How do you deal with a difficult Mother in law?

[pyzia]

i just want to know how you deal with a difficult mother in law? I have a lot of issues with mine and it just never seems to end. She puts a lot of pressure on my relationship with my fiance and almost broke us up at one point. I really would like to hear about some of your stories and how things worked or did not work out in the end. I really would like to know what you did to deal with problems like this.

[Camdynlyn]

Good God, I will be back to post here because I have a TON of things I could post about. Dealing with it? I need suggestions to. MOVE far, far away!!

Latest drama: She won't turn over hubby's car insurance to us. She said we caught her off guard when we asked for her to take him off of hers.... WOMAN--- we have been married a FREAKIN YEAR and together for 7!! :mad:

[Mom2Cole]

Pyzia~

I won't even bore you with all the drama that went on with my MIL and I, but let's just say she and my FIL live in the same town as us and they went 4 months without seeing our son and didn't even attempt to see him! :eek: In my opinion they were seriously piss poor grandparents! There was a ton of friction between myself and MIL and FIL and MIL and I had it out...it was brutal, but I got everything off my chest that was bothering me and she didn't want to hear it, but I made her listen!

Well, fast forward a month and I could see the hurt in my husband...he was hurt that his parents hadn't seen Cole. Soooooo...the wonderful wife I am ;) I called my MIL and invited them out to dinner. I thought I would be the bigger person and do this for my husband. It was a total surprise for my hubby and the look on his face when he realized it was all my doing was truly priceless! :)

My best advice sweetie...the only person you need to worry about is your soon-to-be hubby! The future in-laws are so not worth breaking up a beautiful thing! You two love eachother and in the end...it is just you two and the family you will have and no one else will matter! I have learned to tolerate and kill them with kindness! LOL!!! Eventhough I can't stand them half the time...in the back of my mind, I am chanting, "I am doing this for my husband!" :D

E-mail me if you ever need to vent!!

~Moni~

[lawyerlee]

I pretty much just avoid my MIL because she always ends up using me and hurting me. It has taken me a long time to get to this point, but it is the best thing for me and for Cliff. I only see them for holidays, if they actually invite us to spend a holiday with them. Otherwise, I keep to myself and Cliff sees her on his on. It is the only way I know to deal.

[kemaji]

I don't have MIL issues, I have sister issues. It as gotten to the point with her that I avoid her as much as possible, otherwise the drama gets out of control.

I'm sorry you have MIL problems, I would have to agree with the other posters, that the best thing you can do is focus on you and your DH and work on making the two of you as strong as possible. Just communicate as much as you can.

[oceaneast]

I've avoided my issues with MIL for years (we live states away), and they are coming back in a big way when we move in the next two months.

I think the best advice that I've had and that works is to remember that whatever she thinks of you is not as important as what you think of you. Blow off what you can and walk away. It's difficult I know. If the problem is something that can not be ignored your FH needs to deal with her.

[Camdynlyn]

Moni said it nicely. My MIL is crazy! Really! Hubby avoids calling her because she is so childish and I have to tell him, "Call her to save our sanity later on!!!" She lives about 2 hours away now and he will talk to her MAYBE 2 times a month.

When we do talk to her, she is such a child. She makes little comments that hurt me and that, in return, hurts Hubby. It is just a big circle. I just feel bad for my BIL, Brad, who is my age. He has FINALLY met a girl who we all, and himself, thinks he could settle down with. I feel sorry for her because MIL had issues with me taking away her baby. Imagine how it will be when her last child is taken away! :rolleyes: Sheesh!

