience as nannies and references. I had them come to the house for a few hours on a day before we needed them so that I could show them how things worked and get a feel for them. The recommended sitters would have been fine but were not available on the days I happened to need them. I only use sitters when we have a very special occassions, we don't just go out for a movie unless the grandparent are around to sit.

It would be harder at an out of town wedding to meet and check references and such but I might still do it. Hard to say till you are in the situation, but it would not be out of the relm of possibity for me.

I am lucky that my inlaws do live an hour during the summer and my parents will drive 4-5 to sit for me if I really need them to and they have notice and do not have other engagements - like sitting for their other 3 grandchildren.

[Pookie]

For the baby, I would need to know the sitter first. Maybe as DS gets older and more verbal I would consider a unknown sitter with references. I'm actually considering getting the number for one of the teenage nurery helpers at church since DS is usually in the nursery 2 or 3 times a month and I've seen her interact with him and other kids several times.

[carolc]

We left our daughter with a sitter from an established nanny agency for a wedding out of town. It was actually after she was asleep, though. I sat and chatted with the sitter for about half an hour before we left and I felt fine with it.

Recently we attended another wedding and they hired a sitter on premises whom the father and mother of the groom knew personally (she was a Hebrew school teacher they were familiar with). I also left my DD with her without any anxiety.

I also left DD with church nursery sitters when my FIL died and we went to the funeral. Now, that one I was nervous about, because they were really just kids (probably 15). But it was fine.

I also am planning to leave DD with a sitter recommended by local mom friends pretty soon.

I don't worry much about the sitters doing something bad. Really, the chances are pretty small. I do worry about DD freaking out and being miserable, but she actually does very well with new people.

My DD is now two, and to be honest, I wish we had started leaving her with sitters earlier so that we were all more used to it. It's kind of like jumping into deep water. You sit there and hesitate, but once you're in it's really not so bad. I think that if you never, ever leave your kid with anyone you're eventually going to get in a situation where that will be a problem. (For instance, we had a friend who'd never, ever left his DD with anyone. He got divorced and remarried, and his 7-year-old DD was too freaked out to stay with anyone else, so no honeymoon for them--not even a day or two.)

[ellybelle]

The only time I left DD with sitters that I didn't know for an extended period of time was in a childcare setting at a ski resort for 1/2 a day. I was more concerned about her crying and missing us than anything else, but she did fine.

I think my main concern woud be whether they had qualifications and recommendations, and if I could get a feel for the person or the place.

[moderngal]

My mother is the only person I have left DS with, other than daycare. DH and I are thinking about using 2 girls from daycare once in awhile, but we already know them well.
Leaving my son with a sitter we don't know is simply not an option for us.

[ManteoChik]

- not that I would leave an infant with a teenager anyway.


I'm kinda offended by this comment. Not all teenagers are awful, irresponsible people. I babysat a lot as a teenager in high school and also during my first couple of years of college. The one family that I reguarly babysat had two girls, one was 4 and the other was 4 months. I was reccomended to them by a friend of mine who was their regular sitter but had too many school activities to keep up with it. Not once did they question my ability to care for their infant while they went to dinner...I did of course supply them with references about my experience.

I have no kids myself (and I'm sure my opinion might change when I do have them), however my best friend and her DH just had their first baby who is now 4 months old. She also has a regular sitter who is a high school student. Fortunally her mother owns/runs a daycare so she is with children all the time and is also CPR certified, but her being a teenager doesn't make her any less qualified to watch a child. Obviously, you would want to watch them interact with your children and there are some teens who would not be responsible for children but most of them don't even bother to accept the job of babysitting.

[bamboo]

I wouldn't leave DD with a sitter I didn't know- there's just no way. I do regularly leave her with my parents and DH of course, so it's not like I'm afraid to be away from her. I just could not leave her with someone I did not know.

ManteoChik- I have to say, I was an excellent teenage babysitter. I started babysitting for older children at age 12, and babies at age 13. I knew infant CPR and was incredibly responsible. I would still not leave my DD with a teenager and now that I have her I can't believe that all those parents felt comfortable leaving their infants with me (just because of my age!). I think so much is relative age though too- I could see leaving her with an 18 year old (if I knew her well) when she was say 4 or 5, but not with a 14 year old at 1 year for example.

ETA: I would be worried about her freaking out, but it would also defeat the entire point of getting a sitter since I would be too worried generally to enjoy my time away.

[gizzyntaz]

I wouldn't leave him with a stranger. Of course, we've never left him with anyone!

[maggieb]

So far we've only left the girls with my mom or Auggie's mom and then one really good friend of mine who lives near us who also has a child.

I would be very uncomfortable leaving them with a stranger, but I would probably do it. DH, on the other hand, would probably be way more uncomfortable than I would be and we wouldn't do it.

I would like to leave the girls at a gym daycare, but only when Marisa isn't nursing anymore. It will make me even more comfortable when Helena is verbal enough to tell me if there were any problems.

Although I babysat as a teenager too, I would not leave my children with a teenager under 18 alone.

[carolc]

Yeah, I babysat a ton as a teenager and I have to admit I'm not sure I'd leave my toddler with teenaged me. :o Not because I was a bad sitter--I tried my best, and I did great with older kids--but I really had no clue what I was doing with infants and toddlers. There was a lot of safety stuff I don't think I was aware of. I feel kind of guilty about having this instinctive reaction against teen sitters, but right now I'm not comfortable with it. I think college age is really my minimum.

ETA: I wanted to say, too, that my feelings on this have changed since DD has gotten more to the "age of reason." She is very verbal, and I can now explain to her what is going on if we leave her with someone and feel confident that she understands. She is also past the age of "object permanence" and I know she now knows that when we go away, we come back.

