Would/did you bring your baby (under 2 years old) to an out-of-town wedding?

[smiles33]

This post is inspired both by the other thread about the mom uncomfortable leaving her young DC with an unknown babysitter and the fact that I'm also facing the situation since we are invited to 2 out-of-town weddings this year that don't take place until after our DD is born in early May.

I'm leaning towards not attending either wedding, although these are both 2 very close friends and I would have loved to attend if childless or if DD were older (and I could confidently leave her with a babysitter). I just remember that as a bride (and a guest at others' weddings), I found it very disruptive to have young kids present. Most of the time, parents would usher fussy babies out so the ceremony could continue but there were several occasions where the parents just sat there and let their babies scream (and these were people RELATED to the bride or groom so they were already given a special exception to allow their babies).

I don't think I can leave DD with the grandparents for a weekend when she is only a few months old (both weddings are too far away to just go for 1 night), so I think my 2 options are to go but arrange for a babysitter during the wedding itself (and probably leave early from the reception or check in on her during the reception) or not go.

What did you do when faced with this situation?

[bamboo]

I wasn't faced with your situation but I would have absolutely taken DD to an out of town wedding if children were allowed to attend. I have flown twice with DD (8 months old) and it has been relatively easy in terms of travel logistics. We flew when she was 4.5 months and then 5.5 months and she did great on the flights. Since I know I'm resonsible and would take DD out right away if she got fussy (and generally you can see the fussiness coming, it's not like they're fine and then in full melt-down two seconds later) I wouldn't be worried about having her at a wedding. I'm still exclusively breastfeeding and there's just no way I would feel okay leaving her for a weekend yet, though some people feel differently.

[twinnyme]

We took DD to an out-of-town wedding (though it was close to my hometown) in August, when she was 8 months old. We live in MA now, but the wedding (my college roommate) was in Long Island and my family lives in NYC. We did take Becca to the wedding - she was one of 2 non-family children invited to the wedding - and she did great. That night, my sister, mother, and nephew came to our hotel and stayed over with us to spend time with us. - whoops, this wasn't the wedding, this was the engagement party in April, which I went to with DD alone (it was tax season and my DH is a CPA). Lots of elderly women and friends there who enjoyed taking her off my hands for a while....

ETA: DH was "in charge" (since it was my friend) of DD during the ceremony, which was outdoors. He was under strict instructions to bring her inside if she started fussing. Well, it was so hot, he brought her indoors anyway for the whole ceremony and watched through a window - he didn't really care, anyway. She had a ball at the wedding - friends danced with her and with us, and one very very very nice friend took her for quite a while and told DH and I to dance away, which we did. We did NOT go to the after-party because we thought it would be too much for her (it was an afternoon wedding). DH had said I could go if I wanted to but I was too tired and we were seeing everyone for breakfast the next morning anyway. All 3 of us fell asleep at 8 that night!

This July, when DD will be 1.5 yeas, we will be taking her on a wedding cruise from FL to the Bahamas. We will fly to FL (Orlando area) and go from there. I'm hoping to meet up with my family and nephews down there to go to Disney part of the time, too, so depending on how Becca seems, we MAY leave her with my parents for a weekend. But unfortunately since she doesn't see them very often (maybe once every other month) I'm not sure how she'd do with that, and she IS invited to the wedding. We haven't received the invitation yet, but our friend said to make sure to get Becca a passport for it. This is mainly DH's friend, so I will be "in charge" of DD this time around!

ETA: From a bride's POV, we did invite children to our wedding, mostly family children. One was a friend's b/c the family was from out-of-town. We had no problems - but I know it's not for everyone. SIL/BIL, though they lived nearby, decided to have their mother watch their son and I was disappointed b/c I would have loved to have all the kids there. One of my favorite wedding pictures is me sitting on the floor in my dress with all the kids around me.

[susie96]

We took DS to a wedding when he was about 12 weeks. We brought him into the ceremony, too. Just sat in the back with him in case it went bad. I will say it went much better than if we were to take him now that he's older.

[kerrykate]

We did this with DD and I would never do it again. We flew to Albuquerque when she was 19 months old for my cousins wedding and DD just so happened to be at the height of curious/rambunctious toddlerhood. The thing I was most worried about was the flight and that turned out to be the easiest. For most of the wedding Dh took her out of the church. The reception was outside and in the evening which was good and bad. It was good at first because she could run around and play and burn some energy, but then it started getting late and she was getting cranky and didn't want to sit still but dinner hadn't been served yet so we weren't able to go back to the hotel yet. It stresses me out just thinking about it...

[almostthere]

we faced this several times during my DD first year, we brought her and the first one when she was 4 months old we left her upstairs at the Inn with a sitter, to be honest it was stressful I had to pump for her and eventually she came down with us (which was fine with the bride).

My next one we lef her with good friends about an hour a way again it sucked as she she did not take her bottle all day, we stressed the whole time and left early per the request of our friend (we were still gone for about 7 hours) *who have a DD the exact same age, because they felt she was getting hungry.