[Cohl]

Yikes...I feel your pain!! My MIL hangs out with my DHs ex..all the time (we have been together for 6 years..married for almost 3). She constantly compares me to her when she talks to my DH. She even invites her (the ex) and her husband to family events before she will invite us (and her granddaughter)!!! She and my DH used to be so close. The only advice I have is to be the bigger person. I don't complain to my DH too much because I know it hurts him that his mom treats me this way. I basically let her "hang herself" when it comes to him. I don't need to say anything, he can see she is the one in the wrong. Hope you can fix things with her, or if not I hope you can manage to avoid her ..LOL

Nicole

[taragiraffe]

Oh boy, can I identify! My MIL is so good at making snarky little comments about how DH and I live our lives...mainly when it comes to having children. I got so sick of it that finally I just gave her a dose of her own medicine. Back in March, we went to the first b-day party for our little cousin and the place was swarming with babies, toddlers, and pregnant women. DH's gramma was holding one of the newborns and a MIL was laughing because she was making such a fuss over the baby. A comment was made by someone else that maybe MIL should hold the baby and "get some practice." Meanwhile, I'm bracing myself for the backlash that was bound to happen. Sure enough, MIL looks at me and goes, "No, not yet." I've gotten so friggin' tired of her saying things like that and it was the last straw. I didn't say a word...just gave her a look and turned and walked away. It apparently registered with her because later that day she sat down beside me and goes, "You're not pregnant, are you?" LOL. Oh, the satisfaction. :rolleyes:

My own story aside, ITA with Moni. You're in the relationship with your FH, not her. :)

[trefoil]

My relationship with my MIL certainly started on somewhat shaky ground. I don't think she ever really tried to break us up, but I doubt she would have been heartbroken if we had dated, but called it quits after a few months. ;)

She seemed very cold to me at first, but I think she would have been that way to anyone. DH is an only child and his dad wasn't around much growing up. I think those two factors contributed to her being overly-protective of him. We moved across the country so I could attend grad school a couple of years after DH and I started dating. I think that really caused some issues with MIL as she viewed it as me trying to take away her baby. She would complain at me and do a few things behind my back in those days. She would call at 8 a.m. on weekends to talk to DH, despite knowing that we both sleep in on weekends. When DH asked her to stop the early phone calls, she told him that early in the morning was the only time she knew we'd be in (well, sure. I'm sure most people are home at 3 a.m., but that doesn't make it polite to call at that time). In general, she just seemed to make herself a bit of a nuisance from a distance. Since she would complain to me every time I talked to her, I was getting upset by her phone calls. I don't necessarily recommend that anyone else handle the situation the way I did, but what I did worked for me. I got caller ID. :o That's it. I don't think I spoke to her on the phone for 4 or 5 months. She asked DH about it eventually, but he was able to say that he is usually closer to the phone or some such thing. I still saw her when we went for visits, but that was much easier since I hadn't been dealing with her at least once a week between visits.

When we got engaged, she wanted to help with the wedding. When I say she wanted to "help," I mean that she literally wanted to have our wedding in her backyard. :eek: Since we lived quite a bit away, we planned the wedding in the area where we were living at the time and while I tried to include her (I asked her advice on the flowers and she decorated the centerpieces), we were far enough away that she couldn't take over. Despite regular questions about finances, we never discussed how much the wedding cost us and she eventually stopped asking. At our wedding, she commented that she was very surprised at how nice we looked and at how wonderful our wedding was. She didn't think that we could pull it off. While that might have annoyed some people, it relieved me because I knew she would finally be able to think of her son as an adult and butt out a bit.

We now live in the same state as MIL and while my relationship with her is not perfect, we finally found a hobby that we have in common and so are able to bond over that. She's given up the 8 a.m. calls (it isn't like DH is a pleasure to talk to at that time in any case) and her desire for us to have children is the only issue that she regularly complains to us about. She's even toned that down a bit after hosting a foreign exchange student and remembering the reality of providing for a child rather than her Kodak-commercial-type memories.

[kmmommy]

My relationship with MIL started out pretty good. She didn't agree with all the decisions I made about my life, but left it alone. The major turning point for us was when Kaeden was born.

She would act like he was her baby and that she knew better than me. DH fixed that pretty quickly and things are better now (most of the time).

DH's family is non-denominational Christian. I know there are several different types but they don't wear make-up or jewelry (besides watch and wedding ring), the women don't cut their hair and it's always up - they wear skirts, etc. I was born and raised Catholic and DH chose to convert. Well, that made her life hell. She seems to be over it now, but still doesn't like that our kids will not be part of her religion. Tought crap.

