The Real Reason I Live Overseas

For many people, the idea of foreign travel carries the thrill of the exotic. When on vacation in some distant locale, they might sigh, “I could stay here forever!” However, most people do not seriously entertain the notion of living abroad. Naturally, there are practical reasons for this: people’s livelihood tends to depend upon the local market; they balk at leaving behind friends and family; those inscrutable foreign languages give them pause. Yet even if those obstacles do not apply, most people do not leap at the chance to move to another country. There is even a trace of disdain, even contempt, for those who abandon their terra patria for foreign shores. Of course, this disapproval is urbanely concealed behind exclamations of admiration and envy for the footloose wayfarer. Nevertheless, there are those who do elect to expatriate themselves. But why leave everything beloved and familiar behind? There follows a list of what are, from what I have seen, the primary reasons behind the choice to live abroad.*

The Search for Beauty and Opulence

People who fall into this category tend to choose destinations such as London, Paris, Rome, and Athens. They waste no time in sniffing out the best neighborhoods, the most “in” restaurants, and the primo weekend getaways. The seeker of beauty is an ideal tour guide to newcomers, making a beeline to the most impressive monuments, loveliest cathedrals, and most picturesque streets. The Rough Guide is not to be seen near these jet-setters, but ask them for a recommendation and they will whip The Michelin Guide to Restaurants and Hotels out of their Prada bags.

The Historical Pilgrimage

These are the ones you will find sloping around obscure battlefields and crumbly piles of stones, the more arcane the better. Their eyes gleam with the knowledge of famous events which transpired in this building, on that street. In their travel photos, they are not posing at a café table, but squinting beside a cannon. This type of traveler is also well-versed in current events, and tends to cultivate a deep understanding of the host country.

The Save the World Crusade

The most nobly motivated of those living abroad, these individuals are actively involved in improving local hardships. They teach the undereducated, work to guarantee the integrity of the water supply and the flow of electricity to indigent people, and volunteer in orphanages. Among their ranks can be found the expatriates with the best command of the local language. These people have no romantic illusions about their adopted home, no matter how quaint or exotic it may seem at first glance.

The Flight from a Dubious Past

This group is comprised of those who may have had minor brushes with the law in their own country, or are plagued by strings of disgruntled exes, or who have made a painful departure from the proverbial closet (or who intend to do so in their new surroundings). I include also in this category those who never quite fit in at home, and who now are excused and even considered a novelty in their newly adopted country.

The Quest for Women with Whom They Wouldn’t Stand a Chance at Home

I don’t mean to be cynical. I really don’t. But it’s impossible not to notice a pattern: in every developing country where I have lived, there prowl a certain breed of Western man in search of very young, very beautiful, uncomplicated local women who will worship and serve them. Infuriatingly, they tend to find them. Let’s look at the typical profile of one of the men. He is a 50 year old high school teacher, well-educated but awkward and unsuccessful with women. His countrywomen puzzle him, and frankly, he just doesn’t want to work that hard. But once he is abroad, he suddenly discovers that he offers a prized commodity: citizenship of a wealthy country in whose culture women are treated with respect. Svelte young Turks accept drinks from him in clubs. Dainty Japanese beauties giggle charmingly at his plodding conversation. Smouldering-eyed Ecuadorian girls seem to ignore his paunch and thinning hair. These sultry sirens with green cards in their sights offer a refreshingly submissive alternative to their own baggage-laden, critical peers. It is not uncommon for the man not to share more than a handful of words in a common language with his lady love. But she wouldn’t have time for intellectual debate anyway since she will be busy cooking his dinner.

The Redefinition of Self

There is no denying that moving to a foreign country is the ideal forum for changing your identity. I do not refer to using a pseudonym or buying a fake passport. I mean slipping the bonds of the tired old roles you have always assumed among the people who know you. You were a yuppie from the ‘burbs; now you re-emerge as an intrepid adventurer. You were mild-mannered and timid; now you are reborn as an outspoken authority. Your country bumpkin roots are given a newly sophisticated veneer. This is possible with domestic moves, but foreigners are less able to spot the subterfuge. Sometimes it is possible to play the new role so well and for so long that the new persona actually becomes authentic. All expatriates experience the pleasure of added charisma in their new setting. Instead of being one of the crowd as they are at home, they themselves are suddenly the exotic foreigners, and therefore the subject of intense interest.

