The things you never share with the moms in playgroup. The thoughts running through your head when you think to yourself, “Man, I suck as a mom.” They are all there in their unfettered glory on the True Mom Confessions website, where frazzled moms can, in the freedom granted by the anonymity of cyberspace, pour out their hearts about the reality of motherhood. Confessions like “I sent my kid to school with her lunch in a liquor store bag” and “My kid are some poo today” are commonplace.
It’s an interesting site, often funny, sometimes sad. Most people who go, I am sure, go for commiseration to see what deep dark secrets the rest of us are hiding while putting forth our best SuperMom smile and pretending that little Junior just loves organic carrots, why, he spit his chocolate out in the garbage JUST so he could have room for more carrots! (Someone said this to me the other day, as my kid wiped her chocolatey hands on my t-shirt.)
There is a lot of self-righteousness in the parenting world- and everywhere else, though there is certainly something about parenthood that brings out the worst in the competitive, the insecure, and worst of all the competitive insecure people that can turn an otherwise rational person into a snarling cheetah. New parents, insecure in their skill and daunted by the task of raising a squalling little blob of PlayDoh into something resembling Mother Teresa, and NOT resembling Jeffrey Dahmer, tend to glom onto their parenting righteousness like a talisman, somehow convinced that by following their One Code of Rules that they will escape the reality that we all are in fact human, and in some way we’re gonna be screwed up no matter how little TV you watch or how much organic produce you consume.
Granted, there are ways of doing things that are generally agreed to be the “optimal” way, but let’s face it- most of us play a little fast and loose with those rules when reality sets in. We may not plop the kids down in front of The Godfather, but maybe some Sesame Street sneaks in here and there. Or in a moment of panic and poor planning, you may find yourself cursing silently as you go to the McDonald’s drive through for a Happy Meal, wondering how you let your kid down so badly and convinced they are now on a death spiral into obesity and atherosclerosis.
And that’s why I like this website. I front as well as anyone, but man, I have my down moments too. And though I’m sure there are lurkers who go to the site to smirk and pat themselves on the back for doing so much better than the rest of us schmucks, if you look hard enough you just might find a few things in there worthy of your “me too” click. It’s not a race, not a competition, but day to day survival and doing the best you can.
And in the spirit of this, I will confess completely non-anonymously what happened to me the other day just when I was feeling particularly puffed up about my mad parenting skillllzzz: My daughter was eating some crackers in the backseat, and my son was clamoring for some. I asked her to share, and she obliged. As I looked in the rearview, I saw her rotate a full 100 degrees to reach him and hand him some crackers. In the moment I was trying to figure out how she did it, it hit me that her seatbelt was completely unfastened as I was driving down a busy Main Street in rush hour traffic.
That’s fine people, be smug and all “I would never forget that” all you want- for three years I was the same exact way. And in that one shaky moment while I was apologizing to my daughter and strapping her in on the side of the road, I was reminded once again that just when you think you have the parenting thing perfected, the rug comes out from under you.
Jesvet
Here here! Nothing makes me feel worse than watching supermom in public or in a forum even though I know she too breaks down sometimes. I wish we all could show our humanity and weaknesses a bit more. BTW, I too forgot to strap DS in his seat once.