Anyway, what's crazy is that she's always like me (although I wear makeup, used to smoke, etc.) more than BILs wife who is part of their religion. Why, you ask? Because my parents have more $$ than BILs wife's family. Stupid, huh?!

When we have issues that arise I have DH handle it. I'm not afraid to stick up for myself, but prefer to minimalize the conflict by having "her son" talk to her rather than myself. It seems to work most of the time so far, but Jared isn't one to step down when someone he loves is being treated poorly.

I would suggest trying to be patient and just kill her with kindness if possible. I know somedays I sit and talk to MIL and am smiling and nodding while all the time thinking about strangling her!

[rebeccasmommy]

Drink. Heavily.

Seriously, I can relate. My MIL is clueless half the time and deliberately hurtful the other half. The only blessing is that my husband has finally (after almost 4 years) started calling her on her behavior.

No real advice, just sympathy.

[eli1126]

I could write a novel about my MIL! She makes the rudest comments and hides behind the "I didn't even realize" facade :mad: Um how could you not realize that people would be upset when you don't think before you speak?! She just shows up at our house without calling, which I know some people wouldn't mind, but DH and I are in the process of working on our house. So we are in the middle of these massive projects we have to do around DH'S crazy work schedule, my school/work schedule and here she comes with DH'S nephews! DH finally told her the other night (after she did this Wednesday with one nephew and then said "Well I'm bringing J over Friday") that it wasn't a good time and she got all sad to try and guilt DH!! The kicker will be that she will make what DH said to her, look like it was something *I* wanted him to tell her :rolleyes: She just kills me. She dislikes SIL's DH because "he's useless" which he is, but then gets pissy with me because I expect my DH to help me do the things that SIL'S DH doesn't do :confused: So it's not ok for SIL'S DH to not help her out, but I am in the wrong for expecting my DH to help me!!! She is my cross to bear. I deal with it by just avoiding them whenever I can.

Beth

[QPDoll]

I can really empathize with the MIL situation. Mine has tried to make my life a living hell since she realized I was "stealing her oldest son". We also, once almost called off the marriage because of her interferance.

To deal with her:
DH had to learn how to speak up and stand up to his mom.
That wasn't easy of course, in their family - no one talks back to momma, even when she is irrational. They don't even question her.

We had to set boundaries with her.
The first 6 months, she insisted we be at her house every weekend, and several times during the week (we live an hour+ away). When we had to miss a weekend, she would pout and say things like "the cat misses you" (WTF?) and how she is so upset at losing her family.
We had intitally just shown her our calendar and obligations and asked that she realize we were busy. That didn't work. We simply stopped showing up. Once, she instisted we drive across the state to visit relatives with them with the ole song and dance of "well, you wont ever see them again, they are getting up there in age". (that was 2 years ago, and they are all still alive and kicking.) We had just gotten married, had no time off work, were dead-ass tired/worn out, and didn't have the money for gas to go that far. She threw a hissy fit and walked out of my DHs birthday dinner after yelling at us in the restaurant, when we said we could'nt make it.
We scraped up the money and drove over, and neither of us would even look at her the entire time we were there. If she walked into a room, I would politely exuse myself and go somewhere else. I wouldnt say hello, I wouldnt say goodbye and nothing in between.

We enlisted allies to run interferance:
My FIL was soon tired of her being such a bully, we talked to him (he is pretty rational) and told him how she was making us feel with her pressure and criticism. He tried talking to her, but to no avail. Finally, when she would start in, he would cut her off and say "enough".

Still, three years later she gives me anxiety attacks when we have to see her, but now we limit her time with us. If she bitches, we get up and leave. Simple as that.

[michael'sbride]

I just don't talk to her at all. Not at all. Makes my life completely drama free. Its like Calgon has taken me away...

[eli1126]

I just don't talk to her at all. Not at all. Makes my life completely drama free. Its like Calgon has taken me away...