The Post-Divorce Adventure

Some people have already completed a full cycle of traditional family life in their country before deciding to relocate abroad. My hat is off to these unsinkable souls who turn loss into opportunity. They are sometimes almost at retirement age, never having traveled or done anything more daring than order the spicy noodles in a Vietnamese restaurant. Summoning some inner audacity that perhaps was previously occluded by years of making Halloween costumes and installing crown moldings, they begin to apply for posts in Abu Dhabi and Sierra Leone. Once ensconced in their host country, they tend to be thoughtful observers of the local culture, and often become travelers of tremendous temerity.

“The Beach” Extreme Travel Quest

Members of the ultra-elite “Beach” group are the ultimate off-the-beaten-path travelers. The name I’ve given them is based on the book in which a group of thrill-seekers search for the most obscure location possible in which to live commune-style, and end up on a pristine beach in Thailand that is unfortunately within the territory of a local drug lord. This group has the least in common with those in category #1(those seeking the beautiful and elegant). For the “Beach” set, any destination with running water is too banal. They tend to be snobbish toward the more moderate Rough Guide users, and those who travel in guided groups are beneath their contempt. They pride themselves on living in the least desirable corners of the globe, and on doing it cheaply. Here are the scruffy twenty-somethings who head for Beirut and Bogotá, who ascend the Andes without the donkeys, and who make their own way through Burmese rainforest using only a box of toothpicks and some string. Sometimes you get the distinct feeling that it is all about being able to tell the story afterwards. Although the “Beach” travellers tend to be arrogant about their intimate knowledge of their host country, they tend to associate mostly with each other rather than making friends with the local people

The Pursuit of the Exotic

The unfettered wayfarer of this genre does not seek to change the world, only to explore its remotest corners. He craves the peculiar and the novel, which takes him down unfrequented paths. However, he differs from the “extreme traveler” in that the experience need not be grubby or life-threatening. This romantic gypsy is more likely to pack a sketchbook and journal than crampons and mosquito netting. Although well-meaning, he runs the risk of viewing the quaint indigenous people of the world as a sort of human zoo, the stranger the better, ignoring the fact that they might be eager to escape their limited horizons for a less arduous life.

The Endeavor to Learn a Foreign Language

This may be the most commonly cited rationale for living abroad. However, it is usually only part of the reason. Most likely, a mild interest in perfecting one’s linguistic skills thinly veils a desire for romance with the locals. Nothing is more common in Latin American and Spain than the “intercambio,” a dubious system of meeting strangers for coffee or drinks with under the guise of practicing Spanish (you) and English (them). Predictably, the participants are all single, and the sessions are overwhelmingly co-ed. Not that there is anything wrong with that. This group might well take credit for advancing the cause of international relations at the most intimate level.

Well, there you have it: the answer to the question asked to us twenty times per year. But surely it isn’t so cut and dried, you might justifiably say. Surely everyone does not fall neatly into a single group? That is certainly true. Nobody of my acquaintance during fourteen years abroad fits any of these stereotypes exactly, although many do have a primary motivation. But what do we all have in common? To make our home in a fabulous vacation spot? To leave our comfort zone and seek the extraordinary? To see first-hand how other people live and to face our role in this world, be it good, bad, or ugly? To leave behind our old lives and become someone new, even speaking a different language? I think any of these would have been enough reason for me. The truth, in my case, is a little bit of all of them.

* In my list, I do not include people who are obliged to live in a foreign country not of their choosing, such as members of the armed forces and spouses of business people.

Joanna Miller has been teaching abroad (Turkey, Peru & Spain) since 1997 and has no immediate plans to return to the US outside of family visits.