Those were not great but after that we did well, we had another wedding at 12 months and we had to use a hotel sitter but it was a night wedding and my DD had stopped nursing at night so she was with her for about 1 hour before bed.

My point is if you are nursing and it is before 6-9 months I would only go if they could come or if the actual wedding was a night wedding and the baby would be sleeping most of the time. Though traveling with a little baby is super easy.

[smiles33]

Thanks, ladies! It's good to see that some of you were very successful at taking your DC. I guess I can't make any decisions until I see what kind of personality/demeanor this girl has. :)

What about others? I guess I especially want to hear from those of you with "nightmare" stories so I know what the worst case scenario would be. TIA!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

[catmom]

We took our DD (then 2.5 months old) to my SIL's wedding a 3-hour drive away. Since it was my SIL's wedding, we really had no choice, but I would NEVER EVER do that again with a baby so young. We all had a really stressful, unpleasant weekend. I missed most of the ceremony because DD was getting fussy, and I spent most of the reception sitting in a seperate room nursing DD. It was so crowded, loud, and noisy, that DD was really overwhelmed, and DH and I both got sick afterwards because people came to the wedding sick.

[Mrs. M.]

We took DD to a wedding when she was 4 months, and another when she was 1 year old. Both were fine. We just took her out of the church when she got fussy, and of course we did not stay and party all night.

The first wedding, she was still EBF, and I just nursed her in another room when necessary.

It was no stress for us.

[HGMorgann]

We did with ours when she was almost 3 mo. It went really well. She was EBF so I nursed her in the van 1-2x but it wasnt a big deal. She sat on our laps during the ceremony, napped some in my sling during the reception. My only BIG qualm, was that there was smoking in the reception hall - by ALOT of people. Grrrr. I am sorry, but a bride smoking a cigarette during the reception is just so tacky!
Driving the 12 hours to get there was much more stressful than the wedding and reception. Try to get DC to take a nap before the ceremony, if at all possible and be fed so that you can have chances of a happy baby through the ceremony.

[SiValleySteph]

I'll tell you our "nightmare" story.

When DS was 8 months old, we travelled cross country to my sister's wedding. It was held at a B&B where we (all family members) were all staying. I had asked about babysitters before hand, but she assured me that babies were welcome. I was in the wedding.

So the wedding comes along, we march out there, DH is holding DS while videotaping. This particular wedding was in a garden, so we were all standing around a gazebo. Mid-way though the ceremony ... DS starts wailing. DH is trapped by people and can't get out. I'm panicing and trying to motion with my eyes from the front for DH to get out of there! But he can't. Ugh. It was beyond stressful and I felt horrible. My sister assured me that she didn't mind. And they still had beautiful vows and a beautiful ceremony. I wish I could have been able to enjoy it more.

To sum up, I wish we would have hired a babysitter, at least for the ceremony. He was crying anyways, I would have preferred that he spent that 10 minutes crying out of ear shot with a babysitter. For the reception and before hand, I had no problem watching him and doing all my duties. I even arranged the flowers for the bouquets.

There were 2 other babies the same age or younger there and they did fine for the ceremony. To be fair, my son at that age did not adjust well to time changes. He is usually a pleasant baby.

[Annette]

From a Bride's POV. My 2 little cousins were at my wedding, they were 3 & 1 at the time. The little one fussed a bit during the ceremony but the mother took him outside to quiet him. At the reception, DH and I were so busy, I forgot the kids were even there. The 3YO had fun and danced a bit.

[lil_geek]

Not from a mom's POV....

I was at a wedding this summer, 2 ladies in the wedding had young babies (3 months and 5 weeks!!) As well there was another guest with a 7 week old.

The one BM was from out of town (5 week old), she brought her parents with her. They took care of the babe during the ceremony (I think they just took him for a walk around the neighbourhood), she fed right before and after (in her dress!!) and then they took him and got dinner during the first part of the reception. Then once speaches were done they came back and hung out at the party with their daughter and grandson. Once dinner is done, no one will notice a baby that small! I think at one point he was even in his chair sleeping under the head table!

If these weddings are for your good firends, maybe DH can stay out with the baby during the ceremony and speaches and you don't need to worry about DD making noise? Or maybe you can bring parents/sibling/friend etc. to help you out.

[tinkerbelljenny]

DS has been to two weddings. Once when he was 4 months and also when he was 5 months, both out of town and out of state. For the first wedding I took DS outside of the church during the ceremony because I didn't want him to scream during it. It was a pretty small wedding. For the second wedding the bride sat us in the front row but on the end but DS didn't make a sound so everything was fine.

[dana b]

at this point weddings are the only place i don't take my dd. we didn't want kids at our wedding and i would feel so bad if my dd threw a tantrum in the middle of someone elses wedding. i'm a bm in my bf's wedding in florida in april and my parents are coming with us so they can watch my dd.