Also, in restrospect, I think little newborns are okay most of the time with new caregivers. It's really the in-between stage--when they have stranger anxiety but can't really talk or comprehend--that makes me anxious WRT unfamiliar caregivers.

[emschwar]

Yeah, I babysat a ton as a teenager and I have to admit I'm not sure I'd leave my toddler with teenaged me. :o Not because I was a bad sitter--I tried my best, and I did great with older kids--but I really had no clue what I was doing with infants and toddlers. There was a lot of safety stuff I don't think I was aware of. I feel kind of guilty about having this instinctive reaction against teen sitters, but right now I'm not comfortable with it. I think college age is really my minimum.
It's funny you should say this. I babysat a ton as a teenager too. I mean, every day, all summer long. Sometimes 3 jobs a day, from the time I was 13 until I was 17. (We spent the summers on a resort island off the coast of NC, and I was one of few "permanent" sitters on the island.) Was I competent? Yes, and excellent with both infants, toddlers and older kids. I had TONS of experience. And yet, now that I have a baby, I can't believe people left their infants with me. (I once babysat a 2 year old and a 6 week old when I was 14.) Maybe times are different now, but I'm not about to leave Noah with someone that I still consider to be a kid. Perhaps, in the wedding situation, if a friend or relative could vouch for them and trusted them, but not on a regular basis. Maybe I'd be singing a different tune if we didn't have a sitter already who was in her 20s.

[LeslieR]

*nodding head* Mark me down as another teenage babysitter. In fact, I was babysitting a baby cousin at the age of TEN! Yes, TEN! I babysat all of my cousins and my youngest brother who was eleven years younger than me. That being said, I don't know how on earth my aunts and uncle or my mother for that matter ever trusted me with their babies! DH's niece is 12 and we always joke about her being our babysitter, but the truth is, I can't imagine ever leaving my son with her. Not that she's not a good kid or not responsible or anything. I just see things a lot differently now that I'm a parent. Maybe I'm just overprotective? I dunno. Hell, I was nervous the first time I left DS alone with my own mother! lol

[prudies]

I've mostly used college-age kids, but I did use one teenager who lives near my dad, and she was awesome. This girl had a lot of experience with babies and kids of all ages and was very responsible and mature. I think it depends on the teenager.

One thing that can be nice is having young kids around who can play with your toddler while your there. You'd have to live in the kind of neighborhood where there are lots of kids, and everyone's in and out of each other's houses I suppose. But I've encountered a few 5 and 6 year olds who are so sweet - without any prompting they will take DS' hand and help him with a toy, or something like that. These kinds of relationships can be so nice.

On the original topic... I feel like the use of the word "stranger" is sort of baiting here. I wouldn't let a complete stranger babysit my kid. Duh. But so long as you've got someone to vouch for the person, and it's just a few hours...what's the big deal?

[bamboo]

well I'd say my spectrum goes like this:
(for background DD is 8 months old and at a stage where she is shy/cautious with new people and having some separation anxiety from me)

-My mom and dad, of course
-MIL/FIL, not very comfortable probably only in a real pinch (they only see her every 2-3 months and aren't great with babies)
-A good friend of mine/DHs who DD knows, yes
-A good friend of mine/DH's who DD doesn't know, probably only in a real pinch
-The regular nanny/sitter of a good friend (if I hadn't met the nanny previously), probably only for a funeral/wedding where no one else could do it
-A random nanny at a hotel/service with credentials, no

So there's a range certainly and even with people I know well I wouldn't do it if DD didn't also know them because of her stage and personality. It's all sort of moot for us because my parents live 15 minutes away and fight to babysit her and soon my sister will live close-by too so ee just don't need to go outside my family.

[Cali_Katy]

We do not live near any family (my nearest relative is 400 miles away), and my husband works out of state during the week. I had a dentist's appointment in November. My husband arranged his schedule so he could be there to watch our son while I went. When I was there, I found out I had a bad cavity (thank you, pregnancy!) and would have to go back for a longish appointment to have it filled.

I didn't have many choices as far as when I could get in to have it filled, and my husband couldn't rearrange his schedule again to match. So I called up a nanny/babysitting agency that had been recommended to me by a mommy friend and had one of their sitters stay with my son for the morning.

I wasn't crazy about the option, but I didn't really feel like I had another choice. I couldn't bring DS to the appointment, and I didn't feel comfortable asking one of my mom friends to watch him since it was going to be for several hours during the morning. Once our kids are older and can play together, that would be a great option, but I felt it would be too much to ask with young infants.

I spoke to the sitter on the phone beforehand, made sure the agency had a background check and everything, and it ended up being just fine. I didn't love doing it, but I don't reget doing it either.

[Sasha]

Over the summer, when I was on maternity leave, I was completely overwhelmed. DH was working very long hours, DD was very high maintenance and I was pretty much a sleep-deprived, crying wreck. My mother suggested I get someone in who could help me out for a couple hours a few days a week, just so I could sleep, pump or get some errands done. The LC I used actually recommended a woman to me, someone who used to run an in-home daycare service. She came over one day, we talked for awhile, I checked her references, and BIL (a cop) did a background check on her. We started out with her watching DD while I was there, but after a few days, I felt comfortable enough to leave or sleep while she took care of DD. Was she a stranger at first? Yes. But did I carefully check her out? Absolutely. She turned out to be wonderful and was so good with DD. She ended up moving away shortly after I went back to work, and I was so bummed because I wanted to use her as an occasional babysitter for DD.

Now, the only people I trust to babysit DD are my ILs or my neighbors (very good friends who DD loves). My parents do not live here, so that is not an option. I wouldn't want a complete stranger to ever watch DD, but if I could find someone that came recommeneded and checked out ok, and after having them spend some time with DD in advance, I would use them to watch her.