As I embark on my second journey of infertility and try to stay optimistic, I find it a good time to reflect on what positive aspects the experience has brought to me life. So here they are, in no particular order:
10. Astounds me with the miracle and fragility of life. With so many babies born, especially the ones you hear about who are abandoned, born to drug addicts or teenagers at proms, it’s easy for many people to forget how incredible it is that babies are even conceived. So many things need to happen for a pregnancy to being, and countless others occur for a healthy baby to be born, that it is a miracle any babies are even born. Life is truly an amazing thing.
9. Pulled my family together. Every family can get into petty squabbles and stressful situations, but somehow after our we told our parents and siblings about our struggles and pain, those things took a back burner. We were very fortunate in having family members who chose to be supportive of what we were experiencing.
8. Helped me know my friends on a deeper level. The only way I was able to cope with the intense grief at the time was to withdraw from most people in my life. I tried to keep in contact, but I didn’t have the emotional reserves necessary to function socially. After the first year, I began opening up to friends, and found that in most cases it strengthened our relationships. You cannot show that level of pain to someone without it making or breaking your friendship.
7. Makes me remember to appreciate my husband. People react to infertility differently. While my husband did and does not always understand my feelings (which are sometimes the opposite of his own), he does accept them. He gives me the space to work through my own emotions and knows that at the end of the journey we’ll end up in the same place.
6. Renews our commitment to marriage. Infertility is one of those things that either tears your marriage apart or makes it stronger. It’s one of the most stressful things a marriage can go through and inevitably each person’s issues surface. We had our low times, but as we came through it, our commitment to each other was that much stronger.
5. Encouraged me to assert myself to doctors. Even with a great medical staff treating us, I got plenty of practice at researching and advocating for my own medical care. Since then, any time we’ve ever had health concerns with our daughter (or ourselves), I have no qualms about asserting myself, asking for information, requiring the doctors to discuss their reasoning with me, and sometimes openly disagreeing with them.
4. Reminds me to let go of control. If there’s one thing I learned well during infertility, it was that there are very few things in life I can control and plan. With my daughter, I feel freed from trying to have things be *just* so, having her do certain things at specific times, or trying to shape her in a some way.
3. Taught me to seek contentment. With infertility, you’re constantly waiting. Waiting to start the medication, to ovulate, to take a test, to get your period after a negative pregnancy test, for a canceled cycle to end. It made me learn to start focusing on what I’m doing *while* waiting—how I’m living my life day to day as I work towards my goals, rather than pinning my satisfaction in life on obtaining those goals.
2. Allows me to live in the moment. I often hear parents saying they “can’t wait” for little junior to reach a certain age or stage. I fought so long and hard to have this little miracle baby that I am able to just enjoy every day with her without wanting her to be doing the next developmental thing or anticipating her next phase.
1. Keeps me from ever taking my daughter for granted. Not for a single second, ever since the day I found out I was pregnant, through a high-needs infancy, and right on into an obstinate and independent toddlerhood.
Scooter
I needed this today. All I can think about is how this is going to be a long difficult road, and I needed a reminder that there are positives to infertility. My thoughts are with you.