Helping DD with difficult daycare transition?

[Ohana]

DD just turned 2 and is ready to transition out of the Toddler room at daycare. We've been trying to prepare her for the change by talking about the "Big Kid Room" and how cool it is, and taking her to the new classroom in the afternoon and letting her play with the toys there, meet the new teacher, etc.

We thought everything had been going well, until last week. Since last Monday, she has been crying when we leave her in the morning, and according to the teacher and her daily reports, doesn't stop crying until shortly before we pick her up (9 hours later). She refuses to eat, play with the toys or her friends, and just lays on the futon and cries. Normally, she's the ringleader of whatever activity is going on, and loves to play with her friends. So much so that her teacher commented on how close she and one other little girl have become and how well they play together, which is unusual for kids so young. She's also usually happy to get to daycare, and runs into the classroom and starts playing with the dollies right away.

At home, she is the same happy go lucky child she has always been. She eats and sleeps the same as ever, and when we talk about how she's a big girl now and gets to go play in the big kid room, she seems excited about it. When we talk about her current room/teacher/friends, she talks excitedly about them as well.

But the all day crying at daycare has me at a loss. We were actually asked to come pick her up twice last week because the teachers just didn't know what to do to help her.

The plan for now is to have her transition to the new room beginning the Monday after Thanksgiving, as no space will be available until then. That's 7 days of misery for my little girl. Anyone have any suggestions on how to help her through this?

[Winter Biscuit]

We've been trying to prepare her for the change by talking about the "Big Kid Room" and how cool it is, and taking her to the new classroom in the afternoon and letting her play with the toys there, meet the new teacher, etc.

Are you and your husband the ones who are trying to help her transition? It seems to me that the daycare center should have a process for handling this. If they don't, you can advocate for one!

My daughter transitioned to the 2-3 year old room at 18 months because she is unusually verbal. Her teachers and I felt she would be better off being around other toddlers who could speak at the same level as her, rather than being the only verbal child in a room full of younger toddlers and toddler who were still grunting and yelling when they wanted something (instead of communicating what they wanted). Anyway, they started out by having her spend an hour or two in the new room, then she'd go back to her regular room for the rest of the day. Gradually, they increased the amount of time she was spending in the new room until she was there all day. This helped her get accustomed to a new routine, new children, and new teachers without throwing her into it cold turkey. It was a gradual process.

It also helped that some of her close friends transitioned around the same time - our daycare always tries to transition kids at the same time if they are unusually close, provided that all the children are showing other signs of readiness for being in the next room.

Is your DD's friend old enough to transition with her? Maybe having a familiar buddy go through the same thing with her would help?

Good luck. I know it can be tough :(

[SiValleySteph]

My daughter transitioned to the 2-3 year old room at 18 months because she is unusually verbal.

An aside - Winter, what are the ratios like in MI? In CA, under 2 the ratios must be 4:1 students to caregivers and and after age 2, it goes to 6:1. So here, no child would move up to the 2 year old room until they were actually 2 due to the ratio regulations (governed by the state). An added benefit to this is that the cost goes down significantly at 2 years old.

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Ohana, Is she upset because she's already ready to go to the new room? Maybe she's upset that she's going to be going to a new room without her good friend? Poor gal. :( Transitions are so tough.

Our daycare also does the visiting thing with transitions over a week long period, with visiting 1 hour the first day, 2 hours the 2nd day and so on and then the 1st full day on Friday.

[Ohana]

Winter Biscuit thanks for responding.

The daycare does have a process for transition, and it sounds a lot like the one at your daycare. Starting the Monday after Thanksgiving, DD will spend progressively more time in the new room each day. By Friday of that week, we'll drop her off in her new room.

Her teacher is also talking up how cool Twos will be, how she'll get to play on the Big Kid toys, see her old friends again, and so on.

She'll also be transitioning with her best friend. They will go to the same classroom and transition the same week. I explained to her last week that she would be going to the big kid room with her friend, and that helped the crying fit for a day. But we were back to square one by the end of the week.

Developmentally, both DD and her friend were ready for the new classroom a while back, but there was no space for them. I don't know if that's having any impact on the crying.

[Ohana]

SiValleySteph We cross posted! DD will be going with her best friend, which we explained to her last week. She was much happier when we told her that, but it only stopped the crying one day (she still refused to eat that day).

