This post is about the maintenance of one’s crotch. Yeah, I know, I’m surprised I’m bringing this topic up too. But hey, if you can’t share TMI with a few hundred of your closest acquaintances who can you share with?
I was brought up in a fairly low-maintenance household. My mom put my hair in a ponytail every day of my life until I was 9; her own hairstyle was wash and wear. Makeup? Fuhgeddaboutit. I learned about how to apply eyeshadow through good old trial and error, and considering this was 1989 and I had a vast array of Wet n Wild colors from which to choose, it took a lot of trial, and some tragic error.
My point is, it took me a long time to really master the art of personal grooming. It wasn’t until I went to college in LA with a slightly neurotic former model as a roommate that I learned about all the things I was missing. Like MAC makeup, or how to use lipliner. This is a steep learning curve we’re talking here folks. Needless to say, the fine art of, um, “really personal” grooming was a mystery that eluded me even longer. I had no idea that anything other than the basic sort of standard grooming was widely used, or desirable in people other than nude models. I wasn’t around a lot of naked women or Playboys- how was I supposed to know I was going about it all wrong?
Well, with the advent of the internet anyone with a keyboard can learn for themselves about the dizzying array of choices for keeping one’s crotch in picture perfect shape. Who knew. There are blogs and websites galore, my friends, all dedicated to one’s nether regions. Want a classic? Go for the landing strip, or the Lolita. Fan of the Chargers? Buy a lightning bolt stencil. Shave a Playboy bunny into your groin. The options are endless. But whatever you do, don’t do nothing. Au naturel is sooo 1982.
If you work in a conservative sort of environment where you maybe can’t pierce your eyebrow or dye your head fuschia, you can quietly rebel with a lively pink clown crotch courtesy of the folks at Betty Beauty, who have come up with their own line of gentle, crotch-specific dye. Hey, Halloween is coming up! And Betty Beauty makes orange dye. Imagine the look on your hubby’s face as you reveal your very own Coot O’Lantern! Sexy!
I have enough of a hard time keeping my head neat and root free and my pedicure up to date. I really don’t think I could handle the pressure of maintaining private parts color as well. Not to mention I really, honestly think my husband would laugh. Oh well, I guess for now I’ll stick with my boring old razor and leave the waxing and the dye to the more adventurous among us. But now that you know, you know you’re going to wonder. For all you know, that frowning librarian could be sporting a lime green Christmas tree in her knickers! ho ho ho!
If anyone here is brave enough to try this out, definitely report back. Pictures are not needed. Please.
-jesvet
Thanks for the laugh jesvet! A few months back when Britney flashed the world, I was stunned to hear that the “landing strip” was so out and that bald was the way to go. I don’t have the time in my life to devote to waxing myself bald nor do I want to!