AP moms

[Candy]

OK, where do I start? Martin, my husband, is starting to doubt AP.
Maya is going through SEVERE seperation anxiety. Lately, she only
wants me. She even cries quite often with him. I keep trying to
explain to him that this is a phase. If I'm not around, she's usually
ok, but when I'm home she's connected to me. I don't mind, but he
keeps making comments about her still having the umbiblical cord
connected. He knows SA is a phase. UGH!

He says I run to her with every cry & whine. Hello, she's a 10 month
old baby. Of course I do! I explained to him that AP children grow up
to be more secure, loving, etc. I used my nephew as an example
(mainstream parenting). He's 2.5 and connected to SIL. She works a lot
and doesn't spend much quality time with the boys. I also told him
about friends children that are AP and how wonderful they are. Kids
that are older than Maya.

He says he understands and hopes I'm right. I told him that I did a
ton of research while pregnant and AP (or certain aspects of AP) are
best for me/us. Maya happens to be a very high needs baby. She always
has been. If she could be connected to my boob at all times, I'm sure
she would. lol

That's another thing. We are starting to wean due to medical reasons.
I have MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and need to get back on meds. We are
going very slowly & eliminating 1 nursing session every 2 weeks. I'm
sure this is very hard for my Maya especially since she's always been
a HUGE comfort nurser.


Can any of you direct me to some good AP articles?

Thanks for listening!

Candy

[bluebunny]

Hi Candy. Sorry your husband is starting to doubt AP. From what you've described, the problem is not AP, it's the developmental stage of your daughter. I don't think being AP has made my child any clingier than the next; I think his separation anxiety is partly developmental and partly personality (he's high needs, as well). I also think that BF babies often want mom and that's sometimes hard for dads to understand. What might help is giving your daughter more daddy-daughter time. My DH gives our son a bath almost every night. That's their special time together. When I hear DS giggling like crazy and splashing in the bath, I feel like I'm missing out but I love that DS is having such a good time with daddy. When DS is tired and cranky, he usually wants me and wants to nurse.

Have you visited the Attachment Parenting boards at babycenter.com? I have found that the moms there are super at providing articles and advice. Also, check out Dr. Sears's website and Dr. Jay Gordon's website. I think you could find both by googling. HTH!

And remember, this too shall pass!! :)

[Marisa]

Candy, if you haven't yet seen them, there are great discussion boards on the website for Mothering magazine:

www.mothering.com/discussions

I do enjoy reading the perspectives over there, though (as with any message board) there are some things that need to be taken with a grain of salt.

I honestly don't think there's a thing you could do to change the way Maya is acting right now. That was my son about a year ago -- and now he's incredibly independent, comfortable around new people, etc. It's something that babies just have to go through.

One thing that didn't really happen until DS was a year or so was that Daddy started being the coolest guy in the house. He went back and forth on it for a while, but now if Daddy's home Joey wants to be doing whatever the 'big guy' is doing. Maybe your DH will be swayed by how flattering it is when Maya starts transferring her 'affections' to him soon. :)

[BTB]

Maybe, at this particular time, your DH could benefit more from information about separation anxiety (and maybe childhood social and emotional development in other stages?) If the reason he's anxious about your parenting decisions is the degree of separation anxiety DD's exhibiting, it seems easing his mind that this stage'll pass would be the direct route to the root of the problem.

Good luck! :)

[Kanga]

I have a friend's daughter that went through this exact thing. She is a single mom, so I think that put more emphasis on her daughter's SA. Around 12-14mo. I think, she hated when her mom even left her sight, even if she could hear her. FWIW - my friend is more mainstream when it comes to her parenting style, not at all like AP moms. So even though you practice AP, those who don't also may have this same issue.

ETA - Her dd grew out of it...I think it only lasted a few months, if that.

[HGMorgann]

SA at this age is normal for AP or non-AP parents. In fact, this is one of the developmental milestones my doctor asks about. This stage will pass. We were just discussing last night at LLL that either kids a. are attached to an object/lovey or b. kids are attached to their parents. At this age, there is no harm in having them attached to you:-)

Here is the link to Hale's Breastfeeding/Medication guide, just in case you are interested: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0963621963/103-0509655-5809455?v=glance&n=283155
You can search inside for your specific medication. You probally have already researched this though. I know many woman have found that a lot of doctors will simply say about almost any medicines that you cannot take them until you stop breastfeeding.

[tray622]

I agree that the seperation anxiety is part of their development. From what I haave heard and noticed, it is something that is going to come and go a bit during these early years regardless of a specific type of parenting theory. It was really hard on my DH too and, honestly, hard on me too! I dont have any articles to recommend but I bet this is a phase that will pass. Good luck!

[roadrunner]

I agree that this is not an AP/Mainstream issue, but is a S/A issue. My daughter went through a S/A stage at around 11 months - right before she started to walk. She was literally clinging to my legs all of the time. It only lasted about 3 weeks, then she went back to being her normal loving, independent, beautiful self!

We are not AP parents. Not really sure what you have to do to be considered AP. I BF, we didn't sleep train, no TV until recently (22mos. old), made my own babyfood. But, I don't consider myself to be AP. We just consider ourselves to be good, caring parents. :)