Please, Please, Please Can I have some of your Calgon???!!! :D

Beth

[twomidnightblues]

I moved 20 hours away ;)

[michael'sbride]

Please, Please, Please Can I have some of your Calgon???!!! :D

Beth

Beth...Of course you can! I have no problem sharing! :p

http://www.takemeaway.com/images/bathnbody/english_garden.jpg

[julietchicago]

I am lucky enough that my IL's live 1hr 30 mins away, so we do not see them that often. I know that sounds bad, but they are really a pain in the butt and make me very stressed out.

My mother in law loves to talk about..what else...HERSELF! You can't even get a word in, it's awful. She is such a complainer, and I am just sick and tired of hearing a lonely and bored housewife complain about how bad her life is. Boo freaking hoo. She is a 55 year old drama queen. She has never had to work a day in her life, and when my FIL was laid off last year she didn't even go find a job...but oh how she complained about money. :rolleyes:

When DH and I first got together, and for the following 2 years or so, they thought they could tell us how to live our life. What house to buy, what car to buy, etc etc. Life is all about experience, and I refuse to live my life based on someone elses experiences.

My suggestion is to avoid them as much as you can without it being too obvious. And when you have to be around them, just smile and nod and make it through the day the best you can. ;)

[isign]

I have gotten really good at ignoring her :) Really I've started getting used to not only her but 2 SIL's. 1 is ok at time (she's 15) but the other is worse than MIL. Like Tara - my MIL is big on the 'no baby' thing. She takes ever opportunity to say no babies, even though she knows we are having problems. Her new kick - I need a job. Umm I just finished up my last year at the school I work for, but I am getting paid, but really it's not her business. We needed a new car and asked her for help. Her response - if Julie had a job we might think about it. I can usually ignore most of her snippy comments but the one that got me was her telling people at DH's Granny's funeral that all Granny wanted was to see her grandkids married but we and DH's cousin got married out of state and she couldn't go. Dh said she just doesn't think.

[lee60657]

Ugh. I could go on and on about my MIL. I have had some truely "special" moments with her. Like the time she told me that it looked like I was having trouble breathing in my wedding dress....or the time she said that my cooking was "different" or the time when I was pregnant and she pointed out how huge I was or the time when I sent her the proofs of my DDs 3 mth pictures and she couldn't find one to order because none of them were cute enough. Aaaahhh the memories! MILs are a species all to themselves. I think perfectly rational women become raging lunatics when their sons get married. And then again when their son's wife has a baby. That said, I have gone the route of avoidance. I admit its really not a solution, but it keeps me from having to deal with her and for me that is enough right now. We live states away and that limits the interaction we have to the occasional visit. We still have the holiday battles but so far I have been lucky :). I have tried to be nice, tried to hold conversations, etc, and it has all been in vain. So, now I happily avoid her.

[hockeybrat]

We don't live in the same state (much less the same timezone) as my MIL. That truly helps!

[JRose]

I think about drinking....heavily. :p

She lives across the country from me but when they come to visit it is for 6-8 weeks at a time (like right now)

I am up front to DH about when I am not in the mood to deal with her passive aggressive/meddling/dictating ways and he is usually pretty happy to let me back out of things. Mostly so he doesn't have to deal with my anger later ;)

[angelpalgt]

I live 3,000 miles away from my MIL. I have never had any real direct problems with her since she is always the consummate Southern Gentlewoman when I'm around her, which makes me a little sad. It tells me that she still doesn't really see me as a part of the family, even after two years of marriage. That feeling was confirmed when we went to BIL's wedding and I kept getting asked to do other little items during the family photo time. Honestly, I don't mind not being in any of the photos, but I'm still sad that she doesn't really consider me family.

I'm also glad that we live so far away because she tends to try and run DH's life. He fortunately won't allow that and stands up to her on a regular basis, but she can be rather passive aggressive at times and say things to really hurt her children.

When DH and I have gone back to visit for Thanksgiving, she often will take only one day to spend with us and then spends the rest of her time working or visiting with her boyfriend - DH usually wind up hanging around town on our own. It angers me to see her hurting her family in this way, but I have never had the opportunity to confront her on the issue.

