I said celeb-reality, not cerebral-ality!

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It is with great shame that I readily admit to being addicted to Celebreality, VH1’s chosen name for its glut of celebrity focused reality shows. The name itself kind of gives away the joke, doesn’t it? There is nothing real about celebrities, which is why their own reality shows have steered so far from actual reality that it’s difficult to separate sitcom from documentary. We’re all in on the joke. But nonetheless, the farce entertains and does it well.

If you trace its auspicious lineage, Celebreality was born in 2003 with a late night show on the WB called The Surreal Life. With the burgeoning success of average joe reality shows like Survivor, and celebrity shows like the Osbournes, the producers figured why not have a reality show with honest to goodness D list celebs? So in came such luminaries as MC Hammer (or is it just Hammer? The Reverend Hammer?), Corey Feldman, and Vince Neil, and the rest is history.

The premise, which has held strong over six seasons now, is basically that none of these people realize how low they have sunk and fail to recognize this desperate plea for airtime as the humiliation it is, which makes it even more hysterical when they pull the diva routine (I’m talking to you, Vanilla Ice) during such stunts as camping trips, karaoke at the Century City mall, or putting on a play for the local junior high.

The conceit worked, and VH1 now has a dizzying array of celebs willing to open up for the cameras in exchange for getting their name up for a season or two. It’s hard to think of a washed up celeb who hasn’t appeared on a (cough cough) “reality” show recently. Hmmm…Scott Baio- check, Hulk Hogan- check, Peter Brady- check check, Marcia Brady- check…the list goes on and on.

VH1 has managed to crank out FIFTEEN different series under the Celebreality umbrella. Not too shocking when you realize “Flavor of Love Charm School” is a spinoff of “Flavor of Love” which was spinoff of “Strange Love” that was a spinoff of “The Surreal Life.” It’s incestuous. Speaking of feeling slimy and dirty, has anyone watched Bret Michael’s latest contribution to the arts? “Rock of Love” is possibly the nastiest show on TV. If you don’t believe me, go to the ConstantChatter thread and read about the phone sex challenge. BLEAH! It’s disgusting, and yet brilliant. Everyone wants to know what Bret’s hiding under the bandana, myself included. Tiffany’s sobriety, maybe…or Brandi’s brains? I thought a pair of underpants fell out at one point. But I digress.

Anyone who watched Season One Surreal Life knows that Corey Feldman ran away with the show. He was without a doubt the biggest pain in the ass annoying little snit of the season. As I was watching it, I was fondly reminded of his heyday as the uglier half of the Two Coreys. I was much more partial to Corey Haim, who went from adorable puppy dog-eyed Lucas to smoochable vampire bait in The Lost Boys to supposedly selling his hair on ebay for drug money (Lilo, take note!) My world has been lonelier without Corey Haim in it. But have no fear! THIS SUNDAY, in a series that was as inevitable as death and taxes, the TWO COREYS reunite in a show named, apparently in a fit of creative genius, um, “The Two Coreys.”

It is billed as, somewhat oxymoronically, a “scripted reality show”. It will be aired, in a move guaranteed to add yet another nail to the coffin of the venerable American fine arts scene, on the A&E network (remember when they used to be all BBC shows and the like? Those high falutin days are over, people.) And despite all this, oh hell, because of it, I will be parked in front of the TV on Sunday with my old Teen Beat and a bowl of Pop Secret. I could pretend that I try and bring balance to the force by also watching Nova on PBS, but who am I kidding? I can’t wait.

-jesvet