[BooeyJ2]

Still debating. We have 3 weddings to go to this year. 2 local and 1 in Hawaii.

All 3 couples WANT us to bring DD, but I guess we'll see.


One of my pals on LJ brought her DD to Hawaii when she was around the same age that my DD will be when we go to Hawaii and they said it was great, so more than likely we'll bring her :) ........plus my friend might kill me if we show up without her LOL.

Oh, FWIW, DD will be 1 year and 5 months old for the wedding in Hawaii.

[allyray231]

Was MOH at a wedding in Oct when DS was 4 months old. It was in PA-I live in NY Brought him. However-my parents were also guests-so I had help. He was not at the ceremony and was at the reception for about a half hour

[MrsT]

We've been to two out of town weddings for my very good friends and turned down one that was for one my DH's employees. (I say only go to the trouble if you really want to be there!!)

On both trips we were able to get my mom to go with us. Mainly because they were both car trips - one 3.5 hours one 5 hours. For the 1st wedding (DS was 8 months), she was invited and my friend said babies were totally okay. My mom took the baby into the cry room at the church for the ceremony (so she could still watch) and then we all kind of hung out with him at the reception. My mom took him back to the hotel after a while (we stayed across the street from the reception place and DH walked them over after dinner). I had milk pumped but was able to feed DS after the wedding/before the reception/before he left to go to the hotel. My mom never even needed a bottle! That wedding was hard b/c DS was wanting to crawl around and no highchairs were available, so eating was a difficult task!

The second wedding was a no baby wedding and once again my mom came with us. Since we stayed within walking distance of the reception/church I was able to stay with DS until the last minute - nurse him and then do the same before the reception. I left pumped milk for him again. I definitely had more fun at that wedding b/c I wasn't within seeing range of DS (when he sees me, he wants me) and was able to be more relaxed.

It can be done, but it's a lot of work IMO. I find nowadays that I have pared down most of my activities with friends b/c it's hard for some babies to adjust to new situations, different bed times/sleeping places, etc. I also don't really like to be away from my DS for too long - and weddings can be really long affairs!!

[Winter Biscuit]

I would not bring my child to a wedding, even if she was invited. Weddings typically don't last for more than 1 hour anyway, so I think I could swing having someone distract her for an hour outside the wedding venue.

I might bring my child to a wedding reception, but again, only if she was invited, and probably not during dinner. I think it would also depend on where the reception was (indoors/outdoors, formal, casual, etc.) I wouldn't want her crawling or walking around when there are going to be a lot of people (guests or servers) walking around with hot plates of food and trays of drinks in glasses. Maybe I'd bring her in for a little while during the post-dinner reception so people could see her and so she could dance a little. My DD's bedtime has always been 7pm (she is 2) and I dont think it's fair to keep her up past her bedtime if I can help it. She definitely needs her sleep. :)

Now, If I was BFing (and I did BF my daughter for 13 months), I would do everything possible to bring her and a babysitter to the reception site with me (assuming the reception was in a hotel, or had a hotel nearby) so I could nurse her as needed. If not, I would either decline the invitation or see if it was feasible to leave her home with a trusted sitter and a boatload of EBM. As I posted in the other thread, I attended a wedding out-of-state without my DD when she was 7 months old and still exclusively breastfed. While it turned out to be feasible when all was said and done, it was a major PITA and caused me a lot of stress. It took me a good 3 weeks to pump up enough extra EBM to leave behind, and up until just a few days before the wedding, it didn't look like I was even going to have enough to leave home with her. A nursing mom doesn't need that kind of stress.

[carolc]

I have taken my daughter to two weddings and "left" her for one (it was a no-kids wedding). Honestly, in hindsight, I really think it's better to not bring her. One of us missed the ceremony for both the ones we took her to--she has always been a talkative baby and it just wasn't worth the risk. Also I found it very stressful to watch her during the reception.

The tricky part has always been having someone else put her to bed, though--she's fine staying with a sitter but she doesn't seem to know how to go to sleep for anyone other than DH and me.

Looking back at it now, this is one good reason to either live near family or to have a regular sitter you know you can leave your child with.

We personally welcomed kids at our wedding, and I don't MIND them at weddings as long as their parents are responsible. I also think most kids over 4 or so are absolutely fine at weddings. I would bring an older child, but an under-3....well, it's hard on everyone.

[Sarah]

I would much rather bring a tiny baby than a 2 year old, honestly. I have brought my DDs to weddings before, and they've been fine. I nursed them during the wedding and/or reception (using a sling) and no one even noticed what I was doing. They both fell asleep at the weddings they've been to, and didn't cry at all.

[carolc]

Totally, Sarah-- I actually meant to say that I think tiny babies are probably the easiest in most ways. For whatever reason, we didn't get invited to any weddings when DD was tiny. The first one we went to after she was born was when she was about 9 months and crawling all over the place.