[SiValleySteph]

Oh good! I'm glad she's going with her friend.

Sorry I don't have any good suggestions. :(

[Winter Biscuit]

An aside - Winter, what are the ratios like in MI? In CA, under 2 the ratios must be 4:1 students to caregivers and and after age 2, it goes to 6:1. So here, no child would move up to the 2 year old room until they were actually 2 due to the ratio regulations (governed by the state). An added benefit to this is that the cost goes down significantly at 2 years old.

In Michigan, licensing standards for infants and toddlers (0-30 months) in center care require at least 1 adult for every 4 children, and at least 50 square feet of usable indoor space for each infant or toddler. For children ages 2.5-3 years, the rules state that there must be at least 1 adult for every 8 children, and at least 35 square feet per child. The ratio of adults to children for preschoolers from 3-5 years old is 1:10.

I am admittedly not that familiar with National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAYEC) standards but I've heard that Michigan does not meet NAYEC recommended child-per-caregiver ratios, which is why it's important for parents in Michigan to research their daycare situation carefully.

My DD moved to the 2-3 year old room (older toddler) from the "young toddler" room which was 15 to 18 month olds. (The infant room goes to 12 months, then there is a "wobbler" room for 12-15 month olds). In both toddler rooms she has been in, there is 1 teacher for every 4 children.

[hub1176]

Just for clarification - she's still in the same room but she will be moving? If that's the case then maybe all this talk of moving to the "big room" and trying to sell it is just making her more anxious? As adults we typically tend not to care for change (I remember from the office days, one way to unite everyone is to have magagment change a policy:rolleyes: )and children are no different. Maybe to have the staff not talk about it as much - obvioulsy you want her to be prepared but it sounds like she's more anxious than anything else:(

Side note SiValleySteph Wow! In NY the law is 2 under 2. I can't even begin to imagine having 4 children under 2 in my care!:eek: (especially after days like yesterday:o )

[Ohana]

Yes, she is still in the Toddler room.

Good point, though, on talking about it. I'll have the teachers stop talking about transition and hope that helps some.

[Winter Biscuit]

In NY the law is 2 under 2. I can't even begin to imagine having 4 children under 2 in my care!:eek: (especially after days like yesterday:o )

In Michigan, the ratios are different for daycare centers and home-based care. IIRC from when I researched home-based care, a licensed daycare provider in Michigan cannot care for more than 6 children at one time, and she (or he :)) cannot have more than 2 children under the age of 2.

[hub1176]

Winter Biscuit - In NY they do not distingush between home and centers in terms of ratios (centers can have more children but only because they have additional staff) If there are 6 infants (under 2) in a room then there needs to be 3 caregivers. As a home based day care once I become licensed I can only have 5 children total if I have 2 under 2 - my child/ren count in that until they become school age. If I had no children under 2 than I can have 6 children in my care. I can't believe how much variation there is from state to state.

[Winter Biscuit]

Winter Biscuit - In NY they do not distingush between home and centers in terms of ratios (centers can have more children but only because they have additional staff) If there are 6 infants (under 2) in a room then there needs to be 3 caregivers. As a home based day care once I become licensed I can only have 5 children total if I have 2 under 2 - my child/ren count in that until they become school age. If I had no children under 2 than I can have 6 children in my care. I can't believe how much variation there is from state to state.

With all due respect, I think you are mistaken. There are several sources on the internet that outline the child/caregiver ratios for home-based childcare and center-based childcare in New York. In centers in NY, the ratio is 4:1 for infants and toddlers up to 18 months, when it increases to 5:1. Here are a few sites (the first one is the Office of Children and Family Services, which oversees all licensed child care centers in NY, whether it is center-based or home-based):

http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/main/becs/regs/418-1_CDCC_regs.asp#s8

http://nccic.org/statedata/statepro/newyork.html#licensing

http://www.childcarewestchester.org/html/choosing_child_care.html

[hub1176]

Oops, you're right. Most of the centers in our area chose to have additional staff and the the local childcare representatives are trying to get it changed since 4:1 is a lot. Admittedly I was distracted at the meeting when they went over the ratios since the woman in front of me was talking loudly on her cell phone.... :)