How do I deal with MIL? Mostly, I don't. DH calls her every week, and I just don't have much desire to chat with her. When I have, she can be so artificial that it just isn't worth it to deal with her. I'm sure that I could work to make her see me more as family, but I don't know that I care enough to deal with some of those ramifications. DH does a marvelous job standing up for me, and I'm just glad to be his wife.

[mrselle]

The day DH and I got married my MIL cried so hard you would have thought her best friend died. She did everything but curl up in the fetal position and cry herself to sleep. Needless to say our relationship has not been all roses. I try to show her respect, I try to do the same things for her that I would do for my own mother (this can be REALLY hard). Bottom line is that she has been this way for 56 years and she probably won't change. Regardless of how she would try to spin it, I hardly think that all her problems started the day DH and I got married. I think a lot of her issues go back to when she was a child.

So I deal with it by keeping all of our conversations VERY light (superficial), I don't answer the phone when I know its her (caller id is such a blessing), and I've learned to ignore a lot of her negative comments.

[al'sgirl]

Well, I actually *work with my IL's all day. Our business relationship is great ... we work really well together, and my MIL actually asks my opinion on some of her more difficult general manager problems occasionally.

Outside of work? It's a different story. MIL wants to know what's going on .. where we are, who we are seeing, when we go away. It's not like we are young either ... I moved away from home over 10 years ago. And she does this with all DH's siblings as well. She really does seem to have a separation problem. It's much more than a simple curiousity question, she needs to know the details! :confused:

When DH and I bought our house, we gave my FIL a key because he wanted to work on something there for us on his day off ... which was very nice of him, and very helpful. But, without asking us, my MIL took a friend that's in real estate (who neither of us knew) to see our new house and to give us pointers on what we could do to make it a better reselling house. :eek: I was quite upset that they would just go to our house to do something we didn't want them to do, without even telling us. Since then, we've changed the locks.

Last year, I needed to buy a new car since my current one had just spontaneously combusted (long story ... it caught on fire by itself), and we found a good deal on a Sunfire that had been insurance recovery (it was a previously stolen vehicle.). My MIL was against the whole idea ... she didn't like Sunfires. She tried to talk us out of buying it ... all because she just didn't like it. DH almost sided with her. I had to put my foot down and say that it was *our decision not hers ... she didn't have to drive it. We ended up getting the car, and it's been great ... no major problems. But, a year later, she's still not happy about it. (Whatever :))

*sigh MIL's

[EmilyBronte]

Whew could I go on and on and on about the problems I have with my MIL. Instead of boring everyone with all the specifics (because they are truly daunting) I will just give you a little piece of advice:

As long as your FH stands up to her for you, and as long as you and FH are always a team when situations arise with her, then you will be fine. That is the only thing that holds me together at all when it comes to my MIL. My DH is honestly on my side every time something happens and he will never stand for her doing anything that could hurt me.

The one difference I may have from the other posters is that while my MIL is horrible toward me, she is possibly even more horrible toward my DH. SO, even though it has taken my DH a long time to realize it, my DH goes through pretty much the same issues with her that I go through, and he has limited his contact with her. We have decided how we will handle holidays and such yet, but we will work it out when it's time. My DS is getting baptized in a few weeks and I DH is inviting her, but he is going to ask her to stay in a hotel, and I plan to be civil and nothing more.

[eli1126]

I find it's harder to deal with it when your DH doesn't realize that his mother does anything wrong. My DH really believes that all his parents finanical woes are due to his Father, but his Mother was content to go along with his Father's spending and running his business as long as she didn't have to work and got to go gambling or on vacation. He thinks that I just don't "give his parents a chance" when in reality I have given them several chances and they ruin it everytime they open their mouths. It's hard for me because I see my sister get to have relationships with their IL'S and I don't want mine near me. They just show up whenever and expect to be entertained, they make rude, thoughtless comments about DH and myself, they expect DH to financially care for them even when it's a hardship, they use guilt to get their way. I could go on and on, but DH doesn't see this because they have always been this way so it's no different. It gets my BP so through the roof to think about them and their user ways, I have to stop now :p

Beth

[jeanine]

I screen phone calls to make sure I don't pick up when she is calling, and I generally try to avoid DH's family. When I do need to see them on those rare occasions, I down a few glasses of wine beforehand. I honestly can't even pinpoint things that she's actually said or done to me anymore. Although it's not just me; she has foot in the mouth syndrome with just about everyone.

[December27JJB]

Communication is the key.

[Arien]

My ex-fiance's mother actually admitted to him that she had prayed that he would "come to his senses" and end our relationship (it was actually me that ended it, mostly because of her). Now that we're split up he's finally starting to stand up to her, and she's just having fits about it. I guess they've been in a LOT of fights lately. He's actually talked to me about moving several hours away if we ever get back together (I can't leave the state for custody reasons involving my oldest two girls, but I can tell you I wouldn't mind moving a few hundred miles away within the same state from that biotch).

[DisneyGirl]

My mother in law can not stand me for reasons that no one can figure out. I have never done one thing wrong to her her family or her son yet she has never liked me from the second i walked into his life. Though from what i gather she didn't like any of his old GF either. ANyways how i deal with her casue she makes out like a living hell we jsut completly ignore her and my Dh hardly talkes or see her and he told her when you grow up and treat her nice we will come around more with the kids.
She didn't even smile one stinkin time at our wedding..

[ManteoChik]

Well, I don't have a MIL but my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years so they pretty much already consider me part of the family. I really get along with his parents and they always include me in everything even though we aren't married yet. They live in NJ and we are currently in FL for another year.....things have always been well because we've always lived at least 6 hours away from them. A few months ago his mom came down to visit and stayed for a week (the longest I've had to be in the same house with her, usually its just for a few days). Things were okay until his dad decided to come stay for about 4 of those days as well. They really are great people but they constatly talk through shows on TV, insist on "helping out" around the house (when I'd rather just do it my way), and then drag us around to visit every family member they have in the state of FL......UGH! my BF and I are very busy and we enjoy the time that we get to sit down on certain nights to watch our favorite TV shows.....we missed an entire week of shows because his mother would be silent all night and as soon as our show would come on they'd start talking. And she is so persistant about everything. Okay, that was just my vent about my future MIL!

[TriSigmaNC]

All I have to say is 'Ray's mom' on Everybody loves Raymond. OMG. Yep, she's hated me pretty much since the day we met and I "TOOK" her baby away to Texas at one point. The funny thing? He took me to TX!

Oh well, I find it best to try and ignore her and just keep my mouth shut until she leaves ;)

[amygrrl]

edit

[Jen1098]

amygrrl First of all I'm so sorry to hear about your dd. Your mil takes the cake-what a selfish person. Ugh.

See after reading all these posts I feel bad complaining about my mil. She'll do anything for us-she'd give us the shirt off her back but then we'd constantly hear how she gave us the shirt and thank God she was there blah blah.
When our son was a few days old he had jaundice once we brought him home-she ended up having fil driving her over. While she was there we took ds to the ER. So anytime that story comes up it's like Thank God she was there-um yea like we wouldn't have done it if you weren't there.

My problem is I'm so defensive and I hate that she always has to be right. She pretty much thinks she's an expert on everything. We were all sitting around one day and she had said when her kids were young and she stayed home she did all the cleaning and cooking since fil worked all day. I said well you know what so do I. I may stay home to care for ds but I do work all day also. This is a 50/50 thing. Plus she put them in the play pen half the day so she could clean. No thanks I'd rather play and spend time with my son. Cleaning can wait till he naps or when dh can help on the weekends.

What really kills me is I'm going away at the end of the month and she's coming to help dh take care of ds. I dunno maybe it's a power thing-if it were my mom I'd have no problem.
Oh another thing-my brother got ds a leap frog thing for his b-day yesterday and we were recording things into it. We had my mom record a message and she said something like Joshua I love you so much. Well mil was sitting next to dh and said we'll skip that or something like. WTF. It caught me off gaurd so I didn't say anything.

I know you guys will be jealous but in Sept we're going on vacation with them in Sept-a 14 hour car drive. Maybe I can break my leg before then and won't have to go.

ah that felt good to get off my chest!

[domesticdreamer]

How do I deal with my difficult MIL?

I am finding that as time goes by, it truly does help to let most things my MIL does to roll right off my back and to basically ignore her. At first, I was very defensive- somewhat passive aggressive and ready to hit a boiling point where I was wanting to confront her everytime she did something that annoyed me. Instead I just ranted to my friends, communicated to my DH, and took deep breaths.

My MIL is a very nosey, invasive person who feels entitled to act/say whatever she feels. My own mom is just so the opposite- she's extremely sweet, nuturing, and has always been supportive of me. She's classy, and doesn't feel her mouth needs to be running all of the time like my MIL does.
Our IL's thankfully live two thousand miles away:). However, that means when they invite themselves to visit (which ends up being a couple of times a year), they stay with us for at least a week or so. The whole 24/7 business is tough to swallow! On one of her self proclaimed, "nosey mom visits", MIL rearranged the house while I was out doing errands and brought horribly tacky decor out of her suitcase to hang in our home (all of course, without asking or consulting me or my DH). She snoops through drawers and walks into our bedroom w/out knocking. She always asks DH questions about household finances/related business (when I'm NOT around), and just generally carries herself off as the matriarch of the home. Comically, she CANNOT cook or bake. She never has, and I LOVE to cook and bake. Rather than commend those skills, she keeps telling me how much more important her career was and just didn't have the time to play around in the kitchen. "Food needs to be fast and simple, otherwise it's just all about making a fuss".
Lastly, my IL's are very comfortable financially- yet she is the tackiest, cheapest gift giver I have ever come across in my life. It's almost embarrassing to open a gift from her, and she is just so impressed with what she has wrapped up. Mostly, I can look on the back and see the "Dollar Tree" sticker and I just cringe. I pride myself in trying to be generous and/or at least creative with my gifts, and now I just don't even strain my wallet for her. She gets what she gives.
My DH is fully aware of his mom's personality and is supportive of me and my frustrations. At least I have that going for me (that, and a lot of miles between us).

[LynzeyAHL]

My FIL is really allergic to cats... I own 3 :D

[eli1126]

My FIL is really allergic to cats... I own 3 :D

You are so lucky :)

Beth

[LynzeyAHL]

You are so lucky :)

Beth

Well it ensures that they don't stay long, so it's nice, they never have a chance to wear out their welcome.

Things are shakey with me and MIL. She comes across as trying TOO hard to like me so I feel like she's being fake. I don't do fake.

She calls us at 8 in the morning and prays on our answering machine. (DH used to be very religious when he was younger, but has grown away from the church and mostly doesn't go b/c we don't share the same beliefs) Thank goodness for C. ID

The biggest thing she does that causes strain, is expect us there for every holiday and family vacation, but she won't go on the BIG family vacation that his grandparents take everyone on b/c she doesn't get along with her ILs! GO FIGURE?!? so she complains a lot about us not going camping in the summer with them. Am I wrong for not wanting to use ALL my vacation time with my ILs?!? I think not!

I could go on but its the same song and dance as so many who have gone before me. I stole her little boy and no woman is good enough for her son. but he picked me over them nana nana boo boo J/K

[pyzia]

this is all sounding so familiar. I am stealing her precious son from her and I am the bad one for doing it. playing dumb when she says something hateful to me and expecting fi to take her side on everything and anything. i know i cannot avoid her forever but that is all i can do right now to keep what little sanity i have left.

[domesticdreamer]

My FIL is really allergic to cats... I own 3 :D

Ha! Ha! My MIL is allergic too. My one cat gives her the sniffles something awful- I wonder what 3 would do? (she says in her most devilish tone) :cool:

[Irish Elf]

MIL didn't like what and where we registered so she "fixed the problem".

She said I have to get rid of the cats when we have children.

She tells everyone everything, even if it's private.

She's very selfish and self-centered and has constant need for attention. Whereas I liek quiet time she won't let their be silence.

We had a housewarming a couple of weekends ago. MIL said she was going to show up 1.5-2 hours early to help. Last time I didn't let her help and she pouted. This time I set aside things for her to do. She didn't show up until 45 minutes before. I was running around like a chicken and she got mad I didn't stop what I was doing and give her a tour of the house. Look, if you can walk in the door without knocking you can walk around by yourself.

Here's a typical moment: I was in the middle of a conversation with someone I hadn't seen in 5 years. SOme lady that she (MIL) invited to my housewarming shows up. I suggest MIL show her the house and she says "No, it's you house you show her." I'm not into it 5 minutes and MIL has taken over and turned the conversation to her.
Uninvited guest: "Oh, look at this guest room."
MIL: Yes, it's lovely, I gave them that piece of furniture."
Uninvited guest: I like that table.
MIL: Well, I suggested it go over there.

Um hello, aren't you going to show off the painting job DH and I spent a week on? WHat about the decorations I picked out.

All my in-laws have just ingored MIL for so long they really don't see the behavior. During the ealy part of our marriage DH would tell me I'm too sensitive, I should just let it go, MIL won't change. He wasn't very supportive b/c he realy didn't see things like I did. Now, we have an understanding that if I feel she has crossed the lines I can tell her so (though I must be polite).

I don't answer the phone when she calls and I see her only when I have to. I encourage DH to attend get togethers whenever he can, even if I have to work. SO far it's working out ok.

Oh, wine before, and during, a visit also helps.

[beansmom]

Moms and their sons...Argh!

My MIL feels that she's in a competition with me for her son's affections. She actually had the nerve to ask him, "Who do you love more?" Then she proceeded to corner him until he gave her the answer she was looking for. She wasn't content with the "I love you both, just differently" reply my DH initially gave her. What really stinks is that my DH feels that this is what his mom needs to hear and so he gives in to her (she's been diagnosed w/ depression).

I feel that if she's depressed, she should be in therapy. Her son should not have to lie to her or put up w/ her intrusive behavior.

By age 30, I don't think one's mother should drop by their son's home with plastic containers of cut up fruit just because their DIL feels DH should cut his own *(&^ fruit up. Nor should she just drop by with containers of home cooked food for her son, either. For God's sake, he's married with a child - stop insinuating yourself into our family life. It's one thing when you've been invited, it's quite another to drop by with out calling ruining our family time together.

Also MIL chooses to speak in her native language though she can speak English whenever she's around me. How rude! How can she not understand that she is shooting herself in the foot as I have no intention of letting her spend endless hours babysitting her 3 mos. old grandchild if she insists on her language only? I've had friends who let their child be watched by g-parents whose native tongue wasn't English and the baby ended up not being able to communicate with their dad!

I wish I had more support from my DH. It really does make all the difference in the world.

Whew, it does feel good to vent!

How do I deal with the situation? I do my best to ignore her and minimize time spent in her presence.

[Arien]

My ex-FMIL was a big part of the reason my ex-fiance and I broke up. She ran his life for over 30 years, and he thought that was perfectly normal. After I (and his other family members and everyone at work) convinced him that it was not normal for a man his age to have every decision made for him and to have ALL of his finances handled solely by his mother, he finally developed a backbone and started taking charge of his own life. She has been giving him grief about it ever since. She accuses me of manipulating him (now that she can't do it anymore, I guess she figures I am), she cusses and screams at him when he's on the phone with me, even if we've only been on for a few minutes, and she refused to meet me for the first year and a half that we were dating. She hates my religion and now that he is considering joining my church she tells him that we're going to hell (what a good Christian she is!). She even told him that she had put in a request with her church's prayer group that he would "come to his senses" and dump me!

I don't take it personally though. She hates her daughter's husband too, and he's a really nice guy. No one else in my ex's family has a problem with me, or with his sister's husband, so I know it's just her own personal b**chyness.